Swan Song (2021) - full transcript

Pat Pitsenbarger was once Sandusky, Ohio's leading hairdresser and shining light of its gay community. Now living in a nursing home, he's informed that the town's society leader, a former customer, has requested his services for her funeral. Escaping the nursing home with only his flashy jewelry, he heads to town on foot. Along the way, he visits the grave of his late partner, whom he still loves deeply, and is treated to a flashy wardrobe makeover by a woman who always admired his style. Dropping by the gay bar where he used to perform drag as "Mr. Pat," he learns it's their final night. He attends the festivities and recaptures some of the joy of his youth. He also faces the anger he feels at having been betrayed by his beauty shop protégé and the customer who abandoned him when his partner died of AIDS.

(disco music playing)

(audience cheering)

- Pat: Good evening.
- (audience cheering)

- I'm Mister Pat.
- (audience cheering)

and I'm... and I am...

- back.
- (audience cheering)

(breathes heavily)


(indistinct chatter)

(soft music playing)

(audience applauding)

♪ The night is bitter ♪

♪ The stars
Have lost their glitter ♪

♪ The winds grow colder ♪

♪ Suddenly you're older ♪

♪ And all because of the man ♪

(intercom beeping)

woman over PA:
Good afternoon, residents.

Lunch will be served
in five minutes.

Our special item of the day,
fruit cocktail.

- ♪ No more his eager call ♪
- (chair buzzing)

♪ The writing's on the wall ♪

♪ The dreams you dreamed ♪

♪ Have all gone astray ♪

♪ The man that won you ♪

♪ Has ran off and undone you ♪

♪ That great beginning... ♪

Shaundell: Good, Pat.
Keep those legs moving.

♪ ...its final inning ♪

♪ Don't know what happened ♪

♪ It's all a crazy game ♪

woman 1: A word?

woman 2: What's it, Doc?
What's it say?

woman 1: I wouldn't suggest a...

woman 3: No, I don't think so,
the words are too small.

woman 2:
You guys gonna go outside?

- I wouldn't. I'm not going...
- woman 2: You're going outside?

- ...or I think I will.
- woman 2: No, no.

woman 3:
I'll help you get out there.

woman 3: We'll have
a little picnic outside.

It won't hurt my hair
or anything if it's windy.

woman 1: You're not getting hurt
by any of that.

woman 2: You're not gonna
let me go outside with you?

Sure, it'll be fine.

woman 2:
I don't know. I don't know.

I think my daughter
is coming today.

- (indistinct chatter)
- (sighs)

woman 1: How is
your book coming along?

woman 3:
It's not very interesting.

woman 1:
Why do you keep reading it?

(woman 3 chuckles)

woman 3: I haven't
got anything else to do.

That's too bad.

(woman singing opera)


- (clatters)
- Eunice!


Pat! You're still alive?


What did I tell you about

keeping your head elevated?

What am I gonna do with you?

- (groans)
- (Shaundell sighs)

There you go.

I saw that, bitch.

- Girl, you are too much.
- (chuckles)

(indistinct chatter)

woman over PA:
Good morning, everyone.

Crowd over speaker:
Good morning, miss.


(chair scrapes)

(chair scrapes)

(lighter clicks)

(lighter clicks)


(papers rustle)

(woman singing opera)

(woman singing opera)

- (door knocking)
- (lock clicks)

A Mr. Shanrock here to see you.
Says he's an attorney.

- Should I tell him you dead?
- (footsteps approaching)

Patrick Pitsenbarger!
It's been years.

(door shuts)

Have you seen
The Register today?

I'm sorry to let you know that,

a former client has passed away.

We've lost...

Rita Parker Sloan.

Rita specified in her will
that you

were to do her hair
and make-up for the funeral.

Uh, first showing is day
after tomorrow at 11:00 a.m.

Ransom Funeral Home will require
your services tomorrow night.

(paper rustles)

That photo is from a year ago.

Perhaps you could recreate
the same hairstyle?

- Split ends and all?
- He speaks!

Oh, I'll... I'll never forget...

how you used to make up Rita
for her Christmas parties

at the mansion.

Boy oh boy, Patrick...

you made Rita Parker Sloan

the most glamorous woman
in town.

She should
have updated her will.

I entered
her final revisions personally

a week before she died.

Rita left me as a client.
You remember?

I also remember
you were close friends,

- dear friends.
- (sighs)

(clicks tongue)

I haven't pulled hair in years.

the will makes a provision

for services rendered.

(paper rustling)

Rita wants to make things right.

