Starhops (1978) - full transcript

(eerie electronic music)

(rock music)

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guy ♪

♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪

♪ Starhops, yeah ♪

♪ Working real hard in the Summer sun ♪

♪ At the Starhops Drive-in ♪

♪ The people we meet
coming in off the street ♪

♪ And make us feel good, yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guy ♪



♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪

♪ Checking our tips 'cause
we're going for broke ♪

♪ Well, I gotta make it, or break it ♪

♪ So come on down, 'cause
you know what they say ♪

♪ About Carhops, no,
you can't take it away ♪

♪ No matter what you say ♪

♪ No matter what you wanna pay ♪

♪ 'Cause you know we're gonna stay ♪

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guy ♪

♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look at
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪

- [Announcer] Not too
long ago, and not really

all that far away, there
was this little drive-in.



- Sam, I've been buying
from you for 15 years.

Give me a break, will you?

- Three months ago, I gave you a break.

Two months ago I gave you a break.

This month, you're breaking me.

Look, Jerry, I don't
own a company, you know.

My boss says this deadbeat
don't pay, cut him off.

I'm sorry.

- What's a few days more?

- Look, Jerry, I'm just a salesman.

What can I do?

- Well, what can I do?

- Maybe you ought to try real estate.

- I've been in the
drive-in business 15 years.

What do I know about real estate?

- As much as you know about drive-ins.

Look, Jerry, at least
you got the real estate.

You ought to sell.

You know these drive-in burger joints

ain't doing what they used to do anymore.

We have taco stands, health
food joints, frozen yogurt.

Everybody's jogging these days.

Maybe you ought to open a
jog-in and sell orange juice.

- I don't need a jog-in, Sam.

I need 30 days.

Just 30 days.

(car horn honking)

- Can't do, Jerry, sorry.

- Sorry?

Sorry?

(rock music)

You can take that sorry and shove it up

your boss' attitude, Sam.

(car horn honking)

♪ You can't tell me that
you love me every day ♪

- Yes, sir.

- What kind of pies do you got?

- I'll get you a menu.

- Hey, if I wanted a
menu, I'd ask for one.

- Okay big boy.

We've got banana cream, Boston cream,

cherry cream, chocolate
cream, coconut cream,

pineapple cream, strawberry
cream, and whipped cream.

- Haven't you got any regular pies?

- We've got it all, honey.

We've got cherry, blueberry, boysenberry,

blackberry, gooseberry, raspberry.

- Wait a minute, speed queen.

What were those cream pies you named?

(phone ringing)

- Boston cream pie, banana cream pie.

- Forget it, forget it.

I'll have a Dr. Pepper and some fries.

- Got it.

Fries and a Dr. Pepper, Jerry.

- You got it, Angel.

Hello.

Geeze, Alice, what did you
have to call today for?

The check?

I sent you the check, sweetheart.

I sent you the check yesterday.

It's only been a day.

Alice, I do care about the kids.

I ain't got anything
extra, you got it all.

It's up, Angel.

I ain't talking to you, Alice.

Give me the address.

(radio announcer chattering)

If you didn't move around so much,

you wouldn't be missing the checks.

Give it to me again.

(crunching)

- Look what I found in
my fries, a lousy pencil.

Get me the manager.

- Jerry.

- I could've choked on this thing.

I could've turned purple.

I could've become terrified and died.

I think I'm gonna sue.

Yeah, I am gonna sue.

Are you the manager?

- I'm the owner.

- Well look what I found
in my fries, a pencil.

You know, fries are usually made

out of potatoes, not pencils.

- I wish you wouldn't talk so loud.

- Why is that?

- See, if my other
customers hear about it,

they're gonna want a
pencil in their fries, too.

- Real funny.

You're a real comedian.

You're really good with the one liners.

Here's your fries.

(yelling)

- Pancake, help me.

- Sue me, sue me.

Sue me, go ahead, sue me.

- Get out of here.

I can't hold him forever.

- You'll get a lot from the
foreclosure, you smart guy.

Go ahead, sue me.
(tires screeching)

Go on, speed it, go on.

- Go on.

(yelling)

Get out of here.

I'm alright.

Where are you going with that?

I sent your guy a check two weeks ago.

- Hey that check bounced, twice.

(yelling)

(upbeat music)

(pans crashing)

- That's it, that's it.

I've had it.

They won't have Jerry
to kick around anymore.

- Jerry, you've gotta be kidding.

You can't get rid of this place.

- What do you think?

- Well, then we haven't got any jobs.

- That's right.

- Well, I mean, you
could've given us notice.

- What do you call this?

- I call it a ripoff.

You owe us two weeks severance pay.

We didn't quit.

- Get in line.

What do you think I'm
closing this joint for?

I'm broke.

I ain't got no money to
make payments on this joint.

I got a wife that wants
alimony I haven't got.

I'm up to my jockstrap in debt.

- Oh Jerry, how did you get in so deep?

- It was easy.

I lost money.

The day McDonald's and
Colonel Sanders opened,

I should've closed.

You can't compete with them.

I'm in quarter pounder and

a finger lickin' to the poorhouse.

Sam was right.

Drive-ins are out of date.

- That's not true, Jerry.

- That's true.

Carhops are out of date, too.

Nobody wants to give their
order to pretty girls anymore.

They wanna talk to robots.

Here.

Come on, take it.

You're a couple of sweet kids.

I'm sorry it happened this way.

- Jerry.

(upbeat music)

- Sell it to us.

- [Both] What?

- Yeah, Cupcake and I wanna buy it.

We know we can make it work.

Give it to us, Jerry.

- You got the money.

You gotta try it.

(playful music)

(yelling)

- Angel, why is it
every time you go crazy,

you start singing the tune of we?

