The Challenges (1969) - full transcript
The challenges.
Hey, you.
Is this Villa Fernanda?
- Yes, may I help you?
I'm looking for Miss Cooky, is she here?
- Yes
Tell her captain Bill Whyman is here.
Wake up. General Wes Moreland has arrived.
- What does he want?
Top secret... He didn't tell me.
Come on... get up.
Wake up. You have a visitor.
Who is the savage coming
this early in the morning?
It's an american, he is in a hurry.
- Stop joking, I barely sleep last night.
Look at him, he looks like a monkey.
Hey.
Bill!
You can't go out dressed like that.
Bill!
How are you? - I'm fine!
When did you arrive? How is Barbara?
Come here. Do you know what that is?
Oh, How did you remember that?
Come here.
Dad, this is Bill, Barbara's husband,
my English teacher.
Sorry, I thought you were the gardener.
Hi. - Nice to meet you.
Are you in Torrejon on vacation? - No...
I'm here with a General. We leave
to Rome tomorrow.
Take it dad. Leave it in the kitchen.
It's some delicious meat.
Let's go, and change those clothes...
Bye dad!
What's that beard? Is he making
a Hippie movie?
- He's too old for that.
What are you doing?
- Nothing, I'm just watching.
What is going on?
We have a visitor, Cooky's
American friend. - Fantastic!
Jesus!, what am I going to do without
the cook? He's staying for lunch right?
Our baby was a success in America
it seems.
Is he a nice guy? - An imbecile, he
brought a piece of meat and was rude to me.
One of these days she's
going to get into troubles.
That girl has too much freedom. At what
hour did she came back last night?
Answer!
- Late at night I guess.
But she was in a party.
- Great!
And now she let that american put his
hands all over her in front of me.
Our baby wants to study English
on New York.
Our baby can travel overseas alone.
Our baby...
Take a look at our baby!
I'm looking, what's the matter?
Nothing now... but it wasn't like that
a minute ago.
You get so annoying sometimes... always
thinking someone it's going to eat her.
Stop spying on our baby.
I need to use the bathroom.
If it wasn't for me...
... she went to see him naked.
I'll shoot a penalty.
- No, you'll hit it too hard.
Bill let's play a match. - But I only
know to play baseball.
You'll learn in a minute.
Come on take the ball.
Let's play a match. Bill and me
against you dad.
Take the ball Bill... kick him.
Penalty, you are pushing me.
Brute! Imbecile, that's cheating!
You animal! Let me go!
Let me go!
Take this.
Homerun, come on Bill!
Homerun!
Bill! Homerun!
I don't like people who have fun
all alone.
Don't start, you have been enough
rude already.
He's a mad man. He's going to hit
his head.
The game is over.
It's been over for two hours now...
What a beautiful day!
- What were you doing?
Getting dressed.
Did I take too long?
Is he staying for lunch?
Is our baby having fun?
Are you still grumpy?
Should I cook a ?Paella??
Do you like my hat?
Mom he is... - I know. He is...
He's name...
He's father has a shop of...
- No mom, he is Bill.
Bill... right, Mark is from Puerto Rico,
you used to talk a lot about him...
No Mom, I didn't...
Fantastic!
He swim so well... he should teach me
to swim.
It's wonderful. Isn't it Carlos?
Bill Whyman, divorced to Barbara Parker,
my English teacher.
Soon to be ?Major?, he arrived yesterday
and is going to Rome tomorrow.
Divorced?...
Very nice, and practical too...
Marry one first, then get the divorce
and remarry another.
That's life to you. We, Spanish people
on the other hand...
I disagree.
Really?
Explain that.
Well, you can only fail once
getting married for life. - You pig!
Jaja, don't trust him Cooky!
Did you hear that Carlos?
They might get hurt doing that.
- Please Carlos, let them have fun.
Yes, let them have fun...
let them have fun.
Baby, Bill will stay for lunch, right?
The cook is gone for the day did you know?
We have progressed, and now:
absolute democracy, like in America.
Enough mom, just cook us some lunch
and stop with your monologues.
We also have the Pastrami Bill brought.
- Pastra... what?
Too much fat over there.
Oh, man...
He measures his weight every morning.
And always says his losing weight...
He bought that stationary bicycle and
used it only once.
Those gadgets are useless.
I use yoga, did you know Cooky.
Since I make Yoga I don't cough anymore.
It eliminates the nicotine.
Fantastic!
But my husband lacks the willingness
to do it.
Fernanda please, go cook your ?Paella?.
A nice ?Paella? then?
And a salad.
Baby did you tell Bill we
have the best lettuce in Madrid?
Bill, we have the best lettuce in Madrid.
- Delicious...
all yellow, tender and juicy!
Tender as buttler!
The film...
Cooky I brought the film we made in
Southampton. Do you remember?
You made a movie?
The day we made it I decided to
marry Barbara...
because Cooky didn't want to marry me.
A child molester...
A year ago Cooky was just a child.
Right Carlos?
We didn't know that... So, you almost
get married?
Well... I changed my mind when I almost
get kicked out of school.
I'm the perfect son-in-law, I always help
my mother-in-law to cook. Shall we?
Oh he's lovely!
I think the Pastrami will be delicious...
Didn't you stop smoking?
- I'm taking it back.
My god...
Now I step on my hands
and eliminate the nicotine!
