Starstruck (1982) - full transcript

[ Music playing ]

MAN: ♪ Starstruck♪

MAN: ♪ Starstruck♪

[ Music playing ]

[ Phone ringing ]

JACKIE: Heartbreak Hotel.

ANGUS: Yeah, shut up.

And don't start talking
until I've finished.

I've get you a booking.

-JACKIE: Singing?
-ANGUS: Yeah, singing.

And get this,



your face is not
at the Lizard Lounge.

JACKIE: Angus, how posh.

But I'll have to get off
of work.

ANGUS: Oh, yeah.
And I'll leave school.

JACKIE:
I must go to the hairdresser.

You know, Fluffer Bill
Bouffant?

Hey, I'll treat you
to a hairdo.

ANGUS: Oh, no, you won't.

[ Music playing ]

Oh, come on, Angus.

Oh.

Oh, Agnes.

It's Angus, face ache.

JACKIE:
They're not looking at you.



It's me.

I've got that certain kind of
animal presence.

I'm scared.

I wonder if I'll get discovered
at the Lizard Lounge tonight.

God, knowing my luck
I might crack it,

and then some nuclear holocaust
will come along

and ruin my career.

Or worst still, your hairdo.

Half of me week's wages.

I wouldn't be so scared
if I had my own band.

A band?

Whoa, how's legs that.

She'd be good for a shag.

As if you'd know how.

I want a band.
I want amplifiers.

I want, I want, I want.

Life's just a matter
of what you want.

Start at wanting a Volkswagen,

and you'll end up
with a Volkswagen.

I don't want a Volkswagen.

If you start at wanting a Jag,
you'll end up with a Jag.

I don't want a Jag.

I want that.

Brain storm.

[ Music playing ]

♪ I had a hell♪

♪ Of a night♪

♪ You know, two wrongs♪

♪ Don't make a right♪

♪ But I have to convince♪

♪ I couldn't care less♪

SINGERS:
♪ Care less, care less♪

ROBBIE: ♪ Oh, no♪

♪ No, I have to explain♪

♪ I've told you time♪

♪ And time again♪

♪ What I say and what I mean♪

♪ Are two different things♪

SINGERS:
♪ Oh, yes, they are♪

♪ All right, yeah♪

♪ All right, all right♪

♪ All right, yeah♪

♪ Give me love, give me love♪

♪ Tonight yeah♪

♪ All right, all right♪

♪ All right, yeah♪

♪ Give me love, give me love♪

♪ Give me love♪

♪ Yeah, tonight♪

ROBBIE:
♪ I say please, please listen♪

♪ She says...♪

[ Car honking ]

[ Indistinct chatter ]

ROBBIE: ♪ Oh, yes, I will,
Oh, no, I won't♪

♪ Oh, yes, I will,
won't you ♪

MAN: Whoa!

ROBBIE:
♪ And here I come...♪

ANGUS: Luminescence.

-I've got blue hair.
-JACKIE: Shut up.

Just talk to the man
like you own the place.

[ Music playing ]

[ Indistinct chatter ]

SINGERS:
♪ All right, all right♪

♪ All right, yeah♪

♪ Give me love, give me love♪

♪ Tonight, yeah♪

♪ All right, all right♪

♪ All right, yeah♪

♪ Give me love, give me love♪

♪ Give me love♪

♪ Yeah, tonight♪

ROBBIE:
♪ Just give me one good reason♪

♪ To love you♪

♪ Just give me one good reason♪

♪ And I'll be there♪

♪ Just give me one good reason♪

-♪ To leave you♪
-JACKIE: Cocktails, honey, two.

ROBBIE: ♪ Just give me
one good reason♪

♪ To disappear♪

JACKIE: Wanna dance?

ROBBIE:
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah♪

♪ All right, all right♪

♪ All right, yeah♪

♪ Give me love, give me love♪

♪ Tonight, yeah♪

♪ All right, all right♪

♪ All right, yeah♪

♪ Give me love, give me love♪

♪ Give me love♪

♪ Yeah, tonight♪

♪ Just give me one good reason♪

♪ To love you♪

♪ Just give me one good reason♪

♪ And I'll be there♪

♪ Just give me one good reason♪

♪ To leave you♪

♪ Just give me one good reason♪

♪ To disappear...♪

[ Music playing ]

[ Indistinct chatter ]

WOMAN:
We want rock and roll.

WOMAN:
We want rock and roll.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

ROBBIE: Hey,
can we keep it nice, please?

Next new face's act
is Ms. Jackie Muggins.

ANGUS:
It's Mullens, you moron.

Ms. Jackie Mullens You Moron.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

[ Music playing ]

♪ Daggers in your eyes♪

♪ Hard to believe♪

♪ There's any truth♪

♪ To your lies♪

♪ Just can't control♪

♪ The way that blood♪

♪ Pressure rise♪

♪ You like reacting
like it isn't♪

♪ Don't you know
that you're real, man?♪

♪ Don't you ever forget it?♪

♪ Oh, you just can't win♪

♪ You lose your temper♪

♪ And you know
you will regret it♪

♪ But you just can't accept it♪

♪ Oh, you just give in♪

♪ You lose your temper, temper♪

♪ Burning anger♪

♪ Temper, temper♪

♪ Look out, everyone♪

♪ Here comes danger♪

♪ No sooner said than done♪

♪ Fells his pleasure♪

♪ Like a bullet in a gun♪

♪ Every excuse
that you can find♪

♪ Under the sun♪

♪ So trigger
happy you get vicious♪

♪ Also getting malicious♪

♪ And you throw
all of the dishes♪

♪ Oh, you throw a tantrum♪

♪ And then you blow it♪

♪ Pull a fuse and explode it♪

♪ Spill the water
and corrode it♪

♪ Oh, you just can't win♪

♪ You lose your temper, temper♪

♪ Burning anger♪

♪ Temper, temper♪

♪ Burning anger♪

♪ Temper, temper♪

♪ Look out, everyone,
here comes anger♪

♪ Oh♪

♪ Hot under collar♪

♪ Don't take it out on me♪

♪ Don't push me too far♪

♪ You make my blood boil♪

♪ You're the judge and jury♪

♪ Cooking in your own fire♪

♪ Don't you know
there's a limit♪

♪ Say, don't you ever
forget it♪

♪ Pull a fuse and explode it♪

♪ Lose your temper♪

♪ Lose your temper♪

♪ Lose your temper♪

♪ Temper, temper, temper
temper, temper♪

♪ Temper, temper♪

♪ Burning anger♪

♪ Temper, temper♪

♪ Na, na, na, na
na, na, na♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Ask her if she's got
a sister, mate.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Hey, all right!

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Ah, Mullens' the name.

And management's the game.
And songs, I've got songs.

Great lyrics.

-All they need is--
-Don't tell me.

You've got great lyrics...

-And all you need...
-Is someone...

To put melodies to them.

Yeah.

ALL: No.

Has anybody seen Robbie?

MAN: No.

[ Traffic noise ]

MRS. BOOTH: Here, Kitty.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

-NANA: Angus.
-ANGUS: Oh, Nana.

You hold your head still.

It'll drip everywhere.

Got to get that bloody blue out.
Come on.

Straight inside
and get a plastic bag.

MRS. BOOTH:
Right-o, come on, you lot.

Ah, greedy little buggers
this morning, aren't you?

Yeah, come on.

Go and get you something out
the fridge.

Go and raid the fridge.
Come on, there's a good babies.

Come on, come with mama.

There's a good baby.

Oh, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa!

What a lot of nonsense.

Now, you are clean.

Thank you señora.

[ Cartoon sounds ]

MRS. BOOTH:
Oh, ah, I've just run short

feeding the babies.