- Why not?

We know how to run a drive-in.

- We do?

- Yes we do.

- No, now that we thing is dead.

- Look, Jerry is so behind the times.

I mean, look at this place.

He spends way too much money on food,

and no money at all on advertising.

I mean, we can make it this place smoke.

We can do it.

- We can?

- Yes, we can.

- Alright, now, just say that we can.

There is one little thing
that bothers me here.

- And what's that?

- Where are we gonna get the money?

- The money?

(electronic swish)

(phones ringing)
(typewriters ticking)

Hello.

I'm Angel LePlange, and
this is Cupcake Jones,

and we're here to see Mr. Gries.

- Oh, yes, 11:00 a.m.

- Angel, who is gonna give two unemployed

carhops 10,000 bucks?

- Yes sir, alright.

- Clyde Gries, loan officer.

- Sorry we can't help you,

but the bank can only make loans

for cases of genuine need.

Should your situation change,

I'll be happy to reevaluate
your loan application.

Ladies, come in.

(phone ringing)

How big a loan did you want?

- Just 10,000 dollars.

- The present owner of
this drive-in went broke.

What makes you think you won't?

- Because he was such a caution.

I mean, we can really
torque this place to action

for the young set.

- Yeah, we know how to make it smoke.

- Well, I'm afraid I can't grant a loan

merely on the basis of
an applicant's ability

to torque or smoke.

Frankly, I think it's highly unlikely

I can grant you one at all.

- Oh, why?

- Because you have no history
of business experience.

- Mr. Gries, before you
make the wrong decision,

I would really like you to take

a quick look at these figures.

(upbeat music)

These are the owner's actual

expenditures over the past year.

Please look, Mr. Gries.

- I am.

- Now, if you'll take a closer look,

you'll see that in the first column,

those are the owner's actual expenditures,

and in the second column,

those are the lower prices that I could

purchase the same products for.

Would you like a closer look?

(yelling)

What's wrong?

- My back, it snapped.

- Oh, the only snapped back routine.

Know it well.

Now you just leave it to me

and I'll have you feeling
better than good again.

Now just stand up.

- Oh, now take it easy, easy, easy.

- Okay, okay.

Jacket off.

Okay, Angel, dear, the desk.

- Oh, the desk.

- Watch it.

What are you doing to my office?

- It's alright.

On the desk.

Alright.

There now, doesn't that
feel better already?

- Better, yeah.

- [Cupcake] Now I'm just
gonna get you deep down.

- Oh yeah, get down.

- Mr. Gries, I firmly believe that in this

mechanized age of food
preparation and service,

that the human touch is
so important, don't you?

- Oh yes, touch.

- I can hardly believe that people

would rather be waited on by
cold robots than warm carhops.

Can you?

- Oh, no.

- I mean, wouldn't you
rather see the real thing

in front of your very own eyes?

- Yes, definitely.

- Mr. Gries, I have analyzed
every financial aspect of this.

So, can we please have the loan?

- You got it.

- Excuse me, Mr. Gries.

(gasping)

(yelling)

Mr. Gries.

- Angel, how did you
know that was gonna work?

- Cupcake, executives
are not logical at all.

If you use too much logic
on them, you lose 'em.

When he was talking about need,

it wasn't ours he was interested in.

Let me tell you, it was his.

(laughing)

- Excuse me, I didn't see you.

- That's okay, I was in a blind spot.

Right in front of you.

- I said I was sorry.

There must be an easier way.

- And a little less painful.

We've gotta stop meeting like this.

- Well look, if you wanna get together,

why don't you just say so?

- Forget it, I'm not used
to the rough approach.

Especially from ice cream salesmen.

- Well then, why don't you go
on by so you don't get hurt.

- Good idea.

Don't be so chivalrous next time.

- Watch our for the blind spots.

(upbeat music)

- [Instructor] When addressing
a gentleman on the phone.

- Hello.

- Oh, Mr. Hambrooke.

Mr. Axe is expecting you.

- Thank you.

- [Instructor] When addressing a woman.

- Do I look like an ice cream man?

- What?

- Nevermind.

- [Instructor] Axen Oil prides itself

on being the oil company
of today, and tomorrow.

When address a gentleman
on the phone, or in person.

(playful music)
(hollering)

- Come in, Hambrooke.

I was just taking a
moment of contemplation.

- There it is, sir.

The Axen gas station of the future, sir.

- Is it fully automatic?

- Yes, sir.

Even the prices on the gas pumps

can be lowered or raised
automatically by computer.

- That's your first mistake.

I don't want pumps that can be lowered.

I only want pumps that can be raised.

The price of oil can only rise.

- [Hambrooke] Yes sir, yes sir.

I'll correct that, sir.

- Now, what did you come up with

to make sure the customer pays?

- You'll like this, sir.

If a customer starts to
drive away without paying,

or putting his credit card in a pay slot,

high speed trap doors are
automatically triggered, sir,

trapping the customers, sir,

in his car, sir, in a bin, sir.

Nine feet pit sir.

- I like that, I like that idea.

However, it needs some
additional refinements.

- Well, we could put
alligators in the pit, sir.

- Well, if it's totally automatic,

who's gonna feed the alligators?

- I never thought of that, sir.

- Well, think about it.

I got 20,000 employees
I want off my payroll.

Now, you've designed a prototype.

I want you to come with me tomorrow

to see a piece of land.

The computer's picked
it as a perfect place

to build our flagship station.

At the moment, it's a little
drive-in restaurant on it.

But I heard he's going broke.

So I've decided to buy it.

I'm gonna buy it.

I'm gonna buy it.
- Yes sir, of course, sir.

- I'm gonna buy it.

I'm gonna buy it.
- Yes sir.

