Teppanyaki (1984) - full transcript
Mr. Boo is seemingly doomed to spend the rest of his days as a cook in a teppanyaki restaurant, married to the corpulent and overbearing daughter of the gun-happy owner.
Three people, is it? Please come in.
Please go inside.
Thank you.
- Jerk, you're sneaking in to cook again?
- You're doing the same thing.
It's my turn this time.
Dream on.
Long or short?
Short.
Watch out for my father-in-law.
Anything else?
Later,
I'll serve each of you one.
I don't care.
Run!
Attack!
I'll beat you to death.
Boss, you're back. Be careful.
Take these in.
Got it.
Hey.
Sir.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Nothing.
You're lucky.
Only I can cook lobster like that.
No one else can do it.
This way, please.
Move aside.
Why is everything free?
Because I'm buying you dinner.
When will you invite me to the movies?
Some days soon.
Don't talk about the future,
as the world may end tomorrow.
It doesn't exist.
Don't talk about the past too,
as it's only a blur recording
in our brain.
It doesn't exist as well.
Right?
It's important to live in the present
because the present is eternal.
- I'll give you a call tonight.
- Great!
What is your name?
I'm Johnny. How about you?
I'm Sylvia.
- I'll be leaving.
- Sylvia.
- Bye.
- Bye, Sylvia.
- Bye, Johnny.
- Bye, Sylvia.
Learn from me.
Safe journey.
How long has my father-in-law been back?
He's been here for a long time.
Don't let him use his gun.
You're a brave man.
You buy dinner for pretty girls.
And you show off
your knife cutting skills too.
I would like to have a look
at your skills too.
- I didn't.
- Come on.
Are you afraid?
Where has your showmanship gone?
Come on.
- Come on.
- I...
Come on.
You're even worse than an amateur.
It's right here.
What are you looking at? Get to work.
Let's go to work.
Losing your eyebrow isn't so bad.
It's bad when you aren't even aware of it.
Don't you think of running away.
When you first came from the mainland,
the only thing you wore was underpants.
Who's been supporting you?
Who's been taking care of your grandpa
who is now 103 years old?
All you care is chasing after girls.
You never bother
to put in an effort at work.
You're immediately turned on
when you see women.
I even married my daughter off to you.
You have ruined her life!
Look at you.
You look like a cunning person.
You're a narrow-minded person
who will never stand out.
I also came to Hong Kong
with nothing but pants,
but I managed to build my career
from scratch.
Where is the ointment?
Bring me the ointment!
Hey.
Are you okay?
Your father-in-law has never changed.
Take it easy.
Put on a Band-Aid.
It's embarrassing if others see your face.
Let me go to the toilet for a while.
You understand, right?
He was bullied by his father-in-law again.
- His brow was shaved.
- Slow down.
- Don't upset him further.
- But it happened.
Such a pity.
One, two, three...
Yeng, I heard that this exercise
can help enhance fertility.
Don't mention about it.
We've been married for seven years,
yet we haven't got any kids.
As a friend, I have to be frank to you.
Your husband may be fooling around.
You must be cautious.
I've been extra careful.
That's why I only keep male cats at home.
You're right. He may take
the female cat into the bathroom.
God knows what he will do to it.
CHINA PALACE LATE NIGHT CLUB
What?
He's fooling around at a nightclub again?
Goodness!
You've ruined the expensive ginseng tea!
Do you need help?
Lend me your dog.
Give me your husband's socks.
Okay.
Let's go.
- Fifteen.
- Fifteen.
- All gone!
- Gosh.
- I lose again.
- Loser needs to drink.
Your husband's feet stink.
Even my dog can't stand the smell.
He'll lose it very soon.
- Do you mean the smell?
- I mean his legs.
Mr. Wong is downstairs.
Thank you.
- Mr. Wong, there's a call for you.
- Okay.
Thank you. Hello? Car, is it?
What?
Why is there a dog here?
Cover me!
Chase after him!
Such a pity.
You jerk!
Get down now!
My legs would be bitten off
if I come down now.
- So that they won't stink anymore.
- Come down!
- Come down!
- Come down now!
- Hurry up!
- Hurry up!
- Come down!
- No way!
Help!
Good boy, Sandy.
Wake up, jerk.
Bring Sandy to the bathroom.
Go now!
Hurry up!
Grandpa.
Grandpa, what are you doing?
I'm cooking herbal tea for my rheumatism.
Why don't you cook it in the kitchen?
Yeng doesn't like the smell.
Those wild herbs are not effective.
Hold on. Let me get you something better.
Hey.
Look at you.
You behave like a thief at home
and a Casanova when you're outside.
I don't.
You fooled around again last night, right?
Yeng, my daughter, lost her mom
when she was eight years old.
She only had her first pursuer
when she was 28 years old.
Did someone pursue her?
- That was you!
- Right.
I thought you're an ambitious person
who would take care of the restaurant.
But you're a player.
Because of you,
Yeng is too scared
to keep a female cat at home.
This is the last warning.
If I ever find out
that you're fooling around again...
Go away!
Okay.
- Grandpa.
- Yes?
This ginseng is very expensive.
It can cure cancer, let alone rheumatism.
- Take it.
- You're stealing Yeng's ginseng again.
We're husband and wife.
Her things are mine. It's for you anyway.
I understand.
Go to hell!
Let me kiss you.
You're daydreaming again.
Do you think you have a future?
I'm going hunting.
Take care of the restaurant.
I'm not bragging,
but I'm good at playing tennis.
- I don't play tennis.
- I can teach you.
Tennis requires talent.
I don't know why,
but I've never lost a match.
Talent is an abstract entity
that differs from one person to another.
One needs a strong arm to play tennis.
- Having a strong arm guarantees victory.
- Who doesn't know that's important?
A weak arm guarantees defeat.
So, concentrate on training your arm.
Really?
The most important thing
is to train your arm.
It's only a few thousand dollars.
Remember what I said, okay?
- Always train your arm.
- Bring the vegetables.
Okay.
- Hurry up.
- It's very important.
- You teach me then.
- Sure.
- Are you leaving?
- Yes.
Junior chefs
only serve ordinary customers.
You're special guests.
Then, you must be the chef.
Yes.
- Concentrate on your arm.
- Strong arm.
Just in time.
Hey, Mr. Spatula.
We're here for food, not a circus show.
The show is free, so stop complaining.
You might eat everything up.
It's your own fault.
You put your head out.
My goodness.
Everything looks blur.
Why do you have three nostrils?
My goodness.
I must have hurt my brain nerves.
Are those your contact lenses?
There goes my lenses.
What lenses?
- They are on your spatula.
- What?
Right there.
I thought they were lobster shells.
They're burnt. Just buy a new pair.
- They're worth 2,000 dollars.
- Just get yourself a new pair.
Here.
Why do they call
the both of you The Servers?
Because we serve aces all the time.
Can you teach us how to play tennis?
- Sure.
- Sure. It's an easy task.
One needs a strong arm for tennis.
Hey, Mr. Spatula.
- We only get to eat this?
- What do you mean?
Have you heard about our special courses?
The first is the frog legs,
followed by ham and lobster legs.
Let me teach you how to eat it.
Look at this springy leg.
Just eat it like how you eat ice-cream.
Let me teach you another way.
- Let me teach you.
- Don't touch it.
Cici, let me teach you.
The trick to master tennis is the arm.
When you swing, your shoulder
should swing to the side as well.
The same technique was also used
by Bruce Lee in martial arts.
That's not true.
The trick to master tennis is the wrist.
Just like how I control the spatula.
Then, repeatedly swing your wrist
to the left and the right.
So, you think you're the master.
Do you even play tennis?
Well...
Everyone knows that Che and I
have never been defeated
in the annual Sham Shui Po Tennis Match.
We're known as The Condor Heroes.
What does that mean?
- That he's gay.
- He's gay.
Have you ever won a trophy cup?
"Cup"?
The cup from 1981
is used as a lemon container.
The cup from 1982
is used as a garlic container.
- These are nothing compared to mine.
- These are nothing.
The cup from 1983
is used as a trash can.
Your arms are too weak for tennis.
Are you sure?
His arms are even weaker!
Mr. Spatula.
Shall we wrestle it out?
That would be a good show.
Why not?
Come on.
Be careful. Don't burn yourself.
- The fire is at the max.
- Ready?
Prepare to burn yourself.
Go!
Use your strength!
My hand is on fire!
Stop it! You easily agreed
to join the tennis match.
Will you be ready for it?
I'll practice with 100 onions a day.
That means 1,000 onions within ten days.
By doing so,
I can beat the world champion.
- Serve the ball.
