The Dunera Boys (1985) - full transcript

(baroque orchestral music)

(crowd singing in foreign language)

(violin music)

(crowd laughing)

- So, you think that England

will be more beautiful than Austria?

- No, Austria is much more beautiful.

- [Nazi] What did you say?

- Austria is more beautiful.

- Do you know to play,
I'm In Love With Vienna?

- Of course.



(crowd singing)

♪ I'm in love with Vienna ♪

♪ I'm in love with Vienna ♪

♪ With a waltz in my heart ♪

- Number one, you need an affidavit.

- I need aff- aff-?

- Affidavit.

Affidavit of support.

Very important.

You have relations in America?

- Relations?

- How is your name again?

- Axe L Rod.

- Ax



- Rod.

- Axelrod?

- Yeah.

- Maybe we will find someone for you.

An Auntie, an Uncle.

- Aunt.

- In New York.

- Herr Baum I will not forget this.

Thank you.

- Don't thank me, nothing is fixed yet.

- I'm not worried Herr Baum, not at all.

Not even a little bit.

I thank you a thousand times.

- Herr Baum, someone for
you on the telephone.

- But who is it?

Tell him to make an appointment.

- Alexander Engelhardt.

- Engelhardt?

Engelhardt is in London?

(whistling)

- Give lessons do you?

- Sorry?

- Well you look a bit
old to be taking them.

- Taking them?

- Violin lessons.

Don't you understand English?

Do you give lessons?

- No, I'm sorry.

- It's good work, you know.

Make two bob an hour,
particularly around this area.

People are quite interested
in classical music.

(violin music)

- Quiet, listen.

- [Voice On Radio] British
ambassador in Berlin

handed the German government a final note,

stating that unless we heard
from them by 11 o'clock,

that they were prepared at once

to withdraw their troops from Poland,

a state of war would exist between us.

I have to tell you now,

that no such undertaking
has been received,

and that consequently this
country is at war with Germany.

- Germany will win.

I know what the Wehrmacht can do.

I was an officer in the Wehrmacht.

- In Germany, they cure
our wagging tongues

in a concentration camp.

- That's not our way.

- No, no it isn't.

- Goodnight Charlie.

- Evening Guvnor.

- Thought I'd like to go on a bender.

- a bender eh?

- [Film Narrator] That's right,

just a couple of ordinary chaps

having an innocent conversation,

wouldn't even bother to
give them a second thought.

Perhaps you should, because
they may be Nazi spies.

(speaking in foreign language)

In this hour of crisis,

no safeguard against attack
from within must be neglected.

Vigilance is the word

for every man, woman,
and child, in England.

Who is that stranger on site?

Who is the new customer in the shop?

That new neighbor in the street?

That new face in the bus queue?

Is he overhearing your conversation?

Remember how tittle
tattle, lost the battle.

- You better just watch yourself cock.

(siren sounding)

(siren sounding)

- [Woman] Did you play
in a band in Vienna?

Fox trot, cha cha cha.

- I didn't play in a band exactly.

- No? Where did you play?

- Concerts, in concert halls.

- Classical?

With a symphony orchestra?

- With an orchestra, or without,

sometimes just me and the piano.

Something like that.

But yes, classical.

- Really?

Are you Jewish?

- Yes.

Does it make a difference
to playing the violin?

- Well, my mother,

she always used to say that

the best violin players
in the world were Jews.

And she wanted Morrie to be one as well.

- Who's Morrie?

- Morrie?

Me brother, Morrie.

Anyway, he didn't because
his fingers was too fat.

- It doesn't matter.

Even with fat fingers a
person can play very well.

- And father said that
Morrie's fingers was too fat.

Oh, look at your fingers.

They're not fat.

They're beautiful.

Oh,

this is where I live.

- [Alexander] Do you have a telephone?

- Why?

Do you want to see me again?

- Yes.

- Well we don't have a telephone.

- Checkmate.

- You dirty thieving Jew.

- My pleasure.

(violin music)

- Hello.

- All right then, where's
our bleedin' dinner?

- Your bleedin' dinner's ready,

I just have to warm it up.

- We've been here for 10 minutes.

- Oh wow, you must have
suffered, 10 minutes.

Now you're gonna have to
wait another 10 minutes.

Terrible, you wanna take me to court?

- Now you just watch your mouth.

I want to know where you've been,

that's what I want to know.

- I've been listening to music.

- Music?

What a load of old cobblers.

Where have you been listening to music?

- In a cafe,

where they have music.

- [Morrie] What sort of music?

- Some music you wouldn't
know anything about.

- And since when have you become

such a bleedin' expert on music?

You don't even know how to
sing happy birthday probably.

- Just charming, really charming.

You know the sort of women that go into

those sort of bleedin' cafes on their own?

They're not even tarts.

The ones that go into places like that,

they want to give it away for free.

They get this weird, twisted thrill

out of being pulled by some
completely strange loser.

The popsier the better.

And the sort of ponzes
that gad about in there.

Preying on women,

most of them haven't got a pot to piss in.

- Oh, shut up Morrie.

You're a disgusting animal.

- Oh,

have I said something to upset you?

Have you perchance got some
handsome gentleman admirer,

who I unintentionally have offended?

I do beg your pardon.

- Well if I have, you'll
be the last to know.

- Is something wrong?

- You can tell her, if there's only one

bleeding virgin left in the street,

it better be in this house.

- Bastard.

And you can tell him that
half of Whitechapel knows,

there'd be a few more
virgins left in the street

if it weren't for him.

- And you can tell her she's been wronged.

- And you can tell him he'll
get his dinner over his head

if he doesn't shut his filthy mouth.

- Listen, if you don't get
dressed quicker tomorrow morning,

I'm leaving without you.

(violin music)

- Good morning.

- It's cold outside.

- Have you had any breakfast?

- Not yet.

- Come in.

- Baum says, go to America.

What will I do in America?

I don't even have relations there.

- Oh believe me, it's no
good without relations.

- I don't know.

I mean, thinking about the
future, what would you do?

Go to America?

- Not without relations.

(violin music)

(car horn honking)

(mongers calling)

- Hey, get away.

- Get up you old timer,
and sell some fish.

- Oh, leave him alone.

- You don't like it, go buy a chicken.

They're a much nicer type of person there.

- You don't have to tell me, I sell them.

- You don't sell me just the fish.

First, I mince them up with anise,

then I put some eggs,
pepper, salt, and sugar.

- That sounds delicious.

Here's your fish.

A shilling, thank you.

Go on and bum a Greenbaum.

Yes madam, what do you want, price, cod.

Don't handle the fishes lady,

they don't know where you've been.

- [Lady] Something a matter with it?

- No, it is very nice.

It's very nice.

- The frame or the picture.

- No, it is nice you
should put up a picture.

I think he will do good for the country.

I was a bit worried with the other one.

In fact, I'll talk to Morrie.

Maybe we should also put up a
Churchill for the customers.

You wouldn't mind.

- You do what you want,
Mister Mendellsohn,

only I think it's a bit stupid
if you have two Churchills,

one next to the other.

- I'm cold.

- Still thinking about going to America?

- You don't know when
Morrie's coming back?

- Not for a little while.