I'm retired.

- (beeps)
- (chair whirs)

Let bygones be bygones,

It's not healthy
to hold a grudge.

You would deny
a great woman her dying wish?

(door opens)

Show the gentleman the door.

Mr. Shanrock?

Bury her with bad hair.

(bell dinging)

woman over PA:
The medication window

is now open. The medication...

(door slamming)


(dog barking)

(lighter clicks)

(lighter clatters)

(paper rustles)

(paper rustles)

(breathe heavily)

(paper rustles)

(paper rustles)

(soft music playing)

♪ No complaints
and no regrets ♪

♪ I still believe in chasing
Dreams and placing bets ♪

♪ But I have learned that
All you give is all you get ♪

♪ So give it all you've got ♪

♪ I had my share ♪

♪ I drank my fill ♪

♪ And even though
I'm satisfied ♪

♪ I'm hungry still ♪

♪ To see what's down
Another road beyond the hill ♪

♪ And do it all again ♪

♪ So here's to life ♪

♪ And every joy it brings ♪

♪ So here's to life ♪

♪ To dreamers ♪

♪ And their dreams ♪



- (paper rustles)
- (door knocking)

(door opens)

- You smoking in here, Pat?
- (grunts)

Well, let's elevate your head.


(retches, coughs)

- Okay, stay calm, stay calm.
- (breathes heavily)

- Breathe.
- (breathes heavily, exhales)

How many times
have you promised?

(breathes heavily)

Where they at, Pat?

(breathes heavily)

I know they are around here

Sometimes I think you want
to have another stroke.

Shaundell, that's all I have.

(paper rustles)

(door shuts)

- (metal clanks)
- (zipper zips)

(paper rustles)


(piano music playing)

Miss Gertie
always had beautiful hair.

Remember this one?

(piano music continues)


(liquid trickling)

Don't worry.

We will clean it up.

(indistinct chatter)

(piano music fades)

(machine beeping)

(breathes heavily)

(breathes heavily)


(objects clatter)


(zipper zips)

(paper rustles)



(bell dinging)

(indistinct chatter)

(breathes heavily)

- Here, it's open.
- (clanks)

(somber music playing)

(birds chirping)

(inhales, exhales)

(car engine revving)

- Josiah: Morning.
- Pat: Hello.

Is the Ransom Funeral Home
still downtown?

Yes, sir.

Water Street, just down past
the Parker Sloan Mansion.

Have a nice day.

Josiah: It's some hike
from here though.

(footsteps receding)

- (groans)
- Sir, are you all right?

Lemme give you a hand.


I'm fine.

Can I give you a ride to Ransom?

No, no, no.

I'm going shopping.


(car engine revving)

- (car engine revving)
- (door beeps)

(door closes)

- Pack of Mores.
- Mores? For real?

(box clatters)

Folks don't ask
for these nowadays.

(paper rustles)

Your wife still smokes Mores?

(paper rustles)

(metal clanks)

(lighter clicking)


She adores them.

Knapp Beauty Supply,
still on Tiffin Avenue?

No clue, dude.

Uh, there's a fabulous salon
down by the waterfront,

Dee Dee Dale's place.

(scoffs) She's still alive?

- woman: Dee Dee has everything.
- Pat: Thank you, miss,

but my client demands
high quality beauty products.

Like Vivanté.

woman: (scoffs)
They still make Vivanté?

- (machine beeps)
- 5.23.

For one pack?

(paper rustles)

You can charge it instead?

- You cash checks?
- Lyle: Personal?


I know what you're thinking.

"How could someone so flawless,

possibly be on Social Security?"

You took the words
right out of my mouth.

Two more packs of Mores
for the road.

- (machine beeping)
- (clattering)

Lyle: 21.92 is your change.

And some tickets.

Two, "Some Like it Hot",
eight, "Casino Royale"

and one,
"Fastest Road To One Million."

Hit me.

(lighter clicks)

(car engine revving)

(crows cawing)

- Hm.
- (car engine revving)

(dog barking)

- (car engine revving)
- (car horn honking)

(country music playing)

- That rock sure is different.
- (chuckles)

There are plenty more
where this came from.

David gave them all to me
and each one has a story.

I'll bet.

- Pat: I have a job to do.
- woman: What's that?

I have to make a lady beautiful.
Her hair.

Is that what you do?

- You are a beautician?
- Yeah.

I was. Yeah, yeah.

I'm a hairdresser,
I was very successful...

- Oh!
- ...when I was young in this beautiful town.

