The Hot Touch (1981) - full transcript
A master art forger and his partner in crime, an art expert who can vouch for the authenticity of the forgeries, are making a bundle. An art dealer figures out their scheme but agrees to keep quiet if they forge some art lost in WWII.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
[tires squealing]
- Hey, where are we?
What are we stopping here for?
What is this?!
Hey, what are you doing?! No!
Help!
[man coughing]
♪♪♪
Let me out!
[coughing]
[suspenseful music]
- We don't like forgers
who play their own games,
Gino.
Surgery is also an art.
[screaming]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
[applause]
- Good evening.
I'm Lincoln Simpson.
In a few moments, you'll be
privileged to bid upon
some very rare paintings.
Among them,
the Blue Period Picasso.
[Simpson speaking indistinctly]
- Aaah...
There you are, young man.
Want a good view
of the door.
O'Brien, you know
Fairchild, don't you?
- Longer than you,
Vincent.
- It must have been
many years ago.
[applause]
It's just about to get started.
Come along, Daniel.
- Just one more look,
ladies and gentlemen.
Just one more look.
I need, ladies and gentlemen,
$1.8 million, please.
- Where the hell is my wife?
- You want me to call the lab?
- Who bid 1.9 million?
1.9 million is bid, sir.
In the centre. Thank you.
1.9 million is bid. $2 million?
- Dr. Simpson, please.
- Allo?
- Emi? Hi, it's me, Kelly.
- [with French accent]: Hi,
Kelly. May I call you back? I'm
in the middle of an experiment.
- No. No. Just listen
to me, alright?
I am at the auction.
- The auction?
Oh, my God! I forgot!
OK, I'm on my way.
Tell Lincoln I'm coming, OK?
- [woman]: Dr. Simpson?
- I have to go, but watch
for lethargy. The absorption
is almost complete.
I will call you later!
- $1.9 million.
2 million, madam?
2 million is bid.
$2 million.
We've reached the mark
at $2 million.
For $2 million.
2.1 million, sir?
2.1 million
is bid here.
$2.1 million.
The lady with the cane
at $2.2 million.
2.3 million is next. 2.3.
2.3 million is next.
2.3 million
is bid in the centre.
- Who is he bidding for?
- I'll find out.
- 2.4 million?
Madame, may I say 2.4 million?
Yes, 2.4 million.
At $2.4 million. Have you done
with 2 million...
Here, $2.4 million.
Sir.
- 2.6.
- 2.6 is bid
by voice.
[applause]
[woman laughing]
Quiet, ladies and gentlemen!
$2.6 million.
Have you done it? 2.6 million?
Thank you very much,
Mr. Reblack.
[applause]
[sinister music]
- [Dr. Simpson]: How could
I forget?
I was busy, that's all.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- You got here fast.
- Yeah, thanks.
- Great!
- I manage to have
time to do my work
andhave
a social life.
- This is your work.
- All the more reason
why you should be here.
- Sure.
- To stand beside me
in my hour of need.
- Don't you think
you're overdramatizing?
- No, I don't.
Emi has her freedom,
I expect her to be here
when I need her.
- I was just late,
that's all.
- Did you tell him?
- What?
- Tell me what?
- I invited Emi to come
with me to Montreal.
- Right.
- I'm doing a cover story
for Psychology Today.
Self-expression
through art collection...
a female point of view.
- This is an equal partnership
my wife and I have,
share, experience.
She can do
as she likes.
- Good.
This equal partner is getting
something to eat now, OK?
[string quartet playing]
- How amusing!
- I've taken care of Gino.
- A cup of tea might help.
[indistinct conversations]
[moose squeaking]
[indistinct chatter]
- Mm-hmm.
[woman screaming]
[gasp]
- Alphonse! You were supposed
to be in the lab;
what are you doing here?
[mouse squeaking]
Hi.
- Hello.
- Thank you.
- Did your mouse bite?
- It is not my mouse.
[indistinct chatter]
- Yeah... did a terrific job.
- Wonderful!
- I just wish I'd got the name
of that girl with the mouse.
♪♪♪
[honking]
It's Max.
- Surprise, surprise!
♪♪♪
How did you do, Danny?
- [Danny]: We got the Picasso.
- [Max]: Attaboy!
I always said you were
slicker than wet paint.
- Max, what are you
doing here in New York?
Isn't it kind
of dangerous for you?
- Yeah, they got a warrant
out for me in Canada.
My sources tell me
that extradition proceedings
are in the works. But I've got
old Judge Jackson
biting at the bit.
Unfortunately, I can't deal
with the greedy old Gus myself.
You'll have to handle him.
- It'd be a pleasure.
Right, Vincent?
- Right.
- Eighteen years I've been
waiting to get him;
now, it's as easy as an oyster
sliding down your gullet.
- Revenge sweetens
with age, Max.
- [Max]: You're damn right.
Politicians - take your money
with one hand
and lock you up
with the other one.
And they're smarter
even today.
Well, well, at my age,
we can call it
"forced retirement," huh?
- Never mind, Max.
The cuisine in the south
of France is superb!
With a Concorde,
it's only a hop over the pond
these days.
- Danny, you get
that son of a bitch. Soon.
- Hey, don't worry.
We'll get Judge Jackson.
It's like you said, Max,
"A greedy man's wallet
is the public domain."
- Lucky for us.
- [Lincoln]: I have a very early day tomorrow;
I don't need any of this aggravation.
- Oh, Lincoln, Lincoln!
I was thinking,
I might go to that conference
in Montreal with Kelly
since you said you didn't mind.
- Who said I didn't mind?
- You did.
- I did?
Yes... No, no, no.
What I said was,
"It's your decision."
Do as you like.
I might go to
the Black Attorneys' Caucus
for Economic Democracy,
in Washington.
- But you're not Black.
- No, I'm not.
But I might go anyway.
- When I'm in Montreal?
- Same time.
- Good.
- Good.
♪♪♪
- [man]: And she has always
dreamt to have a Picasso.
I can never disappoint
my daughter at her wedding day.
- [Vincent]:
A very wise choice, Ahmed.
- The gold bars value
to 1,700,000
plus your commission
at today's price.
I don't approve of
cash transaction in this amount.
- Oh. Neither do I.
Completely agree with you.
With today's currency markets
being what they are...
- Yes, quite right.
- [Vincent]: The portfolio
is a teensy present.
After you.
You probably made
the very best buy of your life.
- Thank you very much.
♪♪♪
- Aaaah...
Oh, the adrenaline's
really flying now.
Can I help you?
- Oh! Be my guest.
- Ha ha!
- Ha ha ha!
Hurry up, Vincent,
he'll be here in a minute.
- Yes. Ah.
Ooch.
Aaah... Ah.
[sighing]
Now, 15 years ago,
you couldn't have fooled me...
...but today...
I could buy either one.
- You picked
the right one.
- Oh... You know
this... gay business?
All this stuff?
It's got me absolutely mad,
no way to pull a handkerchief!
- Would you stop it?
It's a sexist society.
I'm telling you
it's a perfect front.
Nobody would ever believe
that a gay could be a criminal.
It's too threatening as it is.
- It's madness.
- It's a foolproof idea.
- Now, push the door
out for me.
- Would you stop
being so nervous?
I told you before,
"It's mob money that needs
to be laundered."
That's all there is to it.
They open up
a secret Swiss bank account.
They sent this guy over
who pretends to be a lawyer
at something. He invests
in priceless paintings.
And they put 'em in a vault
never to be seen again.
[doorbell ringing]
Get the door, will you?
- Ah, there you are!
Do come in!
Carry straight through, please.
May I introduce...
Mr. Fairchild,
my one and only expert.
Here with our masterpiece,
Harlequin.
- The papers are in order?
- Everyone a perfect gem.
[suitcase closing]
Aaah, perhaps you'd like to add
your itsy-bitsy thumbprint
to the rest of our notable
patrons here.
It's most standard.
- Impossible.
I don't have to remind you
that the sale never took place.
- Oh! Cross my heart
and hope to die. Rest assured.
Oh! Un moment.
I have un petit bonbon.
As the French say,
un portfolio.A gift
from us. Can I help you?
Oh, watch
that little treasure!
Watch those thumbprints.
We'd like them off,
but not for it.
Bless you, sir.
Up with the little zip.
Et c'est ça.
Mind the little fingers.
Mwah! Au revoir.
Un moment,and I will
open the door.
There we are,
quick transaction.
God bless you and all
that's ailing you. Hahaha!
[door closing]
[both laughing]
And it's all there. Ha!
♪♪♪
I don't like it.
I can't see why we can't
sell the real one.
- Oh, sure. We just call up
the Mafia and tell 'em
the painting we just sold them
was a fake.
Vincent, you heard
what the guy said,
the sale never happened.
Now look,
this is your social security.
Remember what Max said,
"Don't trust the government
for anything."
What the hell
are you doing?
Didn't you call up the bellboy?
We've got to get to the bank.
♪♪♪
Gold, Vincent,
this is our future.
- [Vincent]: Uncivilized
not to allow gold to be transported across the border.
- Vincent, gold doesn't fluke
like the dollar.
- It's a holdup!
Everybody, freeze!
[people screaming]
[indistinct speaking]
- Fill it up! Come on, hurry!
Let's go!
- Vincent.
- What?
- Edge towards the door.
- You two, don't move
or I'll shoot!
- Who's moving?
- Shut up!
- AAAAAAH!
- Don't get excited, lady.
It's the third time this week.
- Come on! Hurry it up, will ya?
[alarm ringing]
- [cashier]: What's your hurry?
I'm giving it to you.
- Let's get out of here!
- OK, is that it?
- Present.
- Whatever.
- [other bandit]: Come on!
[alarm ringing]
Get that out of here! Move and
I'll blow that silly hat off!
Everybody, freeze!
- Well, really.
Bank robbers have no taste!
- Let's get the hell
out of here!
- Hey, what are you doing?
That's the wrong car!
♪♪♪
Hurry up, get in the car!
[tires screeching]
[alarm blaring]
- We only got an hour
to catch the plane.
- Vincent, please,
no worry.
After that,
what could go wrong?
[police siren blaring]
♪♪♪
[engine revving up]
Ivan Strauss gets here,
we'll have an alibi.
- Vincent.
Wait a minute.
Just remember what Max said.
We cannot let them
ever fingerprint us.
If they do, we have
to find a new profession,
a new life,
regardless of the alibi.
- I've got a perfect alibi.
I'm a... I'm an art dealer.
With lots of money lying about.
Strauss will
vouch for us.
- [man]: I thought the auction went pretty well. Oh, I, uh...
I thought you'd be interested
to know that the Picasso
was sold to Sheik Ahmed Abdul
of Saudi Arabia.