- Okay.
What are you doing?
I'm removing onion skins.
The floor is in a mess.
It's easier to remove the skin with a pan.
Are you sure this is an easier way?
It's also easier to hit your head
with a pan.
Clean up the mess.
What's wrong with you?
The whole floor is full of onion skins.
Go to hell!
Hey, what are you doing?
Your father-in-law has been practicing
kung fu for a long time.
You're no match for him.
- Can I practice with your eyebrow?
- What?
What do you want?
Let me practice using your eyebrow.
You can shave my mustache, not my eyebrow.
They're just like a mustache
that grows above your eyes.
They're different.
Who is your most understanding friend
in this world?
- It's you.
- You're right.
Who lends you money
whenever you need a loan?
- It's you.
- Exactly.
But you won't lend me your eyebrow.
- Stand upright. Just do it.
- Please don't.
- Don't do that. Watch out.
- Hurry up!
Are you okay?
Are you in pain?
Can you see?
Let me have a look.
Let me have a look. Move your hand slowly.
Why is it still there?
Yeng, I'm tired.
Can I have some drink?
Okay.
You're quite an impressionist.
Dad, I'm a surrealist.
It's still a good drawing.
What's going on?
Sandy needs to use the toilet.
- Bring it to the toilet now.
- Okay.
Take your time.
Grandpa, you're making ginseng tea again?
I'm getting them ready for my birthday.
I don't remember how old you are.
Since the death of your dad,
I don't remember it either.
How do you know your birthday then?
I celebrate my birthday
on Tomb-Sweeping Day.
Then, I'll celebrate your birthday
when I visit your grave.
Knock on wood!
I'll live until 100 years old.
Most likely you will.
I think I'm more than 100 years old now.
I'm going to play tennis.
- Okay.
- Take care of Sandy.
- Do you have my gear?
- Right here.
- Let me have a look.
- Hey.
- Just ignore me.
- Hey.
I'm busy.
I look quite handsome.
Cool!
- Head.
- Tail.
The Servers is on the left.
The Condor Heroes is on the right.
Hey.
Do you bring a mask?
Why should I?
To cover your face
when you lose miserably.
Are you speaking for yourself?
- All right!
- Great!
- Are you okay? Hang in there.
- Do you know how to play?
It is such a waste
that you did not join a circus.
- Right through the legs.
- Great!
Amazing!
Right on the head.
Are you okay?
That's called hitting on the run.
- Are you okay?
- Go back to your position.
Hey.
The Condor Heroes does not stand a chance.
We can stop recording points.
Let's have a drink.
Kitchen Guy, should we
handicap ourselves with a chair?
Okay, let's do that.
Hey, we're handicapping ourselves
in the next game.
They broke their rackets,
how can they play?
Kitchen Guy.
I think you should play with a pan.
- Serve the ball.
- Okay.
- My opponents are losing their mind
- My opponents are losing their mind
- My opponents are in a daze
- My opponents are in a daze
- I hit the ball to the west and east
- I hit the ball to the west and east
- My opponents are completely defeated
- My opponents are completely defeated
Are you all right?
Of course I'm not!
- Do you need some ointment?
- No, you jerk.
That's called hitting on the run.
That's cool!
Serve the ball.
- That's cool!
- We won again.
The game is getting good!
- Hey.
- What are you doing?
- It's here.
- What?
I'm sorry.
This will be the final match point.
It didn't pass the net.
You lost the last mark.
The ball hasn't passed beyond the net.
The Condor Heroes won!
Johnny!
Your pan skills are awesome!
Of course they are.
If my pan skills are bad,
I wouldn't have won so many cups
for me to put my trash in.
- Next week, I plan to...
- Hey.
Sandy can't be in the toilet forever.
What? What time is it?
Let's talk on the phone next week.
- We're in trouble.
- Bye.
Hey, goodbye, ugly face.
Who needs a mask now?
Yeng.
- It's so beautiful.
- Indeed.
Sandy is done.
He took so long.
Let's get back to position.
Wong.
What are you wearing?
On your head.
She meant this.
It's...
Since you're drawing Jesus,
I thought you would draw the halo.
The...
The yellow ring above his head.
Wong, whose hair is this?
It...
Of course it's yours.
My hair is longer.
It fell from your head last week.
Of course your hair is longer now.
Wong, why is there
a strong smell of ginseng?
- What smell?
- Do you smell it?
Of course not. You're daydreaming.
Let's continue sleeping.
Hey, old man.
What are you doing inside?
It smells like ginseng.
Open up!
- Do you hear me?
- What should I do?
Hey!
- Old man, open up!
- My goodness.
I can smell ginseng. What are you doing?
- Are you pretending to be deaf?
- I'll take it out.
Open up now!
- Be careful.
- Spray it!
Open up!
Open up!
Do you hear me or not?
Will you open up?
Why does the room smell like ginseng?
These sprays are ginseng scented.
They are made in Korea.
Hey, what are you doing here?
I'm enjoying the scenery.
"Enjoying the scenery"?
- How's the view?
- Very mundane.
"Mundane"?
Go to hell then!
It's you, Shirley.
Yes. I've brought you some clothes.
- See if you like them.
- Really?
- It's the latest fashion.
- All right.
Che, how come I didn't see you at lunch?
- Did you have lunch then?
- Of course not.
Let's have a look at the clothes.
What happened to your husband?
- He broke his leg
- Che.
- while peeping on the spinster.
- Have you done the work?
- What?
- Almost done.
You peeped on the spinster?
What a pervert.
- It's better than looking at you.
- Ignore him.
- Is this new stock?
- Yes.
- A pervert, indeed. Serves you right!
- That day, I saw...
Wong, I have a date with Cici
at the disco.
I don't think you can make it, right?
Hey. You must be kidding.
I'll be waiting downstairs
for only a minute.
- I'll leave without you after that.
- Hey!
It's comfortable.
- So beautiful.
- Indeed.
- It suits you well.
- It's beautiful, right?
What's wrong?
Sandy needs to go to the toilet.
Bring her to the toilet now.
Okay.
- We said...
- It'll take a long time again.
Quick.
My girl's the best
Go for a match.
Why did you hit me?
Che, are you okay?
Come on.
Catch me if you can.
Come on.
- This way.
- Bastard.
Hey! Attack him!
- Where's my contact lenses?
- You're so careless.
Fellow friends, I need help.
Beat him up!
- We're friends, right?
- Yes.
What song do you know?
Are we brothers?
If so, beat him up for me.
Go!
- I can't see without my lenses.
- Just go without it.
It's him.
Beat him too.
Please don't beat me.
Thanks, brothers.
Thanks.
Johnny!
Johnny!
- Are you fine? Does it hurt?
- Are you okay?
- I'm all right.
- Looks like it hurts.
I feel safe being around you.
That's what I suppose to do.
- I feel...
- Hey.
- the present is eternal.
- It's time to go home.
What's the time now?
Damn it. Time's up! Quick!
You said you're not scared of your wife.
Why must you leave so early every time?
I'm not afraid of my wife.
I have a grandpa who is 104 years old.
- I need to bring him to the toilet,
- Really?
or he would pee on the floor
and it'll stink.
- Let's go.
- Okay.
Johnny.
- We're going to the Philippines next week.
- It's late.
Why don't you join us?
- The Philippines?
- Yes.
Sulu Island is a beautiful place.
If you join us,
I'll treat you to coconut water.
Coconut water?
Johnny.
- Johnny!
- Yes?
Are you joining us?
Of course I'm joining!
- It's been an hour. Come out now!
- Hey!
- What are you doing?
- Finally you're back!
- It's been an hour!
- They're looking for you.
What's wrong with your face?
- Why aren't you answering?
- I had a fight.
- Hurry up.
- Coming!
- It's been an hour. Come out now.
- Come out!
- What's taking you so long?
- Open the door now!
Would he have fainted?
- Wong, answer us!
- Answer us.
- Hey!
- Are you all right?
You better come out now!
- Open the door now!
- Don't scare me.
- Hey!
- I think he's taking a bath.
- It can't be.
- Wong!
Open up!
Open...
- What happened?
- The heater exploded.
- My goodness.
- So much smoke.
Look at Sandy.
- Goodness.
- See if it's all right.
- What triggered the explosion?
- Let me have a look.
How could it explode?
How?
Darling, have some moon cakes.
Darling.
I heard that there is a witch
on Sulu Island
who can cure infertility.
Since we've been wanting a baby
for so long, so...
- It's not us, it's your problem.
- All right, it's me.
I plan to go there next week
with Che to see her
and get a prescription.
Are you sure that witch
can cure infertility?
