Texas, Brooklyn & Heaven (1948) - full transcript
A would-be playwright and a young woman escaping from a job at a gas station meet cute and fall in love.
[music playing]
[SINGING] Texas.
Brooklyn.
Texas.
Brooklyn.
Mm.
Heaven.
Before you learn
your ABC's, you learn
that good things happen in
three's, like Texas, Brooklyn,
and heaven.
They may have got blues,
but they don't cry.
The devil has such a terrible time
in Texas, Brooklyn, heaven.
Yippee-I, Yippee-O
for the Alamo, where
the planes are above the mat.
Yippee-O, Yippee-I
for the lucky guy
who hangs his hat
in a flatbush flat.
You want to meet an angel face.
My angels live all over the place
in Texas, Brooklyn, and heaven!
[piano playing]
What'll you have?
What's with that?
What's with what?
With that.
Oh!
House special.
You have one?
Yeah.
I'll have the fourth one.
[chuckles]
Funny fellow, huh?
With or without?
With or without what?
The story.
This long?
Depends on how many you drink.
OK.
Start mixing.
I'm gonna work my way
up to that free one.
Hey, Mike.
Why Texas Golden Horse?
Why not Brooklyn Golden Horse?
Because Eddie Tayloe.
Came from Texas.
Dallas, Texas.
[music playing]
This is Dallas, Texas.
[typewriters writing]
Boy.
EDDIE: Copy.
Say, Copy, got anything for me?
Nope.
You don't expect to get
anything for that place.
Not on the Dallas
News, do ya Eddie?
That's good.
I... I'm kind of busy here anyhow.
Who are you kiddin?
EDITOR: Copy!
I'll see ya.
Give this to Tayloe.
It might interest him.
Yes, sir.
Copy.
Got something for ya.
Ya?
For me?
St. Angelo's your
hometown, isn't it?
Yeah.
Got a story here that just
came in about old T.X. Tayloe.
Any relation of yours?
My grandfather.
Says here he's dead.
He was a very old man.
Left an inheritance, huh?
EDDIE: Yeah.
His own private money belt and
a couple of 1875 Colt revolvers.
Well, he remembered me.
I had forgotten him.
Seems he didn't believe in banks,
so left me $6,000 in
cash in his money belt.
EDITOR: Copy!
COPY BOY: [inaudible]
Mr. McGonical?
Yeah?
This is my last day here.
Quitting?
Since the first day I
came here three years ago,
I've been waiting until
I had enough money
to do what I really want to do.
Money?
Your grandfather left
you $6,000, not $60,000.
That's enough.
What are you going to do
with this enormous fortune?
Buy a ranch half the size of Texas?
I'm going to New York
to finish my play.
Uh-huh.
Well, when your smash
hit flops on Broadway,
the Fort Worth section
will still be open.
On the dullest news?
That's right.
No thanks.
So long, McGonical.
So long.
Oh, good luck!
[car engine stalling]
MIKE [VOICEOVER]: Eddie
got off to a swell start.
26 miles out of Dallas
he had car trouble.
But if there had
been no car trouble...
Hey, Mr. Would ya
give me a lift, please?
I'm not very heavy.
Where did you come from?
I was asleep there beside the road.
Then I heard you
making all that noise.
I guess it woke me.
Go away.
You're a very rude person.
You're not a nice girl.
Out on the highway
this time of the night.
There's nothing nice
about you either.
Not a single iota.
It so happens I'm
running away from home.
Some people do it in style.
Some have to do it my way.
So for your information,
I am a nice girl.
And now, if you'll excuse me.
Good night.
[banging]
I can't sleep with all
that racket you're making.
I'm sorry my car broke
down in your boudoirs.
If you had one iota of
friendliness... just one ioda...
I could fix your car for ya.
That I'd like to see.
Thanks for fixing my car.
You've already said
that four times.
I'm only trying to
make conversation.
Please don't exert yourself.
I'm sure it must be very exhausting
for you to try to be nice.
I'm a fella who's
always been alone.
Even when I work with
others, I'm still alone.
I'm not used to helping
or being helped.
Isn't it funny that I should
be running away from the ranch
when that's what I
like most of all.
What ranch?
Oh.
Didn't I tell you?
It's the family ranch in Texas.
It's just outside of Calinamo City.
It covers about 115,000 acres.
And you should see
the horses we have.
2,800 of them not counting the
wild mares and their foals.
Look, miss.
I know Calinamo City pretty well.
There is no horse ranch
within 200 miles of that place
and we both know it.
Yeah.
But if there was such a place,
wouldn't it be wonderful?
What are you really
running away from?
PERRY: A gasoline station.
That's why I know
so much about cars.
My brother and I ran it
until he got married.
And then when his wife moved
in I felt sort of unnecessary.
You know, like I was
crowding the place.
Still it's better than
bucking the world on your own.
Unless you have a grandfather
who left you a hunk of dough.
All I have is a diploma from
the correspondence school.
It's a very attractive
diploma though.
And it says I'm a perfect
secretary... short-hand, typing,
and business management.
You've got a job waiting
for you someplace, huh?
No, but I'll get one.
And then when I've made enough
money, I'll come back to Texas
and buy myself a ranch with horses.
Oh, the loveliest horses.
You haven't told me
anything about yourself.
You've been awfully quiet.
RADIO: We interrupt
this broadcast to bring
you a very special bulletin.
Red Car is still at large.
Red Car who robbed another
bank in east Texas this morning
was last seen stealing
away in a fast black coupe.
Up to 10 minutes ago, he
had not been apprehended.
Special Warning to
anyone who might see him.
Red Car always carries at least
2 heavy caliber revolvers.
Approach with caution.
What kind of work do you do?
Oh, I'm going to New
York to write a play.
You still haven't
told me your name.
Or, or would you rather not?
Tayloe.
Eddie Tayloe.
How do you spell the Tayloe?
T-A-Y-L-O-E.
My name is Peruna Dunklin.
I spell the Dunklin, D-U-N-K...
[horn honks]
Watch out!
[tires screech]
EDDIE: Put those guns down!
They might go off!
Thank goodness
you've come out of it.
I thought it was the
Sheriff and the posse.
Sheriff?
But is what only Mr.
Thibault and the doctor.
Now, think quick.
They'll be in here any minute.
We'll use the name you
gave me last night.
Eddie Tayloe.
That's what I've already
told them your name is.
Are you listening to me?
I'm listening.
My name is Eddie Tayloe.
Good.
And I'm your sister, Perry.
My sister?
It makes it look better.
Red Car wouldn't be riding
around with his sister.
What's Red Car got to do with this.
Who are you?
Eddie Tayloe.
That's fine.
But don't worry about
your money bill.
I put it under the couch
after Mr. Thibault helped
me get you into bed last night.
I'm getting out of
here right... nope.
Want happened to my shoulder?
You're lucky you're alive.
I don't know.
And who is this Mr. Thibault?
This is his house.
He lives here alone.
His wife ran away with the dentist.
But he don't care he
says, because now he
doesn't have to pay the bill.
Anyway... he helped me get
you here after the accident.
You remember, don't you?
Remember it?
I'm still in it.
It's getting worse.
And we're so fortunate Mr.
Thibault didn't recognize you.
Let's get something straight.
I'm not Red Car.
Of course not.
You're Eddie Tayloe.
We agreed on that, didn't we?
That's not a matter of agreement.
I am Eddie Tayloe.
And I'm your sister.
I have no sister.
You better have one if you
know what's good for you.
[door shuts]
Hello, doctor.
Hello, Miss...
Tayloe.
Perry Tayloe.
And uh, you are?
I'm Red Car.
You heard about me, doc?
Haven't ya?
Why everybody around these
parts knows about Red Car.
What are ya nodding your head for?
Don't you believe I'm Red Car?
Don't ya?
Hmm?
And now, perhaps it
would be better if I
talked to the patient alone.
It's his left shoulder, doctor.
We'll know soon enough.
I'll call you if I need you.
Try to behave.
Get in touch with
the rest of the mob.
Tell them to lay low
until the heats off.
Ugh!
You got a good buy
in this car, Eddie.
You did the buying.
400 miles and the motor
sounds like a hummingbird.
You still getting
off at Birmingham?
Sure, if your shoulder's OK.
Why don't you stay with me
until we get to New York?
Or is that too big for ya?
I hadn't figured on New York.
Why not make it in New York.
It's about a time somebody went
there and changed the place.
Well, I don't know.
Perry?
Yes?
My shoulder doesn't
bother me anymore.
It hasn't hurt me for
the last two days.
I didn't say anything
because... well, what I
mean is... You're a good driver.
You mustn't fall in love with me.
Who said anything about...
You'll spoil everything.
What makes you think... I give up.
You must admit there's
always the possibility
that you might want for
us to become sweethearts.
You admit that possibility true?
Well, you must fight
that possibility.
It'll be a struggle.
A love affair at this time
would interfere with my plans.
You see, Eddie.
I've always lived in a world
with... well, call it make
believe.
But one thing is a reality.
I have a great capacity for love,
for people... for
all kinds of people.
Oh, I could fall in love, but
that would be selfish of me.
I feel I sort of owe it to
those people and kind of ration
out my affections.
So that's why you
must deny yourself
the prospect of loving me.
When the time comes and
I feel I've done all
I can do for others...
when that time comes,
then perhaps we can sit
down and talk things over.
Goodie.
I don't care whether
your laughing me or not.
That's the way I feel
about everything.
And this is the first time
I've had an opportunity
to do anything about it.
So, please.
Be strong, show character, and
don't fall in love with me.
- Perry?
- Yes?
Do me a favor?
Go ahead.
Shut up.
What are you gonna do?
Walk out on me right now?
You said your shoulders OK?
Well, I'm a little tired.
You drive for awhile.
After all, it's a
long way to New York.
[lively music]
MIKE [VOICEOVER]:
For six states,
she talked his ears off.
Of course, Perry knew
he wasn't Red Car.
But she kept up her
act just for the fun
of watching him blow his top.
And all the time, he
didn't know that she
was giving him the news.
It's funny how some gals know just
when to use reverse English.
Well, anyway.
It's not expensive like the others.
It'll make a good hideout.
For the last time, I
don't need a hideout.
Well, goodbye.
I hope you finish
your play pretty soon.
Thanks for everything.
What's your rush?
Let's have breakfast first
and talk things over.
We've had plenty of time to talk.
Now, I'm on my way to Brooklyn.
Brooklyn?
Did you come all the way to
New York to end up in Brooklyn?
I've heard so much about it.
It sounds like a
truly wondrous place.
What's so wondrous about it?
Brooklyn appeals to me.
Is there any reason why I shouldn't
make it my destination?
Well, that's not
a logical question.
I can't give you a logical answer.
Well, goodbye.
I hate to see you
rush off like that.
Eddie, you're being romantic.
I give up.
In plain and simple
language, goodbye.
Will you get in touch with
me when you get settled?
All right, Eddie.
[piano playing]
Let me have a room
and bath, please.
[bell dings]
[GROANS] 105.
I'm not a bell hop, you understand.
I'm a kind of a general
all around everything.
A bell hop would stop to
death in a fleabag like this.
Present company
excluded, the customers
here are anti-tipping.
That's why I got to be
illegal to make a living.
Like I take small bets from
the horse-playing sect.
I got a regular clientele.
You can become a member.
Where's the phone?
No phone.
A hotel without a telephone?
Downstairs near the bar, there is
a public phone for the
accommodation of the guests.
That's very accommodating.
Frankly, it's a plot
against the customer
to make them drink.
You see, every time you go
down to answer the phone,
you buy a drink.
Well, what if I don't want a drink.
Don't be a character.
You get into the habit.
That's why Mr.
Simpson yanked all
the phones out of the rooms.
Let them do their phoning
in the bar, he said.
That'll make them drink.
Understand the psychology?