Of course, sir, yes, sir.
- I'm gonna buy it.

- Sir, right.

(upbeat music)

(yelling)

- Oh, gosh I'm sorry.

- It is alright.

But I think maybe we are stuck, no?

- Hiya.

- Please, may I speak with you?

- Sure.

- You open soon, this restaurant?

- Yeah, we sure are.

As soon as it's all fixed up.

And if you want to eat,
come back and see us then.

- You need maybe a cook, no?

- No.

- Oh, ah, but is your cook qualified?

- I am the cook.

- Oh, I did not mean to offend.

But you see, I am a qualified cook.

- Kook?

- Cook.

(laughing)

- Here is the proof.

- Oh, that's lovely.

But you know, I can't read that language.

- It say I graduate from the

Cordon Bleu School of Cuisine in Paris.

- Wow.

You must be really good.

- I am.

- If you can make all those fancy dishes,

why do you wanna cook in a drive-in?

- Because no one will hire the woman chef.

But hire me, no?

- [Both] No.

- Hey look, I'm sure
you're really a great cook,

and it's really a bummer that
nobody else will hire you,

but we just plain can't afford a cook.

- I will do it for bread and roof only.

- But we just told you, we
can't pay you any bread.

- No no no no no.

I mean food and roof.

- That's not a bad deal.

- It's a good deal.

You see how good I cook.

I show you right now.

- Kook is right.
- Ay yi yi.

- Now you taste.

- Hamburgers and hot dogs?

- I want you should see how good I cook

native American cuisine.

- Oh, the old hamburger cordon blue.

I didn't recognize you there for a minute.

- This is the best hot
dog I've ever tasted.

What do you think, Cupcake?

Should we give her a chance?

- Mmm.

- Okay, you're hired.

But remember, food and roof only.

And when we get out of
the red, we'll negotiate.

- Far in.

- Far out.

- Far out.

(upbeat music)

- I'd like to talk to the owner, girls.

Is he around?

- Jerry isn't the owner anymore.

- Oh, he sold out?

When did this happen?

- Yesterday.

- Yesterday?

What, his bank take over?

- Well, you might say
that the bank, and us.

- You?

- Yeah, meet my partner, Cupcake Jones.

- Oh, I did not know.

We will celebrate.

- That's not possible.

He promised to sell to me.

- Well look, I don't
know anything about that,

but he took our money.

- Well that doesn't matter.

You know, there are laws
against this sort of thing.

- [Cupcake] What laws?

- What laws?

Well, I could think of
several laws, there's.

- Now we celebrate.

You like one of my French cookies?

- They look good.

They smell good, too.

They taste great.

Now I really like your French cookies.

- I am so glad.

Taste another.

- Don't mind if I do.

You know, I think a man should eat

French cookies at least once
or twice a week, if not more.

- Mr. Axe, this is no time
to be eating French cookies.

- Yeah, if you have something to say,

would you just say it?

- I've got plenty to
say to you, little girl.

In the first place, by
purchasing a piece of property

that has been promised to another

without making a proper investigation,

you have violated the
law of infractured torts.

- The what?

- It's only the beginning.

Next, you have flagrantly
broken the prohibitions

against fiduciary vent lease
above the prime interest rate.

As stated in the real estate code.

You have subverted
without any warning at all

to the good faith
declarations of a federally

insured creditor, vendor, and lender,

and all by bearing false
witness to acts which are

blatantly against the state, sir.

- Oh, is that all?

- That's just the beginning.

You know, I'll let my
attorneys tell you the rest.

- Then get out.

- I knew we'd bump into each other, again.

- Yeah, what the hell are you doing here?

- Well, I came with him.

- Then go with him.

- Let's mosey, Hambrooke.

It's impossible to have an intelligent

conversation with hysterical fellies.

Come on, let's go.

- I don't believe a word of that garbage.

- Well, I do not know what he say,

but I do not like how he say it.

So I get you this.

- Oh boy, his wallet.

How did you get it?

- I pick it.

- You're a pickpocket?

- Oh no.

I am, how you say, a klepto-manic.

- A klepto-manic.

- Kleptomaniac?

Oh my.

Do you mean to say that
you can't help stealing?

- Don't worry.

If you lose anything, ask
me, and I give it back.

- Well, you sure picked a good
time to lose control, girl.

Okay.

His name is Carter Axe,
and he's president of

the Axen Oil Corporation.

- Wow.

- Why would he wanna buy a drive-in?

- I don't know.

But he's not gonna buy this one.

Come on, girls.

We've got a lot of work
to do if we're gonna

open this place by tomorrow.

- Oh, what's the big rush?

I mean, we've got all night to finish.

- Oh honey, we at best,

are three not-so-talented carpenters.

How in the world do you think

we're gonna finish the front

all by ourselves tonight?

- And so what do we have
on your sneaky mind?

(rock music)

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guys ♪

♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boys, we'll reach the sky ♪

♪ Starhops, yeah ♪

♪ Working real hard in the Summer sun ♪

♪ At the Starhops Drive-in ♪

♪ The people we meet
coming in off the street ♪

♪ And make us feel good, yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guys ♪

♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boys, we'll reach the sky ♪

♪ Checking our tips 'cause
we're going for broke ♪

♪ We're gonna make it, or break it ♪

♪ So come on down 'cause
you know what they say ♪

♪ About carhops ♪

♪ They'll take it away
no matter what you say ♪

♪ No matter what you all pay ♪

♪ 'Cause you know we're gonna stay ♪

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guys ♪

♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪

♪ Ooh, at the Starhops ♪

♪ No no no, Starhops ♪

♪ Ooh, and it feels good ♪

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guys ♪

♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guys ♪

♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guy ♪

♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪

(upbeat dance music)

(people chattering)

(crowd cheering)

(birds chirping)

(exciting music)

- [Angel] Let's hit it, girls.