Anyway, what's you
worried about Morrie for?

Morrie loves music.

He'd love to hear you playing that violin.

Generally speaking,
Morrie really loves people

who are cultured.

You know not snobs or anything,

but he loves dot ups.

But he really admires
people who are involved

with violins and books and so forth.

- Where's the toilet?

- Oh you can do it out
the window if you like.

Morrie does it out the window.

- What?

When?

- Excuse me.

- Listen lady, you want a fish?

Get yourself a bleeding fishing rod.

- Take a plate ladies and gentlemen,

take you a plate.

They're a penny, you can
have any color you like,

as long as it's blue.

- You're foul Morrie.

You're a foul, hard bastard.

Don't you realize I'm your sister?

Don't you?

- Now look here,

that's not the point.

I promised our mother.

- What did you promise her?

That you'd treat me like a bitch on heat?

- What would you wanna go and
say a thing like that for?

You've really upset me with it.

- Have I?

- No Naomi,

I don't exactly know how to say this,

but what if I was to
fix you up with someone?

Someone that I know is really decent?

- What did you say?

- Well you know,

not just some old geezer out of some cafe,

someone decent.

- The only decent thing I
ever had from you Morrie,

was a slice of smoked
salmon after Mum's funeral.

- A bit nippy today.

- Yes, it is a bit nippy.

- Mister Engelhardt,

there was a phone call from a gentleman.

He wasn't a foreign gentleman,
but he had a funny name,

a foreign sort of name.

- On Sunday, the fourth of August,

at Adler Hall in aid of
refugees from Nazi persecution.

This will be the first
in a series of concerts

featuring artists of international renown,

some of whom are themselves--

- And the pianist?

- Myra Hess.

- Really?

- European artist,

and the brilliant young violin soloist,

Alexander Engelhardt.

- [Alexander] Very soon I won't
be able to see you so much,

not for a few weeks.

- [Naomi] Why?

- [Alexander] I'll be going
on tour, with Myra Hess.

- What's she like?

- She's magnificent.

- That's nice.

- Look, I am going home.

I have a lot of work.

I'll see you tomorrow.

- Not tomorrow, Sunday.

- Would you be able to get
me a ticket for your concert,

in London?

I mean, if it's all right with Myra.

(violin music)

- What do you think I am?

Some kind of bleeding idiot.

- You bastard Morrie.

- You tart.

You filthy little tart.

Look after your slut
of a daughter with us.

(violin music)

- I saw you in a photograph,

with Goebbels.

- Yes, at the games.

You have a good memory.

- A friend of yours?

- Doctor Goebbels,

just for the picture.

- Do you have any other pictures?

- No.

- Did you come here to
make some new friends?

- I came to hear you play.

- I have just finished, you can see.

- I think you have come to
the wrong place, liebling.

A piece of strudel for our visitor.

Yesterday.

- It's very elegant here,

just like home.

- Thank you.

Compliments of the house, liebling.

- Thank you.

- I think you'd better
eat it quickly, liebling.

(violin music)

- Of all your performing (muffled),

do you hear me, this is the last time.

(knocking on door)

(violin music)

- [Parrot] I'm warning you (muffled).

(rooster crowing)

- All right, you're gonna like that.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

What are you gonna have sir?

It's all absolutely fresh.

- Are you Morris Mendellsohn?

- Yes, yes, that's right,

but you probably want my father.

He's the guvnor.

He's the one for anything official, right?

- Would you mind telling me your age, sir?

- He's 72.

- Well it says here between
the ages of 16 and 70.

- What is that?

- Well it's just you, sir.

If you wouldn't mind?

It will have to be now sir, I'm afraid.

- Yeah, all right.

But just give me a minute, all right?

- I have to go away for a while.

If it gets busy would you
mind helping my father out?

Someone I know's gone missing.

They want me to help them out.

- When they find your
friend, give him my best.

(violin music)

- Thanks pal.

Who are these geezers?

- Enemy agents, they're Germans.

- I'll be buggered.

What about whiskers over there?

The red one?

- He's one as well.

- Been in England long?

- No.

- Where you from?

Come a long way?

- From Dachau.

- You've got the wrong Mendellsohn.

I'm not one of these.

You want some other Mendellsohn.

I'm English, I've been
here nearly all my life.

I'm English.

I'm not one of them.

- Is there something wrong with him.

- He says that they made a mistake.

He shouldn't be here.

He says that he's not really a spy.

- Herr Baum.

(speaking in foreign language)

Excuse me, Herr Baum.

Do you know where we are going?

- To America, what else?

- All right, that's it.

Next lot.

- I think the tea party's
over now Corporal.

- You shouldn't be here, you know that.

You know that they should
have let me do by now,

you bastards should have been shot.

Well by the end of this little trip

I'll see if they agree.

Get these bastards moving Corporal.

Come on, move you animals, move.

- I mean for example,

look at the way they treat
the dogs and the cats.

- Who?

- One row for sitting down,

one row for standing up, schnell.

- The British.

From such things you can
understand their temperament.

- From which can you understand better,

from dogs or from cats?

- One row for sitting down,

one row for standing up, schnell.

- How can you listen to him?

Do you know who he is?

- What's going on here?

- I said one more pisser can go.

- He was seen with Hitler,
don't you remember?

- Will you let go of me you maniac?

Does it matter just now
who his friends are?

- Next exercise group.

On the double.

(humming)

- Miller?

- Morrie.

- Here, what's all this about?

- I don't know what
you're doing here Morrie,

but we're supposed to be
finding Nazis, that's all.

- How now.

- See over in France, I heard the Germans

have been infiltrating,
in all sorts of disguises.

That's how come we lost,

was because of the spies and infiltrators.

Parachutists dressed up as nuns.

- As nuns?

Really?

(Corporal yelling on deck)

Morrie, just you keep quiet
about knowing me, all right?

- Keep quiet?

So until now they had to parachute us in?

All right, it's done.

- Morrie, I didn't start the bleedin' war.

How's your sister?

- She's very well.

You and Shirley'll have
to come have a tea.

- Yeah.

Yeah, we will.

- [German] Guten Dag.

- Guten Dag.

You well?

- Yes.

Wonderful to be on the way isn't it?

Please, I have only one shirt.

Maybe you don't care about your clothes,

but I like to look decent
when I go somewhere.

- [Corporal on Deck] Next
group up now, on the double.

- [Morrie] You never
seen one of them before.

- I'll give you part of an apple

for the picture of the girl.

- Where'd you get an apple?

- [Alexander] It's my business.

(chanting)

(singing in foreign language)

- Yakob.

Come here.

Yakob, either you pray, or you don't pray.

But don't pretend to pray.

Don't think you can cheat
me by just moving your lips.

- I wasn't just moving my lips.

- Quiet over there.

I said quiet, or I'll have
you thrown out of here.

(polka music)

- If ever I see these bastards

relaxing and having a good time,

you'll be in there with them.

Do you understand?

They're not human beings, they are scum.

Remember that.

- Rabbi Aronfeld, we would like a word.

- Yes?

- Brother Aronfeld, I think you should go

and talk to the British
officers on our behalf.

- Talk to them?

(speaking in foreign language)

I'm not even interested to look at them.

