Sushi Tushi or How Asia Broke Into American Pro Football (2018) - full transcript

What do you do when your pro football franchise have lost thirty two games in a row? Buy up a school of Japanese Sumo Wrestlers, with all of its gargantuan 600 plus pound Sumos and make them into linemen protecting your precious star quarterback, O'Rourke.

[singing in foreign language]

[upbeat music]

[singing in foreign language]

- What a shocker for Morelli and

the Lobster season
about to come to an end.

- Well we can't
say Coach Morelli

is not used to that feeling.

[jet engine roaring]

- Jack we're they
really that bad?

- Dropped 32 in a
row, hard to believe.

Doing a major football
story about Morelli

yet he never played a day of
football in his entire life.

- Never, not even once.

- Not even Pop Warner.

- That is unusual.

- [Jack] Very.

- Well one thing's for sure,
Coach Morelli very fortunate.

- But the pigeon wasn't.

- Heard a little bit about that.

- Well Morelli will
tell you all about it.

Oh a warning.

Morelli really gets upset if
his name is mispronounced.

Something happened to him,
an event in his childhood.

Be careful.

- Point taken.

- [Jack] So what
have you learned?

- About?

- About the ladies
that became Lobsters--

- Cheerleaders.

- Lobsterettes.

- Lobsterettes yes.

- Fumiko from--

- [Jack] And Yoko.

- Fumiko and Yoko.

Well from what I've read
very famous in Japan.

Members of the Purple
Lotus Blossom Society.

Apparently big stuff.

- So you have learned something.

- I've picked up a thing or two.

- Good.

If I can take a nap, wake
me when we get close.

- Will do.

[singing in foreign language]

Coach Morelli thank you so
much for taking this meeting.

- [Morelli] Look at
this, look at this.

Toshi my helper, he did
that painting there.

All this is imported.

- Is that?

- 24 carat gold.

I made a special trip to
Rattle Snake Creek, Montana.

Best gold in the
country, look at that.

You can touch it.

- 24 carat, and the
eyes they look like--

- Real rubies.

Come on let me show you
the rest of the place.

You want a saki or
maybe a gekkeikan.

It's a plum wine,
it's delicious.

Go ahead sit, sit sit.

[dogs barking]

Oh that's Suki and Yapi,
those are my little dogs.

Don't worry they only
attack on command.

[dogs barking]

And this is Toshi my helper.

- And what does Toshi do?

- Toshi he, he's got this...

With the...

With the...

I'm not sure.

Hey Toshi get us some of that
unagi from the fridge okay.

- Unagi, excellent
choice Coach Morelli.

The legend say he die happy.

- Toshi how about
bringing us some

[attempting to speak
in foreign language]

[speaking in foreign language]

Yeah yeah that yeah.

- Another bottle in the
storage closet, Toshi check.

[dogs barking]

- Chihuahuas, very affectionate
I've heard, boy girl?

- Not sure, try
check but they growl.

Even veterinarian
doctor not know.

Bitten twice,
veterinarian's wife say.

Good boy Suki, Yapi.

[dogs growling]

Ooh Suke, Yapi let's go.

- Hey, correct me
if I'm wrong but

you're Jack Stamford right?

- Yep that's me.

- Wow you know, call me
crazy but when it was a kid

the first pro game
that I have ever seen

was Cleveland against
New York, and you--

- During my entire career never

missed a game against New York.

- You were a tight end right?

- Close, I was wide receiver
for most of my career.

Over 12 years with Cleveland
before I got traded.

Couldn't overcome torn
ACL, that finished me.

- Yeah you were
great as I remember.

- Thanks.

Anyway after my career turned
to the next best thing,

reporting on the game.

Now they've assigned
me to train Gabbi

into picking up football
interviews once I retire.

- Well I'm glad you're here.

Ms. O'Donnell--

- Oh please Coach
Morelli call me Gabbi.

- Well Gabbi was
originally a reporter

on woman's volleyball,
world wide.

But now since our
magazine's having

a greater number
of Asian readers

Gabbi's been assigned to cover

Asian sports stories,
football included.

But now Portland,
Maine's Lobsters.

- Coach Morelli let me
just start off by saying

there has not been
any sports team

or single athlete that
has gained as much fame

and attention from our
readers as have your Lobsters

and sumo's, I'm sorry
Frank, sumo wrestlers.

- Well thank you that was
very nice of you to say that.

It really is but you know
something it's getting late.

I gotta an appointment
in about an hour so

where do you want
me to begin here?

What do I do here?

- Frank can I?

- Sure go ahead.

- Okay.

Coach Morelli after
two winless seasons

and a countless number of--

- 32 in a row, despite Caleb.

Most of the experts
thought that Caleb O'Rourke

was potentially the best
quarterback in the league.

- The guy had all
the right moves.

But the front line
that was protecting him

we had a front line
that was [grunting]

Toshi is my unagi the
way I like it there?

- Yes Coach Morelli,
Toshi not forget.

Anyway after that last season
there were a lot of changes.

Jack you know what
I'm talking about.

I don't know about you Ms. O--

- Gabbi.

- I'm sorry Gabbi.

Gabbi let me ask you a question.

Do you know anything about
the Lobsters quarterback?

- Just the few things
that I've read.

Caleb O'Rourke, Outstanding
College Quarterback trophy,

four undefeated college
seasons, all Ivy.

- So then there was the lottery

and we had the number one pick.

And our choice we
picked O'Rourke.

[upbeat music]

It was Caleb to the Lobsters.

Poor guy didn't know what he
was getting himself in for.

- Coach Morelli you
had Caleb O'Rourke

as your quarterback so how
could you lose so many games?


- Gabbi it was the front
line, the front line,

the front line that was
supposed to protect Caleb.