Well, I don't want
to hurt your feelings,
but I don't understand
the psychology.
Look, I'll explain
it ya very simple.
Say your a guy and
you answer the phone.
And it's your girl.
And she says, Harry,
take it like a man.
From now on Joe has took your
place in my heart forever more.
What is Harry going to do?
There's the bar all
laid out for him.
Congenial company in a bar
tend to listen to anything.
What is Harry gonna do?
Right.
And it doesn't make any difference
whether it's his
girlfriend, or the boss,
or even if it's the bookie
trying to collect a bet.
Good news or bad news, he's
bound to take a drink...
sometimes to forget,
sometimes to remember.
And then there's...
there's the nervous type.
He's going to have a drink
before he answers the phone...
Maybe you don't have
to work, but I do.
A writer.
Do you mind?
A regular character.
If anybody calls you...
Nobody's going to call me.
But if I get a call from
Brooklyn and it's a girl... aw.
Nobody's gonna call me.
But if anybody does,
I'll come up and get you.
You don't have to
worry about tipping me.
I make my money
illegal, but legitimate.
Only I gotta figure you out first.
Yes.
Yes.
We'll do everything
we possibly can.
Bye bye.
And now, Miss Tayloe.
What kind of room would
you like and what district?
You know, the YWCA may not
be able to find it for you.
I'd like to live in
the loft of a stable.
A stable.
Did you say you wanted
to live in a stable?
Yes, please.
If it isn't too much trouble.
You're aware that there might
be horses in that stable?
Oh, yes of course.
I'd favor a stable
with horses in it.
But if you can't find
one with a horse in it,
I'd still favor a stable
even if it was empty.
Oh, well now that
makes it much simpler.
I thought... I hoped that I would be
able to find such a place here.
After all, this is
Brooklyn, so naturally...
Oh, yes.
Naturally.
Naturally.
Naturally.
[train speeding]
Here, child.
Share this with me.
- Thank you.
- Delighted, my dear.
Delighted.
Is anything wrong?
It's nothing, my dear.
Think nothing of it.
It's an allergy that I've developed
ever since coming up north.
I don't know what it is
and I've been to dozens
and dozens of doctors.
That wasn't a nice thing to do.
My dear, child.
I am ashamed of myself.
You'd never think I
used to be able to empty
a purse with a hand as
light as a goose feather.
But you could have asked me.
I ask no one.
And anyway with my police record,
I shouldn't even be
seen on the streets.
By the way, honey.
Before you call the
coppers, would you treat
me to a meal... a mere gesture.
I promise not to run away.
I couldn't... I...
[screams]
But you got to
answer some questions.
Why?
Because you have a
pencil and a notebook.
Because it's the law.
I've told you, she
doesn't feel well.
Now, isn't that enough?
OK.
We'll let it go with that.
Now, how about a
nice clean ambulance?
None of that, dear boy.
No ambulance.
But you're sick, lady.
Why make her sicker?
Ambulance.
Hospitals.
A lot of questions.
I know the whole routine.
Very unhealthy all those questions.
OK.
Then just give the facts.
What's your name?
Perry Tayloe.
You know, I think...
Mind if I get the facts?
T-A-Y-L-O
Add an E.
And the lady?
Ever seen her before?
Enough of this.
Child, I don't want to
burden you with... Oh, dear.
Send for the wagon.
You know, they
should send you home.
Two will get you five she
hasn't even got a home.
She has too got a home.
And how would you know?
Because... because she's my mother.
Your mother, huh?
What kind of a daughter
are you not to feed
your own flesh and blood?
Because she was too proud and
independent to accept help.
And then one day she ran
away from home to see what
she could pick up on her own.
I didn't catch up
with her until today.
She didn't want to be a
burden on me or on my brother.
You see, I have a brother too.
His name is Edward
Tayloe and he lives
at the Grand National Hotel.
She's his mother too.
Now, that makes everything fine.
Doesn't it?
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
OK.
You gonna take her home with
ya and take care of her?
Of course.
And your address?
At Grand National?
No, no.
It's 9006 Flatbush Place.
Not the house itself, the stable.
9006 Flatbush Place.
Now, you're doing the right thing.
And where do you live?
Oh, I don't want to
get mixed up in this.
I was just waiting for
a Downtown Express,
but uh, I'll take a local.
[whimsical music]
Will one of you sweet
girls please say something?
My daughter and I have
answered all of your questions.
How much longer do we
have to stand here?
Maybe they don't want us
to rent the stable loft.
We do.
You appear to be satisfactory.
You don't drink.
You don't smoke.
And you're not given to
entertaining gentlemen,
of course.
Very satisfactory.
Then we can have it?
Yes.
We'll show it to you.
[marching music]
Come in.
Telephone for you.
For me?
The police department.
Well, it's a gag.
Why should the police want me?
Don't be disturbed, character.
When the police use the telephone
it can't be anything serious.
Maybe they just want you
to... to identify a corpse.
It's OK.
You can go that way.
We're informal here.
Hello?
Yes.
Well, this is Eddie
Tayloe speaking.
My mother!
Well, if my sister,
Perry, told you that,
you can take her word for it.
Yes, sir.
I'll see to it that my mother
is properly fed from now on.
Another telephone call.
Your sister.
Tell her... tell her
that I... I'll take it.
Hello?
Now, look Perry.
I'm get... yes.
The police called.
No, they didn't finger paint me.
Listen, Perry.
How can you get
yourself into so much
trouble in so short a time?
There's been no trouble.
Not one iota.
As a matter of fact, I have
something good to tell you.
I found a wonderful mother for you.
But I don't want a mother.
But Red Car needs a mother.
Don't you understand
the psychology?
I don't care if Red
Car needs a mother.
I'm trying to write a play.
All right.
But don't get hysterical just
because I was trying to help
a nice lady who was hungry.
So I arranged to have
our mother stay with me.
Go on.
Give me the facts.
Now, if you'll
promise not to get mad,
I'll explain something
about our mother.
You see, many years ago she had
a sort of a... a tendency to um,
to pickpocket.
Did you say that our sweet loving
mother is a notorious pickpocket
with a long prison record?
Will you or will
you not stand by me.
Of course I'll stand by ya.
What else am I going to do?
But, Perry, please.
Can't you get yourself
involved in something
simple... like a triple murder.
Oh, Eddie I'm terribly sorry
I've been such a burden to you.
And you have my solemn word that
I'll never do anything to make
you angry or upset you again.
OK, Perry.
OK.
I'm not angry with you.
Hello?
Hello?
Perry!
Perry!
Hello?
Let me have a double... never mind.
[whimsical music]
[ringing]
Yes?
Well, I'm Eddie Tayloe.
I'm expected I believe.
These are my sisters.
Ms. Pearl Cheever
and Ms. Opal Cheever.
How do you do?
He doesn't resemble his mother.
He doesn't resemble his sister.
No.
Well, I take after my father.
Oh.
We do not permit smoking here.
I'm sorry.
We are very disagreeable.
Everyone in the neighborhood
says we are mean and spiteful.
And utterly selfish.
And we are.
Yes.
[STUTTERING] I'm sure you're not.
We do not deny the truth.
We are most unpleasant indeed.
And we'd rather you
didn't go around Brooklyn
saying nice things about us.
No.
My son.
My dear, dear son.
It's been so long, my darling boy.
You may use the sitting room.
Thank you, dear girls.
Come along, my sweet.
Remember, no smoking.
Excuse us please, dear girls.
You could have called me mother.
Well, I wanted to call
you a lot of things,
but that triple threat
out there stopped me cold.
Shh!
I called you about Perry.
Well, it's about time.
If I'd known this address, I would
have been here three weeks ago.
Well, Perry didn't want
to get in touch with you
until she had a job.
Now, she's got a job.
Well, why didn't she call me?
Well, it's a strange kind
of a job she's got, my boy.
If this job is
something you got her...
if you're getting her mixed up
in something crooked, I'll...
Just look who's talking.
I may have lifted a
leather now and then,
but I never pulled a bank job.
But for Perry's sweet sake,
your secret shall remain
locked deep within my hear.
What about Perry's job?
What's wrong?
That's why I thought
we'd drop down and watch
her while she's at work.
Then, you can decide what
course of action to take.
Well, can't you tell me about it?
Where's she working?
Coney Island.
And imagine we can get some
hot dogs while we are there.
Come along, my sweet.
What time will you
be back, Mrs. Tayloe?
Oh, in an hour.
Or two.
Or three.
And thanks for a
most unpleasant time.
You must come
again, Mr. Tayloe.
Oh, I will.
Any time I want to get depressed.
We should have listened
in on their conversation.
We should have.
Next time, we will.
[fair music]
MAN: Get your hot dogs.
Giant-sized hot dogs.
Coney Island special
12-inches from head to toe.
I'll have one.
You'll have one, what?
Well, I was under the impression
you sold hot dogs here.
Well, speak up, buddy.
I can't read your mind.
Here ya are.
Get your hot dogs.
Everybody likes them.
Only ten to a customer.
Mustard?
No.
Take it or leave it, buddy.
In this business, we
got a short season.
Excuse me, sir.
I didn't mean to offend you.
Ah, the Park Avenue-type.
Here they are.
Get your Coney Island hot dogs.
But I told you, I didn't
want another hot dog.
Well, don't eat it.
I'm just trying to keep
both your hands occupied.
Here, hold these for me a minute.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I know that little guy.
He didn't recognize me, but
I spotted him right away.
He's called Doc because he
looks like a nerve specialist.
He's one of the smoothest
operators in the profession.
Your profession?
Uh-huh.
By the way, you better look and see
if you still got your wallet.
[laughing]
I knew he was lifting them
the minute he bumped into ya.
And I suppose you lifted
it from him to prove
to me that you've reformed.
No, child.
I just want to see if my technique
is better than the Doc's.
Or maybe I did it for the Perry.
I wish you wouldn't
have said reform.
Makes me feel so
old and used to it.
Rather you called it retired.
I give you the
greatest entertainment
value on the midway.
Ziggy's internationally
famous water nymphs.
This is it.
What's Perry doing in there?
We're down here to find out.
And I hope she can swim.
HOST: Presenting
the water nymphs.
Here they are, everybody.
Eight dance girls, and each
one born and bred in Brooklyn.
And this one all
the way from Texas.
Oh, look!
There's Perry.
Say, she's all right.
HOST: Folks!
These girls are not only gorgeous,
they are dare devils as you
will soon see for yourself
behind these closed walls.
And now, ladies and
gentlemen, I'd like to have
you meet the girls personally.
Honey, tell the folks your name.
Jane Dean.
[whistling]
Linda Lombard.
Meryl Neming.
Mil Patrick.
Jill Jorg.
Jean [clicks] Stratton.
AUDIENCE: Woohoo!
And you, honey?
Hey, you.
Hey, you.
My name is Perry...
[laughing]
My name is Perry Tayloe...
[laughing continues]
Keep your hands off of her.
Go away, sonny.
You bother me.
MAN: Right down this way, folks.
Come on down.
Right down this way.
The biggest show on the midway.
Come on down, folks.
The biggest show on the midway.
The shows going on now.
Right this way, folks.
The biggest show on the midway.
See the firing.
Come on down.
Right down this way folks.
Come on down this way.
Tickets right this way.
Go on right in.
Right over there, folks.
Get your tickets.
I'm obliged to ya, Eddie.
Even though you made me lose
my job, I'm obliged to you
because I know you meant well.
But in the future, please
let me pick my own jobs
and you stick to your play writing.
Oh, what's the use?
I give up.
Here.
Call it a loan or,
or whatever you want.
You'll need it until
you get another job.
Well, thank you.
But I'm not looking for charity.
Good night.
Hey, mother of mine.
Here, you try to give it to her.
Well, she said she didn't want it.
I know, but you're
slick enough to figure
out a way of getting it to her.
