So My Grandma's a Lesbian! (2019) - full transcript

NETFLIX PRESENTS

Celia! How wonderful!
But what are you doing here?

-Weren't you arriving from Congo tomorrow?
-I wanted to surprise you.

It's our anniversary today.

-I forgot.
-Auntie!

-What's wrong, Perlita?
-Auntie! What are you doing here?

Aren't you supposed to be
at your shamanism class?

Yeah, but I got kicked out
by the shaman for goofing off.

Shouldn't you be in Africa?

-In Africa with your son?
-Yes.

Don't get in a loop, Perla.



-What's happened?
-She doesn't understand me.

The shaman doesn't get me
and I'm a free person.

She treats me like some moron,
and I have lots of issues.

-Of course, Perlita.
-That I must behave and I...

-That's true.
-I have to take a poo.

Go on, Perla.

She's really on edge, huh?

As usual.

-Ta-da!
-What's this?

My turn to cook today,

you're not allowed in the kitchen.

Celia, we're going to
have to break the news.

Are you sure?

I am. And you?



Cousin Camila, nice to see you.

Cousin.

Why are we meeting here?

So we can talk with some privacy.

Yeah, no kidding. It's freezing.

Hi, Mom.

Hi.

I didn't know you were on tour.

I thought you were in Scotland,
but you never answer my calls...

You're the one that never answers.

Darling, they're waiting on me
for dinner, but here I am.

-Did you call me to argue?
-No.

You sure deserve a good slap,

avoiding me, after all
those hours in labor,

-with a head this big.
-Okay, okay. Can I talk?

Go ahead.

I'm getting married.

I need help with my in-laws
at the engagement party.

They're pro-Brexit and very religious.

-Getting married?
-Yes.

And you need my help?

I can't do it without you.

Absolutely, my love.

I'll be there with you.

Grandma.

I was just thinking about you. I miss you.

Me too, little one.

Such a shame you can't be here.

It's true, but you know how I hate flying,

and I'm right there with you
even if I'm not.

-I love you, Grandma.
-Me too.

And how are you doing?

I'm great!

And I have something to tell you.

Are you sitting down?

No.

Well, have a seat.

What is it?

What?

They're American,

close friends of Trump.

We've been invited to Camp David
next summer.

What are you doing?

-Don't they bore you?
-No.

Grandma's getting married.

-I know.
-She told you first?

She's my mother.
We're slightly related that way,

give me a break.

Ditch the heels, you're always falling.

Look, I don't want to argue.

Did you already know
that Grandma was...?

That Grandma was what?

That she was a...

Eva.

She's just experimenting,
like all of us have.

Speak for yourself, okay?
If Stuart's parents ever find out...

Do not manipulate her.

I haven't said a word.

Eva, what do you see in these people?

-They have high ideals.
-Have you thought hard

-about all of this?
-What a question...

Because I love him.
And because I'll be part

of a stable family with values.

Had you been abandoned as a child
like someone I know, maybe...

Eva, please, we've been over this.

Leaving you with Grandma
was for the best.

I was a kid when I had you,

and, yes, if I could go back,
I'd do some things differently.

But you're an adult
and need to get over that.

Look, Mom! Some things are...

Come on,
Dad's about to start his speech.

Run along, I'll catch up.

Good evening.

I'm very grateful to be
here with you all to celebrate

my dear son Stuart's engagement

to the wonderful and beautiful
Miss Eva Armas.

We're very honored
by this Scottish-Spanish union.

And Portuguese, dear,

okay?

You're absolutely right, my dear.

I'd like to wish you both
lots of happiness

and ask that the family grow soon.

No, no, no! Stop!

Stop, please!

Shit!

What the hell? Are you crazy or what?

I'd be in deep shit if I ran you over.

End up in jail, lose my license...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

No, me too. Sorry! Quite a fright,

but you're okay, right?
You aren't hurt?

Nothing broken?

I'm fine. Look, sorry,
can you give me a lift?

It's pouring and I missed the last bus,
I've broken a heel and...

Yeah, but it's just... I don't know you,

if you're suicidal...

No, no. I can...
I'll pay you, I'll pay you.

No, no! Don't be ridiculous.
It's just that I don't know...

Maybe you're some honey trap.

I'm a good person, promise.

Please!

-Shit!
-Hop in.

-Come on, quickly.
-My suitcase!

I'll get the suitcase. Get in, get in!

Okay.

This car's nice, isn't it?

Yeah, it's a rental,
the last one on the lot.

It's here on the left.

-This way?
-Yeah, this way.

Straight ahead.

Okay, bye then. Thanks for the ride.

See you in a bit.

See you around, I mean.

See you around sometime.

Grandma.

Grandma.

-Sorry, sorry, sorry!
-Hi, sweetie.

Oh wow! Give me a kiss.

Celia's terrified of storms and she came
to sleep in my bed. Right, Celia?

-Sorry if I woke you up.
-No.

If every morning's like this,
where do I sign?

Come here, let's have one of those hugs
only you know how to give.

My little girl!

-I know where you're ticklish...
-No, no, no!

Yes, yes, yes.

Auntie, Auntie,
do you want a green smoothie?

Perlita, look who's here.

It's our baby!

Hi, how are you?

-I'm a triathlete.
-What?

I run, swim... and what else, Auntie?

Cycling, but you have to learn first.

-The shaman will teach me.
-Yes.

-Shaman?
-A Mexican woman

that has an alternative medicine place

and Perlita loves it.
She says it's calming.

-Yes.
-It's calming, right?

-Can I ask her?
-Sure.

-Does it calm me down?
-Yes, it does sometimes.

-Sometimes.
-That's great.

Show her your ring. Look,

from her boyfriend.

And check this one out.

-So big.
-Look, they match.

On your other right, kiddo!
Come on now, look...

Everybody, bring it in, come on.

You can't all be running after the ball.
Spread out.

And if I tell you to go right,
you go right.

Stop chasing the ball
like headless chickens.

-When one's dribbling--
-Bienvenido!

