The Girl from Jones Beach (1949) - full transcript

Glamour artist Bob Randolph is world famous for his paintings of a stunning beauty dubbed "The Randolph Girl". What the world doesn't know is that his pin-up creation is really a composite of parts of the anatomy of 12 different models. In an effort to find one girl who possesses all the proper physical attributes, Randolph and PR man Chuck Donovan pursue Ruth Wilson, a beauteous schoolteacher who prefers to be admired for her brain rather than her curves. Ruth changes her tune, however, when a published photo of her in a swimsuit causes her to be fired by the uptight schoolboard. She sues for reinstatement and in the process learns that swimsuits and sex appeal do have a place in her world, after all.

♪ All the boys are in a whirl every time
they see the girl from Jones beach ♪

♪ She's the kind of a girl who
would fit into anybody's scheme ♪

♪ Rare and pretty as a pearl ♪

♪ Is the hard-to-figure girl
from Jones beach ♪

♪ And the boys that she met ♪

♪ Never get into any of her dreams ♪

♪ Nobody knows her number ♪

♪ Nobody knows her name ♪

♪ No one knows when she comes or goes ♪

♪ But she gets there just the same ♪

♪ People say a millionaire tried to get
this girl to care at Jones beach ♪

♪ But she fluffed all his stuff, she is
more than enough and some to spare ♪

♪ She's out of reach,
the girl from Jones beach ♪

Cold, heartless, impersonal.

Each night on the island called Manhattan,

many a lost soul decides to give
up the unequal struggle.

Is it one of these carefree dancers? No.

Is it this seductive hat check chick? No.

Then it must be, well,
naturally, it's this schmo.

Oh, good evening, Mr. Donovan.

You're entitled to your opinion.

How's Broadway's leading talent agent?

Great. Would you please give
Connie this suicide note?

With pleasure.

It's been nice knowing you, Chuck.

I bid goodbye to all this.

Here. Where I'm going I won't be needing it.

Frankly, I won't find
much use for it, either.

The only agent who can get
you the Randolph girl,

is Charles Patrick Donovan.

Never heard of any of them.

Oh, that's not important.

Two years ago, no one ever heard of me.

Today, I'm the vitamin king of America.

And who put you on the throne?

I did, because I handled your advertising.

But if you're going to deal with
some fly-by-night character...

Do you think that your friend
could get us the Randolph girl?

Charles Patrick can do anything.

Only nobody ever asks him to.

All right, my dear. Go ahead.

Thank you. Thank you, gentlemen.

Well, thank you.

Have you seen Chuck?

I've seen him. He left you a note.

Oh, no. I'm afraid to open it. You read it.

Dear Connie, it's no use, I'm a failure.

By the time you read this, my
crushed body will be lying on

the subway tracks in time square station.
Farewell, Chuck.

Ps. On the downtown side.

Oh, Hazel, I've just got to
save him, I've just got to.

I hope I get there in time.

Try being late once and see what happens.

Are you getting on?

No, thanks. I'm not going anywhere.



Oh, Chuck, you're all right.

For a minute I thought I'd never
see you again. Oh, Chuck...

You're not dead.

I'll say not.

I thought you were going to end it all.

I was waiting for an express. An express.

You didn't think I'd go under a local

and die a slow death.

Oh, Chuck.

Ok, ok. Break it up. What do you
want for a dime, Mildred Pierce?

Oh, Chuck, I've got the most wonderful news.

You never have to commit suicide again.
I don't?

You know how I keep my ears open...

Trying to drum up business for you.

So what?

The Randolph girl. I've seen her before.

That's how I learned about women.

Oh, Chucky, that girl is going
to help us get married.

What do you mean, help us?

You've heard of Evans
ever good, the vitamin king.

He wants Bob Randolph and his
model for a television show.

That's quite a package.

I can see you're working already.

If you sign him, you get 10% of 100 grand.

10 gs. You're the most
wonderful girl in the world.

3-2-8. 3-2-8, 13. That's my lucky number.

If it's about that television
show, the answer is no.

You were expecting me?

Not particularly. We've thrown
out 25 agents in the last week.

Better catch him at home.

If you'll give his address...

Sure. 328 queens road.

328 queens road. Thank you very much.

Pardon me. This is 328 queens road.

That's right. He lives upstairs.

You must think I'm pretty dumb.


Give you one more chance.

If you can tell me where
I can find his model...

If you find out, let me know.

I'm sort of curious myself.

You've never seen her?

Nobody is ever seen her.

He sneaks her in and out of the place

like it was a fraternity house.

Why all the mystery?

You'll have to ask my boss.

He's always kept her under wraps.

She could use them.

Well, I guess that's enough for today.

Bobby, are we having dinner tonight?

What did you say?

Are we having dinner tonight?

What day is this?

Don't you ever look at your own calendars?
It's Tuesday.

Tuesday. Ok, Penelope.

The name is Lorraine, remember?

You will let me know what time
you want lunch brought in.

Miss Brooks, do you have a match?

Oh, Mr. Randolph? Yeah?

My name is Charles Patrick Donovan.

An agent.

Thanks. Don't you guys ever give up?

The Randolph girl is not available
for public appearances

and that includes television.

Yeah, but this is for only
39 weeks, a half-hour a week.

You get $100,000, almost 100 bucks a minute.

I'm sorry. I don't need the money.
Yeah, but I do.

Good morning, good morning. Ah, Mr. Randolph.

Get in line, bud. I was here first.

Mr. Randolph. I represent the
majestic collection agency.

There's come to our attention
a little matter of $1,800

that you owe the united jewelry company
for the purchase of 12 gold bracelets.

Didn't you ever pay them? Why, no, you...

Miss Brooks, that was careless of you.

There'll be a check in the mail tomorrow.

Your good man wishes to be paid right now.

