Taking Care of Business (1990) - full transcript

Jimmy Dworski(James Belushi) is a criminal serving the last 48 hours of a jail sentence. He wins a couple of baseball tickets by calling a radio quiz show. With help of other inmates, he escapes to go watch the game. When by chance he finds the Filofax of executive Spencer Barns(Charles Grodin) who loses it while traveling on a business weekend. Jimmy finds cash, credit cards and the key to a big mansion. He jumps on the opportunity and starts posing as Barns. While the real Barnes is trying to find his Filofax he gets in all sorts of trouble. How will things turn out when the two finally meet?

♪ you get up every morning

♪ from your alarm clock's
warning ♪

♪ take the 8:15 into the city

♪ there's a whistle up above

♪ and people pushin'
and people shovin' ♪

♪ and the girls
who try to look pretty ♪

♪ and if your train's on time ♪

♪ you can get to work by 9:00

♪ and start your slaving job
to get your pay ♪

♪ if you ever get annoyed

♪ look at me,
i'm self-Employed ♪

♪ i love to work
at nothin' all day ♪

♪ and i'll be takin' care
of business ♪

♪ every day

♪ takin' care of business

♪ every way

♪ i've been takin' care
of business ♪

♪ it's all mine

♪ takin' care of business

♪ and workin' overtime,
work out ♪

♪ if it were easy as fishin'

♪ you could be a musician

♪ if you could make sounds
loud or mellow ♪

♪ get a second-Hand guitar

♪ chances are you'll go far

♪ if you get in with
the right bunch of fellows ♪

♪ people see you having fun

♪ just a-Lyin' in the sun

♪ tell them
that you like it this way ♪

♪ it's the work that we avoid ♪

♪ and we're all self-Employed ♪

♪ we love to work
at nothin' all day ♪

♪ and we be takin' care
of business ♪

♪ every day

♪ takin' care of business

♪ every way

♪ we be takin' care
of business ♪

♪ it's all mine

♪ takin' care of business

♪ and working overtime

...the world
series, right?

I mean, i grew up in california,

So i've always
followed the angels,

But i was born
in chicago, right?

So i don't know who to root
for, the angels or the cubs?


If i say angels,
my dad'll just kill me.

If i say cubs,
my friends will kill me.

Anyway, i just can't wait.

I've got seats
behind home plate.

...closed at 23

And mkr industries
closed up at 48.

It's a warmer 53 october degrees

In chicago this morning.

We have early morning low clouds

Which should be
clearing mid-Day,

And we should see a high of 65.

But for now, let's return
to early morning classics.

You're like a case study
in obsessive behavior.

What? I'm shaving.


Am i messing up
your shaving schedule?

Just tell me you are not going
to do any work this weekend.

I promise. No work.

I mean, last weekend
was an emergency.

This weekend, it's you and me

And lake winnebago...

And i can't wait.

You realize how long it's been?

Uh, let's see.

Oh, spencer!


As i recall...


It was very good.



Mmm, oh, my god.


Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!


Promise me one more thing.

I won't bring my filofax,
i promise.


The hometown fans need
to rally behind our angels,

And i'll be down there
to greet them

And i urge you to join me

In welcoming them home
tomorrow morning at lax.

Now, for one fan,
i have an added incentive.

Mmm. Cream of shit,
7 days a week.

...2 tickets to game 6 sunday
at anaheim will be yours.

So, in honor of the cubs,

It's what 2 cubs pitched
no-Hitters in 1972?

Milt pappas, burt hooton.


Oh, man! You guys!

What you gonna do
when you get out, jimmy?

I'm gonna get arrested.

Ha ha ha!

I wouldn't leave you guys
alone here, would i?

Come on, speech!

Speech! Speech! Speech!

All right.

All right! All right!
All right!

Here's to the cubs
winning the world series!

And to big tits!

Hey, warden!

How you doing?

Gentlemen, this is an
unauthorized festivity.

These guys are just throwing

A little kind of
going away party.

Nothing big, special.

Yes. Well... it's over.

Pull that banner down.

Dworski, this is a prison,

Not a discotheque.

You're my responsibility

Until your release time
sunday night at 6:00.

That's 60 hours.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Before he gets out of here,

I'm gonna burn
that troublemaker.

Don't worry about it, jimmy.

Well, we're still
looking for a winner

For those tickets to game 6.

Come on now. And this
morning's question again...

What 2 cubs pitched
no-Hitters in 1972?

The number to call... 555-7720.


They're giving tickets away
to the world series.

Yeah? So?

So... 555-7720.

555-7720! 555...

What the hell?


breathe and stretch.



Don't forget
my frozen yogurt, baby.

Can i use the phone?

Good-Bye, yolanda.

Bye, honey.
Sure thing.

Bye, yolanda!
Thank you!


You're on the air!

I'm on the air?

What's your name?

Jimmy dworski.

And where you
calling from, jimmy?

I'm calling
from... my car.

All right. Now,
go for the tickets.

What do you think?

Yes. For the tickets?
Milt pappas, burt hooton.

Hooton and pappas.

You got a winner!

That's what you got, yes, sir!

Meet me at los angeles airport

Tomorrow morning
at 9 a.m.

I won! I won!
I'm gonna see the cubs!

Tech to oncology.

Radiation tech
to oncology, please.

He hopes the sale of the thrifts

Will be easier now that
they've been widely advertised.


This is such a shock.

Ah, it's part of
business, spencer.

Now, listen...

What do you know about
the high quality foods account?

Well, i read this morning

That sakamoto's
japanese syndicate

Bought high quality
and 86ed the gpg agency.

Yeah. It's a huge account.
Huge account.

Spencer, i want it.

I need you to take
my place this weekend.

This weekend?

You're going to los angeles.

You're going to pitch our ideas
for their new national campaign.

Something dynamic.
Something with pretty girls.


Something wrong?

Elizabeth and i were
going to wisconsin...

Sakamoto is flying out
just to see our campaign.

Ah, well...

They'll be working
through the weekend.

You'll meet him at
the malibu tennis club.

Sort of a get-To-Know-You
kinda game.

And it'll be
a strategy review meeting

With the president.

Diane connors.

Yeah. She's a nightmare.

But you, you compliment
her left and right,

You be very nice to her...

You kiss her ass.

My wife and i were going...

If you pull this thing off...

You're looking at
a senior vice presidency.

Oh, i'll cancel it, you know.

Good one.
That was very good.

Warden, this is
the first time in my life

That i've ever had good luck.

I only got 2 days left.

Jimmy, jimmy, please.

Besides, if i let you go,
i have to let everybody go,

And if i let everybody go,
this isn't a prison,

It's a country club.

Yes. No, i understand.
That's a good point.

That's a good point, but it's
the cubs in the world series!

It's a dream of mine, sir.

I know, i know, i know.
All right.

I'm not gonna stand in the way

Of anybody's dream, jimmy.

I'll tell you what.

If i sink this putt, you can go.

What do you think of that, hmm?

I think you should keep
your head down,

Arm straight,
drop your shoulder,

Concentrate, focus,
think of the hole,

get the ball in the hole.

Smell the hot dogs now, jimmy.

Crack of the bat,
roar of the crowd.

You can order
your tickets now, jim.

Oh, shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit!

Look, i'm sorry. I know
i deserved those 36 months.

But i've been good.
I haven't hurt anybody.

I've been good in here!

Mostly. A lot.

37 counts of grand theft auto.

Hey, i like cars.
You like cars.

People like cars.

You've been in and out
of here for 10 years.

Half a day.
Just a half a day.

I'll make it up
when i come back.

I'll give you 2 weeks.

Ok, i'll give you
2 weeks solitary.

No can do.

Oh, come on!
Lighten up, will you?

This game is so important to me.

It really is. This is just
a minimum security prison,

For christ's sake.

I mean a maximum
minimum security prison.

It's a tough prison, though.

Take away his tv privileges.

Oh, come on. You can't
take away my tv!

I gotta watch the game!

Come on, please don't
be an asshole, all right?

Did you call me an asshole?

Did i say asshole?

I didn't call him
an asshole, did i?


