Staying Afloat (1993) - full transcript
Alexander Hollingsworth III is a millionaire's son, who has trouble managing his estate. So, his father decides to cut him off, so that he might be able to stand on his own. But a year later things are not going so well for him; he has amassed a great debt and is being pursued by the IRS. When an FBI agent, Ed Smith, needs to get into his inner circle so that he could get a devious businessman who is into all sorts shady activities. He offers to help Alex with some of his financial problems and his problems with the IRS, in exchange for being a government informant. Alex says yes because the man once burned him.
[♪♪♪]
Alex, your little boy's here.
He doesn't usually summon us
on such short notice, sir.
Ryder,
at my father's age,
everything has to be
on short notice...
Oh, Father, how very nice
to see you, sir.
Oh, you're looking wonderful,
sir.
[COUGHING]
Isn't he, Ryder?
Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Ah, George, I see
you still haven't found a way
of making an honest living.
[SCOFFS]
Alex.
[MEOWS]
Mr. Hollingsworth
has asked you here
for a little clarification.
Yes?
Expenses.
Eighty-five thousand dollars
for flying lessons?
Well, I had to buy
what was left of the plane.
GEORGE:
And what about your recent foray
into the sport of kings?
Spending money on racehorses?
Is it my fault my stud decided
to jump over a barb wire fence?
I mean, he didn't neuter
himself on purpose, you know.
[LAUGHS]
Your father thinks
you have a spending problem.
I'm a Hollingsworth.
Your father feels
that you have been
living too long
on his largesse,
wasting your life,
systematically squandering
every dollar
that you've been given.
Well, I suppose my second wife
squandered a bit, but...
Nevertheless, your father has
added a codicil to his will
that precludes you
from any inheritance.
I'm out of the will?
Irrevocably.
But your father
has the highest hope
that this action will
inspire you
to go out and do something
with your life.
Is it something I said?
Despite all, your father
trusts...
[MEOWS]
...that you are resourceful
enough to survive.
Resourceful?
I'm broke.
But not homeless.
Your father is giving you
full title to the yacht.
The Invincible?
Do you have any idea
how much it costs
to keep a vessel
like that in the water?
And you may have Ryder as long
as he takes care of the cat.
The cat, sir?
GEORGE:
You know how fond
Mr. Hollingsworth is of Pinky.
[YOWLING]
[COUGHING]
It's a shame
he's so allergic.
Well, doctor's orders,
I'm afraid.
No more cat.
But you have a job, Ryder,
as long as Pinky lives.
Oh, a generous provision,
sir...
[PINKY CONTINUES YOWLING]
[♪♪♪]
ALEX:
Hey. Where's he going?
Wait a minute.
VERONICA:
Alex, don't you think
you were a little hard on him?
No, Veronica,
he'll find some way
of staying afloat...
[CHUCKLES]
[♪♪♪]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Yes, sir.
Your usual table, Mr. Nelson.
Thank you, Paul.
ALEX:
Look, Chester, if you'd
just give my bank a call,
I'm sure they'll tell you
I'm quite solid.
CHESTER:
There's no more money in your
account, Mr. Hollingsworth.
Hello, Arthur.
Would you please tell Chester
I'm good for the money?
He's good for the money,
Chester.
[GRUNTS]
He's on the club board.
Thank you, Arthur.
RYDER:
Oh, oh, come back here,
you disgusting feline.
Keep that up,
and I'll have you declawed.
[PINKY YOWLING, HISSING]
Mr. Nelson might be on
the board, but I run the club.
If you can pay your slip fees,
everything will be...
Chester, have I ever
let you down?
How about the last month,
and the month before that?
I'm ashamed to say this,
but I too
am not immune to the effects
of the recession.
Let me give you my watch.
The one you gave to the pool boy
and the dock master turned
their wrists green.
By the end of the quarter,
when the dividends come through,
I'll settle up everything.
This is
the end of the quarter.
Did I say end of the quarter?
I meant end of the fiscal year.
[PINKY YOWLS]
RYDER: Come here, you furball.
Pinky, where are you?
Ryder, what happened
to your face?
Pinky wasn't happy at
the thought of his flea bath.
Did-did you-- Did you
see him headed this way?
If you don't need me, sir, I--
I think I'll go
and look for him.
Well, check the café.
I think today's special
is the tuna surprise.
Pinky, wait till
I get my hands on you...
One more day, Alex.
The marshalls are on their way
with the eviction notice.
All the back rent,
or I'll have this beautiful boat
towed to Cuba
for target practice.
You couldn't. You wouldn't.
I can. I will.
[♪♪♪]
[MEOWS]
Oh, get off that table.
Oh, please come back here.
Come back here.
Hi. Uh... Ahem.
RYDER:
Oh, oh, come on, Pinky.
Oh, come here. Please.
Please.
I've got other things to do.
Oh!
Cat fur.
Oh, I-I beg your pardon, sir.
You stupid animal.
Oh, for goodness' sake.
Come here.
Pinky, please?
Oh, for goodness' sake.
Come here, please.
[PINKY YOWLS]
Oh...
Oh, man.
Oh, God,
I can't believe this...
Oh, man, oh, man.
I don't believe this...
All right. Oh, man.
Oh, man, oh, man.
Is he your cat?
Under the circumstances,
I think it would be more
accurate to say he wasmy cat.
It was an accident, honest.
It came flying out of nowhere,
it was like an orange streak.
I-I didn't see him.
Calm down, young man.
No one's accusing you
of vehicular manslaughter.
You want him?
Just--
Just the collar, please.
I'm, uh...
I'm sorry about your, uh...
Pinky.
You are not nearly as sorry
as I am, sir.
WOMAN:
Cat killer.
[♪♪♪]
No, no, no, if a dog don't hunt,
you shoot it,
you understand what I'm saying?
That's just the way business
is done...
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
No, no, I can't be blamed if
a few people are out of jobs...
Hey.
Mr. Ashley,
your bourbon and 7.
Well, thank you
very kindly, darlin'.
[WEAKLY]
Miss. Miss.
Excuse me, sir,
but this is a private club.
Yeah? Yeah, I know,
I'm thinkin' of joining.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, I'm just, uh,
checkin' it out.
Membership's closed
at the moment.
Yeah. Well, I'm sure it is.
Maybe, uh, this'll help, huh?
Yeah. Lunch.
Mr. Hancock is talking
business, right?
You can't talk about it and kill
the American dream, can you?
Thank you. Okay?
CHESTER:
Good morning, Woodrow.
That's it right there,
marshall.
The Invincible,24 A.
Well... Um...
Alexander Hollingsworth?
Uh, no, no.
I'm his butler. Can I help you?
Yes. Do you know
where we can find him?
Well, I'm afraid
he's gone shopping.
He's a great shopper.
Has a black belt.
My own little kind
of a joke there.
I think you're
Alexander Hollingsworth.
Me? No, no, no.
He's a great strapping fellow.
You'd like him.
Great. Oh, as a matter of fact,
there he comes now.
[♪♪♪]
Hey. Wait a minute.
Oh, my suntan lotion.
Thank you.
Talk later, ma'am.
[♪♪♪]
ALEX:
Hello. How are you?
Look at this guy. Look at him.
[LAUGHS]
If I were you,
I'd go dancing...
The water is quite warm.
[EXCLAIMS]
Oh, excuse me.
I am sorry.
[SCOFFS]
Did somebody push you in?
No, I always go swimming
fully clothed.
It's great resistance training.
Now I'm a little pressed
for time.
Would you mind if I shared
the facilities with you?
Micabana, sucabana.
Well, in that case, um, uh...
Lauren.
Lauren, would you stand watch
for me, please?
Sure.
Who am I looking for?
Anybody in uniform.
Well, I'm wearing a uniform.
Yeah. But unless your name
is Conchita Gonzalez,
I think you're crashing
this place.
Well, now, I'd say we both
have something to hide.
Can I turn around?
Are you decent?
Well, some people say
I'm tremendous.
Well, Mr. Tremendous,
the coast is clear.
[♪♪♪]
Thank you, Conchita.
[GIGGLES] It's been a pleasure.
Sir...
[GASPS]
[SCREAMING]
[WATER SPLASHES]
Someone just fell.
MAN:
Get the paramedics up here...
Boy...
There's a tough break for you.
MAN: You got him?
I guess that means we need to
get ourselves another investor.
Oh, nice funeral service,
wasn't it?
Very moving, sir.
Good old Nelson, fine fellow.
Last of a dying breed.
True gentleman, sir.
Even if he didn't tip
his staff at Christmas.
Strange him going like that.
He was always so mindful
of his health.
Well, Ryder, when your time
is up, your time is up.
There's really nothing
you can do about it.
[ENGINE STARTS]
Well, excuse me, sir,
are you having the Rolls
detailed today?
Ryder, I can't afford
to put air in the tires.
Well, then, may I conclude
it's being repossessed?
Hey. Hey, you, wait.
Hey. Hey, wait.
I'm telling you, this guy's
world is falling apart...
Like mine?
Oh, that's very funny,
Manly, has--
No, no, Mr. Manly...
Now if--
I'm sorry.
Look, I'll take full
responsibility on this one.
Oh, this is my baby.
I can bring this guy down...
End of an era, Ryder.
End of an era.
Perhaps Father was right.
Besides winning the Socialite
of the Year Award in '83,
what have I really contributed
to the world?
I'm afraid my life is as
worthless as my bank account.
Oh, don't despair, sir.
You'll bounce back.
Fortune has a way of turning
around when you least expect it.
I suppose
I'll have to sell the Picasso.
May I remind you, sir,
that particular painting
is a reproduction?
The fellow who did it for you
is sequestered behind bars.
And a tragic waste of talent
it is.
Perhaps, sir, have you ever
thought of selling the Burgundy?
Ryder, I will drink that bottle
of Burgundy on my death bed
and not a minute sooner.
Are you all right, sir?
No. Not really.
Hasn't been the best of days
for you, has it?
We're being evicted
from the boat slip.
They want to repossess
The Invincible.
They already have the Rolls.
Your best friend
passes away suddenly.
And I've had a report that
your bottom needs attention.
What?
Worms, sir.
Worms...
The Invinciblehas worms.
The Invincible?
Oh, thank God...
I haven't seen Pinky recently.
I suppose he's deserted me too?
Oh, well I, I expect
he's out-out mousing, sir.
He'll return when the hunt
is up.
Last time I saw him,
he seemed a bit run down.
Yes, sir, when I saw him he
was-- He was rather flat.
Will you be needing me
after dinner, sir?
You could stick around.
We could talk.
Well, I-I have
a pressing engagement.
Long-term commitment,
sir, I'll...
I'll see you in the morning,
sir.
Perhaps.
Thank you.
Yes, perhaps.
[SMOOTH JAZZ
PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]
Hm.
[CHUCKLES]
[BLOWS]
Hello?
[CORK POPS]
[CUP SPLASHES]
Oh.
Ahem.
[SIGHS]
To Alexander
Turnball Hollingsworth, III.
He swarm with the sharks
and sleep with the fishes.
[CHUCKLES]
He came, he saw, he squandered!
[♪♪♪]
Oh, this is ridiculous.
Don't!
I got you.
No!
You know what you just did?
I stopped you
from killing yourself.
You drowned a 7000-dollar
bottle of wine.
It was open, you idiot.
[WHISTLING]
Up and at 'em, champ.
Brand new day.
What time is it?
About 8.
Please say pm.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, you're real,
I thought I was just drunk.
Aren't you an agent
or something?
I remember a badge.
Oh.
Ed Smith, United States
Justice Department.
Ooh.
[GRUNTS]
Oh, oh!
Are you okay?
Oh, yes, I'm fine. Thank you.
A little soggy there,
but here's my picture.
Boy, I've really bottomed out.
I'm lying on the floor
having a conversation
with a G-man in bowser boxers.
A gift from my niece.
I only packed one suit.
Wash and wear, drip dry.
A few accessories,
you can wear this baby anywhere.
And it looks like you have.
All right, there you go.
What's that?
It's coffee.
I made it myself.
[EXCLAIMS]
Ryder, espresso and juice.
Orange.
Orange and white Tom,
about five years, 20 pounds.
Well, we don't get many custom
orders around here.
You see, I was quite
attached to him.
Actually, the people who pay
my salary were quite attached.
I don't think I could face
their disappointment.
Well, I got a big white one
over there.
You wanna paint stripes
on him?
[CHUCKLES]
No.
With my luck, they'd
probably wash off, thank you.
[DOGS BARKING]
[♪♪♪]
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, yes, yes.
[GROWLS]
[HISSES]
[EXCLAIMING]
Bugger!
Here...
Hungry, kitty? Come along.
Here, kitty, kitty.
