The Dinosaur Experiment (2013) - full transcript

My name is Abbi Whitecloud.

I'm just shy
of my 22nd birthday

and I live in the godforsaken
town of Fossil Ridge, Texas.

With one gas station
and a main street.

We're a hundred miles from the
closest to the big city

of Abilene,
place I was named after.

And where I plan to head to
as soon as I can.

I just wanna get outta here

and become one of those
famous singers.

The kind of singers
that get so big

they forget
where they came from.



I'm a direct descendant
of Chief Kochese.

At least that's what
my mom said,

who was a keeper
of our native traditions.

She said my stubbornness
comes from him.

Maybe even my skills
as a bow hunter too.

Six months ago, my mom
was out in the forest,

praying to the great spirit,

praying for a better life
for us.

Traitor didn't
help us that day.

I hope Beth's not so mad at me.
I know she gonna be mad at me!

Ahh, I'm gonna feed ya.

I just hope that Beth is not
gonna be too upset with me.

Uh-uh... ohh, no!

Here ya go, Beth, I got some
good meat for you, Beth.



Oh, Beth, don't do that to me.

Don't you know me, Beth?

I'm like your daddy, Beth.

When you were just a little
girl I used to hold you close.

And sometimes you'd come
and you'd crawl in my bed.

Hey, Beth, do you remember when
Mrs. Cane was mad at me

and she was yellin' at me and
throwing things at me?

Oh, and she went down
so easy, Beth.

You remember that?

I'll always take care of you
'cause I love you, Beth.

Now as Texas Sheriffs,
still investigating the death

of a Native American woman

that took place
just outside of town.

We'll continue to share all
information as it's released.

This is WKEZ, here's the latest
from Marty Mitchell.

Abbi?

Abbi, you're late!

Now you get down here!

Oh, and your uniform is in a
package on the front doorstep.

Today already sucks!

But in this class today we've
got a very important question.

A very important question
to ask.

And that question is when...
did man become upright?

Ha-ha, last night, baby!

- Mr. Young?
- Yes, sir.

You know, that would be
a short subject,

that would be in
Anderson Hall... Literature.

So, class, no longer
do we ask when...

Mr. Young's answered that
question for us.

Now we ask the question, why?

Hey, Sheldon... Sheldon.

- Wouldn't it have been amazing.
- Sheldon.

I know you hear me... Sheldon.

To be there to see
Astropigsafaconis

- upright for the first time?
- Sheldon.

- What?!
- I got it.

- I don't care, we're not going.
- We're going to Taos, we're going skiing.

Not this year, leave me alone!
Leave me alone!

- Sheldon!
- So, the question, why did man become upright?

It's simple, class... survival.

Need a lift?

Yeah, gotta head
to Billy Waynes.

Billy Waynes?

Thanks.

Guess my mom should have bought
a certified pre-owned vehicle.

You know, something with a
multi-point inspection.

I'm thinking about
sellin' the place.

Gettin' out of this
godforsaken town.

You know, I was sure sorry
when I heard about your mom.

I don't want to talk about that
right now, though.

Professor... Bro-linsworth he's
gonna flunk you.

You need to leave him alone.

You act like
I need this crap, man!

I'm gonna do
like my old man did.

Pyramid schemes,
limited partners

and white collar crime.
It's the only way to go.

I don't go to school
for this crap, man... honestly.

Now, that right there
is the whole purpose

of continuing your education.

That's seven million years of
evolution calling out to me

just saying, Lucas,
multiply the human race.

What are you doing with my
mom's station wagon, man?

Details, details, I've got a
surprise for you.

- Come look in the back.
- No!

No! No, we cannot
take this on the trip!

We're not doin' it, man!
Are you crazy?!

- Surprise?
- Oh, no! Is that beast?

Hey, Sheldon.
Hey, Lucas.

What an animal, gotta
love him though, right?

All right, imagine this,
tonight, me and you

at the
Taos Mountain Ski Resort.

Four girls, eight titties,

and I'm gonna have 'em
in your face, man.

Girls are gonna be, bl-bl-bl
all in your face... why?

Because, I'm the titty man,

and the titty man
never disappoints.

You ready?
'Cause your chariot awaits.

- I hate you!
- How can you hate me?

We're going to Taos.

Evelyn, my Evelyn

Pprettiest butt,
I've ever seen, Evelyn

Hey, boy... boy, listen.