That's why there are so many cheap labors
from the Philippines.
- Book the flight tickets now.
- I hate trips.
- Do it now!
- Okay.
- Hello.
- AP Airlines.
Tickets for two to Manila.
Both are men?
Yes.
- So exciting?
- Yes.
Hey. Let's go together since Che is going.
Good idea.
Wong, purchase two more tickets.
Shirley and I are going too.
It's a jungle. You won't like it.
Shirley wants to go.
Hurry up!
They don't even have toilet papers there.
We can bring our own toilet papers.
Right, Che?
Hey, hurry up! What's with the dillydally?
Hello?
Two more seats for my wife and her friend.
- Such a pity.
- Yes.
- Wong.
- What?
Book another ticket.
I'm joining to hunt there.
It's just a jungle.
There is nothing to hunt.
That's why I'm going there.
A jungle is suitable for hunting. Quick!
Hello?
Another ticket for my father-in-law.
So cruel?
- Yes.
- Do you want to bring your mom along?
Book a seat for me too.
Might as well get another ticket
for my grandpa.
Give it a try. It's delicious.
You have to eat something.
Go to hell!
Coffee or tea?
You brought your grandpa too.
Being filial
is the only weakness that I have.
Your wife is just sitting behind you.
This is her reward for putting up
with my temper.
- See you at the hotel.
- See you.
See you at the hotel.
Coffee or tea?
- Are you all right, Grandpa?
- I'm all right.
Isn't it delicious?
What happened?
What's wrong?
The person behind me.
The person behind me.
The person behind me.
The person behind me.
The person behind me.
Are you aware that one of your eyebrows
is slightly thicker?
Is it? Which side?
It's balanced now.
I'm the descendant of dragons.
Says who?
Captain!
My wig!
- This is not fun!
- Is anyone injured?
There. Your wig is there.
- Miss, please sit down.
- Where is my wig?
My wig!
My wig.
Dad, I lost my wig.
It's a wig!
Darling.
It's a wig.
A gift from God to you.
- For you.
- It's so beautiful.
Madam.
- Take a look at this.
- Madam.
Che, it's so hot over here
that I feel dizzy.
I feel dizzy even if it's not hot.
I'll go get a cab.
- What are you doing?
- Are you blind?
- You banged into my car first,
- My car! Damn you!
This is my territory.
- Don't you dare make noise.
- Where are you from?
Your car banged into mine!
I'll beat you to death.
Go to hell!
How dare you?
Do you need a taxi?
Taxi?
Stop scooting over, there's no space.
There is a lot of space on your side.
It's none of your business.
I'm just being jealous.
What's there to envy about?
It's their business.
What a beautiful place.
Be careful not to fall down.
Why so forceful?
A hundred US dollars for riding
in this piece of junk!
- Filipinos need to eat too.
- What an idiot.
We're going to eat seafood.
Father, I've arranged
some activities for you.
He'll take you on a tour
around the island in the afternoon.
- I'll go and see the witch in the jungle.
- Is he good?
He's no any ordinary person.
He's the best.
He's a driver, dancer, masseuse
and all sorts of things.
He can do many things.
Including midwifery.
Tell him to behave or I'll shoot him.
Okay.
He asked you to behave
or he'll shoot you with his gun.
That will be too late for you, understand?
- Bye.
- Don't wander around.
- Okay, darling. Have fun!
- Come back earlier!
Lick it.
Is it smooth?
Then, it's genuine. Good.
- Let's fly together!
- Hooray!
- Come.
- This is a few hundred bucks.
This used to be
General McArthur's private plane.
It's the number one plane
in the Philippines.
- It's the best plane.
- Number one. Best.
This is an important fact.
The shorter the wing,
the faster the plane can go.
That's why rockets don't have any wings.
No wings.
Let's go.
No problem.
It can fly with only one wheel.
It can fly with only one wheel.
It's all right.
Beneath your seat
is a duck-shaped life buoy.
Take it out, put it on your neck
and blow it up.
Blow the shell for help
if you fall into the ocean.
If you encounter a shark attack...
Use the shell to stab the shark to death.
Don't worry.
The plane can fly with only an engine.
The plane can fly with only an engine.
Shit!
Don't worry.
It can fly without an engine.
That's not true.
It can't fly without an engine.
You fool!
Johnny, you forgot to lift the lid.
Hey, are we lost?
- We aren't lost.
- Then what?
We're crashing into the sea, you fool!
Johnny, do you think
there are sharks here?
I've been swimming for my whole life,
but I've never seen one before.
Where do you usually swim?
Swimming pool.
Mom.
Gosh.
- Did you touch me?
- No.
Why are your feet so rough?
- Did you touch me?
- No.
- Did you touch me?
- No.
- Stab it!
- Stab it to death!
Stab it to death!
Let's swim to the shore.
I can't swim that far.
Stay here. I'll go ask for help.
Wait for me!
Don't worry. My fortune-teller said
that I'll die in bed.
He could mean a waterbed.
Come on.
These are the local dishes.
Eat up.
Please enjoy.
A hundred US dollars per person.
You can't get such variety of seafood
elsewhere in the Philippines.
Only I can provide it.
A hundred dollars for such seafood?
I'll shoot you dead.
Shirley, this is delicious.
- Try it.
- Okay.
What is that?
It's a Filipino cockroach.
It's quite tasty.
Dad, she took my wig!
- It's mine.
- It's mine!
- It's mine.
- It's mine!
It's mine.
Give it back.
Give it back to her.
Dad!
It's mine!
- How dare you bully my daughter?
- Give it back to me!
- It's mine!
- Give it back to me!
Go to hell!
Give it back to me!
- It's mine!
- It's mine!
- Give it back to me!
- Give it back to me!
- It's mine!
- It's mine!
Give it back to me!
- Give it back to me!
- Stop fighting!
- It's mine!
- It's mine!
Your fortune-teller is reliable.
He also told me that if I survived,
I'd find my true love.
Johnny.
Cici.
What a huge mosquito.
It's huge. There's one more.
It's so huge.
Delicious.
Yours look really delicious.
It's good!
Take it.
Isn't it nice?
- I'm coming!
- Isn't it nice?
Yes. It's nice, but this is even nicer!
She belongs to me.
- Don't go!
- Johnny.
Help!
Help!
Go to hell!
Don't run!
Where are we now?
Where? We're on the beach, you fool!
A crazy person is coming over!
Let's kill him!
Good job!
Well done!
Goodness!
Bravo!
Kids, go away. It's dangerous!
Take it!
How about this? This is even better.
Do you know what is this?
Can I hitch a ride?
Unless you pay me in US dollars.
- No US dollars, no talk.
- Please.
Don't beg me.
Can I hitch a ride?
Can I hitch a ride?
- Just get in!
- Thank you!
Can you make it move faster?
Harder. Faster, please.
Thank you so much.
Tear it! Open it!
The hut may collapse.
Are you okay?
Johnny!
Are you okay? Why did you stop?
Are you all right?
Scream! I'll shake your body.
Louder. Continue screaming.
He's a capable man.
Hey, it's your turn. Come up.
Me?
One, two, three.
Come on, don't be shy.
Jim!
Hey. It's your turn now.
I'm here, pretty lady.
Jim, wake up.
Jim.
Cici, I made it.
Finally, I got to shave someone's eyebrow.
Johnny.
Cici.
Johnny.
Cici.
Johnny.
Cici.
That's the infamous house on a tree.
I did it. I shaved someone's eyebrow!
That indigenous person
looks very familiar.
Yes, I agree.
It's impossible that we've met
with them before. Right, Grandpa?
Yes, I've never seen him.
- We always see him at your house.
- You're right.
Wong, what are you doing up there?
Who is the woman standing beside you?
She's the witch that I told you about.
Witch?
- That's her. Yes.
- Why does she look like that?
She doesn't like...
I'm dead meat.
She doesn't like others to come upstairs.
Hide.
What should I do now?
I thought you're not afraid of your wife.
I'm not. I just don't want her
to commit suicide from sadness.
Here.
- Where is the witch?
- Hush.
Not so loud.
What's going on here?
She wants to adopt us
before giving a prescription.
Why are they sleeping here?
This is the adoption ritual.
Where is the prescription?
I want the prescription.
Hush now.
Hold on.
Darling, she prescribed these berries.
They should cure infertility.
The witch herself has 108 children.
What? 108 children?
She has enough children to film a drama.
These berries can cure infertility?
I don't believe it.
Che.
Come and drink with me.
Where?
- In my room.
- Sure.
Darling, my hemorrhoid is back again.
That's just an excuse.
- Go.
- Okay.