Otherwise, I'll have
to repossess the bracelets.

I'm afraid it's rather late for that.

Write him a check for $1,800.

But you haven't got $1,800.

I will have by the first of the month.
Post-date it.

If you'll excuse me. Wait a minute.

I thought you didn't need the money. Did I?

Outside the fact that you don't need money,

name one good reason why
I can't sign you to this deal.

Well, that's as good a reason as any.

Here's your check, my good man.

Thank you.

You trying to collect from him too?

Yeah. Just cheated me out of 10 grand.

Can I give you a lift?

I'm going to throw myself
off the Brooklyn bridge.

Oh, sorry. I'm going to the Bronx.

Pardon me. But aren't you the Randolph girl?

Why yes. But it's supposed to be a secret.

My name is Donovan. I'm
an artist representative.

I think you and I could do business together.

Oh, I'd love to. But I don't
know anything about business.

You're just being modest.
I'll get in touch with you

as soon as I, I. What's your name?

Circle 4-1000.


You forget something?

I forgot to say goodbye.

Just a minute. You can't disturb him.

Miss Brooks, you know...

Suppose I said I know who your model was.

I'd say you were bluffing.

You know a girl by the name of circle 4-1000?

Come in.

Do me a favor, tear up that number. Sure.

But I still got a memory.

It won't do you any good.

She's under an exclusive contract.

She can't make a deal without my permission.

There are many people in this country

that are curious about the Randolph girl.

I know some newspaper boys...

Wait, you can't tell the newspapers.

The other 11 will find out.

The other 11?

I might as well level with you.

There is no Randolph girl.

No Randolph girl. But you told me...

There are 12 of them.


The Randolph girl is a composite.

I use a different model for
each part of her anatomy.

That girl doesn't exist.

The hair is Margot's, the eyes are Diane's.

The nose is Wendy's, the mouth is Karen's.

The chin is sunny's, the neck is Arlene's.

The arms are Penelope's,
the torso is Vickie's.

The knees are Sandra's, the legs are
Lorraine's, the ankles are Daphne's.

Put them all together, they
spell the Randolph girl.

That's only 11. What do
you get from the twelfth?


It's amazing how a dozen dames
can keep a secret that long.

Oh, each one of them thinks
she's the whole girl.

You must've your hands full.

I not only have to put them together,
I have to keep them apart.

Oh, now I get the 12 bracelets.

For awhile there, I thought you
had a girlfriend with a long arm.

Say, you'd better go. Daphne is here.

Which one is she? Ankles.

Sometime you ought to tell me what
you do with your spare parts.

Little does she know she's
got nothing but ankles.


Hello, Connie. I didn't get it.

The Randolph deal. It fell through.

Why don't you meet me
somewhere for breakfast?

I can't, Chuck. I just got to bed.

Ok. If you're not interested in my career,

you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to kill myself.
That's what I'm going to do.

Do you hear me? I said
I'm going to kill myself.

Hey, bud. Send her a message
from the spirit world

and give somebody else a chance.

Want to know something, Mac?

I'm going to drown myself.

In alcohol.

Oh, no, you don't.

If I want to drink myself
to death, what do you care?

I don't. But you're not going to
drink yourself to death on credit.

I see. Now you're turning against
me just like everyone else.

Look, Mr. Donovan. I've seen many guys try
to poison themselves with this stuff.

It's a sloppy way of doing it.

Not only does it take years, but
it's a very expensive proposition.

You may be right.

Got a pencil and paper?


Must be other ways of drowning yourself.

♪ All the boys are in a whirl every time
they see the girl from Jones beach ♪

♪ She's the kind of a girl who
would fit into anybody's scheme ♪

♪ She's out of reach,
the girl from Jones beach ♪

Oh, pardon me.


I found the Randolph girl.

That's interesting. Who is she?

I don't know. She got away and
left her impression in the sand.

Listen to this, Height, 5-foot, 6 1/2 inches.
Waist, 24 inches.

Where did you get that figure?

I measured how deep the sand was.

She's in the locker room now
getting dressed, I think.

I'm watching for her now.

Look, I'll have to hang up. There's
some dame blocking my view.

All yours, ma'am.

Better call the police, we may
have to drag the whole area.


I'm so glad you're here,
something awful has happened.

We just found an abandoned rowboat
and I'm afraid that Chuck.

Don't do that. You make me nervous.

Now I'll make you nervous.
It's ok, fellas, he's safe.

I'm sorry I troubled you.

No trouble at all.

Next time you write such a silly
note, I'll pretend I can't read.

I almost did it but this girl
on the beach changed my mind.

What girl?

I'll tell you later.
I have to find her first.

Oh, oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Excuse me.

I don't want her to slip by me.

What does she look like?

Well, she's got Lorraine's legs,
Daphne's ankles, Wendy's nose,

Karen's mouth, Sandra's knees, Vickie's...

Has she got anything of mine?

If she has, it didn't show in the sand.

Charles Patrick Donovan.

Ah, we're just wasting our time.

She hasn't shown up in a week.

Then she's just about due.

Hey, quick. Is that the girl?

That's her. How does she look?

Like 12 girls rolled into one.

Hey. I got a bite.

We can't stop for that now.

Boy. Look at him fight.

He must think today is Friday.


Pardon me, madam.

Hey, she's disappearing again.

Oh, why couldn't one of us be a girl.

You'd look cute.

Sometimes a girl looks
different with clothes on.


No. The facial structure is
similar but not the figure.

It's funny, the last time at the entrance,

that same girl came out.

Just a coincidence. But
I'll still follow her.

If you don't hear from me

it's just another coincidence.

Quick, follow that car.

Pardon me, could you tell me...

Name is Ruth Wilson.

- What does she do...?
- She's a schoolteacher.

How you know what I was going...