Sorry, sweetheart,
but you better...

NANA: Stay off the
back, now.

ANGUS: Ah.

Anything fit for a cat here?

How about a brick in a bag?

Don't you give cheek
to the boarders.

What boarders?

Mrs. Booth's the last one.

The solitary survivor.

MRS. BOOTH: He's a rude boy.

The sink's so greasy,
no wonder the posher

clientele shy off this pub.

Here, give these a rub over
for me, would you, Nana?

ANGUS:
Dreams can come true.

They can happen to you.

MAN: Hey, Mullens!

Piss off!

[ Indistinct chatter ]

You get to school.

With a bag on my head?

I'd rather die.

Besides, you know
I hate group activity.

NANA: I don't care.

You're going just as soon
as you look normal.

And when'll that be?

You're not telling me
everything you know, are you?

Auntie Pearl, I left
and got the last bus home.

I don't know anything more.

As God's me judge.

So how did you escape?

Why get involved?

90% of the time
it's just rip off agents

and take away grease burgers,
and all the fights.

I bet you just hate
to get back to fitting

and turning and vegetating.

Think of that next time
you play guitar, huh?

Playing isn't everything.

Let's just talk about...

Sex? Okay.

My cousin, Angus,

he's reading this book,
Sex Psychology,

and he reckons guitars
are like phallic symbols,

and guitarists
masturbate for a living.

So God knows why you need me.

What are you two,
Siamese twins?

Siamese cousins, actually.

You see, his parents...

Yeah?

So, where are they?

Well, his dad
went fruit-picking,

and his mom went to Jesus.

The last I heard, she was
nerve nuts in Brisbane,

no, Perth.

Born-again virgin.

Speaking of which,
I better go.

You sure it's early?

Positive.

You big fat fibber!

[ Kissing ]

Ah, hey.

Hey!

[ Horn blowing ]

[ Moped engine rumbling ]

That must be the 9:55.

See...
Godzilla broke down.

You must be good and tired.

No, just tired.

See, we were at this club,

and Angus talked them
into letting me sing,

so I just sang.

Just sang, yeah.

You've always enjoyed
singing yourself, Nana.

I enjoy a good sing song now
and then, but I've never used

my voice to attract men.

ANGUS: Now, Nana,

if what I am
reading here is right,

you've got a good dead-set
case of penis envy.

I don't know where he gets
these ideas from.

ANGUS: You wouldn't
have to be Freud

to work that one out.

It's all them books, Nana.

Makes the brains too big
for their head.

Oh.

God Almighty.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

It's about Uncle Reg's brain.

It seems to be shrinking.

Aw, lay off him, love.

You know he's got a plate
in his head.

A plate?

I think they threw in the knife
and fork, too.

Oh.

JACKIE: ♪ Hot under collar♪

♪ Don't take it out on me♪

♪ Don't push me too far♪

♪ Temper, temper♪

♪ Burning anger♪

♪ Temper, temper♪

♪ Na, na, na, na♪

♪ Na, na, na♪

♪ You make my blood boil♪

♪ You're the judge and jury♪

♪ Cooking in your own fire♪

[ Typewriter clacking ]

Angus?

Angy pangy tootsie bop!

[ Typewriter clacking
continues ]

It's a bit mangled,

but I managed to save
the head and...

[ Laughing ]

What happened to the blue hair?

I got bored with it, didn't I?

Like I'm getting bored with you.

[ Laughing ]

Angus, you made last night.

Let me off the hook, will you?

I'll do anything, I promise.

[ Kissing ]

Oh, no.

Not that.

[ Music playing ]

♪ There's a brand new way♪

♪ To do the el telephono♪

♪ There's a brand new way♪

♪ To be Quasimodo♪

♪ Hanging five and hanging ten♪

♪ It's a wipeout ride
I'm falling again♪

♪ Wipe your nose♪

♪ And check your toes♪

♪ Surfside tango♪

♪ Wipeout's
an atom bomb♪

♪ Oh, let the wind blow♪

-♪ Wipeout's...♪
-♪ Watch that tango♪

-♪ Wipeout's...♪
-♪ Through the blue♪

♪ Surfside tango♪

Angus, this has got to be
your dumbest song.

Song?
Dance!

It's a chance to make
the world dance, yeah!

♪ Get caught in the limb
fall over the falls♪

Swim.

Go on, swim.

Move your mouth like a fish.
Like a fish.

MAN: ♪ Wipe out... ♪

♪ Wipe out... ♪

♪ Wipe out... ♪

♪ Oh♪

Well, did you get yourself
into the band?

Angus, I'm not that calculating.

Besides...

I think I'm a threat to Robbie.

Do you think I'm threatening?

I think you're an old tart.

As if you know.

Jeez, people make me sick
when they've had a root.

They start creeping around
all secret and smart ass,

like they discovered
the lousy atom

or something.

[ Record scratches ]

Wagging school
and dyeing your hair.

Next, it'll be earrings
and tattoos.

MAN: That's the stuff.

-And you.
-MAN: Thanks, love.

Staying out all night,
worrying me sick.

I'm trying to leave
me first hold on in 12 years,

and under doctor's orders.

All this noise giving you
a headache is it, Wally?

Hey-hey.
Giving you a headache, is it?

Ha-ha.

Tell your lazy father
to get off his lazy bum

and drag in a fresh keg.

Here.

Here...

your work sheets
for the next six months.

Endless day
after endless day mapped out.

My life is ebbing away
in this dump.

[ Radio playing ]

♪ I'll just go everywhere♪

♪ That she says♪

♪ And when I'm wrong♪

♪ I'll be humming this tune
in my head♪

Kid...

why do you keep singing
these pointless bloody songs?

-Mom.
-Hmm?

I don't know.

I just close my eyes,
and I sing,

and I feel
like I'm above the crowd.

Above the crowd?

That's a bad attitude.

Squeeze yourself into these
ridiculous clothes, if you like,

won't change who you are
or what you are.

But, Auntie Pearl,
last night at the Lizard Lounge,

Jackie blew the roof off.

What with, hot air?

ANGUS:
Star quality, Auntie Pearl.

Star quality.

Mm.

MAN: Hey, set one up,
will you, love?

These two have themselves on.

And what will that be?

Star quality?

It's that...

Little something extra.

Yeah?

Well, so is bullshit,
and you're both full of it.

MAN: Pipeless dreamers,
eh, love?

Oh, well.

Wish you'd be as serious

about the serious
things of life.

ANGUS: Naw,
it's smarter to be serious

about the silly things.

JACKIE: And then silly
about the serious things.

Oh, you're kidding, love.

[ Coins rattling ]

That's bloody lolly lilies.

The beer's foaming, you fool.

Says who?

He just knocked back two beers.

It's the spit in his glass,
that's why his beer's flat.

-Bah!
-ANGUS: Here you go.

MAN: I should think so.

Fair crack
of the whip, mum.

PEARL: More than a whip
to get you moving,

and don't call me "Mum"!

Makes me feel old
just looking at him.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

JACKIE: As mad as a meataxe.

We can't do a thing with him.

Oh, yes.

Hope so.

Oh, yes.

Sorry for all the trouble
he's caused you.

Yes, yes.

Well, love,
thanks for calling.

Was that the school?

Yeah, I pretended I was mom,
and they said you were mad,

so I agreed.

Then I said we'd be
keeping you away

all week at the psychiatrist.

Gee, thanks.

-NANA: You sure you can manage?
-PEARL: Of course.

-NANA: You look after yourself.
-PEARL: I'll do that.

NANA: Quick, quick, come
and say good-bye to your mother.

Oh, love.

Now, you watch Nana.

She gives the wrong change
every time.

See you, mum.

Angus,

I wanna see you
walking to school now.

