The Best of 'Allo 'Allo! (1994) - full transcript
Ta-da!
Ren?, champagne!
My birthday, you remembered.
But of course.
How many husbands...
...after so many years of marriage...
...would have remembered such a little thing?
All those who saw a big calendar...
...in the kitchen with a huge cross...
...on the date and the words,...
..."do not forget, it is today".
You have bought for me...
...the finest champagne in the house.
How can I ever thank you?
You could pay for it out of the housekeeping.
Ah, I ordered it as a nice surprise for myself.
35!
Waiter, you have brought the wrong one!
No! This is the cake.
I knocked off the years of the war.
You also knocked off World War I and the Crimea.
I am still younger than you.
Well, happy birthday, anyway.
Are you going to say that which you always say?
Dear ?dith,...
...you have never looked lovelier...
...for ages and ages...
...and ages.
The strain of the war years...
...took a terrible toll on my youthful looks.
Ah, the war years.
Do you know, ?dith, I sometimes think...
...I can hear the rumble of Lieutenant Gr?ber's...
...little tank across these very cobblestones.
It was a terrible time for everybody.
Particularly me.
How did we get involved in the Resistance...
- ...in the first place?
- Heaven knows.
I did not want to.
It all started with that message...
...you gave me from Michelle.
Ren?, the messenger has just been, Monsieur LeClerc,...
...the forger will be here any minute.
What? Well, how will we recognize him?
He will come to the bar and order a cognac.
He will then ask for a light... you will say you have no matches...
...then he will reveal himself.
Cognac... light... no matches.
Good! I will stay here in case he arrives.
Should I sing another song?
No!
We're in enough trouble already.
Hans, you see that Officer there? I do not recognize him.
Perhaps he's on leave from the Russian Front?
That's what they all say.
Watch him. He could be attached to Intelligence.
If he finds out we've been putting a little away for a rainy day,...
...things could get very difficult for us.
Perhaps we should move the silver and the paintings?
Never mention the silver and the paintings!
Ahh! Herr Patron, may an old man sing a few songs...
...for your customers?
No.
Oh, please. I am an old soldier. No money, no pension.
Oh, all right, one song only, then on your way, eh?
Good evening, Herr Lieutenant. What is your pleasure?
I would like a cognac, if you please?
Maria, cognac for the Officer.
If you would like to, eh...
Why not, why not?
L... I... I expect you would like a light?
Thank you, you're very kind.
I have no matches.
Then why do you ask me if I would like a light?
I'm very sorry.
If you have no matches...
...if you have no matches, take mine. I have a spare box.
Are you one of them?
Well, it... it was very lonely on the Russian front.
- Well?
- A cognac, if you please?
Maria, a cognac.
Do you have a light?
What do you want a light for? I just lit it.
Well, I don't want a light, I just wondered... if he had a light.
I have no matches.
I've just given you some matches!
These are your matches! They're not my matches.
Is he one of us?
No, he's one of them!
Please do not tell everybody!
Poor Lieutenant Gr?ber,...
...he was never cut out for the military life.
None of them were.
They were just ordinary Germans...
...trying to behave like soldiers.
Except that Herr Flick of the Gestapo.
Even the Colonel and the Captain were frightened of him.
That's because they had been stealing things from the ch?teau.
They were only trying to provide for themselves after the war.
It was stealing, just the same.
It is not much to look at, Herr Colonel?
Hans, you ignorant peasant,...
...this is probably the first cuckoo clock ever made.
Absolutely priceless. And this...
...this is "The Fallen Madonna" by van Klomp.
It will fetch a fortune after the war.
Is it wise to have it in your office?
Who will see it, apart from Helga?
Come to think of it... it looks a little like Helga.
You too?
Is this the office of Colonel von Strohm?
Yes. Have you an appointment?
My name is Otto Flick, Gestapo.
Ah, you don't need an appointment.
I will tell the Colonel that you're here.
Stop! Your top button is undone.
Yes, Herr Flick.
Attend to it.
Yes, Herr Flick.
Colonel, a man from the Gestapo is here to see you.
Gestapo?!?!?!
Did he say what for?
No, but he notices everything.
Keep him busy for a minute.
Colonel... in the drawer!
- Quick Hans, the clock!
- The clock!
Herr Colonel, Herr Otto Flick.
Heil Hitler!
- Heil Hitler.
- Klup!
This is my assistant, Captain Hans Geering.
He seems very young to be here,...
...why is he not at the front?
He has many medical problems.
My orders are directly from Berlin, from the F?hrer, himself.
The Ch?teau Fontenac is in your district.
It has come to his attention that in the Fontenac collection...
...is "The Fallen Madonna" by van Klomp.
The F?hrer would like this for his collection.
But I have bad news.
When I visited the ch?teau, it had already been taken away.
Along with one or two other... valuable pieces.
It is the French. They pinch everything.
I shall remain in the district until it is found.
You will instigate searches immediately.
Very good, Herr Flick
You will report progress tomorrow at... what time shall we say?
Five o'clock, Herr Flick?
Very well, at five o'clock tomorrow.
Everyone was keeping secrets from everyone else.
Half the time I did not know what was happening.
That Michelle, she made everything so complicated.
And she said things only once.
And expected us to remember them.
Listen very carefully,...
...I shall say this only once.
Listen very carefully, I will say this only once
Listen very carefully,...
...I shall say this only once.
Listen very carefully,...
...I shall say this only once.
Ren?...
...there is no brie.
I ate it last night.
Listen, I shall say this only once...
Ren?...
...the German Officers cannot stay in the room of my mother.
London will be calling on the radio.
The radio is under her bed...
...and the loudspeaker is in her chamber.
If the Germans hear a voice coming from her chamberpot,...
...our cover will be blown.
Shut up!
Michelle has something to tell us.
Listen very carefully,...
...I shall say this only once.
What is it you are going to say?
I haven't said it yet.
If you listen, I will tell you.
The suspense is killing me.
The two British airmen...
...wearing the German uniforms...
...have been captured.
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
Will nobody believe this woman?
Dear Michelle, how dedicated she was.
And what stupid plans she had.
What about when she made Maria...
...dress as a small boy,...
...just to run an errand?
Ah yes, Maria.
That poor simple peasant girl.
She had a lot on her shoulders.
She had a lot hanging between them.
Little George, my nephew.
Well, it's good to see you again, lad.
I have what you want right in here.
Y-yeah. Good boy, good boy.
Now take that basket...
