The Freshman (1990) - full transcript

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Over there. Look.

Dwight.

Dwight, don't.
Don't, really.

Hey, asshole!
What are you, nuts?

You can't see the cap?
It's not orange enough?

Get out of these woods!

I got a right to hunt here!
I got a permit!

If the guy's got a permit...

Get out!

Let's go.

That's Dwight Armstrong, my stepfather.



Accent on "step."

He's a lawyer by profession,

but he spends most of his time

as head of the Friends of Fish and Wildlife,

an extremist pro-mammal
group up here in Vermont.

Almost all of its members, male and female,

look just like Dwight.

My real dad died in a motorcycle wreck

when I was 6.
Two years later,

Mom hooked up with
Mr. Personality here.

It has not been a barrel of laughs.

There was a certain poignancy, though,

about today's hunting party.

It was my last evening at home.



Tomorrow I was off to New York

to begin my first year

at New York University film school.

A freshman, that was me.

My farewell dinner

was a typically raucous and hilarious affair

full of warm, good feelings.

There.
That should cover it.

Afterwards, Dwight gave me
$600 in spending money.

Thank you, Dwight.

And extended a hearty handshake.

* New York, New York Big city of dreams *

* And everything in New York
Ain't always what it seems *

* You might get fooled
If you come from out of town *

* But I'm down by law
And I know my way around *

* Too much Too many people *

* Too much *

* Too much *

* Too many people *

* Too much Heh *

* A castle in the sky Is one mile high *

Where's the subway, please?
Downstairs.

That way?
That's right.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

* Miles of people Marching up the avenue *

* Doing what they gotta do Just to get by *

* I'm livin'
In the land of... **

Sorry.

Forget about it.
He's out like a light.

It's the shame of the cities.

Are you all right?
Nothing broken?

Yeah, I'm okay.

That was some nasty spill you took.

I'm okay.
You sure?

How about I help you with those bags?

No, thanks.
I'm fine.

You're a smart kid.

Rule number one:

Don't let anybody touch your bags

unless you know that person

and can verify he's been bonded.

Great. Thanks.

I happen to be bonded,
which is your good fortune.

Get away from me!

Ignore her.

Who's this stranger talking
to me, you're asking yourself.

Well, it's Victor Ray,

general manager of the
Victor Ray Car Service.

You're going to college,
may I hazard a guess?

Yeah. New York University.
Good school.

Thanks. Do you know
where the subway is?

You don't want the subway.
Yes, I do.

Okay. It's over there.

Thanks.

Come on! Let's go!

Here in New York we have three
distinct social classes.

People who make a billion dollars a day

and get laid in Trump Tower every night,

People who live in Times Square,

Guys like me,

guys I like to call the glue of society.

We go, all hell's going to break loose.

You're talking about rich against poor.

We're right on the
brink here. It's seething.

Now, you come with your Uncle Vic.

For $65, you get
an air-conditioned ride

and total peace of mind.

I can't afford that.

That's the new rate.

I'll take you for the old rate of 50.

No. It's out of my league.

How much can you go for?

Go for?
I don't know.

Let's say 40, which is almost charity.

It's impossible.
Ten dollars I can manage.

Ten dollars? For complete
delivery and security

in a mint-condition
Bonneville?

Hey, I got to eat, too.
I can't do better.

It's okay. I'll walk
or take a bus.

All right. Ten bucks.
I'll take you for 10 bucks,

but on one condition.

Promise you don't tell anybody
I took you for 10.

Word gets out, I'm finished.

I won't tell a soul.

Okay. Follow me.

I'm parked down the street
in a reserved spot.

Let's go. Come on.

Watch out! Watch out!

Watch out.
Suicide attempt, right?

It's bigger than I had imagined.

That's true of so many things in Manhattan.

The other boroughs, too.
Don't get me wrong.

There's tremendous things in Queens.

Go to the trunk.

It opens electronically from the inside.

And make sure you take everything.

You'd be surprised how many people...

Wait! Stop!

Stop the car! Stop!

Stop!

Stop the car, please!

I had been in New York
for 19 minutes and 11 seconds,

and I was already ruined.

Action.

The roommate enters.

Come on in.

Come on.
Don't be afraid.

That's it.
Come right in.

I'm holding you in a medium shot.

Lovely shot.
Very cinematic.

Listen, my name is Clark Ke...

Little confused.

I like it. It sells.

You think in front of a camera.

I like that in my actors.

I'm moving in now.

Hi. Is this
the right room?

Cut.

That's a wrap.
Check it, kids.

Kellogg?
Yeah. You're...

Steve Bushak.
How do you do?

Really nice to meet you.

I guess I should go to the police now.

Clark, Kojak is a fictional character.

No?
Don't involve the police.

So I'm just a victim.

Clark, everybody in this city is a victim.

Welcome to New York.

Well...

I'm deeply moved.

Sir, I understand
your position. I'm just...

You cannot function in Introduction to Film

without owning
Fleeber's Viewpoints in Cinema

and Selected Readings
in Cinema by... Fleeber.

I know those are your books,
and I want to buy...

They're not to be thought of as my books.

They are essential reading

as are the dozen other books you must own

which will cost upwards of $700.

* Off we're gonna shuffle *

* Shuffle off to Buffalo *

* To Niagara in the sleeper *

* There's no honeymoon That's cheaper *

* And the wheels go slow *

* *

* Off we're gonna shuffle *

* Shuffle off to Buffalo *

* Wha-wha-wha **

I'm doing a paper entitled
"And the Wheels Go Slow:

Form and Function
in Forty-Second Street."

That would be a very interesting idea.

Take a musical like that...

I suggest you call your family for money.

No, that won't work.
My stepfather won't help...

This is out of Dickens.

You're robbed by a street urchin,

you have a wicked stepfather.

I don't know what to say.

I'm just trying to explain
that I can't get books now.

I'm your faculty advisor,
not your caseworker.

I'm only interested in your academic career,

and may I say candidly that you're off

to an extraordinarily unimpressive start.

Well, I'm sorry,

but being new to New York and...

Kellogg?

Excuse me...

I have to leave now.

Kellogg.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

Excuse me.

Hey. Hey.

Hey!

Hey, wait up!

Stop him! Wait!

Watch it.

