Taco Shop (2018) - full transcript

A taco shop's business is jeopardized when a gourmet taco truck parks across the street and an all-out war ensues.

♪ Leave her there ♪

♪ I like it ♪

beautiful Los Angeles day.

Man, we're so spoiled.

But let me spoil you a little bit more.

Turn this up.

It's Power 106.

Get up.

I'm off to work.

Breakfast sandwich in the microwave.

You know, mom?

One day I'm gonna own a
restaurant and make bank,

so you don't have to
work at your crappy job.

Not before I beat the casino,

then I'll support your college education

and you won't have to
go to your crappy job.

Is that clock right?

Six a.m.

Ooh mom.

Time to get up.


Oh, well I guess you're already up.

Celia, some privacy please?

Excuse me, I am your stepmother now.

You have to call me mom.

Okay, you know what, Celia?



Okay, this is really awkward.

Honey, there's nothing
awkward about this.

Sex is a very natural thing.

Would you like a little lotion?


I know what kinda lotion you need.

You need the cocoa butter.

Yeah, sure.

You're disgusting.


Get up, get up.

Wake up.

Time to go to work.

What're you doing?

Why am I wet?

Damn, bro!

He was a humble man
who inherited millions

when his father passed away.

Now he's moving mountains with tacos.


Well you know before
I thought I had it all,

but I didn't have a
community that I belonged to

and well now I do.

He's building a fleet of taco trucks

just for love and tacos.

Yeah, you know what?

You know what?

I mean I got somethin' to say.

Before I had an addiction, you know?

I was what you would call.


No, it's perlumptuous.

I was into ladies with
really big lumps everywhere,

you know?

So this one time, I was
at this jaina, you know?

We got down, a little crazy.

And then you know, she come
back at me an hour later.

She's talkin' about she pregnant.

But I did what any real
man would do, you know?

I booked it and then I
changed my beeper number

and then that's when I found Bruce.

Bruce changed my life, dawg.


Hey, you have a heart of gold, dawg.

C'mere, c'mere.

No no.

No, I said never touch me, okay?

Now I gave you a job, that's enough.

- Thank you.
- Gimme a taco, eh?

- Nope.
- Thank you for sharing.

Sorry, fellas.

Well anyway, I'm a very hands-on person.

So with each new truck that I open up,

I'm right there working with the workers

making sure everything's tip-top.

And I have a philosophy.


And that is that you need to
give cholos jobs, not drugs.

You give them tacos, not guns.

You need to give them hope, not hip-hop.

Bruce took all my anger and rage

and he channeled 'em to cooking.

That's great.

You know, he taught me skills

on how to handle pressure
or without hurting people.

Hey, mom.

These guys, they're my bathos.

I love them.

Wait, wait a minute.

Which one of you took my wallet?

Which one of you guys took my?

They didn't.

They didn't take my wallet.

That's the kinda fun racial humor

we have down here at Taco Ghando.

Well Bruce
might look like the migra,

but he's not deporting people.

He is importing love.

Back to you at the studio.

Lauren Schwartz-Lopez reporting live from

- Taco Ghando.
- Taco Ghando.

What's wrong, mom?

My work just called.

They said not to come in today.

I just lost my job.

They're relocating to India.


What am I gonna do?

I owe more on the house
than it's worth.

We're gonna survive this, mom.

That's what we're gonna do.

It's your taco shop money.

It's your dream.

Please don't.

But then you won't be
able to pay for the house.

Mom, just take this as a backup.

Thank you, son.

You'll get this money back, I promise.

I know, mom.

It's okay.

I'm gonna be late to work.

Love you, mom.

Love you too, mijo.

Wanda Fresca, let's go

KBWR Los Angeles.

Power 106.

Dude, I can't believe today's
your last day at work, man.

No, it's not.

This letter's useless.


Wait a second.

Your dumb ass wrote a resignation
letter for a taco shop?

C'mon, dude.

It's not IBM you're working at, okay?

It's IB Mexicano at best.

I mean besides, you're supposed
to steal something first

and then quit and give
your boss the finger.

Yeah, well my mom got laid off today.

Damn, that's messed up, man.

So no taco shop for you, man?

No tasty-ass recipes of yours?

Dude, that's your dream.

Yeah, my dream can wait.

Who's gonna hire a bunch of
fine-ass girls to work there?

Dude, I had the entire Corona girl

bikini team on board, dude.

Q, it's a taco shop, not a strip joint.

No, it was gonna be the cheaper Hooters.

Was gonna call it Cooters.

No wings, just breasts and thighs.

Well I'm glad somebody has a dream, Q.


Dammit, don't look.

Cholo's always Mad Dog and I
don't wanna start anything.

Wait, what cholo?

That one right there?

Now don't look at him, man.


Aight, check this out.

Watch this, guys.
What are you gonna do?

No, just watch.

- No, what?
- Watch.

- Mac, no.
- This is gonna be funny.

This is gonna be pretty sweet.




Oh my.

Did you see that?

♪ 24 hours ago ♪

♪ On the train ♪

Oh no.

♪ Whenever you call ♪

Whassup, ese?

You hitting up on me?

You think it's cute or something?

I'm not like that.

No, man.

Look, it was a joke, okay?

I was just jokin' around.

Hey homie, cool it.

I know these guys.

Old School Eddie.

We cool, but he winked at me.

What, you like me?

I think I like you too, but what?

I ain't gonna do anything about it.

Do you think it's weird that
we're attracted to each other?

Do you think it's wrong?


Just because you're attracted to me,

don't mean I'm attracted to
you 'cause I'm not that way.

Ever since I've been outta prison,

I'm back to being straight.

Relax, he didn't mean anything.

Old School Eddie, tell him
to relax, not to tempt me.

He don't know me that way.

He might have a cute look
and all, but I'm not gay.

Hey man, we're just
here waitin' for our boss

to open up, that's all.

No, man.

Look, it was a joke, okay?

I know where you work, foo.


Hey, you know that psycho?

He's just a little heterophobic.

It's all good.



The guy's scary as hell.

Old School Eddie.

Tapes of my big films.

Wow, there's my biggest.

I was co-executive producer and co-lead.

"Black Cock Down"?

That's not what you think.

Sequel to the "Chicken Run"?


It's about an African-American rooster

that fights depression.


Hey, can I have one?

No, I'm signin' those
and sellin' 'em on eBay.

Why would you get outta porn, Gill?

Well I fell in love with my ex-wife

and I couldn't pass the physical anymore.

Like an STD?

No, like my heart.

Plenty of STDs.

I beat 'em all with vitamin
C and positive thinkin'.

I don't have gonorrhea.

I don't care what that lab report says.

Let's go make some food.

Smokes, get the trunk.

You don't want bad guys.

You know, I did gay for pay one time.

I wasn't proud of it.

You know somethin'?

Hey, look a mustard.

You look a mustard.

Come on, man.

Okay, let's get started, people.

Hey Old School Eddie, prepare the menudo.

All right.

Listen, folks.

Today's a very special day.

We have a very special visitor.

Mr. Singh, he's Indian from India.

Ooh, you mean like
"Slumdog Millionaire."