- I know you are not interested

but will you listen just one minute?

Look around you.

I've never seen so many Jews in my life.

Maybe they don't realize who we are.

Maybe no one ever told them.

- So, if you think you are a Jew,

go and tell them.

Such a Jew.

- I'm not a Rabbi.

- But you're a Baron.

What's better than a Baron?

- Yeah, sometimes a Rabbi is better.

- Maybe for you, when you want,

but for them, there's no difference.

- It is possible they
would respect a Rabbi.

- If you don't, why should they?

- So good, good, you are right.

You are 100% correct, so let's forget it.

You just keep on praying
and pulling off ears,

that's much more important.

- Excuse me, excuse me Mister Rabbi,

I tell you, I am a person
who believes strongly

in religion, even if I don't go

to the synagogue much myself.

But please, anyone can see
that you are a busy man.

This is politic we are talking.

- Listen, Baum.

- What does he know from politics?

He is not to be moved by politics.

I tell you, I am a businessman,

I know politic,

and I know how to handle these people.

I have to deal with officials
every day of my life,

some of them, very
stupid ones, believe me.

Leave it to me.

I know the politicians now, yes.

I know them exactly, and
I know what they want.

- So.

- Ah, you are British officer, good.

I must

- And who might you be, sir?

- Ah, Baum.

Yes, Joseph Baum.

Here, here are my papers,
all my papers for America.

See, photographs, affidavit of support,

medical documents.

Everything perfect, 100% okay.

Oh my God, I tell you
it's shocking, shocking.

We should do this maybe in
the morning or the evening.

For everything there
is a proper time, yeah.

You know this, you are British officer.

- Sergeant.

Would you mind looking the other way, sir.

- And when you are ready
there is one small problem.

- Now, has anyone else got any problems?

- It's a very hot day Mister Baum.

Maybe some people raise their
tempers on a day like this.

- Will you get out of there?

People are shitting their pants

and you are enjoying the view?

- Go on, have a look.

(speaking in foreign language)

- God in heaven.

(classical orchestral music)

- Not a bad day is it?

- For us the weather is not so good.

- Can't be helped guvnor,

can't please everyone, can we?

I see you've got your summer clothes on.

- You're joking with me.

There is no joke.

- No joke?

What is it then?

Your boys not happy with the food?

Perhaps they'd prefer sauerkraut.

- You are a British officer.

We believe in the British officer.

We have not believed that they could be

like thieves or hooligans.

- Listen you putz.

You and your pack of
syphilitic Nazi pickpockets,

aren't even worth pissin' on.

You think a few bloody whiskers fool me?

Maybe some kind of shitty Jew,

but I can smell a ponzie kraut.

- [Voice On Radio] Sydney turns out today,

to give a grand welcome to British troops

on board HMT Dunera,

on what must be a truly historic occasion.

It is the first time in 40 years,

that soldiers from the mother country

have set foot on Australian soil.

- Guard, salute brigade.

Brigade halt.

- We got someone to run the camp?

- Yes, I got it fixed this week.

Colonel Berry.

- Who's he?

- Allan Berry, he's been around for ages.

- Well I hope he knows
his ass from his elbow.

I'm told these buggers are
supposed to be dangerous.

- Where they're going,

they can be as dangerous as they like.

No, it's all right.

By the way,

do you happen to know
where they were captured?

- I'm not sure, Africa or somewhere.

I don't know.

- Guard.

Guard, order.

- [Voice On Radio] What a wonderful sight.

This is a proud moment
ladies and gentlemen,

as the British commander steps forth,

and leads his troops down the gangplank,

to set foot on our shores once again.

One people, one empire,

united now in our stand against
the fascist war machine.

Fresh from the fields of battle,

these soldiers, now deliverers of our care

in that grisly cargo of enemy prisoners,

the grim duty of war.

This is a tense moment
ladies and gentlemen,

as we wait for the prisoners to disembark.

Yes, I can see the first one.

He's dressed in black.

What the hell's he supposed to be?

- Get back in there, get back.

(speaking in foreign language)

- You murderin' dago bastard.

(crowd booing)

- I don't think this
is America, Herr Baum.

(singing in foreign language)

- We are in Australia, is that correct?

You remember all those
people on the docks?

- Yeah.

- Why were they all white?

I came all this way, I want
to see the Australians.

- Maybe they go black in the summer.

- Attenzione.

Attenzione.

(speaking in foreign language)

- What's he say?

He said prig, what's he mean?

Prick.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Bloke, what's the rot about?

What's it mean in the
King's bloody English?

- You're a fiddler aren't you?

- Yes, world famous.

- It's funny.

I've always been interested in music.

Yeah, I could have been
someone in that department

if I'd have wanted to.

Yeah,

have you still got that photograph?

- I think so.

- As it happens, it's my sister.

(hammering)

- Um, not quite ready yet, sir.

(flies buzzing)

- Sweet Mary, Mother of God.

- They say the three
ugliest places in the world

are Hay, Hell, and Bullagool.

They say Bullagool's the ugliest,

so I suppose we

won't be the worst.

(sheep baaing)

Pretty lucky really.

- Chip, you're gonna be able
to handle this all right,

I mean you're not gonna
crack up on me are you?

- No sir.

In fact, I'm quite looking forward to it.

- Really?

Chip, I'm gonna give you an order,

and I don't think I'm
gonna be giving many,

so try to remember this one.

Try not to shoot anybody.

Now, I know we're all keen to do our job,

but just don't shoot anybody.

Okay?

(railroad whistle)

(crowd crosstalk)

- You should be careful.

You were going too fast.

- Go on, move on.

- I think you'll find
your friends over there.

(classical orchestral music)

(crowd shouting)

(classical orchestral music)

- Ever been up the bush before?

Cat got your tongue has it bud?

I said, the cat's got your tongue.

- [Alexander] Do you like cats?

- Cats?

What about 'em?

- He wants to know what
you think about pussy cats.

- There, well there's not
much you can say about cats.

I've flushed dozens of them
down a dunny in me day.

Best place for cats.

- What place?

- Straight down the dunny.

- What about dogs?

You like dogs?

I said, what about--

- Come on, leave it alone.

What kind of maniac
stuffs cats down a toilet?

Don't you see?

He's a bleedin' nut case.

- Now what was that?

(gun firing)

Shit, I've never seen of
them around here before.

Wonder what it is?

- My hat.

- Look at him, look at his face.

He looks like, like a mental defective.

Ask him something.

Go on, ask him a question.

- Ask him yourself.

I only carry messages to officers.

- Listen to this.

Cursed is the man that trusteth in man,

and he shall be like a
lonely tree in the desert,

and abideth in the parchest
places in the wilderness.

Jeremiah, chapter 18.

See, I've been doing quite a
lot of reading lately, Rabbi.

Well, I was wondering if
you think this might be

part of some great plan.

- A what?

- A great plan, you know,

that Jehovah had in mind, for you.

- Who?

- The Jehovah, you
know, the God of Israel,

had in mind for you, and your people.

I mean it does seem to have

some sense of purpose doesn't it?

I mean, here's you all
are, out in the wilderness,

just like Moses and all that, eh?