Apartment 2-a.

Hi, mother. Woody.

Hello, dear.

I wish you'd go to the beach on weekends.

Instead of going an hour before work.

It's too crowded on weekends.

She's afraid somebody will
see her in a bathing suit.


He's right. When I was your age...

For the millionth time, I don't want
a man to marry me for my looks.

If I hadn't cashed in on my
looks, you wouldn't be here now.

Beauty doesn't last.
Intellectual companionship.

That's the only thing matters
between a man and a woman.

And you spent 500 bucks getting
her teeth straightened.

A girl as pretty as you can't
make herself unattractive to men

no matter how hard she tries.

I haven't had
trouble with men so far, mother?

No. But you haven't had any fun neither.

I'm going to be late for school.

You know what Ruth needs?

Yes. But I don't intend
to discuss it with you.

Here's your lunch.

Try not to be too tough
on your sister in class.

All right, as long as she doesn't
take advantage of our relationship.

- Good morning, I represent the...
- Yes, go on.

Where's your old lady?

I'm Mrs. Wilson.

How do you do, Mrs. Wilson.

I represent a national survey.

And we're making a little research...

This is the first time I'm being
interviewed on one of these polls.

Well, there's always got to be a first time.

Well, our question of this week is,

do you think that modern girls are less
inhibited than girls of 25 years ago?

On the whole I'd say that girls today

have fewer inhibitions
than their mothers had.

Fewer. But not in this family.

You're supposed to be off to school.

All right.

She's the only mother in the family.

You know how they get spoiled.

Cute kid.

Your daughter?

Yes. Don't you think she's attractive?

Very. Takes after you.

In some ways. But she's much more
conservative than I was at her age.

How do you mean?

I used to be in the follies.

Oh. Those were the days when
showgirls had something to show.

Very pretty. Thank you.

Is your daughter going to
follow in your footsteps?

No. Ruth doesn't want to make a
career of her physical attractions.

She wants to be admired for
her intellectual qualities.

She's a schoolteacher.

That explains it.

Explains what?

All about, what I mean, what does she teach?

Sixth grade grammar at
the Meadowbrook public school.

Sixth grade, eh.

Oh, she teaches in night school also
under the adult education program.

A class for new citizens.

Night school.

Night school. Night school.

Night school. You're off the boat

wanting to become a citizen so
you join her class.

I already am a citizen.

So you'll vote twice.

There must be some easier way to meet her.

Why not bump into her
accidentally on the street?

And she'll accidentally call a cop.

Look, I told you what kind of a girl this is.

I've already got 12 girls on my hands

each one thinking I ought to
take her out 3 nights a week.

You think they'll believe
I'm going to night school?

You want to get rid of them? You
want the hundred grand, don't you?

I couldn't attend that class under my name.

You got a phone book filled with them.

Make sure it's with an accent.

No, that's a crazy idea. All
great ideas sound crazy.

They said Marconi was crazy, they said Edison
was crazy, they said Fulton was crazy,

and they'll say that Charles
Patrick Donovan was crazy.

I knew if you kept going
you'd come up with something.


Good evening. My name is Robert venerik.

Good evening. Good evening.

Oh, excuse please. Are you the teacher
for the class from new citizens?

No, I'm not. I'm miss shoemaker,
chairman of the school board.

Miss Wilson teaches that class.

Oh, well, where could I find
the so attractive miss Wilson?

Ah, you'll find her in there.

Thank you.

Attractive miss Wilson.

Good evening, class.


Oui. I'm here.

Al Schuller. Is present.

Garoux. Si.




Oh, present.

You're new here, Mr. Venerik, aren't you?

New like anything.

Well, I'd like to welcome you to class.

I hope you're happy here.

Happy, oh. Like a bird I am happy.

That's very nice.

But I can't quite seem to place
your accent, Mr. Venerik.

Where are you from?

Please, that question I'm not hearing.

I asked, what is your nationality?
Where are you from?



Oh, Czechoslovakia.

You know, class, the Czechs are made up
of several interesting racial strains.

Which are you, Mr. Venerik, Croat or Slovak?

Well, a little of both.

Der mama was a Slovak, der papa was a Croat.

You may sit down now.

Callaghan. Here.

Dimenti. Presente, signora.

Please forgive me, Mr. Venerik, but
I'm still just a little puzzled.

You say you're from central Europe?

Well, maybe a little to the right.

Yet you look almost Irish to me.

Yes. Der mama and der papa on the
way over here stopped by Ireland.

Oh, they did. Yes. Begorra.

How long have you been here, Mr. Venerik?

Fresh off boat.

It's remarkable how quickly
you? Oh, the cut of your clothes.

Me win suit on radio program.

Oh, I see.

Tell me, have you found
a job yet, Mr. Venerik?

Oh, no job. A position.

So soon? That's wonderful. What do you do?

Paint on girls.

For a living?

Sure. Paint on girls for advertisement.

You need the picture? Draw the pitch.

Your accent seems to slide all over Europe.

Well, an artist. I'm impressed.

- Angstrom.
- Here.


Excuse me, miss Wilson. Too late.
Tie up. Subway.

That's quite all right.

Oh, by the way, Mr. Stravitch.

A fellow countryman of yours
has just enrolled in class.

Mr. Stravitch, Mr. Venerik.

Mr. Venerik, Mr. Stravitch.

No, my friend, my fellow countryman.

We in America now. We speak only American.

- Faciatte.
- Presente.

Vedda. Ja.

So you really pulled off
the Randolph deal, eh?

You're smarter than you look, Mr. Donovan.

Well, I hope so. But what I'm...

I knew you had it in you, old man.

Shoulder to the wheel. Fight,
fight, fight, for the home team.

Look, it's nothing any
red-blooded American boy

couldn't do with a strong telescope.

The whole thing is in your lap now.

