State buoni se potete (1983) - full transcript

Be quiet now, children,
let's be silent.

If you try to be good
I'll sing you a tale.

It will be a quiet one
with a happy ending.

There won't be black men
that scare our thoughts.

Be quiet now, children.
Come closer.

I'll whisper tonight's tale,..

..to wake not up strange things
sleeping in the darkness.

So not even the black night
will scare us any more.

And neither black men
nor unknown things will come.

So not even the black night
will scare us any more.

(RINGING BELL)



Eh, who are you?

What are you doing here?

What are you hiding?

Come, show me!

Show me!

But it's the pyx!

You stole it! You thief!

Come here!

I'm going to catch you! Look!

Thief!

Thief!

He stole from the church!
Thief!

Catch him, run!

Thief!



Thief!

Just you!

Look, a boy stole the pyx!

Look for him! Can you see where he is?

There he is!

Yes! Catch him, it's him!

Grab him!

(SINGING IS HEARD)

(HAMMER BLOWS)

So?

What's up?

(with Roman accent) Please,
hide me! They're running after me!

- Go to church and seek sanctuary, O.K.?
- O.K.!

Go!

I am such a beautiful maiden!

I ask for sanctuary.

- And who are you, the Jack of Clubs?
- No, I'm Cirifischio.

And is that pyx yours?

When mom died she left
everything to the Church,..

..and I'm taking my stuff back.

You refunded yourself. Mhm!

- Alright, I stole it.
- Ah...

Come.

Will you help me?

- But who are all these old men?
- Well, old men...

Foreigners.

People coming from
all parts of the world.

Pilgrims coming to Rome
with feet cut all over.

Yuck!

But what are you doing? Loathing?
You steal and loathe?

These poor men,
wrecks of life's great wreck.

Do you know that helping the poor
is like welcoming Jesus?

We are the Confraternity of the Trinity
of the Pilgrims and Convalescents.

But, who?

Well, we...

I.

It's a little thing I created.

- And who are you?
- Filippo Neri.

But you are not Roman.

Why, can you tell?

You, go to bed, eh?

(INDISTINCT VOICES)

Are you sleeping in the graves?

(in Roman dialect) We're training
ourselves for when we'll have to die.

Your sores give you pain,
but your appetite doesn't desert you.

(with an English accent)
This soup isn't good.

And picky too!

Next time you come to Rome,
stop by the Bear Inn.

Yes, but since
they're still after me,..

..couldn't we close the door?

Eh, no!

Here the door is never closed.
It is always open, day and night.

So, if somebody enters, he will never exit.
He's trapped, a prisoner.

- Of the open door?
- Of course.

You, go upstairs!
You, down there!

And you, go inside!

Have you seen a boy
with a pyx in his hands?

Yes, I have.

He has just gone in there.

But you may arrest him just there.
It's a deconsacrated church.

There's a priest, but he's kind of crazy.

Come! Come!

Don Fulgenzio!

Thanks again.

I need to take the Viaticum
to dying old woman.

..and didn't know where to put it.

If you had not lent it to me...

For we, here, as you say in Rome:..

(in Roman dialect)
.."we don't even have eyes to cry with."

Let's go, move!

By the way, did he at least thank you?

Who?

It is like him that
he took the pyx..

..without saying a word to you.

- Just what he did.
- Did you hear?

It's because he's ignorant.
We have to be patient, they are boys.

I'll return it to you tomorrow.
Thanks again.

Let's go.

- Don Filippo!
- Oh... Yes?

Are you really sure
that I lent it to you?

Sure, but if you don't remember
don't worry.

I too forget everything.
It must be old age.

Come on!

He's right. You're old enough.

Don Filippo: You don't realize the
danger you ran into.

In my church there is no sanctuary law!

And why?

Because I live there, who am an unworthy
priest, loaded with vices and sins.

I live like a lord,..

..and I'm the cause of
all the pains suffered by Jesus.

It was I who sent Him to Calvary.

I never did anything good to a person.

Even if I had done
all the good of the world,..

..what would I have done, my Jesus?

Come, don't take it this way.

Le's go, move!

So what did the coppersmith do
in front of your place, tell me?

- Master Iacomo?
- Yes.

Come. Come with me now.

Don't you ever listen
to Master Iacomo, do you understand?

For he, when he says good day,
it means it's night.

Better, don't even
talk to him, O.K.? Look!

Who is he?

Can you see?

This is the way sacrilegious
theft is punished in Rome..

..by exposing the pieces
to edify those who pass by.

That, now, could have been you.

Today is April 23.

In the Christian calendar it's the
feast of St. George and the dragon.

Buzziche', it's just St. George's.
It's not the dragon's feast.

- Fine...
- Why, "fine"?

There was a St. George
who was a knight..

..who wandered through the world..

..and ended up in a city where
there was a lake with a dragon in it.

And this dragon was killing people
with its breath. Just like this.

Don Filippo, Buzzichetta
breathed on me!

- He did it as an example.
- What if the dragon had farted?

It would have killed people like this.
(HE FARTS)

Darn!

- Don Filippo, he farted!
- We heard it.

- I did it as an example.
- Shut up and listen.

Then the king,
to keep it away from the walls,..

..would send to him
men and women of the city.

But the dragon, breathing on each...

- Hey, did you eat shit?
- No, dead cats.

Finally, only the little
princess and the king were left.

But the king treated all equally.

He put a velvet cloak on the princess
and left her on the lake shore..

..to have the dragon eat her.

I wish!

Oh, are you listening?

Lo and behold St. George
galloping at full speed.

Don Filippo, Caccoletta
pissed on my shoe.

That's not true, I was scared
and pissed myself.

Be good!

Be good, if you can.

All the rest is vanity.

Will you move on, Buzzichetta?

As soon as the dragon jumped out,
St. George muzzled it..

..and tied a rope round its neck,..

..and went back to the city
riding the little princess.

You jerk, how can it be
"riding the little princess"?

Don Filippo: He made a mistake.
How intolerant you are!

Therefore, the king said to him:..

"St. George, now you have to marry her."

"At least live together
happily ever after."

What? Are you telling tales?

Sit down, let me hear the rest.
Move on.

St. George, however,
could not marry,..

..because he was a saint
and they were Muslim.

Therefore he went and took a bucket
of Holy Water and baptized them all,..

..in the name of the Father,
of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.

Amen!

- How did I do?
- Well. Very well.

You said it with much feeling.

You even succeeded in humanizing
the dragon. Well done!

Tomorrow I'll tell you about St. Fedele.

No, you tomorrow
bugger off, please.

Stop!

How can it always end up like this?

Be good! Good, if you can!

Stop!

But look...

What are you doing? You too?

Stop...

Hold it...

Al right. Go.

I'm going out
to breath a little

Good that you calmed down.

(HAMMER BLOWS)

Oh, Don Filippo!

- They drive you to despair, don't they?
- Me?

No...

As they say, they're devils!

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

They're angels.

(MUSIC FROM INTERIOR)

Can you hear it?

That's celestial music.

Well, celestial... It's music.

There!

Don Filippo, don't pretend you're crazy.
I'm not buying it.

- Ah!
- See? You ended up in Hell.

Pretty good!

- Master Iacomo!
- Oh!

How is that you only make pots
and never make lids?

Yes... Strange!

How is that?

You go searching here,
searching there,..

..but when death catches you,
what will be left of your whims?

Vanity of vanities.

You are happy with your pleasures,..

..enjoying only silver and gold,
finally what will be left for you?

Vanity of vanities.

You go searching here,
searching there,..

..always pursuing happiness,
healthy, cheerful, and carefree...

Vanity of vanities.

If you now watch in the mirror
your serene face,..

..surely you can't imagine what will
be left one day of your vanity.

All is vanity, only vanity
live with joy and simplicity.

Be good, if you can...
all the rest is vanity.

All is vanity, only vanity
praise the Lord with humility!..

..give Him all your love
you shall not want ever.

If you now watch in the mirror
your serene face,..

..sure you can't imagine what will
be left one day of your vanity.

All is vanity, only vanity.

Don Filippo, but what
kind of liturgy is this?

