Stolen: One Husband (1990) - full transcript

- Hey, you got everything?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Wait a minute,
I hear something.

Watch it, he's coming.

Move, move!

- Okay, okay, I'm
right behind you, be quiet.

- What's the
matter with the lights?

Why aren't they on?

Katherine!

Geez, Katherine!

Hello?



- Surprise!

Happy Birthday!

♪ I've got sunshine

♪ On a cloudy day

♪ When it's cold outside

♪ I've got the month of May

♪ I guess you'll say

♪ What can make me feel this way

♪ My girl, my girl, my girl

♪ Talkin' bout my girl, my girl

♪ I've got so much honey

♪ The bees envy me

- Oh god.

Oh are we hot?



- Please!

♪ I guess you'll say

♪ What can make me feel this way

♪ My girl, my girl, my girl

♪ Talkin' bout my girl

♪ My girl, ooh

- You see, it still fits.

- Well, I had it
altered, honey.

- Oh.

- Ow!

- Sorry.

- Hey guys!

I'm having a better time tonight

than I ever had in the '60s.

I really am, the best time!

- That's because she
was divorced twice

and had an annulment in the 60s.

- Marty!

- I'm sorry.

- Those were the days,
huh buddy?

- That song was playing
on the car radio

when you brought me home from
our first date, remember?

- How could I forget?

You won the world's record
in the dash to the door.

- Oh, you know how
long I've known Katie?

- How long?

- Well, let's see.

You're 28, so I guess I've
known her four years less

than you are.

No, three years less
than you are.

No, I'm way off.

If I'm 40, nevermind.

I've known Katie for,
well, a long time.

Quite a while, yeah.

♪ I guess you'll say

♪ What can make me feel this way

- I heard a good one today.

- Go on.

- What's black and brown
and looks good on a lawyer?

- What?

- A doberman.

- Happy 50 Mr. Martin.

Tonight, you laugh.

Tomorrow, you cry.

- Great party, Mom.

I love the costumes.

- Oh.

- He's not wearing a costume,
that's the way he dresses.

- Oh come on, Marty.

They look like we did
when we first met.

- Young?

- Come on.

- Well I didn't
drive a motorcycle.

- Yeah, because you
couldn't afford it.

- Did I wear an earring?

- You had long hair.

- Not that long.

- Marty, I love you.

- I feel old.

- Morning.

If I invite the Perlmunners
and the McBrides,

they'll kill each other.

- Might be the highlight
of the wedding.

- Sweetheart, aren't you
going into the office today?

- No, I'd rather stay in
bed and suck on my covers.

- Sounds like fun.

Want some company?

- Uh-oh.

- Marty, even though our
darling daughter's weeding

is in nine months,

we have to reserve the
country club or the church

right away.

Or maybe we should
have it here at home.

What do you think?

- Not good.

- Why?

- It's 130 over 90, you
know what that means?

- No hanky panky tonight.

- Maybe I'm dying.

- Why don't you use
that exercise equipment

that I bought for you?

Really, get your heart pumping.

- It's true, Mr. Martin.

The only exercise I've
seen you do in 12 years

is chew.

- Nobody asked you, Imelda.

Where's my sausage?

- No more sausage for you.

Oat bran.

- Since when?

- I don't know nothing.

- All that fat clogging
up your arteries.

Come on, honey, I want
us to grow old together.

- I want my sausage.

- Don't forget you have lunch
tody with Jennie at the club.

Now, I've called Helmut,

he's going to prepare
a lovely platter

of steamed vegetables for you.

Come on, Marty,
eat your oat bran.

- Sorry I'm late, Daddy.

- Mm, it's okay honey.

Sorry I started without you.

I'm starving.

- Um, I brought my boss,
Sam, from the office.

- How you doin', Sam?

- It's a pleasure to
meet you, Mr. Slade.

- Oh, uh.

Mr. Martin, uh, Martin.

Call me Martin.

- I hope you don't mind, Martin,

but I asked Jennie
to bring me along.

You've been um, well
I've gotta admit,

you've been sort of a
hero of mine for years.

As far as I'm concerned,

you're the most
progressive developer

west of the Mississippi.

- Oh please, sit down.

- Ladies, would
you like to see some menus?

- Oh no menus, please,
just two iced teas,

lots of ice, extra lemon.

Daddy, Sam's really taken me
under her wing at the paper.

I mean, she is the
best business reporter

on the entire staff.

You know, when Mrs.
Baldazano sent me over there,

I didn't know who
they'd assign me to,

and quite frankly, the
editor, Mr. Shapiro,

didn't seem to want to have
anything to do with me.

But I think maybe Sam

felt a little sorry for me,

and she said I can
intern with her.

I'm even getting credit
for this at school.

She's really teaching me
to go after what I want.

I mean, that's
what you have to do

if you're gonna be a
reporter, you know,

to get that exclusive.

And I couldn't believe that
she knows everything about you.

How you were the
oldest of 11 kids,

that you were poor and worked
your way through school

busing tables at Luigi's.

She even knew that you
graduated Magna Cum Laude,

and that you were written
up in Who's Who Under 40

when you were 30.

I mean, she really
does her homework.

You know what's so weird, Dad?

Sam went to Stanford, too.

Just like you.

She even knows that crazy
professor, Mr. Schuldenfry.

I guess that's a consequence.

You were just meant to be.

I mean, here we
are, here she is,

knowing more about
you that I do.

It's amazing.

Anyway, she's doing a series
of articles on self-made men,

and she'd like to
do a story on you.

I know how you feel
about interviews, Dad,

but she insisted on
meeting you anyway.

- Oh.

I'm sorry, Sam, but I.

Never give interviews.

- It's a amazing to me
that after all my husbands,

I only chose to have one
child, and this is it.

- I just hate eating
without Marty.

He's been working
so hard lately.

- I think I just had
a nervous breakdown.

That explains it.

- It?

- What we just did.

I mean, some guys have
a breakdown, and like,

they flash at a supermarket,

or they run out onto a
football field in a dress,

and uh, jiggle around in
the middle of the Superbowl.

Me, I.

I.

- Made incredible love.

- Right.

Oh uh, look uh, this isn't me.

I mean, I don't do
things like this.

Other people do.

Well then, how did I
get to be other people?

Hey, can I use your phone?

I always call when
I'm late for dinner.

- That's very thoughtful.

- I can't do this
in front of you.

- I'll go make some coffee.

Do you always dress for coffee?

- I really shouldn't be here.

- Oh Martin, why
don't you just relax?

- I can't relax, I'm married.

I really have to
go, I'm so sorry.

- Have you ever done
it with hot oil?

- Uh, goodbye Sam, I think
both of us should forget

that this ever happened.

How, how, how hot?

- Come on Lisa,
help me out here.

That's too many letters.

Hi, sweetheart.

- Sorry I'm late.

- You must be tired.

Okay look, let's just
forget that one, all right?

What about a six letter
word that means deception?

Affair, yeah, perfect.