Bienvenido, I have to talk to you.

-Just a moment.
-It can't wait.

It's really, really, really urgent.

-Oh, sorry!
-For Christ's sake...

-I can't wait any longer.
-Okay, guys, on your own for a bit, okay?

Go on, I'll be right back.
What's the matter, Celia?

Maybe going for a stroll was a mistake,
it's windy.

Look!

A rainbow.

I've missed you so much.

I missed you too, little one.

Hang on a sec,
I'm not sure I'm getting this.

I have to come out of the wardrobe.

Manolito, come on, pass it.
It's not like it's your toy.

Sharing is caring, buddy!

Wardrobe?
You want to donate clothes or something?

No, no. I...

Right, that too.

When I say come out of the wardrobe,
I mean...

Sofía and I...

we're in love
and we're tired of hiding it.

Sofía and you...?

But...

But you've never said a word about this.

Maybe you're confusing your feelings,
knowing each other for years,

many years of friendship,
that bond you have. That's it,

-isn't it? Friendship, right?
-No.

We love each other
just like men and women do.

The only difference being
that we're both...

women.

That's it for today, fellas!
Let's go. Go home, everybody.

Take this with you. Thanks.

Have you considered sending her to a home?

Sweetie, this is her home

and where she belongs.

But you're her legal guardian.

What if she screws up and--

Eva,
don't forget that Perlita is my niece.

What about the wedding?

You know the uproar
it's going to cause around here?

Well, yes, that's a bit of a thorny issue,

but we're very excited.

Especially Celia. Well, me too.

-But...
-But what?

-She's okay with it?
-Respect my decision.

-Sure.
-It hasn't been an easy one.

Is Celia okay with it?

Absolutely! It's all her idea anyway.

-Does the priest know?
-It's going to be a civil wedding

so the Church is irrelevant.

But yes, of course.
Bienvenido absolutely knows.

Where was I?

That you love each other
like men and women do.

Exactly. And the Holy Father understands.

The Holy who?

Father.

You see, I didn't go see my son.

I went to see the pope.
I sent him a letter.

Apparently, it touched him

and he called me.

Celia, are you feeling okay?

You don't believe me.

I'm not the first person he's welcomed.
He met with a transsexual from Plasencia.

Maybe it's heat stroke--

No, no, no. I'm just fine.

Getting married is a matter of principle.

-Getting married?
-Yes.

Like when I got hitched
with the town butcher,

may he rest in peace.

Amen.

And that’s exactly
what I told Paco the Pope.

Paco the Pope?

Look, he held my hands like this and said:

"Trust me, Celia.

I'm doing my best to make it happen
as soon be possible."

But the Church doesn't allow
gay relationships. News flash!

Not true.

Well, the Holy Father told me
that he respects my lesbian status

because God made me that way

and God loves me the way I am.

-We shouldn't get married?
-No, no.

-You think it's a bad idea.
-No, it's just that...

-That what?
-You're both dykes.

-Sweetie, please!
-What?

-What?
-All these labels. We're...

two people that are in love. That's it.

-She can't love you more than me.
-That's impossible.

-Go for a walk before lunch.
-Okay.

Get some exercise in,
I'm making lasagna.

And get with the program,
we’re living in the 21st century.

Just like the Holy Father says.

"If someone is gay

and searches for the Lord
and has goodwill...

who am I to judge?"

Just watch the news.

-Yes, but--
-Bienvenido, we're all equal

in the eyes of the Lord.

Here, look. This goes for you too.

"Celibacy is not a dogma of faith."

Meaning, if you want,
you can let your hair down. Yes.

The pope knows
the Church needs a good roll in the hay.

A roll in the hay?

I have to go.

Celia, I'm sorry,
there’s an assembly meeting

and as councilman, duty calls.

Bienvenido,

until the pope sorts it out,

I'd like for you to...

preside over the civil wedding.

You bet.

-I'm going to hold you to it.
-Sure.

It's your duty as a councilman.

Absolutely. It's my duty as a councilman.
Go on, Celia, get some rest.

Yes. Bye.

Bienve.

-Eva!
-How are you?

-How are you?
-I'm good.

Great seeing you. How's the family?
Your grandma and her friend Celia?

-You already know, right?
-Know what?

-The wedding.
-Yes, for the love of St. Jude.

-Patron saint of lost causes?
-Exactly.

Can we talk about it?

I'm in a bit of a rush right now, Eva.
I'm late to a rehearsal.

But come by Mass
and we'll talk then, okay?

Alright, fine.

-I'll call you.
-Sure thing.

-Okay, I'll call you. See you.
-See you.

What the hell? Are you crazy or what?

I could get in big trouble.
Go to jail, lose my license or...

Nice, Mad Max.
You should vary your repertoire.

Sorry, but it's the second time
you've jumped in front of my car.

Are you hurt?

Need a ride?

You're not a local, are you?

Yeah, I am,
but I don't come here very often.

Well,

I was here one summer nine years ago.

I don't like small towns,
everybody is really nosy.

Agreed.

So why are you here?

My mother, she's not well.

I want to take her to a neurologist.
The priest told me.

Yeah, the town influencer.

No kidding.

Why are you here?

To bring my grandma around.
She wants to get married.

Yeah, a bit late in the game for that.

How is age an issue?

Hey, you're the one
that doesn't want her to do it.

-Make up your mind.
-My mind? Oh, it is.

People get married because...

they want to start a family,
have stability.

Some do it for the green cards.
Not me, though.

It's the same with primates
and most other species.

They procreate
and then it's: "Nice knowing you."

Marriage was conjured up
by religion and society.

"A consumer society."

Typical bullshit I'm sick of hearing.

-Marine sponges too.
-What?

The same goes for marine sponges.

I heard you.
So marine sponges have feelings now?

-Well, the similarities are surprising--
-That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Love makes the world go round,
it makes us who we are.

Can marine sponges fall in love?
Do I look like a sponge?

Maybe you're just an amoeba,
but I'm about to...

Sorry.