Such a stupidity!
You never like any kid I meet.
- He's a kid now?
He is older than me...
And you want me to be happy watching
him put his hands all over you
Well, I'm your father, It's natural
I worry about you.
Whatever dad.
Cooky, Is it true that that man asked
you for marriage?
Asked me? Don?t be ridiculous.
We used to date, and that?s all.
Just the two of you, or with Barbara?
The two of us, with Barbara,
and with the entire army too!
Hey...
there you are.
Shall I prepare the movie projector?
- No!
You think this is the proof that I slept
with Bill... I know you.
And you'll get angry because you'll never
see it. It's mine, do you understand it?
And I do whatever I want with it.
Instead of worrying about me you should be
worried about mom. It would make sense.
Do you want an olive?
Madame, Cooky never told me...
- You don't need to call me like that.
Carlos wanted me to stop acting.
Jealousy for sure. The great actor
feared to be eclipsed by you.
No, he's always been a better actor
than me.
Jealously to see you with others maybe?
To tell the true he condemned me to
become a boring housewife.
Can I give my opinion?
He didn't succeed at it.
Poor me...
if you'd seen me some years ago...
Marriage should be forbidden
for actresses like me.
Well, I guess marriage have some
good things too.
Children...
If it weren't for Cooky...
Now, tell me. Both of you in America...
I almost commit suicide when she
rejected me.
But you were married.
We liked each other, but if I've been
married then it would've been the same.
I lost my mind for her.
The bees... I'll better close the window.
If my husband hear you...
he didn't want her to go to USA.
Scared, like she was going to be eaten.
I could have eate her.
Problem solved.
You eate it! You eat anything, olives,
bees, little girls...
And I can eat mothers too.
Bill, please.
So, you are willing to betray Cooky,
what if I tell her that?
I would bite you with my poison.
Like a snake?
Please...
Please...
Carlos? Are you sleeping?
Can't you see I'm not?
Why don't you come to bed? - Leave me
alone, it's too hot to go to bed.
Do you want me to turn on the
cooling fans?
Don't be ridiculous.
Who is it? - It's nothing, I just wanted
some of your cigarettes.
Oh, Hi... I just was...
It's over, do you get it? It's over!
But, what's wrong?
I haven't told you anything?
I'm tired of you and your... - Wait a
minute, You can't talk to me like that.
You spy on me, you chase me, control
me... any man who get close to me...
you draw him away.
You don't know what you are saying.
- I do! You make me sick.
You disgust me.
Please listen to me...
Cooky...
Hey.
Hi.
- Hello.
Have a problem?
- Would you take me Rome with you?
Do you want to go?
- I'm not joking.
You had a fight with your parents,
don't you?
Are you going to take me there or not?
Am I going to get a written authorization
from your father?
If you want to, I'll go with you?
- And what about the General?
I'm not going to bother him.
I'll visit the Pope, eat spaghetti...
What happened?
It can't be that important.
I wish you've stayed in America.
- You would have cheated on Barbara.
Maybe not. Maybe we would be married
by now.
- Then you would've cheated on me.
Take me to Rome.
I'm not going to Rome... I can't
explain right now. I have my orders.
But I love you.
Cooky.
We'll talk when I came back.
I can't explain right now...
Cooky!
Cooky!
It's a little late to take a nap...
wake up, wake up.
It?s 19:30 PM. I brought you some towels.
You'll take a shower and you'll feel
just fine.
Where is Cooky?
She is getting dressed.
Come on, come on.
No, Bill...
You are crazy.
My husband could come in...
The door, close the door.
This is madness.
May I come in?
How are you?
Alright. What I did was wrong.
The house, mail, and amateur films...
are private.
May I ask your forgiveness?
To avoid bothering you with my presence...
I will leave. Will that make you happy?
I'm sorry.
I really do.
I just can't get used to the fact...
that you are a woman already.
Father... How many times have you
played this role?
I've seen your movie...
and I won't say anything about it.
You are old enough to know what to do.
I don't want to interfere with your life.
Hello.
I must leave. Please forgive me.
Did you see? Bill can immobilize you
with a finger.
That's stupid.
- It's not a stupidity, it's Judo.
Judo? Another stupidity.
No, really. He put a finger on you like
this, and you can't move anymore.
I have no time to discuss about it. But
I would love to show him...
... that Judo is a stupidity.
Such a pity he has to go.
Have a nice trip.
We have enough time for that.
Would you like to try?
Now you want to play Harakiri?
50 dollars if I can get the knife from
your hand.
Keep playing.
50 dollars.
Come on take it, let's see what can he do?
- 50 dollars.
What a clown.
Did he come out of a circus?
What is going on?
We are having a bet. Bill is going to
win 50 dollars by getting...
... the knife off your father's hand.
- Dad please.
Stop fooling around.
Come on, do it.
- Bill is younger and stronger.
Stop playing, you are going to get hurt.
Ok. Ready? Let's go.
Come on. Attack.
Don't be a coward. If you are scared
just drop it.
Great! Fantastic! He had the knife and
couldn't do anything with it.
Carlos you are dirty, go wash yourself.
He is dying...
What shall we do now?
Alan, I'm bored.
Do you hear me?
I haven't write down a thing in four
days.
Why? Because nothing happens.
Write down that we run out of gas.