The moment I saw you,
I felt that the present is eternal.
The past has passed.
It's nothing more than
just a blur recording in our brain.
Let me ask you.
How frequently do I appear
on the recording in your mind?
More frequent than those artists.
Cici.
- Oh, no.
- Cici.
- What are you afraid of?
- He will stab me.
- I don't belong to him.
- You'll be fine, but he'll kill me.
Cici.
Cici.
Cici.
Cici.
Go sleep with your wife.
Listen to me.
- Cici.
- Talk to your wife instead.
Why are you still looking for the witch?
Let me explain.
Why are there two watermelons?
I ordered extra for you.
You knew that I would come?
I...
I'm so touched, Cici.
We're...
real friends.
We survived the plane crash.
Even the shark couldn't kill us.
I feel like...
we're real friends.
I feel that
the present is an eternity.
The past
is merely a blur recording in our brain.
It doesn't exist.
The future
has yet to exist.
Therefore, the present is...
It's definitely...
What are you doing here, you bastard?
She asked me to accompany her
to eat watermelon.
- Watermelon?
- Yes.
- You're eating watermelon in her room?
- Open up.
Open the door!
Shit.
Wong, I know you're inside.
Hang on.
Open up!
Where is Wong?
- What?
- He...
He didn't come here.
- Didn't he come here?
- Yes.
Sir.
This is my girlfriend, Cici.
Both of you are the same.
- Che.
- Yes.
What jobs did you have
before working for me?
I was a watchman.
You ended up being arrested
as a robbery accomplice.
What else?
I worked in the entertainment industry.
You ended up being arrested
for filming pornography.
You. Move aside.
Go away!
What else?
I was a freight agent.
You ended up being arrested
for drug trafficking.
Useless.
Sir.
Look at you.
Are you planning to become a pimp?
Don't talk nonsense.
Move aside!
Okay.
I initially planned to retire,
but I can't entrust you two
with my restaurant.
Take it away. Quick.
Sir, are you okay?
Sir.
I'll shoot him dead when I find him.
- Be careful.
- What nonsense.
Wong, are you okay?
You can have the watermelon.
I will let you eat it.
I don't have the mood for that.
Che.
Get out, both of you.
Wong.
Wong.
- Are you mad at me?
- Don't be silly.
She said she needed a company
to drink with her.
So I joined her.
I'm not mad at you.
I just feel that life is meaningless.
Why do I have to sneak out from the window
and get chased after every time?
Because you're married.
It's simple. Just like birds,
you're being kept in a cage.
Are you bachelors having it much better?
No, you've got a wife to look after you.
Birds will fight from time to time
if they're being kept in the same cage.
The same thing applies to human.
But this is not the bird
at your home, but that.
What bird is this?
Your father-in-law.
Didn't you say it's eternal?
That's just a trick to get girls.
Our workplace is our eternity.
Does it smell good?
- Yes.
- Let me kiss you.
You're daydreaming again.
Can't I take a short break
while slicing beef?
I've never taken a break
after having worked for decades.
Yeng is having a sore throat.
Go home and cook bird soup for her.
I caught you this time.
- Goodness.
- No wonder I always smell ginseng.
You stole and cooked my ginseng.
- You made me feel dizzy with the smell.
- Grandpa, are you all right?
- Wong.
- Are you okay?
Your grandpa stole my ginseng.
He didn't, I give it to him.
You did? So you stole my ginseng.
- No, I took it.
- You stole it.
- I took it.
- You stole it!
We're a family.
Of course, I can give him some..
"We're a family"?
Remember when you first came to Hong Kong?
All you had were a pair
of underpants and slippers.
If Dad didn't employ you as a cleaner,
both you and your grandpa
would have starved to death!
Exactly.
So, both of you stole my ginseng!
- I took it.
- You stole it.
I took it.
Shirley.
Did he really hit me
or was that my hallucination?
You're not hallucinating.
Dad!
You're so cheap. You hit your wife.
- Dad.
- I'll hit you too if you stay.
- Hit me? I don't believe it.
- Go to hell!
Dad, he hit Shirley too.
Wong!
Why did you hit my daughter?
My late wife never hit her.
I had never hit her too.
How dare you hit my daughter?
I'll shoot you dead.
Grandpa, your plaster will be removed
within three days.
You can go to a disco after that.
I know that you're filial.
I don't ask for a luxurious house.
A wooden house is just fine.
By the way,
Wong.
Wong!
Yes?
I don't need ginseng.
Herbal tea will do.
- Wong!
- Are you okay?
- What?
- Come out now!
Which hand did you use to hit Yeng?
Stick it out.
Where is the labor room?
- Where can I deliver the baby?
- Lie down.
How can I deliver on the floor?
Which hand did you use to hit Yeng?
Which hand did you use to hit Yeng?
Stick it out!
Stick it out now!
Don't attempt to run away.
Don't you dare run away!
Hey, where is the labor room?
You're deaf.
Hey, where is the labor room?
Where is the delivery room?
Move aside or I'll cut you open.
Why are you so fierce?
No wonder you have no eyebrows.
No wonder you're so bold nowadays.
It seems that you've been training hard.
Why don't you slit my throat open?
Slit my throat now.
Kill me.
Go ahead and kill me.
Kill me if you can.
What?
Father, are you all right?
- Answer me, Father.
- I'm still alive.
Wong!
From now on, you won't be living
in a luxurious home or eat teppanyaki.
Take your underpants,
your slippers, your grandpa,
and move back to the slums.
Stay in a wooden house
and have only roadside stall food!
Help!
Help!
Old man, hurry up!
Hurry up! You're so slow!
Open the window!
What's taking you so long?
- Wong!
- Wong!
- Help!
- Are you all right?
Help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
Are you nuts?
Why do you say so?
Isn't it strange?
There are no labor rooms in this hospital.
I don't know where to deliver my baby.
So troublesome!
Grandpa.
Grandpa, I made ginseng soup for you.
Have some.
So sweet of you.
Grandpa.
Wong has not come home
for more than ten days.
Do you know where he went? Please tell me.
- I don't know.
- Grandpa!
- Che.
- Yes?
I made ginseng soup. Have some.
It's too nutritious for my body.
Che, please tell me Wong's whereabouts.
I've tried looking for him,
but to no avail.
You're lying! You must know where he is.
Tell him I made him ginseng soup.
If you don't know where your husband is,
how would I know?
It must be Wong.
Wong!
Dad, did you find Wong?
I went to all the hotels, bars,
and dance studio
that he usually frequents,
but I still couldn't find him.
I don't care, you must find him.
You told me to shoot him to death.
What? Did you really shoot him?
He fell.
Where to?
How would I know?
Could he have committed suicide?
If he did, you can marry another guy.
I don't care.
Find him or I'll kill myself.
- Yeng!
- Let me die!
- Don't!
- You're a good girl.
- Don't be naughty.
- You'll die right away!
- You'll die right away!
- Let me die.
You're back!
- Pack up, Grandpa.
- Where are we going?
Back to the slums.
We lost our home.
- We'll be having street food.
- Okay.
We'll be fine, no starving.
We'll be just fine.
- Wong.
- These underpants are mine.
I was just kidding.
Don't take it to heart.
- As you know, I was drunk that time.
- This is mine.
It's mine.
I've aged.
- Regarding my business, I plan
- It's mine!
- to entrust you my restaurant soon.
- I'm packing my own things.
Here's the key. Take it.
I don't want it.
Underpants.
You've shaved my eyebrows!
What else do you want?
He's bullying me.
Get him back by yourself.
- Go ahead and beg him.
- Okay.
- Wong.
- What?
Have some ginseng soup.
- Please drink it.
- I don't want it.
Please have some.
I stole it.
No, you took it.
- I stole it.
- No, you took it.
I stole it.
- No, you took it.
- I stole it.
- No, you took it.
- Wong.
Don't be like this.
- I stole it.
- Stop this nonsense argument.
- I stole it.
- Wong.
- Come on, just have a sip of it.
- Here.
- Have some.
- Drink it.
Is it delicious?
It's too bland.
- I'll add some salt.
- Go now.
Wong, are you okay?
- So bland.
- Darling.
The berries given by
the Filipino witch are effective.
According to the doctor,
I'm one month pregnant.
Wong, congratulations.
Let's celebrate and have some drinks.
Come. Let's go drinking.
Grandpa, what are you doing?
You said we're going back to the slums.
- Are you crazy? There are many mosquitoes.
- All right. I'll get back inside.
Come on.
Be careful.
Wait for me downstairs.
I'll bring the cat.
Sure.
Do it here!
I'm heading out for drinks.
- Sure.