- You know, a person can read so much,

that his brain can dry up.

(light orchestral music)

(hammering)

- You don't think they
could have painted it.

- Well, this is it.

- This is what?

- This is it, for you blokes.

I wouldn't take it personal man.

- Here, I want to know what it is.

I didn't like the tone of his voice,

did you like the tone of his voice?

- I don't think you've
got such fat fingers.

- Excuse me.

You can tell your commandant

that we can stay here only
a few days, a week maybe,

two, but that's all,

maximum.

- Jesus, you blokes have
got a good sense of humor.

Bloody fantastic.

One thing I'll say about
you dagos, maximum.

(baroque violin music)

- Sit.

What happens out there,

is of no interest to you.

From those people out there,
you have nothing to learn.

Nothing.

- Sir,

sir you ought to come and have a look.

- At what?

- Sir, them.

Oh, the prisoners sir.

- Bugger them.

- Yes sir.

(klezmer music)

(group applauding)

(singing in foreign language)

- What's it about?

The song?

- What is it about?

It's about something which
is none of your business.

(sheep baaing)

(bright orchestral music)

- Gentlemen, of Australian Army,

I am your friend.

I know you're all gentlemen.

Now is the time for we
to understand each other.

There's no need for me to tell you

the shocking story, this
shocking years in Europe.

When, just because we
are Jewish in our blood,

so we suffer from the
Nazis and the agents.

No, I will not tell you this.

You know that already.

We was loyal in our country.

But even so, they come in
the middle of the night,

and they wake us and
take us from our beds,

to the camp, and many of us are killed.

- Have you browned out or something?

- I wasn't gonna shoot the bugger.

Look, the safety's still on.

- But we are the lucky ones.

We have been able to
go quickly to England,

and then the war has been started.

We are ready to fight
with our British friends,

against the Nazis,

but someone in the British government

has made a shocking mistake.

Mister Churchill says,

we are spies and parachutists.

Shocking mistake.

Someone has given Mister
Churchill the wrong information.

We are not spies and
parachutists for the Nazis.

No, we are--

- Parachutists?

- What was he talking about?

- Parachutes.

That's all I heard.

He said something about parachutes.

(klezmer music)

(shouting)

- I'm telling you again,

nothing is impossible.

- I am telling you,
everything is possible.

- I just thought I'd pass
on a vital piece of advice.

I don't think they're actually Italian.

- [Voice On Phone] No
one told you officially

that they're Italian?

- Oh I'm sorry Ian, yes
you're absolutely right.

Nobody officially tells me anything.

- [Ian] There'll be a Swiss fellow

very soon from the Red Cross.

We'll fill you in.

- Come in.

- [Ian] Allan, did you hear what I said?

- Yes, yes, I heard you, Swiss guy.

Sounds terrific.

- Um sir, um, the Rabbi
here is fairly anxious

that he and his flock be provided

with the instruments of ritual slaughter.

- Ritual slaughter?

- Yes sir, you see it goes right back

to Abraham and Isaac,

the principle of sacrifice.

- Yeah, well you can tell him from me,

I don't care how it was
between Abraham and Isaac,

I'm not having any bloody
sacrifices in my camp.

- Rabbi, no no sir,

it's what they call the kosher,

the kosher manner of butchering.

You see they cut the
throat of a living animal,

with a special knife, and catch the blood

in these special bowls.

- Jesus Christ.

- Schmock.

- Good on ya mate.

- Good on ya?

- What's your name?

- Mine?

Wally sir.

Wally Dunston, sir.

- Right Wally, any more deputations,

you take 'em to Captain Minter.

- [Wally] Yes sir.

- You understand?

Take them to Captain Minter and not to me.

I don't want to have anything
more to do with these freaks.

- Yes sir.

- Oh a gentleman to see you sir.

Would you like to handle it yourself?

Parachutes.

- We need our affidavits.

All right, they've been in safe keeping,

but now we must have them back.

It's my responsibility.

- Did you know there's a Swiss guy coming?

- No, I didn't sir.

He'd be from Switzerland, wouldn't he sir?

- Gudonia, Gudonia, it's
not far from Bratislava,

very small place.

I remember it now.

- No no no no no, I don't think so.

Gudonia, Gudonia.

I know, it is in Poland, near Brotz.

- Gudonia.

Tomorrow.

- Quiet please,

settle down.

Quiet please.

Quiet.

We have received from the
Swiss consul in Sydney,

an amount of money you can
pay to them from the...

- The German embassy.

- The German embassy in,

Argentina.

After equal division,
each of you will receive

three pounds, 15 shillings.

It'll be paid out, as
your names are called.

- Echelmann.

Albrecht,

Aronfeld,

- He's bribed too.

- Axelrod.

Will those men step up here?

Now.

Herr Common, bitte schnell.

Schreiben?

A signature.

Bitte.

- From where comes this money?

- From the German government.

- What is he talking about?

Do you know what's going on?

- Don't look me.

He's the crazy one.

If he wants to give away money,

why should we be worried?

- What kind of an idiot are you?

Don't you understand what
they are trying to do?

They want to trick us.

One day we are Italians,
one day we are Germans.

They want us to sign to be a German spy,

then they can do with us what they like.

- They're not so bad, they're
better than the British.

Why do you always make trouble?

- How do you know?

You are acting like those dumb sheep.

Hey, maybe they have made
a deal with the British.

And maybe the British have
made a deal with the Germans.

How do you know?

What if the British have
already lost the war?

And what if they are
rounding up all the Jews.

- Absolutely right Engelhardt,
they don't deserve a penny.

We shouldn't give them one
single penny, do you hear me?

You, are you going to stand there all day?

I told you, you don't get a penny from us.

Anyway, how much do you want?

- Let them choke on their bloody money.

(crowd shouting)

(gun firing)

(slow violin music)

- I'm already late for my appointment.

Don't you understand?

Open this gate.

- Would it be so difficult
to invite him as well?

- Maybe there was only
enough chops for three.

Or it could have been the ice cream.

- Will you have a beer?

- If you have tea, I would appreciate it.

- You see, Herr Commandant,

the Rabbi is a very strange man.

He refuses to eat your food,

he teaches young boys to
sleep on their bellies

to avoid temptations,

and once a year,

at passover, it is said
that he and his confederates

eat a Christian baby.

- Oh that's very interesting,

that sleeping on your belly.

- And the worst thing is,

that he does not understand politics.

Unlike you or I, he does not understand

how this pleasant meal, kosher or not,

is helping you to win the war.

Funny isn't it?

- Now let me get this straight.

You gentlemen feel that this is all

an unfortunate mistake,

and you'd like me to inform my superiors

before it all gets out of hand.

Is that about right?

Tea with lemon, Rabbi?

- I can be with lemon.

- Here's one for the big
bloke with the whiskers.

What's his name?

The phantom of the opera.

- [Woman On Phone] Hello?

- Oh hello, Prime
Minister's office please.

- [Man On Phone] Hello,
Prime Ministoer's office.

- Hello, this is Colonel
Berry, Southland Command.

Would you ask the Prime Minister

if it's convenient for us to have a word?

Tell him it's very important,

and I wouldn't be
bothering him if it wasn't.

- Allan?