We need some more of that
secret ingredient now.

- Possum.
- No, son, squirrel!

I've gotta have squirrel son!
I've gotta have squirrel!

- That's it boy
- Squirrel.

Now, go on out there
and get me some squirrel.

Go on now, boy!

This wasn't part
of the bargain.

Billy.

I'm sorry... did you
say somethin' to me?

I'm not wearin'
this crap anymore.

Now, if I recall,

I believe your momma
bought a truck from me.

Now, I'm sorry
that she's dead and all,

but y'all have a few more
payments to go.

So... until you're holdin' the
title to that fine automobile,

in them sweet,
little hands of yours,

you'll wear what I tell ya.

Get on over there to table
number four, now get!

Hey, Abbi, you know, you oughta
hook up with that mad doctor.

I hear he and you ain't never
gonna hum a tune, bitch!

How ya'll doin'?
I know you're so lucky,

so lucky, sooo lucky to be
entertained this evening

by little Willie
and the Willettes.

Here we go babies, ready,
1, 2... 1-2-3-4.

- Chocolate, butterscotch
- Baby, let's make it swirl,

Chocolate, butterscotch

Now, we're gonna rock your world.

I got a sweet tooth
for a Twinkie like you.

Now, I'ma callin'
the NAA-ASPCA on y'all.

What about the NRA?

Ah... we're gonna die!

We were just leavin'.

It was really nice meeting you.

She gonna write, she gonna
write, she'll call you,

she'll send you an email.
C'mon girl!

Bye!

I'm the titty-man,
titty-man, titty-man

You're not the titty-man,
I'm the titty-man,

I get the nipple.

- Lucas,
where are we goin', man?

Oh, bro, chill out man, you're
the Goose, I'm the Maverick...

I'm in control baby,
I got the wheel.

Oh, beast, come on man!
Oh, gross!

No matter what I do,
I can live to 200 years old,

and never run out of stuff.
- What stuff?

Don't act stupid, my stuff.

Really, what, what
are you talking about, man?

Love goo.
- Love goo?

Baby batter.

Baby batter, man,
that's a good one, bro.

So, it's pretty safe to assume
that your life's ambition

is to, uh, run out of sperm.

- Exactly.
- Okay.

Marcus, what's up?

No, I haven't seen him.

Well, I haven't checked
my email yet.

I'll get it up right now.

Got it, I'll call you back.

What was that about?
There was a killing...

In this town called
Fossil Ridge, Texas.

- Somethin' weird about it.
- How so?

They found the remains that was
killed by an animal, a large animal.

They can't figure out
what type.

What is it,
some type of chupacabra crap?

- What?
- Every time one of these podunk hicks

gets killed by some rabid dog,

they say it's space aliens
or some crap,

and then they call us.

Well, if they didn't call us,
you'd be out of a job, my man.

Just because you believe
this crazy crap,

don't expect me to.

I don't give a damn
what you believe, O'Reilly.

Do you know why I'm here?

This is just punishment,

for me screwing
the bureau chief's daughter.

This is just my version
of Siberia.

Well, if you think
this place is remote,

get packing 'cause
we're going to the boonies,

and we're driving.

Driving?

The nearest town is 200 miles
from an airport.

Great, great, that's perfect.

Shalom chaver,
let's go.

Woo!

I love this commercial!

And I love you, too,
Josie, baby.

- You love everything.
- Ugh, kiss my butt.

You look like you should be
shopping at the Goth-K,

with all that stuff you got on.

- Um, Willie?
- Mm-hmm?

If you see a Slut-Mart
along the way,

make sure we stop
and drop off little Josie.

She needs to get
some new clothes.

Girl!

You better hush your mouth,
you little cracker zombie.

You better quit picking on Josie.
Josie, I love you, baby!

You better stop
talking about her.

Right now.

You know, I really do think
you should change your outfit.

Black does not compliment
your skin tone.

I happen to like my skin tone,

and what I'm wearing looks a lot better
than your little hooker skirt ya got on.

What! It is not a hooker skirt,
and I look fine.

Hey, we goin' to LA, baby.
We gonna lay out on the beach,

and we gonna get a tan!
It's gonna be so much fun.

- Lucas?
- Yeah, bro?

Did you know we were
almost out of gas?

No.

Why didn't you
fill up the tank, Lucas?

You had $24 last year.
How much you got this year?

