So Vam (2021) - full transcript

[soft dramatic music]

- Katherine Hepburn said,
"Listen to the song of life."

She was a living
treasure, but sweeties,

never, never, never listen
to the song of life.

There are much better
songs than that.

The song of life is like
one of those depressing,

but kind of funny
country western songs.

"My mother's frail and
my husband's in jail

and I go get him out, but
I can't pay the bail."

Sure, it's real,
but who needs real?

Not me.



Fuck no!

I listen to the song of dream.

And sweeties, nobody looks up
at a stage looking for real.

We are now in the
business of real,

we are all about dreams,
all about fantasy.

We don't call it
drag for nothing.

What we do is grab our
audience, buy their colors

and drag them out of their
shitty lives, into a fantasy.

Our fantasy, our stage.

I'm gonna help you walk onto
that stage and make it yours,

but its sure as hell
isn't going to be easy.

Dreams are hard to keep alive.

They fade fast if you let them

and getting to your stage
is going to be a rough ride.



Always is.

[footstep sound]

[indistinct chatters]

- Fucking your own man.

- [chuckles] I'm just so
sorry, you're just so funny.

- Oh my God, she is
alive, isn't she?

[all laughing]

- Loo me fucking here though.

[spitting sound]

[chuckles]

- So this is the faggot, huh?

- Fucking faggot, where
are you going now?

- [Ladies] Oh my God.

[bicycle rattling sound]

- [Lady] What are you doing
kid, you'll hurt him [laughs].

- What the fuck are
you doing here faggot?

- Let go off me.
- I'm not fucking with you.

- Fuck off.

[ladies chuckling]

[bottle rattling sound]
- I'm not fucking with you.

What the fuck are
you doing here.

- What are you doing here, huh?

What the fuck are
you doing here, huh?

Dou you want me to fuck-

- Fuck off.
- Why are you here?

- Let's go Lauren.

- Fuck off.
[ladies laughing]

- Faggot.
- The fuck are you doing here?

- Fuck off?

- Leave me alone.
[indistinct chatters]

- What the fuck
are you doing here?

[Kurt groaning]
[hitting sound]

[intense dramatic music]

[indistinct chatters]

- Do you mean a fucking faggot?

He'll fucking kill himself.

[lady talks in a drunk voice]

- Oh, shit!

[footstep sound]
[intense dramatic music]

[puffing sound]

- Sap cons.

- What the fuck you say bitch?

- Fuck, who the fuck is this?

[footstep sound]

[bright dramatic music]

- Get outta here.

[bright dramatic music]

[April groans]

- Shit.
[lady screams]

Oh shit!

[bright dramatic music]

- Okay, today's lesson,
we're going to be talking

about blood cells.

There are two common
types of blood cells.

Does anyone know what they are?

[board sound]

Anybody?

Red and the white.

[paper rattling sound]

Now what I want to know is
what function do they have

within the body?

[soft upbeat music]

[writing sound]

We went through this last week.

Kurt, could you
please put that away?

Kurt.

[paper rattling sound]

That will be your last warning.

- Fucking fag.

- Fucking kill you.

- [Teacher] Be silent.

[bell rings]

[locker closing sound]

- Faggot.

[body thuds]

- [laughing] Yeah.

- Fucking little
gay admits it too.

[lady laughing]

[lady chuckling]

- Better than a damn fuck?

- The fuck you said to me?

[footstep sounds]
- Hey, fuck off.

[indistinct]

- You know, you've got more guts

than the three
stooges ever will be.

You need to stop
talking back like that

before they kill you.

- Oh God [groaning].

- Like that will stop 'em.

- Where would you be without me?

- Have you seen Nick
and the jacks today?

- No, maybe they're wagging,
afraid you told them in.

- I don't think so.

- [Jesse] It's me, Jesse James.

- Kill, kill, enough.

- Hank, it's me, Jesse
James, your friend.

- [Hank] Hank.

- I know the feeling.

- We weren't made by
mad scientists though.

- Aren't we though?

- [Jesse] Don't
make me kill you.

- I don't believe in God.

- [Lady] Jesse,
Jesse [screaming].

- I mean, I am stuck in
a village full of a bunch

of angry peasants
who wanna kill me.

- [inhales deeply] I knew we
should have watched Dracula.

[lady screaming]

- As soon as I get a job,
I'm gonna get out of here.

I'm gonna make
something with myself.

- I know, I know.

- I'm sorry Katie, I say
this shit all the time.

- No, it's not like
that, I know you will.

I mean, I've never known
anyone as talented as you

and you're right,
there's no difference

between the fuck-its at
school and these peasants.

When you get outta here,
you're gonna be tougher

and better off than any of them.

And Luann and her Neanderthal
pets will be laying bricks

and braising ugly kids
while you're on stage,

strutting your stuff
like a goddess.

[man speaks indistinctly]

Just hope you take
me with you though.

- You know I will.

This time next year, you
and I are gonna be in a car,

probably convertible.

- What?

- We can dream and we'll be
driving far away from here.

- Will my scarf
flutter in the wind

and then fly off behind us.

- Probably.

I mean that's what happens.

Well the movies lie.

- [Lady] Our village-

- It's good point.
- [Lady] Is free once more.

- We'll go to the city and
get an apartment together.

- Just wish we could go now.

- Me too.

- [Lady] Come back here.

- So, you got any
good drag names yet?

Avery Good Lane?

- Too clean, I had a slapper.

- Anaphetamine.

[both chuckling]

- I like that one.

Hey, let's go out.

- What? It's like 12.

- So?

- Okay, let's go.

[footstep sounds]
[intense dramatic music]

[indistinct chatters]

- What a few commerce.

You look like a detective
from an old crime movie

in that outfit.

- Oh darling, you can't
be too careful these days.