I didn't mean to call you an amoeba.

I haven't told him yet. Jorge is...

a little special.
I don't know how to tell him.

I was too old when I had him.

Thanks again... for the lift.

-HOW DO I SAY IT? ANY IDEAS?
-STRAIGHT TO THE POINT.

-Smells yummy.
-Back already?

How was your bike ride?

Fine, but I ran into that nut-job.

He almost ran me over again.

Are you okay?

Need any help?

Set the table.

THAT WON'T HAPPEN.

I'LL RISK IT.

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE. GOOD LUCK!

-Hello.
-Hi.

I'll put it in your room,
get it out of the way.

Thanks, dear.

"Playful Ladybug." Jesus.

I asked him over for lunch.

He wants me to see a neurologist.
I don't know...

What does he know?
He only knows about monkeys.

I agree. A neurologist? What for?

He probably thinks I'm losing my mind.

As if it hadn't always been lost.

Shall we dance?

-The lasagna is going to burn.
-Let it burn.

The table.

Did I forget something?

I'm here for lunch.

My mom invited me.

Jorge?

I thought you'd realize,
it's only been nine years.

But you look so different.
The hair, the glasses.

Sorry, I'm a little stressed out.

It's you.

-Thank you.
-When did you arrive, Jorge?

This morning.

You just missed each other at the airport.

Pity. You could have come with him,

instead of that nut-job
that almost ran her over.

-Reckless driver.
-Suicidal pedestrian.

Sofía, congratulations on your wedding.

-But doesn't he...?
-He doesn't know.

Celia, wasn't there something
you wanted to say?

Celia,
aren't you going to tell us anything?

You know, to Jorge.
Weren't you going to...?

That's weird, because my grandma said
your mom's getting married too.

Jorge, your mother and I are in love,

and we're getting married.

Yes. We want the whole world to know.

Well, maybe not the whole world.

You're...?

I'm going to get some air, step outside...

Okay, okay...

Go with him.

Fine, I'll go.
I'll bring him back in a jiffy.

What a freak show, huh?

I understand they're in love,

but why cause a stir in our tiny town?

Always with the drama...

Exactly, be private about it.
There are nasty folks around here.

Believe me, I know.
"Small town, big hell."

Cheers.

Sorry,
you mind leaving the bottle, please?

Best remedy is having another one.

Let's persuade them
to call off the wedding.

Look at that sunset.

-That color...
-What do you say?

Me? Yeah, I'm taking her to a neurologist.
Yes.

This place is amazing, huh?

Even if you don't like this town.

Well, this isn't exactly in town.

I've just gotten engaged.

My in-laws are Scottish
and very conservative.

Pro-Brexit and pro-Trump.

Not my fiancé, though.

And my family even less so.

My mom's an actress.

My brother's gay. Who knows
where he is or who he's with.

And now my grandma's a lesbian.

They're not in a rush, are they?

Well, they're probably talking.

The sun is setting.

No idea how I'm going to deal with this.

When I've finally figured things out...
I'm a lawyer, I'm getting married.

My wedding is very important to me,

for my emotional stability.

My life hasn't been easy.
I never had a father.

He died the day I was born.

And my mother was 15 when she had me.

Then she moved to New York
with her husband

and her new son and she left me here,
in this little town...

with my grandma.

You have any idea
how many shrinks I've been to?

And now I learn the only person
I've ever trusted was lying to me.

I don't know why I'm telling you
all of this.

Oh, well, yeah. Because...

your mom and my grandma are...

intimate.

Like you and me that summer.

Here's to reckless youth.

So what about you?

What have you been up to
after skipping town?

Because life can't be easy
with everyone calling you dumb.

Thanks so much, thanks for reminding me.

No, no! Sorry, sorry.

Still live in Paris?

No, I live in Congo now,
the Virunga Mountains.

Where?

Virunga. I work at a gorilla sanctuary.

-Gorillas?
-Yeah.

So you're an adventurer?

No. I don't deal well with humans.

You're not so shabby.

The Scotsman.

-Can we go inside? It's a bit chilly.
-What do you mean? This place is amazing.

Tell me about Viridunga,
I'm in the dark about monkeys.

-Virunga. Virunga.
-Virunga.

Well, let's see.

There are four species
of great apes, okay?

Chimpanzees, bonobos,
orangutans and gorillas.

And with chimps and bonobos,

we share 99% of our genome.

We could even use each other's blood
for transfusions.

Well,
provided that they're the same blood type.

Here's to love... among gorillas...

-Gorillas.
-And humans.

Well, not together. Respecting each other.

Respect.

I don't think they're coming back.

They're probably both dejected,
consoling each other.

I think I'm going to my place tonight.

I have to talk to Jorge.

Now is when the male invites the female
to climb up to the highest rock.

Let's get going.

I feel lonely sometimes too.

-Because...
-But you're around apes and...

I know, but...

Thanks, I had a great time.

-And I don't know...
-Yeah.

My mom's... My mom is...

What?

-My mom is...
-What?

Sometimes I wish
I could have been a different son.

Had a closer bond,
or said I love her more often.

I hear you.

Well, it's just that...

I never had a mother. Sorry.

Hey, are you staying?

No?

Yes.

Let's see here...

Got it.

What happened? Did something happen?

-Do you have a girlfriend?
-No.

-Boyfriend?
-No.

Relax, tiger... or gorilla.

We just slept off the hangover.

Come on, let's go.

-We're on a mission here.
-What?

The wedding. We have to stop that wedding.

Hey, do you have a boyfriend?

I'm getting married. Don't you listen?

Oh yeah.

The Scotsman,

the Scotsman.

Okay.

See you... See you later.

So? Did you guys have a nice time?

-So you're not upset?
-Mom...

No. Forget the motorcycle.
I'll drive you around.

-Please, no scolding me or giving orders.
-What's with the boots?

The boots? What about your hair?

-Take off the helmet, Mom.
-Do I criticize your hair?

-Hi.
-Hi, little one.

We ended up arguing.
This time, it was about your wedding.