Take away everyone's
tv privileges

And let them know
whose fault it is.

No one is going
to watch the game!

No, you can't...

No one gets to watch
the game, asshole!

That's not what i meant.
I meant asswipe!

You're an asswipe!

And you... You look
like an asshole!

And you look like
another asshole!

Mr. Bentley's address is
at the top of the yellow page.

The key to his malibu
beach house and instructions

For the alarm system
are in these clear pouches.

Business notes and itinerary
in the blue section.

High quality foods sales
information in the red section.

You'll keep the ad art
in your suitcase.

I have you on
a 5 a.m. Flight.

You'll sleep on the plane.

Limo will pick you up
at 8:45.

Tennis meeting at 11:15.

You have drinks with
diane connors at 6:30

And you'll spend all day
sunday at high quality.

Your filofax is all set

So it should be smooth sailing.

Thanks, brenda.

I canceled your vacation.

Elizabeth is going to kill me.

Shall i send flowers again?



Lots of balloons.

No, don't! You love balloons!

I had no choice.
What would you have said? No?

All right, maybe
you would have said no,

But don't you see? This could
mean a senior vice presidency.

He's been dangling that
senior vice presidency

At you for years.

Well, this is different.


Don't you see?

He could have chosen
clay or chris or richard,

But he didn't, he chose me.

Elizabeth, where are you going?

I've worked hard
to work this hard.

Elizabeth, i'll go to l.A.,
I'll get this account,

And then the day i get back,
we'll leave for hawaii.

I'll ask walter
for the whole week off.

I promise.

Elizabeth... All right.

Where will you be?

A hotel.

What hotel?

Man, let's get another one.

Let's go!
Let's go! Let's go!

Throw the long ball, dude!

I hate that son of a bitch!

That warden's a son of a bitch!

And i hate him!

Aw, jimmy, man, outta sight!

I can't believe he isn't
gonna let us watch the game.

He do that golfing shit
with you?


I hate that shit.

We can't let him push us around.

There's hundreds of us,
ain't but one of him.

Yeah. Let's kill him.


J.B., You are such
an eloquent spokesman

For the minimum-Security system.

Hey, shut the fuck up, hamilton!

We don't need violence.

What we need is organization.

A work stoppage maybe, hmm?

Ahh. Come on.

Outta here!

Oh, jimmy, beautiful!

Nice one, james.

Hey, don't hit those new guys.

Heads up!

Let's go.

Hamilton's right.


I'm going to the world series.


Man, you break out,

You'll get 16 months

I'm going to the world series

Where the chicago cubs

Are gonna beat
the california angels.

They'll search
your ass down, man.

You won't even get to the game.

Not if they don't know i'm gone.


Not if we strike.
You guys want to help me out?


Watch the game,
party all weekend, or what?

All right! We strike!

The cubs are gonna win
the world series!

And i'm gonna be there!

We're gonna win!

You're down
the aisle and to the left.

Oh, ok. Thanks.

Hi. Hello.
I'm fine. Here you go.

Which way am i going?

Straight ahead, sir.

Nice filofax.

Oh, thank you.
Thanks a lot.

Spencer barnes?!

Spencer barnes?!

Debbie lipton!
Ashcroft high!

How are you?

Oh, god.

Oh, my god!
It's good to see you.

You look good.

You used to cheat
off me in history.

That's right! That's right!

You got me into chicago
community college!

You did! Thank you!

So how... Are you two together?

No? Because my seat's
right over there.

Why don't we switch so
spencer and i can reminisce?

Oh, i... Oh, great!

I got a lot of work.

Oh, it's ok.
I'll help you.

Come on, this is an event!

No problem.
I'm happy to.

Do you mind?
I don't mind.

You never know when you're gonna

Bump into people, huh?

No. It's amazing.

Oh, god, great.
I love the window.

So how are you?

Oh, i'm...

You know i'm in makeup?

I was in chicago for
a moisturizer convention.

Oh, yeah?

What have you been up to
for the last 25 years?

Oh, i... What?

They've barricaded
themselves inside.

What the hell do they want?

They want to watch
the world series.

The what?!

They've taken
jimmy dworski as a hostage.

They won't let him go until
after they've seen the game.

Dworski? Come on,
they love dworski!

Not since you took
away their tv, sir.

Aw, shit.

Watch the game, huh?
All right.

All right, this is the warden!

This is the warden!

Hey, it's the warden!
It's the warden!

Quiet down!

What the hell's going on?

Warden? Is that you?

Yeah, this is me.

Well, this is j.B., And we got
a list of demands for you!

First, we want a refrigerator
in every cell!

And oatmeal cookies
every tuesday and thursday!

We want a laptop
computer for hamilton!


And we're gonna watch
the world series game

And if you come in here,
we're gonna kill dworski!

Help me, man! Help me!

They got me tied up, man!
They're gonna kill me!

I don't want to die, man!
I don't want to die!

I'm scared! Help!

You hear that?

And we're not gonna
surrender, warden,

Until after the game!

Strike! Strike! Strike!

♪ Take me out to the ball game ♪

♪ take me out to the crowd

Then i got divorced
again last year,

But everyone
saw that one coming.

Alan worked for nasa,

But he was no rocket scientist,

If you know what i mean.

So now i'm on the prowl.

It's hard to find
a good man, spencer.

Yeah! Yeah!

Ha ha ha ha!

I got to shop here more often.


Do you have a favorite designer?


Oh, you should have
a favorite designer.

Mine's karl lagerfeld.
I love him. He's great.

Oh, it's the angels!

Oh, my god!

Oh, i love baseball players.

They're so big.

And here you go, jimmy.

And congratulations.
Really enjoy the game.

Thank you, stu.

Any words to the angel
fans out here, jimmy?

Uh, yeah, stu.

Cubs are gonna kick butt!

Where is he?

Need a ride, spencer?

Oh, no, thanks.
I'm being met.

I think there was a reason

We were on that flight
together, spencer.

Yeah. We were both
going to l.A.

I'm talking about
karma, spencer.

About infinite possibility.

About us.

Now, i understand
from what you told me

About this natalie person...


All i'm saying is i think
you're on the rebound.

No, debbie, really,
i'm happily married. Honestly.

All i'm saying is...

I'm your friend in l.A.

I want you to have my number.


Don't be afraid to call me.

Ok. Thanks a lot.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Ok. Ok.

I appreciate it.
Thanks very much.

Be good. Bye.

Oh, no.

The white zone

Is for the immediate
loading and unloading

Of passengers only.

No parking.

How long you planning to stay?

You have reached
the barnes residence.

Please leave a message
at the tone.

Elizabeth, uh...

I... I just want
to say i love you,

And i... I miss you already,

And i'm really sorry.

I'm just in the terminal,

And i... I love you very much.

I'll be... I'll just try
to be better.

I love you.
I love you very much,

And i'll talk to you soon.


Brenda. Brenda, listen,
my luggage is lost,

And the car's not here.

Listen, i can't be late
for these meetings.

Spencer, you're lucky
you caught me.

I'm on my way out for
the weekend, but hold on.

I have to get the limo number
from the other room.

Wait a minute. I see him.

Wait. I'll talk
to you later.

Chauffeur driver!

Barnes! Barnes!

I'll take the outside.

Yeah, baby, yeah.

No, baby.
No, no, i swear.

I swear i wasn't
cheating on you.

No, no, it was just a friend.

$1,000 reward?

A thousand bucks.

What the hell's wrong with you?

Hey, we're not getting
any younger, you know?

What a mess.


Uh, spencer.

Walter, how are you feeling?


When you're playing tennis
with sakamoto, lose.

He's really competitive,

And your losing
will show respect.


Well, that's great,

Because i am going
to be tested...

for a bypass.

Oh, walter. A bypass.

Wait. Now, don't worry.
Don't worry, spencer.

You get the account,
and i'll live.

Consider it done.



You seen my filofax?

Oh, my god!
My life was in there!


Meet me at the terminal!

I can't. I've got an important
pickup in 45 minutes.



This guy's loaded.



Have a nice day.

Well, if the cubs win,
it'll be a great day.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

The flintstones must live here.

Big lake.

