The Bank Shot (1974) - full transcript

STREIGER: It all began back in '74 at the Institute.

I always hated the word prison

which is why I think of the Streiger Institution as a rehabilitation center.

These men come here, hardened criminals,

but as sure as my name is Bulldog Streiger,

they're going out useful members of society.

Of course, now and then we run across a tough nut to crack.

Such a nut was Walter Ballantine

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

The way to a criminal's heart is through his stomach.

That's rule number one here at the Institute.



Look what we give 'em last night, for instance.

Fillet of beef on a nest of tender asparagus tips

topped with my own delicious Sauce Streiger.

I tell you it does my heart good to stroll past the mess hall

and hear the sound of 650 lips smacking in unison.

By the way, let me tell you the secret of that sauce.

It's peanut butter. You throw it in with beef drippings.

But don't tell a soul.

Some men, however, wouldn't know a gourmet meal if they sat on it.

But my real pride and joy at the Institute

is the scientifically designed rehabilitation program

where we prepared the men for their return

to the outside world by teaching them a useful trade.

And if Mr. Walter Ballantine was a bit slow in learning



I always gave him a chance to try again.

The real trouble began, however,

with the arrival, one visiting day, of Ballantine's lawyer,

Albert G. Karp.

Sure he carried a briefcase and had been indicted for perjury,

but my every instinct told me Karp was a fake.

(CHUCKLING) Don't worry though,

no chance of Ballantine escaping.

Nobody gets away from Bulldog Streiger!

(CRASHING)

Fifteen minutes.

Hello, Walter!

You're looking swell, Walter!

What do you want, Karp?

I've come to discuss your new appeal, Walter!

Cut the crap.

Aren't you glad to see me, Walter?

Your soup-strainer's coming off, for Christ sakes.

I, uh...

I got a shot, Walter.

You've always got a shot.

That train heist was your shot.

I'm in here and you're out there.

But I need a planner, Walter.

And you're the best.

And even if I would, which I wouldn't,

how am I supposed to plan a shot from inside the bucket?

(LAUGHING)

Well, of course, you have to get out of here.

Yeah.

Don't let these wide open spaces fool you.

This is an A-number-one maximum security tank for lifers.

I'm in here till I turn up my toes.

That don't sound like you, Walter.

Maybe it is maximum security but not for you.

Not for Walter Ballantine.

Your cookie-duster's loose again.

I got a shot, Walter.

A bank shot.

One of the sweetest bank shots you ever saw.

Almost half a million.

If I was as free as a big-assed bird

I wouldn't touch a bank shot.

You wind up with the change in the cashier's cage

and a load of buckshot in your ass going out the door.

This is a very interesting bank shot, Walter.

I'm showing my client a legal document!

What's this?

Split the blue cover.

It's a map.

The highways, county roads, even rabbit trails for miles around here.

You'll need it in the break.

Maybe you didn't hear what I said?

I heard you, Walter, I heard you.

But you're not gonna retire yet, Walter.

You're an artist. Think about it.

Will you think about it? Okay?

Okay, don't say okay. Don't say anything.

We'll keep in touch by mail.

The old code, huh? You remember.

Don't give up hope, Walter Ballantine!

We'll take your appeal to the highest court in the nation!

Justice is not dead in this land!

I do believe it is Al G. Karp.

Huh?

You sure have got hairy since the last I seen you, Al, old buddy.

Who me?

Well, we just don't seem to be getting anywhere. Smedley!

Yes, sir.

Open the gate for Mr. Karp.

Yes, sir. Open the gate.

(GRUNTING)

Smedley? Yes, sir.

You get the state police on the phone.

Give them Karp's license number.

I'm very interested in where he's going.

It might come in handy.

(MAN CHATTERING ON RADIO)

(PHONE RINGING)

Bureau? Frank Streiger here.

Yeah, calling long distance, Andy Constable.

Andy! Bulldog.

How you doing out there in the smog?

Fine. I got myself a new set of woods. You have to come and play.

And by the way, Andy, you remember Al G. Karp,

Walter Ballantine's old buddy?

Yeah, well, he's coming into L.A. tonight.

Flight 236, Continental.

Why don't you give him a loose tail?

Six inch shit. It'll go right through your liver.

Go ahead. I'll let you finish.

You gotta be kidding.

(GRUNTING)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

(MEN SHOUTING)

One of the inmates is escaping, and we don't know...

Walter Upjohn Ballantine!

MAN: Stop him!

(MEN SHOUTING)

(SIREN WAILING)

(GUN FIRING)

All right, don't panic, men!