Nothing, it's a little thing
I invented.

It is called an oratorio.

Just to stay together.

We tell each other the lives of saints
we sing a hymn...

Basically, we are cheerful.
So the Lord is also happy.

- Happy now?
- I couldn't ask for more.

- What time is dinner?
- This does not depend on us.

- On whom does it depend?
- You'll see.

Don Filippo: Give us alms!

Anybody home?

I can never hit it!

- Shall we go? - Yes, but if they
give us nothing, what shall we eat?

Nothing.

Give us alms!

- No answer here.
- And so?

Give us alms!

Oh!

Oh, you there!

Give us alms!
I have ten hungry mouths at home!

How's that? You're a priest
and have ten children?!

Ten forsaken souls
in need of everything.

Illegitimate from an abandoned family,
as you say in Rome.

A poor wretch like me.

- Like him?!
- Who?!

- Shut up!
- Oh!

Throw us down something!

Can I throw you
what I ate today?

- Your leftovers are enough for us.
- Prepare your sack.

See? We made it. Ready!

Here it is.

- Is that what you ate today?
- I just shat it out.

- May God return you hundredfold.
- Stop there!

- What's in your sack?
- Nothing.

- Stolen goods?
- No.

- Let me see.
- No, wait, it's...

Let me see!

Alright...

It's not mine.
It was given to me as alms.

Perhaps it doesn't show,
but I beg for alms.

- And they give you shit?
- Not all do.

On the other hand, one can't demand.
Each gives what he has.

Cirifischio, go.

You know that Don Filippo
doesn't want you to stay here.

You must finish reading the cards.

I want to know
what fate has in store for me.

Sit.

Blow!

You'll meet somebody...

...on a horse.

Where?

It's luck
coming to you on a horse.

You'll become rich and famous!

It's all predicted by the Arcanes.

You will travel the whole world!

Can you see?

You'll meet women of all colors,
even black!

They're not on the tarots, but... black!

Black?

Of skin, and hair.

Cirifischio, do you like black women?

I don't know.

- Would like to see one?
- Eh?!

I'll show you one... all black.

Are you a wizard?

No!

No.

Look.

Can you see that hole?

If you look through that hole
behind the wall,..

..there is always a Beautiful
Black Woman undressing herself.

And admiring herself with a candle.

- Shall I go look?
- Go!

My goodness, how black I am!

No?

She scares you.

You'll grow up.

Then you'll see if you like her.

Here's the Cardinal nephew!
Cardinal so to speak.

Come, Cirifischio!
Let's try anyway!

Your eminence!

We've been walking all night.

Please, from your good heart.

Oh! You, so young,
are already a cardinal?

But he's the Duke of Caprarola!

If you had been a Colonna, Orsini,
or Farnese, you'd be born a cardinal too.

Cirifischio: No shit!

Your eminence, give us something.

- Give him what he deserves!
- Thank you! Here, I'm ready!

Darn...!

Sure, why not!

This is for me and I thank you for that.

But now, give me
something for the boy.

- No, no. I want nothing!
- You're really stubborn.

I'm thick headed.

Haven't you heard the Cardinal?
Piss off!

- Oh, careful with your donkey!
- Eminence!

Just something for..

Don Filippo!

Cirifischio!

The horse must have frisked.

- No, he did it on purpose.
It was the faggot. - Who?

- The one on the donkey!
- Cirifischio, come here!

Curse you!

Laugh, laugh, faggot!
I'm going to catch you alone!

Let's go!

Here's the faggot! Let's go!

- Run, run!
- I'm going that way!

Let's hide!

So, do you remember me?

Don't know!

- Who are you?
- We are Don Filippo's avengers!

- And what do you plan to do me?
- We'll do you the "pull"!

What's the "pull"?

We take off your pants, we keep
you standing and I pull your balls.

So you'll scream like an eagle.

- No!
- Catch him!

(INDISTINCT VOICES)

You are really strong,
five against one!

Stop!

I'm enough!

He's not enough!

(CHILDREN SHOUTING)

He's not a faggot,
she's a girl in disguise.

What, aren't we doing
her the "pull" anymore?

- No.
- Why?

- Because girls don't have a penis.
- What do they have?

And who are you? What's your name?

Leonetta.

Leonetta, does the Cardinal
know you are a girl?

It was he who dressed me
like a boy.

- And why?
- I'm Madame Lucretia's daughter.

(WHISTLES)

- So?
- A famous whore!

Shut up!
What do you know?

I was growing up in the brothel
with the other whores' children,..

..but Fr. Ignatius of Loyola..

..said that young girls
shouldn't live in brothels,..

..otherwise they'll be learning prostitution
from when they are little.

He's right, that's not
an appropriate place.

According to you, is the convent
of the poor virgins appropriate?

They shut us in there.

But they give you an education,
they teach you for 7 years.

Can you imagine 7 years
with the Jesuits? Worse than jail!

Now you'll tell me
the brothel is better.

In fact the Cardinal took me away
and dressed me as a boy.

I don't understand.

Don Filippo, the Cardinal loves me.

And that's why he should worry
about your future,..

..and send you to school
like all little girls!

So?

But is he for real?

(LAUGHTERS)
He's a saint, he has no malice.

Meaning I'm sort of a jerk?
(LAUGHTERS)

Don Filippo, the Cardinal loves me,
but not the way you think!

Eh?

How?

You, all out! Out!

Why are you listening?
You won't understand, you're too little.

Go all of you to the oratory.
And you?

- I'm big, I can listen.
- But what...

I hope you realize...

Do you know what you're saying?
Do you understand, don't you?

I do.
It's you who don't understand.

Jesus, how is this possible?

I, however, don't love
the Cardinal.

What do I care?
I don't even know you.

What are you doing? Stop her!

(BACKGROUND MUSIC)

- What have I done?!
- Nothing.

- And why did you hit me?
- I? When?

- Now, you slapped me!
- Ah!

I didn't slap you.
I slapped the Devil!

- Have you seen Leonetta?
- Who is Leonetta?

They haven't seen her.

What, who is Leonetta?
She's Madame Lucretia's daughter.

- See? She knows her.
- She's famous, you told me yourself.

Where's Lucretia?

She died of syphillis.
She was filled with it up to the eyes.

- Lucretia is dead?
- That's what she said.

Can you see how beautiful
we are, Don Filippo?

It's all appearance. The infected Devil
hides in the folds of the dress.

We'll all end up that way.

At you!

Speak for yourself!
Don't listen to her, Don Filippo.

I'm a lily, a flower,
as white as a sheet!

I have dukes,
marchises, ambassadors..

No kidding...

We'll all end up in the poor's cemetery!
They treat dogs better...

These are all famous whores.

Although not like in the old times,..

..but they continue the tradition
of the great Roman whores.

Like Isabella Veluna, Imperia,
Tullia d'Aragona, Fiammetta...

Cirifischio, how's that you
know so much about it?

Mom.

Behind every Roman, there always
hides a whore's son.

What do you say?!
Let's leave.

And go to bed without dinner,..

..also because we couldn't find anything.

- Since we're here, Don Filippo!
- Yes?

- Would you give me a quickie?
- If I knew how...

- I know how.
- Now, he knows how.

Shut up, won't you?

There are two there.
I'm taking the Turkish. Let's get some!

- What are you saying?
- Why are you hitting me?

You? I hit the Devil!

Look what a handsome young man.
What's your name?

- My name is...
- His name is Satan. Come away! Away!

Did you see?
She moved back to the Cardinal's.

Apparently she liked it there.

- What are you doing?
- Shut up!

What! Is he crazy?

When you are big, I'll give you
a white horse like mine.

Your Eminence?!

Yes?
Who are you? What do you want?

What did you do?!
Run away!

Let's beat it!

Ah...

No, let me go!

No, I don't want! No!

They kidnapped Cirifischio.

Didn't he understand?

I did understand.

Let's go to bed.

Our Lady will not forsake us.

- Have you said your prayers?
- What do I care?

Spiridione, go to sleep as well.

(CELESTIAL MUSIC)

I caught you, eh?

Well done! But how did you
understand it was me?

Do you think Our Lady would
appear to a sinner like me?