(wailing)

(car horn honking)

♪ Starhops, not working for ♪

♪ We finally got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪

♪ Starhops, yeah ♪
(car horn honking)

♪ Working real hard in the Summer sun ♪

♪ At the Starhops Drive-in. ♪

♪ The people we meet ♪
(yelling)

♪ Coming in off the street ♪

♪ Feel good, yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ Starhops ♪
(Yelling)

♪ Not working for the other guys ♪

♪ Starhops ♪

(sighing)

- Oh god.

Ow.

Cupcake, would you mind looking down

and seeing if my feet are still there?

- Yeah, if you'll look up and
see if my head is still here.

Do you have any aspirin?

- Not with me.

Hurry up, Danielle.

- I'm coming.

Oh, what a beautiful day.

- How can you do that?

- All you have to do is
take three deep breaths.

Watch me.

(breathing heavily)

- Oh no.

- I think I'll stick to aspirin.

(yelling)

- We opened one minute ago.

- What are you, a punctuality freak?

- Yes, we must wash and prepare

all fruits and vegetable Angel bring.

Where is she?

- oh, don't worry.

She'll be here any minute.

- But we have nothing left from yesterday.

- Now, that is not true.
(motorcycle revving)

I have some real dynamite bruises.

- I go wait in the kitchen.

- Hey, hey.

How about some service?

You got any fries?

- No, I'm afraid not.

- I'll have a steak, four
eggs, over easy on top.

You know, easy on top.

Six slices of toast, orange marmalade,

lots of butter and a large beer.

- I'm sorry, we're not open.

We don't have any food yet.

- Listen, baby.

Don't feed old Kong none of that.

You've gotta have something
to eat around here.

Whatever it is, you go and get it.

- No, honestly, there is nothing here.

- Okay, you won't get
it, I'll get it myself.

- You can't do that.

- Can't ain't in my dictionary.

Stay here, would you.

(upbeat music)

You a cook?

- I am.

- Oh, I aint never seen
a cook look like you.

- That's what all the men say.

- You talk funny, you know that?

- I'm in this country three week.

When I am here longer, I talk better.

- Yeah, well I don't care how you talk.

What you got to eat?

- Nothing.

Except French cookie, but you can not

eat French cookie before breakfast.

They are too rich.

- Nothing is too rich for Kong.

(yelling)

- Okay, that is enough of that.

Get back, Danielle.

Okay, now, either you cool
it, or you're gonna get it.

- You've gotta be kidding.

Okay.

- Alright, but remember, you asked for it.

(yelling)

Coochie coo.

- I'll kill, kill, I'm gonna slice you up.

- Huh, slice me?

You couldn't slice jelly with a pickle.

- That's because I'm weak from hunger.

Give me some biscuits.

Maybe some grits or something.

- If you were a gentleman,

maybe two French cookies
will not be too rich for you.

- Gentleman?

You're right.

I eat first, I kill later.

You got a few hours to live.

You better enjoy it.

(yelling)

- Ooh, very good.

- Oh, it was nothing.

- Girls, look at this.

- Ooh.
- Money, money, money.

- I just made more money in three days

than Jerry ever made in three weeks.

(cash register chiming)

- Oh, fantastic.

I mean, if this keeps up, we can pay off

that back loan in 28 years instead of 30.

- The hops, it's all ours.

(motorcycle revving)

- I will take care of this.

- Your time has come, as they say.

- Oh, really?

- How come it is every time
I show up, you close up?

- That's not the way it happens.

- Yeah, it's the way it happens.

Where the cook?
- Nope.

- Alright, see, I want the cook.

- No, I call the police.

(pan clanging)

- Oh, I hurt you.

I am sorry.

(gasping)

- That ain't bad, what is it?

- Dish water.

So, you are alive.

Good.

Now get out.

You can not order us around.

We are not your servants.

This is America.

- All I wanna know is,

what does it take to
get served around here?

(bright music)

- Get me the drive-in.

(phone ringing)

- Hello?

- [Carter] Ms. LePlage?

- Wait please, I call her.

Angel.

Mr. Hex wants you.

- Mr. Hex?

- Carter Hex.

- Hello.

- Miss LePlage, I have a wonderful

surprise for you.

I wanna buy your drive-in.

- Surprise, Mr. Axe.

I'm not surprised.

- Ah, but there's more.

I want you to make money on the deal.

100% on your investment.

- Mr. Axe, why do you
want to buy my drive-in?

- [Carter] I wanna tear it down and build

a gas station of the future.

- Oh, tear it down?

Oh, well you silly boy, you.

That settles it, doesn't it?

You're not going to get your puny,

slimy, little hands on my place,

you bureaucratic piggy, you.

- Very well, you asked for it.

From now on, there's no
more mister nice guy.

I'm gonna get that land and
you're gonna get nothing.

Do you think you three burger bullies

can fight a joint like Axen Oil?

- Why not, Mr. Axe?

It happens all the time in the movies.

Ta ta, darling.

- I gotta get down there, I gotta get it.

Get me my son.

- Move.
- I got it.

- Get out of my way.

I've got it.

Out of the way.

Oh my.

- Where are you going?

- What about me?

- No I've got it, I've got it.

Stay back.

- Terry, let me hit one.

- No, I've got it.

(phone ringing)

- I'll be right back.

- Okay, I'll continue.

- I'll be right back, Terry.

- We'll be okay.

- Yes, dad.

- [Carter] Norman, what are you doing?

- Oh, I'm playing tennis, dad.

- [Carter] Well, I do hate
to interrupt your play,

but I have a job for you.

- A what?

Job?

- [Carter] Norman.