...full of your school books,...
...and put it in the back room.
For you, uncle, anything.
Ooh!
Heh heh.
That boy is very well built.
Yeah, it is my wife's cooking.
Why is he wearing stockings and suspenders?
We have many problems with him.
Of course that was the time...
...Maria went to get the homing pigeons.
And for heaven's sake, put on a dress.
That German Lieutenant thinks I'm like that...
- You, of all people?
- Yes.
- Don't move.
- Aah!
Lock the door.
Are we alone?
Well, unless you count the three of us, yes.
Have you found the British with the uniforms?
We found them, but they ran away.
- Do you have the pigeons?
- Yes.
Good, I have here the cylinder to attach to their legs.
Do you have the measurements of the German Officers?
Oh, yes. I've got them here.
Good. Maria, you will put this in here...
...and clip it to the leg of one of the pigeons.
You, Ren?, will write a description...
...of the uniforms we require.
Here is the paper supplied with the cylinder.
What shall I say?
"To London, please supply urgently,...
...by parachute drop at your earliest convenience,...
...German uniforms as follows:...
...one Colonel in research Regiment...
- ...with the following medals..."
- Ju... ju... just...
...a moment, please!
How am I supposed to get all that...
...on this little bit of paper?
With very small writing.
It was all so confusing...
...having girls dressed as boys.
Even the Gestapo dressed as onion sellers.
Do you know, I always thought that Herr Flick...
...liked dressing up for its own sake.
From time to time, it is necessary...
...for the Gestapo to have many disguises.
Bring me the two hangers on the extreme right.
Yes, Herr Flick.
These are the clothes of onion sellers.
We will disguise ourselves and return to the Caf?.
Do you think they will fit?
There's only one way to find out.
Take off your uniform.
Yes, Herr Flick.
We will observe the normal proprieties.
I will change behind this screen.
Continue to take off your uniform.
Herr Flick,...
...I hope you do not disapprove...
...of my choice of undergarments.
Not at all.
Such things are very popular in Berlin these days.
Have some of my birthday cake.
Do not cut the 35.
I could not swallow that.
You know,...
...sometimes I miss the excitement.
You miss the excitement?
You were never arrested and taken in chains...
...for interrogation.
Bring him inside!
Right, you are dismissed.
Ren?, my old friend, take a chair.
Make yourself comfortable.
You are most kind.
After all, we are all in this together.
I think some of us are in a little deeper.
Can we not get rid of these things now?
Not until I've signed the release form.
I have a pen in my pocket, here.
Ren?, we must proceed cautiously.
This morning already I have signed...
...for the release of your wife and mother-in-law.
- And Yvette.
- And Yvette.
He signed hers first.
Shut up, Hans!
We have to show someone to General von Klinkerhoffen.
What happens when he has seen me?
We will tell him you are a very small potato,...
...and that we are going to shoot you or something...
...or hand you over to the Gestapo.
And then he will go away. And all will be well.
I expect you feel very relieved.
Up to a point, yes.
General von Klinkerhoffen is here.
Von Klinkerhoffen... is here!
Ah!
Quiet, Hans.
Ren?, my friend, we may have to insult you a little,...
...call you pig and dog and that sort of thing.
Dear Colonel, feel free.
General von Klinkerhoffen!
Heil Hitler.
- Heil Hitler.
- Klup!
So this is the ringleader.
No, the ringleader escaped.
This is just a poor, unfortunate peasant...
...who was dragged in against his will.
What he says is perfectly true.
I am a small potato.
Silence, you dog!
Pig!
I will talk with him.
What are the names of the other men...
...in the plot to blow up my train?
Let me think. There was...
He doesn't know. We've been through all that.
Pig!
He knows nothing.
I think we should release him.
I do not agree.
I think he should be executed as an example.
Don't you think that is a little drastic, Colonel?
Quiet, hyena.
I must remember that.
You will be shot at dawn.
Of course.
I will supervise it personally.
Good. How does 7:00 suit you?
Later would be better for me.
Quiet, pig dog!
Hyena.
Frog face.
I shall be there to see it done.
Heil Hitler.
- Heil Hitler.
- Klup.
That was a terrible time.
Well, the Captain and the Colonel...
...were very kind.
They shot you with wooden bullets.
Yes, but I did know that when the guns went bang.
I had to pretend to be dead.
And then I had to be my own twin brother...
...and attend my own funeral.
Lieutenant Gr?ber was very upset.
I do not think he ever got over it.
He even came to put flowers...
...on your grave.
Yes, unfortunately,...
...the new radio telescopic mast...
...was concealed beneath the tombstone.
- Ah!
- Have we been seen?
No, the coast is clear. Press the cherub's buzzer.
Quick, into the crypt.
- Churchyards are very spooky, are they not?
- Yes.
There was a strange chill.
I feel the presence of Ren?'s twin brother most strongly.
Let us quickly place the flowers on his tomb,...
...and return to the warmth of our quarters.
I think it is just over there.
- Well, it is time.
- She is not here. We can go now.
Monsieur Ren?, for the honor of France,...
...I must try to recall the correct procedure.
Yes. Here. You keep the microphone.
Now I will turn on the transmitter,...
...Madame ?dith will operate the switch.
Out of the way, Ren?.
First the left.
There it is. I feel his presence even more strongly.
Now the other one.
Oh! Oh! What is that? Ah-hhh! Stop that!
Ren?, forgive me.
You are forgiven, my son.
The trouble we had with that radio.
And the trouble we had with the aerial.
What about the time when we flew it...
...at the end of a kite?
One, two, "throo", go!
Faster! Faster!
- I am going as fast as I can!
- Faster!
Oh, well done, Ren?!
Let out the line!
Already I am hearing the crackling.
'Allo, London. 'Allo, London.
This is Nighthawk calling London.
The wind, it is very strong up there.
It is slipping through my hands!
Get it up higher! Get it up higher!
It is burning my fingers, l cannot...
Ah!
'Allo? 'Allo, London. 'Allo, London.
This is Mrs Nighthawk calling London.
You have gone very faint.
God! We have lost our new waitress.
And good staff are so difficult to find.
Quick! Follow that "nin"!
Oh! Of course...
...there was the policeman.
Good "moaning".
I would offer you a cognac, Officer,...
...but I know you are not allowed to drink on duty, so, goodbye.
I have come to express my "regrots"...
...for the "bills" up, last night.
Yes, well, there will be an even bigger...
..."bills" up this "moaning" if you do not go away.