These guys they were
on long term contracts

so we had to keep
them on the team.

So now, you ready for this?

One by one the
Lobster dream line.

On right guard we had
Wojciech Biscovich.

This guy was all Ivy.

The guy couldn't count.

- Lobsters let me hear you.

Let's go on one, not two.

- Ready.

Down, set, four.

- Does four come after three?

- Three.

- Or does three
come before five?

- 22.

- 22, what do you
think I am a genius?

- What are you doing?

[calm music]

- Then left guard
Chris, Chris Cameron.

This guy was first team Big Ben.

We thought we were getting
tough instead we got a mad man.

This guy was certifiably insane.

Okay of course he hated
the opposing linemen.

But opposing linemen
to Chris meant

any lineman that
was on the field.

And that included his
own Lobster teammates.

[dramatic music]

- [Jim] Are we in the middle
of a boxing match here?

What's going on?

- Where is Vander and Mike
Tyson when we need them?

- And next our center,
Jamal Peppers from Cali.

This guy was very
very near sighted.

And instead of
using contact lenses

he wore these big thick glasses.

He looked like Mr. Magoo.

- Oh that's where I am.

[crowd cheering]

- Geez it's like a sauna
in here man calm down.

Stop breathing so hard
man, stop breathing.

I can't see man I can't see.

- Do you know Peppers
out there by the way.

I don't think he
can see a thing.

- [Jim] Well I
know I say Dozeman

trying to fog up his glasses
during one of the plays.

- Open your eyes,
open your eyes.

[crowd booing]

["Three Blind Mice"]

And then Romeo Schwartz.

I think Romeo's parents were on

to something when
they named him Romeo.

Because this guy,
he fell in love

with everyone of
the cheerleaders.

So when he was on the
field instead of watching

the opposing linemen he only
had eyes for the cheerleaders.

- Well maybe if
Romeo was spending

a little less time with Juliet

they'd be doing
better on the field.

- Well if that was
Juliet and you out there

I think you'd also be
doing what Romeo is doing.

- Bad bad, fight
fight, let's go.

- Romeo get down.

[calm music]

And then finally,

our right tackle,
Pierre Frenchie Gervais

from Quebec, played
two years in Canada.

[speaking in foreign language]

- The Canadian league?

- Yeah the Canadian
football league.

You got your job
cut out with her.

Anyway Frenchie,
nobody told us that

in his off season he
was a full time student

at some hot cooking cousin
school or something.

- Coach Morelli I don't
mean to correct you but

I think that the term that
you're looking for is cuisine.

- Whatever, but anyways
Frenchie would make up

these exotic meals and have
these big dinner parties.

And he would leave his
guests with a monumental

case of, well you know
what I'm talking about.

Unfortunately Frenchie
would always have

gigantic portions
of the same food.

And just before the game.

[loud flatulating]

- Honestly off sides, let's
call the penalty right now.

A little loose in the
shorts as we like to say.

Was he running from somebody
or was he just running?

- [Jim] You know like they say

when you're walking down the
hall and feel something fall.

- Oh no.

[flatulating and groaning]

[toilet flushing]

- [Morelli] It
was a sloppy line.

- Oh I got that one.

That's actually pretty good.

The elephant, beetle, the dung.

I studied all about in
entomology class in college.

I was actually top of my class--

- So anyways our fans,
whatever was left of them.

[fast paced music]

The fans were on to
all the disguises

that Toshi was making up there.

[fast paced music]
[camera clicking]

You and your lousy disguises.

I think they got an idea.

Hurry hurry, hurry hurry.

Hey where's Yapi?

We lost Yapi.

- Don't worry Coach,
Yapi's coming.

- Take Suki, take
Suki, go go go go.


- [Toshi] Go Suki,
Yapi go eat okay.

- That was close.

Oh there's my glasses.

Get this thing off of me.

I don't know how women do it.


Thank you Toshi.

- Coarsely chop your walnuts,
these are the toasted walnuts.

Remember I toasted these for
about two to three minutes.

You don't have to chop
them until they're--

[calm music]

[crowd cheering]

- [Television] For
hundreds of years

livelihood here had
been tied to the--

- [Television] Slowly
add three quarters--

[speaking in foreign language]

[calm music]

- I got it!

Toshi Toshi, this sumo stuff.

How much do you know about this?

- Sumo?

Sumo much culture
and much history.

Sumo is fairly big but coach
why we should know of sumo?

- There are couple
ideas I'm working on.

- You wish know of sumo.

When I study in high
school we had cousin

in our family Mosmoto,
fairly wise cousin.

- Your cousin's a wise sumo?

- Yes no, no no no no
no personality thing.

But cousin knows someone.

- Oh your cousin
knows a wise sumo.

What's his name?

- Cousin name Masanobu.

- Not your cousin, the sumo.

- Sumo, now first
you understand.

Famous sumo cousin know retired

many years from
himself wrestling.

- He's a retired sumo wrestler?

- No, Toshi's cousin
still run barbershop.

Think barbershop still owned

[speaking in foreign language]

Think Sumo retired, Toshi check.

- That he's retired?

- No Toshi check if
barbershop is still Nakamatsu.

- Oh my God, a
retired sumo wrestler.

Yeah he's probably out of shape.

What was I thinking?

What about this guy?

Is he connected,
does he know anybody?

- Iwanami [speaking
in foreign language]

No cousin, Iwanami was...

Still is...

- A barber?

- No Iwanami legend.

After finished
with sumo wrestling

many young sumo wants
to learn his technique.

Very special so Iwanami opened

[speaking in foreign language]

- A sumo school?

- Yes.

- Now we're getting somewhere.

- Teach advanced [speaking in
foreign language] technique.

- That's the place were
like a training ground

for a ballet dance
or something like?

- Yes Coach I think....

