The Firemen's Ball (1967) - full transcript

ANNU AL FIREMAN'S BALL

Man of worth distinction.

Let's see!

Beautiful, huh?

- Wow, that's great.

It will make him happy.
- Pass it around!

It's great!

Let's see!
Let's see!

It will make him happy.

Very nice,

but we should have presented it



last year, on his 85th birthday

instead of now.

- Maybe. That's true.

How could we know last year,

that he would get a cancer this year?

- That's a fact!
Now, it's as if we're rushing

to give it before it's too late!

And you expect him to be happy...

- But we're the only ones who know,
that he's got a cancer!

- He doesn't know!

So he can just be happy, can't he?

- How do you know he doesn't know!

Did you ask him?

- How would you know?



Not us. And certainly not the doctors.

They have no right to tell.
That's the law!

You can have a huge cancer
and the doctor won't tell you a thing.

- You can't trust doctors!

- What's the use of telling him?

You can be half dead.
When it's the end, a man feels it.

And they won't tell you!

- You were never dying, so be quiet!

- Look, let's be logical!

If he knows, he knows

and if he doesn't know

we're not going to tell him.

- Listen, you hypochondriac!

Don't go asking questions! Where does
the cancer hurt! Or anything like that!

- Don't worry about me!

I won't ask him anything.

He's playing jokes again. Vaclav!

Stop playing games!

This is no time for games!

There was a cake here.

- What?

- Put it back!
It's not for me

It's for the guests!

- So what?

- Mr Balcar!

Mr Balcar!

- Don't bother him now!

- Mr Balcar!

- What? Don't bother me now!

- See, what did I tell you!

I stand here. I hold the ladder.
I can't see on back of my heat!

How am I supposed to know anything? -

Whether someone was there when you were
gone!

See my point!

- Well. What do we do?

- That's your problem!

' Why my Problem?

We're the only two here.

- Just the two of us!

Well, it wasn't me!

- Then, who took it?

- Please, search me, gentlemen.

- No. Sit down!

No one's blaming you.

There! Look at that!

I saw you!
- You saw nothing!

- Don't lie to me!
- You see too much!

- Don't lie to me Vaclav!

That leg wasn't there!

- Of course it was!

- Let's go outside! -
It stands up by itself!

- It'll fall down.
- No. It won't. Look!

You're a liar! You could walk away!

It stands up without you.

- Yeah, yeah!
- That's how you got it.

I saw!
- What are you going to do about it?

- I saw!- And what are you going to do
about it ...?

- Damn it, I saw!

- Saw, saw...!
- Don't deny it!

- The cake was your job, not mine!

- Who stole it?

- It wasn't me!

- But you could have!

- I didn't take it! You be careful...!

Joseph...

- I can't work like this!

You could have left.

Well I'm not staying here with you.

I'm going!

- Joseph! What are you doing?

Where are going?

- Help!

Help! Get me down! Get me down!!
Get me down!

Hurry up! Hurry up! Hurry up!

I can't hang on!

I can't hang on!
Do something!

Help!

Please get me down!

I'm falling!

- May I, gentlemen?

- I'm going to I'm going to let go
I'm letting go!

Presents

a film directed by

ANNU AL FIREMAN'S BALL

Story and Screenplay by
Screenplay Editor

Starring

2nd Unit Director, 2nd Photographer
Assistant Production Designer

Makeup Artist, Costumes Made by
Production

Music by
Played by

Set designer, editing
Sound

Head of Production

Director of Photography

Direction

Made at
Processed at

Come on, boys, let's get to work!

We've got a job to do!

- Look at them!

- Have a good look and you'll see!

- This one's for me?

- You've already get one!

- That's enough! Calm down everybody!

Wait while I count them.

1,2, 3, 4, 5,

- Remember our Miss must be
one of our sweets.

The girls are from all over the world!

You're getting ahead of yourself!

- We won't have as many to choose from.

We'll take Well, let's say
How many?