Very good.

Look Lisa, what if I seat
the Watzkis at your table?

Well what did your mother
ever to do the Watzkis?

- I'm gonna take a shower.

- Good morning, sexy.

- Good morning, sexy!

Thanks, Imelda.

- Good
morning, Mr. Martin.

- Morning.

I better run.

- Honey, marmalade.

Marmalade all over your tie.

- I'll clean it
up at the office.

- Aren't you gonna eat anything?

- I'm not hungry.

I've got a nine o'clock
meeting with the Justice twins.

- Bye!

- We gotta hurry.

I have no time.

Big meeting.

At the office.

11 o'clock, with
the Justice twins.

- Martin,
put your pants on.

- Where we goin'?

- You're going to work?

- I am?

Why?

- Because I'm tired.

- You're never tired.

- I'm tired of this.

This catching you between
breakfast and meetings

and dinner and bed time.

- Oh, it's just, honey, it's
been a very busy time for me.

I'm sure next month, I'll
have a lot more time--

- No, I'm not waiting
until next month, Martin.

Get dressed.

- Sam.

Sam, you knew that I
was married when we met.

Could you throw me
my socks, please?

- One is green and
one is blue, great.

They don't match.

Look Martin, I'm sorry,
I can't do this anymore.

I'm sick of all the lies
and sneaking around.

I know you don't
wanna hurt anyone,

but this way you're
hurting everyone.

- Sugar, you don't understand.

Katherine and I were
married for 25 years.

25 years, she'd fall
apart without me.

She'd just shrivel up.

- She'll survive.

A year from now,
she'll be thanking you

for giving her the freedom
to come out of her cocoon.

Martin.

Love is letting the caterpillar
turn into a butterfly.

- Oh.

Did you just make that up?

- No, I'm serious.

- Sam, I can't do it.

She built her whole
life around me.

- Give the woman
some credit, please.

Your relationship
ended years ago.

You know, the two of you
have only been hanging on

because it's all
you know how to do.

If you're not happy,
she's probably not either.

- What are you talking about?

Katherine is very happy with me.

- If that's what you
wanna believe, fine.

- I don't know.

I don't know.

- Martin, it's her or me.

Her or me.

Make your choice.

- Where are you?

- The doctor just found
out who killed her.

- Are they in Hawaii yet?

- No.

- Oh, you're just
gettin' to the good part.

- Have you made
a choice, Mr. Slade?

- Yes, um.

Yes, we'd like one
spaghetti arrabiata

and a linguini marinara,

couple of ensalada verdes
with the dressing on the side,

and some fried zucchini.

No, uh.

We'll have some creamed spinach.

No, um, steamed spinach.

- Very good, sir.

- Do you know it has
been such a long time

since you and I had
dinner together?

What's the occasion?

- Us.

You and me.

- Marty.

That deserves a toast.

To us.

Is anything wrong?

- Katherine.

- You know, I miss
you calling me Katie.

- Ensalada verde.

- Thank you.

- Dressing on the side.

- Why do you have to look
so beautiful tonight?

We shouldn't have come here.

I made a mistake, waiter!

- Don't be ridiculous, I'm
having a wonderful time.

- I'm suffocating.

- Oh, well you know we'll get
them to turn down the fire.

Waiter!

- No, no.
- Excuse me.

- No please, this is
all wrong, let's go.

Waiter!

- What are you doing?

I don't understand, Marty.

- Check please.

This is too difficult.

I don't know how to do it.

- Do what?

- I'm just not happy,

and if I'm not happy,
you're probably not happy.

- I'm happy.

- I knew you'd say that.

Look, Katherine.

I want out.

- Out?

Of what?

- Our marriage.

Don't, don't, don't worry.

Soon you'll be a month.

- Moth?

- Butterfly, I meant butterfly.

- What are you talking about?

- In a year, you'll
thank me, you'll be free.

- But I don't want to be free.

I'm, Marty.

What have I done?

- Nothing, you
haven't done anything.

You've been wonderful.

- If I've been so wonderful,
why are you leaving?

- Look, Katherine, Katherine,
it's not you, it's me.

I feel smothered,
I need my space.

I don't know what's
happening to me.

I wake up in the morning, and--

- What's her name?

- What are you talking about?

- Who is she?

- Who?

- Marty, please,
don't lie to me.

- Samantha.

Samantha Laurel.

- Where did you meet her?

- Mutual friend.

- Who?

- Jennie, she's--

- Jennie.

Our daughter, Jennie?

- Yeah, she's interning
for her at the paper.

Sam's the top business
reporter on the--

- Sam.

You call her Sam.

- Well, yeah, yeah, but
she calls herself Sam.

- How old is Sam?

- What difference
does that make?

- She's young.

- Well, I mean, she's
younger than me,

if that's what you mean.

- Jennie's 21, is she
younger than Jennie?

- Of course not.

She's 27.

- Is there something
wrong with the salad?

- Yes.

Yes, he doesn't like it.

It's too old, it's too wilted,

it is too brown around
the edges, just like me.

A moth!

Oh my god!

Oh, Marty.

Marty.

Now what?

Give me a break!

Oh great.

Damn you!

Oh, damn you, you son
of a bitch!

My god, why?

Ah!

Damn.

- Mom, it's been a
week, let me in, please!

- Go away.

- I didn't do it on purpose.

When's Dad getting
back from Texas?

- Today, I think.

Who cares?

- What's all this?

- She opens the door for junk.

It's popcorn, extra butter,
cheddar cheese balls,

licorice, black only,
beef jerky sticks,

the kind that come in
a jar, she loves those.

And the vanilla chocolate bars,

but only if they've
been in the freezer.

Watch.

Mrs. Katherine?

I have chocolate.

- Mom.

- Bless this immense
project, dear Lord,

and bless the man
who will build it.

- Bless his truth, his
honesty, and his family.

- Amen.

- Amen.

Jennie, oh what a
pleasant surprise.

You've heard me talk
about the Justice twins.

This is Warren Justice and
his brother Waylen Justice.

This is my daughter, Jennie.

Real pleased to meet you.

- Daddy, I really
need to talk to you.

- Well, when a
man's family calls--

- You go on ahead
now, we understand.

- We do, we do.

- Thank you, excuse me.

- Pleasure.

Hope to see you again.

- Jennie, what are
you doing here?

I'm in the middle of a meeting.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I should've known your work
is far more important to you

than your family.

- Jennie, Jennie!

Come here, sit down.

Did your mother send you here?

- She's not talking to me.

- Well tell her it
wasn't your fault.

- Why don't you tell her?

Look Dad, Sam's gonna leave you

just as soon as she
can find someone

who can do more for
her than you can.

- You don't know her
like I do, Jennie.

We love each other.

- That's what you
used to say about Mom.

- This has nothing
to do with Mom.

- Yeah, I know what
this has to do with.

- Jennie, it's me.

Now I know it's hard
for you to understand,

you're 21, you're a baby.