I want my money and my stuff now!

My money and my clothes, or I call the cops.

I know who you are.
Enough with this crap!

Where's my stuff?

Upstairs. Give me a hand
with the wagon, would you?

You must be joking.

Hey, the party's over.

I victimized you in a moment of weakness,

and now justice is done.
So give me a hand.

You have my money?

Do you hear me?

Watch your step, kid.
The floors are wet.

If you don't give me
the money immediately...

I would love nothing
more than to do just that.

However, here we run into an awkward moment.

Tragically,

I suffer from a gambling problem.

I placed a wager on a horse.

You lost my money
on a horse? All of it?

In retrospect, I'm not sure it
actually was a horse.

God. God.

Clark, Clark, I swear,

it was a responsible bet.

It was a 4-to-1 shot.
We took a beating.

The good news is I still got
most of your clothes here.

I'm going to the police.

Why are we discussing the police?

You're a college student.
I'm a working man.

This has nothing to do with the police.

Robbery's still a crime
in New York, is it not?

It's not legal.

It depends on the circumstances.

Bullshit.

What if I got you a job?

An unbelievable opportunity.

Yeah.
You're just the guy.

I'm serious.
In fact...

No, no.
Forget about it.

What?
No.

It's irresponsible of me.

So much money.

What is it?

I shouldn't even offer you this job, Clark,

but you put me in such an awkward position,

between my terrible
feelings of guilt towards you

and my family obligations.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm talking about offering you a job

that I promised my sister's kid.

It'd be perfect for a college student.

Flexible hours, big money.

My sister's going to kill me.

She's going to blow my brains out.

What kind of work is it, stealing cars?

Hey, if you're going to be a cynic here...

You expect me to trust you

after you drive away with everything I own?

You don't have to do anything.

I'm just giving you a choice is all.

But if you want to make some serious money,

be at this address
tomorrow afternoon at 2:00.

"120 Hester Street.
Old World Social Club."

Yeah. You'll be working
for my Uncle Carmine.

A great man.

He's the smart one in the family.

Hey, look who's here.

Don't be shy, Clark.
Come right in.

I wasn't sure if this was the place.

You're in the best neighborhood in New York.

Uncle Carmine's waiting for you.

Here we go.

Over there at the desk.
That's him.

He's your uncle?

Yeah.
Do me a favor.

Don't say anything about my gambling,

or I'll catch a beating.

Come va?

Lorenzo, come va?

I said, "how
are you doing?"

"Very well," he says.
Hello there.

Lorenzo, this is my good
friend Clark from Kansas.

Vermont.

"My heart is filled with much happiness

"in meeting you," he says.

God almighty.

I know what you're thinking.
The resemblance, right?

I can't believe it.
He's the real thing.

When they saw him, they based the movie.

So is he like a Mafia guy?

No, no. Local businessman.
Importer. That's it.

What a kisser?
Unbelievable.

Clark, this is my Uncle Carmine Sabatini.

Uncle Carmine, this is Clark...

Hey, you know, you never
told me your last name.

Kellogg.
Kellogg.

Just like the cereal.
Yeah.

Like the breakfast cereal.

Your resemblance to the Godf...

Clark, Clark, have a seat.

Pull up a chair.

Thank you.

How'd you like a nut?

No, thank you.

None for me, Uncle Carmine.

Okay...

Did you ever try Italian coffee?

No.

How would you like to try a little taste?

Yeah. Why not?
Good.

None for me, Uncle Carmine.

Lorenzo...

"Two espressos," he says.

You know, that picture
on the wall back there,

that wouldn't by any chance be Mussolini?

It ain't Tony Bennett.

Some of the older members of the club,

you know, just, I don't know,

they keep it up there for sentiment.

Sentiment?

Yeah, you know, the old days.

For the old days.

For good or for bad.

It'd be like, for you, I suppose,

a picture of the Beatles.

Yeah. The Beatles.

They're actually before my time.

Well, whatever.
You understand.

Sure. It's not
for political reasons

that you keep the picture up.

No. No.
It's not political.

No, it's definitely not political.

My nephew tells me you're from Kansas.

Vermont.

Vermont.
That's...

Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

You know, the most important thing is,

we're all Americans.

That's right.

Yes, that's right.

Good, Lorenzo.
Thank you.

Grazie.

"Thank you," he says.

I know.

Now, this is, real Italian coffee.

It's not like regular coffee.

It's, you know what I mean?

It's a little strong,

so we got to put a little sugar in it.

It cuts the...

It cuts the strength of it, you know,

maybe a little more, that's all.

All right.

Drink it right down.

One gulp.

Salute.
Salute.

Puts hair on your chest.

Now, did,

did my nephew explain this job to you?

No. No, not really.

I thought it would be best
for you to explain it.

This is not complicated work,

but it has to be done just right,

- You know, like all things.
- Sure.

And,
tomorrow at 1 p.m.

Outside the club is going to be parked

a, car...
What was that?

Sedan de Ville.

A Sedan de Ville.

That's a type of Cadillac.

It's a type of Cadillac?

Yeah, this is a type of Cadillac.

Now, I want you to drive this car

to the JFK cargo terminal.

There you're going to pick up a package

addressed to Larry London.

You deliver this package
to Cherry Hill, New Jersey.

That's it.

How far is that?
Like, an all-day trip?

Nah. That shouldn't take you
more than three hours,

the whole trip, back and forth.

- That depends on the traffic.
- You never know.

You could breeze out there in no time,

or you could wind up bumper to bumper

sitting with your dick in your hand.

Anyway, that's why I need
someone who can use their head,

that's not going to get upset,
emotional, nervous,

no matter what happens.
Understand?

Right.
I understand that.

For this service, I'm going to pay you $500.

Five hundred dollars?

Now you see why my sister's so pissed?

I mean angry, besides herself.

You're going to pull in a...

A grand a week at least.

A thousand dollars a week?
Yeah.

I'm going to need two trips a week, minimum.

And then, of course, if things get busy,

then maybe even more.

Jesus, I hadn't thought of that much money.

I don't know.

You don't know what?

Now, wait.
Just hold on.

Let him think.

This is a sign of intelligence.

He's trying to understand

what the nature of this job is.

What are your thoughts on this, Kent?

Clark.
Sorry. Clark.

