The Dream Team (1989) - full transcript

♪ We meet at evening time ♪

♪ This week at evening time ♪

♪ To know I'll spend an hour or two ♪

♪ Just with you ♪

♪ Then when the hour grows late ♪

♪ I love to hesitate ♪

♪ The moment seems so fleeting ♪

♪ While I am here repeating ♪

♪ I stand and say good night ♪

♪ It's grand to say good night ♪

♪ Then stay and say it over and over ♪



♪ By your door ♪

♪ The milkman hurries by ♪

♪ But, sweetheart, here am I ♪

♪ Again I fondly hold you ♪

♪ Repeating all I've told you ♪

♪ Stars shining bright above you ♪

♪ Night breezes seem
to whisper I love you ♪

♪ Birds singing in
the sycamore tree ♪

♪ Dream a little dream of me ♪

♪ Say nighty-night and kiss me ♪

♪ Just hold me tight and
tell me you'll miss me ♪

♪ While I'm alone
and blue as can be ♪

♪ Dream a little dream of me ♪

♪ Star fading but
I linger on, dear ♪



♪ Still craving your kiss ♪

That's better.

♪ I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear ♪

♪ Just saying this ♪

♪ Sweet dreams till
sunbeams find you ♪

I'll tell you something,
That's the best backhand
I've ever seen on Thorazine.

You want another one?

Time for group, William.

You could lose your privileges
right there, Mr. Caufield.

I'll be consulting
with Dr. Weitzman.

Okay, Kenny. Put your game face on.
Here we go.

Ready?

Let me tell you
something, Ken.

I've played some of
the top Chinese guys.

If you ever work up a serve
to go with that backhand,

it's gonna be a dark
day in Peking, babe.

Want a practice one?

Here we go.

Attaboy. Now, focus.

All right? Attaboy.

Perfect.

...does that
star-spangled banner

Yet wave

Ianuzzi.

O'er the land of the free

And the home

Of the brave?

- Holy cow, White!
- What a great day for a game.

Holy cow, White!
What a great day for a game!

Albert, group.

What a great rendition
of our national anthem.

And now the lineups for
the Orioles and the Yankees.

It'll be John
Candelaria pitching
for the Yankees,

and Jeff
Ballard for the birds.

For Baltimore, leading off,

playing left field,
Pete Stanicek.

At second base,
batting second, Billy Ripken.

Cal Ripken Jr.
will be the shortstop,
batting third.

Albert.

That's Brian's cupcake.

The catcher, batting fifth,
Mickey Tettleton.

The designated hitter,
batting sixth, Jim Traber.

Ken Gerhart batting
seventh in center field,

Joe Orsulak will
be in right field,
batting eighth,

and batting ninth
and playing third base,
Rene Gonzales.

And for the New
York Yankees, playing

third base,
leading off, Wayne Tolleson.

Bobby Meacham batting second
and playing second base.

McDermott, time for group.

That is a serious
infraction of hospital rules.

This is the body and blood
of our lord Jesus Christ.

And a damn fine Beaujolais.

You can't go like that.
You're naked.

We are all naked in
the eyes of the lord.

I'm gonna have to
include this in my
report to Dr. Weitzman.

Call not for a doctor but for
an elder of the church.

Leviticus 5:14.

I told you.

I told you.

Tortured soul.

I know what you mean, Doc.

There's been a tendency
to limit medication.

In looking at the chart,
the general anxiety
level in the Gomez case

indicates minor
dosage increase.

I'm gonna say 25
milligrams amitriptyline.

25 milligrams won't
make a dent in Gomez.

I'd go 50.
He cried during
Family Feud

last night. I could
barely hear the questions.

Shouldn't you be
in group, Henry?

I don't like to
be alone in there.

They're very hostile
towards authority.

Henry, I think you
better get in there.

Well, okay.

I'll keep an eye on them.

Henry.

I'm not finished
with that.

Looked just like mine.

These chairs
are all wrong.

I can't leave you
guys alone two minutes.

Albert, you're facing
the wrong way.

Nobody
doesn't like Sara Lee

Don't you know
what a semicircle is?

I don't want him
next to me.

He smells
like tuna fish.

Look what you did.

Four
minutes and 27 seconds,
Mr. Caufield.

There are some
patients that just make

a therapist want
to shake his head.

Straighten out
that chair.

Hey, Henry, imagine this...

My chair is straight,
and all the other
chairs are out of order.

Now, there's a real
mind bender for you, right?

You're living in
a fantasy world, William.

Dr. Weitzman is
not gonna like this.

This group will not start

until you straighten
out that chair.

All right. I don't
want to have to do this.

The orders came
down this morning.

I've been officially put
in charge of this group.

American Psychiatric Society.
Chair stays where it is.

Let me see that.

Nah. Sorry. Classified.

I know one of your fantasies
when I hear one, William.

If you don't
straighten out that chair,

I'm gonna
straighten it
out for you.

All right.

I'll
straighten out the chair!

Looks like one of our
chairs tried to make
a break for it, huh?

Billy did it, Dr. Weitzman.
It'll all be in my report.

Look, you're all feeling
a little bit on
edge these days.

It's very normal when you're
coming off medication. Bill?

But you gotta
believe me,
these chairs...

Are innocent.

Now, sit down, Bill.

Come.

Okay, team.

Before we begin, Henry,
would you take
the jacket off, please?

And put the clipboard away.
We're gonna be
using my notes today.

Good. Thank you.

Okay! Who wants to start?

You want to talk about
what just happened here?

Oh!

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
I just flashed back to Nam.

You never made it
to Vietnam, Bill.

He was too
violent for Vietnam.

I wish
you'd take some of this

imagination and start
writing again, Bill.

Doc! I get up. I take a shower.
I put on my clothes.

What do you want from me?

Well, last time
we talked about

trying to accept
reality as it is, you know,

and not make it
up as you go along.

Dr. Weitzman,
I don't see
how William

expects to make
any kind of progress.

He never reads my reports.
No wonder he's
never done anything.

What do you call
finishing second
at Daytona?

Bill, a half-dozen
speeding tickets in Miami

doesn't make you
a race car driver.

You told me you played
for the New York Rangers.

Are you saying I didn't?

Attacking a referee on
the ice doesn't make you
a hockey player either.

That guy had no right
to be an NHL referee.

However, it did get you

into our little group,
didn't it?

I say we skip him and move on
to someone of greater consequence.

We'll be with you
in a minute, Jack.

All right,
Bill. Bill.

Why don't we
start by reviewing
some goals from last time.

Okay.

What about my new goal?
Daryl Hannah.

All right. Can we
just stay out of fantasy
for just a minute, please?

If you're talking
about a relationship,

how about one
with a regular girl?

Why don't you let me out
so I can find a regular girl?

Nurse Kremmel
looks like Luca Brasi.

All God's
creatures are beautiful.

Not her.

No, not her.

Dr. Weitzman,
I think we should

devote this entire
session to William.

He's way
behind the rest of us.

Can we take another vote
on Henry's lobotomy?

Come on!
Let me have
a show of hands?

That was never discussed.
Was it?

Come on, Doc. You
could vote too. Put it up.

I'm not gonna vote.
Sit down. Come on.

Put your hand down, Jack.

We had a majority.

All right.
Jack. Now, last time

we had you set
a goal for yourself.

Well, my original goal
was to rid my agency of
Satan's influence...

And to bring
Jesus Christ back into

the advertising business,
where he belongs.

Yes, but I think that
the revised goal
that we talked about

was finding
a position for Jack McDermott,
not for Jesus Christ.

Dr. Weitzman, he's
still walking around naked.

I think he
has a long way to go.

For a guy who
runs the universe,
he's scared shitless.

That's my diagnosis too.

Jack, let me
ask you a question.

You raised yourself
from the dead, right?

Did the agency give you
extra perks with that,
or just those three days off?

You weren't there!

I was pulling down a hundred
big ones a year...

When you and Satan were
out chasing Daryl Hannah!

Do I sense some
hostility here?

Maybe they should
role play this, Doctor.

You wanna talk
about this, Jack?

I was senior VP.

I had a corner office.

They crucified me.

You're doing great, Jack.

You know, it takes time,
but you're doing great.

Yes, Henry.

Oh, great.
I've been waiting
for this all morning.

Dr. Demento speaks.

On the first
Monday of every month,

it is my intention
to submit to you,
Dr. Weitzman,

a complete report
of all infractions
of hospital rules,

particularly by
these patients.

Who's gonna do
the report on you,
you jerk-off?

See what
I'm up against, Doctor?