-Bye!
-Bye-bye, Hazza!

-Look after yourself!
-Get your early night!

You make sure you get
where you're going.

ANGUS: I will.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

[ Dog barking ]

-NANA: Two dollars.
-MAN: Ah, thanks, Nana.

MAN: Would you recommend
the rabbit, Nana?

JACKIE:
It's your stomach, Hazzie.

What made you take that up?

Good for my poise
and kind of thrilling.

Yeah, looks exciting
from here, too.

Nice long legs, hey, Nan?

Yeah, they go right up
to her bum,

but they're not on the menu.

Well, I better have a chop,
then.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

NANA: This is about who,

the constitution?

Here.

I'm on me lunch hour.

Honest.

TERRY: Hi, what are you doing
New Year's Eve?

I'd like you to consider
spending it with me.

Just ask me, strumpet.

Ask me.

And the best act
will be performing

at the Opera House.

The band that makes
the biggest hit

will win contracts and cash
worth $25,000.

Watch this week's show
for more details.

Oh, love, you wouldn't give this
to a Jap on Anzac Day.

Well, you can't bring it back,
you already bit it.

Oh, thanks, love.

MAN:
We could all starve to death

by the time you all get
the bread buttered.

How about some service?

How about taking your times?

Our problem is we're obscure.

We're even more obscure
than her.

You know what that is?

Angus, I've been meaning
to tell you, that's a girl.

No, no, dummy, it's publicity.

So, bad boys get publicity.

-So what?
-Here, you get back to school.

[ Phone ringing ]

WOMAN:
Terry Lambert's Office.

ANGUS:
Could I speak with Terry?

WOMAN:
Not in, I'm afraid.

When will he be there?

Might I ask what you're after?

ANGUS:
It's about this singer.

A great singer,
but she's in a hurry.

I might have to take her
elsewhere.

WOMAN: Good luck, then.

[ Phone disconnects ]

[ Phone ringing ]

MAN:
Seven National News Room.

I've got a story for you.

MAN:
Yeah, what type of story?

It's one of those stories
you use to distract people

from the real news.

MAN: Look, is this some kind
of juvenile prank?

I have to ask, how old are you?

Pffft!

MAN:
Yes, but, madam, these people

are on every second corner,
you know?

ANGUS: Not like this one.

She's marvelous at balancing.

She can balance on anything.

MAN: Yes, well, look, I'm
afraid it doesn't sound like

our type of thing.

Man, have you ever seen
anyone balancing in the nude?

MAN:
Naked? Where, in the city?

Yes, virtually.

She just wears
a few little strings.

MAN: Yeah, okay.
Just let me get a pen.

Now, where does this happen
and at what time?

-Circular Quay.
-MAN: Yup.

-Thursdays.
-MAN: Right.

[ Whistling ]

Sh-sh-sh.

I can hear a voice.

Nana, you've been claiming
to hear voices for years.

My psychic capacities
are a different matter.

Some of us are quite capable
of talking to another world.

Well, you might as well.
No one else will listen to you.

ANGUS:
Lambert, please.

Hello, I want to speak
with Terry Lambert.

Thank you.

WOMAN:
Terry Lambert's Office.

Terry Lambert, please.

I'm afraid he's in conference.

NANA:
Sod, wagging school again.

ANGUS:
But it's his mother.

I'm all alone with a burglar
loose in the house.

WOMAN: Oh, all right,
stay there Mrs. Lambert,

I'll get him for you.

[ Knocking, struggling ]

TERRY:
Hello, Mom, what is it?

Listen, it's about me cousin,
Jackie Mullens.

She's a winner, she's a star.

You'll land us in the law court.

You've gone too far this time.

ANGUS:
I've got further to go yet.

Obscene phone calls.

[ Phone hangs up ]

Angus, you're a maniac.

You can't be serious.

You are serious.

Well, forget it.

Absolutely not.

N-O.

Know what happens
if you don't take a risk?

Nothing.

Less than nothing.

I will not do it, okay?

[ Balls clacking ]

ANGUS: How do you feel?

Sweaty and dizzy
with all these silver spots

swimming in front of my eyes.

Angus, how did you talk me
into this?

Because you wanted me
to talk you into it.

God, you get away with murder.

Huh, what about all the junk
you've conned me into?

Like the blue hair,

and what about the time
you claimed

you'd learned witchcraft?

JACKIE: That was years ago.

ANGUS: Hey, up here!

And you put a hex on me,
so you said,

and made me eat crushed worms

and dog shit
to cast away the evil spell.

It was only liverwurst.

[ Explosion ]

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Hold this, will you, mate?

[ Indistinct chatter ]

JACKIE: Angus, is anyone
taking any notice of this?

ANGUS:
I reckon they soon will.

[ Explosion ]

[ Chuckling ]

Come on.

Last one.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

[ Explosion ]

[ Car horn honking ]

WOMAN: Watch out.

[ Crashing ]

MAN: Why don't you watch
where you're going,

you bloody moron?

[ Indistinct chatter ]

ANGUS: Don't.

Ah.

[ Screams ]

[ Crowd gasps ]

MAN: She's beautiful.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

ANGUS: Crawl in with your hands
along the line.

I can't.

Young lady,
come in from there immediately.

Oh, come and get me,
you old fool.

Wait.

[ Sirens blaring ]

MAN: Come on, snap to it.

Get those people back.

Come on.

MAN:
There she is, come on, quick.

There she is.
Come on, out of there.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

What's the name, dear?

Jacquelyn Mullens.

And what's the idea
behind all this?

He thought if I got noticed,
I might start a career.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

MAN: You want to be
a professional aerialist?

I want to be a singer.

Then, why the tight rope?

JACKIE:
Ask him, he thought of it.

Look, this is agony.

I can't hold on much longer.

MAN: Is she going to drop?

Well, not until I finish
this interview, I'm not.

When you decided
to pull this stunt,

did you realize how much
trouble you'd cause?

JACKIE: I'm just trying to spark
things up a bit.

I'm emotional.

I sing because I'm emotional.

Perhaps you could trace
all this back

to a very unhappy childhood.

MAN:
Hang on, dear, hang on.

Look, I've done me dash, Angus.

I want you down there
when I splatter.

And when they scrape me up,

just remember,
it was all your fault!

ALL: Jump, jump, jump!

Is that Terry Lambert?

TERRY:
That's right. Can I help you?

Is that really Terry Lambert?

What is this,
Twenty Questions?

ALL: Jump, jump, jump!

[ Screaming ]

Why are you persecuting me?

[ Cheers and applause ]

ANGUS: She's alive.

She sings.

Just buy a paper
this afternoon.

[ Cheers and applause ]

MAN: Okay, people,
the show's over.

[ Crowd booing ]

[ Indistinct chatter ]

WOMAN: Oh, thank you.

MAN:
Jacquelyn Mullens, 18,

a bar maid at The Harbor View
Hotel on The Rocks

slipped, then dangled midair
until rescued.

She is currently being held
by Phillips Street Police.

And Sydney's weather...

MAN: What you doing?

MAN: Not unless it's all of us.

MAN: Okay, okay.
I just want to see her.

[ Balls clacking ]

Do you like The Beatles?

They broke up
when he was two.

Righty-o, Cinderella.

Prince Charming's here
to bail you out.

It's probably Hazza.

TERRY: Excuse me,
I'm waiting for a singer

and a manager.

That's, um, we...

This toddler's the phone clone?

-I'm 14.
-He's short for his age.

I'm not, I just look short
when I wear blue.

Do you realize you've misused
the police force,

the fire brigade,
and the rescue squad?

But did we make the papers?

TERRY: How do you think
I found you?

More to the point,
why did you make me find you?

Because we're your number one
fans in the entire world.