Smedley, you get this damn gate open!

Yes, sir. Okay. Come on...

(SIREN WAILING)

(HONKING)

(SIREN STOPS WAILING)

(LAUGHING)

(COUGHING)

EL: Mr. Ballantine, where are you?

Mr. Ballantine, are you all right?

Where's Karp?

EL: You are Mr. Ballantine, aren't you?

Everything was going great up till now.

Who are you? That is the wrong barn!

Well, Karp sent me. I'm Eleanora.

But you can call me El.

Sorry about the barn.

Where are the clothes?

Oh, yeah. Oh, oh!

Hey...

Why didn't Karp come himself?

Because he thought that a man and a girl on the bike together

would seem more natural. Okay?

When I make a plan, I expect the plan to be stuck to.

(CHUCKLING) Well, is that a good principle?

I mean, don't you think that being more elastic would be a better principle?

I only got two principles.

One is sticking to the plan,

and the other is making plans

without some broad around who wants to talk about principles,

and who picks the wrong barn.

Get that thing cranked up.

(MOTORCYCLE ENGINE STARTING)

(EL LAUGHING)

You look super.

Where are we gonna meet Karp?

In California.

What did you say?

Los Angeles, California.

He said the shot was in Wichita.

Well, that's because he knew you didn't like L.A.

Freaktown. Kook City.

It's where the nuts are.

Trouble.

And if he thinks I'm gonna ride this ball-buster

all the way to the West Coast, he's spaced.

(CHUCKLING) Well, don't worry about it, baby,

we've made other arrangements.

(SIREN WAILING) Now, wait a...

(MEN CHATTERING)

Smedley, step on it!

My flight leaves in 86 minutes.

SMEDLEY: They're sure to catch him right around here, Warden.

I mean, how far can he get on a 50-ton earth-mover?

STREIGER: Step on it! SMEDLEY: Yes, sir.

STREIGER: Ballantine is on his way to Los Angeles,

and there he will rendezvous with Al G. Karp.

SMEDLEY: How do you know that?

Smedley, I know Walter Upjohn Ballantine

better than Ballantine knows himself.

All right, look, there it is!

Hey, you mean I've got a private plane all to myself?

Oh, for us. I'm going too.

Well, who's paying for this?

No one. It's being borrowed.

Oh great! A hot plane. That's a smart idea!

It's not hot.

It really is borrowed. All very safe and proper.

Where the hell would Karp borrow a jet plane from?

Karp's new backer. A member of the jet set.

WALTER: What are you staring at?

Does it fit?

This stuff's really expensive.

Saks Fifth Avenue, silk underwear.

Who really paid for all this?

Karp's jet set backer. Very rich person.

You'd like a drink, wouldn't you?

Bourbon, isn't it?

Karp said you like bourbon.

Yeah, bourbon.

(CHUCKLING) Karp says you're a genius.

Is something funny? Oh, no.

Would you like something with your drink?

What do you have?

(CHUCKLING) Coffee, tea or me.

Isn't that what a stewardess would say?

Well?

You trying to do a number on me?

Oh, no, no, nothing like that.

It's just, well, I just thought

you have been in prison.

Well, first, I don't mix job with jazz.

Second,

I'm full of sodium nitrate.

You know what that is? Saltpeter.

You know why they feed you saltpeter in prison?

That's why they feed you saltpeter.

(LAUGHING)

(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

All right, just watch it! Hear?

(GRUNTS)

El, baby! Hey, you're looking great, baby!

Hey, you feel okay, huh? Oh, hello, Karpie!

Good flight? Hey, you have fun?

Terrific.

Hey, Walter, baby!

What's this baby crap?

Oh, just out here everybody says "baby."

Well, I don't like it. Knock it off.

Let's find some cover. Oh, yes, sure, sure.

What is that?

That's Victor. That's my nephew, Victor.

What is that with him?

(CHUCKLING) Victor collects old cars.

Didn't you tell me you once had a nephew in the FBI?

Yeah, that's Victor.

Hey, wait a minute, wait, wait, Victor's okay!

He left the FBI.

Once a cop, always a cop.

Not Victor! He got fired from the FBI.

This bank shot was Victor's idea.

I should have stood in prison.

Oh, everything's gonna be great, Walter.

Who's the broad?

Which broad?

(LAUGHING) Oh, El? El? Eleanora.

She helped you make the break.

What's her connection?

(MOUTHING)

Am I a lip-reader?

She's the backer.

The money.