Are those bulls dangerous?
I don't know.
They look a little gay.
Why don't you go there and find out?
What if I get hurt?
At least that's something I can write down.
Should I do it to earn your love,
or just to get you off my back?
Because I love you.
For your love then.
Good luck.
Watch out, be careful!
Bravo! Bravo!
Hey, bull!
You've got into private property,
and damaged my cattle...
If I call the police your vacation
is over.
My diary is private too and you are
messing with it...
I think he fancies you... let's have
a little fun with him.
She is writing her biography.
- Is there anything interesting on it?
That depends of the men I meet.
So, do you like him?
I don't know... but he surely use
lots of cologne.
What? Are you telling secrets to each
other?
No... just a bet we had. Bonnie said you
surely used cologne.
Do you like what you see?
Your woman?
She's delicious.
Fifty dollars...
Excuse me? - Fifty dollars,
I'll need consolation.
But, did she say she's up to it?
That's what we were talking about
a minute ago.
Let's see... 50 dollars, 70 pesetas each...
5x7=35...
3.500 pesetas? For that money I get
a woman and champagne too.
Well, if champagne is what you're
interested in...
Ok. I don't want to discuss about
money, because I like you.
Tonight, in Madrid then. - Impossible.
We are leaving to India. - India?
But, we can't do it here, my wife is
staying in the ranch.
It's a pity... the girl really worth it.
An authentic ?made in USA? product.
But of course, with enough money
we can find a solution.
I don't have any change. - It doesn't
matter, keep it.
Please. Not a word about it, my wife
is a very jealous woman.
Let me help you. - Thanks.
Lola, they are going to India.
You got tired of Spain already?
We are going to learn meditation
with the Maharishi
- Who? - This man.
Oh, the Beatle's guru.
But what does he teaches?
Serenity. We could do it anywhere
outside the USA.
You don't like your own country?
I don't like to be forced to use a
helmet, I prefer this...
Oh, you look so much better like this.
My boy doesn't want to get killed
by a Chinese...
He doesn't like to take risks,
he's very cautious...
He's a defector!
I simply don't want to die.
May I?...
..."make love and not war"!
Today?s youth,
they don?t love their country.
Germ?n, please.
Ok, let's go for a ride now, I want to
take a look at the ranch.
I can't ride in a horse back.
- What about you?
It's been a while, but I would love to.
Did you know he jumped over the fence
and made a bullfight with our cattle?
I did it for love, only for love.
Cheer up man, if you come with
us I'll prepare a bullfight for you.
No, enough excitement for me.
I'll stay here drinking Sangria,
which is delicious by the way.
Do you have to go now?
- We'll be back really soon.
Don't drink the whole jar on your own.
Benito, prepare the horses.
Did you look at them?
How about that one?
Fantastic, What is his name?
The Czar.
He's extraordinary.
I envy him sometimes. - Why?
He is a stallion.
He has the finest linage in livestock.
When the moment's right, we
lock him up with 40 cows...
and he doesn't leave until he
had sex with all of them.
Really? Unbelievable...
That's what he is doing right now?
Why don't you use artificial
insemination? It's cheaper.
That's outrageous. Frustrate such a
noble animal like that...
Do you understand why I envy him?
For all the cows?
- No, for what he symbolizes...
The bull is a symbol for Spain.
Spain has the shape of a bull's skin
extended.
Did you notice that our language is
full of words related to bulls?
I don't know the language that well.
You want to make love to me, don't you?
Hi Benito.
I'll arrange a room for you.
- Good, go now.
You always do it here?
- Lola is extremely jealous.
Never smoke before sex, honey.
Everything is ready Don Germ?n.
Thanks a lot.
Watch your step.
How many acres has the ranch?
Acres? I don't know.
It has 6.000 hectares. How many
acres is a hectare?
No idea...
my parents gave me an awful education...
They didn't even teach me
to ride on horse...
... and that's very useful sometimes.
See that over there? - Those hills?
- Yes.
It ends over there
and in the valley on the opposite
direction. But you can't see it from here.
I would love to be a bull on this land.
Do you like it?
- You don't? Do you get bored
looking all of this?
If you are so bored why don't you
come to India with me.
That would be nice, but what about
your wife?
She is not my wife.
So, now that the marriage issue is
solved, are you coming?
I offer exciting new opportunities...
Marvelous mystic experiences...
and direct contact with the Maharishi.
Leave immediately!
- That's funny. Want to know why?
Leave before my husband returns.
Wait a minute.
What do you think your husband is
going to do when he come back?
Do you know what's he doing right now?
Yes, with Bonnie...
exactly what you are thinking.
I don't care.
Let me go or I'll scream. - No.
Not until I finish.
4.000 Pesetas, that's what he paid
for Bonnie.
Why?
Why are you telling me this?
Your husband is an imbecile.
Don't you want your revenge?
Here.
- I'm not a whore!
Neither is Bonnie!
And I don't want anything from you.
You are not my type. Can you see?
Take the blankets off.
Make him believe that we did it.
You know what I mean.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
Stay in Madrid, don't leave.
I need you.
Don't be annoying.
Please Bonnie, stay.
I never met a woman like you.
Tough luck.
Is this people Ok, with us being here?
- They don't have another choice.
They even gave us their best blanket.
Where is the bathroom.
- There isn't one.