- I wondered
how he could go that high.
- That explains it all right.
- [waiter]: Mr. Ivan Strauss?
Telephone.
- Oh, thank you. Hello?
- Yes, Mr. Strauss.
It's the 14th Precinct calling.
[I have a Mr. Reblack
and a Mr. Fairchild;]
[I need you to vouch for them.]
- Oh. I'll come right down.
- [I am terribly sorry.]
- OK.
It's Vincent and Fairchild.
It seems our friends have
landed themselves in jail.
- Ha ha! How amusing!
- I have to go and vouch
for them. Would you...
would you like to come along?
- Wouldn't miss it.
- I've told you, Lieutenant:
Mr. Reblack is
a world-renowned art dealer.
I think with a small apology,
he'll let the matter drop.
♪♪♪
- Brilliant.
- Would you like a cocktail?
- Well, well,
all in all
a very successful trip.
Apart from nerve-racking
of course.
- Are you kidding? It's as close
to jail as I've ever come
or ever want to come.
- Mm-hm-hm.
- I think I'll stretch my legs.
- That's very inconvenient.
♪♪♪
- [Danny]: Lost any rats lately?
- Ah non!
[Emi laughing]
- Heh!
- Small world!
What are you doing here?
- I live here.
What brings you to Montreal?
- The Northeast Psychologists
Conference.
- Oh yeah?
Aha! "May the 5th,
the Versailles Room.
"Mr. Daniel Fairchild,
"a well-respected member of
the international art circuit,
"art historian,
has testified
in over 40 cases
in courts about forgery." Huh!
"Now a private consultant." Ha!
Sounds like fun.
- I just hope he's not boring.
- Yeah, so do I. Ciao.
- Ciao.
- [Kelly]: Bye.
He was flirting
with you.
- Me and everyone else.
- You know what, Emi?
- Mm-hmm?
- You're intimidated by men.
- Who me?!
- Yes!
- Ha!
- The Finebrook Syndrome.
"The Finebrook Syndrome"?
- Yes!
Married young,
perfectly faithful,
therefore you only know
one kind of man.
[amused sigh]
- I just don't like
skirt sniffers.
- He's not a skirt sniffer.
- Case closed. Please.
[sigh]
- OK, case closed.
Yii! We're running late,
we better go.
- And the final element
that makes this different
from all other crimes
is its very nature.
A jewel thief only needs
a scale calibrated in karats
to measure the worth
of his prize.
That's alright, ladies,
come on in.
A bank vault
can be measured
in terms of money,
but art forgery requires
a genuine esthetic sense.
That's the most
interesting part:
a genuine esthetic sense
on behalf of the perpetrator.
- For a psychologist, you're not
a very good judge of character.
- Why?
- Some skirt chaser.
- Now, are there any questions?
Yes, the gentleman in the back.
- Yes, sir. You seem
more interested in the nature
of the crime, but, uh,
what are the legal consequences?
- Well, first of all,
you know, to paint a copy
is not a crime.
You can walk into
any museum you see,
art students copying
the masters every day.
But the crime is not
in painting, but in selling.
Someone who goes
and sells a copy
as if it were an original,
that constitutes the fraud.
- You make him sound pleasant,
a friendly neighbour
with a strange habit or two.
- Ha ha! Well, maybe I sound
a little like
one of those cops
in the film
who gets to the point where
he admires the criminal.
I don't know.
Uh, you're Miss, uh...?
- Dr. Simpson.
- Ah, Dr. Simpson.
Yes, sir.
- What about investors,
those who are in it
as a business?
- It's a good question.
What with inflation today
the way it is
and people losing confidence
in their currencies,
gold going up and down;
yes, there's a lot of money
being invested in art.
When that happens,
it means there are more buyers
and, ultimately,
that means forgers.
People are now always
what they seem.
- That's true, Mr. Fairchild.
And if you were a forger,
how would you manage
to get away with it?
- How are you?
Had a terrible morning.
- I'm very sorry to hear that.
Judge Jackson is all set up.
He's swallowed the bait,
and he's coming tomorrow.
- Ah, very good.
As they say in the trade,
"the paint is dry."
♪♪♪
OK, Max, we're gonna get your judge.
- [man with Texan accent]:
Well, I must say, you got
a mighty fancy spread here.
- [Vincent]: Glad you like it.
- How do you boys
pay the rent here?
[judge sniggering]
- Judge? Ahem!
You have a brilliant
painting here.
- Yeah!
- But I'm afraid that
your friend Sam Calhoun
in Houston is right:
it's a fake.
- Now, wait a minute.
You mean to tell me
this thing here ain't real?!
- Oh, it's real alright,
but it's a real copy.
Picasso didn't paint it.
- Pity. Dreadful loss.
All that adverse publicity
is not good for a judge.
- Listen!
When I buy
a son-of-a-bitch Picasso...
[paper rustling]
...it's a real Picasso!
And I don't care
who painted it.
You hear!
- Tight Lips, they call me.
Don't they?
- Oh, yes.
Silence is golden.
♪♪♪
- Just doesn't seem right.
Perfectly dreadful thing
to happen.
- Yes. Particularly to a man
who represents justice.
Right, Judge?
- [Vincent]: Nice case anyway.
- Sorry about that, Judge.
- Art ain't worth
a shit.
♪♪♪
- [Vincent]: Haha!
Ah, this is Picasso.
Perfect,
genuine. If only
that Texan knew what
a brilliant buy he made.
[Danny chuckling]
We can sell this anywhere
with absolutely no risk at all.
- Vincent, my friend,
that one is not for sale.
♪♪♪
No, it's a gift for Max.
For his villa
in the south of France.
A housewarming present.
- Adieu, chérie.
- You're a very busy man,
Mr. Fairchild.
- Hi. I don't believe
I know your name.
- Kelly.
- Hello, Kelly.
- Hello. We were
at your lecture.
- So I noticed.
- You sure weren't boring.
- I hope not.
- Listen,
we were thinking about going
to the races tonight;
why don't you join us?
- Non, non, non!
I'm sure Mr. Fairchild has
better things to do. Come on.
- Nonsense, Emi! I'm sure
he'd love the challenge.
Good!
It's settled then.
Why don't we meet
at the entrance at, let's say,
7 o'clock.
- OK.
- [softly]: OK.
- OK.
[indistinct race description
in French]
- [Danny]: I guess
your friend Kelly is right -
I could never pass up
a challenge.
By the way, where is she?
- [Emi]: I'm sorry, she's sick.
- Oh, too bad.
- Now, watch this.
Hahaha!
- How do you do that?
- Magic.
- Magic?
- Mhm. My father showed me how.
He was a member
of a circus troupe.
- Isn't it kind of an unusual
background for a psychologist?
- Well, I used to say,
"There is no magic,
only psychology."
Now, tell me all the truth
about you.
- [Danny]: Hey, look!
There goes our horse!
[hubbub]
- He came from a very rich
family, so we decided that
we would spend half the year
in France, so I could work,
and the rest
in New York.
- Sounds like you have
everything: love and work.
Why are you running away?
- Perhaps I wanted to try
something different,
some... some excitement.
[indistinct race description]
[foreboding music]
- Mr. Fairchild, compliments
of the man sitting up there.
Would you like me
to open it now, sir?
- [Emi]: You seem to have
many friends, Mr. Fairchild.
♪♪♪
Non?
You look upset.
Would you like to leave?
- Good idea.
Let's quit while we're ahead.
- OK.
- ...above us,
they're sitting up there.
They had five
out of the last six races.
They had the exact
in the last race.
- Really?
- Incredible!
- Here I am!
Peut-être à bientôt. - Peut-être.
- Well. Haha!
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- And suddenly,
I fell down on the floor.
Typical.
[phone ringing]
[soft music playing
in the background]
- Allo?
- I just called
to say goodnight.
- That's nice.
- What are you wearing?
- Are you crazy?
- Hahahaha! No, I'm serious.
What are you wearing?
- A very transparent,
white, silk nightgown.
[Kelly sniggering]
[Emi laughing]
- Very sexy!
Do you like boats?
[We could go out
on mine tomorrow.]
- Just a second.
He's inviting me
on a boat trip tomorrow.
- Oh, my God!
Not only is he smart
and handsome, but he's
rich too!
- She thinks I should go.
- Ah... bon.
[I'll call you in the morning.]
- Yes. See you tomorrow.
Yoo!
Wait a second.
Is that your yacht?
- Is that your sailing dress?
- This will be OK. Fine.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
- OK. Let's go.
[romantic music]
[laughing]
- Aah!
♪♪♪
Oh!
- Watch it,
you're gonna get wet.
[Emi giggling]
♪♪♪
[chuckling]
♪♪♪
[romantic music]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
[clinking]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Hm, not bad, Mr. Fairchild.
♪♪♪
[phone ringing]
[romantic music]
- Hello?
- [Mr. Fairchild,
we have to talk.]
- What? No, no,
hold on a minute.
Yeah, who is it?
- Since you refused
my champagne,
I thought we might meet
for breakfast.
You're a clever man,
Mr. Fairchild,
but you made one mistake.
I'm sure you don't want to make another.
Good morning!
I'm glad you could make it.
Coffee?
- Who are you?
- I visited
your little... museum
last night.
It was very fascinating.
I borrowed
your collection of signatures,
I hope you don't mind.
You recognize these?
- El Greco.
Van Gogh.
Very nice.
I don't think I'm familiar with
these two particular paintings.
- That's not surprising.
They were part
of a private collection
for 50 years, 'til 1943.
Then, they were stolen
by the Nazis
but disappeared
when Berlin was bombed.
- So, what's your point?
- Don't you think
it's a shame
that these masterpieces
are lost?
I, uh... think,
Mr. Fairchild, that
with your great talent,
they could be
brought back to life.
- Ha ha ha ha!
Aaah...
So you want me
to copy these, right?
- Exactly.
- And then you'll take them out
and sell them
as if they were originals?
- That's right.
- That's a crime.
That's a crime.
How do you expect
to get away with it?
- Nobody can come out
of his grave to claim them.
- I see.
Is this what you call an offer?
- I believe
it's what they call blackmail.
- What are you, some kind
of a cheap-shot artist?
- Don't call me names.
♪♪♪
You play ball with the people
I'm working with.
- Or what?
- I don't like murder -
it's very messy,
I hardly use it -
I prefer
to cut tendons.
But I'm experimenting
with a long needle
at the base of the spine.
It causes paralysis.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Danny?
Is breakfast ready?
Hahaha! I'm starving.
♪♪♪
[ominous music]
- Damn it!
He's got to be fronting
for somebody.
- Maybe it's the Mafia.