- Oh, alright, I guess everyone

should try one at least once in his life.

- [Carter] Yes, Norman,
working as a carhop.

- A what?

- [Carter] Norman.

(shuttering)

- Alright, dad.

But listen, I have to
get back to the game now

because my partner is winning without me

and it's very embarrassing.

- [Carter] Goodbye.

- Oh alright, okay, bye pops.

Terry, I'm back, I'm back.

- Oh, you missed it.

(bright music)

- Hi, can I see the owner please?

- Hi, that's me.

- Hi, I'm Norman.

I wanna be a carhop.

(laughing)

- You're putting me on, right?

- No, why would I put you on?

- Okay, wait here, wait, don't go away.

Angel.

Come here, you gotta hear this one.

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry.

- [Angel] Oh, it must be good.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- Fine, how are you?

- Now, tell her what you just told me.

- Oh, I'd like to be a carhop.

(laughing)

- [Cupcake] Can you
imagine him in a uniform?

- Oh yeah?

Well look, I have great legs.

And I'm an excellent skater.

And, if you don't hire me,

I'm gonna report you to
the civil rights commission

for not being an equal
opportunity employer.

- You know what?

I think he would.

- Okay, you're hired, but
only on a trial basis,

and we can't pay much.

- Oh that's alright.

I'm not in it for the money.

- Well, what are you in it for?

- Oh, I wanna learn a trade.

- Oh, well.

Come on, and I'll, oh, show
you the tricks of the trade.

- Whoa.
(laughing)

- Let's get your uniform.

Oh, Danielle, Norman's
gonna be the new carhop.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Would you like one of my French cookies?

- Oh, no thanks.

I'm not a cookie man.

- Oh.

- Excuse me here.

(yelling)

Oh, come on.

- I think I'm gonna like this job.

Dad, look, I'm telling you.

It's a perfectly straight operation.

Now there's no dope, no booze,
they give the right change,

and the food is just great.

- Norman, you're useless.

You can't see dirt if
your nose is rubbed in it.

Everybody knows what carhops really are.

I want proof of something really rank.

I want you to prove they
perform sex acts for money.

Here.

Take this recorder.

Oh and a remote, get your legs off.

- Dad, I'm tired.

- Plant these microphones
in the restaurant.

They're not blocks, they're microphones.

Now, you'll leave this
recorder at your house.

Carry this activator on you.

You tap it once, it turns on the recorder.

Tap it again, it turns it off.

I want them to dig their graves on tape.

(playful music)

- Norman, would you open
this napkin thing for me?

I can't get it.

- Oh, well sure, anything for you.

Have no fear, Norman is here.

- Oh jeeze.

- I think.

- Thank you.

- Pretty good, huh?

- Muscle man.

- You say that to all the guys.

Cupcake?

- What?

- Do you enjoy being a carhop?

- Oh yeah.

I mean, I live it even better
than being on the street.

- The street?

You were on the street?

- Yeah.

I mean, if I couldn't be
a carhop, I'd go back.

I love outdoor work.

- Oh, you loved your work, huh?

- I had some really good times.

- Yeah, I'll bet.

- And I met such interesting people

and got lots of fresh
air and exercise, too.

- Lots of exercise, huh?

I bet that's why you're
in such good shape.

- Yeah, I guess it is.

- How'd you get started?

- In the internship program.

- You have to intern for that?

- Well, you have to intern for

any job in the highway department.

- The highway department?

- I was the first woman they ever hired

to be a heavy equipment operator.

- Angel, could you lift your feet, please?

- Sure, Norman.

- Hey, have you ever been busted?

- What?

- You know, busted, for dope
or theft or other things.

- Well, I smoked a
little grass now and then

and I stole a few towels from motel rooms,

but that's about it, Norman.

- You say you've been
smoking a little grass

and taking towels from motel rooms?

- Norman, why are you talking so loud?

- Was I?

I didn't notice.

But were you ever busted?

- No.

- No?

You say you've never been busted?

- Norman, why are you shouting at me?

- I don't know, it's a good question.

Angel.

You are a fine looking woman.

- Thank you, Norman.

- No, I mean, you really are.

I mean, you must have a lot
of temptation thrown your way.

- Temptation?

What do you mean by temptation, Norman?

- Well, you know, ways to make easy money.

- Easy money?

Oh.

Easy money.

Yes, as a matter of fact.

One time, I did something a little

bit off color, shall we say?

- Yeah, what?

- I appeared in a film stark naked.

- What kind of film?

- You know the kind of film.

No talk, all action.

- What kind of action?

- Man, it took place everywhere.

On a window sill.

- Uh huh.

- On the couch.

- Uh huh.

- In the sink.

- Uh huh.

- In the bathtub.

- Uh huh.

You wouldn't have any photos
of the film, would you?

- Photos?

As a matter of fact, yes, I do.

- You do?

- I just happen to have a publicity shot

taken right on the set, Norman.

- Oh, could I see it?

- You sure can.

- Good.

(playful music)

Cute, real cute, Angel.

- Goodbye, Norman.

(engine revving)

- I can not.

We must fix quick.

- I'll get a plumber.

- You could find more decadence in

your average nursery school.

Oh dad, I'm tired.

- If you can't find any
dirt, we'll invent some.

How clean is the kitchen?

- It's like a hospital operating room.

- Well, fix it.

I'll call the health inspector.

- Oh dad, this is getting dirty.

- You catch on fast, son.

There's hope for you yet.

- Hi, can I help you?

- I'm from the health department.

We've received complaints
about this place.

Are you the manager?

- Oh, the owners are inside.

- Thank you.

- Oh, oh, Danielle.

There's a health inspector in front.

You better go talk to him, hurry, hurry.