We owed it to you,

so you could find out
about Jackie

to be on your Opera House show.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

-WOMAN: Terry, autograph?
-TERRY: Debbie?

WOMAN: Yeah, Debbie.

[ Camera shutters ]

Right.

Well, I will do a story
on you in my pop column.

I guess we're a hot item, huh?

Humble, Angus, humble.

A Cadillac.

Wow!

Your coach.

Da-dum!

[ Laughing ]

Shit, a car with a TV set.

Angus, I think all your lies
are starting to come true.

TERRY: Don't worry, girls,
they're in safe hands.

JACKIE: Bye.

ALL:
♪ ...in the family was me♪

♪ The only twisted branch♪

♪ Upon our good old family...♪

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Get them off Nana.

They're a better investment
than oil shares.

MAN:
Complete with spills, chills,

and a female nude.

When you decided to pull
this stunt, did you realize

- how much trouble you'd cause?
-Shh, quiet, here she is.

Hazza.
Quiet, everybody, quiet!

JACKIE: I'm emotional.
I sing because I'm emotional.

Perhaps, it's just a need
to get all the love

than an audience can give.

In fact, you could probably
trace it back

-to a very unhappy childhood.
-Little cow.

MAN: We arrived here,
and she was dangling...

We always gave her
more toys than anyone.

MAN: Event to take place here,

and it appears
to be happening above us

in the street where a lady
is naked waist up

and doing a tightrope walk
across the street.

MAN:
Well, she's exposed, isn't she?

That female's exposing herself.

That is disgusting.

MAN:
Apart from her humorous attire,

the fact remained that
the display was full

of potential danger.

It wasn't long before
she'd attracted

more than just spectators.

[ Sirens blaring ]

[ Indistinct chatter ]

[ Screaming ]

MAN: That's disgusting.

She's an outrage.

Shut up, you!

[ Screaming,
glass shattering ]

MAN: Give it a way, Hazza.

-Give it a way, Hazza.
-And stay out, you mongrel.

WOMAN:
Good on her, I suppose.

I don't know what she's up to,
but I hope she gets somewhere.

[ Slurps ]

JACKIE: Here we are.
This is our humble home.

-TERRY: Yeah.
-JACKIE: Joint's jumping.

MAN: Hey, there it is.
Stop, stop.

Woo-hoo!

-JACKIE: Hey. Just a minute.
-Hey.

MAN: Hey, what are you up to?

[ Indistinct chatter ]

-That's great.
-It's time for a quick audition,

I'd say, wouldn't you? It's
the quick or the dead, mate.

Hey, hey.

[ Makes noise ]

Oh, Robbie, this is Terry.

Hey, Robbie, how are you?

-Woo. Woo. Woo-hoo.
-Hey, hey, hey.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

I was wanting to see you,
but I didn't know where to.

-[ Indistinct ]
-Here she is.

Come on, you little craw.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

ALL: And one and two and three
and four and five

and six and seven and eight

and nine and ten

-and eleven.
-NANA: Hey, y'all, stop that.

You go home.

Go on. You're bad.

-Oh, give us a kiss.
-ALL: We want a song!

We want a song!

We want a song!

We want a song!
We want a song!

Robbie, does your band
get much work?

Two jobs a week, if we're lucky.

-Then, get with it.
-ALL: We want a song!

-We want a song!
-Come on, guys.

[ Cheering ]

Jackie!

We want a song!

[ Indistinct chatter ]

[ Music playing ]

♪ He's got body♪

♪ He's got soul♪

♪ I'm torn apart without him♪

♪ I'm gonna trust him♪

♪ With my future♪

♪ I'm gonna keep
a tight rein on his heart ♪

♪ He's one of the few things
I feel a part of ♪

♪ I know it's true,
I'll never leave♪

♪ I'll never say good-bye♪

♪ I'll always be
a girl of means♪

♪ As long as I'm by his side♪

[ Cheering ]

BOTH: ♪ She's got body,
she's got soul♪

♪ I'm torn apart without him♪

♪ I'm gonna trust him
with my future♪

♪ I'm gonna keep
a tight rein on his heart♪

♪ He's one of the few things
I feel a part of♪

♪ I learn a lot
when he's around♪

♪ He's got so much to give♪

♪ If you can say
you live and learn♪

♪ You're learning how to live♪

♪ He's got body♪

♪ He's got soul♪

♪ I'm torn apart without him♪

♪ I'm gonna trust him
with my future♪

♪ I'm gonna keep
a tight rein on his heart♪

♪ He's one of the few things
I feel a part of♪

♪ Nobody told me♪

♪ That a woman♪

♪ She can lead a man from ruin♪

JACKIE:
♪ Well, you pulled me back♪

BOTH:
♪ And I'm coming back for more♪

♪ For sure♪

♪ No time
to make careful decisions♪

♪ He might be an apparition♪

♪ Now the panic's on♪

ROBBIE:
♪ And I'm not an honest man♪

BOTH: ♪ If I don't say♪

♪ She's got body♪

♪ She's got soul♪

♪ I'm torn apart without him♪

♪ I'm gonna trust him
with my future♪

♪ I'm gonna keep
a tight rein on his heart♪

♪ He's one of the few things
I feel a part of♪

♪ All right, I know
it's all been said♪

♪ So many times before♪

ALL:
♪ Before, before, before...♪

♪ But I don't care,
I'm gonna sing it♪

♪ To you just once more♪

ALL: ♪ Once more,
once more, once more...♪

BOTH:
♪ He's got body, he's got soul♪

♪ I'm torn apart without him♪

♪ I'm gonna trust him
with my future♪

♪ I'm gonna keep
a tight rein on his heart♪

♪ He's one of the few things
I feel a part of♪

♪ He's got body, he's got soul♪

♪ I'm torn apart without him♪

♪ I'm gonna trust him
with my future♪

♪ I'm gonna keep
a tight rein on his heart♪

♪ He's got body♪

♪ He's got soul♪

♪ I'm torn apart without him♪

♪ I'm gonna trust him
with my future♪

♪ I'm gonna keep
a tight rein on his heart♪

PEARL:
I expected the worst.

Now, I'm getting it.

Looks like a good thing to me.

Oh, charming.

I guess maybe we should have
stayed where we were.

After turning on the news and
seeing that shocking spectacle?

BOTH: ♪ I'm gonna trust him
with my future♪

♪ I'm gonna keep
a tight rein on his heart♪

You were always
such a gem.

Deal with your bloody son.

BOTH:
♪ I'm torn apart without him♪

-♪ I'm gonna trust him...♪
-Oh, Eric, Ron...

you remember
my brother-in-law, Lou?

-Cheers.
-Cheers.

-[ Indistinct ]
-JACKIE: ♪ He's got soul♪

♪ I'm torn apart without him♪

♪ I'm gonna trust him
with my future♪

♪ I'm gonna keep
a tight rein on his heart♪

[ Bell dinging ]

JACKIE: ♪ He's got soul♪

♪ I'm torn apart without him♪

PEARL: Jacquelyn!

-Mom.
-Dad.

Good day, son.

My baby!

Hi, mom.

You're on the show, okay?

I want you for rehearsal,
Thursday.

Here you are, son.
For your 11th birthday.

-Sorry, it's a little bit late.
-Late?

You're three years too late.
He's 14.

We're on the show!
We're on the show!

Out.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Come on, out.

Go on, go on.

Get a move on now. Out.

LOU: Here's something all
the way from Brisbane for you.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

You missed all the fun, Mom.

[ Whistling ]

PEARL: Wakey, wakey, chop, chop!

School time!

Who was that?

JACKIE:
My mother. Remember her?

Good day, son, got any change?
For the parking meter.

