The Edge of Seventeen (2016) - full transcript
Everyone knows that growing up is hard, and life is no easier for high school junior Nadine (Hailee Steinfeld), who is already at peak awkwardness when her all-star older brother Darian (Blake Jenner) starts dating her best friend Krista (Haley Lu Richardson). All at once, Nadine feels more alone than ever, until the unexpected friendship of a thoughtful boy (Hayden Szeto) gives her a glimmer of hope that things just might not be so terrible after all.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(PANTING)
Look, I don't want to take up
a ton of your time,
but I'm gonna kill myself.
| just thought that
someone should know.
I don't really
know how this works.
I'm probably gonna
jump off an overpass
in front of a semi, so...
Or a U-Haul maybe,
just not a bus.
I'm not gonna be a dick
and make people watch.
But it has to be big.
It‘s got to be
so big that it just...
(SNAPS FINGERS)
Done. Kills me. Lights out.
'Cause if it just
maims me, and I'm like...
Well, then how's
that good for anyone?
Then I got to find
a nurse to smother me.
How am I gonna get
across smothering if I'm...
We don't need to get caught up
in the minutiae.
l just thought that an adult,
so. you. should know.
Wow. This is, uh.
a lot to take in,
Nadine. I...
l wish I knew what to say.
Well, l was actually just
drafting my own suicide note.
Just now.
"Dear everybody.
"As some of you know,
"l have 32 fleeting
minutes of happiness
per school day during lunch,
"which has been eaten up,
again and again,
"by the same
especially badly
dressed student.
"And I finally thought,
'You know what?
"I really would.
"It sounds
"relaxing.
"Have a nice life
without me. fuckers."
You are so gonna get fired
when I actually do it.
Well, not for sure,
but I can dream.
NADINE: Let me start
from the beginning.
Around second grade,
I had a realization.
The people who
radiate confidence
and naturally excel at life.
Yes! Yes!
And the people who
hope all those people die
in a big explosion.
TOM: All right,
knock 'em dead. kiddo.
NADINE: My brother, Darian,
was a winner from day one
and had about a million fans.
Bye.
NADINE: His biggest one?
My mother.
Bye, sweetheart.
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
YOUNG DARIAN: Look,
check it out. l won.
TOM: Okay, boss-lady.
See you tonight.
Nadine.
We're not doing this again.
You promised.
Now, get out of the car.
(SIGHS)
Well, that's it.
(POUNDS ON DOOR)
NADINE: You could
say my mother and I
weren't exactly peas in a pod.
(BOTH STRUGGLING)
And the only one
who could handle
either of us was Dad.
YOUNG NADINE: I hate you.
Hey. hey.
hey, hey.
NADINE: Dad had
a nearly impossible task.
Having to manage us both.
All right, now.
I know kids can be mean.
(WHISPERING)
But if you get a chance,
fart into their backpacks.
(CHUCKLES)
| wish you were small.
NADINE: Then I'd at
least have one person
to have lunch with.
Instead, the most
attention I got at school
was from these three.
(GROANS)
Nobody likes you.
You suck and
you're gonna get AIDS.
(ALL GIGGLING)
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)
Over here. Come on!
NADINE: My childhood had
become a raging dumpster fire,
and I couldn't
take one more second
of this intolerable,
unlivable nightmare of a...
Excuse me.
NADINE: And then,
out of the clear blue,
an angel appeared.
Can you move, please?
NADINE: She was dressed like
a small elderly gentleman.
And her breath
smelled of Swee TARTS.
You want to hold him?
But don't squash him.
Hi, guy.
If you want, you could be
his other mom with me,
Really?
I'm gonna be your other mom
and take such
good care of you.
NADINE: laccidentally
suffocated him two hours later
in my pencil box.
(FLUSHING)
But I had finally
made my first friend.
We told each other things
we never thought
we'd say out loud.
Once, my grandpa's pajama flap
accidentally came open,
and l saw his wiener
and got real sad.
My mom has to take medicine,
or she'll get upset
and buy too much at the mall.
It's true.
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
NADINE: It turned out
Krista 's life
wasn't perfect either.
Why.
this pudding is delicious!
(SHOUTS)
I'm walking away.
What am I,
your mother?
Am I supposed
to babysit you?
NADINE: But we got
each other through.
We could play with this.
We could play
with Mr. Penguin.
Hee-hee.
NADINE: For the next
few years,
everything was magic.
And then
some extremely
fucked-up shit happened.
Oh, my God.
I knew it.
It's really just the hair.
It's not that bad.
You can just grow it out.
Are you even up there?
Hey, move. I got to pee.
Darian, meanwhile,
just got better looking.
And that asshole knew it.
That night, I picked up some
cheeseburgers with my dad,
What do l have
that's any good?
Tell me that.
What have I ever had?
TOM: Hey, you have a lot.
You have love.
You have my love.
Very soon you're
gonna have cheeseburgers.
Oh, look!
Did I not tell you?
Cheeseburgers.
Mmm.
You want a fry?
Oh, yeah.
MAN: (SINGING)
I told you dirty jokes...
(CHANGES STATION)
Whoa, hey.
That was Billy Joel.
You don't turn
past Billy Joel.
(SINGING ALONG)
l might be as crazy
as you say
(BOTH LAUGHING)
If I'm crazy, then it’s true
That it’s all because of you
Mmm...
And you wouldn't
want me any other way
(GIGGLES)
(TOM COUGHING)
You may be right
(GROANS)
l may be crazy
Dad?
Dad, are you okay?
Dad!
It's too late to fight
Dad?
Dad.
(GASPING)
But you may be right
(SOBBING)
(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)
(MONA WAILING)
NADINE: I'm not gonna
depress you with the details,
so let's just say
the next few years
were complete shit.
(ALARM BEEPING)
(ALARM STOPS)
Oh, God. (SIGHS)
Well, except for one part.
I had Krista.
This was last Friday.
Look at me.
I was in a good mood.
I love spoilers.
No.
Yes, I do. That means
I don't have to watch it.
Then I can just know
and move on with my life.
I'll give you a hint.
(HUMS WEDDING MUSIC)
I knew it! I knew it.
They get married, yes!
Whoa!
God, juvy made him so hot.
Oh, God, I forgot to
tell you something.
He works at Petland now.
I should go in there
and be like,
"Excuse me,
where are the Betta fish?
"And also, could you put
your penis inside me?"
Not you.
(LAUGHS) God.
What if you
actually did that?
What if you actually lost
your virginity in a Petland?
I think it'd be
kind of nice.
All the little
tropical fish watching.
It'd be kind of spiritual.
(LAUGHS)
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
NADINE: Oh, my God.
Could you please look
at that stupid shirt
my brother's wearing?
KRISTA: Oh, you can
see his nipples.
How does he not realize
that all that does is scream,
"l have a body complex
worse than a girl's"?
How much does he
even work out now?
It's OCD.
You should've seen him.
He had a conniption
'cause my mom won't buy
him creatine anymore.
Since it fucks up
your kidneys.
I was like,
"I know, Darian. I know.
"What, does Mom expect,
you to win
"people over with
your personality?"
(LAUGHS)
(KNOCKING ON DESK
RHYTHMICALLY)
Hey. So, just a heads up,
but yesterday,
when you were giving
your lecture, you were like,
"Blah, blah, blah, blah,
then the North seceded
from the Union,"
you meant to say
the South seceded.
You accidentally
said the exact opposite.
I didn't want to
raise my hand and be all,
"Excuse me.
These kids are
pretty confusable."
Just thought maybe
you'd want to know.
Oh, hey.
Yeah?
(CLEARS THROAT)
Great catch.
Yeah.
Now, I know that
it was a long lecture,
and you probably don't recall,
but, uh, was there
any point during it
where you thought to yourself,
"Gosh, I wonder what it's like
to actually have a life"?
No.
No,
l was too concentrated on how
you were effin'
the whole thing up, so...
Well, I understand that,
but just know that
I haven't given up hope.
Not yet.
Okay.
Hey.
Hey.
I like your sweatshirt today.
It's nice.
Thank you.
Where'd you get it?
(STAMMERS) The sweater.
Sweatshirt. (CLEARS THROAT)
(STAMMERS) I...
I don't know.
I don't remember. (CHUCKLES)
Kewlio.
Yup.
Yeah. (GIGGLES)
Don't know where
that came from. What?
KRISTA: What's his name?
NADINE: Erwin Kim.
KRISTA: I don't know him.
Well, you would
freaking love him.
He's adorable.
So, you gonna
hook up with him?
No, not like that.
Like pathetic adorable.
Like I want to
carry him around
in a BabyBjorn.
(KRISTA LAUGHS)
Oh. Oh, good, good,
good, good!
I caught you.
I'm so glad. Oh!
Do you like this dress?
Does it look bad?
I just think it
looks kind of bad.
You know, it's kind of poofy,
and I don't know.
Do my arms look bad?
No.
(SIGHS) Yeah, you don't
sound very believable,
and you're making me
nervous, Nadine.
Your upper arms
are breathtaking.
Where are you going?
Well,
it's last minute,
but Brent called me.
The dentist one.
And he asked if I wanted
to go to Manzanita
for the weekend,
and I thought,
"You know what?
"I deserve to be
a little selfish
once in a while, so..."
Yeah.
You should go for
as long as you want.
Very funny.
I'm gonna be back
on Sunday. Okay?
Just in time
to surprise you.
Oh, I tried
to call Darian,
but he must be in
his AP study group.
I'll tell him.
Be good.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(LAUGHS)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
What? Huh?
Dibs. Dibs, dibs, dibs!
What are you even saying?
0h. Mom's fucking a dentist
in Manzanita for two days,
so I call dibs on the house,
okay?
Ew.
Bye!
Dude, you are so sick
for saying it like that.
Mom's boobs are jangling
around a dentist's face.
See it, Darian.
See Mom's titties all up
in that dentist's face.
(IMITATES BREASTS FLAPPING)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(BOTH WHOOPING)
Ow!
(LAUGHS)
Oh, my God, I love you.
I love those teeth
in your mouth.
That's your nose.
You just picked my nose.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYING 0N STEREO)
No way.
Mmm-mmm,
BOY: Do a gainer!
KRISTA: Where are you going?
Darian!
(SPLASHING)
(BOY CHEERING)
Darian!
You need to get
all these people
out of the pool.
Excuse me,
all of you need to leave.
Bye-bye!
Hey.
no one's listening to you.
You said you
weren't gonna drink
until after soccer.
You failed, failure!
Dude, I'm not drinking.
It's orange juice, genius.
How drunk is she?
I've had one drink, okay?
Now, you get your
friends out of the pool.
No.
Okay, then.
I'm gonna call the cops.
Okay, yup,
you're cut off now.
We're going upstairs.
Excuse me,
I'm calling the cops.
Hey, you're retarded.
Beep-beep!
Beep! Beep! Beep!
I'm still dialing.
(IMITATES SOBBING)
Hello, operator?
Yeah, um,
can you please help me?
KRISTA: Oh, my God.
My brother's hurting me
in my no-no hole!
(VOMITING)
(GROANS LOUDLY)
Why am I so grotesque?
(SHUSHING)
How do you even like me?
What's wrong with you?
Stop.
I don't even like me.
I heard my voice in
a voice mail yesterday.
I was like,
"How could anyone stand
listening to you?"
You're just drunk
right now, okay?
I hate my face.
I hate the way it looks
when I talk or
when l chew gum.
Don't ever let me
chew gum, okay?
Don't let me chew gum.
(CHUCKLES)
And then I had
the worst thought.
I got to spend the rest
of my life with myself.
(SHUSHING)
Let's go to your room.
Don't you want to wake up
in your bed tomorrow morning?
Don't you want to do that?
You don't want to sleep here.
Come on, Nadine.
Hey, is there any
more aspirin anywhere?
Maybe. Try...
Try that thing over there.
(SIGHS)
Hey, no, you don't have to.
No, it's... It's cool.
It'll just go faster, so...
All right.
So, what happened?
Uh...
Somebody let Baxter in
and he pissed.
(CHUCKLES)
Hey, can you do me
another quick favor?
Cool, and just clean up
all this dog urine?
Yeah, right.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(GROANS)
(THUDS)
(SIGHS)
(KRISTA LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
(DARIAN MOANING)
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
What the fuck!
Oh, oh! God. Can you...
Just get out.
Get out of my room, man!
Just stop looking, man!
Just get out!
I don't know,
I don't know.
I don't...
I swear I don't even
know what happened.
