Tall Story (1960) - full transcript

June Ryder is a new student at Custer College, which is most renowned for its boys basketball team, although it also has a high academic standing that can rival that of any of the more famous colleges on the west coast. June's reason for being there: to become a "Mrs.", most specifically Mrs. Ray Blent, he a science major and the star player on the basketball team. Ray is not naturally gifted as a basketball player, but uses science to be able to figure out how to play the perfect game. Ray's interest in basketball is just a byproduct of his primary interest in the sciences and learning in general. June doesn't care who knows what she's doing except Ray. All of June's activities at the college are in this singular goal, which first entails Ray even noticing her and knowing who she is. She discovers that the way to do it is not through the traditional means of the beauty parlor or the kitchen, but rather the classroom. Three people who do know what June is up to are new Ethics professor Leo Sullivan, his wife Myra Sullivan, and longtime General Sciences professor Charles Osman, the professors who don't much like but accept that June is using their classrooms as a matrimonial service. June's ploy does eventually get Ray to notice her as a woman. But a happy ending for Ray and Ray with June are in jeopardy when he receives anonymous bribes to throw an upcoming important game against a visiting team from Russia, the Sputniks. Ethical and academically bright Ray, who is a schnook when it comes to street smarts, has to decide what to do, his plan which inadvertently involves Professor Sullivan, who in the process becomes the most despised man on campus.

♪ When it comes to lies, you
take the prize ♪

♪ you win the cup of gold

♪ I can't recall
a tale as tall ♪

♪ as the tall story you told

♪ when it comes to fake,
you take the cake ♪

♪ you win the ribbon blue

♪ I know no cheat
who could ever compete ♪

♪ with a tall story from you

♪ I never flew so high

♪ you took me to the sky

♪ where all my dreams
burst their seams ♪

♪ and simply fell apart

♪ when it comes to fraud,
I must applaud ♪

♪ you're first on every chart

♪ why did I fall

♪ for such a tall,
tall story from the start? ♪

♪ Why did I fall
and break my foolish heart? ♪♪

Oh, I beg your pardon.


I... I hope
you'll forgive me.

I've lived next door
for the last 22 years,

and there isn't a cooking odor

in the neighborhood
that I don't know

and that doesn't leave me cold.

That is so deliciously new.

Well, that's because
we just moved in.

We're still moving in
as you can see.

Well, I'm delighted
we're going to be neighbors.

I'm professor osmond...

Chemistry, physics,
all that jazz.

How do you do?
I'm Myra Sullivan.

My husband is going to teach
modern ethics.

Oh, good.

May I ask what it is
you're making?


Would you like to come in
and try some?

Oh, no.

Oh, come on, come on.
Live dangerously.

Well, I... I did have
a rather skimpy breakfast.

That isn't Irish, is it?



Oh. I was Myra Solomon
before I married Leo Sullivan.

That way I figured

I could keep
my monogrammed linen.

Oh, that must be Leo.

Come on in and meet him.

He'll be with us in a minute.

Well, I always feel

that when moving
into a new home,

the first person
you ask in is Beethoven.

My husband Leo.

Professor osmond
of the science department

and also our next-door neighbor.

Can we forget the "professor"?

I answer to the name of Charles.

Well, Charles,

what sort of college
is custer, really?

Well, don't think
I'm a chauvinist,

but you take any
coeducational college

on the west coast,

and I'll bet custer has
a higher scholastic standing,

a better basketball team,

and a lower incidence
of pregnancy.

Of course,
I've never taught anyplace

other than custer.

Let's face it.

Basketball has put custer
on the map.

When you're on the map,

you get large
alumni contributions

which, in turn,
build my research lab.

"The spirit of custer."

I've never been able
to think of a proper comment

on that statue.

Of course,
if I were that pigeon...



Look out.

That science should depend

upon a silly, inflated
leather ball.

I find that idea so...
Look out!

Look out!


Oh, I'm so sorry.

Professor osmond!
This is lucky.

I was just on my way to see you.

Well, congratulations

on your stroke of good fortune.

Are you hurt,
professor Sullivan?

Professor Sullivan.
Are you professor Sullivan?

Don't tell me
you were on your way

to see me, too.

Things couldn't have
worked out better.

If you gentlemen will just
come over here and sit down,

we can do the whole thing

Sit down.

Sit down.


You see, I'm June Ryder.

I just transferred
from valley junior college,

and I'm majoring
in home economics.


My guess would have been
6-day bicycle racing.

Ha ha ha.

Was it that funny?

Of course not.
I'm buttering him up.

All right now, gentlemen,
let's get to the point.

Now, I have room
for one elective.

Question... shall it be
chemistry 1, professor osmond,

or modern ethical theory,
professor Sullivan?

You mean,
professor Sullivan and I

have to compete for you?

Well, I can only take
one of the courses.

Miss Ryder, may I ask

why you narrowed your choice
to our subjects?

Oh, simple... ray blent.

What's a ray blent?

It's not a "what."

Ray blent is an all-American
basketball player

and the most brilliant
science student at custer.

I want to be
in one of his classes.

I see.

Ray blent is your boyfriend.

Well, not yet.

That's the whole idea, fellas.

Miss Ryder, may I ask

why you transferred to custer?

Oh, certainly.
Because for a girl, I'm tall.

I'll be getting along
to my office.

I don't think I'm
feeling too well.

No. We'll hear this out

Because you're tall.

Now please go ahead.

All right.

Basketball players
flock to custer, don't they?


They're usually tall,
aren't they?

You mean to say

you actually came
to this college...

For the same reason
that every girl,

if she's honest with herself,
comes to college...

To get married.

Oh, by the way, it's terribly,
terribly important

that I sit next to ray in class.

Please remember that, okay?

Well, I've got a busy morning,

and I've got to get
to the gym this afternoon.

The gym?

For exercise, or has it
something to do

with the master plan?

Oh, I'm trying out
for pompom girl.


Oh, that's girl cheerleader,

and they wear very short skirts.

I have very pretty legs,

and ray blent isn't
very likely to see my legs

in a classroom, is he?

Not in my classroom, he isn't.

Hey, come on, everybody,
let's get going!

Hey, what's going on?

The Russians are coming!

The Russians are coming!

The Russians are coming?

The Russian basketball team
is touring the country.

Evidently they're going to
play custer.