Look...
Like it?
You can't get this in USA.
Bonnie, don't leave.
I fell in love with you.
If you stay I'll rent an apartment in
Madrid for you. - What for?
How much does he give you?
Alan... he charged me 50 dollars.
Alan charged you for this?
- Wait, you didn't know about it?
I swear to you that I'll write this
on my diary!
Alan! Alan!
This is wonderful...
... fantastic, tremendous!
I love you, I love you!
I was trying to fill up the swimming
pool.
Very good...
... It's time for you to leave now.
Lola!
Lola!
Where are you?
Oh, you are here.
I see you got that asshole off your
back.
Well done.
Such a dislikable pair...
no education...
no virtue at all.
I was thinking...
... do you hear me?
Yes.
I was thinking...
... we shouldn't send our children to
England for college.
Are you jealous? - No.
Don't be silly. She is not my type.
I took her for a ride just to be polite.
She started bothering about the bulls...
So I took her to see the bulls,
and that's it.
Lola, nothing happened... really.
How can you think I like women like that?
Can't you see those two are trash?
So... what about the children?
They can learn English right here...
and I don't want them to become
hippies like those two.
I'll tell you what we're going to do.
At the end of the month, we'll go to
London, pick up the kids...
and we'll take a vacation, all of us.
Where would you like to go?
What is that?
- That?
You gave it to her...
and he gave it to me.
I don't know what you're talking about.
We both have fun...
and for free.
You didn't!
No you didn't! - Yes I did!
No you didn't! - Yes I did!
Benito! Benito!
Alan!
Alan!
Help me.
Finish the job.
Where are we? - On the moon.
What are you laughing about?
Pinky!
What are you doing?
Bad monkey.
Let's go.
Come over here, you evil beast.
Let's go.
You shouldn't make all that noise.
Who is over there?
Charlie!
You idiot!
I'm a monk, a poor cripple.
Did you get scared?
- What do you think?
It was just a joke.
Give me a cigarette.
Nice outfit.
Do you forgive me?
Where are your binoculars?
You like spying other people, don't you?
Did you see anything?
- No...
... everybody is dead in this town.
Better that way.
But I found one interesting thing.
You did?
Julian...
and Floridita...
Do you like it?
Can I keep it?
Ask Maria, it's her's
But you paid for it, right?
No, she bought it.
Where?
In ?Tange store?.
I'll ask Charlie to take me there.
But we are not going to Madrid.
Charlie goes wherever I tell him to go.
OK, behave yourself and I'll see
what I can do.
What is that?
Take a look.
Those stains the doctors use.
It's a test.
I want to find out if I'm insane.
Only a mad man would take
a trip with the two of you.
Are we really so annoying?
Tell me what do you see in the card?
- Here?
I don't see a thing. - Nothing at all?
A couple of butterflies making love.
Two elephants making love.
Two flies making love.
A couple of octopuses... - Making love.
What did you find out?
Doctor...
you are a genius.
Does all patients fell in love
with their doctors?
Pinky come to mommy.
He is really jealous...
test him and you'll see. - Ok.
Pinky.
Julian, if I buy this town I'll make
you a teacher here
What about Maria?
She is a nice girl.
Are we leaving now?
We want to leave as soon as possible.
Is there anything wrong?
Don't you fight over this.
The only reason we are hitch-hiking
it's because we have no money.
It was a gift. Do you like it?
Very romantic.
I found a very interesting house, but it's
closed...
Would you help me to open it?
- I'm here as a tourist, nothing more.
Ok.
I'll do it on my own.
You'll break it. - So what?
Thanks.
He'll kill himself.
Who cares anyway, one less and counting.
Bravo Charlie!
Hello, champ.
Thanks Pinky.
Want a cigarette?
There are beds in here.
Does it hurt?
What's wrong? - Nothing's wrong.
Julian is coming.
Shall we make him a joke?
What if he gets angry?
No, he won't.
Julian!
Julian!
Do you like my Harem?
Not bad.
Charlie, I think it's time to go.
What's the problem if we sleep a little?
Two hours won't make any difference.
Well, but he wants to leave.
I'll give you a chance...
take your shoes off.
Come on.
The one who steps on it, decides
what we'll do.
You do not dare...
Look.
See?
Are you sure he didn't use to
work on a circus?
Wait.
Ok.
Julian, don't be stupid.
Alright then...
we both decide.
I thought he didn't know the trick.
Pinky, I am an imbecile.
Charlie.
Very nice.
I really like him...
he is so naive.
You think he knew the trick?
Yes of course.
I'm not so sure.
Should we eat one of those?
Let the art for some other moment
and help me.
Hey watch out!
Get it Charlie!
Charlie... Charlie.
Attention!
Silence!
Shut up.
Silence!
Silence!
Our new president is going to speak.
What was that Mr. President?
The president has made a new law:
Free love.
Very good.
Pinky.
Come on, put some swing into it.
Good girl.
What's wrong?
Can't you see?
See what?
I've got hurt.
Yes, in a war, you told me.
Since then...
no more, game over.
You don't believe me?
So... what was that free love thing
all about?
It's simple.
Floridita has to have her fun.
Really?
Wait. Where are you going?
Let me go.
Let me go.
Leave them alone.
Leave them alone.
41 ?C...
You shouldn't drink so much.
Leave.