I don't even know
how it happened.
lt was...
I don't know.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
I'm just... Just thinking.
Okay, I'll see you later.
Nadine, you can't just leave
without saying anything.
Nadine.
Look, you're my best
friend and I love you.
It wasn't your fault.
You disgust me.
That's nice.
Go grow yourself
a wispy mustache, you pervert,
and stay away from
my friends, okay?
Did you just say
"friends" plural?
Your head is too
big for your body.
It makes you look ridiculous,
and you'll never
be able to fix it.
(SIGHS)
Mr. Bruner.
I didn't have a chance
to do the homework
last night because...
Well, I don't know
if you know this,
but my dad passed away.
It's just been really
hard to do anything.
Date of passing?
Sorry?
When, uh...
When did he die?
Um, 2011.
Ooh. Hmm.
Yeah, I have
a one-year expiration date
on freebies for
the dead and dying.
Are you serious?
MR. BRUNER: There'll be
other opportunities.
Your grandparents
can't stick around forever.
(SCOFFS)
Have a seat.
Okay, class,
the Young Mr. Lincoln.
Uh-huh.
Enjoy.
(SIGHS)
(MUSIC PLAYING ON VIDEO)
How was your weekend?
Hmm?
It was below average.
Yeah.
Okay.
How was yourweekend?
Oh, I, Uh...
l golfed.
You know, like, mini.
Like mini-golf.
Like... (IMITATES GOLF PUTT)
(PEN CLATTERS)
I don't know why I did that.
I'll pick that up.
Um, but. yeah. Yeah.
Tim's Fun Park.
Yeah.
I love that place.
We should go sometime.
Yeah, we should.
But with,
like, a group of people.
(STAMMERS)
Like, with several people.
(MUTTERS)
Or just us.
Like, just-just-just us?
Yeah. You know.
I think we...
Yeah. or a group.
Yeah.
Yeah. A group.
I think that would be...
I think that would be great.
It would be so
much more fun, right?
Yeah.
You know.
Yeah.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Hey, I'm gonna catch up
with you guys, all right?
FRIEND 1: All right, man.
FRIEND 2: See you later.
Hey.
Hi.
Look, I just...
I want to say that, Uh,
you're my sister's friend,
and what happened
the other night, you know...
Yes, thank you.
Thank you.
So weird.
Yeah, it was just...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It was all me, 'cause...
Uh...
It was, uh...
It was, uh...
(KRISTA LAUGHS)
Anyways...
Yeah.
Cool. I'll see you...
At the house or...
Around.
Cool.
Hey, um...
I had a really
good time with you.
Me, too.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
KRISTA: I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
(GRUNTS)
One second.
It's cool.
Continue.
Okay, that was weird.
That was a weird thing to do.
(SLURPS)
Um...
(SIGHS)
What do you want me
to do, Nadine?
I want you to think
about how shitty
this is for me.
I know.
What ifl did this to you?
What if...
What if...
What if I liked your dad?
What if I gave
your dad a hand job?
0h, Louis. Wow, you look
so hot with that belt phone
of yours. (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
Wow.
Okay. Um...
0h, Krista,
you're home early!
Okay.
Why? Why? Why?
Why do you even like him?
I don't know.
Yes, you do. Yes, you do.
Is it a girl thing that,
like, you hooked up
with him, so now
you're emotionally attached?
No.
Are you unconsciously
mad at me, maybe,
and this is like
some kind of revenge?
Are you unconsciously
mad at yourself,
and this is some
kind of self-punishment?
'Cause if that's what it is,
then we can work...
Will you stop talking!
Because you're
driving me insane!
Please!
(SIGHS)
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
(CLEARS THROAT)
(SIGHING)
He invited me to
a party on Friday.
And I want you
to come with us.
Like you're gonna go with him,
and I'm gonna tag along.
I'm gonna have to
see if I'm around.
Yeah.
Okay.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
Thank you for coming.
What? No, no,
I'm having a great time.
Oh, hey. Hey, look,
maybe you guys can
fuck on the lawn later.
Please rise above yourself,
Nadine.
Please suck
several dicks, Darian.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, hey. I want you to
meet some people.
What's up? This is Krista.
SHANNON: Hi!
KRISTA: Hi.
I'm Shannon.
You were in my chem class
last year, right?
Yes! Yes.
Nice to officially meet you.
Oh, my God. I love
your outfit. It's so cute.
SHANNON: Oh!
Thank you very much.
Hey, do you want
to play, uh, beer pong?
KRISTA: Yes! I would love
to play beer pong.
I don't really know
a lot of people here.
That's totally fine.
Like, you'll meet people.
It'll be a great icebreaker.
Sounds good.
Hi! I think I'm gonna go play
beer pong with them.
SHANNON: Come on!
GIRL: Yeah! New player!
PLAYERS: (CHANTING)
Drink! Drink! Drink!
Drink! Drink! Drink!
(ALL CHEERING)
God, just don't be so weird.
God, why are you so awkward?
God. Just have a good time.
Just relax. Just relax.
Have a good time.
Go talk to people.
Okay. All right, great.
Yeah, perfect. I'll do that.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(POP MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(ALL CHEERING)
That's two cups!
KRISTA: I don't know
how I did it!
DARIAN: That's two cups!
It's cool if I sit here?
Yeah.
You having fun?
Feeling pretty good.
I respect that.
Hey.
Aren't you
Darian Franklin's sister?
Yep.
Do you watch TBS ever?
Sometimes.
There's this old movie
that's always
playing on there.
It's got
Arnold Schwarzenegger
and the little bald guy
from It's Always Sunny?
Yeah, they play
twin brothers.
Only Arnold's all
tall and buff and hot.
Yeah, yeah,
and the other guy's like
little and funny looking.
Yes!
God.
Twins!
Yes!
I love that movie!
Love that movie.
It's so good.
You and your brother
kind of remind me of that.
(SIGHS)
God.
MONA: Hi.
I need you to come pick me up.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
How was it?
Uh, it was probably
one of the worst
nights of my life.
God. You wouldn't
believe the night I had.
Sorry I look like hell.
What happened?
(SIGHS)
So, the dentist?
I was home tonight,
having a relaxing
glass of wine,
and I got an email
from his wife.
I was about to call
Dr. Hill, hysterical,
but then I thought, "No, Mona.
"You're gonna do
this on your own.
"You've done everything
on your own since 2011.
"You're gonna do
this on your own, too."
(MONA SIGHS)
God, I feel like
such a loser.
You're not a loser.
I feel like one.
You're not a loser, Mom.
You're attractive.
You're good at decorating.
You're very diligent
with your eyebrows.
Think about if
it did work out,
"Hey, did you floss today?
"You know, gum disease
is a silent killer, Mona."
(LAUGHING)
You know what I'm
gonna do tonight?
What?
I want to go home.
Fix my hair.
Put on
a beautiful face of makeup
and the best dress I own.
Then take it all off
and go to sleep.
Fun.
(HAIR DRYER WHIRRING)
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
"Hey, Nick.
I sent you a friend
request a while ago.
"Maybe you just
skipped over it.
"Or sometimes there's
a glitch where Facebook
doesn't send the email.
"So, l just thought that I'd
"inform you."
(SOFTLY) Oh, my God.
You are truly pathetic.
(SIGHS)
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
Hello.
Hey.
it's Nadine from history.
Um, what are you
doing right now?
Uh... Oh, uh...
Hi, I'm, uh...
Hi.
I'm just, uh...
Hey.
Hi.
Hey. You all right?
Yeah, I'm good.
'Cause I'm good.
I mean, you good?
You all right?
You cool? You all right?
Great.
Yeah.
What's up? Sorry, I keep...
(LAUGHING AWKWARDLY)
How are you?
Are you good? You all right?
Hey, so
Tim's Theme Park's
open late tonight.
Do you want to meet there?
(PEOPLE WHOOPING)
So, how come they
canceled the party?
Oh. By "canceled,"
I more meant I left.
Ah.
Gotcha.
Yeah.
Thanks for driving,
by the way.
I don't have
a license 'cause I'm like,
"Why not just have
people drive you?"
People make such
a big deal about
being able to do
things for themselves.
That was a joke.
I failed the test.
Oh. (LAUGHS)
Hello.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
You can get that.
NADINE: Uh, no. It's cool.
Urn, hey, look, there's no
line at the Ferris wheel.
(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(EXHALES)
So, tell me something
I don't know about you,
Erwin.
I, Uh...
What are your
hopes and dreams?
Take me on
a tour of your psyche.
Gee. I don't know.
I guess I'm just your
average guy, I guess.
Right,
but if you had to expand
for the two minutes
that we're on the ride?
Right.
What are
your parents like?
Oh. Well, my dad...
Actually, wait, wait, wait.
Let's see if I can guess.
I want to see if I'm psychic.
Okay, here it is.
Sure. Okay.
Your mom gets on
you about your grades
and practicing
your instruments.
She makes
a great egg sandwich
after years of owning
a small restaurant downtown.
Your dad, quiet, gruff.
Never really says,
"I love you." Um...
But with his stoic presence,
I mean, you know he cares.
I'm really hoping
none of that was racist,
but now I'm thinking
all of it was.
No, no.
Not racist at all, you know.
You're good. Yeah.
Whoa! What are you...
Oh, my God.
Whoa, I'm sorry.
Was that bad timing?
'Cause I thought
it was good timing
'cause you're on
a Ferris wheel, you're upset.
Okay.
I'm just trying
to comfort you.
That was weird?
We should probably get off.
We should get off.
Yeah, that was...
Hey! Excuse me,
could we be let off?
Erwin. Erwin?
Can we please?
Can we stop the fucking ride?
(LAUGHING)
Can we just stop it?
I'm sorry for...
I didn't mean to
raise my voice.
Oh, my God, Enlvin.
ERWIN: Wait, wait, wait! Wait!
Oh!
Okay.
What!
You got it!
That was all you.
I got it.
We got it. We got it.
(LAUGHS)
Holy crap.
Nobody saw that.
We're good.
We're out of here.
(LAUGHS)
This has been
a really fun night.
I'm sorry if I flipped
out on you on
the Ferris wheel earlier.
Oh. No, my timing
was just bizarre. (LAUGHS)
I'm going through
a lot of shit right now.
It's a long story.
I'm sorry you're
going through stuff.
You're a really
great guy, Erwin.
Aww.
No, I'm serious.
I look at you and I just
see this really, really,
really old man.
"Old"?
I'm complimenting you.
I just see this very kind,
very gentle,
very wise old man.
In a convalescent home.
In a wheelchair.
Hmm.
Thank you.
Hi.
Hi.
I...
I know you're mad at me
because you think
that l ditched you to
play beer pong, and...
I never said I was mad.
Okay, well,
I know that you are, and...
Nadine.
Would you like to
know an observation
that I made this weekend?
Sure.
"Oh, my God, Shannon.
Your outfit, it's so cute!
I love it!" (GIGGLES)
Yeah, okay.
And you tossed me aside?
The person
who's had your back
since second grade.
Who's been with you
through everything.
You know what? Fine.
Yeah, that's what happened.
Because chances are,
those pricks,
they're not gonna
give a shit about you
when Darian drops your ass
for someone hotter.
(CHUCKLES)
You don't know anything,
Nadine.
Look, it's really shitty
to hear. I'm sorry.
It's gonna happen.
No. I'm sorry,
it's not gonna happen.
Because your brother
just asked me
to be his girlfriend
and to prom in May.
No.
Yeah, he did.
He just asked me that.
You can't.
You can't have both.
It's me or him. Pick.
No, I'm...
No, I'm not gonna pick.
It's me or him.
Do you want him?
Nadine. Nadine...
Or do you want me?
This isn't a choice.
Why can't you just say me?
Him or me, now!
No, I'm not gonna pick!
You know what?
Then we're done.
We're done.
(SCOFFS)
Fine.
(WHISPERS) Nadine.
Nadine.
Hmm.
Hey, wake up.
You had a brain operation.
It worked.
They made you
pleasant and agreeable.
Ah, just wishful daydreaming.
Hey, the bell rang.
Leave, please.
DARIAN: Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, you know what,
just ignore her. She's...
I'll call you later.
Bye.
I don't want to hear about it.
Work it out
between yourselves.
In a couple weeks,
Dad'll be dead four years.
When I was on
my way home today,
this memory came back to me.
It was that night,
after everything happened.
I got up to go
to the bathroom,
and I saw you
crying so hard.
I mean, so hard your
pillow was just soaked.
That made me so sad.