There was a brandy bottle here!

- Where?
- Here!

- And it's gone is it?

- Can't you see? It's gone.

- Are you sure?

- It was standing right there.
Look for yourself!

- And did you put it there in the first
place?

- Of course I did!

- I've been watching all the time
It's not my fault

There was nobody here.

- You didn't watch!

- I did so!

- No, you didn't!

- Yes, I did!

- Then, what were you watching?

Not here!

- Don't yell!

- Am I yelling?

Am I yelling?

I simply said.

You didn't watch, that's all
The bottle is gone.

First, let's decide.

Do we select two, ten, or forty.

- Eight.
- Eight?

But remember! They've got to be
the most beautiful!

- I understand! I understand!

- So get to it!

- They'll be the most beautiful girls
we've got here!

You can't see them from here!

From the balcony, we could see their
breasts!

Look Vocal
I've only called you here because

I had here a bottle of brandy.

Mother and I have been keeping careful
watch.

And the bottle disappeared!

I want you to see!

- So, and where is it?

- That's why I called you
to make sure nobody thinks,

we're the ones who swiped it!

Listen, Joseph!

Where's the headcheese?

- What headcheese?

There was some headcheese here!

- I remember,
there was a chocolate cake.

That's right there was.

But no headcheese.
I'd swear to that!

You're imagining things!

- Well then, where's the cake?

Wait!

The chocolate cake

Chocolate

Mother, come here
There was a chocolate ball here

- What sort of ball?

- A chocolate one!

- I never saw it.

- You must have!

- You're out of your mind!

- Wait a minute!

Wasn't that a headcheese

You're right, Vocal!

It was a headcheese!

Well, that settles that!

- Well then, where's the headcheese?

Look at that one!

That's a beauty queen!

I'd like to see their legs!

Boys, we're doing things upside down.

We're looking at legs instead of faces.

She should have a face like a virgin.

- A face like a picture.
They're the worst kind!

Come here, look!

What about that one?

The one scratching her head!

What do you think?

- No...

- Ota!
Ota!

Write down Blanka!

- Who!
- Don't ask questions! Write it down!

- What are you writing there?

- Blanka!

- She's ugly as sin!

- Never mind. Write!

- She's already written down

Shall I leave her down then?
- Yes, leave her there.

- We've got one!

It's all set. Mother!

- Don't do that to me chaps!

- Who ordered these?

- Not me!

- It wasn't me!

- So, who was it?

- It's me! Drink up!
That's my daughter over there.

He wants his Rosie in the list.

- We'll have two girls.

- Which one is she?

There. See her?

The gentlemen thank you.

They said to tell you they're not
thirsty!

Good evening, young lady.

- We're members of

- the contest committee.

- Wait!
- Finish what you were saying!

- We'd be very happy,
if you'd agree

to take part in the
MISS FIREMAN beauty contest.

- You're very pretty-

What do you say?

- Why aren't you thirsty anymore?

- Wait!

- What do I have to wait for?

I'm talking to you!

- Take him away!

- Come on, Lulo!

What's up

Come on! What's the matter with you?

But why us?

- Not you. We chose this young lady.

Put down my Rosie. As a favour to me.

- But Lulo, try to understand,

she looks just like you...

- Sure. She's my daughter!

- That's just the trouble!

Don't laugh!
Well miss, yes?

Franta!
Franta!

Come here!

Hurry UP!

Vrenska and Matejickova.

- There, you see the beautiful
girls we've got!

Now, we've got three contestants.

- Shut up and write!

- What's her name?
- Vrenska, Matejickova.

- Ota!
Ota!

Did you put Blanka down?

Cross her off!

- But your yourself told me!

- Don't argue! Take her name off!

- Do I cross her off?

- Don't you do it!

- But she told you to!

- Well make up your mind damn it!

- Do as she says.

- Okay, she's off!

I was watching!

- No!
- I was!

- But I didn't lose it!
You!

