Tashan (2008) - full transcript

What happens when you throw two guys who hate each other together. A cool call center executive Jimmy Cliff (Saif Ali Khan), a desi wannabe gangster Bachchan Pande (Akshay Kumar) add for good measure a beautiful girl Pooja (Kareena Kapoor) who cant be trusted - on a journey across spectacular India - a journey which will alter the course of their lives in more ways than one - a journey where even enemies need to trust each other if they want to stay alive. Trouble is, in this world no one can be trusted ever. And to top it all there is the evil eye of Bhaiyyaji (Anil Kapoor - Slumdog Millionaire and 24), maverick gangster who enjoys killing people as much as he enjoys learning to speak English.

Hey... Clap, Dance and Sing

Hey... Clap, Dance and Sing

Oh, God! Enjoy Living Of Life

Hey... Clap Your Hands, Dance And Sing

Hey... Clap Your Hands, Dance And Sing

Oh, God! Enjoy Living Of Life

We are made of

a unique blend

We are made of

Our Blood Has A Colourful Love

Oh, yes, our zest brings life to life

In style

In style

In style

In style

In style

In style

In style

In style

Here she comes

Lies in her hair

With poison lips and deadly tongue

She's a highway to hell

And she knows it well

She's a high...

Sometimes when I'm
Immersed in my thoughts I wonder

She's a highway

About how you

Have been made

For me

You've been brought...
Down to earth for me...

You've been brought
Down to earth...

Mrs. Makwana used to say
that the world is like a pond

and our actions
are stones thrown into it.

If the actions are good,
you get a happy wave,

but, if they're bad, you get a storm.

I always had to listen to her,
because she wasn't just Mrs. Makwana,

she was my mother!
And when she said these things,

only one word rang in my mind.

A word that I could never
say to her face.


Double bullshit with cherry on top!

The next time mummy says
something listen to her.

I mean, it could save your life.

If I had understood this six months ago,
I would not be here.

But, six months ago,
I was a different guy.

Six months back I was someone else,
I was somewhere else.

Six months ago, this was my world,

where Hindi is spoken
with a British accent,

where an ordinary
Jitendra Kumar Makwana becomes...

Jimmy Cliff.
How may I help you?

The smartest
at Smartnet Call Center.

That's me! Six months ago I was
only interested in two things.

-Hi, Jimmy!
-Women and work!

And I was pretty good at both.

Not only did I speak English,
I also taught it. Two jobs!

Life was pretty good, man.
India was rocking and so was I.

Good morning, class.

Good morning, sir.

How may I help you?

How may I help you?

Superb! Okay.










These were the
executives of the future.

Tomorrow's Jimmy Cliffs
and Janet Jacksons.

But, today I wasn't
assessing their accents,

I was looking at their faces.

My last three girlfriends
were from here.

-Jimmy, I love you.
-Yummy yummy Jimmy!

Jimmy you're so hot!

Normally, I get the bimbettes
and I'm okay with that.

But, not anymore.
I want a change.

I mean, pizzas and burgers
everyday give you a bad stomach.

Now, I want a new girlfriend.
Someone like I've never known.

Someone with a flavor that is unique
and different from others.

You know what I mean?

Just someone very special.

That was the first time I saw lightning
tear the sky in broad daylight.

That was the first time I saw her.

O-O... Its raining...

O-O... In full Stream...

Its raining...

She was beautiful.

I'll dance and wreak havoc

I'll dance

If I were smart,
I would have run away from her.

I did run, towards her instead.

Hey, come in. Come in, please.

Did you forget to bring your umbrella?

It was sunny when I left my house.

Are you new in Bombay?

It suddenly starts raining here,
without even a warning.

You also arrived without a warning.

The rain had no idea
you were stepping out.

My name is Jimmy. Jimmy Cliff.
I work here.

I know. I'm here to meet with you.
Pooja Singh.

Nice to meet you, Pooja.
So, what can I do for you?

Have you come for coaching?

Do you take private tuitions?


Yes, if someone is unable to
come here would you go over?

Any time you say.

Whatever salary you seek.

Please, sir.

This was my last
chance to say no.

But, I had never said no
to such a beautiful girl.

You live here?

No, this is my office.


You have to teach my boss English,
not me.

I thought if you meet him,
everything can be discussed.

Life's So Good...

I'm the coolest one

This is the biggest problem
with us men.

The moment we see women
we think so much about sex,

that we forget the basics.

Of course, she never said
she needed a teacher.

Here I was, hitting the brakes
at every given opportunity. Shit.

Whatever your terms are,
please tell them to me.

I'll come in on one condition.


Stop this "sir" thing.
You're making me feel like an old man.

Oh, is this the new professor?
Teacher, I'm Misir.

Bhaiyaji's been waiting
for a long time.

Please do come in.


This is Mr. Jimmy,
Jimmy Cliff.

One hundred percent English!
Good morning.

Greetings! Please come.
Welcome! Welcome!

No, please don't say, "Namaste."

From where I come, a teacher
is equal to God. Right, Misir?

It seems as though
Lord Krishna himself

has come to Sudama's home.

Teacher, what will you drink? Cold drinks,
hot drinks?

No, thank you.

This is your first visit.
You must have something. Pintu!

Yes, Bhaiyaji.

Pintu, please get some snacks
and refreshments for Teacher.

Yes, Bhaiyaji.

No, I just ate a while ago.

I'm really not hungry.
Thank you for offering though.

Did you notice, Misir?

When he speaks, he sounds
just like George Bush.

George Bush?


Pooja, you have worked wonders!

Teacher, just teach me English
the way you speak. That's all I want!

Yes, but I...

He takes English classes,

and also works in a call center.

Time might be a problem.

Problem is no problem.

See Misir, his arrival has
already improved my English!

Teacher, from now on

you are Dronacharya and I am Arjun.

Whatever you say,
I will do it.

Until I hit the target
with the arrow,

-I will not leave your sight.

Bhaiyaji is requesting you.
Please do it.

-No, no, no.
-Bhaiyaji, snacks!

Forget the snacks
and fall at Teacher's feet.

That's not necessary.

-Hold his feet.

So, do you agree, sir?

I did agree. I had to watch it.

I hope while I taught them English,
I wouldn't forget what I know.

I agree.

Man, I was loving this
whole traditional thing.

All these grown up
men calling me...


Thanks guys! And then there was Pooja.

Now that was a dish
I was dying to taste!

So, Teacher, the decision's made.

After your morning classes are completed,
we'll begin my tutoring.

Don't worry about the money.
Education costs nothing.

I mean, it's priceless.

In three months, I have a crucial meeting
with a foreign delegation.

Just make my English
good enough for it.

I'll try my best, Bhaiyaji.

You will have to
promise me one thing.

Whatever you say,
say it in English.

But, that's the problem.

You just need to make an effort.
read an English newspaper,

listen to the English news.

I will be here tomorrow
onwards and hopefully

in three months, you will
be speaking English fluently.

Just like George Bush.

A hundred percent!

Pooja was naive,

and I was a player.

But, I had decided that whether
Bhaiyaji learns English or not,

Pooja will definitely learn
the language of my love!

The language of Jimmy's love.

Jack and Jill...

Jack and Jill...

-Went up the hill...
-Went up the hill...

To fetch a pail of water.

Pooja was an entirely
new experience for me.

She was a nice girl,
very different.

Very Indian.


She gave me a card, man.

No one had given me a card
since the tenth grade.

But, it was also sweet.

I mean, I thought it was really silly.

Jack and Jill, went up the hill

-Stamp, sweet, sun...
-To fetch a pale of water.