Coach now Toshi understand.

Toshi ask cousin
Masanobu talk to Iwanami.

- Good now you call your cousin
master whatever his name is.

I gotta run all
this stuff by Frank.

Frank you're not gonna
believe this Frank.

Sumo wrestlers, sumo
wrestlers. [growls]

- Calm down for a minute here.

The Lobsterettes, Jen.

Now you see they
do a fantastic job.

They do a wonderful
halftime show

for our fans that
are still left.

- I'm talking about
sumo wrestlers Frank

five 600 pound sumo
wrestlers in Lobster uniforms

on the field in front of Caleb.

Oh my God Frank protecting
Caleb, blocking for Caleb.

- Danny did that
some of that stuff

from the fans did it
come in and get you?

Do I need to make a meeting
with a team doctor for you?

- Frank picture this five
600 pounds times five

that's 30,000 pounds of prime
Asian beef protecting Caleb.

Caleb takes the
snap, he fades back.

All the Rattlers they're
bouncing off our offensive line,

off our sumos Frank, our sumos.

Caleb has all the time in
the world to make that pass.

Look you have no idea what
these guys are capable of.

- Come on you know this game,

it takes years to
learn how to do.

- Look Toshi said--

- Don't even mention
his name wait a minute.

Those little
tyrannosaurs retreads

are not with you are they?

- No no no they're
back at my apartment.

Look look Toshi keeps in
touch with his cousin in Japan

who knows this guy that owns
the school of sumo wrestlers.

So maybe this I want a
mamma guy is willing to sell

the entire school,
sumos and all.

Toshi didn't give me the
details he said it was,

said it was hush hush,
something about the culture.

But he told me
he'd tell me later.

- Wait a minute, you're
serious aren't you?

- Yeah.

- Oh Danny we been through
a lot together but this?

- Hey Frank.

Look at us, we're losers.

While the Rattlers,

they're having victory parties
before they even play us.

[men whooping and talking]

Cajun, that's what
we need Frank.

At least send me over to Japan
with Toshi to see for myself.

I mean what do we got to lose?

A couple of thousand,
it's chicken feed.

- Chicken feed?

Danny do you have any idea what

our last year's
ticket sales were?

We have--

- Oh okay okay okay I bought
the tickets myself okay.

I was just testing you.

But look I'll fly
over there next week.

I'll take some photos,
I'll do some finessing

and you make the
decision yourself.

But Frank we gotta act fast

if this has a chance
for the coming season.

- Danny about next season.

I don't know how
to tell you this.

I'm sorry but it's about over.

- Over, over what are you
talking about over, over what?

- It's losing.

Danny the Board of Directors
man there right up me.

It's your job and mine.

- Alright so we had a
couple of crummy seasons.

- Whoa whoa, 32
losses in a row Danny.

That's not of couple
of crummy seasons.

Our fans, or what
used to be our fans

they're getting a kick
out of devouring Lobster.

And when they're
crunching into it

they're crunching into us,
into our team, into you Danny.

I don't know Danny my wife,
she can get very upset.

This could go very badly for us.

Heck, we can get vacillated.

- Hey Frank you're taking this
a little too hard aren't you?

I mean our fans are--

- Fans, what fans Danny?

You looked in the stands lately?

- Hey they're
committed to this team.

Remember Frank this is
Maine, the strawberry state.

- Blueberry Dan, blueberry.

- Okay alright whatever
but you got to realize that

these folks they have
a lot of local pride.

They know what it is to go
from the top to the bottom.

They remember what
their Maine regiment

that Chamberlain guy
did at Gettysburg.

They remember the Civil War.

- Look I said what I said and
I meant it, sumo wrestlers.

- Hey look Frank I know you know

all about this sport already but

why don't you take a
look at this flash drive

and let me know
what you think okay.

That's amazing stuff
okay, and you look it over

give me a call later
at my apartment okay.

- It's a bad idea
Dan, it'll never work.

- Hey Frank.

- What now?

- What if the
Rattlers got wind of

what we were thinking
and jump on it.

- No no no, not
what we're thinking,

what you're thinking
Danny, this is all on you.

[calm music]

[upbeat music]

- Toshi.

I'm putting a lot of faith
in you translating for me.

- Yes Coach Morelli, now worry.

English very very good.

- The future of our
team and my future to

are what we're
dealing with here.

And I gotta be honest with
you, your job as well.

- Understand Coach Morelli
the future of our team

and what you just
say is Toshi's job.

- The Lobster's
stockholders told Frank

that if this sumo
stuff doesn't work out

that you and your
family are gonna be

held directly responsible,
that's what Frank said.

Toshi's entire family will
be held directly responsible.

Heads flying all over the place.

- The heads, the heads, that's
what you say Coach Morelli?

- I didn't say that
but Frank said that.

- Flying heads,
don't worry Toshi.

Momma very old, very frail.

- Momma charming.

Okay Toshi don't worry
alright mamma's safe.

For now.

- Momma very frail.

- I'm so sorry.

- Toshi how do you say
hello in Japanese again?

- Depend the what
time day we arrive.

Morning, daytime,
chirping bird, rising sun.

Evening, nighttime, a.m.
[speaking in foreign language]

Depend, can I get a?

[jet engine roaring]

[upbeat music]

- I'm so honored to meet you.

- How you doing, how you doing?

- We must not be
late for Mr. Iwanami.

He awaits us at the
hanukkah top of restaurant.

[upbeat music]

[calm music]

- Coach Morelli when I
first speak over phone

with cousin Masanobu
he tell me he may sell

sumo school with all sumos,
now he give me more detail.

Coach Morelli you must
not discuss with anyone.

It is matter of life and death.

- Toshi what are
you talking about?

- Coach usually impossible
by school of sumo

especially by one not Japanese.