I had the best clients,
the richest woman.

- Who was that?
- And then...

- What?
- Who was that?


And then, my assistant opened
her own store

right across from me.

And took one of my most
important clients with her.

- That took some nerve.
- Yeah, and then my friend died.

Your friend, David?

Yeah, David died.
And I took a second mortgage.

But, the nephew took everything.
He got everything. I lost it.

- What did David die of?

(bluegrass music playing
over radio)

♪ And I'll fly away ♪

(car door opens)

(car horn honks)

(car engine revving)

(birds chirping)


(inhales sharply)



(fountain running)


(birds chirping)

(lighter clicks)

(clears throat)

(car engine revving)



(birds chirping)

Now, you know, there's a lot
of things that I am not,

- and the one is one of them.
- I know that.

- I know that, girl. I know it.
- (chuckles)

Honey, you are
a fiery one yourself too.

(music playing)

- This used to be...
- White?

My beauty supply store.

- I had an account.
- Oh.

You goin' way back in the day.

Whatchu looking for?

Perfect Powder Bleach
and Vivanté.

(all cackle)

You won't get that here.

And baby, that smack
don't stick to nappy heads.

Now, if you want some
Kizzy's Daughter Pomade,

or Miss Zora's Buttercream.

Hell, even some juicy ass
Jerri Curl, I got you.

- Try Dee Dee Dale's downtown.
- I'd rather swallow mucus.

Oh! (laughter)

Why don't you tell us,
how you really feel? (chuckles)

He right though, I graduated with
Dee Dee and she nasty. (scoffs)

Well, Dee Dee's the only game
in town these days, for real.

♪ ...and I don't care
What people say ♪

Aw, baby. You look
like your poodle just died.

I mean, we lost
our Sally Beauty.

Unless you finna drive
all the way out to Lorain.

Whoa, hold up, baby.
Slow your roll.

Now, your poor, white head
turned to a hot damn crisp.

Phyllis: Yes, it is.

I don't suppose
you sell sunscreen?

(women laugh)

Sunscreen! You...
(clears throat, chuckles)

Oh, bless his heart.
Help him out.


- (Ro Ro sighs)
- (music playing)


Here, take Erma's hat.

I don't wanna hear nothing
about no skin cancer. (chuckles)

And Erma won't miss it?

Ro: No, baby. Erma's dead.

Erma don't miss shit.

(women laughing)

Ro: Come on, sashay.


- "Hattitude"
- Ro Ro: Yes. That girl!

(women laughing)

- Phyllis: My goodness.
- Ro Ro: A mess.

- (laughing)
- Oh, child.

man over radio: 102.7.

It's gonna be another
scorcher out there, Sandusky.

Checking the weather,
it is hot!

(children cheering)

(children cheering)

girl: Let's go.

(upbeat music playing)

♪ Oh, been trying
to let it go ♪

♪ Trying to keep
My eyes closed ♪

♪ Trying to keep it
Just like before ♪

♪ The times we never
Even thought to speak ♪

♪ Don't wanna
Tell you what it is ♪

(girls cheering)

Pat: What? (chuckles)

♪ It's this one thing
That's got me trippin' ♪

♪ It's this one thing
That's got me trippin' ♪

♪ This one thing
My soul may be feelin' ♪

♪ It's this one thing
You did, oh, oh ♪

♪ It's this one thing
That caught me slippin' ♪

- Pat: Bye.
- children: Bye.

♪ Somehow
It seems the love I knew ♪

♪ Was always
The most destructive kind ♪

♪ Yesterday, when I was young ♪

♪ The taste of life was sweet ♪

♪ As rain upon my tongue ♪

♪ I teased at life
As if it were a foolish game ♪

♪ The way the evening breeze ♪

♪ May tease the candle flame ♪

♪ The thousand dreams
I dreamed ♪

♪ The splendid things
I planned ♪

♪ I always built to last
On weak and shifting sand ♪

♪ I lived by night and shunned
The naked light of day ♪

♪ And only now I see
How the time ran away ♪

♪ Yesterday when I was young ♪

(distant laughter)

(muffled singing)

- David: Hey, mister.
- (muffled singing)

David: Everyone's here.

(muffled singing)

Come out to the garden.

Evie: Can you hear me?

(indistinct chatter)

You tore my house down?


- She was just too far gone.
- Evie: We feel sick.

Did you find
anything down there?

- Like what?
- There was a box of Vivanté.

Ooh! Don't go anywhere.

Please, let's step outside.

Here, David and I
planted the calla lilies.