Which one is ray blent?

The darling one.

♪ Hail, custer, hail

♪ we sing your praises
on high ♪

♪ we've got a team that's going
all the way ♪

♪ today they're going to play

♪ fighting all the way

♪ go, go, go, go, custer, go

♪ for we all know
you'll never fail ♪

♪ let's hear a great big yell

♪ we're going to
ring their bell ♪

♪ come on
and hail, custer, hail ♪

We want blent!

We want blent!

We want blent!

We want blent!

We want blent!

We want blent!

We want blent!

We want blent!

We want blent.

Come on, let's go over
to president nagel's house!

Let's go!

♪ Hail, custer, hail

♪ we sing your praises
on high ♪

♪ we've got a team that's going
all the way ♪

♪ today they're going to play,
fighting all the way ♪

♪ go, go, go, go, custer, go

♪ for we all know
you'll never fail ♪

♪ let's hear a great big yell

♪ we're going to
ring their bell ♪

♪ come on
and hail, custer, hail ♪

♪ let's hear a great big yell

♪ we're going to
ring their bell ♪

♪ come on
and hail, custer, hail ♪


Sorry, I'm off duty.

Ray. Ray blent.

Yeah, Joe.

You got a fare?


Well, hustle down to the depot.

Can't make it, Joe.
Basketball practice.

Pete's up ahead.
He'll take over.


There's a fare at the depot.

Got it.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

Sorry, coach.

Okay, ray, snap it up.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.


Your coat.

My... my coat?

Well, what about it?

Oh, you dropped it.


Oh, thanks.

Oh, thank you.

You know, this is the...

The men's locker room.

It is?

Could I have my shoe?

If it's all right with you,
it's all right with me.


Ha ha ha.

1, 2.
1, 2, 3, 4.

Well, as coach, how do you feel

about custer being tapped
to play the Russians?

Very proud

and, uh, very humble.

This should sew things up
at Michigan state.

What do you mean?

Everybody knows
you've been playing footsie

with Michigan state.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

Could I...

Oh, I'm sorry.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

He's not such
a big son of a gun.

What makes him so great?

He throws all those baskets

You know he's majoring
in science, this boy.


1, 2, 3, 4.

Hey, ray, over here
on the double.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.


Are you all right, ray?
Are you okay?

I'm all right, coach.

This boy means more to me
than my own son.

Oh, I'm sure of it.

Your son doesn't average
28 points a game.

Okay, ray, over here.

I'm sorry.

Sandy here was telling me
that you've got

a scientific approach
to shooting baskets.

My readers would like
to hear about that.

Well, it's, uh...

It's just a system

which involves a combination

of the ratio of the energy

of the throw

to the incidence of concussion

against a backboard.


Don, give me the ball, will you?

The wheels are turning.

Well, first class
of the new semester.

She taking my course or yours?

I'll meet you at the cafeteria

before the 10:00.

If you get her,
I'll buy the coffee.

Good morning.

Good morning.

I know it's anticlimactic

to bring up the subject
of chemistry

after you've been
discussing the big game,

but I'm afraid
we'll have to do it.

Ha ha ha.

I'm sorry. Am I late?

Either that or the rest of us
are a little early.

Yes, maybe that's it.

With your permission,

could I arrange the seating?

First row...

Adams, Atherton, Barnes...


The alphabetical arrangement
is old hat, isn't it?

Let's just take potluck,
shall we?

Kennedy, larabie, blent,




In the third row...

Schwartz, Vogel...

June Ryder.

West, and Phillips.

You don't...
You didn't strike me

as the type of girl

who'd be interested
in chemistry...

Or modern ethics.

But... but...

But you said you had
only one elective,

and I thought it was chemistry.

Oh, I was so impressed

with both professor osmond
and you,

I talked the Dean
into letting me take both.

Well, uh,

well, good luck to you,
miss Ryder,

in all your activities.

It must have slipped out
of my bag.

What is it?

Just a list of books

I'm going to pick up
at the library.

"Spengler, decline of the west,

"Darwin, origin of species,

"John Dewey,
individualism old and new,

and the basic writings
of Sigmund Freud"?

I didn't know you were
taking all these courses.

Oh, I'm not.

I couldn't work them in,
but why should that stop me

from satisfying
my intellectual curiosity?

Isn't there anything
in the world

you're not interested in?

Why do you think
I came to college?

Should we continue
the experiment?

Oh, yeah.

Now, uh, you're sure

that you've mixed
the proper proportions

of acid and oxidizing agent?

Oh, yes.

This is your campus reporter
from the college station kcus

with the 5:00 edition
of the news.

Well, we don't have to worry
about ray blent.

The word from the infirmary
is that ray suffered

only minor burns as a result
of that chem lab explosion.

Ray will definitely play
against Cornwell tonight.

How does the custer-Russian game
shape up?

In the last month,
custer has won eight more games,

while the sputniks have downed
six American opponents.

Hello, Myra.

Hello, Charles.

Where's Leo?

Upstairs reasoning with Albert

about something naughty
Albert has done.

He'll be down as soon
as Albert forgives him.

We have time for a snort?

I got a batch of martinis
all shook up.

Gin or vodka?


I have great admiration
for your character, Myra.

With the Russian game
just a week away,

nobody in town's drinking
anything but vodka.

How are you, Leo?

Hello, Charles.

Myra, I hope those martinis
are strong.

What's the matter, Leo?

Were you out reasoned
by your son?

Not out reasoned.
Out talked.

If it weren't for the minor fact

that he is part Jewish,

Albert would have made
a great jesuit.

Oh, excuse me.

Hello. I'm June Ryder,
your baby sitter.

Come in.

Oh, hello, professor Sullivan.

Professor osmond,
nice to see you.

Hello, miss Ryder.

Oh, you're the June Ryder,
the one who's after...

Ray blent?

Honestly, Mrs. Sullivan,
I don't care

who knows about it as long
as ray blent doesn't.

How is it, miss Ryder,

that out of the thousands
of girls

registered for baby-sitting,
we drew you?

I don't know.
You're just lucky, I guess.

Tell me, June,
how are you doing with ray?

Figure it out for yourself.

He drove me here.

Good evening,
professor Sullivan,

professor osmond.

Hi, ray.

Myra, I don't believe
you've met ray blent.

Ray blent.