If you want your dues to the Yale club,

you'd better get a good show.

- Yeah, but I, I...
- Yes?

Notify all departments to get busy
on the Randolph girl program.

We're a well-oiled machine here.

Every little cog doing its job.

Look, let's not get our cogs in an uproar.

There's one more detail to be
ironed out. This girl...

Well, now, contract details never bother me.

They never bother you.

Now, start on the publicity.

But we can't do that,
Mr. Randolph won't like it.

Why not? He accepted the offer.

Yes. Well, he's got to get
his model's permission first.

And she's got to get her mother's
permission and her mother...

Look, it's a large family.

Oh, just details. Full steam ahead.

Townsend, blemish and Moore
will carry the ball from here.

We ought to have a meeting
with blemish and Moore.

They're dead. Ulcers, you know.
Tell them to move over.

Get me Fletcher on the daily express.
What are you doing?

I'm not announcing it officially yet.

Just want to plant in in one of the columns.

Hello, Gil. I've got an exclusive for you.

Charles Patrick Donovan
is going to commit suicide.

Charles Patrick Donovan is going to commit...

No, listen, Gil, that was a mistake.


Hello, Bob?


I'm sorry, honey, that's
all the information I have.

Hello. I mean, goodbye.

You saw the item in Fletcher's column?

See it? I've been hearing it.

The girls? Yeah. Now each one of them

thinks they'll be a television star.

How you doing with miss Jones beach?

How am I doing what? You've been
going to school long enough.

It's time you got started on your homework.

I can't fight both wars.

You'll have to take care of
that other front for me.

You mean you're dumping
those 12 dames into my lap?

That's right. You'll have
to stall them off some way.

That's like playing with dynamite.

When do I start?

Right away. Here's my address book.

Hair, eyes, nose, mouth,
legs, ankles, knees, torso.

Which one do you get sympathy from?

You can find that out for yourself. Great.

This may be a new kind of smorgasbord.

The contract hasn't been signed yet, but...

Just as soon as it is, you
can be sure that I'll...

Did anyone ever tell you
that you have lovely hair?

Bob thinks it's my best feature.

But what I'd like to know is,
what's wrong with the rest of me?

I hope to have that answer
for you within 48 hours.

Takes quite a while
to set up a television show,

so you have to expect certain
routine delays. And...

That's the most beautiful arm I've ever seen.

I have another one just like it.

The details haven't been worked out yet,
so you'll just have to sit tight until...

Have you ever been to Egypt
and seen the pyramids?

No. Why do you bring that up?

Of course, we have no assurance
that the sponsor won't back out.

But I'm pretty confident that...

I suppose everybody admires your legs.

Just men.

Oh. Well, I'd better be going.

Oh, that's too bad.

Yeah. Well, I'll get in touch with you.

That'll be nice.

I sure had a good time talking to you.

Well, if this is your idea of a good
time, don't bother coming back.

1863. That was the date of the
emancipation proclamation,

the freeing of the slaves.

Can anyone tell me who was the author
of the emancipation proclamation?

Mr. Schwarzholz.

Abraham Linco-Lin.

That is correct, Mr. Schwarzholz.

Only it's pronounced Lincoln, no Linco-Lin.

What a language. Lincoln
with an I, knife with a K,

psychology with a P.

Mr. Venerik. Miss what?

I do wish you'd pay more
attention, Mr. Venerik.

Excuse please, miss Wilson,
I was night dreaming.

Did you study the lesson for tonight?

Oh, forward and backwards
and backwards and forwards.

Perhaps you could tell me about the
opposing sides in the civil war?

It's the Yankees.

I appreciate your eagerness, Mr. Callaghan.

But I'm asking Mr. Venerik the question.

The Yankees and who, Mr. Venerik?

And the Dodgers.

Mr. Venerik.

Is no?

Decidedly not.

Just goes to show. Can't believe
what you read in the newspaper.

The rest of the class knows perfectly well

that it was the Yankees from the north
and the confederates from the south.

Now, I'm going to give you two
minutes during which time

you'll please write on your
papers all of the generals

of the civil war that you can
think of, both north and south.

Ready, begin.

All right, that's all for tonight.

Mr. Schwarzholz, collect the papers, please.

Ja, miss Wilson.

The two minutes are up, Mr. Venerik.

I think you're taking an unfair advantage.

I'll take that paper now, if you don't mind.

Mr. Venerik, I'm not a civil war general.

I asked to list the civil war generals.
Why didn't you?

Excuse please. But they are
so dead and you are so alive.

I don't know what to do with you.

You're not a child. I can't ask you to stay.

Oh, yes, you can. Try it.
Well, I'm going home.

By Wednesday night, I expect to
know the names of a dozen generals.

Like Grant, Lee, stonewall
Jackson, McClellan, Meade,

Longstreet, Forrest,
Sherman, Sheridan, Pickett.

Why, Mr. Venerik, you do know them.

The name is Robert venerik.

Call me Bob.

And the president from the confederacy was

Jefferson Davis; The vice
president, Judah Benjamin.

In Lincoln's cabinet was
Stanton, Seward, chase...

Why, Mr. Venerik, you know
all about the civil war.

Miss Wilson, 6 times already
I see gone with the wind.

Well, I'm going now. They're
expecting me home. Good night.

And the presidents from America in the order
were George Washington, John Adams...

And then in the year 1803, we bought
from France the Louisiana purchase.

Very smart deal. Good buy. And then...

Really, you amaze me. You know
all about American history.

Don't get me started on
poetry and things like that.

Me and Shakespeare are like brothers.

I'm really very impressed, Mr. Venerik.


Bob. I'm very impressed, Bob.

I was just thinking.

Maybe I could call you and we could go out

and have a bite and talk intellectually.

Why, I'd love to.