Things will get crazy out there.

- Paul, if you're trying
to look inconspicuous,

you're failing miserably.

- Okay, so when you disappear,

I guess I'm the one taking
all your spots, right?

[indistinct chatter]

Well, I saw the kid
out there today.

Kurt, was there.

- Ah, your stories try out.

- Yeah, I think we
should give him a go.

Well, at least there's a
support out to begin with.

- Oh, I don't know,
he was a bit rough.

- He's the best
we've seen so far

and if I remember
correctly, you were rougher.

- [chuckles] I was, wasn't it?

- He can never really
get the lip syncer right,

could you duh?

- Ah, you know what?

And I always got it
wrong in the same part.

Always, always.

- And how long exactly
did it take you

before you wouldn't vomit every
time you went out on stage?

- About three
months [chuckling].

- Look, you and I
and the other girls

are not getting any younger
and with everything going on

with this treat for
horse shit, nothing town,

we need more acts or this
place is going to die.

- [exhales soundly] All right.

I get your point,
I'll think about it.

[audience cheering]

[bright upbeat music]

- [Lady] Yeah.

[audience cheering]

[lady chuckling]

♪ It's finally in as good

[audience cheering]

♪ Kinda so clumsy for
the one in my dreams ♪

♪ It's finally in as
good, can't give up ♪

♪ Something that makes me
feel good enough for fame ♪

[audience cheering]
[singing indistinctly]

- [Man] Yeah.

♪ Now I'm offended but
I mess you mind better ♪

♪ 'Cause all you
had to bring me ♪

♪ Was the fucking
this we sweared ♪

♪ I had to fuck the king,
a kiss from the queen ♪

♪ And my ex has this something
that could purchase me ♪

♪ I still fuck you in no hole
and can't you stall from me ♪

♪ 'Cause you only see it
struggle while we get- ♪

[audience cheering]

♪ Let's still have some booty

♪ Let's stay on the floor

♪ Let's keep moving that body

♪ Hold my hands
to strap me more ♪

♪ Let it go feed the sharks

♪ Hold my hands to
strike it more ♪

♪ Turn up the
pitches on my cloys ♪

♪ Let that [indistinct]

[singing indistinctly]

♪ Yeah, the rest have changed

[singing indistinctly]

♪ Since you never gained

♪ Now I'm a fairy
tale [indistinct] ♪

♪ 'Cause only you
could keep me ♪

♪ With the fucking
that you sweared ♪

♪ Let's still have some booty

♪ Let's stay on the floor

♪ Let's keep moving that body

[audience cheering]

♪ Let's still have some fun

♪ Let's still have some boy

♪ Let's stay on the floor

♪ Let's keep moving that body

♪ Hold my hands
to strap me more ♪

♪ Let it go feed the sharks

[singing indistinctly]
[audience cheering]

- [Man] Yeah.

[audience cheering]

♪ Let's still have some boy

♪ Let's stay on the floor

♪ Let's keep moving that body

♪ Hold my hands
to strap me more ♪

♪ Let it go feed the sharks

[singing indistinctly]
[audience cheering]

♪ Turn up the
pitches on my cloys ♪

♪ Let that [indistinct]

[singing indistinctly]

[audience cheering
and applauding]

[bright upbeat music]

[audience cheering]

[audience whistling
and applauding]

[bright upbeat music]

- I can totally see you
being that old on stage.

- Okay, I plan to
die of a stage.

- Really?

- Absolutely.

Yeah, I'll come
out dressing nice,

scarf of a tie to my
arm and I'll dance

and tip of my old heart pops.

- God, I hope I'm
not there for that.

- Candles can burn both fans

if you cut a bit of
wax off the bottom.

[audience applauding]

[indistinct chatters]

[door opens]

- Yo.

- Hey Leila.

- What's the buzz cause?

- Same old.

You got the new creeping magin?

- No fucking orders
two days late.

Spioin'.

- Dracula.

- Yeah. I read it
in high school,

but you know how being
forced to read something

kind of fucking ruins it.

Like it's way creepier
than I remember,

kind of boring though.

Did you know vampires are
just a racist construct?

- Serious.

- Totally.

Take Dracula for instance,

it's literally about an Eastern
European illegal immigrant,

getting into England, causing
trouble and taking the woman.

- Yeah, I guess.

I never thought
about it that way.

- Have you read this one?

- Vampires took the rap
for a lot of things.

Before Dracula,
vampires were depicted

as the aristocracy,
literally sucking the blood

out of the poor.

They were used to demonize
women's sexuality,

anything that suited the
morality of the time.

Don't like something,
just make it a vampire.

- [chuckles] Far out.

- And you know what they
never told you in school,

Bram Stoker was queer.

- Really?

- Hmm, bad time to be queer too.

The Dracula character was
based on a stage actor

he had a serial crush on.

Nothing could ever
happen between them,

so Bram was forced to write an
entire novel about a decent,

moral, straight Englishman
being locked up and dominated

by a handsome count
who was described

exactly like his crush.

He was so afraid of his own
desire that he had to turn it

into an evil vampire.

- [scoffs] Whoa.

- The racist ship was
just tacked onto a appeal

to a rider readership
of dumbshits terrified

of gypsies and Jews.

Give them what they
wanna, keep the change.

- Hey, wait a minute.

- Huh?

- The other night at
the, was that you.

- Sorry, you must be
thinking of someone else.

[door opens]

- Shit.

- Who was that?

- I don't know, but I
hope she comes back.

[bright upbeat music]

- [Reporter] But, despite
the town wide surge,

three boys were made missing,
police fear evil works.

Principal [indistinct]
of Renfield High School,

issued a statement saying-

- Those poor bloody boys.

The world's going to
hell in a hand rascal.