I have good "nose".
Yes, yes, you are very handsome,...
...now, please go.
My "nose" is as follows,...
...the "troon" carrying the sausage...
...has been "bummed" by the R. A. F.
"Bummed" by the R. A. F.?
"Bummed" by the R. A. F.?
What have the naughty R. A. F. been up to now?
They have bombed an ammunition train.
Did they destroy it?
There were little "pisses" all over the track.
What for are you lightning a cigar?
You have no self-control.
You said you would give them up.
Give them up? I gave them up for five years...
...after disguising myself as a French General...
...with a false nose made of plastic explosive...
...with the wick up my nostril.
General!
General Aznavour.
What a pleasure to see you.
You must come and join us at the table.
Take wine.
It is such a pleasure to have you on our side.
No, I am sorry, I cannot, Colonel.
I have an urgent appointment...
...to do some collaborating.
Nonsense!
Gr?ber, a chair for the General.
Champagne for the General!
General Aznavour,...
...a word in your ear.
Your nose is squashed.
Oh my god!
It is Ren?!
What are you doing?
I am trying to escape.
Please, do not give me away.
Of course I will not,...
...but you must get out of here quickly.
The plan you outlined,...
...that plan you outlined at the conference...
...was very interesting.
Colonel,...
...it is Ren? under an assumed nose.
My god, what a hooter!
Excuse me, it is tickling.
Achoo!
Ren?,...
...listen closely.
We must hide you.
You must remain in his quarters...
...until the real French General has been found.
Flick will get a confession out of him,...
...whether he is guilty or not.
Meanwhile,...
...you must help us to recover the paintings.
Ren?,...
...your nose is smoldering.
Quick, it is plastic explosive!
Oh my god!
Aaahh!
That was enough to make anybody give up,...
...you and your disguises.
That was a very narrow squeak.
You cannot imagine how I suffered, ?dith.
Life was so dangerous.
And so embarrassing.
Poor Lieutenant Gr?ber,...
...when they penetrated them, he never gave you away.
But once or twice I gave him the wrong idea.
Those eyes... they look very familiar.
Particularly that one.
I am trying very hard not to be familiar, Monsieur.
You are a relation of Ren?, who works behind the bar.
Very distant.
You have... very hairy legs.
They run in the family.
Ren?, it is you!
Please Lieutenant, do not give me away.
Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.
No, no, you do not understand.
Yes, I do!
I had an uncle with the same leanings.
Every Shrove Tuesday, he would dress up as a pancake girl.
I suppose you think I am a coward.
On the contrary.
I think it takes great courage to come into the open and dress that way.
Oh my god, Germans! Coming to this table!
Don't worry, I will cover.
- Mademoiselle, a dance?
- What? Oh, well, no, I'm not very good.
Don't worry, I will lead.
- Are they watching us?
- Don't worry. Just be normal.
I am doing my best.
We'll do a few more bars,...
...then I will put you in my little tank and take you to my place until it dies down.
Psst! Ren?!
- Lieutenant, do you feather?
- Of course.
Mind you, I would rather deal with the Germans...
...than with the Communist Resistance.
When I was disguised as a German General,...
...I very nearly lost everything.
What do you think they are going to do to us, Ren??
Well, they hate Germans.
They will probably shoot us.
Yes, if they find out I am Ren? from the Caf?...
...they will also shoot us.
We have got to get out of here.
Can you not wriggle out of your bonds or something?
I am trying, I am trying.
But I have an idea.
What?
I think I can reach the saw.
If I can switch on the motor,...
...maybe I can cut the bonds that bind my wrists.
Good, but be careful not to cut yourself.
There is a red button, and a green button.
Well, press the green button.
Green.
You see it works! It works!
Good. Go on.
Go on.
I cannot reach the blade.
Well, press that red button...
...and switch it off before anybody hears us.
Ah!
No!
No, switch it off! Switch it off!
I'm trying,...
...but I am losing the feeling in my fingers.
What do you think I am going to be losing?
Press the button!
Press the button!
- I am trying!
- Press the button!
Thank heaven.
Now do not touch anything else.
Ah!
Help! Help!
Do not shout. Switch it off.
Switch it off. Switch it off.
Ah!
Please no! Switch...
...the red button, the...
...Monsieur LeClerc, Monsieur...
Ah, no.
Ah!
So,...
...rather than talk to me...
...you are trying to commit suicide.
I wish I had not remembered that.
Even the servant girls cried when they knew...
...how near to disaster you came.
Ah, the dear girls.
Oh, they were so loyal.
I shall never forgive myself for suspecting...
...that you were having an affair with them.
Were you?
?dith...
...would I lie to you?
- Oh, Maria!
- Oh, Ren?!
Oh, my little cabbage!
My little bean shoot!
My big cucumber!
Oh, you have no idea...
...what the feel of your firm...
...young body does to me.
Yes, I have.
Hold me forever.
- Oh!
- Oh!
What were you saying to Yvette?
Nothing! Nothing, nothing.
No, she is nothing to me.
You are my only true love.
But how long can we keep our affair secret from your wife?
As long as my hearing is good...
...and my reactions are quick.
Oh, Ren?,...
...promise me that nothing...
...will ever come between us.
I am doing my best.
Oh, Ren?!
Oh, Yvette!
Can you feel my little heart pounding and pounding?
I can hear it.
Ren?.
Oh.
Is the coast clear?
We are fifty miles from the coast,...
...how would I know?
Something very important has just come up.
How long have you been out there?
Crush my lips with your lips.
Do all those things you do that drive me crazy...
...with raging desire.
Maria, we are only in the broom cupboard.
Oh, Ren?!
Ren?? Ren??
Ren?!
What are you doing in the broom cupboard with Maria?
You stupid woman.
It is quite obvious what I am doing...
...in the broom cupboard with Maria.
You know you do not like me...
...telling off the staff in front of customers.
I... I... I was... I was just...
...reprimanding her in here.
So the next time a customer calls,...
...you come running, hmm?
Yes, Ren?
And that is the last time I shall tell you this.
Very likely.
Ah, Maria was very difficult to replace.
Practically impossible.
Miss Vend?me, what is your experience?
Until recently I worked in a circus.
I can ride a one-wheeled bicycle.
Very handy for errands, ?dith.
I can do also the acrobatic.
It would be good for dusting under the bed, ?dith.
Oh, the best yet.
I also have a beautiful singing voice and I do cabaret.
So do I.