T for top.

-Twinkle twinkle...
-Little star...

-How I wonder...
-What you are...

-Up above there in the sky...


...and broke his crown, and
Jill came tumbling after.

Jimmy Cliff.

Hello. Bhaiyaji has a friend
called Mr. Snehal Desai

whose number he has misplaced.

Is it possible for you to get it
from your database?

Take it down. 9820072749.

Thank you.

Don't hang up, please.

I'm at VT station.

I'm coming.

Oh, sorry.
What is this?

Money. It's come for the new office
that Bhaiyaji is going to open.


Yes, it comes every month.

Bhaiyaji has 20 restaurants in UP.

All the revenue
is sent here.

There is something called the bank.

The bank is where it goes, Teacher!

Tomorrow morning it
will go to the bank!

I want to tell you something.


Teacher, I am waiting.

Humty Dumty sat on a wall,
Humty Dumpty had a great fall,

Humty Dumty sat on a wall...

Bhaiyaji was murdering the English

And I... I was slowly losing myself
in the magic of Pooja's eyes.

It was crazy.

I was thinking of just one
girl for the entire day.

And suddenly, I felt fear.
Does she even think about me?

I mean, does she love me
as much as I love her?

Hello? Hello?

I'm downstairs.
I want to tell you something.

I want to tell you that
when you laugh, your eyes twinkle

like the Chinese.

I want to tell you that
I miss you in the evenings.

I don't know how to tell you
without saying it.

Saying that I'm falling in love with you.
I love you, Jimmy.

Bohemian heart

Wandering, lost bohemian heart

Hastening with all its zest

Oh, I'll conquer every star in the sky

Tie the sun and moon into a single knot

And celebrate this everlasting high

I am but a rootless pilgrim

Oh, I'll conquer every star in the sky

Tie the sun and moon into a single knot

And celebrate this everlasting high

I am but a rootless pilgrim

Homeless and a vagabond

Roaming from one land to another

Somebody stop me please

Enchanted by a spell so fond

I can't explain it any further

I'm desperate for release

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love

I'm sacrificed, I'm destroyed

I'm nothing but a moving void

I'm lost I'm lost in love

Alone I stand
Leaving everything else behind

I find the word of honor futile now

I look at every star
Straight in the eye

I've reached far beyond
Every moonlit sky

To whom do I tell my story of woe?

Rescue me from this heavenly hell

Somebody please tell me

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love

I'm sacrificed, I'm destroyed

I'm nothing but, a moving void

I'm lost

I'm lost in love

The path told me that I'll get weary

Return halfway, you'll find it scary

Don't go any further
For a tempest slashes

Thunder cracks and lightning flashes

But, I am the fanatic
That moved his lip

Keep me company on this lonesome trip

Say yes before my eye begins to drip

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love

I'm sacrificed, I'm destroyed

I'm nothing but a moving void

I'm lost

I'm lost in love

Hastening with all my zest

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love

I'm lost in love...

I'm lost in love...

I'm lost in love
The heart has lost

I'm sacrificed, I'm destroyed

I'm sacrificed, I'm destroyed

Tashan the style,

the good luck,
the bloody formula.

Here, here,
delegation come,

talk, shake hands,
smile, okay, bye-bye.

But, Bhaiyaji feels first impression

is the last impression.

Bhaiyaji's style was English speech.

A speech like none other

in a language no one
has ever come across.

Happy to lots you being today.

Lots happy, because the person,

who till today your temple's steps
not climbing,

who till today in front of you
his head not bowing.


Bhaiyaji's favorite movie!

Who till today in front of you
hands not outstretched,

that person in front of
you standing is.

I knowing you lots happy today,
lots happy.

Because today I am losing,
but, you knowing

while I standing here, that lady...

That lady whose forehead
was rubbing your cheap stone,

Rubbed it so much,
the stone wore out.

There's no English word
for "Chaukhat"

In Hindi "Chau" means four,
so he made it 'Fourkhat'

I of you nothing ask,
but, asking today,

asking today.

My crime's punishment
my mother don't give.

My crime's punishment
my mother don't give.

I myself surrender.

You do what you do, you do.

God, just give me my mother back.

My mother, return me, please

My mother return me, please.
Please God, please.

Bhaiyaji's speech was
like a double edged sword.

The delegation will think
it's some Indian tradition

and finalize his deal.


In the middle of all this,
my love story

was completely bilingual.

Whether you say it in English
or in Hindi, it was great.

I was on top of the world!

How and why?


I said how come? How?

How dare you? I can
throw you on the streets if I like.

Who are you, huh?

I gave you a job,
gave you respect,

and you?
You worthless servant.

Remain within your limits.
Remain within your limits.

If I throw you out,
you will end up stripping,

-or brothel, like Umrao Jaan.
-You don't mean that, Bhaiyaji.

Teacher, please this is an internal matter
that you know nothing of.

Kindly do not poke your nose
in private matters.

Thanking you.
Yours faithfully.

What he's thinking?
Bhaiyaji villain, shouting ladies?

But, truth he knowing not.

Should I telling the truth, Pooja?

I made a mistake, Bhaiyaji,
please forgive me.

I would have shot Bhaiyaji
if I had my way.

Listen, tomorrow we'll go there together

and throw his useless job on his face.

You needn't work there anymore.

I cannot leave this job.


My life is very complicated.

Your life and my life
are not separate anymore.

Listen, before I met you,
I only loved myself.

After I met you,
I have learned true love.

Please forget me.
You are not my destiny.

My destiny is this job, this debt.
My father's debt...

...to Bhaiyaji.

I haven't even scattered
my father's ashes yet.

I thought that when I clear the debt,

I'll go to Haridwar and scatter them.

I've been working for him
since I was 16

and deducting a part
of my salary every month.

Bhaiyaji says he himself doesn't like it,

but, the interest alone has
become one and a half crores.

I asked him for the
accounts this morning

And you saw how he shouted at me
like I was a beggar.

And then, later, he came to me
and said sorry.

He said he was feeling bad
about what happened.

He said he wants to help me,
but, was hesitating.

He said he'd forgo the entire debt
and interest.

Marry me, Pooja, he said.

There's never any debt
between husband and wife, silly!

He said that there is an auspicious time
after Diwali.

Oh, shut up, Pooja.

We will return Bhaiyaji's money.

How? Where will one and
a half crores come from?

By train.

Every month Bhaiyaji's money came into

one of Victoria Terminal's lockers.

The key to that locker was with Pooja.
And Pooja was with me.

After repaying Bhaiyaji's loan
with his own money,

we would run far away
into our little world.

That was the plan. I should've
been scared but, I wasn't.

In our country, people don't even
get caught for murder.

We were only running away
with the money of a small baker.

It's more than the usual.

How much do you think it is?

I don't know. I've never seen
this much money before.

Okay. Remove Bhaiyaji's amount
and keep it aside.

-I'll be right back.
-Where are you going?

Office. I need to submit
my leave application

and there's some stuff in my locker.

You be careful and do
not open the door.

I'm taking my keys with me. Jesus!

When I reached the call center,
my supervisor pushed me into a briefing.

I was getting late but, how could I
tell him that there's stolen money

lying in my house
that I need to run with?

I had to stay and there I met...

My name is ACP KS Hooda,
Kuldeep Singh.

Village Khadkhodha Jilla Hissar,

Anyway, jokes apart it's not
really a joke. I'm just laughing!

Now, my name and address
is of no importance to you.

However, the names

and addresses that I'm going to tell you
are very important.

Yes, run the slide show.
And the names are Mr. Jagan Shah,

Mr. Satish Jindal
and Mr. Snehal Desai.