Yes, sir!

Surf's up!

Whoo! Yeah! Yeah!

Whoo! Yeah! Ha!

Yeah... Ooh!


Ok, thank you.

Membership has its
privileges, mr. Barnes.


They okayed your credit
even without your card.

Great, great.

Ooh, mr. Barnes.

Today's not your day, is it?


It's the world series weekend,

And we're all out of cars.

Oh, no. No, no, no.
I must have a car.

You don't understand.
In 20 minutes,

I have the most important
business meeting of my life.

I must have a car.

Anything, anything.

Well, there is one.

I'll take it.

But it's due
for major body work...

That's all right.
I'll take it.

Please, let me have it.

"Spencer barnes."

Credit cards...

More credit cards.

Lots of credit cards.

Phone numbers.

"Power words."

"First rate.





"Alarm instructions."


Ha! Ah.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

All right.




I'm on fuckin' dynasty!


All right!






That's a weird couch.



Bet the chicks
dig this place, huh?

And now
let's go to andrew amador

At the milton k. Prochek
correctional facility

For a live update on
the world series strike.

No violence
has yet been reported.

Still, this minimum
security prison

World series strike

Could be the most unique
human interest story...


To get a better assessment
of that idea...


Mr. Frank toole here

At the milton k. Prochek
correctional facility.

Mr. Prochek, let me
get your appraisal

Of what's going on here.

This is not
a very serious situation.

It does not call for violence.

We're men of good will,

And we're currently talking,

So there's no reason
for violence.

It's not that kind of situation.

Oh, yeah.

This is relaxing.

No, not at all.

No. It's indicative...

oh, man.

...and the situation
will be under control

Within a few hours.

Yo, i don't think so.

Small, small demands.

Small concessions.

And you're certain
that the situation

Can be handled without violence?

Don't move.


Uh, airline.
I got your luggage.

My luggage?

You're spencer barnes?

Yeah, that's me.

Great. Hey.

That's me.
Nice place.

No shit.

I seen you!

I'm going to call
the police on y'all!

Come on, come on.

Excuse me.

Pardon me!

Excuse me!

Could you direct me
to the san diego freeway?

♪ The best rap
that your lips can say ♪

Go 2 blocks down

And take a right.

2 blocks down and take a right?


Thanks a lot.

I appreciate it.
Thanks a lot.

♪ Yo, baby, yo, baby,
yo, baby, yo, baby, yo ♪

no money?

I lost my filofax.
I lost all my money.

He's clean, man.

I lost... No money?

No money.


What? No! No!

I don't hav... Aah!


No! No! Aah!

No! No! No!

N... Aah!

So, basically,
i have all this...

Oh, man.

Pent up anger and aggression.

I need to get one
of these in my cell.

Sometimes he's the most
loving guy in the world.

Sometimes he's completely
inconsiderate of my feelings.

Talk to him, but tell him

That you really
would like to have,

Like, a straightforward talk.


See what
the result is going to be.

I tried.
I really tried.

He's a very hard person
to talk to.

I mean, i really love him...

Ditch him.
Find a better guy.

Confront him in an honest way.

Be straightforward and talk.

By ignoring your situation,

You are lying to yourself.

If this really matters to you,

Get it clear in your head

What you want to say.

Then tell him.
Don't play games.

Not bad.

You know, i think you're right.

Maybe i just
haven't been honest.

And this guy is worth it...

Ah! Spencer barnes,
where are you?

I'm gonna write him a letter...

Spencer barnes.

Hi. Ted bradford,

Junior vp, high quality foods.


Mike stewart,

Assistant to the president.

It's a pleasure.

So, you ready for the big game?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I won 2 tickets.

Ha ha ha!

Walter wanted to get
these over to you

As soon as possible.


Hey! She's cute!

I think there's
a high-Quality girl

In there somewhere.

Yeah. These are
high-Quality girls, all right.

Wow! Check this one out!

Nice, huh?

Of course, sakamoto wants
to choose the girl himself,

But i'm sure he's curious
to hear you dimensionalize

Once you meet them.

Me, spencer barnes.

I get to meet
these girls, right?

You get to meet all of them.

I got a great fuckin' job,
guys, don't i?

Listen, we ought to get going.

I'm sure you know how
important punctuality is

To mr. Sakamoto.

Yeah, if we're gonna make it,

You really should
put on your togs.


This is gonna be fun, guys.

Don't go away.

What the hell are togs?!

Togs. Togs.

Where the hell are my togs?


Oh, my god.


We're very happy
with the new plan.

Oh, yeah. And with
the expanded exposure,

We're confident that we can
increase our net net by 30 %.

Yeah, man. Whatever.

Say, what do you think
about the new slogans?

First rate. Phenomenal.


Superlative, because diane
is very anxious to hear them,

And so is big sak.

Big mac?

No. Mr. Sakamoto.



Hey, what's up?

Very glad to meet you,
mr. Barnes.

Yes. Yeah.

So, where are the girls?

Um, you know, i mean,

I thought maybe we could
meet the girls now

And play ball later.

Tennis now, business later.

Ha ha ha!

Yeah, but, you know,
i haven't checked out

This tennis game
in quite a while.

Modesty... An admirable
quality! Ha ha ha!

I can't play worth a shit.

That's good, that's good.

Remember, this is client tennis.

Spencer, you ready
for a little action?


You bet your ass i am.

Uh, spencer.
We're on this side.

Tennis relaxes the nerves,

Prepares us for better business!

May the best man win!

Good catch,
mr. Sakamoto!

Slippery handle.

Nice catch.

Ok. I got it, ok?
Just give me a second.

I got it.

Ok, i'm up to bat.

Need any talc?

Ok. Ok. Shoot.

Defective shot!

All right!
Let's play ball!

This is a disaster!

Everything was in my filofax...

My schedule, my sales charts.

I don't even have walter's
number. He's unlisted.

My money, my credit cards.

Spencer, i knew you'd call.

I got home,
i looked at the phone,

And said, "ring," and it did.

When the operator said,

"Collect call
from spencer barnes,"

My face lit up.

And i can't call walter.
If he hears how i screwed up,

He'll have another heart attack.

Then imagine the guilt.

california's so romantic!

Do you want to go
for a walk on the beach?

Debbie, i've got
a meeting to go to.

I've got to face
these people empty-Handed.

I can't even
remember the slogans!


I used to have a crush on you.


Learn how to drive!

Sorry. Um...

I don't know.
Sometimes, i...

I lose control of myself.

You know,
i've been going through

A rough period lately, spencer.

My dog maybelline died recently.

She was so outgoing and... And...


You know, she was...

I've got this picture.
She was a capricorn.

Isn't she sweet?

She doesn't even look sick.

Yeah, well,
that's an old picture.

Come on, let me cook
dinner for you tonight.

It'll be a blast.
Come on. Really.

Come on.


This is not a good time.

Oh, why?

Do you know
how to get to malibu?


I got it, i got it, i got it!


D'oh! I'm bad, i'm bad.
I'm really, really bad.

Don't you think
we ought to lose?

Lose? Why?

Because sakamoto wants to win.

Ha! So do i, mike!

Come on. I'm bad.

Triple set point.

What happened?

We won.

We won?

We won?

Well played, sir.

Good match, mr. Barnes.

Thank you.

Until this afternoon.

What's with
mr. Attitude?

What, has he never lost before?

Not to an employee.

Call for spencer barnes.

Mr. Spencer barnes?


Oh! Phone. Yes.
Phone, guys.


Telephone, huh?

I wonder who it could be?

Yeah, what's up?

Spencer, thank god i found you!

Walter's under anaesthetic

And we have an emergency
on our hands.

You see, honeynut bakery needs
their new slogan immediately.

Now, i know walter
had something in mind,

But, listen, i'm sorry, i just
can't remember what it was.

Mike! Ted!
Check out those buns!

Great. Thanks!


Oh, careful! Aah!

Thanks a lot, debbie.
I really appreciate it.

Sure you're not free for dinner?

I'm sure.

Well, have a good day.

Thanks a lot.
Yeah. Have fun.

Thanks... Thanks a lot.

Sorry! I'm sorry!