- Yeah, dress the salad.

- Go, I'll take care of it, hurry.

Go, he's out there.

- Why won't you tell us
who lodged a complaint?

I mean, we have a right to know.

- Lady, I don't make the rules.

Now, may I look around?

- Be my guest.

- Thank you.

(suspenseful music)

- Filthy.

- That's never happened before.

- We don't even serve that kind of pie.

Where did that come from?

- I might ask the same question.

Show me the kitchen.

- My kitchen is pure.

My father would only hang
in the purest of kitchens.

- I truly hope he has not
been hanging long enough

to collect this kind of mold.

Do you always wash the lettuce?

- But of course.

(frog croaking)

(yelping)

- Yes, it is my father's
specialty which he passed to me.

Frog leg salad.

- What?

- Oh yes.

It is a great delicacy of France.

And it must be fresh, very fresh.

Here, put in the ice box
until he is chilled properly.

- [Inspector] French cooking, huh?

- Oh, but of course.

My father was the director
of the Cordon Bleu

School of Cuisine in Paris.

(yelling)

Yes, the most famous dish of France.

The Paris sewer rat stew.

You believe?

- You people are in violation of damn near

every health ordinance ever written.

This pig sty should be boarded up.

But lucky for you, the
law says first offenders

receive a probation period and a fine.

I will see to it that it is a fat fine.

You may expect frequent and
irregular visits from me.

And I will look forward
to the second violation,

like the second coming.

- But this is a setup.

- Of course.

- Yeah, we don't even
have rat on the menu.

- Shut up.

- You did not dress the salad, Norman.

You will now please wash
it again, and dress it.

- Oh, well, should I dress
it with the frog in it?

- No, you stupid poo poo.

- Oh, okay.

- Here, let me help you.

Aha.

Norman's last name is
not what he say it is.

It is Hex.

There was no frog in my salad

when he tell me he dress it.

He put it there.

- Norman Axe.

Do you think he's related to Carter Axe?

- Who else?

That turkey, he tried
to bust our business.

- Oh, wait until I get my hands on him.

- Guys.

That's what you've gotta do.

You've gotta get your hands on him.

But not now.

- There is no time like the present.

- Just stop a minute and think, okay.

We're dealing with cowboy's son,

and cowboy means business.

If you bust up Norman, he'll
just send someone else.

What you've gotta do is
get Normy on our side.

- Why me?

- 'Cause you're the one he's hot for.

- How do I get him on our side?

- Okay, first of all, you gotta find out

what's in it for him if
he busts up our business.

Second of all, you gotta
convince him it's not worth it.

And the way you do that is

you've gotta offer him
something his daddy can't.

And I don't mean tennis lessons.

- And I don't think I
like the sound of this.

- How does the sound of
foreclosure sound to you?

- Oh come on, Angel, now
that is not much of a choice.

- It's the only choice you've got.

- Whatever happened to we?

(suspenseful music)

- Who is it?

- It's Cupcake.

Hi.

- [Norman] Hi.

- You left your wallet at work.

- Oh.

- Oh, well, aren't you
gonna ask me to sit down?

- Oh yeah yeah, sure, sit.

- Thank you.

- You look nice.

- Thank you.

- Really nice.

- Thank you.

Norman.

- Uh huh?

- Don't you wanna know why I've come?

- Well, yeah, to return my wallet.

- No, silly.

I could've given you
that tomorrow at work.

Tonight, I have something
else in mind to give you.

- Wow, I was hoping you would say that.

- And I was hoping you would say that.

Norman.

- Uh huh?

- Why don't you show me the bedroom?

- Yeah, yeah, why don't I?

God, such a great idea.

- Norman.

- Oh, I don't wanna forget Cupcake.

(bright music)

- Is Carter Axe your father?

- Yeah.

- Did he put you up to sabotaging us?

- Yeah.

- You know, Norman.

I could frame you and your old man, too.

- What do you want?

- Oh, not much.

- What?

- I want you to betray your father.

- Great idea, I'll do it.

- What?

Why?
(bright music)

- Because I like the way you feel.

And I don't like the way dad feels.

I don't even think he likes me.

- Oh, Norman, I like
the way you feel, too.

(water splashing)

- I want a dozen chocolate chip danish,

one large sponge cake, and give me a, ow.

That was sneaky.

- I know.
- Real sneaky.

Cup?

- Yeah?

- I made some juice for you.

- You did?

- Yeah, it's berry and pink grapefruit.

- Oh goody, I'll taste.

- The Normy special.

What do you think?

- Oh, it's good.

Here.

- You didn't like it.

- Yes I did.

- You didn't like it.

- Norman.

- Uh huh.

- Why did you wanna ruin our business?

- Cupcake, I didn't, my old man does.

I was just following orders.

- Do you do everything he asks you to do?

- Everything but work for a living.

- Well, tell me, what is this
power that he has over you?

- Guilt.

I'm just not the son he wanted.

He's in the oil business
and I'm in the son business.

He makes it, I spend it.

He wants to take it with him,

I wanna spread it around.

It drives him absolutely crazy.

Now that he has more
money than I can spend,

he is obsessed with power.

- I've never had to face that problem.

- Cup.

- Yeah.

- I think I better continue
working out of the drive-in.

You know, otherwise he'll get suspicious.

That is, if there's a drive-in left,

and you still want me.

- Oh silly, of course I still want you.

Let's kiss.

- You called me silly.

- Well, I didn't mean it.

- Another kiss.

- Hurry up, Danielle.

- [Danielle] I hurry.

- Good morning.

So how's Norman?

(Danielle singing)

- He'll live.

Angel.

We're gonna have to do
something about Kong.

He's ruining our business.

He freaks the customers out.

- I wonder what it would
take to cool him off.