The wedding again...

Come give me a kiss, I just got here.

Give your mom a kiss, she just got here.

Grandma,
this is like a Bloody Mary, right?

What?

-This is like a Bloody Mary, right?
-It's delicious gazpacho.

-Fun night?
-I don't want to argue.

Don't talk to your mom like that.

Look, I have a splitting headache.

Get the door.

It must be Willy, bring up the luggage.

Not a word!

Let me be the one
that tells him about the wedding.

Since when are you scared of Willy?
He'll totally understand.

I want to tell him.

Fine.

My brother's here
and no one thinks of telling me

because I'm less than zero in this family?

Are you going to fix your hair?

-Hi, can I help you?
-Mom,

it's me, Said.

You seriously don't recognize me?

-Willy!
-Said, Mom,

-it's Said now.
-Sure, Willy.

-No, Said, Mom.
-Yes, I hear you

Last time I saw you,
you were a different person.

I'm living in Tangiers.
I teach film there.

I thought I emailed you.

Yes, you did,
but I wasn't expecting this, Said.

-Salaam alaikum!
-Alaikum salaam!

Alaikum salaam!

It's so nice to see you.

-Oh, Said.
-Salima, this is my grandma.

I'm Sofia. Welcome to your home, Salima.

Pleasure to meet you, madam.
Said adores you.

Please, call me Sofía, Salima,
I'm not that old.

Am I always the last to know
about everything?

-Mom...
-Said.

Eva, Perla.

This is Salima, my wife.

A pleasure to meet you all.

Said has told me so much about you.

Well, I wish we could say
the same about you.

-You're so pretty.
-Thank you.

Okay, I have to go to the court building,
I'll be back soon.

-Auntie, I'll hold the fort.
-Great.

Can we have breakfast?

Of course you can. What a question!

It's so exciting to meet you,
Salima, it's marvelous.

Well, did you know I'm planning a...

Grandma, Grandma!

Grandma, wait, wait.

This was in the kitchen the other day
and--

Eva, that's not your computer.

Yeah, yeah, I know,
but you have to see this.

It's Celia.

Put it back.

Good morning, Olvido.

Good morning.

-God bless you.
-Same to you.

-I'm here to see Bienve.
-Yes, come in.

Thanks.

He's expecting you.

You're looking well, Olvido.

Leaner.

-Bienve.
-Sofía, thanks for coming.

-Here I am.
-Have a seat, please.

I've called you
as I'm worried about Celia.

I told Jorge that he should...

Thanks, Olvido. I'll get it.

Close the door, please.

I told Jorge that he should take her
to see a neurologist.

She thinks she's friends with the pope,

and that they met a couple of weeks ago.

But she was in Africa visiting her son.

She made it up. You're not as religious...
By the way, you could...

-Bienve, please.
-Alright,

she's convinced that His Holiness
is going to allow your marriage.

"Paco the Pope," as she puts it.

But, Mom, it's crazy.
If you want to live together, great.

But getting married?
This is a village, Mom. A village.

I don't care what they say.
I've never felt so alive.

You should be happy for me.

For the first time in my life,

I want to be true to myself.

I'm gay. That's what I feel.

I've always loved Sofia,

since I was a young woman.
And if you can't understand,

it's going to be gutting
because I love you.

But I refuse to not be myself
because of what people may think.

What about the Church?

What's the problem?
I've always been religious,

I'm not about to stop now.

And just so you know,
the pope has my back.

-Mom, please.
-"Mom, please."

Okay, enough. Enough.

He just had to turn out so stubborn...

I think I was a little too old
when I had him.

Anything you want to tell me,
"Playful Ladybug"?

-How did you find out?
-That doesn't matter.

What matters is everybody finding out
about our private life before I do.

No, no, no. That's not true.

No one knows where we live
or who we are. Hence the alias

"Playful Ladybug."

We just provide support for each other.

It's not easy being gay,
especially at our age.

I know it isn't easy being gay,
especially at our age.

What's the point in talking to people
you don't even know?

Well, it's helpful for me. It's...

social networking.

The world is changing, darling.

Yes, but now it's just us,
two feisty ladybugs.

I see you're not thrilled.
I'll close my account.

-Don't.
-Okay. Then I won't.

-Don't close it down.
-And...

I won't talk about us
in public again.

Do you swear?

I promise.

We have to be more united than ever
in coming out of the wardrobe.

-The closet.
-No, the wardrobe.

Closet, Celia. It's closet.

The wardrobe works.

No, it's closet. Closet, Celia.

Closet sounds more male gay.

Even this stuff is sexist.

Wardrobe sounds better,

more feminine.

You're right.

-Wardrobe.
-Wardrobe.

-Wardrobe.
-Wardrobe.

Hi, how's it going? I'm Bienvenido.

Bienvenido, so great to see you.

-Natasha, how are you?
-Really well.

Great, you look as beautiful as always.

-The dress is amazing.
-You like it?

Perla, how are you, dear?

Who invited you?

Easy now, everyone has
the right to do as they please.

Perla, help me set the table.

Sure. Mom, please.

Jorge! How are you?

Hi, I'm Bienvenido.

My name is Salima.

This wedding is quite a reunion.

-I love you.
-I love you too, Perla.

New look, huh?

You look...

-Yeah, well.
-...really good.

-Bienve, how are you?
-Eva, hello.

I need your help.
Have you talked to Celia?

Yes, look, here she is.

-So great to see you.
-Likewise.

-Did Sofía invite you?
-No, I did.

-I thought it would be nice.
-Oh, thanks.

I'm going to be needing

-a hand today, a little help.
-You know that...

-Bienve.
-How are you? Good.

-Here, I brought this.
-Thanks, you shouldn't have bothered.

They're your favorites too.

So, what's up, how are you? Better?

Celia has asked you for help, right?

More or less.

Everything is delicious as usual, Sofía.

Thanks, Bienve.

As my mom says,
"You could sell this stuff."

Let's hear it for the cook.

Bravo, bravo!

So, Grandma, the only one missing

is the groom, right?