- I'm going drinking.
Come home early.
I'll make ginseng soup for you.
I'm finally free!
Subtitle translation by Jia Yuan
Please go inside.
Thank you.
- Jerk, you're sneaking in to cook again?
- You're doing the same thing.
It's my turn this time.
Dream on.
Long or short?
Short.
Watch out for my father-in-law.
Anything else?
Later,
I'll serve each of you one.
I don't care.
Run!
Attack!
I'll beat you to death.
Boss, you're back. Be careful.
Take these in.
Got it.
Hey.
Sir.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Nothing.
You're lucky.
Only I can cook lobster like that.
No one else can do it.
This way, please.
Move aside.
Why is everything free?
Because I'm buying you dinner.
When will you invite me to the movies?
Some days soon.
Don't talk about the future,
as the world may end tomorrow.
It doesn't exist.
Don't talk about the past too,
as it's only a blur recording
in our brain.
It doesn't exist as well.
Right?
It's important to live in the present
because the present is eternal.
- I'll give you a call tonight.
- Great!
What is your name?
I'm Johnny. How about you?
I'm Sylvia.
- I'll be leaving.
- Sylvia.
- Bye.
- Bye, Sylvia.
- Bye, Johnny.
- Bye, Sylvia.
Learn from me.
Safe journey.
How long has my father-in-law been back?
He's been here for a long time.
Don't let him use his gun.
You're a brave man.
You buy dinner for pretty girls.
And you show off
your knife cutting skills too.
I would like to have a look
at your skills too.
- I didn't.
- Come on.
Are you afraid?
Where has your showmanship gone?
Come on.
- Come on.
- I...
Come on.
You're even worse than an amateur.
It's right here.
What are you looking at? Get to work.
Let's go to work.
Losing your eyebrow isn't so bad.
It's bad when you aren't even aware of it.
Don't you think of running away.
When you first came from the mainland,
the only thing you wore was underpants.
Who's been supporting you?
Who's been taking care of your grandpa
who is now 103 years old?
All you care is chasing after girls.
You never bother
to put in an effort at work.
You're immediately turned on
when you see women.
I even married my daughter off to you.
You have ruined her life!
Look at you.
You look like a cunning person.
You're a narrow-minded person
who will never stand out.
I also came to Hong Kong
with nothing but pants,
but I managed to build my career
from scratch.
Where is the ointment?
Bring me the ointment!
Hey.
Are you okay?
Your father-in-law has never changed.
Take it easy.
Put on a Band-Aid.
It's embarrassing if others see your face.
Let me go to the toilet for a while.
You understand, right?
He was bullied by his father-in-law again.
- His brow was shaved.
- Slow down.
- Don't upset him further.
- But it happened.
Such a pity.
One, two, three...
Yeng, I heard that this exercise
can help enhance fertility.
Don't mention about it.
We've been married for seven years,
yet we haven't got any kids.
As a friend, I have to be frank to you.
Your husband may be fooling around.
You must be cautious.
I've been extra careful.
That's why I only keep male cats at home.
You're right. He may take
the female cat into the bathroom.
God knows what he will do to it.
CHINA PALACE LATE NIGHT CLUB
What?
He's fooling around at a nightclub again?
Goodness!
You've ruined the expensive ginseng tea!
Do you need help?
Lend me your dog.
Give me your husband's socks.
Okay.
Let's go.
- Fifteen.
- Fifteen.
- All gone!
- Gosh.
- I lose again.
- Loser needs to drink.
Your husband's feet stink.
Even my dog can't stand the smell.
He'll lose it very soon.
- Do you mean the smell?
- I mean his legs.
Mr. Wong is downstairs.
Thank you.
- Mr. Wong, there's a call for you.
- Okay.
Thank you. Hello? Car, is it?
What?
Why is there a dog here?
Cover me!
Chase after him!
Such a pity.
You jerk!
Get down now!
My legs would be bitten off
if I come down now.
- So that they won't stink anymore.
- Come down!
- Come down!
- Come down now!
- Hurry up!
- Hurry up!
- Come down!
- No way!
Help!
Good boy, Sandy.
Wake up, jerk.
Bring Sandy to the bathroom.
Go now!
Hurry up!
Grandpa.
Grandpa, what are you doing?
I'm cooking herbal tea for my rheumatism.
Why don't you cook it in the kitchen?
Yeng doesn't like the smell.
Those wild herbs are not effective.
Hold on. Let me get you something better.
Hey.
Look at you.
You behave like a thief at home
and a Casanova when you're outside.
I don't.
You fooled around again last night, right?
Yeng, my daughter, lost her mom
when she was eight years old.
She only had her first pursuer
when she was 28 years old.
Did someone pursue her?
- That was you!
- Right.
I thought you're an ambitious person
who would take care of the restaurant.
But you're a player.
Because of you,
Yeng is too scared
to keep a female cat at home.
This is the last warning.
If I ever find out
that you're fooling around again...
Go away!
Okay.
- Grandpa.
- Yes?
This ginseng is very expensive.
It can cure cancer, let alone rheumatism.
- Take it.
- You're stealing Yeng's ginseng again.
We're husband and wife.
Her things are mine. It's for you anyway.
I understand.
Go to hell!
Let me kiss you.
You're daydreaming again.
Do you think you have a future?
I'm going hunting.
Take care of the restaurant.
I'm not bragging,
but I'm good at playing tennis.
- I don't play tennis.
- I can teach you.
Tennis requires talent.
I don't know why,
but I've never lost a match.
Talent is an abstract entity
that differs from one person to another.
One needs a strong arm to play tennis.
- Having a strong arm guarantees victory.
- Who doesn't know that's important?
A weak arm guarantees defeat.
So, concentrate on training your arm.
Really?
The most important thing
is to train your arm.
It's only a few thousand dollars.
Remember what I said, okay?
- Always train your arm.
- Bring the vegetables.
Okay.
- Hurry up.
- It's very important.
- You teach me then.
- Sure.
- Are you leaving?
- Yes.
Junior chefs
only serve ordinary customers.
You're special guests.
Then, you must be the chef.
Yes.
- Concentrate on your arm.
- Strong arm.
Just in time.
Hey, Mr. Spatula.
We're here for food, not a circus show.
The show is free, so stop complaining.
You might eat everything up.
It's your own fault.
You put your head out.
My goodness.
Everything looks blur.
Why do you have three nostrils?
My goodness.
I must have hurt my brain nerves.
Are those your contact lenses?
There goes my lenses.
What lenses?
- They are on your spatula.
- What?
Right there.
I thought they were lobster shells.
They're burnt. Just buy a new pair.
- They're worth 2,000 dollars.
- Just get yourself a new pair.
Here.
Why do they call
the both of you The Servers?
Because we serve aces all the time.
Can you teach us how to play tennis?
- Sure.
- Sure. It's an easy task.
One needs a strong arm for tennis.
Hey, Mr. Spatula.
- We only get to eat this?
- What do you mean?
Have you heard about our special courses?
The first is the frog legs,
followed by ham and lobster legs.
Let me teach you how to eat it.
Look at this springy leg.
Just eat it like how you eat ice-cream.
Let me teach you another way.
- Let me teach you.
- Don't touch it.
Cici, let me teach you.
The trick to master tennis is the arm.
When you swing, your shoulder
should swing to the side as well.
The same technique was also used
by Bruce Lee in martial arts.
That's not true.
The trick to master tennis is the wrist.
Just like how I control the spatula.
Then, repeatedly swing your wrist
to the left and the right.
So, you think you're the master.
Do you even play tennis?
Well...
Everyone knows that Che and I
have never been defeated
in the annual Sham Shui Po Tennis Match.
We're known as The Condor Heroes.
What does that mean?
- That he's gay.
- He's gay.
Have you ever won a trophy cup?
"Cup"?
The cup from 1981
is used as a lemon container.
The cup from 1982
is used as a garlic container.
- These are nothing compared to mine.
- These are nothing.
The cup from 1983
is used as a trash can.
Your arms are too weak for tennis.
Are you sure?
His arms are even weaker!
Mr. Spatula.
Shall we wrestle it out?
That would be a good show.
Why not?
Come on.
Be careful. Don't burn yourself.
- The fire is at the max.
- Ready?
Prepare to burn yourself.
Go!
Use your strength!
My hand is on fire!
Stop it! You easily agreed
to join the tennis match.
Will you be ready for it?
I'll practice with 100 onions a day.
That means 1,000 onions within ten days.
By doing so,
I can beat the world champion.
- Serve the ball.
- Okay.
What are you doing?
I'm removing onion skins.
The floor is in a mess.
It's easier to remove the skin with a pan.
