The Eagle and the Albatross (2018) - full transcript

Mornin', folks.
It's Slicer here

with your local guide
to golf.

Well, the apple doesn't fall
far from the tee.

You get that?

Always play with somebody
better than you,

especially if you made
them that way.

Jar-min!

Ji-min.

Hi. I'm Debra...

Daryl's sister.

You could call me...
You can call me aunt,



or auntie,

or whatever you like.

It's okay.

We're family now.

Five bucks he makes this one.

Yeah.

- Who shot that?
- Albatross Al.

Albatross.
What's an albatross?

Three under par.

Al shot two
in a tournament once.

We witnessed it.

Debalicious Debbie Deb Debs.

What's with the Oriental?

It's Asian.



It's my bother's daughter.

I have custody now.

That's right. Darryl died.

Who died?

And why didn't I hear about it?

- What's with the Oriental?
- It's Asian.

Daryl willed her to Debra.

Well, that was an asshole move.

I wish I got to embalm him.

Jar-min...

Ji-min.

Well, let's get you to school.

Right? Meet some new friends.

Come on. Come on.

Oh, and there's a golf team
that you can join.

Right, Patrick?

Albatross Al...

Made me another five bucks,
buddy.

- How you doing, Al?
- Oh, pretty well, pretty well.

That's too bad.

You playing in the innovational
with the Undertaker here?

No, I'm not signing up for that.

Dr. Al Wiserman missing
a day of golf.

Are you sure
you're feeling okay?

I'm not ready to be buried yet.

Nah, I'll just play around him.

You won't even see me.

Sorry. Can't be done.

- Why not?
- New rules.

If you're not playing
or a paying spectator,

you're not allowed
on the course.

Ah, I guess you gotta do
what you gotta do.

Maybe I can get my son to play.
I can give him a call.

It's good timing.
It's the last day to sign up.

All right.

God sakes.

- I need my balls.
- You sure do.

- Morning, Doctor.
- You're not returning my calls.

I don't wanna hear it.

But you're playing every day.

Never miss one.

Join me?

You know I don't play here.

You notice any changes yet?

Yeah.

This morning.

The trim along the green
was a lot tighter.

I'm not talking about golf, Al.

You need to come in
and start your treatments.

If I do, I won't be able to hit
a golf ball straight,

and you damn well know it.

Al, being a bad hooker is better
than losing your life.

Well, we have different
priorities.

How do you find
a partner worthy to play with?

- That's luck.
- That's luck, people.

I hope you have it.

Five, five, five tee time.

Dr. Newbody's got the rest
of your patients.

So go ahead and look
at your balls.

- Mm-hmm-hmm.
- Dr. Wiserman.

Right? More like Dr. Olderman.

Just kidding.

A lot of people are having
trouble seeing around here.

Right? But I can see.

My headquarters sent
a Newbody down here.

I'm so sorry.
It's just... I'm doing wordplay.

And I get...

- Men's league later today.
- Hmm.

I've been practicing, so...

See you out there, partner.

Right?

Later, dude.

Cole.

Jennifer.

Kathy.

Spencer.

Ji-min.

Ji-min.

Okay, kids.
We are putting Fern Hall

on the map this year.

We have some diversity.

We won't even let
our competition pass the apron.

Follow me.

All right. Loosey-goosey.

Loosey-goosey.

Let's grab our best shafts.

Jin...

You seem to only have one.

Why don't you start
things off for us?

Namaste.

- Try again, hon.
- She doesn't have any balls.

- Wait, you can use mine.
- Mine are bigger.

Don't worry about teeing up.

Just drop your balls
and whack 'em.

Thanks.

I thought Koreans
were good at golf.

Kathy, you're up next.

I hope you're better
than last year.

Need some new tees,
Chopsticks?

- What'd you say, bitch?
- Look, oriental...

Put the irons down.
Relax and breathe.

Suck a dick.

Excuse me?
That is not sportsmanlike.

You will never be on this team
with that attitude, jimbo girl.

Look at this.

Maybe we should keep kids
off the course.

Weren't you just like her, Al?

Yeah, an angry Asian girl, huh?

Damn it to hell.

In the news,
a 91-year-old player

on the senior tour has
a new lease on life after...

It's not looking good, Deb.

We're down to 22.

Are the men done yet?

I want to play.

So are you coming this weekend?

Girl, I am coming
whenever you tell me to.

Hey, can I come?

Both of you? Ew.

Whoa.

Debalicious...

You gotta get control
of your Asian.

Who is that?

Debra's inheritance.

That's lucky.

I was disowned.

- Oh, shit.
- What?

You're never gonna get it
in the hole, Eugene!

Give it up!

Well, well, well,
look what the cat dragged in.

I see what you're doing, Mother.

Helping you lose members?

You're damn right.

This place is gonna make
a terrific strip mall.

Grandpa said it stays open
as long as we have members.

Which won't be much longer

if I have anything
to say about it.

Face it, Debra.

Golf is a dying old man's sport.

This must be the hybrid.

This is your granddaughter.

So he said...

16 years after the fact.

Honey, this is your
grandmother, Pearl.

She doesn't look
a thing like Darryl.

- Thank God.
- Hey!

That's your father
you're talking about.

He died serving his country.
You should show a little respect.

He died from food poisoning
at a whorehouse off base.

Is that where
he met your mother?

Oh, my God.

We're family.

- Can I go play?
- No.

I'm not paying
for a membership for her.

Yes. Go ahead.

You can play as a guest.

You're gonna let her play
wearing that?

Oh, my God, Mother.
You show up looking like a tee warmer.

What the fuck is a tee warmer?

- Yeah, right over it.
- I made it!

I made it! I'm here, guys.

I'm here, partner.

Yeah, now you know
why I play solo.

Nobody sees your greatness
when you're solo, Al.