Thanks, son.
I'll pay you back.

Who was that?

JACKIE:
Your father. Remember him?

Shit.

The party's over.

PEARL: School sports today.

[ Equipment thudding ]

Whereas I've got
band rehearsal.

You, you, you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Angus,
you'll be late for school.

It's you that needs school.
Charm school.

Look Angus, we'll try out

some of your songs
if there's time.

You'll bugger it up
all by yourself.

You always do by yourself.

When your father
goes back to Brisbane,

he's taking you with him.

Now, get up.

I'm driving you to school.

[ Grunts ]

Cousin Angus,
I've been having a little think.

[ Angus sniffing ]

ANGUS: I thought
I could smell rubber burning.

JACKIE:
That's quite some coincidence

the way my mother

just happened
to bump into your father,

don't you think?

Him?

I'm not going anywhere
with him.

Actually, I think

I'm gonna throw meself
under a bus.

[ Balls clacking ]

Terry would have stayed
for hours

if it wasn't for Robbie
hanging around,

making sure things
didn't go too far,

which is a pity considering
how far I'd like it to go,

but it will.

[ Horns honking ]

[ Tires screeching ]

Angus!

MAN: Shit.

MAN: Is he all right?
Is he bleeding?

Hey, it wasn't me, man,
I was just driving,

and I saw him
sprawled out in the road.

MAN:
Pick him up for chrissake.

-MAN: Is he all right?
-Don't mind him.

-MAN: Is he all right?
-He's very high-strung.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

MAN: That kid's a menace.

I'll report you, mate.

MAN: I suggest you keep
kids and pets off the road.

[ Clapping ]

[ Indistinct chatter ]

[ Music playing ]

JACKIE: ♪ It's the monkey in me
that makes me want to do it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that makes me want to chew it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that sets me loose♪

♪ Got to climb to find my way♪

Won't be a minute, love.

JACKIE:
♪ ...that makes me wanna do it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that makes me want to chew it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that sets me loose♪

[ Humming in tune ]

JACKIE:
♪ ...that makes me wanna do it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that makes me want to chew it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that sets me loose...♪

[ Humming in tune ]

You're just as good as
when you won the cups.

You've got
the devil's charm, Lou.

You've always done
the right thing by me, Pearly.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

MAN: It's great to be
rehearsing again, ain't it?

JACKIE: You know, I reckon
that song would sound better

- if we played it backwards.
-Backwards?

JACKIE: Yeah, and feed
in a tape of a baby crying.

MAN: A baby crying?

[ Indistinct chatter ]

JACKIE: ♪ Leaping, leaping♪

♪ Leaping for lunch♪

♪ Dressed like a salad♪

♪ How does it feel?♪

♪ Leaping, leaping♪

-♪ Leaping for lunch♪
-That's right.

Pouring free beers
while the bills pile up.

Hey, love, I'd kill for a beer.

Be right with you, Hazza.

Think of it as an investment.

If we're good on TV,

and then we crack
the Opera House,

voilà, 25 grand.

Might as well
take a lottery ticket.

Oh, come on, mom,
we'll survive.

We always have,
through thick and thin.

Well, it's thin, kid, thin.

Hey, what's he doing with Wally?

Hey, blue,
don't blow on me, cocky.

[ Indistinct ]

MAN: Wearin' the shirt.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Watch it, will ya?

What about "Laughter
From Heaven"?

[ Indistinct chatter ]

I just washed my face,
and I can't do a thing with it.

You look like the cocky.

I know, make an entrance
with a real cocky

on your shoulder,

and then people will think
you're meant to look creepy.

-Wa.
-That's it.

-Wally!
-[ Indistinct ]

Come on, you rent mongrel.

It's time you pulled
your weight around here.

NANA: Oh, it's hard
to know what to wear

to this type of thing.

Do you think
there'll be a singalong?

No, Nana.

♪♪

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Animals in the kitchen,
quite illegal, I might say.

NANA: ♪ I'm hungry♪

Look...

Ezperanzas have carried
this pub

for three generations.

The fact is you're catering
to a dying trade.

So you're gonna
get your fancy lawyers

onto our lease, are you?

Chucking us out.

I'm afraid my brewery
requires payment

or property

by February the 1st.

Chucking us out?

♪♪

[ Indistinct chatter ]

-[ Indistinct ]
-Okay, sweetheart.

-Thanks very much.
-What seems to be the problem?

Check out...

You couldn't be
Jacquelyn Mullens, could you?

-Yes.
-Yes, I see.

-[ Indistinct ]
-MAN: Let's go, guys.

-MAN: That's us.
-MAN: Yeah.

You know, come on.
Hey, spider, spider!

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Jacquelyn Mullens has arrived...

like she just left
the Yorkshire River.

She'll need hair,
eyes, gown, and skin.

Hey, my favorite singing lady.

No.

She's actually meant
to look like she looks, see?

And she's going to have
Wally here on her shoulder.

Ma'am...

You're singing
"My Belief in You," right?

In 20 minutes,
you'll start rehearsing that

with the studio band.

-ANGUS: Studio band?
-Here we go.

WOMAN: No, no, no, listen.
All friends of the artist

are to stay in the foyer,
thank you very much.

Oh, we're the band.

They're in the show.

WOMAN: No, Ms. Mullens
has a solo vocalist spot

before the final commercial.

ROBBIE:
Yeah, we're the backing band.

WOMAN: Vocal plus studio band.

- Out in the foyer.
- Vocal studio band.

Studio band, now,
listen, don't argue with me.

-No hassles, okay, boys?
-Oh, come on.

Quick. I'll talk to you later.
Okay. Out.

Quick, quick, out, out. I don't
know how you got in here.

-I'm talking to security.
-ROBBIE: Good one, Angus.

WOMAN: Please hurry out.
Thank you.

Thanks very much.

WOMAN: Thank you.

ANGUS: Hey, Mr. Lambert!

[ Wally squawking ]

TERRY: No, she got it right.

Jackie was slotted
into the solo spot

at the production meeting
last night.

Look, that doesn't mean that
you can't perform as a band

at the Opera House.

Well, if this spot
goes all right.

Um, Terry, we need you
on the set now, darling.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

So, it doesn't mean I'm leaving
the band or anything.

ROBBIE: Leave it?

You were never officially in it.

Ugh.

[ Indistinct ]

Listen, I know you.

You're gaga
about Terry kissy, kissy,

frolic over him,
why don't ya,

but don't let him
talk you into this.

Angus, you need
other people in your life,

so do I.

That's called healthy.

Face it.

What are you on about?

I'm saying it's time
I made my own decisions,

my own friends.

I'm sick of living in the pub.
I wanna live in a house.

ANGUS: Live in a house?

And dump me at Heartbreak Hotel.

You do a great impersonation
of an adult,

but remember,
you're 14, a minor.

Yeah, a minor part
of your plans.

That's the type of minor I am.

Mm-ah!

TERRY: You little shit!

JACKIE: Angus!

You know what you are?
You're a dirty rat!

ANGUS: You're the dumb one
that didn't desert

the sinking ship!