But Iwanami school
have unusual sit, sit.

- I'm sitting, I'm sitting.

- Situation.

Always been gambler,
cho han, dice.

Costing career, his
fortune, his wife but

now this time worse,
his life is in danger.

- Life, why?

- In Japan if you
gamble big you lose big.

You may be in debt to the


- Toshi what are you
talking about, yaka what?

- Yakuza, secret
Japanese organization.

Like your mafia.
[imitates guns firing]

Iwanami too much cho han, now
very heavy in debt to Yakuza.

Now Iwanami flirting with
[imitates knife cutting]

- Oh.

- They say Iwanami must pay
Yakuza, must sell school.

Cousin Masanobu tell me this
reason you can buy school.

- Well Toshi if buying
this I want your mamma guys

sumo school will
solve his problem

and give me a line
to protect O'Rourke

hey I say let's go for it.

- Good.

- When we fished we'll visit
Iwanami secret practice

building, special technique
taught, very special.

- Can I eat now?

- Yeah.

[speaking in foreign language]

I said you can pay it.

- Of course.

[drums beating]

[upbeat music]

[speaking in foreign language]

- Coach Morelli, I have
general agreement with sumos.

They know of my problem
with the Yakuza so they will

agree to sell if we can
agree on money detail.

- No problem.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Sumos agree play
for Lobsters but--

- But, but what?

[speaking in foreign language]

- Yamamoto have two girlfriend.

- Yeah here it comes.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Name Fumiko and
Yoko, athletes,

members of Purple
Lotus Blossom Society.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Very devoted to Yamamoto

so they must be put to
America with Yamamoto

and receive employment
with Lobsters.

- Employment, play
for the Lobsters?

Are you crazy?

No no no football
is a man's sport.

[speaking in foreign language]

- No no not play, cheerleader.

Yamamoto has watched
your football

on television and
he very impressed.

- He should be
implessed, impressed.

Look American football
that requires a combination

of an Einstein E equals
MC square mentality

with the killer instinct
of a rabid lion. [growling]

[speaking in foreign language]

- No Yamamoto not
impressed by American

football player but by
American cheerleader.

[speaking in foreign language]

Fumiko and Yoko, Purple
Lotus Blossom athletes

become cheerleader
or Yamamoto not go

to America and
other sumos not go.

- No that's impossible no.

The Lobsterettes coach
Jen she'll go ballistic.

No that's not gonna happen.

- But coach think about
what sumos can do for Caleb.

Think of Caleb.

Think of Suki and Yapi.

They pretty good at
protect us from fans so far

but Suki and Yapi
they're only human.

- Athletes?

That's what I want
a your mamma says.


[calm music]

- Ladies and gentlemen
I am here with you

awaiting one of the
world's greatest sumo

wrestlers coming
straight from Japan.

Here go help Coach
Morelli execute his plan

here is Hiroki Sumi.

[speaking in foreign language]

- [All] Moleti, Moleti,
Moleti, Moleti, Moleti, Moleti.

- It's Morelli,
Morelli with an R.

Toshi I haven't seen
Yamamoto's girlfriends yet.

Where are they?

- [Toshi] Toshi not
sure, Toshi check.

- Oh okay check.

[contemplative music]

- Fumiko and Yoko,
what characters.

They'd really make for an
interesting piece in my story.

- Well I haven't yet
met the two ladies but

I heard that they were athletes

from what want a mamma
told Toshi and me.

So anyways they are taking a
flight right after the sumos

to the States and
I arranged for them

to be picked up at the airport.

- Second problem.

Toshi forget second
problem but Toshi check.

- Yeah Toshi check.

That's what he
does, Toshi checks.

- When's the plane arriving?

Fumiko and Yoko.

Fumiko and Yoko, sounds cute.

And they have ballet training?

- Moscow ballet.

As a matter of
fact they could be

doing a world tour right now.

- Alright alright, yeah
they'll fit right in.

- Right and now Jen you
gotta think positive okay.

Remember if Frank
throws them with

those big stockholders and
sells the Lobster's that's it.

And I hate to say this
but who's gonna hire

a cheerleader coach
with 32 losses in a row?

- Somehow you've got
me losing 32 in a row.

Dan on what planet
do you live on?

- Hey somebody had to take
responsibility for the Lobsters.

Now look I'm not
exactly a genius--

- Oh really?

- But Jen you gotta
admit that my sumo idea--

- Dan if these girls
aren't top notch--

- Stop worrying,
they're top notch.

I told you they could be doing

the Moscow ballet
tour right now.

- Yeah well you've played
me too many times before.

If these girls aren't all star,

all Asia league or
whatever cheerleaders--

- Jen.

- I won't even think about it.

I don't have to.

If Yo Yo and--

- Right right right right.

- Whatever, if they're
not Lobsterette
material, won't work.

[sword slashing]

Razor sharp routine.

They better be really
good, really really good.

- Oh they're really
good, really good.

So how's the remodeling coming?

- Fine, my house is fine.

- And the cats?

You got really cute cats.

- Fine, my cats are fine.

[jet engine roaring]

- You're gonna love them,
they're beautiful, alright.

There they are,
there's my girls.

Come here you little
angels look at you.

- They're like Asian angels.

- Oh Jenny is gonna love you.

Come here it's okay
I'm not gonna--

Oh wait a minute, I
got something here.

[groaning in pain]

- Me Fumiko.

Greetings from Purple Lotus
Blossom Society of Lady Sumos.

Me Yoko, popular
Lotus of Blossom too.

[calm music]

[girls giggling]

- You you, sumo wrestlers?

They're sumo wrestlers.

Oh you, you sneaky little louse.

They're sumo wrestlers.

[groaning in pain]

[Jen screams]

- Fumiko and Yoko--

- Coach, could we get
back to the sumos,

their first practices?