Hey, watch it!

I almost lost this baby.

We have children in this house.

Broken glass is not as much
a threat to our children...

Excuse me. Excuse me.
Could you help me?

Oh. Of course i can.

Here's a dollar.

There might be some leftovers

Behind the club restaurant.

No, no, no, no, no.

I was mugged.
I'm spencer barnes.

I'm with bentley advertising.

I'm here for a tennis date.

Your party just left.


Might there be a problem?

Yes, there might be a problem.

I'm spencer barnes.

Oh, really?
You're spencer barnes?

Yes, really.
I'm spencer barnes.

Some very important materials

And a suitcase were sent

To mr. Bentley's

I know he's a member here.

I must have his address.

I'm not authorized...

You're not authorized!
This is very urgent!

Touch the rolodex
and i'll break your arm.

You'll break my arm?!
You'll break my arm?!

That's right!
And for your information,

Spencer barnes was
just here and he just left.

Well, for your information,

Spencer barnes is still here

'Cause i'm spencer barnes!

Oh, is that right?

That's right!
That's right!

Take it outside, spence!

So, anyway, i get home

And harold is just
sitting in his chair,

Not saying a word.

He's sitting there watching tv,

Sitting like a turtle.

So i say to him, "harold, hello.

Hello, harold."
He doesn't answer.

Finally i say to him,
"look, harold,

It's been this way
for a month, you know."

So he says to me
finally, "tuna fish."

Tuna fish!

He's talking about
my damn tuna fish!

Yea... Ow!

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Holy shit!





Oh, you must be spencer.

That's what they call me.

Hi. I'm jewel.
I'm walter's daughter.

I just got off the phone
with my father.

He's looking for you.

Me? Well... i'm here.

Yeah. There you are.

Well, i'm just gonna
swim a little bit,

So don't mind me.

No. I don't mind you.

Thank you, god.


Wow! This feels great!

Ehh! Water, you know.

Want to join me?






Hi. Can i help you?

You know, i've never
seen this office before.

I just want to say hello.
I'm walter bentley.

Oh. Ira breen,
club accountant.

Hello, ira.
A pleasure to meet you.


So you're the one
who sends me the bills.

Oh! That's me!

That's a beauty.

Yeah. This is
the nec powermate 2.

286 cpu, 28-Bit full-Size slots?

40 megabyte
internal tape drive backup?

40 meg hard drive?



Ha ha ha!
- Wow!

You really know your stuff.


You mind? Can i just,
uh, take a look?

No, not at all.

I love a good database.

This is a real treat.

It's a real treat for me.

Heh heh heh.

No one ever comes in here.


Boy, we got a lot of members.

Here i am!

Excuse me.

Ira breen.

Club accountant.

Oh, yes.

Can i ask you something?




What do you think
about my father?

Uh, i don't know.

I never really think of him.

This heart attack thing

Has really made me think,
you know?

Just about the big picture,

About how superficial
our relationship is.

You know, he's
so involved in his work.

It's like he doesn't
even know who i am.

And... And if i ever
sound unhappy,

He sends me a check.

A check?


Why don't you try
talking to him?

No one talks to my father.

Well, you know that.

Yeah, i know.

He sits and does
all the talking.

Try confronting him
in an honest way.

Be straightforward and true.

With walter bentley?


Yeah, man, by ignoring
your own situation,

You're only lying to yourself.

I mean, if it really
matters to you,

Get it clear in your head

What you want to say and say it.

Don't play games.

You think?

There is something

Very different
about you, spencer.

Yeah, there is.

I don't know what it is,

But you're definitely not
the typical anal yuppie

I guess i was expecting.

Definitely not.

I've never been one of those.

What are you doing for dinner?


Oh, you've got plans?

For dinner? Plans?
No, no way, no.

I... I don't even have one plan.

I, uh, i'm, uh, available.


So, pick me up
at 8:00?

8:00 would be great.



Hi. Is spencer there?

Sure, yeah, hang on a second.

Spencer? Spencer!

I'm busy.

Uh, he's in the jacuzzi
right now.

Can he call you back later?

What's he doing in a jacuzzi...

Listen, would you tell
him it's elizabeth,

And, uh, i'm returning his call,

And i would like
to speak to him now.

Um, hang on.

It's elizabeth.

Tell her i'll call her back.

Uh, he's gonna have
to call you back.

Tell him not to bother.

You have no idea
how grateful i am. No idea.

I'm so grateful.
Thank you very much.

Oh, spencer, you know,

I was just leaving the house,

About to close the door,

And i thought of you.

Just then, the phone rang.

I'm telling you,
spencer, it's karma.

This is an unbelievable offer.

An unbelievable offer
of quality and craftsmanship

For you and your family.

Are you ready?

Just $999.

Grab the credit cards.


Can you believe
what i just said?

If you've got a credit card,

You'd be crazy not to call now.

And, for a limited time,

We'll call it our
world series special...

We'll deliver almost
anywhere in just 24 hours.

It's perfect...

Yes, hello.

For all kinds of tv watching.

Yeah, i'd like to buy
that big-Screen tv.

And can that be delivered?

Yes, to the california
county jail,

Care of lebradford brown,

American express.

Number 3-7-1-2



Thank you.

Lebradford'll love this.

Holy shit!

You can't pass...


God, i love running on sand.

Hey! How you doin'?

How's it goin', man?


Boy, you guys look benevolent.

Oh, thanks.

Is that yours?

Boy, that's beautiful.

Come on, let's go for a beer.

Uh, spencer, we...
We can't, really.

We don't have time.
Shall we?

Shall we what?

We've got a meeting, spencer.

Oh, this is getting
complicated, huh?

You know, i think you
ought to put your suit on.

Diane's pretty compulsive
about her time.


Well, i'd love to go,
guys, but i got a date.

I got a hot date.

A date?

Yeah, with a chick.

Uh, s-Spencer, we understand

You do things
a little differently.

In fact, ted and i
kind of like it.

But if you miss this meeting,

It's business suicide.

I'm gonna be in deep shit?


I get to ride in that?

All right, homies.
I'll be back in a second.


Yes, sir.


Mmm, no.

Mmm, no.


Ah, yes.


No, no, no, no, yes.


Spencer barnes...

You look...

First rate.



And benevolent.

Fuckin'-A, man.



Thanks a lot.
Thanks a lot, debbie.

Ok. Sure you're
not free for din-Din?

No, uh, i really... I really am.

But next time, i promise.

Well, j-Just...
If you change your mind,

Just remember that i...

I work at the cosmetic
counter at i. Magnin.

I take lunch
between 1:00 and 2:00

Uh, bye, good-Bye!

Yeah, ask for susan.
Susan'll come get me.


Wait, wait, wait!

I'm here! Come back!

Come back! I'm here!
Come back!

Oh, no.







I'll kill him.
I'll kill him.




Spencer. Spencer?


I told you to lose to sakamoto.

I heard that you beat him
in 3 straight sets.

No, walter, that wasn't me.

What do you mean, it wasn't you?

Take responsibility.

Walter, it was somebody else!

Yes, and he's been
screwing up, spen...

Ohh, oh, i'm getting
chest pains.


Go out and get
that account, damn it!

Walter, let me explain.



Hey, man, i don't know.

What's the matter, spencer?

You're nervous?

Well, yeah, kind of.

Ah, don't worry about diane.

Be yourself.

Like us.

Marty? Diane.

Is phillip there, please?

This? Here?

No, no, over here.
Over here.

I'll be with you in a minute.

This one?

I don't want excuses,
phillip. I want results.

I want you
to finish that report...

Can i get you a drink?

Uh, yeah, i'll have a gimlet.

Yeah, the same.

Yes, sir.

Do you have the tequila
with the worms in 'em?


Uh, then i'll have a...
gimlet, roger.

Very good, sir.

I'll be in touch.

I told you to
proofread this twice.

There are 2 spelling errors,
the columns are off,

And the staple is vertical,
not horizontal.


Spencer barnes?

Diane connors.

I've heard good things.

All right!

I like your strategy, barnes.

Beating the owner of
the company in tennis.

Smart way to get attention.