He's worse than I am.

Guys, guys, come on.

We're all in this
together, right?

That's what this group
is about. We're a team.

Exactly.
But these idiots
don't understand that.

Yeah. Henry, would you mind
if I made a small observation?

Just listen to it.
Leave the clipboard. Just listen!

I know that you're trying

to be helpful,
and we all appreciate it,

but focusing on
other people's problems

is really just a way
of avoiding your own.

Oh. Exactly.

Exactly.
Fine. Right.

So let's talk about you.

I have seven letters
from your wife in my office.

She hasn't heard from you
in a year-and-a-half, Henry.

I don't wanna talk about that.

I want you to know
it's safe in here.

We're all here for you.

Everything is so
disorganized,
such a mess.

Well, reality's messy, Henry.

But that's okay. It's
not for you to clean it up.

But who else is
gonna do it?
Not these guys.

It's tough to take orders
from a guy who
irons his socks.

I want you to do
me a favor, Henry.

I don't... Uh, uh!

I don't want
you to pick it up.

I don't want you
to think about it.

It's not your responsibility.

Good. Good.

Next week, we'll work
on leaving the rest of

the pieces of paper in the world
right where they are.

You're gonna find out
that chaos is okay, Henry.

Chaos is great.

Could we go now?

Every week you
get up and say,
"Can we go now?"

And every week I tell you,
"We haven't heard
from Albert yet."

Nobody's ever
heard from Albert.

I've had better
conversations with cheese.

This is just
Albert's way of dealing

with things right now.
Okay? Sit down.

This is not okay.

What's that?

This is Brian's cupcake.

Every day an innocent man
is deprived of his dessert,

and we sit here
and do nothing.

Ohh. Boy, you could
do some time for that,
Big Al.

Oh, boy.
Brian's cupcake.

Doc, I say we drag
him outside and beat
the shit out of him.

Guys, guys.

Brian isn't complaining,
so let's just drop it.
All right?

Don't worry about
the cupcake, Albert.

You were going
to work on saying

the names of
the guys in the group.

You wanna try?

Billy. Henry. Jack.
Dr. Weitzman. You wanna try?

Strike three, Doc.
There's no joy in Mudville.

You know, three weeks ago,
before we came off medication,

Albert wasn't trying to
communicate with anybody.

At least we now know
that he's listening.

Yeah. To Phil Rizzuto.

All right. Time's up.

Jack, Henry, Billy,
Albert. Come on.

Come on.

Okay.

Is this the week
that you guys finally

break down and give
each other a little hug?

Huh, team? Huh?

I don't think this
is the week, Doc.

Dr.
Rebell to admitting.

Oh, fellas.
I might have some good news
about our field trip.

I put in for special
passes for the
Yankee game tomorrow,

and I'm gonna find
out this afternoon.

How's that sound?

You guys were all excited
when I first mentioned it.

Does that mean we
are actually leaving
the hospital grounds?

No, the Yankees are
gonna come here and play.

They're gonna throw some
lights up in the rec room.

What a stroker.
Doc, let me
ask you a question.

Is there any possibility that Albert will
actually get into the game...

See action, I mean?

It's all right, Albert.
I think we'll keep you
on the bench for this one.

Did my best.

This is
the group that you want
to take out tomorrow, Jeff.

Hey, you got some
pretty chronic types here.

I screened the group.
I didn't pick
them out of a hat.

And I'm seeing
some real progress.

Breaking windows
is progress?

They're bickering.
They're annoying
the hell out of each other.

It's great.

Throw four dogs in a room,
they'll fight.

No, they're
standing up
for themselves.

Their real identities
are creeping back slowly.

Quite candidly, Jeff,

some of the staff seem to
feel this whole trip

is a lot more trouble
than it's worth.

One of these patients
has not been outside

an institution
in 12 years.

Yeah, but that's
the point.

And Caufield is like
a walking time bomb.

You can almost
hear him ticking.

You could turn around

and he'll be out
on the ball field
kicking dirt on an umpire.

Why can't you guys
just watch the game
on TV in the rec room?

Oh, God.

One more afternoon
in the rec room,

I'm gonna have to go
on Thorazine myself.

You got more of a sense of
humor about this than I do.

Frankly, I find it
difficult to sanction this.

It's a 5-hour field trip.
We're not going up
the south face of Everest.

I think Jeff is overdramatizing
this just a little bit.

Watching Albert dying
in here, that's drama.

Oh, come on!

Nobody's dying in here.

Look, look, look.

If these guys are gonna spend
the rest of their
lives in an institution,

I wanna give them the chance
to taste a hot dog
at Yankee Stadium,

or hear the crowd roar
when Mattingly hits one out.

That's gotta be worth
a couple hours of my time.

Well,
I'm not sure

what the therapeutic value of
a ballpark frank is for four psychotics.

Yes?

Henry.

We got it.

Doctor, do you think
the other patients are ready?

Sure.

Is that the
correct time?

We see a church that is weak,

a church that
has lost its way!

We seek Christians who do not know
who they are...

Christians who seek
their true selves...

Box seats on
the right field line.

Will the atheists be there?

We're all gonna be there.

All the faiths
will be represented.

Discover in themselves
the lord Jesus Christ...

It's gonna be great, Jack.

And know his divine love,
they will suffer!

You are a lot
better than that guy.

Yeah.

I know my identity.

Do you know who you are?

Fella ain't got
a soul of his own, just...
A little piece of a big soul.

The one big soul that
belongs to everybody.

Then...

Then what, Tom?

Then it don't matter.

I'll be all
around in the dark.

I'll be everywhere...
Wherever you can look.

Wherever there's a fight
so hungry people can eat,
I'll be there.

Wherever there's
a cop beatin' up a guy,
I'll be there.

That is one of my favorite
scenes of all time.

Makes me wanna puke.

Come on! You were right there in
the dust bowl with them.

I'm beginning to
realize that you are

one of the last of
the great idealists.

And I gotta tell you that,
on this floor,
that's really something.

What brings you up here, Doc?

Oh, um, we're going
to the game tomorrow.

We're going with the veggies?

Yeah.

Oh. There's about 65,000 seats
up at that stadium.

But I don't want you
to get your hopes up,

because they're
all screwed down.

Ah, it's great to
be young and insane.

Henry, I had
the kitchen
make us brownies.

I'd like you to
be in charge of
passing them out.

All right, but none for
the Bishop of Bullshit.

Okay.

And, guys,
a little
pocket money.

You each get $10
for some hot
dogs at the stadium.

Yeah. Alcohol for
the unstable. I love it.

No beer, Bill.
Just sodas. Okay?

Dr. Weitzman,
I think it's best
that I hold the money.

We don't want to have
a wild shopping spree

that might
embarrass the hospital
or your good name, sir.

I drove the moneylenders
from the temple.
I can handle a ten-spot.

Now for the Yankees,
number 10,

Alexander Hamilton.

Albert, if you wanna
eat yours before

we get to the stadium,
that's your decision.

But I gotta tell you,
those dogs out there
are worth the wait.

All right. Let's go!

I'm riding up
front with the doc!

I can't ride in the back.
I get carsick!

All right. Come on. Come on!

Dr. Weitzman,
I'm not going!

That maniac took
my seat!

All right.
Jack, I promised Henry
that he could navigate.

Okay?
I'll let you ride up front
on the way back. All right?

Thank you. Thank you.
Okay? You all right?

Okay, good. It's all right.
You all right?

Come on, Rizzuto.

Mileage to date,
97,411 and two tenths miles.

Thank you, Henry.

We got a beautiful
day for the game.

All right.
Don't get nervous.

We got two wide lanes.
Plenty of room.

No worse than the cafeteria
at lunch time, huh, Albert?

Close call. Close call.

All right.
Now, when we get to
the stadium, guys,

we're gonna use
the buddy system.

Doc, I think you
might wanna explain
the buddy system to Henry.

I don't need
anybody to tell me
what the buddy system is.

I just don't
fraternize with patients.

Ah.

I didn't have buddies
when I was on the cross.
I don't need one now.

All right, guys.
Come on.
Let's lighten up.

We're goin' to
a baseball game.

Come on.

Let's get down!

Okay, here we go.

Hit the road, Jack

And don't you come back...

Come on.
Everybody,
come on.

No more, no more, no more

Hit the road, Jack
And don't you
come back no more

Hit the road, Jack

And don't you come back
No more,
no more, no more, no more

Hit the road, Jack
And don't you
come back no more

Oh, woman, oh, woman
Don't you treat me so mean

You're the meanest old woman
that I ever have seen

I guess if you say so

I'll just pack my bags and go

Hit the road, Jack

And don't you come back
No more,
no more, no more, no more

Hit the road, Jack
And don't you
come back no more

There it is, guys. New York.