I'm 50, your whole
life is ahead of you.

I don't know what I have.

It's all gone by so fast.

Sam is a second chance for me.

She's magic, she's--

- Have a good lunch, Dad.

Watch your cholesterol, though.

Sam's not gonna like it very
much when your arteries harden.

- Jennie.

Don't.

- Don't what?

- Don't wipe with the diaper

until you have a steady
flow of water to buffer it.

- You better do it.

I want a cigarette.

- That's a disgusting habit.

- Martin, why do you
clean your own car?

- Because I do it
better than anyone else.

Tomorrow I'll get a garage.

There's too much
dust around here.

So what's your day like?

- Mm, I'm interviewing the
owner of ZZY Computers.

- Ah.

- How about you?

- Meetings.

And lunch with Will Barker.

- Let me check your
tie before you go.

- Why?

- Because I don't think
turquoise and chartreuse

really work, do you?

- Look, I'm colorblind,
leave me alone.

- Tell you what.

I'll drive you to the office,

and after my interview, I'll
see if I can find a garage.

How about that?

- That would be great.

- This Will Barker
you're having lunch with

isn't the Will Barker, the
billionaire hermit from Utah?

- Oh, Will isn't a hermit, he
just doesn't like the press.

- Honey, have I ever
asked you for a favor?

- No, and don't ask this one.

- Martin, if I got an
exclusive with Barker,

I would get my own
weekly column like that.

- Sam, I can't.

Will and I are old friends.

I knew him in school

before he made his first
million and got weird.

- Well that's even better,
he'll listen to you.

- Honey, don't put
me on the spot.

Will never.

- Talks to the press?

- How is she?

Is she all right?

- She's switched
from sugar to starch.

I have your lunch,
Mrs. Katherine.

Mesquite cheddar potato chips
and an extra cheese pizza.

- And for dessert, I have
a list of divorce lawyers.

All of them killers.

What happened to your face?

- Pimples.

I haven't had pimples
since Kenny Chirelli

took me to the junior prom.

- I know a good dermatologist.

- So do I.

Hey, give me that cupcake.

- I can't actually believe

you're putting this
junk into your body.

- Nobody wants my body.

- Don't!

- Just one little
piece, one bite.

- Katie, get a grip.

Get a grip, come
on, get outta bed.

- I don't
wanna get out of bed, Lisa.

- Move your legs, walk around.

You trust me, right?

- Yes.

- You have to do
something for yourself.

It's been a month.

It's time for action.

We'll call for a facial,

and then I want you to
talk to my psychiatrist.

- No.

- Why not?

- Because, I don't
wanna pay a professional

to tell me what a failure I am.

I already know that.

- Katherine, you're
not a failure.

You're angry, and you're
taking it out on you.

Come on, where's your spunk?

Where's your fight,
honey, come on?

- Sam took 'em.

Oh gosh, my husband was
stolen by a woman named Sam.

Not a Monique, not a
Tiffany, but a Sam.

- Forget Sam!

Forget Martin!

Forget the marriage!

- Drop dead!

- Don't waste that on me, kiddo.

Use it.

Get mad, and then get even.

- How do I do that?

- There are ways.

Many ways.

She'll be back soon.

- You sure?

- Positive.

- How are you so sure?

Lisa, let's not do this.

- Relax, relax, I
called her paper.

I told them I was her mother,
everybody has a mother,

they told me she'd
be home by four.

This is the address.

- All right.

- All right?

Go back in the car.

- You know, I probably lost
my mind, but I like this.

- Get in the car.
- Right.

- Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

Get down, stay down!

Down!

Excuse me, honey?

Excuse me!

- Yes?

- Would happen to know who
belongs to this thing here

or that car behind me?

- Yeah, a friend of
mine owns this thing here.

- Oh they do?

Well that's fine,
that's just fine.

Do you think you might
be able to get the keys

so you could move it?

Move it up just a tad?

- Uh, well the
keys are upstairs,

but my friend doesn't like
anyone else driving his car.

- Well, yes.

Yes, indeed, I certainly
understand that.

But you see, honey,

I'm as stuck as a bear's
butt in a beehive,

now if I go ahead on and try
to move my little vehicle,

I might just hurt
your friend's car.

Badly.

- All right, all right.

I'll go get the keys,
don't move, okay?

- Don't you worry, I
wouldn't move at all.

I'm gonna stand here and be
as still as slime on a slug.

- Slime on a slug?

- I'm from New York,
what do you want?

It's all I could think of.

- Okay here, take
these, take these hurry.

- All right, hurry up.

- Okay, yeah, yeah, right.

Okay.
- Under the wheel.

- Yep, way under.

- All right, here we go.

- That's
beautiful, yeah, okay.

- Give me some of that.
- Yeah.

- Say, what did you
think of Sam in person?

- Well, if young, gorgeous,
and slender is your style,

she's okay.

- I don't think
it's so fabulous.

- Yeah right.
- Get in the car.

- Right, right, right.

- And stay down
this time, will ya?

- All clear, Joe!

- Oh no.

No, oh no.

Oh, on no!

- Bye bye, you are
a sugar.

- I'm gonna be sick.

Oh, oh.

Wait, wait!

Wait, no!

- No, no!

No, no, no!

Uh, no, oh no, no.

Oh bunny, oh bunny!

Oh no!

No!

- How lucky can you get?

- Divine providence,
darling.

- Are you all right?

Are you all right?

- Aren't you gonna
ask if I'm all right?

- I told you not
to move the car!

Oh, it'll be okay.

Oh, it'll be, oh bunny,
it's gonna be okay.

Oh no, no.

I feel terrible that I
screamed at you about the car.

- Where are we going?

- I got a surprise for you.

There's two steps, one, two.

That's it.

Now, the last step, I
wanna make it up to you

because I lost my temper
the other day, okay?

Okay.

Well?

What do you think?

Do you like it?

- Oh Martin.

Oh, I love it, our own place.

- Nothing of your past
and nothing of mine.

A brand new start.

Let's toast to that.

- I love you.

- Mm, I saved the best for last.

- What, what?

- The most spectacular
view in town.

You press the button.

- Oh, this is great.

- What the?

- Is this a joke, honey?

- My wife,
she's lost her mind.

Katherine, pick up!

I know you're there.

I have had it with
your childish pranks,

and I've had it with you!

- Everything okay?

- Okay, to record your message,

press message button and
record button simultaneously.

I can do that.

You have reached the
office of Martin Slade.

Entrepreneur and home wrecker.

If you're a woman over
27, don't leave a message

because he will
not call you back

or even acknowledge
that you exist.

Oh yeah well look,

I'm very excited about this.

This is gonna be
a real surprise.

You know, I found it myself.

I went shopping for it.

- You went shopping?

- Uh-huh, I did,
I went shopping.

I'm sure I left
it in the office.

Oh yeah, I knew I left it here.

- What is it?

- Here, here open it up.

I hope you like it.

What do you think?

- Oh Martin.