I got up and
I went in my room.
I got my pillow.
Took the wet one for myself.
I wish you loved me
that much.
Asshole.
No, no.
Hey, you're so messed up
for bringing up that story.
You're so messed up!
I mean,
do you even realize how sick
in the head you are
for bringing that up?
Oh, I'm sorry you feel
guilty for never caring
about anyone but yourself.
Oh, yeah.
No, that's exactly it.
Face it, you're
obsessed with yourself.
Oh, my God.
Your report card
on the refrigerator,
like you're five years old!
"Hey, everybody!
Hey, everybody, look!
"l pooped in the big potty!"
God, do you even
know what it feels like
to love another human being?
Oh, man,
you are so dramatic.
Okay? Hey,
life isn't fair sometimes,
Nadine, okay? Get over it!
I swear to God.
I swear to God,
I'm gonna clock you!
Don't touch me, man.
Stop saying stuff like that!
Calm down already, man!
Stop it!
What is the matter with you?
I... (SIGHS)
I know what this is about.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do. Krista
and Darian are a thing.
You guys think
I don't know things,
but I know things.
I'm leaving.
No, you're not.
Where are you going?
NADINE: I'm taking
a therapeutic walk.
Get back here!
Oh, God. Darian!
DARIAN: Just don't
worry about it.
(SIGHS) Can I just
ask you a question?
Is it worth turning the house
into a war zone?
What am I
supposed to say to that?
I'm just... I'm just
asking you the question.
I'm not turning it
into a war zone, Mom.
She is.
Why don't you talk to her?
Because she doesn't
listen to me, You do.
(SIGHS)
You'll do the right thing.
I know you will.
I mean, look at that
drink you're making.
You want one?
Oh.
What did I do to
make such a perfect kid, huh?
(SLURPING)
Could you point me
in the direction
of the cat litter?
Uh...
Eight, I think.
You go to Lakewood, right?
Sometimes.
I've seen you around.
We've just
never really talked.
Freshman.
Junior.
(STAMMERS) I don't really need
the cat litter, I just, um...
I don't even know
why I said that.
I don't even have a cat.
I just know they
shit a bunch, so...
I like your shoes.
I got to go.
Uh... Okay.
Look on
the bright side, you know?
I mean,
"Maybe they'll get married.
"And then my best friend
will be part of my family."
Helpful, thank you.
It really bothers me
she's not giving you rides
anymore, though.
I'm gonna have to
talk to her about that.
No, you're not!
I can't drive you
every morning.
It puts me on the freeway late
and adds 40 minutes.
If you do that,
I will do something
equally terrible to you.
I will tell
everyone on Facebook
that you pluck your nipples.
How about that?
(SIGHS)
All right. Look, just tell me
what you wanna hear,
and I'll say it.
Mom.
I want to make
you feel better.
What can I say to do that?
I don't know.
Here's what I do
when I'm feeling down.
I get very quiet
and very still.
And I say to myself,
"Everyone in the world
is as miserable
and empty as I am.
"They're just
better at pretending."
Try it sometime.
It might bring
you some peace.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(PANTING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Hey, do you guys
know where Erwin Kim is?
I guess he hangs out
around here sometimes.
Yeah, he's working on
his project for SFF.
SF what?
The Student Film Festival.
Right.
Yeah.
SFF.
(SIGHS)
Hey, um, I got to talk to you
about some homework.
I didn't need to talk to you
about homework, I lied.
You enjoying my company?
You're a barrel of monkeys.
You never told me
if you have a wife.
You should date my mother.
(CHUCKLES)
Her last boyfriend turned out
to be an Internet perv.
She's very, very fragile.
Very "Oh, save me."
Men like that, right, though?
'Cause at the end of the day
they all want to be a hero.
Everyone just wants to
feel important in life.
Thing is, no matter
how important they are,
there's always gonna be
someone more important.
People get so
uptight about that.
"Oh, no!
They're better than me."
It's like,
God, they don't realize
important doesn't matter.
(LOUD WHIRRING)
It's confidence.
The most confident person
in the room wins
every single time.
It doesn't matter
if it's real.
Doesn't matter if
they're pulling it
straight outta their ass.
People are dumb.
They don't know
the difference.
You know what?
I'm gonna go ahead
and I'm gonna tell you
the real reason
I'm having lunch
with you today.
You see, I don't
really have any
friends at the moment.
And to be
completely honest with you,
I'm not interested at all.
My entire generation
is a bunch of mouth-breathers.
They literally have a seizure
if you take their
phone away for a second.
They can't
communicate without emojis.
And they actually think
that the world wants to
know that they are,
"Eating a taco,
exclamation point,
smiley face, smiley face."
Like we give a fuck.
(NADINE SIGHS)
I am an old soul.
I like old music
and old movies
and even old people.
Bottom line is
l have nothing in common
with the people out there,
and they have
nothing in common with me.
(SIGHS)
Nadine?
Max?
Maybe
nobody likes you.
You're a dick.
Maybe nobody likes you, huh?
You know,
you're always in a shit mood.
You're a really
shitty teacher.
You put zero effort
into everything you do here,
and there's no way
you're proud of that.
Look at you. Look at,
like, you do nothing.
Look at your hair.
You don't do your hair 'cause
you don't have any hair.
(SCOFFS) You're bald.
And you know what?
You know why
you're not married?
Because bald men are gross,
and they're disgusting
and especially the ones
that make $45,000 a year.
(CHUCKLES)
What?
I've been doing this 23 years,
and you're the first person
to ever underestimate
my salary.
(SIGHS)
That made me feel good.
I mean, that part.
What are you doing?
I'm giving you
half my cookie.
Why?
Make you feel better. Jesus.
Guess what?
You're my favorite student.
Does that help?
Am I really your
favorite student?
Felt like
the right thing to say.
I didn't mean like
completely bald,
by the way.
It's smart what
you do there, too.
You kind of, you know...
I don't know. Do you
poof it up a little bit?
Give a little zhuzh?
Glad you circled back around
and cleaned that up.
Certainly made me feel better.
(SNORING ON TV)
The dog's good,
but our real competition
is the hypnotoad.
(SIGHS)
KRISTA: No, no.
DARIAN: Yeah. No, I'm serious.
Practice is
so totally boring.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS)
(VIBRATES)
Hey.
Hey, I heard you were
looking for me at lunch.
Yeah, I can't
talk right now.
Oh, okay.
I just got... Okay.
(SIGHS)
(RINGING)
ERWIN: Hello?
Sorry.
Um, I just took
some medicine.
I'll call you
after it kicks in.
Wait, wait, what's wrong?
Are you sick?
No, I'm fine.
I'm not... No.
Medicine, like, uh,
an antidepressant-whatever.
They gave them to me
when my dad died.
People take them,
like, all the time.
It's totally normal.
Oh?
Does that make you think
I'm pathetic
all of the sudden?
Oh, no. No. No.
(STAMMERS) I think
you're perfectly fine.
Seriously.
(SIGHS)
Hey.
do you have a swimming pool?
Yeah.
Can I come swim in it?
I know I could swim in mine.
I just know I wouldn't relax.
Yes.
I got towels.
We're good to go.
We’re green. We're good.
Okay. Cool.
I'll text you the address.
Yeah, I'll see you
in a little bit, then.
Okay.
Yeah-yeah-yeah. Yes!
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Hey.
Jeez, Erwin,
I would've been nicer to you.
Ah.
(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
God, I wish my
bathtub got this hot.
Why didn't you
tell me you were rich?
I thought I did.
I always try to
tell everyone.
(LAUGHS) What?
Well, you didn't tell me
that you were in
a film festival, either.
You don't tell me anything,
Erwin.
Well, maybe it's because
I couldn't get a word in.
Do I really talk that much?
Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna drown myself now.
Goodbye.
Bye. (CHUCKLES)
Hey.
Thanks for
letting me come over.
I'm glad you did.
Do you wanna
have sex right now?
Okay.
(SNICKERS) I'm just kidding.
I was just...
You know that I was just
playing out the movie scene.
You ever feel like
you have to do that?
I mean, come on.
There's a waterfall.
It's all romantic.
Sure. Sure. Yeah. Right.
I'm sorry. ljust...
Whatever.
What. are you mad now?
You can't be mad.
You were gonna have sex
with me two seconds ago.
You don't say
that stuff to a man.
Oh, "a man," huh?
All right.
Erwin, come...
What are you doing?
You're gonna press a button
that sucks me into the drain,
aren't you?
MAN: (SINGING)
Dickhead
You're such a dickhead
(LAUGHS) Oh, my God.
And everybody knows it
Everyone but you
You're a dickhead
I hope you'll soon be dead
And this is payback time
for what you put me through
You're a dickhead
Everybody's said
I hope you like
the song so screw you
(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
So, what's your
film about, anyway?
Still figuring it out. Uh...
My drawing teacher
asked a few of us to
enter an animation project.
Oh, that's cool.
I didn't know you draw.
What kind of stuff?
NADINE: Look at these. Wow.
Damn, Erwin.
Yeah,
this is mostly unfinished.
Just doodling, mostly.
But not quite where l...
Oh, I think
I found my favorite.
ERWIN: Oh, yeah, my parents
love that one, too.
NADINE: Do they?
No, they don't.
That's just... No,
they're very conservative.
No. They don't.
Wow. They're both you, right?
Yeah, I'm multifaceted.
Rad self-portrait.
Man.
Wow.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Man, Erwin,
you're really good.
Do you, uh, you know,
want to come on Saturday?
To see the film?
It's early in the morning,
super inconvenient, so...
I mean, I hope you say yes,
but, you know,
you can take that
and think about it.
I don't expect an answer,
like, right now.
I mean,
'cause that would be rude.
That's a lot of pressure.
So, just laying it out there.
Yeah, I'd love to come.
Oh. Okay.
Are your parents going?
I could just sit with them.
Well, my parents are in Korea
for three months.
So, they won't make it.
Are you serious?
You've had this whole place
to yourself for three months?
Yay. (CHUCKLES)
No, I get it.
It's... It's a big house.
You're bored.
You know what you need?
You need someone to rob you,
so you can reenact Home Alone.
That is.,.
That is exactly
what I need. Thank you.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(KRISTA LAUGHING)
That's crazy.
You're so bad.
I can't get out.
Can you just go
around the block once?
I'm not going around
the block. We're here.
Look, it's an
inappropriate time. Just go.
l have to be at
work at 8:30, Nadine.
Oh, my God.
Are we really
back to this again?
Oh, you've got to be
kidding me.
Thank you.
You could just
loop around up here.
No, no, no.
I'm going to work.
You're coming with me.
You know, my boss isn't
gonna be happy about it,
and you're the one that
gets to explain it to him.
MONA: Don't you have
something to do?
Schoolwork or something?
Hmm?
Can I have this hole punch?
Give that to me.
I want you to just sit there
for the next eight hours
and don't touch anything
and don't make any noise.
Can I mime?
(IMITATES GUNSHOT)
You're not funny.
If my husband had any idea
what I was gonna
have to deal with...
I love how you refer
to him as your husband.
He is my husband.
You can run off and
get a new husband.
What he is, is my dad.
Can't you just say
that occasionally?
Fine.
But we're not talking
about him right now. 'Cause
it's just too upsetting.
"It's just too
hard and too sad
"and it gives me
a cluster headache."
I know.
Oh, my God.
You have no compassion.
Actually,
I'm just bored because I know
everything you're
gonna do before you do it.
Sure you do.
Oh, you don't believe me.
No, I don't.
I'm gonna write down
the next thing
you're gonna say to me.
I'm not gonna play
your little games, Nadine.
Your little games, Nadine.
Congratulations.
Mmm.
All right, you know what?
Here's something
you're not gonna guess.
Hmm.
Your dad would be
so disappointed in
the way you're turning out.
Did you just take my keys?
Nadine.
(ENGINE STARTING)
Don't you take that car!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
I will call the police!
(PANTING)
God.
"Nick, I'm just gonna say it.
"I like you.
I've liked you for months.
"I think about
you every second.
"I don't know,
maybe I even love you.
"You're so complicated.
But simple.
"And l just feel this
connection between us.
"I feel like I already
know you, and I just
wanna be with you.
"I wanna give you head.
"I want you to put
your mouth on my tits.
"I wanna feel you inside me.
"We can do it in
the Petland stockroom.
"Nadine."
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
You sound like
a fuckin' psychopath.
(SIGHS)
You can't send this.
What? No.
(GASPS)
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, no way.
No, no, no way. No.