- Hello Prime Minister, how are you?

- Allan I'm with someone at the moment,

will this take long?

- No, I don't think so.

Look, these prisoners I'm looking after,

they're not Italians.

- [PM] Prisoners, what prisoners?

- The ones your mate, what's his name?

Churchill sent over.

- [PM] Yes, I know they're not Italian.

Is that what you rang to tell me?

- No no, the problem is they're not happy

with the prison arrangements.

- [PM] What the hell are
you talking about Allan?

- Well they claim they're
being illegally detained.

Are you there?

- [PM] Yes I'm still here.

- Well they claim that they're refugees,

from Austria and Germany,

and they got shipped over here by mistake.

And it's just one big British cock up.

- [PM] It's none of their
business whether it's a cock up.

Look, why are we having
this conversation right now?

- Well I just wanted to know
what attitude I should take.

- [PM] Attitude?

You don't have to take
any bloody attitude.

We agreed to look after them, that's all.

Is there anything else you wanted to know?

- Well I've got two of
their representatives

with me at the moment.

I'll let you have a word.

- Hello, here is speaking
Rabbi Isaac Aronfeld.

- [PM] A Yid?

- Hello?

- [PM] Would you pass me
back to Colonel Berry please?

- Hello.

- [PM] Hello, Allan?

- Yes, I'll look--

I just thought I'd mention

they deny knowing anything
about parachutists.

- [PM] Allan, if this
is your idea of a joke,

then you can stick it.

(dial tone)

- Well, we've talked to my boss.

Now you fellows can go and
talk to yours if you like.

See if He can do any better.

- I'm still waiting for the knives.

- What, shall we have our
tea now Doctor Engelhardt?

Or would you prefer something stronger?

(flies buzzing)

If there's anything you need,

anything out of the
ordinary, just let me know.

- Idiot, what will you
tell your grandchildren?

- I haven't got any grandchildren.

- Someone will want to know
what a big war hero you were.

- Well the sweet bugger all
your God Almighty can do

about any of this,

so stop carping to me about your problems,

I've got enough of my own.

If it's all a mistake, it's just bad luck.

Call it the fortunes of war.

- You really don't care, do you?

They could put you in charge of a camp

with 2000 white rabbits and you would

tell them the same thing.

Fortunes of war.

- You ungrateful bastard.

I just stuck my reputation
on the line for you.

- Your reputation that got you this job?

- Are you finished?

- You know we don't deserve this.

- Oh, well I'll tell you something mate,

neither do I.

- What'd you have for lunch?

- Lamb cutlets with vegetables.

- Well that's nice.

- Oh, and I found out
something interesting.

We will be here till the end of the war.

- What did you say?

- We'll be here till the end of the war.

Now what's wrong with that?

It's not so bad here.

- The coffee is terrible.

- It will improve.

- Well that was it?

That was the whole spiel?

- He's lonely, he wants to be our friend.

- That's charming.

He wants to patch up all our
little differences does he?

That's really comforting.

How about that, eh?

- I don't understand what
you are talking about.

You explained to him
who we are didn't you?

- He already knew.

- Tell me Herr Tropp, seriously,

why don't you try to escape?

It's your duty isn't it?

- For the same reason that
you don't try to escape.

- [Alexander] What is that?

- Because we are on the same side.

- [Baron] It's not even real coffee.

I don't know what they put in it.

I think it's chicory?

(violin music)

(people talking)

(piano music)

- How'd they react?

- They spotted out this list sir.

Other instruments they require.

They asked me to give it to you, sir.

- If you don't mind me
taking the liberty guvnor,

I'd like to say, that that
was a very decent gesture,

very thoughtful.

- Who the hell are you?

- Morris Mendellsohn, guvnor.

You can call me Morrie.

You ought to have a look around

while you're here guvnor.

I mean, people are
settling in quite nicely.

These two huts,

is where the,

where all the professors, most
of them, get down together,

you know, to keep themselves
intellectually stimulated.

Einstein.

Carry on chaps.

Think it's gonna rain?

Over here's the kosher (muffled),

got it down real smart,

providing for their devotional
needs like, you know.

I wouldn't take any notice guv.

They're a strange lot, they are.

And they're probably spies and all.

Anyway,

you can rely on me as a friend.

I'm British.

Know what I mean?

I'm not like the rest of these geezers.

- What the hell do you mean?

- I'm from Aldgate guv.

I run a fish store in
the Whitechapel Road.

The old man's looking
after it at the moment.

I sort of came with to take
care of the caterin' and such.

- You tryin' to make some kind of joke?

- Joke?

There's no joke, guv.

I'd keep an eye on some of
the geezers here if I was you.

Some of them don't know the
meaning of a friendly gesture.

Still, it's hardly your
fault, the whole situation,

is it, eh?

Anyway,

take care guv.

- The King of Romania, Gudonia.

- By keeping up with the speed of light,

time for me has come to an end.

- What were you talking about?

He didn't look so happy.

- Oh I've got him really worried now.

He probably thinks I'm a bleedin' spy.

- What do you want from him?

I told you,

he's just a poor lonely jailer.

- Listen mate,

I don't give a tinker's
fart who or what he is,

nobody's gonna sit on my face

and not expect to get
teeth marks in their ass.

- Dear Allan, have a think
about Moses and his plagues.

Might be worth remembering
what happened to Pharaoh,

and all his lot.

(horn blowing)

(speaking in foreign language)

- All right, everybody out.

Come on, roust.

- Move it out fellows, come on.

- Now.

Come on, let's get a move along.

- What did you find?

- Um, nothing sir.

- Come again?

- Well, they were just having
their New Year celebration,

there was nothing to find.

We want through the two
huts on either side as well.

Do you want me to carry on?

- Bugger everything, I've had enough.

- Sir?

- Nothing, forget it, leave me alone.

Rabbi Aronfeld is outside.

He's very anxious to see you,

and it was difficult to
stop him from coming.

- I received this last night.

I was obliged to act on it.

That's not what I gave it to you for.

- They say that an anti-Semite is someone

who hates Jews more than
absolutely necessary.

- Morrie, was it you or not?

Are you crazy?

- Will you try the stuff
they're sellin', eh?

You gettin' to like it here?

Pleasant climate, friendly natives, eh?

- Very friendly.

They bought proper coffee for us.

- Listen Sergeant, when
I want your opinion

I'll ask for it, all right?

(microphone feedback whining)

- I have got something
I want to say to you.

I have had it up to the back
teeth with you bastards.

The gates are open.

If anyone wants to leave...

(Morrie laughing)

Shut that bloody gate, now.

(crowd shouting)

- [Chip] German isn't it sir?

- I suppose so.

- What do you want me to do

about that fellow that walked out?

- I'm busy at the moment Chip.

Why don't you go out and make some rules?

This place needs someone like you.

(piano out of tune)

(cricket singing)

- [Woman] Will you do one for
me while you're there Kath?

- What say, mama?

(woman muffled)

(music on the radio)

- How much is that one?

- [Woman] Kath, where are you love?

- I'll be back in half a tick.

- How much is that one?

- Seven pence.

- Can I have one ice cream?

- What flavor?

- Toppers?