Oh, they're beautiful.

- Do you like them?

- Yes, oh, Martin.

Oh, you're so sweet.

- You feel so good.

What are you doing?

- Oh, well.

- What are you doing?

- Well we,
we've done it in the car,

we've done it on the beach,

but we've never done
it in your office, so.

- Oh honey, you feel so good.

Oh yes.

- I bet you've never
done this with your wife,

have you?

- No,
never, never, never.

Well, after months of hard work,

the Hallelujah Mall is
ready to go forward.

- Before we sign this contract,

I think we should all remember

that beyond the millions
of dollars involved,

there is something
more important.

The moral fiber of America.

For if we cannot find it
in our shopping malls--

- Where can it be found?

- Amen, brother.

- Amen.

- Okay,
Mr. Hot Pants.

Get a load of this.

- Oh Martin.

- What are you doing?

- Well?

- What are you doing?

- Well,
we've done it in the car,

we've done it on
the beach, but um--

It's uh, it's just a joke.

It feels so good.

Would you
turn off the intercom?

The intercom!

Turn off the intercom!

Turn off the intercom!

It's, it's, it's a
joke, it's nothing.

Would you turn off the intercom!

Get the boxes off!

No, it's, it's, it's okay.

- There's a time and a
place for everything.

- No, no.

- I think that we will do
business elsewhere, sir.

Thank you very much.

- No, no, no.

It's just a, please.

Oh, baby, oh!

That's it, the gloves are off.

- Oh!

- Don't waste your time.

None of the keys work anymore.

Mr. Slade's had
the locks changed.

- Who are you?

- Ernie Case.

Maybe you remember me from
that wonderful Christmas party

you gave last year.

I won the turkey.

- Oh, congratulations.

What are you doing here?

- I'm supposed to
prevent trespassing.

- Trespassing?

Give me the keys, Ernie.

- No can do.

- Ernie, this is my house.

- Mr. Slade plans to tear it
down, build a parking lot.

- A parking lot?

Ernie, give me the keys, or
I'm gonna break in right now.

- Don't try any funny stuff.

I'm armed.

- I don't believe this.

I truly do not believe this.

Wait a minute, where's my car?

It was right here,
where is my car?

It was here, right here!

Oh, Marty!

- I'm sorry, Mrs. Slade.

These accounts are all
in your husband's name.

And his attorneys, Leibowitz,
Lipschitz, and McGregor,

they filed all the
proper documents.

The funds are frozen until
a decision is resolved.

- What can I do?

- Nothing without a
very good attorney.

- Maybe this isn't the
best time to bring this up.

But your credit cards,
are they in your name?

- Of course.

Good, good.

Very good.

Let's go.

Thank you.

You know, with Harvey,
my first husband,

they were what you
called spouse's cards.

So as soon as he contacted
all the companies,

my credit stopped, forever.

- Yep, so has mine.

Excuse me, please.

- I'm sorry, Mrs.
Slade, you can't go in.

- Get out of my way.

- I tried
to stop her, Mr. Slade.

- Martin.

- I'm in the middle
of a meeting.

- I want my house and
my car and my dog.

- That's my house
and it's my car,

and I kidnapped the dog.

- You bastard.

- How dare you talk to me like
that after what you've done!

- What I've done?

What have you
done, you leave me!

For some cheap little--

- Sam is not cheap.

- You left her for a guy?

- Shut up!

- I want my keys!

- I want a divorce!

- So do I!

- Get yourself a lawyer!

- You bet!

- What profession
did you give up

in order to become Mrs. Slade?

- None.

I bet that's inconceivable
for a person like you,

a young, professional woman,

but I really never thought
much about a career.

I always wanted to fall in
love with a wonderful man

and get married
and have a family.

And that's what I did.

- That's not going to help us.

Okay, let's try another angle.

In what way do you think
you were instrumental

in advancing your
husband's career?

- Well.

I gave parties.

- You gave parties.

- See Marty has never been
comfortable with people,

he's just one of
those awkward guys

and I sort of, well, basically,

I took charge of
our social life,

and I gave parties so he
would meet the right people.

- Tell me more.

- Well, when we
met, Marty was, oh,

he was full of
drive and ambition,

but he wore polyester.

I didn't come from money, but
I knew not to wear polyester.

- Doesn't breathe.

- Exactly.

- So you gave parties.

- Mm-hm.

I read the business pages
and the society columns,

and I made lists of people
who Marty should meet

in order to get ahead, and
I invited them.

In the beginning,
hardly any of them came,

but still, I gave a
dinner party for 20,

four would show up.

But those four would
have a great time,

they'd tell their friends,
then maybe 10 would come,

and then pretty
soon, everybody did.

- In other words, you took
an unsophisticated lout

from the no list to the A list,

spent the best
years of your life

building him into something

only to have him abandon
you in your twilight years.

- Right.

Except for the
twilight years part.

- Don't worry.

We're going to get
you everything that's
rightfully yours.

- I don't want what's rightfully
mine, I want what's his.

- Well, let's start by putting
you back in your house.

I'll call you tomorrow morning.

- Tomorrow?

What about tonight?

- Give me a break.

I'm not a 7-Eleven.

- Hi, this is Lisa.

I'm out of town until tomorrow.

Only my bodyguard and
vicious dog are here.

Leave your name and number,
and I'll call you tomorrow.

- Lisa,
where are you?

Guess who?

- Mrs. Katherine, what
are you doing here?

- I suppose you
noticed the armed guard

at the house this morning.

- As soon as I saw the gun,

I turn around and come home.

Why, Mr. Martin?

- Yes, I need a favor from you.

- You name it, you got it.

- Well, I find myself with
no credit cards and no cash,

and well, I was wondering,

may I stay in your
guest room this evening?

- Oh boy, Imelda, I had no
idea you took three buses

to get here every morning.

- And come
back every night.

- I mean, the
transportation system--

- Stinks!

- Sophie!

- Hey, I got it.

- Great, great.

- Here you go.

- Come on, come on, sweetheart.

- Got the keys, the car,
the dog, and and order.

You may remain on the premises

until all of this is resolved.

- What's the catch?

- Nothing major.

Mr. Slade will pay only
50% of the expenses.

You'll have to pay the rest.

- Wait a minute, the
pool man, the gardener,

the maintenance.

- The housekeeper.

- I've gotta run.

I've got a deposition.

- But how am I supposed
to pay for all this?

- This may sound ridiculous,

but have you ever
thought of getting a job?

- Excuse me?

- Work.

- No.

- Well think about it.

Caio.

- Aren't we going in?

- I'm over 40, I have no
experience, no job skills,

no college degree.

All I have to do is find a job.

This oughta be a snap.

Assistant marketing manager.

- Sounds good.

- No, bilingual,
Japanese-English.

Horse trainer, geez.

- I let myself in.

Mom, it's time we made up.

I'm sorry.

I've kicked myself
a thousand times.

What could I do?

She's my boss, she
wanted to do a story.