I'm not gonna lie to you, man,
I just ain't got no cash.

We have to put this
all on my card.

- Exactly.
- You are an asshole.

You love me, though.

- You know what I'm gonna do, child?
- What?

I'm gonna pull over
to the next gas station,

and I'ma get us a big ol' box
of Twinkies.

- That's what I'm gonna do.
- I love Twinkies!

Do you know what
he's talking about?

- Uh, yeah, Twinkies.
- Uh, not that kind.

- Willie's talking about cute guys.
- Well, I like cute guys.

That's cute, little, white men.

That's what I like,
cute, little, white men.

Me and Josie both like cute, little,
white men. Thank you very much.

- Oh, my God, you fat fuck.
- What is that?

- Beast!
- What?

- Man!
- Gah, what is the matter with you?

Is that me?
What is that smell?

Ya'll smell that?

What is that?

Damn!

Ooh!

Yeah, we're about
20 minutes away.

Okay, see ya there?

CSI's already on the scene.

When we get there, let's make
sure that we tell...

Oh, my God!
Was that you?

- Nope.
- It's even worse out there.

Why does it always stink
out in these places?

- Oh, my God...
- Dude! It's not me!

That's not me this time!

Oh, my God.

- Dude! No, I...
- You need to see a doctor.

No, no, no.
I have been with my own scent,

for 23 years,
and I know that's not me!

Atwood.

Agents, how was the drive?

Don't ask.

Okay.

How ya'll doin'?
I'm Sheriff Morgan.

I'm Deputy Jones.

Sheriffs, I'm Special Agent Logan,
and this is O'Reilly.

Special Agent O'Reilly.
Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

- You have a chance to check anything out yet?
- No.

Well, in all my years,

I've never seen anything
like this before.

We've had some very
unusual killing.

You know,
cattle missing and stuff,

but there's never been
anything left.

I'm talking no remains,

- but now...
- He's right.

This? This is very unusual.

The teeth marks indicate a very
large predator-type creature.

By creature, you mean like,

a dog or a wolf?

Sure, if the dog's
about ten feet tall.

Actually,
over by the creek,

we have some
very strange footprints.

If you can call them feet.

So, we talking about a canine?

No.

I mean,
I don't know.

We'll still need
to run some tests,

and do the DNA.

Still, really have
a lot of work here.

The arm looks
of African American descent,

but what's odd,

is how clean it severed,

but here's the crazy thing...

that...

doesn't look like any dog print
I've ever seen.

What the hell?

Yeah, I know.

- Doggy want a bone?
- Give you my number anytime.

Well, if it ain't Dr. Cane.

You been doin' a little
huntin' there, doc?

Cold front's moving through,

and I'm gonna need all your gas
for my generators.

Say, Abbi.

It looks like Dr. Cane's windshield
could use a little cleaning.

So, if you don't mind...

You know,
when we say service here,

Billy Wayne's Swing 'N' Dine,

we mean service.

Yeah! Woo!

What the hell you think
he's raising out there, Billy?

Some of them flesh eating emu?

Nah, that's ridiculous.

Ah, Sheriff.

I think we're gonna have
to wait a few more days.

Uh, there's a lodge about 15
miles back up the road,

not too far from the station.

Great.

I-I know I don't have
to tell you this, but...

Don't worry, Agent Logan.
We know not to say a word.

I'm heading back
to Quantico now.

We've got all we can get here.
The rest is lab work.

We'll need you guys to keep
this area under lockdown.

Until our people get here
tomorrow morning.

- Sure, no problem.
- Thank you.

Oh, Abbi...

Abbi...

You know,

I'll be damned if I didn't spend
my whole life researching,

and now I can't live,

to the day that I'm able
to share it with the world.

You know, Abbie,

life is, is ironic.

Whatever you decide to do,

you give it your best.

Take care, Dr. Cane.

Good call.

How you boys doin'?
What can I get for you?

Coffee.

Same.

Where ya guys in from?

Oh, we're just
rollin' through, ma'am.

You're here 'cause
the killings, huh?

Just a routine investigation.

You can stop with the charade.

Everyone knows something's
going on around here.

What do you mean?

Carri Anne!

They're gonna
find out eventually!

Carri Anne,
can I speak to you now?

Do not say a word
to these guys.

They can get us into a lot of trouble.
We could lose everything.

Now, go out there
and just serve them coffee.