Nice cat. Good cat.
[CAT YOWLING]
[RYDER SHOUTING]
Oh, you miserable flea cat!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
[♪♪♪]
What do you actually do
at the Justice Department?
When you're not wreaking
havoc on innocent people.
Special Agent, International
Investigations Unit.
Ex-CIA.
Ah.
Downwardly mobile, eh?
Hey, I'm a victim
of the New World Order.
And I'm on my way up.
They don't give you
one of these babies
unless you're on the rise.
Ah, federal government's
issuing cellular phones.
Well, so much
for deficit reduction.
[♪♪♪]
Am I under arrest?
Could be.
Tax evasion.
Undeclared income.
You've seen my tax records?
The few we could find.
The IRS has 'em posted
in the lunch room.
Joke of the month.
But we might be able
to work something out.
In return for what?
[♪♪♪]
ED:
You move in the circles
we're trying to penetrate.
And you want me to help you
nail someone, right?
Where are you from, young man?
Pawhuska, Oklahoma.
Well, I don't know how they do
things in cowpie country,
but here in Palm Beach,
we don't snitch, squeal,
or rat on our friends.
What's in it for me?
Well, let's just say
we're prepared
to cover
a few of your expenses...
It'll wash right out.
Anyway, we're here. Ahem.
ALEX:
Henry Ashley's place.
An old friend?
Ashley's a human oil slick.
ED:
You were in business
with him once.
ALEX:
We weren't exactly partners.
ED:
He burned you big time,
didn't he?
You are intrusive, aren't you?
You could burn him back.
You want me to throw in
with him again? With what?
Ashley knows all about me.
Everybody in Palm Beach
knows I'm so broke
I can't pay attention.
We think Ashley's latest scheme
is off-shore arms trading.
Big deals, done in cash,
and he gets
from heavy hitting investors.
We'll stake you
the investment money.
You buy in, track the deal,
and then when there's
enough evidence to convict,
I pinch him.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
[CHUCKLES]
What do you say?
Well, it'd be nice
to see him squirm.
What if I told you I think
he killed Arthur Nelson?
Nelson contacted us
last week,
wanted to talk about Ashley
in return for immunity.
So they sent me down.
I think Ashley got to him
before I did.
He's a bad guy, Mister H.
And Ed Smith here
is gonna bring him down.
You gonna help me or what?
Arthur Nelson, huh?
Mm-hm.
All right.
There are a few little points
I wanna iron out
before we proceed.
One, please never,
never call me Mister H.
And two, what exactly do you
mean by covering expenses?
[♪♪♪]
[CHUCKLES]
We'll talk about that.
You didn't know
he was going to the Feds.
I don't know the sun
is gonna come up tomorrow,
but I got a pretty damn
good idea.
My arrangements with suppliers
specified the amount
and the time of delivery.
Without Nelson's cash--
His share can be replaced.
In 48 hours.
Where are you gonna find
that kind of money,
in cash, in two days?
In my country, we have
a saying that says
you don't fry the chicken
before collecting the eggs.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, you know, Phillipe,
we got a saying
where I come from too.
We say that everything,
everything past its usefulness
is entirely disposable.
We're still
5 million short.
What are you gonna do?
What I do best,
Phillipe.
Improvise.
[SHUTTER CLICKING]
Okay, now I got a budget,
not a big one,
but I think you're gonna--
The first thing we do
is bail out my Rolls Royce.
What for?
Well, you can't sting someone
like Ashley on a shoestring.
We got a perfectly good car.
For delivering pizzas, yes.
But the Rolls is an essential
part of my image.
You're not starting to bean
count on me already, are you?
I'm responsible
for every nickel.
It's taxpayer's money.
So I'm a taxpayer.
Not lately.
Just how important is catching
Ashley to your job?
Okay, okay, okay.
But we got a deal here now,
right?
Yes, of course, dear boy.
I think you've twisted my arm.
Ah, just the man
I wanted to see.
How good to see you again.[GRUNTS]
You can cancel the tugboat,
I've had a windfall.
Take care of it, would you?
Back dues on the boat slip.
Expenses, partner.
Oh, yeah.
[SIGHING]
All right.
Ahem. How much?
Fourteen thousand dollars.
[GASPS]
[♪♪♪]
Hello, Ryder.
What have you done
to yourself?
Oh, a dull razor, sir.
And your hand?
It slipped.
Fourteen thousand dollars?
Fourteen thousand dollars
to rent water?
Oh, this is Ed Smith.
You wanna tell me what other
little surprises
you might have in...
ALEX:
Ryder is my butler.
Your butler?
He's essential to my image.
So, uh, was this the...
How do you do, Mr. Smith?
[MEOWS]
Oh, Ryder, you found Pinky.
Pinky?
Hello, Pinky.
[SNARLS]
Oh, frisky little devil,
isn't he?
Vermin blood, sir.
It charges his batteries.
Brings 'em right back
to life, I'd say.
Shall I fix lunch, sir?
Oh, yes, excellent idea.
We can celebrate
our partnership.
Partnership, sir?
Yes, Ed is a federal agent,
and our new financier.
You and I are going into
the undercover business, Ryder.
Undercover business?
Oh, how thrilling.
Welcome aboard, Mr. Ed.
[♪♪♪]
[CHUCKLES]
Now, let me see,
Ashley's gonna wanna know
my financial position.
Unfortunately, the coffers
are empty at the moment.
So I'm going to need
an immediate infusion of cash
in my bank account.
How much you thinking?
Oh, I don't know. Half a million
dollars. Something like that.
[SCOFFS]
Get real, bud.
This is the age
of government austerity.
But I'm not gonna spend it.
Just for appearances.
The first thing we have to do
is track down Ashley
and then get his attention.
You're not gonna spend it?
No.
AUCTIONEER:
Three-fifty, now 375.
We're at $350,000.
Any advance on $350,000,
ladies and gentlemen.
We're at $350,000.
The front row,
on the first call.
MAN:
Well, hello, Bill.
Hi, good to see you. Ethel.
Three-fifty on the second call,
ladies and gentlemen.
Three-fifty on the third
and final call.
Sold, $350,000.
Thank you...
Not buying anything. Got it?
Just window shopping.
I told you he'd be here.
Over there...
[♪♪♪]
Excuse me.
Magnificent animal.
That's a lot of horse,
all right.
Didn't we meet at the club
the other day by the pool?
We didn't exactly meet.
Now we have. I'm Henry Ashley.
I know who you are.
Everybody knows who you are.
I'm Lauren. Lauren Masters.
Well, very pleased to meet you,
young lady.
Come on up here.
I'll show you how it all works.
I'd be delighted.
You wouldn't be related
to Marv Masters,
the Chicago banker, would you?
My father.
Next up, son of Danny's Heir...
This is tiny, tiny world.
...1990 horse of the year.
I should give him more of my
business, don't you think?
I think he'd love it.
Thistlerose Farms, Rocket Bob.
And what will you give
for Rocket Bob?
Two-ten. That's a 20.
Two-twenty.
Now 230, $230,000 is the bid.
Two-forty.
Now 240. Two-forty.
Now 250. Two-forty. Two-fifty.
Two-fifty.
Two-sixty, 260,000 and now.
Two-sixty.
Two-sixty.
See, the trick is to know
when to jump in.
Let them all get tired now,
and then you bid
what the horse is really worth.
What do you mean?
Three-seventy five.
ED: What are you doing?
Three-seventy five. Thank you.
Three hundred
and seventy five is bid.
Three-seventy five.
Three-eighty.
Three-eighty five.
I should ask you this,
I don't wanna know the answer.
Three hundred
and eighty five what?
Thousand dollars.
I think you have a serious
psychological problem.
Thank you.
Three-eighty five,
now $400,000.
Four.
Four hundred thousand dollars.
I think you should back off.
No, trust me.
He's hooked.
Four hundred and now 450.
Four-fifty.
I could get shot
for this, you know.
On the first call, second...
Four-seventy five.
Goodbye flip phone.
Four-seventy-five and
five hundred thousand dollars.
We're at four hundred and
seventy-five thousand dollars.
Don't even think
about it.
You're calling the shots.
Thank God.
Five!
I'm a dead man.
We're at five hundred
and now 525.
Five hundred and now 525
and at $525,000.
We're at $500,000
on the first call.
They're gonna send me down
to postal service.
Five hundred thousand dollars
on the second call.
Five hundred thousand dollars
on the third, and final call.
Ladies and gentlemen...
ED: Please...
Sold $500,000 Rocket Bob.
You just spent
all our money.
Yes, but I did
get his attention.
[♪♪♪]
I should have
let you drown.
[CHUCKLING]
Okay, okay.
I'm okay with this.
I'm okay with this.
We'll get the money back.
We'll just sell him ourselves.
We could put him
in the Cavalry.
We still have a Cavalry,
don't we?
Take care of that for me,
won't you?
Five hundred thousand
dollars...
Hollingsworth, you hound.
How's it feel to be
a winner for a change?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
This is Lauren Masters from
Chicago, my lovely new friend.
Alexander Hollingsworth,
very old friend.
Henry tends to exaggerate.
I'm not that old,
and he's really not my friend.
We just happen to be members
of the same yacht club.
I have the distinct impression,
though,
that we've met
somewhere before.
Yes, that wonderful
Cuban place downtown.
La Cabana.
La Cabana. Yes.
ASHLEY:
Funny, Alex, I heard your daddy
cut bait
and you were bottom feeding.
Ugly rumors, Henry.
And those same small minds
are saying that
you're going to stop scamming
widows for lunch money.
But I'm being impolite.
This is Ed Smith, my bodyguard.
My, you are on a budget,
aren't you?
Pleasure to meet you, sir.
Ahem. Ma'am.
Well, Hollingsworth,
you know I let you outbid me.
We could have gone back
and forth till doomsday,
but why run up the price, huh?
I'll buy him from you
right now.
Five-fifty. Cash.
Sporting gesture of yours,
Henry,
but I'm afraid much too low.
Mr. Hollingsworth, sir,
I think his offer is definitely
worth considering because--
Well, I-I appreciate
your acumen
in business matters,
but no sale.
I'm sorry.
As a matter of fact,
I was thinking of entering
Rocket Bob
in the Breeder's Premiere
at Calder next week.
Oh, now, that is exactly
what I was gonna do.
Tell you what, why don't you
nap on it this afternoon
and come on over
to my place tonight.
We're having some folks
over for chow.
I'd love to, Henry.
I really would.
But unfortunately,
my dance card is filled.
Perhaps some other time.
It's been a pleasure
once again, Chiquita.
It always is.
Ed.
This is unbelievable.
This is insane.
The man just offered us
a 50,000-dollar profit
for doing
absolutely nothing.
But the right kind of nothing,
and we've got to do more of it.
And the party? We're
supposed to be infiltrating,
not playing hard to get.
Ed, do you know nothing
of foreplay?
Foreplay? Is that what you
expect me to tell Manly?
It's foreplay...
No, that's a figure of speech.
We're stringing him along...
And, when you think about it,
it's not that much.
Okay, it is that much,
but, uh,
we're not talking
about dog food here.
I mean, this is a, this is a--
This is a thoroughbred.
I mean, you should see...
Hello, Mr. Manly?
Alexander Hollingsworth here.
Yes, yes. Well,
I wanted to commend you
on the choice of the man
you have to work with me.
Ed Smith.
He's really a wonderful fellow.
I'm sorry.
What has he for brains?
Oh, well, how graphic...
[CHUCKLES]
Yes, he wants me to mention
the Wagner Affair.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes, well, of course
we're going to race Rocket Bob.
He has to prove himself on the
circuit before we can sell.
Especially at the price
you paid for him...
Yes.
Now Ed informs me
that you're about to retire.
Is that correct?
No. No.
Well, this could cast
quite a pall on that procedure.
Could it not?
I see. Well, certainly. Yes.
This will remain strictly
between you and us.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mr. Manly.
The Wagner Affair?
Uh... I was CIA then.
Uh...
All right, look,
I'll be square with you.
My butt's on the line here.
If I don't pull this off,
it's Immigration
and Naturalization for me.
We call it
Calcutta on the Potomac.
I really need this one.
Ed.
We all want
a piece of Ashley.
[♪♪♪]
Goodness gracious, Ryder,
what did you do
to your other hand?
I-I nicked myself
opening a can for Pinky.
You know how
he loves tuna fish.
Cat did that to me,
I'd turn him into ear muffs.
Now be gentle, Ed.
Ryder's very sensitive
about Pinky.
When he loses that cat,
he loses his job.
You know, I think I'm gonna use
my other cuff links.
Can I get them?
No, no, I'll find them.
[ED CHUCKLES]
Just how many Pinkys
have there been?