Some kinda town.

Yeah.

See those two
towers over there?
Yeah, World Trade Center.

I was the architectural
consultant on that gig.

First they just
wanted to put up one.

I said, "Fellas,
we're here.

"What the hell,
throw the other one up."

Turned out pretty nice,
didn't it?

Fantasy.

Holland Tunnel, next right.

Good work, Henry.

We're directly
under the Hudson River now.

Yeah. You guys see
those tiles up there,
all those individual tiles?

Hey, Doc, isn't it
true that if even one

of those tiles
were to come loose,

millions and millions of gallons of water
would come pouring down on us

and squash us like
tiny little bugs?

Is that a leak up there?

You see those tiles?
They're leaking
water right there!

Bill. Cut it out.
Oh, my God!

I will hold back the waters.

Thanks, Jack.

All right.
Bill, cut it out.
Come on.

It's all right.

Albert's
gotta go! Albert's gotta go!

Great. He's gonna piss
all over the backseat, Doc.

We'll need a canoe
to float out of here.

He drank a whole can
of Hawaiian Punch

before we left.
I told him not to.

Albert, do you think you can
hold on till we
get to the stadium?

Batter up! Batter up!

I think that means
"no," Doc.

Yeah. Just hold on
a second, Albert.

Easy does it till
we find a place.
All right? Okay.

Excuse me.
Could I have the key
to the men's room, please?

Oh, uh, uh...

I...
I don't speak Spanish either.
Piss in the alley.

Oh, come on, man.
It'll just be a minute.

Toilet's broke. Alley works.

Thank you. Have a nice day.

Okay, come on, Albert.
Let's go.

Okay, come on. Come on.

No ghost stories. Okay, Billy?

All right.
Come on. Let's go.
Come on.

What the hell was that?

Did you guys hear that?

Like a wild dog
howling or something. Phew.

Phew. Maybe it was me.
I always get really
scared when I'm down here.

Did you guys see Wolfen?
They filmed it down here.

That movie about
those gigantic wolves
that come out at night,

and they eat people and,
like, rip their guts open.

They got this shit
hangin' out their
mouth and stuff.

And the thing was,
people would live,
like, for an hour later...

And just, like,
lay there and...

Twitch and stuff... Oosh!

They shot it right
down here. You know why?

This is exactly where it happened.
That was a true story.

Those wolves actually happened.
They live down here.

Okay, champ,
this is gonna
have to do.

Careful. Careful.

How about right here?
This is fine.

It's great.

What?

Okay. I won't look.
I'm not looking.

Okay, Albert, you done yet?

Albert?

Al?

Albert.

I told you
you should've
wised up, Alvarez.

You're goin' to jail!

Nobody's goin' to jail.

You bastard!

Better say good night.

No, don't! Don't!

You're a dead man, Alvarez.

Albert!

Hey! Who the hell
are you? Stop that guy!

Hey! What the hell's
goin' on down there?

In broad daylight.

Hey, what happened?

This guy got the crap kicked
out of him.

He gonna make it?
Who knows?

Come on, pal. Move back.
Don't get hurt, too.

Where the hell did you go
to take that piss, Moscow?

Where's Dr. Weitzman, Albert?

He'll be here in a minute.
We're on a very
tight schedule.

How do you like
the game so far?
I'm havin' a ball.

Good seats, huh?

You know,
it's funny the hot dog guy
hasn't been around.

Albert! Where's the doctor?

News at 11:00.

Tell us now.

Now...

A word from our sponsor.

Geez. We're
waitin' for a news update
from a catatonic.

Maybe he didn't
really wanna take us.

Can you blame him?

I wouldn't wanna
walk into a public place

with a bunch of
schizophrenics.

I've never agreed
with that diagnosis.

Oh, really?
Really, Hank?

Well, you know what?

Comin' from a guy who
carries an autographed
picture of Norman Bates

in his wallet,
that doesn't
mean too much.

Trust me on this one, Hank.

You are nuts!
Don't touch that!

Will you shut up?
Don't touch it!

What about dinner?

Who's gonna get
us our dinner?

"Who's gonna
get us our..."

Aren't you the same
guy that changed
water into wine?

Huh, JC?

I mean, isn't the
son of God good for
a burger in this town?

You get us somethin'.

That's not funny.

You're a very
disturbed young man.

Oh, man. You don't
know how disturbed I am.

I'm so disturbed,
I'm gettin' outta here.

You're not allowed to leave
the group without permission!

I'm giving myself permission.

No one gives
permission but the doctor,

and I'm the doctor
until the doctor comes back!

Fine. You be the doctor,
and I'll be the escaped
mental patient. Okay?

I'm telling Dr.
Weitzman!

And Dr. Newald!

One away.

Next batter.

Dr. Newald's gonna be very,
very, very upset.

I'm gonna have to
make a full report.

You're a sick man.

It's a sickness of the soul.

Put this in your report.

Foul ball.

It's clear to me
now God is testing me.

You can't go anywhere!
I'm in charge here!

You're having
a psychotic episode.

That automatically
puts me in charge.

I am the Lord, thy god.

Thou shalt not have
strange gods before me.

Out of my way, asshole.

I fear my doctor may have
been seized by the Romans!

Who's gonna take us back?

We're gonna be late for group.

Albert, sit up straight.

That's good.

The doctor will be
back any minute now.

We've got a lot to
talk about tonight.

I'd better check to
see what's keeping him.

Albert, keep this door locked.

Give me a beer.

You know, she still
refuses to give us
her phone number.

You think we should
refuse to pay the check?

I don't see how
we can until she does.

You know, sweetheart,
we're just tryin' to
set you up for life.

I mean, this man could have
any woman in the world,

but tonight, I don't know.

Maybe it's the moon,
or those cute
little knockers you got.

Sorry. He only
wants one thing, honey.

Good. Here it is.

Come on.

Wouldn't you like
to go out with a guy

who makes more
than minimum wage?

Listen, boys,
this isn't Club Med.

Do you mind just
paying the check?

Whoa. Are you rejecting him?

You're gonna give
this guy a complex.

Let go.

Give me one good reason.

I'll give you a reason.

What's your problem?

They call it a low
frustration tolerance.

I hate paisley.

Please don't.
It's not worth it.

Who the hell do
you think you are?

I'm an escaped mental patient
with a history of violence.

Check, please.

Now pay the lady.

Okay?
Sure.

Thanks.

You got a little
somethin' right here.

Okay.

Restaurant security.
Just a minor utensil violation.

Go ahead. Enjoy your dinner.

Sue.

Cover for me. I gotta go.

Hey.

This is crazy.

I can relate to that.

What the hell
are you doing here?

I'm out. I'm sprung.

Turns out it was
a clerical mistake.

They threw me a party,
and here I am.

Billy, I haven't talked
to you in three months.

Could we try
a little reality here?

Okay. It's not
my strength, but...

I could report this!
We have rules
around here, buddy!

My God!

All right. Vehicle 9415.

This is going to look
very,
very, very good for you...

My man.

Sometimes burdened down

Sometimes burdened
Say now

Oh

Jesus been with me

Jesus been with me

All the way
All the way

Jesus been with me

Jesus been with me

All the way

All the way

Jesus been with me

Jesus been with me

All the way
All the way

All the way, y'all

All the way

All the way

All the way

All the way

All the way
All the way

Oh, been with me

Been with me
Been with me

Been with me
Been with me

Been with me
Been with me, been with me

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

Jesus been with me

All the way

All the way

All the way

All the way

All the way

All the way

Been with me
Been with me

Been with me

Been with me, been with me
Been with me

Excuse me, sir.
I'm looking for
a colleague of mine.

Excuse me.
I'm looking for
a colleague of mine.

Dr. Jeffrey Weitzman?

Excuse me.

Can you help me?
I'm looking for a...

Excuse me. Sir?

I'm looking for
a colleague of mine.
Dr. Jeffrey Weitzman.

Never heard of him.

Hey!

I think we should talk
about this, don't you?

Not really.

Well, well, well!

Don't tell me I
didn't give you

every opportunity
to tell your side.

Fastball is running up.

Really... Look at that ball.
It keeps going up,
and you swing under it.

Actually, it's a ball
if he would take it.

It's hard to take that
pitch from a left-hander
with a left-handed batter.

All right,
Steve Kiefer
will be the batter.