- Yeah right.

Poor boys, I hope they're
rotting at the river bank.

- I beg your pardon?

- Nothing.

- Hey, no.

Why'd you say that?

- Dad, you don't
know those guys,

they're horrible people.

- What are you talking about?

- You don't see them at
school picking on everyone

and you don't see
them on the street,

gang bashing black people.

And, but the principal
didn't say anything

about that in his statement.

- Kurt, I really dunno

where this attitudes
come from lately.

- What attitude?

I'm telling you the truth.

Those guys are horrible shits.

They probably just picked
on the wrong people

and got their asked
handed to them.

- You watch your
language young man.

- Oh my God.

I told you those beloved
boys, they're violent bullies

and you're offended
because I said shit.

- Kurt enough.

Your brother would never
speak to me like that.

- My brother, my brother, right.

Okay, I get it.

So I can go and get
her drunk and rape her,

and that's fine.

As long as I'm school
captain and play football,

I'm still the good one.

But if I say the word
fuck, this guy will fall.

- You know perfectly
well that girl lied.

- No she didn't.

Why would anybody
lie about that?

Her life was ruining enough.

- Enough, enough.

- You just can't conceive the
idea that your favorite son

is something horrible.

You know what dad?

I wish he was rotting
in the river too.

[door shuts]

[reporter speaking indistinctly]

[door shuts]

[soft dramatic music]

Oh my God, Katie, I
need to talk to you.

- Can wait hon, I kinda
can't talk right now.

- No, I am falling apart here.

I just had the worst
time with my dad at-

- Look, Kurt I'm at work Mr.
Shit factory sees me talking,

I'll lose my job, he's
already given me two warnings.

This lazy fuck.

- Come on, you hate this job.

- Yeah, but I like eating.

- Katie, please.

- Fuck okay, shit, I'll
come over after work.

I don't finish till late,
but I'll be there at 11.

Okay, just please go.

- I need you.

- Look Kurt, I'm
always there for you,

you know that,

but I can't afford to lose
this job or dad's sick.

- You're not gonna be working
this sleazy type of a job here

in city, are you?

- This is in our
fantasy city, Kurt.

This is reality,
fucked up reality,

now will you please just go.

[hitting sounds]

- Chill out.

You look like you need a drink.

- I'm not 18 yet.

- Who are you, and what
the fuck do you want?

- Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh.

Relax baby, you're
gonna love this.

[bright dramatic music]

You need to let the old dames
warm up a bit before a ride.

[lighter sound]

[car honking]

A responsible boy, that's good.

Don't be frightening kid.

I'm just gonna have a drink.

Find out what's eating you.

[bright dramatic music]

[car engine roaring]

[footstep sound]

[intense dramatic music]

I'm not gonna lie kid,
this is gonna hurt.

[intense dramatic music]

[Kurt groaning]

[door opens]

Fuck.

[intense dramatic music]

You.

[intense dramatic music]

[flaming sound]

[Landon screaming]

[bright dramatic music]

- [Lady] We're too late.

- He's too far gone.

He'll be go in
five minutes or so.

- There's a chance.

- No way, look at him.

- It's his only hope.

Sleep.

[soft dramatic music]

- [blows] Well,
fuck me, he's alive.

Well sort of.

- Hey April, sleeping
beauty's awake.

[footstep sound]

- How are you feeling kid?

- [sighs] Have I been drugged?

[Harley laughs]

- Chill Harley, you
said the same thing.

Don't worry, your senses
are just a bit overwhelmed,

you'll get used to it.

You were dying, I
brought you back.

Relax.

- Jesus.

- Relax, we're not
gonna hurt you.

- You're monsters.

- Take a look in the mirror kid.

- Harley, don't be a Kant.

Don't look just yet, okay.

Relax a bit first.

Calm down, calm
down, look again.

This time, think about
your face, feel it.

[intense dramatic music]

Think about your face,
picture it, will it, just try.

[intense dramatic music]

- Shit, he did it.

- Did what.

- You put your [indistinct] up.

It usually takes
a while to get it.

Impressive.

Listen kid, like I said,
I brought you back,

but you didn't exactly survive.

[bright dramatic music]

- Oh, the guy in the room.

- His name is Landon.

- And he's a right Kant.

- He fed from you not much,
but enough to kill you.

We got there just in time,

but not in time to
save your old life.

- Don't beat around
the bush, April.

No amount of bullshit is
gonna soften the blow.

You're a vampire now.

- Fuck me, Harley.

- And in a few hours you
are gonna be hungrier

than you've ever
fucking been before.

So let's get the whole, [sighs]

"Oh my God, this can't be true.

Vampires only exist
in the movies.

My whole world has changed."

Bit over and done
with, shall we?

[puff sound]

- What they said.

[footstep sound]

Here, like I said, your
senses are heightened

and the light can be a bit much.

These will help.

- You mean the sun can hurt.

- Bunch of shit, it's just
the light that hurts a bit.

You won't turn to dust.

You won't even sunburn.

- Can we go already,
I am hungry.

- I need to go.

- You need to feed.

Harley, go get
yourself a skinhead

from that new gang house
downtown, I'll handle this.

- Whatever.

Good luck kid, first
is always the sweetest.

Smell you later.

- Why'd you do this to me.

- I told you, Landon,

that piece of that killed
you, feeds on the outcasts.

The folk society ignores,
the kids that get bullied.

[intense dramatic music]

I think he does it
because that's what he was

when he was a human.

Some of us grow
up, others don't.

Even if they do live
to be 300 years old.

[intense dramatic music]

You can live forever and
still be a childish shithead.

- Wait, so how old are you?

- It's rude to ask
a lady her age.

Anyway, when we saw you
on the bridge that night,

I had a feeling Landon
might come after you.