Leave.
Charlie...
Hey, you.
Is this Villa Fernanda?
- Yes, may I help you?
I'm looking for Miss Cooky, is she here?
- Yes
Tell her captain Bill Whyman is here.
Wake up. General Wes Moreland has arrived.
- What does he want?
Top secret... He didn't tell me.
Come on... get up.
Wake up. You have a visitor.
Who is the savage coming
this early in the morning?
It's an american, he is in a hurry.
- Stop joking, I barely sleep last night.
Look at him, he looks like a monkey.
Hey.
Bill!
You can't go out dressed like that.
Bill!
How are you? - I'm fine!
When did you arrive? How is Barbara?
Come here. Do you know what that is?
Oh, How did you remember that?
Come here.
Dad, this is Bill, Barbara's husband,
my English teacher.
Sorry, I thought you were the gardener.
Hi. - Nice to meet you.
Are you in Torrejon on vacation? - No...
I'm here with a General. We leave
to Rome tomorrow.
Take it dad. Leave it in the kitchen.
It's some delicious meat.
Let's go, and change those clothes...
Bye dad!
What's that beard? Is he making
a Hippie movie?
- He's too old for that.
What are you doing?
- Nothing, I'm just watching.
What is going on?
We have a visitor, Cooky's
American friend. - Fantastic!
Jesus!, what am I going to do without
the cook? He's staying for lunch right?
Our baby was a success in America
it seems.
Is he a nice guy? - An imbecile, he
brought a piece of meat and was rude to me.
One of these days she's
going to get into troubles.
That girl has too much freedom. At what
hour did she came back last night?
Answer!
- Late at night I guess.
But she was in a party.
- Great!
And now she let that american put his
hands all over her in front of me.
Our baby wants to study English
on New York.
Our baby can travel overseas alone.
Our baby...
Take a look at our baby!
I'm looking, what's the matter?
Nothing now... but it wasn't like that
a minute ago.
You get so annoying sometimes... always
thinking someone it's going to eat her.
Stop spying on our baby.
I need to use the bathroom.
If it wasn't for me...
... she went to see him naked.
I'll shoot a penalty.
- No, you'll hit it too hard.
Bill let's play a match. - But I only
know to play baseball.
You'll learn in a minute.
Come on take the ball.
Let's play a match. Bill and me
against you dad.
Take the ball Bill... kick him.
Penalty, you are pushing me.
Brute! Imbecile, that's cheating!
You animal! Let me go!
Let me go!
Take this.
Homerun, come on Bill!
Homerun!
Bill! Homerun!
I don't like people who have fun
all alone.
Don't start, you have been enough
rude already.
He's a mad man. He's going to hit
his head.
The game is over.
It's been over for two hours now...
What a beautiful day!
- What were you doing?
Getting dressed.
Did I take too long?
Is he staying for lunch?
Is our baby having fun?
Are you still grumpy?
Should I cook a ?Paella??
Do you like my hat?
Mom he is... - I know. He is...
He's name...
He's father has a shop of...
- No mom, he is Bill.
Bill... right, Mark is from Puerto Rico,
you used to talk a lot about him...
No Mom, I didn't...
Fantastic!
He swim so well... he should teach me
to swim.
It's wonderful. Isn't it Carlos?
Bill Whyman, divorced to Barbara Parker,
my English teacher.
Soon to be ?Major?, he arrived yesterday
and is going to Rome tomorrow.
Divorced?...
Very nice, and practical too...
Marry one first, then get the divorce
and remarry another.
That's life to you. We, Spanish people
on the other hand...
I disagree.
Really?
Explain that.
Well, you can only fail once
getting married for life. - You pig!
Jaja, don't trust him Cooky!
Did you hear that Carlos?
They might get hurt doing that.
- Please Carlos, let them have fun.
Yes, let them have fun...
let them have fun.
Baby, Bill will stay for lunch, right?
The cook is gone for the day did you know?
We have progressed, and now:
absolute democracy, like in America.
Enough mom, just cook us some lunch
and stop with your monologues.
We also have the Pastrami Bill brought.
- Pastra... what?
Too much fat over there.
Oh, man...
He measures his weight every morning.
And always says his losing weight...
He bought that stationary bicycle and
used it only once.
Those gadgets are useless.
I use yoga, did you know Cooky.
Since I make Yoga I don't cough anymore.
It eliminates the nicotine.
Fantastic!
But my husband lacks the willingness
to do it.
Fernanda please, go cook your ?Paella?.
A nice ?Paella? then?
And a salad.
Baby did you tell Bill we
have the best lettuce in Madrid?
Bill, we have the best lettuce in Madrid.
- Delicious...
all yellow, tender and juicy!
Tender as buttler!
The film...
Cooky I brought the film we made in
Southampton. Do you remember?
You made a movie?
The day we made it I decided to
marry Barbara...
because Cooky didn't want to marry me.
A child molester...
A year ago Cooky was just a child.
Right Carlos?
We didn't know that... So, you almost
get married?
Well... I changed my mind when I almost
get kicked out of school.
I'm the perfect son-in-law, I always help
my mother-in-law to cook. Shall we?
Oh he's lovely!
I think the Pastrami will be delicious...
Didn't you stop smoking?
- I'm taking it back.
My god...
Now I step on my hands
and eliminate the nicotine!