Fuck!
Oh, my God!
Shit.
Look, I don't want to take up
a ton of your time,
but I'm gonna kill myself.
"You're complicated.
And simple.
"And I just feel this
connection between us.
"Feel like
I already know you."
This is kind of sweet.
I mean, I think
you're overreacting.
"I just wanna be with you.
I wanna give you head.
"I wantyou to put
your mouth on my tits.
"I wanna feel you inside me."
Mmm.
"We can do it in
the Petland stockroom."
(WHIMPERS)
Say something.
Oh, my God.
Say something, please!
Help me!
You need to watch out
for run-on sentences.
But can't you
just do something?
(STAMMERING)
Can't you just do something?
You've gotta be
able to do something.
Come on.
I don't know, maybe
confiscate his phone? Um...
On, his computer.
His computer.
You can maybe
get his address.
If you get his address,
and you confiscate his phone.
Great. Get his address.
You give it to me.
I'm gonna go there, and I'm...
Nadine, Nadine.
Just take fifth period off,
all right? Try to relax.
Listen to some music.
Have a yogurt.
Maybe just take it easy.
Can you do that?
And, uh, if you have any,
you know, complications,
let me know.
(PANTING)
Okay ?
Okay.
Don't worry.
Thank you.
It's gonna be okay.
Thank you.
Can I have some money
for the yogurt?
I want change.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
MONA: (ON VOICE MAIL)
I just want you to know
I've never been more
humiliated in my entire life.
I absolutely cannot...
(BEEPS)
Okay, Nadine,
so now I need you
to pick up the phone.
(BEEPS)
I just don 't
understand you, Nadine. I...
If you think you're
keeping that phone,
you are dreaming.
The second you come home,
that phone is going.
I am done.
I am done trying
to understand you.
(URINATING)
(SOFTLY) Come on. Please.
Please, God, help me.
(SIGHS)
Why do I even bother?
Why do I even...
You've never
given me one thing.
Any time I ask you for
anything, you're like,
"You need help with something?
Let me help you.
"I'm just playin'.
I'm gonna butt-fuck you
some more."
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
(NADINE SPEAKING)
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
What?
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
Oh, my God. Okay. Calm down.
Just relax.
Um...
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
Thank you,
thank you, thank you!
Thank you.
(SIGHS)
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
Ooh.
Oh, mother...
(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Oh, my...
(GRUNTS)
BOY: How many of those
do you bet are this asshole's?
Please hurry
the hell up and graduate.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hey, one sec.
BOY: Oh, tell Krista about
the time when...
What? Wait. Just slow down.
What do you mean?
Okay, Mom, calm down.
Man, I do my best
to big you up.
I'm just saying,
we could've won every game.
I'm gonna catch up
with you guys later.
Are you kidding, man?
No, it's a long story.
All right.
I'll see you.
See you, man.
KRISTA: Hey.
Hey, what happened?
It's fine.
It's not fine.
No, you're having fun.
You should stay.
I'll come with you.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Hey.
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO)
You look cute.
Thank you.
So do you... Yeah.
Mom?
Hey, Mom?
MONA: Oh.
What are you doin'?
It's going to Goodwill.
All of it.
Everything that's
on the floor, gone!
Mom, why don't you
just calm down, okay?
No.
I'm done putting up with it.
All of this?
All right. Hey.
MONA: Oh, my God!
Can you believe it?
It's okay.
What is this?
What is all this crap?
Just please,
please stop for a second.
She left her flat iron on.
She wants to burn
the goddamn house down!
Can you stop
for a second, please?
This is going.
Okay. All right.
All right. All right.
Stop. Just give it to me.
Hey!
Just give me the bag!
Hey!
I am the adult here!
Not you.
Then why do you
always call me?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. You're right.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I just don't
have anybody else.
You're the only one.
What are you doing?
I'm handling it.
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO)
Wow.
Look at this view,
it's amazing.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
NADINE: (ON VOICE MAIL)
Look, you know what to do.
I'm not gonna be an asshole
and tell you.
Look, you know what to do...
I love this song.
(INCREASES VOLUME)
It's really good.
(SOFTLY) I can't believe
this is happening.
There's so much
that I've wanted
to tell you and ask you.
And ljust can't
believe this is happening.
(SEAT WHIRRING)
Um...
(IMITATES SEAT WHIRRING)
Oh, wow, this just keeps
going back, doesn't it?
NICK: Pull this down.
Oh, God.
I... ldon't know if...
Yeah. Just...
Hold on, I gotta...
(STAMMERING)
I don't know if I should...
No, get off! Get off! Off!
Get off!
Okay! Okay.
What the hell?
(SEAT WHIRRING)
(SIGHS)
I, uh... I really liked
that song earlier.
What was the name of it again?
Uh, I don't remember.
I can just google it.
Anyway,
do you maybe wanna
go for a walk or something?
We could maybe catch a movie.
Or we could sit here silently
in your Mercury Marquis
all night.
Are you serious?
What?
What, now you're
making fun of my car?
What? No.
I was just being specific.
I wasn't saying that
because it's shitty.
All right.
No, God, no.
Look, I love your car, okay.
I don't even have a car.
I'm just acting weird,
and this is just all a lot.
(STARTS ENGINE)
And please stop.
Please don't leave.
(TURNS ENGINE OFF)
Fuck!
What?
ldon't understand you.
What do you... What?
What do you want?
What do you mean,
what do I want?
What do you want!
To talk. To get to know you.
Not just do it in
the first five seconds.
You wrote me a novel
about how you were dying
to blow me in Petland,
you psycho.
I'm not here to
get to know you.
This is so stupid.
So stupid.
Why didn't!
listen to my friends?
Oh, come on. Come on.
Now you're gonna try
to make me the bad guy?
You're the one
who messaged me.
I hope you hit a tree
in this piece of shit.
I hope you get
fucking paralyzed!
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
(SOBBING)
(DOOR OPENS)
Let's go, lady.
Did you get a donut
from these people?
No.
NADINE: What the...
(BABY COOING)
Why is that baby
in your house?
Oh, shit. How the hell'd
that thing get in here?
Hello.
(KISSES BABY)
This is Toby.
And this is Greer.
GREER: Hi.
MR. BRUNER: How are you?
Good, how are
you doin'?
Good.
Nice to meet you.
Hi, nice...
Now. your
mother's number?
MR. BRUNER: And who's
got the stinky feet?
Who's got the stinky feet?
Let me smell. Hold on.
(SNIFFS)
Oh! Oh! Oh...
(LAUGHS) Toby's
got the stinky feet.
Don't stare.
It makes him
self-conscious.
(GREER CHUCKLES)
Can I get you
something else?
Any ice cream or anything
before I put the baby down?
I'm good, thank you.
No, no. I can feed
and water her from here.
GREER: All right.
All right.
Come on, tiny man.
It's you and me, buddy.
Big boy.
There you go.
(GRUNTS) Yeah.
Look, I just want to say,
I don't know the whole story,
but, whatever it is,
it'll pass.
I went through a rough time
not too long ago, too.
But look
where it led me.
This is the face
of hope.
(MR. BRUNER CHUCKLES)
All right.
Good night.
I'll be in,
in a minute.
All right. Good night.
Good night.
GREER: Say, "Night-night."
Good night.
Night-night, Daddy.
Night-night.
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
I think that's
for you.
Come on.
No, that's not my mother.
Don't open the door.
Hello there.
(SIGHS)
What are you
doing here?
Get in the car.
Let's go.
No, Mom's picking me up.
No, she's not.
Get in the car.
Well, I don't feel like
getting in the car
with you and her.
Do you know what I've
been doing all night?
I'll find another ride.
Hey. Hey,
get in the car.
Stop!
No. you think
this is fun for me?
Let go of me!
You think
I like this?
Where were you?
You can't pick up
your phone even once?
You don't need to pretend
to give a shit about me
just because
people are watching.
Oh, give me a break.
Oh, face it.
You can't wait to
take me home so you can
be Mom's little hero.
You live for that shit.
KRISTA: Just let it go.
Darian.
Darian?
Hey, I just want you to know
you're right, Nadine.
Darian, we don't
need to do this...
You're right about everything!
I don't give
a shit about you.
I'm only here for me,
and my life is
fuckin' incredible.
I love it.
No, I love spending
another night talking
Mom off the ledge.
I love only applying
to schools nearby
because who knows
what'll happen in the house
if I'm not around
to fix it?
And I love
that the one person
who makes me feel
like I could take
a fuckin' breath,
I can't have without
completely destroying you.
So, you're right.
You're right.
It's a blast.
I win.
Hey, can you give her
a ride home, please?
Thanks.
(SIGHS)
Look, I'm not very good
at this kind of thing. Uh...
But I think we both
know what needs to
be said right now,
so I'm just gonna come
right out and say it.
Get out of the car.
(CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
Bye.
See you Monday.
Hey.
Look, I just wanted
to say that
I'm sorry for being
a bitch tonight.
For the past
couple weeks.
And the past 17 years
before that.
I know this isn't
any easier for you.
I know that.
I think some deranged
part of me likes thinking
I'm the only one
with real problems.
Like that makes me special.
You know, ever since
we were little,
I would get
this feeling like...
Like I'm floating
outside of my body,
looking down on myself.
And I hate what I see.
How I'm acting,
the way I sound.
And I don't know
how to change it.
And I'm so scared
that that feeling is
never gonna go away.
I'm sorry.
Really.
Good night.
Hey, Nadine.
Good night.
Good night.
Hey.
Hey.
You're up early.
Uh, yeah. I, um. I got...
I got a thing to go to.
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
Well, have
a good day.
You as well.
Have a good day,
both of you.
Have a great day.
Thank you.
Um...
Can I call you later?
Okay.
That was good.
Mmm-hmm.
Right?
That was so good.
I miss her.
Nadine?
Sit back, relax,
and get ready to
enjoy the films.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
(WHISPERS) Turn off
your cell phone, please.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON SCREEN)
(WHISPERING)
Can I squeeze in? Thanks.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
(SIGHS)
(EXHALES)
Really somethin', wasn't it?
Let's keep things going.
Our next entry,
ladies and gentlemen,
comes from Erwin Kim of...
Whoo!
(CHUCKLES) Thank you.
Of Lakewood High. Mr. Kim,
would you like to come out
and say a few words
about your film?
Come on.
Hello. Thank you
for coming. Um...
(STAMMERING) Hope
you enjoy this, uh...
My, uh...
(CHUCKLES) Uh...
You can just take this.
Thanks. Thank you.
Whoo.
Uh, okay.
Well, here it is.
Mr. Kim's film. (CHUCKLES)
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
NARRATOR: Once upon a time
on a planet called
Not Saturn
at Allen Planet High School...
ALL: Watch out! Watch out!
Watch out! Watch out!
...there was
an alien adolescent
who was struck by love.
(SMACKS LIPS)
(CHUCKLES)
Hmm? Mmm-mmm.
(SIGHS)
Hmm?
Mmm-mmm.
(EXCLAIMS)
Mmm-mmm.
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm!
(GROWLING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(SHRIEKING)
(GROWLING)
(SHRIEKING)
(BLOWS)
(GASPS)
(ALL LAUGHING)
(SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
(SIGHS)
(GROANS)
(SOFT GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
(ROARING)
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
ALL: Aww.
(CHATTERING)
Huh?
Hmm.
Oh.
Aww.
Uh-oh.
(MARCHING BAND PLAYING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Mmm. (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Too late!
Pool party!
(SPLASHES)
(EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT)
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
(SHRIEKING)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Whoo!
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Erwin.
That...
Wow.
Well, I mean,
l wouldn't
go that far.
It was all right. (LAUGHS)
It was amazing. Really.
Oh, thanks!
And I got the message,
all right? I know...
I know she's me.
But I already
figured out
how great you are.
You're so fucking great.
You're like
the best person I know.
What? What's wrong?
Um, the film
wasn't about you.
(SOFTLY) Oh, God.
Shoot.
Sorry, I thought
maybe because the hair
and, like,
the cool shoes that...
Oh...
Wow. I'm one of those people
that thinks everything
is about them.
I'm just messing
with you.
Yeah, I'm just messing
with you. I set that up.
You shithead.
Yes.
Felt pretty good. You...
You being nervous for once.
And I'm just over here,
like, just sniffin'
my flowers.
(LAUGHS)
I hate you so much.
You free to hang?
Yeah, I am.
Cleared my whole
schedule for you.
Oh, good. Come on.
Say hi
to some people.