I have to ask you something.

I don't want you to take it the wrong way.

No, no, no.

Go ahe... Go...
Anything. Go ahead.

I smell a rat.

You smell a rat.

Yeah.

He smells a rat.

That's right.

You know why you smell a rat?

Because God gave you a brain, that's why.

Because you're asking yourself,

"Hey, Clark, what is this?

"A man will pay me $500 a trip

to go pick up a package
and deliver it."

Is this what you're thinking?

That's right.
That's what I'm feeling.

Well, this is natural.
Natural.

Great. So then
you understand.

Sure.
I understand 1,000 percent,

of course.

Give me your hand.

You know what this is?

Do you mean taking my hand?

We call this the hand of friendship.

We?

Clark, you don't know what this is,

the hand of friendship
from my Uncle Carmine.

I want you to take this opportunity.

Totally legitimate work for $1000 a week,

and I know you're not going
to disappoint me.

Well, I don't see how I could say no.

This is not a yes.

I want to hear yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Good.

That's good.
Now I'm happy.

I'm so happy.

But I don't know why I'm so happy.

That's good.
Come on.

Everybody up.

Clark,

I want you to come to my
house in Queens tonight.

He's going to...

Yeah. You can
pick up the keys.

I'll give you directions.

Yeah. You know,

I have such good feelings about you.

I'm absolutely filled with emotion.

I never had a son.

Fifteen years, I never saw him
take to anybody like that.

Never.

Senator,

we're both part of the same hypocrisy.

But never think it applies to my family.

All right. All right.

Some people have to play little games.

You play yours.

So let's just say you'll pay me

because it's in your interest to pay me,

but I want your answer
and the money by noon tomorrow.

And one more thing.

Don't you contact me again ever.

From now on, you deal with Turnbull.

Open that door, son.

Senator.

You can have my answer now if you like.

My offer is this:

Nothing,

not even the fee for the gaming license

which I would appreciate

if you would put up personally.

"Senator,

"my offer is this:

Nothing."

In that one moment,

Michael Corleone says that
all corruption is equal,

that there is no separation

between politics and gangsterism.

Now, in the Fleeber treatise
Guns and Provolone,

what point is made about the similarities

between Karl Marx's Das Kapital,

Immanuel Kant's Critique of Pure Reason,

and the Lake Tahoe scene from Godfather II?

Mr. Kellogg.

Sir.

You haven't read the Fleeber piece?

Well...

You need tutorial help
from Mr. Bushak?

No, sir.

Perhaps Mr. Bushak
would enjoy

helping you prepare
a five-page answer

which I want on my desk by noon tomorrow.

Mr. Glassman.

In an evolving society,

violence and narcissism replace ra...

Shut up!

I hate this guy.

You're Clark.

Yes, I'm Clark.

I'm Tina, Carmine Sabatini's only daughter.

I didn't know that he had
a daughter... only.

He does. I'm her.

Come on in.

Thanks.

This is quite a house.

It's very European.

Can I get you something to drink?

Beer? Sprite?

No, thanks.

Jesus, look at that.

Wow. What a job they did.

Job?

Copying job. Yeah.

Down to the little cracks and everything.

This isn't a copy.
This is it.

Right.
I'm very serious.

This has to be a copy, okay?

Do you remember about 10 years ago,

the original toured the country?

It did?

They brought it over from the Louvre.

Who?

I don't know who. "They."

It was in the United States is my point.

And?

And it stayed here.

The one they shipped back to Paris,

the one behind all that thick glass

that all the tourists take the pictures of,

that's the copy.

My dad thought it was just awful,

such a masterpiece
behind all that thick glass.

And he had such a special feeling for it

his whole life.

Sort of an obsession, really.

So he ripped off the Mona Lisa?

The day it arrived here,

I was, like, 9. Heh.

My dad unwrapped it out of this huge crate.

There was Styrofoam
and newspaper everywhere.

And suddenly...

there it was.

And he turned to me.

I'll never forget this.

And he said,

"Now I'm happy, sugar."

"Now I got the Mona Lisa."

And it's safe here in Queens?

Clark.

Heh-heh.

People don't steal things from my father.

They don't?
No.

* Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa *

* Men have named you *

You want to dance?

Here?

Here.

It's kind of hot.

Take your sweater off.

* For that Mona Lisa Strangeness *

* In your smile *

* Do you smile To tempt a lover *

* Mona Lisa *

* Or is this your way *

* To hide a broken heart *

* Many dreams *

* Have been brought To your doorstep **

So, my dad tells me you're from Nebraska.

Vermont.

So what do you think of New York?

I stopped thinking 24 hours ago.

I'm going on pure instinct.

Well, that's what you're
supposed to do in New York.

Is your father in the house now?

No.

He's, in the Bronx at some meeting.

Aunt Angelina.

My head's killing me.

I got to go to bed.

Aunt Angelina, this is Clark.

Remember Dad mentioned?
Who?

Clark, the boy who's working for Dad.

I'm going to bed, watch the Jeopardy.

You come up, Tina?

After Clark leaves.

Good night, Aunt Angelina.

Yeah, yeah. Night.

Dad's sister.

She moved in when
my mother died. I was 4.

I was 6.

Your mom?

No, my dad.

But it's never the same.

No, but what can you do?

Nothing.

Nothing.

I'll get you the keys to the car.

I'm a sophomore at the College
of the Sacred Virgin.

Don't laugh. Next year
I'm switching to Harvard.

Harvard?

Jesus, that's really something.

I didn't even bother applying there

with my grades in high school.

Not that they were terrible.

My grades are nothing special.

About a B minus.

So how did you get in?

Your boards must have been monsters.

It's Dad.

He called Harvard and said I wanted to go,

and they said,
"Sure."

Wait a minute.

Are we talking about the same Harvard,

it's one that's in Cambridge, Massachusetts?

Of course.

Harvard needs my dad, you know.

If they don't want strikes by the janitors,

or if they want the laundry
done and the gardening.

All those great old trees and lawns.

But he's an importer.

Right?

It's great meeting you, Clark.

A guy from Vermont,

real American, New Englandy.

Hold on.

He's an importer.
Just tell me.

He's an importer, yes.

An extremely powerful importer.
There are such people.

So, what is it?
What is what?