Thank you, teacher.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Parting is such sweet sorrow,

that I shall say good night
till it be morrow.

Wonderful. How did you
know I love quotations so?

Sleep dwell upon mine eyes,

peace in my breast.

Would I were asleep in peace

so sweet to rest.

Excellent. Then I call you on the telephone.

What a language. Telephone with a p-h.

Good night. Good night.

And now we come to the grand
prize question of the evening.

How many ms are there
in the word Mississippi?

I repeat, How many ms are there
in the word Mississippi?

The first contestant to answer
correctly will receive a mink coat,

a washing machine, a trip
to Hawaii, a deep freeze...

Hello, everybody. I'm home.

Hello, dear.

Helicopter, a cigarette
lighter, a convertible coupe,

a wrist watch, a 5-room house,
an electric blanket...

Woody, turn that down. Hello.

Is Bob venerik on this end.

I promised to call you, remember?

Yes, but I hardly thought so soon.

Oh, well, it's 6 hours later in pilsen.

What are you doing tonight, teacher?

Well, I have no particular plans.

Good, because I have. How would
you like to go to Jones's beach?

Why, I didn't know anything
went on there at night.

Well, there's a moon, there's
an ocean, there's me and you.

Something will go on.


Ok, I'll pick you up in two minutes exactly.

Who was that?

Oh, just a young refugee I met at school.

He's coming to take me out.

Aren't you going to change?

What for? What for?

You want to look nice for
your date, don't you?

How proud we are. How fond to show our
clothes and call them rich and new,

when the poor sheep and silkworms
wore that very clothing long before.

Isaac watts, 1750.

I know a quotation too.

You can't catch flies with vinegar.

You make it sound like
I've designs on Mr. Venerik.

Why shouldn't you? Unless there's
something wrong with him.

Mr. Venerik is very nice.

But his interest in me
is purely intellectual.

That's because you haven't given him
anything else to be interested in.

Maybe I will change.

Don't give him any
mother-talk while I'm gone.

Why? What do you mean?

You know, how popular I am

and how all the boys
are crazy to take me out.

How it's the first time
in months I've been home.

You needn't worry.
I always try to be truthful.

I'm sorry, our time is up.

None of our contestants answered
the question correctly.

But listen in again next week,
when the prizes will be doubled.

Two mink coats, two washing
machines, two trips to Hawaii.

Good evening. You must be Mrs. Wilson, eh?

And you must be Mr. Venerik.

Come in, won't you please?

This is my son, Woody.

Hello, Woody. Hi.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

Woody, don't you know it isn't polite
to read when there's company present?

Ruth said you're her pupil.

Yes. She is teaching me to become a citizen.


She's got plenty to learn herself.

You don't look like the guy who'll teach her.

- Woody.
- Funny boy.



Well, hello, teacher.

I'm so glad you're taking
Ruth out, Mr. Venerik.

This is the first night in months she
hasn't sat home with a good book.

It's been a pleasure, Mrs. Wilson.

Thank you, Mr. Venerik. Good night.

Have a good time.

I'm betting 9 to 5 against it.

Good night, darling boy.

What's the idea?

Oh, excuse please. Just a
pilsen gesture from affection.

You're a darling boy.

Darling boy.

You know? Ruth may have a
better time than I thought.

♪ All the boys are in a whirl every time
they see the girl from Jones beach ♪

♪ She's the kind of a girl who
would fit into anybody's scheme ♪

Well, we have eaten and we have danced.

Teacher, what for you like to do now?

What for you like to do now?

Isn't that Greek phrasing?

Well, I have an aunt.

My father's sister. She
run away with a Greek.

You would like to walk or sits?

Let's sits and listen to the ocean.

Well, I'm listening.

Roll on, thou deep and dark blue ocean, roll,

10,000 fleets sweep over thee in vain.

Man marks the earth with ruin.

His control stops with the shore.

Lord Byron wrote that in 1818.

1818. Well, he should know
better by this time.

In pilsen, that's how a gentleman pays
his respects to a beautiful lady.

How sweet.

In Budapest like this.

And further west in Vienna.

And then stop before you get to Paris.

Ok. So I listen.

That couldn't be the waves.

I love to eavesdrop.

Now, Charlie, now, Charlie, stop.

To me stop is a traffic signal, that's all.

Honestly, Charlie. I'm afraid I'm
going to have to slap your face.

Go right ahead, Sylvia.

To me a slap in the face
is an after-shave lotion.

It gives me a tingle.

Honestly, Charlie. I don't know
what I'm going to do with you.

After all, you know, this is actually
only our first real date together.

What would you think of a girl who let
a fella kiss her on a first date?

Listen, when I'm kissing, I'm not thinking.

Last one in the pool is a
lettuce and tomato sandwich.

My, but he's the self-confident type.

Brrr. Just to think of them swimming in
this night air gives me the shivers.

- Sylvia, I mean, teacher...
- Yes?

What is your opinion
from love at first sight?

Let me think.

Who was it who said...

Oh, yes, Christopher Marlowe
in hero and Leander.

Whoever loved that loved not at first sight?

Smart boy that Christopher...

But on the other hand, John Clarke
in 1639 wrote, and I quote...

Love not at the first look. Unquote.

That John Clarke. Who asked him?



Me you like?

Do you like me?

I don't understand.

Your speech seems to
wander all over the world.

But your attack is very American.

Well, when in Rome, do like
they do at Jones's beach.

It's a beautiful evening.

Is that your opinion or Shakespeare's?

Mine, all mine.

Speaking from Shakespeare, you're not
the only one that knows quotations.

Remember this...

No sooner met but they looked,

no sooner looked but they loved.

But that isn't all of it.

No sooner loved but they sighed.

No sooner sighed, but they
asked one another the reason.

No sooner knew the reason
but they sought the remedy.