[EXCLAIMS]
I-I beg your pardon, sir?
Think I might have a little bit
of that bubbly, Ryder?
My pleasure, sir.
Oh, you better go easy
on the drink, Ed.
They'll be plenty
at Ashley's party.
And you better get dressed.
Party? What are you senile?
You snubbed it.
Don't they teach you anything
at spy school?
You're supposed to know
and understand your adversary.
[KNOCKING]
Package for
a Mr. Alex Hollingsworth.
What is it?
An invitation
to Mr. Ashley's party.
Well, now how did you--?
When someone like Ashley
wants something
as badly as he does
Rocket Bob,
he won't take no
for an answer.
You did bring a tux?
What's wrong with this?
[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
[LIGHT JAZZ PLAYING]
ALEX:
Oops, you all right?
They giving out door prizes
for cleavage tonight?
No. And not for pink
cummerbunds either.
It's my fault.
I should have told you
this was not gonna be
a senior prom.
I would have been perfectly
happy to wear the green suit.
It was your idea
to rent a tux.
A tux, yes.
But that looks like
you mugged a Mambo King.
Charles, hi.
I don't know.
It kind of says Florida to me.
Why, Alex Hollingsworth.
You recluse, you.
I haven't seen you
since Roxanne's last seance.
Oh, yes, I remember.
You brought the llama.
Oh, yes.
We heard you had fallen
on hard times.
I like to think of that
as a character building moment.
Oh, well, you're just
as adorable as ever, darling.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, look,
there's Margaret DeForge.
The Liposuction Queen.
Well, I'll catch up
with you later, darling.
Oh, my God.
Roxanne's?
I was in charge
of the Polaroid.
You gonna go to work?
Go to work?
Mingle.
Mingle?
You asked me to get your foot
in the door, so mingle.
Not on an empty stomach.
Oh, check the new arrival.
Another investor judging from
those black bags he brought in.
LAUREN:
Nice to see old friends meet.
In Henry Ashley's world,
an old friend is an oxymoron.
Oh, I must say,
you look delightful tonight.
Thank you.
Hollingsworth, you made it, huh?
And I see you made a beeline
for Ms. Masters.
Well, actually,
she made a beeline for me.
How's the chow, Mr. Smith?
It's fine, thanks.
I have a problem
with squid tentacles,
but hey, enjoy.
So you changed your mind
about Rocket Bob?
Well, not about
selling him outright,
but I think I have a sporting
venture for you.
Something on the side?
A wager between gentlemen.
With Rocket Bob as the prize.
I always admire a man willing
to take a few risks.
Henry, darling, you must come
see Jennifer Barnes' breasts.
They're positively
aerodynamic.
I gotta go play host for
a while. Now we'll talk later.
Shall we mix, darlin'?
Good looking girl.
Too good for him.
And too young too.
See the way she smiled at me?
I'm getting signals.
[SCOFFS]
You must be getting your signals
from another planet, Ed.
I think I got work to do...
[♪♪♪]
[KNOB RATTLING]
[LOCK RATTLING]
ASHLEY:
Why don't we give it
a little look-see
before we put it away
in the safe tonight?
Want it there?
Good.
Good. That's nine down
and one to go.
You found another investor?
Phillipe,
take a look around you.
There got to be about
a billion dollars' worth
of silver hair
out there tonight.
Somebody probably got
that 5 million
in their damn change purse.
I'm going back to the party.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[LOCK CLICKS]
Damn it...
Come on.
[COCKS GUN]
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
Great party, huh?
[♪♪♪]
ASHLEY:
Anything on him?
He made the wrong turn
coming out of the men's room.
It could happen to anyone.
Champagne goes to my head.
I get confused.
Easy on the thumb, Jack.
No harm done.
It's a big place.
Sometimes even I need a road map
to find my way to the can.
Carlos apologizes for any
discomfort he may have caused.
Carlos?
Thank you.
Hey, it's all water
under the bridge.
Alex, you wanna talk horse now?
Come on, why don't we take
a stroll outside.
Let me-- Now let me
get this straight.
You put up Rocket Bob,
and I put up
what you paid for him.
Half a million dollars.
If the horse wins,
I keep him and the money.
If he loses...
Even if he comes in second.
If he comes in anything
but first, it's all yours.
[LAUGHS]
Alex, the one thing
I always liked about you,
you like to hang it out there,
don't you?
You like to lay it
on the line.
You got a deal.
You do me the honor
of being my guest this weekend.
A bunch of us
are getting together
at Rue La Mer in Nassau.
Do I smell a pitch coming?
Well, Alex, horses
are a lot of fun and all,
but I got something very sweet
I think you might
be interested in.
You silver-tongued devil.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[NEIGHS]
ED:
Are you out of your mind?
What if Bob loses?
We're out half a million.
He can't lose.
Or rather, we can't lose,
not if you do your job
properly.
Ashley cannot collect on that
debt if he's in jail, can he?
Excuse me, sir.
CHESTER: Alex. Mr. Alex.
I need to speak to you.
I believe I see trouble brewing.
Mr. Smith,
I have an overnight package here
from Washington marked urgent.
It's expense money. I got
Manly to spring for more cash.
It was not a fun conversation.
Chester, I'll take that.
I'm sure my eyes
are deceiving me,
but is that a horse?
Uh...
It's a thoroughbred.
On club property?
Well, he's, uh--
He's very quiet, very quiet.
And it'll only be
for a few days.
Now I think you could
probably find a way
of looking another way
for a while.
Forget about this whole thing.
Perhaps if you don't ride him
in the pool area.
Yeah, well, he's gonna be
at the track most of the time.
Or eat the grass.
He's on an oat and hay diet.
Lovely. Heh, heh.
Lovely animal.
Remember, next week,
slip fees due.
Here, all right, all right,
all right.
Here it is, here it is.
This is what we're taking
to the Bahamas.
The rest I'm going to give
to you, Ryder,
because I know
I can trust you.
Certainly.
And you'll take care
of Rocket Bob.
You know how I am
with animals, sir.
Especially cats.
Where is the old Pinkster
this morning?
He's at the veterinarian.
Hmm.
Good. All right, we're off.
Uh, you can reach us
on the boat.
We're taking the boat?
Yeah, it's just
a short trip over.
Do you have a problem
with that?
No, no. Uh...
Just not a lot of ocean
in Oklahoma.
Well, the Bermuda Triangle
is beautiful this time of year.
Bermuda what?
[♪♪♪]
[ED VOMITING]
ALEX:
Ed, we're not even
out of the channel yet.
Wait till it gets rough.
ED:
Aw...
[PLANE LANDING,
TIRES SQUEALING ON RUNWAY]
ED:
Hey, you wanna grab
this rope here?
[WAILING]
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]
Park it where you can see it.
And where nobody else can.
Where's the green suit?
You ain't got a dryer in here.
Here you go.
Come on, come on, let's go.
Ed, for the 10th time,
all we have to do is pick up
the house phone and call him.
He invited us.
He knows we're coming.
Then he'd know we're here.
And I thought the government
hired college graduates.
MAN:
Schmitty? That you?
Tubbs.
Hey, never expected to see you
at the Rue La Mer.
Then I saw that green suit.
Actually, I'm undercover.
Undercover, huh?
So Manly actually gave you
something manly to do, huh?
[CHUCKLES]
Jack Tubbs,
Justice Department.
Alexander Hollingsworth,
tax delinquent.
Ha-ha-ha!
What are you doing here?
My operation, bud.
Yeah, that'll put a dent
in the deficit.
Taking the cash
back to Miami tomorrow.
Manly told me to stay the night
and have a good time
and I intend to.
Wow, that's, uh--
Congratulations.
Yeah, I heard Washington
was so impressed
they're talking about sending
me back to Langley.
CIA, huh?
That's great.
That's just great.
So Manly has really got
you working undercover, huh?
Amazing.
And you wonder
why there was a Watergate.
Arrogance is a disease
of the soul, Ed.
Don't let it depress you.
Yeah, yeah, right.
[♪♪♪]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
There he is.
You wanna say hi?
No, I think you're right.
We ought to stay undercover.
[IN SPANISH]
[IN SPANISH]
[SHUTTER CLICKING]
ALEX:
That's a nice shot.
Try one with the lighthouse
in the background.
That's kind of pretty.
Mr. Hollingsworth.
Alex, please.
I know. Pleasant surprise.
A surprise, yes.
Are you stalking me?
Stalking?
Oh, that's an ugly word.
A remarkable coincidence then.
Or, maybe our destiny.
You come down this morning?
On Henry's plane.
Oh, he's taken
quite a liking to you.
Does that surprise you?
No.
No. I would think most men
would be delighted
to take care of you.
Men don't take care of me.
Money does.
It can't keep you warm
at night.
I'm not sleeping with him.
I didn't ask that.
It was in your eyes.
Ashley's rich,
he's charming...
But business.
I didn't say that.
In your eyes.
We seem to think alike, Alex.
That's why I could
never trust you.
That mean you won't tell me
why you were snooping around
the party the other night?
Very observant.
Why don't I let you
figure that out?
Well, if it was
just money,
you'd have it
and be out of here by now.
So I think you have something
else on your agenda.
Which might be
none of your business.
No, except that
Henry has asked me
to go into
a little venture with him.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, what, are you
looking out for your partner?
Protecting my investment.
Why do I have a hard time
believing that?
Maybe it's because something
keeps sort of digging me
in the side and poking me
in the ribs?
Yes, that was it.
Why don't we just keep
this between us, okay?
And, uh, don't forget
to tell Ed, he owes me one.
[SIGHS]
It's never gonna happen, is it?
I'm a screwup, I'm a hack.
In five years I'll be in
Agricultural Investigation,
running down bad hybrids.
Oh, Ed, you're in the midst
of a crisis of confidence.
You have all the talents.
All you need to do is have
the audacity to exercise them.
Gamble a little like
we're gonna do tonight.
With a give grand limit. Tops.
We can't spend a dime
more than that.
Of course, I know that.
[PHONE RINGS]
Smith here...
Doing good.
Did you get those photos
I faxed you?
Get out of here.
The guy on the pier's
an arms dealer, big time.
Anything yet on the girl?
Huh.
Oh, damn.
Where's Ryder when I need him?
Kitty?
Kitty, kitty?
I-- I-I have tuna for you.
Kitty, where are you?
It's dolphin-free.
You miserable lump of fur.
Will you please stay still
so as I can find you.
I'm just exhausted.
I thought you'd be up
all night.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
You crazy cat. Where are you?
You are the most stupid,
annoying animal.
Cat.
Thirty-six red.
Five thousand is our limit.
We're 10 times over that now.
This has gotta end.
Ed, have confidence.
If we fold now,
the ball game is over.
It'll turn around for us.
Besides, we're having fun,
aren't we?
One thousand on 23 red.
DEALER:
Eight black.
[GROANS]
Please, please, please,
don't do that again.
If we're gonna convince Ashley
that we're big players,
we have to play big.
Two thousand on 23 red, please.
I'm gonna get you for this.
[SIGHS]
DEALER:
Fifteen black.
WOMAN [CHUCKLES]:
Oh! You win!
Oh, well.
ALEX:
Um...
Five thousand--
Would you take your hands...
No. No.
Ashley is watching.
No, I'm not gonna--
I don't care. No, no, no...
Are we ready now?
Quite. Thank you so much.
Do give me this now.
All these on 23 red. Yes.
[CLEARS THROAT]
There is no place like home.
No place like home.
There is no place like home.
There is no place like home.
No place like home.
DEALER: Close bets.
Twenty-three red.
Yes. Yes.
All right, all right.
This is government property.
Your lucky night,
Hollingsworth.
Oh, it's just money.
Well, I like your attitude.
I got something a lot better
for you than roulette, friend.
Is it as much fun?
It'll double
your stake overnight.
That's a lot more fun.
So how fast can you lay your
hands on 5 million cash?
Five million...
Um...
Yes, 5 million.
I could do that.
I thought you were talking
about real money.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
You don't have
to count that here,
they'll do that for you.
[♪♪♪]
PHILLIPE [IN SPANISH]:
CUJO [IN SPANISH]:
[SHUTTER CLICKING]
PHILLIPE:
CUJO:
Adios.
PHILLIPE:
CARLOS [IN SPANISH]:
[PHILLIPE SHOUTS IN SPANISH]
[GUNSHOTS]
[ENGINE STARTS]
[SIREN WAILING]
[SIGHS]
Thanks for coming to my rescue.
I was flattered you called me,
but kind of surprised
you didn't call Ashley.
You have friends
in high places.
You're a cop?
U.S. Justice Department.
What? And you're in this
with him?
It was that or debtors prison.