Victor, meet Walter Ballantine.

Mr. Ballantine, you've got the most spectacular rap sheet

in the whole Bureau files.

I've really, really been looking forward to this.

(LAUGHING)

See, see, Walter! Victor's okay.

Shall we take a look at the shot? Huh? Yeah, swell.

El, sweetie, you get in the front with Victor,

and I'll keep my old pal company in the back seat, huh?

(EXCLAIMS)

Number one, come in, please.

Number one, come in, please.

Number one. Oh, one minute.

Mr. Constable, it's for you, sir.

Constable here. Oh?

Yeah?

Excellent. Now, you stay right on them but not too close.

Mr. Streiger is arriving right now.

I'll tell him.

Bulldog! Andy, old buddy!

I've got interesting news.

Al G. Karp and his nephew

just picked up an unidentified man and woman

at the Santa Monica Airport.

Ballantine? Yeah.

They're traveling north on Sawtelle Boulevard.

What are we waiting for? Let's go! Right!

Just like old times, huh, Walter?

On our way to case a shot.

You'll love it.

What's that back there?

Oh, it's just the FBI.

They've been tailing me for days.

(LAUGHING) It's okay.

They got nothing on me. I'm clean.

Clean! Carrying an escaped lifer?

Oh, no!

Lose them, nephew.

This milk wagon only goes 40 miles an hour.

Come on. You any kind of a driver, nephew?

At very low speeds, sir.

You see that freeway ramp coming up?

Yeah. Take it.

Hey, that's the wrong way!

Take the ramp! If you say so, sir

(EL SCREAMING)

Take the up ramp, quick!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SHOUTING) Hey, you're gonna kill us, Victor!

(EL SCREAMING)

I don't wanna die!

How am I doing, Mr. Ballantine?

EL: Oh, watch out!

MAN 1: Hey, where do you think you're going?

All right, nephew, back it up.

Give her everything she's got.

(CARS HONKING)

MAN 2: Hey, watch it! You'll get us all killed!

Come on, nephew! Come on!

You can get up now, Karp. The nephew did okay.

(GRUNTS) EL: Oh, that was terrific, Mr. Ballantine.

Well, let's get to the shot.

Yes, sir!

But how? AGENT: Well, you see, sir,

he went up the down ramp, so we went up the up ramp.

But then he went down the down ramp and there was no way

we could go down the up ramp, so we had to go down to the next down ramp,

and then there was no way...

Well, might as well head back to the airport,

and we'll get your golf bag.

All right.

But first notify all law enforcement agencies.

Say that Walter Ballantine is in the Los Angeles area,

and to tighten up their security.

I'm beginning to realize Walter Ballantine is no ordinary criminal.

Andy, from now on,

we have got to have eyes in back of our head.

KARP: Well, we're almost there, Walter.

You're gonna love it. I know you are.

And wait till you hear the string I got lined up for us.

What's a string?

That's a crew, Eleanor.

The group engaged for the operation.

Stosh Gornik will be the driver.

Gornik out here?

Yeah, him and his mom drove out in his taxicab.

Where do I sleep tonight?

Oh, well, can't stay at my place because the FBI will have it staked out.

Do I stay with Victor?

I live in a dump.

I've lived in dumps.

It's a used car dump.

Where do I stay?

With El?

(LAUGHING)

KARP: Hey, there it is! The shot.

WALTER: A future bank?

What kind of a shot is a future bank, for Christ sake?

EL: (LAUGHING) Not that bank.

That bank.

VICTOR: It really is a pussy cat, Mr. Ballantine.

KARP: Hey, Victor, Victor. Park over there.

We can eat and talk at the same time.

What would you like, Mr. Ballantine?

Coffee and a Danish.

Milk shake for me. Chocolate, please and a Bingoburger.

A double order of French fries,

a Coke, lots of mustard, sweetie-pie. Yeah.

Okay.

I've seen some banks that ought to be robbed,

and I've seen some banks that ought not to be robbed.

And of all the banks that ought not to be robbed,

this bank is number one on the list.

This is a fled-on-foot bank.

You can't use a get-away car,

because the traffic is bumper-to-bumper

so you show the guns and take the money and you flee on foot.

Now bank robbers that flee on foot,

flee into the arms of the law.

It's standard procedure.

So, a daytime stick-up is out-city,

and a night-time burglary is stupid

because they wouldn't leave any cash in that crackerbox.

On Thursdays.

Thursdays the stores are open.

The bank stays open till 9:00.

They lay in some guards, keep the money over.