Jerry, I need two rum collins,
two Jack Daniels,

one on the rocks,
and a Heineken.

What'll it be?

Jerry, I need two rum collins,

two Jack Daniels,
one on the rocks,
and a Heineken.

Please.

- He brought those hands in.
- He did.

Fought it off.
He's got another shot.

Hi.

What's the matter?
Are you afraid of
me or somethin'?

Come on over.

Hey, baby...

All right.
Yanks in a jam.

How ya doin'?

Three and two,
bases loaded.

Three and two,
bases loaded.

No place to put him.
Gotta make him swing.

Gotta make him swing!

Leiter winds.
Leiter winds.

He got him!
That huckleberry
went for a bad pitch.

He got him!
That huckleberry
went for a bad pitch.

Leiter's unbelievable.

Man could throw a lamb chop
past a goddamn wolf.

And once again,
one of the Brewers

swings under that
rising fastball.

Hey!
Watch it! Watch your damn...

...extra hop on your ball.

Able to go back and get it,
and that's youth for you.

Organization is the key.

U.S. Postal Service.

I handled one of the toughest zip codes
in the country.

Ask anyone in 10021
about Henry Sikorsky.

Would you mind
cleaning up your area?

No one likes a Mr. Messy.

Fuck you.

He refuses to
clean up his area.

Leave me alone, jerk-off.

Do I sense some
hostility here?

Why don't we bring
this up in group?

Or maybe we should just hug.

Would someone please
take me back to my room!

My brothers and sisters!

Yes! Mmm-hmm.

I want to give your
soul a wake-up call!

Yes!

I want to put Jesus...

On the line!
Yeah!

Don't hang up on him now.

No!

No! Pick up that
phone and say,

"Hello..."
Hello.

"Jesus!"
Yeah!

He's listening.
Lord, I know
he's listening.

Can I get an amen?

Amen!

Can I get an amen?

Amen!

We got the spirit...

Here tonight!

Who is gonna witness for me?
We got the Lord on the line!

Who is gonna take the call?
Please don't
leave God on hold.

Oh, no!

You have called,
and I have answered!

Come in! We have a witness!

Witness!

A witness!

I came to tell
you that I was once

a lover of
the things of this world.

Yes!
Amen!

I made $100,000 a year.

I had a house in Scarsdale
with a big blue swimming pool.

Yes, brothers.

I lived the white man's lie.

Yes, but I was lost!

So lost.

Yes. I was dancin'
with alcohol.

I was lovin' drugs!

And there were women.

Oh, yeah!

Brothers and sisters,
oh, God, there were women!

Fine women!

Yes!

But I hadn't hit
bottom yet. Oh, no.

I just kept fallin',
right on through the floor!

And that's when
God found me.

Amen!

Right.

Yes, yes.

And you know
what he said to me?

What'd he say?

And I've been persecuted
for speaking this truth.

He said to me, "Son!"

Lay this on us!

That's what he called me.

And I said, "'Son?"
And he said, "Yes.

"Yes! You are
the son of God!"

Blasphemy!

And I said, "What, Lord?"

And he said,
"It's time for you

"to leave behind
the things of this world,

"the fine houses,
the fancy cars,

"the flashy clothes!"

Because we are all naked
in the eyes of the Lord!

Stop!

This man is
clinically insane!

He is presently undergoing treatment
at the Cedarbrook Hospital

under my supervision!

If I only saved
one soul in there,
it was well worth it.

Move on.

So, am I walking home
with an escaped
mental patient, or what?

Nah.
I got a weekend pass.

I aced my Rorschach test.

You got your shoes on.

Yeah.

You're not drooling.

I'm impressed.
Thanks.

Are you still writing?

I'm still makin' things up.
Hey, you know what?

I keep telling these guys
my girlfriend's an actress,

and every day
we check out
the soaps lookin' for you.

You still actin'?

What the hell's
the matter with you?
Sure, I'm still acting.

It's Linda in
A Skull for Sammy.

She just found her
mother's head
in the dryer.

I read for it yesterday.

Don't laugh.

I'm not laughin'.

I think that's the same
scream your mother
used when she met me.

I'm tellin' you, I'm red-hot.
I mean, six months ago,
I'm a nobody, right?

Right.

And then my theater
group does this reading.

I meet this guy.

He knows this
agent, and it's
inside track time.

I mean, I've been
goin' up on commercials.

I haven't exactly
been in one yet,
but my hand has.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'm not gonna
waitress forever, am I?

No. You're great.
I've always told
you you were great.

Yeah. You did.

But then they
locked you up.

Yeah.

So we pick up this kid.
Now, it's 3:00 a.m.

He's walkin' down Fifth Avenue
with a brand-new,
21 -inch color TV.

I asked him where he got it.

"Some dude.
I never saw him before."

"And this dude gave you
a brand-new color TV

"in the middle of
the night just to hold?"

"Yes. That's right. I thought
it was pretty strange
myself at the time."

This is what is
known in legal circles

as the
"mysterious dude" defense.

That story just
keeps gettin' funnier.

I remember when you
first started tellin' it,

right after the war.

You know what I
find fascinating?

Male vanity.

I mean,
you accept it
in a peacock,

but it's harder
to take from
a putz like you.

I gotta listen to
this crap from a guy

who orders his
pants through the mail?

Hey, did you guys
log out with Alvarez?

Yeah, but that
was this morning.

Well, his wife's
been calling.

If you see him.

Bingo.

Very thorough.
Names, dates,
dollar figures.

Every sucker we
ever shook down?

This officially concludes
Mr. Alvarez's investigation.

We're lookin' good.

We've got a dead
New York City cop,
and we've got a witness.

Ergo, we are not
looking good.

Speak English, asshole.

A dead man is
not a witness.

No, it doesn't look...
It doesn't look bigger.
It just looks nicer.

Oh, Jesus.

It does.

I'm home.

This is where you live?

Yeah.

Wow.

Boy.

Sane people get
all the breaks, huh?

Look, uh, I can't
invite you up.

Sure, you can.
You just say,

"Hey, Bill, you
wanna come up?"

No. Um, this is
my friend's place.

Is this friend a guy?

Yeah.

Ah.

Look, Bill, he's got a job,
and he pays his bills.

I never had to bail him
out of jail. You know.

A woman sometimes finds that
attractive in a man.

Sounds dull.

His name is Ed,
and I told you
all about him.

You told me you
were datin' him.

I mean, this is
a pretty serious date.

Look, you've been gone
for over a year and a half.

How long did you expect me
to hold my breath out here?

Look, you want the truth?
Okay, there is
no weekend pass.

This doctor
brings us into the city
to see a Yankee game,

and then he
disappears on
48th Street.

He took numb-nuts
down an alley to take

a pee, and
the doctor
never came back.

So where are
these other, um...

Nuts?

Right.

I don't know.
Boy, you ought to
see these guys.

They're a
couple of beauties.

One guy barely speaks,
one thinks he's Jesus,

and the other one,
he's crazier than
any of them.

Kind of reminds me of
your brother, Lenny.

Oh, boy.

What's gonna
happen to them?

How the hell
should I know?

They're just
a bunch of screwballs
from my group.

Group therapy?

No, my fencing group.
Yeah, group therapy.
Wait a minute.

You and these
guys get together

and share the most
intimate secrets
of your lives,

and then when
there's a problem,

you just walk
away and leave them?

Fine. Fine.

I'm totally irresponsible,
all right? Okay?

You satisfied?

I see you haven't
changed much, Billy.

You almost
knocked that
plant over!

I can't believe you.

Have a nice life.

Thanks, I will.

Whoa!

Stop! Who dares to tow
the van of the living Christ?

The city of New York, Tarzan.

50 for the violation.

75 for the tow.

And 20 bucks
a day for storage.

Thank you, Officer.
I won't let you down.

Father, forgive us,
for we have sinned.

We parked our car
in a forbidden zone!

Where the hell's Albert?

Whoa! Hey, you can't tow this.
There's a guy back there.

Bullshit.

Jack, come here.

What?

Hey, you wanna
move Beauregard here?
Yeah, right.

Come on, Albert. You okay?

I mean, you know,
as okay as you get.

Close call at second.

Well, we just caught
a major break.

We could be back in the ward,

staring at
the goddamn walls right now,
but we're not.

Instead, what do
we got, fellas?

We got a night
on the town.

This is God's
way of telling us
we're going to die.

They were due back at 11:30.
I thought I should call you.

It's almost 1:00.

I was against this
thing from the start.

It could be traffic,
a flat tire. Who knows?

If he broke down,
he should've phoned.