And there, was the fountain.

Evie: Oh, is that what that was?

My client,

Rita, donated the tiles
she brought back from Italy,

to do her master bath.

But then she changed her
mind about the color.

(Evie chuckles)

David built it.
Everything from scratch.

- Sounds like quite a guy.
- But he didn't have a will.


His nephew inherited everything.

(Evie grunts)

Well, at least something like
that can never happen today.

- Yeah. Great.
- Surprise! Remember this?

Where's my shampoo?

This was all that was
left in your old house.

I think I should go.

Will you come back
and visit sometime?


(sad music playing)

- Evie: Bye, Pat.
- Scottie: Bye.

- Thanks for the lunch!
- (Evie chuckles)

Pat: Sandusky, here I come.

- Hello.
- Hi.

(dramatic music playing)




(seagulls cawing)

(phone ringing)

man over phone:
Shanrock and Shanrock.

Pat: Uh, Walter Shanrock,

man over phone: He's at the
courthouse until 4:00.

- What's this in reference to?
- Pat: Rita Parker Sloan.

Uh, cream and sugar.

(objects clatter)

(car engine revving)

Ro Ro:
Try Dee Dee Dale's downtown.

woman: Dee Dee has everything.

Phyllis: I graduated
with Dee Dee. She nasty.

(car engine revving)

That'll be 83 cents.

Thank you.

(seagulls cawing)

(music playing)

(church bell tolling)

David: Hey, mister.

Come to the garden.

(water splashing)


man: So sorry
to hear about Rita.

Shanrock: Yes, great woman.

Pat: Mr. Shanrock.

- Pat: Mr. Shanrock?
- Pat?

I'll do Rita. One condition.

I need cash now.

Oh, I'm sure,
Rita would be tickled pink.

But there's a protocol, Pat.

I can't just make a withdrawal
from First Sandusky.

Oh no?
Your brother owns the bank!

We will be delighted to
prepare a certified check

for 25,000 dollars after
the estate clears probate.

- And how long will that take?
- No more than six months.

Six months?
I'll be dead by then!

Listen, buster. I know
we've had our ups and downs.

But like I told you,

when your partner's next
of kin retained the firm,

to settle his estate,
I don't make the rules.

And I most certainly
don't walk around town

with my client's money.

I have expenses. I have
to purchase beauty products.

Give me a loan. Some
kind of advance, please.

(groans) Would two tens help?

The Ransoms will have
Rita ready by 7:00 p.m. tonight.

Please be prompt. You know
Sherman doesn't like to wait.

(indistinct chatter)

(alarm blaring)

man over PA: Please stop!
Please stop! Please stop!

(birds chirping)

- Jeffrey, keep the change.
- Why, thank you.

(seagulls cawing)

(objects clatter)

(car engine revving)

(upbeat music playing)

(car engine revving)

Tristan: I don't have
a two, I don't have three,

I don't have four,
but I have five.

I'm gonna take you at five.

We're gonna do the straightener.

- Do you have an appointment?
- No.

Okay. I'm just gonna
put this in for you.

And, here's five percent off
of your next

and you'll have Caroline.
She's so good. Okay, darling?

- Thank you very much.
- Of course.

- Have a wonderful day.
- You too.

- (metal clanks)
- (upbeat music playing)

Dee Dee: Oh my God.


Is it you?


Dee Dee: You look so...


(indistinct chatter)

Wow. Come on in.

Now, Tristan, check this out.

This man gave me
my first job in the business.

And now he is,
mopping your Vivanté.


he shouldn't have done that,
but after all,

you gotta catch this guy a break
'cause, he really is a legend.

This is Patrick Pitsenbarger.

He did all the socialites
of Sandusky back in the day.

That's right. Once upon a time.

Well, I can dust that off
for you if you want.

Yeah, you know,
I started off sweeping hair,

and then, I worked my way all
the way up to second chair.

I was so proud when Dee Dee
opened up her own shop.

Right across the street
from mine.

You know, Patrick
was always so particular.

Pat: And Dee Dee was very nice
to my clients.

In fact, she took my best
one with her when she quit.

Well, Sandusky is...

having a real comeback
right now, huh?


My business is doing great.
I know that.

I mean, I've had to expand
this place and make it

a multi-service salon
with all the amenities.

Clients want craft, Dee Dee,
not bells and whistles.


God forbid, you ever listened
to anybody about anything.

(scissors snipping)

You know what, they, uh...

they've discontinued the Vivanté

because it's...
It's got too high VOCs.