Yeah, I see what Al can't,

which is his patience mostly.

- Hey, Al. Is that your cart?
- Yeah.

And you're not gonna push mine
into the pond, kiddo.

Merle, one inch left of the cup.

The other left.

So, uh, can I play
with you guys?

I can only play with members.

What's your handicap?

Al's a one.

Yeah, one big old handicap.
He's going blind.

Yeah, that's why
I didn't see you there.

So you're like a pro or...

Teach a class?
Need a partner?

What? No. Who are you?

Ji-min Kurt, sir.

Kurt. I didn't know Deb
had a kid.

She's my aunt.
Darryl was my dad.

Darryl died?
Sorry to hear that.

That's okay.

He was an asshole anyways.

- May I?
- No.

Nobody sits here.

Huh? What's that supposed
to mean?

Crazy person or something?

Yeah, but you're a crazy person
that owns this game, sir.

Kiddo, nobody owns this game.

You only borrow it.

- Hello, Deb.
- Hey, Al.

Sorry to hear about
your brother.

Yeah, so am I.

I only wish he would have
married Jim's mom

so she'd get
the social security checks.

Mm-hmm. Oh, damn it,

I lost my partner
for this weekend.

I wish I had a partner to lose.

Al, you don't have
to play every day.

Oh, yes, I do.

You wanna play with me
this weekend?

Oh, no, no.
I can't even get it in the hole.

I'll take that dare.

What about you, Tracy?

I don't play with boys.

Hey, Deb.
What about your niece?

She looks like
she wants to play.

Maybe I can teach her
a few things.

So could I.

Yeah. Please.

Keep it.

Thanks, Al.

Can I have another one?

- You play?
- Yes, sir.

Is that the only club you got?

My dad's best six-iron?
It'll do in a fix, sir.

He didn't leave you
the whole bag?

His best friend got those.

You ever play
in a tournament before?

No, sir.

Wanna play with me this weekend?

Oh, I'd love to, sir.

I want to be as good as you.

Well, it's a best ball
tournament,

so we'll use my ball.

Or mine.

All right.
How do you spell your name?

J-I... dash...

Dash.

M-I-N.

Hey, kid, it's Dad.

Too bad you can't make
the invitational.

I found a partner, though.

Well, sort of.

Let me know when you can come up
and play again, huh?

I'll be out there every day.

Love you.

I got a new partner today.

Yeah, she's not very good.

Yeah, it's a girl.
What, are you jealous?

Aunt Debra, are you vacuuming?

What?

No. No.

I heard it last night, too.

I thought you had
your headphones on.

- I can help.
- Hey, uh, no. Hey, listen.

Um, you wanna skip school?

Here. How about that?

Um, we got this bike outside.
Here. Wear that.

There's a dress code
at the club.

And, uh, go have some fun.

Yeah. Hit some balls around.

The sun is out,
the sun is shining,

it's a beautiful day,
ask yourselves.

Can we be friends with people
who do not golf?

- Nice shot.
- Not bad.

You always get up this early?

I just wanna play.

All right.
Give it a shot.

Well, that might have killed
a tree.

Obviously, Darryl did not teach
you how to swing.

Well, he didn't like being
seen with me, either.

So I just kind of ended up
sneaking onto base

and playing the course there.

- Taught myself.
- Mm-hmm.

I pulled some clubs for you.

Are you serious?

I have plenty.

Now, this is temporary.

After this, I play solo again.

That bag has no wheels.

Wait. Where are you going?

Get your wedge.

All right.

Let's see what you got.

No, no, no, no.

You want your hands
in front of the ball.

Front of the ball.

Your weight has to be
on your left leg.

And don't be afraid
to be a little gentle.

You don't want to kick it
around, you know what I mean?

But the big thing.

Follow through.

Follow through.

Yes, sir.

All right, give it a shot.

Eh...

All right, kiddo,
you keep your shoulders down,

your head still.

And keep your eye on the ball.

That's so textbook, sir.

You don't have to call me sir.

Well, you don't have
to call me kiddo.

Hey, there's a reason
they write textbooks.

Well, is that funny-ass swing
in a textbook, sir?

Well, I may be old and fat,
but, uh, I'm pretty limber.

Wait. Where are you going?

You... You're kidding me.

You hit from the ladies' tees.

Take every advantage you can.

So, like, how do you
visualize your shots?

What? Give me a break.

I'm Jewish.
I don't believe in that crap.

All right,
just hit the damn ball.

You lifted your head.

That's one angry swing
you got there, kiddo.

Now try it again...

- and try not to hit it off the toe.
- Yes, sir.

Now...

keep your left arm straight,

and stick your butt out
a little more.

No, I'm serious.
If I had a cute butt, I'd show you.

Don't worry about where
the ball's gonna go.

Just watch that club face
hit the ball.

Ah, you see?

You're a natural born hooker.

What?

Being a hooker is not bad.

Koreans win a lot,
so maybe it's in the blood.

But you have to learn
to focus your anger.

Well, technically,
I'm half-hillbilly, half-Korean,

and an orphan,

born to an asshole,
and a hooker.

Well, that's not
the ball's fault.

I'll see you up there.

I got it.

Yellow on the right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Woogie, woogie, woogie.
Come to Papa.

What the hell?

Hey, nice shot.

You see how you hooked that,
huh?

Now, you might wanna use
your six on this shot.

What would you use?

Well, I'd probably lay up
with a seven in a tournament,

but, uh, you know, play it safe.

But we're practicing now,
so take whatever chance you want.

Is it safe to hit right now?

Those guys?

We'll be here till Tuesday
if we wait for them. Go ahead.

Yes, sir.

Okay. keep your shoulders
parallel to the ground.

Yeah!

- Nice shot. Was that Al?
- Yeah.

Now they're moving.

- Nice shot, Al.
- Wasn't mine.

That ball belongs
to a girl named Jim.