(bell jingling)

- Here Jackie, give us a bit of that,

before it all bleedin' well disappears.

- [Prisoner] I need to go to the toilet.

- [Prisoner] Shut up and get them ready.

(band music)

- The girl in the shop.

She was very nice.

- Will you look at that?

It's like the bleedin' proms.

They've kissed each
other's asses and made up.

There's not gonna be no war any more.

We gonna have operas and
bleedin' violin lessons instead.

- They are not resting.

- And what's a bleedin'
fishmonger gonna do out here?

(speech muffled)

- Oh, what happened?

- I think he's gone.

- See? See what happens
when the son goes to jail?

- He's not in jail.

He's a prisoner of war.

("Hail Britannia")

- Captain Webber is here sir.

- Sir?

- Do you need to remove your coat Webber?

- No, I'm comfortable, thank you sir.

- You're a Jew, aren't you Webber?

- I'm not quite sure what you mean, sir?

- Oh don't worry man,
this isn't an inquisition.

Are you or are you not a
Jew, for Christ's sake?

- Well yes I am Jewish,

but not orthodox.

- Oh all right, there's
no need to be embarrassed.

No I just thought you had
the right nose, or feeling

for this kind of work.

- What sort of work sir?

- Well sometimes certain
decisions are made with

the most patriotic of motivations.

- [Webber] Yes sir.

- And in spite of these motivations,

mistakes are sometimes made.

- That's quite true sir.

- Have you ever been to
Australia before, Webber?

- Let's see now, for the cost
of arresting 2000 civilians,

by mistake as it were,

transporting them around the globe,

confining them,

feeding them,

and providing military
personnel and equipment

for the purposes of,

one could run the Air Force for a year.

- Or purchase New Zealand.

So what do you suggest we do about it?

- Nothing.

Wasn't that a ballser?

- So what do we tell Berry?

- Berry, who's Berry again?

- He's the commandant, that's who he is.

- We don't have to tell him anything.

(chatting)

- Hoo, look at that, very good.

- It's their own bullshit,

and it's correct.

- Who is that?

- You.

- That is me?

- Idiot.

Let me tell you, my old boss at (muffled),

would be very, very unhappy
to see such a thing.

- I'm not so happy about it meself.

- He would have used my
fingers to make a (muffled).

- Yeah? Sounds a bit drastic.

- Oh, he was a very
violent man, Herr Winkler.

I didn't like him so much.

- Yeah well, I see you've got

the usual number of fingers there.

- You know what they call me?

- No, what did they call you?

- In the business, they
called me the pope.

Herr Winkler gave me the name.

And a few months later,

they handed me over to the Nazis.

- What, for a few rolls
in the strudel dough?

- Don't make jokes.

I don't like jokes.

- Move it at the back!

Come on David.

That's very funny Morrie,
you want to join us?

- Now look here,

you and me have got some
serious business to talk about.

There's a little question of my sister.

- Morrie, that was a year ago.

No, more than a year ago,
what am I talking about?

- Well, so?

Love's supposed to be sodding
well eternal, isn't it?

- How should I know?

You are the first person who ever wanted

to have a discussion with
me about such a subject.

- Don't be all coy with me.

I want to know whether she was just a

bit of conveniently available fluff

to sharpen up the carnal
side of your nature or,

I mean you Viennese
punks, you're world famous

for that sort of thing.

But what if it was somebody a bit more

sentimental about the
occasion, you know what I mean?

- Morrie, she was the only
girl I knew in London.

What do you want from me, right now?

- All right then,

fact of life,

seeing as we don't have no books

available here on the subject,

and taking out of little Naomi

weren't what you call
the precautionary type,

and you don't look as if you'd be

too much in that department either.

Where I could be a bleeding
uncle by now couldn't I?

(foghorn blowing)

- Sorry.

Hello, just arrived have you?

Yeah, same here.

Oh, I'm sorry, I don't think
we've had the pleasure.

I was onboard also.

My name's Benjamin Webber.

- Oh, Naomi Mendellsohn.

- How do you do?

You here on holiday?

- No, family business.

You here on a holiday?

- No, no no no, government business.

- That should be nice for you.

- What line of business are you in?

- Catering.

- Good, good.

Well, jolly nice to meet you,

all the best.

Oh, I do beg your pardon.

Can I drop you at your hotel?

- Oh, no, thanks anyway.

Me brother's gonna be here to meet me.

- Oh, that's nice.

Well, goodbye.

- Cheerio.

- Japs bomb (muffled).

- And how's your hotel Webber?

Up to the standard you're used to?

Oh, Captain Webber, I'd like you to meet

Brigadier Templeton, Southern Command.

- Ian Templeton, or even better, just Ian.

- Delighted to meet you Ian.

- Oh, if you have any
problems with your laundry,

I'd be glad to put it
through my department.

Everything is hand-washed
and ironed for officers.

- Captain Webber, this
is Sir Frank Hobb, MP.

- How are you Captain?

Have a good trip?

- Not really, I don't enjoy those.

- Gentlemen, can I just begin by saying

how deeply impressed we are,

that His Majesty's government has seen fit

to send you on a long, and
quite dangerous journey,

to advise us on this
whole prisoner business.

- Yes,

well, my instructions are

that the internees kept in your care,

by arrangement with His
Majesty's government,

be shipped back to Britain, forthwith.

I mean, now that the whole
thing's been cleared up,

it's only fair that
their rights as refugees

be restored to them.

- Captain Webber, I assure
you that whatever views

you have on the subject will be received

as seriously, and with as much gratitude,

as if they were the views
of Mister Churchill himself.

- I really don't have any
views, Mister Slattery.

My orders are simply to
obtain their orderly release.

- Hold on, what is all
this stuff about refugees?

(muffled) you mean?

- Ah, would you care for a whiskey?

- Yes.

- Water?

- Yes, thank you.

- Do you happen to play tennis?

- Yes I do as a matter of fact.

- Well, if you care for a game,

my sister's got a court at her place,

and her daughter is a crash on player.

And she likes Englishmen.

- We shall certainly do our best

to accommodate His Majesty's government.

And I assure you, that I will personally

make sure that your blokes
are being well looked after,

and will continue to be well looked after.

- Have I not made myself clear?

We made a mistake.

They're on our side.

- Oh, here, sorry I'm
late, I have to leave.

I do apologize to everybody.

Bye bye Frank,

John.

It's been bloody nice to meet you,

and don't forget what I said

about the shirts and all that stuff.

- So, if nothing else is certain,

one thing's sure.

This whole business will be sorted out,

once the war's over.

I mean it, can't go on forever, can it?

- Yeah.

- No no no, please sit down.

I'm afraid we have no
record of a Mendellsohn,

Miss Mendellsohn.

- It's with a double L.

- Yes, of course.

Are you sure he's in the armed forces?

- I already told the other man,

he's supposed to be a prisoner of war.

- Then you should try the
Department of Home Affairs,

they may know something about prisoners.

- I already been down there,
and they told me to come here.

- Well, I wish we could help,

but you see, this is the
Department of Defense,

and we don't have any information
about prisoners of war.

Have you tried the police department?

- Yeah, and they sent me to
the Department of Home Affairs.

- What about the post office?