Less Slumdog and a lot more millionaire.


Now right here I have our proposal

to make this into a profitable
franchise establishment.

We will grow all over Southern California.

Which means each and every one of you,

especially Smokes has an
opportunity to become a manager

or assistant manager in a
Taco Dollar establishment.

Wow, first manager.

Then hey, president.

I don't eman to break your
heart but no way in hell.

Now also I found out
through our many connections

that we have a surprise visit

from the health inspector today.

How'd you find that out?

I asked him.

We used to work together in
medical clearances in porn.

Now listen people, I wanna have As.

Screw the Cs.

I can't see Indians selling tacos.

Don't they do casinos?

He's a 7/11 Indian, you idiot.

Okay, no Cs.

What's so wrong with Cs anyway?

I averaged Cs in high school.

Look at me now, I'm doin' great.

You know, if we get anything
that is less than an A,

I will give you all pink slips.

Now lemme introduce our newest
employee to Taco Dollar.

Welcome, Susie.

She's my hire, so you two
idiots better not mess with her.

I know I don't have to worry 'bout you.

Hello, Miss Berry.

I told you call me Eve.

Yeah you know, like the douche product.

"Like the douche product."

That school over there,
that's Jorge Quesilla.

We all call him Quesadilla
'cause he's so dang-gone cheesy.

And he smells like Limburger.

He's got blue cheese
between his toes.

And this big-boned brother right here,

this is my baby Mighty Mac.

Hello, m'lady.


We call him that 'cause
his greedy butt once ate

25 Big Macs in one setting.

He's the only person I know to be banned

from every single hometown
buffet in the LBC.

It's actually an exaggerated rumor.

I only ate 23.

And the cutie pie, drum
roll please, in the corner.

Get outta the way.

This is my baby Smokes.

Smokes meet Susie.

Susie, Smokes.

Lemme guess, they call you
Smokes because you smoke.

No, it's because when I was a little kid

I burned my house down.

Oh, sorry.

I had you for Miss
Lau's chemistry class.


You're the class vice
president, Miss 4.0.

And you were never in class.

Wow, now you two work here.

Boy, that high school really
worked out for the both of you.

Okay, Susie is our new cashier.

Susie report to Eve.

She's our head of HR and our marketing.

C'mon, people.

Get to work.

- Hey, Eve.
- Yup.



You know, you can be
so ghetto sometimes,

always creepin' up on somebody.


Go, go.

I'm busy.


Oh Smokes, check out our new product.

I got that the Charta at I put a Geo.

The hottest movies on DVD and Blu-ray.

What you need, that "Twilight" twizzle?

That's the trilogy.

What you need, what you need?

Can't today, Amber.

Maybe next payday.


For sure, man.


He sayin' are you broke?


Oh yeah.

Like I-ain't-got-no-money broke.

Like you-should-quit-this-job broke.


He's broke.

We can't believe that
you come here every day

and you're actually broke.

Is that Mad Dog Tony?

Shaved head and tattoos,

it could be half this neighborhood.

'Sup, ese?

That's for you.

I wanna apologize.

It's cool if you're gay 'cause I'm not.

Thank you?

I wrote my phone number

on the bottom of that teddy bear's ass.

That cholo has a crush on you, dude.

You guys gonna make wetback mountain?

I think he wants to play hide the chorizo.

What are you eating?

Your competition.


Yeah, you should
try one of these bad boys.


Oh please don't tell me
you're eatin' the merchandise.

Amber, Mugres.

Smokes, can you bring a box
of napkins outta storage?


What's up?

Aww, sorry I called you ghetto.

It's all right.

No, it's not all right.

Guillermo and I broke
up and it got real ugly,

so I met this new guy.

Real cat daddy.

Means he's a older guy.

Like Social Security check old?

'Cause that's pretty steady income.

I'll keep you posted as it pans out.

I don't wanna jinx it.

All right.

Mama needs this one to work.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Where'd you get this?

The new roach coach across the street.

Go ahead, try one.

Go ahead, try it.

Try it.

Oh god.


Oh god.

Oh god, it's like marinated
with soya sauce, garlic.

It's like a foodgasm in my mouth.

So good.

It's like someone grabbed my taste buds

and said, "Who's your daddy?"

Skip my taco truck.

Tastes like Kobe beef.

You're not gon' take this are you, Gill?

That son of a bitch is gonna die.

And they're slammed with business

like you wouldn't believe, Gill.

God, that's all I need

12 years buildin' a taco chain

to lose it to a drive-by taco truck.

We gon' go over there
and crypt walk on 'em.

- Ain't we, Gill?
- That's right.

I want them dead.

Well competitively like do capitalism.

What I'm saying is I'm angry.

Better check this out.

- What?
- We're gonna check it out.

♪ Since she broke my heart ♪

♪ I'll never sleep the same ♪

Okay, cholos.

We have had a banner year.

We eliminated the church
that was sellin' the tacos

and we got rid of the gang
that was selling the cookies.

The Girl Scouts?

Bunch of little girls,
they screamed a lot?

Yeah, that's the ones.

Well anyway, they're gone.

But Taco Ghando knows that in
this environment to survive,

you have to crush the competition

and that's just what we're gonna do.

And our competition is right
across the street, Taco Dollar.

And by the time we're done with them,

their dollar will be devalued
like the Mexican peso.

'Cause the peso is
what you guys use for money.

It's pathetic.

But to get you goin',
I have some incentives

if we make our projections
for this quarter.

Incentives and bonuses work for me.

Hey jefe, I prepared a comprehensive

PowerPoint presentation.

Can we dim the lights?

Don't ever say comprehensive
to me again, okay?

Okay, so who likes a timeshare in Utah?

Who likes fresh powder?

All right, you guys
probably never seen snow.

All right, okay.

All right, how 'bout this:
Donny & Marie in concert?

Aw, hell yeah!

Hey man that Maria, she is firme.

She kinda looks like a chola

when she puts her hair up, eh?

Hey, I'd hit that for sure, my boy.

Okay okay, never talk
about Marie that way.

Your dirty brown skin

will never touch her virgin white flesh.

That is a new rule.

No thinking about Marie Osmond naked

with your dirty brown skin on her, okay?

Hey, what he don't know won't hurt him.

Hey, I hear you

because you're only three feet away.

Here's the scenario:
you two are undercover

as a hot hungry couple
and you want his meat bad.

I want his what?

Did I say meat?

Sorry, my bad.

My porn days are creepin' up on me.

Okay, you gimme the 411:

price, menus, customers, got it?


- No?
- No?

It's not in my job description.

'Kay, all right.

Here you go.

Split it between both of you.

Change your uniforms and go spy.

Great job in getting us some extra cash.

Starting a new semester next summer.

Oh, what are you studying?

Lemme give you a hint:

We are live in Huntington Park
investigating a taco truck

that might be selling
more than just tacos.

A news reporter?

Yes, broadcasting major.


You gonna interview me

when my taco shop gets
really big and famous?

I will interview you.

Looks like Charlie's in the wire.

Hi, welcome to Taco Ghando.

I'm Bruce.

First time here?

- Yeah.
- Great.