Well, this is a real pleasure.

Well, it's a pleasure
to meet you.

Mrs. Sullivan,
I hope you don't mind.

I asked ray to keep me company

while I baby-sitted.

Mind? Of course not.

Myra, why don't you
ask the young man

to have a Martini?

Oh, I'd like one,

but not until after
the game with the Russians.

Well, I'm afraid they'd be
a little watery by then.

Leo, don't you think
we should get going?

Oh, professor osmond,
you'll be glad to know

that Ray's promised to help me

with my chemistry tonight.

Frankly, I'm delighted.

Just as a guide to ray,

where would you say
I was weakest?

I'd start on page one, ray.

That's what I like about June...

Her eagerness to learn,

not like most girls

that come to college
just to get married.

We'll be at Mike's
if we're needed.

The twins are already asleep,

but in about, oh,
say 20 minutes,

I wish you'd get
the others ready for bed.

Don't you worry.
We'll get them to bed.

Well, you have
my very best wishes.

Hi, uncle Charles.


This is June Ryder.

She's going to
take care of you tonight.

Come say hello.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

You're pretty.

Cherish those words.

They're probably the last
civil ones you'll hear tonight.

Ray blent!

Fellers, it's ray blent!

Gotcha dribbling too close.

See? I got it
away from you.

What's ray blent
doing in this house?

We're not worthy.

Worthy or not,

he's going to help June
look after you.


Ray blent baby-sitting for us!

Wait till I tell the gang
at school.

Albert Solomon Sullivan.

And now a word from our sponsor.

You are not to give miss Ryder

or Mr. Blent any trouble.

Student taxi service?

Would you send a taxi
to 404 welton?

Thank you.

I just called for a...

Ray? Ray?


Yeah, Joe.

Pick up a party at 404 welton.

Okay, Joe, got it.

That's the custer college
student taxi service for you.

Look out, kids.

All right, goodbye, darlings.

Give me a kiss, give me a kiss.

Yes, well, just because
he's a scholar

doesn't necessarily mean
he's stupid.

He'll wake up soon
to what that girl is doing,

and when he does...

Leo, why don't you tell him
and stop the suspense?

Yes, it's all right for you
to joke about it, Myra.

It isn't your classroom

she's using
as a matrimonial agency.

And as if that isn't bad enough,

she's now extending her field
of operations to my home.

Myra, I am a professor
of ethics, not a madam.

Leo, simmer down
and have a drink.

Come on, it will do you good.

Myra, you know my rule.

Leo thinks drinking
in front of the students

sets a bad example.

I used to think so, too,

then the students
set me a bad example.

How's the scallopini marsala,
Mr. Osmond?

Mike, I couldn't have
done it better myself.

If he ever invites you
to his house for dinner, go.

Any time he wants
a job as a chef,

I got one for him.

Chefs make more money
than professors.

Everybody makes more money
than professors.

Speaking of money, Mike,

what are the odds on the game?

How do I know?

I don't make book.

It's against the law.

Oh, and you never did anything
against the law, did you?

On my word as an ex-bootlegger.

Ha ha.

I should think
in a place like this

you'd hear some talk on how
the smart money is going.

You know, good food,
flashy dames,

and smart money
always go together.

Well, the Russians
have been cleaning up.

The smart money's on them.

But every paper says that
custer is the favorite.

See if you can place
10 bucks on custer for me.

Mr. Osmond,
you're a friend of mine.

There's lots of people
who make it their business

to see that favorites
don't always win.

They can do anything they want,

but they can't beat ray blent.

Make it 15 bucks.

Okay, Mr. Osmond,

but don't say I didn't warn you.

Oh, dear.

I have a proposition.

If I can stay up
for another half an hour

to watch television...


you come down those stairs
just one more time...

I pity the children
you're going to have.




You know,

a child like Albert
makes you stop and think.

Think about what?

Well, for one thing,

about not having
a child like Albert.

Well, how could you
ever be sure?

I mean, isn't having children

sort of like taking potluck?

Oh, no.

No, it can all be
worked out scientifically.

For instance,

if you wanted to have a blond
blue-eyed child,

it would be the simplest thing
in the world.

Do you know
what it would involve?

Yes, I have a pretty good idea
what it would involve.

You would simply have to mate
with a blond blue-eyed man,

that's all.

Wouldn't I have
to marry him first?

Well, morally you would,

but scientifically,
it's not important.

Genetically, it's impossible

for two blond blue-eyed people

to beget any other
kind of children.


Isn't that a sweet word for it?

It's biblical.


You know so much
about these things.

If I...

Begat with a black-haired
brown-eyed man...


What could I expect?

In the way of children, I mean.

Well, scientifically,
any combination of hair

and eye color would be possible.

There would always be
the element of surprise?



I know how caught up
you are in chemistry,

but I think you're showing

a real flair for genetics, too.

Believe me, it's a...

It's a fascinating subject.

You know, it only all started

about a hundred years ago
when a monk named mendel

methodically recorded
the results of the matings

of common garden peas.

And 50 years later,

a professor Morgan
carefully watched

and checked the union

of every variety of fruit fly.

I think that's horrible!

I mean, even a fruit fly's
got the right

to some privacy.

How would you like it
if someone watched you

under a microscope
while you were making love?


Oh, well...

Ha ha.

I don't... I don't think
I'd like it,

but now... now if it served
a scientific purpose,

you know, um...

I think I'd be willing to, uh...

I'd try.


How did I get started
on this subject, anyway?

I remember reading
about elephants once.


Did you know
that elephants only mate

once every seven years?


But there are some

that manage once
every six years.


Of course, you run
into all kinds of,

you know,
anthropological anomalies.

Now you... you just take
the field of kissing,

for instance.

Yes, let's do that.

Uh, to...
To the Japanese,

the height of passion
is expressed

by a kiss on the back
of the neck.

Now... we wouldn't find
that very exciting,

would we?

Still, they have
a high birthrate.

Yes, they do,
and climbing all the time.



Would you mind very much if...

If we had a sort
of laboratory experiment?

What do you mean?

Well, if you would kind
of experimentally kiss

the back of my neck...

Perhaps we could understand

what motivates the Japanese.


I'll say this.

It tastes good.

Soap, water,

and my roommate's perfume.

What was your...

Personal reaction?

I feel I need...