Don't say a word!

We don't wanna draw
any attention.

Well, like I said,
it's just routine.

- If I were you, I'd go to Old Man Cane's...
- That's enough.

- They need...
- That's enough!

You guys eating or what?

- Chicken fried steak.
- Same.

Good choice.

Oh, Lord, is it,
is that smoke?

No, no, no, no, no, no!

No, man, we gotta
get to LA, baby,

no, no, no, no,
you can't be smokin'!

- No, no, no, no!
- Fix the damn thing!

I cannot fix the damn thing!
Girl, who you talkin' to!

My name is Little Willie!

You talkin' 'bout manicure
or a pedicure, I'm your man,

but you talkin' about somethin'
mechanical, I ain't your man.

Oh, look, look!
There's a town back there!

And we missed it.

There's definitely
something going on here.

Three people going missing
in three months?

Not to mention,

seven dogs and more than
a dozen cattle?

It's the blood sucker
chupacabra!

Will you not be an idiot?
I mean, come on.

You gotta see there's
something wrong here.

I mean, what does that mean?
Is it something supernatural?

I mean, it could be
a number of things.

Really?

What?

Um...

I'm listening.

- Aliens.
- Oh, for Christ's sake.

Not those type of aliens.

Illegal aliens
or drug runners.

Drug runners
with six-inch teeth?

That eat people?

Come on, man!

We gotta see the whole picture,
embrace all the possibilities.

That waitress said something about
an Old Man Cane's place, right?

Let's go there,
first thing in the morning.

Bro, you just need to chill,
alright, it's not my fault.

Yes, it is, man! If you would've
just swallowed your freakin' pride,

and just admitted
that we were out of gas,

then we wouldn't be here
in the first place.

Look, uh, what's that say?
"Fossil Ridge?"

It's a town, alright?
I'm sure they got a gas station.

Well, yeah, I hope they do.

Uh...

Where are we?

Dude, look,
he's covered in blood.

This is bullshit!

Hey, bro,
if we were flowin',

that right there would've been
the senior we'd missed.

Just shut up!
Let's just get some gas.

What?

Howdy, boys!

Ya'll here for some of
Billy's famous pulled pork?

Still got a little bit
in the back.

I think we're gonna pass.

So, ya'll ain't hungry?
Ya'll don't need anything inside?

Uh, not at this time, man.
All we need is some gas,

and then,
we'll be out of here.

Looks like ya'll ain't
goin' anywhere soon.

What do you mean?
We just need some gas, man!

Yeah, bro!
This shaggin' wagon needs fuel!

Ya'll are shit out of luck.

What the asshole
is tellin' you,

we ain't got no gas.

Oof!

What the hell is that?

Ooh, this town is so lucky!
Ooh, this town is so lucky!

Fossil Ridge?

Who's that?

- Uh, excuse me, sir.
- Thank you.

Do you have a mechanical type-like
individual that can be workin' on my bus?

You see, it broke down,

and we really need to be
movin' on down the road.

We got a big show that we need to
be gettin' on at, and we love...

Ooh...

Would you happen to be the
little mechanical type-like man?

No, we just need some gas, man.

Well, what's wrong
with the gas here?

You need, uh,
some supreme plus?

No...
They ran out of gas.

They ran out of gas?

What's he mean
they ran out of gas?

What kind of gas station
runs out of gas?

Oh, my Lord,
I don't... what...

I don't understand it.
It says...

What the hell was that?

That there's comin'
from crazy Dr. Cane's place.

Some people say he's growing 20
foot meat-eating emus up there.

They say he was kicked out
of the big city,

for doing some sort of
freaky-ass experiments.

Who knows what he's got
up there,

but I know this much,

he's got all the gas,

'til morning.

Good night.

Good night?
Did he say good night?

Does that mean we have to
spend the night here?

Hey, Abbi!

You lock up tonight.

Don't even think about it.

Um... Uh, excuse me,
Mr. Redneck,

uh, where are we
supposed to sleep?

That's a tour bus, ain't it?

Sleep in it!

W-Wait, wait!
Where you goin'?

I'm quittin'.
You can lock up the place.

What! But, w-what are,
what are we... wait.

No, no, no, wait, stop!
Where are you going?

Going to my truck.

- Wait, you've got a truck?
- Yeah, it broke down.

W-W-Wait, wait, wait, uh...

What about th-this,
this doctor guy?