But you know,
I mean, there's plenty

of green and clean technologies

you know, that came up after you
lost your little shop.


But that's okay.
It's Rita's favorite.


Well, maybe, you're gonna have
to tell Rita that in Heaven.

I mean,
you don't even know this,

but Rita kicked the bucket
this week.

My dear,
I'm on the way to Ransom.

No, you're not.

Sherman is doing her, in house.

Shanrock came personally.
And he begged me.

He begged me to do her hair.


In death, Rita remembered
that she had taste.

Taste or dementia? You decide.

But anyway, you know,
whatever you gotta do

to feel good about yourself.

Guess what, I'm gonna give
this to you for 2.49.

That's a dead stock discount.

Oh, you don't have the money?

Aw, I'm sorry.
I can't give it to you.

Because guess what,

I'm still waiting
for my last three paychecks.

All right... silly!

So it's...
I'm gonna give it to you.

It's just, I mean, I...

I don't know how much it's gonna
do you because, you know...

all the bald spots.

(phone ringing)

(breathes heavily)

Dee Dee: I didn't steal Rita
from you, Mister Pat.

You dropped the ball
and I was there to catch it.

(pants) Eunice?


(birds chirping)

(dog barking)

- (scrapes)
- man over radio: WCPZ...

(objects clatter)

- Hmm.
- (objects clatter)

(hangers clattering)

- You made me blonde.
- Excuse me?

I wasn't sure at first,

but then I saw the rings
and I knew.

I came to you
when I was nineteen. Remember?

- Yes.
- (laughs)

I wouldn't think
you would remember.

I only came in there once.

I'm sorry.

Are you kidding me?
You were wonderful.

I had a young one
at the time

and I couldn't keep up
with the blonde maintenance.

Or the price, as I recall.
You weren't cheap.

- (clicks tongue) No?
- (laughing)


Pat: I'm surprised
you still remember me.

Who could forget the
"Liberace of Sandusky?"

- Was I that butch?
- (laughs)

Can I help you find something?

How about everything?

Oh! Give me one second.

(footsteps receding)


I've been saving it
for the right customer.

Try it on?

So, how's it fitting?

Pat: Not sure
I can still pull it off.

(inhales) Show me.


(music playing)

Don't move.

(music playing)

The icing on the cake.

You're starting
to look like you again.

Thank you, Sue.

How did you know my name?

You came for a perm

and I talked you
into a "Dorothy Hamill."

And you told me that you
dropped out of nursing school

because you got pregnant.

And the name of your son,
is Danny.

You know, sometimes,
it takes a while.

But it's all up there somewhere.

My husband thought
the "Dorothy Hamill" cut

was too short, by the way.

But, looking back...
I never felt prettier.

It's still in there.

(sighs) I wish.

I must tell you something.

I don't have any money.

♪ Don't cry out loud ♪

♪ Just keep it inside ♪

♪ And learn how to hide... ♪

- Hello.
- woman: Hello.

♪ ...your feelings ♪

♪ Fly high and proud ♪

♪ And if you should fall ♪

♪ Remember you almost made it ♪

♪ Don't cry out loud ♪


♪ Just keep it inside ♪

♪ And learn how
To hide your feelings ♪

♪ Fly high and proud ♪

♪ And if you should fall ♪

♪ Remember
You almost had it all ♪


Pat is back.

It's a win-win proposition.

- (creaking)
- (chuckling)

Dustin: We...
We'll sharpen our pencils

and make it happen.

Uh, that's the funeral home.
Let me circle back to you later.

Mr. Ransom.

No, it's 50 extra chairs,
not 30.

She was very specific.

Oh, I appreciate you going
the extra mile for grandma.

Thank you, sir.


I can still see you there.

- What do you want?
- I'm the hairdresser.

Oh my God. Pat?

I'm Dustin.

Rita's grandson.

So nice to finally meet you!

I remember when you were born.


Well, this calls for a highball.

Welcome. Please, come in.

(door creaks)

Pat: Thank you.

(door creaks)

We had hospice in the home.


Did you style her wedding?

- All three of them.
- (chuckles)

(calm music playing)

Grandma chose all the photos
for her funeral display.

(paper rustles)

(sighs) She was...
She was quite the perfectionist.

Pat: Is that what you call it?


Dustin: So, how did you put up
with her all those years?

Canadian whiskey. Rocks.

(chuckles) I'll get it.

You must have some
great memories of this house.

- (drink pours)
- I never set foot inside.

- (glass clinks)
- What?

- (thuds)
- (scoffs)

What about all those parties?