Have you tried the post office?

They seem to handle a lot of inquiries.

- Oh, Nigel, I'll be going
out to Hay next week,

with the Brigadier just
to look the place over so,

if you wouldn't mind
making the arrangements?

And let the Commonwealth know today.

- Have you got a department
of home lunatics here?

They might at least know what day it is.

- What's the matter with her?

- Something about her brother.

She wants us to find him but,

we're not holding any
fishmongers, are we sir?

- Have a look at this.

I wouldn't wipe a cow's bum with it,

you're a bloody disgrace.

- I'll tell you something mate.

When they blow the final whistle,

I'll pass for a bleedin' prisoner

a sight sooner than you will
for a bleedin' soldier son.

- Hello Allan.

- Ian.

- Remember John Slattery,
Defense Department.

- John.

- Allan Berry.

- Yes, yes, yes, good to see you again.

Allan, this is my daughter, Bernice.

- Hello Allan.

- Pleased to meet you Bernice.

Make yourself at home.

- Thank you.

- Ah, what a gorgeous
place you've got here.

(sheep baaing)

- Who is this group?

- A bit of a worry at first,

but it's all right now, thank God.

Now they've got their own knives.

(sheep baaing)

Wonderful dancers.

- Dancers?

- Oh yeah, and singers too.

The cantor's got a voice
like a nightingale.

You never heard a bloke sing so high.

Not like a fairy or
anything, just beautiful.

Music of the Gods.

Do you like music, Ian?

- Oh yes.

- What about you Bernice?

Do you like music?

- Yes, of course.

- Yes well, this is the place for it.

(men singing)

("Auld Lang Syne")

♪ We're here because we're
here because we're here ♪

♪ Because we're here ♪

♪ We're here because we're
here because we're here ♪

♪ Because we're here ♪

♪ We're here because we're
here because we're here ♪

♪ Because we're here ♪

- I'll write to mother, every
day I hear the same singing.

Everyone blames another...

- Ah, Baron?

- Yes.

- I'd like you to meet
Brigadier Templeton.

Brigadier, this is Baron Von Filshtein.

- Baron von Filshtein?

- Yes, Gale von Filshtein, ashante.

- Templeton, Ian Templeton.

- Ian.

- This must seem rather strange to you.

- Strange? How do you mean, Ian?

- Well after all those basic concepts.

- Yes, well now that you mention it,

I wonder if you could ask them to consider

sending up a couple of
decent whores, you know?

You could drop one and vouch for them.

Nice curtain, bit of
carpet, what do you say?

(audience applauding)

♪ I often stop and wonder ♪

♪ Why I appeal to men ♪

♪ How many times I blunder ♪

♪ In love and out again ♪

♪ And offer new devotion ♪

♪ I like it I confess ♪

♪ When I reflect emotion ♪

♪ There's no need to guess ♪

♪ Falling in love again ♪

♪ Never one gets through ♪

♪ What am I to do ♪

♪ I can't help it ♪

♪ Love's always been my game ♪

♪ Play it how I may ♪

♪ I was made that way ♪

♪ I can't help it ♪

♪ Men cluster to me like
moths around a flame ♪

♪ And if the wind blows ♪

♪ I know I'm not to blame ♪

- Allan?

♪ Falling in love again ♪

- That is a real woman, isn't it?

- How could it be?

Bloody clever though, isn't it?

♪ What am I to do ♪

♪ I can't help it ♪

(audience applauding,
cheering and whistling)

- Thank you, thank you.

Direct from the Moulin Rouge,

and the pissiants of the London Palladium,

your friendly enemy aliens
and mine, William Max.

(audience applauding)

- Want one?

Oh, see him?

That's Ben Bottyank, he's a cocky.

- Cocky?

- Yeah, that's right.

And he's got this mate
called Flatbush Bill,

he's all bloody gallar.

- Gallar?

- On top.

- What roles do you play?

- Ah, no laying out, no
knocking, just straight rummy.

- We're here, because we're here,

because we're--

- With one of these, you can
buy a dozen linzer tortes.

With two, you can have
a course in latching.

You want it?

Win it.

Come on, let's play.

- I tell you what you
blokes have done here

is a bloody marvel.

- Here, here.

I reckon if word gets around

you'll have them queuing
up to get interned.

Have a come through holiday.

Come to Hay and see Europe, eh?

- I'm glad you enjoy our little show.

Very continental isn't it.

You know, I could have been

an officer in the SS if I'd wanted.

You have heard of them?

In fact, I even met Herr Hitler once.

Oh you've heard of him, Adolf Hitler,

and Goebbels too.

I think they liked me.

Maybe not so much anymore.

What if I go back?

I can tell them for you, if you like,

that they should not be angry with you.

It is silly that you should be fighting.

You have so many similar opinions.

You see, 2000 clever men

have been dragged all the way to Australia

so that you idiots can
enjoy a nice cabaret show.

(audience applauding)

- [Morrie] You cut this, watch this.

(woman laughing)

- Where do you think it is?

It's there.

Here listen, you cut this one.

- Morrie, I have to go back.

- Are you sure?

- Yes, they will notice.

- Okay, well you be careful.

I'll catch you up, huh?

- I think I'll walk with him for a bit.

(woman laughing)

- Jackie, come over here.

I want to show you something.

(bird singing)

(woman laughing)

- Oh, watch it darling.

I'm ready for anything, I
haven't had a bit since,

the end of 1939.

- Yeah, that was about
when I had my last as well.

I think it was

a Friday.

Gin.

Oh it would be nice you know,

if this bunch of snorin' animals

disappeared in a puff of smoke.

And when I opened me eyes,

there'd be just you and me sittin' there.

What do you think of Australia then love?

- It's a nice place to do your wash in.

- Yeah,

isn't it?

(violin music)

(husband snoring)

- What is this place?

- The gardener's hut.

We use it as sort of a club.

You know, five girls and five boys.

- It's very nice.

- Jackie, why don't you cut your hair?

It makes you look like a little girl.

- It isn't allowed.

- Why not?

- Because it isn't allowed.

- I want you to cut your hair.

- No.

(cricket buzzing)

- Jackie, have you ever put
your willy into a girl's wendy?

(violin music)

(car turning over)

- You know Ian, a fellow came to see me,

oldish chap, wanted to know if it was okay

to set up a university, here in the camp.

Don't think they couldn't do it too.

And they've asked me to be Chancellor.

- What?

- Of the university.

It's a great honor.

- Take it easy Allan, huh?

- Close your eyes.

- Hang on, how am I gonna play
with me bleedin' eyes closed?

- I don't want you to play, just hold it.

Close your eyes.

Now, imagine you are lying
with a beautiful woman.

- Where'd you learn to play?

In a bleedin' brothel or something?

- Keep quiet and just do as I say.

Now close your eyes.

All right, in a moment

you are going to play your first note.

It doesn't matter what it is,

only let it be with love.

Do it for Naomi,

for the honor of your mother's memory.

(dissonant note)

(violin music)

- Actually it's urgent.

- Hey, where the hell are you going?

We ain't finished yet
you ignorant bastard.

(audience applauding)

- What's going on sir?

- Shut up, Chip.