How many guards? A total of four.

What kind of a safe? A Mosler.

The center of the bank is reinforced to support it.

A tough box to crack. It takes time.

VICTOR: Time really isn't the problem, Mr. Ballantine.

I have it all figured out.

You see, at 10:15 sharp, every night,

one of the guards, the short one with the moustache,

comes out to the Bingo burger to get four hamburgers,

two Cokes, one coffee and a root beer.

He takes exactly 18 minutes every time.

And when he starts back to the bank, we waylay him,

put him in the back of a pickup truck,

and I go into the bank wearing a uniform and a moustache exactly like his.

Now, once I'm inside the bank,

I pass out the hamburgers and while they're sorting them out,

I pull out my gun, catch them by surprise,

and let the rest of you in,

and we have all night to crack the safe.

Then, in the morning, we tie up the guards, put on their uniforms,

and walk out of there without a care in the world.

Isn't that a beautiful plan, Mr. Ballantine?

Isn't it?

I'm leaving.

I'm gonna get up from this table.

I'm gonna catch a bus to the nearest police station.

I'm gonna go in there and beg them to take me back

to Streiger's funny farm where I was safe

and sane.

And I pity the poor schmuck that tries to stop me.

What is it? What's happening?

I don't know. He's got something.

That's right, Karp. Tell me.

It's very simple.

We don't rob the bank.

We steal the bank.

The whole bank.

STREIGER: We have got to consider

that a state of siege exists here in Los Angeles.

I'm going to need a bed, a refrigerator, an electric stove and a Waring blender.

I've got to live with this thing night and day

until Ballantine is back planting trees at the Streiger Institution.

What's all this?

Well, I'm sorry about this, Bulldog.

It's the only room big enough,

and the renovating has to be done by next Thursday.

(PAINTER HUMMING)

Well, all right.

He's gonna have to be quiet.

I want some phones in here, Andy.

I want a lot of phones,

and I want a map of the city of Los Angeles on that wall.

I've got the feeling that Ballantine's up to something big.

There it is! Victor's crash pad.

Oh, ho, wait till you hear this.

(HONKING) VICTOR ON PA: State your name,

(LAUGHING) date and place of birth

political and religious affiliations... Victor! It's us.

Victor, it's Ballantine and El!

...of the established government...

Victor has a whole system of automatic recordings.

They're very interesting STOSH: Wally!

Sure is. Wally Ballantine!

Hey, Wally you're looking great, man, great!

They really shape them in the bucket, don't they?

Look at that flat stomach, and them shoulders!

I... Okay, Stosh, let's get on with it.

Oh, that same old Wally, huh?

Business first, huh? Right? Right?

How are you, doll-face?

Walter, sweetheart, Ballantine! Oh!

If you knew how I've been looking forward to this moment.

I kept telling Stosh,

right clear across the country, I said,

"Oh, that Walter Ballantine, what a man!"

How are you, Mums? What's the matter with your neck?

Oh, silly damn lawyer, that's what's the matter.

She got the whiplash.

The lawyer says wear the brace

if she wants to collect any insurance.

Silly damn lawyer, there's nothing wrong with it.

Well, you do what the lawyer says.

Did you case the shot site? Mr. Ballantine?

It's quite, quite an honor having you in my home.

Wally, I've got good news, and I got bad.

The good news is the bank's got a trailer hitch.

The bad news is it don't have wheels.

No wheels? Jesus! No wheels.

(HORN BLOWING) VICTOR: State your name,

date and place of birth, political and religious affiliations

and whether or not you advocate...

Victor, I'm gonna hit you!

Herman X?

Hey, where are you?

It's okay, Herman X, don't be scared!

Who in the hell's scared?

I'll off that mother...

Barrel that. It's just my nephew.

He plays little jokes. Come on, put it away. Put it away. Come on.

Put it away. Put it away. Come on.

Hey, hey, Victor. I told you!

I forgot to disconnect. I'm terribly sorry.

Walter! This is Herman X, the lock man.

Herman X, this is Walter Ballantine.

Hello, hey! Don't do that!

Come here. Join the circle.

Sit down. Sit down.

Herman X? Is that your real name?

Oh, no, I knew Herman from way back.

It used to be Herman Lincoln, wasn't it?

That's right, ma'am. How come you changed your name, man?

Mr. X, are you now, or have you ever been

a member of any subversive organization?

Now, you wait a minute, man.

Now, it's all right. It's all right, Herman.

My nephew used to be with the FBI.

FBI!

Now what kind of jive-ass is going on here, man?