- Where's he live?
- Dr. Cane?

He's pretty reclusive.

He doesn't like anybody
on his property.

N-No, no, no,
you don't understand.

M-Maybe you could
take us there,

a-and we could just ask him
politely, of course,

and maybe we could
borrow some gas.

Please.
Please, take us there.

Please.

- Alright.
- Okay.

Run!

Lucas! Lucas!

- Hey, bro, man.
- Lu...

Man, you're not
gonna believe this.

Josie and I, we were
in the first grade together.

I mean, same class
and everything.

What was her name,
Miss, um...

M-Miss Rutledge!

Miss Hutchins!

Miss Hutchins!
Baby, thank you.

- You're welcome.
- Yeah, her pop got locked up,

and they waited for him to
get out or something like that.

Lucas! We have got
to get out of here, man.

What?

Gotta have my wheat group.

Oh!

Hi!

And other than that girl
out there,

nobody around here
seems right in the head, man.

Yoo-hoo!

Butterscotch!

- He likes you.
- Oh, dear Lord.

Listen, how about this,

why don't you go on without me,
by the time you get back,

me and my classmate over there,

will already be done kissing
all over each other,

and then I'll be ready to go,

- and we can hit those slopes.
- Yeah, whatever.

Hey, you like the Pulverizers?

Yeah!

Beast, come on,
we're going.

Okay.

Would you care to join us?

On this adventure of ours?

Josie

You're beautiful

Uh, yeah.

- I'd be delighted.
- After you, my lady.

Um, e-excuse me,
Mr. Beast Man,

but where are you goin'?

To meet the mad doctor!

What the hell was that?

Dirt road?
Middle of nowhere?

Texas?

I've seen this one.

Look,

maybe we got started
on the wrong foot.

Let me re-introduce myself.

My name is Sheldon Macabeach.
I'm of Irish descent.

My favorite color is green.

You, know, green.
Fightin' Irish!

My granddad was a veterinarian.

Uh, you know, that's like
a doctor, except, uh, you know,

he works with animals, dogs,
cats, other assorted critters.

You know,

it's great to hear that
your life is going so well,

and you're not stuck in some
shithole town like some of us,

but you could
do us all a favor.

Sure. What?

Shut up.

Sure.

Fine.

I guess it's safe to say
you weren't exactly,

Miss Personality
in high school.

Hello?

So, you ready for this?

Hey!
Atwood.

What you got?

Well, the DNA report
just came back,

but we've got a problem.

What kind of problem?

Well, it's a bit inconclusive,
or better yet,

highly impossible.

The closest match was that
of the dromaeosaurid theropod.

- Say that again?
- Better known as a velociraptor.

Will you say that again
'cause I thought I heard you say raptor.

Look, I didn't say
it is a raptor,

but whatever's out there,

is very closely related
to a reptile that,

hasn't been around
since the Cretaceous period.

That's over
75 million years ago.

Wait, this is incredible.

You got that right.

Marcus is sending over a small
army to quarantine the area.

Yeah, sure.

One other thing.

These things are nocturnal,

and one of the most ferocious
hunters to ever walk the earth,

so whatever you do,
stay indoors tonight.

I gotta go.
They're calling me.

I'll talk to you later.

Take care of yourself, Logan.

Will do, Atwood.
Bye.

Oh, man, you're not
gonna believe this.

What?

Let's go.

Who are ya?!
What're you doin' here?

Get off my property!

You shouldn't be here!
Get...

Dr. Crane!
It's Abbi.

- Abbi?
- Yes, come on, let's get you up.

Abbi!

Abbi, what're you doin' here?
You're not supposed to be here!

Come on, let's get you up,
let's get you up.

Come on.
Come on.

Let's get you in the house.

We're gonna take you
in the house, come on.

Oh!

Beast, we could really use
a hand, man!

That's okay, man!

Y-You go on ahead.
I-I'm gonna stay out here.

Maybe it's some sort of
a deranged garden gnome.

You know, the kind that'll just rip
the flesh right off your bones.

Now, y-you should all
leave now, Abbi.

So, you, you take all
your little friends,

and get 'em off my property.

It isn't safe.

What's not safe?

He just said
it's not safe here.

Well, it certainly isn't for
your friend's fear of yard art.

Dr. Cane, we should get you
to a hospital.

Is there some sort of
medication you take?

It's upstairs in the attic.