A girl named Jim.

Well, how about that?

Hello, Jim.

Oh, God.

You're playing with her, Al?

I thought you had standards.

She can hit the ball.

Hey, you guys can play through.

Nah. This is entertaining.

Yeah, it is. Watch this.

When does the club close?

Sooner than they'll be off
the tee.

Ah!

Ah. Now...

What did he do wrong?

He, uh, lifted his head?

So why does your calendar
only go up to September?

Give me something
to look forward to.

Did someone used to sit there?

My wife.

- Did she play?
- No.

She just liked to watch me.

- Ah!
- Oh!

Hey, I got this one.

He turned his club face out?

Very good.

Maybe I'm using the wrong balls,
huh, fellas?

Who's balls
are you playing with?

Tempo.

Oh! Guys! Guys! Guys?

- Hey, Deb.
- Hey.

Honey, I'm sorry.
You can't be in here.

It's house rules.

Never mind.
I'll make my own BLT at home.

You want to play
another round later?

I'll come back, okay?

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Okay?
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

My father ran
a reputable place.

No more.
It's gone downhill.

They don't even have
a dress code.

No one wants to spend the money
on golf anymore.

It only costs $15
to play nine holes, Mother.

Yes, and when you charge $15,
you get $15 players.

Hey, uh...
everything's fine.

Nothing's on fire, but, uh,
the oven's not working.

So, I... I'm gonna make us,
uh, ham and cheeses.

That is perfect timing.

I'll call you all
from Florida.

Suits. Ugh!

Yo, 250 yards on seven.

Here you go.

Who... are you? Ooh!

My name is Melissa.

But you can call me Missy.

- Oh!
- Missy.

"Missay."

Where did you come from,
Missy?

My husband's a new member.

Hm. Husband.

- Randy.
- Randy?

He needs a lot of work.

So, what's crazy Pearl
up to now?

She wants to sell the club.

What?

- I thought this place was yours.
- Yeah.

If I have enough
annual memberships, yeah.

Otherwise, she's gonna
turn it into a strip mall.

This is my safe place.

- Yeah.
- What can we do?

I need more members.

I'll buy a membership.

Can I have 40 more like you?

- To the club.
- To the club.

To the club.

There are 22 members left
who bring guests.

I know, Harry,
but I don't care.

I hate this place.

My father loved it.

I think he loved it
more than he loved me.

God knows he played it
more than he played with me.

Oh. Well.

That's nice to hear.

Well, you'll just have to wait
'til I get to Florida.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I know.

She's better than
she thinks she is.

I don't know.

I don't understand 'em
nowadays.

She wears headphones while she
tries to swing a golf club.

What is that?

And they listen to
that music. Jeez.

Hey. Remember?

Lena Horne.
Remember we went to see her?

Good times.
Good times.

This might kill you, Mary.
You think you can handle that?

That's the way I'm goin'.

Okay, ladies.

I found some extra order forms.

Why do you have all of this
if you could have Dan?

Oh, yeah,
she doesn't want Dan.

He's "eew,"
like me.

I don't think
you're "eew."

I think you're yum.

Well, if that's how
you ladies feel,

I have the perfect gift
for all of you.

This is a wireless bullet.

One goes in the panty,

one gives full control
to someone else.

- Give it to me.
- Yeah.

You wanna party?

Okay, now what I'm gonna
have you ladies do,

put out your finger,
I'm gonna give you a little sample.

This is the whipped,
kissable, creamy lubricant.

Ask yourselves,
"Would I golf with them?"

Got a caller on.
Slicer here tryin' to hit 'em straight.

Do you play it solo or
you play with a partner?

Who's your partner, buddy?

Myself.
Best player I know is myself.

Announcement.

Last night, we lost
one of our old members.

Aww. Who?

You know,
I don't remember names.

Only coffin sizes.

OMG. Are you seeing this?

- Uh, are you seeing this?
- Oh!

Anal.

- Al.
- Thanks, Deb.

I've heard all this before.

I'm gonna go shed a tear
for Ireland.

It's so good. I'll text it to you.

Hey, I'm gonna go
change into my

special lucky
tournament pants.

Great.

Babe, you okay with playin'
with just your gal pals today?

Oh, honey,
I'll be just great.

Don't you worry about it,
I'm gonna take good care of her.

Thank you, sir.

Okay. All right,
let's get started.

Welcome to our annual
guest invitational.

Your starting holes
are on the board.

If you're 65 or over,
you're welcome to use the gold tees.

Closest to the pins
on four and nine,

you get 50 bucks.
Okay?

And you got a mulligan
on both sides.

Her first marriage
was a mulligan.

And his name was Mulligan.

Okay, so wait for the shotgun.

But most importantly,
have fun.

Whoo!

I would have
put you on my team.

That car stunt
was.

Hm. Where'd you learn
Korean?

Like everyone else.
K-Pop.

All right.

Yeah.
Let's go, kiddo.

What is this?

Your mother
had it delivered.

Move.

All right, we keep
one combined score.

And, uh...

we duplicate the course
because it's only nine holes.

We gotta play it twice,
right?

Uh, one becomes ten,
two becomes 11,

- blah, blah, blah.
- Oh.

- It's a little bizarre.
- Uh-huh.

Like the people.
Makes sense.

Oh, f...!

- Seriously?
- Ah, there you go.

Welcome to your first
tournament. Let's go.

It's your world.
All eyes on you.

You're an athlete.
You're a doctor.

People respect you.

Oh, horrible!

Ah!

Into the cart.

Don't worry.
I'm carrying you.

- Ow!
- Ooh.

Look at these pants.

He's gonna need
all the luck he can get.

You look good.
Masculine.

Oh! That was horrible.

I can't wait to fill
each of you with formaldehyde.

When you're dead.

Maybe you should
relax and breathe.