Are you sure this is an easier way?
It's also easier to hit your head
with a pan.
Clean up the mess.
What's wrong with you?
The whole floor is full of onion skins.
Go to hell!
Hey, what are you doing?
Your father-in-law has been practicing
kung fu for a long time.
You're no match for him.
- Can I practice with your eyebrow?
- What?
What do you want?
Let me practice using your eyebrow.
You can shave my mustache, not my eyebrow.
They're just like a mustache
that grows above your eyes.
They're different.
Who is your most understanding friend
in this world?
- It's you.
- You're right.
Who lends you money
whenever you need a loan?
- It's you.
- Exactly.
But you won't lend me your eyebrow.
- Stand upright. Just do it.
- Please don't.
- Don't do that. Watch out.
- Hurry up!
Are you okay?
Are you in pain?
Can you see?
Let me have a look.
Let me have a look. Move your hand slowly.
Why is it still there?
Yeng, I'm tired.
Can I have some drink?
Okay.
You're quite an impressionist.
Dad, I'm a surrealist.
It's still a good drawing.
What's going on?
Sandy needs to use the toilet.
- Bring it to the toilet now.
- Okay.
Take your time.
Grandpa, you're making ginseng tea again?
I'm getting them ready for my birthday.
I don't remember how old you are.
Since the death of your dad,
I don't remember it either.
How do you know your birthday then?
I celebrate my birthday
on Tomb-Sweeping Day.
Then, I'll celebrate your birthday
when I visit your grave.
Knock on wood!
I'll live until 100 years old.
Most likely you will.
I think I'm more than 100 years old now.
I'm going to play tennis.
- Okay.
- Take care of Sandy.
- Do you have my gear?
- Right here.
- Let me have a look.
- Hey.
- Just ignore me.
- Hey.
I'm busy.
I look quite handsome.
Cool!
- Head.
- Tail.
The Servers is on the left.
The Condor Heroes is on the right.
Hey.
Do you bring a mask?
Why should I?
To cover your face
when you lose miserably.
Are you speaking for yourself?
- All right!
- Great!
- Are you okay? Hang in there.
- Do you know how to play?
It is such a waste
that you did not join a circus.
- Right through the legs.
- Great!
Amazing!
Right on the head.
Are you okay?
That's called hitting on the run.
- Are you okay?
- Go back to your position.
Hey.
The Condor Heroes does not stand a chance.
We can stop recording points.
Let's have a drink.
Kitchen Guy, should we
handicap ourselves with a chair?
Okay, let's do that.
Hey, we're handicapping ourselves
in the next game.
They broke their rackets,
how can they play?
Kitchen Guy.
I think you should play with a pan.
- Serve the ball.
- Okay.
- My opponents are losing their mind
- My opponents are losing their mind
- My opponents are in a daze
- My opponents are in a daze
- I hit the ball to the west and east
- I hit the ball to the west and east
- My opponents are completely defeated
- My opponents are completely defeated
Are you all right?
Of course I'm not!
- Do you need some ointment?
- No, you jerk.
That's called hitting on the run.
That's cool!
Serve the ball.
- That's cool!
- We won again.
The game is getting good!
- Hey.
- What are you doing?
- It's here.
- What?
I'm sorry.
This will be the final match point.
It didn't pass the net.
You lost the last mark.
The ball hasn't passed beyond the net.
The Condor Heroes won!
Johnny!
Your pan skills are awesome!
Of course they are.
If my pan skills are bad,
I wouldn't have won so many cups
for me to put my trash in.
- Next week, I plan to...
- Hey.
Sandy can't be in the toilet forever.
What? What time is it?
Let's talk on the phone next week.
- We're in trouble.
- Bye.
Hey, goodbye, ugly face.
Who needs a mask now?
Yeng.
- It's so beautiful.
- Indeed.
Sandy is done.
He took so long.
Let's get back to position.
Wong.
What are you wearing?
On your head.
She meant this.
It's...
Since you're drawing Jesus,
I thought you would draw the halo.
The...
The yellow ring above his head.
Wong, whose hair is this?
It...
Of course it's yours.
My hair is longer.
It fell from your head last week.
Of course your hair is longer now.
Wong, why is there
a strong smell of ginseng?
- What smell?
- Do you smell it?
Of course not. You're daydreaming.
Let's continue sleeping.
Hey, old man.
What are you doing inside?
It smells like ginseng.
Open up!
- Do you hear me?
- What should I do?
Hey!
- Old man, open up!
- My goodness.
I can smell ginseng. What are you doing?
- Are you pretending to be deaf?
- I'll take it out.
Open up now!
- Be careful.
- Spray it!
Open up!
Open up!
Do you hear me or not?
Will you open up?
Why does the room smell like ginseng?
These sprays are ginseng scented.
They are made in Korea.
Hey, what are you doing here?
I'm enjoying the scenery.
"Enjoying the scenery"?
- How's the view?
- Very mundane.
"Mundane"?
Go to hell then!
It's you, Shirley.
Yes. I've brought you some clothes.
- See if you like them.
- Really?
- It's the latest fashion.
- All right.
Che, how come I didn't see you at lunch?
- Did you have lunch then?
- Of course not.
Let's have a look at the clothes.
What happened to your husband?
- He broke his leg
- Che.
- while peeping on the spinster.
- Have you done the work?
- What?
- Almost done.
You peeped on the spinster?
What a pervert.
- It's better than looking at you.
- Ignore him.
- Is this new stock?
- Yes.
- A pervert, indeed. Serves you right!
- That day, I saw...
Wong, I have a date with Cici
at the disco.
I don't think you can make it, right?
Hey. You must be kidding.
I'll be waiting downstairs
for only a minute.
- I'll leave without you after that.
- Hey!
It's comfortable.
- So beautiful.
- Indeed.
- It suits you well.
- It's beautiful, right?
What's wrong?
Sandy needs to go to the toilet.
Bring her to the toilet now.
Okay.
- We said...
- It'll take a long time again.
Quick.
My girl's the best
Go for a match.
Why did you hit me?
Che, are you okay?
Come on.
Catch me if you can.
Come on.
- This way.
- Bastard.
Hey! Attack him!
- Where's my contact lenses?
- You're so careless.
Fellow friends, I need help.
Beat him up!
- We're friends, right?
- Yes.
What song do you know?
Are we brothers?
If so, beat him up for me.
Go!
- I can't see without my lenses.
- Just go without it.
It's him.
Beat him too.
Please don't beat me.
Thanks, brothers.
Thanks.
Johnny!
Johnny!
- Are you fine? Does it hurt?
- Are you okay?
- I'm all right.
- Looks like it hurts.
I feel safe being around you.
That's what I suppose to do.
- I feel...
- Hey.
- the present is eternal.
- It's time to go home.
What's the time now?
Damn it. Time's up! Quick!
You said you're not scared of your wife.
Why must you leave so early every time?
I'm not afraid of my wife.
I have a grandpa who is 104 years old.
- I need to bring him to the toilet,
- Really?
or he would pee on the floor
and it'll stink.
- Let's go.
- Okay.
Johnny.
- We're going to the Philippines next week.
- It's late.
Why don't you join us?
- The Philippines?
- Yes.
Sulu Island is a beautiful place.
If you join us,
I'll treat you to coconut water.
Coconut water?
Johnny.
- Johnny!
- Yes?
Are you joining us?
Of course I'm joining!
- It's been an hour. Come out now!
- Hey!
- What are you doing?
- Finally you're back!
- It's been an hour!
- They're looking for you.
What's wrong with your face?
- Why aren't you answering?
- I had a fight.
- Hurry up.
- Coming!
- It's been an hour. Come out now.
- Come out!
- What's taking you so long?
- Open the door now!
Would he have fainted?
- Wong, answer us!
- Answer us.
- Hey!
- Are you all right?
You better come out now!
- Open the door now!
- Don't scare me.
- Hey!
- I think he's taking a bath.
- It can't be.
- Wong!
Open up!
Open...
- What happened?
- The heater exploded.
- My goodness.
- So much smoke.
Look at Sandy.
- Goodness.
- See if it's all right.
- What triggered the explosion?
- Let me have a look.
How could it explode?
How?
Darling, have some moon cakes.
Darling.
I heard that there is a witch
on Sulu Island
who can cure infertility.
Since we've been wanting a baby
for so long, so...
- It's not us, it's your problem.
- All right, it's me.
I plan to go there next week
with Che to see her
and get a prescription.
Are you sure that witch
can cure infertility?
That's why there are so many cheap labors
from the Philippines.
- Book the flight tickets now.
- I hate trips.
- Do it now!