It was her!

Lulo, you're driving us crazy!
Stop it!

- I'll stop if you put my Rosie down.

You surprise me Mother...
You're so stupid!

You old fool!

They're stealing the stuff
right under your nose!

- Well then, you watch!

Go away! Don't touch me!

Leave me alone!

Get away from there!

Don't you understand Czech?

What's going on here?
Get away from there!

Is that you, Smarada?

Smarada!

Kavrik, is that you?

Young lady,
we are the contest committee

and we would like you to be a candidate

- in the election of MISS FIREMAN.

- What?

- Would you take part

in our competition?

What's up, gentlemen?

- Wait! Is she your girl?

- Wait! Wait! Wait!

Let us explain!

- Explain what?
- Is she your girl?

We're asking her to take part.

- Come on, explain!

- We are explaining.
- Well explain then!

- We told you twice.

Let us explain!

Come on! Come on! Come On!
- Let me go, damn it!

Take that you "bloody fireman",
you hooligan you...!

- Franta, leave him alone!
Come on Franta!

Hey Zindulka!

Well I never! You're the last person
I would have thought of!

- But...!
- Are you back from the army already?

Well Zindulka, well I never...!

What are you doing here?

- I can't find the list

with the girls'names.

Miss! Come out! Quick!

Come out! Did you hear me, come out
of there!

If I have to call someone!

There'll be a scandal...

Be a good girl. Come out!

Oh!!!

- You idiot, what are you doing
with my bag?

What's in there is none
of your business!

And why have you pulled it out from
under the table anyway?

Everybody steals,
but you've got to look!

You and your idiotic honesty!

Vrenska!

- No, not Vrenska!

She's too homely.
- We dropped her.

- Matejickova!
- Matejickova!

- Yeah, Matejickova! Write her down!
Matejickova.

- Yes, but we've only got one girl.

Mark down his Rosie!
- OK I'll write her down.

Okay, but that's only two!

Could I please be excused for a minute?

- Now?
Is it really urgent?

We were about to announce the winner
of the beauty contest.

- Yes, but

I don't want to spoil things...

- You can go,

but come right back!

- I'll hold on if you like...

Attention, everybody!

We ask all the candidates selected,

for our MISS FIREMAN contest

to gather in the room behind the bar.

I repeat: Behind the bar.

Come in!

Line up there!

Don't sorry! The others are nicer.

Good evening, I'm the mother.
I've come to have a look at you.

I wanted to ask you
what this is all about -

My girl told me

something about a contest...

But I think -
she's only a child.

With no experience.

She knows nothing.

So I came to see what's what.

- It's kind of you to come to see us.
Are you satisfied?

- If she wins. I'll be satisfied!

- Don't worry, she'll be safe with us.

- It's better to make sure.

- Of course, you're the boss.

But look at us!
Are we the kind who would...

- Then, I'll bring her in.

Hanna, where are you?
Where have you gone? Come here girl!

Her she is. Skinny as a toothpick!

Is it my fault she won't eat?

Stand up straight!

She's ready now.

She's not moving.
She's not moving.

Alright, you can go now.

- I'm curious to see what's going on.

- Don't worry! She'll be alright.

- If I stay, all of us will be alright.

Come in!

- Well come in!

Don't be scared!

Stand over there!
Next to the others.

Come in!

Come in, come in! Don't be shy!

Stand over there!

Good evening!

- Come in - stand there.

That's not all of them!

We wanted eighteen.

- Well, yeah. Well, yeah!
Well, yeah!

She was scared to come in.

- I wasn't selected.

- Never mind. Stand there!

Everything OK!

Alright. Begin!

- Begin what?

- OK I'll begin. I'll help you.

Come on!

Welcome, young ladies.
On behalf of the committee.

We've selected you
as the most beautiful girls

at our affair tonight.

I'm sure you're pleased, aren't you?

- I wasn't selected.