Their extremely private

and sensitive information
has been leaked

from this call center.

Where they stay,
their mobile numbers,

land line numbers,
office addresses, etcetera, etcetera.

So many things are there.

I'm not saying that you all are culprits,
but, it is someone.

Somebody is there.

Who knows? Because,
in the last two months these three

gentlemen have received
17 extortion threats

for large amounts that vary
from 10 lakhs to 5 crore rupees.

And all these threats
have gone from one man

whose name is Lakhan Singh,
aka, Bhaiyaji.

Bhaiyaji is an upcoming
underworld king from UP.

Contract killing,
murder, kidnapping

and land dealings are things
he can do with his eyes closed.

And he does them every other day.

This Gabbar Singh has two henchmen.

One is Mr. Balakram Misir

and the other is Mr. Anand Mohan Tiwari,
a.k.a Pintu.

Pooja, don't leave
the house at any cost.

Do you know that Bhaiyaji
is one of UP's biggest dons?

Ms. Pooja's phone is with us,

It was Teacher.
He's calling Bhaiyaji a don.

But, isn't Bhaiyaji a killer?

-Moron! He's a smuggler.
-Don't you remember?

He started killing
and then smuggling.

Pooja, Pooja, Pooja,
where are you? Pooja, come on!

We've got to go. You don't know
Bhaiyaji is... Pooja?

Hello Teacher!
You've stolen my money?

How funny, by god.
How funny.

I'm here to meet you. Pooja Singh.
Do you take private classes?

So, are you agreeable sir?
I'm at VT station.

The information has been
leaked from this call center.

My father's debt,
I vowed to repay every penny.

I've never seen so much money before.

You've stolen my money?

I've destroyed you, haven't I?

How and why did they steal the money?

How should I punish
that ungrateful Pooja?

And Teacher turned out to be a snake?

So, many questions,
my brain is getting fried.

But, Bhaiyaji's feels that
no matter what kind of question it is,

the answer is available
only in one place.

By the banks of the Ganges.

O Lord! In this unknown land
of Ashok Vatika, I, Sita, am in solitude.

Ram Lila Mondal At The Bank Of Ganga

Surrounded by demons on every side,
I need thee and call upon thy name.

Hey, at least call Ravan!

Hey, madam! If you say we may come.

Where is Ravan?


Bachchan, Bachchan Pandey...

He'll show you night in the day


Look outside of your houses.

These are the morons
who have come to burn me down.

All the air is out, eh?
Flat tires!

Now, if anyone raises their head
in front of me, I will...

Parvati, what are you doing here?

She's Sita, you idiot! Parvati
is the heroine of the Shiv-Puran.

Shut up, jackass!

If you know so much about
the story, why don't you become Ravan?

Come on. Enact Ravan's part, come on.

-Yes, bhaiya?

Note down this dimwit's name and address.

Later tonight, we'll teach him
a lesson or two in private.

Don't you have any shame,
acting in front of these losers?

My mother told me to.

That mother of yours will rest in peace

only after she makes you a heroine.

Please take your lines.

Oh, yes, lines. Am saying them.
Just get up. Oh, er... Rajdhoot

It's Meghdhoot, Meghdhoot.

Yes, whatever 'dhoot' stand there,

O Sita, stop being stubborn.
Don't waste your tender youth

on that worthless Ram. Marry me!
You'll live like a queen.

Which harebrain has written these lines?

You wrote these lines?

-Not me.
-Who wrote these lines?

You wrote these lines?

No, the original was written by Tulsidas.

I've just written the screenplay.

Tulsidas wrote these lines, "Marry
me and you'll live like a queen,

else you'll never be able to
show your face to anyone again."

Am I Ravan or Mogambo?

But, that line is Gabbar's.

You writers, your mother
should've been barren.

Who made you a writer?

Mr. Tiwari told me that these are

the kind of lines that work these days.

Where is Tiwari? Tiwari, Tiwari!

You gave the main role
to the biggest ruffian in town?

Please go, he's calling you.

Quickly, otherwise he'll come here
and beat the shit out of you.

Tiwari! Come here and let me
strangle you nicely.

Hello, sir.

Yes, Mr. Tiwari, who am I?

Ravan, sir.

Hey, Dhanpat, who am I in real life?

Bachchan Pande.

Bachchan Pande.

Sir, I am Bachchan Pande.

I have a little bit of respect
around here. Somebody bring a chair.

I am enacting Ravan's part.

So, if Ravan is not held in
high esteem by the people,

how will they have respect for me?

Sir, you should play Ram's part.

Oh, just give Bachchan Ram's part!

The audience is waiting for you sir.

I request you to become Ram
and continue this Ramlila.

And let the show go on!

Sir, if you become Ram,
I will feel very humbled.

There is no greater honor for me
than to meet my end at your hands.

My my, I'm no Shah Rukh Khan.
I'm better off with Ravan's part.

I can't do all this.
What say, writer?

Sita will go only with Ram.

Don't ask me to change it
at the last minute.

Give you an inch,
you take a yard, huh?

No, no. Of course it can be changed sir.

Thank your stars that the phone rang.

Hello, yes, aunty.
Yes, I'm leaving immediately.

UP 32
Bachchan Pandey 007

Bachchan, Bachchan Pande.

Power is the force
That runs the world

The sword of power am I

Provoking me will be your mistake

Be destroyed in the blink of an eye

Bachchan, Bachchan Pande

He'll show you the night
In broad daylight

Svayan Recovery Agency

Good evening, aunty!
The recovery is done.

Bachchan, I told you to
make him understand gently.

He's the son of
the freaking Home Minister.

Aunty, that schmuck
starting shouting in English.

That's why Bachchan sir lost it
and taught him a lesson.

Bachchan Pandey, the people
you've messed with

this time are beyond my reach.

If they decide to return
your lesson with an encounter,

I won't be able to do anything, Sushila.

You're going to organize an encounter
of my Bachchan?

Aunty had brought me up like her own son.

She was having an affair
with Inspector Bajpai,

thanks to which I had gotten out
of trouble a lot of times.

Today it seemed as though
fate was not on my side.

Yes Bhaiyaji.
You don't need to worry at all.

This boy of mine is more efficient
than Thakur.

Yes, he is a recovery king.

He'll bring them back from hell, Bhaiyaji!
Yes, I'll send him.

-Yes, okay.
-Just let me hear his voice?

I'm going to send you to Bhaiyaji.

Going to work for Bhaiyaji is like

being called to join the world cup team.

What Amitabh Bachchan is to
the people of Allahabad,

Bhaiyaji is to us natives of Kanpur.

They call him the pride of Kanpur.

They say Bhaiyaji made his
beginnings right here in Chaman Ganj.

Bhaiyaji used to be a rickshaw puller.

Not for anyone though. He was
the favorite of Vickram Tiger

who was a hi-fi goon in Kanpur.

Such people have more enemies
than friends.

The magic of your craft
Makes judgment draw near

The magic of your craft
makes judgment draw near

If towards the foe you
Will just lift your gaze

Clear the way.


When did those thugs killed Vickram Tiger
and escaped, nobody knows.

Bhaiyaji was so upset that
in spite of his desperate efforts,

he was not able to save Vickram Tiger.

Although, it did turn out pretty well
for him

as he got to keep the gold
that Vickram Tiger was carrying.

After that, Bhaiyaji began to rise
in a way that was unstoppable.

He is where he is only because
of his own strength and acumen.

I've also heard that Bhaiyaji
has an enormous hideout in Bombay.

A city of gold.