Shakespeare, as you like it.

I don't like it.


Call me Ruth.


Could I say something serious?

Yes, Bob. Please do.

- Ruth...
- We'll go right home and tell mama.

And then we'll go to the printers

and we'll have the engagement printed up.

And after that we'll go look for
a cute little apartment.

Oh, Charlie, I'm so happy. Aren't you?

What could have been in that water?

You were about to say?

I was about to say it's time we
were thinking of getting home.


Please, stop, Sylvia. Please. Sylvia.

Hi, beautiful. Where's your boss?

He's not come down yet.

I'll tell him you're here? No,
thanks, I'll wait. I need the rest.

I've been on a merry-go-round.

I've been going steady with 12 dames at once.

Oh. 13 including Connie.

Say, how come a girl like you isn't married?
Or even engaged?

Well, it's like this.

I'm too intelligent for the men I attract

and not beautiful enough
for men who attract me.

We know a girl with the opposite problem.

She's gorgeous but she'd rather be smart.

Oh, that's no problem.

Good morning, morning.

Good morning. Had a good night?

I did. What's your problem?

Big vitamin man wants
you at a party Saturday night.

Why not? To present the
schoolteacher as the Randolph girl.

I'll need more time for that.

You mean she hasn't fallen for you yet?

If she were the kind who wanted
to be kissed, I could handle her.

But what do you do with a girl who
wants to be admired intellectually?

Never ran across that kind.

Knock on wood.

Come in.

Quiet. Quiet.

Now girls, there's no reason
why you can't all be friends.

We are now. But what happened?

Oh, there's something I forgot to tell you.

I lost your address book.

You and your gold bracelets.

Let's go. Go where?

We're walking out on you.

You can't do that. Without me
you're just disconnected parts.

I put you together.

There are other guys who'd
like to have the same job.

If you dare use my feet without permission,

I'll sue you from the ankles up.

And my knees too.

And don't dare paint my...

Vickie, please. There's a gentleman present.

All right, girls. Let's go.

And don't forget your gold bracelets.

Dance, teacher? But this is a samba.

Ah, 1-2-kick, 1-2-kick, it's nothing to it.

Where did you learn how to samba?

Czechoslovakia, naturally.

But that's a dance south of the equator.

Well, look.

Hey, watch where you're going, bub.

I'm sorry.

Ok, I'm sorry I'm losing by me the temper.

That was strange. What?

You spoke without an accent.

Yes, is strange. When I'm losing my temper,

I'm losing mine accent.
How could that be? Could a...

The music has stopped playing.

Well, the music is in my heart.

Good evening, boss.

Good evening.

Good evening?

Why, Mr. Randolph, I'm afraid
you've had one too many.

Mr. Randolph?

Yes. Well, no. But...

It's been nice knowing you.

Teacher, Ruth.

You can drop that accent.

I'm an idiot not to have caught on.

All right, Ruth. Is that better?

I don't know why you went through this
ridiculous masquerade, Mr. Randolph.

It is Randolph, isn't it?

Yes. Robert Randolph.

When I think, Robert Randolph, the artist?


The glamor girl artist?


Really, Mr. Randolph. I don't understand.

Well, if you'll sit down,
I'll explain it to you.

No. Across the table.

Yes, teacher. Ruth...

Miss Wilson, if you don't mind.

Miss Wilson, I mean, miss Wilson.

It's tough leading a double language.

Miss Wilson, this is the approximate truth.

I was visiting your
school to give an art lecture.

And I saw you, a schoolteacher, someone who
could give me intellectual companionship.

The idea intrigued me.

Really? How interesting.

One glance told me that, you weren't
the kind of girl I could walk up to,

and say, my name is Robert Randolph,

what are you doing for dinner tonight?

So I investigated, found out
about your class and enrolled.

That's all there is to it.

You mean you saw me once and
went through all this trouble?

Trouble? I would've gone
through fire and water.

Night school was a cinch.

But why? Even my mother doesn't
think I'm a raving beauty.

Beauty? A drug on the market.

I could look at you and tell
at once you had a beautiful...


- Mind.
- A beautiful mind.

Oh. But how can you tell?

Oh, why, it's simple.
I'm looking at you now and...

Do you know what I see?

My beautiful mind?

Yes. I could look at it all day long.

♪ Because I only have eyes for you... ♪

You're a very unusual man.

Why? Because I prefer a well-rounded
thought to a well-turned calf?

Oh, that's very admirable.

Don't you think that there are times
for thoughts and times for calves?

Oh, I have friends who feel that way,

but I find the entire
idea revolting, don't you?


You haven't told me whether you
forgive me for posing as Mr. Venerik.

Yes, I do. Bob, I'd like to go home now.
I have a terrible headache.

Oh, I can understand that,
with all the thinking you do.

Thank you very much Mr. Venerik...
Randolph, I mean, Bob.

Your check?

No, me no Czech. Me 100% American.


It's dark in here. You'd better be careful.

Well, good night, Bob, and thank you.

Good night and thank you for
a very stimulating evening.

Yes. It's done wonders for my I.Q.

If I knew you better, I'd kiss you.

Well, if you'd kiss me, you
might get to know me better.

It is good to rub and Polish your
mind against the mind of others.

Michel de Montaigne, 1580.

One pulse of passion,
youth's first fiery glow,

are worth the brooded proverbs of a sage.

Oscar Wilde, 1885.

Robert Randolph, 1949.

Is that you, Ruth?

Yes, mother.

Did you have a nice time?

Very nice.

Is anything wrong, honey?

Oh, mother.

Oh, what is it, baby?

What happened?

Nothing. Mr. Randolph loves me.

Well, for goodness sake, is
that anything to cry about?

No. But Mr. Randolph loves me for my brain.

7, 8. That's only 8.

What happened to the other 4?