- Well you can stop
kicking yourself.

Save a few for your father.

And next time, bring groceries.

I can't eat flowers.

- Your mother needs
a job, Miss Jennie.

- A job.

But you don't know
how to do anything.

- Oh thanks for the
vote of confidence.

Excellent opportunity for
mature, elegant person

with talent for dealing
with the public.

No experience required.

- Yeah, circle that one.

- Jean-Pierre House of Beauty.

How may I help you?

A manicure?

Yes, we have an opening at four.

Good, what is the name please?

R-U-S-T-Y, Rusty.

See you then.

Hello.

- Hello, is Shep ready?

- Shep?

Let me check the computer.

- He's the fabulous sheepdog.

- Here he is, Shep, number 22.

A P-cut.

- P-cut?

- Well, everything
here is computerized,

it's very efficient.

Every cut has its own code,

so when the dog arrives,
I simply key in the code,

and the groomers do the rest.

- Very impressive.

That's my baby's voice.

Sheppy, I'm here!

Sheppy!

What have you done to him?

What happened to all
his beautiful hair?

He's a sheepdog, and now he
looks like a, a, a poodle!

- Oh, I'm sorry don't cry!

Listen, there are so many
codes for me to remember,

please forgive me.

It'll grow back.

Five hours.

I lasted five hours
on my first job.

- So you'll find something else.

- Another round, ladies?

- Sure.

Why not?

- Not for me, thanks.

I gotta meet Steve in town.

We're checkin' out this
band for the wedding.

The Blood Clots.

- Okay.

- Well you don't have to leave.

- Well I'm certainly not
staying in a bar by myself, Jen.

- Mom, you're a grown up.

This is a perfectly
respectable place.

- What if somebody
comes over, you know,

and tries to pick me up?

- Well,
if you like him--

- Jennie.

- Mom, you gotta face the fact

that you're, you know,
well, single again.

I mean, you can either
hide under a rock

or get out there
and face the world.

- I think I'll
hide under a rock.

- Okay, well, take
these just in case.

- What are you handing me?

Condoms?

- Yeah.

- Would you please put these
away before everybody sees?

- Mom, what's the big deal?

- What are you doing
with these, anyway?

- Give me a break.

What do you think
Steve and I do?

Sit around and read
Shakespeare to each other?

- I don't wanna hear
about your sex life,

and I can just tell you, I
have no use for these things.

- Why, are you
gonna become a nun?

Look, take them, you never know.

- I know.

Please.

- Look, better safe
than sorry, okay.

- I don't want them.

- I'm putting them
in your purse.

- I don't need them.

- Have another drink and relax.

You're a big girl.

I'll call you at home later.

Bye.

- Good bye.

- Uh, excuse me, I wasn't
trying to eves drop,

but it was kind of hard not to.

I'll look out for you.

If anybody bothers you,

I'll be over here in a sec.

Here's the other one
with the umbrella.

- Thank you.

- Sweetheart, I don't know how
the heck you can concentrate

with that racket going on.

- You gotta keep up
with the times, Martin.

- Well, it's sort
of a catchy beat.

Like cows in heat.

Thank you.

Hey, that's Will Barker.

And there's Dalton and Rebecca.

What are you doing?

- The key to a successful party

is an interesting mix of people
with a great deal in common.

- That's true, who's
having a party?

- Well, I think it's time
we entertain, don't you?

Oh here.

I put this list together.

What do you think?

- Oh, these people
have a lot in common.

They're all stinking rich
and they hate each other.

- Martin, how can you talk
that way about your friends?

- Darling, these people
aren't my friends,

they're business acquaintances.

My friends are guys I hang
out with, play poker with,

go to a ball game with.

People nobody would be
interested in reading about.

- No honey, you're
missing the point.

There are friends,
and there are friends.

I'm talking about
the right friends.

- You're kidding, aren't you?

- Am I laughing?

- I left my husband.

He didn't like my hair.

- Where do you get it done?

- House of Flame.

- I go there, too.

- Yeah?

- Yes.

- Redheads are their specialty.

- Closing time.

- Goodnight, Joe.

- Night, Sue.

- Good luck.

- Thank you, you too.
- Yeah.

- Thanks for
watching out for me.

Not that I needed it.

No one, but no one was
the least bit interested.

- No, that's not true.

- It is true.

- You're a beautiful,
classy lady.

But a guy can tell when a
woman wants to be alone.

- You're very sweet.

Oh--

- Joe.

- Joe.

Joe, the bartender.

Set 'em up, Joe.

- Ah, I hope you get a cab.

- Oh, I really
don't wanna go home.

It's a big empty house.

Your husband ever
leave you, Joe.

- No.

- And then he left.

- What happened next?

- Nothing.

End of story.

- Why?

- What do you mean?

- That should just
be the beginning.

You're a smart, lovely
lady, Katherine.

Give yourself a chance.

- And you're a very
sweet person, Joe.

Wow.

- Would you like
to invite me in?

It's getting cold out here.

- I know.

Could we just kiss
once more out here.

Would that be okay?

- Sure.

- Hmm, so you wanna go in now?

- Thank you.
- No.

- Really.

- Thank you.

If you ever change your mind,
you know where to find me.

- Yes, I do.

Thank you again, Joe.

Night.

- Night.

- Good morning, darling.

- That hurts my eyes.

- Depressed again?

- Hungover.

- Oh, I hope you
weren't drinking alone.

There's nothing as pathetic
as a lonely drunken woman.

- No, I wasn't.

- Really?

- Mm-mm.

I found myself a friend.

- You did?

Good for you.

How was he?

- It wasn't like that, Lisa.

- You're hopeless.

This is Lisa Jarrett.

I have left 30 messages
on your damn machine,

and this is 31,
and it is the last.

Please get back to me.

I'm at 555-1366.

- One of your boyfriends?

- No.

It's the caterer I'm using for
the Woolrich party tonight.

These people spent $50,000
to have me redo their house,

and I'm throwing them a
little affair as a thank you,

but it's driving me crazy.

Bundy Florist, this
is Lisa Jarrett.

Is this Bob?

Hello, Bob.

Bob, what happened
to my centerpieces?

Who died?

I don't care who died, Bob.

Just send me the flowers!

Can you believe this?

- Weedlers is the only
reliable caterer in town.

- Who?

- Weedlers.

And for flowers, you should've
gone to Casablanca Florist.

- Oh yeah.

- Is the party outside?

- Yeah.

- Then you may
need a tent, Lisa.

Berkley's is good.

And Ramone is the only person
to call for valet parking.

- What's going on?

- I have no idea!

- What does she say?

- Finally.

Hi, everybody.

- Oh, what's wrong?

- What's the emergency?

- Come in, come in.

- Imelda, do you
know what's going on?

- You've gotta be kidding.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
I've gathered you all here

to share a very
special moment with me.

- Is this when the body
drops out of the closet?

What?

- I've gone into business.

- Fabulous!

- You did?

- Oh my god!