- Okay.
- Hello.
- AP Airlines.
Tickets for two to Manila.
Both are men?
Yes.
- So exciting?
- Yes.
Hey. Let's go together since Che is going.
Good idea.
Wong, purchase two more tickets.
Shirley and I are going too.
It's a jungle. You won't like it.
Shirley wants to go.
Hurry up!
They don't even have toilet papers there.
We can bring our own toilet papers.
Right, Che?
Hey, hurry up! What's with the dillydally?
Hello?
Two more seats for my wife and her friend.
- Such a pity.
- Yes.
- Wong.
- What?
Book another ticket.
I'm joining to hunt there.
It's just a jungle.
There is nothing to hunt.
That's why I'm going there.
A jungle is suitable for hunting. Quick!
Hello?
Another ticket for my father-in-law.
So cruel?
- Yes.
- Do you want to bring your mom along?
Book a seat for me too.
Might as well get another ticket
for my grandpa.
Give it a try. It's delicious.
You have to eat something.
Go to hell!
Coffee or tea?
You brought your grandpa too.
Being filial
is the only weakness that I have.
Your wife is just sitting behind you.
This is her reward for putting up
with my temper.
- See you at the hotel.
- See you.
See you at the hotel.
Coffee or tea?
- Are you all right, Grandpa?
- I'm all right.
Isn't it delicious?
What happened?
What's wrong?
The person behind me.
The person behind me.
The person behind me.
The person behind me.
The person behind me.
Are you aware that one of your eyebrows
is slightly thicker?
Is it? Which side?
It's balanced now.
I'm the descendant of dragons.
Says who?
Captain!
My wig!
- This is not fun!
- Is anyone injured?
There. Your wig is there.
- Miss, please sit down.
- Where is my wig?
My wig!
My wig.
Dad, I lost my wig.
It's a wig!
Darling.
It's a wig.
A gift from God to you.
- For you.
- It's so beautiful.
Madam.
- Take a look at this.
- Madam.
Che, it's so hot over here
that I feel dizzy.
I feel dizzy even if it's not hot.
I'll go get a cab.
- What are you doing?
- Are you blind?
- You banged into my car first,
- My car! Damn you!
This is my territory.
- Don't you dare make noise.
- Where are you from?
Your car banged into mine!
I'll beat you to death.
Go to hell!
How dare you?
Do you need a taxi?
Taxi?
Stop scooting over, there's no space.
There is a lot of space on your side.
It's none of your business.
I'm just being jealous.
What's there to envy about?
It's their business.
What a beautiful place.
Be careful not to fall down.
Why so forceful?
A hundred US dollars for riding
in this piece of junk!
- Filipinos need to eat too.
- What an idiot.
We're going to eat seafood.
Father, I've arranged
some activities for you.
He'll take you on a tour
around the island in the afternoon.
- I'll go and see the witch in the jungle.
- Is he good?
He's no any ordinary person.
He's the best.
He's a driver, dancer, masseuse
and all sorts of things.
He can do many things.
Including midwifery.
Tell him to behave or I'll shoot him.
Okay.
He asked you to behave
or he'll shoot you with his gun.
That will be too late for you, understand?
- Bye.
- Don't wander around.
- Okay, darling. Have fun!
- Come back earlier!
Lick it.
Is it smooth?
Then, it's genuine. Good.
- Let's fly together!
- Hooray!
- Come.
- This is a few hundred bucks.
This used to be
General McArthur's private plane.
It's the number one plane
in the Philippines.
- It's the best plane.
- Number one. Best.
This is an important fact.
The shorter the wing,
the faster the plane can go.
That's why rockets don't have any wings.
No wings.
Let's go.
No problem.
It can fly with only one wheel.
It can fly with only one wheel.
It's all right.
Beneath your seat
is a duck-shaped life buoy.
Take it out, put it on your neck
and blow it up.
Blow the shell for help
if you fall into the ocean.
If you encounter a shark attack...
Use the shell to stab the shark to death.
Don't worry.
The plane can fly with only an engine.
The plane can fly with only an engine.
Shit!
Don't worry.
It can fly without an engine.
That's not true.
It can't fly without an engine.
You fool!
Johnny, you forgot to lift the lid.
Hey, are we lost?
- We aren't lost.
- Then what?
We're crashing into the sea, you fool!
Johnny, do you think
there are sharks here?
I've been swimming for my whole life,
but I've never seen one before.
Where do you usually swim?
Swimming pool.
Mom.
Gosh.
- Did you touch me?
- No.
Why are your feet so rough?
- Did you touch me?
- No.
- Did you touch me?
- No.
- Stab it!
- Stab it to death!
Stab it to death!
Let's swim to the shore.
I can't swim that far.
Stay here. I'll go ask for help.
Wait for me!
Don't worry. My fortune-teller said
that I'll die in bed.
He could mean a waterbed.
Come on.
These are the local dishes.
Eat up.
Please enjoy.
A hundred US dollars per person.
You can't get such variety of seafood
elsewhere in the Philippines.
Only I can provide it.
A hundred dollars for such seafood?
I'll shoot you dead.
Shirley, this is delicious.
- Try it.
- Okay.
What is that?
It's a Filipino cockroach.
It's quite tasty.
Dad, she took my wig!
- It's mine.
- It's mine!
- It's mine.
- It's mine!
It's mine.
Give it back.
Give it back to her.
Dad!
It's mine!
- How dare you bully my daughter?
- Give it back to me!
- It's mine!
- Give it back to me!
Go to hell!
Give it back to me!
- It's mine!
- It's mine!
- Give it back to me!
- Give it back to me!
- It's mine!
- It's mine!
Give it back to me!
- Give it back to me!
- Stop fighting!
- It's mine!
- It's mine!
Your fortune-teller is reliable.
He also told me that if I survived,
I'd find my true love.
Johnny.
Cici.
What a huge mosquito.
It's huge. There's one more.
It's so huge.
Delicious.
Yours look really delicious.
It's good!
Take it.
Isn't it nice?
- I'm coming!
- Isn't it nice?
Yes. It's nice, but this is even nicer!
She belongs to me.
- Don't go!
- Johnny.
Help!
Help!
Go to hell!
Don't run!
Where are we now?
Where? We're on the beach, you fool!
A crazy person is coming over!
Let's kill him!
Good job!
Well done!
Goodness!
Bravo!
Kids, go away. It's dangerous!
Take it!
How about this? This is even better.
Do you know what is this?
Can I hitch a ride?
Unless you pay me in US dollars.
- No US dollars, no talk.
- Please.
Don't beg me.
Can I hitch a ride?
Can I hitch a ride?
- Just get in!
- Thank you!
Can you make it move faster?
Harder. Faster, please.
Thank you so much.
Tear it! Open it!
The hut may collapse.
Are you okay?
Johnny!
Are you okay? Why did you stop?
Are you all right?
Scream! I'll shake your body.
Louder. Continue screaming.
He's a capable man.
Hey, it's your turn. Come up.
Me?
One, two, three.
Come on, don't be shy.
Jim!
Hey. It's your turn now.
I'm here, pretty lady.
Jim, wake up.
Jim.
Cici, I made it.
Finally, I got to shave someone's eyebrow.
Johnny.
Cici.
Johnny.
Cici.
Johnny.
Cici.
That's the infamous house on a tree.
I did it. I shaved someone's eyebrow!
That indigenous person
looks very familiar.
Yes, I agree.
It's impossible that we've met
with them before. Right, Grandpa?
Yes, I've never seen him.
- We always see him at your house.
- You're right.
Wong, what are you doing up there?
Who is the woman standing beside you?
She's the witch that I told you about.
Witch?
- That's her. Yes.
- Why does she look like that?
She doesn't like...
I'm dead meat.
She doesn't like others to come upstairs.
Hide.
What should I do now?
I thought you're not afraid of your wife.
I'm not. I just don't want her
to commit suicide from sadness.
Here.
- Where is the witch?
- Hush.
Not so loud.
What's going on here?
She wants to adopt us
before giving a prescription.
Why are they sleeping here?
This is the adoption ritual.
Where is the prescription?
I want the prescription.
Hush now.
Hold on.
Darling, she prescribed these berries.
They should cure infertility.
The witch herself has 108 children.
What? 108 children?
She has enough children to film a drama.
These berries can cure infertility?
I don't believe it.
Che.
Come and drink with me.
Where?
- In my room.
- Sure.
Darling, my hemorrhoid is back again.
That's just an excuse.
- Go.
- Okay.
The moment I saw you,
I felt that the present is eternal.
The past has passed.
It's nothing more than
just a blur recording in our brain.
Let me ask you.