They found out
about the Picasso?
- Vincent, if it was the Mafia,
we'd both be dead by now.
I just can't figure it.
Where the hell did we go wrong?
- I just can't figure out
how he was so certain
that you wouldn't be here.
And how did he know about
you and that woman last night?
She invited me
to the racetrack.
- That woman was
with you, both times.
- She was also
at the gallery in New York.
- Doesn't that strike you
as strange?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
I can't believe it.
♪♪♪
[honking]
♪♪♪
- You were right:
Fairchild is the forger.
- Did he accept?
- Not exactly.
- Can he be persuaded?
Sometimes, I wish I were a woman
in the daytime and
a man at night.
- Look, O'Brien, if you're
unhappy with my work...
- You can't even practice
your profession.
And let me remind you
that I can send you to jail.
You rendered useless
a man that I needed.
You were to teach him a lesson,
not cut off his painting hand.
Now, please don't do that
to Fairchild.
Do I make myself clear?
[boat whistle]
- God, I've got
a stomach ache now.
- Yes, my friend.
It's called falling in love.
- You're crazy, how could
I fall in love with someone
who just disappeared
in the morning? Poof!
I was right about him
from the very beginning.
- Hey, Emi, the good ones
always come back, you'll see.
You know what you need?
You need another drink.
[woman laughing]
- What do you think
you're doing?
[Emi laughing]
- I've got to sober you up
and find out
who you're working for.
- I work for the Medical
Institute in New York!
[Emi laughing]
Hey, you there! You!
- Let go of him. Hey, come on!
- Do you know that guy?
Do you know him?
- Hey! Let go of my tie,
you're strangling me!
- You know him?
He's the one you want to put
Paris in the bottle, but not me!
[woman scat singing]
[Emi scat singing]
- Here, drink this.
- Thank you.
[spitting]
Where is the sugar?!
God!
I hate that.
[Emi scat singing]
- How long have you
been working with him?
- Who?
- Come on, you know who.
The guy at the racetrack.
- But I don't know him!
- Sure, you do.
Why do you lie to me?
- ♪ I never lie,
never lie ♪
[Emi blowing air]
- You never lie?
- Uh-uh.
- OK.
We'll play it your way.
[Emi scat singing]
- What?
[Emi laughing]
But what is my way? Tell me.
[laughing]
AAAH!
Oh, you! You're crazy!
[Emi laughing]
Ah! Ah!
[laughing]
It's ruined. Every time
I see you, I get soaked.
- There's a dry bathrobe
behind the curtain there.
If it's not you Emi,
who is it?
Who's been putting
the heat on me?
- Ooh, now I remember!
I'm still mad at you.
♪♪♪
- For leaving you
the other morning?
- Yes! I was scared.
I thought
I'd made you disappear...
[Emi blowing air]
...vanish
like my cigarette.
[Emi laughing]
[Danny chuckling]
- I'm glad you weren't connected
with that guy.
[romantic music]
I didn't want it to be you.
- Are these your paintings?
Hey.
- A long time ago.
♪♪♪
- You don't paint anymore?
- I found I couldn't paint
anything I didn't love.
- Oh.
So, Danny, I would've liked you
to paint me.
[softly]: Too bad, too bad.
I don't understand what you want.
- Listen, sweetheart, let's stop playing this game.
I'm tired
of chasing around.
He's at 22, Notre-Dame, right?
- 22, Notre-Dame...
I don't know,
I was sleeping!
- Tell your friend
I want to hear from him.
We got a deal to complete.
You tell him my associates
have made their final offer.
Negotiations are over.
- I don't know. Who are you?
I don't understand!
- [menacing man]: If you want your boyfriend to stay alive,
you find him and give him the message.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Hey. Hi. Hey.
- How long have you been here?
[Emi sighing]
- I needed to face this.
I needed to know
who you really are.
- Who do you think I really am?
- Danny...
your work is brilliant,
brilliant...
...but you're a fake.
- And now that you've confirmed
your suspicions,
don't you want to go?
And you call me a fake?
What about you? You want me,
you want your husband. You don't
know what you want, do you?
Your whole life is a lie!
Isn't it?
- What do you know about
my life? You don't even know me.
- What do I need to know?
I wanted to trust you.
You come up here.
What are you doing?
Are you a spy?
- I came here because I...
because I care for you.
And if you were not so caught up
in your need
to deceive people, you'd know
what I'm saying is the truth!
[chuckling]
- What do you know
about the truth?
Huh? Come here,
let me show you something.
Look! Look at this!
See that? Look, can you tell
the difference? No!
You can't tell the difference!
You and all your fake friends,
all your pretentious,
rich friends
who buy expensive paintings,
you don't know
unless you see
a signature at the bottom
or some authentication
of an expert! You don't know
the difference between real and
fake! Now look at this! Look!
- AAH!
- Get out of here,
quick. Go! Go!
- I feel like
I'm going crazy.
I'm confused and sad.
I'm going back
to New York!
I can't believe
this is happening to me.
I need to see Lincoln.
Bye-bye!
- Oh, Emi...
Emi!
♪♪♪
- Who's that?
- My wife.
I think you should
get dressed and leave.
- Yep.
[ominous music]
[beeping]
♪♪♪
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
♪♪♪
[tires screeching]
- Vincent! My God!
- Nothing like service.
- Sit down.
- Aaah!
- Vincent, I'll call a doctor.
- It looks worse than it is.
Awww... Pity, I couldn't get
another suit made like this,
not even if I wanted to.
The tailor died four years ago.
Little place in Bond Street.
- Now, that settles it.
I've got to do the job.
- Certainly not on my account.
Don't do it for me, Danny.
- Vincent, we have got
to buy some time.
We've got to find out
who his associates are.
[door slam]
[footsteps]
- Good morning, Mr. Fairchild.
- Good morning.
- Ellis lines.
Prints.
History of each painting
with available details
of damage.
Computer analysis of an El Greco
of the same period
and chemical analysis
of the paint mixture.
And one month's salary
in advance:
$50,000.
Now, job assignment:
one copy of each
to be started
immediately.
I'll contact you weekly
for a progress report
and news
of your deadlines.
And monthly, I'll drop off
your salary.
Now, we can discuss
an expense account later.
But remember, Mr. Fairchild,
if there's any problem,
it's your friend's tendons
that I'll be experimenting with.
You, I need.
Oh, by the way, Thought
you might be interested in this.
- Max, here in Canada?
- My client arranged it,
just for you.
[menacing music]
- OK, I'll do
your paintings,
but you touch a friend
of mine again, and...
- And what?
- I'll kill you.
- [guard]: Reporter, Mr. Reich.
- Max, what happened?
- No matter how careful you are,
you never know
what will trap you.
Who would think that the plane
would have been diverted
to the wrong country?
And they get me.
- We're gonna figure some way
to get you out of here.
- No way.
I'm on a fugitive warrant;
they won't even
let me out on bail.
Ah... maybe I owe them
the seven years.
I was convicted
fair and square.
- Come on, Max.
You don't owe them anything.
Bullshit! Look at this place!
You won't last
that long in here.
- So I'll die here, big deal.
If I'd taken the time
when they gave it to me,
I'd have lost
those seven good years.
Oh, Danny, at my age, it doesn't
matter where you end up.
Old people get
filed away anyway.
- Max...
come on, give me names.
Guys who will help us get you
out of here. Friends!
- "Friends"?
They're all dead,
or in jail.
There's no independents
anymore.
Joe Bananas
ain't got a chance.
It's all all eggs out
today. Haha!
- Why, Max? Why?
- Why?
Did anybody say
I had a choice?
As the preacher says,
"Sow the wind,
reap the whirlwind."
Danny, why don't you
get out of it?
I never gave you
a bum steer;
you could come down
in the wrong country too.
Take that house
in the south of France.
Sure as hell I'm not going
to use it again. I'm gonna die
in this stinking hole.
- Max, please, don't talk
about dying.
- Why not? I died
when that plane decided
not to come down
at a U.S. airport.
Guard!
Guard!
Get rid of this creep.
He writes for one of them
tits-and-ass magazines;
that's out of my department.
- Let's go.
Let's go!
[gentle guitar music]
[melancholy music]
[honking]
♪♪♪
[phone ringing]
[mumbling angrily]
Allo!
- Dr. Simpson?
- Danny?
- I just called to say hello.
- Ah...
- What are you wearing?
[Emi sighs.]
- Nothing.
- ["Nothing"?]
- Ha ha!
I mean nothing important.
Just a pink skirt and a...
and a white sweater
with a big butterfly.
- You're crying,
you don't like your clothes?
- Oh, Danny.
I miss you so much.
- I miss you.
♪♪♪
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- Listen, you, uh...
you left
this pack of cigarettes.
I... I was thinking
maybe you might need 'em.
[You might want
to come back for 'em.]
- Danny...
...I miss you.
No more lies.
- No more lies.
- Right.
♪♪♪
Ciao.
[horse trotting outside]
- [man outside]: Whoa!
[door closing]
[romantic music]
- Hi!
Nice weather, isn't it?
Oh, mon amour!
Found something
you can love.
Ah, Danny,
Danny, Danny!
- Max was like a father to me.
He found me on the streets
when I first ran away
from the orphanage.
Put me to work for him.
I was, uh...
I was a skinny kid.
I could slip
through windows easily.
But Max believed in me.
He thought I had talent.
And he sent me to art school.
- You don't trust anyone,
but Max and Vincent?
- And you.
Let me show you
what I'm working on.
This will be the most difficult
challenge of my life.
Do you realize that no one
has ever mastered El Greco?
No one. If I could do that...
If I could do that...
El Greco,
He's unique
among the greats.
[door closing]
Attends.
[door closing]
Quick, in the darkroom!
♪♪♪
What are you doing here?
- Just seeing how our genius
is progressing.
- Look, jerk,
tell your associates,
great art isn't something
you rob like a bank.
- My associates
are growing very impatient.
♪♪♪
- I'd like to meet them.
- Impossible.
Now, my people expect
this job to be completed
within the next two weeks.
- Or...?
- Or we could arrange
for you and your partner
to visit Max Reich in prison.
You could disappear
for a long time,
Mr. Fairchild.
Just do your work.
[ominous music]
[clanking]
[distant dog barking]
♪♪♪
[indistinct police radio]
[suspenseful music]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
[screaming]
[Emi screaming]
- Shut up! Stop it!
[muffled screaming]
- [Emi]: Ah!
[police siren blaring]
[muffled yelling]
- Ah! Par là!Hey!
Help! Help!
♪♪♪
- Hey, what's going on?
- He tried
to rape me!
- I had a small--
- And he just robbed me!
- Rob? What are you
talking about?