Taco Ghando, what a great name.


Oh, well I did wanna
name it Taco Gandhi.

But some guy up in Berkeley
already registered the name,

so Taco Ghando.

But I love Gandhi and I think
he's one of the best guys

who's ever died.

Oh, you like my logo?

Yeah, I have a foundation

I'm tryin' to give at-risk
youth a second chance, you know?

I don't think that's a youth.

I know he has three and
he owes child support.

Just one second, okay?

Hey Spider, back to work.

We have new customers here.

Now the big long-term plan is
to have a fleet of taco trucks

throughout Southern California.

Here we grow again.

That's a McDonald's slogan.

No, it's not.

- No, it's not.
- What I think...

Yeah, but it doesn't matter.

I said it first.

I was in the bar when I said it,

so I'm willing to go to court to prove it.

So do you have any lingua?

Yes, marinated cows on
your own special sauce.

Guapo Loco.

You better be manning that grill, bathos.

Hey, would you guys
like some free t-shirts?

How 'bout that?

You're both very attractive,

so I'd love for you to have some.

What's up?

I think Taco Dollar just declared war.

I like war.

Well yeah, of course you do.

You're Mexican.

You're a violent people,
that's why I hired you.

Didn't you guys come over here?

Yeah, don't blame us, you know?

'Cause you couldn't handle it.

No, I'm talkin' about the taco truck.


- Yeah yeah yeah.
- Okay.

All right, get your arm off me please.

Oh, did you guys have
a nice little visit?

Oh wow, t-shirts.

Gill, they can't even park there.

Why are you worried?

I'm worried because food
is a battle and I'm a general

and a good general always worries.

I played a general once.

I made a camel cry.

Now it looked like I was
drillin' for oil the whole time.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Did it in one take.


I'll never look at a
camel the same way ever.

Mighty Mac, Quesadilla, start scrubbin'.

I wanna get an A.

Call me, boss?

I talked about that
roach coach across the way.

Oh, they can't
park that thing there.

No, I called the cops.

They can park there.

But you can't have a taco truck

parked within 50 feet of a restaurant.

Yeah, in our city.

If they parked in another city.

They found a legal loophole.

- Uh-uh.
- Yeah.

That smells good.

New recipe?

No, it's our competition.



Try it.

- Mmm.
- You see what I'm sayin'?

It's good.

They got a secret recipe.

I'm gonna have a secret recipe.

We need a secret recipe.

We need a secret recipe like now.

What do we have here, couple
of Mexican food connoisseurs

or corporate spies?

You had your employees spying on me.


I really hate spies.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Very rude.

Have you met Mad Dog Tony?

His name's not Mad Dog Tony.

That's Gerardo.

He used to work for me.

Too bad I fired him

'cause he took too many toilet
paper rolls and ketchup.

That guy?

That's Spider.

He used to be my ex-fry cook.

Yeah, but I had to fire him too.

You know why?

Because he never washed his hands.

I called him Mr. E. coli.

Remember me?

I remember you.

You never called me back.

I remember you.

El Guapo Loco.

So pretty it hurts.

He's a male model.

Never made it.

I've done some runway ad print work.

Yeah, for three years in prison.

Okay, well now they work for me

and we have a terrific location

just across the street from you.

So Mad Dog Tony, why don't you go ahead

and just mark your territory?


What the hell is he doing?


Really somethin' else, huh?

Honey, you need to drink more water.

My god, it's like "Secretariat."

That's for firin' me.

That's a good dog, Mad Dog.

So now that I have your attention,

just wanna let you know that
we are at war with Taco Dollar

and the war will end
when we close you down.

Back to base, cholos.

What the hell?

Where's the backup?

'Bout to clean this place!

Calm down, remember your pressure.


Smokes, grow some balls please.

Sorry, Gill.

Stop eatin' my food.

He pissed on my foot.

This is war and they
fired the first shot.

Now Mad Dog Tony has the power
right there in his hands.

What the hell is that?

I stole it from a military lab.

I used to be a custodian.

I call it Ebola.

Chemical warfare, my amigos.

Go ahead, release it.

And it's still funny.

Hey, Old School.

What's happenin'?

When a girl's married, which
finger is the ring finger?

Well traditionally the wedding band

is worn on the left hand.

The vena amoris was said to be

directly connected to the heart,

a symbol of love on the
left side of the body.

Left hand.

Learn all that in prison?

I read an encyclopedia
back to front, front to back,

back to front and I learned
to make a great Merlot

outta raisins and a toilet bowl.

Thanks, Old School.

Anytime, homie.

'Sup, Oscar?

Whoa, what happened to you?

My brother hit me.

Hey, Mighty Mac.

Yo, what's up, Smokes?


Damn, Oscar.

Dude, who got a hold of you, Chris Brown?

Did you hit him?

Yeah, but it was an accident.

Here, look dude.

I'm sorry, man.


I got you a burrito for you
and your two buddies here.

You know, my teacher almost called CPS.

I'm not goin' to foster care
because of your ass, okay?

Whoa, whoa.

Settle down, bro.

No one's goin' to foster care.

You better treat me for the
rest of the week, you fat ass.


Let's go.

That's not nice.

What is this, the Sharks versus the Jets?

What's goin' on?

- What's up, ese?
- Whoa.

Added you on Facebook.


I poked you, foo.

Gotta go.

Better accept my friend request.


See ya later.

All right?

You should put some
highlights in your hair.

It'll bring out your eyes.

♪ Use it ♪

♪ If you do your song ♪

♪ Losin' my love ♪

♪ Scooby-dooby kinda love ♪

- I'll get it.
- Yeah.

Go get that please.

Don't you say one goddamn thing to me.

Thanks for
coming to Taco Dollar.

Thank you.

You know, it's almost lunchtime.

I have to finish cleaning up.

Well just for a little lunch,

I bought this really delicious dish.

It's called a Cemita and it's bomb.

Eat, rest.

The dinner crowd is gonna kick your ass.

You gotta eat something.

Okay, let's see what you can cook up.

So what's up with the guy
who mumbles all the time?

What's his deal?

Mugres, he used to be a luchador.


Mexican wrestler.

His name was Omar Goverde.

If he had the suit on and the mask,

you'd probably recognize him.

So did he get messed up in the ring?

No, motorcycle accident.

No helmet.


A lotta people like make up reasons

as to how he got messed up.

Some claim it was drugs.

That's even more messed up.

Not really.

I mean they pay him to
come speak at high schools.

A drug counselor comes and tells the kids

how drugs messed up Mugres.

And then he speaks and it
scares the hell outta the kids.

It's really funny.

So is that his girlfriend?

Oh, Amber?

No, I don't know.

Mmm, oh my god.

That's a good torta.

Oh, it's not a torta.

It's called a Cemita.

So good.

It's from Mojacar.

That's where my grandma was both.

You really like my Cemita?

Mmm, I really love your meat.


♪ Kiss my baby ♪

How're you doin', kid?

I've been missing you.

Things just aren't the same.

Nah, T.

You don't get it.

I'm a taco man.

Hand-cut lettuce, tomato, cheese.

Smell of tortillas.