What is it that
I'm picking up at the airport?

It's pretty big.

Bring someone to help you out.

But what is it?

If Dad didn't tell you, I can't really.

It's not going to be

like a dead guy in a box
or something, is it?

Clark.

What an imagination.

You're so unbelievably cute.

I can't wait to see you again.

I could just eat you up.

Good luck tomorrow.

You boys need me?

Are you Leo?

I am Big Leo.

It just says Leo.

Leo and Big Leo.

You're synonymous.

That's right.

Okay, fellas.
Come with me.

You don't bring it out?

No. Not this I don't.

"Not this I don't."

Remember those words.

Not very encouraging.

Here it is.

All yours.

It arrived this morning
on the red-eye from Borneo.

I'm gonna puke my guts out.

What is it?

A lizard.

That thing is a lizard?
Yeah.

They call it the Komodo dragon.

Makes its home in Indonesia,

Sumatra, Komodo Island, in point of fact.

By the way,
tell Mr. Sabatini

this cost him an extra
eight bills to get through.

Excuse me?
Just tell him.

He'll understand.
It'll be all right.

Sign here by the X,
"recipient."

That's me.

That's you.
You're the recipient.

Put him in the back seat
with the windows open.

They got to have a lot of fresh
air. The gills or something.

He doesn't have any gills.

Whatever.

That's what I was told.
Fresh air.

And make sure you get a seat belt on him.

If he jumps on you...

You got major troubles.

Majortroubles.

Down, boy.

It's not a dog.
It's a...

Yeah, okay.
You know what?

We got to pick him up.

Pick him up.
Yeah.

With what?

With our hands. Here.

It's not that bad, you know?

I agreed to help. I'm not gonna
put my life in danger...

You gotta help me out here.

I'm sorry, but I refuse to handle it.

He's going under the truck.

All right.

Here, get the door.

I can't. You locked it,
remember, genius?

Right. Okay...

Will you take him?
What?

Just take him for a second.

You're the recipient.

Hurry.
If he stains my suit,

I'm going to be pissed.

Could you take any longer with this?

Okay. All right.

Okay...

All right.

Okay, now, you go around

and get in the other side.

Major trouble.

Okay.

Okay...

We gotta put the seat belt on him.

You're joking.
No, I am not joking.

This is obviously precious
cargo, this freaking thing.

Hey, come on.

What seat belt?

Put him in this one.

Okay. Got it.
Seat belt.

Get this under his armpit.

What armpit?

This is a lizard armpit.

Put it right in.

Thatlizard armpit.
I see. I didn't realize.

You know...

I think he's okay.

Let's go.

Okay.

Happy as a clam.
Okay.

I'm dying. Close the window.
Turn on the air conditioner.

He said leave them open.

Who, Haystack Calhoun?

What is he, a zoologist?

I'll take full responsibility.

All right.

I told you he'd throw up.

God!

My apologies. I got to open
the window. The stench!

It's murder.

You feeling better now?

Tummy ache all gone?

God, it stinks in here.

I can't stand it.
We gotta wash it out.

Pull over to the gas station.

All right.

Excuse me. Hello?

I need some water, a hose.

Yeah, around the corner.
Help yourself.

Thanks.

It's this way.
It's around the back.

Clark?

He went under a car.

You go that way.

Will the owner of the reptile

please report to the information booth.

Will the owner of the reptile...

My God.

What if I can't find him?

Look. Leave the country.
Five, 10 years, you come back.

You're kidding.
I'm serious!

Security to Concourse B.

Security to Concourse B immediately.

Okay. Go.

Will the owner of the reptile
please report to information.

Slowly.

I'm losing him.

Okay. Okay.

Ouch.

Hey. Hold it. Yes.

I'm...
I'm really afraid now.

Mr. London?

Edward?

Look!

It's here.

Finally.

Are you Edward?

I am.

What a beautiful specimen.

Has this bad boy been swimming?

Gee. We wouldn't know.

We came right from the airport.

They just love swimming pools.

But... chlorine.

I told him he is very disobedient dragon.

For joke.

It's a good joke.
It's very unusual.

Well, without humor, what do we have?

Beautiful, yes?

This is like a zoo?

This is like a zoo.

Wow.

Can you believe this?

So, what do you, like exhibit rare animals?

On occasion.

Who are these boys?

Carmine said one boy.

Here are two.

Young men,
this is Mr. Larry London.

Mr. London,
I'm Clark Kellogg.

Carmine said one boy.

Here are two.

Well, I realize that, sir.

Yes, we are two boys,

as you quite rightly point out.

However, since I'm somewhat new to the area,

and, this parcel, this particular parcel

was quite bulky.

So at the suggestion of Tina...

Die schone Tina.

The beautiful Tina.

Die schone Tina**

Yes, the beautiful Tina.

Again, sir, if there was
any misunderstanding,

I certainly apologize.
Carmine said one boy

and here are two.
Heh-heh-heh.

You gotta like this guy.

Smells like basil.

Very good.

A cream basil sauce.

So you're actually a chef.

I wasn't clear what you did.

And now you'll get your money.

The money...

The money is conveyed

in a brown paper bag.

Not very attractive, I know.

That's fine, sir.
No problem.

If it is in your nature to count it,

I will not be offended.

That won't be necessary.

I certainly trust you
and Mr. Sabatini.

That means "My heart
swims in blood."

Yeah.

I believe that's a Bengal tiger,

ladies and gentlemen.

Something is way off.
Way off.

How are you, darling?

How's New York?

Well, I miss you too, like crazy,

at the risk of sounding like,
you know, a mother.

No, he's asleep,
thank God. Why?

Well, the thing is, I got this job.

Will you listen?

New York is unbelievably expensive.

I had to.

Well, mostly involved driving,

and,

picking up this reptile.

What kind of a reptile?
Clark, I don't...

It's a Komodo dragon.

Who? Komodo d-dragon?

You never heard...

No, I never heard of it.

Would you mind looking it up?

What?

Komodo.
Is that with a "K"?

Right.

"Koalamundi...

"Kodiak...

Komodo dragon."
Here we go.

"Latin name is varanus komodoensis.

"Main prey are deer and wild pig.

"There are seven dragons

in zoos outside Indonesia."

My God.
What?

Clark!
What?