- Okay I'll get back
to you and the ladies

But first let me deal with
Jack and the sumos okay.

If that's okay with you Gabbi?

- Fine by me coach Morelli.

[calm music]

- That's the best today.

[calm music]

Dig up, up up.

[calm music]

Don't look down, you look
down that's where you go.

Good hands good
hands, come on hustle.

[calm music]

Down [grunting]

[calm music]

Whoa whoa whoa
what are you doing?

No eating during practice
alright give me that.

Give me that, give
give. [player growls]

Alright okay but chew your
food and hustle, hustle.

What was I thinking?

Stop it, what are you doing?

Don't kick and don't
punch the ball.

- No eating, no eating no.

Drive it drive it, push it.

- Alright Yamamoto, alright
blocking all about balance.

It's all in the feet
okay but you don't

put your feet
parallel like this.

It's no good because
look no balance.

Come here Frenchie,
hey watch watch.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Okay enough with the French.

Put your feet together right.

No good, no good alright.

You got a dig in,
dig that foot in.

Alright look, yeah?

Alright get out of here.

Alright dig in, dig
in alright alright.

Here we [groaning in pain]

[upbeat music]

[speaking in foreign language]

- [Assistant Coach]
Ready, down, set, hut hut.

[upbeat music]

- Come on get up, hey hey.

Hey hey, up up up.

- Wait wait, maybe
there is a way.

[whistle blowing]

[speaking in foreign language]

[inspirational music]

- Me quarterback,
you bodyguards.

Bad guys defense.

Bad guys no touch
me, no touch me.


[inspirational music]

Toshi tell them what I said.

[all yelling]

- Go.

- Toshi what did you tell them?

- Toshi tell them that you
are great and powerful.

They must show they're
worthy of your respect.

- Alright.

Thanks man, let's do this.

Ready ready, ready.



Hut hut.

[calm music]

[all shouting]

- Good stuff Coach Morelli.

Bronick, a bench warmer
during an O and 32 season?

- [Morelli] At least he
lightens up the stadium.


- Have another one,
you'll get it even more.

- Coach Morelli why
don't you tell us about

the more, the human
side of the sumos

you know like the
everyday kind of stuff.

Our readers they're
really interested

in that background material.

- Well at first it
was a little difficult

my guys and the sumos,
language you know.

I mean let's face
it the sumos English

is not as good as Toshi's here.

Anyways a bigger
problem than that

was the cultural differences.

- Hey everybody listen up.

Tonight Lobsters drink,



fun right?

Yeah dance.

- Dance?

- Yeah.

- Drink?

- Yeah.

- Let's go.

[upbeat music]

- Hey hey, hey boys we're
gonna start winning right?

[upbeat music]

- I can tell you firsthand
from that very small beginning

between the Americans
and the sumos

they grouped together
and they became a team.

- It's good.

- Very best.

- It's delicious.

- Okay so Fumiko and Yoko,
they arrived and then what?

- I'll get back to the ladies
in a minute, just one minute.

Hey Toshi get me a rare
burger on a whole wheat bun,

ketchup, onions,
and hold the relish.

And bring me a muddy muck.

- Nice treat Coach
Morelli, Toshi bring.

- And then the first
day of rehearsal

with Jen's precious
gorgeous Lobsterettes.

[calm music]

[bowling pins falling]
[calm music]

- [Jen] Oh my Lobsterettes.

- Jen Jen.

- Oh my babies.

Moscow ballet?

You rat, I'm gonna kill you.

So help me I'm gonna kill you.

- What happened?

- My precious Lobsterettes,
they're wounded.

battlefield casualties.

- What the hell?
- What was I thinking?

- Jen hold on, where you going?

We can talk this out.

we'll do something, we'll
do whatever it takes.

[calm music]

- Something we can do?

Whatever it takes?

Yeah we're gonna do something
and I know what it takes.

I quit, but maybe Dan
I'm gonna kill you first.

- Jen work with them okay.

I mean do it for the team.

Do it for Portland, do it
for Frank, do it for me.

I mean you barely
gave them a chance

and besides it was
part of the deal.

I mean you don't by any chance

have a gun hidden
in your bra there?

Because you know they make
the little ones the size--

- Barely gave them a chance?

Killers, they're
killers, giant pit bulls.

Hey hey you can call
them anything killers

but don't call them giant
pit bulls, makes me nervous.

- Pit bulls, pit bulls,
pit bulls, pit bulls.

Giant pit bulls!

[calm music]

Moscow ballet,
that's what you said.

Dance experience,
that's what you said.

They're more uncoordinated than
my three year old niece Judy

who still walks around
in a bunny suit.

Oh my sweet Judy she's
getting really big.

I mustn't forget to
get her another one.

She's growing so fast.

Getting big, really
big, really really big.

- I'm sorry I,

I don't know what to
say, I'm really...

Look hey wait a minute, maybe--

- Hold on, that's it.

Oh pure genius.

I have to get to the
wardrobe assistant.

Fumiko, Yoko come
with me, no wait stay.

Sit, stay.

Dan don't let them
near my Lobsterettes.

I'm warning you.

Fumiko, Yoko what size are you?

- Never mind I'll figure it out.

I'll figure it out.

Toshi Toshi?

Okay Toshi you
ready to translate?

- Toshi ready.

- I am already very impressed
with your incredible,

with your great coordination,
agility subtle movements.

[girls giggling]

- Don't worry about
their stubble.

Tomorrow I tell them
shave face better.

- Okay forget subtle.

Fumiko, Yoko you are now
about to have the honor

of representing all the glory of

the Portland Lobsters
Football Team.

You are now true Lobsters.