- Hands on the wall!
Spread your legs!
- He tried to rape me!
Check him out!
Check him out!
[indistinct yelling]
♪♪♪
- Does your friend always send
women to do his dirty work?
- Shut up.
He doesn't know
anything about it.
And when it's your turn
to speak, I'll tell you.
I want one thing
from you:
a name
of the person
you work for.
- Ha!
- Mm-hm. Have it your way.
The painting he's already
finished will be destroyed.
Rape is 14 years
in Canada.
We worked long and hard
to get that.
- Wait.
OK.
You got a deal.
But I've got a long memory.
- Thank you, Daniel.
- Welcome to Montreal.
Now we're all here.
Even Max.
You're gonna pay big
for this one.
- [O'Brien]:
How much do you want?
- That's better.
Well, let's see.
The Van Gogh
at the Henry Ford collection
went at Christie's for 5 and
a half million, is that right?
- Right.
- Yeah. So I think
that El Greco should be
worth at least twice that.
Say 10 million.
- You're getting greedy.
- About time too.
[Danny laughing]
- I'm getting greedy?
I don't want all 10 million.
Just 10%. Make it
one million even.
- Thanks to
your clever... companion...
...I'm forced to agree.
- Good.
Well then. Ahem!
Here's the deal.
You'll give me an unconditional
one-million-dollar letter
of credit drawn on a Swiss bank.
You'll be the owner
of record,
but I will take the paintings
through authentication.
When that's finished,
I will deliver the paintings
to you before the auction,
and you'll give me
the letter of credit.
- Done.
♪♪♪
[honking]
- This is wonderful coverage!
You couldn't buy
this sort of publicity.
Your name's all over
The New York Times,Mr. Greco.
- Danny, I...
- Don't come near.
- OK...
[spraying noises]
Tell me, are you sure there
won't be anybody at that door?
- Yes, I'm quite sure.
Once you get inside the doors,
about 10 paces to the corner,
then you go along that wall.
There's only one door
in that wall.
- What if
something goes wrong?
- Don't worry,
nothing will happen.
- And then inside that door.
- Inside the door.
We must be about 20 feet across,
I should think.
On the other side,
there are some stairs,
and you go up the stairs
to the second floor.
- OK.
[Vincent chuckling]
- OK. Now listen, sweetheart.
Do not open this.
And don't touch
anything inside, OK?
- Right. OK.
- And with this,
be very, very careful.
- [Vincent]: That fragrance
is devastating.
- He's right.
You're ready?
- I'm ready.
- OK.
Remember the time.
- I'm never late, messieurs.
- [man]: That's
a typical example
of a short brushstroke.
Look at the beautiful texture,
all those vibrant colours.
- [woman]: Oh, they're amazing.
No other artist can use light
in this way.
- Yeah, but remember,
it's what you can't see
that makes the difference.
Forger would have to be pretty
good to get past the computer.
Nobody is that good.
[electronic noises]
♪♪♪
- [man]: That's odd.
Something's wrong here.
This can't be right.
It's not oil.
It's not a fixer.
- It's albumen.
- It's egg white.
- Albumen was used as an
adhesive during El Greco's time.
- [woman]: That's almost
impossible to duplicate.
- [man]: El Greco only used
badger hair on his palette.
- Careful. Don't lose it.
- If that is part
of the master's brush,
your client will have one of
the world's prized possessions.
[electronic noises]
- The fibre scanner confirms
it's badger hair.
- Well, well, well!
Bless the little varmint.
♪♪♪
- Daniel Fairchild, please.
- Yeah.
- Emi's arrived.
Everything's set.
- [Daniel]:
I'll be there in five minutes.
Um, yes, I had
a reservation for dinner
tonight for four.
♪♪♪
Oh, fine, thank you.
- It's amazing.
The ingenuity of the artist.
Imagine egg whites as adhesive.
Lost for all those years
collecting...
- Mr. Fairchild,
that's not our floor.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Looked just like
the lobby to me.
♪♪♪
[Ding!]
[indistinct conversation]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Ah, there they are.
Careful, my dear.
Two authenticated masterpieces
are worth millions!
We're off.
Be especially careful
with the Van Gogh.
We'll never sneak another one
like that past the experts.
Oh, and I don't want
to be a nag, my dear,
but do go over the layout
of O'Brien's office once again.
I wish we could keep
those little gems.
♪♪♪
- Aren't you even going
to look at it?
- Do I need to?
- You never know,
I may have forged it.
- Ha ha ha! Did you?
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Oh, Dan, why did you have
to be so difficult?
- Me difficult?
You're not apologizing, are you?
- No, no, no, no.
I just, uh...
I just don't want
to lose you now.
- Don't worry, you won't.
More champagne?
- Why not?
[light knocking on window]
[Danny clearing his throat]
I see you're wearing
a new necklace.
Collecting diamonds now
as well as paintings?
- You notice everything.
You always did.
- Is that the inspector?
Oh, good!
Tell me, uh, Inspector,
are you interested in
a multimillion-dollar art fraud?
- Just one more thing.
- Yes?
- From now on,
just the two of us, OK?
No more Severo.
- No more Severo.
[honking]
[sigh]
[creaking]
[ominous music]
- You accused me of rape,
little lady.
[screaming]
I'll show you
what rape is all about.
Now, you like to watch, huh?
See this?
[dramatic music]
Afterwards,
I'm gonna cut you.
Here...
[moaning in fear]
...and here.
And all the way down here...
...to here.
[Emi moaning in fear]
♪♪♪
[screaming]
Oh, my eyes!
- [O'Brien]: This will be
the event of the season.
The Van Gogh will bring
a price around 5 million.
And what can one say
about El Greco?
Never before in the history
of the art world
has there been the opportunity
to bid for such a master.
[phone ringing]
- Hello?
- Vincent: [Daniel, I called]
[the police.
They'll be at the auction.]
[We'll get her this time.]
- Ah, it's great, Vincent.
Look, uh, I'll meet you there
in 10 minutes, OK?
- [Lovely.]
- Oh, uh, is Emi with you?
- [No, is she with you?]
- No, but, you know,
she's always late.
See you in a little while.
[hanging up phone]
[faint dripping noise]
Emi, is that you?
[faint dripping noise]
[dripping noise]
[tense music]
[grunting]
[screaming]
[indistinct chatter]
- Are you alright?
- Yeah, I'm OK, but Severo
won't be bothering us anymore.
[indistinct chatter]
- Ohhh... magnificent!
Is this the first picture
on sale?
- I don't know, sir.
- Oh?
I was expecting a Van Gogh.
- Now.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
if you would please settle down.
And those of you walking around,
please be seated.
The moment has arrived
for the El Greco painting,
which all of you have come here
to see and bid on today.
I would like you all to refer
to your catalogues.
The painting entitled
Saint Francis,the first to find
its way to the marketplace
in many, many, many years.
We have a sealed opening bid
of $2 million.
We will ask for advances of...
- My God!
- ...$500,000 for the bidding.
- The acid is working too fast.
- It can't be.
We've got plenty of time.
- Look, it's
the upper-right-hand corner.
- Those of you walking around,
please be seated.
- My God!
- At a $2-million opening bid,
ladies and gentlemen, may
we have a second offer, please?
Can I hear
$2-and-a-half million?
Thank you, sir.
$2-and-a-half million
is bid. Can I get
$3 million
on the painting?
$3-million bid on my right.
Make me hear.
3-and-a-half million is bid
on my left again.
The gentleman...
At $3-and-a-half million,
ladies and gentlemen, can we--
- 4!
- $4 million
on the painting now.
4 million.
The lady seated on my right
at $4-million bid.
And $4-and-a-half-million
bid now.
At $4-and-a-half million
the bid.
Can we hear $5 million
on the painting?
5 million. A new bidder
in the front row now
at $5 million
At 5-and-a-half million
and $6 million bid.
- Oh, God.
- $6-and-a-half million, I have.
6-and-a-half million.
- 7 million.
- $7 million!
$7 million
bid up front.
Now at 7 million.
$7 million bid.
$7-and-a-half million, gentleman
seated at 7-and-a-half now.
At $7-and-a-half million bid.
Can I hear $8 million
on the painting now?
A masterpiece by El Greco
at 7-and-a-half.
At $7-and-a-half million,
I have a bid for the painting
going once--
- 9 million!
- 9 million!
$9 million!
- What the hell are you doing?!
- [Vincent]: I got carried away.
- Gentleman in the
red carnation.
- We've got to push
the bidding faster.
- Fine. Well, I think
we've gone crazy.
- Please, ladies and gentlemen,
would you kindly be seated.
At $9 million,
I have a bid.
And at $9 million selling,
going once.
At $9 million selling,
going twice.
- 500 more!
[crowd gasping and applauding]
- $9.5 million bid
on my right now. At 9.5!
At 9.5
for this masterpiece,
going once.
At $9.5 million,
going twice.
Fair warning, last call at
$9.5 million. Is there no more?
Sold at $9.5 million!
- Haha!
- My God,
something's wrong!
Something's wrong
with the painting!
[indistinct chatter]
- It's burning.
- [woman]: My God,
it's going up in flames!
- The painting is going.
- Where the hell are the police?
- They should be here by now.
- Well, how long does it take
to get a warrant?
- I don't know, anything
from five minutes to two days.
- Let's go.
- Said they were
in a storeroom to the left.
You go check out over there.
They gotta be here.
[alarm blaring]
Your $9 million piece of magic
was very impressive
but will not work.
- Oh, really? Why not?
- I have something to show you.
- Got 'em! Here they are.
Here, check that out.
- This is an original Picasso
by Fairchild.
And naturally,
I have your sale slips.
Where did you get it?
- It seems that
the Sheik's wedding present
was rejected; the bridegroom
disapproved of Picasso.
Congratulations.
You may have just made
the best buy of your life.
- You sold a fake
to the Arabs
because I saw the original
at the police station.
- Wrong. I sold Prince Ahmed
the real one.
I kept the copy.
- You're lying.
- Not this time.
- Well, I... I should
have known better.
I always did have
a weakness for thieves.
- And forgers?
- And forgers.
- Ms. O'Brien,
would you come with us, please?
We've got some questions to
ask you.
- What questions?
- Regarding
these paintings.
- [Danny]: Good old Max
sends his regards.
- You didn't really sell
the original Picasso, did you?
- No, Vincent, you did.
- How could you
let me do it?
- I liked mine better.
- [laughing]: Good.
[all laughing]
[indistinct chatter]
[romantic music]
♪♪♪
- [Emi]: Now, it's your turn.
Go ahead.
- Check.
- What?! Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk!
It's not possible.
- Uh-huh.
No. See?
No. The horse.