Wow!

(IMITATES HORSE)

Beautiful family!

Well...

- Did you ask to see me?
- Yes.

Make yourself comfortable.

- Please!
- Thank you.

I heard you kidnapped one of the
boys of the oratory.

Ah, is he one of yours?

And whose could he be?

I am very glad.
You are really a great educator.

- Alas...
- Sit down!

I'll be forced to tell the Holy Father.

You must forgive him, he's lively.

Lively...

He almost killed me.

But I came to ask you the grace
to set him free.

You know that who attacks a priest,
according to Canon Law,..

..commits high-treason.

I do, but you must not stick
to such a rigid interpretation.

Ah, well said.

Well said! You preach really well.

I'll be forced to tell the Holy Father.

Our Sovereign, Paul IV,
is a very moralistic man,..

..strict.

It's true.
But what do you want to do, hang him?

- Try to stop me.
- I?

And how could I, Your Eminence?
Your are master.

And who is this handsome lad?

What's your name?

- This is Leo.
- Leo!

- It's a rather shortened name.
- Indeed. It comes from Leone.

Ah, then! Leone...

It's still rather short.

Indeed it comes from Leonetto.
And Leonetto is busy.

Leonetto, Leonetto...

But do you remember the
unhappy times of the Borgias,..

..when cardinals had pages
who were girls in disguise?

- So?
- So?

I was saying that at that time,..

..Leonetto
would surely have been Leonetta.

- Yes, but he is Leonetto.
- Leonetto, Leonetto...

Truly Leonetta sounds better.
It's prettier in the feminine.

Alright, but if he is a male..

Exactly, I say.
Why, what did I say?

No, no.

I don't want to come!
Let me go!

No!

Your Eminence, the police are here.
Shall I deliver him to the Law?

- Absolutely.
- Careful, Your Excellency.

Paul IV has no indulgence
for human weakness.

Because, according to you, breaking
people's heads is human weakness.

But I didn't mean his weakness,
but yours...

Mine? What's my weakness?

Ah, I don't know.
I don't know you.

We should ask him.

- Why him?
- Because he knows you better.

He's always next to you.

And sometimes these pages,..

..know much more of
what they don't say.

Oh, yes?

And sometimes they do say.

Leone', what are you waiting for?
Speak!

But I've already told.

And I'll be forced to
tell the Holy Father.

Alright, but what shall I say to the police?
Shall I give them the prisoner?

Give them what?!

Give them this boor!

- May they both go to Hell!
- All three.

What, all three?

So, single handedly,
we take also him away.

- And where?
- What does it matter?

But...

- Are you taking him away?
- Did you think I'd leave her with you?

I'll never take it off.

Father Ignatius!

Father Ignatius!

Father Ignatius!

Pss! Hey, Fath...

Answer! You scared me!

Captain Jesus doesn't stay up there,
he stays down here with flag in hand.

Always down here
with flag in hand.

Jesus, my captain!

He commands saints and soldiers
and catches all the...

..devils red-handed.
Jesus, my commander!

Captain Jesus doesn't stay up there,
but stays down here to fight with evil.

Always down here
to fight with evil,..

..Jesus, my general!

He chases from the den
the Lutheran scum..

..and the Jewish people.
Jesus, my marshal!

Captain Jesus doesn't stay up there,
he stays down here to fight with evil.

I bringing back a sheep
that you lost.

Blessed be he who comes
in the name of the Lord.

Leonetta!

- I'll help you run away.
- You promise.

What are you reading?

- The Imitation of Christ.
- Ah!

Thomas a Kempis is fundamental.
A text I recommend to all.

I must have read it at least
twenty times, always in one shot.

- I haven't, unfortunately, yet.
- What, not yet?

Well, no... I don't have time.

But, when did it come out?

- At least two centuries ago.
- Ah, that's why.

Of course you must have read
Erasmus of Rotterdam's latest book.

I read it in one shot.

- And you did wrong.
- I knew that.

Erasmus writes too well.
Too much elegance chills devotion.

I just read only 20 pages
and I threw it out.

- How?
- Out of the window.

Ah!

Now that you told me...

- And the Spiritual Exercises?
- Eh?

- Don't tell me that you read it.
- No, my goodness! I didn't even open it.

I took it and threw it away.

- And you did right.
- See?

I wrote it.

- No!
- Yes, yes.

Be patient with me.
You must forgive me,..

..but I am an ignorant priest
and a liar.

You are ignorant, but you are not a liar.

You just wanted to please me.

Anyway, I'll give you a
copy of the Spiritual Exercises.

Thus you'll be forced to read it.

As a penance.

Well, you are not soft,
my Fr. Ignatius.

Hey you, what are you doing here?

Why aren't you in church,
like all the others?

Little boys go to church.
I'm big.

Oh, yes. That's true.
Sorry.

- They are doing the 40 hour devotion.
- What's that?

A little thing invented by Don Filippo.

All pray continuously
for forty hours,..

..without eating or sleeping.
Now they're praying for the Pope.

What?

They pray continuously for forty hours
for Paul IV?

Don Filippo says
it won't even be enough.

He's right.

By the way, that Land of Plenty
you told me about, does it really exist?

- Darn me, if it's not true!
- And where is it?

At Bellinzona, in the land of the Basques!

In a region they call "Enjoyment".

the true Land of Plenty,..

..where he who sleeps most, earns most!

Where vines
are tied with branches of sausages,..

..and where rivers of vernaccia and
moscatello wine..

..flow through villages paved
with cheese of Piacenza.

Darn...!

And the roofs are made of lasagna
and macaroni as in a mosaic.

the walls are made of pastry of Genoa
and hard mints.

Jujubes, arbutus berries..

..whitened with ricotta.
(WAILS)

Master Iacomo, when are we leaving?

And Leonetta?

- Did you forget Leonetta?
- No.

Remember, you promised her.

First, we must snatch her
from the hands of the Jesuits.

Praise always
the Providence of the Lord.

Martin Luther is born
out of the bane of mankind.

The plague of heresy
infests Christianity.

The Turk wins in Hungary,..

..and the Christian kingdoms of Rhodes,
Cyprus, La Goletta and Tripoli of Barbary..

..fall under the hands of the monstrous
sect of Mohammed, the false prophet.

But, at the same time,..

..the Lord reserves for us
the discovery of many new kingdoms.

Of immense seas and diverse lands
without number.

Congo, Malacca, Ethiopia,
China, Brazil, Japan,..

..it shows the truth of
a popular saying:..

.."a door is closed and
a main gate is opened".

And today a golden main gate
is opened to India,..

..to extend the glory of the Lord,
and convert the savages..

..and extend the boundaries
of the Christian kingdom..

..confined within its limits by the strength
of the Moors and the poison of heresy.

For this, we bid farewell
to Fr. Francis Xavier,..

..about to leave for India,..

..where he will
teach the Holy Gospel.

Here I am, Father. I am ready.

You too, dear brother, are going
to teach the Gospel to the Indians?

No, to the people of the Congo.

Ah! Well, well.

If however, when you leave, you
should exit through St. John's Gate,..

..stop one moment
and look around.

You will notice that Congo
begins right at the Aurelian Walls.

What do you mean?

It would help if somebody
stayed in Rome..

..to teach the Gospel to the Romans.

Dear Don Filippo,
how can I help you?

Since today is visiting day for parents,..

..I came to ask news about Leonetta.

- Why, are you her father?
- No, I say...

Since we don't know
her father while her mother...

Well, somebody must
take care of this.

If I'm bothering you,
I'll come another time.

Call Leonetta!

By the way, have you read
the Spiritual Exercises?

Alas, I didn't have
a minute to spare.

Go, Cirifischio!

- But where are you taking me?
- Sh!

- Leonetta!
- Cirifischio!

Do as I told you, go!

What are you doing?

Do you know what a
convent violator faces?

Yes, I do.

He faces dismemberment and the stake.

And the scattering of ashes
in the gutter!

That's why I brought the boy.

Go!

Catch them!

Move!

But who are you?

You have an efficient organization.

We are a combat unit.

We are Christ's team
against Satan's crew.

We are soldiers!