[speaking in foreign language]

[girls giggling]

And because you are the most
important members of the field

stand at least 20, no
make it 30 feet away

from my cheerleaders okay
and from everyone else

on the field okay just so that

everyone in the stands
can see you okay.

[speaking in foreign language]

Okay, okay?


[girls giggling]

[upbeat music]

- So now began the
Lobsters first sumo season.

- [Caleb] Down.


Hut hut.

[upbeat music]

[crowd cheering]

- [Jim] O'Rourke is outstanding,

there is no question about it.

- And all because of the sumos.

[upbeat music]

But what has it done
for a O'Rourke's game?

He is a different kind
of quarterback out there.

I mean he can get passes off.

He has youth in his
legs again it's amazing.

- And so we were on our way.

[upbeat music]

Oh look at the time.

I got a very important
business appointment but

I guess I can give
you another half hour.

- Coach Morelli
Toshi must leave.

Go to stadium for
equipment check.

Our order shit, order shit.

Go out next week.

- Oh I forgot all about that.

Yeah take care of
that Toshi will you?

And I'll look after
Suki and Yapi alright.

[dogs barking]

- I was great pleasure
to meet both of you.

I look forward to reading
your article, sayonara.

- Alright see you later Toshi.

Okay now where was I?

First of all any questions?

- Coach Morelli
what you have done.

You created this feeling
of warmth and friendship.

How the citizens
of Portland they

opened their hearts
to the sumos.

It's a wonderful
wonderful story.

- Well thank you Gabbi that
was nice of you to say that.

- I mean it.

- But now Coach Molelli--

- Morelli.

- [Jack] Morelli.

- Thank you.

- The championship
game and the Rattlers

- I talked to the team
afternoon before the game.

They were sizing their fingers
for championship rings.

I mean we were undefeated,
yeah we were cocky.

Boy were we mistaken.

Had Caleb known what was
gonna happen that night

and how the game was
not gonna turn out

the way we planned he would
have never gone to see Yamamoto.

[calm music]

- [Fan] Way to go O'Rourke.

- [Fan] Great game killer.

[calm music]

[knocking on door]

[speaking in foreign language]

- Hi is Yama here?

- No, Yama not.

- Okay, well ladies
I just wanted

to go over some game
plan with him yeah.

Since he's not
here I'll be going

but just have him
give me a call okay.

He has my numbers just
have him give me a call.

Thank you guys.

Yeah what's up?

You actually can call me Caleb.

- Oh Caleb.

- Yeah what's up?

- We think you help us.

- Help?

Is Yamamoto okay, is
everything all right?

- Yamamoto nothing happen.

We need help English.

- Okay so you mean like an
English tutor or something.

Listen I would love to help but

unfortunately tonight
is not a good night

so we could do it another
time but I'll still help.


- Please come in just
to memento English.

- Just a moment?

- Memento.

- Okay.

[girls giggling]

- Saki?

- No thanks, game tomorrow.

- Yamamoto he very very jealous

- Yeah, yeah I can see that.

I can see him being
a jealous guy.

- Very.

[calm music]

[dramatic music]

- We want know women
say to a man in America.

Want to say I love
you much so much.

- So I took an English
class my freshman year.

English yeah.

So I kind of have
a knack for poetry.

So how about I write you
a poem instead of a song?

Yeah you know like

when I see birches bending
over I think of Nancy Stover.

When I see Nancy
in the grass I...

- Ah poemo.

- Ah poemo.

- We have in Japan I think.

- Oh great.

- But who is she
in poem, what that?

- Nancy, I have I actually
have no idea who Nancy is

but it's like a love poem.

- Love, love.

- Oh love, love yeah.

- Yeah so I can do a love poem.

Alright cool.

Do you have a?

Whoo, here it goes.

You should have paid more
attention in that class right?

English yeah.


Oh yes.

Your lips pierce
my innermost soul.

I am your slave.

You are my shepherd.

I shall not want.

More delicious you are

than a Portland Lobster roll.

[dramatic music]

My love is a dove laying
an egg at your feet.

[girls giggling]

My love is a dove laying
an egg a your feet.

Yes oh yes.

Your lips pierce
my innermost soul.

More delicious you are than
a Portland lobster roll.

- Ladies and gentlemen
welcome to Lobster stadium.

What a matchup we
have for you today.

This is the Rattlers coming
into town to face the Lobsters

and the Lobsters what a team,
so different from a year ago.

- There's been a
lot of anticipation

built up around the event.

- If you think
about it though Jim

this is the team
filled with sumos.

They have a new
approach to this game.

You know coach Morelli has been

pushing all the right
buttons this year

and this is a game for
them to showcase that.

Amazing to see these crowds
come out here for this team.

They absolutely love them.

Jim it is great to have
you with us here today.

These fans are in
for a real treat.

Bullock Dozeman may be
the best defensive player

in the league not
necessarily for everything

that he does
legally on the field

but he takes a bite out of a
player and he keeps on going.

- [Jim] Uncontrollable, drool
dripping from his mouth,

beating players,
picking them up,

throwing them through the air.

I've never seen
anything like it.

[upbeat music]

Incredible I saw him
on the field literally

beating somebody
with his helmet.


Dozeman has incredible
size and incredible power

but it's gonna be
interesting to see

how he looks facing
off with Yamamoto.

- [Bob] Alright let's talk
about the sumos themselves.

They've added a
dimension to this game

that clearly this team
did not have before.

- [Jim] I don't think
any team in football

has had this dynamic
before it's incredible

- We know the Lobsters
after losing 32 games,

an unprecedented
winning streak for them.

They're trying to
close it out on top

and win this championship,
enjoy the game.

[upbeat music]

There is Coach Morelli.

- [Jim] Looking
fantastic as always

leading the team out onto
the field through the tunnel.

- [Bob] No question about that.