I didn't have any more room, so I thought...

Oh, I get it. It's all right, it's all right.

Mr. Donovan? Eh?

You're wanted on the telephone.

Oh, that must be Bob. Excuse me, honey.

Well, hello. Well, hi.

I wanted to ask you, how charming you look.

Thank you. I had something on my mind.
My mind.

Where's the Randolph girl?

Oh, now don't you worry, Mr. Evergood.

I promised you Charles
Patrick would've her here.

And he won't go back on my word.

Hello, Bob. Where are you?

That doesn't matter. We're
not coming to the party.

Well, how soon aren't you coming?

What did you say?

I'm calling the whole deal off.
I'm in love with her.

What's that got to do with it?
You asked her to model?

No, I didn't want to break the spell.

I'll discuss it after we're married.

But-but this can't wait.

Now look, you've got to choose right now

between losing $100,000 or getting married.

Should've given him another choice.

Well, what's the matter. Aren't they coming?

He decided to marry her first, the coward.

What are you going to do? I'm
seriously contemplating suicide.

I mean outside of that.

You don't think I have the nerve
to go through with it, do you?

If I had a gun, I'd play Russian roulette...

If I was a Russian.

Why go to all that trouble? Here.

One of these sleeping pills puts me to sleep.

You think I'm bluffing.

That's right.

What would you give if I took all of them?

What do you usually get?

Here, go ahead. Mix me a glass of hemlock.

Not so much.

I don't want to go too fast.

Well, I might as well be dead

after what's going to happen
to my reputation tonight.


People who talk about it, never do it.

Go ahead. Make jokes.

But after I'm gone, you'll be sorry.

That's life.

Well, this is it.

Well, what you waiting for?

I wish I had a chaser.

I knew you'd back out.

You knew I would back out?

Think I'm afraid? I, I told
you that at any time, I...

I, I, that's...

I did it.

I did it.

It was the only way out, Chuck.

But, but I...

I'm getting weak.

Move closer to me, Connie.

We could have been happy together.

But I guess it just wasn't in the cards.

I guess not.

Promise me you won't cry for me, Connie.

I promise.

I'm slipping fast.

Goodbye, Connie. Bye.


Give me more light.

That does it.

- I...
- Come off it now, you're not dying.

Who knows better whether
I'm dying, you or me?

I do. All you swallowed
was a glass of champagne.


I switched the drinks on you.

Of all the dirty tricks I ever...

And I was thinking all the...


If you, if you gave me the wrong drink,

then somebody else has the right one.

I never thought of that.

It's poisoned.

Lovely party. What did you say?

Lovely party.

Oh, yes. Sure is.

I think that, pardon me, I...

Here we go again. This time, a toast.

There's another one.

Honey, I'm sure we got them all this time.

What's going on here?

Quick, get him a drink.

Thank you.

The Randolph girl.

Care to join me in a drink?



A fine stunt you pulled last night.

I'm sorry. You know how it is.

Love before business.

No, how is it?

All I know is my career's ruined.

Why, what happened?

Those 12 spare parts of yours turned up

at that party last night and announced
they were the Randolph girl.

Imagine what a spot that put me
on with evergood and Townsend.

What did you do?

What could I do? I killed myself.


Hello. Bob?

Hey, I was just thinking of you.

Were you?

I want to tell you something.

I have something to tell too.

Can you meet me at Jones beach?

Of course.

See you there at the east
bathhouse in an hour.


In case you missed anything,
I'm invited to a surprise party.

What will you say when you see
her in a bathing suit?

I'll tell her I love her.

Even if she is beautiful.

Oh. I'll be running along.

Mind if I use your telephone first?

Go ahead. This time you can
have it all to yourself.


Connie. Did I wake you?

No, I'm still asleep.

I'm glad you're so sharp this morning.

There's something I want you to do.

For instance, what?

- Eh.
- Eh.

♪ All the boys are in a whirl ♪

♪ Every time they see the girl ♪

♪ From Jones beach ♪

♪ She's the kind of a girl ♪

♪ Who would fit into anybody's scheme ♪

Suppose you do get her picture
in all the papers, so what?

That will prove to Mr. Townsend
that there is one,

and only one, Randolph girl.

Hey, here she comes now.


I've been thinking about
what you said last night.

And before we go any further,

there is something you ought to know.


Hold that.

Ruth. Ruth.

Did you arrange this?

I thought it'd be a good idea...

Well, it wasn't.

2 cents I throw myself in the ocean.

Come on, spendthrift.

It's outrageous. In my 25
years on the school board,

this is the first time one of our teachers

has achieved such notoriety.

Miss shoemaker, let me explain

how it happened.

It's too late now. The damage is done.

What damage? Many people have
their pictures in the paper.

Yes, but I'm afraid,
not in a costume like that.

Miss Wilson, we shall have
to ask for your resignation.

On what grounds?

Our lawyer can best answer that.

Conduct unbecoming a
member of your profession.

Oh, this is a lot of nonsense.

I will not resign.

In that case, we shall have to dismiss you.

Go ahead. Fire me.

You might as well get used to this publicity.

Because there will be a lot more of it.

This is the modest apartment
house in long island

where miss Ruth Wilson,

the stormy petrel of the
teaching profession, resides.

Tomorrow morning in judge Bullfinch's court,

miss Wilson tests her
civil right to teach school,

even though she looks beautiful
in a bathing suit.

Miss Wilson, will you make a statement?

I hope to win the right to
continue teaching. Thank you.

Lots of luck, Ruth.

I know you have the good wishes
of every pupil in America.

Young man, do you have anything
to say on behalf of your sister?

Well, I always thought my sister
was pretty much a square.

But after those pictures of her,

I can see square is the wrong word.

You see what you've done?

It's a million bucks worth of publicity.

Yeah, bad publicity.