(ALL SCREAMING) It's entrapment!

(GUN FIRING)

That's what it is! Entrapment!

No, no, it's all right! It's all right, Herman! They fired him!

Put that cannon away, Herman X.

Is it all right, Ballantine?

If you say it's all right, it's all right.

Put it away, Herman X.

What's your pitch?

Well,

the fact is, I wouldn't want this to get around to certain circles

but I need the money for my campaign.

Your campaign?

Why, that's right, lady, my campaign.

I'm running for the mayor for the city of Anaheim.

And furthermore, my friends,

if I'm to be elected mayor of that fair city, I herewith...

All right, Herman. Save the soapbox, we got work to do.

And remember, Albert, we agreed, no guns.

Now, who ever heard of a bank heist without guns?

Never mind. We don't need guns. We need wheels!

Now let me get to work on it.

(WHISPERING) Good luck on your campaign, Mr. X.

(VICTOR CHATTERING ON PA)

(ALL CLAMORING)

(CLAMORING STOPS)

I got the plan.

Tell us the plan, Walter.

In due time, Mums. In due time.

First, we got to steal some wheels,

and slip them under the bank when the bank is empty.

Wouldn't it be easier to just rent some wheels?

You can't rent 'em without a driver. They got contracts.

Ah, I'm sorry, we gotta steal 'em.

(BELLS CLANGING)

Will you give me an Italian ice?

It's an American ice cream truck.

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

Hey, wait a minute, will you?

(DRIVER SHOUTING)

I dropped my ice cream bar, for God's sake.

(TRUCK HONKING)

(CLANGING BELLS)

(MEN YELLING)

All right! All right!

Jesus, lady!

(ALL YELLING)

MAN: Move your car!

Why don't you look where you're going? Now, I really got...

(ALL SHOUTING)

(HERMAN CHATTERING ON PA)

(WHISTLES)

(CHATTERING)

Hold it just a second. Okay, lady, come on.

You can make it now.

(INAUDIBLE)

(INAUDIBLE)

Andy, this film you're about to see

is Ballantine during his last parole.

Taken just before his almost successful attempt to steal

three million dollars in gold bouillon from Fort Knox.

I remember that. Yes, I do.

Now, this is Walter Ballantine

right here in the gray suit. Oh.

And the girl? Is she part of the gang?

No, no, no.

Pity. Nice. Mmm.

(LAUGHING) Where is Ballantine?

While the surveillance team

had to work from inside of a mailman's mail cart...

(LAUGHING) Where's the mail cart?

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

All right, now. Now, look, look,

if you watch right in here, Andy, look. Well...

Oh, you'll get them in a minute, here. Yeah.

There he is. The counter man?

Here. Al G. Karp.

Oh, the fellow with the hat?

Been on every caper Ballantine has ever been on.

Here he is.

Sure. Uh-huh.

He seems to like his ice cream.

Oh! Oh, Mr. Ballantine, good luck!

Are you nuts or something?

(CLANKING)

WALTER: (WHISPERING) Quiet!

Karp.

Yeah, yeah.

Herman. Right.

Victor. Here, sir.

I'm not calling the roll, for Christ's sake! Are you ready?

Of course, I am, Mr. Ballantine.

All right, now, we all go together. I'll count.

One, two,

three, four,

(CREAKING) five, six,

seven, eight

nine, 10,

11, 12...

(LOUD KNOCKING)

(WHISPERING) Take 'em down.

(WHIRRING)

(INAUDIBLE)

Where is Stosh?

(DOG BARKING)

Here we go again.

One, two, three,

four, five, six,

seven, eight...

(WHISTLES)

(DOG BARKING)

(DOG CONTINUES BARKING)

Jack. Yes, sir.

Down.

(CLANGS)

Tires.

(AIR HISSING)

(CREAKING)

Now that, man, was a plan.

(EXCLAIMS) Oh, Wally, have I got something good for you, honey.

I'm gonna take care of you.

WALTER: What's the story? Well, I know

how hard you've been working and everything. So I want...

I brought you some clothes.

You can change and look good, you know.

Like this?

Yes, it's very nice, I guess.

(CHUCKLES) Well,

I got you some plaid.

Pretty color, huh?

No, nothing I would choose for myself, not necessarily.

Well...

Well, if you don't like this,

I got something even better.

Maybe you'll like this.

This should look good on you.

What do you think? Like it?

Yes, well, whatever, fine...

(MUMBLES)

What's the matter, Wally?