Dude, you did
such a good job.
Insane!
Thank you,
thank you.
Guys, this is Nadine.
Hi. How's it goin'?
Good, how are you?
I'm good. Thanks.
That was so good.
I just can't
get over it.
It was amazing.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(PANTING)
Look, I don't want to take up
a ton of your time,
but I'm gonna kill myself.
| just thought that
someone should know.
I don't really
know how this works.
I'm probably gonna
jump off an overpass
in front of a semi, so...
Or a U-Haul maybe,
just not a bus.
I'm not gonna be a dick
and make people watch.
But it has to be big.
It‘s got to be
so big that it just...
(SNAPS FINGERS)
Done. Kills me. Lights out.
'Cause if it just
maims me, and I'm like...
Well, then how's
that good for anyone?
Then I got to find
a nurse to smother me.
How am I gonna get
across smothering if I'm...
We don't need to get caught up
in the minutiae.
l just thought that an adult,
so. you. should know.
Wow. This is, uh.
a lot to take in,
Nadine. I...
l wish I knew what to say.
Well, l was actually just
drafting my own suicide note.
Just now.
"Dear everybody.
"As some of you know,
"l have 32 fleeting
minutes of happiness
per school day during lunch,
"which has been eaten up,
again and again,
"by the same
especially badly
dressed student.
"And I finally thought,
'You know what?
"I really would.
"It sounds
"relaxing.
"Have a nice life
without me. fuckers."
You are so gonna get fired
when I actually do it.
Well, not for sure,
but I can dream.
NADINE: Let me start
from the beginning.
Around second grade,
I had a realization.
The people who
radiate confidence
and naturally excel at life.
Yes! Yes!
And the people who
hope all those people die
in a big explosion.
TOM: All right,
knock 'em dead. kiddo.
NADINE: My brother, Darian,
was a winner from day one
and had about a million fans.
Bye.
NADINE: His biggest one?
My mother.
Bye, sweetheart.
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
YOUNG DARIAN: Look,
check it out. l won.
TOM: Okay, boss-lady.
See you tonight.
Nadine.
We're not doing this again.
You promised.
Now, get out of the car.
(SIGHS)
Well, that's it.
(POUNDS ON DOOR)
NADINE: You could
say my mother and I
weren't exactly peas in a pod.
(BOTH STRUGGLING)
And the only one
who could handle
either of us was Dad.
YOUNG NADINE: I hate you.
Hey. hey.
hey, hey.
NADINE: Dad had
a nearly impossible task.
Having to manage us both.
All right, now.
I know kids can be mean.
(WHISPERING)
But if you get a chance,
fart into their backpacks.
(CHUCKLES)
| wish you were small.
NADINE: Then I'd at
least have one person
to have lunch with.
Instead, the most
attention I got at school
was from these three.
(GROANS)
Nobody likes you.
You suck and
you're gonna get AIDS.
(ALL GIGGLING)
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)
Over here. Come on!
NADINE: My childhood had
become a raging dumpster fire,
and I couldn't
take one more second
of this intolerable,
unlivable nightmare of a...
Excuse me.
NADINE: And then,
out of the clear blue,
an angel appeared.
Can you move, please?
NADINE: She was dressed like
a small elderly gentleman.
And her breath
smelled of Swee TARTS.
You want to hold him?
But don't squash him.
Hi, guy.
If you want, you could be
his other mom with me,
Really?
I'm gonna be your other mom
and take such
good care of you.
NADINE: laccidentally
suffocated him two hours later
in my pencil box.
(FLUSHING)
But I had finally
made my first friend.
We told each other things
we never thought
we'd say out loud.
Once, my grandpa's pajama flap
accidentally came open,
and l saw his wiener
and got real sad.
My mom has to take medicine,
or she'll get upset
and buy too much at the mall.
It's true.
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
NADINE: It turned out
Krista 's life
wasn't perfect either.
Why.
this pudding is delicious!
(SHOUTS)
I'm walking away.
What am I,
your mother?
Am I supposed
to babysit you?
NADINE: But we got
each other through.
We could play with this.
We could play
with Mr. Penguin.
Hee-hee.
NADINE: For the next
few years,
everything was magic.
And then
some extremely
fucked-up shit happened.
Oh, my God.
I knew it.
It's really just the hair.
It's not that bad.
You can just grow it out.
Are you even up there?
Hey, move. I got to pee.
Darian, meanwhile,
just got better looking.
And that asshole knew it.
That night, I picked up some
cheeseburgers with my dad,
What do l have
that's any good?
Tell me that.
What have I ever had?
TOM: Hey, you have a lot.
You have love.
You have my love.
Very soon you're
gonna have cheeseburgers.
Oh, look!
Did I not tell you?
Cheeseburgers.
Mmm.
You want a fry?
Oh, yeah.
MAN: (SINGING)
I told you dirty jokes...
(CHANGES STATION)
Whoa, hey.
That was Billy Joel.
You don't turn
past Billy Joel.
(SINGING ALONG)
l might be as crazy
as you say
(BOTH LAUGHING)
If I'm crazy, then it’s true
That it’s all because of you
Mmm...
And you wouldn't
want me any other way
(GIGGLES)
(TOM COUGHING)
You may be right
(GROANS)
l may be crazy
Dad?
Dad, are you okay?
Dad!
It's too late to fight
Dad?
Dad.
(GASPING)
But you may be right
(SOBBING)
(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)
(MONA WAILING)
NADINE: I'm not gonna
depress you with the details,
so let's just say
the next few years
were complete shit.
(ALARM BEEPING)
(ALARM STOPS)
Oh, God. (SIGHS)
Well, except for one part.
I had Krista.
This was last Friday.
Look at me.
I was in a good mood.
I love spoilers.
No.
Yes, I do. That means
I don't have to watch it.
Then I can just know
and move on with my life.
I'll give you a hint.
(HUMS WEDDING MUSIC)
I knew it! I knew it.
They get married, yes!
Whoa!
God, juvy made him so hot.
Oh, God, I forgot to
tell you something.
He works at Petland now.
I should go in there
and be like,
"Excuse me,
where are the Betta fish?
"And also, could you put
your penis inside me?"
Not you.
(LAUGHS) God.
What if you
actually did that?
What if you actually lost
your virginity in a Petland?
I think it'd be
kind of nice.
All the little
tropical fish watching.
It'd be kind of spiritual.
(LAUGHS)
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
NADINE: Oh, my God.
Could you please look
at that stupid shirt
my brother's wearing?
KRISTA: Oh, you can
see his nipples.
How does he not realize
that all that does is scream,
"l have a body complex
worse than a girl's"?
How much does he
even work out now?
It's OCD.
You should've seen him.
He had a conniption
'cause my mom won't buy
him creatine anymore.
Since it fucks up
your kidneys.
I was like,
"I know, Darian. I know.
"What, does Mom expect,
you to win
"people over with
your personality?"
(LAUGHS)
(KNOCKING ON DESK
RHYTHMICALLY)
Hey. So, just a heads up,
but yesterday,
when you were giving
your lecture, you were like,
"Blah, blah, blah, blah,
then the North seceded
from the Union,"
you meant to say
the South seceded.
You accidentally
said the exact opposite.
I didn't want to
raise my hand and be all,
"Excuse me.
These kids are
pretty confusable."
Just thought maybe
you'd want to know.
Oh, hey.
Yeah?
(CLEARS THROAT)
Great catch.
Yeah.
Now, I know that
it was a long lecture,
and you probably don't recall,
but, uh, was there
any point during it
where you thought to yourself,
"Gosh, I wonder what it's like
to actually have a life"?
No.
No,
l was too concentrated on how
you were effin'
the whole thing up, so...
Well, I understand that,
but just know that
I haven't given up hope.
Not yet.
Okay.
Hey.
Hey.
I like your sweatshirt today.
It's nice.
Thank you.
Where'd you get it?
(STAMMERS) The sweater.
Sweatshirt. (CLEARS THROAT)
(STAMMERS) I...
I don't know.
I don't remember. (CHUCKLES)
Kewlio.
Yup.
Yeah. (GIGGLES)
Don't know where
that came from. What?
KRISTA: What's his name?
NADINE: Erwin Kim.
KRISTA: I don't know him.
Well, you would
freaking love him.
He's adorable.
So, you gonna
hook up with him?
No, not like that.
Like pathetic adorable.
Like I want to
carry him around
in a BabyBjorn.
(KRISTA LAUGHS)
Oh. Oh, good, good,
good, good!
I caught you.
I'm so glad. Oh!
Do you like this dress?
Does it look bad?
I just think it
looks kind of bad.
You know, it's kind of poofy,
and I don't know.
Do my arms look bad?
No.
(SIGHS) Yeah, you don't
sound very believable,
and you're making me
nervous, Nadine.
Your upper arms
are breathtaking.
Where are you going?
Well,
it's last minute,
but Brent called me.
The dentist one.
And he asked if I wanted
to go to Manzanita
for the weekend,
and I thought,
"You know what?
"I deserve to be
a little selfish
once in a while, so..."
Yeah.
You should go for
as long as you want.
Very funny.
I'm gonna be back
on Sunday. Okay?
Just in time
to surprise you.
Oh, I tried
to call Darian,
but he must be in
his AP study group.
I'll tell him.
Be good.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(LAUGHS)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
What? Huh?
Dibs. Dibs, dibs, dibs!
What are you even saying?
0h. Mom's fucking a dentist
in Manzanita for two days,
so I call dibs on the house,
okay?
Ew.
Bye!
Dude, you are so sick
for saying it like that.
Mom's boobs are jangling
around a dentist's face.
See it, Darian.
See Mom's titties all up
in that dentist's face.
(IMITATES BREASTS FLAPPING)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(BOTH WHOOPING)
Ow!
(LAUGHS)
Oh, my God, I love you.
I love those teeth
in your mouth.
That's your nose.
You just picked my nose.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYING 0N STEREO)
No way.
Mmm-mmm,
BOY: Do a gainer!
KRISTA: Where are you going?
Darian!
(SPLASHING)
(BOY CHEERING)
Darian!
You need to get
all these people
out of the pool.
Excuse me,
all of you need to leave.
Bye-bye!
Hey.
no one's listening to you.
You said you
weren't gonna drink
until after soccer.
You failed, failure!
Dude, I'm not drinking.
It's orange juice, genius.
How drunk is she?
I've had one drink, okay?
Now, you get your
friends out of the pool.
No.
Okay, then.
I'm gonna call the cops.
Okay, yup,
you're cut off now.
We're going upstairs.
Excuse me,
I'm calling the cops.
Hey, you're retarded.
Beep-beep!
Beep! Beep! Beep!
I'm still dialing.
(IMITATES SOBBING)
Hello, operator?
Yeah, um,
can you please help me?
KRISTA: Oh, my God.
My brother's hurting me
in my no-no hole!
(VOMITING)
(GROANS LOUDLY)
Why am I so grotesque?
(SHUSHING)
How do you even like me?
What's wrong with you?
Stop.
I don't even like me.
I heard my voice in
a voice mail yesterday.
I was like,
"How could anyone stand
listening to you?"
You're just drunk
right now, okay?
I hate my face.
I hate the way it looks
when I talk or
when l chew gum.
Don't ever let me
chew gum, okay?
Don't let me chew gum.
(CHUCKLES)
And then I had
the worst thought.
I got to spend the rest
of my life with myself.
(SHUSHING)
Let's go to your room.
Don't you want to wake up
in your bed tomorrow morning?
Don't you want to do that?
You don't want to sleep here.
Come on, Nadine.
Hey, is there any
more aspirin anywhere?
Maybe. Try...
Try that thing over there.
(SIGHS)
Hey, no, you don't have to.
No, it's... It's cool.
It'll just go faster, so...
All right.
So, what happened?
Uh...
Somebody let Baxter in
and he pissed.
(CHUCKLES)
Hey, can you do me
another quick favor?
Cool, and just clean up
all this dog urine?
Yeah, right.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(GROANS)
(THUDS)
(SIGHS)
(KRISTA LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
(DARIAN MOANING)
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
What the fuck!
Oh, oh! God. Can you...
Just get out.
Get out of my room, man!
Just stop looking, man!
Just get out!
I don't know,
I don't know.
I don't...
I swear I don't even
know what happened.
I don't even know
how it happened.
lt was...
I don't know.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
I'm just... Just thinking.
Okay, I'll see you later.
Nadine, you can't just leave
without saying anything.
Nadine.
Look, you're my best
friend and I love you.
It wasn't your fault.