Turn him into an asset instead of an ass.

(laughing)

♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪

- I've got an idea.

- Oh.

Not another one.

- Yeah, can you believe it?

Look, I'll handle Kong, but
you have to set up Danielle.

Will you do it?

- Alright.

But this little idea
better not lose us a kook.

- Don't worry.

(engine revving)

Hi Kong.

- What's happening?

Bike shop said it was, U-R-G-E-N-T.

Ur-gent.

- That's urgent, Kong, urgent.

Kong, you like Danielle a lot, don't you?

- So the broad don't
like me, she's strange.

- No no no, she's just foreign and exotic.

Look, I wanna be your friend.

I want you to take me someplace right now

and I'll explain on the way, alright?

- Yeah, where to?

- It's a surprise.

Alright?

- This better be good.

Hop on.

(engine revving)

- Come on, Danielle,
let's split this drive.

- But I must make the
kitchen for the inspector.

- I am the boss, and I say we split.

- You are a bossy fascist.

- Oh la la.

- Cupcake, hi.

We just get home?

Everything's cool on this end.

He looks great.

You're not gonna recognize him.

How's everything going on your end?

Good, we'll be right there, bye.

- Danielle, why don't you
take a nice, relaxing shower,

wash your hair, and then
I'll set it for you.

- Oh, that would be wonderful.

- Okay.

(engine revving)

(playful music)

Danielle.

Did you ever think
about Kong romantically?

- [Danielle] Oh, sometimes, maybe.

But my mind is crazy.

But he is very strange man.

- Oh, well, he's not really strange.

He's sort of a purist.

- [Danielle] He does
not seem so pure to me.

- Well, no no, what I mean
is, he's real Americana.

He is the quintessence of
the Americana subculture.

Now you mark my words, he
could teach you a great deal

about American men.

- He could?

- Oh sure.

I mean, he could help you
become a real middle American.

- Ooh la la.

I would like that very much.

- I already had a shower.

- Kong, I told you, it's
a real French custom.

Now go in there and show
her you've got real class.

- Okay.

- [Danielle] You know, I would
like to be more American.

And Kong?

Oh, he has nice build of the body.

He is so very strong,
he makes me feel weak.

Maybe that is why
sometimes he frightens me.

But men are rough,
sometimes inside are not.

They are sensitive.

Nothing wrong with sensitive.

Oh, I see nice features
he has under all the hair.

I get so tired in France of
all the little Napoleons.

I think maybe it would be exciting to be

with big strong man like Kong.

(giggling)

Oh yes.

I think it would be most exciting

to be with such a man.

If only he would take a shower.

(Kong hollering)

- Ow.

- Are you telling me there's nothing?

Now one little strand of truth

that we can turn into a big lie?

- No, nothing.

- Look, when I was a rigger,
I wanted to own the company.

- Ow.

- I got it.

I wanted power.
- Uh huh.

- I got it.
- Uh huh.

- I wanted wealth.
- Uh huh.

- I got it.
- Uh huh.

- I wanted a son.
- Uh huh.

- I got you.

My only failure.

I have to learn to live with that failure.

- Yeah, but I may not.

- But I'm not having another failure.

No, no more failures for me.

I've have enough.

Hello.

Get me Mad Dog Challenger.

- Oh no, oh no, dad, please.

Not Mad Dog.

- Get out of here.

Yeah, hey Mad Dog?

Hey, I got a job for you.

Yeah, I want you, out of here,

I want you to go to this restaurant.

- What do you want?

- I wanna talk to you.

- I'm busy, very busy.

- Well, maybe a time when you're not.

- For you, I'm always busy.

- Well now that I have
your complete attention,

I was sent here to tell you that

Carter Axe is willing to make you

a good offer on your property.

- Look, I don't wanna hear
about some offer I can't refuse.

- Well, why don't you at least wait until

you hear what he's willing to pay?

- No.

(bright music)

(tires screeching)

- Where are we going?

- I'm going to the produce market.

Where are you going?

- Did anybody ever tell you
you have beautiful eyes?

I didn't think so.

Aren't you interested in
what he's willing to pay?

- You don't seem to
understand, Mr. Hambrooke.

Money has nothing
whatsoever to do with it.

- Not even 100,000 dollars?

- Look, I don't care if
it's a million dollars.

I am not interested.

What are you anyway, his attorney?

- His architect.

- No kidding.

Well, you know what that makes us?

- [Hambrooke] No, what?

- Enemies.

(tires screeching)

- Alright, I've been authorized

to offer you 150,000 dollars.

- What is the matter with you?

I don't stutter.

- Listen, do you need a hearing aid?

- Will you do me a favor and get lost?

- I said 150,000 dollars.

(suspenseful music)

- That's the dame's car.

- What will you take?

- I'll take a box of oranges, please, sir.

Do you mind putting them in the pinto?

Thank you.

- Answer me.

Will you or won't you
take 150,000 dollars?

- No, and would you please leave me alone.

- Fits the description.

- Hey lady, is this bum bothering you?

- Oh no.

As a matter of fact, you're bothering me.

- [Clerk] Hey, what the hell?

(yelling)
(intense music)

- Oh shit.

(tires screeching)

Stop this car.

- Why?

- Because I don't wanna die.

- You don't think they'll kill us, do you?

- No, I think you'll kill us.

- Hold tight.

- Oh my god.
(tires screeching)

(yelling)

(tires screeching)

Whoa.

Over there, turn in there.

(tires screeching)

(yelling)

♪ Ooh, at the Starhops ♪

♪ No no no, the Starhops ♪

- She won't sell, at any price.

(intercom buzzing)

- Yes?

- [Secretary] Mr. Axe,
Mr. M Dog on line one.

- Put him on.