Next, please.
And then we found Mimi.
She got to work right away.
She was up before anybody else.
Yes, I remember it well.
Please, Ren?, let me in.
Go away. Think of my wife.
She is in the kitchen.
There is a key under the mat.
Ren?!
Aaah!
Ren?, why are you trying to avoid me?
We... I... I just thought we...
...I thought we might work up to this point.
You know, a romantic stroll...
...down lovers' lane,...
...a furtive glance in church,...
...a quick peek at you having a bath...
...through the keyhole.
Oh, Ren?.
Now that we are together,...
...let me do something to make you feel...
...warm and wonderful.
Well,...
...you can fill my hot water bottle.
With everything that was happening,...
...it is surprising that Mamma lasted as long as she did.
Well, at least life was never dull for her.
If you ask me, it was sex that kept her going.
How dare you say that about my mother?
Hello Mamma. It is I, little ?dith.
What are you doing in the bed of my mother?
Uh, well, er...
...we were childhood sweethearts.
She was my love,...
...but I thought I had lost it.
Now, once again,...
...he has found it.
The knobs... the flashing knobs!
- What?
- Aah!
What is this old bat...
...doing in my bed?
This old bat is hiding...
...from the Gestapo.
Gestapo!
What are you doing in the bed of my mother?
When I climbed through the "droon" "poop"...
...in the prisoner of war "comp",...
...I "slopped" and "bonged" my "hod".
Your "mither" allowed me to lay on her "bod"...
...so I could have a bit of "rist".
That was good for me, Fanny.
How was it for you?
Of course, Monsieur LeClerc...
...was the biggest thing in her life.
That was never proved.
What a master of disguise he was.
Yes, indeed. It sometimes took me...
...more than two seconds to recognise him.
Psst,...
...it is I, LeClerc.
Good evening all.
Oh my god.
Ah, Officer. Welcome to my humble Caf?.
Psst.
It is I, LeClerc.
Big ones, small ones.
Some as big as your head...
Shut up! Come here.
Ah, patron.
You are Ren? Artois?
- I am.
- Psst.
It is I, LeClerc.
Ah. Ha ha.
It is I, LeClerc.
This one is leaky.
I beg your "piddin"?
Do not inhale the gas.
No, I will do my best.
Now you give it to me before we get us all shot.
The gas affects the voice, see?
It tightens the vocal chords.
Yes, thank you, Algerian marrow seller,...
...be on your way.
Algerian marrows!
Who'd like to buy Algerian marrows?
Poor Monsieur LeClerc.
Mamma finally married him.
I never thought he would get his courage up.
Even that was amazing at his age.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered together to join...
...this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
Not yet, Monsieur.
He cannot stand.
Do you, Ernest "Dipstick" LeClerc,...
...take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
He does.
Do you, Fanny "Now-you-see-it, now-you-do-not" Lafanne,...
...take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?
She does as well.
Then I pronounce you man and wife.
Now you can get into bed.
Wake up, Mamma.
- What?
- You are now man and wife.
- He has done it.
- When?
While you were asleep.
That is Ernest all over.
Always the impatient one.
Mamma was in such an hurry to get married.
I suppose it was the war.
All the time,...
...everybody had sex on their mind...
...at least.
Nearly everybody.
The moment they thought that I was dead...
...and I had to pretend to be my own twin brother,...
...that old undertaker was round here to propose to you.
Oh, dear Monsieur Alfonse.
And now, Monsieur,...
...I believe you are the next of kin...
...and guardian of this enchanting lady.
Therefore, you will wish to know...
...what I have to offer.
Yes, what does an old undertaker have to offer?
Now, Monsieur,...
...I have two hearses and four horses.
Four horses, Ren?!
He should have good rhubarb.
I have 26 marble angels,...
...12 concrete cherubs,...
...100 weight of assorted handles...
...and eight gallons of embalming fluids. Cheers!
It sounds a very good business, Ren?.
Who could refuse a man with all those coffins...
...and eight gallons of embalming fluids?
I should also mention,...
...I have a small hearse with a smaller horse.
Very handy for shopping.
And where is your house?
My house.
I have a spacious apartment...
...equipped with every luxury.
And where is this apartment?
Over the mortuary.
It was furnished by my late wife...
...who was taken suddenly in the night.
Well, at least she did not have far to go.
Of course, I realize, beautiful lady,...
...that you have the pick of the town.
That you also have younger suitors,...
...more...
..."active" suitors.
But believe me,...
...in spite of my years,...
...I am still fit enough to bang...
...thank you!... a coffin together...
...in the toughest wood.
I also have driving ambition.
One day,...
...I aim to have a little...
...crematorium of my own.
I am going to be a nervous wreck in a minute.
I realize, of course, that you cannot come...
...to a decision at this moment.
Anyway, it is time I went,...
...as I am due to lay the widow Montcl?re...
...out in half an hour.
It even affected Herr Flick of the Gestapo.
How madly in love...
...he was with Private Helga.
Not that he showed anything in public.
One tried not to, in those days.
I am forcing the rubber pipe over the nipple.
How fortunate that you are here, Herr Flick.
I have no experience of this sort of thing.
It would be beyond your capabilities. It is stiff and hard.
It is done. Now, I will watch the gauge. You will pump.
Place your feet in the stirrups.
Bend over.
It is more effective if you grip it firmly with both hands.
Now... pull! Thrust!
Pull! Thrust! Pull! Thrust!
Faster! Faster!
Pull! Thrust! Pull! Thrust!
Thrust! Thrust! Thrust!
It is building up! Thrust! Thrust!
Thrust! Thrust! We are nearly there!
Pull! Thrust! Pull! Thrust!
I cannot keep it up much longer!
You must! Thrust! Thrust! Pull! Thrust!
I am pulling and thrusting, Herr Flick!
Stop! Stop!
Was that all right?
For me, excellent. How about you?
Exhausting. But very exciting.
- Was this your first time?
- Yes.
Never before has one gone flat on me.
Dear Ren?, so many memories.
If we had a candle for every memory,...
...what a big cake we would need.
You would be pushing it a bit...
...with one for every year.
But here we are, ?dith,...
...still together all this time later.
Dear Ren?,...
...we have had our ups and downs,...
...but you have always provided...
...the music in my life.
I love you as I've never loved before...
Loved before.
...since first I met you on the village green.
Village green.
Come to me ere my dream of life is o'er.
Life is o'er.
I love you as I loved you...
...when you were sweet...