[ Wally squawks ]

[ Music playing ]

♪ Living under people
every day♪

♪ I must find
somewhere new to stay♪

♪ Jackie's moved things on♪

♪ And I can take them on♪

♪ I must find a way♪

♪ To get away♪

♪ Get away♪

♪ Get away♪

♪ Get away♪

♪ Running around the flagpole♪

♪ One and all♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey♪

♪ Occupied a technique
through the wall♪

♪ However get me back♪

♪ To the dingy little shack♪

♪ Strike up the cry♪

♪ I will never fold,
never fold♪

♪ Never fold, never fold♪

♪ I want to live in a house♪

♪ With my own litter box♪

♪ A backyard
where my friends can stay♪

♪ Not living
under people every day♪

[ Music playing ]

ALL: ♪ Ants, ants, ants, ants♪

♪ Ants, ants, ants, ants♪

♪ Ants, ants, ants,
we all live like ants♪

♪ Ants, ants♪

♪ She'll never know my drift♪

♪ She'll never get my drift♪

♪ I'm the one to make her
a shining star♪

♪ Rising star, super star♪

♪ Mega star♪

[ Music playing ]

♪ I want to live in a house♪

♪ With my own litter box♪

♪ A backyard
where my friends can stay♪

♪ Not living under people
every day♪

ALL: ♪ Ants, ants, ants, ants♪

♪ Ants, ants, ants, ants♪

♪ I want to live in a house♪

♪ With my own litter box♪

♪ A backyard
where my friends can play♪

♪ Not living under people
every day♪

♪ Every day♪

♪ Every day♪

♪ Every day♪

♪ Every day♪

ALL: We want Terry!

We want Terry!

We want Terry!

-Okay.
-ALL: We want Terry!

[ Girls screaming ]

Hey, you move out of there.

Here.

Here, you get in there.

Here, love.

In there.

[ Screaming ]

-ALL: We want Terry!
-MAN: Okay, quiet, please.

Quiet, please.

-Come on, better shush!
-Oh, there she is.

-MAN: That's better.
-WOMAN: We want Terry.

MAN: Again, I'd like to welcome
you all to our show.

Oh, didn't recognize her.

Oh, I never seen her look nicer.

MAN: All right, now,
Terry will be out in a moment.

Now this is big-- Madam,
would you-- would you mind?

[ Indistinct chatter ]

MAN: This is big person's
television, all right?

The most important...

Now, you look perfect.

Good luck.

MAN: All right? Now, listen,
a couple of rules.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

I gave her my bag.

Oh.

MAN: Big, big hand claps,
all right?

And now, a new talent.

A girl who recently brought
an entire city to a halt.

She can walk a tightrope.

She can wear a wiglet,

and she can sing a song.

Ms. Jackie Mullens!

Lou, she's on.

Have a look at this, girls.
That's my niece.

[ Music playing ]

MAN: Wow.

JACKIE:
♪ It's time for changes♪

MAN: Plastic-fantastic.

JACKIE: ♪ Things can rearrange♪

♪ Love is strange♪

♪ After so long♪

♪ But how can I tell you♪

♪ That I was wrong♪

♪ So wrong♪

-♪ When I believe...♪
-SINGERS: ♪ I believe♪

♪ ...in my belief in you♪

SINGERS: ♪ My belief in you♪

Doesn't my bag look lovely?

JACKIE: ♪ Because the power♪

♪ Of love keeps returning♪

♪ Like the waves
rolling to the shore♪

SINGERS: ♪ Woo, oh, oh♪

♪ I don't mind waiting anymore♪

♪ Oh♪

♪ Because I believe...♪

SINGERS: ♪ I believe♪

♪ In my belief in you♪

[ Guys laughing ]

MAN: No, no, no, no,
it's all wrong.

MAN: Ta-cky.

MAN: T for t.

Jesus, is that a sausage
she's waving?

[ Laughing ]

[ Music playing ]

♪ How could I tell you♪

♪ That I was wrong♪

♪ So wrong♪

-♪ When I believe...♪
-SINGERS: ♪ I believe...♪

♪ ...in my belief in you?♪

SINGERS:
♪ In my belief in you?♪

JACKIE:
♪ Because the power of love♪

♪ Keeps returning♪

♪ Like the waves♪

-♪ Roll to the shore♪
-SINGERS: ♪ Woo, oh, oh♪

♪ I don't mind waiting anymore♪

-♪ Because I believe...♪
-SINGERS: ♪ I believe♪

JACKIE:
♪ ...in my belief in you♪

SINGERS: ♪ In my belief in you♪

-♪ I believe...♪
-SINGERS: ♪ I believe♪

JACKIE:
♪ ...in my belief in you?♪

SINGERS:
♪ In my belief in you♪

-JACKIE: ♪ Yes, I believe...♪
-♪ I believe♪

♪ In my belief in you♪

♪ ...in my belief in you♪

-♪ Oh♪
-SINGERS: ♪ I believe♪

-♪ I believe...♪
-SINGERS: ♪ I believe♪

♪ ...in my belief in you♪

-♪ Really believe in you♪
-♪ In my belief in you♪

JACKIE: ♪ Oh, I believe,
I believe in you♪

MAN: Wow, thank you, Jackie,
and good night, Australia.

SINGERS: ♪ I believe♪

♪ I believe in you♪

♪ I believe in you♪

♪ I believe
in my belief in you♪

[ Cheering ]

♪ I believe
in my belief in you♪

[ Cheering continues ]

♪ I believe
in my belief in you♪

I can't see her.
Where'd she go?

[ Cheering ]

MAN: Okay. Okay. That's all.

Okay, please clear the stage,
make your way out the door.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

I was terrible, wasn't I?

Well...

There's only boring
and interesting,

and you certainly
weren't boring.

I was terrible.

Hmm...

How about a small unusual party
to help cheer you up, hmm?

Paradise Hotel, the roof top.

I'll see you there
in half an hour?

[ Indistinct chatter ]

[ Elevator dings ]

Oh, park this, would you?

[ Wally squawks ]

[ Music playing ]

♪ Hustle and bustle♪

♪ Show me a little muscle♪

♪ Okay♪

♪ Shockproof, shatterproof♪

♪ Waterproof♪

♪ The proof of today♪

♪ We're just a cog
in the wheel♪

♪ Take your knocks♪

♪ Take your bumps, get a grip♪

♪ Or you'll get trampled on♪

♪ You've got to be tighter up♪

♪ To be tough, to be rough♪

♪ Show your teeth♪

♪ Dig them in♪

♪ Well, is that all you are?♪

♪ A brain with no heart?♪

♪ You don't know♪

♪ How lucky you can be♪

♪ Take advantage of the world♪

♪ And see♪

♪ Well, it's real tough♪

♪ Got to be tough♪

♪ Have to be tough♪

♪ Got to be tough♪

TERRY: ♪ Dressed up
in my thick-skinned shirt♪

BOTH: ♪ A little cold blood♪

♪ Turn the other cheek♪

JACKIE:
♪ Well, that's real tough♪

BOTH: ♪ Got to be tough♪

♪ Got to be tough♪

♪ Got to be tough♪

TERRY:
♪ Don't get out of your depth♪

BOTH:
♪ Take a very deep breath♪

♪ You're a drowning man♪

♪ In a swimming pool♪

♪ You've got to be a hard man♪

♪ Iron will, see the goal♪

♪ Climb the mountain,
not a hill♪

TERRY:
♪ Be a shark in the dark♪

BOTH:
♪ Have a whale of a time♪

♪ You don't know
how lucky you can be♪

♪ Take advantage
of the world and me♪

♪ Well, there's real tough♪

♪ Got to be tough♪

♪ Have to be tough♪

♪ Got to be tough♪

♪ La-la-la-lala, la-lala-la♪

[ Music playing ]

BOTH:
♪ Well, that's real tough♪

[ Music playing ]

JACKIE: ♪ I think I'm sinking♪

♪ I'm drowning♪

♪ I'm floating away♪

SINGERS: ♪ Tough♪

♪ Tough♪

♪ Tough♪

♪ Tough♪

[ Music playing ]

[ Siren blaring ]

ALL: ♪ Who's sorry now?♪

♪ Who's sorry now?♪

[ Indistinct singing ]

Here.

Have you got a little dance
for the missus?

[ Indistinct chatter ]

WOMAN: Off you go.