"Chances for survival
are considered hopeless."

Clark, it's an endangered species.

My God.

Are you sure about this, Ma?

There's a red asterisk next to it,

which means virtually extinct.

Clark, what is this job?

- Ma, never mind.
- I'll quit...

The Komodo dragon.

No, don't worry.

Obviously, I didn't know.

That's him.

You sure?

Absolutely.

That's Dwight Armstrong's stepson.

Unbelievable.

Buon giorno.

Buon giorno.

Is Mr. Sabatini here?

Yes. Come in.

Thank you.

Charlie, wait a minute.
Grazie.

General Motors went down 10 points,

and you didn't call me?

What about Polaroid?

It went down?

Down one.

Hey, Charlie.

Charlie, I told you before.

I don't like it when they go down.

You know, I used to have another broker,

and he bought stocks for me,
and they went down,

and I got very unpleasant, Charlie.

Very unpleasant.

So, wait a minute...
That's right.

That's right. So the next
time you call me,

I want to hear good news.

Right?
That's only good news.

I must be getting soft.

I don't know...
Business.

You know, the business in this country

is run by children.

It's not men.

It's...
Anyway. Forget it.

How about a nice espresso?

No, thank you.

Sir, I have to talk to you.

You know, I'm going to tell you something.

Just before Larry London called me,

he starts talking about you.

He couldn't stop talking, talking, talking.

You know, went on and on.

Seems like a very interesting man.

I heard you had a little adventure

in the mall there.

You did?

Of course.

So, all right, Clark.
What's on your mind?

I have to talk to you.

It's about these...
Thank you.

It's about these animals, these reptiles.

Yeah. What about them?

They're endangered.

Not anymore.

They're in Jersey.
They'll do fine.

No, no.
It's against the law

to take them into this country.

It's a crime.

Now you're speaking generalities.

You assured me my work here
was completely legitimate.

What are you talking about?
It's perfectly legitimate.

No, it's not.

I'm illegally transporting
endangered species.

Please, sir,

I'd like to be let out.

Wait a minute.

This is an impossibility.

What do you mean? Why...
Look, Clark,

I have a certain standing
in the business community.

Now, how's it going to look?

Some college kid going
to make me look like a fool?

I mean, this is humiliation.

It's infamia.

You know what people
are going to start saying?

What's wrong with him?

You understand what I'm talking about?

I would never tell a soul.

I mean, it wouldn't leave this club.

Wait a minute.
I only mean that...

Are you trying to hurt my feelings?

No!

No, no, no.
That's not the issue.

Listen, I'm going to tell you something

from my heart.

You're a great boy.
You are one-of-a-kind.

Thank you.
No, really.

The kind of kids I had working for me...

The mooks, the muscleheads, the...

But you, you're from Connecticut.

It's nothing personal.

It has nothing to do with you.

Well, in any discussion
about our relationship,

we're not going to forget about
the most important thing.

Which is?

You're marrying my daughter.

You should have heard Tina last night.

Clark this, Clark that.

Daddy, daddy.

She wants to get married yesterday,

but you got to wait till spring.

You can't plan these things overnight...

The food, the place, the time of year,

who to invite, who not to
invite. That's important.

You got to figure, well, let's see,

my business associates alone,

must be 2000 people.

And I'm not even talking about the senators,

the congressmen, the judges.

And don't forget the police department.

But you know, love.
Love. Heh-heh.

Love doesn't ask
these questions, am I right?

Yeah. I guess.

Come here.

I want you to come outside.

I got a little surprise for you.

Come on. Come on.

Sir, I don't know where
this talk of marriage began,

but I'm really not ready.

I'd really like
to sample life a little first.

Wait. No, wait.

After you get married, you sample life.

I mean, this is what men do.

Marriage is an institution.

It's the bedrock of society.

What you're talking about
is a little va-voom...

You know, it's...

This is self-understood.

But what I'm talking about is social order.

Try to put yourself in my position.

I wish I could, Clarkie.

You're such a beautiful boy.

You know why I'm so nuts about you?

I don't, no.
I'll tell you.

Because you're not a snake.

You come down here to my club,

you open your heart to me.

You say whatever's on your mind.

That's how I know

you're not going to be a snake.

A snake in the grass.

That's how I know you're
going to be loyal to me

until death.

Until death.

Like a real son.

I don't know.

The son I never had.

Come on.

I got a little engagement present for you.

It's not much, but it's from my heart.

This is for me?

Who's the luckiest guy in the world?

Take it for a little spin.

Go pick up Tina.
She's waiting for you at school.

I...

No, I understand.
I understand.

Sometimes in life

these emotions are beyond...

Beyond words.

Go ahead. Vic.

Hey. Buona fortuna.

College of the Sacred Virgin in Queens.

Let's move it.

He kissed me on the mouth.

You know how big this is?

The kiss of all kisses.

That's the highest!
You're in now for life.

It's like we're brothers.

God bless you and keep you.

Anything goes wrong
with that car, you call me.

We'll get you another one.

You have fun.

Say when.

When.

Screw this.

Turn right.
Turn right! Right!

He's parking?

Hello!

We need an ambulance.

I want this to be the perfect wedding.

- Very traditional...
- Tina.

Old-fashioned...
CLARK: Tina!

Hi, Clark!

Hi. We have to talk.

This is Father Frank
of the music department.

We were just discussing
music for the wedding.

I was thinking of "Ave Maria" for the...

I see.
Would you excuse us?

Of course, and congratulations.

Thank you, Father.

You're hurting my arm.

Well, I'm a little tense.

I was just
in a high-speed car chase.

And?
And? No "and."

Maybe these things are part
of your everyday life,

but not mine.

There are people after me now.

Obviously, I have to get away.

Don't be ridiculous.
It's part of a working day.

It is not part of a working day.

Listen, you made a commitment to my father.

Nobody forced you.

This is beyond commitment.
This is like slavery.

People telling me who to marry!

You don't want to marry me?

I don't want to marry anybody.

Not yet.

So we'll wait.

We don't have to rush
into anything, darling.

As long as you're waiting for me,

and you're part of the family,

which you are now, permanently.

What is with this permanently?

Your father kissed me on the mouth.

Vic tells me I'm in for life.

You are.
I'm not!

It's all a fluke.