You disgust me.
That's nice.
Go grow yourself
a wispy mustache, you pervert,
and stay away from
my friends, okay?
Did you just say
"friends" plural?
Your head is too
big for your body.
It makes you look ridiculous,
and you'll never
be able to fix it.
(SIGHS)
Mr. Bruner.
I didn't have a chance
to do the homework
last night because...
Well, I don't know
if you know this,
but my dad passed away.
It's just been really
hard to do anything.
Date of passing?
Sorry?
When, uh...
When did he die?
Um, 2011.
Ooh. Hmm.
Yeah, I have
a one-year expiration date
on freebies for
the dead and dying.
Are you serious?
MR. BRUNER: There'll be
other opportunities.
Your grandparents
can't stick around forever.
(SCOFFS)
Have a seat.
Okay, class,
the Young Mr. Lincoln.
Uh-huh.
Enjoy.
(SIGHS)
(MUSIC PLAYING ON VIDEO)
How was your weekend?
Hmm?
It was below average.
Yeah.
Okay.
How was yourweekend?
Oh, I, Uh...
l golfed.
You know, like, mini.
Like mini-golf.
Like... (IMITATES GOLF PUTT)
(PEN CLATTERS)
I don't know why I did that.
I'll pick that up.
Um, but. yeah. Yeah.
Tim's Fun Park.
Yeah.
I love that place.
We should go sometime.
Yeah, we should.
But with,
like, a group of people.
(STAMMERS)
Like, with several people.
(MUTTERS)
Or just us.
Like, just-just-just us?
Yeah. You know.
I think we...
Yeah. or a group.
Yeah.
Yeah. A group.
I think that would be...
I think that would be great.
It would be so
much more fun, right?
Yeah.
You know.
Yeah.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Hey, I'm gonna catch up
with you guys, all right?
FRIEND 1: All right, man.
FRIEND 2: See you later.
Hey.
Hi.
Look, I just...
I want to say that, Uh,
you're my sister's friend,
and what happened
the other night, you know...
Yes, thank you.
Thank you.
So weird.
Yeah, it was just...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It was all me, 'cause...
Uh...
It was, uh...
It was, uh...
(KRISTA LAUGHS)
Anyways...
Yeah.
Cool. I'll see you...
At the house or...
Around.
Cool.
Hey, um...
I had a really
good time with you.
Me, too.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
KRISTA: I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
(GRUNTS)
One second.
It's cool.
Continue.
Okay, that was weird.
That was a weird thing to do.
(SLURPS)
Um...
(SIGHS)
What do you want me
to do, Nadine?
I want you to think
about how shitty
this is for me.
I know.
What ifl did this to you?
What if...
What if...
What if I liked your dad?
What if I gave
your dad a hand job?
0h, Louis. Wow, you look
so hot with that belt phone
of yours. (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
Wow.
Okay. Um...
0h, Krista,
you're home early!
Okay.
Why? Why? Why?
Why do you even like him?
I don't know.
Yes, you do. Yes, you do.
Is it a girl thing that,
like, you hooked up
with him, so now
you're emotionally attached?
No.
Are you unconsciously
mad at me, maybe,
and this is like
some kind of revenge?
Are you unconsciously
mad at yourself,
and this is some
kind of self-punishment?
'Cause if that's what it is,
then we can work...
Will you stop talking!
Because you're
driving me insane!
Please!
(SIGHS)
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
(CLEARS THROAT)
(SIGHING)
He invited me to
a party on Friday.
And I want you
to come with us.
Like you're gonna go with him,
and I'm gonna tag along.
I'm gonna have to
see if I'm around.
Yeah.
Okay.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
Thank you for coming.
What? No, no,
I'm having a great time.
Oh, hey. Hey, look,
maybe you guys can
fuck on the lawn later.
Please rise above yourself,
Nadine.
Please suck
several dicks, Darian.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, hey. I want you to
meet some people.
What's up? This is Krista.
SHANNON: Hi!
KRISTA: Hi.
I'm Shannon.
You were in my chem class
last year, right?
Yes! Yes.
Nice to officially meet you.
Oh, my God. I love
your outfit. It's so cute.
SHANNON: Oh!
Thank you very much.
Hey, do you want
to play, uh, beer pong?
KRISTA: Yes! I would love
to play beer pong.
I don't really know
a lot of people here.
That's totally fine.
Like, you'll meet people.
It'll be a great icebreaker.
Sounds good.
Hi! I think I'm gonna go play
beer pong with them.
SHANNON: Come on!
GIRL: Yeah! New player!
PLAYERS: (CHANTING)
Drink! Drink! Drink!
Drink! Drink! Drink!
(ALL CHEERING)
God, just don't be so weird.
God, why are you so awkward?
God. Just have a good time.
Just relax. Just relax.
Have a good time.
Go talk to people.
Okay. All right, great.
Yeah, perfect. I'll do that.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(POP MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(ALL CHEERING)
That's two cups!
KRISTA: I don't know
how I did it!
DARIAN: That's two cups!
It's cool if I sit here?
Yeah.
You having fun?
Feeling pretty good.
I respect that.
Hey.
Aren't you
Darian Franklin's sister?
Yep.
Do you watch TBS ever?
Sometimes.
There's this old movie
that's always
playing on there.
It's got
Arnold Schwarzenegger
and the little bald guy
from It's Always Sunny?
Yeah, they play
twin brothers.
Only Arnold's all
tall and buff and hot.
Yeah, yeah,
and the other guy's like
little and funny looking.
Yes!
God.
Twins!
Yes!
I love that movie!
Love that movie.
It's so good.
You and your brother
kind of remind me of that.
(SIGHS)
God.
MONA: Hi.
I need you to come pick me up.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
How was it?
Uh, it was probably
one of the worst
nights of my life.
God. You wouldn't
believe the night I had.
Sorry I look like hell.
What happened?
(SIGHS)
So, the dentist?
I was home tonight,
having a relaxing
glass of wine,
and I got an email
from his wife.
I was about to call
Dr. Hill, hysterical,
but then I thought, "No, Mona.
"You're gonna do
this on your own.
"You've done everything
on your own since 2011.
"You're gonna do
this on your own, too."
(MONA SIGHS)
God, I feel like
such a loser.
You're not a loser.
I feel like one.
You're not a loser, Mom.
You're attractive.
You're good at decorating.
You're very diligent
with your eyebrows.
Think about if
it did work out,
"Hey, did you floss today?
"You know, gum disease
is a silent killer, Mona."
(LAUGHING)
You know what I'm
gonna do tonight?
What?
I want to go home.
Fix my hair.
Put on
a beautiful face of makeup
and the best dress I own.
Then take it all off
and go to sleep.
Fun.
(HAIR DRYER WHIRRING)
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
"Hey, Nick.
I sent you a friend
request a while ago.
"Maybe you just
skipped over it.
"Or sometimes there's
a glitch where Facebook
doesn't send the email.
"So, l just thought that I'd
"inform you."
(SOFTLY) Oh, my God.
You are truly pathetic.
(SIGHS)
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
Hello.
Hey.
it's Nadine from history.
Um, what are you
doing right now?
Uh... Oh, uh...
Hi, I'm, uh...
Hi.
I'm just, uh...
Hey.
Hi.
Hey. You all right?
Yeah, I'm good.
'Cause I'm good.
I mean, you good?
You all right?
You cool? You all right?
Great.
Yeah.
What's up? Sorry, I keep...
(LAUGHING AWKWARDLY)
How are you?
Are you good? You all right?
Hey, so
Tim's Theme Park's
open late tonight.
Do you want to meet there?
(PEOPLE WHOOPING)
So, how come they
canceled the party?
Oh. By "canceled,"
I more meant I left.
Ah.
Gotcha.
Yeah.
Thanks for driving,
by the way.
I don't have
a license 'cause I'm like,
"Why not just have
people drive you?"
People make such
a big deal about
being able to do
things for themselves.
That was a joke.
I failed the test.
Oh. (LAUGHS)
Hello.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
You can get that.
NADINE: Uh, no. It's cool.
Urn, hey, look, there's no
line at the Ferris wheel.
(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(EXHALES)
So, tell me something
I don't know about you,
Erwin.
I, Uh...
What are your
hopes and dreams?
Take me on
a tour of your psyche.
Gee. I don't know.
I guess I'm just your
average guy, I guess.
Right,
but if you had to expand
for the two minutes
that we're on the ride?
Right.
What are
your parents like?
Oh. Well, my dad...
Actually, wait, wait, wait.
Let's see if I can guess.
I want to see if I'm psychic.
Okay, here it is.
Sure. Okay.
Your mom gets on
you about your grades
and practicing
your instruments.
She makes
a great egg sandwich
after years of owning
a small restaurant downtown.
Your dad, quiet, gruff.
Never really says,
"I love you." Um...
But with his stoic presence,
I mean, you know he cares.
I'm really hoping
none of that was racist,
but now I'm thinking
all of it was.
No, no.
Not racist at all, you know.
You're good. Yeah.
Whoa! What are you...
Oh, my God.
Whoa, I'm sorry.
Was that bad timing?
'Cause I thought
it was good timing
'cause you're on
a Ferris wheel, you're upset.
Okay.
I'm just trying
to comfort you.
That was weird?
We should probably get off.
We should get off.
Yeah, that was...
Hey! Excuse me,
could we be let off?
Erwin. Erwin?
Can we please?
Can we stop the fucking ride?
(LAUGHING)
Can we just stop it?
I'm sorry for...
I didn't mean to
raise my voice.
Oh, my God, Enlvin.
ERWIN: Wait, wait, wait! Wait!
Oh!
Okay.
What!
You got it!
That was all you.
I got it.
We got it. We got it.
(LAUGHS)
Holy crap.
Nobody saw that.
We're good.
We're out of here.
(LAUGHS)
This has been
a really fun night.
I'm sorry if I flipped
out on you on
the Ferris wheel earlier.
Oh. No, my timing
was just bizarre. (LAUGHS)
I'm going through
a lot of shit right now.
It's a long story.
I'm sorry you're
going through stuff.
You're a really
great guy, Erwin.
Aww.
No, I'm serious.
I look at you and I just
see this really, really,
really old man.
"Old"?
I'm complimenting you.
I just see this very kind,
very gentle,
very wise old man.
In a convalescent home.
In a wheelchair.
Hmm.
Thank you.
Hi.
Hi.
I...
I know you're mad at me
because you think
that l ditched you to
play beer pong, and...
I never said I was mad.
Okay, well,
I know that you are, and...
Nadine.
Would you like to
know an observation
that I made this weekend?
Sure.
"Oh, my God, Shannon.
Your outfit, it's so cute!
I love it!" (GIGGLES)
Yeah, okay.
And you tossed me aside?
The person
who's had your back
since second grade.
Who's been with you
through everything.
You know what? Fine.
Yeah, that's what happened.
Because chances are,
those pricks,
they're not gonna
give a shit about you
when Darian drops your ass
for someone hotter.
(CHUCKLES)
You don't know anything,
Nadine.
Look, it's really shitty
to hear. I'm sorry.
It's gonna happen.
No. I'm sorry,
it's not gonna happen.
Because your brother
just asked me
to be his girlfriend
and to prom in May.
No.
Yeah, he did.
He just asked me that.
You can't.
You can't have both.
It's me or him. Pick.
No, I'm...
No, I'm not gonna pick.
It's me or him.
Do you want him?
Nadine. Nadine...
Or do you want me?
This isn't a choice.
Why can't you just say me?
Him or me, now!
No, I'm not gonna pick!
You know what?
Then we're done.
We're done.
(SCOFFS)
Fine.
(WHISPERS) Nadine.
Nadine.
Hmm.
Hey, wake up.
You had a brain operation.
It worked.
They made you
pleasant and agreeable.
Ah, just wishful daydreaming.
Hey, the bell rang.
Leave, please.
DARIAN: Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, you know what,
just ignore her. She's...
I'll call you later.
Bye.
I don't want to hear about it.
Work it out
between yourselves.
In a couple weeks,
Dad'll be dead four years.
When I was on
my way home today,
this memory came back to me.
It was that night,
after everything happened.
I got up to go
to the bathroom,
and I saw you
crying so hard.
I mean, so hard your
pillow was just soaked.
That made me so sad.
I got up and
I went in my room.
I got my pillow.
Took the wet one for myself.
I wish you loved me
that much.
Asshole.
No, no.
Hey, you're so messed up
for bringing up that story.
You're so messed up!