A basis of comparison.

With what?

With our American custom of...

Kissing on the lips.

Well, if it's for
scientific research,

I-I don't see how I can refuse.

What do you think?

I think the Japanese
are getting shortchanged.

Ray, that's all.

Ray, this was just
our first kiss.

We're not married.
We're not even engaged.

We have to start out
by being friends.

All right, we're friends.

Oh, we can be
better friends than that.

This is the deal.

I watch this program,

then "gun smoke,"
then "Cheyenne,"

then I go quietly to bed,

and wild horses
won't drag from me

the sights and sounds
I heard in this room tonight.

♪ Cuddle up a little closer

♪ lovey mine

♪ cuddle up and be my little

♪ clinging vine

♪ like to feel your cheek...

It's all right.
They're married.

You have to be to live here.

♪ Like to make you
comfy, cozy ♪

♪ 'cause I love
from head to toesie ♪

♪ lovey mine

♪ cuddle up a little closer

♪ lovey mine

♪ cuddle up and be my little

♪ clinging vine

♪ like to feel
your cheeks so rosy ♪

♪ like to make you
comfy, cozy ♪

♪ 'cause I love
from head to toesie ♪

♪ lovey mine

♪ cuddle up a little closer

♪ lovey mine...

You sure your friends are awake?

Oh, they're night owls.

♪ And be my little...

Here it is.

They'll give us a cup of coffee.

I don't want you spending
your money at the diner.

Freddie! Frieda!

I hope they're home.



Freddie, it's me...
Junie Ryder.

Oh, uh, just
a couple seconds, huh?

They probably were studying.

Most likely.

Junie, for heaven's sake,

do you happen to know
what time it is?

Ray blent. This is
an honor. Come in.

This is the biggest thing
that's happened to me

since I've been on this campus.
I've been here six years.

Hello, fried a.

Oh, gee, these trailers
weren't made

for basketball players.

Are you hurt?

No, no. It's just
a glancing blow.

Yeah, I just about
fit in myself.

It's lucky I'm all male.

I'd never make it in high heels.


I'm Fred Jansen,

and this lovely creature
over here

in last year's negligee
is my wife fried a.


Hello, Mrs. Jansen.

Hi, fried a.

Oh, sit down.

We can't have
our star developing

curvature of the spine
before the big game.

Thanks. Boy, what
a miracle of engineering

has gone into this place.

Not one inch
of wasted space, huh?

You have got
togetherness in here

whether you like it or not.

We thought maybe you'd have
some coffee on the stove.

Oh, it'll just take a minute.

Are you all set for exam week?

For exams?

Didn't you hear?

Freddie's father had
to have an operation,

and we've got to leave college

to run the business.

Freddie's got to go to work,

and he's only 24.

And believe it or not,

I had a pretty good chance
to graduate this year, too.

That's a tough break, fried a.

First thing I've got to do
is sell this trailer.

You don't happen to know
of any young married couple

that's looking for a place
to live, do you?

Do you?



Freddie, while I get
the cups out,

why don't you give junie
and ray a guided tour?

Honey, I don't think ray
would be interested.

Oh, I would,
in case I hear of one.

Well, all right.

Watch your...


It's... it's... no, it's
in the same place.

Ha ha ha.
There's no new injury.

One giant step takes us
into the bedroom.


Oh, that happens to
fried a and me all the time,

but with the right attitude,
that could be a lot of fun.


I admit it's pretty
close quarters,

but then you'll have to admit
that it's a lot better

than the back
of a car, isn't it?

I was just speaking
rhetorically, of course.

Oh, the bed... again here,
appearances are deceiving.

There's plenty of room in here

for a man with a new wife.

Can you really take
a shower in that?

Sure. Two people can get
in there comfortably.


Listen, if 27 students can
get into 1 phone booth,

two people can get
into that shower.

It's a big help, of course,
if they're married.

Frieda, don't you and I

take showers together
all the time?

Shut up, honey.

Sometimes we even
turn the water on.

It's a joke.

Go on. Step in.
See how roomy it really is.

Oh, uh, okay.

Watch the noz...


It's okay.
I'm getting used to it.

Well, go on, June.
Step in with him.

Oh, no.

Oh, come on.
You're among friends.

Go on. Step in.

See, I told you
it could be done.

Oh, let me point out

another feature
about that shower.

By holding your elbows
into your ribs,

and with a very
vigorous wrist action,

it's perfectly possibly for
you to scrub junie's back.


I offer as evidence
my wife frieda's back.

It's the cleanest back in town.

Hey, fried a, come on in here
and show them your back.

No. We believe you.

Oh, one more thing.

If folks have been fighting,

and that's been known to happen,

I defy any couple
to stay mad very long

while under that shower.

Isn't that right, honey?

Shut up and get
the cups and saucers

out of the cupboard
on the double.

You see? She is just trying
to provoke a quarrel with me

so she can make up
under the shower.

Don't go away.
I'll be right back.

Wait a minute.


I hesitate to introduce
this subject

because I know
you came to college

just to get an education.

What did you start to say?

Oh, nothing.

I wouldn't want to interrupt
your train of thought.

Well, it's not a...
It's not...

It's not exactly
a train of thought.

Um, well, well, you know,

the quality that
I admire about you most

is your honest zeal
for learning.

It's almost a passion.


So don't you think
our friendship period

has lasted long enough?

Oh, it seemed like
it's lasted for years.

Don't you think
we could progress

to the next stage
of our relationship?

Like what?

Like a reasonably
long engagement.


Coffee's on.




You still want to
sell your trailer?

Well, sure.

I'll buy it.
We're getting married.

We're getting married
right away... tonight maybe.

How soon can you move out?

What? You're going to get
married before the game?

What difference does that make?

From the state you're in,
I'd say about 20 points.

Oh, shut up. Coffee's ready.
We'll celebrate.

You're so wise not bothering
with engagements.

This is a great break.
The trailer is sold.

We'll be able to leave
right after the game on Friday.

Dad is going to flip.

Am I glad it's settled.

Now, how much
do you want for it?

Well, I'll tell you ray.
We're asking $1,250,

but for you, ray blent,

we're practically going to
make it a wedding present...

$1,200 even.

Fred, we'll never
forget you for this.

Now, I'll give you
a down payment of $150

the first thing
tomorrow morning.