- Oh, God. I... this.
OK, but let's do it again.
Let's start.
What are you doing?
- We're gonna do it again.
- Haha!
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
[tires squealing]
- Hey, where are we?
What are we stopping here for?
What is this?!
Hey, what are you doing?! No!
Help!
[man coughing]
♪♪♪
Let me out!
[coughing]
[suspenseful music]
- We don't like forgers
who play their own games,
Gino.
Surgery is also an art.
[screaming]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
[applause]
- Good evening.
I'm Lincoln Simpson.
In a few moments, you'll be
privileged to bid upon
some very rare paintings.
Among them,
the Blue Period Picasso.
[Simpson speaking indistinctly]
- Aaah...
There you are, young man.
Want a good view
of the door.
O'Brien, you know
Fairchild, don't you?
- Longer than you,
Vincent.
- It must have been
many years ago.
[applause]
It's just about to get started.
Come along, Daniel.
- Just one more look,
ladies and gentlemen.
Just one more look.
I need, ladies and gentlemen,
$1.8 million, please.
- Where the hell is my wife?
- You want me to call the lab?
- Who bid 1.9 million?
1.9 million is bid, sir.
In the centre. Thank you.
1.9 million is bid. $2 million?
- Dr. Simpson, please.
- Allo?
- Emi? Hi, it's me, Kelly.
- [with French accent]: Hi,
Kelly. May I call you back? I'm
in the middle of an experiment.
- No. No. Just listen
to me, alright?
I am at the auction.
- The auction?
Oh, my God! I forgot!
OK, I'm on my way.
Tell Lincoln I'm coming, OK?
- [woman]: Dr. Simpson?
- I have to go, but watch
for lethargy. The absorption
is almost complete.
I will call you later!
- $1.9 million.
2 million, madam?
2 million is bid.
$2 million.
We've reached the mark
at $2 million.
For $2 million.
2.1 million, sir?
2.1 million
is bid here.
$2.1 million.
The lady with the cane
at $2.2 million.
2.3 million is next. 2.3.
2.3 million is next.
2.3 million
is bid in the centre.
- Who is he bidding for?
- I'll find out.
- 2.4 million?
Madame, may I say 2.4 million?
Yes, 2.4 million.
At $2.4 million. Have you done
with 2 million...
Here, $2.4 million.
Sir.
- 2.6.
- 2.6 is bid
by voice.
[applause]
[woman laughing]
Quiet, ladies and gentlemen!
$2.6 million.
Have you done it? 2.6 million?
Thank you very much,
Mr. Reblack.
[applause]
[sinister music]
- [Dr. Simpson]: How could
I forget?
I was busy, that's all.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- You got here fast.
- Yeah, thanks.
- Great!
- I manage to have
time to do my work
andhave
a social life.
- This is your work.
- All the more reason
why you should be here.
- Sure.
- To stand beside me
in my hour of need.
- Don't you think
you're overdramatizing?
- No, I don't.
Emi has her freedom,
I expect her to be here
when I need her.
- I was just late,
that's all.
- Did you tell him?
- What?
- Tell me what?
- I invited Emi to come
with me to Montreal.
- Right.
- I'm doing a cover story
for Psychology Today.
Self-expression
through art collection...
a female point of view.
- This is an equal partnership
my wife and I have,
share, experience.
She can do
as she likes.
- Good.
This equal partner is getting
something to eat now, OK?
[string quartet playing]
- How amusing!
- I've taken care of Gino.
- A cup of tea might help.
[indistinct conversations]
[moose squeaking]
[indistinct chatter]
- Mm-hmm.
[woman screaming]
[gasp]
- Alphonse! You were supposed
to be in the lab;
what are you doing here?
[mouse squeaking]
Hi.
- Hello.
- Thank you.
- Did your mouse bite?
- It is not my mouse.
[indistinct chatter]
- Yeah... did a terrific job.
- Wonderful!
- I just wish I'd got the name
of that girl with the mouse.
♪♪♪
[honking]
It's Max.
- Surprise, surprise!
♪♪♪
How did you do, Danny?
- [Danny]: We got the Picasso.
- [Max]: Attaboy!
I always said you were
slicker than wet paint.
- Max, what are you
doing here in New York?
Isn't it kind
of dangerous for you?
- Yeah, they got a warrant
out for me in Canada.
My sources tell me
that extradition proceedings
are in the works. But I've got
old Judge Jackson
biting at the bit.
Unfortunately, I can't deal
with the greedy old Gus myself.
You'll have to handle him.
- It'd be a pleasure.
Right, Vincent?
- Right.
- Eighteen years I've been
waiting to get him;
now, it's as easy as an oyster
sliding down your gullet.
- Revenge sweetens
with age, Max.
- [Max]: You're damn right.
Politicians - take your money
with one hand
and lock you up
with the other one.
And they're smarter
even today.
Well, well, at my age,
we can call it
"forced retirement," huh?
- Never mind, Max.
The cuisine in the south
of France is superb!
With a Concorde,
it's only a hop over the pond
these days.
- Danny, you get
that son of a bitch. Soon.
- Hey, don't worry.
We'll get Judge Jackson.
It's like you said, Max,
"A greedy man's wallet
is the public domain."
- Lucky for us.
- [Lincoln]: I have a very early day tomorrow;
I don't need any of this aggravation.
- Oh, Lincoln, Lincoln!
I was thinking,
I might go to that conference
in Montreal with Kelly
since you said you didn't mind.
- Who said I didn't mind?
- You did.
- I did?
Yes... No, no, no.
What I said was,
"It's your decision."
Do as you like.
I might go to
the Black Attorneys' Caucus
for Economic Democracy,
in Washington.
- But you're not Black.
- No, I'm not.
But I might go anyway.
- When I'm in Montreal?
- Same time.
- Good.
- Good.
♪♪♪
- [man]: And she has always
dreamt to have a Picasso.
I can never disappoint
my daughter at her wedding day.
- [Vincent]:
A very wise choice, Ahmed.
- The gold bars value
to 1,700,000
plus your commission
at today's price.
I don't approve of
cash transaction in this amount.
- Oh. Neither do I.
Completely agree with you.
With today's currency markets
being what they are...
- Yes, quite right.
- [Vincent]: The portfolio
is a teensy present.
After you.
You probably made
the very best buy of your life.
- Thank you very much.
♪♪♪
- Aaaah...
Oh, the adrenaline's
really flying now.
Can I help you?
- Oh! Be my guest.
- Ha ha!
- Ha ha ha!
Hurry up, Vincent,
he'll be here in a minute.
- Yes. Ah.
Ooch.
Aaah... Ah.
[sighing]
Now, 15 years ago,
you couldn't have fooled me...
...but today...
I could buy either one.
- You picked
the right one.
- Oh... You know
this... gay business?
All this stuff?
It's got me absolutely mad,
no way to pull a handkerchief!
- Would you stop it?
It's a sexist society.
I'm telling you
it's a perfect front.
Nobody would ever believe
that a gay could be a criminal.
It's too threatening as it is.
- It's madness.
- It's a foolproof idea.
- Now, push the door
out for me.
- Would you stop
being so nervous?
I told you before,
"It's mob money that needs
to be laundered."
That's all there is to it.
They open up
a secret Swiss bank account.
They sent this guy over
who pretends to be a lawyer
at something. He invests
in priceless paintings.
And they put 'em in a vault
never to be seen again.
[doorbell ringing]
Get the door, will you?
- Ah, there you are!
Do come in!
Carry straight through, please.
May I introduce...
Mr. Fairchild,
my one and only expert.
Here with our masterpiece,
Harlequin.
- The papers are in order?
- Everyone a perfect gem.
[suitcase closing]
Aaah, perhaps you'd like to add
your itsy-bitsy thumbprint
to the rest of our notable
patrons here.
It's most standard.
- Impossible.
I don't have to remind you
that the sale never took place.
- Oh! Cross my heart
and hope to die. Rest assured.
Oh! Un moment.
I have un petit bonbon.
As the French say,
un portfolio.A gift
from us. Can I help you?
Oh, watch
that little treasure!
Watch those thumbprints.
We'd like them off,
but not for it.
Bless you, sir.
Up with the little zip.
Et c'est ça.
Mind the little fingers.
Mwah! Au revoir.
Un moment,and I will
open the door.
There we are,
quick transaction.
God bless you and all
that's ailing you. Hahaha!
[door closing]
[both laughing]
And it's all there. Ha!
♪♪♪
I don't like it.
I can't see why we can't
sell the real one.
- Oh, sure. We just call up
the Mafia and tell 'em
the painting we just sold them
was a fake.
Vincent, you heard
what the guy said,
the sale never happened.
Now look,
this is your social security.
Remember what Max said,
"Don't trust the government
for anything."
What the hell
are you doing?
Didn't you call up the bellboy?
We've got to get to the bank.
♪♪♪
Gold, Vincent,
this is our future.
- [Vincent]: Uncivilized
not to allow gold to be transported across the border.
- Vincent, gold doesn't fluke
like the dollar.
- It's a holdup!
Everybody, freeze!
[people screaming]
[indistinct speaking]
- Fill it up! Come on, hurry!
Let's go!
- Vincent.
- What?
- Edge towards the door.
- You two, don't move
or I'll shoot!
- Who's moving?
- Shut up!
- AAAAAAH!
- Don't get excited, lady.
It's the third time this week.
- Come on! Hurry it up, will ya?
[alarm ringing]
- [cashier]: What's your hurry?
I'm giving it to you.
- Let's get out of here!
- OK, is that it?
- Present.
- Whatever.
- [other bandit]: Come on!
[alarm ringing]
Get that out of here! Move and
I'll blow that silly hat off!
Everybody, freeze!
- Well, really.
Bank robbers have no taste!
- Let's get the hell
out of here!
- Hey, what are you doing?
That's the wrong car!
♪♪♪
Hurry up, get in the car!
[tires screeching]
[alarm blaring]
- We only got an hour
to catch the plane.
- Vincent, please,
no worry.
After that,
what could go wrong?
[police siren blaring]
♪♪♪
[engine revving up]
Ivan Strauss gets here,
we'll have an alibi.
- Vincent.
Wait a minute.
Just remember what Max said.
We cannot let them
ever fingerprint us.
If they do, we have
to find a new profession,
a new life,
regardless of the alibi.
- I've got a perfect alibi.
I'm a... I'm an art dealer.
With lots of money lying about.
Strauss will
vouch for us.
- [man]: I thought the auction went pretty well. Oh, I, uh...
I thought you'd be interested
to know that the Picasso
was sold to Sheik Ahmed Abdul
of Saudi Arabia.
- I wondered
how he could go that high.
- That explains it all right.