I was Charles V's soldier
before being Christ's.

This leg was busted during
the siege of Pamplona.

Wait. Can I help you?

Is it still painful?

I cry when the weather changes.

Don't mention it.

- What do you have?
- Two broken ribs.

I fell as a dead body
on St. Sebastian's altar when I was called.

Whose?

I say, when I had my calling.

But they reattached themselves badly,
all crooked...

Are you telling me?

Three times, I broke my leg
with a hammer.

- The bones knitted worse every time.
- I prefer to keep them this way.

Should I have had
my breast hammered?

I was healed through
St. Paul's intercession.

I preferred not to bother anyone.

I saw Our Lady.

Where?

- I saw her three times.
- Wow!

Once in Spain,
another in Jerusalem,..

..and once in Italy, near Padua.

Even in Italy?

Then I understood that God
broke my leg to heal me.

Good.

- Do you often eat bread and water?
- Always.

That's why you see Our Lady.
Hunger gives you hallucinations.

But I see other things too.

Such as?

I see Leonetta running away
with one of your boys.

The little, dark one.

You have the gift of clairvoyance,
how can you do that?

If you turn, you'll see them too.

Cirifischio!

Excellency, God protect us!
Such things are happening.

Hey!

And the Devil could not miss this!

How did you understand
that he is the Devil?

If I don't know him...

Let's go!

- Do you know what happens to Cirifischio,
if we catch him? - Yes, I do!

- Hurry up! You walk at snail's pace!
- I'd rather see you walking with my leg!

Excuse me, may I?

- Fr. Ignatius!
- Eh?

You, deal with the children.
I'll be back to you soon.

Oh, oh...

No! Not that, Don Filippo!

No, eh! No!

No!

Go away!

Go away!

No, go away!

No Holy Water!

- No Holy Water!
- Oh yes!

(GASPING)

(SEETHING)

Good night, Master Iacomo.

- Let me go!
- Don't move!

Stop!

Let them go.

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC)

Lovely!
They look like two birdies in a nest.

What shall we do about them?

Birdies fly, let them fly.

All is vanity, only vanity
Praise the Lord with humility!..

..give Him all your love
and you shall lack nothing.

All is vanity, only vanity
live with joy and simplicity!..

..be good, if you can...
all the rest is vanity.

Oh, what a beautiful castle
tra-la-la

Oh, what a beautiful castle
tra-la-la!

Oh, what a beautiful castle
tra-la-la

Oh, what a beautiful castle
tra-la-la!

Run!

Don't pull!

What's that, a rooster?

What does it have under its throat?

What's that, a big bird?

- Don Filippo, what kind of beast is that?
- It's a griffin bird.

It must be a basilisk.

- You jerk, they don't exist.
- Don Filippo, what's that?

What? This is an Indian rooster.
It's called also turkey.

Do you know who gave it to us?
Fr. Ignatius.

- The missionaries from Brazil brought it.
- Is it ferocious?

- It's good with potatoes.
- With what?

- Potatoes.
- What's that?

Other things that come from America
like tobacco and tomatoes.

- What's America?
- Alright, enough!

- Then we can eat it.
- Can't you see it started to cry?

Of course, it heard that it had to die.

Come, I'll kill it.
I'll choke it with my hand.

- Quiet, Maria!
- I can do it!

When I was little I killed a cat.

Here comes Bloody Mary.

Don Filippo! No problem,
if you wish I'll kill it.

No, thank you.
Don't bother. Let's go.

- What did she want to do?
- She wanted to kill it herself.

What! No, no...

Let's go now.

- Are they going to eat it all?!
- They'll leave something for us.

(FOOTSTEPS)

Here are the pigeons.
You've become so beautiful, Leonetta.

Yes, like the bottom of a frying-pan.

He is handsome.

I know you're getting engaged today.

Yes.

And then I'll also
have to find a job.

Today it's St. John's Eve.

Salome's ghost wanders
around Lateran Square..

..looking for the Baptist's head.

- Are you going too?
- To look for the Baptist's head?

No, no.
After, to the party.

Everybody is going.
Witches, wizards, demons... Everyone.

We have guests for dinner.

Indeed.
They're respectable people, Church people.

Actually, I'd better go help Don Filippo
in the kitchen, it's already late. Bye!

(DISTANT WAILS)

- Somebody's crying.
- Where?

Inside there.

- It's the fire.
- With that kind of voice?

Sure! It's its voice.

The fire speaks, has a human voice,
sort of tormented.

(WAILS)

They sound like the voices of damned souls.

Such gloomy thoughts
from a boy about to get married!

Have you thought of
something to give to Leonetta?

And what can I give her,
since I'm penniless?

Take the sack full of coal,
and carry it to the farrier of Tordinona.

You'll get a nice surprise.

- Is this it?
- Yes.

- Shall I go?
- Go!

Boss, I brought you the sack,
the old woman sends it to you.

- What old woman?
- The broom maker.

Look who is here!
Do you remember me?

They told me you are about
to marry Leonetta.

Alright, I brought it anyway.

Can you see?

I still have the scar you inflicted on me.

Scars remain.

I know, but not only
those made with stones.

Leonetta also still has the
scar that I inflicted on her.

(LAUGHS)

Dark boy...

Cool down.

So we are even.

And with this I'm still in the lead!

This is Fr. Francis Xavier,..

..who's just returned from India.
Please come in.

And this is Fr. Ignatius,
who has always been with us.

Always cheerful.

Have you read the Spiritual Exercises?

- Give me some time.
- Even more?

These are Theresa of Avila
and John of the Cross.

Please, come in.

They are the founders of
the Discalced Carmelites.

- But why are they wearing shoes?
- Why is none of your business.

What do you care?

Cardinal Charles Borromeo is coming.

And since he's from Milan,
don't show your bad manners right away!

Your Eminence!

What are...

He tripped.

Please, you shouldn't do this
in front of a poor priest.

It's also a matter of hierarchy.

Indeed it's a matter of hierarchy.

I'm your superior in dignity,
you're my superior in holiness.

Don Filippo, come here.

Excuse me for a moment.

Do you allow them to put paper boats
in the Holy Water?

That's bad.

It's bad that you sank them.

I'll have to build them again.

These are my little children.
We live here.

We pray, sing.
We do some good, all together.

Boys and girls in promiscuity?

The Lord made us in promiscuity,
there are men and women.

And faggots too!

What did he say?

He doesn't know a thing.
It's just...

Indeed there are...

Are we paying attention to Sciaboletta?
He's demented, Reverend Mother.

By the way, Fr. Ignatius, if you act
as witness at Leonetta's wedding,..

..what do you and I become?

I don't know.

We become... comrades?

- Why, are you the girl's Father?
- No!

How can you say that?

(grumpy)
Then we don't become anything.

Don't get angry.

That's too bad.

Did you want to become my comrade?

No, no. My goodness.

That's too bad.

Don Filippo, why is Cirifischio
so late?

I don't know. He'll come. In the mean
time, will you sit down? Please!

Leonetta, don't worry, he'll come.

Soon, the turkey too will soon be coming.

We asked the inn to cook
it for us,..

..because we are not
equipped for tortures.

In the mean time, ladies and gentlemen,
would you enjoy, I don't know,..

..a hymn, a short sermon,
a saint's life, I..

On a dark night, Kindled in love
with yearnings... oh, happy chance!

I went forth without being observed,
My house being now at rest.

He's a mystic.

Ah, that's why.

But today is St. John's Feast.

Good!

Then, Sciaboletta
will tell us about St. John's life.

- But why me?
- Why do you ask?

He knows all the Golden Legend.

Whichever saint you ask about,
he knows his life, death, and miracles.

Spiridione, stop for a second.
Let him speak.

First, there are three St. Johns.

St. John the Baptist,
St. John the Evangelist..

..and St. John at the Lateran.

Yes, and St. John at the Latin Gate! Go!

They are much better with singing.
Isn't it, Spiridione?

Play, that's better.

Let us hear something.

Would you like us to sing
"Jesus who are there above"?

- Jesus is not there above!
- Ah, no?

Jesus is not there above!

But why?

Do you think that Jesus is sitting
in heaven with nothing to do?