If we'd got there in time,

we could have saved you as
you were, wiped your memory,

I'll teach that later and
you'd go on with your life

being treated like by all
the small mind townie fucks.

But we were too late.

So it was either you die
and disappear forever,

or I turn you into one of us.

But you know what?

Being a vampire is
fucking awesome.

- Where are we going?

- It's a surprise.

[bright dramatic music]

[car engine roaring]

[birds chirping]

- Where are we?

- You'll see you, come on.

[birds chirping]
[footstep sound]

- Wait, I know this place.

- You lied to me.

- They talked about
it at my dad's church.

- New Don camp.

- Gay camp.

- Pray the gay away.

- We were just smoking, we went-

- Don't you lie to me.
- We were. [slapping sound]

- When you lie to
me, you lie to God.

- One of those fucks is dinner.

- Wait, I don't
wanna kill anyone.

- Do you have any idea how
many kids kill themselves

every year because of this shit?

That's like a fascist
reeducation Kurt.

They can't change kids.

They can only force
them to live a lie

until they can't
fucking take it anymore.

They hate us.

- Us?

Wait, you are.

- I had to leave home
at 15 to transition.

I saw how, and it's coming
around again, it always does.

- Don't you lie to me.

- This is how we live.

We need blood, so we
take it from those

who don't deserve it.

You feel it now, the hunger?

You have to eat or you'll
die, just like before.

The only difference is,

this prey isn't some
innocent animal in a field,

our prey thinks and chooses
to be cruel to others.

We are not the
monsters, they are.

- You think he doesn't see you,

but he sees inside your
filthy stained souls.

- You need to wait.

[intense dramatic music]

Shit.

[running sound]

[man groaning]

[intense dramatic music]

[bird chirping]

[hitting sound]

[blood oozing sound]

[boys groaning]

[breathes heavily]

Sh.

[boys groaning]

Go back to your dorms.

[boys breathing heavily]

Forget about this
horrible dream.

[bird chirping]

Go.

[bird chirping]

[sizzling sound]

- What the fuck?

- Yeah, that happens.

They melt after
we feed from them.

- That's what happened to jocks.

- Yep.

We need to get
outta here, come on.

[bird chirping]
[bright dramatic music]

Do you have any idea how
fucking stupid that was?

How dangerous?

[birds chirping]

- That's so gross.

- Kurt?

- [scoffing] I don't care.

- You will care.

The greatest law
that we live under

is that we can't get seen.

Humans have to think that
we just exist in the movies.

They can't know we're real.

- Why not?

- You have a lot to learn.

Let's get the fuck outta here.

[bird chirping]

[knocking sound]

[door opens]

- Hey, sorry, I'm late.

I promise Kurt I'll
be over after work.

- Katie, he isn't here.

Have you seen him today?

- Yeah, he came
to the boiler up.

We had a fight and then he left.

- And he didn't say
where he was going?

- Nope, I just assumed
he was coming here.

He's probably at my
house, so I'll go check.

- All right.

Well give me a call if
he's not there, okay?

- Okay.

- Goodbye.
- We'll do.

Bye.

[reporter speaks indistinctly]

- Katie Kurts.

- Snoozy Suzy.

- Some meatballs in the
fridge for you if you want.

Oh, what's wrong.

- Has Kurt been here?

- No why?

- Well, it's nothing probably,
just hasn't been home.

[phone beeping]

- [Reporter] Of being around,
179,000 waves [indistinct].

- Hey it's Katie, is Kurt there?

- [Reporter] Do
you like that one?

- Okay, ah, no, he
hasn't been here.

All right?

Yeah, okay, we'll do.

Bye.

- He's probably just
tormenting his dad,

like you know how he is?

- Yeah.

[indistinct chatters]

[ladies laughing]

[intense dramatic music]

[locker door closes]

[indistinct chatters]

[intense dramatic music]

- [Lady] Can Katie Murray
come to the office?

- Katie Murray
see office please.

[intense dramatic music]

♪ Never gonna say goodbye, if
you never find a way to try ♪

♪ And however long you hold
on tight you gotta let go ♪

♪ And I'm standing
alone right here ♪

♪ Waiting for an hand to hold

♪ And no matter where I look
around, I just don't know ♪

♪ I'm never getting
older, hold on ♪

♪ I'm never going
so low, hold on ♪

♪ I'm never going all
aboard or under holding on ♪

[bright upbeat music]

♪ I can keep looking around

♪ Or I can just stop right now

♪ So maybe

[rattling sound]

[dog barking]

- You fuck head,
where have you been?

They were going nuts at school.

They thought you'd been
killed or kidnapped

or something by those jacks.

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm fine.

It's a long story and
I'll tell you everything.

Just come with me.

[dog barking]

- Okay?

- Just don't understand
why you didn't call me.

- I would have,
there's just so much

that's happened lately and
I really wanna tell you,

but it's gonna be really hard

and I really want
you to understand.

- Go on then.

- The other night after
I saw you at the bowler.

- After you almost
made me lose my a job.

- I'm sorry, it is just.

[ladies laughing]

- Fuck, fuck, fuck.

[ladies laughing]

I'm the fucking mood for this.

- What are you doing?

- Look who it is, what
a proof top [chuckles].

[bright dramatic music]

[ladies laughing]

[bright dramatic music]

[hitting and slapping sound]

[lady groaning]

- You're lucky I
already ate today bitch.

[lady groans and thuds]

[bright dramatic music]

[footstep sound]

- Who the fuck is this?

- Sleep now.

[intense dramatic music]

- She'll forget
everything, right?

- Hopefully, but you
can never be sure.

Some people can't be
influenced properly,

others not at all.

If she remembers anything,

hopefully she'll think it
was all a fucked up dream.

You were going to tell her.