Shut up,
you little Oriental.

Yeah, I wonder what's
stuck up his ass.

Oh, my God. I think
I just heard his hip break.

Oh, God.
He's having a stroke.

Uh...

You need some drops, Al?

'Cause you can use
the senior tees if you need to.

Oh, man.

Ignore 'em.

Hey, I wish I could
but those pants are loud.

Oh, hold on.

Oh, yeah, don't forget
the tees, weirdo.

You're gonna need those.
What are you doing?

Like, who does that?

Okay, okay.

Oh, God.

Stick your butt out.

Yes, sir.

♪ Dance towards the green ♪

♪ Pretty soon, I see ya ♪

♪ This one's in deep ♪

♪ But it's still on me-uh ♪

♪ You know what I do
when a beat won't do ♪

♪ And I'm off my rhythm ♪

♪ And I can't get... ♪

Sir, you saw my shot,
right?

Are you gonna gloat or
are we gonna play golf?

Hey.

Kiddo, sit down.

Really, sir?

Shot like that?
Come on.

Sweet!

- Nice shot.
- Thank you, sir.

♪ The ball keeps flyin' ♪

♪ so I'll keep movin' past,
yeah ♪

♪ You can do ♪

♪ What that beat can do ♪

♪ Beat can do ♪

Avoid that tree.

♪ You can do ♪

God.

I thought I got girls
in heaven.

I know CPR.

Maybe they'll let us
play through.

♪ I don't need you ♪

♪ 'Cause you can't do ♪

♪ What that beat do ♪

♪ Helps me get through ♪

♪ What I need to ♪

♪ Grow old tellin' you ♪

♪ Hear the music jazz,
you can come through here ♪

♪ I'm ridin' high ♪

♪ He goes so far, yeah ♪

♪ Can't break that tie ♪

♪ But you know I'll try ♪

♪ You know what I do
when a beat won't do ♪

♪ When I'm off my rhythm
and I can't get swingin' ♪

♪ Got this feeling in my bones
and I can't let go ♪

♪ But the dirt keeps callin'
sayin' oh, my, ay ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ You can do ♪

♪ What that beat can do ♪

♪ I say ♪

Albatross Al!

Woo-hoo!

Let's get outta here.

Damn,
that was a good shot.

It was very good.

Here, you do it.

We were only one over
on the front,

so you add these up,
you put it here,

put the total,
and you sign it up there.

Yes, sir.

Okay. Third place goes to
ladies club champ Tracy,

and her partner Missy.

- Woo!
- Partner? Nice one.

Hear that, Daddy?

Patrick comes in second
with Randy.

He gets a $50
gift certificate

- to our pro shop.
- All right.

And...

our infamous Al,

in first place again
with his guest Jim.

You win $100 and some balls.

Oh!

And Jimmy gets skins on four
and Tracy on nine.

Hoo!

Hey. That performance
can get you on the team.

If you can cover your fee
and keep your good attitude.

Al and Jim's card
is added up incorrectly.

You gotta be kidding me.

You've gotta tell them.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Al and Jim are disqualified.

- What?
- Wait.

I just beat
Albatross Al.

I told you I'd carry ya.

But I filled out the card.

Yeah, you filled it out
incorrectly, sweetheart.

I'm sorry,
those are the house rules.

Wow. Way to be
the only Asian in the world

who can't do math.
Nice, dummy.

Amazing.

Patrick and Randy win.

Whoo!

Horse shit.

She still gets the 50

for closest to the pin
on four.

Al, I'm really sorry.

Are you okay?

You play with kids
your own age, okay?

You're really good,
kiddo.

Al, look at me.

No, no, no. No. No!

He's gonna kill himself.

- Ah.
- Goddoggit.

Hey, guys,
can I join you?

Aunt Deb is still working.

Jimmy. Yeah,
come on in.

Great game today.
We all know who won.

Yeah.

Not everyone.

Who you got your eyes on,
Spencer?

No. He likes that
Kathy girl.

Oh, I don't think so.
She's his cousin.

So he might.

Yeah.

Oh, Jimmy.
Just be yourself.

You're awesome.

Tell him he looks good
in his jeans.

And buy him a beer.

I always wanted a girl
to buy me a beer.

Or you can get...
real sensuous with him.

Tell him...

"Oh, you got thick hair."

And then buy him a beer.

Have a beer.

Don't underestimate
us fellas.

We have
complicated emotions.

Just like Al.

He had a great love story.

Yeah.

She's the only reason
he stays here.

I thought his wife
passed away.

He's gonna be buried
right next to her.

He could have been
a pro.

But he stayed local
so he could look after her.

Are you guys married?

The course is our mistress.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You up for
a full 18 today, Doc?

Always.
Just a little slow.

So, what do you think?

What, a nine?

Nine for me,
pitching wedge for you.

Hm.

Maybe I need
a new prescription.

I told you that last
week when you flew the green.

Here.

Hey, have you guys, um...
have you guys seen Al?

I think he played earlier.

Maybe he's at
his office.

Do you want any water?

- Can I help you?
- I'm looking for Al.

Oh, he didn't come in today.

Oh. Why isn't he in?

He's old.
I don't know.

Okay, well, thanks.

Do you need your eyes checked
or something?

No, just looking for Al.

Okay.

Here. Try my putter.
Yours sucks.

Al. You okay?

Yeah, I feel terrific.
I'm ready to join the NFL.

It's spreading.
You need to rest.

Okay? At least
no more tournaments.

No, I'm gonna
surprise Jim next week.

You haven't told her.

No point to.

Don't let her get
too attached.

Yeah.

Come on, you make a putt
for a change.

I'm tired of
carrying your ass.

Oh, hell no.

Oh, sh... fu....

Okay, Patrick.

Ooh.

Where you going?

To get us
a happy ending.