Wonderful. Then get
the rest to me

before we leave on Friday.

Well, I'm pretty sure

I know where I can
borrow another $50.

Ray, up until 4:00
this afternoon,

I was a college student...

Happy go lucky, give you
the shirt off of my back,

but I'm a businessman now, ray.

It's a whole new setup.
Businessmen want cash.

Ray, I don't have to
get married right away.

Well, I do.

Look, I know
I'm a lousy host and stuff,

but, gee, I've got a lot of
things to do in the morning.

So good luck
to you two swell kids.

It's going to work out.
Come on, honey.

It's your turn to scrub my back.

See you
in English lit., fried a.


I'm back at the stands.
Should I turn in now?


I guess he went out for coffee.

I think my uncle's
going to give me

a check when I graduate.

I have a feeling it's going
to be something like $1,000.

Gosh, I wish I had the nerve
to hit him for it now.

I've got an aunt that's loaded.

Yeah, but if I asked her
for a nickel,

my mother'd kill me.

She's my father's sister.

Well, I guess I've got to go in.

At least I can kiss you.

Make it a good one.

It's going to have to last me
until a year from June.

What's wrong?

It just occurred to me...

We're almost as bad off
as those elephants!

All right.

It sounded to me like
you could use some dough.

You said it.

What's that, Joe?

Uh, the way you two was talking,

I figured you could
use some dough.

You're not Joe.

Hey, what is this?
Where are you talking from?

Uh, never mind.
I'm on your wavelength.

Look in the glove compartment.

What are you talking about?

Look in it, ray.

Don't bother counting.

There's 1,500 smackers there,

and it's all yours, ray,

because you're
going to see to it

that the Russians win
that game, ain't you, ray?

I'm going to what?

You're not going to play
your best game, ray.

You're going to give
the Russians a few breaks

so they'll win,
and when it's all over,

there will be 2,500 bucks more,

and all for you, ray,
and nobody will ever know.

Uh, what do you say, ray?

I say it's a good thing
you're not here,

or I'd punch you
right in the nose.

Ray, it's 4,000 bucks,

and it's only a game.

Suppose the Russians do win.

You'd be doing something
for international relations.

The hell with you, mister.
I don't want this money.

I refuse it. I ref...

You got it, ray,
right in your hand.

We're in business, ray.

Good night... Partner.

I... I don't want th...
I... I don't want it.

Hey! Hey!

Hey, listen!


Ray, what happened to you
in chemistry this morning?

Something happened
to me in chemistry?

You didn't show up.

I didn't?

Did you oversleep?


I was phoning my uncle.

Did you phone him
about the money?

Good morning.

Good morning.

It was about the trailer.

He's wiring me the money today.

He is?
Oh, I can't believe it!

Oh, darling, I'm so happy.

Ray, what's the matter?

You don't look excited at all.

You look depressed.


Are you kidding?

Ha ha ha.

I feel just great!

Ha ha ha.

If there are no objections,

we'll proceed
with the midterm examination.

That attitude will
get you nowhere.

My aim is the same
as that of socrates

who said that even in Hades,

he proposed to find out
who is wise

and who pretends
to be wise and is not.

Nervous laughter,
but better than none.

Miss caruthers
and Mr. Blent,

as number one
and number two in the class,

will you please assist me
in passing out the papers?

Mr. Blent.

Ray, he's talking to you.

Yes, coach?

Thank you for the promotion.

Would you mind helping me
pass out the papers?

You take that side of the room,

and you take the other.

Mr. Blent!

Would you mind telling me
where you are going?

I'm sorry, sir. I'm...

I'm a little unconscious
this morning.

I tell you I saw it
with my own eyes!

The grades are posted
on the bulletin board.

I still don't believe it.

I didn't believe it, either,

so I went to
professor Sullivan myself.

Now, you know an ethics
professor doesn't lie.

Ray flunked the examination,
I tell you.

He flunked it.

How about this, ray?


I guess it's true
if June says so.

But you're an honors student.

I guess I was just
stale or something.

Well, you picked a fine time
to get stupid!

How could you do this to me?

What's the big beef?

He just flunked an exam.

Just flunked an exam?

He just flunked an exam!

At this school,
that means he's ineligible.

That means ray blent cannot
play against the Russians.

You know what that means
to custer,

to this whole country?

Why, this might even cost me
that job at Michigan state!

Don't print that.

Don't worry, ray.
We're not licked yet.

There are pressures
that can be put

on Mr. Professor Sullivan.

You'll play if I have to go
right up to the president,

and I don't mean the president
of this jerk college.

I mean the president
of the United States!

Osmond, we've been
waiting for you.

Me? What have I done?

Nagel says you're the only one

who has any influence
on this goon Sullivan.

What are you
talking about, Hardy?

Hey, coach.

Now look here, Sullivan...

Just one moment, please.

Hello, Charles.
Did you have a good day?

A full day,

but not as full as yours
seems to have been.

Yes, yes, it's been quite a day,

and, evidently,
it's not over yet,

and what can I do for you, sir?

I'm Hardy.

Is that your name
or physical condition?

I'm coach Hardy...

Leo Sullivan, modern ethics.

I know who you are...
The guy who flunked ray blent.


That's true.

Only I would reword it
to the extent

that ray blent did the flunking.

He failed my examination.

Sir, you can give him
a makeup exam.

The president told us you could.

You're Wyman, aren't you?

I flunked you, too, didn't I?

Yes, sir.

Then why shouldn't I give
you a makeup exam, too?

Because he's a lousy player!


And now if you'll all excuse me.

Ray blent you had to flunk.

This is worse than flunking

the trustee's daughter
at Illinois,

the one who got even

by running away
with the truck driver.

Well, who knows?

They may be very happy.

I hope so because I'm not.

Are you against me, too?

I certainly am.

Then I stand alone.

What's that?

♪ Oh, oh

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ Sullivan's got to go

a bonfire.

A bonfire?
On such a warm evening?

It's liable to get much warmer.

They're burning you in effigy.


♪ He flunked ray blent

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ Sullivan's got to go

♪ he flunked ray blent

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ Sullivan's got...

"Despite all pleas and pressure,

"professor Sullivan
remains adamant,

"and ray blent will
sit on the bench

"when the custer quintet

takes on
the Russian sputniks."


How do you do?

Good to meet you.