Who?

We're all here.

Have some potatoes.

-No, I'm fasting.
-Are you serious?

Oh, she's serious.

At your age...

How is that an issue?

I never imagined you like Mom.

-Meaning what?
-Yeah, explain.

You've been married five times.

-They're so childish!
-Yes, my love.

I'm not getting married
to some younger man.

If we're all here, and you and him are...

No, Bienve is the parish priest.

-Please...
-So then...?

Said,

Celia and I are in love,
and we're getting married.

We'd like your blessing. Yours,

and all of you sitting at this table.

But, Celia, the Church doesn't allow
same-sex relationships.

That's going to change very soon. Right?

-Look, the Church--
-The Church is stuck in the past.

-Every faith, including Islam.
-With this pope...

-I've spoken to the pope.
-Mom, listen.

Leaving that aside, it's clear
that they're in love. Let's respect that.

In fact, it's very common
in the animal kingdom,

there are lots of species
where same-sex partners...

Anyway,
I think we can all agree on that point.

-Of course, it's their life.
-Yes, yes, yes.

What I don't understand
is insisting on marriage.

You live together.
Why cause a fuss in town?

I agree with Jorge. Any thoughts, Bienve?

Absolutely. Keep it private.

Exactly.

Look,
God created all of us with the same love.

The problem is that there are people

who've swallowed lots of hate
and they spew lots of venom.

Yeah, yeah, we get the idea. Thanks.

Look, Father,
I converted to Islam so I could marry her.

Rest assured, seeing God

through different lenses
doesn't change anything.

I heard something that stayed with me.
"Since we don't know when we'll die,

we think of life as an endless reservoir."

Life is very short,
and we're here to live it.

-You want to get married?
-I do.

Then get married.

Here's to love

and sanity.

To love and the right to get crazy.

-Exactly.
-They're free like me!

-They're free like me!
-Yes, my love.

And happy.

Cheers.

Grandma.

Don't get married.

You can keep living with Celia
like you have.

How can you say that, Eva?

It's my life and for the first time,
I want to do whatever I want.

I understand.

I know it's selfish to ask, but...

But your wedding is going to destroy mine.

Stuart can't live
estranged from his family

and they wouldn't accept me
if they knew...

Don't get married, please.
It's just signing some papers...

Stuart is everything
I've ever wanted and I...

don't want to lose him.

Don't you worry, my little one.

I'm sorry.

Jorge, looking at her results,
your mother is perfectly sane.

In fact, her neurological age is younger
than her biological age.

But all this about the Church,
the pope, the wedding...

Maybe it's all true.

And if it isn't, who cares?
If she believes it...

Jorge, really,
there's nothing to worry about.

Is that beard necessary?

-Mom, I got a haircut.
-Being so handsome...

-So? Relieved?
-Yeah.

Hang on.

Hello?

It's Paco the Pope.

Yes.

Hello, Your Holiness.

Yes.

Yes, Holy Father.

Sofía, it's Jorge.

Apparently, she's fine,
but she's on the phone with the pope.

Yes.

I know. But the doctor said
that if she believes it, to let her be.

Okay, okay. Will do.

Oh, Mom...

How I missed this.

You being here is all that matters.

-Yes.
-You're getting prettier by the day.

Mom,

how long have you been in love with Celia?

Oh, my dear, I think I always have been.

The first time we kissed,

I was 15 and she was a little older.

My mother saw us and slapped me so hard
that I fell,

and she threatened her
with calling the police

if she ever came near me again.

Then I got sent to Paris
with my grandmother,

which wasn’t very nice.

And I lost contact with Celia
until years later, when I came back

to bury your grandparents.

She was married to the town butcher

and I was very young,

I was pregnant with you, single and broke,

and Celia was a lifesaver,
she really helped me.

Celia offered to move in

to keep us company
and help me take care of Perlita,

but then she confessed
that it was just an excuse...

to make up for lost time.

That's so beautiful, Mom.

Good morning.

-Hi.
-How's it going?

-Coffee?
-Yeah, thanks.

I was thinking that...

we should do something, right?
About Grandma.

Because the locals are
never going to live this down.

-Micromanaging again?
-No.

-Big-time.
-No.

-You're hopeless.
-No, man, no way.

What? You're all-knowing now
with that djellaba and that beard?

Eva, when you change your name,
you change your path.

I'm serious, we're only here once.

Just listen to yourself. Mom's right,
you should go see a shrink.

-Come here.
-No.

Give me a hug.

Relax.

That's it. Let go, let go.

Now I want you to connect
with your inner self-control.

That way you won't feel the need
to control things or people.

This is going to set you free

and it'll allow you to be happy.

I think I've been a bad mother.

I don't know. The kids,
they both seem lost.

And who's a good mother?

Children don't come with
instruction manuals.

I know, but Eva is going overboard
with your wedding.

That's my fault for overindulging her.

And, yes, she seems lost,

but, eventually, she'll get it right.

What bugs you is that
she's letting love be her guide,

-unlike you.
-No!

-I know. Mom told me.
-What?

That you're getting married
because of status.

No!

-Not true.
-Sure!

-No! That's bullshit.
-Is it worth it?

Look, Stuart's nice. Fine.

But Mom says he's a real tight-ass.

You're the tight-ass!

-That's enough! Please!
-You're insane!

Cut it out! What are you doing?

I'm writing a paper

about families across different cultures,

for university.
It's only for my family and Said's,

-if you don't mind.
-It's fine.

Can I get you anything?

Do you need anything?

Perlita, let's get the door.

-What a pretty robe, Auntie.
-It is a little big.

-It's silver.
-Yes, it's very pretty, but...

Said, you went too far with your sister.

-I'm just telling it like it is.
-Bye.

Eva!

See?

-I'm going to feed the birds, Auntie.
-Don't leave the door open.

-I never do.
-You always do, Perlita.

-Careful, close the door.
-Okay, Auntie.

Good morning, Susana. How's your mother?

Good, good, thanks.
But I've come to talk to you.