To radiate glory
in a multitude of angels and saints?

And where is he?

Jesus is in the fight.
Down on Earth!

Don Filippo
told us he was in heaven.

Shut up...

- Is that what you told them?
- Actually, that's what I knew.

Also because of the Our Father.

(CHILDREN CHEER)

- Do you know at least where he went?
- I don't know, but he'll come.

Silence!

Fr. Francis Xavier
begs you to be silent!

Thank you.

Before eating this beast
coming from Brazil,..

..I'd like to think of
our missionary brethren..

..who, in Brazil, are being eaten
by the cannibals of the Caribbeans.

Let me see you.

- Is she crying for the missionaries?
- No, she's crying for the turkey.

She has exquisite feelings.

Cirifischio!

I killed the Duke of Caprarola.

- I have to run away.
- I'm coming with you.

And where?

I don't know where I'm going.

And now..

..not even all you together
can save me.

Don Filippo,..

..take care of Leonetta.

But...

And I?

- I have to go.
- No.

(WAILS IN THE DISTANCE)

What!

Have you gone crazy?

No, eh!

Now I'm going to tell you.

Not the fire!

Not the fire!

- Go into the fire!
- No way I'll be burned at the stake.

Where are you going?

Stop acting, you are not
afraid of the fire.

What do you think I am?
Joan of Arc?

- Come here!
- No!

- Help!
- Stop!

- Help!
- Stop!

I'm going to catch you, you know?

Stop!

Is that so?
This is for you!

Ah, so you don't only
receive it...

When you can, if you get
a chance, you return it.

This is life, my son.
It's all debit and credit.

A shitty one.

For lack of better,
let's content ourselves with what we have.

Well done!

Let's go!

Pass!

Shoot!

Shoot!

Here!

Keep him!

Another point! I can't believe it!

Pass!

Too bad!

Give me the ball, I'm going mad!

Why are your kicking it at his eyes?

Dear Fr. Ignatius,..

..I need to exercise more.

But not like that!

- By the way...
- Yes?

Once I gave you the Spiritual
Exercises. Have you read it?

- Give me some time.
- Time?

I gave them to you before
Fr. Francis Xavier went to India.

He stayed there for ages,
came back and went to Japan.

Now he's in China, or where God knows.

And you didn't have the time
to read a book so thin?

It's just that...
(VOICES) Excuse me!

Yours are winning, Fr. Ignatius.

They scored another one.

I ordered them to.

- How come, do they obey you
in this too? - Always.

But following orders is not enough.

That's imperfect obedience,
of first degree.

- Why? Is there a second
degree of obedience? - Of course.

When one identifies with
his superior's will.

Then he also feels pleasure
in obedience.

- And that's perfect.
- No.

As you said.

Only third degree
obedience is perfect.

When one not only wills but
thinks as the superior.

- Ah, when opinions are identical.
- No.

Of course.

When one does not belong to himself
anymore but to his superior,..

..as a stick in the hand,
with no will nor intellect.

As a dead man.

Very good!
That's how we say it,..

..as a corpse!

- You understood everything.
- In a way...

- Would you like to become a Jesuit?
- I really don't think so.

Pass!

Take it!

Go!

Go! Go!

Ball! We're on the comeback!

A point? Almost.

Why are you looking at me like that?

They'll make you a saint!

What are you doing?
Are you tempting me with vainglory?

No, I'm giving you
good inspiration to hope.

In these days,
there's quite a bunch on the street.

Theresa of Avila, John of the Cross,
Francis Xavier, Charles Borromeo...

- And so?
- They will all be made saints.

Listen how well it sounds.

St. Theresa of Avila,
St. John of the Cross,..

..St. Francis Xavier,
St. Charles Borromeo.

St. Philip Neri.

No...

- This doesn't sound right.
- It does.

Does only what you like sound right?

(VOICES)

Shoot!

Go!

Go!

Here!

Guicciardetto, stop!
Give him his hat back.

- I told you to give him his hat back!
- Alright, here it is.

Can't you ever be serious?

Are you?
Are you serious?

Come on, stand up!
Scared?

Let's fly, come!

Fly... fly...

I saw a big horse!
Let's go and talk to him!

Is it you, big horse?

He's talking. Pet him!

Sh!

Come here and kick it!

Come here!

Kick it!

No.

Great!
He broke his big toe.

Be good... if you can.

(CHILD COMPLAINS)

Let's go to the Beautiful Black Woman's!

(VOICES OF CHILDREN)

- Let's go to the Beautiful Black Woman's!
- Yes, and eat the cakes!

- The last one is a piece of shit!
- The first one will be eating it!

Take.

- Do the Moors have the Tiber?
- Are savage women all beautiful like you?

- Is she baptized or damned?
- Do you have the Pope in Turkey?

Are the children in your
country as small as we are?

- Is Our Lady present in your country?
- How much bullshit do you want to know?

Do boys have a penis or a vagina?

Is your country black
even during the day?

I think that the Black Woman
likes Ricciardetto.

Eat, what do you care?
It's all free!

Come.

For you, I have a surprise.

Come.

Come, this is smoked,
as you like it.

There is honey from
bees of Moorland.

- And how are the bees in Moorland?
- As big as this.

They have wings like butterflies.

Yellow, white, red...

And carry on the back
beautiful naked little girls,..

..with long flowing hair.

- Would you like to come?
- Where is Moorland?

In the kingdom of Prester John,
beyond Persia and Armenia,..

..in the land of the Indians,..

..who are the black Saracens,
also known as Ethiopians.

I knew you were there,
you ugly boy!

We've been looking for you
all day with the police.

Oh! Stop him!

I'm going to catch you, you know?

- Do you want to kill him?
- Eh, no, Don Filippo!

You need to stop picking up
the worst criminals from the street,..

..wranglers and stone throwers and
making them friends with Ricciardetto,..

..who since he met you walks around
so dirty that I can't recognize him.

- Is he a prince, according to you?
- What do I know?

He's a prince!

I don't understand.

- You quarrel with me and hit him?
- Do you think I can hit you?

I understand you, as a prince,
wouldn't dirty your hands,..

..but if you need
grave provocation, I,..

..as you say in Rome,
will call your dead.

What do I care?
Shall I call on them?

Curse your dead!

No, eh?

It didn't come out right.

Tell me, Don Filippo, is it difficult
to become as crazy as you?

You are born one.
We are all born crazy.

Unfortunately, when you grow up,
the brain and reason develop.

Not for all.

The most important thing
is to mortify reason.

For he who reasons doesn't love anyone.

So, if I understand you right,
you teach these kids..

- ..to be jerks.
- No, no.

One thing is to mortify reason,
another to be a jerk.

- Give me an example.
- Look at you, for example.

You don't mortify reason.

Did you hear how he's treating me?
He called his dad a jerk.

At you!

What?! You are mad
with me and hit him?

But I can't hit you!

Are you sure?

Have you heard that too?

- Father have told us right away.
- Oh, yes.

So I hit you.

Let's go. Come.

Let's do that thing...
How do you say?

One, mount...
How is it?

- Go!
- One, mount the moon!

Two, the ox!

Can't you see my leg? I can't.

How's number two?

Jump!

I remember number three,
the king's daughter!

(MUSIC AND CELEBRATION)

What are you doing in here?
This place is closed.

- But I heard voices.
- What voices?

I thought there was a party.
People dancing,..

..singing...

How was that?
Ah! Tuba Catuba.

No.

You heard the fire.
The fire has a human voice.

Joyful.
(WAILS)

Master Iacomo used to say that.

And also the old woman
who was here before you.

- I don't know them.
- But you should.

- Where are you from?
- From a far away country.

- Is it hot there?
- Yes.

Then I understand.

It's hot here too, though.

I'm sitting down because I'm...
short of breath.

- Are you sick?
- No, just want to take a breath.

Oh, God...

Is it better now?

It's worse.

I have to go.

You're scared, aren't you?

Who do you think I am,
an altar boy?

Temptation is not there, but here.

You insist, don't you?

Take this!

No!

Stop!

- Don't hit me!
- Stop one second!

Now I'm going to tempt you!