- I picked her myself. Personally!
I picked her myself. Personally!

- We'll show you how to act
on the platform.

Go on!

Well!

Girls!

Get rid of the old lady!

- Somebody, ask her to dance!

- Me? Why me? Let him do it!
- Me again!

- Don't argue!

- Do I have to go again!

Do you dance?
- I'd love to,

but this is so interesting!

- Go with him
- You can't turn him down!

Now, ladies!

Stand at attention!

I know all about MISS FIREMAN!

You dirty old goats!

March! March!

At ease!

Ladies, the girl

who is elected MISS FIREMAN

will have the honour

of presenting this gift
to our former president

on his 86th birthday!

Go on!

- Now, we rehearse how to go on stage,
right?

Ladies, you can't go stumbling in

like a herd of.

I mean that 500 people
will be looking at you.

We don't want them to feel

that we've picked a bunch of you...

Know what I mean!

One step forward!

Turn right!

No, turn left! Turn left!

- Good evening, good evening!

Excuse me, but I went

to get my bathing suit.

- Your what?
- My bathing suit.

- You have it with you?

Hold it!
What are you doing?

- Let her!

- She can't undress here!

. Why not?

- Wait! Wait!

Then, look the door!

Go ahead!

Did you tell here to wear it?

Miss, who told you
to wear your bathing suit?

- Nobody.

- Miss, who told you
to wear your bathing suit?

Why didn't you tell them all
to wear suits?

- We never thought of it.

- Stand back a little!

Further! Further! Further!

Stop! OK. That's enough.

Now, strike a pose!

Another one!

Miss!
Stand over there!

Now, pose like her!

What do you thing?

- The bathing suit is good.

But they should all have them!

- It's another cup of tea in those
bathing suits!

- Line up!

Now, rehearse. Go on!

- Ladies! Attention!

Forward, march!
One two

Left, left!

Step lively!

Eyes front!

Smile!

One! Two! One!

- Come on girls, get going!
Let's go! Nicely now!

Nice and happy

Smile!

Now, throw kisses!

- Let's have some kisses, damn it!

- Come on girls damn it,
you know how to do it

Nice and happy! Now more!

- Wait! Wait!

Dress up! Quick!

- Fall in! Fall in!

Quick! Quick! Quick!

- Come on! What's taking so long!

Come on! Quick!

Come in!
- Come in!

What's going on in there?

Where's the mother?

- Zemineck's got her now.

- You damned fool!
You damned fool!

- What did I do now?! It's always me!

Here at last, is the long awaited event.

We selected MISS FIREMAN!

Our winner will present a beautiful gift

to our former president.

I ask the candidates

to come forward to the platform.

Music!

I'll tell you when.

Just don't go away!

Well the comrade candidates
please come forward now.

Where are the girls?
- I don't know.

- Where are they?

Well, we're waiting!

- Rosie!

Come on, girls! Come up to the platform!

Applaud, Mother!

It's too soon for applause

the contest hasn't started yet!

- Go on. Applaud!

- You'll bow later!

Come up here, don't dawdle!

Not yet!

Not yet!

Not yet!

Now! Go on!
- Damn it!

Well, we're waiting!
Come up will you!

Music!

Keep going!
Go on!

Go on up there!
Go on up there!

Music, what's the matter?

- The same thing?
- Of course!

I'm coming!

Bartsova, I see you!

Miss!

Ladies!

- I wasn't chosen!
I wasn't chosen!

- No matter! Come on!

Rosie!
Rosie, come back!

Rosie, come back!

Nowhere!

We want the beauty queen!
We want the beauty queen!

Come out of there! Come out of there!
- Are you crazy!

- Calm down!
Be quiet! Calm down!

- Why don't they go out there
and that would be that!

- Quiet, please!

Stop! Stop the music!

Quiet, please!

A fire!

Pay up before you go!

What did you have?
And what did you have?

Back! Back! Back!

Back! Back!