- [waiter]: Mr. Ivan Strauss?
Telephone.
- Oh, thank you. Hello?
- Yes, Mr. Strauss.
It's the 14th Precinct calling.
[I have a Mr. Reblack
and a Mr. Fairchild;]
[I need you to vouch for them.]
- Oh. I'll come right down.
- [I am terribly sorry.]
- OK.
It's Vincent and Fairchild.
It seems our friends have
landed themselves in jail.
- Ha ha! How amusing!
- I have to go and vouch
for them. Would you...
would you like to come along?
- Wouldn't miss it.
- I've told you, Lieutenant:
Mr. Reblack is
a world-renowned art dealer.
I think with a small apology,
he'll let the matter drop.
♪♪♪
- Brilliant.
- Would you like a cocktail?
- Well, well,
all in all
a very successful trip.
Apart from nerve-racking
of course.
- Are you kidding? It's as close
to jail as I've ever come
or ever want to come.
- Mm-hm-hm.
- I think I'll stretch my legs.
- That's very inconvenient.
♪♪♪
- [Danny]: Lost any rats lately?
- Ah non!
[Emi laughing]
- Heh!
- Small world!
What are you doing here?
- I live here.
What brings you to Montreal?
- The Northeast Psychologists
Conference.
- Oh yeah?
Aha! "May the 5th,
the Versailles Room.
"Mr. Daniel Fairchild,
"a well-respected member of
the international art circuit,
"art historian,
has testified
in over 40 cases
in courts about forgery." Huh!
"Now a private consultant." Ha!
Sounds like fun.
- I just hope he's not boring.
- Yeah, so do I. Ciao.
- Ciao.
- [Kelly]: Bye.
He was flirting
with you.
- Me and everyone else.
- You know what, Emi?
- Mm-hmm?
- You're intimidated by men.
- Who me?!
- Yes!
- Ha!
- The Finebrook Syndrome.
"The Finebrook Syndrome"?
- Yes!
Married young,
perfectly faithful,
therefore you only know
one kind of man.
[amused sigh]
- I just don't like
skirt sniffers.
- He's not a skirt sniffer.
- Case closed. Please.
[sigh]
- OK, case closed.
Yii! We're running late,
we better go.
- And the final element
that makes this different
from all other crimes
is its very nature.
A jewel thief only needs
a scale calibrated in karats
to measure the worth
of his prize.
That's alright, ladies,
come on in.
A bank vault
can be measured
in terms of money,
but art forgery requires
a genuine esthetic sense.
That's the most
interesting part:
a genuine esthetic sense
on behalf of the perpetrator.
- For a psychologist, you're not
a very good judge of character.
- Why?
- Some skirt chaser.
- Now, are there any questions?
Yes, the gentleman in the back.
- Yes, sir. You seem
more interested in the nature
of the crime, but, uh,
what are the legal consequences?
- Well, first of all,
you know, to paint a copy
is not a crime.
You can walk into
any museum you see,
art students copying
the masters every day.
But the crime is not
in painting, but in selling.
Someone who goes
and sells a copy
as if it were an original,
that constitutes the fraud.
- You make him sound pleasant,
a friendly neighbour
with a strange habit or two.
- Ha ha! Well, maybe I sound
a little like
one of those cops
in the film
who gets to the point where
he admires the criminal.
I don't know.
Uh, you're Miss, uh...?
- Dr. Simpson.
- Ah, Dr. Simpson.
Yes, sir.
- What about investors,
those who are in it
as a business?
- It's a good question.
What with inflation today
the way it is
and people losing confidence
in their currencies,
gold going up and down;
yes, there's a lot of money
being invested in art.
When that happens,
it means there are more buyers
and, ultimately,
that means forgers.
People are now always
what they seem.
- That's true, Mr. Fairchild.
And if you were a forger,
how would you manage
to get away with it?
- How are you?
Had a terrible morning.
- I'm very sorry to hear that.
Judge Jackson is all set up.
He's swallowed the bait,
and he's coming tomorrow.
- Ah, very good.
As they say in the trade,
"the paint is dry."
♪♪♪
OK, Max, we're gonna get your judge.
- [man with Texan accent]:
Well, I must say, you got
a mighty fancy spread here.
- [Vincent]: Glad you like it.
- How do you boys
pay the rent here?
[judge sniggering]
- Judge? Ahem!
You have a brilliant
painting here.
- Yeah!
- But I'm afraid that
your friend Sam Calhoun
in Houston is right:
it's a fake.
- Now, wait a minute.
You mean to tell me
this thing here ain't real?!
- Oh, it's real alright,
but it's a real copy.
Picasso didn't paint it.
- Pity. Dreadful loss.
All that adverse publicity
is not good for a judge.
- Listen!
When I buy
a son-of-a-bitch Picasso...
[paper rustling]
...it's a real Picasso!
And I don't care
who painted it.
You hear!
- Tight Lips, they call me.
Don't they?
- Oh, yes.
Silence is golden.
♪♪♪
- Just doesn't seem right.
Perfectly dreadful thing
to happen.
- Yes. Particularly to a man
who represents justice.
Right, Judge?
- [Vincent]: Nice case anyway.
- Sorry about that, Judge.
- Art ain't worth
a shit.
♪♪♪
- [Vincent]: Haha!
Ah, this is Picasso.
Perfect,
genuine. If only
that Texan knew what
a brilliant buy he made.
[Danny chuckling]
We can sell this anywhere
with absolutely no risk at all.
- Vincent, my friend,
that one is not for sale.
♪♪♪
No, it's a gift for Max.
For his villa
in the south of France.
A housewarming present.
- Adieu, chérie.
- You're a very busy man,
Mr. Fairchild.
- Hi. I don't believe
I know your name.
- Kelly.
- Hello, Kelly.
- Hello. We were
at your lecture.
- So I noticed.
- You sure weren't boring.
- I hope not.
- Listen,
we were thinking about going
to the races tonight;
why don't you join us?
- Non, non, non!
I'm sure Mr. Fairchild has
better things to do. Come on.
- Nonsense, Emi! I'm sure
he'd love the challenge.
Good!
It's settled then.
Why don't we meet
at the entrance at, let's say,
7 o'clock.
- OK.
- [softly]: OK.
- OK.
[indistinct race description
in French]
- [Danny]: I guess
your friend Kelly is right -
I could never pass up
a challenge.
By the way, where is she?
- [Emi]: I'm sorry, she's sick.
- Oh, too bad.
- Now, watch this.
Hahaha!
- How do you do that?
- Magic.
- Magic?
- Mhm. My father showed me how.
He was a member
of a circus troupe.
- Isn't it kind of an unusual
background for a psychologist?
- Well, I used to say,
"There is no magic,
only psychology."
Now, tell me all the truth
about you.
- [Danny]: Hey, look!
There goes our horse!
[hubbub]
- He came from a very rich
family, so we decided that
we would spend half the year
in France, so I could work,
and the rest
in New York.
- Sounds like you have
everything: love and work.
Why are you running away?
- Perhaps I wanted to try
something different,
some... some excitement.
[indistinct race description]
[foreboding music]
- Mr. Fairchild, compliments
of the man sitting up there.
Would you like me
to open it now, sir?
- [Emi]: You seem to have
many friends, Mr. Fairchild.
♪♪♪
Non?
You look upset.
Would you like to leave?
- Good idea.
Let's quit while we're ahead.
- OK.
- ...above us,
they're sitting up there.
They had five
out of the last six races.
They had the exact
in the last race.
- Really?
- Incredible!
- Here I am!
Peut-être à bientôt. - Peut-être.
- Well. Haha!
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- And suddenly,
I fell down on the floor.
Typical.
[phone ringing]
[soft music playing
in the background]
- Allo?
- I just called
to say goodnight.
- That's nice.
- What are you wearing?
- Are you crazy?
- Hahahaha! No, I'm serious.
What are you wearing?
- A very transparent,
white, silk nightgown.
[Kelly sniggering]
[Emi laughing]
- Very sexy!
Do you like boats?
[We could go out
on mine tomorrow.]
- Just a second.
He's inviting me
on a boat trip tomorrow.
- Oh, my God!
Not only is he smart
and handsome, but he's
rich too!
- She thinks I should go.
- Ah... bon.
[I'll call you in the morning.]
- Yes. See you tomorrow.
Yoo!
Wait a second.
Is that your yacht?
- Is that your sailing dress?
- This will be OK. Fine.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
- OK. Let's go.
[romantic music]
[laughing]
- Aah!
♪♪♪
Oh!
- Watch it,
you're gonna get wet.
[Emi giggling]
♪♪♪
[chuckling]
♪♪♪
[romantic music]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
[clinking]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Hm, not bad, Mr. Fairchild.
♪♪♪
[phone ringing]
[romantic music]
- Hello?
- [Mr. Fairchild,
we have to talk.]
- What? No, no,
hold on a minute.
Yeah, who is it?
- Since you refused
my champagne,
I thought we might meet
for breakfast.
You're a clever man,
Mr. Fairchild,
but you made one mistake.
I'm sure you don't want to make another.
Good morning!
I'm glad you could make it.
Coffee?
- Who are you?
- I visited
your little... museum
last night.
It was very fascinating.
I borrowed
your collection of signatures,
I hope you don't mind.
You recognize these?
- El Greco.
Van Gogh.
Very nice.
I don't think I'm familiar with
these two particular paintings.
- That's not surprising.
They were part
of a private collection
for 50 years, 'til 1943.
Then, they were stolen
by the Nazis
but disappeared
when Berlin was bombed.
- So, what's your point?
- Don't you think
it's a shame
that these masterpieces
are lost?
I, uh... think,
Mr. Fairchild, that
with your great talent,
they could be
brought back to life.
- Ha ha ha ha!
Aaah...
So you want me
to copy these, right?
- Exactly.
- And then you'll take them out
and sell them
as if they were originals?
- That's right.
- That's a crime.
That's a crime.
How do you expect
to get away with it?
- Nobody can come out
of his grave to claim them.
- I see.
Is this what you call an offer?
- I believe
it's what they call blackmail.
- What are you, some kind
of a cheap-shot artist?
- Don't call me names.
♪♪♪
You play ball with the people
I'm working with.
- Or what?
- I don't like murder -
it's very messy,
I hardly use it -
I prefer
to cut tendons.
But I'm experimenting
with a long needle
at the base of the spine.
It causes paralysis.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Danny?
Is breakfast ready?
Hahaha! I'm starving.
♪♪♪
[ominous music]
- Damn it!
He's got to be fronting
for somebody.
- Maybe it's the Mafia.
They found out
about the Picasso?
- Vincent, if it was the Mafia,
we'd both be dead by now.
I just can't figure it.