- [Voice On Radio] There were 24 wounded

in yesterday's air raid on Darwin,

by over 100 Japanese bombers.

Last night the Prime Minister announced

complete mobilization
of the Armed Services.

He said that all Australians
must face the enemy on--

- New music.

Open up the gates.

It's on!

It's really on.

It's on, it's on.

It's on for us all.

The Japs have just bombed Darwin.

It's really on.

The bastards are bombing
the shit out of us.

Do you know it means I'm
getting out of this hole.

Any day now they're gonna
transfer me out of here,

and you, and a few of
you bastards as well.

It's war!

You little ripper, it's war.

- All right, keep moving.

Push up, up, down.

- I believe it's on the fat.

- I'll tell you what.

I'll give you five to
one on the gangley one.

- I want evens on the fat, on a keel over.

- Down, up.

Down--

- Oh.

- [Soldier] Aha, the back was the winner.

- No no no, he failed to rise.

You said a keel over.

I'm not playing a fail to rise am I?

Here you are mate.

This'll rot your teeth.

It's marzipan, so don't
eat it all at once.

- Oh, you shouldn't've mate.

I'll see you Morrie.

I'll bring you back a Jap.

- Hey listen Mick,

stay out of trouble.

Don't mess about with no Japs,

they're no bleedin' good for you.

- You stay here till I get back, won't ya?

God bless, mate.

- You look after yourself.

- You too, you hear?

- The name's Mendellsohn,
I'm from Aldgate,

Whitechapel Road.

Have you ever heard of it?

- Just watch yourself mate.

- Where'd they get you from?

The senior class of the

Shit Creek Elementary School or something?

- Ah come on, shall we get the sergeant

to change your nappies for you.

Look at 'em, a bunch of pathetic twerps.

I'll reckon you'll have to tell them

how to run the place after I've gone.

- When's that Allan?

- Oh, any bloody day now.

Won't give much notice, that's for sure.

Actually, I had hoped to
be going with this lot.

Oh I suppose a few extra
days won't hurt, eh?

- You lookin' forward
to disemboweling a Japs

are ya, guvnor?

- I'll see you later, Alex.

All right, let's get
these trucks out of here.

- Good luck with your war, Allan.

- You sick bastard.

How long do you think we're
gonna last in this shithole?

- Depends.

If the Japanese win we'll
be out straightaway.

- Don't think I don't
appreciate the attitude

you've decided to take
in regards to my sister.

- What are you raving about Morrie?

- Do you know something?

Never in my wildest
dreams did I ever imagine

having a sophisticated ponz
like you as a brother-in-law.

That's interesting isn't it?

Here,

you know what I really think about your

bleedin' violin lessons, don't you?

Good.

(classical music)

- Good evening.

- Good evening.

- I was just wondering whether
the next time you're in town,

you could--

- How now,

you was wondering what?

- Whether you could pick me
up some anise seed balls.

- Anise seed balls?

- Only if it's convenient.

- No, that's all right
guv, it's on the house.

Hey watch what you're doing with the cake.

All right my son, onward
Christian soldiers.

- Morrie?

- Yes?

- Do you have a girlfriend?

- What do you mean, back in England?

- Yes.

- I have the (muffled)
for swagging crumpet.

- What does that mean?

Swagging crumpet?

- It means that women of
many various persuasions

have found in me, you might
say, a common interest.

They crave my body.

I'm of a little lap more son.

I hold out great hopes for you
in that department, as well.

(gun firing)

- What are you doing?

- Will you piss off and get out of here?

Look, Jackie,

do me a favor.

For once in your life,

get out of here.

- Where do I go?

- How the bleeding hell do I know?

- Good on ya, Morrie.

- Good on ya.

(cricket singing)

- Amazing.

I told that little bastard to go,

and he goes.

He just leaves me here.

Just like that.

Could have given me a kiss, at least.

- [Soldier] What have you done?

- [Soldier] I think I got one of them.

- God almighty.

You crazy animal.

- What was I supposed
to do, just let him go?

- Yes, for Christ's sake,
he always comes back.

- There was two of them.

- Oh don't talk to me you bloody animal.

Just shut up.

- Oh for Christ's sake,
we're getting him some help.

- Who did this?

- He didn't mean it, he's rather new

and he didn't bloody
know what he was doing.

Get back.

Get back mate, get out of here.

Jesus.

- Somebody click on some lights.

Take up your bloody lights.

- He said he didn't mean
to sir, he didn't mean to.

- What are you doing in this
place, you stupid bastard.

Nobody was supposed to get shot.

Let go of me, I'll kill that bastard.

Get off me, get off me.

Nobody was supposed to shoot anybody.

I'll kill him.

I'll get sheep and run.

(violin music)

(singing in foreign language)

- This year we are slaves.

But next year we hope to be free men.

- Well I wish you luck,
but I wouldn't count on it.

(singing in foreign language)

- Do you think Moses didn't know

this way about doing business?

He knew.

(singing in foreign language)

- The mit was a little bit too hot,

but the chicken was delicious.

Don't be a pig.

Please, please.

- Excuse me,

do you happen to have a spokesman?

You know, some elected
representative I can speak to.

- Over there, the man with the briefcase.

- Thank you, sir.

- I beg your pardon, may
I speak to you please?

It is urgent.

I'll try to be as succinct as possible.

I'm Captain Webber.

I represent His Majesty's
Secretary of State,

on the matter of your internment.

Is that clear?

I want you to address these men,

and inform them that subject
to certain conditions--

- Conditions?

Do you have an appointment?

Do you have an appointment?

If you don't have an appointment,

I'm sorry, you can't see the manager.

You can telephone for an appointment,

or you can write him a letter,

but not until after the politics, sorry.

(singing in foreign language)

- This cup of wine, is
for Elijah the Prophet,

who is welcome to sit at the table

of each and every Jewish family.

- Usually he doesn't come,

because he's very busy
visiting other places.

(singing in foreign language)

- Gentlemen, gentlemen.

You are all to be released
from this camp, forthwith.

- But, why?

- About bloody time.

(classical orchestral music)

(sheep baaing)

- You be careful with that thing,

or I'll have you bastards on a charge.

(violin music)

(sheep baaing)

- Here you are, love.

What's the matter?

- I'm looking for me brother.

I think I've come to the wrong place.

There's nothing here is there?

- Mostly nothing.

Where are you from love?

- London.

- Well fancy that, it
never rains but it pours.

I had another Londoner
who used to come in here.

- Really?

- Yeah, cheeky little bastard.

Tell you what though, he
was a topnotch pastry cook.

Oh, if you could have seen
the cakes he used to bring.

- Pastry cook.

- Yeah.

We had some good times together.

- What happened to him?

- I don't know, love.

Suppose he took his
business somewhere else.

(men shouting)

- America?

- I said move.

(classical orchestral music)

- Out, out, come on.

Come on, quickly.

There's a war on.

Come on.

- America?

- Do you know him?

- Yes.

I'm sorry,

you're too late.

He already went back to Italy.

(bright orchestral music)

(train whistle)

(violin music)

- [Morrie] Hey, where
the hell are you going?

We ain't finished yet
you ignorant bastard.

(audience applauding)

(violin and piano music)