- Yes.

- No one can know about
us, I told you that.

- She's my best friend.

- Is she?

- What's that supposed to mean?

- You have to go
back to your family.

Try to act normal.

- I don't want to.

- Enough people have
already gone missing

around your school,
that's my fault.

But we can't afford to
have you go missing too.

I just hope none
of those shit heads

around your school remember
anything or we're fucked.

[bird quaking]

[intense dramatic music]

[bright upbeat music]

- Katie, what's wrong?

- I'm not talking to you.

- Why not?

Where the fuck have
you been on weekend?

- Oh, you don't, long story.

Hey, you haven't seen a three
students there, have you?

- Kurt Linquist, office now?

[locker bangs]

[lady chuckling]

[body lands with a thud]

[intense dramatic music]

- Oh my God.

They made me talk to
the police, such drama.

- I don't know if
you've noticed,

but people have been
disappearing around here.

What do you think they'd do?

- I guess, I don't
mean to scare everyone.

Look, I met this guy,
he was really nice

and we went to a party and I
got a little bit too wasted.

I'm sorry.

- Your dad probably
shit himself.

- Yeah, I haven't been home yet.

- Seriously?

- Can you come back
with me after school?

- No.

Okay.

[bird quaking]

- Matt, you got a spare dummy?

- Yeah, sure, here.

[bird quaking]

- Thanks.

[lighter sounds]

Jesus what happened to you?

Wherever he's been?

Fucking teach us
spewing at school

when everyone's late nowadays.

- I heard what
happened today, man.

Heard you got knocked
over by the faggot.

- It's nothing, just caught
me by surprise, that's all.

- That's not what we heard.

[lady retching]

Anyway, there's someone
I want you to meet.

- Don't be afraid kid.

I'm gonna give you something

that'll make you feel real good.

- I don't want nothing.

- It's only gonna
hurt a little bit.

[Landon growls]

[lady screams]

[knocking sound]

[door opens]

- Pop.

- Hmm.

- Keeping an eye on him.

[footstep sound]

- That one there murdered of
Vietnamese father of three.

Poor guy survived the war,
came here as a refugee,

only to be beaten to death
by this piece of shit

over the price of a bread roll.

- Jesus.

[bright dramatic music]

- The cops turned
a blind eye to it.

They always do, we never do.

- So vam.

- Seriously, don't ever
fucking say that again.

I know it's a lot
to take in, relax,

have fun and mingle.

There aren't very many
of us left in the world

and most of them coming
through are just passing by.

[indistinct chatters]

Hello?

Don't worry here's your type.

- Oh no.

- His name is Andy.

I'll introduce you and I'll go

and get a glass of
swatstika juice.

[bright dramatic music]

- So, why on the road.

- There was a hunter
in my hometown.

- Seriously? Like van housing?

- Kind of.

Mostly they're just
religious [indistinct]

who've never seen
a vampire before,

but they clear
themselves hunters.

Some of them are real.

They say this guy is, or his
daughter turn before his eyes.

- [exhales soundly] Seriously,

how dangerous can
one not job be?

- [scoffs] Those
girls are Vietnam vet,

toughest nails than obsessed.

You should know all about
what hate does to people,

especially before you
become a blood sucker.

- Yeah.

- Anyway, some
vampire didn't know

what's feeding on innocent kids.

I was striking for
this piece of shit done

when a hunter caught me
near a melting victim,

assumed I was the one doing it.

Third call really.

I got away, but I didn't
wanna lead into the others.

So I ran.

Has he killed many of us?

- 11 I've heard, in a
few different towns.

Like I said, hunters are real.

- Staying town for a while?

- I think I will.

- [Man] Fucking little bitches.

[bright dramatic music]

- Midnight snack?

- I am veggish.

- Andy said my drag name

should be something
rocky horror related,

like magenta riff raff,
which I kind of like.

- Will you shut up about Andy?

- Sorry?

- All day you've just talked
about Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy.

- Fuck, sorry, I'm
just happy, that's all.

- Must be nice.

[intense dramatic music]
[indistinct chatters]

What'd you do to them?

- What?

The three stooges, a week
they've just stayed away

and watched you.

- They are just pissed off
at me. What else is new?

- Yeah, but haven't
done anything to you.

- There's no, I'm not
scared of them anymore.

- Why aren't you scared of them?

- I'm just not.

They're not tough as
I thought they were.

- Okay, but when did
you get so tough?

- I guess I always was,
I just had to let it out.

Hey, wanna come over tonight?

I taped over a black Sunday.

It's got Barbara's tours,
she's avenging and rich

and she's so gorgeous.

I think of using her name
as my drag name somehow

like Bob Stewart or something.

- I can't, I got a
report to finish.

Sorry, I'll see you later.

[people laughing]

- [humming] Hey mate.

- Hey dad.

- Hope those bloody tomatoes
grow properly this time.

They're getting more
expensive in the shops

and at the market
outside of town.

What's eating you.

- I need to tell you something.

- Sure.

- It's kind of personal.

A lot's been happening
lately and I don't know,

I'm not supposed to, but I just,

I feel like I need to tell
you because like things

have been really
weird lately and I.

- Mate, I know you're gay.

We all do.

- Yeah but, and you know
what you are, that's okay.

- Okay, yeah, so-

- And, I know you have
a boyfriend, I do.

I know it.

- Oh right.

- You know why?

Because you've been
walking around here

with a smile on your
face, a mile wide.

I mean, you know what?

First time I thought
you had wind.

- Oh [chuckles].

- That'll be your brother.

[Mike whistling]

He's coming over for dinner.

So do you know what [indistinct]
and chips for dinner.

Happy with that?

- [Mike] Dad.

- Coming, mate.