Where the hell did we go wrong?
- I just can't figure out
how he was so certain
that you wouldn't be here.
And how did he know about
you and that woman last night?
She invited me
to the racetrack.
- That woman was
with you, both times.
- She was also
at the gallery in New York.
- Doesn't that strike you
as strange?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
I can't believe it.
♪♪♪
[honking]
♪♪♪
- You were right:
Fairchild is the forger.
- Did he accept?
- Not exactly.
- Can he be persuaded?
Sometimes, I wish I were a woman
in the daytime and
a man at night.
- Look, O'Brien, if you're
unhappy with my work...
- You can't even practice
your profession.
And let me remind you
that I can send you to jail.
You rendered useless
a man that I needed.
You were to teach him a lesson,
not cut off his painting hand.
Now, please don't do that
to Fairchild.
Do I make myself clear?
[boat whistle]
- God, I've got
a stomach ache now.
- Yes, my friend.
It's called falling in love.
- You're crazy, how could
I fall in love with someone
who just disappeared
in the morning? Poof!
I was right about him
from the very beginning.
- Hey, Emi, the good ones
always come back, you'll see.
You know what you need?
You need another drink.
[woman laughing]
- What do you think
you're doing?
[Emi laughing]
- I've got to sober you up
and find out
who you're working for.
- I work for the Medical
Institute in New York!
[Emi laughing]
Hey, you there! You!
- Let go of him. Hey, come on!
- Do you know that guy?
Do you know him?
- Hey! Let go of my tie,
you're strangling me!
- You know him?
He's the one you want to put
Paris in the bottle, but not me!
[woman scat singing]
[Emi scat singing]
- Here, drink this.
- Thank you.
[spitting]
Where is the sugar?!
God!
I hate that.
[Emi scat singing]
- How long have you
been working with him?
- Who?
- Come on, you know who.
The guy at the racetrack.
- But I don't know him!
- Sure, you do.
Why do you lie to me?
- ♪ I never lie,
never lie ♪
[Emi blowing air]
- You never lie?
- Uh-uh.
- OK.
We'll play it your way.
[Emi scat singing]
- What?
[Emi laughing]
But what is my way? Tell me.
[laughing]
AAAH!
Oh, you! You're crazy!
[Emi laughing]
Ah! Ah!
[laughing]
It's ruined. Every time
I see you, I get soaked.
- There's a dry bathrobe
behind the curtain there.
If it's not you Emi,
who is it?
Who's been putting
the heat on me?
- Ooh, now I remember!
I'm still mad at you.
♪♪♪
- For leaving you
the other morning?
- Yes! I was scared.
I thought
I'd made you disappear...
[Emi blowing air]
...vanish
like my cigarette.
[Emi laughing]
[Danny chuckling]
- I'm glad you weren't connected
with that guy.
[romantic music]
I didn't want it to be you.
- Are these your paintings?
Hey.
- A long time ago.
♪♪♪
- You don't paint anymore?
- I found I couldn't paint
anything I didn't love.
- Oh.
So, Danny, I would've liked you
to paint me.
[softly]: Too bad, too bad.
I don't understand what you want.
- Listen, sweetheart, let's stop playing this game.
I'm tired
of chasing around.
He's at 22, Notre-Dame, right?
- 22, Notre-Dame...
I don't know,
I was sleeping!
- Tell your friend
I want to hear from him.
We got a deal to complete.
You tell him my associates
have made their final offer.
Negotiations are over.
- I don't know. Who are you?
I don't understand!
- [menacing man]: If you want your boyfriend to stay alive,
you find him and give him the message.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Hey. Hi. Hey.
- How long have you been here?
[Emi sighing]
- I needed to face this.
I needed to know
who you really are.
- Who do you think I really am?
- Danny...
your work is brilliant,
brilliant...
...but you're a fake.
- And now that you've confirmed
your suspicions,
don't you want to go?
And you call me a fake?
What about you? You want me,
you want your husband. You don't
know what you want, do you?
Your whole life is a lie!
Isn't it?
- What do you know about
my life? You don't even know me.
- What do I need to know?
I wanted to trust you.
You come up here.
What are you doing?
Are you a spy?
- I came here because I...
because I care for you.
And if you were not so caught up
in your need
to deceive people, you'd know
what I'm saying is the truth!
[chuckling]
- What do you know
about the truth?
Huh? Come here,
let me show you something.
Look! Look at this!
See that? Look, can you tell
the difference? No!
You can't tell the difference!
You and all your fake friends,
all your pretentious,
rich friends
who buy expensive paintings,
you don't know
unless you see
a signature at the bottom
or some authentication
of an expert! You don't know
the difference between real and
fake! Now look at this! Look!
- AAH!
- Get out of here,
quick. Go! Go!
- I feel like
I'm going crazy.
I'm confused and sad.
I'm going back
to New York!
I can't believe
this is happening to me.
I need to see Lincoln.
Bye-bye!
- Oh, Emi...
Emi!
♪♪♪
- Who's that?
- My wife.
I think you should
get dressed and leave.
- Yep.
[ominous music]
[beeping]
♪♪♪
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
♪♪♪
[tires screeching]
- Vincent! My God!
- Nothing like service.
- Sit down.
- Aaah!
- Vincent, I'll call a doctor.
- It looks worse than it is.
Awww... Pity, I couldn't get
another suit made like this,
not even if I wanted to.
The tailor died four years ago.
Little place in Bond Street.
- Now, that settles it.
I've got to do the job.
- Certainly not on my account.
Don't do it for me, Danny.
- Vincent, we have got
to buy some time.
We've got to find out
who his associates are.
[door slam]
[footsteps]
- Good morning, Mr. Fairchild.
- Good morning.
- Ellis lines.
Prints.
History of each painting
with available details
of damage.
Computer analysis of an El Greco
of the same period
and chemical analysis
of the paint mixture.
And one month's salary
in advance:
$50,000.
Now, job assignment:
one copy of each
to be started
immediately.
I'll contact you weekly
for a progress report
and news
of your deadlines.
And monthly, I'll drop off
your salary.
Now, we can discuss
an expense account later.
But remember, Mr. Fairchild,
if there's any problem,
it's your friend's tendons
that I'll be experimenting with.
You, I need.
Oh, by the way, Thought
you might be interested in this.
- Max, here in Canada?
- My client arranged it,
just for you.
[menacing music]
- OK, I'll do
your paintings,
but you touch a friend
of mine again, and...
- And what?
- I'll kill you.
- [guard]: Reporter, Mr. Reich.
- Max, what happened?
- No matter how careful you are,
you never know
what will trap you.
Who would think that the plane
would have been diverted
to the wrong country?
And they get me.
- We're gonna figure some way
to get you out of here.
- No way.
I'm on a fugitive warrant;
they won't even
let me out on bail.
Ah... maybe I owe them
the seven years.
I was convicted
fair and square.
- Come on, Max.
You don't owe them anything.
Bullshit! Look at this place!
You won't last
that long in here.
- So I'll die here, big deal.
If I'd taken the time
when they gave it to me,
I'd have lost
those seven good years.
Oh, Danny, at my age, it doesn't
matter where you end up.
Old people get
filed away anyway.
- Max...
come on, give me names.
Guys who will help us get you
out of here. Friends!
- "Friends"?
They're all dead,
or in jail.
There's no independents
anymore.
Joe Bananas
ain't got a chance.
It's all all eggs out
today. Haha!
- Why, Max? Why?
- Why?
Did anybody say
I had a choice?
As the preacher says,
"Sow the wind,
reap the whirlwind."
Danny, why don't you
get out of it?
I never gave you
a bum steer;
you could come down
in the wrong country too.
Take that house
in the south of France.
Sure as hell I'm not going
to use it again. I'm gonna die
in this stinking hole.
- Max, please, don't talk
about dying.
- Why not? I died
when that plane decided
not to come down
at a U.S. airport.
Guard!
Guard!
Get rid of this creep.
He writes for one of them
tits-and-ass magazines;
that's out of my department.
- Let's go.
Let's go!
[gentle guitar music]
[melancholy music]
[honking]
♪♪♪
[phone ringing]
[mumbling angrily]
Allo!
- Dr. Simpson?
- Danny?
- I just called to say hello.
- Ah...
- What are you wearing?
[Emi sighs.]
- Nothing.
- ["Nothing"?]
- Ha ha!
I mean nothing important.
Just a pink skirt and a...
and a white sweater
with a big butterfly.
- You're crying,
you don't like your clothes?
- Oh, Danny.
I miss you so much.
- I miss you.
♪♪♪
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- Listen, you, uh...
you left
this pack of cigarettes.
I... I was thinking
maybe you might need 'em.
[You might want
to come back for 'em.]
- Danny...
...I miss you.
No more lies.
- No more lies.
- Right.
♪♪♪
Ciao.
[horse trotting outside]
- [man outside]: Whoa!
[door closing]
[romantic music]
- Hi!
Nice weather, isn't it?
Oh, mon amour!
Found something
you can love.
Ah, Danny,
Danny, Danny!
- Max was like a father to me.
He found me on the streets
when I first ran away
from the orphanage.
Put me to work for him.
I was, uh...
I was a skinny kid.
I could slip
through windows easily.
But Max believed in me.
He thought I had talent.
And he sent me to art school.
- You don't trust anyone,
but Max and Vincent?
- And you.
Let me show you
what I'm working on.
This will be the most difficult
challenge of my life.
Do you realize that no one
has ever mastered El Greco?
No one. If I could do that...
If I could do that...
El Greco,
He's unique
among the greats.
[door closing]
Attends.
[door closing]
Quick, in the darkroom!
♪♪♪
What are you doing here?
- Just seeing how our genius
is progressing.
- Look, jerk,
tell your associates,
great art isn't something
you rob like a bank.
- My associates
are growing very impatient.
♪♪♪
- I'd like to meet them.
- Impossible.
Now, my people expect
this job to be completed
within the next two weeks.
- Or...?
- Or we could arrange
for you and your partner
to visit Max Reich in prison.
You could disappear
for a long time,
Mr. Fairchild.
Just do your work.
[ominous music]
[clanking]
[distant dog barking]
♪♪♪
[indistinct police radio]
[suspenseful music]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
[screaming]
[Emi screaming]
- Shut up! Stop it!
[muffled screaming]
- [Emi]: Ah!
[police siren blaring]
[muffled yelling]
- Ah! Par là!Hey!
Help! Help!
♪♪♪
- Hey, what's going on?
- He tried
to rape me!
- I had a small--
- And he just robbed me!
- Rob? What are you
talking about?
- Hands on the wall!
Spread your legs!
- He tried to rape me!
Check him out!
Check him out!