I got ripped off by this guy, this Vic,

and I caught up to him.
What?

You think it was an accident

that you, quote,
"Caught up to him."

You were chosen, Clark.

You were hand-picked,

and it is like the greatest honor.

What are you talking about?

My Cousin Vic has always had

great instincts about people.

He saw you where?
Grand Central?

It was all a setup from the beginning?

Setup is so negative.

There are so many levels to this thing.

I just want my life back!

I can't talk to you
when you're so hysterical.

What is the deal, please?

Am I some dupe?

They looked through the Putney Yearbook

and said, "Here's a chump"?

Are you serious?
A dupe?

You think I'd be marrying a dupe?

Everybody's talking
about the job you're doing.

It's all over town.

Larry London called my father.

Said how bright you were,

how gentle,

how perceptive.

If you weren't all those things,

do you think Vic would be out this afternoon

getting you a gun permit?

A gun permit?
I don't need a gun permit!

You have to have one if you carry a gun.

Clark, people are chasing you.

That's quite a story.

Charming.

Well, I can't take it quite so lightly.

No. It has a real
film noir quality.

Smuggling lizards into New Jersey.

I mean, if it was done right...
Black and white,

grainy, sort of a Kiss Me Deadly feeling.

It's not a film idea.
It's my actual life.

Life and art are one and the
same when perceived through...

Clark Kellogg.

Mr. Kellogg,
I'm Chuck Greenwald.

This is Lloyd Simpson.

We're from the Department of Justice,

Fish and Wildlife Division.

We've been trying to reach you.

This is what I've been talking about.

I know nothing about it.

We were simply discussing a film project.

God.
I'm running late.

Excuse me, please.

Mr. Kellogg.

So this is actually a federal office?

We're undercover,
Mr. Kellogg.

Special agents.

Well, I think I better contact a lawyer.

That's your privilege.

You have a lawyer?

My stepfather, I guess.

What?

Your stepfather turned you in.

My stepfather?

How the hell did he know about this?

Mr. Kellogg,

I believe you know a Carmine Sabatini,

also known as Jimmy the Toucan.

Toucan I never heard.
My stepfather? My own...?

Do you know
a Mr. Hans Kurt Schlegel,

alias Larry London?

Well, we've met.

I wouldn't say that I know him...

These men are fiends!
And it's up to you

to stop their unspeakable activities.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Mr. Kellogg, you
ever heard mention of

the Gourmet Club?
No.

Sabatini and Schlegel

established the Gourmet Club
operation in 1985.

It's a movable feast,

never the same location twice.

Dinner is served every three to six months,

depending on the catch.

There are no prices.

The minimum price for eating at this club

is $200,000 per plate.

For dinner?

Not just dinner,
Mr. Kellogg.

The entire menu consists of
endangered species.

They cook these animals?

They cook these animals, yes, sir,

for an international
clientele of degenerates,

scum, Euro-trash.

And people pay $200,000
to eat these animals?

Minimum.

The more endangered the species,

the higher the price tag.

If there are five or less in the world,

the entree goes up to half a million.

For the privilege of eating
the last of a species...

A cool million.

We figure the dragon will go
for about 350 a plate.

It'll be served off the bone

with a cream basil sauce,

that's Schlegel's trademark.

If they fillet it...

Schlegel likes to fillet, we know that.

They can get 60 servings out of one dragon.

That's a $20 million haul.

I don't believe
Mr. Sabatini would do that.

Who do you think he is?
Bishop Tutu?

I don't believe he'd do that.
Believe it!

I want Sabatini before they
serve that poor animal.

Tell us where they're
going to serve it, and when.

You're asking me to be an informer.

Be an informer or you're looking
at two years in Leavenworth.

You'd lock me up for two years?

I sure would,

unless you give us the old man.

Well, I got to think about it.

Mr. Sabatini.

Buona sera, Theresa.

There's a kind of freedom
in being completely screwed

because you know things can't get any worse.

Clark, you can't just split.

Really?
What would you do?

I would probably turn
him in and hate myself.

You could do that?

I don't know.

I'm looking for Clark Kellogg.

Is he in one of these rooms?

He's here.

Come right in.
Yes, he's here.

Buona sera.
Buona sera.

Clark mentioned something,

but I had no idea that the resemblance...

This is Steve Bushak, my roommate.

This is Mr. Sabatini.

I was wondering if,

you could leave us alone?

I want to talk
to my son-in-law.

I... I'd really like to stay.

I'll be quiet as a mouse.
No, no.

If you could leave us alone,

I'd really appreciate it.
Say no more.

I'll get shoes and be on my way.

Could you do that
outside? I have some...

Outside?
I always do that.

Yeah.

It's nothing.
It's nothing.

Go ahead.

Sit down, Clark.

I want to ask you something.

You followed me, didn't you?

Followed you?

Yeah.

A little bit this evening.

You know, Clark,

I know when somebody's following me.

I left the club, and you
were around someplace.

On the street, in a doorway.

Someplace.

Because I feel these things, you know?

Is this true?

Yes.

I had a lot on my mind.

No, no. You don't
have to explain.

This... You know...

Looks like you're ready for bed.

Soon.

Clark, want me to read you a bedtime story?

Sir?

You know, Tina used to love.

Curious George the monkey.

Every night I told her a different story.

Curious George goes there.

Curious George goes there.

Yeah, she knew them all by heart.

I think that my real father
used to read me those.

Who was the guy who,

used to take care of Curious George?

His keeper.

Yeah. You mean the Man
in the Yellow Hat?

The Man With the Yellow Hat.

Jesus.

Is this...
Is this your real dad?

And that's me when I was 3.

I was 6 when he died.

Motorcycle accident.

What kind of business was he in?

He was a poet.

He taught English at the Putney School.

You know any of his poems?

A few of them.

Could you tell me one?

One of his poems?

Yeah.

I mean, just tell me a little short one.

There's one that I like called.

"A Doorway
on Boylston Street."

You know, in Boston?

Okay, well, it's...

It's been a while since I did it out loud.

All right.

There's a certain doorway On Boylston Street.

That I passed by on foot.

Suited and shod, One of many each Tuesday.

Toward lunch With a certain woman.

Regarded each Tuesday.

By the perfect turning gaze.