Or are you going to
get high hat on me too?
Frankly, yes.
We... and I speak for my
daughter and myself... want no
further interference from you.
I told you, Mr. Arco
never does musicals.
Junior.
How many times do
I have to tell you
to keep that phone off the
hook when I'm trying to eat.
Eating?
Yeah I was having a
little snack in there,
but I've got a very
sensitive stomach.
And I can't eat a thing with
that phone ringing and...
So you mean to tell me
that you've been eating
all the time I've been waiting.
Junior?
Yeah.
Who is this man?
He wrote a play.
I returned it to him
but, he insisted on
a personal interview with you.
I told him you'd be tied
up for at least an hour.
And all that time
you were only eating.
Well, why not?
I didn't bother you when you
were working on your play
did I?
Why do you feel that
you should bother
me when I'm trying to eat?
[electric shaver]
Oh, stop that.
This is no beauty parlor!
Now, do you mind if I return
to my chicken sandwich
on white toast with no dressing?
Wait a minute.
Before you go, I would
like to know something.
In fact, I've reached the
point where I must know.
You see, everybody on Broadway
has turned down my play.
Now that I've exhausted the
field, I've got to know.
Should I try to write another play?
I never read your play.
You nev... Well, how
could you turn it down?
Because Junior didn't like it.
Junior didn't like it?
How could you let a thing like
that pass judgment on my play?
Well, wait a minute, son.
Take it easy.
Junior has an uncanny eye
for anything that looks
like a potential hit play.
Why he could get a million jobs
tomorrow any place on Broadway.
But he's my son and
I won't let him go.
Junior, tell the gentleman
if has any talent.
I don't care what he thinks.
Eh, you asked me a question.
Junior will have to
answer you, I can't.
All right.
I'll take his opinion.
So Eddie asked Junior.
But even Junior didn't like it.
Nobody liked it.
Eddie was a bust.
When I met up with him, Eddie
had fire coming out of his eyes
and smoke coming out of his ears.
Hold it, Mike.
You better hitch-up
that third horse.
What's more?
What's more with what?
What's more with the story?
How many times does that
horse have to kick me
before I get the end?
So far, pal, you've only
been riding side-saddle.
Now, we really go
places, because here's
where I met up with Eddie.
You remember the bell hop?
Well, Eddie tried to pass
that bar once too often.
It was a night that
Joe was sick and had
asked me to stand in for him.
Bar tender!
Martin!
Good evening.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
I was just getting
ready to close up.
OK, what will ya have?
Poison.
[chuckles]
What kind of a chaser?
Don't be a comedian.
Give me a bourbon and water.
Bourbon and water.
You can call me Mike.
Why?
[chuckles]
That's my name.
Oh.
I want a bourbon.
Ya I know.
But I want you try one of these.
It's a little concoction of my own.
Look, I ordered a straight bourbon.
Yeah, I know.
But just try one of these.
Now, can I have a straight bourbon?
Good, huh?
What do they call this drink?
Golden horse.
OK, Mike.
Let me have another golden horse.
[chuckles]
You're new around
here aren't ya, Mike?
Hm?
You're new around here.
Oh, yeah.
I'm only here for the evening.
Joe has a cold.
Oh.
Say, Mike.
How do you make this
uh, golden horse?
Well first, a little
dab of Texas sunshine.
Then, some rain.
A little hale.
Got to have some hale.
[chuckles]
Some snow.
Couple of earthquakes.
Then, you make a very
tiny waterfall out of it.
Just a little teensy one.
And you top it off with
some good old mother ale.
[chuckles]
I like you, Mike.
You've got a great sense of humor.
Poor one for yourself.
Thanks, Eddie.
How'd you know my name was Eddie?
Oh, um, he told me
when you first came in.
Oh.
Eddie really tied
one on that night.
Six hours and twelve bars
later, I got the whole story.
How he cost Perry a job and how
he was the world's worst play
write.
Along with it, I got the idea
that there might be something
I could do for these kids.
[audio out] things first, got
Eddie sobered up the easy way.
Flat on his back in Prospect Park.
Mike?
Mike!
[chuckles]
How is it, Eddie?
New world's record for a hangover.
[chuckles]
Well, a Turkish bath
ought to help you a lot.
There's one near here too.
Best Turkish bath in Brooklyn.
Brooklyn, a truly wondrous place.
I thought you'd like it.
At Prospect Park.
Oh.
Oh, I could lie here for hours.
It's like Texas
without the sagebrush.
You know what I need?
A long ride on a horse.
That'd fix me up.
Well, let's try the
Turkish bath first.
And while we're there, you
can get your clothes cleaned.
Then, if you want,
you can rent a horse.
I'll go along with ya on
that Turkish bath deal.
The horse is out.
[thunder rumbles]
It's going to be pouring
here in a few minutes.
I wouldn't take a mule
out in such weather.
Say, I know where
we can rent a horse
and the rain won't even touch us.
And you can have any kind
of a gait that you want.
Fast or slow.
Or one that will rock you
like a baby in a cradle.
And you can have your
Texas sagebrush too.
Where is this heavenly spot?
Right here in Brooklyn.
This Brooklyn is
truly a wondrous place.
[thunder rumbles]
The Turkish bath was one thing,
but this I don't believe.
Here, I get to ride a
horse through sagebrush?
Come on, Eddie.
MIKE [VOICEOVER]:
So, I took him to Mr.
Gaboolian's Riding Academy.
It was strictly out
of this world and that
included Mr. Gaboolian.
He was a whacked up guy.
A fugitive from Ripley.
EDDIE: Wow!
What is it a zoo?
Mike, you're a man of your word.
It's all here.
I'm wondering if I am.
MIKE [VOICEOVER]: Well, it
was a place a man can go
when he got fed up work 9 to 5.
But two bits of Mr. Gaboolian's
he could live dangerous.
Sail the seven seas and
track down wild game.
[chuckles]
Yeah.
The Academy was something.
And it was just what the
doctor ordered for the kid.
Soon as Eddie got one
foot inside the place,
I could see his troubles
begin to peel off.
I'll give you a choice
of any horse in the place.
Use that one.
Aw.
Hello, Mr. Gaboolian.
Sorry to disturb you.
[chuckles] Meet my friend, Eddie.
Eddie and I want to
ride your horses.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
The rain was so heavy,
so I think nobody comes.
So I held me sleep in
the [inaudible] elephant.
Excuse, gentlemen, please.
Please.
What's he doing up there?
Hm?
That's Captain Lars Bjorn.
He was a real skipper once.
That boat teaches you not
to become sea sick, huh?
[laughing]
I guess so.
Excuse please, gentlemen.
Boy, I've seen some
gems in my life,
but this is really a beaut.
Good afternoon, Mr. MacWirther.
Good day, to you.
It's a miserable day out.
Oh, sure.
It's good that you are here.
[adventurous music]
[chuckling]
He's Mr. Robert
Bruce MacWirther.
He owns a nice beauty
store on Fulton Street.
So every day he rides the camel.
[adventurous music continues]
He looks like he's
having a lot of fun.
Oh, the fun.
That's all me think
that makes him happy.
[chuckling]
Now, this is to start.
When you ride it
fast, move forward.
Perry would really love this.
She'd go crazy with this machine.
Hey, Mike!
Look at me!
Might have crossed west Texas!
Yahoo!
Yipee!
Come on!
No hands.
Oh, you're good!
Yahoo!
Mr. Gaboolian?
Yes?
I want to make you a
business proposition.
You say?
I want you to a hire a young girl
to help you run this place.
Maybe I better wash my face.
My eyes, maybe they are opened,
but my mind is still asleep.
Excuse me, please.
Mr. Gaboolian?
Yes?
She'd be wonderful for you.
She loves horses and, and she could
fix any mechanical gadget in
case something should go wrong.
[chuckling]
You make a joke.
Excuse me, please.
Mr. Gaboolian!
And yes?
I mean it most seriously.
She would be a real help.
Help me what, sir, please?
Help me not to see a customer?
Help me not to pay the rent?
Help me not eat like
a man should eat?
Help me that way, mister?
No.
It's not right.
You shouldn't make fun of me.
Excuse me.
I go back to sleep.
Mr. Gaboolian.
Yes?
I know you can't afford it, so I'll
give you her salary every
week and then you can pay her.
Or in other words, she'll be
getting the job on her own.
Understand?
Why should I go back to sleep?
I stand here and I sleep already.
Don't you see?
This girl needs a job.
And I want her to
have this one, here.
You'll have someone to help you
and it will cost you nothing.
It will cost me nothing?
Absolutely nothing.
I'll even pay for
the ad in the paper.
Wanted.
Young girl from Texas.
Must know and love
all kinds of horses.
Must be honor graduate
of correspondence course.
Now, remember.
The only one you
hire is Perry Tayloe.
Perry Tay...
EDDIE: I'll write it
all out for you later.
What have you got to lose?
Just think, Mr. Gaboolian.
You can sleep as much as you want.
I'll think it over.
What is there to think about?
Nothing.
One needs to me think
sound like better business.
So I think it over
for a minute, please.
Then, I give you my
answer, which will be yes.
Swell.
Now, we each put in a
nickel to begin with.
That's my girls.
Now, let me see your hand.
Now, you remember.
You all promised Perry you
would learn play games.
You know how anxious she
is to liven up the place.
And how are you going to play poker
if you don't let me teach you?
That's my girl.
Well, you have a very
bad poker hand, dear.
2, 4, 7, 10, Jack...
there's nothing at all.
But if I were you, I'd
hold on to this Jack,
because that's your highest card.
See?
And ask for four more cards.
I'll gladly give them to you.
Nice, fresh, new ones.
Now... no you hold on to that, dear.
Now, Ruby, let me
see what you have.
Why that's wonderful!
You've got a pair of fours.
Now, if I get a pair of two's
or three's, you will beat me.
You see?
You see how simple
it is to play poker?
Now, dear, let's see what you have.
Oh.
Well, you have a
very good hand dear.
Three queens and a pair of aces.
A very good hand indeed.
But in poker, one must always
try to improve one's hand,
so I'd throw away these two aces.
And try buy another queen,
because four queens, you see,
would give you a
perfectly lovely hand.
Now, we each put in another nickel
in order buy a fresh card.
Come along.
Oh, how I wish Perry were
here to see you play.
Now, three for you.
1, 2, 3.
And two for you.
1, 2.
And four for you.
1, 2, 3, 4.
Now, I'm not taking anything.
That's what's called standing pat.
Now, we'll all show our hands
in order to see whose won.
Well now, calm, calm girls.
If we don't show our
hands, how are we going
to know who's the lucky girl?
And the lucky one
wins all the money
in the center of the table.
Now... now, I have a straight.
5, 6, 7, 8, 9.
Now, you remember what I
told you about a straight?
I'm going to be
awfully hard to beat.
Awfully hard.
But!
That's the game of poker for you.
That's what makes it
so terribly exciting.
Now, let's see, dearest.
What you have?
Come along.
Awe, you poor unlucky thing.
You haven't got anything,
not even a pair.
Now, let's see what you have, dear.
Well, you still have
only a pair of four's.
That doesn't beat a straight.
Now, dearest.
Let's see what you have.
Four queens.
Four of a kind beats a straight.
That's what you taught us.
I sure enough taught you that.
I sure enough did.
Well, we'll have to
try another time.
I've got a job.
A new job.
A wonderful job.
A most heavenly job.
Oh, good news is always good news.
I'm so happy for you, darling.
It's just what I've always wanted.
Horses, and a camel,
and an elephant,
and a lot of other things!
I didn't know the
circus was in town.
It isn't.
We always know when it comes.
We always get free passes
from our grocer, Mr. Prickle.
No, no, no.
It's a riding academy.
And all the animals are mechanical.
But their so life-like,
their practically real.
And I'm to be executive manager,
isn't that too good to be true?