Ah!

Take this!

Enough?

No! Hit me!

Are you crazy?
It acts the opposite on her!

Wait!

Let me go!

- Stay with me!
- Let me go, I lost my shoe.

- I won't hurt you!
- Let me go!

Stay with me, I won't hurt you.
Hit me!

What's this?
Go away!

Go away!

Take that!

Take that!

In the war of senses,
who runs away wins.

Take that!

- Don Filippo, it's you.
- Who is it?

There's a nun at St. Crysogonus's,
who's been doing miracles.

the Holy Father kindly asks you
to have a look there.

- Why I?
- Because you're an expert in this.

Go and report.

- Definitely, Your Eminence.
- Well said.

(MUSIC IN BACKGROUND)

Hey!

- Yes?
- Can't you see the miracle?

- Ah, the miracle!
- The miracle!

- What do I have to do?
- Let's go.

She's doing a miracle.

Wait, she'll do the miracle now!

- Unbelievable!
- What?

Haven't you seen? The grace!
He doesn't have leprosy any more.

She's really good.

Are you pulling my leg?

Excuse me, may I have a word with you?

What's the matter? I'm very tired.

So am I.

I have come from St. Jerome's
and walked the whole way.

Holes, puddles, you wouldn't
believe the condition of the roads.

- Could you take my shoes off?
- What?

I was asking, if you could
kindly lend a hand.

How dare you, sir?

I am God's servant not yours!

That's what I wanted to hear.

And so?

And so with so much pride
and so little humility,..

..it's really hard
that one could do miracles.

She won't do them any more.

If Your Holiness says so
who sees far.

You say so, who have the
gift of foresight?

- And say you, who are like
the human Sybill? - I?

Some time ago, you were by a window,
and suddenly turned..

..and said "It's noon,
let the bells ring.

At this moment, the Christian fleet
won at Lepanto against the Turks".

And ten days went by before
the news came to Rome.

Exactly.
And who told you so?

An intuition...

From then on
the bells of all the churches..

..always rang at noon
to remember the victory..

..Christendom saved from the
threat of the Crescent Moon.

Therefore His Holiness Pius V
sees very far.

Very far... Don't exaggerate.

Then let's say you say far.

Let's say we both see far.

Exactly.

We both see.

Indeed.

- How do you see it?
- What?

Now... for the future.

I?

- No!
- Oh, yes!

Wow!

- So do I.
- No!

Oh, yes.

Can't we hear that too?

Well, that would spoil the surprise.

You'll all find out.

(MUSIC IN THE DISTANCE)

Don Filippo!

What's this, a new way to greet?

Leonetta!

I didn't recognize you.

Let me see you!

Think of that!

Dear Don Filippo...

So much time has passed... Come.

Do you remember when I didn't want
to study in a convent for 7 years?

It's now 12 years I've been cloistered.

And it feels like one day.

But that's Spiridione!

Eh, no...

Spiridione!

Do you remember Leonetta?

- Hey, do you remember her or not?
- Not much.

He's already senile.

He's younger than me
and can't remember a thing.

Just think that last night he
woke up to pee...

Pray for Cirifischio!

Are you still thinking of him?

And how can I forget him?

- They even set a price on his head.
- I know.

Now, Cirifischio
has become a famous brigand.

I pray for him every night,
before I close my eyes.

And every morning when I open them.

Do you think it's enough?

Come.
Let's do the 40 Hours.

Let's pray for Cirifischio
for 40 continuous hours.

- Will you?
- As for me, even eighty.

Are you enraptured?
Mount the horse!

I want to do the 7 churches tour
with Don Filippo!

The 7 churches tour! I'm going to
punch you 7 times! Mount the horse!

Ugh!

The 7 churches tour!

Mount the hor...!
Where are you going?

Come back!

You'll find out!

Go, but tonight I'll
pull off your head!

And I won't come back!

Good day, Little Prince.

- Why are you here?
- I came to look for you.

- Would like to take a stroll with me?
- Yes.

See?
My country is there.

Come down.

Let's go.

- Are you tired?
- A little.

Are you sleepy?

- My mother never hugged me.
- I know.

Come, come, beautiful child
to the lady of the castle.

Lully, Lullay.

(BACKGROUND MUSIC)

Five white hens fly..

..in front of my castle..

and three black, shiny crows
but sleep, handsome prince.

[in Greek] Sun, wind, death.

But sleep now, my handsome son.

The sweet, warm Black Woman will lull you
at the beginning of a beautiful dream.

- Boys, out.
- Let them pass.

They were his little friends.

Go to the back.

They loved him.

Is that true that you loved
my Ricciardetto?

Don Filippo!

(CHILDREN SAY THE OUR FATHER)

If I think that I hit him
with this hand,..

..I'd put it under
a mill stone.

Couldn't I have hit you?
You even asked me that as a favor.

- How did it happen?
- Who knows?

You know how boys are.

We found him on the sea shore
with his backbone broken.

Poor child of mine!

His mother dies in giving him birth..

..and he doesn't live to be 15.

(BACKGROUND MUSIC)

I forgot to tell you a sin I did
with the Beautiful Black Woman.

- It's as if you already told me.
- I was having a nice dream,..

..my mother was holding
me in her arms.

Then sleep and you'll find her.

How good it feels!

May you be blessed.

Pray for all of us.

Open, whore!

What manners! Who taught you?

- You, Don Filippo.
- Ah, that's why.

- Open, Beautiful Black Woman!
- Can't you see it's already open?

Silence!

Silence!

- What's this? Shit?
- It's the Devil's flour!

Easy...

(LAMENTS)

Those are the souls in pain.

(LOUD LAMENTS)

- The Beautiful Black Woman!
- How beautiful she is!

The Black Woman!

Doesn't she burn?

Come and get me!

- Extinguish the fire!
- How?

Shall I give a bad example?

- What shall we do?
- Now we'll see.

You three, away!

Keep away.
It's light, I can do it alone.

Did you see?

Help me!

Hold there!

Up!

Jump on!

Come here, you!

Alright!

Come!

Piss! Piss! Piss!

We want to piss too!

Piss! Piss! Piss!

- We too!
- No, you can't!

Why?

Because for you it's harder.

I can't find it!

Oh, careful where you piss!

I think we must have drowned her.

- So?
- Are you Don Filippo Neri?

It depends. What do you want?

It's a message for you
from Cirifischio.

Then it's I. How is he doing?

What's he doing?

He says that he's tired of being
in hiding. He would like to repent..

..and come back and live
among civilized people.

You see, after a long road...
Thank you, Lord.

Couldn't he come himself?

He's waiting for you at the ruins
of St. Mary of the Column.

I have a Baptism there tonight.

Exactly.
Cirifischio will be there too.

(LAMENTS)

Blow.

- Why?
- So you give it a soul.

Try!

- No.
- No, eh?

You never give up.

Curse your dead...

- Who is he?
- What do I know? They say he's a saint.

He looks a little crazy to me.

(LAMENTS)

Let's imagine a crazy man
meets another crazy man.

When two crazy men meet
something always happens.

No.

Better this way.

No, no better that way.

Who is it!?

Good gracious.

Please, I'm penniless,
I'm the son of a mother...

- Don't rob me!
- Ah, you're drunk.

- Aren't you a brigand?
- But if I can hardly stand!

Don't fall on me.

You are a friar.

A religious, thanks be to God!

Do excuse me.
No, excuse me, but I...

Where are you taking me?
I need to go that way.

And now let's go this way
and entertain each other.

O brother, I don't know you.

I know but, walking alone in Rome
by night makes one shit in his pants,..

- ..with due respect.
- Why?

You ask why?

Thieves, brigands, killers,
hirelings of terror...

But if you are so scared,
why don't you stay home?

I have to go.
I'm a searching friar.

Oh, yes? What are you searching for?

I search.

And where I search, I search well.

I'm leaning.

Yes, but let's be careful,
we are going downhill.

But why are you wandering by night?

I have a Baptism.

Under cover of darkness?
And whom are you baptizing, Beelzebub?

God fearing people,
who don't go around by day,..

..who are always afraid
of meeting someone bad.