WOMAN: Come on.
Move your feet, sweetheart.

WOMAN: Come on. That's it.
All of you.

-WOMAN: Go on.
-MAN: Just like a night,

out with you.

Yes, lovely, darling,
but you're far too young.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Where's your father?

Fancy leaving a man like that
to run a pub like this.

He couldn't run a raffle.

What about Mick Jagger here?

I'll take care of him.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

ANGUS: Well, it was open, see.

And I think the week's
takings have gone.

That's the bad part of the news,
the money's gone.

So, what's the good part?

I think dad's gone with it.

Shot through, did he?

Well, that's people for you.

They trample all over
your dreams.

[ Door creaks ]

Where's my little birdie?

[ Indistinct radio chatter ]

[ Car engine revving ]

[ Door closes ]

[ Balls clacking ]

JACKIE:
♪ Beat me, whip me, kick me♪

♪ Tie me naked
to the pub van roof♪

♪ But just don't say
I told you so♪

Okay.

Move out.

So you and Terry share
a lot of interests?

Yeah, like for starters, boys.

Do you mean you cracked
on to him, and he's...?

Yes, indeed-y.

-He can't be.
-He can be.

He can't be? Why can't he be?

'Cause he hasn't got
a mustache.

Those guys always have
mustaches.

But he is.

He just wanted to be my friend.

I got it all wrong.

That's called reality.

And losing the pub,
is that called reality?

You're kidding? No!

Angus...

What are we gonna do?

We rehearse the band,

we find an image,

we crack the Opera House,

then we save the pub.

Angus, I found out,

things don't just happen simply
because you want them to.

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.

Well, sometimes,

if you just dream about a thing

and work at it,
it does just happen.

REG: Wally!

Wally!

[ Laughing ]

Wally!

-Don't worry.
-[ Cockatoo squawking ]

REG: You're home now, mate.

Don't get up.

Rotten Jacquelyn kept you out
all night, did she?

[ Cockatoo squawking ]

Up to bed, Uncle Reg.

[ Cockatoo squawks ]

MAN: ♪ Who's sorry now?♪

♪ Who's sorry now?♪

JACKIE:
I made giant fool of myself.

No one's gonna talk to me
again ever.

I didn't even know about Terry,

and now we're being chucked out
of the pub.

Well, I guess it isn't a night
to pick on you, then, huh?

[ Music playing ]

♪ The way you hesitate♪

♪ Is still the same♪

♪ It's hard to say it's true♪

♪ You don't know my name♪

♪ I just wanna be with you♪

♪ I don't wanna be alone♪

♪ No matter what I do♪

♪ No matter what I say♪

♪ No matter what I do♪

♪ It's not enough♪

[ Music playing ]

♪ Some say life♪

♪ Is a wicked wheel♪

♪ Where it rolls♪

♪ Is where it feels♪

♪ And some say love♪

♪ Is a doggone chance♪

♪ No matter what you do♪

♪ No matter what you say♪

♪ No matter what you do♪

♪ It's not enough♪

♪ It's not enough♪

♪ It's not enough♪

♪ It's not enough♪

♪ The tears are real♪

♪ In the city tonight♪

♪ The tears are real♪

♪ But they can't try to hide♪

♪ What's going on♪

♪ Inside of me?♪

[ Music playing ]

♪ Oh♪

♪ Oh♪

It's been a long night,
eh, Auntie Pearl?

But look at it this way.

Everything that can happen
has happened.

[ Cockatoo squawks ]

Hey, come to the bathroom quick.

Nana's choking on her dentures.

[ Cockatoo squawking ]

[ Music playing ]

ANGUS: Now, come on, Nana.

So, your dentures jammed
in your throat?

That was a week ago.

You're okay now.

You know, you don't
deserve this, Nana.

I'm not sure I want it.

PEARL: I don't know why
we go to all this bother.

But soon it might be
our last Christmas together.

Oh.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, look, isn't that beautiful?

Matching collars.

My baby.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Thanks, Mrs. Booth.

You're nearly one
of the family now, aren't you?

-Jackie.
-Hey, look what Angus gave me.

-My new image.
-Oh, great.

The one thing you got right
is the size of your head.

- Watch.
-WOMAN: Oh.

You rotten lousy creep.

[ Laughter ]

Women have always had
the push in this family.

Your father was never much
of a pusher.

Oh, no.

Oh.

That was my favorite photo.

-WOMAN: Oh, dear.
-I'm sorry, Auntie Pearl.

But isn't it more important
that beauty like that can--

BOTH: Live again?

[ Laughing ]

-It's great.
-I was saving it.

-It's great.
-For what?

Oh, come on, mom.

You got a lot of puff
left in you yet.

Go on.

Take it.

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da,
da, da, da, da♪

Thanks, really, mom.

Don't do anything in it
I didn't.

Eh, come on, the dishes.

Oh.

[ Snoring ]

Have you thought up
your New Year's resolution yet?

You're going to be a famous
spook, Nana.

Oh, you mad thing.

You're laughing at me.

Jeez, you crap on, Nana.

Just tell me
about these spirit voices.

Well...

They're kind of dim
and invisible.

We're going to prop you up
in the beer garden, right?

To tell people's futures.

You're sitting on a gold mine.

I'm sitting on an old bottom

that's beginning to resemble
a squeeze box.

Oh, there's no future.

I've outlived my use,
and so has this pub.

And now I'm gonna get
upstairs to bed.

We just hauled you down here.

Well, if you hauled me down,
you can haul me up again.

You just wait.

It'll all be different
by New Year's Eve.

Yes.

It'll probably be worse.

[ Music playing ]

PEARL: Hang on to it, love.

MAN: The Wow Show!

[ Crowd cheering on TV ]

TERRY: Terry Lambert.

-I'm here at the Opera House...
-That's bloody Angus.

...new talent concert
of the decade.

-New stars will be born...
-What's he up to?

...and huge cash prizes

will put those stars
into orbit.

Wow.

Don't miss it.

MAN: Cut.

Good one.

MAN: Okay. Let's...

Oh.

I'm not up to anything, honest.

I just want to please
my poor old Nana.

She's heartbroken
we're not on the show tonight,

but if she got at it,
it might take her mind off

if you do not just got one --
of her because we're bringing...

[ Indistinct chatter ]

There you go.

A souvenir, please.

Oh.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

ANGUS: What time
do the mainliners go on?

About 12:00.

Thanks.

What-- aren't you gonna let me
see it?

[ Indistinct chatter ]

MAN: Take a look, we just
got to get these shots

to the bank, okay? Smile.

That's the way.

WOMAN: Only...
security cars...

just get backstage.

No stories would be...

MAN: That's it, big smile.

MAN: Robbie and the Rockets?

How about
The Little Stories?

Zigzag? Genetics?

Mother's Own?

Blue and the Underpants?

What the heck.

MAN: Instant Sniff?

Rhubarb Pie?

Comics?

Shakage, shakage?

What should he grow?

[ Indistinct chatter ]

ANGUS: 11:55, okay.

-MAN: Yeah.
-MAN: Look professional.

Check the amps,
grab some tape, anything.

Good luck. Go.

[ Music playing ]

MAN: ♪ You know,
I just got to have you back♪

[ Music playing ]

MAN: ♪ And I know I can go♪

♪ I could make it grow♪

♪ Until you love me♪

♪ And I don't want to see♪

♪♪

That's where we were
supposed to be.

You were blabbering about
having it all worked out.

I have, I have.

Ooh, Agnes.

It's Angus, face ache.

MAN: ♪ Look at me♪

♪ Am I the same ♪

♪ Turn around, baby, please♪

♪ You know...♪

ALL:
♪ I had all railroad track...♪

Shut up, you mumbles.