Look, I didn't kill anybody.
If I thought you did,
I wouldn't be
getting you out, Ms. Masters.
Or is it Laura Miller
or Virginia Hammond?
Or Barbara Tannen?
Or, uh...
Ouch, what is this?
Outstanding warrants in Zurich
and Monte Carlo for fraud?
Suspicion of fraud.
Well, you certainly get around,
don't you?
Okay.
It's Lauren.
Lauren Morton.
And you didn't see
who killed Phillipe?
Like I told the police,
I was out for a walk,
I heard a couple of shots.
When I came back
he was already...
Well, he was lying there...
Dead.
Shot dead. Yeah.
Yeah.
Probably by Ashley
and one of his associates,
but we'll never know,
will we?
Why did you spring me?
I need help.
Well, why don't you call
the Red Cross?
We can do this the hard way
or my way.
These are pretty
serious charges.
And what might your way be?
Stay with us on Alex's yacht
till the dust settles
in the morning.
If it's safe, I want you
to go back to the hotel,
pretend like nothing happened,
keep an eye on Ashley,
let us know what he's up to.
Well, what's in it for me?
Why does that sound familiar?
A girl after my own heart.
[CHUCKLES]
Where are you?
Miserable little
feather duster with claws.
Keeping me up half the night,
as if I haven't got anything
better to do.
I much prefer horses.
They stay put and they look you
in the eye and they...
Oh, there you are,
you impertinent feline.
Like horse food, do you?
Did you leave anything
for Rocket...
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
ED:
Five million dollars.
Five million dollars?
How am I gonna ask Manly
for 5 million dollars?
And we have to have it
by 10:00 this morning.
Why don't you say
10 minutes from now,
you'd have exactly
the same chance.
Ed, would you like to know the
secret of success in my life?
Your what? You're poor!
Not poor. Broke.
Broke is a temporary
inconvenience.
Poor is a state of mind.
Confidence, dear boy.
If you believe in yourself,
everyone
will believe in you too.
It's just as simple as that.
Put it on a bumper sticker, Al!
Ah. Well,
if that's your attitude,
I suppose this is going
to be another Wagner Affair.
Hey, that's a low blow.
If the Feds don't come up
with the money,
you're never gonna
get Ashley.
Best time
to throw in the towel.
Well, I think that might be
a little premature.
Didn't you say
your friend Tubby
was gonna move this
to the mainland today?
I saw the three of them
together.
Are you certain
it was Ms. Masters?
Police picked her up.
Hollingsworth's bodyguard
is with Justice?
Si.
Well, Carlos, I think it might
be prudent to exercise Plan B.
Ed, you can do it.
I cannot do it.
I am breaking
a federal law here.
At the very least,
operational protocol.
I screw up again--
Ed, look at me.
This is it.
You're right.
This is it.
This is it. This is it!
Now, Ed.
Ed Smith,
U.S. Department of Justice.
Yes, sir,
what can I do for you?
I'm here to pick up the cash.
Oh, yeah.
We were expecting Agent...
Agent Tubbs.
You were expecting
Agent Tubbs.
Jerk got so drunk celebrating,
he's in the hospital.
I had to catch a 5 a.m. flight
out of Miami.
Take a look at your ID again.
Yeah, sure.
A little hot down here, huh?
Well, I don't have time
to wait around
while you guys
get your thumbs out...
Call Manly.
Call Manly at Langley.
You heard of Langley?
That's CIA, baby.
Get your supervisor down here.
Give me the phone.
Give me the phone,
I'll call Manly
and he'll read your boss
the riot act!
Hey, all we need
is a fingerprint,
and then you can
sign for it, okay?
Fine. Fine, let's go.
[♪♪♪]
Yee-haw!
[LAUGHS]
Was I great?
Was I confident?
I was an animal!
Well, I hope
you're a hungry animal
because I took the time
to make breakfast.
Oh, I had to borrow
some clothes.
I hope you don't mind.
Bowser never looked so good.
Or so happy.
Let me have your flip phone,
would you?
Fine.
Coffee, Lauren, please,
and lots of it.
You two seem
like you robbed a bank.
[LAUGHS]
That's good.
That's really good.
Robbed a bank.
Mmm!
That's great coffee.
Great coffee.
Ahem. Do you know...
what's in these bales?
Do you have any idea?
Money?
Yeah, money.
Money.
Nine million dollars!
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Henry Ashley, please.
Mm. Thank you.
Mm-hm.
Well, hello, Alex.
I take it you found your chips.
Yes. Yes, I did.
Now what's the procedure?
Just bring it on down
to the airport at 10.
You and the other investors
take my jet to the Caymans.
And stay there as my guests.
ALEX:
Cayman Islands, huh?
The pay-off will be placed in 24
hours in a bank account there,
payable only to you, in person.
From that point on,
you do with it what you please.
[CHUCKLES]
Spend it, of course.
All right, I'll see you
at the airport.
I'll be there just long enough
to collect your investment
and pass it on.
Business is business,
you understand?
Yeah. Yes.
Yes, I do.
Everything okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, I meet him
at the airport at 10.
You know, uh...
You know we should--
We should find some place,
some place...
for the rest of this cash.
Somewhere...
Safe.
Yeah.
You know, Lauren,
we could do
tremendous things together.
Like...
Like drink coffee.
You know, Ryder must get
the name of this blend.
It's wonderful coffee.
Sweet dreams, gentlemen.
Oh, it's been
a hard day's night.
[BUTTONS BEEPING]
ED:
No. No.
No!
[SIGHS]
How?
What is it?
What was
in that coffee?
Oh, dichloro-methyl-alki...
I don't know.
A lady of the night dropped
some on a friend of mine
down in Rio,
stole everything he had.
I'll bet it didn't add up
to 5 million.
Government money, big deal.
Oh, God, we're going to jail!
Well, look at the bright side,
she didn't take all of it.
She didn't, did she?
Why not?
ALEX:
I think I have the answer.
Oh, you running errands
for Hollingsworth now?
I don't run errands for anyone.
Hollingsworth isn't coming.
This is my stake.
Oh, my goodness.
A woman with larceny
in her heart.
I knew there was something
besides your legs
I liked about you.
[CHUCKLES]
Ooh, but can I really be
a party to this theft
of Mr. Hollingsworth's
hard-earned money.
I don't think you're gonna
have a problem.
Not when you know
I've documented
your entire operation.
Photographs, tapes.
I was there
when Carlos killed Phillipe.
Oh, that was you.
We were wondering.
And that information is gonna go
straight to the Feds
if you don't let me buy in.
Where on earth you come from?
My father was Danny Morton.
Danny Morton?
ALEX:
Yeah, I remember him.
He's an old friend of Ashley's,
small time crook.
Took a fall for Ashley
in some financial deal
in Switzerland.
Lauren said he died
last year in jail.
So if she did this for revenge,
why didn't she take our money?
"Alex, I am taking
your place on the plane.
I'll return this stake money
as soon as I get paid off
in the Caymans.
Sorry for the trouble, Eddie,
but Alex understands.
I'm just a greedy girl."
Yeah.
And I'm on my way
to the airport.
[♪♪♪]
Now I'm sorry
about your daddy,
Lauren, but I think
you understand.
We're like peas in a pod,
you and me,
when it comes to the deal.
Well, business is business.
I think maybe this trip
will even things up.
I thought you might say that.
Leroy, fetch
the young lady's bag, please.
ED:
Come on, let's go! Let's go!
ALEX:
I don't think
we're gonna make it, Ed.
It's almost 10.
I'll make an example of her.
Nobody makes Ed Smith
look like a fool.
I don't know,
I don't have any difficulty.
Look out!
What are you, crazy?
I'll bust her when they get back
from the Caymans.
Are you kidding? You're never
gonna see her again.
Please, slow down,
would you?
I'll fly to the Caymans
and I'll bust them
when they get off the plane!
Ed, you don't understand.
You don't have
any authority in the Caymans.
Besides, he's not even
gonna be there.
He said he'd meet me
at the race track tomorrow.
We have a deal, remember?
[IMITATES ASHLEY]
"Business is business"?
Well...
Oh, my God.
What?
What's the matter?
He told me
"business is business."
He said the same thing
15 years ago.
In his terminology, that means
a deal has gone sour.
What are you talking about?
If he killed Nelson because
he was afraid he was gonna talk,
he knows the Feds
are on to him.
Well, he knows
his number's coming up, sure.
He can't take a chance
on having another Nelson
in his investment group.
Everyone who can testify
against him is on that plane.
There's no arms deal
going down.
The only thing going down
is that jet,
and Lauren's probably on it.
Come on, hit it!
[♪♪♪]
[HONKING]
[BOTH SCREAM]
They drive on the left side
of the road in the Bahamas, Ed!
There it is.
There's Ashley's plane.
All right, they're almost
at the end of the runway.
This is gonna be close.
Hold on.
Ed!
[SCREAMS]
If I could just swerve...
[SHOUTING]
There's a fence down there.
We're going through it!
[LAUGHS]
Are you crazy?
There they are!
This'll stop them!
I wanna thank you for helping me
with my confidence problem.
You're welcome, I think.
Without you, none of this
would have been possible.
I didn't have this in mind.
I don't think he sees us.
Oh, relax, he sees us.
I don't think so.
He sees us, he'll stop.
I know he will.
I'm completely confident.
He doesn't see us.
I told you! Hey, whoa!
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[TIRES SQUEALING,
BRAKES SCREECHING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
It'll wash out.
[TRUMPET PLAYING FANFARE]
ANNOUNCER [OVER PA]:
The horses are on the track.
Today's feature race,
a premiere breeders cup.
The horses are approaching
the starting gate.
One lucky man.
Terrible tragedy.
I have to tell you,
I'm absolutely sick about it.
But that's no reason to ruin a
perfectly good day at the races.
Here's my wager.
Cashier's check, $500,000,
payable to bearer.
And here are the papers
on Rocket Bob.
I hope you don't mind
if Ryder holds the wagers.
ANNOUNCER:
The flag is up.
[BELL RINGS]
And they're off.
My Skipper takes the lead...
Rocket Bob
trails by six lengths.
At the three-eighths for
My Skipper and Torture Chamber.
Olivia's Dream and Rocket Bob
making a move on the outside.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Into the far turn it's
My Skipper and Torture Chamber.
Rocket Bob
and Olivia's Dream...
Rocket Bob is coming on.
Turning to home it's My Skipper
and Rocket Bob.
My Skipper and Rocket Bob.
Down the stretch it's
Rocket Bob and My Skipper.
Rocket Bob and My Skipper
neck and neck, head and head.
Rocket Bob takes the lead.
Rocket Bob winning it
by a head!
Rocket Bob...
Yes.
[PEOPLE CLAPPING]
Expecting a different result,
Henry?
Truth is, I never know
what to expect with you.
[IMITATES ASHLEY]
"Business is business."
Gets the old
adrenaline going.
Ah, but not like
this one will.
I've taken the liberty
of asking a few friends over
for a little surprise
victory celebration,
and I hope you'll
be able to join us.
You remember your investors.
I'm told their plane
never got off the ground.
MAN:
There he is. Let's go.
I wish Arthur Nelson
could be here today.
Stay in touch.
Don't be a stranger.
I'll take those.What?
Papers for the horse
and the money.
Government property, pal.
This'll keep the IRS
off your back for a while.
And I'm guessing this hay burner
is gonna be worth a lot more
now that he's a winner.
After you, Mr. H.
So, Ed,
tell me about the CIA.
Big budget?
A lot of money?
Yeah, not too big,
not too bad.
But it bought me this baby.
Nice suit.
Wash and wear?
Absolutely.
Never buy
anything but.
Just throw this baby in the
machine, it's as good as new.
Everyone seems to be happy,
and all is right with the world.
And you, sir?
Well, I've actually
achieved something.
I never thought
I would find fulfillment
in something as mundane
and bereft of profit
as Civil Service.
It may not be all that bad,
sir.
I placed a wager
on Rocket Bob at the track.
Good Lord, how much is that?
Well, $10,000 at 14-1,
$140,000.
Not-not too shabby,
if I may say so, sir.
Well, where on earth
did you get it?
Well, as I consider this
a legitimate expense,
I appropriated the money
from the envelop
that Mr. Ed gave me.
I returned the 10,000,
of course.
It is, after all,
government property.
[CHUCKLES]
Good old Ryder.
Yes, we did pretty well, sir,
didn't we?
Thanks to you.
Oh, thank you, sir.
And, of course, Rocket Bob.
Oh, splendid animal, sir.
Splendid animal.
Oh, speaking of animals,
I haven't seen Pinky
around recently.
Well, he hasn't been
very mobile.
Last time I saw him
he was rather stiff.