If it weren't for Coach Morelli

we wouldn't have O'Rourke
up right and there he is.

Caleb O'Rourke, a rejuvenated
season here for the Lobsters.

- [Jim] Surrounded
by sumo wrestlers.

- And the biggest
sumo, there he is.

Yamamoto on his own
hasn't done it on his own

but what a player there,
an offensive lineman

every other team in
the league would want.

The cheerleaders
are on the sides.

[dramatic music]

My question is and Coach Morelli
is a genius of course but

why hasn't anyone
thought of this before?

We are ready for
this big match up.

The Lobsters, the Rattlers
coming at you now.

- Alright listen
up now gentlemen.

- Hey how you doing big guy?

- Pretty boy.

- [Referee] Alright alright
alright alright alright.

Alright alright.

[crowd cheering]

- [Morelli] Tails never fails.

[suspenseful music]

- [Referee] Toss,
Portland Lobsters.

[dramatic music]

[crowd cheering]

[overlapping voices]

- I think what we're doing Jim

is breaking barriers
here in the league.

It's really something
else when you consider

what's going on with this game.

Sumo wrestlers on the field
blocking for a quarterback

who had no time
to throw the ball.

Now he has time
to throw the ball.

He looks the best
he's ever looked.

I'm telling you it's
that Morelli genius

that's really making
the factor here.

- [Caleb] Down.

27, 35.

- Come on sumo.

[dramatic music]

- 16.

Hut hut.

[calm music]

[whistle blows]

[dramatic music]

[crowd booing]

- Can you believe
what's going on here?

You know if I'd
had to make this up

for myself you
wouldn't believe it.

[whistle blowing]

[overlapping voices]

- Yamamoto what are you doing?

What no no.

Get back, get back.

Yama what are you doing?

What are you, back
up, back up, back up.

What are you [growling]

[groaning in pain]

- [Jim] Yamamoto just lost it?

- [Bob] I mean
it's Caleb O'Rourke

ever gonna be alive again?

That's the question
we need to ask.

- [Jim] Do you think Yamamoto
may be questioning himself?

- [Bob] I think
Yamamoto is trying

to figure out what's
happening out there.

Do you think O'Rourke
is gonna come back

at some point or is he done?

- [Jim] Well I'm hopeful
that O'Rourke will come back.

[crowd booing]

- You know it's
kind of mystifying

when you watch that play again

and you can see it
replayed over and over.

It does look like
he just lost it,

like it had nothing to
do with the football game

and somehow he just got angry.

[crowd booing]
[overlapping voices]

Do you think O'Rourke is gonna

come back at some
point or is he done?

- [Jim] Those injuries
were pretty serious.

So we're gonna have to see
how fast he is able to heal.

- Who plays quarterback for

the Portland Lobsters
if not O'Rourke.

It's gotta be Bronick right?

- Right Bronick.

- It's gotta be
Bronick but I mean

with the giant
back there it adds

a different dimension
to the game altogether.

- [Jim] I've heard he's had some

issues with accuracy on passing.

- Two times six is three.

20 plus one is, don't
tell me I'll get it.

- Get the hell in there.

- Yes.

[calm music]

- Gash.

I guess this means you Gash.

- Me?


- Yeah you.

- Don't worry coach I
ain't gonna disappoint you.

I've been practicing my passing.

I think I finally got it down.

- No, no passing.

Running plays only you got that?

- I understand coach.
- Alright.

- I understand.

Let's go guys.

- What about Bronick?

He is an absolute
monster out there.

He's the only guy
out on that field

who even comes close
to the sumo size.

- [Jim] He's got an
incredibly intimidating voice.

I could only imagine
what it sounds like when

he's huffing and puffing in
front of your face on the field.

[bodies crunching]

- [Bozeman] That's
what you get Gash.

Take some of that.

- Stack 65, 24, hut hut.

[calm music]

- [Bob] Fourth down
and it looks like

another punting situation
for the Lobsters.

[calm music]

- Here we are Bob in
the fourth quarter.

Still no score,
luckily Coach Morelli's

defensive line has
been doing it's job.

[upbeat music]

- [Morelli] Defense defense.

Block block, yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

[upbeat music]

- He's at the 15,
he's at the 10.

He crosses the goal
line, touchdown Rattlers.

[upbeat music]

Amazing I tell you Jim.

Can you believe it?

[upbeat music]

- [Morelli] I'm ready
to fall out, let's go.

- And there's the
extra point seven zip.

What a disappointment
for Coach Morelli

and the Lobsters
in their final game

going for the perfect season but

it doesn't look like it's
going to turn that way.

[crowd cheering]

And now the Rattlers
gonna kick off here.

Kicking from his own
28 it's his short kick.

Elliot's got it,
Lobsters return man

makes it to his
own 18 yard line.

Now with 40 seconds
left on the clock.

- Alright fellas time out, time.

Get in here get in, hustle.

- [Bob] Two seconds
left on the clock.

- Alright we got time
for one last play.

We need an 82 yard run.

We can do this now
it's a piece of cake.

Now look--

- Coach.

- It could be worse though.

- Coach.

- What, what is it?

- Coach don't you think?

- No no no we gotta
cut our losses.

We gotta go do a running play.

- And I been practicing
Coach real real hard.

I got it down now Coach.

The problem was always
with my footwork.

- Yeah that's always been
the problem your footwork.

- Gash is right,
just let him bomb it.

- Yeah coach.

- Come on it's no big deal.

- No big deal?

Can he--

- We got no choice.

- No choice, this guy can't...

[drums beating]

What the hell let's go
for it alright, alright.

[all talking at once]

Listen I need you
guys to get open.

Get open and stay
open and give Gash

all the options in
the world you hear me.

Get open, now get
your asses out there.

Alright listen I'm
depending on you okay.