I love the smell of grease in the morning.

I chose tacos, you chose music.

You got a career.

But I don't have you.

No, you don't.

But we'll always have that
wild weekend at Rosarito.

That weekend changed my life.

That's the ecstasy talking.

You chose music.

I chose tacos.

Now get outta here
before I beg you to stay.

♪ Love ♪

♪ My love ♪

♪ When I hold her ♪

♪ My heart is glad ♪

♪ I know ♪

Today was supposed to be the
day that I quit Taco Dollar

and start my own taco shop.



I was gonna take a year off

with all the money that I saved up.

I had a perfect location

near a medical marijuana dispensary.

My mom lost her job so I had
to give her some of my savings

just so that we could keep the house.

My dream can wait.

So what about your dad?

That dick

walked out on me and
my mom when I was five.

So you don't talk to him anymore?


You're a really good cook.

So good.

I know, I'd make a great wife.


Yes, you would.

Oh my god, it's so good.

It's too quiet in there.

They may be dumb as dirt,

but we shouldn't underestimate them.

Should we kick it up?

Let's heat this war up.

You two just might
be executive material.

Well like junior executives.

You know, after an intern program maybe.

"Titanic 3."

Are you serious, guys?

That's not even a real movie.

Dude, your bootleg is bootleg.

Rat, rat!

"Titanic 2" is when they
were lookin' for the boat

and "Titanic 3" is when they found it

and glued it back together.

You need to download Netflix.

Nate Holmes, city health inspector.

I'm here to see Gill.

Hey inspector, we've
been inspecting you.

I mean expecting you.

Yeah, lemme grab Gill for you.

He's right around back.

Why don't you just take a seat?


How's it goin'?

Wanna buy some movies?

You got that Sean John?

I got that Sean P Carter.

That's Puffy and Jay-Z.

You could smell like two rappers.

West side.

I'm used to smellin' like two wrappers.

Like a burger wrapper and a
toilet seat cover wrapper.

Oh yeah, I get it.

You're a health inspector.


Dude, we still have a
copy of you know what?

- What?
- Shh.

Take the counter, we'll take the rat.


Eww, what?

Shut your pretty mouth please.


Nate, how are you?

Please Gill, Inspector Holmes.

Wow, can I talk to you
about somethin' in my office?

Make it fast.

I wanna go somewhere and
get somethin' to eat.

'Kay, this is whack.


Churn this little rat into butter.

Get him.

Go on, rat.

Go on.


Whoa, man!

This thing's on steroids.

How big is this thing?


Dude, we're gonna need a bigger broom.

No, we're gonna need weapons.


All right, guys.

C'mon, what's goin' on?

Well those idiots
haven't caught the rat yet.

Eww, serious?


- Gross.
- Sweet address.




No, it's just things are
kinda crazy around here today.

Well of course I wanna see you.


I'm not wearing any calzones.

Yes, looking
forward to meeting you too.

That your?

Yes, it was my.



You know the one I was
telling you about, my cat daddy.

We've been chatting and texting.

Excuse me, girls.

Gotta get back to the
exciting fast foodage.

Oh my god.

Finally gonna get to meet him.

What's up?

It's crazy out there, man.

Old School, I need some advice.

You got it.

What do you need?

I like this girl and
I wanna ask her out.

You mean the new girl.


My advice is this:
ask her out only once.

Why only once?

Because if you ask your
coworker out more than once,

it's considered sexual harassment

and you'll get sued or fired.

You read that in the encyclopedia?

No, it's in the guard
manual at Chino prison.

So ask her out in a
sincere, respectable manner.


Did you do a background check?

Did you make sure he's not a pedophile?


Girl, I got a goldfish.

I don't want him messin' with my pets.

Oh man.

It took me years to make
love to a woman after prison

and my first had a buzz cut.

No, a pedophile.


Oh, like pedicure.

Mmm, I like it when a man suck on my toes.

Called her Bob.

I made her do my laundry
and then the bitch left me

for a woman.

I am funny.

Are you sayin'
blackground or background?


I'ma go google it.

Thanks for the tip, baby.


♪ Darling ♪


Enjoy your meal.





Oh hey, for you.

Ooh, I never got roses before.

You got 'em now.

Mmm, wow.

In your picture, it seems
like your hair was darker.

Oh, it's an old picture.

You were taller.

Camera has inches.

- Huh?
- That too.

That too.

But they can add pretty.


And you're pretty.

Oh, Osvaldo.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Why don't we go sit down and talk?


- Get to know each other.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I'll look into this taco truck.

Think they may be sellin' drugs too

and maybe some terrorist activity.


I know for a fact they're
not washin' their hands.

Now that's serious.

I hate non-handwashers.

Now let's talk about your establishment.


I got a little treat for you.

Have it.


Rolled on the thighs of virgins.


Cuban cigars.

Taco Dollar make you holla.

Gill, are you tryin' to bribe me?

No, c'mon.

Nate, c'mon.

No, are you kiddin' me?

I was given three boxes of Cuban cigars.

What am I gonna do with
three boxes of Cuban cigars?

I thought you'd like one.

This does not predetermine
your inspection.

No, Nate.

Come on, 'course not.

- What's up?
- Huh?

Oh, Eve's with her man and
he just brought her flowers.

Aww, flowers.

Women like simple things.

Simple things?

Okay, I have to hear this.

Walking them home, opening doors.

You know, chivalrous acts.

Concert tickets, a foot massage or two.

Not that I have a foot fetish or anything.

You know, just let her know that you care.

♪ Do you know why ♪

They seem to be really hitting it off.

So who taught you all this, a woman?

My mother.

♪ And do you play ♪

I thought that after high school

you would at least have one kid by now.

No, my mom raised me alone

and I didn't wanna put
my kids through that.

What about you?

I thought you'd be in some sorority

dating some frat douche by now.

My parents are undocumented

and I didn't find out until
I applied for a scholarship.


Can you believe that?

A 4.0 and it doesn't even matter.

Kinda the reason why I'm here.

♪ Don't break it off with me ♪

This is incredible.



I mean your looks
are just icing on the cake.

Oh sweetie, I don't even
care about your looks.

I mean we get along so well,

I'm already turned on by your insides.


Well I wanna talk about
the person I used to be.


All right.


No no no.
All right, filibuster.

Honey, I have dated some truly
crunchy, crusty characters.


You're not a serial killer, are you?

Well it's gotta be more than one, right?

♪ Please don't hurt me ♪


- You, you.
- Yes, yes.


You're so funny.


You're already ahead of
the game, lemme tell ya.

And you're not married.

Honey, I dated a married guy

who was a polygamist and a liar.


I just gotta explain a little...

Such soft lips.

No, shh.

No no no.

Stop all of that talking right now.



- Daddy.
- Mm-hmm?

What you don't understand

is I'm not interested in your past.

Papi, I'm only interested in
your here and now.

I heard you might
need some pest control.

I just hope your rat doesn't end up

on our side of the street.

How'd you know it was a rat?

I'm psychic.

Mad Dog here's psychotic.

You guys should've
never messed with fire.

You should've never left your sewers.