- Yes I have, I certainly have.

What do you think?

- It's great.

- I think it's
great, I'm so proud of you!

- It's great Mom, I love
that name Party Perfect.

It's perfect.

- Well, let's hope my
parties are perfect.

I'm so nervous, Imelda.

This vampire party
has got to work.

If not, it's back to poodles.

- Mom?

Dad?

Where is everyone?

- Surprise!

- Happy birthday!

- We can't give
you the moon, Lee.

These figures on future
income lost are laughable.

- My client is attempting
to begin a career.

One denied her by the
master-slave relationship

which your client established

as his definition of marriage.

- Master-slave?

We're talking
about our marriage.

We're not talking
about the Civil War.

- I must insist on your
total silence, Mr. Slade.

- My client, as
the vice-president

of two of your
companies, Liebowitz,

received a sizable
annual income.

With a break up of the marriage,

she has also lost these
titles, ditto the income.

- That's ridiculous

that was done strictly
for tax purposes.

It was all on paper.

Katherine never received a cent.

- Let us do the talking, please.

- Marty's right, I never
received any of that money.

- See?

- And if we can have that
statement in writing,

my client will gladly
abandon all her claim

to the monies in question.

Right after I copy the IRS.

- How could you do this to me?

- I could ask you
that same question.

So, are we agreed?

That I will be getting some
of my future income lost

in the present?

- We didn't say--

- Okay.

- Well, it's probably
too late to suggest this,

but in the future, Mr.
Slade, could you please--

- Keep my big mouth shut?

- Well, that's not the way
a lawyer might phrase it,

but you've captured the essence.

- Jennie.

I'm sorry I'm late, I
was with Will Barker,

an old friend of your father's.

I'm doing a story on him,
he says he knows you.

- Yeah, he's weird.

So why'd you ask me here, Sam?

- Look, Jennie.

I didn't break up your
parents' marriage.

I'm sorry that what
happened happened.

I wanted to see you today

because I was hoping
we could start again.

- I don't think so, Sam.

- Okay, look.

The truth is, you're the best
damn assistant I ever had,

and I'm completely
lost without you.

- Did you lose your
office keys again?

- Yeah.

Three sets.

- You're
so predictable.

- The wedding's
in two months, right?

- Yeah.

- Where you gonna have
it, do you know yet?

Oh, have you picked a gown?

Who's designing it?

Do you have the addresses
of your father's friends?

- Run that one by me again.

- Oh, well your father's been
begging me to throw a party.

- Daddy, really?

- Yeah, well anything he wants
is okay with me, you know.

I just like to make
it sort of a surprise,

so I can't really ask him
for his usual guest list,

and I was wondering if
maybe you could help me out?

- Yeah, I don't see
why not, I mean,

well it is your
first party, right?

And you want it to be perfect.

- You read my mind.-

- Yeah, I think I know
exactly what you need.

- Now, if you reformat the
modem hook up of your hard disk,

you won't need your
menus on the floppy.

- I see.

Party Perfect.

Hi Charlie.

No, sorry, we're
completely booked that day.

How about the third?

Of course, I make my
special salsa just for you.

Okay, you
got yourself a deal.

- You did what?

- I suggested that Sam phone
this little company I know

to plan her party perfect.

Get it?

- Jennie, this may be a
ridiculous question, but why?

- Think about it.

It's her most important party.

All of Daddy's
friends will be there,

and she wants your company
to do all the planning.

I told her to call at eight and
ask for Mademoiselle Yvonne.

- What?

- Oh my god, it's her.

- No.

- Pick it up!

- I don't want to.

- Please!
- I don't know.

- Mom.

- Who am I?
- French, French.

- Hello?

Party Perfect.

Oui, she did say to me
that you would be calling.

- So you understand what I want?

- Oh, more than that,
I know what you need.

- Great.

Of course you know that this
is all strictly confidential.

I want the guests to
think that I'm responsible

for every detail.

- Think of me as your priest.

This is a confessional, and
parties are our religion.

- Perfect.

- More than perfect.

- Oh you
look so charmed.

- Oh Rebecca,
you're so slim!

That watermelon diet again?

I bet.

Will Barker, how are you?

God the story came out fabulous.

- You old
son of a gun.

- Dalton!

Oh, we read your last novel,
and it was so naughty,

we read it twice.

- It's fabulous.

- Excuse me
ladies and gentlemen,

before we go in,
I'd just like to say

that I have truly been
looking forward to this night

for weeks,

and I've thrown myself into
every detail of this party

because tonight
isn't just a party,

it's my way of saying
to Martin's friends

that you're my friends, too,

and I hope tonight shows you
just what I think of you.

- So let's have a
sensational time.

This is some kind of
a mistake, isn't it?

We're in the wrong place.

You actually planned this?

- No, I didn't!

- You've been working
on this for weeks!

- No, I lied, okay?

Party Perfect did
it, and if I could--

- Party Perfect?

- Yes, I will sue her, I
will destroy her reputation--

- How could you have
hired Katherine's company?

- Katherine's company?

Katherine has a
company, since when?

- Ever since I left her!

- All right, let's go.

We gotta get out of here.

- No matter what you do, I'm
the one one wants, so there!

- Oh Lisa, maybe this
is not such a good idea.

- Please, calm down.

Listen, I wouldn't tell
my own mother this.

- What?

- You know that spa I go
to every once in a while?

- Yes.

- This is the spa.

- Really?

Really?

- Yes.

Honey, a little nip and tuck.

It's always better than a
trip to Europe.

- Lisa you are something.

- Excuse me, Mrs. Slade?

The doctor will see you now.

- Oh Lisa.
- Relax.

Peter is fabulous.

Great hands.

Go for it, go for it.

- Okay, okay.

- Go on.
- I'm going.

- Hi.

Dr. Foley.

- Hello.

- Katherine.

Suits you.

So, what can I do for you?

- Well, my friend Lisa
Jarrett, who recommended you,

says you should see me
because I could look, well,

you know, better.

- Well, I don't know about that.

- What do you mean?

- You have beautiful bones,
and your skin is tight.

I don't think you need
to do anything at all.

- Yeah, but the lines
around my eyes, doctor look.

See, when I, they're awful.

- Well, that's charming.

I mean, you don't wanna look
like some vacuous co-ed,

do you?

- No, I don't wanna look
like a vacuous co-ed.

- Do you mind if I ask
you something personal?

- Um, no.

- Have you had any major
changes in your life lately?

- Yes.

My husband left.

- Shook your confidence
a little bit.

- Mm.

- Yeah.

Well.

Personally, I think
he's an idiot.

- Yeah, well I agree.

Uh, listen doctor,

is there anything that
you would recommend

that I could do for myself?

- Yes, I recommend
that you go out

and have dinner with me tonight.

- What?

- If you were my patient, that
would be highly unethical,

so that's another good reason
I don't take your case.

- Dr. Foley, I--

- Call me Peter.

- Peter.

- Nice purse.

