So Hard to Forget (2010) - full transcript

Hello!

You alright?

What happened?
Hurt yourself?

No. I thought
it looked cute like this.

I thought I'd just bring
everything with me now.

I'm not leaving you alone
for one second.

From now on,
I'm your home care.

Putting your life on hold
to take care of me?

Remember when you did
the same for me?

The first big task for the abandoned,
other than crying copiously,

is to announce the sorry event
to the entire world.



I asked for some time off.

I was unproductive for weeks.

On my return, a fixed idea followed
me around in classrooms, hallways...

Time has no end.
But it is the end.

And that echoed in my head
like a mantra.

Some price we have to pay

when we decide to pretend
life is back to normal.

When nothing like that
is happening.

Again I ask forgiveness
of my colleagues

for the many changes
in our schedule.

Here you state that a Brazilian author,
such as Cassandra Rios,

previously forgotten,
but now garnering a cult audience,

deals with the question
of feminine homosexuality

with a physical daring that we
do not find in English literature.



But I must ask myself:

Why would one compare
the sub-literature of Cassandra

with the literature
of Virginia Woolf?

I don't see why you classify
the work of the English author

as being more important
than that of the Brazilian.

Because we are speaking
only of the body, in which case,

the work of Cassandra Rios is far
superior to that of Virginia Woolf.

Carmen, you are using aspects
of the author's personal life

to justify your argument.

The fact that Virginia Woolf

had been sexually abused
by her half-brother

during her adolescence,
as far as one can ascertain,

does not mean that
the female characters in her novels

are repressed due to that.

So Virginia Woolf's suicide in the
River Ouse is a fact to be ignored?

It has nothing to do
with the frigidity,

the physical depression
of the characters she created?

Julia, let's go over
to Health Services? Okay?

People, I'm fine.

My blood pressure's a little low.
It's nothing.

You sure you don't want me
to take you home?

- I'm sure.
- Look, my car's in the parking lot.

You ever hear that excessive
politeness can become abuse?

Are you mad at me?

No, Carmen.
I'm not mad at you. Not yet.

Was it something I said
during my exam?

What does that have to do
with anything?

Who knows?

But maybe we touched on something
people find uncom...

To Lagoa, please.

Since the day
Antonia left me, I ask:

What is the opposite of love?

For most,
the opposite of love is hate.

No. Too obvious.

I came to the conclusion
that the opposite of love

is a permanent state
of perplexity.

A wounded perplexity
that keeps you in a trap

from which you can only escape

with the help of the one
who abandoned you.

What is the opposite of love?

- How are you, Laura?
- Fine.

Didn't you get the note
I left with the doorman?

And the voice message,
did you hear it?

Well, Antonia called to say you'll
be paying the rent from now on.

Would you like to come in
for a moment?

No, no, thank you.
This won't take long.

I want to know the situation
of this apartment.

The contract is in Antonia's name,

the guarantor was hers,
as well as proof of income.

And the rent is late.

I am so sorry.
I've had a few personal problems,

but I guarantee
it will all be straightened out.

I just need a little more time.

What will we do
about the late rent?

I'll make a deposit this week.

Wonderful.
I'll send you a new contract.

Julia,

guess what soap opera I'm auditioning
for tomorrow? Listen to this.

"Are you possessed with a devil,

to talk in that manner to me
when you are dying?

Then you do not reflect

that all those words will be
branded in my memory,

eating deeper eternally
after you have left me?"

Julia? Hello? Anybody home?
I'm talking to you.

They'll destroy it.

Wuthering Heights?

I'm auditioning for the role
inspired in Heathcliff,

played by Lawrence Olivier
and Ralph Fiennes in the movies.

Isn't this great?

I was sick today on campus.

What?

What happened?

And then Laura was at my door
asking for the late rent.

So there you have my silence,
not at all wuthering.

Sorry, baby.

You're sad, with hundreds
of problems in your little head,

and I'm off on my ego-trip.

I don't know if
I should call a doctor

or comb the streets for someone
to guarantee my rent.

First things first.

One: A good alternative therapy,

a hot stone massage
will do you a world of good.

I think that
you're all stressed out.

Two: Regarding the apartment,

it's time for you to leave.

As long as you stay there,

you won't be able
to stop thinking about Antonia.

Tell me something:

How did Pedro's will
work out in the end?

I received everything.

After more than ten years
living with Antonia,

don't I have a right to anything?

Even if just for revenge?

No.

What I found out at the office
with those more experienced

is that Brazilian Law
has no pension provisions

for stable, homo-affective
relationships.

In other words, homo-affective
relationships mean "gay couples”.

And gay couples have no rights.

No, but you were entitled
to Pedro's assets.

But Pedro's case was different
because Pedro left a will.

And in my case?

Only if you and Antonia
had acquired equity together.

Then you would be entitled
to a division of the property,

well, proportional to that
which you invested.

Well, girls,

let me explain the reason
for this "condominium meeting".

This is the deal.
I'm leaving my apartment.