Stiff, well...
Possibly something to do
with his diet.
I see.
Then I trust
you'll take care of that.
As I always do, sir.
Of course.
I'll just go and fetch him.
[♪♪♪]
[ALEX CHUCKLES]
[YOWLING]
[♪♪♪]
Alex, your little boy's here.
He doesn't usually summon us
on such short notice, sir.
Ryder,
at my father's age,
everything has to be
on short notice...
Oh, Father, how very nice
to see you, sir.
Oh, you're looking wonderful,
sir.
[COUGHING]
Isn't he, Ryder?
Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Ah, George, I see
you still haven't found a way
of making an honest living.
[SCOFFS]
Alex.
[MEOWS]
Mr. Hollingsworth
has asked you here
for a little clarification.
Yes?
Expenses.
Eighty-five thousand dollars
for flying lessons?
Well, I had to buy
what was left of the plane.
GEORGE:
And what about your recent foray
into the sport of kings?
Spending money on racehorses?
Is it my fault my stud decided
to jump over a barb wire fence?
I mean, he didn't neuter
himself on purpose, you know.
[LAUGHS]
Your father thinks
you have a spending problem.
I'm a Hollingsworth.
Your father feels
that you have been
living too long
on his largesse,
wasting your life,
systematically squandering
every dollar
that you've been given.
Well, I suppose my second wife
squandered a bit, but...
Nevertheless, your father has
added a codicil to his will
that precludes you
from any inheritance.
I'm out of the will?
Irrevocably.
But your father
has the highest hope
that this action will
inspire you
to go out and do something
with your life.
Is it something I said?
Despite all, your father
trusts...
[MEOWS]
...that you are resourceful
enough to survive.
Resourceful?
I'm broke.
But not homeless.
Your father is giving you
full title to the yacht.
The Invincible?
Do you have any idea
how much it costs
to keep a vessel
like that in the water?
And you may have Ryder as long
as he takes care of the cat.
The cat, sir?
GEORGE:
You know how fond
Mr. Hollingsworth is of Pinky.
[YOWLING]
[COUGHING]
It's a shame
he's so allergic.
Well, doctor's orders,
I'm afraid.
No more cat.
But you have a job, Ryder,
as long as Pinky lives.
Oh, a generous provision,
sir...
[PINKY CONTINUES YOWLING]
[♪♪♪]
ALEX:
Hey. Where's he going?
Wait a minute.
VERONICA:
Alex, don't you think
you were a little hard on him?
No, Veronica,
he'll find some way
of staying afloat...
[CHUCKLES]
[♪♪♪]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Yes, sir.
Your usual table, Mr. Nelson.
Thank you, Paul.
ALEX:
Look, Chester, if you'd
just give my bank a call,
I'm sure they'll tell you
I'm quite solid.
CHESTER:
There's no more money in your
account, Mr. Hollingsworth.
Hello, Arthur.
Would you please tell Chester
I'm good for the money?
He's good for the money,
Chester.
[GRUNTS]
He's on the club board.
Thank you, Arthur.
RYDER:
Oh, oh, come back here,
you disgusting feline.
Keep that up,
and I'll have you declawed.
[PINKY YOWLING, HISSING]
Mr. Nelson might be on
the board, but I run the club.
If you can pay your slip fees,
everything will be...
Chester, have I ever
let you down?
How about the last month,
and the month before that?
I'm ashamed to say this,
but I too
am not immune to the effects
of the recession.
Let me give you my watch.
The one you gave to the pool boy
and the dock master turned
their wrists green.
By the end of the quarter,
when the dividends come through,
I'll settle up everything.
This is
the end of the quarter.
Did I say end of the quarter?
I meant end of the fiscal year.
[PINKY YOWLS]
RYDER: Come here, you furball.
Pinky, where are you?
Ryder, what happened
to your face?
Pinky wasn't happy at
the thought of his flea bath.
Did-did you-- Did you
see him headed this way?
If you don't need me, sir, I--
I think I'll go
and look for him.
Well, check the café.
I think today's special
is the tuna surprise.
Pinky, wait till
I get my hands on you...
One more day, Alex.
The marshalls are on their way
with the eviction notice.
All the back rent,
or I'll have this beautiful boat
towed to Cuba
for target practice.
You couldn't. You wouldn't.
I can. I will.
[♪♪♪]
[MEOWS]
Oh, get off that table.
Oh, please come back here.
Come back here.
Hi. Uh... Ahem.
RYDER:
Oh, oh, come on, Pinky.
Oh, come here. Please.
Please.
I've got other things to do.
Oh!
Cat fur.
Oh, I-I beg your pardon, sir.
You stupid animal.
Oh, for goodness' sake.
Come here.
Pinky, please?
Oh, for goodness' sake.
Come here, please.
[PINKY YOWLS]
Oh...
Oh, man.
Oh, God,
I can't believe this...
Oh, man, oh, man.
I don't believe this...
All right. Oh, man.
Oh, man, oh, man.
Is he your cat?
Under the circumstances,
I think it would be more
accurate to say he wasmy cat.
It was an accident, honest.
It came flying out of nowhere,
it was like an orange streak.
I-I didn't see him.
Calm down, young man.
No one's accusing you
of vehicular manslaughter.
You want him?
Just--
Just the collar, please.
I'm, uh...
I'm sorry about your, uh...
Pinky.
You are not nearly as sorry
as I am, sir.
WOMAN:
Cat killer.
[♪♪♪]
No, no, no, if a dog don't hunt,
you shoot it,
you understand what I'm saying?
That's just the way business
is done...
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
No, no, I can't be blamed if
a few people are out of jobs...
Hey.
Mr. Ashley,
your bourbon and 7.
Well, thank you
very kindly, darlin'.
[WEAKLY]
Miss. Miss.
Excuse me, sir,
but this is a private club.
Yeah? Yeah, I know,
I'm thinkin' of joining.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, I'm just, uh,
checkin' it out.
Membership's closed
at the moment.
Yeah. Well, I'm sure it is.
Maybe, uh, this'll help, huh?
Yeah. Lunch.
Mr. Hancock is talking
business, right?
You can't talk about it and kill
the American dream, can you?
Thank you. Okay?
CHESTER:
Good morning, Woodrow.
That's it right there,
marshall.
The Invincible,24 A.
Well... Um...
Alexander Hollingsworth?
Uh, no, no.
I'm his butler. Can I help you?
Yes. Do you know
where we can find him?
Well, I'm afraid
he's gone shopping.
He's a great shopper.
Has a black belt.
My own little kind
of a joke there.
I think you're
Alexander Hollingsworth.
Me? No, no, no.
He's a great strapping fellow.
You'd like him.
Great. Oh, as a matter of fact,
there he comes now.
[♪♪♪]
Hey. Wait a minute.
Oh, my suntan lotion.
Thank you.
Talk later, ma'am.
[♪♪♪]
ALEX:
Hello. How are you?
Look at this guy. Look at him.
[LAUGHS]
If I were you,
I'd go dancing...
The water is quite warm.
[EXCLAIMS]
Oh, excuse me.
I am sorry.
[SCOFFS]
Did somebody push you in?
No, I always go swimming
fully clothed.
It's great resistance training.
Now I'm a little pressed
for time.
Would you mind if I shared
the facilities with you?
Micabana, sucabana.
Well, in that case, um, uh...
Lauren.
Lauren, would you stand watch
for me, please?
Sure.
Who am I looking for?
Anybody in uniform.
Well, I'm wearing a uniform.
Yeah. But unless your name
is Conchita Gonzalez,
I think you're crashing
this place.
Well, now, I'd say we both
have something to hide.
Can I turn around?
Are you decent?
Well, some people say
I'm tremendous.
Well, Mr. Tremendous,
the coast is clear.
[♪♪♪]
Thank you, Conchita.
[GIGGLES] It's been a pleasure.
Sir...
[GASPS]
[SCREAMING]
[WATER SPLASHES]
Someone just fell.
MAN:
Get the paramedics up here...
Boy...
There's a tough break for you.
MAN: You got him?
I guess that means we need to
get ourselves another investor.
Oh, nice funeral service,
wasn't it?
Very moving, sir.
Good old Nelson, fine fellow.
Last of a dying breed.
True gentleman, sir.
Even if he didn't tip
his staff at Christmas.
Strange him going like that.
He was always so mindful
of his health.
Well, Ryder, when your time
is up, your time is up.
There's really nothing
you can do about it.
[ENGINE STARTS]
Well, excuse me, sir,
are you having the Rolls
detailed today?
Ryder, I can't afford
to put air in the tires.
Well, then, may I conclude
it's being repossessed?
Hey. Hey, you, wait.
Hey. Hey, wait.
I'm telling you, this guy's
world is falling apart...
Like mine?
Oh, that's very funny,
Manly, has--
No, no, Mr. Manly...
Now if--
I'm sorry.
Look, I'll take full
responsibility on this one.
Oh, this is my baby.
I can bring this guy down...
End of an era, Ryder.
End of an era.
Perhaps Father was right.
Besides winning the Socialite
of the Year Award in '83,
what have I really contributed
to the world?
I'm afraid my life is as
worthless as my bank account.
Oh, don't despair, sir.
You'll bounce back.
Fortune has a way of turning
around when you least expect it.
I suppose
I'll have to sell the Picasso.
May I remind you, sir,
that particular painting
is a reproduction?
The fellow who did it for you
is sequestered behind bars.
And a tragic waste of talent
it is.
Perhaps, sir, have you ever
thought of selling the Burgundy?
Ryder, I will drink that bottle
of Burgundy on my death bed
and not a minute sooner.
Are you all right, sir?
No. Not really.
Hasn't been the best of days
for you, has it?
We're being evicted
from the boat slip.
They want to repossess
The Invincible.
They already have the Rolls.
Your best friend
passes away suddenly.
And I've had a report that
your bottom needs attention.
What?
Worms, sir.
Worms...
The Invinciblehas worms.
The Invincible?
Oh, thank God...
I haven't seen Pinky recently.
I suppose he's deserted me too?
Oh, well I, I expect
he's out-out mousing, sir.
He'll return when the hunt
is up.
Last time I saw him,
he seemed a bit run down.
Yes, sir, when I saw him he
was-- He was rather flat.
Will you be needing me
after dinner, sir?
You could stick around.
We could talk.
Well, I-I have
a pressing engagement.
Long-term commitment,
sir, I'll...
I'll see you in the morning,
sir.
Perhaps.
Thank you.
Yes, perhaps.
[SMOOTH JAZZ
PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]
Hm.
[CHUCKLES]
[BLOWS]
Hello?
[CORK POPS]
[CUP SPLASHES]
Oh.
Ahem.
[SIGHS]
To Alexander
Turnball Hollingsworth, III.
He swarm with the sharks
and sleep with the fishes.
[CHUCKLES]
He came, he saw, he squandered!
[♪♪♪]
Oh, this is ridiculous.
Don't!
I got you.
No!
You know what you just did?
I stopped you
from killing yourself.
You drowned a 7000-dollar
bottle of wine.
It was open, you idiot.
[WHISTLING]
Up and at 'em, champ.
Brand new day.
What time is it?
About 8.
Please say pm.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, you're real,
I thought I was just drunk.
Aren't you an agent
or something?
I remember a badge.
Oh.
Ed Smith, United States
Justice Department.
Ooh.
[GRUNTS]
Oh, oh!
Are you okay?
Oh, yes, I'm fine. Thank you.
A little soggy there,
but here's my picture.
Boy, I've really bottomed out.
I'm lying on the floor
having a conversation
with a G-man in bowser boxers.
A gift from my niece.
I only packed one suit.
Wash and wear, drip dry.
A few accessories,
you can wear this baby anywhere.
And it looks like you have.
All right, there you go.
What's that?
It's coffee.
I made it myself.
[EXCLAIMS]
Ryder, espresso and juice.
Orange.
Orange and white Tom,
about five years, 20 pounds.
Well, we don't get many custom
orders around here.
You see, I was quite
attached to him.
Actually, the people who pay
my salary were quite attached.
I don't think I could face
their disappointment.
Well, I got a big white one
over there.
You wanna paint stripes
on him?
[CHUCKLES]
No.
With my luck, they'd
probably wash off, thank you.
[DOGS BARKING]
[♪♪♪]
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, yes, yes.
[GROWLS]
[HISSES]
[EXCLAIMING]
Bugger!
Here...
Hungry, kitty? Come along.
Here, kitty, kitty.
Nice cat. Good cat.
[CAT YOWLING]
[RYDER SHOUTING]
Oh, you miserable flea cat!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
[♪♪♪]
What do you actually do
at the Justice Department?
When you're not wreaking
havoc on innocent people.