I always knew my place.

I'll get some ice.

(footsteps receding)

(chandelier chimes)

(door creaks, closes)

- (clock ticking)
- (exhales)

(breathes heavily)

- (ominous music playing)
- (phone ringing)

- (breathes heavily)
- (phone ringing)


Rita: You have reached
Rita Parker Sloan.

Please leave a message,

and I shall return your call
at my earliest convenience.


- (static)
- (breathes heavily)

- (beeping)
- (door opens, creaks)

(door closes)



(indistinct chatter)

- (clock ticking)
- Another double, please.

- Oh, thirsty, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

In five minutes...

I'm supposed to make a
dead bitch look human.

Not sure
I'm up for the challenge.

At least she won't complain.

- For once.
- (chuckling)

Gabriel: Was she a handful?

Oh! A demanding,
Republican monster,

but she had great taste,
in shoes.

Sounds like a nightmare.

(upbeat music playing)

I adored her.

(Pat whistles)

Nobody remembers me.

I used to perform here...
every Saturday night.

What was your drag name?

Mister Pat.

Must have been before my time.

Yes. It was before
you were conceived.

- You see that stage?
- Gabriel: Uh-huh.

My lover, David, built that.
He was, uh, very handy.

In more ways than one.


I sewed the curtains,

and Eunice
put the glitter in the paint.

Every queen in town pitched
in to open this dump.

But maybe you're too young
to know who Tim and Mike was.

They opened the bar.

There were so many people
I remember.

Miss Cheesecake, Dirty Ankle?

And there was one very
interesting customer.


He was a truck driver
and he came every Saturday

to see me perform.

"Mister Pat."
He was very nice.

Well, I heard
that most of the regulars

stopped coming out. But...
But maybe your friends will

will make it tonight,
for old times' sake.

(upbeat music playing)

This place was family.

What's happened with
the crystal chandelier,

that hung above the dance floor?

It got old. They took it down.

Pat: Huh.

Another of Rita's hand-me-downs.

If she would have known,
what these crystals have seen.


- What? Where?
- Tonight's the last night.

I don't understand.

Harvey sold out to
some young gay couple.

They're turning
the whole building into this

straight, gastro micro brew pub.

"Gastro" what?

They are installing giant tanks
to brew artisan craft beer.


But where will we dance?


- Here. Keep the change.
- (gasps) Hey, big spender.

(high-pitched ringing)

(disco music playing)

- (audience cheering)
- Pat: I'm back.

Why don't you see me?

I'm right here.

- Oh. Oh. Oh.
- (audience cheering)

man: Pick it up, guys.
We're falling behind.

(seagulls cawing)

Send that arrangement back.
Everything must be perfect.

- (car engine revving)
- Taxi!

- Where to?
- I don't know. Just drive!

(breathes heavily)

Grandma chose all the photos

for her funeral display.

Shanrock: Rita wants
to make things right.

Dee Dee: God forbid

you ever listen
to anybody about anything.

(breathes heavily)

- (dog barking)
- (ominous music)


(wind howling)

(seagulls cawing)


(seagulls cawing)



Eunice: Yeah?

Holy hell!

Pat, you're still alive?

- You're still sucking cock?
- Christ on the cross, queen.

A bitch can't even
powder her nose

without getting
the third degree.

Now, step back,
lemme get a good look at you.

You look fantastic.

- Shit, I just saw your shoes.
- (laughs)

- (laughs)
- Eunice: Oh baby, I missed you.

I missed you too.
Don't overdo it.

Oh, I always do.


I heard the Fruit and Nut
is closing. You going?

I haven't set foot in years.

Why not?

Gay bars are so '90s.

The Velvet Slipper's gone
in Lorain

and the bar in Mansfield's
about to close too.

- Our safe places.
- Mm-hmm.

I mean, who needs
the Fruit and Nut

when they can
hold hands at Applebee's?


Besides, that place
made me a goddamn drunk.

Do you remember what we
performed for the opening night?

Oh, and thank God
I talked you out

of that Marlene Dietrich number.

But your Shirley Bassey
routine brought down the house!

And you did both,
the Peaches and Herb.

- At the same time.
- At the same time.

(both laugh)

Girl, you taught me everything
I never wanted to know. (laughs)

- (phone ringing)
- (laughs)

- You got a call.
- Oops.

- (sighs)
- (phone beeps)

- One of your boys?
- Lemme tell ya something.

The trade on here,
would make your head spin.