Light is chic and night is trend

We are made of a unique blend

Every state is ecstasy
Not just a fantasy

Grey is the life that we have led
Our fury can burn the sun dead

Shameful and shameless have we been

A little innocent

We have evaded
Alexander's fatal arrow

The ocean's blue is sacrificed on us

We have evaded
Alexander's fatal arrow

We have consumed
oceans and mutated

We don't await the
Fortunes of destiny's sanction

We are of the extraordinary fashion

Oh, yes, our zest brings life to life

In style

Pintu, Bhaiyaji's here.

Bhaiyaji, he has
a very large business empire.

-Mr. Snehal Rasik Bhai Desai.
-Owns a factory.

We tried to make him
understand that for

the smooth functioning of the factory,

he must give us a generous donation.

Otherwise, the factory might get
burnt down and turn into ashes.


I'll have you killed like a dog.
Do you know who I am?

I know who you are.

The question is do you know who I am?

I am the Sachin Tendulkar and
the Brian Lara mixed.

My pleasure.

Hey, Ali! Get rid of him
and clean this place up.

Ali won't be able to do much.
Everyone come in.

Bhaiyaji was my hero.

International, multinational.

It didn't get bigger than him.

Greetings, Bhaiyaji

You are Bajpai's son?

I am Bajpai's son.
This is Bachchan.


Bajpai says you can find anything?


Finding from hell also?

Yes, yes.

If that's the case, I welcome you!

I say, welcome!

Bhaiyaji, my English
is not very strong,

but, it is a privilege to meet you.

I don't want to say too much, except that

now you don't need to worry
about anything.

I will throw that English professor
at your feet in the next two days.

If I can't, my name will
no longer be Bachchan Pande.

You don't need to find Teacher.

He has come here by himself!

Come, see for yourself.

This is Teacher.
Surrendered himself yesterday.

He says that he does not have
anything with him.

Pooja took all the money and ran away.


Just saying hello in Kanpur tradition.

Look, I don't have the money.

Beating me up is not going to
bring it back.

I haven't hit you for the money.

I hit you for your cheap character.

How did you even think
of betraying Bhaiyaji?

If you revere Bhaiyaji so much,

why don't you go and catch Pooja?

Which brings me to my next question.
Where is the girl?

How in heaven's name will I know?

If I knew where she is,
wouldn't I be with her?

Would I be getting beaten up by you?

So, the girl has all the money?

Yes, Einstein.

If I don't understand something,
I consider it an insult. Understood?

Bhaiyaji, I can tell from his eyes
that he's not lying.

I can spot a liar anywhere.

You say, what to do,
what not to do?

Bhaiyaji, when a person runs away,
he goes to two kinds of places.

He either goes to a place
where he has a support system

or he goes to a place where
he's always wanted to go.

-For example...


Yes! She's gone to immerse
her father's ashes in Haridwar.

Jesus, man!
Now why did you hit me?

You should have told us
this earlier, knucklehead.

Do you think this is some kind of joke?

Bachchan, have you used this before?
It's an 8mm German pistol.

Keep it. Take Teacher and find Pooja.

Bring Pooja, Teacher and most
important, the money back to me.

But, if anybody is naughty,
kill them and throw their bodies

into the nearest river or pond.
Teacher, do you understand?

-Yes, Bhaiyaji, I do.
-What? What?

Yes, Bhaiyaji. I understand
that if I make any mistake.

English, please.

Okay, I understand that
if anything goes wrong,

he is going to blow my head off.

I understand that, and I...

I won't do anything naughty.
I promise.

What he speaks, Bachchan!
What he speaks!

The man is a snake but,
when he speaks English,

fully George Bush!

Complete Prince Charlie!
Prince Charlie! Charlie!

And then there's this "Indian foreigner".

Does the bastard even think in English?

So, this was my destiny.

Move around with a wild gorilla
and look for Pooja. Pooja

Here I was with my head on
the block and wherever she is,

she must be having a blast.

Intoxicating eyes

Deceiving with sublime lies

Tints grey on clear blue skies

I'm drugged by these eyes

My heart is but, a cluster of ties

Be mine in vain it cries

I flirt, I trick, I cheat

Stealing your soul is no great feat

I tease, I play, I defeat

You'll never find me,
I vanish in a beat

I flirt, I trick, I cheat

Stealing your soul is no great feat

I tease, I play, I defeat

You'll never find me,
I vanish in a beat

I am the morning dew

I combine day with night's hue

I am your purest view

How will you escape
My mesmeric charm

Don't! Don't you dare
try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare
Try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that, boy!

Don't! Don't you dare
try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare
Try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that, boy!

I flirt, I trick, I cheat

I am the night sinking
All the stars in sight

Every turn I bloom,
at each sigh of gloom

I am that spell which
your willpower dispel

I will coax you
Without you smelling a hoax

I am the emotion of a broken heart

The thought that provokes
A poet's art

I am the light, I am delight

How will you escape
My mesmeric charm

Don't! Don't you dare
Try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare
Try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that boy!

Don't! Don't you dare
Try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare
try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that boy!

Oh I flirt, I trick and I cheat

Intoxicating eyes

Deceiving with sublime lies

Tints grey on clear blue skies

I'm drugged by these eyes

My heart is but, a cluster of ties

I am the secret that seals your lips

The sand that from your hand slips

I am the drop that thunders on you

The unquenchable
thirst you will never adieu

I am the strategy behind all cons

The unsolved web of numerous pawns

I am the light, I am delight

How will you escape
My mesmeric charm

Don't! Don't you dare
Try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare
Try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that, boy!

I flirt, I trick, I cheat

Stealing your soul is no great feat

I tease, I play, I defeat

You'll never find me,
I vanish in a beat

I am the morning dew

I combine day with night's hue

I am your purest view

How will you escape
My mesmeric charm

Don't! Don't you dare
Try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare
Try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that, boy!

Don't! Don't you dare
Try to give me that stare

Don't look at me like that lover!

Don't! Don't you dare
Try to give me that stare

This is the fastest way
to catch missing people.

Here in this country,

people will even sell
their mother for ten lakhs.

-That's bullshit.
-Especially people like you.

By the way, what did you think of Pooja?

Would you steal 25 crores for her?

Okay, will you kill her
if Bhaiyaji tells you to?

He didn't say anything like that.

But, if he asked me to kill you,
I wouldn't hesitate for a second.

I'll park two bullets
straight inside your brain.

What? You'll kill me?
Just like that?

This is what I came to Mumbai for.
To be a shooter.

Bang bang! I'll bury you right here
if you don't shut up now.


Now what happened?

It's none of your business.

I'm feeling hot.

Just sit here quietly.

Have you seen her?

-Have you seen her?
-No, I haven't.

What's this?

You're in India,
listen to Indian music.

Man! Music has no language.

If I says there is
a language, then there is a language.

Is that understood?
Now, shut your gob.

Watch it!

The story thus far has been told
by this "English" dimwit

But, what is going to happen now?
Neither does he know,

neither does his mother,
nor does anyone's mother.

In style

Got a light? Match box?


At least give me a cigarette.


You're not happy to see me? Why?

Naughty boy!

I would've been a happy man
if you had died.

Besides, what the hell were you doing
in our car?

Thanks to your advertisements,

there was no place safer
than your car for me.


Who's the hunk?


He's quite a stud!
You're not jealous, are you?

Hi, hunk! The cold doesn't bother you?

Here. Happy? Now tell me,
where is Bhaiyaji's money?

You think I have 25 crores hidden in here?

Don't even try to be over-smart with me.
Just answer my question.

Are you also from Kanpur?