- Okay.
- But...

Whatever you do,

don't touch anything,

'cause I haven't finished
the feeding,

and she's gonna be
so mad at me.

I get just like Mrs. Cane
when I get really hungry, too.

I hope that's not Mrs. Cane.

Dr. Cane has no wife.

She died a long time ago.

Well, if he's not talkin'
about his wife,

who the hell's
he talkin' about?

I really have no idea.

Where are you going?

I'm going upstairs
to get his medicine.

What's that?

Hello?

Anybody in there?

The crack...

A crackin'... Ho...

Crackin-ho-saurus?

A-crackin-ho-saurus!

Dr. Cane is it?
Can we borrow some gas?

Sweet child o' mine!

Wait.

I think something's happening.

Can I sit next to the dead guy
in the truck?

You guys gotta come check out
these bald chickens, man!

Is that guy dead?

I love you

My darling

I love you

You two need to go get a room.

Sounds like a plan to me.

Come on, guys,
come on!

You gotta come check out
these crackahosaureseses.

You gotta check this out!

Those don't look like
chickens to me.

Let's go!

- Chariot awaits.
- Ooh!

Oh, God.

Those weren't no chickens
I've ever seen.

Yeah, man,
those chickens had teeth!

That Colonel totally stuffed some
steroids up those chickens' necks.

I mean, this is seriously the
best trip I've ever been on.

What?

Okay, guys.

We gotta get
the hell out of here.

Look.

I didn't wanna say anything,

but I saw some
really creepy shit,

up at Old Man Cane's attic.

- What kind of creepy shit?
- Don't spaz out on me.

We need to get
the hell out of here.

Listen,

I need for you to go to the
truck and get my flashlight.

Big guy. Gas cans.

Can you handle it?

- Yeah, yeah, got it.
- Alright, go.

And I need for you
to stay right here,

where I can keep an eye on you.

Hey, guys!

Guys, I found the gas can!

Hey, you guys want
the lights on out there?

So you can see the gas?

They can probably use
some light.

Doors.

I love The Doors!

Turn it off!

Turn the lights back on!

Holy shit!

Lucas never has to deal
with this.

No! No!

Leave 'em alone!

Uh-oh.

Is this what you're
looking for?

What now?

That's what I'm talkin' about.
Oh my.. Oh!

No hugging, kissing,

There's not even any foreplay.

What's foreplay?

Oh yeah. Exactly!

Ah, home sweet home.
This place looks safe.

You've been complaining since
we left the convenience store,

and all I've been doing
is offering you my help.

- Oh, help.
- You know, if you think you can survive out there,

then go, get out of here.

- Fine. Fine. I'm done.
- Leave.

Sheldon.

Look.

I really don't know what
those things are out there,

and I don't knot why all this
crazy shit is happening,

but I do know one thing,

we're a lot safer inside
than we are out there.

Okay.

You're right.

Ooh! Looks like
someone's boyfriends' here.

Well!

I was just thinkin' about you.

Maybe we can have
a ménage de du trois.

Let's get the hell out of here!

If you keep doin' that, girl,
you gonna wear that little coochie out.

I'm telling' you, girl, if you let that
little boy jump up and down in there.

That's just tired.
That's tired.

That ain't cute.
It's tired.

Runnin' around
with that little badass boy.

Wait a minute!

You look like a pit bull
crossbred with a rhino.

Hold on there, Mr. Dog.

Mr. Dog, I'm just tryin'
to go to the bathroom.

Oh, yeah, baby!

Shut up, dog!
I gotta use the bathroom!

I ain't got time
to be messin' with you!

You use the bathroom out there!

Little Willie gonna use
the bathroom in here!

That's right,
you better shut up!

Who is that?

I said go away!
Little Willie's in here!

Little Willie's in here!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Wait, no, no, no.
No, wait, hold on.

No, no.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Baby, we're gonna have to call
somebody and tell them...

Tell them what?

You just set a new world record
for Lucas, baby.

I mean, I've been going for,
what now?

I don't know.
15, 20 minutes.

And to think,
we're just getting started.

Yes!

What was that?

Sorry.

That was me, I mean, God,
it's been 20 minutes.

It's my turn now.

Atta girl!

Oh, shit!

Shit! Shit! Shit!

It's pretty safe to say that after
what happened to your boss back there,

you don't have to go
into work tomorrow.