Such a stupidity!
You never like any kid I meet.
- He's a kid now?
He is older than me...
And you want me to be happy watching
him put his hands all over you
Well, I'm your father, It's natural
I worry about you.
Whatever dad.
Cooky, Is it true that that man asked
you for marriage?
Asked me? Don?t be ridiculous.
We used to date, and that?s all.
Just the two of you, or with Barbara?
The two of us, with Barbara,
and with the entire army too!
Hey...
there you are.
Shall I prepare the movie projector?
- No!
You think this is the proof that I slept
with Bill... I know you.
And you'll get angry because you'll never
see it. It's mine, do you understand it?
And I do whatever I want with it.
Instead of worrying about me you should be
worried about mom. It would make sense.
Do you want an olive?
Madame, Cooky never told me...
- You don't need to call me like that.
Carlos wanted me to stop acting.
Jealousy for sure. The great actor
feared to be eclipsed by you.
No, he's always been a better actor
than me.
Jealously to see you with others maybe?
To tell the true he condemned me to
become a boring housewife.
Can I give my opinion?
He didn't succeed at it.
Poor me...
if you'd seen me some years ago...
Marriage should be forbidden
for actresses like me.
Well, I guess marriage have some
good things too.
Children...
If it weren't for Cooky...
Now, tell me. Both of you in America...
I almost commit suicide when she
rejected me.
But you were married.
We liked each other, but if I've been
married then it would've been the same.
I lost my mind for her.
The bees... I'll better close the window.
If my husband hear you...
he didn't want her to go to USA.
Scared, like she was going to be eaten.
I could have eate her.
Problem solved.
You eate it! You eat anything, olives,
bees, little girls...
And I can eat mothers too.
Bill, please.
So, you are willing to betray Cooky,
what if I tell her that?
I would bite you with my poison.
Like a snake?
Please...
Please...
Carlos? Are you sleeping?
Can't you see I'm not?
Why don't you come to bed? - Leave me
alone, it's too hot to go to bed.
Do you want me to turn on the
cooling fans?
Don't be ridiculous.
Who is it? - It's nothing, I just wanted
some of your cigarettes.
Oh, Hi... I just was...
It's over, do you get it? It's over!
But, what's wrong?
I haven't told you anything?
I'm tired of you and your... - Wait a
minute, You can't talk to me like that.
You spy on me, you chase me, control
me... any man who get close to me...
you draw him away.
You don't know what you are saying.
- I do! You make me sick.
You disgust me.
Please listen to me...
Cooky...
Hey.
Hi.
- Hello.
Have a problem?
- Would you take me Rome with you?
Do you want to go?
- I'm not joking.
You had a fight with your parents,
don't you?
Are you going to take me there or not?
Am I going to get a written authorization
from your father?
If you want to, I'll go with you?
- And what about the General?
I'm not going to bother him.
I'll visit the Pope, eat spaghetti...
What happened?
It can't be that important.
I wish you've stayed in America.
- You would have cheated on Barbara.
Maybe not. Maybe we would be married
by now.
- Then you would've cheated on me.
Take me to Rome.
I'm not going to Rome... I can't
explain right now. I have my orders.
But I love you.
Cooky.
We'll talk when I came back.
I can't explain right now...
Cooky!
Cooky!
It's a little late to take a nap...
wake up, wake up.
It?s 19:30 PM. I brought you some towels.
You'll take a shower and you'll feel
just fine.
Where is Cooky?
She is getting dressed.
Come on, come on.
No, Bill...
You are crazy.
My husband could come in...
The door, close the door.
This is madness.
May I come in?
How are you?
Alright. What I did was wrong.
The house, mail, and amateur films...
are private.
May I ask your forgiveness?
To avoid bothering you with my presence...
I will leave. Will that make you happy?
I'm sorry.
I really do.
I just can't get used to the fact...
that you are a woman already.
Father... How many times have you
played this role?
I've seen your movie...
and I won't say anything about it.
You are old enough to know what to do.
I don't want to interfere with your life.
Hello.
I must leave. Please forgive me.
Did you see? Bill can immobilize you
with a finger.
That's stupid.
- It's not a stupidity, it's Judo.
Judo? Another stupidity.
No, really. He put a finger on you like
this, and you can't move anymore.
I have no time to discuss about it. But
I would love to show him...
... that Judo is a stupidity.
Such a pity he has to go.
Have a nice trip.
We have enough time for that.
Would you like to try?
Now you want to play Harakiri?
50 dollars if I can get the knife from
your hand.
Keep playing.
50 dollars.
Come on take it, let's see what can he do?
- 50 dollars.
What a clown.
Did he come out of a circus?
What is going on?
We are having a bet. Bill is going to
win 50 dollars by getting...
... the knife off your father's hand.
- Dad please.
Stop fooling around.
Come on, do it.
- Bill is younger and stronger.
Stop playing, you are going to get hurt.
Ok. Ready? Let's go.
Come on. Attack.
Don't be a coward. If you are scared
just drop it.
Great! Fantastic! He had the knife and
couldn't do anything with it.
Carlos you are dirty, go wash yourself.
He is dying...
What shall we do now?
Alan, I'm bored.
Do you hear me?
I haven't write down a thing in four
days.
Why? Because nothing happens.
Write down that we run out of gas.
Are those bulls dangerous?