Oh, i wasn't trying
to get attention.

I was just...
trying to win.

We're all trying to win.

Listen. When i heard
you beat sakamoto,

I knew i was gonna like you.

Here we are, sir.

Mr. Sakamoto!

Oh, good evening, miss connors.

Hey, big sak!

What's up, man?

I've never had such
a competitive opponent.

You play an unusual
game of tennis.

Unusual, but effective.

Well, hey, you're not
so bad yourself, you know.

You got to choke up
on that racket.

Let's get down to
business, shall we?

Now, bentley is in first place

To take over
our national ad campaign.

Now, here's the deal, spencer.

Friday's close was at 56,

One of the most active
stocks traded.


Oh, i don't smoke,

But a couple of my friends do.

Do you mind if i take some?

You mind?

Thank you.

My point is this.

As well as we're doing,
we want to do better.

The bottom line,
after all, is money.

I'd like to propose a toast.

To international business,

To good commercial relations
between all countries,

To the healthy future
of high quality foods

Thanks to sakamoto enterprises,

And to bentley advertising.

Hear, hear.

A toast...

To competitiveness,

Good management,
profit, and honesty.


Spencer. A toast.



Uh, a toast.

To the cubs winning
the world series...

And big tits!

Spencer, i'm sure
you're familiar

With our last campaign.

Um, yes. Um...

♪ high quality foods,
the best there is ♪

Oh, yeah. I watch
tv all the time.

I got the commercials memorized.

We've been using that for years.

We are looking for a new image,

And we love what bentley
did for kerry's cookies.

Honesty is the key to success.

I want an honest
campaign, spencer.

Honesty, huh?
That's good.

Are you familiar

With high quality's products?

Oh, yeah. I eat
the stuff every day.

And what is your opinion?


Well, i think
your oatmeal sucks.

Nobody likes it.

I mean, it tastes like dirt.

Chewy dirt.

And your bologna
tastes like rubber.

You gotta smother it
with mustard

So you don't even taste it.

But not your mustard,

'Cause your mustard
tastes like shit.

Um, your frosted flakes...

It's got half the sugar

That tony the tiger's does.

And your bread just rips apart.

I mean, just try

Spreading peanut butter on it.

Whaah... Right in your hands.

But not your peanut butter,

'Cause your peanut butter sucks.

Spencer, i don't think
this is really...

Why did he ask me, then?

Ms. Connors,
what do you think

About what he is saying?

I think it's outrageous.

Mr. Barnes, if this is
your idea of a joke,

I don't find it very funny.

No! No, i'm just
being honest.

Well, you've been honest enough.

No, no, please,
spencer. Go on.

Tell me, mr. Barnes,
is there anything

About high quality
foods that you like?

Oh, your potato chips
are pretty good.

But, then again,
i like really greasy food.

And, uh...

It's not so bad
that you sell cheap stuff.

I mean, not everybody can afford

3 bucks for a box
of fruit loops.

But you shouldn't call it
"high quality foods"

'Cause it just isn't.

I mean, big sak,
if you want to be honest,

You should call it
"low quality foods."

But you don't want
to do that, i know.

Why don't you try calling it

Something like, um...

How 'bout "affordable foods"?

Or, you know what?

Change the "best there is" thing

To "high quality food...

Because you can
afford it."

Or make your food really great,

And then you can say,

"Eat this because
everybody deserves

High quality foods."

How dare you insult our product.

Mr. Sakamoto,
i am so sorry...

No, no, no.

This is ridiculous.

I've never seen anything

So unprofessional.

Well, you know what,
maybe i just, uh...

I'm just not good at
these kind of meetings.

All right?

I gotta hot date.
I'm outta here.

Nice tits.

Heh heh.

I am out of here also.
Nice titty. We go.

I've got the nurses' station.

Get me walter bentley
on the phone. Now.





Hey, chico.

Take care of her.


I'll take care of her.

I haven't robbed anyone.

I've been robbed!
Look at me!

Do you think i dress this way?

I'm an executive!


I'd sue for false arrest,

But i'd probably end up

In the electric chair.

One comb.

Listen, i need a ride.

One pair of shoelaces.

Hello? Earth
to little abner.

I need a ride.

We're not a taxi service.

One piece of paper.

Oh, god.

God, debbie, i'm so sorry.

I'm really so sorry.

Oh, don't be silly.

It was good to hear
your voice again.

I gotta cancel my credit cards.

I gotta call high quality foods.

I gotta call elizabeth.

I just need to go back
to walter's in malibu.

So if you'd just
please take me there.

First i'm making us dinner.

Oh, debbie, debbie, no.

I have to get back there
right now.


Spencer, i am not moving
until you say yes.

Yes! Ye-Yes!
Yes. Yes.

So then, mitch
tells me that he's married.


He obviously was not
the man for me.

No way.

No, i mean he thought
he could control me.

I felt like...

Like i was in prison.

Oh. Man, i know
that feeling.

Oh, yeah.

Trapped, lonely, and frustrated.

You know, you're stuck inside.

You don't know
how you got there,

But you're there.


Yeah, i was in a relationship

Like that recently.


It lasted about 3 years.


Controlled by one person

Who could be so cruel.



You know, all you want to do is,

Experience the things
that you can't reach.

You know, like a baseball game

Or a... Or a dinner
with a pretty girl.


Well, i'm... I'm shy.

You wouldn't know it.

Somehow i... I feel free.

I feel open.

I feel sexy.


Uh, check, please.

But for now, as we await

The sixth and possibly
final game

Of the world series,

Unless authorities
change their minds

And decide to forcibly
remove the inmates

From their barricaded
prison cells.

And tomorrow, while
you're sitting at home

Watching the game, you won't...

these pants used to fit

Before my cauliflower
and radish diet.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

I was a fashion disaster.

I lost 70 pounds.

Gained back 20, lost 10.

You know, i used to be
on an avocado diet

Before i found out that
avocados were fattening.

Did you know avocados
were fattening?


You know, it's amazing.
You see them

In health food stores,
you never think

Of them as being bad for you,

But they're
very, very fattening.

So then i started

Working as a beauty consultant.

You're so tense.

Take a deep breath.

Come on, come on.

Take a real deep breath.

Yeah. Isn't that
good? Feel better?

Yeah, good.

You know, it's amazing

What a little bit
of makeup can do.


It can make anybody
look beautiful.


I guess i'm a people person.


Oh, that's the oven.


Damn it, elizabeth.
Where are you?



I hope you don't
feel uncomfortable,

My being walter's daughter.

No. No, no.



Well, you're the first man
i've gone out with

That hasn't just tried
to jump on me.

I am?


Where is everybody?

A little burnt,
but edible, i think.

We can't put the phone down

For a minute, can we?

- Oh!
- What?

You should get that.

No, no, no. It could
be my father.

Your father? Where?

No, no, the phone.
The phone.


The phone, the phone.
Your father.

The phone. Hello?

Hello? Who's this?

Uh, who do you wanna speak to?


Uh, yeah.
This is spencer.

Spencer who?

Spencer barnes.
Who am i speaking to?

He's there!

Debbie, debbie, i need you

To drive me to walter's.

Oh, spencer, you'll feel better

After you've eaten.

Debbie, he's there!

But spencer... He's there!

We were just starting
to get... funky.

Debbie, i need you to drive me

To walter's r-R-Right away.

How 'bout after dinner?

No, no, no, no!
I've gotta go immediately!

Oh, spencer!

Spencer, y-Y-You know, you know,

All you've done
since i've met you

Was complain.

I mean, you know,

I-I-I can't take it anymore.


I've been your... Your chauffeur,

An-An-And your cook,
an-And your shrink.

Debbie, really.

No, no! I really...
I mean, i don't know

What's happened to you
since high school,

But you... You...
You've become this...

This selfish,
materialistic creep!

Ohh... debbie,
i need a ride!

Get out! No!

Get out!
Why? Debbie!

I never wanna see you again!

Get out! Go!

And after you've
dry-Cleaned those pants,

I want them back!

Oh, my god.

It's raining.

Well, i guess...

I had a fabulous time.

You had a fabulous time.