Bloody things might as well
mow through the place

the way things are.

You never know, Pearly,
you never know!

-Nana!
-MAN: Nana's gone bananas.

-NANA: You little ripper.
-Well, I'm a bit scabby.

NANA: Who does she think she is?
A bloomin' hippie?

I'm bored with that old stuff.

MAN:
♪ Turn around, baby, please♪

♪ You know,
I just got to have you back♪

♪ Turn around,
I just got to have you back ♪

♪ Turn around,
I just got to have you back♪

♪ Turn around,
I just got to have you back♪

[ Crowd cheering ]

Where do we go?

MAN: Please standby
for commercial break.

[ Crowd cheering ]

TERRY: Turnaround!

The final contestants
in our new talent quest,

in the running for $25,000.

After this break,

a special guest appearance
from The Mainliners.

[ Crowd cheering ]

[ Music playing ]

Right.

[ Indistinct ]

MAN: Yeah, check that drum kit.

Yeah, it's another set
of cymbals.

MAN: ♪ Love you so♪

-Hurry, hurry.
-Okay.

MAN: ♪ And I don't need♪

♪ A little bit of loving♪

♪ Need a little bit of kissing♪

♪ I need a little bit
of loving♪

♪ ...day and night♪

♪ Dance as easy as can be, oh♪

[ Indistinct chatter ]

MAN: ♪ As easy as can be♪

♪ As easy as can be♪

MAN: Okay. Come on, then,

keep moving, a little faster,
look around.

♪♪

♪ Through the night ♪

MAN: Chris, you could tell
Terry to read his scripts,

thanks, mate,
and I don't think the band

should bring their joints
on stage this time.

-Thank you.
-They're waiting for you.

-Probably right, mate.
-Do your best, don't worry.

You should go out there
and kill them.

-MAN: Okay. Okay.
-MAN: Have some time. Okay?

MAN: It'll be good.
It'll be good.

All right.
Standby for your cue,

and then straight on.

Standing by, clear the stage.

Get those blokes off,
will you, Christopher?

WOMAN:
Ready for the countdown.

- Ten.
-Off the stage.

WOMAN: Nine, eight, seven...

Have we got any commercials
or ID lined up?

-Oh, no.
-WOMAN: Four.

-Oh.
-WOMAN: Three, two, one.

[ Music playing ]

WOMAN: What's that?

MAN: Oh, no,
it's the New Year's star.

Now, cut their power.

[ Music playing ]

Aah!

[ Laughs ]

Hang in there, honey.

Angus!

[ Crowd cheering ]

Oh, not again.

Hey, everybody.

Come here, have a look at this.
Come here.

-Look, it's Jackie.
-Oh. It's Jackie.

Oh, look,
the dress looks lovely.

MAN: I am not shouting,
camera three,

I am totally in control,

I am totally in control.

Hey, hey, hey!

We're The Wombats,
and this is Jackie Mullens,

the greatest singer
in the world!

So why is everyone always
pulling the plug on us?

So, are we still in the race?

[ Crowd cheering ]

Do you want us?

[ Crowd cheering ]

Who do you want?

Jackie Mullens!

-Jackie Mullens!
-[ Crowd cheering ]

Hang on.

MAN: Oh, no, wrong shoe.

MAN: Wrong feet.

Oh, let them roll.

Just let them roll.

Forget it...
we'll stick with it.

♪ Well, it's sticky
in the jungle♪

♪ Can't hide from the heat♪

♪ Jungle drums are playing♪

♪ A jungle beat♪

♪ Well, those
Hollywood hearts♪

♪ Watch them a flutter♪

♪ You can't make a star
of a girl gorilla♪

♪ It's the monkey in me
that makes me wanna do it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that makes me wanna chew it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that sets me loose♪

♪ Got to climb to find my way♪

♪ You know I'm scared
of tigers♪

♪ And I'm allergic
to trees ♪

♪ And I don't like bananas♪

♪ Fried or fricasseed♪

♪ Queen Marlene, she's
the star of the screen♪

♪ Is this the way
that it's meant for me?♪

ALL: ♪ It's the monkey in me
that makes me wanna do it♪

♪ Monkey in me that
makes me wanna chew it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that sets me loose♪

♪ Got to climb to find my way♪

♪ No arms, no legs, no feet♪

♪ No head, it's me now♪

[ Crowd cheering ]

♪ No arms, no legs,
just me instead♪

♪ I'm free now, it's me now♪

♪ Queen Marlene,
she's the star of the screen♪

♪ Is this the way ♪

♪ That it's meant for me?♪

♪ It's the monkey in me
that makes me wanna do it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that makes me wanna chew it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that sets me loose♪

♪ Got to climb to find my way♪

MAN: ♪ I go♪

♪ I go ape, I go uh-huh♪

♪ I go, I go ape, uh-huh-uh♪

♪ I go, I go ape, I go uh-huh♪

♪ I go, I go ape, uh-huh-uh♪

♪ I go, I go ape, I go uh-huh♪

♪ I go, I go ape, uh-huh-uh♪

♪ I go, I go ape, I go uh-huh♪

Let me in!

♪ It's the monkey in me
that makes me wanna do it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that makes me wanna chew it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that sets me loose...♪

[ Humming ]

JACKIE: ♪ It's the monkey in me
that makes me wanna do it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that makes me wanna chew it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that sets me loose♪

[ Music playing ]

JACKIE: ♪ It's the monkey in me
that makes me wanna do it, oh♪

♪ Monkey in me,
that makes me wanna chew it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that sets me loose♪

[ Crowd cheering ]

JACKIE: ♪ Monkey in me
that makes me wanna do it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that makes me wanna chew it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that sets me loose♪

ALL: ♪ It's the monkey in me
that makes me wanna do it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that makes me wanna chew it♪

♪ Monkey in me
that sets me loose♪

[ Music playing ]

TERRY: So what do you think?

So do we!

[ Crowd cheering ]

TERRY: Jackie Mullens
and The Wombats.

-Yay.
-To the Harborview from me.

Good on you, darling.

God love you.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Oh, those bloody kids!

God love them.
Come on, let's dance!

[ Crowd cheering ]

[ Fireworks bursting ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Crowd cheering ]

MAN:
♪ Well, I ain't gonna sweat♪

♪ And starve like
no well-trained dog♪

♪ All right♪

♪ No struggle and strife♪

♪ Well, I've got a right♪

♪ To dream all night♪

ALL: ♪ Oh, be my hero♪

♪ Be my star♪

♪♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey♪

MAN: ♪ I do believe♪

♪ I will surely go insane♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Square pegging around♪

♪ Honey, just ain't right♪

♪ All right♪

ALL: ♪ Oh, be my future♪

♪ Be my star, star♪

♪ Starstruck♪

♪ I only want to take♪

♪ Your photograph♪

♪ Starstruck♪

♪ I really want to have♪

♪ Your autograph♪

♪ Starstruck♪

♪ La, la, la, la♪

♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la, la la♪

[ Music playing ]

♪ Chase my dreams♪

♪ I'll fantasize of us♪

♪ All right♪

♪ They won't find me♪

♪ Inside my cloud of dust♪

♪ That's right♪

♪ Oh, be my hero♪

♪ Be my star, star♪

♪ Starstruck♪

♪ I only want to take♪

♪ Your photograph♪

♪ Starstruck♪

♪ I really want to have♪

♪ Your autograph♪

♪ Starstruck♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la♪

♪ Who do you want to be?♪

♪ What do you want from me?♪

♪ Who you going to see?♪

♪ I've got the right to dream♪

[ Music playing ]

[ Crowd cheering ]

CROWD: Starstruck!

Starstruck!

Starstruck!

[ Sound of explosion ]

[ Music playing ]