♪ I'm goin' to the city ♪

♪ I'm goin' right now ♪

♪ I look real pretty ♪

♪ And I'm makin' it
somehow ♪

♪ It's been
such a long time ♪

♪ Since I felt so free ♪

♪ They think I'm crazy ♪

♪ They said it'd bury me ♪

♪ And be the end of me ♪

♪ All alone with my... ♪

- Oh, awesome.
- Two for one special.

♪ I stare at the wall ♪

♪ Thinkin' about
what I have left ♪

♪ I don't care at all ♪

♪ I know I'm never
lookin' back ♪

Cocktail hour.

It could be happy hour.

♪ I know I'm never
lookin' back at all ♪

That was good.

Woo!

♪ Never lookin' back ♪

♪ Never lookin' back ♪

♪ Never lookin' back ♪

Well, I'm glad
everything worked out,

and your mom's gonna
enjoy Florida.

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

Everyone's good.
Hey, girls.

Happy father-daughter day,
everybody.

It's captain and mate today,
so no pressure.

Everybody wins.

Because every girl
has a dad. Am I right?

I'm covering her
membership fee.

I'm a little short for
the team fee.

She's gonna make a great
addition to the high school team.

Thank you.

How you doin', Deb?

You know, it's a hard day
for a few of us.

Which is harder,

Valentine's Day or
Father's Day?

Mother's Day.

Whoa.

Well,
you're a great mom.

♪ Sometimes, sometimes
you care for me ♪

♪ Really,
if you hold on me ♪

♪ Baby, maybe
we will be in line ♪

♪ Sometimes, sometimes
if you care for me ♪

♪ Really,
if you hold on me ♪

♪ Baby, maybe
we will me in line

Hm.

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.

Hey, guys.

How was your
father-daughter d...

Oh, shit.

So, your mom was
Asian, right?

Was she a good cook?

No, sh... she was
too busy for me.

Oh.

Worked a lot, huh?

She was a prostitute.

You gotta find
your own tribe, Jimmy.

Yeah.

Always ask yourself,

"Would I play golf with 'em?"

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why didn't you get it
checked sooner, Dad?

Would have
interfered with...

Your golf game.

You'd rather die than
miss a day to play.

Well...

I know.

I grew up with it.

Yeah, I never saw anyone
play so many rounds of golf

and stay so bad.

Yeah, well, you weren't
that good of a teacher, Dad.

Ah, touché.

I'm just glad you...
you found something,

a place where you belong,
you know?

I hope you find
that place too, son.

Me, too.

Uh, there's a few things I want
to talk to you about tonight

before dinner, okay?

Okay.

Hit 'em straight.

- Oh, hey, Jim.
- Yep.

Hey.

Oh, my gosh,
I love this song.

- You know them?
- Yeah, I love these guys.

I mean, we're not all from
"Pennsyltucky," so...

I know the dance.
Watch me.

Yeah.

So, Spencer,

you look really good
in your pants.

I look really good in
my hair, too. I know.

- Want a beer?
- Sure.

Hold on.

Whew.

Ahh.

So...

Oh! Man,
that's a worm burner.

Cool.

Deb.

Hey, Doc.

Where you been?

Ah, you don't
want to know.

Let me have a drink.

- One Arnold Palmer.
- No, no, a regular drink.

What would you have?

With a face like that...

whiskey.

I'll have two.

Make it three.
I don't want to drink alone.

Uh... she's not ready for
the up and down.

Here's to you, Doc.

Yeah.

Oh...

- Jim.
- I got it, I got it.

Hey, kiddo.

How you doin'?

I'm fine, sir.

I think I just went
a little too far too fast.

With Spencer?

Oh, no, no.
With Bud.

Well, you should get to
know each other first.

I just met Jack.

Jim.
Have you been drinking?

Why are you dressed like
you're going to a funeral?

I'm practicing.

Oh...

Honey.

Deb, get me
a couple of waters, will ya?

Hey.

You don't look so good.

I'm old.
Leave me alone.

You missed playing
yesterday.

Mm, I had an offer
to play Tall Pines.

And today?

I was out there
early this morning,

and I didn't see you.

My bike got stolen.

Oh. That sucks.

But I hit a 250 yard drive
on seven.

Does that make you
a "michelin sockie"?

Are you trying to say
"michensake"?

L'chaim.

What's that mean?

- To life.
- Oh.

Our team is playing
a tournament tomorrow.

Oh. Mazel tov.

That means congratulations
and good luck.

Mazel tov.

Be my caddy?

Screw that?

I'll come out,
watch you play,

give you some pointers.

And believe me,
you need 'em.

So do you.

Wise ass.

Put that butt out.
There you go.

Hey, guys, um,
have you seen Al?

Uh-uh.

I got a sandwich.

Come on, let me in,
let me in.

Oh, hey.

Hey. Heard you
puked on Spencer.

Uh, yeah.

I've always
wanted to do that.

Me, too.

You're just mad he's
a better putter than you.

Where is Spencer?

He wanted to sleep in
instead of play.

And miss a tournament?

- Priorities.
- All right, guys, come on.

See us winning.

See our birdies.
All our birdies.

All right?
We got this.

That was good.

Wow!

This is Dr. Swat.
What is it?

When?

I'll be right there.

I'm sorry, guys.
I gotta go.

Save a life, doc.

Okay.

Shake it off,
shake it off.

Come on, Jim.

Show 'em
what you got, baby.

Come on, Jim.

Don't worry.
I got this.

Loosey goose.

Boom.

I'm still here.
When's tee time?

Well, your lung collapsed.

And the cancer's
spread to your liver.

Can I go home now?

You're covered for
in-home hospice care,

but I'd recommend that you
stay at the one in town.

Too far from the course.

You're an idiot.
You know that?

Been called worse.

But I can't pronounce it.

It's been fun
playing with you.

You're still not getting
my cart.