Oh, no.
But I've got to
have a riding habit.
I wouldn't look as if I were
running the place unless I did.
You know, I've
noticed that our dear,
dear, Cheever sisters are very
handy with a sewing machine.
We've never made a riding habit.
Only mother hubbards.
And slip covers.
Yes, but under my
supervision, dear girls,
you'll make a riding habit.
A more than suitable riding habit.
But first, let's return all
the losings to the losers.
You were the only loser.
Well, I guess I'll have to teach
you how to play gin rummy.
There were about 50 other
girls for the job, but I got it.
All in all, those three ghouls
downstairs took me for $8.40.
I tried black jack,
casino, double solitaire.
I even invented a game and
called it chuck full of luck.
But that's a commodity of
which, the Cheever sisters
seem to have a monopoly.
But it's worth it.
Do you notice how
congenial they'll become?
I knew it would work.
And I'm so grateful to you.
After all, it's your money, child.
If you don't mind spending it
trying to warm up those three
ice cubes in petticoats.
Turn around.
Not that I think they
ever will warm up.
Oh, yes they will I've
already convinced them
to come to the Academy
one of these days
and try a ride on the animals.
I don't get it.
This concern you
have for other folks.
I don't get it at all.
I met a lot of people
in my day, both inside
of prisons and outside.
But somebody like you, what do
you expect to get out of it?
Oh, if I make people happy,
it makes me feel good.
That's all.
But what about
making yourself happy?
But I am, very.
I'll let you in on a
little secret, you're not.
And I'm referring to
that certain party
named Eddie Tayloe.
You know, I was in love with
my probation officer once.
I had such a crush on
him, it gave me a thrill
just to report to his office.
But of course, I had to curb
any display of affection,
because after all, he
was my probation officer.
But you and this Eddie...
How do I look?
Don't ask me.
Ask Eddie Tayloe.
Dear, child.
You interfered in my
life, so I feel I have
a right to interfere in yours.
You did something
that state prisons,
penitentiaries, small jails,
and eight parole boards
couldn't do.
You made an honest woman of me.
Of course, there's
enough larceny in me
to keep me attractive.
But I want to do something for you.
May I, sweet?
I know what you're going to say.
Well, then why don't you do it?
I can't!
I can't now.
Not until he's finished his play,
because that's what he wants
to do more than anything
else in the world.
And, and I wouldn't want to
clutter things up for him.
You could help.
That's what a woman's
for... to make a man
think he's successful.
Oh, no, no.
He told me definitely.
He works alone.
After he's a success in the theater
then maybe... well, maybe then.
Well, I tried to help.
But you have.
If I were certain...
if I were really
certain that Eddie wanted
me... you know what I mean.
The least you can do is
to call up that idiot.
And tell him you're
working and where.
I'll do it.
I'll do it right now.
Eddie?
I took the liberty of coming here.
You don't have to
apologize for visiting me.
I'm not apologizing.
I came to say goodbye.
Goodbye?
You mean like farewell?
I've been wanting to say,
farewell, to everyone.
To you, to Mike, except
Mike isn't around.
So farewell, Perry.
Farewell, Eddie.
And goodbye.
They turned down your play?
And you're giving up?
That's not right.
You've got to have faith.
Particularly in yourself.
Faith?
Yes, faith.
And don't make it sound
like some cheap commodity
flooding the morgue.
I didn't come here to argue, Perry.
Let's part as friends.
Now, we're parting?
After I say goodbye,
I... I guess the next step
is for us to part.
How do you go about it?
Well, I wasn't planning
on shaking your hand
if that's what you mean?
Course not.
Or waving you, so long.
Or slapping you on the back.
No.
That would be in bad taste.
You may fall in love with me now.
Thanks.
PERRY: Mr. Gaboolian?
Yes?
PERRY: I have
figured out just how
this business should be run.
You say?
I've made a graph according
to seasonal changes.
Yes, just please.
I go back to sleep.
PERRY: And Mr. Gaboolian?
Yes?
I have made a very detailed
study as to why business
has been bad up til now.
A study she makes.
It's easy like pie when nobody
comes in and uses the machines.
Then business is bad.
So far, six months one
people... three people
come in, so I know business is bad.
I know it.
Mrs. Gaboolian knows it.
And all my relations know it.
Now, she comes and makes
it with pen and paper
and tells me that business is bad.
Big surprise.
Excuse, please.
I go back to sleep.
He's upset, because I had
him print up a thousand hand
bills to advertise the plays.
Mandy's going to give them
out in various sections
of Brooklyn.
You think that will help, huh?
Oh, yes.
The point is so few people
really know about the Academy.
All we have are two regulars,
like Capt. Bjorn over there
and Robert Bruce MacWirther,
who comes in every day
to ride across the track...
Is he still at it?
Huh?
How did you know about him?
I think I'll take a pony ride.
Why, Mr. MacWirther.
Are you going to take
another ride today?
Indeed I am.
I've been feeling restless all day.
And I thought, if no one
else is going to use it...
Oh, no, Mr. MacWirther.
That camel is yours.
Thank you.
[adventurous music]
I just brought you
three more customers.
All right, girls.
Come in.
[marching music]
They were a little unwilling
at first, but here they are.
Oh, I'm sure you all will have
a perfectly wonderful time.
Why shouldn't they have?
I just taught them
how to shoot craps.
They won close to $6.00 from
me and the dice were loaded.
May I offer you the finest
horses in the stable?
Oh, thank you.
Now, you two girls take this one.
Need help, Mandy?
Thank you, I don't need any help.
Ms. Cheever.
Stirrup.
Up you go.
There we are.
Have fun.
[racing music]
How did I get here?
Let's go.
Yippee!
MANDY: Yippee!
[laughing]
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we
could have business like this
every day, all day long?
Then you would be
completely happy, huh?
Almost, Eddie.
If only Gaboolian would
change the name of the place.
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
I've got a name for you.
The Golden Horse Academy.
The Golden Horse Academy.
That's perfect.
It would be a good
name for a ranch too.
Let's speed it up.
[fast racing music]
What can that be?
Maybe they're using too much juice.
It could be an overload.
Mr. Gaboolian,
you do something!
You hear me, Mr. Gaboolian?
Huh?
You do something right now!
Hey!
Whoa!
Where's the main switch?
Ship ahoy!
The main switch.
Tell me where it is.
The switch.
Go faster!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Man the life boats, you
land-lover scum of the war!
We're headin' for
Davey Jones locker!
Ah!
What happened, please?
What a ride.
Too much business.
Just too much business.
Yes.
You still riding with me?
Leavers have no small talk, pal.
You better get that
horse going again.
Mhm.
This one you get for free.
That's the one I've
been waiting for.
Well, by this time,
Gaboolian had enough
and decided to sell the joint.
And who do you think bought it?
Eddie.
And you know why?
Just to keep Perry working.
Just to give her a job.
Of course, Perry
didn't know that Eddie
sunk his last $800 in it.
Eddie and I figured
that this Academy
deal would clear up everything.
But the place just
didn't seem to catch on.
Even with Perry running
it and with all the face
she had in it.
Christmas Eve came along.
And Eddie and Perry were only
two jumps ahead of the sheriff.
Say, what do you think could be
happening up there at 11:00PM?
That's Gaboolian's place, isn't it?
Used to be.
It's been called The
Golden Horse Academy
the past couple of weeks.
Think maybe they're having
a Christmas party up there?
[SINGING] The first
noel, the angels did...
MIKE [VOICEOVER]:
We had a big party.
Well, it was supposed to be big.
But we wound up just
trying to be gay.
Robert Bruce MacWirther showed
up along with a whole hang
of Santa Clauses.
All members of The Big
Brothers of St. Nicholas,
South Brooklyn Branch.
The old boys rode the
stuffing out of the menagerie,
but the cash register
never rang once.
[SINGING] Noel!
Born is the King of Israel.
Then, Officer Carmody came in.
Well, Merry Christmas, Marcus!
I'd like to have you meet
my friends, Perry and Eddie.
How do you do?
How do you do, Marcus?
I said, I'd like to have you meet
my friends, Perry and Eddie.
Oh.
How do... how do you do?
And a very Merry Christmas to you.
I've noticed the lights up here
ever since I've been on duty,
but I did nothing about it.
That's right.
Tonight's the night for
leaving people alone.
Yes... then I see what looks
to me like a crowd of Santa
Clauses coming to this build.
I followed them in.
Get the point?
Oh, great work.
MIKE [VOICEOVER]: When
I saw his eyes pop
at the place jumping
with Santa Clauses,
something snapped in my noggin.
Strange, yes.
But nothing that
would make me report
this incident to headquarters.
You see, Christmas Eve is a
night for leaving people alone.
What do you mean
there's nothing wrong?
Huh?
How would it look if a passerby
saw them come in and reported
it to your superior officer?
How would you look if you
said you didn't think it was
important enough to call
the station when you saw
a hoard of Santa
Clauses come in here
and take over the riding
academy at this time of night?
You think I ought to
check with the Sergeant?
Is that the sort of thing that
happens to you every night?
But this is Christmas Eve.
Well, does that explain the
situation as far as an officer
of the law is concerned?
Don't let anyone leave.
I'm going to call the station.
Come with me.
Get me the numbers of
all the newspapers.
Manhattan as well as Brooklyn.
Hello?
City desk, please.
Soda pop?
Yes, dear.
I'll have just a teensy.
Really, girls.
There's a limit to
how far we can go.
Why?
I don't know.
Yes.
Well, just a few.
You sure you're not drunk, Carmody?
All right, I'll check on it.
I'll check on you at the same time.
Sure, there's a story in it.
Sounds like a lot
of human interest.
I'll send a man over.
Bye.
Well, if you won't help me, I'll
call the police commissioner.
I tell you, he does this
every Christmas Eve,
but he always gets home
in time for dinner.
Something must have
happened to him.
Here's the newspaper in the Bronx.
Well, give it to me!
We want complete coverage.
50 Santy Clauses?
This time of the night?
Have you got the address?
Yes, Alice.
I've already called the police.
Oh, you have too?
Well, what could have
happened to them?
We just got a tip
about 100 Santa Clauses
all drunk, running wild
some place in Brooklyn.
Yes, lady.
I got all that.
Now how was your husband dressed?
Oh, like Santa Clause, huh?
[chuckles] Maybe he got
stuck down the wrong chimney?
Now, look, lady.
Don't take it so serious.
We'll find your husband all right?
No sense of humor.
[chuckles]
Gin.
[bell dinging]
Now, listen to me!
Listen to me, all of you.
Your wives and your children,
your friends, your neighbors
are burning up the telephone
wires is asking if any of you
is behind bars at
the police station.
Or laying all torn to
pieces on a hospital bed.
Or stretched stone dead on
a cold slab at the morgue.
Well, are ya?
[laughter]
I... I got a list of
names to check on.
You guys are going home right away.
Big smile, now.
Oh, come on.
Bigger than that.
You know, um, with this
publicity and everything,
you have a pretty valuable
piece of property.
Well, the Cheever
sisters want to buy it.
What do you think, Perry?
Well, we could always use
the money to buy a ranch.
In Texas perhaps.
I merely offer it as a suggestion.
We'll raise herds of
golden horses, Eddie.
Real golden horses.
Maybe 50 of them to begin with.
And... and a lot of
little golden colts.
100 golden horses, Perry?
To begin with?
And after that, well,
maybe many, many more.
You know, my grandfather
used to have several thousand
on his ranch.
Eddie Tayloe, now don't
you start pretending.
[chuckling]
MIKE [VOICEOVER]: And
so, Eddie and Perry
got their ranch, which is what
they both wanted all the time.
Now, in Texas, babies
come on golden horses.
None of that stork
business in Texas.
No, sir.
And that whole ranch was
loaded with golden horses.
You expect me to believe all that?
How'd you like the drink?