I'm sorry, but this isn't a good time,

my family is visiting.

This is important.
I've been unemployed for a year,

and I'll get re-hired with this scoop.

-What scoop?
-Your wedding with Celia.

Look, I'm very sorry,
but I'm really busy right now.

You're setting an example for all women.

I don't want to be an example for anyone.

-And also--
-This is my private life.

Susana, get out of my house.

Leave Auntie alone! Leave Auntie alone!

Quiet, Perla! Let's go.

It's a lost cause. Let's go to Celia's.

If Susana knows, the whole town knows.

-Did Bienvenido tell her?
-No, not Bienvenido

Grandma...

Is this wedding a mistake?

Yes, Grandma.

I'm going to call it off.

No, Mom. Why?

Oh, Mom...

Auntie! Auntie, the lunatics, the morons,

bipolars, are all of us...

What's wrong?

-What's wrong, Auntie?
-Come here, Perla.

I'm not getting married, Perlita.

Auntie!

-I love you, Auntie.
-I love you too.

How can you jerk her around like that?
She's your grandma.

-I'm in a hurry.
-No, you're going to listen...

To hell with this family!
You're going to ruin my life.

If it gets out, then my in-laws,
my firm will find out. A scandal.

Welcome to the 21st century.

I only want to be part of a normal family,

-can't you see that?
-We're not normal.

You say we're selfish.
Who's being selfish here?

Wedding-wise, the only person
making a mistake here is you.

You don't care about
broadcasting our private lives.

The drama queen is loving every minute.

How is your life my business?

What happened? Are you okay?

Why don't you pick up your phone?

You have my number?

-You gave it to me.
-When?

That night we got wasted.

Ah, we were wasted, true.
That explains it.

-I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
-Sorry, my phone died.

I was calling about wedding stuff,
not at all because of

that thing nine years ago.
I was a kid, it was a mistake

and you only believe in
marine sponge love. Eva, focus.

-I'm getting married.
-I know. And?

My grandma's called it off.
But a local TV reporter

showed up and is heading to your place
to get an exclusive.

How did they find out?

No idea, but knowing Susana,
she's not going to give up.

My mom's a sucker for this stuff,
we need to get there first.

-My car.
-Okay, wait up, wait up.

Okay.

That's it.

Oh, look who's there.

Mom. Mom, has anyone
come by to see you?

Yeah. They interviewed me.

-What?
-How do you know?

An interview? What did you tell them?
Are you okay?

I'm fine. Should I whip up a snack?

-I have cookies. I'll get them.
-Mom, forget the cookies, sit down.

-I can't, I'm meeting someone.
-What did you tell them?

The truth.
That we've come out of the wardrobe.

-Closet.
-No, wardrobe.

Wardrobe for girls, closet for boys.

Susana understood it
and that's the way she'll say it.

Oh, and I also said that
the Church should allow gay marriage.

Celia, do you realize the mess we're in
if you're on TV

asking for the pope's blessing?

-No!
-What do you mean?

No, not the pope.

I already know he's with me.

I'm talking about the Church.

Where was I...?

The Church, Mom.
Focus so you don't forget things, okay?

I've been like this all my life,
what do you want from me?

Does my Grandma know?

Oh, dear Lord.

Sofía.

I promised
I wouldn't talk about our private life

and I mentioned her name.

Dear God, I have to fix this.

No... Don't tell her, please.

Don't worry, don't worry.

-Did you sign something?
-I did, dear. Yes.

-Oh no, Mom!
-Celia, come on!

I've really messed up, right?

Okay, just relax. Relax,
it's going to be fine.

-We'll fix this.
-I know where they are.

Didn't my Grandma tell you no interviews?

You have a lot of nerve

bullying an old lady into signing
a consent form like that!

You're always so clever.

This woman isn't incapacitated.
And "wardrobe" is a trending topic.

You always get your way. Well, this time--

Wait. Susana,

I'd like for you to omit
the part about my wedding with Sofía.

I'm sorry, Celia.
But you consented in writing.

But I've changed my mind,
it's important to me.

You're worse than scum,
a snake, a gutter rat

all together.
We'll see who gets their way, Susanita.

You're just some upstart and I hope you--

Stop, there's no point
talking to these people.

Let's go, hon.

I can't talk now, darling,
I'm driving. I'll call you back.

Big kiss, my love.

It's me.

Yes, what is it? What's wrong? With me?

No, nothing's wrong. I'm fine. Yes.

Yes, I'm fine.

I'm fine, considering the circumstances...

Ah, yes.

Susana. I understand now.
Yes, yes, darling, yes.

Yes, darling. Don't worry.
Don't wo... No, no, no.

I won't talk to her, of course I won't.

What's the matter?

Us trying to scupper the wedding
isn't right.

Seeing my Mom, she's really...

happy.

Rejuvenated, even.

But we've done it for them, right?

Had they ended up on TV,

their lives would've
turned into a nightmare.

But they don't care what people think.

Look, we need to be supportive now,

that way Sofía can change her mind.

What about my in-laws?

-That's all you care about?
-No.

-Your grandma doesn't mean shit?
-No.

-Is that it?
-No.

Your fucking fiancé,
in-laws, your wedding...

-Is that it?
-I adore my grandma, okay?

My family doesn't fit into their world,
but I do.

In a relationship where you're
supposed to hide your family?

-I love him.
-Great.

-He provides stability.
-Great.

I don't want to be alone.

But you're not going to be alone.

Never.

You have your family,

you have me...

I won't leave you on your own.

You want to fake it
for the rest of your life?

Yes, my love, we need to talk.

That's right, I'm on my way when...
As soon as the kids figure it out.

What do you mean, "What kids?" Ours.

Can't you see they're still kids?

Okay.

See you now, big kiss.

If he loves you,
he'll accept it. If not, then no.

Simple as that.

Just tell him the truth.

Oh, dear God, dear God.

What was that?

The truth.

Dinner later?

We can't get married.

Eva doesn't want us to,
she's starting a new life.