Nothing's what's the matter. What's the matter? I've been

lying under a mobile bank all night, that's what's the matter is.

(CHUCKLING) That's not what's the matter.

The saltpeter's wearing off.

That's what's the matter.

Listen, I, uh...

I got some plans to make

and when I make plans I got to have privacy. So, you know, how about...

Maybe you didn't hear what I said?

Look...

I told you, I don't...

I don't mix business with hanky-panky, you know,

because, well, the hanky-panky

gets out of hand,

and the business goes to hell,

and things get messed up and plans get...

Mistakes are made and everybody ends up in the pokey.

Anything you say, Mr. Ballantine.

Yes, sir, may I help you?

Yeah, I want two pounds

of sodium... Potassium nitrate.

Two pounds of what?

Saltpeter.

How will you recognize the diversion?

Instinct, Andy, instinct.

I know Ballantine's tactics.

(CHUCKLES) One time, he panicked Milwaukee

by letting a lion loose from the zoo

before he pulled the heist on the Blumgarten Brewery.

Now the fact that the lion was toothless,

and was found asleep in the front pew of the Baptist church

was beside the point.

The point is

that the police were chasing the cat

while Ballantine was giving the business to the brewery.

Now, that's the kind of red herring

we've got to look for, Andy.

Lions in the street. Gin!

(MEN CHATTERING)

Do you want a beer? No, thanks.

How about a sandwich?

GUARD 1: Okay, bet, bet... GUARD 2: All right, don't rush me.

Call. I'll call.

GUARD 3: Hey, there's no water.

GUARD 2: They're probably working on the main someplace.

It'll be back on.

(GUARDS CHATTERING)

GUARD 1: Eight, no help. A pair of nines.

GUARD 2: Is that the best you can do?

Call.

GUARD 3: You're the high man.

GUARD 2: Okay, bet it. Bet it.

WOMAN ON RADIO: Car 42. Four, two.

Come in 42.

That's us! Roger, we're on.

Forty-two, check report of a woman on the scaffolding of that new high-rise,

corner of Waterford and Fifth.

Wow! A woman on a scaffolding!

Roger, 42. Will check.

What do we do now?

Start the engine.

(SIREN WAILING)

OFFICER 1: What was that? OFFICER 2: I don't know.

Where'd it come from?

I guess it must have fallen off the building.

What's in it?

Nothing in here but a half-eaten pickle.

A half eaten pickle? How the hell did...

Well, there she is.

I better check in.

My first jumper!

Car 42 reporting.

WOMAN ON RADIO: Okay, 42.

This high-rise at Fifth and Waterford. There's a woman up there.

Looks like she's about to jump.

We need help.

(SIRENS WAILING)

(GUARDS CHATTERING)

(AIR HISSING)

You ought to have a little more crime around here.

To keep the police from getting rusty.

Okay. There's a woman on a building at Fifth and Waterford

threatening to jump.

All right.

(CHUCKLES)

You know one of the greatest unsolved...

Woman on a building! Let's go!

I call.

Likewise.

(MOTORCYCLE ENGINE STARTING)

What the hell was that noise?

(ENGINE REVVING) Just a minute.

Aw, it's some dame on a Honda.

(METAL CLANKS)

Who was there?

Oh, what are you worried about?

(MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING)

Geronimo!

Get me out of here! What happened?

Well, I'll tell you what I think.

Some son-of-a-bitch stole the bank!

All right, everybody, stand back!

Let's go, man. I just got a flash on a temporary bank.

They have four guards in that bank!

Come on, let's go!

Aw, heck!

(CAR HONKING)

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

Where is she? Where is she? Where is she?

That's my mother! Don't jump, Mama!

I'm coming!

Your boy's coming, Mama!

KARP: Let us through here, folks!

That's this boy's mother!

And I'm her doctor! Let us through!

Yes, yes. Right.

The bank alarm's gone off at Oakdale and Ventura.

Car 42 is checking it out.

Forget Fifth and Waterford.

Head for Oakdale and Ventura.

(CHUCKLING) That Ballantine!

WOMAN ON RADIO: When did you last see the bank, 42?

Ah, maybe 20 minutes ago.

And now it's gone, 42?

Yes, it sure is.

The whole bank?

The whole bank.

That's a crock, 42.

Now what's going on here, Officer?

The whole bank got snatched, I think, sir.

You think? He's new.

New? Who?

Of course, he's new.

Will you get this thing out of here?

Yes, sir. Gladly.

Who would believe it?

Who would believe anything Ballantine does?