...when we were sweet...
...sixteen.
Ren?, champagne!
My birthday, you remembered.
But of course.
How many husbands...
...after so many years of marriage...
...would have remembered such a little thing?
All those who saw a big calendar...
...in the kitchen with a huge cross...
...on the date and the words,...
..."do not forget, it is today".
You have bought for me...
...the finest champagne in the house.
How can I ever thank you?
You could pay for it out of the housekeeping.
Ah, I ordered it as a nice surprise for myself.
35!
Waiter, you have brought the wrong one!
No! This is the cake.
I knocked off the years of the war.
You also knocked off World War I and the Crimea.
I am still younger than you.
Well, happy birthday, anyway.
Are you going to say that which you always say?
Dear ?dith,...
...you have never looked lovelier...
...for ages and ages...
...and ages.
The strain of the war years...
...took a terrible toll on my youthful looks.
Ah, the war years.
Do you know, ?dith, I sometimes think...
...I can hear the rumble of Lieutenant Gr?ber's...
...little tank across these very cobblestones.
It was a terrible time for everybody.
Particularly me.
How did we get involved in the Resistance...
- ...in the first place?
- Heaven knows.
I did not want to.
It all started with that message...
...you gave me from Michelle.
Ren?, the messenger has just been, Monsieur LeClerc,...
...the forger will be here any minute.
What? Well, how will we recognize him?
He will come to the bar and order a cognac.
He will then ask for a light... you will say you have no matches...
...then he will reveal himself.
Cognac... light... no matches.
Good! I will stay here in case he arrives.
Should I sing another song?
No!
We're in enough trouble already.
Hans, you see that Officer there? I do not recognize him.
Perhaps he's on leave from the Russian Front?
That's what they all say.
Watch him. He could be attached to Intelligence.
If he finds out we've been putting a little away for a rainy day,...
...things could get very difficult for us.
Perhaps we should move the silver and the paintings?
Never mention the silver and the paintings!
Ahh! Herr Patron, may an old man sing a few songs...
...for your customers?
No.
Oh, please. I am an old soldier. No money, no pension.
Oh, all right, one song only, then on your way, eh?
Good evening, Herr Lieutenant. What is your pleasure?
I would like a cognac, if you please?
Maria, cognac for the Officer.
If you would like to, eh...
Why not, why not?
L... I... I expect you would like a light?
Thank you, you're very kind.
I have no matches.
Then why do you ask me if I would like a light?
I'm very sorry.
If you have no matches...
...if you have no matches, take mine. I have a spare box.
Are you one of them?
Well, it... it was very lonely on the Russian front.
- Well?
- A cognac, if you please?
Maria, a cognac.
Do you have a light?
What do you want a light for? I just lit it.
Well, I don't want a light, I just wondered... if he had a light.
I have no matches.
I've just given you some matches!
These are your matches! They're not my matches.
Is he one of us?
No, he's one of them!
Please do not tell everybody!
Poor Lieutenant Gr?ber,...
...he was never cut out for the military life.
None of them were.
They were just ordinary Germans...
...trying to behave like soldiers.
Except that Herr Flick of the Gestapo.
Even the Colonel and the Captain were frightened of him.
That's because they had been stealing things from the ch?teau.
They were only trying to provide for themselves after the war.
It was stealing, just the same.
It is not much to look at, Herr Colonel?
Hans, you ignorant peasant,...
...this is probably the first cuckoo clock ever made.
Absolutely priceless. And this...
...this is "The Fallen Madonna" by van Klomp.
It will fetch a fortune after the war.
Is it wise to have it in your office?
Who will see it, apart from Helga?
Come to think of it... it looks a little like Helga.
You too?
Is this the office of Colonel von Strohm?
Yes. Have you an appointment?
My name is Otto Flick, Gestapo.
Ah, you don't need an appointment.
I will tell the Colonel that you're here.
Stop! Your top button is undone.
Yes, Herr Flick.
Attend to it.
Yes, Herr Flick.
Colonel, a man from the Gestapo is here to see you.
Gestapo?!?!?!
Did he say what for?
No, but he notices everything.
Keep him busy for a minute.
Colonel... in the drawer!
- Quick Hans, the clock!
- The clock!
Herr Colonel, Herr Otto Flick.
Heil Hitler!
- Heil Hitler.
- Klup!
This is my assistant, Captain Hans Geering.
He seems very young to be here,...
...why is he not at the front?
He has many medical problems.
My orders are directly from Berlin, from the F?hrer, himself.
The Ch?teau Fontenac is in your district.
It has come to his attention that in the Fontenac collection...
...is "The Fallen Madonna" by van Klomp.
The F?hrer would like this for his collection.
But I have bad news.
When I visited the ch?teau, it had already been taken away.
Along with one or two other... valuable pieces.
It is the French. They pinch everything.
I shall remain in the district until it is found.
You will instigate searches immediately.
Very good, Herr Flick
You will report progress tomorrow at... what time shall we say?
Five o'clock, Herr Flick?
Very well, at five o'clock tomorrow.
Everyone was keeping secrets from everyone else.
Half the time I did not know what was happening.
That Michelle, she made everything so complicated.
And she said things only once.
And expected us to remember them.
Listen very carefully,...
...I shall say this only once.
Listen very carefully, I will say this only once
Listen very carefully,...
...I shall say this only once.
Listen very carefully,...
...I shall say this only once.
Ren?...
...there is no brie.
I ate it last night.
Listen, I shall say this only once...
Ren?...
...the German Officers cannot stay in the room of my mother.
London will be calling on the radio.
The radio is under her bed...
...and the loudspeaker is in her chamber.
If the Germans hear a voice coming from her chamberpot,...
...our cover will be blown.
Shut up!
Michelle has something to tell us.
Listen very carefully,...
...I shall say this only once.
What is it you are going to say?
I haven't said it yet.
If you listen, I will tell you.
The suspense is killing me.
The two British airmen...
...wearing the German uniforms...
...have been captured.
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes!
Will nobody believe this woman?
Dear Michelle, how dedicated she was.
And what stupid plans she had.
What about when she made Maria...
...dress as a small boy,...
...just to run an errand?
Ah yes, Maria.
That poor simple peasant girl.
She had a lot on her shoulders.
She had a lot hanging between them.
Little George, my nephew.
Well, it's good to see you again, lad.
I have what you want right in here.
Y-yeah. Good boy, good boy.
Now take that basket...
...full of your school books,...
...and put it in the back room.