Here's where we'll be
playing tonight.

Tell them to put their stuff
in the locker room.

We have a wonderful dinner
prepared for them,

and we're looking forward

to giving them
a great game tonight,

even though,
thanks to some silly rules

we have around here,
we won't be at full strength.

Ah, here we are.

Hello, Charles.

Oh. Ha ha ha.
Oh, thank heaven.

Thank heaven you asked us
for dinner, Charles.

For 24 hours,

I haven't dared step
out of my own house.

I'm stir-crazy, too.

You see, we're living
in a house divided.

Well, I thought you'd
appreciate a quiet dinner,

a few drinks before the game.

Sit down.

Oh, Charles.

Today you have taught me
the meaning of friendship.

Oh, what a civilized man
you are, Charles.

Do you realize
that you and president nagel

are the only two people
in this community

who haven't tried
to put pressure on me?

Now who can that be?

Come in.

Ah, president nagel.
Come in, harm on.

I just happened to be
in the neighborhood,

and thinking to myself,
"this is the cocktail hour,"

I thought I...
Oh, how do you do?

You know professor Sullivan

and Mrs. Sullivan.

Not as well as I'd like to.

Thank you.

This is a pleasure.

Well, as long as it's a pleasure

and not a coincidence.

A coinci...
Oh, I see.

You think I wanted
to talk to you

about that wretched
blent business.

Well, sir, everybody else has.

Oh, no, no. That is
entirely your affair.

Thank you, Charles.

Hello, Joe?


Uh, say, this is ray again.

Listen, I know you're
going to think I'm crazy,

sending you out of the office
all the time like this,

but... but, um, this time
I think I've lost...

My locker room key.

Well, uh, I think I may
have dropped it over there

by the, uh, by the cabstand.

Oh, ray.

You suppose you could go over

and take a careful look
around for me?

Okay, but this is the last time.

Thanks a lot, Joe.

Hello, you.
This is ray blent.

Listen, I've got to see you.

I've got to
give you back this money.

You and I don't have any deal.

I've seen to that.

I'm not even going to
play in the game.




Listen to me!

Well, I must be getting along.

Thank you
for the drink, Charles.

Incidentally, some people
are dropping over to my house

tonight after the game.

Why don't you
come along, Charles,

with the sullivans?

Oh, we'd love to.


And I just want to say
to you, professor Sullivan,

that you were perfectly
within your competence

in flunking the boy
if he wrote a bad exam.

I can't entirely agree
with so many people

who say there are
plenty of precedents

for your giving him
a makeup exam.

I can't entirely agree
with them.

Thank you for not putting
pressure on me.

Oh, I could never
bring myself to do that.

Good night,
Mrs. Sullivan.

If I should just happen
to be passing by again,

have you a cocktail hour, too?

Right after the children's hour.

That's the time

we can really use a drink.

Ha ha.

Well, thanks for dropping in.

No wonder you're president,
you son of a...


So, he just happened to be
in the neighborhood, eh?

And oh, how surprised you were,

my civilized friend, to see him.

All right, Charles.

What's your next move?

Hors d'oeuvres, anybody?

Well, Charles,

I didn't know you needed
a baby sitter, too.

Oh, didn't you know?

I'm a home economics major.

We often help out
in the kitchen.

Oh, yes.

Sort of, uh, required lab work.

As a matter of fact,

June and Connie prepared
a special dinner for you...

Borscht, blintzes, crepe lac,
chopped chicken livers.

And gefilte fish.

Everything that
Myra's mother used to make.



And why all this fuss
just to please my palate?


Now it all comes together.

You were going to make
a pitch, too, weren't you?

And you brought
an army of women to help you.

You thought you'd soften
me up with gefilte fish,

beat me down with blintzes.

Now, Leo...

They gave socrates hemlock,
and you offer me borscht.

Well, it won't work, Charles.
No pressure will.

Leo, I want my research lab.

If ray blent
doesn't play tonight,

I may never get it.

President nagel says

the alumni have
given him an ultimatum.

Professor Sullivan!

Professor Sullivan!

Ray, he's in here!

Professor Sullivan!

Here it is. Look at it.

Feast your eyes on this,
professor Sullivan.

$100, $200, $300...

Young man, have you
gone out of your mind?

Trying to bribe me,
a teacher of ethics?

Ray, you can't do that.

That's your uncle's
money for the trailer.

It's money they gave me
to throw the game.

$400, $500, $600...

I wanted to give the money back,

but I didn't know
who to give it to.

After all, it was
just a disembodied voice

over the shortwave.

Now, listen.

I've never stolen anything so
much as a postage stamp before.

But all of a sudden,

I-I found myself needing
a great deal of money

for the most important step
in my entire life.

Oh, ray.

For a few days,

I-I actually considered
playing a lousy game.

Me... ray blent, all-American,

student of professor Sullivan.

Oh, well, then I knew
I couldn't go through with it.

Good for you.

It wasn't good at all.

I made a terrible mistake.

I figured if I flunked an exam,
it would make me ineligible.

The whole matter
would be out of my hands.

They couldn't expect me

to throw a game I wasn't
playing in, could they?

So I deliberately
flunked your exam.


Why did you pick

my husband's course to flunk?

Why... why not,
for example,

professor osmond's?

Because I was afraid he'd
pass me just to give me a break.

I chose
professor Sullivan's exam,

because I know he wouldn't even
give Abraham Lincoln a break.

You are wrong
about professor Sullivan.

I am sure he would
have had consideration

for Abraham Lincoln.

Not if he turned in a bad paper.

But you're
such a brilliant student.

I would have thought

you would have put down
the right answers.

I was afraid of that.

So just to be sure,

I copied from June's paper.

Oh, ray, I'm so happy
I could be of help to you.

Ray, you have made
academic history.

You didn't merely flunk an exam,

you had to cheat to do it.

I think we should drink a toast

to Ray's ingenious
solution to his problem.


Don't go celebrating.

Now I've got
an even worse problem...

More money.

$2,500. They just left it
in the glove compartment.

They figure I flunked the exam
so they could win their bets.

I've got to play so I can
prove I'm not a crook.

A year's salary.

In the name
of everything that's decent,

please give me a makeup exam,
and damn quick.

Oh, yes.

An oral exam.

There's a basic morality
involved here.

Don't say you're
going to refuse.