- Show me.
- (phone chimes)

Ah! (sighs)

I do better on here,
than I ever did in the bars.

Yet, here you are,
cruising the tearoom. (laughs)

I like to cover my bases.

What on earth?

What on earth are they doing?

These daddies with their...

- babies.
- Mm-hmm.

(indistinct chatter)

I wouldn't even know
how to be gay anymore.

Tell that to your pantsuit.

- man: Great. Great job, buddy.
- (sighs)

(baby crying)

Pat: I'm happy for them.

Eunice: And jealous as hell.

Those kids will remember them,

long after they have gone.

And who will remember us?

- You left a big mark.
- On who?

Those gay dads should
drop to their knees

and kiss your rings.

Which one?

Especially the cubic zirconia
on your left ring finger.

'Cause bitch, you know that's
the only one that's real.


Pat: You evil bitch.

I went to see David today.

Is he still dead?

My name was on the tombstone.

Eunice: No shit.
You paid for the damn thing.

Today was
the first time I saw it.

Don't tell me, you are
still mad at that old whore.

Jesus, honey,
when are you gonna move on?

Why didn't you tell me
about my house?

I went there.
There was nothing there.

You don't tell someone
in the goddamn nursing home

their house has been demolished.

It's bad etiquette.

But you could have come
and said, "Hi."

At least you had a home.

And a David.


I had a house, and a David.

And both are gone.

But you are here.

You're not gone.

(door knocking)


(seagulls cawing)


And you old bitch,
sitting next to me.

(ominous music playing)


(indistinct chatter)

(people laughing)

Gabriel: How did it go?

- I quit the bitch.
- (chuckles)


Frozen fucking pizza lit
the toaster oven on fire.

But I extinguished
the blaze, girl.

- I am here, I am alive!
- And did you select a song?

I barely survive
a DiGiorno inferno

and you trifle me
for song selection?

Shame on you, Gabriel. Shame.

Is Velma all right?

One Coco Roco
and she will be just fine.

(objects clatter)

(indistinct chatter)

Look like you seen a ghost.

Gabriel sent on me
to check on you.


(sighs) I dropped this bitch
on a Crockpot.

It's the last night,
I have no idea what I'm doing.

- (objects clatter)
- Take the edge off.

(exhales) Gorgeous skin.


- Where are you from?
- Hancock Street.

- Nice.
- (scoffs)

You been there lately?

- Been performing long?
- Two years.

I finally start to get good
and they close the damn bar.

What's your act?

Batten down the hatches, boys,

man your harpoons and make way
for Miss Velma Humpback!

- "Thar she blows!"
- Aw, yes, queen. (chuckles)

Forget this little town,
Miss Velma.

You'd be big in Cleveland.

(scoffs) Well, ain't you
just the sweetest thing?

(upbeat music playing)

- Oh, hell no.
- Sit down. Close your eyes.

I'm a professional. No peeking.

(upbeat music playing)

♪ Pick myself up ♪

♪ Turn the world on its head ♪

♪ Don't forget what Don't
forget what my mama said ♪

- No peeking.
- ♪ People talking ♪

♪ Since the beginning of time ♪

♪ Unless they paying your bills
Pay them bitches no mind ♪

♪ And if I fly, or if I fall ♪

♪ Least I can say
I gave it all ♪

- ♪ And if I fly, or if I fall ♪
- Voila.

(audience cheering)

♪ Fly, fly, fly, fly
Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪

♪ Fly, fly, fly, fly
Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪

♪ Fly, fly, fly, fly
Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪

♪ Fly, fly, fly,
Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪

- ♪ Now sissy that walk ♪
- (audience cheering)

(upbeat music playing)

(indistinct chatter)

- I love your rings.
- Thanks. Each one has a story.

Oh yeah? What are they?

I don't remember.

♪ Somebody said
You got a new friend ♪

♪ Does she love you
Better than I can? ♪

♪ There's a big black sky
Over my town ♪

♪ I know where you're at
I bet she's around ♪

I forgot how much
I missed this.

- Dancing?
- Our people!

♪ ...for myself ♪

♪ I'm in the corner
Watching you kiss her, oh ♪

♪ I'm right over here
Why can't you see me? Oh ♪

♪ I'm giving it my all ♪

♪ But I'm not the guy you're
Taking home, oh ♪

♪ I keep dancing on my own ♪

- ♪ I keep dancing on my own ♪
- (crowd cheering)

♪ So far away
But still so near ♪

♪ The lights go on
The music dies ♪

♪ But you don't see me
Standing here ♪

♪ I just came to say goodbye ♪

♪ I'm in the corner
Watching you kiss her, oh ♪

♪ I'm giving it my all ♪

♪ But I'm not the guy
You're taking home, oh ♪

♪ I keep dancing on my own ♪

♪ I keep dancing on my own ♪

♪ I'm in the corner
Watching you kiss her, oh ♪

Slay, girl!