I'll call the
turnpike authority,

see if there have
been any accidents.

Jeff's a responsible guy.
I'm sure
everything's under control.

I think we
should review our goals.

Review our goals!
Wacko,
we gotta find the doctor.

Who put you in charge?
I'm in charge here.

Read the New Testament,
Sparky.

You'll find out
who's in charge.

Get out of the way!
Albert, you step on
my foot one more time,

- I'm gonna kill you.
- Kill the ump!

Why does a grown man
have to smell like tuna fish?

All right,
straight. Go left.

Straight. Is that left?

I said... All right. Straight.

Okay. All right.
Now easy. Easy. Up. Easy.

Watch it.

All yours, Bernie.

How you doing?
Hey.

We're looking for
something casual
for the son of God.

How much does
the supreme being
wanna spend?

How about a nice
Harris Tweed with a blue
oxford button-down?

And maybe a nice
Countess Mara tie,
eh, sport?

Look, why don't you
guys go out and
browse around for a while?

Browse!

This is one of
the nicest... No. This is

probably the nicest
Army-Navy store
I've ever been in,

and I've been in every
branch of the service,

so I know what I'm
talkin' about, all right?

Yeah. Your friends look
like they've seen
a little action too.

Okay, you've noticed
they're a little different.

I've noticed.

You wanna know why?

It's because we're
a special combat unit

with the United
States Marine Corps,

and we've been tracking
some Libyan terrorists.

In fact, I think
we got 'em trailed

to a bagel shop
around the corner.

Now, if we can just get
some pants on the colonel...

Gimme a break.

All right, we're four
escaped lunatics.

This I believe.

I've caught this
just in time.

You've got the large in here
with the extra large.

I'm afraid to even
get into the sock bin.

Now, what do you want?

Look, you probably
want us out of here

as quickly as possible.
Am I right?

I'm prepared to
carry you in my arms.

All I'm saying is,
let's stretch
that clothing dollar.

What kind of stretch
are we talking about?

12 bucks.

I'm telling you, it works.

It's a statement, man.

You know who you are.

No, he doesn't.

Anything else I can
help you fellas with?

Yeah. Could you
recommend a good clinical

psychiatrist in
the neighborhood?

We seem to have lost ours.

Gee, we don't have one
on staff here, fellas,

but I do know a guy
you could talk to.

Now, this missing doctor,
we're all sure he
really exists, right?

Take a look at this guy.

Can you imagine
him without a doctor?

Okay, okay.
Just checking.

You mind?

Swing and a miss.

Look, here's all
we're asking. You give
us as much attention

as you would, let's say,
one of your
French fries, okay?

This guy's been
gone for hours.

A few hours is not
a missing person.

It's a guy that
went to the movies,
met a lady or something.

A doctor doesn't
leave four mental patients
to go cruise for chicks.

You know what I'm saying?

Doctors can be
strange characters, too.

One down in North Carolina wiped out
his whole family.

Dr. Weitzman
doesn't have
any family.

What'd I tell you?

Oh, man.
Hey, I'm kidding.

Look, why don't you guys
just call your hospital?

Because the doc
would lose his job,

and they'd have us
back on medication

by the time the coin
runs out, that's why.

You know what I think?
I think you got

this whole thing bass-ackwards.

I think you're
the missing persons.

Why don't you go back to
48th Street and wait?

The guy doesn't show,
we're open 24 hours.

You don't understand.

Vincente.
Yo, we're not
done yet.

Look, you're done.
It's been a pleasure.

Hey! We used to
be taxpayers.

Now, that will
get my attention.

You're not out of
here in 30 seconds,
you got a night in jail.

What kind of bonehead cop would send
four confessed mental patients

back out in the streets?

It's not his fault.
He's not as
competent as we are.

Another episode
like that, William,

you might find yourself out
of the group.

Can I have that in writing?
Wait a minute!

I'm not going
another step until somebody
gets me my dinner.

Dinner?
I've got to get this report
to Dr. Newald right away!

Which way is Trenton?

Straight ahead, 71 miles.

If you don't
stop for the litter,
you can be back by Christmas.

Exit 11, Henry!
Pace yourself!

Albert!

What's with you
and chasing cars?

We have to put
you on a leash?

How do you get him to talk?
I know this patient's history.

I don't advise
over-stimulating him.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

This have something
to do with Weitzman?

Did they take him
away in an ambulance?

Is that it, Albert?

It's like a scene
out of a Lassie movie.

"Did Timmy fall in the well,
Lassie?
Did he, girl?"

Look, Albert,
did they take Weitzman
away in an ambulance?

Big inning.

That's a definite yes.
All he said was,
"Big inning."

Yeah, but he nodded
when he said it. Watch.

Big inning.
See?

All you have to do is
learn how to speak, Albert.

No. Weitzman with
a "Z." Right.

No, huh?
Look, nurse, could you...
Uh, what's your name?

Helen Grabosky?
Hey, this is
Billy Caufield.

You treated me for a scalp wound
a couple years ago.

Yeah. Self-inflicted. Right.

Well, I mean,
it was a bet,
you know. I...

Yeah.
Uh, no,
it healed up great.

Look, do you have any
John Does over there?

Really? Okay.
No, no, no,
that's okay. Thanks.

Fifth goddamn hospital.
Not one of them's got the doc.

Just a couple of John Does.

Not John Doe. Dr. Weitzman.
I'd better handle this.

Gimme that.

Look, Dr. Freud,

if a guy checks
into a hospital
and he's unconscious and

they don't get
a name on him
or something

like that,
they call him,
"John Doe."

All right?

Now we're gonna
have to check all
these hospitals ourselves.

That's public property.

Watch this.

Public property.

Private property.

Vandal.

Do you all have to go in?
Absolutely.

We're the Doe brothers.
Oh, Harriet, uh,

Dr. Epson wants Mrs.
Freeman's chart, okay?

Your John Doe's in 409.
I'll be with you in a minute.

Dear Lord,
we humbly ask your mercy
for our dear departed.

You got it.

We are never
prepared for death,

especially when it
comes to one so loved,

but let us try to find comfort in
knowing that he is finally at peace.

Father, may I say a few words?

I knew this man perhaps
better than anyone here.

I pledge to continue his
work as long as I live.

I thought they were
gonna sell the car wash.

He devoted his life to the
treatment of the insane.

Uncle Phil?
Did Martha
know about this?

Henry.

May I say a few words?

Certainly, William.

It's not him.

Perhaps I'd
better bring my
remarks to a close.

I never knew there were so many
John Does in this world.

It's hopeless.

Room 555? Thank you.

Room 555.
For a John Doe,
he's awfully popular.

Pitcher's in trouble!
Pitcher's in trouble!

What? What is it? What?

Weitzman? Is it Weitzman?

Come on.

Room 555?

Just down the hall.

All right.

Room's closed. Get lost.

We already
are lost. Thanks anyway.

I said, no one in
that room.
Hospital security.

You can lose a lot of privileges
for this behavior.

I'll use this.

I have died and
been reborn.

I can do it
again, buster.

Are you guys crazy?

Totally.

What the hell
are you doing?

Holy shit. What is...

Here, put this in.
Call a nurse or something.

What the hell
is going on here?

Get out of my way.
Is he gonna be all right?

Call security.
I want these men arrested.

We didn't do anything.
Oh, no!

I'll have a full
report in the morning!

Stairs! Stairs! Come on.

Stop those guys!

Hey, those two guys
just tried to kill
somebody inside.

What are you talkin' about?
They're cops.

They're what?

For you, on three. It's them.

Weitzman?

No. Them.

Dr. Newald, it's...

It's Billy Caufield.
How you doing?

I'm doing fine, William.

Good, good.

Listen, uh, do
I sound calm to you?

Yes.

Good. I'm really
trying to sound
calm because,

well, we ran into
a little snag out here.

Somebody's trying to
kill Dr. Weitzman.

That Caufield guy
lives in a fantasy world.

And he also has a real history
of violence.

Where are you calling from?

Uh, we're in a phone
booth on the corner
of 61 st and Park.

Call the New York
City police.

Billy, where's Dr.
Weitzman now?

Well, he's in
Mercy Hospital,
but listen,

I'm telling you,
somebody's really
trying to kill him.

Not someone.
The Prince of Darkness.

Jack McDermott. Christ fixation.
Megalomania.

Where was I?

William, I want you
to find a policeman...

No, no, no!
Not the police,
because they're in on this.

In on what?
In on what?

It's Satan's plot!
I told you...

Jack, I'm trying to
handle this, you jerk-off!
Shut up!