She'll lose her case and lose her job.

In a matter of time she'll lose me.

Hey, unless she wins her case.

Come on. A light went on in my head.

Turn off the light.

We haven't seen bugs bunny yet. Come on.

The question before this court today

is the fitness of my client,
miss Ruth Wilson,

to teach school in this community.

The school board has dismissed
her from her job

due to a number of newspaper
photographs taken at Jones beach.

We claim there is nothing
immodest about these pictures.

And to prove our contention,

I should like to introduce into the evidence

the bathing suit that miss
Wilson was wearing at the time.

This is exhibit a.

Our objection isn't to the suit,
but to miss Wilson in it.

Your honor, the cut and style of this
model certainly have some bearing.

Legally an unfilled bathing suit
is like an empty bottle.

There is no telling what was in it.

Ruled out.

Call the next witness.

Mr. Robert Randolph.

Why is he a witness?

He insists on testifying for you.

Then I'm sure to lose.

Mr. Randolph, you are an expert
on feminine beauty, aren't you?

No more so than any other man,
except, I get paid for it.

What's your opinion of the bathing suit

that miss Wilson was wearing
when she was photographed?


Any reason why a schoolteacher shouldn't wear

the same kind of suit?

I don't believe that schoolteachers

are different from other people.

Although some of them think they are.

Can you see why the school board

should object to my client
wearing such a costume?

No. Except that there have always been people

who've resisted the advance...

Well, rather I should say

the retreat of the bathing suit.

With your permission, I'd like
to demonstrate that point.

How? By showing movies of bathing
suits throughout the years.

This is a courtroom, not a theater.

Yes, but your honor, only by showing

these beautiful girls in their
beautiful bathing suits

can I demonstrate this point.

Permission granted.

All right, Chuck.

Could you close those blinds, please?

What's he doing that for?

Hasn't he done enough damage already?

My dear, this may help our case.

I don't want his help.

Help refused is hindrance sought and found.

Robert Browning, 1884.

You're looking at the French riviera.

Last year.

This year's styles were frankly
too hot to put on celluloid.

In the future, Mr. Donovan,

a whistle of that nature will cost you $5.00.


Perhaps we ought to make it $10?

It may be worth 5.

Your honor, is there any law

against a slight smacking of the lips?

I think not. And please don't distract
my attention from the screen.

I don't want to miss any of the exhibits.

Your honor, I protest. He's
trying to influence the court.

Objection overruled. Sit down.

You're blocking the screen.

Was your father an iceberg?

I ask to compare these
suits with that of miss Wilson.

Yet undoubtedly, there were
French schoolteachers

included in the group on the screen.

Here we are now in Atlantic city.


Now these suits seem
harmless enough, don't they?

Compared with present French style.

Yet they were banned in rye,
New York and Dover, New Jersey.

It is now 1910.

The one-piece bathing suit
started a minor revolution.

Women were shocked.

Men took a long view of the situation.

And now we come to the
early days of the new century.

Take a look at those costumes.

Anything there to object to?

Yet even this period had its bluenoses.

See those policemen coming on the scene?

Well, they are coming to arrest
these overdressed young women...

For indecent exposure.

Why, that's Emma.

Emma shoemaker.

It isn't, it is not.

Yes, it is. Emma shoemaker.

Silence. Silence in the courtroom.

Turn that contraption off.

Now, who was responsible for that outburst?

Better fess up now,
or the penalty will be double.

Who shouted in the courtroom?

Your honor, it was you.

What on earth are you talking? Oh...

Come to think of it, it was me.

And that was Emma shoemaker up on the screen

hitting that policeman on the head.

It, it wasn't, it couldn't
have been. I'm not that old.

Yes, you are, Emmy.

That's the most dishonorable
thing I ever heard.

Emmy, are you forgetting that I
was your lawyer on that case?

No. I'm not forgetting.

I'm not forgetting that my father thought

you were a terrible lawyer,
and wouldn't let me marry you.

You know it was my mother

who wouldn't let me marry you.

A girl who wore such a
shocking costume on the beach.

Emmy, what are you doing for dinner tonight?

I'd love to, Johnny.


Silence in the courtroom.

Proceed with the case.

Now that you've seen the kind of beachwear

people opposed in the past,

I should like to reintroduce

the bathing suit worn by my client.

I have already ruled on that.
I know, your honor.

But this time, I think we can
overcome your objection.

Exhibit a.

Mark that exhibit double a.

You got two tens for a twenty?

Unless we have order,
I'll clear the courtroom.

You don't want to be in the
lobby at a time like this.

Your honor,

is there anything improper
about this bathing suit?

Oh, no, no. It's very proper. And fitting.

Your honor, I realize that a bathing suit

belongs on a beach, not in a courtroom.

But I was merely trying to prove

that a schoolteacher
belongs in a bathing suit

just as much as any other girl.

It took me a long time to discover it.

I don't think a man enjoys putting

his arm around a woman's mind.

We're entitled to our private lives.

And instead of just teaching history,

we should be allowed to make
a little of our own.

Miss Wilson, all I can say is

I wish I'd had a teacher like you.

After a careful examination of the evidence,

the judgment of this court is

that miss Wilson should be reinstated.

And I hereby order the board
to comply with this decision.

Class dismissed.

I mean adjourned.

Hey, let's close that television deal now?

How can you think about money?

It's very easy.

Chuck, do me a favor.

Ask the judge if he'll stick around.

You going to marry Ruth?

If I can get close to her.

Chuck, where are you going?

I'm going to arrange a marriage ceremony.

Oh, you never even asked me.

Oh, we could make it a double wedding.

Maybe we'll get a discount.

Why don't we all go on a honeymoon?

Hey, that's an idea.

You and Ruth in one room,
and Bob and I the other.

Chuck, who are you kidding?