Maybe we just don't tell Chris
about what we were talking

about there 'cause I mean,
you know how he is, yeah?

[knocking sound]

[door opens and closes]

- Where's twinkle tires.

He's gone out,
might be home later.

And don't bloody call him that.

[intense dramatic music]

- Landon, vampire, villain.

You're in the crossroads of two
destinies you set in motion.

- Who are you?

- You know who we are?

- [sighing] Oh, why now?

What destinies?

- Two for one.

- What?

- Two wrongs make a right.

- What makes sense?

[lady laughs]

What are you here for?

- To witness and enjoy the
fulfillment of destinies.

[siren wailing]

[footstep sounds]

- Hello?

- Hmm.

- I'm sorry to interrupt but I
found this in the men's room.

- Ah, thanks.

- I do hope the fellow
comes back for it.

It's just terrible losing
something so important.

- Yeah, yeah.

- I don't usually do this,
but are you doing anything

after work tonight?

- I suppose it's inevitable.

Katie's had you all to
herself for all this time

and long summer girl comes

and she's not the center
of attention anymore.

- Sure.

But I mean, when she was
dating into dungeon master,

I didn't go total beach on her.

- I bet you did.

Wait, dungeon master?

- [chuckles] Kevin, who's part
of the gaming club at school.

- Still, I bet you didn't
exactly welcome him.

- Sure, I mean, I was
a little bit jealous,

but not like that.

And it's not just that
and it's not just you.

Ever since I started
sticking up for myself,

she's just being,
look, we're here

and she's finishing
up about now.

So I'd be go in alone you know?

- Totally.

I'll go back to April's pad.

You have some blood there.

- Oh, where.

[smooching sound]

You knew too well babes.

- Oh, what is that?

Oh, ew, you've been
watching cartoons?

- Shut up fag.

- I know who you are.

Interesting.

Oh Wilam, you have no idea

what Landon's done
to you, do you?

- Said, shut up.

- Well there's no way in
hell, I'm gonna eat you,

but I could use the exercise.

[both growl]

Katie.

[hitting sound]
[bright dramatic music]

[Kurt coughing]

[intense dramatic music]

[breathes heavily] Katie.

- Hey, hey, hey, take it easy.

- What happened?

- You got lucky kid.

If that dumb fuck hadn't
missed your heart,

you'd be a goner.

- It's healing first.

You would be on a
feet in a day or two.

Katie, Landon has Katie.

- We know, Harley is
out looking for her.

- No, I have to-

- Stop.

You can't do anything until
your guts finish healing.

- You got it in the
lower intestine,

you don't use 'em anymore,

but the muscles are pretty
serious around them.

[Kurt groaning]

You need to rest.

I'll go out in a minute and
see how they're going, okay?

- Surely he's not going
to do anything to her.

- He wants to get to me and you.

- No, I have to.

- Sleep, sleep now.

Jesus he's stubborn.

- Indeed.

- He worries me.

So much passion in
him, so little control.

- Strong too.

- Stay with him.

I doubt Landon or his
goals will come back,

but I'll lock everything
up just in case.

[footstep sound]

[knocking sound]

[door opens]

[Peter breathes heavily]

[telephone clanking]

- Hey Susie, Peter Linquist,
is Kurt over there with Katie?

No.

She's not there either.

[sighs] No, no, no,

I haven't seen her
here for a few weeks.

You know what?

When he does come back,
he's gonna be grounded

until he is ready for the
bloody nursing home [laughs].

Okay, yeah.

No, you call the
police and I will too.

I mean you're right.

Yeah, I mean, I'm just used
to him coming and going.

He's a good lad,
but you're right

with what's going on out there.

Okay.

Yep, no, no, I'll give you
a call if I hear anything.

Okay, bye.

[soft dramatic music]

[phone clanking]

Hi, I want to report
a missing person.

- Pretty awesome, huh?

- I can't believe it.

- We heal fast from
the inside out,

so long as none of the
organs we still use

have been damaged.

You'd be dead from an
infection from the turds

inside your guts if you
were still a normie.

- [groaning] Ah.

- You're still not ready.

- I'm so hungry.

- I'll get you a glass
of red, not fresh,

but it'll be easy on your guts.

- And Katie?

- The others are
out looking for her

and they still haven't found
your broken friends either.

- Oh God, my dad must be.

- Andy's gone to your place.

He'll let 'em know you're safe.

[knocking sound]

[door opens]

- Mr. Linquist.

- Yes, Peter Linquist.

- I'm a friend Kurts.

- Where is he? Where my son?

- He's okay, you
need to listen to me.

- Listen, buddy, you need
to tell me where my son is.

I've been looking for him,
he's gone missing and-

- I beg your pardon sir,

you need to shut up and
you need to listen to me.

Kurt is safe, he's
with his friends.

There are a bunch of
people who to hurt him

and we are the only ones
that can keep him safe.

We all know that the police
can't do anything to help him

and you know why.

He means a lot to me

and I promise you
nothing's gonna happen.

- You.

- Yeah, that's me, he's
very important to me

and I'll make sure
nothing happens to him.

And we'll be in touch, okay?

[soft dramatic music]

- What the fuck?

♪ You want it boy toy,
I could be yours ♪

- Katie.

♪ Do you remember why you did

♪ You on a wheel
toy, I can be yours ♪

♪ Brought me back
from the dead ♪

♪ Did I build a king

♪ Did I build king,
did I break something ♪

♪ Did I build a king
[Katie breathing heavily]

♪ Did I build a king

♪ Did I build a king

♪ You know you are
not better light ♪

♪ I know you're not
their franking style ♪

♪ I was still dying
and come at light ♪

♪ And come at light

[bright upbeat music]

♪ Mean boys don't get
up, they get down ♪

♪ Don't get up, they get down

[footstep sound]

- Katie, is she?