Dr. Newald,
this is Henry Sikorsky...

Give me that phone!

...Dr. Weitzman's assistant.
I'm having real
trouble with these patients.

Tell them I'm in charge.
Assistant?

Paranoid schizophrenic.

Stop breathing in my face!

Now keep away from the phone,
all of you!

You're outta here.

Look, Dr. Newald,
as I was saying,

I don't really
think it's a good idea,
to call the police right now.

No, no, William.
No, we won't
call the police

if that makes
you uncomfortable.

Yeah, it does.
It makes me
really uncomfortable.

You just stay right where you are.
Okay.

Everything's gonna be fine.

Say, I hear we're having
chicken chow mein tonight.

Oh, that's one
of my favorites.

Is that one of your
favorites, William?

You're not
gonna believe this.

A cop car just pulled alongside
me on the sidewalk.

Hey, what are you doing?
Let's go. Move it.

Honey! Honey!
I'll see you tonight!

Up against the wall.
Let's go.

Call my lawyer!
Spread 'em, that's right!

Spread your legs! Let's go!

Hey! Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
Oh, what a relief it is!

Jack, it's me, Tom.

Right! Tom!
Tom Canning!

Hey! I didn't know
you were in town.

You thinkin' about coming back
into the ad game?

No immediate plans, Tom.
Actually, we're

kinda wanted by
the police right now.

Bummer. Hassle with the IRS?

Attempted murder, Tom.

That's not fun.

This guy, he never stops.

Come on, Jack.

These gentlemen
are involved as well.

Jack and I killed
a few account people
in our day, too.

Didn't we, guy?
It was a nightmare.

They tried to
smother him.

His tubes got
all pulled out...

Yeah, listen, I got
a 10:00 at Bristol. Um...

Nice meeting you all.
We gotta do lunch, Jack.

Okay, fella.
I'll give you a holler.

Let's get out of here.
I think we should stop here

and review our goals!

Our goals?

Look at this.

We gotta come up
with 165 big ones.

We got to get the van and
then we gotta

pull Weitzman
out of the hospital

before those two
goddamn cops come back.

Now, how's that
for a goal?

Us?

You mean us?
But we're crazy.

Yeah?

Well, we better get
sane real goddamn fast.

Could we see that first group
of pictures again?

Come on, lady.

Give me a break.
Was this guy in your store
or on the goddamn moon?

It appears we have
Mr. and Mrs. Helen Keller in here.

Ten more minutes of this,
I'm gonna lock them up.

Maguire?

Gianelli. In here.

Keep looking.

They found Alvarez's
body in a warehouse
over on 47th

with two .38
slugs in his head.

Jesus Christ.

It was the same alley where
they found that shrink from Trenton.

He's still unconscious
over at Mercy Hospital,

and those four
nuts who attacked him

are still rattling
around somewhere.

Those psychos
must've done
Alvarez too.

Well, it's the only
thing we got right now.
There's an APB out on 'em.

There's security
on the room?

Yeah.

When this guy comes
out of it, he could put
everything together for us.

I have a feeling those psychos are
about to go after their doctor again.

Okay. Watch it.

All right.
Come on. Go,
go! Come on.

Billy. Tell me this
is a bad dream.

Well, actually,
it's four bad dreams.

Riley, this is Henry,
this is Jack and
this is Albert.

Billy, Ed is home.

Really? Where?

Look, uh, Riles,
I got a real
situation here.

This report should
answer any questions.

This better be good.

Okay, come on,
come on, come on,
come on.

No breakage.

Great. Breakfast.
I'm starved.

That's not ours.
That's Ed's.

Did Ed make
the sunshine?

Did Ed make
the wheat grow?

I don't
know the man.

Good morning.

Hi, Ed.

Hi. Uh, you
friends of Riley?

I'm a friend to
all men. We've come
for your money, Ed.

This is
the breakdown, Ed.

50 for the fine,
75 for the tow.

Wait.
Don't tell me.

You guys must be Riley's
theater group, right?

Yes. This is
our group, Ed.

Yeah. You guys really had me going
there for a minute.

You stand-up guys
are something else.

Does Ed know what
I do? You know,
that I'm, like, nuts?

Let's not get into that.

Ed. Hi.

Hey.

Uh, I see that
you've met Albert
and Henry and Jack.

I'd like you to
meet my friend, Billy.

Hi, Ed.

Hey, Bill. What do you do?

What do I do?

Well, it kinda depends
on the circumstances, Ed.

Oh, yeah?

Got some real nice
things here though.

Oh, thanks.
Thank you.

Uh, that's, uh...
That's Molten Venus.
You know Loucka?

You can't touch
one of his nudes

for less than six
figures these days.

Can you believe that?

I believe you, Ed.

This is a brilliant manipulation
of negative space.

Postmodernist, neo-cubist.

It's breathtaking.

Well, you really
know your Loucka.

You know why it's
a brilliant manipulation
of negative space?

No, why?

Because Jesus
wants it that way.

You guys!
You're always on,
aren't you, right?

You comedy
guys!

Excuse me.
Ed, could I talk to
you just for a minute?

Yeah, sure. What?
Um...

Hey, there's
Dr. Newald.

Doctor,
are these men dangerous,

and should
the public be concerned?

On the basis of
possibly two attacks
on the doctor,

I'm afraid I would
have to say, yes,
they are dangerous.

Is this
an unusual occurrence?

It is an irony
that the therapist

sometimes becomes
the focus for

deep-seated
hostilities and transference.

Thank you, Dr. Newald.

The man's a giant
in the field.

I'm Donna Hanover
for The Morning Report.

Thank you, Donna.

The state hospital has just
released photographs

of the four patients wanted
in the attack on their doctor

and for
questioning in the murder

of a New York
City police officer.

The patients are
William Caufield,

Henry Sikorsky,
Albert Ianuzzi
and Jack McDermott.

In local sports,
both the Mets and...

Who you calling, Ed?

911.

Yeah. This is Ed Nivens.
Yes, it's an emergency!

151 Central Park West.

Ed, could you just listen?

Just listen!
Hey, hey, hey!

Okay,
does Ed go out the window?
Let's have a show of hands.

Ed, you can vote too.
This is America.

William, you can lose
your TV privileges for that!

You think they're
gonna let you out?

Boy, I hope you
appreciate this woman, Ed.

Okay, come on. Come on.

Come on!

Caesar, don't let
them leave the building.
It's your job!

Geez!
Your attention, gentlemen!

My name is Caesar.

Mr. Nivens asked
me to stop you.

I must request you not move.

Hey, do me a favor,
put that thing away.

You hold it like
a goddamn doorman.

I... I am the doorman.

Well, then get us a cab.

Holy cow!

Hold it right
there! Freeze!

Freeze, buddy!

Put your hands
behind your back!

All right, move it.

Let him go!

Hold it right there!

All right,
both of them,
let's go!

I got him.

Come on.

Let's go.

Let's go! I said move it!

Come on.

Billy!

You stay right there.

Turn to
your right. Hold it.

Face front. Chin up a bit.

Good, good. Hold it.

Look, I don't think
I'm Elvis, all right?

I don't carry on
conversations with my dog.

I never put on
a dress and dance

around Times Square.
None of that.

Impressive credentials.

I just want you guys
to believe me, okay?

There's two cops,
and they could go
back at any time.

It's a conspiracy, Tony.

Is this the one
with the ghost of
Lee Harvey Oswald?

You know, actually, I lied.

Once I did put on
a dress and I...

I kind of danced
around Times Square.

But I was with Elvis,
and my dog told me to do it,

so, you know,
you can't really blame
me for that, can you?

Your lunch date is here.

Lunch date? It's 3:00.

I don't think he cares.

Memory Lane,
huh, Jack?

Nobody ever wrote
copy like you did.

The James Joyce
of Chef Boyardee.
Remember that?

Look, I'm desperate,
Tom. I need money.

The Lord sent me.
Now, I know
the last time he sent me

I tried to throw Murray and all
his CLIOs out the window.

Well, I guess we should
be thankful Murray didn't fit.

I think I came
a long way, Tom.

There's a doctor down there
who believes in me.

We've been talking
about giving Jesus
his walking papers,

but, uh, we've run
into one complication.

Murder.

I'm talking about
murder, Tom.

Someone is trying
to kill my doctor.

Hmm. That is a problem.

Murray! Look who I found.

Long time no see.

Hi, Murray.
We were just
reminiscing.

Uh, listen, Tom,
have you heard
from Mitachi yet?

We're ready to commit
hari-kari out here.

Soon as I hear, Murray.