But I'm keeping
the putter.

It won't help.

Hello, Dr. Wiserman.
I'm Sally.

I'm your in-home care nurse.

So I'll be seeing you soon,
okay?

Okay.

♪ I was searching for
a lifeline ♪

♪ Anything to grab onto ♪

♪ Hopes of someone
out there listening ♪

You got this.

I can hold that for you.

Thanks.

Come on, Jim.

♪ You said
time heals wounds ♪

Look at me.

Channel your inner Al.

Yeah, whatever.

Jim.

Putter.

Thanks.

Why isn't he here?

He'd be here if he could.
Trust me.

Just win him a trophy.
You got this.

Come on, Jim.
You can do this, Jim.

In the hole, in the hole,
in the hole.

What the hell?
What's happening?

Stay in the game.
Focus. Jeez.

You got one more putt.

♪ You said
time heals wounds ♪

Miss it, miss it,
miss it, miss it.

♪ You said
time heals wounds ♪

Forget it.

Hey!

Don't throw that putter down.

Jim.

Jim.

You're not watching
Fern Hall win?

Mm, no.

I'm watchin'
something else.

You gotta close up, Dan.

It's costing more to keep
the lights on

than we're making in booze.

What's your problem,
Pearl?

This place is my problem.
It's driving me to my grave.

Good.

This place is our home,
lady.

Golf.

- Golf.
- Ah!

What are you doing?

I'm having fun.
You should try it.

Ohhh...

Ah! Oh!

You should try this one.

Look at that.

It's... It's paid for.
Never used.

You're welcome.
Now get outta here.

Ah!

Well, it's gotta be
better than golf.

- Watch this.
- I fuckin' love this job.

Hey, Al!

You said
you were coming.

Jim!

Get in the truck.

Paging Dr. Davis.
Dr. Davis, please.

Jim.

You must be
the girl named Jim.

I'm Al's son, Eric.

Al never told me
he had a son.

I'm Debra.
From the club.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Is he alive?

He has ocular cancer.

It's spread to his
liver and lungs.

They gave him three months
to live three months ago.

Can I go see him?

Please.

Hey, kiddo. Here.

Did you win?

No.

What? Did you put an iron
through somebody's head?

Almost.

So, what's wrong with you?

Besides being old and fat.

We only borrow this game,
kiddo, we don't own it.

Ahh, give me a break.

Don't start that.

Did you play today?

Jim.

No, she's got her
priorities right.

No, I didn't
make it today, kiddo.

I think his golf days
are over now.

Hey.

Ahhh...

Pearl, at least you died
with a smile on your face.

Congratulations, boss.

Now, how are we gonna pay
the boobs... bills?

- Hi, there.
- Hey, uh, can Al come out and play?

He should really rest.

Hey, kiddo.

Get lost.

Man, you look like shit.

Thanks.

You haven't played
in three days.

I know and it's killin' me.

Can I drive the cart?

You're gonna have to,
I can't see shit.

Here, take this.

Hurry up.

Hurry up.

- Easy.
- Before Lizzie Borden gets us. Come on.

Oh!

Hey, you're a
"michin chickie."

- Yeah. Not bad.
- Not bad.

Hey!

- Here she comes. Hurry.
- Dr. Wiserman.

- Hey.
- Have a good afternoon.

Woohoo!

Watch out.
Asian lady driving.

We escaped.

Here we are, sir.

- What? What?
- Oh, my gosh.

Jesus, don't scare me
like that.

Relax, I was just
resting my eyes.

Come on, I got somethin'
for you, kiddo.

That white driver.

Might be a little heavy
for you,

but, uh,
you're strong.

- Thank you, sir.
- Yeah, come on. Tee one up, will ya?

Over here.
All right.

Let's see what we got.

Nice.

Yeah. Get the tee.

Well...

is there any way to
make you better?

Yeah, practice.

That's the only way
you get better.

Practice, practice,
practice.

Thank you.

What's this, uh...
this, this, this, this,

good luck?

It's like a reminder.
A shout out to God.

Kind of helps me through
some rough times, you know?

Do you pray?

For nicer greens.

No synagogue church?

Really?

Come to the course.

Golf is my religion.

- That's the set up.
- Yes, sir.

♪ It won't take too long ♪

Hey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

♪ This ain't no charade ♪

♪ You know I'm
talkin' about ♪

Let's go, let's go.

♪ So slowly,
you and me ♪

♪ You can give me
what I need ♪

♪ In this fantasy ♪

♪ We go right, we go
right up in ecstasy ♪

♪ Baby, until you believe ♪

♪ As a matter of fact ♪

♪ Let's take it all the way
to the back ♪

♪ 'Cause baby I'm high ♪

That's it.

♪ I'm drowning in
the thought of you ♪

♪ In the thought of you ♪

I brought you this.
It's a calculator.

I already know
how to add.

Touché, sir.

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Like ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ We'll be goin' down,
roll around, not a sound ♪

♪ Every moment counts,
yeah, every moment counts ♪

♪ Yeah, every moment counts,
yeah, every moment counts ♪

♪ Dreamin' hard,
like the animals do ♪

♪ It's my instinct
to get through to you ♪

♪ We can make it through ♪

- For me?
- Mm-hm.

♪ So slowly,
you and me ♪

♪ You can give me
what I need ♪

♪ In this fantasy ♪

No way.

I'm gonna look so good.

♪ Until you believe ♪

♪ As a matter of fact ♪

♪ Let's take it all the way
to the back ♪

♪ 'Cause baby I'm high ♪

♪ I'm drownin',
I'm drownin' ♪

Thank you, Aunt Deb.

Oh...

You're welcome.

♪ Oh, oh ♪

Great day today, sir.

Thank you,
Ji-min.

How was that?
I've been practicing.

Sounded really good, sir.

Well, great day today, Al.