- By day?
- They might meet Pope Sixtus,..

..who wouldn't forgive even Christ!

Brother, I need to go.

Find yourself someone else
to lean on and good bye.

Wait!

You made me curious.
I'll follow you, if you please.

As you prefer.

Anyway, I search.

And where you search, search well.

- Have I told you already?
- Yes.

Alright...

Orsini!

- Who are you?
- Colonna.

- Somebody's coming, let's go!
- Move!

And what is this?

- Christ, Jesus, Mary, they killed him!
- Indeed.

Stop there! Show yourself!

Boy!

Did you kill him?

How? We are priests how can
we kill people?

- You wouldn't be the first wicked priests.
- We didn't do it.

Brother, let's go.
Let's not get involved.

One moment!

- Have we met before?
- No, I really don't think so.

- Yet you're not a new face.
- In fact it's old.

Don't stare at me.

Officer...

Have you finished questioning?

Your Holiness!

All clear, you may go!

Come behind us, as quiet as cats.

Let's follow them, quiet as cats.

Do you remember when there
was a brothel here?

No, I wasn't a customer.

How about you,..

..did you go there?

Who doesn't go to Hell when he's alive,
goes there when he's dead.

Sounds right to me.

In the old days, they would
celebrate solemn funerals for whores,..

..and the complete Sacred
College took part.

Now, they are forbidden to walk
down main street,..

..to take a cab, and to go out
after the Ave Maria prayer.

We always exaggerate here.

(WOMAN CRIES)

Help!

Help!

Let me go!

Help!

Help!

Punks! Criminals!

According to you, hanging them
would be an exaggeration?

Don Filippo: How do you say in Rome?

While a thief is being hanged, another
one steals the executioner's blanket.

I think that some faults
should be derubricated, as sins.

Really?

Man is a small thing. He can't make it.

That's why I always say:
"be good, if you can".

Because if you can't,
there's nothing I can do.

Man must be taught
self-confidence!

What are you doing?
Are you preaching to me?

No, I'm sorry.
It's just...

Sometimes...

No.

But you didn't speak badly.

My goodness! I'm
an old man and out of his mind.

Here he is! He is coming!

Don Filippo,
if you had waited a little longer,..

..instead of Baptism we'd
have had Confirmation.

- Would you like some wine?
- No, thanks. Would you, Brother?

I don't drink, I'm a teetotaller.

No weapons in church, O.K.?

What's this, a church?
It's not a church, it's a ruin!

The two of us are not ruins.

And Baptism is a sacrament.
Away with all these "thunder sticks".

Sit down, Brother!

What an arsenal for a Baptism.

My goodness!

Hold, Brother.

- Are they really brigands?
- No.

These used to infest the
Roman countryside,..

..and the Pontina marsh.

To fight them, Pope Sixtus
formed an alliance with Venice,..

..with Spain,
with the Dukes of Ferrara and Urbino.

And the Kingdom of Naples.

Good, with the Kingdom of Naples too.
For such a fine result.

What?

That now they are camping
inside the Colosseum.

Look at him.

- Good evening, Don Filippo!
- Good evening.

Have you seen his fierce face?

Are you a friend of theirs?

If they call me to baptize
a baby,..

..even if the father
is a dirty scoundrel,..

..I have the duty to baptize it.

Who is the godmother?

I, Mucchielli Rosa.
But who will turn the pork?

I don't know.

- Brother!
- What is it?

- You turn...
- So?

You'll find yourself useful,
if you don't mind.

- I knew it would fall on me.
- Good.

Who is the godfather?

So?

Can it be known?

Who is the Godfather?

The Boss.

Who is the boss?

I am.

Stop!

He didn't hit me,..

..he hit the Devil.

Glad you weren't friends!

A little more hugging,..

..and tomorrow you could
announce your engagement.

Don Filippo, you're always the same.

While you, Cirifischio,
how big you've grown!

Too big.

Why do you say that?

I say this
Cirifischio de li Mondi,..

..brigand and mountain bandit.

Detaches the Virgin's statues, steals crosses.
Excommunicated and his image burnt.

One of the historical gangster bosses.

Worse than Piccolomini,
than Marco Sciarra.

Even worse of the Wild Man
and of the Priest of Guercino.

Darn, how informed you are!

Look, for me,
they are all compliments.

Careful, young man,
it won't stay that way for ever.

And how will it go?

This way too.

In the suave odor of the Lord,
you, fleeing Devil,..

..approach God's Judgement.

- Do you renounce Satan?
- I do.

- Do you renounce all his works?
- I do.

- And all his seductions?
- I do.

- No, I can't stand it.
- Don Filippo...

- Yes?
- How is Leonetta doing?

Well, well.

Did she marry?

Where did the friar go?
I wonder what became of him?!

- Have you seen the friar who was with me?
- I know nothing about him.

Disappeared.

Did she marry?

Yes.

Give yourself up!

You're surrounded!

Catch them!

(EXCITED VOICES)

Stop, Cirifischio! Go, go!
Run away!

Excuse me, did you hurt yourself?
Can I help you?

Ah, that's who you are!

I recognize you now.

Darn your dead relatives!

I've been bumping into him for 30 years
and every time I'm soiled with shit!

Because that is what we are.
What did you think?

(RINGING OF BELLS)

(SOMEBODY SINGING)

(SOLDIERS PLAYING MORRA)

- Who is singing?
- One who won't be singing tomorrow.

That's the tree where he'll marry
the rope-maker's daughter and learn to fly.

- What's his name?
- Cirifischio the brigand, sister.

You put chains on me...

- For you this time.
- Alright.

Don Filippo, but your prayers and mine,..

..were they of no use?

Don't stay here, go away.

- I want to see him.
- No.

...the fire of love heals us.

(SINGS ALONG)

(DOOR OPENS)

You put chains on me
I can't stand any more...

God helps cheerful people.

- Why, should I cry according to you?
- No.

You could live 300 years,..

..and never do all I did until today.

I enjoyed myself like crazy.

Yes, but how do you say in Rome?
Who eats sweet shits bitter.

O.K. but I enjoyed it,
I had fun!

I really saw the whole world.

From the great Ocean River
to the Moon Mountains.

And at every trip I returned
loaded with gold, silver, ivory,..

- ..peacocks, and parrots!
- What's in there?

- Nothing, it's a portrait.
- May I see?

It's the portrait of a woman.

Because I even had women.
I would change them like socks.

I didn't know how to
give away the leftovers.

This is the most beautiful.

It's the Black Woman.

She was the wife of the Calif of Moorland.

She's wasn't
a plain girl like Leonetta.

What's going on with Leonetta?

By necessity,
she must have married a poor man.

Who is Leonetta's husband?
A poor fellow, no? Who else could be?

It's true, a poor fellow.

But what do you care?
You enjoyed yourself.

Yes sir!

I, with due respect, that lady there,
the Beautiful Black Woman,..

..I screwed her.

Well done!

What happened?

She went back to Hell!

- Who?
- The Beautiful Black Woman.

- Who wasn't a woman.
- And who was she?

- She was like Master Iacomo, remember?
- The coppersmith?!

- Who wasn't a man.
- And who was he?

She was like the old woman
who sent you to the farrier..

..to carry a sack full of coal, remember?

Who wasn't an old woman.

- It was always he.
- He who?

The plagiarist,..

..God's monkey.

The Devil?!

Ancient serpent.

But I screwed her.

Well, now...

Or was it the Devil
who screwed me?

Figuratively speaking...

...well, yes.

And so all my life,..

..travels, daydream countries,
legendary lands, women...

It was all a trick of the Devil.

I believe so.

But why did the Devil
persist especially with me?

There are many people who in
all their lives never meet him.

He has been after me
since I was a child!

Why? Why me?!

Because, for sure,
you were the best of us.

You were the most good.

And the Devil feels when
one is dangerous to him.

And he attacks that.

And Leonetta married another one.

One better than you.

How, wasn't I the best?

But He's the best of all.

But didn't you tell me
he was a poor fellow?

(DOOR OPENS)

Cirifischio!

Leonetta!

She married Jesus, Who, although
He is the Lord, He's not a rich man.

- You can still save yourself.
- Yes, how?