Who would believe anyone would steal

a million dollars worth of nickels

from the U.S. Mint?

That's right.

Who would believe anyone would highjack

an oil tanker of the high seas?

Exactly!

And who would believe that anyone would steal

a whole bank?

How am I doing?

On time.

Okay, they've got the bank but we've got the money.

Now if it comes to a showdown, we can give as good as we get!

Right? Right!

We're slowing down.

Get to your posts.

(BELL CLANGING)

Anybody see anything?

Time?

(BELL CLANGING)

What's that?

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

What's that?

We're in the middle of a railroad track! And here comes a train!

What about the money? What about the money?

Oh, screw the money! Let's get out of here!

GUARD 1: Come on, open the door!

(GUARDS SHOUTING)

(TRAIN APPROACHING)

Oh, Herman, look at that!

On your way, man! Right on!

KARP: Wait a minute. That was them, Victor, stop!

Stop, stop, stop! Come on! Back up! Back up!

Come on, all right. Go back, go back, go back, don't lose 'em!

Don't lose 'em. Go, go, go, go, go, go.

KARP: Come on. Come on, Victor. That's right.

All right, Victor. Easy does it now.

That's right. All right. All right. Easy, easy, easy now.

That's good. Good, good, good.

Hold it! Hold it! Hold it, Victor!

Gotta be fast. Move fast.

We only got 42 minutes before that security patrol checks the joint.

I got pink paint 'cause I thought it was cute.

That's okay, isn't it? I don't give a damn what color it is.

Just slap it on.

I think pink's nice.

(CHUCKLING) Actually, it's hot pink.

Now, let's get to the case of the missing bank.

A very clever heist in the best Ballantine tradition.

Beautifully planned, skillfully executed.

I take off my hat to Ballantine.

But I put it back on because he may have committed a fatal mistake.

He could not know that in that mobile bank is a new kind of safe,

built so strong that nothing

heat, shock, laser beam,

diamond drills or even acid could crack it in less than 24 hours.

Maybe longer.

And so, gentlemen,

that means that we have time

to find that bank.

(BUZZING)

(GRUNTS)

Boy, if this thing didn't look like a safe

and feel like a safe and even smell like a safe

I would say it was something else.

Like what?

Well, like something else.

Are you saying you can't open it?

Oh, I can open it. That isn't the question.

Well, tell me what is the question

because I'm dying to ask it.

Well, the question is, how long?

How long?

I can't answer that question.

IRVING: Yes, may I help you?

Oh, wow! Really?

Wow, the FBI! Wow!

I'm Agent Johnson.

This is Agent Jackson.

Hi!

Hi.

Just a question, sir.

Was there a mobile home brought in here last night?

Well, yes, sir, we had three come in last night.

(WHISPERING) What's up?

Were any of them green? Green?

Oh, yeah, a very sweet old gentleman named Smith.

Smith? Smith?

Smith.

Do you suppose you could do something for us?

Do you suppose you could take a look at the inside

of Mr. Smith's mobile home?

Well, I guess so.

What am I looking for?

To see if it's a normal... Everyday...

...mobile home.

Wow! This is exciting!

Mr. Smith!

Mr. Smith, it's Irving from the office.

SMITH: What do you want?

I just thought I'd come in and check the toilet flush.

It flushes.

Well, what about the gas, Mr. Smith?

It gasses.

Well, that's good.

Would you come to the door a minute, Mr. Smith?

No! I'm sitting down.

Oh.

Well, could you get up, sir?

SMITH: Shove off, kid. Unless you want trouble.

Mmm.

(MACHINE WHIRRING) Walter, dear, don't you want your hamburger?

Later.

Stosh? Can I take off my neck brace?

No! You could blow the whole case for us right here!

I'm sitting in a swiped bank,

which is four felonies rolled up into one already,

and you're worried about a lawsuit

with the insurance company.

If we get picked up in this thing, we'll need all the money

we can lay our hands on for the defense.

So wear it for Christ's sake.

Well...

I guess I better set up Ole Faithful.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Well, you really did it this time, wise guy, you got a real winner.

Give him time. Give him time, Walter. It's a very unusual safe.

Time. Alexander Graham Bell invented the phone in less time.

You've gone through 10 of these potato chip bags.

It'll be all right! It'll be all right! Yeah.

Sir, this is very bad for our residents. Wow!

Don't worry about it, kid.

You can depend on the FBI.

We won't shoot unless absolutely necessary.

Wow! Mr. Smith didn't seem the sort at all.

Very sweet old gentleman. Wow!