Best safe sex i've ever had.

Ha ha.

Well, i had
a fabulous time, too.


I haven't had
that much fun in...

2 years, 11 months,
3 weeks, and 5 days.

I would stay, but i
feel uncomfortable

Sleeping in my dad's bed.

I don't.

He's got so many pillows.

Are you sure i can
take your rolls?

Oh, yeah.
It's just a loaner.

Ok. Well, then,
i guess i'd better go.



Hey! Wait! Wait! Wait!

Um, you think you'd like to, uh,

Go to the world series
with me tomorrow maybe?

I'd love to!


You wanna go?

I'd love to go.

All right.
That's... That's great.

I think, uh... i think
i'm getting wet.

Yeah, i-I-I think.

You... I think you're getting wet.

You better go inside.

So i'll meet you here
about 12:00?

All right.
All right.

Right around here,

All right?

All right.
You come here.





I'll kill you!


What the hell's
the matter with you?

Hey, man, i was
doin' you a favor.

I busted my ass for you.

All because of
this little thing.

Give me that!
Take it!

Just give me my reward
and i'm out of here.

Reward? Are you crazy?

I should sue you
for everything you've got!

I'd like to see that.
I got nothin'.

Excuse me.


Hello, spencer.
It's me. It's ted.

It's for you.



It's ted.
Hi, ted.

Look, i'm sure
it's no surprise to you,

But diane's officially
turned down your agency.


Mike and i are sorry
it didn't work out.

We really liked you.

Get me diane!

Well, after that meeting,

She won't take
your calls. Ever.

Damn it!

You said you were me!

You beat sakamoto at tennis!

Yo u blew it with diane connors!

Oh, that chick's a witch.

I'll kill you! Aah!

Uhh! Ohh!

You look like shit.

That hurt.

I didn't lose

Your filofax!
You did!

I'll kill you!



Now just calm down.

You ruined my life.

Hey, i've been
lookin' after you.

And you keep yellin' at me.

Well, just give me
my world series tickets back

And i'm out of here.

World series tickets?

Yeah, they're in your book.


Give me my tickets, man.

These are the tickets?

Oh, these are the tickets!

You must be a big baseball fan.

Yes, i am.

Can't wait to go
to the world series.

That's right.

Listen to me. You're
coming with me

And telling everyone
who you are,

And who i am!

Now, spencer, i'd really
like to help you out.

I would. It's just
that i got this date

With this beautiful girl

I'm taking
to the world series, ok?

I don't think so...

Uh, uh, ah, ah, ah!

Don't bite the seat number!

Mm-Mmm. Mmm!

Eat! All of it.

I can taste the excitement!

Stop biting my tickets,
all right?

All right.

This is a lotus!

You know what this thing does?

This thing goes
160 miles an hour.

Over that!

This is a nice set of wheels.

Great. No keys.

Who needs keys?

Where can i get a pair
of pants like that?

Do they come
in different colors?

I hope this doesn't take long.

I can't miss the
national anthem.

Shut up.

Who are you, anyway?

I'm a car thief.

Very funny.

No, really.

I'm an escaped convict.

I broke out of prison

To see the cubs
in the world series.

I'm serious.
Shut up.



Sakamoto will
be here any moment.

No unsolicited comments...

Diane connors?

Uh, that's her.

What are you doing here?

Watch it.
She bites.

What the hell is going on here?

Didn't you get the message

That we are not interested

In you or your agency?

Tell her who you are.

I'm, uh, jimmy.

Ms. Connors,

Walter bentley's
on teleconference.

Put him through.

I'm curious to hear
what he has to say.

Oh, good.
I can explain everything.

Hello, diane.
You're looking good.

Look here, i want
to apologize for...


Walter. Thank...
Thank god...

What the hell are
you doing there?

You look awful.

Like a bum at a costume party.

You should be
ashamed of yourself.

Like he looks great.

And how the hell
could you come up with

This honey nut bakery slogan?

They've already
printed the billboards.

"Check out those buns"!

What buns?

These buns!

I like that.

Walter, i don't think

Your corporate and
personal problems

Are any concern of ours.

You have screwed up
in every possible way.

Walter, it... It wasn't me!

That's not spencer, walter.

I'm disappointed
in you, spencer.

What's happening?

Beats the hell out of me.

If you think

That you are getting that
promotion, forget it.

You failed.



Hey, all he did was
lose his book.

I'm the one that screwed up.

Who... Who is this guy?

I'm jimmy.

You know what?
It's true.

All you do is talk.
Push people around.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Well, you know what?

It really pisses us off.

Spencer, i want you
back here in 12 hours.

Walter, this is a mistake.

Well, listen to me.

You're the mistake.

I'm the mistake?


In the last 2 days,
i-I've been mugged,

I've been thrown into garbage,

I've been put in jail,

My wife has left me...

All because of this account.

I've been obsessed, walter,

Just the same way
i've been obsessed

With every account

I've ever gotten for you.

All i do is work.

Work, work.
Weekends, holidays.

When i'm not working,

I don't know who i am.

I don't even know what to do.

I don't even know what to think.

I hate my life.

It stinks.

I've made my wife miserable,

I've made myself miserable.

I don't want to end
up like you, walter.

I really...

I can't do this anymore.

I just...

The hell with all th... I quit.


Me, too.

I quit... Hey, hey.

I'll see you later
sometime, huh?

I'll see you again.

Hey, big sak.
Work on your game.

Don't lose that broom, witch.

Diane, i wanna apologize...

Walter, your firm has exhibited

Gross incompetency.

I am taking you out
of my filofax.


Oh, mr. Sakamoto.

Bentley isn't the only agency.

I never had a good feeling

About them anyway.

Julie, get me

The bellflower august agency.

Mm, no need...

Unless you're looking for a job.

Heh, i'm not looking...


I came to the united states

Not just to approve
a new ad campaign,

But to see you in action.

I've had complaints.

What exactly are you saying?

What i am saying exactly,
ms. Connors,

Is that you are
unprofessional, rude,

And clearly incapable
of running my company.

And, ms. Connors,

What i am saying is
that you are terminated.



Game time.


Yo, spencer!


You forgot this!

Hey, you were great back
there, you know that?

Yeah, great.
I have nothing!

You have your book.

Shut up.
Leave me alone.

Ah, baby, baby, baby
with the "shut up."

You know, if it wasn't for me,

You wouldn't realize
your life was so rotten.

You wanna go to the game?


Come on! What are
you gonna do?

You don't have to be
at work tomorrow.

That's true.

Yep. Wait, don't move.

Hey, come on.

Let's kick some butt, huh?

You could use a little fun.


My life is over.

No, it's not.
It's just beginning.

It's the chicago cubs.

And you know you and i
are both from chicago?

Now that's exciting.

It is exciting!

It's the... It's... It's
a statistic.

It's a coincidence.

It's a divine right
that you and i

Should be here together

While the cubs are
in the world series.

We have to be there.

We have to be at the cubs.

They need us.
They need us.

Come on, in the car.

Come on. One leg
over the other.

Come on. And there
we go. In we go.

It's that easy.
Come on, let's go! Ho!

You really are an escaped
convict, aren't you?

Yes, sir. 37 counts
of grand theft auto.

And you really did
break out of prison

To go to the world series.


That's the dumbest thing
i've ever heard.

Huh. You wanna
hear dumb?

I'm about to break a date

With the most beautiful girl

I've seen in 5 years.

That's dumb, spencer barnes.

And it's all because of you,

'Cause we're going
to the cubs game.

Here we go! Hep.
In the car.

Hot dogs, hamburgers,

Cokes, popcorn, cotton candy.

Get in there.
All right, spence.

You tightass.
Way to go.

...last trip to anaheim.

Hopefully, things'll work out...


Hey, jewel, it's me.

Spencer! Where are you?
Are you ok?

Hey, listen, i'm really sorry,

But i have to cancel our date.

I need to spend some
time with a friend.

He really needs me.

Tch. Oh, god, spencer.
You're so sensitive.

Well, what are you
doing tonight?

How about tonight?
Are you busy?

Well, i got some
plans for tonight,

But i'm free tomorrow.