I don't know.
They look a little gay.
Why don't you go there and find out?
What if I get hurt?
At least that's something I can write down.
Should I do it to earn your love,
or just to get you off my back?
Because I love you.
For your love then.
Good luck.
Watch out, be careful!
Bravo! Bravo!
Hey, bull!
You've got into private property,
and damaged my cattle...
If I call the police your vacation
is over.
My diary is private too and you are
messing with it...
I think he fancies you... let's have
a little fun with him.
She is writing her biography.
- Is there anything interesting on it?
That depends of the men I meet.
So, do you like him?
I don't know... but he surely use
lots of cologne.
What? Are you telling secrets to each
other?
No... just a bet we had. Bonnie said you
surely used cologne.
Do you like what you see?
Your woman?
She's delicious.
Fifty dollars...
Excuse me? - Fifty dollars,
I'll need consolation.
But, did she say she's up to it?
That's what we were talking about
a minute ago.
Let's see... 50 dollars, 70 pesetas each...
5x7=35...
3.500 pesetas? For that money I get
a woman and champagne too.
Well, if champagne is what you're
interested in...
Ok. I don't want to discuss about
money, because I like you.
Tonight, in Madrid then. - Impossible.
We are leaving to India. - India?
But, we can't do it here, my wife is
staying in the ranch.
It's a pity... the girl really worth it.
An authentic ?made in USA? product.
But of course, with enough money
we can find a solution.
I don't have any change. - It doesn't
matter, keep it.
Please. Not a word about it, my wife
is a very jealous woman.
Let me help you. - Thanks.
Lola, they are going to India.
You got tired of Spain already?
We are going to learn meditation
with the Maharishi
- Who? - This man.
Oh, the Beatle's guru.
But what does he teaches?
Serenity. We could do it anywhere
outside the USA.
You don't like your own country?
I don't like to be forced to use a
helmet, I prefer this...
Oh, you look so much better like this.
My boy doesn't want to get killed
by a Chinese...
He doesn't like to take risks,
he's very cautious...
He's a defector!
I simply don't want to die.
May I?...
..."make love and not war"!
Today?s youth,
they don?t love their country.
Germ?n, please.
Ok, let's go for a ride now, I want to
take a look at the ranch.
I can't ride in a horse back.
- What about you?
It's been a while, but I would love to.
Did you know he jumped over the fence
and made a bullfight with our cattle?
I did it for love, only for love.
Cheer up man, if you come with
us I'll prepare a bullfight for you.
No, enough excitement for me.
I'll stay here drinking Sangria,
which is delicious by the way.
Do you have to go now?
- We'll be back really soon.
Don't drink the whole jar on your own.
Benito, prepare the horses.
Did you look at them?
How about that one?
Fantastic, What is his name?
The Czar.
He's extraordinary.
I envy him sometimes. - Why?
He is a stallion.
He has the finest linage in livestock.
When the moment's right, we
lock him up with 40 cows...
and he doesn't leave until he
had sex with all of them.
Really? Unbelievable...
That's what he is doing right now?
Why don't you use artificial
insemination? It's cheaper.
That's outrageous. Frustrate such a
noble animal like that...
Do you understand why I envy him?
For all the cows?
- No, for what he symbolizes...
The bull is a symbol for Spain.
Spain has the shape of a bull's skin
extended.
Did you notice that our language is
full of words related to bulls?
I don't know the language that well.
You want to make love to me, don't you?
Hi Benito.
I'll arrange a room for you.
- Good, go now.
You always do it here?
- Lola is extremely jealous.
Never smoke before sex, honey.
Everything is ready Don Germ?n.
Thanks a lot.
Watch your step.
How many acres has the ranch?
Acres? I don't know.
It has 6.000 hectares. How many
acres is a hectare?
No idea...
my parents gave me an awful education...
They didn't even teach me
to ride on horse...
... and that's very useful sometimes.
See that over there? - Those hills?
- Yes.
It ends over there
and in the valley on the opposite
direction. But you can't see it from here.
I would love to be a bull on this land.
Do you like it?
- You don't? Do you get bored
looking all of this?
If you are so bored why don't you
come to India with me.
That would be nice, but what about
your wife?
She is not my wife.
So, now that the marriage issue is
solved, are you coming?
I offer exciting new opportunities...
Marvelous mystic experiences...
and direct contact with the Maharishi.
Leave immediately!
- That's funny. Want to know why?
Leave before my husband returns.
Wait a minute.
What do you think your husband is
going to do when he come back?
Do you know what's he doing right now?
Yes, with Bonnie...
exactly what you are thinking.
I don't care.
Let me go or I'll scream. - No.
Not until I finish.
4.000 Pesetas, that's what he paid
for Bonnie.
Why?
Why are you telling me this?
Your husband is an imbecile.
Don't you want your revenge?
Here.
- I'm not a whore!
Neither is Bonnie!
And I don't want anything from you.
You are not my type. Can you see?
Take the blankets off.
Make him believe that we did it.
You know what I mean.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
Stay in Madrid, don't leave.
I need you.
Don't be annoying.
Please Bonnie, stay.
I never met a woman like you.
Tough luck.
Is this people Ok, with us being here?
- They don't have another choice.
They even gave us their best blanket.
Where is the bathroom.
- There isn't one.
Look...
Like it?