Special Agent, International
Investigations Unit.
Ex-CIA.
Ah.
Downwardly mobile, eh?
Hey, I'm a victim
of the New World Order.
And I'm on my way up.
They don't give you
one of these babies
unless you're on the rise.
Ah, federal government's
issuing cellular phones.
Well, so much
for deficit reduction.
[♪♪♪]
Am I under arrest?
Could be.
Tax evasion.
Undeclared income.
You've seen my tax records?
The few we could find.
The IRS has 'em posted
in the lunch room.
Joke of the month.
But we might be able
to work something out.
In return for what?
[♪♪♪]
ED:
You move in the circles
we're trying to penetrate.
And you want me to help you
nail someone, right?
Where are you from, young man?
Pawhuska, Oklahoma.
Well, I don't know how they do
things in cowpie country,
but here in Palm Beach,
we don't snitch, squeal,
or rat on our friends.
What's in it for me?
Well, let's just say
we're prepared
to cover
a few of your expenses...
It'll wash right out.
Anyway, we're here. Ahem.
ALEX:
Henry Ashley's place.
An old friend?
Ashley's a human oil slick.
ED:
You were in business
with him once.
ALEX:
We weren't exactly partners.
ED:
He burned you big time,
didn't he?
You are intrusive, aren't you?
You could burn him back.
You want me to throw in
with him again? With what?
Ashley knows all about me.
Everybody in Palm Beach
knows I'm so broke
I can't pay attention.
We think Ashley's latest scheme
is off-shore arms trading.
Big deals, done in cash,
and he gets
from heavy hitting investors.
We'll stake you
the investment money.
You buy in, track the deal,
and then when there's
enough evidence to convict,
I pinch him.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
[CHUCKLES]
What do you say?
Well, it'd be nice
to see him squirm.
What if I told you I think
he killed Arthur Nelson?
Nelson contacted us
last week,
wanted to talk about Ashley
in return for immunity.
So they sent me down.
I think Ashley got to him
before I did.
He's a bad guy, Mister H.
And Ed Smith here
is gonna bring him down.
You gonna help me or what?
Arthur Nelson, huh?
Mm-hm.
All right.
There are a few little points
I wanna iron out
before we proceed.
One, please never,
never call me Mister H.
And two, what exactly do you
mean by covering expenses?
[♪♪♪]
[CHUCKLES]
We'll talk about that.
You didn't know
he was going to the Feds.
I don't know the sun
is gonna come up tomorrow,
but I got a pretty damn
good idea.
My arrangements with suppliers
specified the amount
and the time of delivery.
Without Nelson's cash--
His share can be replaced.
In 48 hours.
Where are you gonna find
that kind of money,
in cash, in two days?
In my country, we have
a saying that says
you don't fry the chicken
before collecting the eggs.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, you know, Phillipe,
we got a saying
where I come from too.
We say that everything,
everything past its usefulness
is entirely disposable.
We're still
5 million short.
What are you gonna do?
What I do best,
Phillipe.
Improvise.
[SHUTTER CLICKING]
Okay, now I got a budget,
not a big one,
but I think you're gonna--
The first thing we do
is bail out my Rolls Royce.
What for?
Well, you can't sting someone
like Ashley on a shoestring.
We got a perfectly good car.
For delivering pizzas, yes.
But the Rolls is an essential
part of my image.
You're not starting to bean
count on me already, are you?
I'm responsible
for every nickel.
It's taxpayer's money.
So I'm a taxpayer.
Not lately.
Just how important is catching
Ashley to your job?
Okay, okay, okay.
But we got a deal here now,
right?
Yes, of course, dear boy.
I think you've twisted my arm.
Ah, just the man
I wanted to see.
How good to see you again.[GRUNTS]
You can cancel the tugboat,
I've had a windfall.
Take care of it, would you?
Back dues on the boat slip.
Expenses, partner.
Oh, yeah.
[SIGHING]
All right.
Ahem. How much?
Fourteen thousand dollars.
[GASPS]
[♪♪♪]
Hello, Ryder.
What have you done
to yourself?
Oh, a dull razor, sir.
And your hand?
It slipped.
Fourteen thousand dollars?
Fourteen thousand dollars
to rent water?
Oh, this is Ed Smith.
You wanna tell me what other
little surprises
you might have in...
ALEX:
Ryder is my butler.
Your butler?
He's essential to my image.
So, uh, was this the...
How do you do, Mr. Smith?
[MEOWS]
Oh, Ryder, you found Pinky.
Pinky?
Hello, Pinky.
[SNARLS]
Oh, frisky little devil,
isn't he?
Vermin blood, sir.
It charges his batteries.
Brings 'em right back
to life, I'd say.
Shall I fix lunch, sir?
Oh, yes, excellent idea.
We can celebrate
our partnership.
Partnership, sir?
Yes, Ed is a federal agent,
and our new financier.
You and I are going into
the undercover business, Ryder.
Undercover business?
Oh, how thrilling.
Welcome aboard, Mr. Ed.
[♪♪♪]
[CHUCKLES]
Now, let me see,
Ashley's gonna wanna know
my financial position.
Unfortunately, the coffers
are empty at the moment.
So I'm going to need
an immediate infusion of cash
in my bank account.
How much you thinking?
Oh, I don't know. Half a million
dollars. Something like that.
[SCOFFS]
Get real, bud.
This is the age
of government austerity.
But I'm not gonna spend it.
Just for appearances.
The first thing we have to do
is track down Ashley
and then get his attention.
You're not gonna spend it?
No.
AUCTIONEER:
Three-fifty, now 375.
We're at $350,000.
Any advance on $350,000,
ladies and gentlemen.
We're at $350,000.
The front row,
on the first call.
MAN:
Well, hello, Bill.
Hi, good to see you. Ethel.
Three-fifty on the second call,
ladies and gentlemen.
Three-fifty on the third
and final call.
Sold, $350,000.
Thank you...
Not buying anything. Got it?
Just window shopping.
I told you he'd be here.
Over there...
[♪♪♪]
Excuse me.
Magnificent animal.
That's a lot of horse,
all right.
Didn't we meet at the club
the other day by the pool?
We didn't exactly meet.
Now we have. I'm Henry Ashley.
I know who you are.
Everybody knows who you are.
I'm Lauren. Lauren Masters.
Well, very pleased to meet you,
young lady.
Come on up here.
I'll show you how it all works.
I'd be delighted.
You wouldn't be related
to Marv Masters,
the Chicago banker, would you?
My father.
Next up, son of Danny's Heir...
This is tiny, tiny world.
...1990 horse of the year.
I should give him more of my
business, don't you think?
I think he'd love it.
Thistlerose Farms, Rocket Bob.
And what will you give
for Rocket Bob?
Two-ten. That's a 20.
Two-twenty.
Now 230, $230,000 is the bid.
Two-forty.
Now 240. Two-forty.
Now 250. Two-forty. Two-fifty.
Two-fifty.
Two-sixty, 260,000 and now.
Two-sixty.
Two-sixty.
See, the trick is to know
when to jump in.
Let them all get tired now,
and then you bid
what the horse is really worth.
What do you mean?
Three-seventy five.
ED: What are you doing?
Three-seventy five. Thank you.
Three hundred
and seventy five is bid.
Three-seventy five.
Three-eighty.
Three-eighty five.
I should ask you this,
I don't wanna know the answer.
Three hundred
and eighty five what?
Thousand dollars.
I think you have a serious
psychological problem.
Thank you.
Three-eighty five,
now $400,000.
Four.
Four hundred thousand dollars.
I think you should back off.
No, trust me.
He's hooked.
Four hundred and now 450.
Four-fifty.
I could get shot
for this, you know.
On the first call, second...
Four-seventy five.
Goodbye flip phone.
Four-seventy-five and
five hundred thousand dollars.
We're at four hundred and
seventy-five thousand dollars.
Don't even think
about it.
You're calling the shots.
Thank God.
Five!
I'm a dead man.
We're at five hundred
and now 525.
Five hundred and now 525
and at $525,000.
We're at $500,000
on the first call.
They're gonna send me down
to postal service.
Five hundred thousand dollars
on the second call.
Five hundred thousand dollars
on the third, and final call.
Ladies and gentlemen...
ED: Please...
Sold $500,000 Rocket Bob.
You just spent
all our money.
Yes, but I did
get his attention.
[♪♪♪]
I should have
let you drown.
[CHUCKLING]
Okay, okay.
I'm okay with this.
I'm okay with this.
We'll get the money back.
We'll just sell him ourselves.
We could put him
in the Cavalry.
We still have a Cavalry,
don't we?
Take care of that for me,
won't you?
Five hundred thousand
dollars...
Hollingsworth, you hound.
How's it feel to be
a winner for a change?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
This is Lauren Masters from
Chicago, my lovely new friend.
Alexander Hollingsworth,
very old friend.
Henry tends to exaggerate.
I'm not that old,
and he's really not my friend.
We just happen to be members
of the same yacht club.
I have the distinct impression,
though,
that we've met
somewhere before.
Yes, that wonderful
Cuban place downtown.
La Cabana.
La Cabana. Yes.
ASHLEY:
Funny, Alex, I heard your daddy
cut bait
and you were bottom feeding.
Ugly rumors, Henry.
And those same small minds
are saying that
you're going to stop scamming
widows for lunch money.
But I'm being impolite.
This is Ed Smith, my bodyguard.
My, you are on a budget,
aren't you?
Pleasure to meet you, sir.
Ahem. Ma'am.
Well, Hollingsworth,
you know I let you outbid me.
We could have gone back
and forth till doomsday,
but why run up the price, huh?
I'll buy him from you
right now.
Five-fifty. Cash.
Sporting gesture of yours,
Henry,
but I'm afraid much too low.
Mr. Hollingsworth, sir,
I think his offer is definitely
worth considering because--
Well, I-I appreciate
your acumen
in business matters,
but no sale.
I'm sorry.
As a matter of fact,
I was thinking of entering
Rocket Bob
in the Breeder's Premiere
at Calder next week.
Oh, now, that is exactly
what I was gonna do.
Tell you what, why don't you
nap on it this afternoon
and come on over
to my place tonight.
We're having some folks
over for chow.
I'd love to, Henry.
I really would.
But unfortunately,
my dance card is filled.
Perhaps some other time.
It's been a pleasure
once again, Chiquita.
It always is.
Ed.
This is unbelievable.
This is insane.
The man just offered us
a 50,000-dollar profit
for doing
absolutely nothing.
But the right kind of nothing,
and we've got to do more of it.
And the party? We're
supposed to be infiltrating,
not playing hard to get.
Ed, do you know nothing
of foreplay?
Foreplay? Is that what you
expect me to tell Manly?
It's foreplay...
No, that's a figure of speech.
We're stringing him along...
And, when you think about it,
it's not that much.
Okay, it is that much,
but, uh,
we're not talking
about dog food here.
I mean, this is a, this is a--
This is a thoroughbred.
I mean, you should see...
Hello, Mr. Manly?
Alexander Hollingsworth here.
Yes, yes. Well,
I wanted to commend you
on the choice of the man
you have to work with me.
Ed Smith.
He's really a wonderful fellow.
I'm sorry.
What has he for brains?
Oh, well, how graphic...
[CHUCKLES]
Yes, he wants me to mention
the Wagner Affair.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes, well, of course
we're going to race Rocket Bob.
He has to prove himself on the
circuit before we can sell.
Especially at the price
you paid for him...
Yes.
Now Ed informs me
that you're about to retire.
Is that correct?
No. No.
Well, this could cast
quite a pall on that procedure.
Could it not?
I see. Well, certainly. Yes.
This will remain strictly
between you and us.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mr. Manly.
The Wagner Affair?
Uh... I was CIA then.
Uh...
All right, look,
I'll be square with you.
My butt's on the line here.
If I don't pull this off,
it's Immigration
and Naturalization for me.
We call it
Calcutta on the Potomac.
I really need this one.
Ed.
We all want
a piece of Ashley.
[♪♪♪]
Goodness gracious, Ryder,
what did you do
to your other hand?
I-I nicked myself
opening a can for Pinky.
You know how
he loves tuna fish.
Cat did that to me,
I'd turn him into ear muffs.
Now be gentle, Ed.
Ryder's very sensitive
about Pinky.
When he loses that cat,
he loses his job.
You know, I think I'm gonna use
my other cuff links.
Can I get them?
No, no, I'll find them.
[ED CHUCKLES]
Just how many Pinkys
have there been?
[EXCLAIMS]
I-I beg your pardon, sir?
Think I might have a little bit
of that bubbly, Ryder?
My pleasure, sir.
Oh, you better go easy
on the drink, Ed.
They'll be plenty
at Ashley's party.
And you better get dressed.