Fine.
Didn't even feel them.
So long, Mike.
So long.
[music fanfare]
[SINGING] Texas.
Brooklyn.
Texas.
Brooklyn.
Mm.
Heaven.
Before you learn
your ABC's, you learn
that good things happen in
three's, like Texas, Brooklyn,
and heaven.
They may have got blues,
but they don't cry.
The devil has such a terrible time
in Texas, Brooklyn, heaven.
Yippee-I, Yippee-O
for the Alamo, where
the planes are above the mat.
Yippee-O, Yippee-I
for the lucky guy
who hangs his hat
in a flatbush flat.
You want to meet an angel face.
My angels live all over the place
in Texas, Brooklyn, and heaven!
[piano playing]
What'll you have?
What's with that?
What's with what?
With that.
Oh!
House special.
You have one?
Yeah.
I'll have the fourth one.
[chuckles]
Funny fellow, huh?
With or without?
With or without what?
The story.
This long?
Depends on how many you drink.
OK.
Start mixing.
I'm gonna work my way
up to that free one.
Hey, Mike.
Why Texas Golden Horse?
Why not Brooklyn Golden Horse?
Because Eddie Tayloe.
Came from Texas.
Dallas, Texas.
[music playing]
This is Dallas, Texas.
[typewriters writing]
Boy.
EDDIE: Copy.
Say, Copy, got anything for me?
Nope.
You don't expect to get
anything for that place.
Not on the Dallas
News, do ya Eddie?
That's good.
I... I'm kind of busy here anyhow.
Who are you kiddin?
EDITOR: Copy!
I'll see ya.
Give this to Tayloe.
It might interest him.
Yes, sir.
Copy.
Got something for ya.
Ya?
For me?
St. Angelo's your
hometown, isn't it?
Yeah.
Got a story here that just
came in about old T.X. Tayloe.
Any relation of yours?
My grandfather.
Says here he's dead.
He was a very old man.
Left an inheritance, huh?
EDDIE: Yeah.
His own private money belt and
a couple of 1875 Colt revolvers.
Well, he remembered me.
I had forgotten him.
Seems he didn't believe in banks,
so left me $6,000 in
cash in his money belt.
EDITOR: Copy!
COPY BOY: [inaudible]
Mr. McGonical?
Yeah?
This is my last day here.
Quitting?
Since the first day I
came here three years ago,
I've been waiting until
I had enough money
to do what I really want to do.
Money?
Your grandfather left
you $6,000, not $60,000.
That's enough.
What are you going to do
with this enormous fortune?
Buy a ranch half the size of Texas?
I'm going to New York
to finish my play.
Uh-huh.
Well, when your smash
hit flops on Broadway,
the Fort Worth section
will still be open.
On the dullest news?
That's right.
No thanks.
So long, McGonical.
So long.
Oh, good luck!
[car engine stalling]
MIKE [VOICEOVER]: Eddie
got off to a swell start.
26 miles out of Dallas
he had car trouble.
But if there had
been no car trouble...
Hey, Mr. Would ya
give me a lift, please?
I'm not very heavy.
Where did you come from?
I was asleep there beside the road.
Then I heard you
making all that noise.
I guess it woke me.
Go away.
You're a very rude person.
You're not a nice girl.
Out on the highway
this time of the night.
There's nothing nice
about you either.
Not a single iota.
It so happens I'm
running away from home.
Some people do it in style.
Some have to do it my way.
So for your information,
I am a nice girl.
And now, if you'll excuse me.
Good night.
[banging]
I can't sleep with all
that racket you're making.
I'm sorry my car broke
down in your boudoirs.
If you had one iota of
friendliness... just one ioda...
I could fix your car for ya.
That I'd like to see.
Thanks for fixing my car.
You've already said
that four times.
I'm only trying to
make conversation.
Please don't exert yourself.
I'm sure it must be very exhausting
for you to try to be nice.
I'm a fella who's
always been alone.
Even when I work with
others, I'm still alone.
I'm not used to helping
or being helped.
Isn't it funny that I should
be running away from the ranch
when that's what I
like most of all.
What ranch?
Oh.
Didn't I tell you?
It's the family ranch in Texas.
It's just outside of Calinamo City.
It covers about 115,000 acres.
And you should see
the horses we have.
2,800 of them not counting the
wild mares and their foals.
Look, miss.
I know Calinamo City pretty well.
There is no horse ranch
within 200 miles of that place
and we both know it.
Yeah.
But if there was such a place,
wouldn't it be wonderful?
What are you really
running away from?
PERRY: A gasoline station.
That's why I know
so much about cars.
My brother and I ran it
until he got married.
And then when his wife moved
in I felt sort of unnecessary.
You know, like I was
crowding the place.
Still it's better than
bucking the world on your own.
Unless you have a grandfather
who left you a hunk of dough.
All I have is a diploma from
the correspondence school.
It's a very attractive
diploma though.
And it says I'm a perfect
secretary... short-hand, typing,
and business management.
You've got a job waiting
for you someplace, huh?
No, but I'll get one.
And then when I've made enough
money, I'll come back to Texas
and buy myself a ranch with horses.
Oh, the loveliest horses.
You haven't told me
anything about yourself.
You've been awfully quiet.
RADIO: We interrupt
this broadcast to bring
you a very special bulletin.
Red Car is still at large.
Red Car who robbed another
bank in east Texas this morning
was last seen stealing
away in a fast black coupe.
Up to 10 minutes ago, he
had not been apprehended.
Special Warning to
anyone who might see him.
Red Car always carries at least
2 heavy caliber revolvers.
Approach with caution.
What kind of work do you do?
Oh, I'm going to New
York to write a play.
You still haven't
told me your name.
Or, or would you rather not?
Tayloe.
Eddie Tayloe.
How do you spell the Tayloe?
T-A-Y-L-O-E.
My name is Peruna Dunklin.
I spell the Dunklin, D-U-N-K...
[horn honks]
Watch out!
[tires screech]
EDDIE: Put those guns down!
They might go off!
Thank goodness
you've come out of it.
I thought it was the
Sheriff and the posse.
Sheriff?
But is what only Mr.
Thibault and the doctor.
Now, think quick.
They'll be in here any minute.
We'll use the name you
gave me last night.
Eddie Tayloe.
That's what I've already
told them your name is.
Are you listening to me?
I'm listening.
My name is Eddie Tayloe.
Good.
And I'm your sister, Perry.
My sister?
It makes it look better.
Red Car wouldn't be riding
around with his sister.
What's Red Car got to do with this.
Who are you?
Eddie Tayloe.
That's fine.
But don't worry about
your money bill.
I put it under the couch
after Mr. Thibault helped
me get you into bed last night.
I'm getting out of
here right... nope.
Want happened to my shoulder?
You're lucky you're alive.
I don't know.
And who is this Mr. Thibault?
This is his house.
He lives here alone.
His wife ran away with the dentist.
But he don't care he
says, because now he
doesn't have to pay the bill.
Anyway... he helped me get
you here after the accident.
You remember, don't you?
Remember it?
I'm still in it.
It's getting worse.
And we're so fortunate Mr.
Thibault didn't recognize you.
Let's get something straight.
I'm not Red Car.
Of course not.
You're Eddie Tayloe.
We agreed on that, didn't we?
That's not a matter of agreement.
I am Eddie Tayloe.
And I'm your sister.
I have no sister.
You better have one if you
know what's good for you.
[door shuts]
Hello, doctor.
Hello, Miss...
Tayloe.
Perry Tayloe.
And uh, you are?
I'm Red Car.
You heard about me, doc?
Haven't ya?
Why everybody around these
parts knows about Red Car.
What are ya nodding your head for?
Don't you believe I'm Red Car?
Don't ya?
Hmm?
And now, perhaps it
would be better if I
talked to the patient alone.
It's his left shoulder, doctor.
We'll know soon enough.
I'll call you if I need you.
Try to behave.
Get in touch with
the rest of the mob.
Tell them to lay low
until the heats off.
Ugh!
You got a good buy
in this car, Eddie.
You did the buying.
400 miles and the motor
sounds like a hummingbird.
You still getting
off at Birmingham?
Sure, if your shoulder's OK.
Why don't you stay with me
until we get to New York?
Or is that too big for ya?
I hadn't figured on New York.
Why not make it in New York.
It's about a time somebody went
there and changed the place.
Well, I don't know.
Perry?
Yes?
My shoulder doesn't
bother me anymore.
It hasn't hurt me for
the last two days.
I didn't say anything
because... well, what I
mean is... You're a good driver.
You mustn't fall in love with me.
Who said anything about...
You'll spoil everything.
What makes you think... I give up.
You must admit there's
always the possibility
that you might want for
us to become sweethearts.
You admit that possibility true?
Well, you must fight
that possibility.
It'll be a struggle.
A love affair at this time
would interfere with my plans.
You see, Eddie.
I've always lived in a world
with... well, call it make
believe.
But one thing is a reality.
I have a great capacity for love,
for people... for
all kinds of people.
Oh, I could fall in love, but
that would be selfish of me.
I feel I sort of owe it to
those people and kind of ration
out my affections.
So that's why you
must deny yourself
the prospect of loving me.
When the time comes and
I feel I've done all
I can do for others...
when that time comes,
then perhaps we can sit
down and talk things over.
Goodie.
I don't care whether
your laughing me or not.
That's the way I feel
about everything.
And this is the first time
I've had an opportunity
to do anything about it.
So, please.
Be strong, show character, and
don't fall in love with me.
- Perry?
- Yes?
Do me a favor?
Go ahead.
Shut up.
What are you gonna do?
Walk out on me right now?
You said your shoulders OK?
Well, I'm a little tired.
You drive for awhile.
After all, it's a
long way to New York.
[lively music]
MIKE [VOICEOVER]:
For six states,
she talked his ears off.
Of course, Perry knew
he wasn't Red Car.
But she kept up her
act just for the fun
of watching him blow his top.
And all the time, he
didn't know that she
was giving him the news.
It's funny how some gals know just
when to use reverse English.
Well, anyway.
It's not expensive like the others.
It'll make a good hideout.
For the last time, I
don't need a hideout.
Well, goodbye.
I hope you finish
your play pretty soon.
Thanks for everything.
What's your rush?
Let's have breakfast first
and talk things over.
We've had plenty of time to talk.
Now, I'm on my way to Brooklyn.
Brooklyn?
Did you come all the way to
New York to end up in Brooklyn?
I've heard so much about it.
It sounds like a
truly wondrous place.
What's so wondrous about it?
Brooklyn appeals to me.
Is there any reason why I shouldn't
make it my destination?
Well, that's not
a logical question.
I can't give you a logical answer.
Well, goodbye.
I hate to see you
rush off like that.
Eddie, you're being romantic.
I give up.
In plain and simple
language, goodbye.
Will you get in touch with
me when you get settled?
All right, Eddie.
[piano playing]
Let me have a room
and bath, please.
[bell dings]
[GROANS] 105.
I'm not a bell hop, you understand.
I'm a kind of a general
all around everything.
A bell hop would stop to
death in a fleabag like this.
Present company
excluded, the customers
here are anti-tipping.
That's why I got to be
illegal to make a living.
Like I take small bets from
the horse-playing sect.
I got a regular clientele.
You can become a member.
Where's the phone?
No phone.
A hotel without a telephone?
Downstairs near the bar, there is
a public phone for the
accommodation of the guests.
That's very accommodating.
Frankly, it's a plot
against the customer
to make them drink.
You see, every time you go
down to answer the phone,
you buy a drink.
Well, what if I don't want a drink.
Don't be a character.
You get into the habit.
That's why Mr.
Simpson yanked all
the phones out of the rooms.
Let them do their phoning
in the bar, he said.
That'll make them drink.
Understand the psychology?
Well, I don't want
to hurt your feelings,
but I don't understand
the psychology.