How frequently do I appear
on the recording in your mind?
More frequent than those artists.
Cici.
- Oh, no.
- Cici.
- What are you afraid of?
- He will stab me.
- I don't belong to him.
- You'll be fine, but he'll kill me.
Cici.
Cici.
Cici.
Cici.
Go sleep with your wife.
Listen to me.
- Cici.
- Talk to your wife instead.
Why are you still looking for the witch?
Let me explain.
Why are there two watermelons?
I ordered extra for you.
You knew that I would come?
I...
I'm so touched, Cici.
We're...
real friends.
We survived the plane crash.
Even the shark couldn't kill us.
I feel like...
we're real friends.
I feel that
the present is an eternity.
The past
is merely a blur recording in our brain.
It doesn't exist.
The future
has yet to exist.
Therefore, the present is...
It's definitely...
What are you doing here, you bastard?
She asked me to accompany her
to eat watermelon.
- Watermelon?
- Yes.
- You're eating watermelon in her room?
- Open up.
Open the door!
Shit.
Wong, I know you're inside.
Hang on.
Open up!
Where is Wong?
- What?
- He...
He didn't come here.
- Didn't he come here?
- Yes.
Sir.
This is my girlfriend, Cici.
Both of you are the same.
- Che.
- Yes.
What jobs did you have
before working for me?
I was a watchman.
You ended up being arrested
as a robbery accomplice.
What else?
I worked in the entertainment industry.
You ended up being arrested
for filming pornography.
You. Move aside.
Go away!
What else?
I was a freight agent.
You ended up being arrested
for drug trafficking.
Useless.
Sir.
Look at you.
Are you planning to become a pimp?
Don't talk nonsense.
Move aside!
Okay.
I initially planned to retire,
but I can't entrust you two
with my restaurant.
Take it away. Quick.
Sir, are you okay?
Sir.
I'll shoot him dead when I find him.
- Be careful.
- What nonsense.
Wong, are you okay?
You can have the watermelon.
I will let you eat it.
I don't have the mood for that.
Che.
Get out, both of you.
Wong.
Wong.
- Are you mad at me?
- Don't be silly.
She said she needed a company
to drink with her.
So I joined her.
I'm not mad at you.
I just feel that life is meaningless.
Why do I have to sneak out from the window
and get chased after every time?
Because you're married.
It's simple. Just like birds,
you're being kept in a cage.
Are you bachelors having it much better?
No, you've got a wife to look after you.
Birds will fight from time to time
if they're being kept in the same cage.
The same thing applies to human.
But this is not the bird
at your home, but that.
What bird is this?
Your father-in-law.
Didn't you say it's eternal?
That's just a trick to get girls.
Our workplace is our eternity.
Does it smell good?
- Yes.
- Let me kiss you.
You're daydreaming again.
Can't I take a short break
while slicing beef?
I've never taken a break
after having worked for decades.
Yeng is having a sore throat.
Go home and cook bird soup for her.
I caught you this time.
- Goodness.
- No wonder I always smell ginseng.
You stole and cooked my ginseng.
- You made me feel dizzy with the smell.
- Grandpa, are you all right?
- Wong.
- Are you okay?
Your grandpa stole my ginseng.
He didn't, I give it to him.
You did? So you stole my ginseng.
- No, I took it.
- You stole it.
- I took it.
- You stole it!
We're a family.
Of course, I can give him some..
"We're a family"?
Remember when you first came to Hong Kong?
All you had were a pair
of underpants and slippers.
If Dad didn't employ you as a cleaner,
both you and your grandpa
would have starved to death!
Exactly.
So, both of you stole my ginseng!
- I took it.
- You stole it.
I took it.
Shirley.
Did he really hit me
or was that my hallucination?
You're not hallucinating.
Dad!
You're so cheap. You hit your wife.
- Dad.
- I'll hit you too if you stay.
- Hit me? I don't believe it.
- Go to hell!
Dad, he hit Shirley too.
Wong!
Why did you hit my daughter?
My late wife never hit her.
I had never hit her too.
How dare you hit my daughter?
I'll shoot you dead.
Grandpa, your plaster will be removed
within three days.
You can go to a disco after that.
I know that you're filial.
I don't ask for a luxurious house.
A wooden house is just fine.
By the way,
Wong.
Wong!
Yes?
I don't need ginseng.
Herbal tea will do.
- Wong!
- Are you okay?
- What?
- Come out now!
Which hand did you use to hit Yeng?
Stick it out.
Where is the labor room?
- Where can I deliver the baby?
- Lie down.
How can I deliver on the floor?
Which hand did you use to hit Yeng?
Which hand did you use to hit Yeng?
Stick it out!
Stick it out now!
Don't attempt to run away.
Don't you dare run away!
Hey, where is the labor room?
You're deaf.
Hey, where is the labor room?
Where is the delivery room?
Move aside or I'll cut you open.
Why are you so fierce?
No wonder you have no eyebrows.
No wonder you're so bold nowadays.
It seems that you've been training hard.
Why don't you slit my throat open?
Slit my throat now.
Kill me.
Go ahead and kill me.
Kill me if you can.
What?
Father, are you all right?
- Answer me, Father.
- I'm still alive.
Wong!
From now on, you won't be living
in a luxurious home or eat teppanyaki.
Take your underpants,
your slippers, your grandpa,
and move back to the slums.
Stay in a wooden house
and have only roadside stall food!
Help!
Help!
Old man, hurry up!
Hurry up! You're so slow!
Open the window!
What's taking you so long?
- Wong!
- Wong!
- Help!
- Are you all right?
Help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
Are you nuts?
Why do you say so?
Isn't it strange?
There are no labor rooms in this hospital.
I don't know where to deliver my baby.
So troublesome!
Grandpa.
Grandpa, I made ginseng soup for you.
Have some.
So sweet of you.
Grandpa.
Wong has not come home
for more than ten days.
Do you know where he went? Please tell me.
- I don't know.
- Grandpa!
- Che.
- Yes?
I made ginseng soup. Have some.
It's too nutritious for my body.
Che, please tell me Wong's whereabouts.
I've tried looking for him,
but to no avail.
You're lying! You must know where he is.
Tell him I made him ginseng soup.
If you don't know where your husband is,
how would I know?
It must be Wong.
Wong!
Dad, did you find Wong?
I went to all the hotels, bars,
and dance studio
that he usually frequents,
but I still couldn't find him.
I don't care, you must find him.
You told me to shoot him to death.
What? Did you really shoot him?
He fell.
Where to?
How would I know?
Could he have committed suicide?
If he did, you can marry another guy.
I don't care.
Find him or I'll kill myself.
- Yeng!
- Let me die!
- Don't!
- You're a good girl.
- Don't be naughty.
- You'll die right away!
- You'll die right away!
- Let me die.
You're back!
- Pack up, Grandpa.
- Where are we going?
Back to the slums.
We lost our home.
- We'll be having street food.
- Okay.
We'll be fine, no starving.
We'll be just fine.
- Wong.
- These underpants are mine.
I was just kidding.
Don't take it to heart.
- As you know, I was drunk that time.
- This is mine.
It's mine.
I've aged.
- Regarding my business, I plan
- It's mine!
- to entrust you my restaurant soon.
- I'm packing my own things.
Here's the key. Take it.
I don't want it.
Underpants.
You've shaved my eyebrows!
What else do you want?
He's bullying me.
Get him back by yourself.
- Go ahead and beg him.
- Okay.
- Wong.
- What?
Have some ginseng soup.
- Please drink it.
- I don't want it.
Please have some.
I stole it.
No, you took it.
- I stole it.
- No, you took it.
I stole it.
- No, you took it.
- I stole it.
- No, you took it.
- Wong.
Don't be like this.
- I stole it.
- Stop this nonsense argument.
- I stole it.
- Wong.
- Come on, just have a sip of it.
- Here.
- Have some.
- Drink it.
Is it delicious?
It's too bland.
- I'll add some salt.
- Go now.
Wong, are you okay?
- So bland.
- Darling.
The berries given by
the Filipino witch are effective.
According to the doctor,
I'm one month pregnant.
Wong, congratulations.
Let's celebrate and have some drinks.
Come. Let's go drinking.
Grandpa, what are you doing?
You said we're going back to the slums.
- Are you crazy? There are many mosquitoes.
- All right. I'll get back inside.
Come on.
Be careful.
Wait for me downstairs.
I'll bring the cat.
Sure.
Do it here!
I'm heading out for drinks.
- Sure.
- I'm going drinking.
Come home early.
I'll make ginseng soup for you.
I'm finally free!
Subtitle translation by Jia Yuan