I mean,
do you even realize how sick
in the head you are
for bringing that up?
Oh, I'm sorry you feel
guilty for never caring
about anyone but yourself.
Oh, yeah.
No, that's exactly it.
Face it, you're
obsessed with yourself.
Oh, my God.
Your report card
on the refrigerator,
like you're five years old!
"Hey, everybody!
Hey, everybody, look!
"l pooped in the big potty!"
God, do you even
know what it feels like
to love another human being?
Oh, man,
you are so dramatic.
Okay? Hey,
life isn't fair sometimes,
Nadine, okay? Get over it!
I swear to God.
I swear to God,
I'm gonna clock you!
Don't touch me, man.
Stop saying stuff like that!
Calm down already, man!
Stop it!
What is the matter with you?
I... (SIGHS)
I know what this is about.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do. Krista
and Darian are a thing.
You guys think
I don't know things,
but I know things.
I'm leaving.
No, you're not.
Where are you going?
NADINE: I'm taking
a therapeutic walk.
Get back here!
Oh, God. Darian!
DARIAN: Just don't
worry about it.
(SIGHS) Can I just
ask you a question?
Is it worth turning the house
into a war zone?
What am I
supposed to say to that?
I'm just... I'm just
asking you the question.
I'm not turning it
into a war zone, Mom.
She is.
Why don't you talk to her?
Because she doesn't
listen to me, You do.
(SIGHS)
You'll do the right thing.
I know you will.
I mean, look at that
drink you're making.
You want one?
Oh.
What did I do to
make such a perfect kid, huh?
(SLURPING)
Could you point me
in the direction
of the cat litter?
Uh...
Eight, I think.
You go to Lakewood, right?
Sometimes.
I've seen you around.
We've just
never really talked.
Freshman.
Junior.
(STAMMERS) I don't really need
the cat litter, I just, um...
I don't even know
why I said that.
I don't even have a cat.
I just know they
shit a bunch, so...
I like your shoes.
I got to go.
Uh... Okay.
Look on
the bright side, you know?
I mean,
"Maybe they'll get married.
"And then my best friend
will be part of my family."
Helpful, thank you.
It really bothers me
she's not giving you rides
anymore, though.
I'm gonna have to
talk to her about that.
No, you're not!
I can't drive you
every morning.
It puts me on the freeway late
and adds 40 minutes.
If you do that,
I will do something
equally terrible to you.
I will tell
everyone on Facebook
that you pluck your nipples.
How about that?
(SIGHS)
All right. Look, just tell me
what you wanna hear,
and I'll say it.
Mom.
I want to make
you feel better.
What can I say to do that?
I don't know.
Here's what I do
when I'm feeling down.
I get very quiet
and very still.
And I say to myself,
"Everyone in the world
is as miserable
and empty as I am.
"They're just
better at pretending."
Try it sometime.
It might bring
you some peace.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(PANTING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Hey, do you guys
know where Erwin Kim is?
I guess he hangs out
around here sometimes.
Yeah, he's working on
his project for SFF.
SF what?
The Student Film Festival.
Right.
Yeah.
SFF.
(SIGHS)
Hey, um, I got to talk to you
about some homework.
I didn't need to talk to you
about homework, I lied.
You enjoying my company?
You're a barrel of monkeys.
You never told me
if you have a wife.
You should date my mother.
(CHUCKLES)
Her last boyfriend turned out
to be an Internet perv.
She's very, very fragile.
Very "Oh, save me."
Men like that, right, though?
'Cause at the end of the day
they all want to be a hero.
Everyone just wants to
feel important in life.
Thing is, no matter
how important they are,
there's always gonna be
someone more important.
People get so
uptight about that.
"Oh, no!
They're better than me."
It's like,
God, they don't realize
important doesn't matter.
(LOUD WHIRRING)
It's confidence.
The most confident person
in the room wins
every single time.
It doesn't matter
if it's real.
Doesn't matter if
they're pulling it
straight outta their ass.
People are dumb.
They don't know
the difference.
You know what?
I'm gonna go ahead
and I'm gonna tell you
the real reason
I'm having lunch
with you today.
You see, I don't
really have any
friends at the moment.
And to be
completely honest with you,
I'm not interested at all.
My entire generation
is a bunch of mouth-breathers.
They literally have a seizure
if you take their
phone away for a second.
They can't
communicate without emojis.
And they actually think
that the world wants to
know that they are,
"Eating a taco,
exclamation point,
smiley face, smiley face."
Like we give a fuck.
(NADINE SIGHS)
I am an old soul.
I like old music
and old movies
and even old people.
Bottom line is
l have nothing in common
with the people out there,
and they have
nothing in common with me.
(SIGHS)
Nadine?
Max?
Maybe
nobody likes you.
You're a dick.
Maybe nobody likes you, huh?
You know,
you're always in a shit mood.
You're a really
shitty teacher.
You put zero effort
into everything you do here,
and there's no way
you're proud of that.
Look at you. Look at,
like, you do nothing.
Look at your hair.
You don't do your hair 'cause
you don't have any hair.
(SCOFFS) You're bald.
And you know what?
You know why
you're not married?
Because bald men are gross,
and they're disgusting
and especially the ones
that make $45,000 a year.
(CHUCKLES)
What?
I've been doing this 23 years,
and you're the first person
to ever underestimate
my salary.
(SIGHS)
That made me feel good.
I mean, that part.
What are you doing?
I'm giving you
half my cookie.
Why?
Make you feel better. Jesus.
Guess what?
You're my favorite student.
Does that help?
Am I really your
favorite student?
Felt like
the right thing to say.
I didn't mean like
completely bald,
by the way.
It's smart what
you do there, too.
You kind of, you know...
I don't know. Do you
poof it up a little bit?
Give a little zhuzh?
Glad you circled back around
and cleaned that up.
Certainly made me feel better.
(SNORING ON TV)
The dog's good,
but our real competition
is the hypnotoad.
(SIGHS)
KRISTA: No, no.
DARIAN: Yeah. No, I'm serious.
Practice is
so totally boring.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS)
(VIBRATES)
Hey.
Hey, I heard you were
looking for me at lunch.
Yeah, I can't
talk right now.
Oh, okay.
I just got... Okay.
(SIGHS)
(RINGING)
ERWIN: Hello?
Sorry.
Um, I just took
some medicine.
I'll call you
after it kicks in.
Wait, wait, what's wrong?
Are you sick?
No, I'm fine.
I'm not... No.
Medicine, like, uh,
an antidepressant-whatever.
They gave them to me
when my dad died.
People take them,
like, all the time.
It's totally normal.
Oh?
Does that make you think
I'm pathetic
all of the sudden?
Oh, no. No. No.
(STAMMERS) I think
you're perfectly fine.
Seriously.
(SIGHS)
Hey.
do you have a swimming pool?
Yeah.
Can I come swim in it?
I know I could swim in mine.
I just know I wouldn't relax.
Yes.
I got towels.
We're good to go.
We’re green. We're good.
Okay. Cool.
I'll text you the address.
Yeah, I'll see you
in a little bit, then.
Okay.
Yeah-yeah-yeah. Yes!
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Hey.
Jeez, Erwin,
I would've been nicer to you.
Ah.
(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
God, I wish my
bathtub got this hot.
Why didn't you
tell me you were rich?
I thought I did.
I always try to
tell everyone.
(LAUGHS) What?
Well, you didn't tell me
that you were in
a film festival, either.
You don't tell me anything,
Erwin.
Well, maybe it's because
I couldn't get a word in.
Do I really talk that much?
Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna drown myself now.
Goodbye.
Bye. (CHUCKLES)
Hey.
Thanks for
letting me come over.
I'm glad you did.
Do you wanna
have sex right now?
Okay.
(SNICKERS) I'm just kidding.
I was just...
You know that I was just
playing out the movie scene.
You ever feel like
you have to do that?
I mean, come on.
There's a waterfall.
It's all romantic.
Sure. Sure. Yeah. Right.
I'm sorry. ljust...
Whatever.
What. are you mad now?
You can't be mad.
You were gonna have sex
with me two seconds ago.
You don't say
that stuff to a man.
Oh, "a man," huh?
All right.
Erwin, come...
What are you doing?
You're gonna press a button
that sucks me into the drain,
aren't you?
MAN: (SINGING)
Dickhead
You're such a dickhead
(LAUGHS) Oh, my God.
And everybody knows it
Everyone but you
You're a dickhead
I hope you'll soon be dead
And this is payback time
for what you put me through
You're a dickhead
Everybody's said
I hope you like
the song so screw you
(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
So, what's your
film about, anyway?
Still figuring it out. Uh...
My drawing teacher
asked a few of us to
enter an animation project.
Oh, that's cool.
I didn't know you draw.
What kind of stuff?
NADINE: Look at these. Wow.
Damn, Erwin.
Yeah,
this is mostly unfinished.
Just doodling, mostly.
But not quite where l...
Oh, I think
I found my favorite.
ERWIN: Oh, yeah, my parents
love that one, too.
NADINE: Do they?
No, they don't.
That's just... No,
they're very conservative.
No. They don't.
Wow. They're both you, right?
Yeah, I'm multifaceted.
Rad self-portrait.
Man.
Wow.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Man, Erwin,
you're really good.
Do you, uh, you know,
want to come on Saturday?
To see the film?
It's early in the morning,
super inconvenient, so...
I mean, I hope you say yes,
but, you know,
you can take that
and think about it.
I don't expect an answer,
like, right now.
I mean,
'cause that would be rude.
That's a lot of pressure.
So, just laying it out there.
Yeah, I'd love to come.
Oh. Okay.
Are your parents going?
I could just sit with them.
Well, my parents are in Korea
for three months.
So, they won't make it.
Are you serious?
You've had this whole place
to yourself for three months?
Yay. (CHUCKLES)
No, I get it.
It's... It's a big house.
You're bored.
You know what you need?
You need someone to rob you,
so you can reenact Home Alone.
That is.,.
That is exactly
what I need. Thank you.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(KRISTA LAUGHING)
That's crazy.
You're so bad.
I can't get out.
Can you just go
around the block once?
I'm not going around
the block. We're here.
Look, it's an
inappropriate time. Just go.
l have to be at
work at 8:30, Nadine.
Oh, my God.
Are we really
back to this again?
Oh, you've got to be
kidding me.
Thank you.
You could just
loop around up here.
No, no, no.
I'm going to work.
You're coming with me.
You know, my boss isn't
gonna be happy about it,
and you're the one that
gets to explain it to him.
MONA: Don't you have
something to do?
Schoolwork or something?
Hmm?
Can I have this hole punch?
Give that to me.
I want you to just sit there
for the next eight hours
and don't touch anything
and don't make any noise.
Can I mime?
(IMITATES GUNSHOT)
You're not funny.
If my husband had any idea
what I was gonna
have to deal with...
I love how you refer
to him as your husband.
He is my husband.
You can run off and
get a new husband.
What he is, is my dad.
Can't you just say
that occasionally?
Fine.
But we're not talking
about him right now. 'Cause
it's just too upsetting.
"It's just too
hard and too sad
"and it gives me
a cluster headache."
I know.
Oh, my God.
You have no compassion.
Actually,
I'm just bored because I know
everything you're
gonna do before you do it.
Sure you do.
Oh, you don't believe me.
No, I don't.
I'm gonna write down
the next thing
you're gonna say to me.
I'm not gonna play
your little games, Nadine.
Your little games, Nadine.
Congratulations.
Mmm.
All right, you know what?
Here's something
you're not gonna guess.
Hmm.
Your dad would be
so disappointed in
the way you're turning out.
Did you just take my keys?
Nadine.
(ENGINE STARTING)
Don't you take that car!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
I will call the police!
(PANTING)
God.
"Nick, I'm just gonna say it.
"I like you.
I've liked you for months.
"I think about
you every second.
"I don't know,
maybe I even love you.
"You're so complicated.
But simple.
"And l just feel this
connection between us.
"I feel like I already
know you, and I just
wanna be with you.
"I wanna give you head.
"I want you to put
your mouth on my tits.
"I wanna feel you inside me.
"We can do it in
the Petland stockroom.
"Nadine."
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
You sound like
a fuckin' psychopath.
(SIGHS)
You can't send this.
What? No.
(GASPS)
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, no way.
No, no, no way. No.
Fuck!
Oh, my God!
Shit.
Look, I don't want to take up
a ton of your time,
but I'm gonna kill myself.
"You're complicated.
And simple.
"And I just feel this
connection between us.
"Feel like
I already know you."