Tomorrow's fine.

Is spencer barnes here?

No. No, i'm afraid
he's not here right now.

Can i help you?

I'm not sure.

You are...
i'm his wife.

His what?

♪ O'er the ramparts we watched ♪

♪ were so gallantly streaming ♪

♪ and the rockets' red glare

♪ the bombs bursting in air

♪ gave proof through the night ♪

♪ that our flag
was still there ♪

♪ oh, say, does that
star-Spangled ♪

♪ banner yet wave

♪ o'er the land

♪ of the free

♪ and the home of the brave

Go cubs!
Kick some ass!

Let's go!
Here's your hat.

Let's go!

to anaheim stadium,

Home of your california angels.

Play ball!

All right!
Play ball!

Then he took me downtown.

We went to a blues club.

Then we came back here...

Blues club? Spencer?

Spencer hates blues.

What do you mean,
he hates blues?

We had...

The... The guy that
you're describing,

He sounds like a totally
different person.

I... To be honest
with you, i mean,

You don't look like
the kind of woman

That would be married to a man

With a tattoo.

A what?


Is spencer there?

No, spencer's not here.

Who is this?

It's debbie.


Let me have it.
Who's debbie?

- Yes?

What do you want?

Well, tell spencer
i'm sorry about last night

And... i shouldn't have
kicked him out.

And tell him he can
keep the pants.



Come on, get your world
series souvenirs here.

I got you a coke,
i got you a dog.


Oh, man, i love this game.

What's wrong with you?


I-I-I screwed up
with everything.

And i... And i never
got what i wanted.

What did you want?

Yeah, right.

Tell him to sell.

I don't know.

You know what you want?

I want the cubs to win
the world series!

Yeah! Nice hit!

Yeah, you better get
to your car now.

You don't want
to get stuck in traffic.

Ha ha ha!

So what happened with your wife?

Did you get caught cheating?

You bangin' the baby-Sitter?

We don't even have any kids.

How come?

We never thought
there'd be enough time

To raise 'em right.

Well, you got plenty
of time now, spencer.

Heh heh heh.


Here. Call her.

Here, give me that.

Go ahead, call her.

She probably misses you.

My wife thinks
i'm a single-Minded,

Obsessive jerk.

Well, you are a single-Minded,

Obsessive jerk.

But you don't have to be
if you don't want to.

You sure?

No. I'm not sure.

Hey, that's my dad's phone!

He's a scout.
He's callin' the bullpen.


What a play!

Did you see that?
Did you see that?

Let's get that guy up here
for an interview.

Ok, i'll get him.

Ahh! I got it!

I got it!
Did you see that?

I just reached out.

I snagged it, spencer.

Home run ball,

Mark grace of the cubs,

In the world series.

Did you see that
spectacular catch?


Y-Y-You didn't
see it? Why?

I was on the phone.

Oh, you should've seen it.

I was just reachin' out
there, just grabbin' it.

It was the catch of the day.

You told me to call home.

I know, but you could've waited.

You could've put 'em on hold.

It was a great catch.

Elizabeth wasn't there.

Elizabeth wasn't there?
She wasn't there?

She didn't see it, either!

Elizabeth is your wife?


Oh, she called
for you yesterday.

She called yesterday?

What did she say?
Did she say anything?

She apologized

For kicking him out last night.

And said he could keep...

For kicking him out last night?

I was with him last night.

That can't be right.
What is she talking about?

This isn't getting any easier.

Oh, my god!

Look! It's spencer!

That's not spencer.

Of course it's spencer.

Well, what's he doing
on television?

That's not spencer.

That's spencer.


That's not spencer.

Where did he get that shirt?


My elizabeth called yesterday?

What did she say?

Oh, man. They must've
seen me on tv.

What did she say?

Spencer, i gotta go.

It was fun being you.
Take it easy.

What did she say?
Wait a minute!

What did she say?

Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me.

Wait! Wait a minute!




What's happening?

Why are we doing this?

The cops!

They must've seen me on tv.

When were you on tv?

When i made that catch
you missed.

Th-Th-The cops
w-Wouldn't shoot us,

Would they?

No, i don't think so.

You don't think so?

Jimmy, what did elizabeth say?

Oh, i'm missing the game!

What did she say, jimmy?
What? What?

What? What are you
followin' me for?

We get busted, man,
you're gonna get

In trouble.
Get out of here!

Well, i can't get arrested

Running with
an escaped con, can i?



He's not down there.

He's probably up the ramp.

Jimmy. Did elizabeth say
to tell me anything?

Where did... Where did
she call from?

Oh, i don't know, man.

I didn't talk to her.

You didn't talk to her?


No, don't pitch
to him! Walk him!

Damn it, he got a hit.

The angels are gonna score.

Well, who talked to her?

Uh, jewel talked to her.

Walter's jewel?

Yeah, walter's jewel.

Hey, she's one hot lady,
you know that?

Last night we did it.

Come on.

Wh... Wait! You mean,

I slept with walter's daughter?


Well, how was i?

You were great!

I knew i could be great in bed.

Ha ha!

Hey! That's him!

Come on, let's get out of here.

Hey, guys, stop!

Come back, damn it!

Hey, you got a credit card?

Give it to me.

Ah, sweet.

Damn it!

I can't... I can't believe it.

I can escape out of jail,

But i can't escape
out of a damn ball park.

Oh, i guess i'll just
go back to jail.

That's all.

I'll just go back.

...number 19,
right fielder, dante bichette.

Man, we know you in there.

Come on, man!
Unlock the door.

Come up here and hold onto me

Before i change my mind.

Go ahead, change your mind,

Change your mind.

Come on!

Come on, come on!

I'm coming!

I always got as in gym,

But this could be ridiculous.

It is ridiculous!

This is a mistake!

Yes, it is!


Uhh! Yeah!

That was different, spencer.

Ho! Ho! Ha ha ha!

Hey, you all right?

Yeah. That was...
That was batman!


Hey, we can still hear the game

On the radio.

Come on, man, let's
get in the car.

And it's strike 3!

And the cubs have won it!

The 1990 world
champions are the...

They did it!
They won!

All i can say is

Holy cow, joe, holy cow.

I mean, you're
witnessing history.

The first time since 1908

The cubs have won
the world series.

I repeat, the cubs
have won the world...

Why are you turning it off?

They won. It's over.

The weekend's over.

world champions!

Was it so bad being me?

God, no.

No, i liked it.

Everybody listened to me.

They took me seriously.

Jewel, too.
She took me seriously.

I like her.

She was nice.

Yeah, i dug her.

I just wonder if she'll
like me as jimmy dworski.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you know, if the cubs
can win the world series,

Anything's possible, right?

Yeah, that's right.

All right.
Now i just gotta think

How to break back into prison.

Break back into prison?

Why would you wanna do that?

I got to. I escaped,

Now i gotta break back in
so i can be released.

I found it! It was
in my filofax.

Let's try them.

They should be
in their car by now.

Let me ask you something.

How the hell are you gonna

Get back into that prison

With all the photographers

And reporters there?

I can't believe
i never thought of that.

Why didn't i think of that?


All right, spencer.

Jewel and i want to know

What the hell is going on.

Where are you?

I'm at walter's.

Answer me.
What is going on?

Elizabeth, i lost my filofax.

You what?

And i quit my job.

Spencer, are you serious?



I miss you so much.

I-I-I have so many
things to tell you.

But mo... The most
important thing is,

I love you.
I love you.


Spen... I love you, too.

Would you ask my spencer

If we're still on for tomorrow?

Spencer, jewel wants to know

If she and the spencer
who caught the ball

Are still on for tomorrow.

Are you and jewel
on for tomorrow?

Oh, jeez. I don't know.
I don't know.

Spencer, how am i gonna
break back into prison?

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Oh, my god. Yes!

Yes! They are on
for tomorrow. Yes.

Yes, you're on.
You're on.

We are? Oh, great!
Ah! Yes!

How about you and me
going to hawaii?

Oh, if we leave tonight.

We will.

Why, for the first time,

Do i really believe you?

Because, like my pal here says,

I got a lot of free time.

My calendar is blank.