♪ I'm right over here
Why can't you see me? Oh ♪

- ♪ And I'm giving it my all ♪
- (electricity crackles)

♪ But I'm not the guy
You're taking home... ♪

- (glass shatters)
- (crowd screaming)

(machine beeping)

(indistinct chatter)

(breathes heavily)

(machine beeping)


(monitor beeping)


Sir, you sustained
a serious head injury!

Please get back in your room.

I'm late for my funeral.

nurse: Sir,
get your ass back here.

(elevator chimes)

♪ Funny how a lonely day
Can make a person say ♪

♪ What good is my life ♪

♪ Funny how a breaking heart
Can make me start to say ♪

♪ What good is my life ♪

♪ Funny how I often seem ♪

♪ To think I'll find
Another dream ♪

- (car honking)
- ♪ In my life ♪

♪ Till I look around and see ♪

♪ This great big world
Is part of me ♪

- ♪ And my life ♪
- woman: Get the hell out of the way.

♪ This is my life ♪

♪ Today, tomorrow
Love will come and find me ♪

♪ But that's the way
That I was born to be ♪

♪ This is me, this is me ♪

♪ This is my life ♪

♪ And I don't give a damn
For lost emotions ♪

- (Pat groans)
- ♪ I've such a lot of love ♪

- Pat: Bitch.
- ♪ I've got to give ♪

♪ Let me live, let me live ♪

Pat: Sherman. (breathes heavily)
I'm... I'm sorry!

- You're too late.
- (footsteps approaching)

(Pat sighs)

Oh. Hey, Pat.

She's a real hot mess in there.

Total resting bitch face.

Resting dead bitch face.

(exhales, sniffs)

She needs your touch.

(melodic music playing)

Get Dee Dee back.

Don't you dare.


Dee Dee would do a better job.


I didn't know
that you looked that bad.

Well then fix me, goddammit.

When David died,
you didn't come to the funeral.

And now you want me
to rescue yours?

Pat, for Christ's sake,
I never even met David.

We talked about him,

every Friday at 4:00
for 33 years.

You know,
I don't do well at funerals.


I adore them.

You're not making this easy,

I'm trying to make this right.

I know I was your servant...

but I thought I was your friend.

You knew every
goddamn secret I ever had.

And you never listened once
to mine.

It was another world
back then, Pat.

People evolve, they let go.

Maybe you should too.

Have a fun funeral.

I was embarrassed! Okay?

About how David died.

When I did let you know...

how much it hurt...

...that you weren't there.

Because I needed you there
at that moment.


Where were you?

I left you. (sighs)

And the whole town followed.


Rita: I'm sorry.

(sobs) I'm sorry.

(melodic music playing)

I forgive you.

I forgive you.

You're going to be beautiful.

I'll make you beautiful.


(ominous music playing)

(ominous music
continues playing)

(organ music playing)



Thank you.

May I share something with you?

I was 15 when Grandma Rita
sat me down

and asked me if there was
anything I needed to tell her.

We were so conservative.

I was scared to death
to tell her the truth.

But finally...

I did.

"Don't worry," she said.

"My best friend's gay too."

We stayed up all night.

She told me all about
you and David.

(seagulls cawing)

Dustin: Even though
I never really knew you...

I want you to know
you changed my life.


(switch thuds)


Eunice: (laughing)
Oh, baby, I missed you.

David: Hey, mister.

(disco music playing)

♪ Supersonic, supersonic
Supersonic, supersonic ♪

♪ Supersonic, supersonic
Supersonic, supersonic ♪

♪ Super love ♪

♪ Supersonic love ♪

♪ Supersonic love ♪

♪ Supersonic love ♪

(song ends)

(upbeat music playing)

♪ Hovering ♪

♪ Outside's a perfect day ♪

♪ Wonderful and ♪

♪ Warm ♪

♪ In a dream I'm longing
For your kiss ♪

♪ I would let it blow me ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ What is this? ♪

♪ This breathless breathing ♪

♪ What are these sweet ♪

♪ Stars ♪

♪ High above ♪

♪ The world is speeding by ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ So far away ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Away ♪

(song ends)

Pat: Bye, everybody!

Come and see me sometimes.