It won't be the first time Ballantine disguised himself.

(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)

STREIGER: Ballantine!

This is the FBI!

You're surrounded! Come out with your hands up!

Ballantine?

This is Streiger!

We don't want any trouble!

The game's up and you've lost!

Come out peacefully.

They've got us, man!

And me without a heater!

You just be glad you don't have a gun!

Violence begets violence!

You see, Mom, I told you!

You ought to be glad you're wearing that brace.

Oh, you're a good boy, Stosh.

STREIGER: Walter?

Don't make us use the tear gas!

(SIGHS)

Mr. Ballantine...

I'm so sorry.

We're waiting, Ballantine!

We're waiting!

Must be some other Ballantine.

I do not want any more trouble here.

You'll just have to leave. Now!

Walter! The sprinklers next door! The pink paint's coming off!

Water paint!

Jesus, El, you bought water paint?

I'm sorry! It said washable and I thought it sounded so clean.

Never fails.

Bring a broad along on a job, it never fails.

MUMS: Irving from the office says, wow,

he doesn't want anymore trouble, like, wow, we gotta split!

Irving from the office is right, Mums.

It's against the law to tow this thing around in the daytime.

We might get a traffic citation.

Shut nephew up for a minute, Karp.

HERMAN: Well, he's getting it on, man.

KARP: He's got a plan, Herman.

Okay, let him up, Karp.

Yeah, I got a plan. We gotta get out of here.

We gotta move fast. I need a sign painted,

but not water paint. Do you understand?

(CHATTERING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Yes, sir.

It's him.

Oh, yes sir, he's right here.

Bulldog, he wants to speak to you.

Bulldog here, sir. Ah, yes sir, but I can handle...

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

We have been instructed to get help.

Now, I want you men to contact

all of the chiefs of police of the entire county of Los Angeles.

And I want you two men to contact the local representatives of

the Air Force, Army and National Guard. And...

(PHONE RINGING) Andy...

Yes.

You and I are going to have to go downtown

and talk to the CIA.

Bulldog... Let's go.

(SIGHS)

(CRYING)

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

Hey.

Mums, hear that? What?

Maybe it's Streiger. You think they saw us, Walter?

Strike.

What's going on?

Navy helicopter reporting a pink mobile home

up on Spy Glass Hill.

Huh? It's a real estate development office.

Was it there yesterday?

Well, was it there yesterday?

(CHUCKLING) No, they haven't even finished painting it yet.

That's it!

Head to Spy Glass Hill.

Hey.

Here comes Herman with the nitro.

Now, don't move!

Don't worry.

Don't slam it.

Ease it out.

The soup wasn't heavy enough.

Yeah, man. I'll give her a double blast this time.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

HERMAN: I'm gonna waste this mother.

I'm not gonna take this jive from any damn box.

Everybody, take cover. I'm gonna mix me a A-Bomb!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(WHOOPING)

You did it! You did it!

It's moving! It's moving!

Hey, hey.

EL: Oh, my God. Hey.

Come on, Mums. Pull your skirt down.

Wally. Oh, Wally.

Wally.

Stop! Come on, open the door!

Sit back and keep your slippers on!

All right.

STOSH: Karp!

Faster! Faster!

Shouldn't we slow down, Bulldog?

That mobile home. Steady, Andy, steady.

Is that Ballantine? He's going to hit us!

Steady!

It's about to go. Don't move!

Stay right where you are, Andy.

STREIGER: Well, it's like I say, nobody gets away from Bulldog Streiger.

Nobody, that is,

unless they're willing to go to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

Oh, Mr. Ballantine,

he's gone down with the safe.

HERMAN: Hold on, baby! Baby, we're coming. Hold on.

Coming! Hold it! Hold it!

There he is! Hey, Walter, don't forget the safe!

I got a big new shot for us!

STREIGER: No, I tried to stop him. I couldn't swim. I shouted. I whistled.

I reminded him that nobody gets away from Bulldog Streiger.

But to no avail.

Walter just didn't want to come back to my beloved institution.

What are you doing? Where are you going, Wally?

But I love you, Wally!

You're swimming the wrong way!

Walter, I can't swim! Come on back!

STREIGER: It wasn't until six weeks later that the first rumors reached us.

The First National Bank of Samoa looted by lone gunman.

Nothing unusual about that except that witnesses said the man was sopping wet.

That clinched it! You won't get away with it.

I'm learning how to swim, and I'm coming after you.

You hear that, Walter?

Nobody gets away from Bulldog Streiger!