- Oh.

Yeah well, it's just that
um, my daughter gave me some,

I never use them,
but I mean, I meant,

I never met anyone yet to use
them with so far, until now.

But just in case
you don't have any,

there are two in my purse.

- Two what?

- Condoms.

Condoms are in my purse.

- Well, that's very
responsible of your daughter.

- Peter.
- Hm?

- Um, my husband was
the first, and um,

he's the only, you understand
what I'm trying to say?

- Yeah.

- Because I feel sort of.

- Okay, okay.

- Do you know this guy?

- She certainly does, I
happen to be her husband.

- Used to be my husband.

- And who the heck are you?

- I'm Katherine's
friend, Peter Foley.

- You know, you're
gonna have to get Sam

to clean the rest of this.

- Yeah, she's supposed
to meet me here.

She's a little late.

An hour.

- Well, nice meeting you.

- No more, no, no, no.

No more singing, no more.

- Well, my compliments
to the chef.

- You're the one
who cooked dinner.

- Well, no wonder
it tastes so good.

Well, ladies and
gentlemen, I have to go.

Now, the dishes are
in the dishwasher,

and the crystal has been
hand washed and dried,

and I guess you're all dying
to discuss me, so goodbye.

Jennifer, Steven,
it's a pleasure.

- We'll see you at our
wedding next week, Peter.

- You bet.

- Bye.
- Buh-bye.

- I heard a good one.

- Good what?

- Joke.

- Yeah?

- What's brown and black
and looks good on a lawyer?

- A suit?

- A doberman.

What, you don't
think that's funny?

- Well, I had a doberman
when I was a kid.

Actually, they're
very gentle dogs.

It's just a bad rep.

Good night, Katie.

- Night, Peter.

- Wow Mom, he's gorgeous.

I mean, wait till Dad sees
the two of you at the wedding.

- He's not coming
to the wedding.

- Why?

- Because he drives me nuts.

Everything has to be in place.

I mean, like his hair.

He doesn't want it touched

because he doesn't
want it out of place.

And he keeps picking
things off me, Jennie,

like I have fleas.

- Excuse me.

Girl talk, I'll be in the den.

- So.

Are you gonna keep seeing him?

- Jen.

You want the truth?

I'm still in love with your dad.

- Hm.

I thought you said he
was a liar and a cheat--

- And a bastard, and I
wish I could turn him off

like a bad re-run.

Jennie, it makes no sense.

- But Peter's handsome and
smart and understanding.

And he even does dishes.

The man's perfect.

- But he's not perfect for me.

Your father is.

I mean, it's perfect
the way we laugh

at the same stupid jokes.

It's perfect how
good he makes me feel

just holding my hand.

You know, sometimes
two people are,

they're supposed to be
together, they belong.

And they can fight,
they can make mistakes,

but no matter what, the
two of them, together,

are better than either one
of them would ever be alone.

- I'm not sure I understand.

- Okay.

Let me put it to you this way.

In our den right now,
is a very quiet guy

with very long
hair and an earring

who's watching a
superhero on TV.

Okay?

Now, of all the people
in the entire universe,

he's the one you're
marrying on Saturday.

Why?

- Because I love him.

- I rest my case.

- Hello?

- Hello, Martin.
- Katherine?

- I took a chance,
I thought perhaps,

you would still be
working at the office,

and can you talk?

- Sure.

- Good.

Well, I need for you

to please sign your
life insurance policy.

- Oh.

- It expires tonight.

So, as much as I
hate to bother you,

I was thinking--

- Well I'll be right over.

- Good.

I'll see you soon.

- Okay.

- Marty, let's not kid around.

We're two mature adults.

I know what I want.

And I know what you want.

I want you, and you want Sam.

This is stupid, this such
a totally stupid idea.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Thank you for coming.

- I've come to sign the papers.

- What papers?

- The insurance papers,
I'm supposed to sign them.

- Oh, those papers.

Yes, well, they sent
them to the wrong house.

They were for the
Finesteins next door.

- The Finesteins?

- You look tired.

- I am.

You look great.

- Would you like some decaf?

And I have five different kinds
of leftover birthday cake.

- Do you have any chocolate
chocolate double fudge cake?

- Oh yes.

- Well, I'd like a
small slice of that.

- Come in.

Would you like some
whipped cream with that?

- Sure, why not.

The house looks great.

So you've really made a go
of your business, didn't you?

Don't tell my lawyers,
but I'm proud of you.

- Hello?

This is Mrs. Slade.

Oh my god, it's Jennie.

- What's wrong,
is she all right?

- Dr. Newman,
to obstetrics.

Dr. Newman, to
obstetrics please.

- Oh!
- Jennie!

Oh honey, you're all
in once piece, sort of.

- How could you let this
happen to my little girl?

- Dad, it's my fault, I
was driving the cycle.

- Why'd you let her drive it?

- Take it easy, Marty.

It's not his fault.

- Oh, it's not his fault?

Who got him the stupid
bike in the first place,

maybe it's your fault?

- Why don't you grow
up for a change, Marty?

Look at 'em, they're fine,
they're fine, be grateful.

How are you?

- Okay.

- Oh, Mrs. Slade!

All right!

- Come over here.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

- Thank god she's okay.

- Puts things into
perspective, doesn't it?

- Remember when she was a baby?

She was always into everything.

- Always curious.

- Even then, she
was taking chances.

- That, she learned from me.

Morning.

I had it set so that I
wouldn't miss our day in court.

- Oh, I forgot.

We're getting divorced today.

Look, about Sam.

I know that it hasn't
been easy for you

being on your own with
me having had someone.

- Well, I've had someone, too.

- You mean that little
guy in the park?

I know you had to have
a male companion around.

- He wasn't a companion, Marty.

We were lovers.

- What?

You mean, you?

Are you saying, you're
telling me that you two.

That you did it with--

- What
difference does it make?

- Well he took advantage of you!

He knew your situation.

He knew that you were vulnerable

and that you were depressed
and you were desperate.

- Desperate?

You egotistical moron.

Did it ever occur to you that
he might find me attractive

and stimulating and sexy?

- Yeah, he's a creep.

- No, I'll tell you what he is.

What he is is handsome,
and brilliant, and witty,

and incredible in bed.

And don't ask me why,
in spite of all that,

here I am with you.

- Yeah I don't want any details.

I just wanna put my pants on,
and I'll see you in court.

- You bet!

You bet!

- Spiro versus Spiro.

- Oh, Katherine.

Hello, I don't think
you two have met before.

- Not face-to-face.

She's always stood behind me

when she was stabbing
me in the back.

- Greenwood versus Greenwood.

- Excuse me, we're
supposed to be next.

I have a wedding rehearsal
at three o'clock.

- You don't waste
any time, do you?

- Our daughter's
getting married.

- Mazel tov.

- We're the Greenwoods.

- Not for long.

- So, um, has Jennie
decided on her wedding gown?

- Yes, she's decided
to wear mine.