Party? What are you senile?
You snubbed it.
Don't they teach you anything
at spy school?
You're supposed to know
and understand your adversary.
[KNOCKING]
Package for
a Mr. Alex Hollingsworth.
What is it?
An invitation
to Mr. Ashley's party.
Well, now how did you--?
When someone like Ashley
wants something
as badly as he does
Rocket Bob,
he won't take no
for an answer.
You did bring a tux?
What's wrong with this?
[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
[LIGHT JAZZ PLAYING]
ALEX:
Oops, you all right?
They giving out door prizes
for cleavage tonight?
No. And not for pink
cummerbunds either.
It's my fault.
I should have told you
this was not gonna be
a senior prom.
I would have been perfectly
happy to wear the green suit.
It was your idea
to rent a tux.
A tux, yes.
But that looks like
you mugged a Mambo King.
Charles, hi.
I don't know.
It kind of says Florida to me.
Why, Alex Hollingsworth.
You recluse, you.
I haven't seen you
since Roxanne's last seance.
Oh, yes, I remember.
You brought the llama.
Oh, yes.
We heard you had fallen
on hard times.
I like to think of that
as a character building moment.
Oh, well, you're just
as adorable as ever, darling.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, look,
there's Margaret DeForge.
The Liposuction Queen.
Well, I'll catch up
with you later, darling.
Oh, my God.
Roxanne's?
I was in charge
of the Polaroid.
You gonna go to work?
Go to work?
Mingle.
Mingle?
You asked me to get your foot
in the door, so mingle.
Not on an empty stomach.
Oh, check the new arrival.
Another investor judging from
those black bags he brought in.
LAUREN:
Nice to see old friends meet.
In Henry Ashley's world,
an old friend is an oxymoron.
Oh, I must say,
you look delightful tonight.
Thank you.
Hollingsworth, you made it, huh?
And I see you made a beeline
for Ms. Masters.
Well, actually,
she made a beeline for me.
How's the chow, Mr. Smith?
It's fine, thanks.
I have a problem
with squid tentacles,
but hey, enjoy.
So you changed your mind
about Rocket Bob?
Well, not about
selling him outright,
but I think I have a sporting
venture for you.
Something on the side?
A wager between gentlemen.
With Rocket Bob as the prize.
I always admire a man willing
to take a few risks.
Henry, darling, you must come
see Jennifer Barnes' breasts.
They're positively
aerodynamic.
I gotta go play host for
a while. Now we'll talk later.
Shall we mix, darlin'?
Good looking girl.
Too good for him.
And too young too.
See the way she smiled at me?
I'm getting signals.
[SCOFFS]
You must be getting your signals
from another planet, Ed.
I think I got work to do...
[♪♪♪]
[KNOB RATTLING]
[LOCK RATTLING]
ASHLEY:
Why don't we give it
a little look-see
before we put it away
in the safe tonight?
Want it there?
Good.
Good. That's nine down
and one to go.
You found another investor?
Phillipe,
take a look around you.
There got to be about
a billion dollars' worth
of silver hair
out there tonight.
Somebody probably got
that 5 million
in their damn change purse.
I'm going back to the party.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[LOCK CLICKS]
Damn it...
Come on.
[COCKS GUN]
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
Great party, huh?
[♪♪♪]
ASHLEY:
Anything on him?
He made the wrong turn
coming out of the men's room.
It could happen to anyone.
Champagne goes to my head.
I get confused.
Easy on the thumb, Jack.
No harm done.
It's a big place.
Sometimes even I need a road map
to find my way to the can.
Carlos apologizes for any
discomfort he may have caused.
Carlos?
Thank you.
Hey, it's all water
under the bridge.
Alex, you wanna talk horse now?
Come on, why don't we take
a stroll outside.
Let me-- Now let me
get this straight.
You put up Rocket Bob,
and I put up
what you paid for him.
Half a million dollars.
If the horse wins,
I keep him and the money.
If he loses...
Even if he comes in second.
If he comes in anything
but first, it's all yours.
[LAUGHS]
Alex, the one thing
I always liked about you,
you like to hang it out there,
don't you?
You like to lay it
on the line.
You got a deal.
You do me the honor
of being my guest this weekend.
A bunch of us
are getting together
at Rue La Mer in Nassau.
Do I smell a pitch coming?
Well, Alex, horses
are a lot of fun and all,
but I got something very sweet
I think you might
be interested in.
You silver-tongued devil.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[NEIGHS]
ED:
Are you out of your mind?
What if Bob loses?
We're out half a million.
He can't lose.
Or rather, we can't lose,
not if you do your job
properly.
Ashley cannot collect on that
debt if he's in jail, can he?
Excuse me, sir.
CHESTER: Alex. Mr. Alex.
I need to speak to you.
I believe I see trouble brewing.
Mr. Smith,
I have an overnight package here
from Washington marked urgent.
It's expense money. I got
Manly to spring for more cash.
It was not a fun conversation.
Chester, I'll take that.
I'm sure my eyes
are deceiving me,
but is that a horse?
Uh...
It's a thoroughbred.
On club property?
Well, he's, uh--
He's very quiet, very quiet.
And it'll only be
for a few days.
Now I think you could
probably find a way
of looking another way
for a while.
Forget about this whole thing.
Perhaps if you don't ride him
in the pool area.
Yeah, well, he's gonna be
at the track most of the time.
Or eat the grass.
He's on an oat and hay diet.
Lovely. Heh, heh.
Lovely animal.
Remember, next week,
slip fees due.
Here, all right, all right,
all right.
Here it is, here it is.
This is what we're taking
to the Bahamas.
The rest I'm going to give
to you, Ryder,
because I know
I can trust you.
Certainly.
And you'll take care
of Rocket Bob.
You know how I am
with animals, sir.
Especially cats.
Where is the old Pinkster
this morning?
He's at the veterinarian.
Hmm.
Good. All right, we're off.
Uh, you can reach us
on the boat.
We're taking the boat?
Yeah, it's just
a short trip over.
Do you have a problem
with that?
No, no. Uh...
Just not a lot of ocean
in Oklahoma.
Well, the Bermuda Triangle
is beautiful this time of year.
Bermuda what?
[♪♪♪]
[ED VOMITING]
ALEX:
Ed, we're not even
out of the channel yet.
Wait till it gets rough.
ED:
Aw...
[PLANE LANDING,
TIRES SQUEALING ON RUNWAY]
ED:
Hey, you wanna grab
this rope here?
[WAILING]
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]
Park it where you can see it.
And where nobody else can.
Where's the green suit?
You ain't got a dryer in here.
Here you go.
Come on, come on, let's go.
Ed, for the 10th time,
all we have to do is pick up
the house phone and call him.
He invited us.
He knows we're coming.
Then he'd know we're here.
And I thought the government
hired college graduates.
MAN:
Schmitty? That you?
Tubbs.
Hey, never expected to see you
at the Rue La Mer.
Then I saw that green suit.
Actually, I'm undercover.
Undercover, huh?
So Manly actually gave you
something manly to do, huh?
[CHUCKLES]
Jack Tubbs,
Justice Department.
Alexander Hollingsworth,
tax delinquent.
Ha-ha-ha!
What are you doing here?
My operation, bud.
Yeah, that'll put a dent
in the deficit.
Taking the cash
back to Miami tomorrow.
Manly told me to stay the night
and have a good time
and I intend to.
Wow, that's, uh--
Congratulations.
Yeah, I heard Washington
was so impressed
they're talking about sending
me back to Langley.
CIA, huh?
That's great.
That's just great.
So Manly has really got
you working undercover, huh?
Amazing.
And you wonder
why there was a Watergate.
Arrogance is a disease
of the soul, Ed.
Don't let it depress you.
Yeah, yeah, right.
[♪♪♪]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
There he is.
You wanna say hi?
No, I think you're right.
We ought to stay undercover.
[IN SPANISH]
[IN SPANISH]
[SHUTTER CLICKING]
ALEX:
That's a nice shot.
Try one with the lighthouse
in the background.
That's kind of pretty.
Mr. Hollingsworth.
Alex, please.
I know. Pleasant surprise.
A surprise, yes.
Are you stalking me?
Stalking?
Oh, that's an ugly word.
A remarkable coincidence then.
Or, maybe our destiny.
You come down this morning?
On Henry's plane.
Oh, he's taken
quite a liking to you.
Does that surprise you?
No.
No. I would think most men
would be delighted
to take care of you.
Men don't take care of me.
Money does.
It can't keep you warm
at night.
I'm not sleeping with him.
I didn't ask that.
It was in your eyes.
Ashley's rich,
he's charming...
But business.
I didn't say that.
In your eyes.
We seem to think alike, Alex.
That's why I could
never trust you.
That mean you won't tell me
why you were snooping around
the party the other night?
Very observant.
Why don't I let you
figure that out?
Well, if it was
just money,
you'd have it
and be out of here by now.
So I think you have something
else on your agenda.
Which might be
none of your business.
No, except that
Henry has asked me
to go into
a little venture with him.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, what, are you
looking out for your partner?
Protecting my investment.
Why do I have a hard time
believing that?
Maybe it's because something
keeps sort of digging me
in the side and poking me
in the ribs?
Yes, that was it.
Why don't we just keep
this between us, okay?
And, uh, don't forget
to tell Ed, he owes me one.
[SIGHS]
It's never gonna happen, is it?
I'm a screwup, I'm a hack.
In five years I'll be in
Agricultural Investigation,
running down bad hybrids.
Oh, Ed, you're in the midst
of a crisis of confidence.
You have all the talents.
All you need to do is have
the audacity to exercise them.
Gamble a little like
we're gonna do tonight.
With a give grand limit. Tops.
We can't spend a dime
more than that.
Of course, I know that.
[PHONE RINGS]
Smith here...
Doing good.
Did you get those photos
I faxed you?
Get out of here.
The guy on the pier's
an arms dealer, big time.
Anything yet on the girl?
Huh.
Oh, damn.
Where's Ryder when I need him?
Kitty?
Kitty, kitty?
I-- I-I have tuna for you.
Kitty, where are you?
It's dolphin-free.
You miserable lump of fur.
Will you please stay still
so as I can find you.
I'm just exhausted.
I thought you'd be up
all night.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
You crazy cat. Where are you?
You are the most stupid,
annoying animal.
Cat.
Thirty-six red.
Five thousand is our limit.
We're 10 times over that now.
This has gotta end.
Ed, have confidence.
If we fold now,
the ball game is over.
It'll turn around for us.
Besides, we're having fun,
aren't we?
One thousand on 23 red.
DEALER:
Eight black.
[GROANS]
Please, please, please,
don't do that again.
If we're gonna convince Ashley
that we're big players,
we have to play big.
Two thousand on 23 red, please.
I'm gonna get you for this.
[SIGHS]
DEALER:
Fifteen black.
WOMAN [CHUCKLES]:
Oh! You win!
Oh, well.
ALEX:
Um...
Five thousand--
Would you take your hands...
No. No.
Ashley is watching.
No, I'm not gonna--
I don't care. No, no, no...
Are we ready now?
Quite. Thank you so much.
Do give me this now.
All these on 23 red. Yes.
[CLEARS THROAT]
There is no place like home.
No place like home.
There is no place like home.
There is no place like home.
No place like home.
DEALER: Close bets.
Twenty-three red.
Yes. Yes.
All right, all right.
This is government property.
Your lucky night,
Hollingsworth.
Oh, it's just money.
Well, I like your attitude.
I got something a lot better
for you than roulette, friend.
Is it as much fun?
It'll double
your stake overnight.
That's a lot more fun.
So how fast can you lay your
hands on 5 million cash?
Five million...
Um...
Yes, 5 million.
I could do that.
I thought you were talking
about real money.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
You don't have
to count that here,
they'll do that for you.
[♪♪♪]
PHILLIPE [IN SPANISH]:
CUJO [IN SPANISH]:
[SHUTTER CLICKING]
PHILLIPE:
CUJO:
Adios.
PHILLIPE:
CARLOS [IN SPANISH]:
[PHILLIPE SHOUTS IN SPANISH]
[GUNSHOTS]
[ENGINE STARTS]
[SIREN WAILING]
[SIGHS]
Thanks for coming to my rescue.
I was flattered you called me,
but kind of surprised
you didn't call Ashley.
You have friends
in high places.
You're a cop?
U.S. Justice Department.
What? And you're in this
with him?
It was that or debtors prison.
Look, I didn't kill anybody.
If I thought you did,
I wouldn't be
getting you out, Ms. Masters.
Or is it Laura Miller
or Virginia Hammond?
Or Barbara Tannen?
Or, uh...
Ouch, what is this?
Outstanding warrants in Zurich
and Monte Carlo for fraud?