In fact, i don't even
have a calendar.

We leave tonight.

But first, there's
something i have to do.



I'm sorry.


Oh, spencer!

Oh, hi, there.
Oh. Oh.

Thank you.

The warden's expecting us.

Just pull over there
in front of that guard.

I'll call the warden.

Father barnes.

That's quite a car.

It was a very kind
donation to the parish.

A red lotus.

Do you pray, my son?

Not as much as i should, father.

I can see it in your face.

What is your given name?

Oh, captain toolman.

I hope you can help us.

Well, i'm not alone.

No, i-I understand.

No, i mean i brought
someone with me.

Jimmy dworski's mother.

Ehh! Ehh! Oh.

Mrs. Dworski,
captain toolman.

Oh, sir.

I hope you can help me.

I'm so worried
about my poor jimmy.

What are you gonna do?

Well, uh, we'll send
for somebody.


Where in the hell is jimmy at?

We can't keep this up all night.

Warden, over bullhorn:
all right, gentlemen,

Listen up.
Now, this is the warden.

Now, we have a professional
mediator here

Who'd like to talk to you.

A mediator?

He's with jimmy's mother.

Jimmy's mother?

Bad news.

All right, father.
She's all yours.

Spencer, over bullhorn:
hello, prisoners.

This is father barnes.

I'm here with jimmy's mother,

Mrs. Dworski.

This must end!

We want to come in
and talk to you.

J.B., Over bullhorn:
no way.

We're not lettin' anyone in.

That's right!

Especially a mother!

If you let us in,

The warden will promise
complete forgiveness.

No punishment.


Better food.

Better food.

Better what? What?
What does...

"Cast ye loaves across the water

And they will return
to the shore."

And i promise you better food.

Yeah, all right.
What... What the hell.

Maybe we should let 'em in.

Hey! What about

No, no, we can't give up.

Jimmy's a homey.

Yeah, yeah.

Forget it! Y'all try
to come in here,

We'll kill him dead!

Help me!

I don't wanna die!

Help me, man!

I'm scared, man! Help!

I say we use the tear gas

And flush 'em out of there.


What was that?

They say they have a color tv

For lebradford brown.

Is that part of the strategy?

Home shopping club.
I used your credit card.

Yes, yes. We did.
We ordered that.

What? What now?

The governor's
mediators are here.

H-How many mediators

Do they think we need?


You have no idea...

How much i understand...

What you're going through.

Oh, look at her, man.

She look like the missing link.

I think she's kinda cute.

Yeah, you would.

Forget it!
No one's coming in!

Warden toolman,

We're from the
governor's office.

How do you do, gentlemen?

Agent jackson.

Pay attention, boys...

Captain, we were

Specifically instructed

Not to make any promises

To the inmates.

We've been told to
interrupt the proceedings

And take over the situation.

Let me in, goddamn it.

What the hell is she doing?

She's signaling.

Well, how she know our signals?

She ain't no homey.

Steal home?

Intentional walk?

Go home?

Let me in.

That ain't no missing link.

That's jimmy!


It is jimmy!

Father, what is she doing?

She is doing a special prayer

That i taught her.
Excuse me.

We're going to go in.

No, look.

Ok. Uh,
they can come in.

But only the mother
and the father.

Jimmy, woman's voice:
close it. Close it!

Oh, where's my jimmy?
Where's my jimmy?

Right this way,
mrs. Dworski.


did you see that catch i made?

Oh, these heels are killin' me.

James, what took you so long?

Oh, i was at the hairdresser

Or i'd been here earlier.

Hey! No hair jokes.

Oh, this is for you, heavy g.

God, get me out
of these clothes!

It's so hard to be a woman.

All right, shut up.

Shut up.

I'm gonna keep the nails.

Yeah! Yeah!

Should i keep the nails?

They're you.

Hey, spencer!
Come here.

Hey, guys, this is

Spencer barnes, my friend.

Hey, man. Good work.

You got us in.
You know,

That debbie's a talented girl.

Yeah, she is.

Oh, she gave me her number.

She wanted to make sure
you had it. Here.

Yeah, she... She's a nice lady.

Yeah, she's good, isn't she?

Well, you take care of yourself

And try to stay out of trouble.

Oh, really, man.
And thanks.

Look me up when you get out.

Ok. I get out
in about 20 minutes.

In that case, forget it.

Forget it! I don't
want to see him.

Good luck, jimmy.
All right.

But... Oh, here.
Out like this.

There you go, spencer barnes.

Have a good trip.

Bye, jimmy.
All right, man.

I'm free!

I'm free!
Oh, warden,

I never thought i'd get out.

I didn't know i'd get out
of that horrible place!

I thought i'd be there forever.

You're wearing lipstick.

My mom gave me a big kiss.

Where is your mom?

I smell perfume.

Don't be stupid.
The press is watching.

Thank you, everybody!

You're welcome, jim.

He's the greatest
warden a guy could have.

It's just my job, jim.

Will i still be released today?

will i?

Of course you'll be
released today, jim.

Oh, thank you,
thank you, thank you!

Oh, warden, you're the best!

All right.

Don't do that again, please.


Get out of here, man.

I hope i never see you again.

Take it easy.

What are you doing here?

I figured you'd need a ride.


Thanks a lot, man.

And i needed someone
to start the car.

Now, tha t i can do.


Spencer barnes, please.

Oh, mr. Sakamoto.

I'm glad i found you.

Well, nice to hear
your voice, too.

Is the other spencer
there with you?

Ye-Yes, he is here.

Good. You two
impressed me.

Well, we enjoyed
meeting you as well.

I want you both
to come work for me.

You wanna hire us both?

You make a good team.

A team?

Well, how much did
you have in mind?

I was thinking 25 a month.



Yes, you would head

My american
advertising operations.

A year?
A month.

A month!

Well, of course
we're flattered...

Yes. Take it.
Take it.

But we're gonna need
a little time

To think that over.

No time. No time.

I know. Make it.
Take it. Take it!

We'll get back to you shortly.

Take your time.
You need a vacation.

Thank you. Bye.

What are you, nuts?

Business lesson number one.

Never take the first offer.

Yeah, right. That's
just like baseball.

Don't swing at your first pitch.

Wait a second.

Just one quick second.

I don't know where
the tv came from, sir...

Ok, partner. Let's go.

Captioning made possible by
buena vista television

Captioning performed by the
national captioning institute, inc.

♪ And i'll be
takin' care of business ♪

♪ every day

♪ takin' care of business ♪

♪ every way

♪ i've been
takin' care of business ♪

♪ it's all mine

♪ takin' care of business ♪

♪ and workin' overtime

♪ work out

♪ you get up every mornin'

♪ from your alarm clock's
warnin' ♪

♪ take the 8:15
into the city ♪

♪ there's a whistle up above

♪ and people pushin'
and people shovin' ♪

♪ and the girls who
try to look pretty ♪

♪ and if your train's on time ♪

♪ you can get to work by 9:00

♪ and start your slavin' job
to get your pay ♪

♪ if you ever get annoyed

♪ look at me,
i'm self-Employed ♪

♪ i love to work
at nothin' all day ♪

♪ and i'll be
takin' care of business ♪

♪ every day

♪ takin' care of business ♪

♪ every way

♪ i've been takin' care
of business ♪

♪ it's all mine

♪ takin' care of business ♪

♪ and workin' overtime

♪ work out

♪ if it were easy as fishin' ♪

♪ you could be a musician

♪ if you could make sounds
loud or mellow ♪

♪ get a second-Hand guitar

♪ chances are you'll go far

♪ if you get in with
the right bunch of fellows ♪

♪ people see you havin' fun

♪ just a-Lyin' in the sun

♪ tell them that you
like it this way ♪

♪ it's the work that we avoid ♪

♪ and we're all self-Employed ♪

♪ we love to work
at nothin' all day ♪

♪ and we be
takin' care of business ♪

♪ every day

♪ takin' care of business ♪

♪ every way

♪ i've been takin' care
of business ♪

♪ it's all mine

♪ takin' care of business ♪

♪ and workin' overtime


All right! Ow!


♪ Take good care