If that thing catches up to us,

we're all gonna be on a
permanent leave of absence.

Did you say something about,

seeing something strange
up in the guy's attic?

I mean,

did you happen to come up
with some kind of explanation,

about how creatures that have been
extinct for millions of years,

have all of a sudden
come back to life,

and are chasing our asses
all over the place?

Don't blame me for all this.

If it's anybody's fault,
it's yours!

My fault?
How is it my fault?

You know what,

if it wasn't for you, I'd be
sitting at home right now.

The last time I checked, it was
my house that got destroyed.

You know what?

My little fat friend is dead
because of all of this,

and when I say little,
I don't mean little,

I'm talking about 400 pounds,
citrus soda,

snowballs, and nachos,
just ripped apart.

By what?

A blue dinosaur.
Blue-zilla!

Shh!

Guys...

Toodle-loo!

Where did you come from?

No, no!

We did not come all the way
back to the same place!

- We went in a complete circle!
- Sheldon!

Let's go!

What is this?

Ah!

What?

I coulda shot your balls off.

Not Josie!

Shut your friend up.

Right now!

Josie!

L-Lucas! L-Lucas!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Look at me, look at me!

Lookin' turkey, bald-headed,
long snout monkey, ostrich bastards!

We should really
call somebody, bro.

We can call the cops!

There ain't no cops
in this town.

Okay.

Let's go back
to our original plan.

We'll get on the bus.

Get the hell out of here.

Go! Do it!

What's wrong with this thing?

Okay, okay, okay. I've had a really,
really bad day with cars today,

so if you don't mind,
back up!

Who is this girl?
Who does she think she is?

Start the car!

Ah!

Nope!

Um, excuse me!

Um, uh, we're leaving
my mom's car.

W-W-We're leaving it behind!
Uh, what am I gonna do?

Either I'm gonna be killed by the
dinosaurs, or my mom's gonna kill me.

Um, hello, it doesn't matter,
we're all gonna die.

Thank you Miss Sunshine.
You help me a lot.

That's a dark road,
and I-I don't wanna go down it.

Where are we going?

We're going through
downtown Fossil Ridge,

and we're heading
to the Interstate.

Which way do you wanna go?

Left or right?
I don't care.

That's east or west.

East.

Girls in Cali are smokin'!
Let's go east!

Shut up, Lucas!
Let's just get the hell out of here, man.

Idiot.

Oh, that's perfect.

I love the smell
of burning engine.

- Yeah.
- I told you all it was a piece of shit.

W-What?

Perfect!

You know,
it's the story of my life.

Really is.

I mean, I coulda stayed
at school,

done some
extracurricular activities.

No, had to go skiing
with jerk-off here,

and now I am out in the middle
of nowhere with bossy pants.

Sheldon, why don't you
do us all a favor,

and make yourself useful
and shut the back door.

You know what, Mrs. Commando, I am not
the only soldier in this army here.

Why don't you ask one of them
two to do something for once?

I'm so sick of this!

What?

- Sheldon!
- What?

Move it!

Okay!

Are you happy?

Sheldon! Sheldon!

Sheldon!

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Get it open!

This place is so creepy!

I kinda feel at home.

Now that's what I'm
talkin' 'bout right there.

I think we're gonna be safe,
for right now.

Why don't you go try
the back door?

Lucas?

Okay.

That bad one's out there,

and there,

that don't sound like any
critter I've ever heard before.

Stop it!

Lucas.

Ski buddy.

Lucas! Lucas!

Lucas!

Keep it together!

No!

You want the bone?

Come and get it!

You like bones!
Bones are good!

He wants a bone.

You wanna play fetch?
Fetch?

Fetch. You like the bone.

Do it!

I said "do it,"

and he did it.

He did it?

- Lucas!
- Sheldon! You're okay!

- Open the door!
- Sheldon!

They're after me, man!

Lucas, you are on the inside.
Sheldon's on the outside.

Open the door.

Dumbass.

Let me in!

Look!

There he goes again.

Looks like trouble
followed us into town.

It's the blue one.

It's the blue one!
It's the bad one!

I'm putting my money
on the big one.

No, no.
Forget the big one,

it's the small one that can get us,
the blue one.

How can you say
forget the big one?

- He just flipped the bus!
- Lucas, for once in your life,

size doesn't matter, man.

What are you talkin' about?

Man Beast.

Beast Man?
What happened?