[indistinct yelling]
♪♪♪
- Does your friend always send
women to do his dirty work?
- Shut up.
He doesn't know
anything about it.
And when it's your turn
to speak, I'll tell you.
I want one thing
from you:
a name
of the person
you work for.
- Ha!
- Mm-hm. Have it your way.
The painting he's already
finished will be destroyed.
Rape is 14 years
in Canada.
We worked long and hard
to get that.
- Wait.
OK.
You got a deal.
But I've got a long memory.
- Thank you, Daniel.
- Welcome to Montreal.
Now we're all here.
Even Max.
You're gonna pay big
for this one.
- [O'Brien]:
How much do you want?
- That's better.
Well, let's see.
The Van Gogh
at the Henry Ford collection
went at Christie's for 5 and
a half million, is that right?
- Right.
- Yeah. So I think
that El Greco should be
worth at least twice that.
Say 10 million.
- You're getting greedy.
- About time too.
[Danny laughing]
- I'm getting greedy?
I don't want all 10 million.
Just 10%. Make it
one million even.
- Thanks to
your clever... companion...
...I'm forced to agree.
- Good.
Well then. Ahem!
Here's the deal.
You'll give me an unconditional
one-million-dollar letter
of credit drawn on a Swiss bank.
You'll be the owner
of record,
but I will take the paintings
through authentication.
When that's finished,
I will deliver the paintings
to you before the auction,
and you'll give me
the letter of credit.
- Done.
♪♪♪
[honking]
- This is wonderful coverage!
You couldn't buy
this sort of publicity.
Your name's all over
The New York Times,Mr. Greco.
- Danny, I...
- Don't come near.
- OK...
[spraying noises]
Tell me, are you sure there
won't be anybody at that door?
- Yes, I'm quite sure.
Once you get inside the doors,
about 10 paces to the corner,
then you go along that wall.
There's only one door
in that wall.
- What if
something goes wrong?
- Don't worry,
nothing will happen.
- And then inside that door.
- Inside the door.
We must be about 20 feet across,
I should think.
On the other side,
there are some stairs,
and you go up the stairs
to the second floor.
- OK.
[Vincent chuckling]
- OK. Now listen, sweetheart.
Do not open this.
And don't touch
anything inside, OK?
- Right. OK.
- And with this,
be very, very careful.
- [Vincent]: That fragrance
is devastating.
- He's right.
You're ready?
- I'm ready.
- OK.
Remember the time.
- I'm never late, messieurs.
- [man]: That's
a typical example
of a short brushstroke.
Look at the beautiful texture,
all those vibrant colours.
- [woman]: Oh, they're amazing.
No other artist can use light
in this way.
- Yeah, but remember,
it's what you can't see
that makes the difference.
Forger would have to be pretty
good to get past the computer.
Nobody is that good.
[electronic noises]
♪♪♪
- [man]: That's odd.
Something's wrong here.
This can't be right.
It's not oil.
It's not a fixer.
- It's albumen.
- It's egg white.
- Albumen was used as an
adhesive during El Greco's time.
- [woman]: That's almost
impossible to duplicate.
- [man]: El Greco only used
badger hair on his palette.
- Careful. Don't lose it.
- If that is part
of the master's brush,
your client will have one of
the world's prized possessions.
[electronic noises]
- The fibre scanner confirms
it's badger hair.
- Well, well, well!
Bless the little varmint.
♪♪♪
- Daniel Fairchild, please.
- Yeah.
- Emi's arrived.
Everything's set.
- [Daniel]:
I'll be there in five minutes.
Um, yes, I had
a reservation for dinner
tonight for four.
♪♪♪
Oh, fine, thank you.
- It's amazing.
The ingenuity of the artist.
Imagine egg whites as adhesive.
Lost for all those years
collecting...
- Mr. Fairchild,
that's not our floor.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Looked just like
the lobby to me.
♪♪♪
[Ding!]
[indistinct conversation]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Ah, there they are.
Careful, my dear.
Two authenticated masterpieces
are worth millions!
We're off.
Be especially careful
with the Van Gogh.
We'll never sneak another one
like that past the experts.
Oh, and I don't want
to be a nag, my dear,
but do go over the layout
of O'Brien's office once again.
I wish we could keep
those little gems.
♪♪♪
- Aren't you even going
to look at it?
- Do I need to?
- You never know,
I may have forged it.
- Ha ha ha! Did you?
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Oh, Dan, why did you have
to be so difficult?
- Me difficult?
You're not apologizing, are you?
- No, no, no, no.
I just, uh...
I just don't want
to lose you now.
- Don't worry, you won't.
More champagne?
- Why not?
[light knocking on window]
[Danny clearing his throat]
I see you're wearing
a new necklace.
Collecting diamonds now
as well as paintings?
- You notice everything.
You always did.
- Is that the inspector?
Oh, good!
Tell me, uh, Inspector,
are you interested in
a multimillion-dollar art fraud?
- Just one more thing.
- Yes?
- From now on,
just the two of us, OK?
No more Severo.
- No more Severo.
[honking]
[sigh]
[creaking]
[ominous music]
- You accused me of rape,
little lady.
[screaming]
I'll show you
what rape is all about.
Now, you like to watch, huh?
See this?
[dramatic music]
Afterwards,
I'm gonna cut you.
Here...
[moaning in fear]
...and here.
And all the way down here...
...to here.
[Emi moaning in fear]
♪♪♪
[screaming]
Oh, my eyes!
- [O'Brien]: This will be
the event of the season.
The Van Gogh will bring
a price around 5 million.
And what can one say
about El Greco?
Never before in the history
of the art world
has there been the opportunity
to bid for such a master.
[phone ringing]
- Hello?
- Vincent: [Daniel, I called]
[the police.
They'll be at the auction.]
[We'll get her this time.]
- Ah, it's great, Vincent.
Look, uh, I'll meet you there
in 10 minutes, OK?
- [Lovely.]
- Oh, uh, is Emi with you?
- [No, is she with you?]
- No, but, you know,
she's always late.
See you in a little while.
[hanging up phone]
[faint dripping noise]
Emi, is that you?
[faint dripping noise]
[dripping noise]
[tense music]
[grunting]
[screaming]
[indistinct chatter]
- Are you alright?
- Yeah, I'm OK, but Severo
won't be bothering us anymore.
[indistinct chatter]
- Ohhh... magnificent!
Is this the first picture
on sale?
- I don't know, sir.
- Oh?
I was expecting a Van Gogh.
- Now.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
if you would please settle down.
And those of you walking around,
please be seated.
The moment has arrived
for the El Greco painting,
which all of you have come here
to see and bid on today.
I would like you all to refer
to your catalogues.
The painting entitled
Saint Francis,the first to find
its way to the marketplace
in many, many, many years.
We have a sealed opening bid
of $2 million.
We will ask for advances of...
- My God!
- ...$500,000 for the bidding.
- The acid is working too fast.
- It can't be.
We've got plenty of time.
- Look, it's
the upper-right-hand corner.
- Those of you walking around,
please be seated.
- My God!
- At a $2-million opening bid,
ladies and gentlemen, may
we have a second offer, please?
Can I hear
$2-and-a-half million?
Thank you, sir.
$2-and-a-half million
is bid. Can I get
$3 million
on the painting?
$3-million bid on my right.
Make me hear.
3-and-a-half million is bid
on my left again.
The gentleman...
At $3-and-a-half million,
ladies and gentlemen, can we--
- 4!
- $4 million
on the painting now.
4 million.
The lady seated on my right
at $4-million bid.
And $4-and-a-half-million
bid now.
At $4-and-a-half million
the bid.
Can we hear $5 million
on the painting?
5 million. A new bidder
in the front row now
at $5 million
At 5-and-a-half million
and $6 million bid.
- Oh, God.
- $6-and-a-half million, I have.
6-and-a-half million.
- 7 million.
- $7 million!
$7 million
bid up front.
Now at 7 million.
$7 million bid.
$7-and-a-half million, gentleman
seated at 7-and-a-half now.
At $7-and-a-half million bid.
Can I hear $8 million
on the painting now?
A masterpiece by El Greco
at 7-and-a-half.
At $7-and-a-half million,
I have a bid for the painting
going once--
- 9 million!
- 9 million!
$9 million!
- What the hell are you doing?!
- [Vincent]: I got carried away.
- Gentleman in the
red carnation.
- We've got to push
the bidding faster.
- Fine. Well, I think
we've gone crazy.
- Please, ladies and gentlemen,
would you kindly be seated.
At $9 million,
I have a bid.
And at $9 million selling,
going once.
At $9 million selling,
going twice.
- 500 more!
[crowd gasping and applauding]
- $9.5 million bid
on my right now. At 9.5!
At 9.5
for this masterpiece,
going once.
At $9.5 million,
going twice.
Fair warning, last call at
$9.5 million. Is there no more?
Sold at $9.5 million!
- Haha!
- My God,
something's wrong!
Something's wrong
with the painting!
[indistinct chatter]
- It's burning.
- [woman]: My God,
it's going up in flames!
- The painting is going.
- Where the hell are the police?
- They should be here by now.
- Well, how long does it take
to get a warrant?
- I don't know, anything
from five minutes to two days.
- Let's go.
- Said they were
in a storeroom to the left.
You go check out over there.
They gotta be here.
[alarm blaring]
Your $9 million piece of magic
was very impressive
but will not work.
- Oh, really? Why not?
- I have something to show you.
- Got 'em! Here they are.
Here, check that out.
- This is an original Picasso
by Fairchild.
And naturally,
I have your sale slips.
Where did you get it?
- It seems that
the Sheik's wedding present
was rejected; the bridegroom
disapproved of Picasso.
Congratulations.
You may have just made
the best buy of your life.
- You sold a fake
to the Arabs
because I saw the original
at the police station.
- Wrong. I sold Prince Ahmed
the real one.
I kept the copy.
- You're lying.
- Not this time.
- Well, I... I should
have known better.
I always did have
a weakness for thieves.
- And forgers?
- And forgers.
- Ms. O'Brien,
would you come with us, please?
We've got some questions to
ask you.
- What questions?
- Regarding
these paintings.
- [Danny]: Good old Max
sends his regards.
- You didn't really sell
the original Picasso, did you?
- No, Vincent, you did.
- How could you
let me do it?
- I liked mine better.
- [laughing]: Good.
[all laughing]
[indistinct chatter]
[romantic music]
♪♪♪
- [Emi]: Now, it's your turn.
Go ahead.
- Check.
- What?! Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk!
It's not possible.
- Uh-huh.
No. See?
No. The horse.
- Oh, God. I... this.
OK, but let's do it again.
Let's start.
What are you doing?
- We're gonna do it again.
- Haha!
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