- She's all right.

She's asleep.
- No, I made her sleep.

She was mad, I dunno.

- She's unhurt, Landon
didn't do anything to her.

- Why would he just
take her and let her go?

- To scare me, to threaten us.

- To show us he can do
what he wants with anyone.

- And everyone we love.

- We can't let him
get away next time.

He's too old and too powerful.

- I'm gonna kill him.

- All right, well take an
easy kid you can barely walk.

- I don't care.

- This isn't some skinhead kid.

This bloodsucker is
older than April and I.

- We'll all get the kill,
but you get to take him.

Oh my God, fuck me.

- It's just right.

An eye for an eye.

- A tooth for a tooth.

- In the meantime,
she better stay here.

- That's okay.

You're with me.

- He [breathing heavily]
said that you are a.

- It's true, but it's okay.

I'm not like him,
we're not like him.

I dunno for sure, but I
think that we were followed.

- Shit, you smelled Landon.

- I don't think so but I
smelled like rotting ham.

- The girls.

- The one that jammed me,
smelled like that too.

Makes sense.

They're literally
watching inside.

- Gross.

- The three stooges, they
were doing whatever he said,

like they were his slaves.

- That can happen in real life.

Like Dracula, like Renfield.

- It's not easy, but yeah.

- Never saw Dracula.

- Really?

- What?

I don't like scary
movies, I like westerns.

- I don't think we can
be together anymore.

- [scoffs] Fuck off.

- Anyway, cowboy, we better
plan some kind of ambush

because Landon
can take all of us

if we're not ready for him.

- And the three stooges?

- They're no
stronger than before,

but they can't feel pain
and or keep coming at you.

- So slice them and dice them.

- [chuckles] Sweet.

- Who are these people?

It's really misty tonight.

Oh my God, can he
turn into mist?

- [chuckling] That's
a bit farfetched.

- Says a fucking vampire.

- Good point.

You know, most of the stuff
in movies is bullshit.

We can't turn into
bats, ware wolves.

We can't fly and cross
this holy water dam,

wait, does holy water hurt us?

- Only if you're
allergic to bullshit.

- We don't even live forever.

- Seriously.

- I mean, we live a long
time, but not forever.

- Hmm.

- I guess the movies are wrong.

- The movies always
get it wrong.

I don't know why.

There's plenty of blood
suckers in Hollywood.

- Reality sucks for everyone.

- Yeah, I mean there's no
point bitching better though.

Whether you're human,
a vampire, ware wolf.

I mean, are they
even ware wolves?

I don't know, doesn't matter,

but you get one chance at life

and the people you
love get one chance,

so you better make it count.

Jesus Christ like
bloody sit coming here.

I'm gonna go check on
the roof before I puke.

[water dropping sound]

Harley's not that bad,

he's actually pretty
cool and caring

once he get to know him.

- Sure.

- Here, if you see
them, don't hesitate.

Three stooges are already dead.

Just stay as far away
from Landon as you can.

- How many people
have you killed?

[intense dramatic music]

Oh my God.

- It's all right, we can
see fine in the dark.

- But I can't.

- It's okay, stay near me.

Wait.

Oh, no.

- He's here.

- Where's Harley?

- They're checking
the rooftop entrance.

- Shit, stay here, eyes peeled.

[door opens]

- He's here [breathing heavily].

[intense dramatic music]

- This ends now.

[door opens]

[intense dramatic music]

[hitting sound]
[bright dramatic music]

- Hm, you're back for
more, sorry about that.

[intense dramatic music]

[Kurt thuds]

[Katie groans]

[metal falling sound]

- Go help your friends,
Andy needs you.

[intense dramatic music]

[slicing sound]

[intense dramatic music]

[hitting sound]
[intense dramatic music]

- Good night.

[hitting sound]

[intense dramatic music]

[Katie groaning]

- Hey, it's the
tasty little treat.

- I'm not afraid of
you, you're pathetic.

You're just like them.

I'm not afraid of you.

- I'm not afraid of you.

- I'm not afraid
of you either Kant.

- I made you.

You'd just be enough street
fag if I wasn't for me.

- I am not afraid of you.

- I'm not gonna lie,
this is gonna hurt.

[Landon growls]

[Landon screams]

[Kurt chuckles]

[Harley chuckles]

- I love you, Kurt.

- I love you too.

- So vam.

- So vam.

[Harley chuckling]

- So it's really over.

We're safe.

- For now, there's always
some kind of new threat,

but for now we're we're okay.

- And whatever happens,
we can handle it together.

[smooching sound]

- Thanks for the jacket.

- No worries.

[bright dramatic music]

[door opens and closes]

[bright dramatic music]

[footstep sound]

[wind whooshing]

[bird quacking]

[door opens]

[Peter groaning and
breathing heavily]

- Come and get him fag.

- Dad, I need to
tell you something.

[Peter groaning]
[Kurt growling]

- Hello lovelies.

Club Nackturn proudly brings
you the stage debut of

Fancy Fucker rrr.