We need more kids like you
on the course.

I'm not even gonna
try that one.

Hey, son, did you get
that paperwork signed?

I did.

That was a nice gesture, Dad.

Yeah.
Thanks for doin' that.

I love you, Dad.

I love you too, son.

You, um...

take care.

Okay.

Hey, old man.

You're late.

You look good today.

Don't make fun of me.

For all the days that
you need to make up.

They're all yours now.

The whole bag.

Why, is it 'cause your handicap
is so terrible now?

You hear that?

You two coulda went on
the road together.

Put it on the cart.

Yes, sir.

You would have
loved her, too.

Take every advantage you can.

Senior.

Play the gold.

Wise ass.

♪ The way you wear your hat ♪

♪ The way you sip your tea ♪

♪ The memory of all that ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ They can't take that
away from me ♪

♪ The way your smile
just beams ♪

♪ The way you
sing off key ♪

♪ The way you
haunt my dreams ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ They can't take that
away from me ♪

- Not bad, huh?
- Not bad.

I had a good teacher.

Yeah? Uh...

not in the cup yet.
Come on.

♪ ...to love ♪

♪ Still,
I'll always, always ♪

♪ Keep the memory of ♪

♪ The way you hold
your knife ♪

♪ The way we danced
'til three ♪

You know what you do when life
gives you a box of dirty balls?

- What?
- You wash 'em up,

and keep on puttin'.

Wanna try to chip a few?

Nah, you need to practice.

Yeah, all right.

Now remember,
this green

looks like it's gonna
go right to left,

but it doesn't
slope here, right?

So it's really more of a...
a straight line.

- Ji-min.
- Yes?

Don't swing so angry.

You're playing golf.

Remember to have some fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got this.
You know I got this.

♪ No ♪

♪ They can't
take that away ♪

Should be easy, right?

♪ From me ♪

Well, at least it got on
the green, right?

Wanna try it again?

Al?

Al, come on.
Hey, come on.

Wake up.

Al?

Al, come on.
Come on.

We gotta keep playing,
we gotta keep playing.

Come on. Let's go on to
the next hole, come on.

Let's go to the next hole,
come on.

Let's go to the next hole.

Come on, Al, come on.
Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, you can't
leave me here alone.

Come on.

Al, come on.
Wake up.

Please wake up.
You gotta keep playing.

You gotta keep playing.

We gotta keep playing.

Come on.
Come on, wake up,

wake up, wake up.
We gotta keep playing.

♪ My heart's in
the highlands ♪

♪ My heart is not here ♪

♪ My heart's in
the highlands ♪

♪ A'chasing the deer ♪

♪ Chasing a wild deer
and following the row ♪

♪ My heart's in
the highlands ♪

♪ Wherever I go ♪

How you doin'?

Hey.

Dad said you could have
anything you wanted here, so...

There's a lot of stuff.

Yeah.

He started playing
when he was, like, 11.

Did you ever play?

No.

I never got the affliction.

I'll take this.

♪ It's okay, it's okay ♪

♪ I'll lie and say
it's okay ♪

♪ It's so far ♪

♪ To get to you ♪

♪ It's okay, it's okay ♪

♪ You see through
my heart and face ♪

♪ Try to see the light
through the rain ♪

♪ Hoping that nothing's gone ♪

♪ But still I hold on ♪

♪ This mask is
running through ♪

♪ I know I'm losing
my senses ♪

♪ I pray to know each day ♪

♪ For me to stay awake ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm on my own ♪

♪ Where are you? ♪

♪ It's too late,
it's too late ♪

♪ It's just too late ♪

♪ Can't believe
I came too late ♪

♪ The bell's rung ♪

L'chaim.

Oh, Jimmy.

Al would be so proud.

Yeah.

♪ I know I'm losing
my senses ♪

♪ I pray to know each day ♪

♪ For me to stay awake ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm on my own ♪

♪ But still I hold on ♪

Hey.

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah.

You know,
maybe Al's up there

trying to help you
with your swing.

I don't believe
in that crap, I'm Jewish.

Hey, Aunt Deb.

Why don't you have kids?

Um...

we tried.

But he left me
because I can't.

Do you still want kids?

Oh, yeah.

Badly.

But I got you.

And you're not so bad.

Then be my partner at
the club championship.

Yeah.

I'll carry you,
don't worry.

Come here, you.

Slicer here, folks.
Good morning.

It's a sad day down there at
that nine hole golf course.

Albatross Al,
they called him.

He donated all his clubs
to kids in need.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

Danny, boy.
Look.

We've been talkin' to
some folks,

and we sold a lot of
golf balls, too.

But, uh, we got a few folks
on the hook

to sign up for
some membership if...

If what?

Well, it's kind of a dare.

I love dares.

Would you...

Yeah.
Yeah, I'll do that.

- You would?
- Yeah.

Right on.

Woo-ooh.

Girl, where's your
other half, huh?

He's parking the car with
his new butt buddy.

Ooh,
you ready to play?

Did you do what
I asked you to do?

Comin' to see
you ladies play today.

It's not a party until
someone gets drunk and naked.

- Ooh!
- Well, let's party.

Yeah.

Good morning, ladies.

Ladies club championship is
play with your own ball.

There are skins on holes
three and five.

And in honor of our friend Al,
any eagle or albatross,

you get a hundred dollars off
at the pro shop.

Good luck, ladies.

Find your hole.

Get in.

We're family.

Let's win this.

Time for me
to take control?

I'll be gentle.

Ooh!

Sorry, honey.

Ho!

Woo!

Boom!

Major shot.

Is she done yet?

- Oh, my God.
- Are you done yet?

There it is.

Yaahh!

- You can do it.
- Mm, okay.

- I got your balls.
- Excuse me, ladies.

- Okay.
- By all means.

Aunt Deb.

Stick out your butt.

More. More.