Look, I'll explain
it ya very simple.
Say your a guy and
you answer the phone.
And it's your girl.
And she says, Harry,
take it like a man.
From now on Joe has took your
place in my heart forever more.
What is Harry going to do?
There's the bar all
laid out for him.
Congenial company in a bar
tend to listen to anything.
What is Harry gonna do?
Right.
And it doesn't make any difference
whether it's his
girlfriend, or the boss,
or even if it's the bookie
trying to collect a bet.
Good news or bad news, he's
bound to take a drink...
sometimes to forget,
sometimes to remember.
And then there's...
there's the nervous type.
He's going to have a drink
before he answers the phone...
Maybe you don't have
to work, but I do.
A writer.
Do you mind?
A regular character.
If anybody calls you...
Nobody's going to call me.
But if I get a call from
Brooklyn and it's a girl... aw.
Nobody's gonna call me.
But if anybody does,
I'll come up and get you.
You don't have to
worry about tipping me.
I make my money
illegal, but legitimate.
Only I gotta figure you out first.
Yes.
Yes.
We'll do everything
we possibly can.
Bye bye.
And now, Miss Tayloe.
What kind of room would
you like and what district?
You know, the YWCA may not
be able to find it for you.
I'd like to live in
the loft of a stable.
A stable.
Did you say you wanted
to live in a stable?
Yes, please.
If it isn't too much trouble.
You're aware that there might
be horses in that stable?
Oh, yes of course.
I'd favor a stable
with horses in it.
But if you can't find
one with a horse in it,
I'd still favor a stable
even if it was empty.
Oh, well now that
makes it much simpler.
I thought... I hoped that I would be
able to find such a place here.
After all, this is
Brooklyn, so naturally...
Oh, yes.
Naturally.
Naturally.
Naturally.
[train speeding]
Here, child.
Share this with me.
- Thank you.
- Delighted, my dear.
Delighted.
Is anything wrong?
It's nothing, my dear.
Think nothing of it.
It's an allergy that I've developed
ever since coming up north.
I don't know what it is
and I've been to dozens
and dozens of doctors.
That wasn't a nice thing to do.
My dear, child.
I am ashamed of myself.
You'd never think I
used to be able to empty
a purse with a hand as
light as a goose feather.
But you could have asked me.
I ask no one.
And anyway with my police record,
I shouldn't even be
seen on the streets.
By the way, honey.
Before you call the
coppers, would you treat
me to a meal... a mere gesture.
I promise not to run away.
I couldn't... I...
[screams]
But you got to
answer some questions.
Why?
Because you have a
pencil and a notebook.
Because it's the law.
I've told you, she
doesn't feel well.
Now, isn't that enough?
OK.
We'll let it go with that.
Now, how about a
nice clean ambulance?
None of that, dear boy.
No ambulance.
But you're sick, lady.
Why make her sicker?
Ambulance.
Hospitals.
A lot of questions.
I know the whole routine.
Very unhealthy all those questions.
OK.
Then just give the facts.
What's your name?
Perry Tayloe.
You know, I think...
Mind if I get the facts?
T-A-Y-L-O
Add an E.
And the lady?
Ever seen her before?
Enough of this.
Child, I don't want to
burden you with... Oh, dear.
Send for the wagon.
You know, they
should send you home.
Two will get you five she
hasn't even got a home.
She has too got a home.
And how would you know?
Because... because she's my mother.
Your mother, huh?
What kind of a daughter
are you not to feed
your own flesh and blood?
Because she was too proud and
independent to accept help.
And then one day she ran
away from home to see what
she could pick up on her own.
I didn't catch up
with her until today.
She didn't want to be a
burden on me or on my brother.
You see, I have a brother too.
His name is Edward
Tayloe and he lives
at the Grand National Hotel.
She's his mother too.
Now, that makes everything fine.
Doesn't it?
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
OK.
You gonna take her home with
ya and take care of her?
Of course.
And your address?
At Grand National?
No, no.
It's 9006 Flatbush Place.
Not the house itself, the stable.
9006 Flatbush Place.
Now, you're doing the right thing.
And where do you live?
Oh, I don't want to
get mixed up in this.
I was just waiting for
a Downtown Express,
but uh, I'll take a local.
[whimsical music]
Will one of you sweet
girls please say something?
My daughter and I have
answered all of your questions.
How much longer do we
have to stand here?
Maybe they don't want us
to rent the stable loft.
We do.
You appear to be satisfactory.
You don't drink.
You don't smoke.
And you're not given to
entertaining gentlemen,
of course.
Very satisfactory.
Then we can have it?
Yes.
We'll show it to you.
[marching music]
Come in.
Telephone for you.
For me?
The police department.
Well, it's a gag.
Why should the police want me?
Don't be disturbed, character.
When the police use the telephone
it can't be anything serious.
Maybe they just want you
to... to identify a corpse.
It's OK.
You can go that way.
We're informal here.
Hello?
Yes.
Well, this is Eddie
Tayloe speaking.
My mother!
Well, if my sister,
Perry, told you that,
you can take her word for it.
Yes, sir.
I'll see to it that my mother
is properly fed from now on.
Another telephone call.
Your sister.
Tell her... tell her
that I... I'll take it.
Hello?
Now, look Perry.
I'm get... yes.
The police called.
No, they didn't finger paint me.
Listen, Perry.
How can you get
yourself into so much
trouble in so short a time?
There's been no trouble.
Not one iota.
As a matter of fact, I have
something good to tell you.
I found a wonderful mother for you.
But I don't want a mother.
But Red Car needs a mother.
Don't you understand
the psychology?
I don't care if Red
Car needs a mother.
I'm trying to write a play.
All right.
But don't get hysterical just
because I was trying to help
a nice lady who was hungry.
So I arranged to have
our mother stay with me.
Go on.
Give me the facts.
Now, if you'll
promise not to get mad,
I'll explain something
about our mother.
You see, many years ago she had
a sort of a... a tendency to um,
to pickpocket.
Did you say that our sweet loving
mother is a notorious pickpocket
with a long prison record?
Will you or will
you not stand by me.
Of course I'll stand by ya.
What else am I going to do?
But, Perry, please.
Can't you get yourself
involved in something
simple... like a triple murder.
Oh, Eddie I'm terribly sorry
I've been such a burden to you.
And you have my solemn word that
I'll never do anything to make
you angry or upset you again.
OK, Perry.
OK.
I'm not angry with you.
Hello?
Hello?
Perry!
Perry!
Hello?
Let me have a double... never mind.
[whimsical music]
[ringing]
Yes?
Well, I'm Eddie Tayloe.
I'm expected I believe.
These are my sisters.
Ms. Pearl Cheever
and Ms. Opal Cheever.
How do you do?
He doesn't resemble his mother.
He doesn't resemble his sister.
No.
Well, I take after my father.
Oh.
We do not permit smoking here.
I'm sorry.
We are very disagreeable.
Everyone in the neighborhood
says we are mean and spiteful.
And utterly selfish.
And we are.
Yes.
[STUTTERING] I'm sure you're not.
We do not deny the truth.
We are most unpleasant indeed.
And we'd rather you
didn't go around Brooklyn
saying nice things about us.
No.
My son.
My dear, dear son.
It's been so long, my darling boy.
You may use the sitting room.
Thank you, dear girls.
Come along, my sweet.
Remember, no smoking.
Excuse us please, dear girls.
You could have called me mother.
Well, I wanted to call
you a lot of things,
but that triple threat
out there stopped me cold.
Shh!
I called you about Perry.
Well, it's about time.
If I'd known this address, I would
have been here three weeks ago.
Well, Perry didn't want
to get in touch with you
until she had a job.
Now, she's got a job.
Well, why didn't she call me?
Well, it's a strange kind
of a job she's got, my boy.
If this job is
something you got her...
if you're getting her mixed up
in something crooked, I'll...
Just look who's talking.
I may have lifted a
leather now and then,
but I never pulled a bank job.
But for Perry's sweet sake,
your secret shall remain
locked deep within my hear.
What about Perry's job?
What's wrong?
That's why I thought
we'd drop down and watch
her while she's at work.
Then, you can decide what
course of action to take.
Well, can't you tell me about it?
Where's she working?
Coney Island.
And imagine we can get some
hot dogs while we are there.
Come along, my sweet.
What time will you
be back, Mrs. Tayloe?
Oh, in an hour.
Or two.
Or three.
And thanks for a
most unpleasant time.
You must come
again, Mr. Tayloe.
Oh, I will.
Any time I want to get depressed.
We should have listened
in on their conversation.
We should have.
Next time, we will.
[fair music]
MAN: Get your hot dogs.
Giant-sized hot dogs.
Coney Island special
12-inches from head to toe.
I'll have one.
You'll have one, what?
Well, I was under the impression
you sold hot dogs here.
Well, speak up, buddy.
I can't read your mind.
Here ya are.
Get your hot dogs.
Everybody likes them.
Only ten to a customer.
Mustard?
No.
Take it or leave it, buddy.
In this business, we
got a short season.
Excuse me, sir.
I didn't mean to offend you.
Ah, the Park Avenue-type.
Here they are.
Get your Coney Island hot dogs.
But I told you, I didn't
want another hot dog.
Well, don't eat it.
I'm just trying to keep
both your hands occupied.
Here, hold these for me a minute.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I know that little guy.
He didn't recognize me, but
I spotted him right away.
He's called Doc because he
looks like a nerve specialist.
He's one of the smoothest
operators in the profession.
Your profession?
Uh-huh.
By the way, you better look and see
if you still got your wallet.
[laughing]
I knew he was lifting them
the minute he bumped into ya.
And I suppose you lifted
it from him to prove
to me that you've reformed.
No, child.
I just want to see if my technique
is better than the Doc's.
Or maybe I did it for the Perry.
I wish you wouldn't
have said reform.
Makes me feel so
old and used to it.
Rather you called it retired.
I give you the
greatest entertainment
value on the midway.
Ziggy's internationally
famous water nymphs.
This is it.
What's Perry doing in there?
We're down here to find out.
And I hope she can swim.
HOST: Presenting
the water nymphs.
Here they are, everybody.
Eight dance girls, and each
one born and bred in Brooklyn.
And this one all
the way from Texas.
Oh, look!
There's Perry.
Say, she's all right.
HOST: Folks!
These girls are not only gorgeous,
they are dare devils as you
will soon see for yourself
behind these closed walls.
And now, ladies and
gentlemen, I'd like to have
you meet the girls personally.
Honey, tell the folks your name.
Jane Dean.
[whistling]
Linda Lombard.
Meryl Neming.
Mil Patrick.
Jill Jorg.
Jean [clicks] Stratton.
AUDIENCE: Woohoo!
And you, honey?
Hey, you.
Hey, you.
My name is Perry...
[laughing]
My name is Perry Tayloe...
[laughing continues]
Keep your hands off of her.
Go away, sonny.
You bother me.
MAN: Right down this way, folks.
Come on down.
Right down this way.
The biggest show on the midway.
Come on down, folks.
The biggest show on the midway.
The shows going on now.
Right this way, folks.
The biggest show on the midway.
See the firing.
Come on down.
Right down this way folks.
Come on down this way.
Tickets right this way.
Go on right in.
Right over there, folks.
Get your tickets.
I'm obliged to ya, Eddie.
Even though you made me lose
my job, I'm obliged to you
because I know you meant well.
But in the future, please
let me pick my own jobs
and you stick to your play writing.
Oh, what's the use?
I give up.
Here.
Call it a loan or,
or whatever you want.
You'll need it until
you get another job.
Well, thank you.
But I'm not looking for charity.
Good night.
Hey, mother of mine.
Here, you try to give it to her.
Well, she said she didn't want it.
I know, but you're
slick enough to figure
out a way of getting it to her.
Or are you going to
get high hat on me too?
Frankly, yes.