Alright all you gotta do
is hit an 82 yards bomb.

Hit him on the nose all right.

Do it for me, do it for Maine.

Do it for the Maine
Lobsters alright.

Remember what the
Maine Regiment did

in the Battle of
Gettysburg you can do this.

- I got it coach, I'm ready.

Let's go guys.

After all these years
coach that was my problem.

It was bad footwork coach.

Hey Coach who was
Maine at war with at

at that Bettysburg place?

- Gettysburg, we're at
war with Switzerland.

There was something about
bad cheese or something.

But hey you make
this pass and I'll

tell you all about
it the whole story.

- Switzerland, cheese?

Wow thanks Coach.

Thinking about that Swiss
cheese stuff makes me spoiled.

- Remind me go get
some Swiss cheese.

- You boys need some waking up.

Clap it up boys, clap
it up, clap it up.

I can't hear you clap
it up, clap it up.

Ready break down [team whoops]

Break down [team whoops]

Break down [team whoops]

Lobsters on three.

One, two, three.

- [All] Lobsters!

[crowd cheering]

- [Gash] Down, set, 65, 10.

- [Bob] And they're
ready for the snap.

Gash Bronick drops back.

Looking for an open
receiver he launches it.

[suspenseful music]

[bird squawks]

[suspenseful music]

Directly into the pigeon.

Fans are looking away.

The ball is in the
hands of the receiver.

Touchdown Lobsters.

Unbelievable change of events.

I have never seen
anything like this before.

Touchdown Lobsters.

Score now seven
six, Rattlers lead.

And the fans love it and
coach Morelli does too.

Players celebrate
in the end zone.

The improbable comeback becoming

more probable by the minute.

[upbeat music]

[acoustic piano music]

- Coach.

- What is it?

Look we ain't got time.

- Coach Yamamoto
make big mistake.

- Yeah a very big mistake
I don't got time for this.

- Coach you must put
him back in game.

- Oh yeah great
what are you crazy?

So he can kill another Lobster?

- [Toshi] Coach
you not understand.

- Excuse me?

- Coach listen to Toshi.

Big misunderstanding.

Yamamoto think Caleb
cheat Fumiko, Yoko.

He's sorry.

[somber music]

Coach you must put
him back in game.

He has apologized to you.

[somber music]

- Okay okay I understand
I understand okay.

Yamamoto back in game okay.

Just remember lean forward
and don't shake your hands

and above all
definitely no flying.

- It's that Morelli genius

that's really making
the factor here so

I'm not questioning him
for putting Yamamoto

back on the field he clearly
knows what he's doing.

- And that's when I knew
everything became very clear.

Suddenly I felt this
feeling deep down inside me

that things were gonna work out.

No that wouldn't work.

- Why not work Coach Morelli?

- What did you say Toshi?


You said Morelli, you
said my name right.

You pronounced it correctly.

that's the first time
since I've known you

you've said my name right.

- No understand Coach Morelli.

- Stop you said
it again Morelli.

Wow, just like that.

Toshi I am gonna give you
the last play of the game.

It's yours, it's
your play to call.

Alright only for
telling me something.

You can do it.

You get the final play to call.

I know you can do it.

- But Coach Toshi
not slander to coach.

- You can do it just do it.

- [Fan] Come on Morelli.

- Alright remember.

No other pigeons around.

It's a running play
not a passing play.

We got to get these
two points for the win.

A tie would only
prolong the agony.

Alright two points,
you can do it.

- Understand Coach Morelli.

[speaking in foreign language]

- It's Morelli,
Morelli, forget it.

[speaking in foreign language]

- [Bob] And the Lobsters
call their final time out.

[speaking in foreign language]

[team shouting]

[crowd cheering]

And the game clock shows
five seconds to go.

Well the sumos seem to
be blending something.

Kobayashi puts his helmet
and shoulder pads down.

I'm trying to figure out
what I'm seeing here Jim.

Sato does the same thing.

This doesn't look like
anything we've seen before.

Sumi also does the same.

All of the helmets and shoulder
pads are going to the side.

- What did you tell them?

- Toshi tell them for
sumo way, for sumo honor.

For sumos mammas!

- I'd tell you to look away
if that were even possible.

It does appear the
sumos are going to go

full sumo here on
the football field.

And the refs I think
might allow this

or at least have no
choice in the matter.

Forget helmets
and shoulder pads.

Look at them out here.

Trying for that two
point conversion.

Hey why not let's
give this one a shot.

[upbeat music]
[overlapping voices]

- Three, two, one, sushi tushi.

[upbeat music]

- I tell you I've
never seen this

on a football field before.

What are we witnessing?

[crowd cheering]

And the two point
conversion is good.

The Lobsters win the game.

The final score Lobsters
eight, Rattlers seven.

What an incredible game.

[upbeat music]

[inspirational music]

- [All] Morelli, Morelli,
Morelli, Morelli, Morelli.

- That's the most interesting,

the most warmest
story ever covered me.

- It really is.

- Well.

[girls giggling]

Now if you'll excuse me I've got

some important football
business to attend to.

- Coach Morelli
thank you so much.

I'll send you a copy and
I've really appreciate it.

- Thank you, thank you
for the compliments.

- Wonderful, wonderful story.

- Wes what was my name again?

- Oh Morelli.

- Morelli alright,
Morelli alright.

I want to see that print okay.

- Okay.

- Alright thanks for coming.

Yeah I really
enjoyed your visit.

Let's do it again soon.

[girls giggling]

Sorry to keep you
waiting ladies.

[loud explosion]

[dramatic music]

Suki, Yapi.

Knee caps, go for the knee caps.

[dramatic music]


[dramatic music]


[upbeat music]

[military cadence playing]

[speaking in foreign language]

[military cadence playing]

[singing in foreign language]