This is kind of sweet.
I mean, I think
you're overreacting.
"I just wanna be with you.
I wanna give you head.
"I wantyou to put
your mouth on my tits.
"I wanna feel you inside me."
Mmm.
"We can do it in
the Petland stockroom."
(WHIMPERS)
Say something.
Oh, my God.
Say something, please!
Help me!
You need to watch out
for run-on sentences.
But can't you
just do something?
(STAMMERING)
Can't you just do something?
You've gotta be
able to do something.
Come on.
I don't know, maybe
confiscate his phone? Um...
On, his computer.
His computer.
You can maybe
get his address.
If you get his address,
and you confiscate his phone.
Great. Get his address.
You give it to me.
I'm gonna go there, and I'm...
Nadine, Nadine.
Just take fifth period off,
all right? Try to relax.
Listen to some music.
Have a yogurt.
Maybe just take it easy.
Can you do that?
And, uh, if you have any,
you know, complications,
let me know.
(PANTING)
Okay ?
Okay.
Don't worry.
Thank you.
It's gonna be okay.
Thank you.
Can I have some money
for the yogurt?
I want change.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
MONA: (ON VOICE MAIL)
I just want you to know
I've never been more
humiliated in my entire life.
I absolutely cannot...
(BEEPS)
Okay, Nadine,
so now I need you
to pick up the phone.
(BEEPS)
I just don 't
understand you, Nadine. I...
If you think you're
keeping that phone,
you are dreaming.
The second you come home,
that phone is going.
I am done.
I am done trying
to understand you.
(URINATING)
(SOFTLY) Come on. Please.
Please, God, help me.
(SIGHS)
Why do I even bother?
Why do I even...
You've never
given me one thing.
Any time I ask you for
anything, you're like,
"You need help with something?
Let me help you.
"I'm just playin'.
I'm gonna butt-fuck you
some more."
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
(NADINE SPEAKING)
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
What?
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
Oh, my God. Okay. Calm down.
Just relax.
Um...
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
Thank you,
thank you, thank you!
Thank you.
(SIGHS)
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
Ooh.
Oh, mother...
(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Oh, my...
(GRUNTS)
BOY: How many of those
do you bet are this asshole's?
Please hurry
the hell up and graduate.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hey, one sec.
BOY: Oh, tell Krista about
the time when...
What? Wait. Just slow down.
What do you mean?
Okay, Mom, calm down.
Man, I do my best
to big you up.
I'm just saying,
we could've won every game.
I'm gonna catch up
with you guys later.
Are you kidding, man?
No, it's a long story.
All right.
I'll see you.
See you, man.
KRISTA: Hey.
Hey, what happened?
It's fine.
It's not fine.
No, you're having fun.
You should stay.
I'll come with you.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Hey.
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO)
You look cute.
Thank you.
So do you... Yeah.
Mom?
Hey, Mom?
MONA: Oh.
What are you doin'?
It's going to Goodwill.
All of it.
Everything that's
on the floor, gone!
Mom, why don't you
just calm down, okay?
No.
I'm done putting up with it.
All of this?
All right. Hey.
MONA: Oh, my God!
Can you believe it?
It's okay.
What is this?
What is all this crap?
Just please,
please stop for a second.
She left her flat iron on.
She wants to burn
the goddamn house down!
Can you stop
for a second, please?
This is going.
Okay. All right.
All right. All right.
Stop. Just give it to me.
Hey!
Just give me the bag!
Hey!
I am the adult here!
Not you.
Then why do you
always call me?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. You're right.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I just don't
have anybody else.
You're the only one.
What are you doing?
I'm handling it.
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO)
Wow.
Look at this view,
it's amazing.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
NADINE: (ON VOICE MAIL)
Look, you know what to do.
I'm not gonna be an asshole
and tell you.
Look, you know what to do...
I love this song.
(INCREASES VOLUME)
It's really good.
(SOFTLY) I can't believe
this is happening.
There's so much
that I've wanted
to tell you and ask you.
And ljust can't
believe this is happening.
(SEAT WHIRRING)
Um...
(IMITATES SEAT WHIRRING)
Oh, wow, this just keeps
going back, doesn't it?
NICK: Pull this down.
Oh, God.
I... ldon't know if...
Yeah. Just...
Hold on, I gotta...
(STAMMERING)
I don't know if I should...
No, get off! Get off! Off!
Get off!
Okay! Okay.
What the hell?
(SEAT WHIRRING)
(SIGHS)
I, uh... I really liked
that song earlier.
What was the name of it again?
Uh, I don't remember.
I can just google it.
Anyway,
do you maybe wanna
go for a walk or something?
We could maybe catch a movie.
Or we could sit here silently
in your Mercury Marquis
all night.
Are you serious?
What?
What, now you're
making fun of my car?
What? No.
I was just being specific.
I wasn't saying that
because it's shitty.
All right.
No, God, no.
Look, I love your car, okay.
I don't even have a car.
I'm just acting weird,
and this is just all a lot.
(STARTS ENGINE)
And please stop.
Please don't leave.
(TURNS ENGINE OFF)
Fuck!
What?
ldon't understand you.
What do you... What?
What do you want?
What do you mean,
what do I want?
What do you want!
To talk. To get to know you.
Not just do it in
the first five seconds.
You wrote me a novel
about how you were dying
to blow me in Petland,
you psycho.
I'm not here to
get to know you.
This is so stupid.
So stupid.
Why didn't!
listen to my friends?
Oh, come on. Come on.
Now you're gonna try
to make me the bad guy?
You're the one
who messaged me.
I hope you hit a tree
in this piece of shit.
I hope you get
fucking paralyzed!
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
(SOBBING)
(DOOR OPENS)
Let's go, lady.
Did you get a donut
from these people?
No.
NADINE: What the...
(BABY COOING)
Why is that baby
in your house?
Oh, shit. How the hell'd
that thing get in here?
Hello.
(KISSES BABY)
This is Toby.
And this is Greer.
GREER: Hi.
MR. BRUNER: How are you?
Good, how are
you doin'?
Good.
Nice to meet you.
Hi, nice...
Now. your
mother's number?
MR. BRUNER: And who's
got the stinky feet?
Who's got the stinky feet?
Let me smell. Hold on.
(SNIFFS)
Oh! Oh! Oh...
(LAUGHS) Toby's
got the stinky feet.
Don't stare.
It makes him
self-conscious.
(GREER CHUCKLES)
Can I get you
something else?
Any ice cream or anything
before I put the baby down?
I'm good, thank you.
No, no. I can feed
and water her from here.
GREER: All right.
All right.
Come on, tiny man.
It's you and me, buddy.
Big boy.
There you go.
(GRUNTS) Yeah.
Look, I just want to say,
I don't know the whole story,
but, whatever it is,
it'll pass.
I went through a rough time
not too long ago, too.
But look
where it led me.
This is the face
of hope.
(MR. BRUNER CHUCKLES)
All right.
Good night.
I'll be in,
in a minute.
All right. Good night.
Good night.
GREER: Say, "Night-night."
Good night.
Night-night, Daddy.
Night-night.
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
I think that's
for you.
Come on.
No, that's not my mother.
Don't open the door.
Hello there.
(SIGHS)
What are you
doing here?
Get in the car.
Let's go.
No, Mom's picking me up.
No, she's not.
Get in the car.
Well, I don't feel like
getting in the car
with you and her.
Do you know what I've
been doing all night?
I'll find another ride.
Hey. Hey,
get in the car.
Stop!
No. you think
this is fun for me?
Let go of me!
You think
I like this?
Where were you?
You can't pick up
your phone even once?
You don't need to pretend
to give a shit about me
just because
people are watching.
Oh, give me a break.
Oh, face it.
You can't wait to
take me home so you can
be Mom's little hero.
You live for that shit.
KRISTA: Just let it go.
Darian.
Darian?
Hey, I just want you to know
you're right, Nadine.
Darian, we don't
need to do this...
You're right about everything!
I don't give
a shit about you.
I'm only here for me,
and my life is
fuckin' incredible.
I love it.
No, I love spending
another night talking
Mom off the ledge.
I love only applying
to schools nearby
because who knows
what'll happen in the house
if I'm not around
to fix it?
And I love
that the one person
who makes me feel
like I could take
a fuckin' breath,
I can't have without
completely destroying you.
So, you're right.
You're right.
It's a blast.
I win.
Hey, can you give her
a ride home, please?
Thanks.
(SIGHS)
Look, I'm not very good
at this kind of thing. Uh...
But I think we both
know what needs to
be said right now,
so I'm just gonna come
right out and say it.
Get out of the car.
(CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
Bye.
See you Monday.
Hey.
Look, I just wanted
to say that
I'm sorry for being
a bitch tonight.
For the past
couple weeks.
And the past 17 years
before that.
I know this isn't
any easier for you.
I know that.
I think some deranged
part of me likes thinking
I'm the only one
with real problems.
Like that makes me special.
You know, ever since
we were little,
I would get
this feeling like...
Like I'm floating
outside of my body,
looking down on myself.
And I hate what I see.
How I'm acting,
the way I sound.
And I don't know
how to change it.
And I'm so scared
that that feeling is
never gonna go away.
I'm sorry.
Really.
Good night.
Hey, Nadine.
Good night.
Good night.
Hey.
Hey.
You're up early.
Uh, yeah. I, um. I got...
I got a thing to go to.
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
Well, have
a good day.
You as well.
Have a good day,
both of you.
Have a great day.
Thank you.
Um...
Can I call you later?
Okay.
That was good.
Mmm-hmm.
Right?
That was so good.
I miss her.
Nadine?
Sit back, relax,
and get ready to
enjoy the films.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
(WHISPERS) Turn off
your cell phone, please.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON SCREEN)
(WHISPERING)
Can I squeeze in? Thanks.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
(SIGHS)
(EXHALES)
Really somethin', wasn't it?
Let's keep things going.
Our next entry,
ladies and gentlemen,
comes from Erwin Kim of...
Whoo!
(CHUCKLES) Thank you.
Of Lakewood High. Mr. Kim,
would you like to come out
and say a few words
about your film?
Come on.
Hello. Thank you
for coming. Um...
(STAMMERING) Hope
you enjoy this, uh...
My, uh...
(CHUCKLES) Uh...
You can just take this.
Thanks. Thank you.
Whoo.
Uh, okay.
Well, here it is.
Mr. Kim's film. (CHUCKLES)
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
NARRATOR: Once upon a time
on a planet called
Not Saturn
at Allen Planet High School...
ALL: Watch out! Watch out!
Watch out! Watch out!
...there was
an alien adolescent
who was struck by love.
(SMACKS LIPS)
(CHUCKLES)
Hmm? Mmm-mmm.
(SIGHS)
Hmm?
Mmm-mmm.
(EXCLAIMS)
Mmm-mmm.
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm!
(GROWLING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(SHRIEKING)
(GROWLING)
(SHRIEKING)
(BLOWS)
(GASPS)
(ALL LAUGHING)
(SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
(SIGHS)
(GROANS)
(SOFT GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
(ROARING)
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
ALL: Aww.
(CHATTERING)
Huh?
Hmm.
Oh.
Aww.
Uh-oh.
(MARCHING BAND PLAYING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Mmm. (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Too late!
Pool party!
(SPLASHES)
(EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT)
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
(SHRIEKING)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Whoo!
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Erwin.
That...
Wow.
Well, I mean,
l wouldn't
go that far.
It was all right. (LAUGHS)
It was amazing. Really.
Oh, thanks!
And I got the message,
all right? I know...
I know she's me.
But I already
figured out
how great you are.
You're so fucking great.
You're like
the best person I know.
What? What's wrong?
Um, the film
wasn't about you.
(SOFTLY) Oh, God.
Shoot.
Sorry, I thought
maybe because the hair
and, like,
the cool shoes that...
Oh...
Wow. I'm one of those people
that thinks everything
is about them.
I'm just messing
with you.
Yeah, I'm just messing
with you. I set that up.
You shithead.
Yes.
Felt pretty good. You...
You being nervous for once.
And I'm just over here,
like, just sniffin'
my flowers.
(LAUGHS)
I hate you so much.
You free to hang?
Yeah, I am.
Cleared my whole
schedule for you.
Oh, good. Come on.
Say hi
to some people.
Dude, you did
such a good job.
Insane!
Thank you,
thank you.
Guys, this is Nadine.
Hi. How's it goin'?
Good, how are you?
I'm good. Thanks.
That was so good.
I just can't
get over it.
It was amazing.