Right.

Murray looks like
he's under a lot
of pressure.

Well, it's a $30 million
piece of old Nippon, Jack.

We're sweating out the call
from John Benson right now.

Benson? I used to
think he was the Devil.

Now I know he's just
another bozo trying
to do a piece of business.

Well, things haven't
changed much
around here, Jack.

That's him.

Sorry, Jack.

Murray, congratulations.

What are you talking about?

Benson called while I was in there.
You got the Mitachi account.

What?
The Mitachi account!

We got it?

Yeah.

Really? We got it?

We got Mitachi!
We got Mitachi!

Murray.

Yeah?

Just kidding.

Wa, wa, wa, waah.

Who is it, dear?

They called here
this afternoon.

I told them I
hadn't heard from you
in two years.

Why didn't you
answer my letters?

I thought I lost you.
I was afraid to find out.

They arrested
those other patients.

It's up to me now.
I've got to get the guys
and the doctor out of there.

I need some money.

I know it sounds crazy.

I believe you.

I don't know why.

It's maybe because
I want to so much.

It's $170. That's all
I have in the house.

This means a lot.

Do you really have to go?

They laugh at me
all the time, but I know
they need me now.

Ms. Ferguson
gives you a star

when you color it
the right color.

Parrots are green and
canaries are yellow.

Can I have that
for my pictures?

Thanks.

You're very welcome.

Daddy?

When are you coming
home to live with us
some more?

Do you want me to?

When you're ready.

I'm on a tight schedule.
I hope they're ready to leave.

I'm sure they are.

There are your
patients, Doctor.

Thanks, Officer.
We'll just be a minute.

Officer, is something wrong?

Everything's fine, Doctor.

Nice going, Doc.

Opposition leaders

have threatened
continued violence

as well as nationwide strikes,
demanding new elections.

In local news, the last
of the mental patients

missing from
Cedarbrook Hospital

surrendered to
police this afternoon.

The four are believed to be responsible
for the attack on their doctor

during a visit
to New York City

and may be involved in the murder
of a New York police officer.

The men have
just been arraigned
at 100 Center Street,

where they entered
pleas of not guilty

to charges of assault
and attempted murder.

Hmm. I guess that's
the last of
the James Gang.

Ed, leave it on.

...bizarre series of events.

Forget him, Riley.
The guy's insane.

At least he's
not a schmuck.

Just one?
Uh, no comment.

You'll have to
wait for my report.

News at 11:00.
Let's go to the videotape.

I shall rise again in
three days. Count on it.

I got a big story for you.
We came to town to see a ball game.

Now they want to
give us the chair.

I love New York.
Bring your kids.
Have 'em arrested.

Do some time in
the Big Apple.

I got it confirmed.
Our man is off the room.

Great.

The bad news is
the patient's starting
to come around.

We'd better get
there before he
answers any questions.

What kind of moron
takes four mental patients
to a baseball game?

Ceramics. Ceramics.
That's more our speed.

Making those little
ashtrays with our fucking
names on it, goddamn it!

We're the drool patrol.

Are you gonna
replace that mattress?

I think we do your lobotomy
right here and now.
Scrub up, Albert.

That does it,
Caufield. Electroshock.

You'll be whistling
a different tune
at 240 volts.

You're not a doctor!

You don't have
the medical background
to squeeze a pimple!

You guys ought to be cast
into the outer darkness.

The rec hall will look pretty damn
good from the bowels of hell.

You listen to me,
you nut ball.
I got big news for you.

You're gonna be
the first supreme being

ever to make
a license plate!

Working with metal.
Next on Mr. Fix It.

And you.
You... You're nothing.
You're not anything.

You know what's
going on, don't you?
You know.

He probably speaks
seven different languages.

Then he sneaks off
to call his broker.

But we'll never know.
You know why?

'Cause you're
a professional
basket case.

You're too damn
scared to be
a real person.

Go ahead. Sing us
the national anthem,
you bozo.

Hey, you sucka!

So, you got
a lady here
to see you.

Didn't this place
used to be blue?

That was the 15th Precinct.

Oh, yeah.

You know,
the smartest thing you

can do right now
is walk out of here.

I wanna help you guys.

What do you
wanna help us for?

I don't even wanna
help us. We're hopeless.

What's hopeless?
Me, you, those guys
in there? What?

Those guys are lab rats.

I saw you get arrested
for one of those lab rats.

Hate to break
it to you, Billy,

but you're not
a street fighter anymore.

You're a den mother.

I'm a den mother in stir.

Can you get
up to Mercy Hospital?

Somebody's gotta
warn Dr. Weitzman.

There's two guys
trying to kill him,
and they're both cops.

I swear to God.

Cops?

They're undercover cops.
One guy's older
with gray hair.

The other guy's much younger.
That's all I know.

Come on.
They're moving you now.

I swore this wasn't gonna
happen to me again.

What?

You. It's awful.

Come on.
You're breaking
my heart.

You're busting
my balls.

How you doing?

Lieutenant
Harrison to the
dispatch office, please.

Where'd you get
this little beauty?

Courtesy of that bust
down on Canal Street.

No serial number,
no sales record.

All it does is
go, "Ping."

Come on. Come on!
Keep it down in there!

Missed you.

Well, you boys look
like you're already
back on Thorazine.

What did he say?

He called me a shithead.

The guy called me shithead.

I love it. I love it!
You're right.

I was a shithead.
I'm sorry.

Albert, this might be
the highlight of my report.

It's a goddamn miracle.

It's not a miracle, Jack.
No, it's not a miracle.

See, Weitzman knew
what he was doing.

Weitzman knew
what he was doing.

Albert just told
me where to get off.
That's progress, right?

Henry, you went home,
you discovered you

work at the department
of sanitation, right?

Jack, you remembered
you're a better
copywriter than a messiah.

I got news for you psychos.

We're getting better.

We're getting better,
and we're not gonna
let them take us back

to finger-painting
class, are we?

Are we gonna
let those cops
bury Weitzman?

Are we?

Are we?

Are we?

Come on. Keep together.

Ooh!

What's wrong with him?
Gotta take a leak.

Tell him to hold it.

Okay, but it's gonna be
like driving around in
a litter box in there.

Ooh!

Dr. Talmer, I'm gonna
take one of 'em back in.

Book 'em, Danno!

Don't move!
This man's insane!

Get your ass
over there.

Nice goin', Albert.

Another win for
the Yanks.

I'll take that, Albert.

Henry,

give the gun
back to the guard.

I know I can
count on you.

I appreciate that, sir.

I hope this won't
affect our relationship

or my standing
at the hospital.

Let me hold the gun.
No.

I let you sit in
the front seat.

Jack, Jesus Christ
would never point a gun
at another human being.

Stay out of my psychosis
and get your ass in that van.

Hope these aren't
too tight, fellas.

Now, I hope everyone
got the partners
they wanted.

Yeah!

Come on!

If we're not at
Eastside Psychiatric
in 15 minutes,

every policeman in this city
will be looking for you.

Then that's where
we're going.

They've gotten
themselves
pretty worked up.

I'd recommend 25
milligrams of Thorazine
at four-hour intervals.

Ooh. I don't know,
Doctor. I don't know
if 25's gonna do it.

Remember, we had to
restrain one of them.

Let's go for 50 or 100.

What the hell.

I'm...
I'm a medical doctor!

You're making a mistake.

This is Dr. Verboven. I am a doctor.
I am Dr. Talmer.

You don't understand!

Paranoid delusion.

A couple of them
actually think they're
doctors. Tragic.

Go easy on them.
They've been
through a lot.

We are the doctors!
They are the patients!

Oh, the pain.

Dr.
Sachs, please call 452.

Dr. Sachs, please call 452.

Weitzman?

555. Thanks.

Wait a second! Yo!

Thank you.

Albert, sit up here.

All right. Listen,
all I want you to do is

sit here and stay
out of trouble, okay?

You better give me
that gun for safekeeping.

All I'm
asking you guys for is a

couple minutes of
sanity in there,
all right?

We're doctors.
Remember, we're doctors.

We're not wackos, okay?
Jack, not a peep
out of the messiah.

I'm not gonna make
any death threats.

Henry... Actually,
Henry, do your stuff.

Ready? Let's go.

Come on.

Hard to believe those patients could
do something like this.

The Lord will judge
them, Dr. Bauer, not you.

Certainly. You know their pathology
better than I do.

That we do.

Arise and walk,
my son.

Dr. McDermott's
a great believer

in the natural healing powers
of the mind.

I see.

This is Dr. Meekum,
our chief neurologist.