You're good.

Okay.

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

My man,
Tallywacker Dan!

Okay, okay, okay.
Are we playin'?

I'm two strokes ahead.
Come on. Hit the ball.

- At least I hit it.
- Yeah. Good job, Deb.

At least you hit it.
Okay.

Whew.

Stick your butt out.

Mm-hm.

- Oh, yeah.
- You can do that.

Thank you.
Boo-ya.

Come on, honey.

Nice!

It's okay.
I caught up.

Hit.

Mm. It's okay.
You have other attributes.

You did great.

Tracy in the house.

Go for the hole, babe.

Mm-hm.

Come on,
get it on the green.

Hey, that's on
the green bitches.

What would Al
tell you to do?

My six iron.

You see that?

You got this.

Sit down, ball.

You're on the green, Jimmy.
You're on the green again.

I'm drunk.
It's a party now!

Yoohoo!

Yeah!

Look at that.

Tracy's ball,

right there
next to the hole.

- She got a frickin' eagle.
- What?

You got an eagle!

I got an eagle!

The eagle and
the albatross.

Yeah.

She won!

I won!

♪ Got nothin' ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ I'm a hopeless wreck ♪

♪ I'm a failure in the head,
that's right ♪

♪ 'Cause nothing
seems to work ♪

♪ And I'm
always eatin' dirt ♪

♪ And I'm always
eatin' dirt ♪

♪ So I say screw it all ♪

♪ Want the burden
off my shoulders ♪

♪ I ain't gettin'
any younger ♪

♪ Yeah, ay, ay ♪

♪ Yeah, I say screw it all ♪

♪ Life is simple
if you make it ♪

♪ There's no need
to complicate it ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ That shirt, take it off ♪

♪ Those bills,
pay tomorrow ♪

♪ Work out,
forget about it ♪

♪ No, I don't care 'cause ♪

♪ I-ha-ha-ah-I ♪

♪ Just want to
feel good tonight ♪

♪ Good tonight ♪

♪ I-ha-ha-ah-I ♪

♪ Just want to feel good ♪

♪ So good, good ♪

♪ I'm on top of the world ♪

♪ And my worries all cured ♪

♪ Just serve up some trouble
baby, 'til I see double ♪

♪ 'Cause I-ha-ha-ah-I ♪

♪ Just want to
feel good tonight ♪

Nice shot.

Thank you sir.

♪ What? ♪

♪ I'ma throw my hands
in the air ♪

♪ And it won't even matter ♪

♪ 'Cause I just don't care ♪

♪ So let me tell you
what to do ♪

♪ I want to see you win me ♪

♪ You, you and you ♪

♪ Now just say
screw it all ♪

♪ Get the burden
off your shoulders ♪

♪ You ain't gettin'
any younger ♪

♪ Yeah, ay, ay, ay ♪

♪ Yeah, just say
screw it all ♪

♪ Life is simple
if you make it ♪

♪ There's no need
to complicate it ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ All my girls,
break it down ♪

♪ All my boys,
break it down ♪

♪ Everybody,
break it down ♪

♪ Oh, everybody ♪

♪ I-ha-ha-ah-ay ♪

♪ Just want to
feel good tonight ♪

♪ Good tonight ♪

♪ I-ha-ha-ah-ay ♪

♪ Just want to feel good ♪

♪ So good,
so good, good ♪

♪ I'm on top of the world
and my worries all cured ♪

♪ Just serve up some trouble,
baby, 'til I see double ♪

♪ 'Cause I-ha-ha-ah-ay ♪

♪ Just want to
feel good tonight ♪

♪ All right, all right,
follow me, come on

♪ I'm gonna be
who I should have been ♪

♪ A long time ago ♪

♪ No doubt of mine
is gonna keep ♪

♪ What I feel inside ♪

♪ I'm gonna
find myself tonight ♪

♪ I'm gonna try to
speak my mind ♪

♪ I'm gonna taste
freedom right ♪

♪ I'm learning
to feel again ♪

♪ Stay cool ♪

♪ The destination's far ♪

♪ The way ain't clear ♪

♪ Stay strong ♪

♪ Just be true
to who you are ♪

♪ Who you are ♪

♪ Free from the shame ♪

♪ Release my soul
and let it fly away ♪

♪ Fly away ♪

♪ Surrender all ♪

♪ For I have faith and
must prepare the way ♪

♪ I'm gonna find
myself tonight ♪

♪ I'm gonna try to
speak my mind ♪

♪ I'm gonna taste
freedom right ♪

♪ I'm gonna learn
how to feel again ♪

♪ Stay cool ♪

♪ The destination's far ♪

♪ The way ain't clear ♪

♪ Stay strong ♪

♪ Just be true
to who you are ♪

♪ Who you are ♪

♪ I'll get ready
for my life, hey ♪

♪ I'll get ready
for my life, yeah ♪

♪ I'll get ready
for my life, hey ♪

♪ I'll get ready
for my life, yeah ♪

♪ I'll get ready
for my life, hey ♪

♪ I'll get ready
for my life, yeah ♪

♪ I'll get ready
for my life, hey ♪

♪ I'll get ready
for my life, yeah ♪

♪ Heart beats to the rhythm ♪

♪ I will find my place
learning to feel again ♪

♪ My faint heart
beats to the rhythm ♪

♪ I will find my place
learning to feel again ♪

♪ I'm learning
to feel again ♪

♪ I'm learning
to feel again ♪

♪ I'm learning
to feel again ♪

♪ I'm learning
to feel again ♪

♪ Stay calm ♪

♪ The destination's far ♪

♪ The way ain't clear ♪

♪ Stay strong ♪

♪ Just be true
to who you are ♪

♪ Free from the shame ♪

♪ Release my soul
and let it fly away ♪

♪ Surrender all ♪

♪ For I have faith and
must prepare the way ♪