I don't know, but
there must be hope.

Is it true, Don Filippo
that Cirifischio can't be damned?

St. Peter denied Jesus Christ
three times,..

..and St. Paul persecuted Christians
until he fell from his horse.

If they are saved
we'll all be saved.

Excuse me, I should...

May I?

Yes, alright...

You holiness...

You holi...

You?

My God...

Surprised, Don Filippo?

One shouldn't make such jokes.

- Up! Up!
- Thank you, Holiness.

Everybody knows
I go around by night.

- And search...
- And where you search, search well.

Well said!

Thus, in person,
I realize things better.

I see, hear, understand, and remember.

I, for example, when I met you,
I already knew everything about you.

The Good Phil.

That's how they call me.

- I wonder why?!
- Because you are good.

Kind of you, Your Holiness, but...

...it's not true.

To what do I owe this honor?

- A pardon for Cirifischio.
- You, pardon me,..

..and stand up, like this!

When my predecessor, Pope Gregory,
sent the edict to the brigands..

..whereby he promised
impunity to repentants,..

..who repented, according to you?

I don't know.

Only those who fell
into the net of the Law.

Interestingly, they all repented after.

But Cirifischio wanted to repent before.
He wanted to change his life, I assure you.

- He sent me a message.
- And now he'll change it.

I'd bang my head.

If I hadn't brought you with me,
that night,..

..now he would be safe.

It's my fault.

No, we are all the instruments
of Divine Providence.

But, sometimes, of the Devil too.

Let us leave this to Him to decide.

By the way, now that I remember.

I need to communicate you
something from God.

- To me?
- It's time to change clothes.

You said well...

Is that what God told
you in person?

Through the Holy Ghost, who is the
Third Person, but He is always God,..

..as Person.

- How can I?
- I'll give them to you.

You, Holy Father, have old clothes
you don't wear any more?

Even if of a larger size, it doesn't matter.
They're fine for the children.

Don't always think
of those scoundrels!

I was saying...

...a soutane for you.

For me?

Would you like a brand new soutane?

How? New?

- That nobody used before?
- Would you like that or not?

- As you please, Holy Father.
- Of what color?

- Even that?
- When one may choose...

- Black.
- But why black?

Because it lasts longer
and hides dirt better.

Wouldn't you like it... red?

If I dress like the devil
then the children at home...

- Why red?
- Isn't it better?

- But I'm a priest.
- And I'm making you a red priest.

- As a joke...?
- Phil! Phil!

Have you ever heard that Sixtus V
did something as a joke?

But a red priest is a cardinal.

- Then I'm making you a cardinal.
- Me?

When a cardinal dies, we make another one.

If you think of the one killed
by Cirifischio, we're doing better.

- Who deserves it more than you?
- Anyone.

Anyone is worthier than I,
even the first one passing by.

No, I meant...

You can't make the first one
passing by a cardinal,..

..but the first one passing
by is better than I am.

Your Holiness, by your grace,
leave me alone!

But what good would I do?

Can't you keep doing
the same you've always done?

And what did I do?
I did nothing. Ever.

(screaming) And keep doing nothing!
Who asked you to do something?!

What do you want to do?
Stand up!

It's easy to say.
If you don't help me I, here...

I propose a deal,..

..make yourself comfortable and do nothing.

It's your chair.

And I'll take care of the rest.

- Is that O.K.?
- What kind of deal is that?

I built the aqueduct,..

..after the centuries you've
been going to the Tiber to drink,..

..as beasts do,
I brought you water.

I wash, clean, reclaim,..

..I build streets and squares,
where people meet, greet.

I raise obelisks, so that the Romans
during Summer nights,..

..may sit around them and
enjoy the cool air,..

..and calmly stroll around,
without fear.

I pledged to the Eternal Father
not to die,..

..until St. Peters be finished.

And when they put
the lantern and the ball, I'll go.

We'll all go.

In a word...

I give to Rome my own
urban order,..

..which mirrors your
own moral order.

Do you like this little project?

And Cirifischio?

(SIGH)

I'm sorry, but he's
not part of the plan.

He personally excluded himself.

Don Filippo, don't take it this way,
I'll save myself somehow.

(SAD BACKGROUND MUSIC)

I'm going up in your name,
who cares?

They'll open the gates wide open!

Hey! Move it!

- Are you in a hurry?
- Do me a favour.

And you, Leonetta,..

..put in a good word with
your husband.

You go searching here,
searching there,..

..but when death catches you,
what will be left of your whims?

Vanity of vanities.

You are happy with your pleasures,..

..enjoying only silver and gold,
finally what will be left for you?

Vanity of vanities.

You go searching here,
searching there,..

..always pursuing happiness,
healthy, cheerful, and carefree...

Vanity of vanities.

And it is even in large print.

Wow!

Dear Fr. Ignatius,..

..I can't read the
Spiritual Exercises.

Forgive me.

They are really boring.

...what will be left for you in the end?
Vanity of vanities.

You go searching here,
searching there,..

..always pursuing happiness,
healthy, cheerful, and carefree...

Vanity of vanities.

If you now watch in the mirror
your serene face,..

..surely you can't imagine what will
be left one day of your vanity.

All is vanity, only vanity
live with joy and simplicity.

Be good, if you can...
all the rest is vanity.

All is vanity, only vanity
praise the Lord with humility!..

..give Him all your love
you shall not want ever.

- Who is it?
- May I come in?

Now that you did,
why do you ask?

Come, put it there.

Signor San Filippo Neri?

San Filippo?
How dare you?

Look, everybody calls you so.
Come!

What are you doing?
Who are you?

La Minerva Ecclesiastical Tailors.

We dress popes, cardinals,
bishops...

Yes, but, as you say in Rome,
what's that to me?

I know that you don't care,..

..but I found an empty shop
just in front of you.

And I think I'll be moving here.

You never give up.

What?

No, nothing, I was...
What do you really want?

In next Consistory, the
Holy Father will make you cardinal.

Oh, God, no...

Do you want to go there like that?
You tell me.

I don't want to go, period.

It's an order from the Pope,
and you are bound to obedience.

Alright...

You tell me what...
Where is he?

Undress yourself, and let's try something,
Signor San Filippo.

Again "San Filippo"!
Where do you want to start?

- From the socks.
- Ah...

I can do it myself, thanks.

No, let us serve you.
Come, take them off. Quick!

Eminence, am I wrong,
or has your sock a hole?

This one too.

All is vanity, only vanity
live with joy and simplicity.

Be good, if you can...
all the rest is vanity.

There!

What do you think of it?

You look like a Raphael's portrait.

What, are you tempting me to vanity?

It's better if I go
and ask the children.

You go searching here,
searching there,..

..but when death catches you,
what will be left of your whims?

Hey, it's me!

Did they make you pope?

You jerk, is the Pope red? Sorry.

- What for?
- A profane word escaped me.

It's the first time you apologize.
Are you getting manners?

What kind of dress is it, Don Filippo?

You don't say Don Filippo.
Excuse her, Your Eminence.

What's this Eminence thing?

You've always called me Don Filippo.

When you were Don Filippo, but now
you're a prince of the Church.

Ah, is that so?

- Master Elias, come.
- Yes?

Look at the tail!

Give this back to the Pope.

Thank him for thinking of it
and tell him that we are wrong.

What, we are wrong?
The Pope is never wrong.

In matters of faith.
How do I take this thing off?

The cardinalate is not a matter of faith
and a Pope can be wrong.

Actually, in my opinion
he's surely wrong.

Can you imagine a cardinal
going around Rome..

..begging for alms?

And why should you beg for alms?

Because these,
as you say in Rome, have to eat.

- He's undressing. - What shall I do?
Shall I send them to your place?

In a word, tell His Holiness
that I'm sorry.

- Maybe next time.
- When?

Perhaps...

...when I'm born again.

Boys, will you give me a hand?

That's good.

Great! Don Filippo defrocked himself!

Don Filippo is still Don Filippo!

Thank you very much.

Heaven, Heaven...

Excuse me! Let me pass!

Don Filippo!

I brought you your slippers!

Thanks.

PRAISE GOD