We... and I speak for my
daughter and myself... want no
further interference from you.
I told you, Mr. Arco
never does musicals.
Junior.
How many times do
I have to tell you
to keep that phone off the
hook when I'm trying to eat.
Eating?
Yeah I was having a
little snack in there,
but I've got a very
sensitive stomach.
And I can't eat a thing with
that phone ringing and...
So you mean to tell me
that you've been eating
all the time I've been waiting.
Junior?
Yeah.
Who is this man?
He wrote a play.
I returned it to him
but, he insisted on
a personal interview with you.
I told him you'd be tied
up for at least an hour.
And all that time
you were only eating.
Well, why not?
I didn't bother you when you
were working on your play
did I?
Why do you feel that
you should bother
me when I'm trying to eat?
[electric shaver]
Oh, stop that.
This is no beauty parlor!
Now, do you mind if I return
to my chicken sandwich
on white toast with no dressing?
Wait a minute.
Before you go, I would
like to know something.
In fact, I've reached the
point where I must know.
You see, everybody on Broadway
has turned down my play.
Now that I've exhausted the
field, I've got to know.
Should I try to write another play?
I never read your play.
You nev... Well, how
could you turn it down?
Because Junior didn't like it.
Junior didn't like it?
How could you let a thing like
that pass judgment on my play?
Well, wait a minute, son.
Take it easy.
Junior has an uncanny eye
for anything that looks
like a potential hit play.
Why he could get a million jobs
tomorrow any place on Broadway.
But he's my son and
I won't let him go.
Junior, tell the gentleman
if has any talent.
I don't care what he thinks.
Eh, you asked me a question.
Junior will have to
answer you, I can't.
All right.
I'll take his opinion.
So Eddie asked Junior.
But even Junior didn't like it.
Nobody liked it.
Eddie was a bust.
When I met up with him, Eddie
had fire coming out of his eyes
and smoke coming out of his ears.
Hold it, Mike.
You better hitch-up
that third horse.
What's more?
What's more with what?
What's more with the story?
How many times does that
horse have to kick me
before I get the end?
So far, pal, you've only
been riding side-saddle.
Now, we really go
places, because here's
where I met up with Eddie.
You remember the bell hop?
Well, Eddie tried to pass
that bar once too often.
It was a night that
Joe was sick and had
asked me to stand in for him.
Bar tender!
Martin!
Good evening.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
I was just getting
ready to close up.
OK, what will ya have?
Poison.
[chuckles]
What kind of a chaser?
Don't be a comedian.
Give me a bourbon and water.
Bourbon and water.
You can call me Mike.
Why?
[chuckles]
That's my name.
Oh.
I want a bourbon.
Ya I know.
But I want you try one of these.
It's a little concoction of my own.
Look, I ordered a straight bourbon.
Yeah, I know.
But just try one of these.
Now, can I have a straight bourbon?
Good, huh?
What do they call this drink?
Golden horse.
OK, Mike.
Let me have another golden horse.
[chuckles]
You're new around
here aren't ya, Mike?
Hm?
You're new around here.
Oh, yeah.
I'm only here for the evening.
Joe has a cold.
Oh.
Say, Mike.
How do you make this
uh, golden horse?
Well first, a little
dab of Texas sunshine.
Then, some rain.
A little hale.
Got to have some hale.
[chuckles]
Some snow.
Couple of earthquakes.
Then, you make a very
tiny waterfall out of it.
Just a little teensy one.
And you top it off with
some good old mother ale.
[chuckles]
I like you, Mike.
You've got a great sense of humor.
Poor one for yourself.
Thanks, Eddie.
How'd you know my name was Eddie?
Oh, um, he told me
when you first came in.
Oh.
Eddie really tied
one on that night.
Six hours and twelve bars
later, I got the whole story.
How he cost Perry a job and how
he was the world's worst play
write.
Along with it, I got the idea
that there might be something
I could do for these kids.
[audio out] things first, got
Eddie sobered up the easy way.
Flat on his back in Prospect Park.
Mike?
Mike!
[chuckles]
How is it, Eddie?
New world's record for a hangover.
[chuckles]
Well, a Turkish bath
ought to help you a lot.
There's one near here too.
Best Turkish bath in Brooklyn.
Brooklyn, a truly wondrous place.
I thought you'd like it.
At Prospect Park.
Oh.
Oh, I could lie here for hours.
It's like Texas
without the sagebrush.
You know what I need?
A long ride on a horse.
That'd fix me up.
Well, let's try the
Turkish bath first.
And while we're there, you
can get your clothes cleaned.
Then, if you want,
you can rent a horse.
I'll go along with ya on
that Turkish bath deal.
The horse is out.
[thunder rumbles]
It's going to be pouring
here in a few minutes.
I wouldn't take a mule
out in such weather.
Say, I know where
we can rent a horse
and the rain won't even touch us.
And you can have any kind
of a gait that you want.
Fast or slow.
Or one that will rock you
like a baby in a cradle.
And you can have your
Texas sagebrush too.
Where is this heavenly spot?
Right here in Brooklyn.
This Brooklyn is
truly a wondrous place.
[thunder rumbles]
The Turkish bath was one thing,
but this I don't believe.
Here, I get to ride a
horse through sagebrush?
Come on, Eddie.
MIKE [VOICEOVER]:
So, I took him to Mr.
Gaboolian's Riding Academy.
It was strictly out
of this world and that
included Mr. Gaboolian.
He was a whacked up guy.
A fugitive from Ripley.
EDDIE: Wow!
What is it a zoo?
Mike, you're a man of your word.
It's all here.
I'm wondering if I am.
MIKE [VOICEOVER]: Well, it
was a place a man can go
when he got fed up work 9 to 5.
But two bits of Mr. Gaboolian's
he could live dangerous.
Sail the seven seas and
track down wild game.
[chuckles]
Yeah.
The Academy was something.
And it was just what the
doctor ordered for the kid.
Soon as Eddie got one
foot inside the place,
I could see his troubles
begin to peel off.
I'll give you a choice
of any horse in the place.
Use that one.
Aw.
Hello, Mr. Gaboolian.
Sorry to disturb you.
[chuckles] Meet my friend, Eddie.
Eddie and I want to
ride your horses.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
The rain was so heavy,
so I think nobody comes.
So I held me sleep in
the [inaudible] elephant.
Excuse, gentlemen, please.
Please.
What's he doing up there?
Hm?
That's Captain Lars Bjorn.
He was a real skipper once.
That boat teaches you not
to become sea sick, huh?
[laughing]
I guess so.
Excuse please, gentlemen.
Boy, I've seen some
gems in my life,
but this is really a beaut.
Good afternoon, Mr. MacWirther.
Good day, to you.
It's a miserable day out.
Oh, sure.
It's good that you are here.
[adventurous music]
[chuckling]
He's Mr. Robert
Bruce MacWirther.
He owns a nice beauty
store on Fulton Street.
So every day he rides the camel.
[adventurous music continues]
He looks like he's
having a lot of fun.
Oh, the fun.
That's all me think
that makes him happy.
[chuckling]
Now, this is to start.
When you ride it
fast, move forward.
Perry would really love this.
She'd go crazy with this machine.
Hey, Mike!
Look at me!
Might have crossed west Texas!
Yahoo!
Yipee!
Come on!
No hands.
Oh, you're good!
Yahoo!
Mr. Gaboolian?
Yes?
I want to make you a
business proposition.
You say?
I want you to a hire a young girl
to help you run this place.
Maybe I better wash my face.
My eyes, maybe they are opened,
but my mind is still asleep.
Excuse me, please.
Mr. Gaboolian?
Yes?
She'd be wonderful for you.
She loves horses and, and she could
fix any mechanical gadget in
case something should go wrong.
[chuckling]
You make a joke.
Excuse me, please.
Mr. Gaboolian!
And yes?
I mean it most seriously.
She would be a real help.
Help me what, sir, please?
Help me not to see a customer?
Help me not to pay the rent?
Help me not eat like
a man should eat?
Help me that way, mister?
No.
It's not right.
You shouldn't make fun of me.
Excuse me.
I go back to sleep.
Mr. Gaboolian.
Yes?
I know you can't afford it, so I'll
give you her salary every
week and then you can pay her.
Or in other words, she'll be
getting the job on her own.
Understand?
Why should I go back to sleep?
I stand here and I sleep already.
Don't you see?
This girl needs a job.
And I want her to
have this one, here.
You'll have someone to help you
and it will cost you nothing.
It will cost me nothing?
Absolutely nothing.
I'll even pay for
the ad in the paper.
Wanted.
Young girl from Texas.
Must know and love
all kinds of horses.
Must be honor graduate
of correspondence course.
Now, remember.
The only one you
hire is Perry Tayloe.
Perry Tay...
EDDIE: I'll write it
all out for you later.
What have you got to lose?
Just think, Mr. Gaboolian.
You can sleep as much as you want.
I'll think it over.
What is there to think about?
Nothing.
One needs to me think
sound like better business.
So I think it over
for a minute, please.
Then, I give you my
answer, which will be yes.
Swell.
Now, we each put in a
nickel to begin with.
That's my girls.
Now, let me see your hand.
Now, you remember.
You all promised Perry you
would learn play games.
You know how anxious she
is to liven up the place.
And how are you going to play poker
if you don't let me teach you?
That's my girl.
Well, you have a very
bad poker hand, dear.
2, 4, 7, 10, Jack...
there's nothing at all.
But if I were you, I'd
hold on to this Jack,
because that's your highest card.
See?
And ask for four more cards.
I'll gladly give them to you.
Nice, fresh, new ones.
Now... no you hold on to that, dear.
Now, Ruby, let me
see what you have.
Why that's wonderful!
You've got a pair of fours.
Now, if I get a pair of two's
or three's, you will beat me.
You see?
You see how simple
it is to play poker?
Now, dear, let's see what you have.
Oh.
Well, you have a
very good hand dear.
Three queens and a pair of aces.
A very good hand indeed.
But in poker, one must always
try to improve one's hand,
so I'd throw away these two aces.
And try buy another queen,
because four queens, you see,
would give you a
perfectly lovely hand.
Now, we each put in another nickel
in order buy a fresh card.
Come along.
Oh, how I wish Perry were
here to see you play.
Now, three for you.
1, 2, 3.
And two for you.
1, 2.
And four for you.
1, 2, 3, 4.
Now, I'm not taking anything.
That's what's called standing pat.
Now, we'll all show our hands
in order to see whose won.
Well now, calm, calm girls.
If we don't show our
hands, how are we going
to know who's the lucky girl?
And the lucky one
wins all the money
in the center of the table.
Now... now, I have a straight.
5, 6, 7, 8, 9.
Now, you remember what I
told you about a straight?
I'm going to be
awfully hard to beat.
Awfully hard.
But!
That's the game of poker for you.
That's what makes it
so terribly exciting.
Now, let's see, dearest.
What you have?
Come along.
Awe, you poor unlucky thing.
You haven't got anything,
not even a pair.
Now, let's see what you have, dear.
Well, you still have
only a pair of four's.
That doesn't beat a straight.
Now, dearest.
Let's see what you have.
Four queens.
Four of a kind beats a straight.
That's what you taught us.
I sure enough taught you that.
I sure enough did.
Well, we'll have to
try another time.
I've got a job.
A new job.
A wonderful job.
A most heavenly job.
Oh, good news is always good news.
I'm so happy for you, darling.
It's just what I've always wanted.
Horses, and a camel,
and an elephant,
and a lot of other things!
I didn't know the
circus was in town.
It isn't.
We always know when it comes.
We always get free passes
from our grocer, Mr. Prickle.
No, no, no.
It's a riding academy.
And all the animals are mechanical.
But their so life-like,
their practically real.
And I'm to be executive manager,
isn't that too good to be true?
Oh, no.
But I've got to
have a riding habit.
I wouldn't look as if I were
running the place unless I did.