Remember seventh grade
football?

Vaguely.

18 yard sprint?

Yeah.

No! No!

I know know, man.

W-We were running
for the truck.

I looked behind me,
and he wasn't there.

How does 370 pounds
just up and disappear?

I don't know.
He just wasn't there.

I think he went around to the
front of the doctor's house and...

- Flamingoes.
- Not the flamingoes!

Say it ain't so!

He chose that blue thing
over the flamingoes.

I mean, there was just body
parts flying all over the place.

Please...

Just right there.

Hmm...

Blue!

Probably a Megalosaurus.

Hm.

A large, well-advanced,

carnivorous member
of the Carnasaura family.

They're not sure
about the color!

Oh, until now!

Lived for about
70 million years,

middle Jurassic period.

Old Blue must be
a teenager because,

they can grow up to be 30 feet!

Does it say in the book
how to kill the things?

No!

But,

it says that it was
probably a matriarch.

Did you hear that?

A metra-rock?

Matriarch!

What's a matriarch?

That means females
are in charge.

Aw, hell no!

I ain't putting' up
with this shit.

I'm gettin' me that gun.

This is what I'm talkin' about!

- That armor's not gonna protect you Lucas!
- Sheldon!

When are you gonna grow up
and be a man?

Honestly!
Let's put our skis together,

get off the bunny slopes,
get on the big boy chair,

and we're gonna go to the top
of that mountain!

Why do we need to go to the top
of the mountain?

For titties.

The whole point,
the whole objective of this whole trip,

was to do what?

Get a titty here
and a titty here.

Now, I'm not gonna let some
little lizard out there,

stop me from getting titties!

Why?
'Cause I'm the titty man!

The big one's interested
in the little ma... woman...

matriarchial dinosaur,

so now is our chance, alright?

Besides, they're extinct,
and they're stupid.

We're human. We're men human.
We're smarter.

- Lucas.
- What?

You walk through that door,
and you'll be extinct.

What do you know?

- Don't open the door, man!
- It's you and your dumb ass boyfriends' fault,

- we're here in the first place.
- Lucas, get back in here, man!

You need to make up your mind.

You gonna listen to Robo-Bitch
here or Manson, party of one?

It's me, Lucas.
Your friend.

Your pal. Your amigo.

What're you gonna do
with a BB gun, Lucas?

I'm gonna take his eye out.

Oh...

Ski buddy...

Sorry about your friend.

What are you doing?

I am fishing.

For what?

For what?

I don't know!

But I got one!

Come on!

You can do it!
Come on!

We should go back and help him.

Hell no!

I'm not gonna become
a Jurassic snack pack!

Maybe we'll be safe in here.

There's no way in hell she can
figure out how to get in here.

Ahh!

This is it.

This is how the story ends.

There's only two of us left.

One of us has gotta go.

It's gonna be me.

Hey,

I guess I've been
pretty hard on you.

Sheldon!

Thanks, Mom.

This is for you, Mama.

It's you and me, bitch!

Go to hell!

Yo! What was that, man?
Was that...

Was that an earthquake
or something?

No, no.
Not way the hell out here.

That was an explosion.
Come on. Let's go check it out.

Hey, guys.

We got quite a mess
on our hands.

What was that explosion?

The old factory.

That's nothing compared to what they
found at Fossil Ridge this morning.

Remains of...

I know this sounds crazy,

but those ostriches,
they weren't ostriches at all.

They're what seems to be...
dinosaurs.

The real big ones.

- Where's Morgan?
- He's got Abbi,

the daughter of one
of the possible victims.

Looks like Abbi's
the only surviving witness.

They're just up the road.

There's a whole lot
of media up there.

Thanks.

Is it true that dinosaur-like
creatures have been seen in the area?

This isn't Jurassic Park.
Get real, people!

Just mutated, feather-less
ostriches that attacked,

- these poor folks.
- I don't think they're ostriches.

Why don't you guys go look
for Bigfoot or something.

No more questions for now.

We need answers!

And that's how it happened.

I told my story to the FBI,
but they didn't believe me.

Seems that government officials don't
take to the mad ravings of a Native girl.

I guess they'd rather write off
such incidents,

to flesh-eating emus
or the Chupacabra.

Anyway, eventually
they released me,

and guess what?

I took old Doc Cane's advice.

I didn't give up on my dream
or my future,

but I did give up on my past.