No! I don't want to go outside!
- Don't be afraid!

- No! My things are in there!

Everybody out!

Someone here hold him!

- Hold him!
- Make some room!

- Wait there grandpa, wait!

- Bill please!
- What did you have?

- A lemonade.

- Let me smell!

Seventy cents. Next, please!

Don't make him stand up!
Sit down, grandpa!

- Slowly! Slowly!

- Move over, lady!

- I'm hiding his house from him.

Are you going to let him watch...

- Turn him around at least!

- Turn around, grandpa!

- Sit down grandpa! Sit down! Slowly!

- He's still looking.

- It's his house that's burning.

- Aren't you cold, grandpa?

- Put him close to the fire.

- Get up, grandpa!
Let's go a bit closer.

Damn it man it's really hot here!

- Sit down then grandpa!

You won't be cold here.

Don't look! What's the use?

- I'm borrowing your table, grandpa.

Forget the fire, girls! Work!

Put the beer there!
Now, the glasses!

Give me that brandy here!

There's no bottle opener. Bottle opener!

Wait your turn,

we'll get around to everybody!

- Waiter, two beers please!

- Join the queue!
Join the queue!

A drink'll warm you up, grandpa.

- Give us this bread, our daily bread.

Forgive us our sins.

As we forgive those who trespass
against us

and lead us not into temptation

but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Give me your helmet!
- No, I won't!

- Give it to me! Give it to me!
- Why are you taking my helmet?

- Wear the scarf! It'll be cold
in the morning.

- I'll look like an old woman!
- Well, you're an old man!

- Well I am an old man.
- What's the difference?

- An old man and an old woman,
there's a difference isn't there!

- Yeah, but you're an old man!

- Keep it on! It's freezing!

And you're sweating.

You'll get sick.
You keep it!

Button up!
- Thank you! Thank you!

- Good night.
- Make sure they come relieve me

in the morning.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Make sure nothing's stolen.

Thank you! Thank you very much!
Anyone else?

Thank you very much!
Thank you, you're so kind!

Put something in for the old man!
He's lost everything!

Thank you.

Papa! Papa! Papa, come on!

He's not moving damn it!

- What's going on?

- They're collecting raffle tickets

for the old man. He's lost everything.

- So what?

- We've got to stop them!

- Why?

- Because all the prizes
have been stolen.

Come here will you!

I can't let him in!

My job is to keep out anyone
who looks like a bum.

I can't let him walk in his underwear!

Be reasonable!
That's impossible!

- But he's in terrible trouble.

- I know that! Did I say he wasn't?

But, what's the use
of my standing here...

Well I don't have to be here then! -
It's completely pointless!

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Grandpa, I wish to thank
on your behalf

all the people gathered here.

And you folks, allow me

to donate in your name

to Mr Havelka, the proceeds of our

- Collection.
- Yes of course, our collection.

What I mean is that

the collection itself is

the result of our
- Goodwill.

- Goodwill, of course,
but also of our

The word's on the tip of my tongue!
I can't think...

Our
- Kindness?

- Yes of course, kindness too. -
Kindness, charity.

That's not exactly it, either!

- Our comradely feeling.
That's what he means!

- That's it - of our SOLID ARITY!

Allow me to offer to Mr Havelka

this moving taken of our solidarity,

of our sympathy with his tragic
misfortune.

But this isn't money!

It's just bits of paper!

- Of course. They're raffle tickets.

You can win beautiful prizes with them.

- I need money.

That's no good to me.

I need money!

- But it's the same thing!

- Just a minute, we'll do the necessary.

- Quiet, please!

- Your attention, please!

I must report an unfortunate incident.

I don't want to dwell on this

and I don't want to turn this
into an affair!

Several of the raffle prizes have
disappeared.

And we can't draw lots.

So we'll put the lights out

and in the darkness

those who tool the prizes
will put them back.

No, no - not yet!

I'm still talking. Lights, please!

Not yet! Turn the lights back on!