For you, uncle, anything.
Ooh!
Heh heh.
That boy is very well built.
Yeah, it is my wife's cooking.
Why is he wearing stockings and suspenders?
We have many problems with him.
Of course that was the time...
...Maria went to get the homing pigeons.
And for heaven's sake, put on a dress.
That German Lieutenant thinks I'm like that...
- You, of all people?
- Yes.
- Don't move.
- Aah!
Lock the door.
Are we alone?
Well, unless you count the three of us, yes.
Have you found the British with the uniforms?
We found them, but they ran away.
- Do you have the pigeons?
- Yes.
Good, I have here the cylinder to attach to their legs.
Do you have the measurements of the German Officers?
Oh, yes. I've got them here.
Good. Maria, you will put this in here...
...and clip it to the leg of one of the pigeons.
You, Ren?, will write a description...
...of the uniforms we require.
Here is the paper supplied with the cylinder.
What shall I say?
"To London, please supply urgently,...
...by parachute drop at your earliest convenience,...
...German uniforms as follows:...
...one Colonel in research Regiment...
- ...with the following medals..."
- Ju... ju... just...
...a moment, please!
How am I supposed to get all that...
...on this little bit of paper?
With very small writing.
It was all so confusing...
...having girls dressed as boys.
Even the Gestapo dressed as onion sellers.
Do you know, I always thought that Herr Flick...
...liked dressing up for its own sake.
From time to time, it is necessary...
...for the Gestapo to have many disguises.
Bring me the two hangers on the extreme right.
Yes, Herr Flick.
These are the clothes of onion sellers.
We will disguise ourselves and return to the Caf?.
Do you think they will fit?
There's only one way to find out.
Take off your uniform.
Yes, Herr Flick.
We will observe the normal proprieties.
I will change behind this screen.
Continue to take off your uniform.
Herr Flick,...
...I hope you do not disapprove...
...of my choice of undergarments.
Not at all.
Such things are very popular in Berlin these days.
Have some of my birthday cake.
Do not cut the 35.
I could not swallow that.
You know,...
...sometimes I miss the excitement.
You miss the excitement?
You were never arrested and taken in chains...
...for interrogation.
Bring him inside!
Right, you are dismissed.
Ren?, my old friend, take a chair.
Make yourself comfortable.
You are most kind.
After all, we are all in this together.
I think some of us are in a little deeper.
Can we not get rid of these things now?
Not until I've signed the release form.
I have a pen in my pocket, here.
Ren?, we must proceed cautiously.
This morning already I have signed...
...for the release of your wife and mother-in-law.
- And Yvette.
- And Yvette.
He signed hers first.
Shut up, Hans!
We have to show someone to General von Klinkerhoffen.
What happens when he has seen me?
We will tell him you are a very small potato,...
...and that we are going to shoot you or something...
...or hand you over to the Gestapo.
And then he will go away. And all will be well.
I expect you feel very relieved.
Up to a point, yes.
General von Klinkerhoffen is here.
Von Klinkerhoffen... is here!
Ah!
Quiet, Hans.
Ren?, my friend, we may have to insult you a little,...
...call you pig and dog and that sort of thing.
Dear Colonel, feel free.
General von Klinkerhoffen!
Heil Hitler.
- Heil Hitler.
- Klup!
So this is the ringleader.
No, the ringleader escaped.
This is just a poor, unfortunate peasant...
...who was dragged in against his will.
What he says is perfectly true.
I am a small potato.
Silence, you dog!
Pig!
I will talk with him.
What are the names of the other men...
...in the plot to blow up my train?
Let me think. There was...
He doesn't know. We've been through all that.
Pig!
He knows nothing.
I think we should release him.
I do not agree.
I think he should be executed as an example.
Don't you think that is a little drastic, Colonel?
Quiet, hyena.
I must remember that.
You will be shot at dawn.
Of course.
I will supervise it personally.
Good. How does 7:00 suit you?
Later would be better for me.
Quiet, pig dog!
Hyena.
Frog face.
I shall be there to see it done.
Heil Hitler.
- Heil Hitler.
- Klup.
That was a terrible time.
Well, the Captain and the Colonel...
...were very kind.
They shot you with wooden bullets.
Yes, but I did know that when the guns went bang.
I had to pretend to be dead.
And then I had to be my own twin brother...
...and attend my own funeral.
Lieutenant Gr?ber was very upset.
I do not think he ever got over it.
He even came to put flowers...
...on your grave.
Yes, unfortunately,...
...the new radio telescopic mast...
...was concealed beneath the tombstone.
- Ah!
- Have we been seen?
No, the coast is clear. Press the cherub's buzzer.
Quick, into the crypt.
- Churchyards are very spooky, are they not?
- Yes.
There was a strange chill.
I feel the presence of Ren?'s twin brother most strongly.
Let us quickly place the flowers on his tomb,...
...and return to the warmth of our quarters.
I think it is just over there.
- Well, it is time.
- She is not here. We can go now.
Monsieur Ren?, for the honor of France,...
...I must try to recall the correct procedure.
Yes. Here. You keep the microphone.
Now I will turn on the transmitter,...
...Madame ?dith will operate the switch.
Out of the way, Ren?.
First the left.
There it is. I feel his presence even more strongly.
Now the other one.
Oh! Oh! What is that? Ah-hhh! Stop that!
Ren?, forgive me.
You are forgiven, my son.
The trouble we had with that radio.
And the trouble we had with the aerial.
What about the time when we flew it...
...at the end of a kite?
One, two, "throo", go!
Faster! Faster!
- I am going as fast as I can!
- Faster!
Oh, well done, Ren?!
Let out the line!
Already I am hearing the crackling.
'Allo, London. 'Allo, London.
This is Nighthawk calling London.
The wind, it is very strong up there.
It is slipping through my hands!
Get it up higher! Get it up higher!
It is burning my fingers, l cannot...
Ah!
'Allo? 'Allo, London. 'Allo, London.
This is Mrs Nighthawk calling London.
You have gone very faint.
God! We have lost our new waitress.
And good staff are so difficult to find.
Quick! Follow that "nin"!
Oh! Of course...
...there was the policeman.
Good "moaning".
I would offer you a cognac, Officer,...
...but I know you are not allowed to drink on duty, so, goodbye.
I have come to express my "regrots"...
...for the "bills" up, last night.
Yes, well, there will be an even bigger...
..."bills" up this "moaning" if you do not go away.
I have good "nose".