- That was a beautiful gown.

- You looked beautiful in it.

- Martin and I plan to
have a simple wedding.

- You didn't tell me you
were planning to get married.

- Well, we've just
discussed it--

- Marty.

- Nothing has been decided.

- Is that what last
night was about?

- Last night?

- Huh?

One for the road?

I should've known.

- He was in the
office last night.

- I was.

- You fell for that one, too.

- This is just another one
of your insipid tricks.

- You don't believe me, ask him.

- Martin?

- I can explain.

- Slade versus Slade.

- That's us.

- You slept with my fiance?

- He's not your fiance.

He is my husband, tramp!

- Ooh!

Oh, ooh, oh.

- Oh, honey.

- My nose is bleeding.

- You hit him!

- Last call to dinner,
Slade versus Slade,

you're up to bat.

- Taxi!

- We're late.

- So what, it's
only a rehearsal.

- I didn't know
you could do that.

- There are a lot of things
about me you don't know.

Taxi!

- Taxi!

- Look Sam, I'm sorry I hit you.

- I'm sorry you ducked.

- I wish I was French.

They're so civilized
about these things.

I mean, after all, you
and I have had, well.

We have shared very similar
experiences, I'm sure.

- I wouldn't agree.

- I would.

I can't stand the way he
gets food all over himself

when he eats.

- You have to brush him off.

- Uh-huh.

And what about his
color combination?

- He's colorblind.

- Are you colorblind?

I'm colorblind.

- I mean, why do you think
I picked out his clothes

for 25 years?

I didn't want him to make a
fool of himself in public.

- Would you please?

- And what about the way
he steps all over you

when you dance.

- Two left feet.

- Hey what do you thin he is,
Fred Astaire or something?

- I feel better, now
that we're divorced.

Don't you, Marty?

- Oh yeah.

Sure.

Yeah.

- Katie.

- Frank!

- You must be so excited.

- I am.

Listen, you gotta
hurry and get a set.

We're about to begin.

- So, any special thoughts
for Jennie on her wedding day?

- Oh honey, Diane,
please a little later.

I'm just so nervous.

- All right, all right.

- Okay?

- Okay, go.

- Later, yeah.

- She looks so beautiful.

- Her mother
wore that dress.

- People, this is a
very exciting day.

It's my first wedding,
so let's go for it.

To get this rolling, Steve has
written a little something.

I really love it because
it makes my job so easy.

You're on, Steve.

- Jennie, before I met you,
I didn't know what love was.

I didn't know what sharing
was, I was just me.

Now, I'm part of an us, and
I've learned that that us

is worth fighting for,
no matter what happens.

Is that us is a precious gift

that we've been
privileged to receive.

Today, I say thank
you, my sweet Jennie,

for that gift of you.

- Well, I hope we
got that on video.

Okay, let's get down to it.

Do you, Jennifer, take this
man, Steven Michael Jarrett,

to be your husband, for
better or for worse,

in sickness and in health,
until death do you part?

- I do.

- Martin, I think I'm
coming down with something.

I wanna go home.

- It's my daughter's
wedding, I can't leave.

With a little luck, there
won't have to be another one.

- You're completely ignoring me.

You act totally different
around Katherine,

I can't stand it.

- Sam, we were married
forever, what did you expect?

- I don't want you
spending time with her.

- Please, don't tell me
who I can or can't see.

Sam, you'll force
me to make a choice

you won't be very happy with.

- Martin, don't threaten me.

- You're right.

I think I'll make a choice.

- Good, can we go now?

- No.

You can, I'm staying.

- For the rest of
the evening, or what?

- For as long as she'll have me.

- You're kidding, right?

What do you think, you can
go from one woman to another?

That's not the way
it works, Martin.

Pretty soon, you're
gonna have to deal with

the real problem, and
you know what that is?

It's you.

Don't come home tonight.

I'll be out of there
by morning, okay?

- Are we having fun yet?

- Yes.

- No more handshakes for you.

- Couldn't have
done it without you.

Hey, that's us, sweetheart.

- Let's go.

- Harvey, what are
you doing here?

- Hey baby, congratulations.

- My mother never liked him.

She said his eyes
were too watery.

- Harvey, I'm so glad
you could make it.

- Katherine, I'm sorry
about everything.

- Katie, she looks beautiful.

- Aw, thank you, Frank,
I think she does, too.

- Well, that's that.
- Yeah.

- I've been an idiot.

- Don't expect an
argument from me.

- Think you can ever forgive me?

- Well, let me think about
it for a year or two.

- Come dance.

- May I have this dance?

- Yes.

Steve, I love what you said.

- Yeah well, you know.

- Mom, did you hear
about the sale?

- No honey, what sale?

- My son just made a deal
with Zap Inc. software.

They are gonna market
his computer game.

What is it, honey?

- Tele-bind Man.

- Yes, and they want
the exclusive rights

for any other future ideas
he may have in the future.

Whadya think of that, Marty?

- I think that's fabulous, son.

I'm proud of you,
congratulations.

- Thanks, Dad.

- Where's Sam?

- She's gone.

Didn't work out.

- I see.

Didn't work out for her,
or didn't work out for you?

- Didn't work out for me.

- Ow!

- Oh, sorry.

Where's that perfect
lover of yours?

Why isn't he here?

- It didn't work out, either.

- Didn't work out for him,

or didn't work out for you?

- Didn't work out for me.

Ow, Marty!

- Sorry.

You know, it's amazing.

You think in 50 years

I might've learned
something about myself.

Guess I'm still the same
dope I was when I was a kid.

Katherine, don't
people ever change?

- I'm sure.

Yeah, we change.

When things get so bad,

you don't think you could
possibly live through them,

you have two choices.

You either jump off a
cliff or you change.

- Katherine.

Will you marry me?

Again?

- Oh, I thought
it was arthritis.

- Say yes, please.

Because I don't know how long

I can stay down here like this.

Please, marry me, Katie!

Well?

- No.

- No?

- No?

- No.

- Ow!

Ow, why not?

I think I tore something.

- I need time, Marty.

- How much time?

- I don't know how much time.

It's been what, nine months.

A lot's happened,
and, oh, Marty.

You know what I just realized?

My life doesn't depend
on you, it depends on me.

- Have I blown it
altogether, Katherine,

or could we date sometime?

- Oh I think we could date.

- How about tonight?

- I'm busy tonight.

Maybe tomorrow?

- Yeah?

Wanna go to a
movie or something?

- Or something.

- Hey, I heard a good one today.

- Yeah?

- Uh-huh.

- How's your back?

- I really
think I tore something.

Ow, ow.

- Careful.

- Wait, walk slower.

- Okay.

Is it that same spot on
your left above your coccyx?

- Yeah, I
just need to sit down.

- So
what's the joke?

- What joke?

- You said you heard
a good one today.

- Oh yeah.

What's the definition
of a perfect lover?

- I don't know, what?

- Someone who makes love
till four in the morning

and then turns into a pizza.