Of a white Persian Regarding me, lovebound.

Sped by desire.

And returning to The certainty of his fur.

This... was a cat
on the doorway?

Yeah.

"The certainty
of his fur."

You liked it?

I like it very much.

Very much. I like...

I like especially the fact
that you remember his poems.

Well, you know, that's all
I wanted to say really.

And if there's, you know,
anything you have to tell me,

I...

I know that you will.

Yes.

You know, Clark,

you told me before that
you wanted to quit your job,

and if that's what you want, it's all right.

I'm going to miss you,

but...

It's all right.

Now, get a good sleep.

Well, good night.

So this is college.

I didn't miss nothing.

There's a plane waiting for us

to take us to Miami in an hour.

Don't make a big thing about it.

I know it was you, Fredo.

You broke my heart.

You broke my heart.

"It was you, Fredo."

A moment of epiphany.

Michael Corleone kisses his
brother full on the lips,

an astonishing image,

at once suggestive of love,
inversion, power.

And in this world of duplicity
and corruption,

is there anything finally
more important than loyalty?

- No.
- To friends, to family.

What?

And who deserves our loyalty?

Yeah?

Sir, I just need Clark Kellogg for a second.

You just need Clark Kellogg for a second?

And why, may I ask, is it so urgent?

I'm Carmine Sabatini's daughter Tina.

Jimmy the Toucan?

Nobody really calls him that.
Clark?

Just one second, I swear.

Up, up, Mr. Kellogg.

I'll be right back.

No hurry, Mr. Kellogg.

I'm really quite impressed.

Jimmy the Toucan?

Yes, he's quite a remarkable person.

Yes, I'm sure he is.

Can I meet him?

I'd say that's a long shot.

My father thinks that Clark is an A student.

Yes, he's a very fine young man.

An A student, that's what my father said.

Yes, absolutely.
A. A-plus.

Have a wonderful time.

Give my best to your dad.

Jimmy the Toucan.

Are you out of your skull
threatening Fleeber?

Hey! I was
helping you.

Well, I don't need your help here.

Fine. So I won't.

Where are we going anyway?

* I wanna be around *

* To pick up the pieces *

* When somebody Breaks your heart *

* Some somebody Twice as smart *

* As I *

* A somebody who *

* Will swear to be true *

* As you used to do with me *

Vic waved.

That's nice.

* That misery loves company *

* Wait and see... **

Everybody skate. Come on.

- Right, left.
- Right, left.

Sir, we have to talk.

Pull them off.
We got to talk?

Yes, yes, we do.

I have important things to bring up.

Do you have the clothes?

They're in the locker room.

Get the clothes...
Sir.

Change, and then you'll drive us out.

Pull them off.
Drive where?

We're going to the Gourmet Club.

This is Friday.

Sir, I have to talk to you first.

We'll talk in the car.

You promise?

Every word I say,
by definition, is a promise.

Come on.

The idea of driving a Porsche

had always been appealing to me until now.

- Do you read Newsweek?
- Sometimes.

I'm very, very worried
about this ozone business.

I'm... I'm really
very concerned.

Sir, I have to talk to you.

Yeah, I know.

You wanted to talk
to me last night but couldn't.

It'll take you about a day.

There's federal officers after me.

Did you get their names?

Greenwald and Simpson.

They'll put me in jail for two years

unless I led them to the Gourmet Club.

No. They're not going
to send you to jail.

They're not?

No, they're going to blow your brains out.

I just want to say

you gentlemen have done an outstanding job.

Thank you.

We appreciate it.

These two guys work for the Bonelli family,

and they work out of South Amboy.

Not for the government?

They do work for the government,

but they're on the take from the Bonellis.

Staggering, isn't it, Clark?
The corruption.

Yeah, the corruption is...

Look at him driving around with mobsters.

A college kid.
Very upsetting.

So, these guys are after
you for the Bonellis,

and they just used me,

and once they get you...

They're going to hit you.

My God.
This is terrible.

Well, that's the way it's done.

I'm sorry I got you into this mess, but...

You're in it, and we'll get you out of it.

My God.

- He had a way out.
- A high-risk plan

designed to entrap Greenwald and Simpson

and get him out

of the endangered species racket forever.

It involved using me and the lizard as bait.

This was to be

the final dinner
of the fabulous Gourmet Club.

Tequila!

Ladies and gentlemen,

your co-host for this evening,
Mr. Carmine Sabatini.

With Carmine are
his beautiful daughter, Tina,

and her fiancé
Mr. Clark Kellogg

from the great State of Montana.

Let's have a nice Gourmet Club welcome

for Carmine and the happy couple.

Carmine.

Tequila!

Want to hand me that, please?

Hans.

Carmine.

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is the moment
we've all been waiting for,

the moment that makes the Gourmet Club

the special place that it is.

Our main course,
served for the very last time

on this our planet Earth,

your Komodo dragon.

* There he is *

* Your Komodo dragon *

* Yes, there he is *

* One of eight of them *

* With so many species *

* He took the town by storm *

* With his continental Taste and charm *

Go into this corn field.
It's deserted.

* Moments from the end *

* He is *

* Your Komodo dragon *

Good.

I'll take a Rob Roy with a twist.

Diet Coke.
Diet Coke.

Did my uncle bring you up to date?

Yeah. We're going to be killed
by Greenwald and Simpson.

They're part of the Bonelli
family out of South Amboy.

Well, that's stretching it.

There's a chance we'll all be killed.

It's not a lock.

We just need to get you adequately prepared.

It's an Italian passport.

Open it up.

Is that a piece of work or what?

What is this?

"Rodolfo Lasparri?"

Look, I got to tell you.

We may all be on a plane to Palermo, Sicily,

at midnight, if we're still walking.

I don't want to go to Palermo, Sicily.

Have you ever been there?
No. Of course not.

Then you can't make an
informed judgment, Rodolfo.

I'm not going.

I can't take it anymore!

I don't want to spend
the rest of my life hiding!

I can't take it!
I want this resolved already!

You do?

Yes!

Why are you smiling?

Because as usual,
my Uncle Carmine was right.

You're ready.

You're ready for Freddy.

What does this mean, "I'm ready for Freddy"?

It means it's show time.

In two minutes,

you go outside and signal the feds.