Yes, is there a problem?

Look, I'm not like this moron.

I don't talk much.

When I talk, both Ram and Laxman here
talk with me.

Whether you're a man or a woman,

there's only one treatment for traitors.

So, tell me straight

or I'll whack you so hard,
you'll forget your mother and father.

-What? Speak loudly.

-Money. Rajasthan.
-Lets go.

-We can't go like this.

We'll reach heaven
before we get to Rajasthan.

Have you heard of pneumonia?

Nothing will happen to you.

Nothing will happen to you!

We don't bathe
in the Ganges everyday.

Lets go after our clothes dry.

All right. You have five minutes,
then I'll be back.

We are those that sleep in peace...

Excuse me, can you dry this, please?

-I'm not your grandfather's slave.

You've destroyed this entire country
with your "please, please". Here!

-And this. Bra!
-Yuck! What is this?

-I know that. I'm not going to touch it.

You don't dry your vest?

Yes I do but, I'm not going to
do this, good Lord!

This is like a vest for us.

There's hardly anything to be coy about.

When there are posters with women
in tiny bikinis displayed all over,

I'm sure you have a good look.

I'm not that type, understand?

So, what type are you?
The other type?

No, not the other type either.
Put it here.

These people wear all kinds of
weird things. Hey! dry this.

Why? Is it electrocuting you?

Shut up!

I won't tolerate all this chatter,
you understand?

I'll give you one tight whack
and then everything will be understood.

Now dry your clothes quickly and come.

I'm waiting there. Move it.



Can we start again, please?

Take me with you.

There's enough for the two of us.

Remember what you said? In this country,

if you have the money and a little wit,
you'll never get caught.

I have the money and
you have the smartness.

Just you, me and 25 crores!

How many times do you think

you can make a fool out of me
with the same bloody lollipop?

You'll have to be alive to become a fool.

What do you think?

After Bhaiyaji gets his money back,

he's going to give us character
certificates and bid us farewell?

Do you even know his name?

Lakhan Singh Ballebaaz,
a.k.a Bhaiyaji.

He would get his picture
printed on the currency notes

instead of Gandhiji, if he could.

He's a terror.

Cricket bats, hockey sticks,
football shoes

and even tennis rackets are
his murder weapons. Do you know why?

He enjoys killing people.

The entire river's dried up,
but, your clothes haven't?

As if it's Draupadi's saree
that just won't dry.

Useless freaks, their English clothes
don't seem to dry only.

And now I've got to piss,
where can I go?

If anyone can save us from Bhaiyaji,
it's him. Captain Wallop.

Him? Mr. By-the-banks-of-the-Ganges?

If he's on our side, we might just escape.

But, why would he be on our side?

He knows about us. Same lollipop
and the same trick.

But, the fool's different.

Wow! You've actually become smart
after being made a fool!

I was good for you. But, now what?

Now I am going to rape you.


One second. Let me...

Help! How dare you try
to de-flower me? Bachchan!

Help! Please leave me for God's sake.

Why would I leave such a good thing
for God?

You're overacting.

You are over critical.

Please help!

Shameless woman, I'll
teach such a lesson that...

No matter how shameless a woman is,
a lady's honor is still honor.

This is none of your business, Bachchan.

And she does not have any honor
whatsoever, she's a bloody bitch.

You know the mess I'm in
because of her? You know!

You're not an angel either.

You can have her too.
She's quite hot. Hey, I don't mind.

What happened? Broke a tooth?

Didn't even shake, loser.

I hate you, Pooja.

Are your clothes dry?

Why don't you check?

You see this woman.
She's a not nice girl.

Very bad girl, I'm telling you.

Down, down.

-What happened?

How do you know?

That man had come to the call center.

He knows Bhaiyaji's entire history.

Where's my phone gone?


Good evening, Bhaiyaji.

Have you found that unfaithful bitch?

Now if I knew this much English,

I would've been in the IPS or IAS.

Bhaiyaji, can you please speak louder?

Have you found the bastard lady,
Pooja Singh?

Have you found Pooja?
That traitor woman?

I have found her. Yes, Bhaiyaji.

Going to collect the money
which she's hidden in Rajasthan.

But, there's a small problem.

The professor seems to have
recognized a police officer here.

His name is ACP Hooda.

He's dangerous. Has been on
my back for some time now.

Dog fellow.

Bhaiyaji, if you like,
I could get rid of him.

Stay away from him, Bachchan. He's danger.

Don't get seen by him, okay?

Okay. I wanted to ask you
one question, Bhaiyaji.

Bachchan, you think I'm

one of the contestants of
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

Asking, asking, asking, question!

What are you meant for?

Eating cherry pie?
Don't ask questions,

answer first.

Baby, you carry on.

He's saying that you are very...

Shut up, schmuck.

I don't need to understand
the language to know what he just said.

Don't teach me, useless fool.

He has a habit of interrupting people.

You keep quiet, slut. Hey Bachchan,
keep her away from me or...

Or what, Jeetu?

Bachchan will rip off your arm

and throw it away, Jeetender!

Hey, stop. Stop it!

Stop this cat and dog fight
or I give you both one slap each.

-I hate you.
-Piss off.

Hey lady, why are you cutting your jeans?

Hey, why are you cutting your jeans?


Don't think I was staring.

Why? Am I that bad?

-Any clues?
-No, sir.

-Hooda here? How?
-Who Buddha?

Not Buddha, ACP Hooda. Come on, run.

I want those three.
These are useless, let them go.

Okay, move it. Come on, hurry up!

-Move it, move it.
-Run, run.

-Namastey. Namastey.

-Oh, Jesus!

Check every bed, bag and box.

Tapad, check those black boxes.

Can't trust these rascals for a second.

All the equipment should be here.
Why it hasn't reached, man?

Come on, just send the extras.

What program are you making?

Sir, shooting sir of an English film.
Hollywood, sir, Hollywood.

You offspring of Spielberg,

have you joined Hollywood?

Speak in a language that you know.
Speak in Hindi.

Sir, I have all permissions with me.

You can check.
They're very famous people.

Please don't kill me, please.

I am a friend of India.
I'm making a movie.

It's it's called Holy Widows.

It's a good movie,
it's not like this other crap.

It's definitely going to be
nominated for an Oscar.

He says that he's making
a film called Holy Widow

and is a friend of India.

Tell him we're going to be in his film.

We are going to be in your movie.

Doing what?

What will we do?

Sing a song, what else?

Singing a song?

There is no song in my film.

-He says there's no song in his film.
-Now there is!

Dude, this is India.
There is song for everything.

When I see a pearly white face

My heart begins to race
I'm hitting on you in any case!

When I see a pearly white face

My heart begins to race
I'm hitting on you in any case!

When I see a pearly white face

When I see a pearly white face

My heart begins to race
I'm hitting on you in any case!

Oh, very... Oh, very...

Oh, very happy in my heart

It dances away

Very happy in my heart

It dances away

It dances

It dances

It dances in a sway

Oh, happy in my heart

It dances away

Oh, can't stop my feet

Can't stop my feet
Oh, this tormenting beat

I just can't stop my feet
It is like torture sweet

Standing steadfast
In the scorching heat

Locked is our gaze as we meet

Don't hide your feelings

Tell me of these sweet tidings

-Oh, very...
-Happy, happy...