There seems to be some misunderstanding!

There seem to be some jokers here!

I distinctly said that

those who took,

should put back

not the other way round!

Now, let's try it again!

Lights out!

Hey!

Put something under his head!

- Careful, careful boys! Be careful!

A bit more! A bit more!

- Wait! Lift him! Lift him!

There now! Calm down.
- Good, well done boys!

- You old goat, you idiot!
- Leave it alone!

- Why did you have to put it back?

Why did that idiot try to put it back?!

He shouldn't have put it back!

It's going to be such a scandal
that he put it back!

Now, they'll think
we're the ones who stole!

- There, there, don't get worked up!

Let him rest awhile!
- What do you mean rest?!

He's an idiot, he shouldn't have
put it back!

- OK, he shouldn't have put it back,
but he put it back.

Come on. We'll work it out!

Let him rest that's all!

- How are we going to work this out?

- We'll just have to work it out!
But not like this I'm guessing!

- You're not going to solve the scandal
Josef!

- What scandal...

- It's a disgrace
for the whole brigade!

- Don't argue!

- It's hopeless!

- Stop arguing!
I'll tell you something!

If you were in his position
as an hones man

you too would have put it back!

- I would never have put it back!

You remember that!

The prestige of the brigade
is more important

than my honesty!

- Our reputation depends on

how we're going to settle
this raffle business.

- Settle what? It's obvious, isn't it?

- To you everything's always obvious!

- The prizes were stolen.
That much is obvious.

- Boys, let's face the facts!

Those who stole the prizes
don't expect to win them.

- Don't talk like that Josef!

What about the ticket-holders

who didn't steal anything?

- That's their problem!
They should have stolen too!

Whoever didn't steal anything

is out of luck!

- Wait! Don't joke about this please!

This is about something else.

How about those who stole

without buying any tickets?

- They're really crooks!
That's not really possible is it?

- We can check!

- How are you going to find out?

- You can't!

- Wait, boys!

We have to assume that everyone of us

has bought a ticket.

A crook without a ticket?
That's too much!

- Well, at least,
we know where we stand!

- Well then, let's try
to get out of this...

The people are waiting!

What do we tell them?

- You want explain everything!

What are you going to tell them?
Just like Jesus-Christ! -

Always explaining something
to someone...

The raffle prizes were stolen.

Everyone was right there.

They're all under suspicion.

So, they'd better shut up!

- The fact is that anyone might have
done it!

- That's not true. That's not true.

- But there's something in that.
- He's right.

- It's not true!

- Now, we've got to go tell them!

- Yes, but what?

- That they're all suspects!

- Boys I don't know - if you think so...

I could tell them myself-
it's nothing.

But I think its pointless.

- Well I don't know about pointless.

- Look,

those who did it know themselves

that if the stuff is stolen

they can't expect to win.

And they also know darn well
that they're all suspects.

They're not so stupid.

- We mustn't underestimate people,
gentlemen!

- That's right, mustn't underestimate!

We've got to trust them!

- That's right, mustn't underestimate
and have faith in them.

- We'd better off with five fires...
But no!

He had to put the headcheese back...
- OK forget about that,

forget about that!
- Quiet!

- Wait a minute!

Quiet!

Somebody -
go see what's happening out there!

Beloved President, please excuse
this unfortunate delay.

You know how it is after a fire...

Anyway, now we can be more intimate,
more sincere.

Isn't that right boys?
- Right.

- Beloved President,
allow me to present you

with this modest gift
in the name of our brigade.

Please accept this gift.

- Dear friends and colleagues.

My sincerest thanks

to the Fireman's brigade

of which I am now honorary President.

There are no words to express my joy

and gratitude

for this beautiful present

and this tribute in the twilight
years my life.

Again, I thank you
for the rare assistance

you often gave me

in the performance of my duties
and various tasks.

You have afforded me

a high distinction

by presenting me
with this valuable gift.

THE END