Yes, yes, you are very handsome,...
...now, please go.
My "nose" is as follows,...
...the "troon" carrying the sausage...
...has been "bummed" by the R. A. F.
"Bummed" by the R. A. F.?
"Bummed" by the R. A. F.?
What have the naughty R. A. F. been up to now?
They have bombed an ammunition train.
Did they destroy it?
There were little "pisses" all over the track.
What for are you lightning a cigar?
You have no self-control.
You said you would give them up.
Give them up? I gave them up for five years...
...after disguising myself as a French General...
...with a false nose made of plastic explosive...
...with the wick up my nostril.
General!
General Aznavour.
What a pleasure to see you.
You must come and join us at the table.
Take wine.
It is such a pleasure to have you on our side.
No, I am sorry, I cannot, Colonel.
I have an urgent appointment...
...to do some collaborating.
Nonsense!
Gr?ber, a chair for the General.
Champagne for the General!
General Aznavour,...
...a word in your ear.
Your nose is squashed.
Oh my god!
It is Ren?!
What are you doing?
I am trying to escape.
Please, do not give me away.
Of course I will not,...
...but you must get out of here quickly.
The plan you outlined,...
...that plan you outlined at the conference...
...was very interesting.
Colonel,...
...it is Ren? under an assumed nose.
My god, what a hooter!
Excuse me, it is tickling.
Achoo!
Ren?,...
...listen closely.
We must hide you.
You must remain in his quarters...
...until the real French General has been found.
Flick will get a confession out of him,...
...whether he is guilty or not.
Meanwhile,...
...you must help us to recover the paintings.
Ren?,...
...your nose is smoldering.
Quick, it is plastic explosive!
Oh my god!
Aaahh!
That was enough to make anybody give up,...
...you and your disguises.
That was a very narrow squeak.
You cannot imagine how I suffered, ?dith.
Life was so dangerous.
And so embarrassing.
Poor Lieutenant Gr?ber,...
...when they penetrated them, he never gave you away.
But once or twice I gave him the wrong idea.
Those eyes... they look very familiar.
Particularly that one.
I am trying very hard not to be familiar, Monsieur.
You are a relation of Ren?, who works behind the bar.
Very distant.
You have... very hairy legs.
They run in the family.
Ren?, it is you!
Please Lieutenant, do not give me away.
Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.
No, no, you do not understand.
Yes, I do!
I had an uncle with the same leanings.
Every Shrove Tuesday, he would dress up as a pancake girl.
I suppose you think I am a coward.
On the contrary.
I think it takes great courage to come into the open and dress that way.
Oh my god, Germans! Coming to this table!
Don't worry, I will cover.
- Mademoiselle, a dance?
- What? Oh, well, no, I'm not very good.
Don't worry, I will lead.
- Are they watching us?
- Don't worry. Just be normal.
I am doing my best.
We'll do a few more bars,...
...then I will put you in my little tank and take you to my place until it dies down.
Psst! Ren?!
- Lieutenant, do you feather?
- Of course.
Mind you, I would rather deal with the Germans...
...than with the Communist Resistance.
When I was disguised as a German General,...
...I very nearly lost everything.
What do you think they are going to do to us, Ren??
Well, they hate Germans.
They will probably shoot us.
Yes, if they find out I am Ren? from the Caf?...
...they will also shoot us.
We have got to get out of here.
Can you not wriggle out of your bonds or something?
I am trying, I am trying.
But I have an idea.
What?
I think I can reach the saw.
If I can switch on the motor,...
...maybe I can cut the bonds that bind my wrists.
Good, but be careful not to cut yourself.
There is a red button, and a green button.
Well, press the green button.
Green.
You see it works! It works!
Good. Go on.
Go on.
I cannot reach the blade.
Well, press that red button...
...and switch it off before anybody hears us.
Ah!
No!
No, switch it off! Switch it off!
I'm trying,...
...but I am losing the feeling in my fingers.
What do you think I am going to be losing?
Press the button!
Press the button!
- I am trying!
- Press the button!
Thank heaven.
Now do not touch anything else.
Ah!
Help! Help!
Do not shout. Switch it off.
Switch it off. Switch it off.
Ah!
Please no! Switch...
...the red button, the...
...Monsieur LeClerc, Monsieur...
Ah, no.
Ah!
So,...
...rather than talk to me...
...you are trying to commit suicide.
I wish I had not remembered that.
Even the servant girls cried when they knew...
...how near to disaster you came.
Ah, the dear girls.
Oh, they were so loyal.
I shall never forgive myself for suspecting...
...that you were having an affair with them.
Were you?
?dith...
...would I lie to you?
- Oh, Maria!
- Oh, Ren?!
Oh, my little cabbage!
My little bean shoot!
My big cucumber!
Oh, you have no idea...
...what the feel of your firm...
...young body does to me.
Yes, I have.
Hold me forever.
- Oh!
- Oh!
What were you saying to Yvette?
Nothing! Nothing, nothing.
No, she is nothing to me.
You are my only true love.
But how long can we keep our affair secret from your wife?
As long as my hearing is good...
...and my reactions are quick.
Oh, Ren?,...
...promise me that nothing...
...will ever come between us.
I am doing my best.
Oh, Ren?!
Oh, Yvette!
Can you feel my little heart pounding and pounding?
I can hear it.
Ren?.
Oh.
Is the coast clear?
We are fifty miles from the coast,...
...how would I know?
Something very important has just come up.
How long have you been out there?
Crush my lips with your lips.
Do all those things you do that drive me crazy...
...with raging desire.
Maria, we are only in the broom cupboard.
Oh, Ren?!
Ren?? Ren??
Ren?!
What are you doing in the broom cupboard with Maria?
You stupid woman.
It is quite obvious what I am doing...
...in the broom cupboard with Maria.
You know you do not like me...
...telling off the staff in front of customers.
I... I... I was... I was just...
...reprimanding her in here.
So the next time a customer calls,...
...you come running, hmm?
Yes, Ren?
And that is the last time I shall tell you this.
Very likely.
Ah, Maria was very difficult to replace.
Practically impossible.
Miss Vend?me, what is your experience?
Until recently I worked in a circus.
I can ride a one-wheeled bicycle.
Very handy for errands, ?dith.
I can do also the acrobatic.
It would be good for dusting under the bed, ?dith.
Oh, the best yet.
I also have a beautiful singing voice and I do cabaret.
So do I.
Next, please.
And then we found Mimi.