Oh, very happy in my heart

It dances away

Very happy in my heart

It dances away

It dances

It dances

It dances in a sway

Oh, happy in my heart

It dances away

Oh, as pink as a rose
Your cheek glows

As blue as the sky
Your eyes make me fly

A face as pure as the untouched moon

And hair as black as a cloud in June

I can't hide it any further
My heart beats for you with fervor

Oh, my heart beats for you

Louder every time you're in view

For the premier of
Your heart, one chance

I'll buy out the theater
By booking advance

Yes, for the premier of my heart

Everyone wants an adnavce booking

Oh, very... Oh, very...

Oh, very happy in my heart
It dances away

Very happy in my heart
It dances away

Oh, it dances

It dances

It dances in a sway

Oh, happy in my heart
It dances away

When I see a pearly white face

My heart begins to race
I'm I'm hitting on you in any case!

When I see a pearly white face

Yes when I see a pearly white face

My heart begins to race
I'm hitting on you in any case!

Oh, very... Oh, very...

Oh, very happy in my heart

It dances away

Oh, very happy in my heart

It dances away

It dances

It dances

It dances in a sway

Oh, happy in my heart, it dances away

Oh, very happy in my heart
It dances in a sway

Oh, very, very happy in my heart
It dances away

Oh, very happy in my heart,
it dances in a sway

Hey, Olga, if you are ever in Bombay...
What is your problem?

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy!

Listen, thanks so much.
I really appreciate it.

Yes, sure no problem.

Mr. Bachchan, Mr. Bachchan,
thank you very much.

I hear you are a huge star.

I told him you're Amitabh Bachchan.

Listen, if you're ever in LA,
please give me a call.

We'll do lunch, okay?

Thanks, thanks really.

Hey, Harvey, Harvey! Yeah.
Guess what, man?

We got a song for Holy Widows.
Stars this huge Indian star.

You're going to love it.

I had never seen a girl so close.
Felt strange.

It felt weird.

People look so innocent
when they're asleep. Just like children.

She looked like she couldn't hurt a fly.

I don't know why I wished that

she keep sleeping on my shoulder forever

and I'd keep sitting here forever.

Good morning.

Good, good.

You didn't sleep?

If I had slept, you would've
run away again!

No, if I run now, I'll run with you.

I get really good sleep on your shoulder.

Pooja, I think you've messed up
your life after falling into bad company.

Sometimes, what's right for you
can be wrong for someone else.

Now, Bhaiyaji may be a big don,

but, when he takes Pooja Singh's name,

he'll take it with a little respect.

Are you married?

Will you marry me? I'm serious.
This is not a joke.

Will you elope with me?

Pooja has a rare quality and it's found
in very successful people.

She never wastes any time.

Bachchan, I'm not scared of Bhaiyaji
if you are with me.

But, are you with me?

Twenty-five crores is a lot of money.

And I'm the bonus!

The further you go away
from me, the closer I'll come.

Pooja, can you hear that groaning sound?

Your eyes, your eyes
Biting, biting black eyes

Night eyes, night eyes
Your black night eyes

Teacher, sing with me!

Your eyes, your eyes
Biting, biting black eyes!

Hello, my dear Pooja!
Welcome, welcome!

First you did Teacher, and now
you're doing Bachchan also?

-Good afternoon, Bhaiyaji.
-God bless you, son.

About Pooja. One thing fantastic.

Stealing money,

and then hiding it in beautiful places.

Pooja, money where is?

Hey Misir, I'll bet you 500?

For what?

After getting the money,

Bhaiyaji will first blow
Pooja's brain out, and then Teacher's.

You idiot, you've spent so much time
with Bhaiyaji. He's going first.

So, make it a 1,000 then?

You enjoy losing, don't you?

We'll see.

It looks too small.

It's one crore.

You stole twenty-five,
and are returning one?

I have learnt a couple things
while working with you.

The money is in different places.

Very good! How many places?


Why seven only?


Hand-shake, Pooja! I'm a fan of style.

Now listen to my style.

I want every dime of mine
back to me in seven days.

Bhaiyaji, I've hidden the money
all over India.

Seven days is not enough.

Pooja, give money,
you alive, me alive.

Okay, TaTa. bye.

Bad looking fellows your
face be black.

The foreign delegation
is coming in seven days.

The money should be with me by then.

You go with them, and after you've tak
all the money,

use the gun,

finish both of them.


You will become a part
of Bhaiyaj's Eleven!

Giving you a suit also.

But, if anything goes wrong,
I'll be playing cricket with your balls.

What happened? Not happy?

Bhaiyaji, there couldn't be
a happier moment for me.

Then, smile please.

Surround them completely.

The bloody bullets always finish
just when you need them.

Don't worry, Bachchan.


Bhaiyaji, I know you're out of bullets.

Surrender now if you know
what's good for you.


Go, Bachchan.

Pooja, here.

We have guts.

Give flowers too, Bachchan Pandey

We are Heros.

We have guts

We are atom bomb.
We have dignity near the Ganga.

My name is Bachchan Pandey

We attack on reverse way


Should I kill you?

It'd be nicer if you don't.

All right, something you can
remember me for!

Sucker, taking the easy way out again.

You're the one who said
you're safest next to the enemy.

That day I ran straight to Hooda.

The police were looking for me

because I had leaked the information
from the call center.

But, I wasn't as worried about
the police as I was about Bhaiyaji.

Hooda told me that the only way out
of the mess was to help

the police to catch Bhaiyaji,
by surrendering myself to him.

He said it was my only hope
and I knew he was right.

By the way, why were your men
shooting at me?

That's because nobody else knows
you're working for the police.

Cool! Like, really secret and stuff, eh?


So, nobody else knows?

Tell me, does Bhaiyaji have
any idea that you work for us?

After I saw you in Ladakh,
I created such a big noise

that it seemed as though you were
chasing me, and not Bhaiyaji!

The world to me is a
Blind and dark place

I'm like the wind
Throwing smoke in your face

No deed do I do that
Makes me fall from grace

If you blabber too much
You'll be struck by my mace

The soil by the Ganges
Is full of my fame's grain

I am Bachchan Pande
The sane and insane

Ah, it seems like we've
almost cornered Bhaiyaji!

-Where are you going?
-I'm coming with you.

-No, you wait here.

You see, you are a delicate darling
from the call center.

Now if someone were to
shove a gun on you like this,

you'll be peeing in your pants.

All this bloodshed...

Hello, Prince Charlie!
Saving your life,

yours affectionately, the Bhaiyaji!

Hooda was dead. There were
only two people in this story

that were not criminals.
ACP K S Hooda and me.

But, now, to stay alive,
I had to be like them.

Become dangerous.

Become cunning.

Become a sure-shot.

Smelling nice.

Not for you.

Listen, whatever you want to do,
do it tonight.


Because, if you make friends
with the hangman, it might be smoother.

Bachchan is our hangman?

Yes, I heard Bhaiyaji speaking to him.

So, whatever you plan on doing,
do it now,


The face of the God must always
point towards the east.

It's so dark, I could hardly
make out east from west.

You pray everyday?

Normally, early in the morning,
not in the evening.

So, what do you do in the evenings?

I drink, okay?

Now don't presume that just because
I've had two drinks with you,

I'm on your side.

The nonsense you've done with Bhaiyaji

doesn't deserve forgiveness.

And you need not imagine that
just because I'm sitting with you.

It means that I'll listen to anything
you say.

Given one chance, I'll be out of here,
with the entire loot.

I know.

Anyway, this place is quite beautiful.

And me?

And I'm not beautiful?

Of course you're beautiful,
very beautiful.

-I swear.

Swear on whom?

I swear on my aunt, on Omprakash,
on electricity.

Swearing on aunts and uncles
doesn't mean anything.


You only swear on someone
that you can't live without.

Someone on whom you can't bear
to see the slightest scratch.