Suspicion of fraud.
Well, you certainly get around,
don't you?
Okay.
It's Lauren.
Lauren Morton.
And you didn't see
who killed Phillipe?
Like I told the police,
I was out for a walk,
I heard a couple of shots.
When I came back
he was already...
Well, he was lying there...
Dead.
Shot dead. Yeah.
Yeah.
Probably by Ashley
and one of his associates,
but we'll never know,
will we?
Why did you spring me?
I need help.
Well, why don't you call
the Red Cross?
We can do this the hard way
or my way.
These are pretty
serious charges.
And what might your way be?
Stay with us on Alex's yacht
till the dust settles
in the morning.
If it's safe, I want you
to go back to the hotel,
pretend like nothing happened,
keep an eye on Ashley,
let us know what he's up to.
Well, what's in it for me?
Why does that sound familiar?
A girl after my own heart.
[CHUCKLES]
Where are you?
Miserable little
feather duster with claws.
Keeping me up half the night,
as if I haven't got anything
better to do.
I much prefer horses.
They stay put and they look you
in the eye and they...
Oh, there you are,
you impertinent feline.
Like horse food, do you?
Did you leave anything
for Rocket...
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
ED:
Five million dollars.
Five million dollars?
How am I gonna ask Manly
for 5 million dollars?
And we have to have it
by 10:00 this morning.
Why don't you say
10 minutes from now,
you'd have exactly
the same chance.
Ed, would you like to know the
secret of success in my life?
Your what? You're poor!
Not poor. Broke.
Broke is a temporary
inconvenience.
Poor is a state of mind.
Confidence, dear boy.
If you believe in yourself,
everyone
will believe in you too.
It's just as simple as that.
Put it on a bumper sticker, Al!
Ah. Well,
if that's your attitude,
I suppose this is going
to be another Wagner Affair.
Hey, that's a low blow.
If the Feds don't come up
with the money,
you're never gonna
get Ashley.
Best time
to throw in the towel.
Well, I think that might be
a little premature.
Didn't you say
your friend Tubby
was gonna move this
to the mainland today?
I saw the three of them
together.
Are you certain
it was Ms. Masters?
Police picked her up.
Hollingsworth's bodyguard
is with Justice?
Si.
Well, Carlos, I think it might
be prudent to exercise Plan B.
Ed, you can do it.
I cannot do it.
I am breaking
a federal law here.
At the very least,
operational protocol.
I screw up again--
Ed, look at me.
This is it.
You're right.
This is it.
This is it. This is it!
Now, Ed.
Ed Smith,
U.S. Department of Justice.
Yes, sir,
what can I do for you?
I'm here to pick up the cash.
Oh, yeah.
We were expecting Agent...
Agent Tubbs.
You were expecting
Agent Tubbs.
Jerk got so drunk celebrating,
he's in the hospital.
I had to catch a 5 a.m. flight
out of Miami.
Take a look at your ID again.
Yeah, sure.
A little hot down here, huh?
Well, I don't have time
to wait around
while you guys
get your thumbs out...
Call Manly.
Call Manly at Langley.
You heard of Langley?
That's CIA, baby.
Get your supervisor down here.
Give me the phone.
Give me the phone,
I'll call Manly
and he'll read your boss
the riot act!
Hey, all we need
is a fingerprint,
and then you can
sign for it, okay?
Fine. Fine, let's go.
[♪♪♪]
Yee-haw!
[LAUGHS]
Was I great?
Was I confident?
I was an animal!
Well, I hope
you're a hungry animal
because I took the time
to make breakfast.
Oh, I had to borrow
some clothes.
I hope you don't mind.
Bowser never looked so good.
Or so happy.
Let me have your flip phone,
would you?
Fine.
Coffee, Lauren, please,
and lots of it.
You two seem
like you robbed a bank.
[LAUGHS]
That's good.
That's really good.
Robbed a bank.
Mmm!
That's great coffee.
Great coffee.
Ahem. Do you know...
what's in these bales?
Do you have any idea?
Money?
Yeah, money.
Money.
Nine million dollars!
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Henry Ashley, please.
Mm. Thank you.
Mm-hm.
Well, hello, Alex.
I take it you found your chips.
Yes. Yes, I did.
Now what's the procedure?
Just bring it on down
to the airport at 10.
You and the other investors
take my jet to the Caymans.
And stay there as my guests.
ALEX:
Cayman Islands, huh?
The pay-off will be placed in 24
hours in a bank account there,
payable only to you, in person.
From that point on,
you do with it what you please.
[CHUCKLES]
Spend it, of course.
All right, I'll see you
at the airport.
I'll be there just long enough
to collect your investment
and pass it on.
Business is business,
you understand?
Yeah. Yes.
Yes, I do.
Everything okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, I meet him
at the airport at 10.
You know, uh...
You know we should--
We should find some place,
some place...
for the rest of this cash.
Somewhere...
Safe.
Yeah.
You know, Lauren,
we could do
tremendous things together.
Like...
Like drink coffee.
You know, Ryder must get
the name of this blend.
It's wonderful coffee.
Sweet dreams, gentlemen.
Oh, it's been
a hard day's night.
[BUTTONS BEEPING]
ED:
No. No.
No!
[SIGHS]
How?
What is it?
What was
in that coffee?
Oh, dichloro-methyl-alki...
I don't know.
A lady of the night dropped
some on a friend of mine
down in Rio,
stole everything he had.
I'll bet it didn't add up
to 5 million.
Government money, big deal.
Oh, God, we're going to jail!
Well, look at the bright side,
she didn't take all of it.
She didn't, did she?
Why not?
ALEX:
I think I have the answer.
Oh, you running errands
for Hollingsworth now?
I don't run errands for anyone.
Hollingsworth isn't coming.
This is my stake.
Oh, my goodness.
A woman with larceny
in her heart.
I knew there was something
besides your legs
I liked about you.
[CHUCKLES]
Ooh, but can I really be
a party to this theft
of Mr. Hollingsworth's
hard-earned money.
I don't think you're gonna
have a problem.
Not when you know
I've documented
your entire operation.
Photographs, tapes.
I was there
when Carlos killed Phillipe.
Oh, that was you.
We were wondering.
And that information is gonna go
straight to the Feds
if you don't let me buy in.
Where on earth you come from?
My father was Danny Morton.
Danny Morton?
ALEX:
Yeah, I remember him.
He's an old friend of Ashley's,
small time crook.
Took a fall for Ashley
in some financial deal
in Switzerland.
Lauren said he died
last year in jail.
So if she did this for revenge,
why didn't she take our money?
"Alex, I am taking
your place on the plane.
I'll return this stake money
as soon as I get paid off
in the Caymans.
Sorry for the trouble, Eddie,
but Alex understands.
I'm just a greedy girl."
Yeah.
And I'm on my way
to the airport.
[♪♪♪]
Now I'm sorry
about your daddy,
Lauren, but I think
you understand.
We're like peas in a pod,
you and me,
when it comes to the deal.
Well, business is business.
I think maybe this trip
will even things up.
I thought you might say that.
Leroy, fetch
the young lady's bag, please.
ED:
Come on, let's go! Let's go!
ALEX:
I don't think
we're gonna make it, Ed.
It's almost 10.
I'll make an example of her.
Nobody makes Ed Smith
look like a fool.
I don't know,
I don't have any difficulty.
Look out!
What are you, crazy?
I'll bust her when they get back
from the Caymans.
Are you kidding? You're never
gonna see her again.
Please, slow down,
would you?
I'll fly to the Caymans
and I'll bust them
when they get off the plane!
Ed, you don't understand.
You don't have
any authority in the Caymans.
Besides, he's not even
gonna be there.
He said he'd meet me
at the race track tomorrow.
We have a deal, remember?
[IMITATES ASHLEY]
"Business is business"?
Well...
Oh, my God.
What?
What's the matter?
He told me
"business is business."
He said the same thing
15 years ago.
In his terminology, that means
a deal has gone sour.
What are you talking about?
If he killed Nelson because
he was afraid he was gonna talk,
he knows the Feds
are on to him.
Well, he knows
his number's coming up, sure.
He can't take a chance
on having another Nelson
in his investment group.
Everyone who can testify
against him is on that plane.
There's no arms deal
going down.
The only thing going down
is that jet,
and Lauren's probably on it.
Come on, hit it!
[♪♪♪]
[HONKING]
[BOTH SCREAM]
They drive on the left side
of the road in the Bahamas, Ed!
There it is.
There's Ashley's plane.
All right, they're almost
at the end of the runway.
This is gonna be close.
Hold on.
Ed!
[SCREAMS]
If I could just swerve...
[SHOUTING]
There's a fence down there.
We're going through it!
[LAUGHS]
Are you crazy?
There they are!
This'll stop them!
I wanna thank you for helping me
with my confidence problem.
You're welcome, I think.
Without you, none of this
would have been possible.
I didn't have this in mind.
I don't think he sees us.
Oh, relax, he sees us.
I don't think so.
He sees us, he'll stop.
I know he will.
I'm completely confident.
He doesn't see us.
I told you! Hey, whoa!
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[TIRES SQUEALING,
BRAKES SCREECHING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
It'll wash out.
[TRUMPET PLAYING FANFARE]
ANNOUNCER [OVER PA]:
The horses are on the track.
Today's feature race,
a premiere breeders cup.
The horses are approaching
the starting gate.
One lucky man.
Terrible tragedy.
I have to tell you,
I'm absolutely sick about it.
But that's no reason to ruin a
perfectly good day at the races.
Here's my wager.
Cashier's check, $500,000,
payable to bearer.
And here are the papers
on Rocket Bob.
I hope you don't mind
if Ryder holds the wagers.
ANNOUNCER:
The flag is up.
[BELL RINGS]
And they're off.
My Skipper takes the lead...
Rocket Bob
trails by six lengths.
At the three-eighths for
My Skipper and Torture Chamber.
Olivia's Dream and Rocket Bob
making a move on the outside.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Into the far turn it's
My Skipper and Torture Chamber.
Rocket Bob
and Olivia's Dream...
Rocket Bob is coming on.
Turning to home it's My Skipper
and Rocket Bob.
My Skipper and Rocket Bob.
Down the stretch it's
Rocket Bob and My Skipper.
Rocket Bob and My Skipper
neck and neck, head and head.
Rocket Bob takes the lead.
Rocket Bob winning it
by a head!
Rocket Bob...
Yes.
[PEOPLE CLAPPING]
Expecting a different result,
Henry?
Truth is, I never know
what to expect with you.
[IMITATES ASHLEY]
"Business is business."
Gets the old
adrenaline going.
Ah, but not like
this one will.
I've taken the liberty
of asking a few friends over
for a little surprise
victory celebration,
and I hope you'll
be able to join us.
You remember your investors.
I'm told their plane
never got off the ground.
MAN:
There he is. Let's go.
I wish Arthur Nelson
could be here today.
Stay in touch.
Don't be a stranger.
I'll take those.What?
Papers for the horse
and the money.
Government property, pal.
This'll keep the IRS
off your back for a while.
And I'm guessing this hay burner
is gonna be worth a lot more
now that he's a winner.
After you, Mr. H.
So, Ed,
tell me about the CIA.
Big budget?
A lot of money?
Yeah, not too big,
not too bad.
But it bought me this baby.
Nice suit.
Wash and wear?
Absolutely.
Never buy
anything but.
Just throw this baby in the
machine, it's as good as new.
Everyone seems to be happy,
and all is right with the world.
And you, sir?
Well, I've actually
achieved something.
I never thought
I would find fulfillment
in something as mundane
and bereft of profit
as Civil Service.
It may not be all that bad,
sir.
I placed a wager
on Rocket Bob at the track.
Good Lord, how much is that?
Well, $10,000 at 14-1,
$140,000.
Not-not too shabby,
if I may say so, sir.
Well, where on earth
did you get it?
Well, as I consider this
a legitimate expense,
I appropriated the money
from the envelop
that Mr. Ed gave me.
I returned the 10,000,
of course.
It is, after all,
government property.
[CHUCKLES]
Good old Ryder.
Yes, we did pretty well, sir,
didn't we?
Thanks to you.
Oh, thank you, sir.
And, of course, Rocket Bob.
Oh, splendid animal, sir.
Splendid animal.
Oh, speaking of animals,
I haven't seen Pinky
around recently.
Well, he hasn't been
very mobile.
Last time I saw him
he was rather stiff.
Stiff, well...
Possibly something to do
with his diet.
I see.
Then I trust
you'll take care of that.
As I always do, sir.
Of course.
I'll just go and fetch him.
[♪♪♪]
[ALEX CHUCKLES]
[YOWLING]
[♪♪♪]