And I prefer to let this go
for the sake of her happiness.

Darling, I think Eva isn't 100% sure
about the Scotsman.

Really?

No. I just saw her
making out with Jorge.

-Really?
-I think those kids

are getting up to their old tricks.

-Really?
-Really.

Look, my love.
We have to do whatever we want.

Not... Not what others tell us.

Okay?

So then,

shall we get married?

I don't know, I have to think it over.

Are we going to the alpha gorilla's rock?

Wait.

-Was that gorilla-like?
-Not really.

You're still a lousy liar.

So beautiful.

Yeah, exactly the word I was looking for.

I'm getting married.

Will gay Christians support
this trailblazing 70-year-old

in her fight
for the Church to allow same-sex marriage?

Will the Church comment?

She says Pope Francis
is behind her decision

in coming out of the wardrobe,
as she puts it.

The world is full of assholes,
me included.

I'm really sorry for being a jerk to you,
I get it now.

My son's dealing with exactly
what I put you through.

I'm really sorry, Jorge.
If there's anything I can do...

Yes, Your Excellency, Bishop.

Of course, Your Excellency.

The only thing is--

As you wish, Your Excellency.

At your command, Your Excellency.

Goddamn you, Celia,
and goddamn the bishop.

-Good afternoon.
-Hi.

Stuart McDonald, Eva's fiancé.

How are you? Two kisses here.

I'm Sofía, Eva's grandma,
and this is Celia, my--

Her lifelong friend.

Stuart!

-Hi.
-Hi.

I was missing my Evita.

That's so nice.

How sweet.

-Father, any word from the bishop?
-Please, no comment.

Your views on gay marriage?
"Closet" or "wardrobe?"

Read His Holiness's statements.
Excuse me.

Can you give us a little interview?

Look on the Internet, it's all there.

-Just a brief statement, please.
-Folks, please,

some manners.

Let me through,
let's not get ugly. Come on.

Thank you, thank you.

-Auntie, do you have Martini?
-I don't know.

-Perla, you've left the door open again.
-No.

Camila, it's so nice to see you.
Let me introduce you.

This is Camila, Stuart's mother.

-This is my mom.
-How do you do?

We give two kisses here. Nice to meet you.

-And Celia, who is--
-Her lifelong friend.

Pleasure.

Have we met before?

No, I don't think so.

Okay, I'm going to make some lemonade,
it's very hot.

I'd prefer another Martini.

See, Auntie?

This is Perla, my niece.

Well, you'll be staying with us, right?

-Where?
-In the guest bedroom, Perla.

-There's no room.
-Well, just take your things out.

-But my baby stuff, Auntie.
-I'll get the lemonade.

I'll help you, Mom.

-That just the way she is.
-I see.

-Stuart McDonald. Pleasure.
-Said.

Your mother's quite a woman.

Always so busy.

This is private property, get out now.

Get out!

Careful with the camera.

Calm down, calm down.

-We should go inside.
-It's my fault they're here.

What?

-Relax.
-I'm sorry.

-Did he hit you?
-No.

Close everything, reporters are outside.

-What's happening?
-Oh, Auntie.

I'm calling the police.

The landline's dead.

Where's my cellphone?

-Anyone seen my cellphone?
-Celia, here you go.

Look, there. There's your cellphone.

-What's wrong?
-So refreshing.

Don't call.

I can explain.

-Eva...
-What's going on, Auntie?

You're hurting me! What's wrong?

The paparazzi followed us here.

-Oh, I'll get it.
-No, I will.

Come here. Come here with me.

-Who is it?
-It's Tom.

It's Tom, let him in.

My love.

-I missed you, honey.
-I missed you too.

-What's happening outside?
-They're following the Scots.

Everybody, this is Tom.

-This is my mom, Sofía.
-Nice to meet you, Tom.

This is Celia, her fiancée.

-Celia.
-How do you do?

-Hello, Tom.
-Hello, I'm Camila.

-Pleasure.
-The pleasure is all mine.

Have we met before?

Tom, this is Said, my son,
and his wife, Salima.

-Sorry.
-No, Mom. Sorry, come in.

I thought it was Stuart.

-How are you?
-Very confused.

I don't love him.

I never have.

Trying to be so perfect,
I don't know who I am anymore.

Don't fret, my love.
You'll know what to do. You'll be fine.

You'll figure it out.

My love.

-Want some?
-Thanks.

Drink up.

How is it?

-I'll get it.
-No, no.

-I'll go.
-Why?

Auntie, it's the priest!

Bienve, thank God you're here.

Blessed women,
the mess you've gotten me into!

How can you all be so calm?

The bishop called, he's fuming.

It's probably reached the Vatican by now.

About what?

About what, about what?

What do you think?

The interview on TV.

What interview?

Father Bienvenido,
like so many other progressive priests,

is in favor of reforming the Church.

We won't relent
until it embraces gay marriage.

Because, really, it's only right

that I can marry my love, Sofía,

and I want the whole world to know.

And that's that. I've--

I lied to you, my love.

-Because we have the right--
-Not now.

Celia...

I'm sorry.

Had I foreseen this, I wouldn't have come.

-See anything, Said?
-No, they're still out there.

What a pain...

-Do you know the Haka dance?
-Sure.

Are you serious?

I brought you a present,
but with this whole mess...

They're beautiful.

Salima...

Look. You have to move your knight.

I can't marry you.

I'm sorry, no. It wouldn't work out.

But we're made for each other.

No.

I'm not who you think I am.

I've deceived you about my family,
about me.

I don't even know if I want kids.

-I can't stand heels.
-Eva.

A small lovers' quarrel.

To be expected
in a couple that are in love.

Remember that performance in Portugal
you laughed about?

Well, that was my mom.

Because this is my family.

And they're all freaks, okay?
Just like me.

Tom, I don't really know you,
but if you're with my mom,

you're probably an oddball. See?

I talk to myself. When I get nervous,
I just blurt things out,

and they love that about me.

Because
they're the best family in the world.

And I don't want to lose them.