Meekum.

We have some reservations
about the move.

Relax, Meekum.
The guy only weighs
150 pounds soaking wet.

It's not like
you're trying to move
a piano or something, huh?

Excuse me. Do you have
an extra stethoscope?

Sure. Take this one.

How about one of
those ear lights?

I love these things.

Come on, Henry.

555?

Down on the right.

The patient has
a fractured ankle,

but I'm more
concerned about the

short-term trauma
of the parietal lobe.

I'm concerned too.
This chart is a mess.

Smudges, poor penmanship,
no regard for margins.

Dr. Verboven can be
such a perfectionist.

Yeah, but that's
what makes him such
a great diagnostician.

Vital signs are good.
Zip code checks out.

Okay, great.
Dr. Meekum,
thank you very much.

You're my kind of
neurologist. Fellas,
let's do it. Huh?

Come on.

Dr. Thompson,
call Dr. Richard.

Hey, I know you.
Yeah?

Yeah. Dwight, right?

Hey, you can read.

Yeah. You used to
work at Lenox Hill.

Maybe I did.
You never know.

Yeah, well, we were
just wondering

why a good-looking
guy like you has
stayed single for so long.

Hey, Dwight Smith
was born single,

and Dwight Smith's
gonna die single.

Dwight Smith is
gonna die unemployed

if he doesn't get that
monitor down the hall.

Bye, Dwight.
See ya.

Billy,
I think they're here.

Well, looks like
we're going to lose you.

Your colleagues have
come to take you home.

Well, Dr. Weitzman,
I'll bet you didn't
expect to see us, did you?

No.
Look who's here.

Dr. Verboven.
Henry.

Dr. Henry Verboven.
That's exactly right.

And, uh, Nurse
McDermott made
it as well.

They're very close.

Quite a devoted
staff, Dr. Weitzman.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know we're
under a little bit of
a time crunch here.

We've got Officer
Ianuzzi downstairs
waiting in an ambulance.

So, shall we?

Dr. Bauer, would you
mind if I had a few

moments alone
with my colleagues?

Certainly.
Thank you.

What? What? What?

Hey!

Riley.

Dr. Riley?

No. Just Riley.

I have a feeling
it's time for group.

If you're
wondering
what happened to

my clipboard,
I gave it to
my daughter.

I went back
to the agency.

If they get Mitachi,
they're gonna
need some good copy.

I might have to
let Murray go though.

Get me security.

Get him to
the ambulance.

Excuse me.

There have been
a number of obscene

phone calls made from
this extension here.

This isn't for
personal use, girls.
Ah, ah! Hey! Hey!

Come on! Next time
you guys get the urge,
use a pay phone, okay?

Come on. Hey!

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.
Damn!

Look out!

Oh, God!

Shit!

Albert, you okay?

Safe at home!

Let go!

Let go!

Henry, do something!

Damn.

Really love
these things.

Where's Riley
and Weitzman?

They went that way.

No!
Game's over.

Wrong.

Yes, Billy!

I'll shoot the girl.

Go ahead.
I got lots of girlfriends.

I'm a police officer.
Drop the gun.

I'm a mental patient.
I'm not impressed.

Well, you're not
this crazy, are you?

Actually, this is my
idea of a good time.

I'm gonna count
to three.
Billy!

I'm not even gonna
count. Gimme the gun.

Gimme the gun!

Get your ass
against the wall.

Come here.

Girlfriends?

What's this talk
about the girlfriends?
I was kidding!

He thought I was gonna shoot.
You thought I was
gonna shoot you, right?

See? Turn your ass
around, or I'll blow
your head off.

Attaboy. See?

Statements from Dr.
Jeffrey Weitzman

and the four
missing mental patients

have resulted in
the arrest of two detectives

from Manhattan's
15th Precinct,

who are being
charged with the murder

of fellow
officer Orlando Alvarez

and the attempted
murder of Dr. Weitzman.

The four patients were
singled out for high praise

from Captain Lewitt
and from Police Commissioner Warden.

At the Bronx Zoo today,
officials welcomed

the arrival of two new pandas,

which are a gift
of the People's
Republic of China.

This is really
a weird feeling.

All these cops around
and nobody's arresting me.

Do you miss it?

No.

The only thing I've missed
in the last year
and a half is you.

Don't get
too normal on me, okay?

Not a chance.

Hey, Doc!

Do you think he's
ready to get out?

Yes. I'd have to
say the prognosis
looks very good.

Henry, I'll field this
one, if you don't mind.

I'm gonna agree
with my colleague.
I think it looks pretty good.

Hey, Billy, we gotta go.
Are you sure you
can drive this thing?

Second at Daytona.

Where are
Talmer and Verboven?

Eastside Psychiatric.

May I ask what
they're doing there?

Yeah, I had 'em committed.
They were totally
out of control, Doc.

Wacko. I think you'd
have done the same thing.

Medication was indicated.

I prescribed 100
milligrams of Thorazine.

It'll all be
in the report.

You know,
I've had my differences
with Henry in the past,

but I must say he impressed me
with his thorough professionalism.

Thursday, chicken a la king.

TV.

Ping-pong
with Kenny.

Did Albert just
talk to you?

Yeah. He said they're
playing two tonight
at the stadium.

We still have $42 left.

42 bucks
would get us four
in the bleachers

and a couple of dogs.

What, are you
suggesting an
unsupervised trip?

You didn't do us
a lot of good
on the last one, Doc.

Hey, Bill.

Bring me back
a dog, would ya?

Hey, guys,
is it time for a hug?

I don't think so.

Maybe after the game.

Play ball!

♪ Hit the road, Jack
And don't you come back ♪

♪ No more, no more,
no more, no more ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack! And don't you
come back no more ♪

♪ What you say ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack
And don't you come back ♪

♪ No more, no more,
no more, no more ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack! And don't you
come back no more ♪

♪ Oh, woman, oh, woman ♪

♪ Don't you treat me so mean ♪

♪ You're the meanest old woman
I have ever seen ♪

♪ I guess if you say so ♪

♪ I'll have to pack
my things and go ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack!
And don't you come back ♪

♪ No more, no more, no more, no more ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack!
And don't you come back no more ♪

♪ What you say ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack!
And don't you come back ♪

♪ No more, no more, no more, no more ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack!
And don't you come back no more ♪

♪ Oh, baby, oh, baby ♪

♪ Don't you treat me this way ♪

♪ 'Cause I'll get
back on my feet someday ♪

♪ I don't care if you do
'Cause it's understood ♪

♪ You ain't got no money
You're just no good ♪

♪ I guess if you say so ♪

♪ I'll have to pack
my things and go ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack!
And don't you come back ♪

♪ No more,
no more, no more, no more ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack!
And don't you come back no more ♪

♪ What you say ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack ♪

♪ And don't you come back ♪

♪ No more,
no more, no more, no more ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack!
And don't you come back no more ♪

Oh!

Buster!

What you call me?

You are ridiculous!

What?

Why don't you just pack your little

suitcases and go on back to Bogalusa?

Yeah!

Well, I just may do that, baby!

I just may go hit the road
and try to find myself.

You find yourself.
Well, if you do and when you do...

- ...get lost!
- Who, me?

That's right!

♪ Hit the road, Jack!
And don't you come back ♪

♪ No more,
no more, no more, no more ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack!
And don't you
come back no more ♪

♪ What you say ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack!
And don't you come back ♪

♪ No more,
no more, no more, no more ♪

♪ Hit the road, Jack!
And don't you
come back no more ♪

♪ And don't you
come back no more ♪

♪ And don't you
come back no more ♪

♪ You cannot do this to me! ♪

♪ And don't
you come back no more ♪

♪ Oh, baby, please! ♪

♪ And don't
you come back no more ♪

♪ Ah! ♪

♪ And don't
you come back no more ♪

♪ But... But, baby! ♪

♪ And don't
you come back no more ♪

♪ Oh, baby, please! ♪

♪ And don't you come back no more ♪

♪ Don't you come back no more ♪

♪ Don't you come back no more ♪

♪ And don't you come back no more ♪

♪ And don't you come back no more ♪

♪ Don't you come back no more ♪

♪ Don't you come back no more ♪

♪ Don't you come back no more ♪

♪ Don't you come back no more ♪

♪ No more, no more ♪

♪ Don't you come back no more ♪

♪ Don't you come back no more ♪

♪ Don't you come back no more ♪

♪ Don't you come back no more ♪

♪ Don't you come back no more ♪

♪ Don't you come back no more ♪