Is there anyone like this?

I can only swear on one person, Pooja,
but, I won't.

What are you looking at?

A cycle.

She rode her cycle in such fury.

It moved at the speed of a jet plane!

Hey, why hasn't the electricity
come back yet?

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

How much longer?

How do I know what
this wire has in mind?

When the electricity returns,

it will get to your house automatically,

Hey why did you remove the air?

When the electricity returns
and comes to my house,

the air will
automatically fill up, okay?

I had been stealing electricity
for seven years,

but, that was the first time
I got electrocuted.

It felt good.

I felt as though I could
handle shocks like this

for the rest of my life for this girl.

She used to live right opposite

the vegetable market,
and I didn't know her.

But, I wanted to know her.

Is there elecrticity?

Silly goose, the sun is bright
and shining. There's light everywhere!

You want some?
Won't cry now, will you?




That day I could've eaten
a zillion chillies.


Because that was the day
I learnt her name.


Hey, silly goose!

Silly goose, your brain's loose!
You're just a bag of juice!

She didn't know my name but,
I didn't mind being a silly goose,

or an idiot or even a donkey for her.

Silly goose, your brain's loose!
You're just a bag of juice!

-Silly goose, your brain's loose!
-Silly goose, brain's loose!

Hey, silly goose,
this is an all-girls school.

-I know that.
-Did you follow me here?

Yes, I mean, no.
What's your name?


I mean, what is your school name?

Kumari Udiyan School.

I'll meet after school and tell you!


At the old ghats.

It was not yet time for school
to be out, but, I went there early.

I had decided that come what may,

I was going to find out
Gudiya's real name today.

And as soon as she'd tell me
her name,

I'll give her bangles. Pink bangles.


It's him, he's the one.

Been stealing
electricity, have you, smarty pants?

Hogging it all by yourself?

Yes, the electricity department is ours.

If anyone steals from it, we will.

I think he bled a couple of
liters of blood.

I'm not sure but, thanks to that,

I spent the next two years
in the remand home.

When I came back, there was
no sign of Gudiya or her house.

I heard later that it was
actually her aunt's house.

I looked for her everywhere desperately,

but, I didn't even know her name,

or, where she was from.
She just disappeared.

Since that day, I sometimes call
myself a silly goose. Makes me smile.

On a bad day, after a couple drinks,

I thrash the living daylights
out of some idiot

from the electricity department.

And then I go home and sleep peacefully.

It's not such a depressing story.

I just told you because you asked.

Now you go. Who would you swear on?

Silly goose.

I am Gudiya.

I've always been like this but,
at least you could've recognized me.

You're such a donkey.
My real name is Pooja Singh.

I went to the ghats that day after

school was over and waited for two hours.

My aunt came to pick me up
but, I was refusing to go.

That was the day my father passed away.

I went back.

I lost a lot on that day, Bachchan.

I never went back to Kanpur after that,

but, I remember every single thing.

The school, the chillies,
the pan shop at the corner,

the market on Ram Devi four-cross
on Mondays,

Imperial Talkies and Nigaar Talkies
right opposite each other,

where they mostly played
Jitender's movies.

And Amitabh Bachchan's at home.

The tea stall near my school.

And boys who ran behind
the girls' rickshaws.

Who went behind your rickshaw?

I used to cycle to school, silly goose.

You mean...




Yes. I've never sworn
on anyone till today.

You don't believe I'm Gudiya?

Will you believe it if I jump?

I would do anything for you, silly goose.


I don't even know what
I'm supposed to say now.

I love you.

What happened?

Gudiya, I feel shy.
I can't say it.

I can't say it, Gudiya.

What an actress.

What comes after I love you?

-After I love you?
-What do you say after I love you?

Oh, I see.

Okay, listen. After I love you,
open the topmost button.

-Not yours, hers.

Then look into her eyes and say,
"Baby I love you so much!"

And open her next button.

You're such a one track mind.
Always a dirty mind

Fine, don't ask me then man.

Jimmy, Jimmy.

Okay, if my feelings towards her
are bigger than love,

as in a lot more than just love.

For something like that, in English,
to a girl...

What do I say? What do I say?

Dude, people take forever
to just get to love.

No one's ever gone beyond that!

And you've got such a complicated
language for what? Nonsense.

Besides, who are you so madly
in love with?

Gudiya! Gudiya!

Gudiya? Who is Gudiya?


But, I'll only call her Gudiya
once we're married.


You know, like in the English movies,

there is a way in which
they propose to a girl.

Stylish, suave and so romantic!

But, here I am, an illiterate.

If someone's arm needs to be ripped off,
I know what needs to be done.

But, if I need to ask a girl to marry me,

my tongue becomes a knot.
I get shy.

So, I thought there's no one

better than Jimmy sir to help me.

If you can give me some
tips on how to propose,

maybe I can bring up marriage with her.



Shall we go?

Let's go!

Into the skies, and beyond

Walk to the sky with me

Past all horizons we see

Forever, together we'll be

Lying on a blanket of clouds

Wrapped underneath the stars

We'll steal a moment that's just ours

Into the skies, and beyond

Walk to the sky with me

Past all horizons we see

Look at this land
We've found along our way

Where the shadows of night
Drown into the arms of day

Let us celebrate these lanes

Soaked in love so insane

Making all dreams come true

I could keep my eyes shut tight

Follow you into an infinite night

This instant at one signal from you

Oh, may spring come
When time stands still

And be filled with
Scrolls of prayer and goodwill

Of love so true
It moves a poet's will

Into the skies, and beyond

Walk to the sky with me

Past all horizons we see

Forever, together we'll be

I may not be good looking,
I may not be too quick.

I know I laugh funnily, in fact,

I'm a bit of a dick.

And nothing ever will change
it if you be mine forever more.

Like Beckham, I will bend
it forever and ever forever!

I love you.

Never before have I seen
Such a beautiful sight

I'm in a universe so different
It feels so right

The sun stirs towards you

Teases the night with it's hue

Sitting immovable by your windowsill

At this the
Moon's temperature did rise

Melting away into an empty guise

And bringing my eyes to a fill

Then I'll steal the sun's light

Adorn it on you so bright

That dawn will break at your sight

Into the skies, and beyond

Come with me, my fond

Past all horizons we see

Forever, together we'll be

Lying on a blanket of clouds

Wrapped underneath the stars

We'll steal a moment
That's just ours

Into the skies, and beyond

Come with me, my fond

Past all horizons we see

Forever, together we'll be

Into the skies, and beyond

Come with me, my fond

My phone's ringing.

Bachchan, where have you reached?

Sir, I've got the last bag in my hand.
All bags with the full amount.

Good. Pooja's not misbehaving, is she?

No Bhaiyaji, Pooja
is on her best behavior.

-And Teacher?
-Behaving like good boy.

Rascal! You're speaking English
as smooth as butter.

I've picked up a little, Bhaiyaji!

And now, do you know
what you have to do?

What, Bhaiyaji?

Take gun, load two bullets,

blow Mr. Teacher's brains out and smile.

Tie a weight and throw the body
into the sea.

However, I think that

Pooja is a very smart girl.

I like her style. I want her alive.

You bring her to me tomorrow.

It is an auspicious day.

Bhaiyaji will marry Pooja.

By the power invested in me,
etcetera, etcetera.

Bachchan Pande,

okay, bye-bye.

Yes, sir.

This was not a phone call
from Bhaiyaji,

it was the alarm clock
of my destiny ringing.

I was back on earth in two seconds.

But, I realized
that no matter how many times

I find Gudiya again,
she would never be mine.


You can't do this, Bachchan.
You're not a killer.