I love you, Mom.

I love you too, my love.

My baby,

my baby.

Me too, me too.

Perla, the girl.

Ma'am, the floor. Ma'am, the floor.

-Said, she's had too much to drink.
-She's drunk.

Here.

Here.

Good riddance.

Let's keep in touch.

I'm sure they'll patch things up,
you'll see. We'll get together soon...

He's not well. Come on, look at me.
Look at me for a second. What's wrong?

-I'll take him to the sofa.
-Let's go the sofa.

-I'm calling the hospital.
-Good idea.

Where's the phone?

I'll stay, you go if you want.

Careful, don't drop him.

Relax, I'm dialing.

The line's dead, Said.
Use your cellphone, please. Let's see...

This guy must be tripping.

No way, he hasn't smoked a joint
in his life. Stuart!

What? He's high as a kite.

-Have you taken anything?
-Look at me. What's wrong?

It's my fault, it's my fault.

Your fault how?

I made him some tea my shaman gave me.

So I'd behave,
saying I was really aggressive.

It's to calm me down.

-What did he drink?
-Huh?

-What did you give him?
-This.

But just a tiny bit.

-Peyote. He took peyote?
-I don't know.

Go make some coffee. Go, go!

-I'll make the coffee.
-Coffee!

It'll wear off.

-Are you sure?
-Positive.

Because if he stays like that,
we're screwed.

My love, look.

You're on something, okay?
It'll only last a little while.

But you're going to be fine. No, Stuart!
Not your clothes!

-Sweetie, he's burning up.
-No, no, no, no!

-Stuart.
-Sweetie, it's fine.

-Relax.
-What do I do, Mom?

Calm down, relax.

Put something on.

You'll catch your death.

-Eva!
-Coming!

Stuart, come on now.

Stuart, hang on. No, no, no!

-No, no, no!
-Don't let him out!

-Close the door.
-He went out this way, Said! This way!

People, people!

The reporters.

The other window, the other window.

What are they doing?

Stuart,

please.

Said, Said, Said!

Get out of here!

-Said!
-You're trespassing!

Please, he's killing me.

It hurts.

He hurt me, he hurt me.

Please!

They hurt me.

Grandma.

I'm sorry.

This is all my fault.

Since I got here,
I've been trying to boycott the wedding,

and you and Celia are in love.

You should get married.

I'm an immature brat.

I can't believe I treated you like that,
I'm so sorry.

No, no, little one.

You've always looked out for me.

We're a normal family.

And every family makes mistakes.

I'm the queen of mistakes.

-No, not you.
-Sweetie,

you have to live life fearlessly.

It's the only way to be happy.

Celia, I'm sorry.

I took your laptop and...

Don't be ridiculous, sweetie.

Come on, you get so ugly
when you're teary-eyed.

Look, doesn't she look ugly?

Sweetie, give us a minute,
Celia and I need to talk.

Good luck.

-Who is it?
-Jorge.

One moment! Eva!

-Have you watched the news?
-No.

Where's my mom? How is she? How's Sofía?

The wedding's off.

What do you mean it's off?

Who's this?

-Some guy that's not right for her.
-What's with the ski mask?

The paparazzi are everywhere.

Outside, but not in here.

We have to help them.

This wedding is a go!

They're not totally sold.

I know a place. And it's happening today

Today! Not tomorrow.
Throw them a curveball.

That's the smartest thing
I've heard all day. I'm Tom.

-You're the gorilla guy.
-Thanks. Yes, I'm Jorge.

-What about these two?
-Let's call Pili, the dog sitter.

They'll be out for the count all day.

But we have to leave. How?

I have an idea.

-About what?
-How to get out of here.

-Where to?
-Perla, to leave the house.

I saw it in a movie once.

THE POPE: "IF SOMEONE IS GAY
AND HE SEARCHES FOR THE LORD,

WHO AM I TO JUDGE?"

Hello?

Eva, what's up, dear? How are you?

Hang on, slow down.
You're all driving me nuts.

What?

What do you mean?

You're crazy. I can't do that.

They're up in arms at the dioceses.

No way, Eva. No chance.

In the chapel? Listen, you have no idea--

I'm sorry, but I can't. Don't insist, Eva.

I'm sorry. Okay, bye.

Eva, you're getting on my nerves.

Your Excellency, Bishop.
Pardon me, I thought it was--

Yes.

With His Holiness?

Put him through, put him through.

Speaking!

Yes, Your Holiness.

It's a great honor for me.
I really admire you.

Yes, I'm listening.

-Where are you going?
-Out of the way!

Susana!

They've slashed our tires!

This time you've gone too far.
Way too far!

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here to...

bring together two soulmates.

A soulmate is someone who has
the locks to our keys

and the keys to our locks.

Bienve! Bienve!

Bienve, Bienve, Bienve!

Look! It's Bienve.

Thank you, thank you.

My Lord, forgive me,
but who am I to judge them?

Thanks, Benito. I got this.

Dear friends,

His Holiness Pope Francis, Paco,

has asked me to relay his best wishes
to the couple

and to read these words for Celia.

And I quote,

"Trust me, Celia, I'm working on it.

Trust me."

Let's see here.

We're all here today
to celebrate an act of love.

A love that's brave, fearless

and powerful.

Celia and Sofía have dedicated their lives
to their family

and have done what's expected of them,
and then some.

And when standing up for their principles,
they've both...

done so, in their own way,
and with true idealism.

They've conquered all the obstacles
in their path

and have carried the day.

They've defended their love
in front of their friends,

their families,

God, Allah as well.

Their honesty and their love
should be celebrated.

And so, I declare you husba... I mean...

Pardon me, it's second nature.

As a councilman
and by the powers vested in me by law,

I declare you husba... Again.

I declare you...

as one in marriage.

Bravo!

Auntie!

Eva, I love you.

-I love you too!
-Can I have the bouquet?

Can I have the bouquet?
Can I have the bouquet?

Auntie!

Jorge, Jorge, Jorge!

Come on!

Wait!