Now get outta my restaurant

and go back to your prepackaged food,

heat lamps and desperation

because we serve fresh ingredients here.

Wow, that was beautiful.

But you know what?

Now we can add fresh
rat to your ingredients.

Let's go, bitches.

Wow, I'm really frustrated how
you don't move when I snap.

Like we work on this.

God, I am going to kill him.

Yeah, I don't blame you.

You know, Old School Eddie knows people.

No, not him.

We killed a rat.

- Idiot.
- Got it.

God, Smokes.

I'm so alone sometimes.



Good job.


So Susie.


Oh no, it's the investors.

Is this love that I'm feeling?

Just feel it.

- Is this love?
- Ooh.

You like it.

Sorry, the investors are here.

- Ooh, already?
- Yeah.

Osvaldo, I'll be right back.


What the hell?


Oh, you guys already know each other.


Did you just call Smokes son?

Hold that thought.

What's up, man?

So we hangin' out?

No, I'm not gay.

The hell?

You think I'm gay?

You're the queer, you want me.

Besides, what's wrong with you wanting me?

You're the one that wants to hook up.

Relax Sox, okay?

I think I'm havin'...
You're the one

hitting up on me.

You're like bi-cholo curious, I can tell.

Bi-cholo what?

Tank tops turn you on, eh?

Mr. Singh.

Malcolm X.

Ladies, sit.

Sweetie, that's Arabic.

I'm Indian.

It's like getting a Mexican
and a Cuban mixed up.

Somebody is bound to get offended.

I am so sorry.

I didn't mean to offend.

Look, I Indian

and I did enjoy the movie
"Dances with Wolves."

So I just wanted to let you know, I'm Sue.

Got Indian in my family, see?

I got good hair.

Where do I begin?

First of all, lemme guess store-bought.

Well it's from India.

I have an eye for hair.

I think that that is Filipino.

You got gypped.

Shut up.


Don't call me that.

Calm down, son.

Would you quit with this son crap?

Don't call me that!

Hey, show a little respect
to your father, okay?

These are my wives and associates.

Okay, let's just start over.

I'm sorry.

I'm Eve, the manager and I welcome you all

to our profitable taco

They don't talk to strangers.

You think you're somethin', son?

Think you're a gangster rat?

You're messin' with the wrong cheese.

Where's Gill?

Oh, well he's talking to the
health inspector right now.

Oh, there's a health inspector here.

Nothing to worry about.

No need at all.

Just a routine health inspection.

This rat's
messin' with my head, man.

You want some of this?

As a matter of fact.

Die, die!

In fact, there's a matter of...

We're so healthy around here.

Zagat gave us a prize.

I'm quite familiar with Zagat,

but I didn't know that they
were giving away prizes.

You didn't know Zagat gave?

You of all people didn't
know Zagat gave prizes.

- They don't.
- It's about the

zig-Zagat prize.


Could you please bring this gentleman

and his lovely wives

some of our award-winnin' tacos?

You walk out on my mom

and now you're tryin' to date my boss

like you're some kinda catch?

You know what?

I think I'm gonna go.

You're good at that.

You know, I think you
owe me a little respect.

Oh man, dude.

Are you okay?

Dude, he infected me, man.

Probably have like rabies or
bubonic plague, scabies, man.


Listen to yourself, man okay?

The HPV, that's the human papillomavirus.

It's an STD.

You mean I have to wear a
condom for the rest of my life

when I have sex, man?

I'm gonna kill that rat, dude.

No, relax!

He infected and humiliated me, Mac.

Just like my last girlfriend.

It's okay, buddy.

Come here.

It's okay.

We'll get him.

We'll get him.

It's okay, it's okay.

I'm here.

Thank you, Eve.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Thank you.

All right, bye bye now.

- Hi.
- How are you?

Good, how are you?

Oh, a polite one.

That's a change.

What do you know about respect?

I might be your father,

but I'm not afraid of kickin' your ass.

Bring it on!

You Americans are so funny.

But are you really American?

Where are you from?

Do you wanna get married?


How are your hips?

Good, good.

Not too wide.


You know what?

You definitely needed a father
figure, you spoiled punk.

Have a seat.

Come back anytime.

Shut up.


I hate you!

Stop, Smokes!

What the?

- Smokes.
- Whoa whoa whoa.

Now I'm happy.

Your mother walked out on me.

What, why?

Look, I loved your mother, all right?

She's not perfect.

She has a gambling problem.

That's why she left me.

Just get the hell out of here.

You know nothing about her.

Excuse me, Eve.

This doesn't affect us, does it?

You lowlife wannabe!

- It's not my fault!
- No no no.

Break it up!

Stop it!

Calm the hell down!

The hell is goin' on?

Fightin' with customers?

Are they complainin' about my cooking?

I'll explain later.

Please don't fire my son.

Your son?

He's your dad?

Yeah, he walked out on me.

I tried to contact your mother again.

I tried to make things right.

I hope one day you can find the truth,

hope you can forgive me.

Oh yeah and this is for the cheap shot.

Hope you can forgive me for that too.


Where's she goin'?

Eve's been dating Smokes' dad.

They've kinda been dating online.

We've been sexting.

We've never actually done it.

We send each other buttnaked
pictures, that's all.

Gill, I'm sorry I lost it, man.

You can't fire me.

My mom.

Calm down, I'm not
gonna fire you.


You okay?

Just my ulcer.

C'mon, I got medicine.

C'mon, c'mon.
All right, all right.


Are you okay?

You need to
lay off them tortillas.


What happened to you?

They wouldn't let us sell our DVDs

at that raggedy lunch truck.

What, so they beat Mugres up?

And they took our merchandise.

Wanna get back at those a-holes?

Hell yeah.

Let's open up a can of whoop ass.

You two an item?


Oh, you guys are homo homies.

It's cool.

I'll leave.

I'm not a homewrecker.

Actually as a matter of fact, yes.

Q and I are homo homies, right Q?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I'm sorry, Sox.

I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea.

It's cool.

I'll leave then.

All right, buddy.

But first, kiss.

I'm sorry, what?

You heard me, foo!

- But.
- But nothin'.

Kiss her, man.

I'ma jump over this counter

and beat both of y'all down.

You're gonna kiss or
I'll tear you guys apart.

Like a kiss on the cheek?

Am I the guy or the girl?

If you two go out, I wanna see proof.


Are you bein' for real right now?

Yeah, come on, man.

We don't want trouble.

All right, I'm the guy.

Whatever, dude.


What in the hell's goin' on?


They're kissing.

I should've never let them
work the night shift together.

Don't look.

No no no.

Those two need a room.

I'm not against their lifestyle.

I went to British boarding
school after all.

But I wanted a family-style restaurant.

Mr. Singh, we just
need one day to regroup.

Oh Gill, you need more than regrouping.


Yes, sir.

Kiss him again with some lingua.


You know he like it.

♪ Whoa ♪

Oh, you missed a button.

No, made you look.


It's a little joke.

It's Indian humor


Can I get you three of
our world-famous wet tacos?

Why not?

Quesadilla, three wet tacos!

♪ Here comes happiness ♪

What's a wet taco?