Talk to him,
Mrs. Sullivan.

Leo, someday Albert
will be Ray's age.

Someday he may do
something foolish, too.

Not the way I'm bringing him up.

Don't you realize, blent,
this is our challenge?

This is where we can take

what we've learned
in the classroom

and apply it to our real lives.

It's not talking ethics,
it's living ethics.

So I'm not going to
give you that exam.

Very well, sir.
I understand.

I'm not going to play
in the game.

But if custer loses,

I'm going to call in
the newspapermen,

and I'm going to tell them

I realize that I'll be
kicked out of college,

and I'll be in disgrace
throughout the country.

But it's the only way I have

of clearing myself with myself.

I've got to go lead cheers.

As if there's anything
to cheer about.

Look, he left the money.

Blent! Blent,
come back here.

He doesn't want that money.

Then I know what I've got to do.


Return this money to the police.

And have him
hailed into court, too?

That's right.

Where are you going?

I'm going to return
this money before the game,

before that boy
is branded for life.

But who are you going to
return the money to?

According to Charles,

smart money likes
flashy women and good food.

Whoever it is,
they'll know at Mike's.

I better go with him, Myra.

Gamblers don't understand
mad philosophers.

I'll see you at the game.

♪ The land of the free

♪ and the home of the brave


Yay! Yay!

Dell's going to drive,

and a hook shot
from the left, and it's good.

Is it too late to put
a little something on custer?

Shh. Men
from the D.A.'s office.

They're spotted all over town.

Adams on now over to Simpson.

The shot is blocked by niklov.

It's a fast break
down to dilbury.

Belski in the middle Lane,
vonyut up for the score. 6-2.

Sputniks taking a nice lead
at the start of this ballgame.

Look at those two
faces over there.

Coach androv moving
up off the bench.

And we may have
a substitute at this point.

Larceny written all over them.

If they didn't
pay out the money,

they'll know who did.

Hello, there.


Go, go, man. Go!

Come on. Come on.


Time out for custer.

Time is in again.

District attorney Davis

wanted on the phone
in training room.

June. June.

Here you are, sir.




Good for you.

No, no.
I can't leave this game.

I'll be here...

I'll be here
in the training room.




There's the gun
that ends the first half,

with the sputniks leading 41-33.

We'll get them
in the second half!

I quit! You fellows
are doing okay.

Those Russians are damn good.
We need ray, that's all.

Couldn't president nagel
give me the makeup exam?

Only that egghead Sullivan
can perform the ceremony.

Ethics or something.

No, your father's not here.
That's why I'm calling you.

I'd love to work in a college
where there wasn't any faculty.

They waste so much time
around here on education.

No wonder this younger
generation's so mixed up.

Mrs. Sullivan,
what are you doing here?

Has your husband
changed his mind?

No, I was just...

All right, bring those bums in.


Somebody's going to
have to answer for this.

Are these the two hoods
you called me about?

Yes, sir. That little
punk resisted arrest.

He took a poke at me.

That's right.
And here's another.


Ha ha ha.

Great work, gentlemen.

You've arrested

two of the most distinguished
professors of this college.

They may be
distinguished professors,

but they've got a little
racket on the side.

They flashed
a wad of bills at me

that would have choked a horse.

Why, you cossack.
You storm trooper.

Snapping handcuffs on me

before I had a chance
to explain.

You didn't have to explain.

If I ever saw a guilty face
in 25 years, it's yours.

Have things reached
a state in this country

where a man's face
can get him arrested?

Yours can.

Ha ha ha.

All right, that's enough.
Take the cuffs off these men.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What makes you so sure
that professor Sullivan

doesn't make
a little book on the side?


Well, where there's smoke,
there's fire.

And what about those bills?

Where did he get
all those bills?

Mr. Davis, may I have
a word with you?

Why, you young jezebel!

If you hit that girl,

it's the end of our friendship.

I've got to hit somebody!


All right, bud.
You're in for it now.

Hitting an officer of the law

is a worse offense
than making book.

Give it to him, officer.
He deserves it.

I hope you get 20 years.

Professor Sullivan,

I have a proposition for you.

You give ray blent
an oral makeup exam

right now, and you'll
be released.

Otherwise, I'll have to take
the word of these officers

that you resisted arrest,

and we'll take the case up
in the morning.

Why, this is a mockery.

I've done nothing wrong.


You gave the appearance
of doing something wrong,

just as ray gave the appearance

of doing something wrong.

This is blackmail.

Well, until we can find
a better name for it,

let's call it blackmail.

Myra. My own wife.

The mother of my children.

You said "for better
or for worse."

But I didn't think it was
going to be this worse.

Hey, coach! The Russians
are warming up already.

All right, well,
then get on out there.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Now listen to me, egghead.

Don't call him egghead.

But he's right, Leo.

Leo, you are a snob.

I am a what?

You are an ethical snob.

You don't mean...

You are a miserable
ethical snob.

All right, that's enough!

That's enough, do you hear me?

Shut up! Shut up!

Will you leave him alone, coach?

You leave him alone.

I won't have a man
of professor Sullivan's stature

badgered and bullied around
like this, and because of me.

Professor Sullivan
just happens to be

one of the outstanding scholars
of this or any other country.

You could search the world
and never find another like him.

He's right.


He happens to believe
in acting upon his principles,

and there are very few
of those left.

I consider it an honor

to have known a man
like professor Sullivan,

and I can think of nothing
smarter or wiser that I can do

than try to pattern
my life after his.


For heaven's sake, don't...

Don't pattern your life
after mine.

It's all right
f-for Leo Sullivan

to be Leo Sullivan,

but ray blent's
got to be ray blent.

What are you trying to be, huh?


A miserable ethical snob?


They're lining up
for the second half!

I will not make
the mistake socrates made

when he influenced
young Plato...

Plato, schmato. Throw the kid
some easy questions.


He's going to get

the 10 stiffest questions
I can think of.

Hurry up, will you?
The second half's starting.

Don't be nervous, ray.
I'm with you.

Get in there, kid.
We're all with you.

Keep out of this, Hardy.


Question number one...

Name the three moralists
of the 18th century

who are representative
of traditional ethical theory.

William Paley,

Jeremy Bentham,

and immanuel kant. Kant.


One right.

Three right.
He got all three of them.

One right.