Well, how did it go?

That does it.

Forget about her.

Just tear the place down.

Bomb it, chop it down, blow it up.

I don't care what you do,
but just do it tonight.

Tonight.

Well let me worry about that.

Boy, I'll forget you were
here when I got that call.

So will you, won't you?

- Do you want anything to drink?

- No.

- Okay that'll be nine times
five, plus three, plus 14.

Makes a total of.

- I've gotta talk to you.

- Can it wait a minute?

- No, it can't.

I've just come from Carter Axe's office.

He's hired somebody to
bomb this place, tonight.

We've got to do something about it.

- What's this we stuff?

I thought you were on his side.

- I've never been on his side.

- You haven't?

- No, I haven't.

- I'm sorry.
(bright music)

I guess I've been a little silly, huh?

- Yeah.

- Uh, how much is this?

- Excuse me.

- It's on me.

(upbeat music)

- [Kong] I can't take it anymore.

- [Danielle] What's wrong, Kong?

- [Kong] My leaves are itching.

I'm gonna get off this
thing, it's breaking.

- [Danielle] No.

- [Kong] Will you scratch my back?

Oh, to the right.

(suspenseful music)

- Hey hey hey, super dog.

How long a wait do you want

before this thing goes off?

- Three minutes.

- You sure that's long enough?

- [Mad Dog] Come on, activate it.

- Alright.

- They must have gone through the back.

So what's our plan of action?

- We'll pretend we're drunk.

- Okay.

- You be sober.

- Alright, we'll sing.

♪ 50 bottles of beer on the wall ♪

♪ 50 bottles of beer ♪

- What do you want?

- Breakfast.

- The place is closed.

- well then what are you doing here?

Is this a heist?

- No, we're open.

I was just kidding around.

Come on in.

Why don't you go outside and see if

someone else wants some breakfast.

Hold it.

Put up your hands.

(sneezing)

- Alright, what goes
down, just do what I do.

Understand?

- Okay.

- Drop that gun or I'll cut your throat.

- Drop that blade or I'll plug your head.

- Drop that piece or I'll choke you.

- Drop that chain or I eat you.

- Eat you?

- Why'd you do that for?

- Drop that iron or I'll shoot.

Everybody put your hands up.

Not you, Sudowski.

How long before that bomb goes off?

- 30 seconds.

(yelling)
(intense music)

- Hurry.

(bomb exploding)

- Get out of here.

Alright everybody, hold it right there.

Come here.

- My mother gave me that car.

- I'm so sorry.

- Do you hear me?

That is it.

You say your prayers because I am gonna

blow your brains out.
(sirens wailing)

(yelling)

- I got a gun.

I got a gun, I got a gun.

- You're so funny, Norman.

- Really?

Hey, you guys wanna
stay over this weekend?

We've got four bedrooms.

Hey thanks.

(phone ringing)

Excuse me.

Hello?

- [Carter] Norman.

- Oh, hi dad.

Hey, it's dad.

- [Carter] Norman, I want you to send

my lawyers immediately to the town jail.

- Oh, I'm sorry pops, I can't do that.

I'm having a party.

- [Carter] You lousy, no
good excuse for a son.

Now you listen to me.

- Pops pops pops.

Now listen, mother is sending
your lawyers and your doctors.

They're gonna get you off on insanity.

Of course, you'll have
to spend a long vacation

in a nice quiet sanitarium.

Oh, by the way, pops, I
have something to tell you.

I'm selling my shares of your business.

- [Carter] You can't do that.

- Oh sure I can.

I'm going into business on my own.

You see what I'm gonna do,

I'm gonna build this car wash gas station,

and put it right next to the drive-in.

Oh, I've got a great
architect who designed it,

and a fantastic mechanic
named Kong to help me run it.

And we're gonna go into this
partnership with the girls.

- [Carter] Norman, you'd do that to me?

- No, I would do that to me.

You see dad, one thing you
never learned about business.

You've gotta learn to compromise.

If you do what's best for everybody else,

you'll be doing what's best for you.

Pretty smart, huh?

- [Carter] I'll kill
you with my bare hands.

- Yeah, you bet.

Well, listen.

Gotta go now, I gotta
get back to my friends.

But drop a line now and then.

When you know where you're gonna be,

I'll send your horsey and a bag of slugs.

Okay pops.

Okay, bye.

- Were you serious?

What you said?

- Sure, if the girls are willing,

I will pay you the original price

that my father offered
you to share your property

and create a co-op.

- You've got a deal.

- Yeah?

- Me, a mechanic?

- That's right, a partner.

Real respectable.

- Would I have to shave?

- You have to ask Danielle about that.

- I'll just say, gang
way for the big surprise.

- Wow.

(upbeat music)

- You like, no?

- I like the hot dogs.

- No.

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guy ♪

♪ Starshops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪

♪ Starhops, yeah ♪

(yelling)

♪ Working real hard in the Summer sun ♪

♪ At the Starhops Drive-in ♪

♪ The people we meet
coming in off the street ♪

♪ Feel good, yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guy ♪

♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪

♪ Checking our tips 'cause
we're going for broke ♪

♪ I gotta make it, or break it ♪

♪ So come on down 'cause
you know what they say ♪

♪ About carhops, no you
can't take it away ♪

♪ No matter what you say ♪

♪ No matter what you wanna pay ♪

♪ 'Cause you know we're gonna stay ♪

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guy ♪

♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪

♪ Ooh at the Starhops ♪

♪ No no no, Starhops ♪

♪ Ooh and it feels good, ooh ♪

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guy ♪

♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guy ♪

♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪

♪ Starhops, not working
for the other guy ♪

♪ Starhops, we finally
got a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Starhops, well look out
boy, we'll reach the sky ♪