Taco wet would be, you know?


Well the taco resembles
in many respects.

♪ Here comes happiness ♪

Is it safe for children?

No, no.

Well children come from there.

There, foo.

That didn't hurt.

I knew you weren't gay.

You shoulda just told me.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ There goes loneliness ♪

- Not a word.
- Shh.

Ah, I remember London.

All right, let's see.

We got workers viciously injured
by a rat, that's not good.

Brie not thrown in the trash.

Two men kissing at the counter,
not good but not illegal.

That cholo's wearin' a hairnet.

That's good, but he does not work here.

Is that all?

It's very serious.

I could shut you down.

Will you?

No, I'm gonna give you
one more chance, Gill.

One last shot, all right?

Now I'm gonna leave you here,
go to a nice clean restaurant,

have lunch in a place that
not gonna gimme botulism

and then I will return.

And when I do return,

if I find that this place is
1/2 as bad as it is right now,

then I will have to shut you down.

Tellin' you, this has gotta
be the unsafest restaurant

that I have ever visited.

No wonder this place is so friggin' empty.

Gill, are you okay?

No, nothing's okay.

That damn taco truck's
takin' my customers.

It's empty.

Operation: This is pussy.

The hell is that?

I got it at a Siamese cat fighting ring.


Yeah, it's not as popular
as dog fights in Bangkok,

but it's growing.

Watch your fingers.


Dog Bite.

Go get 'em, Dog Bite.

- Oh oh.
- Yeah yeah.

That is a fight!

That did it, man.

That thing is nasty!


It's a head of a cat looks like that, eww.

He's wearin' it like a mask!

He's wearin' it.

It's like Hannibal Lecter.

Hey, somethin' smells weird.

Spider, go check around

and make sure nobody's smoking the Mota.

Guys don't know what
it's like to be in charge

of a big business like that.

You gotta stay on top
all the time.

Damn rats!

We're gonna need a bigger cat.

Recycle that, homie.

What the hell?

Did Osvaldo do that to you?


No, it was a rave from the grease wagon.

Oh, it's like that.

Okay here, look.

Stop the swelling.

Man up.

Thank you.

Just wish it wasn't
punch-Smokes-in-the-face day.

Aww sweetie, I'm sorry.

If you don't mind me asking,

when was the last time
you actually saw him?

Who, my supposed dad?

I think at a little league
game when I was nine.

He was hiding in the bleachers,
but I knew he was there.




Looks like Thug Life went Tupac.

Oh my god, I spent a
lotta money on that cat.

I bought it from Michael VicK's cousin

and that's half pitbull.



you okay?


Do I look okay, you idiot?

I'll get a doctor.

I'll get a doctor.

It's on, it's on.

I'm too young to die.

I got so much to live for.

I got my own fuck it list.

No, Gill.

You're not gonna die, 'kay?

I'll call 9-1-1.

Smokes, promise me you
won't screw things up.


I don't screw things up.

Smokes, look after our new investors.

So stressed out.

- God.
- Yeah, Gill.

I promise.

Don't gimme mouth-to-mouth resuscitation

or try to revive me.

I have an open sore.

You have an open sore in your mouth?

No, not in my mouth.

So you could even give me
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

That's okay.


I've never.

I don't know, help.


Someone save my life now.

Come on.

Watch it, I'll die.


- Don't screw it up.
- This is wrong.

Where's the ambulance?

It's this damn hood.

This damn hood!

Probably drive myself to the hospital.



I'm right here.

Thanks for giving me the
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

You got soft lips.


You think Gill will be okay?

Yeah, I hope so.

You actually got into a
fight and didn't get fired?

Yeah, it was with my dad.

Luckily, Gill had a bad
relationship with his dad too.


Did you fight in front of Susie?

Yeah, why?

Well it's either gonna make
you look like a real tough guy

or a dysfunctional lowlife
with deep-seeded issues.


What're you doin' this weekend?

Looking for a second job.

I have to pay for school.

Thought you'd be with
your boyfriend or somethin'.

I don't have a boyfriend.


Not cool that you don't have a boyfriend

because you should.

You need a manly...

You deserve a boyfriend
because you're so pretty.

I'm just gonna go back here.

All right.

Sorry 'bout your father.

I swear I didn't know,

but I broke it off with him anyway.

Why, because he's a dick?

No because you're my boy.

Your dad's not a dick.

He's actually a nice guy
and he says he loves you.

He said that?

Man, of course.

He's a good guy.

And between me and you, I
think he deserved what he got.

So you gonna see him again?


When it comes to love, I'm like
the Clippers: a born loser.

Well the Clippers
don't lose all the time.


Well they never won the championship

and I say the championship is marriage.

Smokes, it's like my life
is just passin' me by.

I don't wanna be a Clipper.

I don't wanna be a Clipper all the time.

Well who does?

I'd rather be a Laker,

but they can lose too.

What are you making?

Some poop juice.

Are you aware that
your dad is the first man

I have ever dated in my entire life

that didn't have a criminal record?

Do you even get it?

Yeah, well just poop on that.

Why do I always screw up?

I don't get it.

A bunny.

We heard about Gill.

We didn't want this to get out of hand.

But Gill represents the old
way, the old mom and pop shops.

He's regular mail versus email.

He's DVDs versus downloads.

He's 8-tracks versus MP3s.

What's 8-track?

Think my primo's from 8-track.


I think we might have a problem here.

What if there is, ese?

What are you gonna do about it?


I was just posing a hypothetical question.

Don't waste our time with hypotheticals.


Because I'm the real deal, okay?

I am the new way.

I'm corporate.

I'm not pathetic.

But we're gonna give you a break, okay?

A truce, just 'til Gill gets back.

We don't need a break.

Yeah, we had a break
like 23 minutes ago.

Besides you know, this is
gonna beat your tacos any day.

This is our new secret
recipe, just try it.

We'll see 'bout that.

Not bad.

What's in it?

Special marinated beef.

Is that whole whack of mole?

So chocolate taste.

Hint of pine nuts in there maybe.

You know, mole's been
around since the Aztec days.

That's why they lost the war.

But you,

you could be a leader.

You got executive written all over you.

Now I know you're loyal to
Gill, but things change.

I mean you never know what's gonna happen.

Maybe there's a grease
fire, Gill's not here.

That could be bad and I know
you know about fires, Smokes.

Right back there, big stack of newspapers.

Propane tank, boom!

"Mommy, I'm burning."

Not my problem.

You know what, your taco?

Nothin' special.

Guackenmole went out last year.

Read the trades.

Okay, a quick
question about them.

Is there cheese in the taco?

'Cause I'm lactose intolerant.

There is?

Okay, well.


Okay, here I go.

I can make it.

I can't make it.

I'm not gonna make it.

Oh god.

Hey boss, you all right?

No, I don't know what was in that taco,

but I got it comin' out both ends.

Careful, my appendix might be in there.

You messed with the wrong gringo.

Bring the bucket back.

So what're you doin' after work?

I'm leavin' early today.

I gonna visit my mama's grave.

Yeah, she died on this
very day five years ago.

I was a prick when she died.

Sorry, man.

You goin' alone?