Question number two...

How do the basic ethical
theories of these men differ?

With Paley,
it was the will of god.

With Bentham,
it was the greatest good

for the greatest number.

And with kant,
it was ... Kant...

It was the idea
of what reason demands.

I'll accept that answer.

Two right.

Two right?

I don't know how you guys score.

In my book, that's six!

Question number three...

Question number three.

That makes the sputniks 50,
custer, 36.

No, i-it isn't, uh, uh,

it isn't...

Coach, it's 52-36!
Aren't you coming out?

In a minute.

You go get Ray's uniform, quick!

I know the answer.

I just don't remember it.

One wrong.

Come on. Come on.

Get your clothes off.

Question six...

the categorical imperative.


Leo, not now.


Well, it goes
something like this.

A person can tell the difference

between what's right
and what's wrong.

And being right
makes a demand on you,

while being wrong doesn't.


Which means that you ought
to do what's right.

You're sort of under
an obligation to do it.

A-A-And that's what makes it...

That's what makes it imperative.

Now, there can't be
any argument about this,

and so that's why they
call it categorical,

and that's why they call it
the categorical imperative.

Okay, how about it?

Leo, immanuel kant himself

couldn't have done it
any better.

I'll accept that answer.

Five right, one wrong.

Question seven.

Aren't your pants on backwards?

Yes, sir.

Right. Six right,
one wrong.

What did he say?

He said, "throw him
some easier questions."

He did?

Question nine...

What philosopher
among the ancients

most closely parallels

the theories of immanuel kant?

The ancients.

The ancients?

Socrates, socrates,

socrates, socrates.

Soccer team.


All right, that does it!

Young lady, you get
out of here this minute.

Professor Sullivan.

You didn't come to college
to get an education.

You came to college
to trap a man.

And what makes me so furious

is that I have been
a party to it.

You've used me!

You've used
poor old Charles here.

You used my wife and my children

and heaven knows
who else and what else.

We've all been a part
of your master plan

to snare this guileless,


young schnook!

June, what's he talking about?

I said it in anger.
I'm sorry.

All right, all right, finish it!

Blent, you have to get
the next one right

or you flunk again.

Question 10...

Tell me all you know
about socrates.

Oy vay!

I give up.

Socrates was a Greek.

Go on.

He asked people questions...

I'm waiting.

And they poisoned him.

Well, blent,

I'm afraid if that's
all you have to say...

Just a minute, Leo.

That last answer you gave...

Is that all you know
about socrates?

Yes, sir.

You've passed!

Wait a minute!

He answered your question.

He told you all he knew
about socrates.

All right, you passed!


Call time! Call time!

I'm going in.

It's blent...

Ray blent coming
into the ballgame.

Blent for werns.

Ball thrown in
from out of bounds,

and this is blent handling it,

driving in on a left-handed
dribble and lays it up,

and it's good!

Blent intercepting once again

and driving
with a right-hand shot,

and that's good, too!

Blent now in mid-court,

driving and taking his position
under of the basket.

Blent on a driving lay-in
from the left side

and rolls in... and good!

Custer now steadily cutting down

this margin on the visitors.

It's a behind-the-back maneuver
by ray blent.

And now the right-hand
dribble, sets up,

takes a left-handed shot
from the front, and hits it!

Driving lay-in by ray blent.

Circles around
and drops through!

Reception by dobris, now blent.

Blent over to adamson.

And a shot by Simpson hits.

Tip-in by ray blent.
It's good. 2-hand tip-in!

Two more for the blue-and-gold.

Driving lay-in by adamson.
It's good.

Behind-the-back dribble
by ray blent,

defending his adversary

Left-handed shot
from the middle...

Seven footer...
And it hits!

Blent! Blent!

There's only six seconds
left to go in this ballgame.

Why doesn't he shoot?

Shoot, ray! He does,
and it's a... bam! In!

And custer wins
the ballgame, 81-80.

♪ For he's
a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ which nobody can deny

I, uh, I'm inclined
to agree with you.

Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!

Goodbye professor Sullivan,
and thank you again.

I want to tell you

it was a pleasure meeting you.

You're a fine group
of red-blooded...


Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!

Leo, to everyone's surprise,

including mine,

you were a tremendous
social success.

Well, I... I never knew
I liked so many people

I didn't like.

Hello, Sandy, old boy.

Old fellow.

If you'll excuse me,

I want to talk
to the district attorney.

Mission accomplished?

Yes. Your instructions
were fully carried out, sire.

And, uh, Leo, I think we'd
better be getting home.

Ha ha ha.
I'll get your coat.

It's too bad
miss Ryder isn't here.

There must be something I can do

to make it up to her.


do you mind if I talk
to you about something?

About what?

Oh, uh, about
master plans in general.

You know, ray, I had
a master plan, too.

That's how I got
professor Sullivan.

And to this day,
he doesn't know it.

Aren't you lucky you have a girl

who was strong enough
to tell you?

It's on the fire.

Oh, good.


This isn't my coat, it's June's.

This is mine.

Leo, let's go.

Help me get him home,
will you, before he...

I've spoken
to the district attorney.

Oh, then you want the money.

His advice is that we forget
the whole incident,

pretend that it never happened.

Yeah, but what about the $4,000?

Myra! Mrs. Sullivan!

Mrs. Sullivan, we're
going to get married

as soon as we can afford
a place to live.

Oh, no! I never
would have guessed it!

Her coat.

I should think they could afford

a place to live, don't you?

I'm taking off my glasses.

I can't see what you're doing.

Get your coat.

Sandy, where are you going?

Oh, uh, Michigan state.
Oh, now?

Home. Home.

Oh, Mrs. Sullivan.

Honey, let's go home.

I never really appreciated
your husband until tonight.

And Mrs. Sullivan, I'll let
you in on a little secret.

You're husband's going
to be a full professor.

He's a full professor now.

Good night, Charles.
Good night, Myra.

Good night, Leo.
Sleep tight.

How else?

♪ For I'm
a jolly good fellow ♪

And I am, too!

Oh, you are, you are!

♪ For I'm
a jolly good fellow ♪

Thank you, professor.

♪ Which nobody can deny

ray, remember my rich aunt

I was telling you about?


How are ray and junie
doing back there?

Well, something tells me
that we didn't find

that justice of the peace
a moment too soon.