You can't get this in USA.
Bonnie, don't leave.
I fell in love with you.
If you stay I'll rent an apartment in
Madrid for you. - What for?
How much does he give you?
Alan... he charged me 50 dollars.
Alan charged you for this?
- Wait, you didn't know about it?
I swear to you that I'll write this
on my diary!
Alan! Alan!
This is wonderful...
... fantastic, tremendous!
I love you, I love you!
I was trying to fill up the swimming
pool.
Very good...
... It's time for you to leave now.
Lola!
Lola!
Where are you?
Oh, you are here.
I see you got that asshole off your
back.
Well done.
Such a dislikable pair...
no education...
no virtue at all.
I was thinking...
... do you hear me?
Yes.
I was thinking...
... we shouldn't send our children to
England for college.
Are you jealous? - No.
Don't be silly. She is not my type.
I took her for a ride just to be polite.
She started bothering about the bulls...
So I took her to see the bulls,
and that's it.
Lola, nothing happened... really.
How can you think I like women like that?
Can't you see those two are trash?
So... what about the children?
They can learn English right here...
and I don't want them to become
hippies like those two.
I'll tell you what we're going to do.
At the end of the month, we'll go to
London, pick up the kids...
and we'll take a vacation, all of us.
Where would you like to go?
What is that?
- That?
You gave it to her...
and he gave it to me.
I don't know what you're talking about.
We both have fun...
and for free.
You didn't!
No you didn't! - Yes I did!
No you didn't! - Yes I did!
Benito! Benito!
Alan!
Alan!
Help me.
Finish the job.
Where are we? - On the moon.
What are you laughing about?
Pinky!
What are you doing?
Bad monkey.
Let's go.
Come over here, you evil beast.
Let's go.
You shouldn't make all that noise.
Who is over there?
Charlie!
You idiot!
I'm a monk, a poor cripple.
Did you get scared?
- What do you think?
It was just a joke.
Give me a cigarette.
Nice outfit.
Do you forgive me?
Where are your binoculars?
You like spying other people, don't you?
Did you see anything?
- No...
... everybody is dead in this town.
Better that way.
But I found one interesting thing.
You did?
Julian...
and Floridita...
Do you like it?
Can I keep it?
Ask Maria, it's her's
But you paid for it, right?
No, she bought it.
Where?
In ?Tange store?.
I'll ask Charlie to take me there.
But we are not going to Madrid.
Charlie goes wherever I tell him to go.
OK, behave yourself and I'll see
what I can do.
What is that?
Take a look.
Those stains the doctors use.
It's a test.
I want to find out if I'm insane.
Only a mad man would take
a trip with the two of you.
Are we really so annoying?
Tell me what do you see in the card?
- Here?
I don't see a thing. - Nothing at all?
A couple of butterflies making love.
Two elephants making love.
Two flies making love.
A couple of octopuses... - Making love.
What did you find out?
Doctor...
you are a genius.
Does all patients fell in love
with their doctors?
Pinky come to mommy.
He is really jealous...
test him and you'll see. - Ok.
Pinky.
Julian, if I buy this town I'll make
you a teacher here
What about Maria?
She is a nice girl.
Are we leaving now?
We want to leave as soon as possible.
Is there anything wrong?
Don't you fight over this.
The only reason we are hitch-hiking
it's because we have no money.
It was a gift. Do you like it?
Very romantic.
I found a very interesting house, but it's
closed...
Would you help me to open it?
- I'm here as a tourist, nothing more.
Ok.
I'll do it on my own.
You'll break it. - So what?
Thanks.
He'll kill himself.
Who cares anyway, one less and counting.
Bravo Charlie!
Hello, champ.
Thanks Pinky.
Want a cigarette?
There are beds in here.
Does it hurt?
What's wrong? - Nothing's wrong.
Julian is coming.
Shall we make him a joke?
What if he gets angry?
No, he won't.
Julian!
Julian!
Do you like my Harem?
Not bad.
Charlie, I think it's time to go.
What's the problem if we sleep a little?
Two hours won't make any difference.
Well, but he wants to leave.
I'll give you a chance...
take your shoes off.
Come on.
The one who steps on it, decides
what we'll do.
You do not dare...
Look.
See?
Are you sure he didn't use to
work on a circus?
Wait.
Ok.
Julian, don't be stupid.
Alright then...
we both decide.
I thought he didn't know the trick.
Pinky, I am an imbecile.
Charlie.
Very nice.
I really like him...
he is so naive.
You think he knew the trick?
Yes of course.
I'm not so sure.
Should we eat one of those?
Let the art for some other moment
and help me.
Hey watch out!
Get it Charlie!
Charlie... Charlie.
Attention!
Silence!
Shut up.
Silence!
Silence!
Our new president is going to speak.
What was that Mr. President?
The president has made a new law:
Free love.
Very good.
Pinky.
Come on, put some swing into it.
Good girl.
What's wrong?
Can't you see?
See what?
I've got hurt.
Yes, in a war, you told me.
Since then...
no more, game over.
You don't believe me?
So... what was that free love thing
all about?
It's simple.
Floridita has to have her fun.
Really?
Wait. Where are you going?
Let me go.
Let me go.
Leave them alone.
Leave them alone.
41 ?C...
You shouldn't drink so much.
Leave.
Leave.
Charlie...