I'm the only one left, pal.

Don't you have a girlfriend?

There's not a lotta women

who wanna go out with an
ex-convict workin' the grill.

That's not true.

You're a great guy.

You served your time.

Actually, I got out early
'cause the state was broke.

You were innocent, right?

No, I was guilty as hell.

I just hope nobody ever runs my DNA.

Okay, so, then you load
the roll and then press.

You press this button.

Correct, yeah.

Sorry it's not rocket science, Miss 4.0.

No, it's not.

That's the register.


Can I have a word with you?


Be right back.

All right so

my mother raised me alone,

but she never gave up on herself dating.

She dated lots of good guys

and some married ones,
but don't give up on love.

♪ In my heart ♪

Thank you for that, Smokes.

Hey, Taco Dollar.

We're here to kill.

What are you, the ghetto ghostbusters?

No, ratbusters and we
have a killer strategy.

Say hello to my little friend.


Mm-hmm, hola.


We're gonna smoke that motha out.

Hey, Q man.

I didn't roll that thing
for just a rat, okay?

Why don't you pass it over here?

A little more.


So as I was sayin',

I got a friend who runs a
dirty diaper cleanin' service,

so we took a turn in dirty diapers

and put it under that lunch truck.


And then we blew all four tires

on that psycho white boy's roach coach

and now it's a doo-doo mobile.

You're kidding me.

It was probably those
guys from Taco Ghando

who gave you guys that plague.

What're you talkin' about?

I saw those cholos

in the back of the store with a shoebox,

a big Shaq-foot rat-size shoebox.

Q, did you just hear that?

I knew it was those guys.

Taco Ghando.

Hey Eddie, what's up?

Hey baby.

Ooh, I am so sorry about your mom.

I'm not cryin' over mom.

I'm cryin' over onions.




good right there, Mugres.


This guy ODed I can't believe it.

Hey, Q.


Leave me alone, abuela.

I'm not touching myself.

Hey man, I'm paranoid and all hungry.

Dude, he's done.

Look it, look it.

That rat's got my cheese, man.

He's got munchies too, dude.

Come on, just let me give
you a ride home after work.

Okay, I will take you up on that offer.

Any news on Gill?

Oh yes, I talked to his doctor.

Just needs to rest and be stress-free.


He better stay away from here.

He suffered a minor cardiac infarction.

A mini fart?

A mini heart attack.

Listen, guys.

I gotta go crunch some numbers
and then give Gill a call

and tell him everything
is running smoothly.

You're kickin' ass in here, Old School.


Thank you.

The health inspector is here.

Old School, keep him entertained.

Mac, Q, catch that damn rat.

Number 34, your order's ready.

C'mon, let's go.

Mommy, did he say rat?

Bacteria in lemon slices.


- Your dirty ice.
- Mm-hmm.

That foodborne bacteria.

That's your biggest challenge.

Man, you are so right

and it's very difficult to detect.

You know, you should be doin' my job.

You know a lot about bacteria and E. coli.

And the neurovirus.

That is one contagious beast.

You've got that right.

Hey, guys.

Is Gill here?


All right, well he
does not need to be here.

I'm gonna go ahead and start
right here in the kitchen.

Anything I can assist with?

Tell you what, you can call my boss.

There's a job waitin' for you.

That is great.

I'm a convicted felon.

That is a great opportunity for me.

Thank you.

You don't say.

- Yeah.
- Gimme that.

All right.

Die, rat!

How's the kitchen looking, Mr. Holmes?

Were those gunshots?


No no, I'm sure it's
just the door jamming.

You need to check that door.

Yeah, excuse me.

Q, what the hell?

It's that rat, man.

He's in my head, man.

He's messin' with my mind, dude.

And he's in my head.

He's messin' with my mind, dude.

Told you I see him everywhere, man.

He winked at me.

You're supposed to be watching him.

He's in my head and everything.

He's messin' with my mind, dude.

Q, gimme the gun.

It's that rat, man.

Q, gimme the gun.

In my head.

You're supposed to be watching him.

Where did you even get this?

It's that rat, man.

You know, you people love our drama.

Whoa, okay.

Everybody just relax, all right?

Everything's under control.

Okay, now it all makes sene.

The health inspector is in
cahoots with Taco Dollar?


No, sir.

I shut you down because I found
diapers and other toxicities

under your mobile taco shop.

Okay, well I'll have you
know that I was set up.

By whom?

By them.

Excuse you?

Taco Ghando is full of shit!


That's right.


Little guy, you just started
a battle that you can't win.

So what's gonna happen?

World War Tres, boop.

Cracker, please.


Not you, sir.

Not you.

I'm talkin' to the cracker
with the bald head.

Hey, I'll fight.

I know the art of Kama Sutra.

I can screw a woman so good
that she'll fight for me, eh?

I need goddesses like that.

Oh, hell no.

You ain't all that.

I'm not fighting.

- Let's go.
- Hurry up!


Payback means comeback for El Moco Verde.

Moco Verde?

Yeah, he was big in.

Amber, Susie, Eve, can
you go outside please?

Hell no.

- No.
- No!

Honey, I'm not goin' nowhere.

Forget that.

I'm throwin' down with
these mighty maricon asses.

And I can hold my own.

Damn, impressive.

I have balls and so should you.

Well I have balls.


'Cause you've been tryin'
to ask me out all day.

Well if I make it out alive,
do you wanna go out sometime?

Even though I don't cook,

I'm independent and
lookin' to be educated?

Especially because of that.

♪ Yes, you know ♪

Say hello to my big friends.

Gill, what the hell?

I knew it'd come to this,

so I brought two of my
buddies from the biz.

But they're women.

Not quite yet.

They're just one little
procedure away from it.

Bill, Tony, let's kick some ass.

Okay, are you the captain of this ship?

Dude, we didn't wanna
start anything with you.

Okay look, I can
either end my competition

one way or another.

Son, is this still a bad time?

Can someone please get
my mother outta here?

I'm here for you, ese.

Thank you.

I just need to prove to you

that I'm here for more than sex.

Wow, okay.

There's people here.

Not in my puedes.

No, no puedes.


Si, se puedes.

Don't judge.

What's going on?

They're tryin' to fight your son

and close my establishment.

These putos want to rumble?

I fight crazy.

They used to call the
sad girl back in the day.

Gill, you have a bad heart.

You can't fight.

I'm okay.

It was just a reaction to Viagra.

It's very common.

If it doesn't go down in
four hours, call a doctor.

Let's go.

El ca-vay-oh.

Okay, beaner.

What'd you say?

I said let's go ahead
and settle this, beaner.

No no no no.

I hate you.

It's a race riot.

Oh, man.

Protect my glasses.

Ooh, ow.

You gon' call me back next time?

Gon' call me back?


I said no!

Mine, private!

Did you guys see that?

El Moco Verde is back.

Maybe it's time for you to train again.

I'ma call Don King.

Well maybe, just maybe.

Oh my god, Gill.

You can't walk?

No no, I'm just tired and hung over.

I was partying in Vegas.

Porn convention.

Twins my back out.

Well no tacos, no investors.

We're done.