What the hell is that?

Fish and Wildlife doesn't mean

we're social workers,
Mr. Armstrong.

Ladies and gentlemen,

your co-host
for this evening,

Mr. Larry London! Larry!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

This is a very special evening

for all of us,

for tonight you will be eating

one of only eight Komodo dragons

left in the entire world.

Which is why it has been priced

at, $350,000 a plate,

service included!

Thank you. Thank you
for paying in advance.

Without these monies...

Smells good.

I want you to take half of it

and put the rest in the steamer.

Right.

Go ahead.

Et bon appetit.

I think he wants you
to help him with the dragon.

Okay. Okay.

Good luck. Not that
you'll need it.

Everybody has such confidence.

* Well, I ain't gonna work
On Maggie's Farm no more *

* No, I ain't gonna *

* Work on Maggie's Farm no more *

* Well, I wake up In the morning *

* Fold my hands And pray for rain *

* Got a head full of ideas *

* And they're
Driving me insane... **

The kid is signaling us.

You sure?
Absolutely.

My heart was pounding
as I crossed the dance floor.

In a few minutes I would be free,

or dead,

or Rodolfo Lasparri of Palermo, Sicily.

It was all up to me now.

The show was about to begin.

The lizard looked even
more nervous than I was.

We were in the same boat.

All right.
Everybody out.

Get out.

Give me that dragon!
Freeze!

Department of Justice, Fish and Wildlife!

Carmine Sabatini, Hans Kurt Schlegel.

- Dwight!
- You're under arrest.

What's the charge?

Illegal importation and attempted slaughter

of varanus komodoensis,

also known as the Komodo dragon.

It's over, old man.

- You betrayed me.
- No!

Yeah, you betrayed me.
No!

Stand back!

Drop it or I'll blow your nose off.

Sir!

How could you do this?
Sir, you're wrong!

Sir...

Don't.

Sir!

Kid.

Sir!

God. Carmine!

I had no choice.

You all saw that.

You had no choice.
It was fate.

No matter how you're feeling, kid,

you're a hero.

I'm numb.
Cigarette?

Yeah.

I'd love one.

I had real feeling for him.

I'm sure you did.

A technical matter...

The money.
We need it for evidence.

Yeah, it's...

It's over there in the large tureen.

Good work, kid.

We gotta go impound the evidence.

- Job well done.
- Everybody wait here.

- Congratulations.
- Come on.

I guess we should go.

I'm not going anywhere.

Son...
Don't call me son.

I had no choice.

You had a choice.
Not to turn me in.

If it was your son...

I'd have treated him like he was my son.

If he was my stepson,
I'd treat him like my son.

Clark, that animal...

Dwight, good night.

You tell Mom I'll call her tomorrow.

Good night.

FBI, gentlemen.

Charles Greenwald, Lloyd Simpson,

you're under arrest for
violating your oath of office,

conspiracy to commit fraud, extortion,

violation of the RICO Act.
Put the cuffs on them.

The old man set us up.

Sabatini?

With the kid!

Watch the corn, gentlemen.

I'm getting too old for this nonsense.

We done?

We're done.

How you doing?

I'm a wreck.

Sorry to interrupt,

but they're getting a little restless.

All right.
Let's go.

Hans, what are we serving
our guests for dinner?

Hawaiian tiger fish, mixed with

smoked turkey from Virginia.

Smoked turkey?

This whole thing's been a scam?

This gourmet thing?

This is an ugly word,
this "scam."

This is business.

In business, this is what you do.

350,000 for smoked turkey,

but they were having a great time

on this last night of the Gourmet Club.

Dwight was on a bus to Vermont,

Greenwald and Simpson
were on their way to jail,

and the animals were en route
to the Bronx Zoo,

to the new Sabatini Endangered Species Wing.

Carmine was a philanthropist now.

And me?
I was just a student.

* Mona Lisa *

* Mona Lisa Men have named you *

* You're so like the lady *

* With a mystic smile *

If you'd known, you wouldn't
have done any of it.

Of course not.

That's why we never told you.

So he knew all along

that Dwight was my stepfather,

and that he'd call Fish and Wildlife?

Of course.

He's like a genius.

He's like a genius.

* A lover, Mona Lisa *

* Or is this your way *

* To hide a broken heart *

Good night, liebschen.

You have always been my great love.

Now I can say it since I'm leaving.

Hans.

Fantastic job, young man.

Great! Wunderbar.

We're gonna go hit some clubs.

Nice working with you.

- Take it easy.
- Come, Edward,

* Lovely work of art *

The show's over.

So marriage is...

Please. Heh-heh.

Good. Not that I was...

I know.

I'll tell you one thing I'd really like.

What's that?

I'd like to spend the night
with you in your dorm room.

Really?
Yes, very much.

I would love that.

Get to know each other

under calmer circumstances.

* Many dreams Have been brought *

* To your doorstep *

* They just lie there *

* And they die there *

* Are you warm *

* Are you real *

* Mona Lisa *

* Or just a cold and lonely *

* Lovely work *

* Of art **

I'll go help Vic.

Well...

It's all over now.

You can go back to Vermont.

You remember where I'm from.

I always knew.

I'm sorry you had to go through
all this nonsense,

but it turned out for the good.

Sure. It was just...

You know, it just was.

I'm going to tell you something.

You were brave in there.

I was...
I was proud of you.

Thank you.

Anyway...

I hope you have a good life.

Arrivederci.

Arrivederci, sir.

Arrivederci.

You know, I...

I meant everything I told you, Clark.

Good night, boss.

What's the matter with you?

You turned out to be a bum.

Come on, hey. Come on.

You're not going to walk with me?

You could've been...

You could have been a handbag.

Sir. Sir.

He don't want to walk.

Yeah, well, they don't really walk.

Yeah, he's...

Let me get him.

I can pick him up.

Let me help you.

- I got him.
- I got him. Oomph!

- You got him?
- There we go.

I got him.

I want to...
I forgot tell you something.

When you finish film school,
I'd like to call you.

I know a lot of people in Hollywood.

Really?

I could kick a couple of doors open for you,

give you a couple of opportunities.

No. I-I-I don't... No.

I don't think that's necessary.

- No, really.
- It's easy for me.

I'll just make a phone call.
Make it easy for you.