You know, I've
noticed that our dear,
dear, Cheever sisters are very
handy with a sewing machine.
We've never made a riding habit.
Only mother hubbards.
And slip covers.
Yes, but under my
supervision, dear girls,
you'll make a riding habit.
A more than suitable riding habit.
But first, let's return all
the losings to the losers.
You were the only loser.
Well, I guess I'll have to teach
you how to play gin rummy.
There were about 50 other
girls for the job, but I got it.
All in all, those three ghouls
downstairs took me for $8.40.
I tried black jack,
casino, double solitaire.
I even invented a game and
called it chuck full of luck.
But that's a commodity of
which, the Cheever sisters
seem to have a monopoly.
But it's worth it.
Do you notice how
congenial they'll become?
I knew it would work.
And I'm so grateful to you.
After all, it's your money, child.
If you don't mind spending it
trying to warm up those three
ice cubes in petticoats.
Turn around.
Not that I think they
ever will warm up.
Oh, yes they will I've
already convinced them
to come to the Academy
one of these days
and try a ride on the animals.
I don't get it.
This concern you
have for other folks.
I don't get it at all.
I met a lot of people
in my day, both inside
of prisons and outside.
But somebody like you, what do
you expect to get out of it?
Oh, if I make people happy,
it makes me feel good.
That's all.
But what about
making yourself happy?
But I am, very.
I'll let you in on a
little secret, you're not.
And I'm referring to
that certain party
named Eddie Tayloe.
You know, I was in love with
my probation officer once.
I had such a crush on
him, it gave me a thrill
just to report to his office.
But of course, I had to curb
any display of affection,
because after all, he
was my probation officer.
But you and this Eddie...
How do I look?
Don't ask me.
Ask Eddie Tayloe.
Dear, child.
You interfered in my
life, so I feel I have
a right to interfere in yours.
You did something
that state prisons,
penitentiaries, small jails,
and eight parole boards
couldn't do.
You made an honest woman of me.
Of course, there's
enough larceny in me
to keep me attractive.
But I want to do something for you.
May I, sweet?
I know what you're going to say.
Well, then why don't you do it?
I can't!
I can't now.
Not until he's finished his play,
because that's what he wants
to do more than anything
else in the world.
And, and I wouldn't want to
clutter things up for him.
You could help.
That's what a woman's
for... to make a man
think he's successful.
Oh, no, no.
He told me definitely.
He works alone.
After he's a success in the theater
then maybe... well, maybe then.
Well, I tried to help.
But you have.
If I were certain...
if I were really
certain that Eddie wanted
me... you know what I mean.
The least you can do is
to call up that idiot.
And tell him you're
working and where.
I'll do it.
I'll do it right now.
Eddie?
I took the liberty of coming here.
You don't have to
apologize for visiting me.
I'm not apologizing.
I came to say goodbye.
Goodbye?
You mean like farewell?
I've been wanting to say,
farewell, to everyone.
To you, to Mike, except
Mike isn't around.
So farewell, Perry.
Farewell, Eddie.
And goodbye.
They turned down your play?
And you're giving up?
That's not right.
You've got to have faith.
Particularly in yourself.
Faith?
Yes, faith.
And don't make it sound
like some cheap commodity
flooding the morgue.
I didn't come here to argue, Perry.
Let's part as friends.
Now, we're parting?
After I say goodbye,
I... I guess the next step
is for us to part.
How do you go about it?
Well, I wasn't planning
on shaking your hand
if that's what you mean?
Course not.
Or waving you, so long.
Or slapping you on the back.
No.
That would be in bad taste.
You may fall in love with me now.
Thanks.
PERRY: Mr. Gaboolian?
Yes?
PERRY: I have
figured out just how
this business should be run.
You say?
I've made a graph according
to seasonal changes.
Yes, just please.
I go back to sleep.
PERRY: And Mr. Gaboolian?
Yes?
I have made a very detailed
study as to why business
has been bad up til now.
A study she makes.
It's easy like pie when nobody
comes in and uses the machines.
Then business is bad.
So far, six months one
people... three people
come in, so I know business is bad.
I know it.
Mrs. Gaboolian knows it.
And all my relations know it.
Now, she comes and makes
it with pen and paper
and tells me that business is bad.
Big surprise.
Excuse, please.
I go back to sleep.
He's upset, because I had
him print up a thousand hand
bills to advertise the plays.
Mandy's going to give them
out in various sections
of Brooklyn.
You think that will help, huh?
Oh, yes.
The point is so few people
really know about the Academy.
All we have are two regulars,
like Capt. Bjorn over there
and Robert Bruce MacWirther,
who comes in every day
to ride across the track...
Is he still at it?
Huh?
How did you know about him?
I think I'll take a pony ride.
Why, Mr. MacWirther.
Are you going to take
another ride today?
Indeed I am.
I've been feeling restless all day.
And I thought, if no one
else is going to use it...
Oh, no, Mr. MacWirther.
That camel is yours.
Thank you.
[adventurous music]
I just brought you
three more customers.
All right, girls.
Come in.
[marching music]
They were a little unwilling
at first, but here they are.
Oh, I'm sure you all will have
a perfectly wonderful time.
Why shouldn't they have?
I just taught them
how to shoot craps.
They won close to $6.00 from
me and the dice were loaded.
May I offer you the finest
horses in the stable?
Oh, thank you.
Now, you two girls take this one.
Need help, Mandy?
Thank you, I don't need any help.
Ms. Cheever.
Stirrup.
Up you go.
There we are.
Have fun.
[racing music]
How did I get here?
Let's go.
Yippee!
MANDY: Yippee!
[laughing]
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we
could have business like this
every day, all day long?
Then you would be
completely happy, huh?
Almost, Eddie.
If only Gaboolian would
change the name of the place.
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
I've got a name for you.
The Golden Horse Academy.
The Golden Horse Academy.
That's perfect.
It would be a good
name for a ranch too.
Let's speed it up.
[fast racing music]
What can that be?
Maybe they're using too much juice.
It could be an overload.
Mr. Gaboolian,
you do something!
You hear me, Mr. Gaboolian?
Huh?
You do something right now!
Hey!
Whoa!
Where's the main switch?
Ship ahoy!
The main switch.
Tell me where it is.
The switch.
Go faster!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Man the life boats, you
land-lover scum of the war!
We're headin' for
Davey Jones locker!
Ah!
What happened, please?
What a ride.
Too much business.
Just too much business.
Yes.
You still riding with me?
Leavers have no small talk, pal.
You better get that
horse going again.
Mhm.
This one you get for free.
That's the one I've
been waiting for.
Well, by this time,
Gaboolian had enough
and decided to sell the joint.
And who do you think bought it?
Eddie.
And you know why?
Just to keep Perry working.
Just to give her a job.
Of course, Perry
didn't know that Eddie
sunk his last $800 in it.
Eddie and I figured
that this Academy
deal would clear up everything.
But the place just
didn't seem to catch on.
Even with Perry running
it and with all the face
she had in it.
Christmas Eve came along.
And Eddie and Perry were only
two jumps ahead of the sheriff.
Say, what do you think could be
happening up there at 11:00PM?
That's Gaboolian's place, isn't it?
Used to be.
It's been called The
Golden Horse Academy
the past couple of weeks.
Think maybe they're having
a Christmas party up there?
[SINGING] The first
noel, the angels did...
MIKE [VOICEOVER]:
We had a big party.
Well, it was supposed to be big.
But we wound up just
trying to be gay.
Robert Bruce MacWirther showed
up along with a whole hang
of Santa Clauses.
All members of The Big
Brothers of St. Nicholas,
South Brooklyn Branch.
The old boys rode the
stuffing out of the menagerie,
but the cash register
never rang once.
[SINGING] Noel!
Born is the King of Israel.
Then, Officer Carmody came in.
Well, Merry Christmas, Marcus!
I'd like to have you meet
my friends, Perry and Eddie.
How do you do?
How do you do, Marcus?
I said, I'd like to have you meet
my friends, Perry and Eddie.
Oh.
How do... how do you do?
And a very Merry Christmas to you.
I've noticed the lights up here
ever since I've been on duty,
but I did nothing about it.
That's right.
Tonight's the night for
leaving people alone.
Yes... then I see what looks
to me like a crowd of Santa
Clauses coming to this build.
I followed them in.
Get the point?
Oh, great work.
MIKE [VOICEOVER]: When
I saw his eyes pop
at the place jumping
with Santa Clauses,
something snapped in my noggin.
Strange, yes.
But nothing that
would make me report
this incident to headquarters.
You see, Christmas Eve is a
night for leaving people alone.
What do you mean
there's nothing wrong?
Huh?
How would it look if a passerby
saw them come in and reported
it to your superior officer?
How would you look if you
said you didn't think it was
important enough to call
the station when you saw
a hoard of Santa
Clauses come in here
and take over the riding
academy at this time of night?
You think I ought to
check with the Sergeant?
Is that the sort of thing that
happens to you every night?
But this is Christmas Eve.
Well, does that explain the
situation as far as an officer
of the law is concerned?
Don't let anyone leave.
I'm going to call the station.
Come with me.
Get me the numbers of
all the newspapers.
Manhattan as well as Brooklyn.
Hello?
City desk, please.
Soda pop?
Yes, dear.
I'll have just a teensy.
Really, girls.
There's a limit to
how far we can go.
Why?
I don't know.
Yes.
Well, just a few.
You sure you're not drunk, Carmody?
All right, I'll check on it.
I'll check on you at the same time.
Sure, there's a story in it.
Sounds like a lot
of human interest.
I'll send a man over.
Bye.
Well, if you won't help me, I'll
call the police commissioner.
I tell you, he does this
every Christmas Eve,
but he always gets home
in time for dinner.
Something must have
happened to him.
Here's the newspaper in the Bronx.
Well, give it to me!
We want complete coverage.
50 Santy Clauses?
This time of the night?
Have you got the address?
Yes, Alice.
I've already called the police.
Oh, you have too?
Well, what could have
happened to them?
We just got a tip
about 100 Santa Clauses
all drunk, running wild
some place in Brooklyn.
Yes, lady.
I got all that.
Now how was your husband dressed?
Oh, like Santa Clause, huh?
[chuckles] Maybe he got
stuck down the wrong chimney?
Now, look, lady.
Don't take it so serious.
We'll find your husband all right?
No sense of humor.
[chuckles]
Gin.
[bell dinging]
Now, listen to me!
Listen to me, all of you.
Your wives and your children,
your friends, your neighbors
are burning up the telephone
wires is asking if any of you
is behind bars at
the police station.
Or laying all torn to
pieces on a hospital bed.
Or stretched stone dead on
a cold slab at the morgue.
Well, are ya?
[laughter]
I... I got a list of
names to check on.
You guys are going home right away.
Big smile, now.
Oh, come on.
Bigger than that.
You know, um, with this
publicity and everything,
you have a pretty valuable
piece of property.
Well, the Cheever
sisters want to buy it.
What do you think, Perry?
Well, we could always use
the money to buy a ranch.
In Texas perhaps.
I merely offer it as a suggestion.
We'll raise herds of
golden horses, Eddie.
Real golden horses.
Maybe 50 of them to begin with.
And... and a lot of
little golden colts.
100 golden horses, Perry?
To begin with?
And after that, well,
maybe many, many more.
You know, my grandfather
used to have several thousand
on his ranch.
Eddie Tayloe, now don't
you start pretending.
[chuckling]
MIKE [VOICEOVER]: And
so, Eddie and Perry
got their ranch, which is what
they both wanted all the time.
Now, in Texas, babies
come on golden horses.
None of that stork
business in Texas.
No, sir.
And that whole ranch was
loaded with golden horses.
You expect me to believe all that?
How'd you like the drink?
Fine.
Didn't even feel them.
So long, Mike.
So long.
[music fanfare]