Look who the rat dragged back in.

No, look.

Look, I wanna call a truce.

Well it's a little late for that now.

We're both closed down, all right?

We're just fighting over
our little bits of turf

like a couple of gangs,

but their gangs are fighting over food.

But similar to gangs, we're fighting.

I one time fought over some pork chops.


My point is nobody won.

What do you guys do?

Just never goes on.


I won.

I won, I won.

Oh hell yeah, I knew it.

I lost for so many years

and finally I won the biggest
poker tournament in Carson.

What's this?

Your money.

This is 10 times more
than what I gave you.

I have a



gambling problem.

But what about your job?

I haven't had a job in 10 years.

I'm a professional gambler

and I made it big thanks
to your investment.

And now I'm investing in you, mijo.

But you told me that you quit gambling.

I lied.

You need to loosen up.

Open up the taco shop you
always dreamed of, Smokey.

I have an idea.

Gill, if we combine our resources,

change the men who deliver,

we could make a killing.

Sellin' tacos?


Selling more than tacos.

Hold up, so you guys
are back in business?



Okay then, I'm gonna crush you

like so many dirty cucarachas.

Wow, okay?

The truce is off.

Your mama.

Your mother as well.

From the desert to the sea,

The most powerful
name in local news.

Rogelio Osorio known
in his barrio as Smokes

is a smart young entrepreneur

who knew that there was more
to life than selling tacos.

Everybody sells tacos.

We wanted something special.

And the owner of taco
shop, Gill Travalio Ramirez,

was thinking the same thing.

We needed somethin' special.

And talkin' about special, you're special.

I'd love to work with you.

I would love to act with you.

Thank you.

Man does not live on tacos alone.

I mean you have to change it up a bit.

That's right, sister.

This one is for you,
Miss Lauren Schwartz-Lopez.

Girl, you is wearin' 'em jeans.

Thank you.

What'd he say?

We marinate our meat in secret spices

and serve only the freshest
ingredients from local gardens.

Yeah, if you want somethin' better

than a regular old taco.

Yeah, so we have the Cemita.

Yummy, yummy.

It tastes so good,
leaves you speechless.

Taco Dollar, it's
definitely the new spot.

Excuse me.

Actually I...
Get outta my shot, cupcake.

Lauren Schwartz-Lopez reporting
live from Taco Dollar.

Back to you in the studio.



And we're open 'til five.




♪ I mean it's a sunny
California day baby ♪

♪ Hey lemme hit that ♪

♪ Look, post livin' ♪

♪ They lovin' ♪

♪ They lovin' how we livin' ♪

♪ It's a given ♪

♪ Lovin' how we livin' ♪

♪ Bob in the feelin' ♪

♪ Feelin' like a sunny, sunny afternoon ♪

♪ Everybody eatin' heat ♪

♪ But it's still cold ♪

♪ Nobody actin' fool ♪

♪ We just tryin' to do what we do ♪

♪ How we do it in the way we do ♪

♪ West coastin' with my
cholos know my locs ♪

♪ My relatives, cousins and my kin folks ♪

♪ Smokin' on a bong and it's legal ♪

♪ With the extra beat
bumpin' in my wrinkle ♪

♪ It's just somethin' 'bout
bein' with my people ♪

♪ Everybody enjoying this Young Gotti ♪

♪ The party popper ♪

♪ We outside of the spot
and we make it pop ♪

♪ Everybody enjoyin' from inside to out ♪

♪ This is what it's about ♪

♪ We ride through the stop ♪

♪ Welcome to the taco shop ♪

Wrote my phone number

on the bottom of that teddy bear's ass.

Damn, dude.

That cholo has a crush on you, man.

You gonna give him the big Manwich?

No, I'm gonna give you
a Manwich.

You wanna fondle his fundio?

I don't even know what fondue is,

but it's covered with great torti.

Fundio, not fondue.

- Cut.
- And cut.

Hey, nobody talks about Marie that way.

Your dirty brown skin will never touch

her virgin white flesh, you got that?

What if I'm wearin'
my safety gloves, boss?

I don't care if you're
dressed head-to-toe

in a hazmat outfit.

You will never get near her.

You're not going to the concert.

How 'bout that?

The closest you're gonna
get is yard work, okay?

You might get to do her hedges.

Hey, if I cut the grass,

I'm gonna water the lawn.

Don't make that into a euphemism.

It's hard to relate to you guys

'cause our cultures are different

and you talk weird, but I'm trying.

I like war.

Well yeah, of course you do.

You're a Mexican.

I'm Puerto Rican.

I was born a citizen.

Nah, Puerto Rico's not.

Dude, that's like Hawaii.

It's not a real American state.

Thanks, boss.

You two, you're executive material.

What does executive mean, boss?

It means you get to wear a suit.

We're goin' to court?

- Cut.
- Cut.

Where'd you do your time?


Oh, you know Lou?

Not by name.

Well he's got an ass about this big.

Oh yeah, Lou.

Of course, with the...


- Lou.
- Kinda like a tail

except it's like I don't know.

You know those Rhodesian Ridgebacks?

They're dogs with like the hair spine.

Can't say I do.

Well then you don't know Lou.



Where'd you do your time?



You know Lou?

Not by name.


He looks a lot like me,
except he's got red hair.


And half his nose is gone.


He had a bad motorcycle accident

before they had helmet laws.


God, if only he'd spilled
that bike during a helmet loss.

Still havin' those.

♪ You know ♪

♪ Lotta men and women ♪

♪ Cadillac vintage ♪

♪ Life of a winner ♪

♪ The only way to get it ♪

♪ I gave my mama some cheese
to pay some old debts ♪

♪ I told her don't sweat it ♪

♪ Mama go get it ♪

♪ Money in my pocket ♪

♪ Livin' like a boss
like a young Rick Ross ♪

♪ Except I got a job ♪

♪ A couple days later ♪

♪ My mama wrote me off ♪

♪ She gave me everything
that I gave her and more ♪

♪ Like hey miss lady ♪

♪ Do you wanna be my baby ♪

♪ What you doin' is drivin' me crazy ♪

♪ I met her at the taco shop ♪

♪ I got 'em sayin' ♪

♪ And the vibe is right ♪

♪ And the vibe is right ♪

♪ It's a new day ♪

♪ It's a new day ♪

♪ It's a new day, it's a new day ♪

♪ And we lovin' ♪

♪ You'll be lovin' how we livin' ♪

♪ Cruisin' down the block ♪

♪ Top is down and the tension's
rise and gettin' hot ♪

♪ Gettin' down and we feel it ♪

♪ And the music gettin' loud ♪

♪ Gettin' down ♪

♪ You'll be lovin' how we livin' ♪

♪ Loving how we livin' ♪

♪ You'll be lovin' how we livin' ♪

♪ Cruisin' down the block ♪

♪ Top is down ♪

♪ And the temperature is rising ♪

♪ Gettin' hot, get it down ♪

♪ And we feel it in the music ♪

♪ Gettin' loud, gettin' down ♪

♪ And we're lovin' how we livin' ♪

♪ Loving how we livin' ♪

♪ You'll be lovin' how we livin' ♪