She got to work right away.
She was up before anybody else.
Yes, I remember it well.
Please, Ren?, let me in.
Go away. Think of my wife.
She is in the kitchen.
There is a key under the mat.
Ren?!
Aaah!
Ren?, why are you trying to avoid me?
We... I... I just thought we...
...I thought we might work up to this point.
You know, a romantic stroll...
...down lovers' lane,...
...a furtive glance in church,...
...a quick peek at you having a bath...
...through the keyhole.
Oh, Ren?.
Now that we are together,...
...let me do something to make you feel...
...warm and wonderful.
Well,...
...you can fill my hot water bottle.
With everything that was happening,...
...it is surprising that Mamma lasted as long as she did.
Well, at least life was never dull for her.
If you ask me, it was sex that kept her going.
How dare you say that about my mother?
Hello Mamma. It is I, little ?dith.
What are you doing in the bed of my mother?
Uh, well, er...
...we were childhood sweethearts.
She was my love,...
...but I thought I had lost it.
Now, once again,...
...he has found it.
The knobs... the flashing knobs!
- What?
- Aah!
What is this old bat...
...doing in my bed?
This old bat is hiding...
...from the Gestapo.
Gestapo!
What are you doing in the bed of my mother?
When I climbed through the "droon" "poop"...
...in the prisoner of war "comp",...
...I "slopped" and "bonged" my "hod".
Your "mither" allowed me to lay on her "bod"...
...so I could have a bit of "rist".
That was good for me, Fanny.
How was it for you?
Of course, Monsieur LeClerc...
...was the biggest thing in her life.
That was never proved.
What a master of disguise he was.
Yes, indeed. It sometimes took me...
...more than two seconds to recognise him.
Psst,...
...it is I, LeClerc.
Good evening all.
Oh my god.
Ah, Officer. Welcome to my humble Caf?.
Psst.
It is I, LeClerc.
Big ones, small ones.
Some as big as your head...
Shut up! Come here.
Ah, patron.
You are Ren? Artois?
- I am.
- Psst.
It is I, LeClerc.
Ah. Ha ha.
It is I, LeClerc.
This one is leaky.
I beg your "piddin"?
Do not inhale the gas.
No, I will do my best.
Now you give it to me before we get us all shot.
The gas affects the voice, see?
It tightens the vocal chords.
Yes, thank you, Algerian marrow seller,...
...be on your way.
Algerian marrows!
Who'd like to buy Algerian marrows?
Poor Monsieur LeClerc.
Mamma finally married him.
I never thought he would get his courage up.
Even that was amazing at his age.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered together to join...
...this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
Not yet, Monsieur.
He cannot stand.
Do you, Ernest "Dipstick" LeClerc,...
...take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
He does.
Do you, Fanny "Now-you-see-it, now-you-do-not" Lafanne,...
...take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?
She does as well.
Then I pronounce you man and wife.
Now you can get into bed.
Wake up, Mamma.
- What?
- You are now man and wife.
- He has done it.
- When?
While you were asleep.
That is Ernest all over.
Always the impatient one.
Mamma was in such an hurry to get married.
I suppose it was the war.
All the time,...
...everybody had sex on their mind...
...at least.
Nearly everybody.
The moment they thought that I was dead...
...and I had to pretend to be my own twin brother,...
...that old undertaker was round here to propose to you.
Oh, dear Monsieur Alfonse.
And now, Monsieur,...
...I believe you are the next of kin...
...and guardian of this enchanting lady.
Therefore, you will wish to know...
...what I have to offer.
Yes, what does an old undertaker have to offer?
Now, Monsieur,...
...I have two hearses and four horses.
Four horses, Ren?!
He should have good rhubarb.
I have 26 marble angels,...
...12 concrete cherubs,...
...100 weight of assorted handles...
...and eight gallons of embalming fluids. Cheers!
It sounds a very good business, Ren?.
Who could refuse a man with all those coffins...
...and eight gallons of embalming fluids?
I should also mention,...
...I have a small hearse with a smaller horse.
Very handy for shopping.
And where is your house?
My house.
I have a spacious apartment...
...equipped with every luxury.
And where is this apartment?
Over the mortuary.
It was furnished by my late wife...
...who was taken suddenly in the night.
Well, at least she did not have far to go.
Of course, I realize, beautiful lady,...
...that you have the pick of the town.
That you also have younger suitors,...
...more...
..."active" suitors.
But believe me,...
...in spite of my years,...
...I am still fit enough to bang...
...thank you!... a coffin together...
...in the toughest wood.
I also have driving ambition.
One day,...
...I aim to have a little...
...crematorium of my own.
I am going to be a nervous wreck in a minute.
I realize, of course, that you cannot come...
...to a decision at this moment.
Anyway, it is time I went,...
...as I am due to lay the widow Montcl?re...
...out in half an hour.
It even affected Herr Flick of the Gestapo.
How madly in love...
...he was with Private Helga.
Not that he showed anything in public.
One tried not to, in those days.
I am forcing the rubber pipe over the nipple.
How fortunate that you are here, Herr Flick.
I have no experience of this sort of thing.
It would be beyond your capabilities. It is stiff and hard.
It is done. Now, I will watch the gauge. You will pump.
Place your feet in the stirrups.
Bend over.
It is more effective if you grip it firmly with both hands.
Now... pull! Thrust!
Pull! Thrust! Pull! Thrust!
Faster! Faster!
Pull! Thrust! Pull! Thrust!
Thrust! Thrust! Thrust!
It is building up! Thrust! Thrust!
Thrust! Thrust! We are nearly there!
Pull! Thrust! Pull! Thrust!
I cannot keep it up much longer!
You must! Thrust! Thrust! Pull! Thrust!
I am pulling and thrusting, Herr Flick!
Stop! Stop!
Was that all right?
For me, excellent. How about you?
Exhausting. But very exciting.
- Was this your first time?
- Yes.
Never before has one gone flat on me.
Dear Ren?, so many memories.
If we had a candle for every memory,...
...what a big cake we would need.
You would be pushing it a bit...
...with one for every year.
But here we are, ?dith,...
...still together all this time later.
Dear Ren?,...
...we have had our ups and downs,...
...but you have always provided...
...the music in my life.
I love you as I've never loved before...
Loved before.
...since first I met you on the village green.
Village green.
Come to me ere my dream of life is o'er.
Life is o'er.
I love you as I loved you...
...when you were sweet...
...when we were sweet...
...sixteen.