[audience applauding
and cheering]

[bright upbeat music]

♪ Hey I'm afraid
that I lost my mind ♪

♪ It was real I could
feel the perfect guy ♪

♪ And I let myself fall,
do you know you at all ♪

♪ And I didn't
take the trouble ♪

♪ To see through all your lies

♪ Don't train, get
strained at your time ♪

♪ But you found I don't have,
and so I don't even try ♪

♪ And so I don't even try

♪ So that she wouldn't talk,

♪ But she did, now I walk

♪ My mind has been changed
and she can remove ♪

♪ Yeah about that

♪ I've been delusional, I can't
♪ run like I'm your only girl

♪ But I know that you
fucked with him too ♪

♪ I've come two time
with your past ♪

♪ But not your present

♪ He's the maiden,
I'm the zammer ♪

♪ I'ma guess ah, I love her

♪ Nice to meet you

♪ Nice to meet you

♪ Nice to meet you and you
tried to pull me close ♪

♪ But you're messing

♪ Nice to meet you

♪ Nice to meet you

♪ Nice to meet you

♪ I guess ah, I love you
'cause you're messing ♪

♪ You're nasty

♪ You're nasty, nasty, nasty

♪ Boy don't you play
'cause I know your kind ♪

♪ Hurt my heart don't you
start solid in your eyes ♪

♪ Thought that you
were so slick ♪

♪ Only thought with your dick

♪ You're just like the rest
and I'm not at rest till yeah ♪

♪ I've been delusional, I can
run like I'm your only girl ♪

♪ But I know that you
fucked with him too ♪

♪ I've come two times with your
♪ past but not your present

♪ He's the man, and
I'm the zammer ♪

♪ I'm guess ah, I love her

♪ Nice to meet you

♪ Nice to meet you

♪ Nice to meet you

♪ And you try to pull me close

♪ But you're nasty,
nasty, nasty ♪

♪ I'm guess ah, I love her

♪ 'Cause you're
nasty, nasty, nasty ♪

♪ And you try to pull me close

♪ But you're nasty,
nasty, nasty ♪

♪ I'm guess ah, I love
her 'cause you're ♪

♪ I've been on a nausea,
live behind your bullshit ♪

♪ Secretly me and my boy no,
looking up place you go solo ♪

♪ Best believe I'll loose it

♪ You're the one
who tossed this ♪

♪ Can't bake what you like

♪ So now we're
gonna pick a fight ♪

♪ I've been on a nausea,
live behind your bullshit ♪

♪ Secretly me and my boy no,
looking up place you go solo ♪

♪ Best believe I'll loose it

♪ You're the one
who tossed this ♪

♪ Can't bake what you like

♪ So now we're
gonna pick a fight ♪

[bright upbeat music]

♪ So now we're
gonna pick a fight ♪

♪ Nice to meet you

♪ Nice to meet you

♪ Nice to meet you

♪ And you try to pull me close

♪ But you're nasty,
nasty, nasty ♪

♪ I'm guess ah, I love
her 'cause you're ♪

♪ Don't you call me, don't
you try and call me ♪

♪ I'll just let it rain

♪ I'll just let it rain

♪ You're the same guy, see
through all of your lies ♪

♪ Shouldn't be the flame

♪ And not allowed to think

♪ That I would the fool but
you mess with my go-to ♪

♪ And you try to play it
cool but I play nasty too ♪

♪ Then you dump me,
prepare for a hard tinge ♪

♪ Try to be so cool
but I play nasty too ♪

[audience applauding
and cheering]

[soft upbeat music]

- Girl, you were bright
tonight, huh, sensational.

but watch that third verse,
you're a bit like coming in.

- Thank you, I
really appreciate it.

- You're welcome.

[bright dramatic music]

- You'll know when that
stage is yours, sweetie,

you'll feel it in your
blood and in your bones.

Everything and everyone
that held you back

and made you feel like nothing,
like some kind of monster,

all those things are smaller
and weaker than you know.

That stage yours and
so the world is yours.

Rule it, honey, rule it.

- Gorgeous.

You were amazing, you
should be proud of yourself.

- I am.

[soft upbeat music]

[wind whooshing]

[cassette music playing]

[thunder rumbling]

[lady screaming]

This is just terrible.

- Shush.

- They're always trying
some vanian or whatever.

"Eh, I want to suck your
blood, [indistinct]."

- [laughs] Shush.

[Andy laughs]

- I'm just saying,

I've never seen a chance
vanian vampire before.

Shut up, I like this part.

- One thing never like Irish.

"Eh, I've been wanting to
suck your blood [laughs]."

- Andy seriously, shush.

I'm peckish.

- Me too.

- I'll be back.

- [Reporter] In a moment we
shall know what [indistinct].

[dog howling]

[thunder rumbling]

[lady screaming]

[tapping sound]

- What's going on?

[Peter breathing heavily]

What are you doing, hey?

[Peter breathing heavily]

[bright dramatic music]

Sometimes I miss pizza.

[Andy chuckles]

[bright ethereal music]

♪ I got a question
for you, baby ♪

♪ Do I make you a little crazy

♪ 'Cause I've been
feeling something lately ♪

♪ And it ain't no good,
but I think I should ♪

♪ Hold onto this feeling
even if it's fleeting ♪

♪ 'Cause everything
about it I love ♪

♪ And when my heart is bleeding
♪ and all the fires burning

♪ It feels good and
I can't get enough ♪

♪ 'Cause I need it and it
feeds me underneath me ♪

♪ Is this heaven or hell

♪ It's like I'm going crazy,
love me than you hate me ♪

♪ Oh baby than to trick me

♪ Is this heaven or hell

♪ I'm a Google psycho I can't
tell if I'm right though ♪

♪ I've never felt
quite like this ♪

♪ Is this heaven or hell

[bright ethereal music]

[bright upbeat music]

♪ 'Cause I need it and it
feeds me underneath me ♪

♪ Is this heaven or hell

♪ 'Cause I love it, and
I need it underneath me ♪

♪ Is this heaven or hell

♪ 'Cause I need it and it
feeds me underneath me ♪

♪ Is this heaven or hell

♪ Feels like I'm going crazy,
you love me than you hate me ♪

♪ Oh baby than to trick me

♪ Is this heaven or hell

♪ I'm a Google psycho I can't
tell if I'm right though ♪

♪ I've never felt
quite like this ♪

♪ Is this heaven or hell

[bright ethereal music]

♪ Is this heaven or hell