Do you have to go?

Bhaiyaji is only concerned
about his money,

which I'm going to give him.

He'll never agree.

He will, don't worry.
I'll tell him that you both ran away.

Worst case, he'll hit and torture me.
I'll be fine.

I can handle this.

But, after all this,
you meet me at the ghats, okay?

I'll be waiting.

I'm not very good with goodbyes.

Just keep this as everything.

And take care of yourself, okay.

Hey, English!

You know, you're quite a bastard,
but, I like you.

Hey by-the-banks-of-the-Ganges,
you are a dude, man. Thanks.

Same to all of us.

Make sure Gudiya reaches Kanpur safely.

And if she doesn't, I'll hunt you down
from the very bottom of

the pit of hell and make a big
fat hole in your pretty little face.

-I'm leaving.
-Good luck.

Let's go!

All the best, dude.

Oh, please, stop it Pooja, he's
not even looking at you anymore.

Actually you know what, I love this.
You're such a brilliant actress!

So, moved by the departure of her love

after making a complete idiot out of him.

Please deny us the pleasure
of such fine acting.

I am Gudiya, silly goose.

If you could, you'd try to make a fool
out of God and Satan both.

You're not a Gudiya, you're an evil doll.

Now what happened?

Are you feeling bad
or, is your acting prowess on display?

I haven't spoken truer words in my life.

I really am Gudiya.


What connection have you gotten us?

That boy takes money
to provide electricity,

but, there never is any power.

No TV, no fans,
you're completely useless.

Gudiya, will you please go
and have a look?

We had an illegal electricity connection
in our house.

Teach him a lesson that he won't forget.

And when stolen electricity goes,

you experience a higher level of anger.

When I get pissed off,
I don't spare anyone.

It was the first time I saw the boy
that stole electricity for us

look like a complete donkey.

After that day, even if
there was no electricity

in the entire neighborhood,
our house always had electricity.

He seemed like a bit of crook to me
and also a birdbrain.

But, I liked dumbos a lot!

I was very excited when I went
to meet him at the ghats.

But, I met someone else there.

Vickram Tiger was my father's name,

but, all of Kanpur trembled
at the mention of him.

They said he resembled the
fierceness of a tiger. But, that day...

Go and pour water there and tell them

And tell them that....

I am your darling daughter


I knew what had actually
happened to my father,

but, I couldn't say anything then.

Lord is the only reality.

I lived from that day on
only to destroy Bhaiyaji.

First, I crucified Gudiya

and a cold Pooja took her place.

The same Pooja
who could not be trusted,

who used anything that came her way.

Including you.

But, I don't know from
where that Bachchan came

and landed in the middle of all this.

He gave life to Gudiya again.

You don't believe me?

This is probably the first time I do,

but, Bhaiyaji's going to kill Bachchan.


There's no money in the bags he took.

Bachchan, kindly tell me
where the money is?

Bhaiyaji I swear, I would
never betray you.

Just give me two days
and I'll bring your money back

from that English speaking traitor.

And the Pooja?

She has nothing to do with this.

You love her, you dirty fellow!
Look at the irony, Misir.


I wanted a murderer and I ended up
with a bloody Romeo.


Listen to me, Romeo.

You can love Pooja all you want,

but, she will only marry me.

I think this punishment should
suffice for you

and for her.

I will never let that happen
as long as I live.


Now I have Romeo, Juliet
and Prince Charlie!

We brought your money.

Please take it and let Bachchan go.

No, no, no, my dear Pooja

I'm sorry but, that's not
what I had in mind.

Bhaiyaji, money and Pooja,

both are yours.

Count them both.

Just let me go.

What's the hurry Mr. Teacher?

Besides, why didn't you run with the money

and the girl, when you could?

I ran with your money once
and I've been running ever since.

My life turned upside down.

If I ran again, you wouldn't
even leave me with a life.

Why are you doing this?
This is not what we discussed.

How else would I have
brought you here, my dear?

What were you thinking?

That I'm going to risk my life to
save you and your hairy gorilla?

No way, sweetheart!

Does it hurt? Good!

Because when you
left me in my own house,

I also felt something like this.

This is my place.

Any slapping, I do.

Now, I'll show you the real Bhaiyaji.

This is the real Bhaiyaji from Kanpur.

The Bhaiyaji who killed
your father,

stabbed him to death.

Raise that hand again and it's broken,
you son of a...

Now I'm going to smash
your bloody brains.

-Bhaiyaji, please.
-Smash them, come on.

I also have one style.

I'm a fan of style.

Just saying hello in my own style.

Enjoyed beating me up, did you?

Right, that's it.
That's it, you bastard.

I am going to kill you
right here, right now.

Bhaiyaji, please give me that gun.

I want to kill him
right here, right now.

I want to blow his head off.
Give me your gun.


When you speak English,
even Bramha cannot deny you.

Give me the gun, Bhaiyaji,
I want to kill him.

Bhaiyaji, style is, you are
the fifty-third card on the deck.

The joker!

And I'm the third king.

Don't you see,
I'm the sovereign ruler.

Do you remember this film?

Black Stone?

Kaala Patthar.

Bhaiyaji, I am a bit a of a bastard but,
you didn't know that.

I may be English in my ways,
but, deep down, I'm purely Indian.

Pooja, would you please
free Mr. Bachchan Pande?

And Bachchan, if my clan
fails to continue,

I will hunt you down and kill you.

Mr. Misir, Mr. Pintu,
kindly drop your guns,

otherwise I'll have to blow
Bhaiyaji's beautiful brain

on this piece of shit
you call a carpet.


I've respected you
since I was a little boy.

But, you're not what
I thought you to be.

From this day forward,

if you ever dare to look
at my Gudiya with your dirty eyes,

I swear I'll pull out
your blooming eyeballs

and play marbles with them.

And yes,

this wonderful little rotten kingdom
you've made for yourself here,

I will burn it down to nothing.

and put the ashes
into your beady eyes.

O English brother!
Thank you, really.

It's okay, Bachchan.

Come on, we've got a long way to
take these creeps. After you.

They've got the style,
they've got the good luck,

and they have the formula.

But, I, Bhaiyaji,
am the original bastard.

I've got the style.

Oh, yes, our zest brings life to life

In style.

I had never imagined
that to save my own life,

I would have to take another's.

I didn't know how to fire a gun.

But, when the situation is such,

you learn to pull the trigger

I knew that now,
either I won't survive this

or I'll slay Bhaiyaji
and walk out of here.


Bachchan Bachchan Pandey

Show the way openly


Bachchan Bachchan Pandey

Show the way openly

You can go to your father now.

Romeo Pande, huh?

Oh, yes, our zest brings life to life

In style

Happy lots you being today.

Lots happy.

Oh, yes, our zest brings life to life

In style

I wasn't naive or even straight forward,

but, I do have a little innocence in me.

In our country, no matter
how much of a loser or dumbo

or Jackasses people are, when
the time comes, they are the ones

who come to each other's rescue.

My life didn't change much.
I still work in a call center.

India's first call center with
only female employees and I own it!


We even got an award
from some feminist NGO.

I mean, that's like eating your cake
and getting a medal for it!

My life changed as much as it should have.

Nowadays, I get up every morning
with a fresh zest.

I don't go near anything wrong

or illegal because
I've reached my shore.

After all, I'm not some wild bull
on the loose.

My wife keeps me
on a very tight leash.

And I love it!

Our life is as normal
normal as everyone else's.

But, who knows what normal is?

It's quite a subjective word.
All we know is that what is life...

Without style!

I mean what's life without a little...