After a year without Pedro,

I decided to leave our little nest
and get on with my life.

Julia is at the end of her contract,
so to speak, right?

And Lisa is also looking
for something cheaper.

Preferably far from Rio,
away from this madhouse.

So I thought the three of us
could share rent,

which would make it easier
for everyone, what do you think?

Julia?

If I had known the real reason
for this lunch

was to brainwash me into sharing rent
with that Pollyanna hippie,

I swear I'd have preferred
to stay home scrubbing the bathroom.

I'm making the right move
for you to get out of that cave

- ...and change your life.
- Change comes from within, Hugo.

It takes time, solitude
and self-communion.

You know what's missing?

You need to get out.
Meet new people. Have fun.

No one gets out
of a situation like this alone.

You know what I hate
about what you're saying?

That everyone always takes
the easiest path.

Use someone to forget the other

and before you notice, the hole
is even bigger. No thanks.

While the wound is still fresh,
I don't plan to get another.

That's exactly
how you isolated yourself

and now you don't know
what to do.

I prefer to suffer my way
rather than yours.

What are you insinuating?

I know someone who,
when they are suffering for love,

only drinks, cries and vomits.

Or cries, drinks and vomits.
Or vomits, drinks and cries.

And I know someone who loves
to play the suffering intellectual

who never loses her poise.

Funny, isn't it?

When someone close to you suffers,
you love to help, give advice.

Now when you suffer, you withdraw,

go into your shell
and don't let anyone help.

In fact, you despise people's help,
don't you?

Maybe that's it.

You don't need anyone's help
because you're perfect.

Perfect. You are perfect!

Sorry.

Sorry, but I can't stand
so much suffering.

You with Antonia's ghost.
Me with Pedro's.

Enough. Stop, stop, stop.

I'm tired of it all. Enough.

Look, today we're going out, okay?

We'll find friends, have a drink...

and French kiss!

Do you know anything
more real than a ghost?

Do you know anything more real
than a ghost, Hugo?

Hey?

I found someone to make me happy.
Your turn, Julia.

That's how life gets back to normal,

and things just start to happen,
most naturally.

Julia, you look fabulous!

Slimmer, thinner in the face.
More beautiful.

Right. I'm planning to launch
a self-help book:

"How to lose the love of your life
and 16 pounds in one week".

People, I see this lady everyday
at the university

and I can tell you that Julia Serrano's
beauty is never so-so,

since she's
beautiful in any state:

Solid, liquid or gas.

Forgive me for interrupting,
but it just so happens

that Joanna and I
have been together 4 years today!

- A toast! A toast!
- Bring some champagne!

The first failed
attempt at socializing

left a certainty that there
is no change without trauma.

Any change confirms
the end of a period,

the end of a self.

Why are you afraid to talk to me?
What do you owe me?

Speak up!

Look here. Now who's
no longer interested...

In fact, I'm only taking
the trouble to write

to insist you stop calling

my house to say nothing.

Cowardice has limits!"

Julia?

Julia, couldn't you have
left your phone on?

- Battery ran out.
- Ah, battery...

I called several times. I talked,
talked, but couldn't hear a thing.

- I was worried about you.
- I thought I'd just slip out.

Didn't want to ruin your evening
with your "toy boy".

Plus the place reeked
of cigarettes and fried food.

Is it my impression, or were you
talking to yourself when I came in?

What do you want?
An apology?

An explanation that will convince me

that staying at home alone
glaring at the computer

is better than going out
and having fun.

Julia...

"If all else perished,

and he remained,
I should still continue to be...

Nelly, I am Heathcliff!

He's always, always in my mind:

Not as a pleasure,

any more than I am
always a pleasure to myself,

but as my own being."

It seems clear to me that,
if the author uses a pen name,

not signing as Emily Bronte
but as Ellis Bell,

this is a clear subterfuge

showing how pre-modern
female English authors

had difficulty expressing
more pungent, passionate feelings.

Professor?

Do you agree with me?

Wuthering Heights is seen today

as one of the most poignant
novels of English Literature

due to its mixture of elements
of romanticism and realism

and also because
it encompasses in a new way

themes such as passion
and mysticism.

Which is why I disagree completely
with your analysis, Carmen.

But, professor...

We'll continue at our next class.

I didn't understand your statement.

You are repeating the same error,

judging a work by the private life
of the author.

But fiction transcends reality.

Apparently I'm not the only one
mixing fact with fiction.

When I want your opinion of me,
rest assured, I'll ask.

For me?

Oh, come on...

Oh, my God...

Wuthering Heights.

I love it, Ju!

Thanks. Perfect timing.

Let's go see a romantic comedy?

You really want to subject me
to this torture!

You know, this dense thing...

Very profound people
are no longer in fashion.

Let's go?

We haven't said one word
for exactly seven minutes now.

You can't imagine how this silence
comforts me.

So? Have you thought
about what I said?

About Pedra de Guaratiba?

I don't want to seem ungrateful.

You have been
more than a brother for me.

But you, me and Lisa
in the suburb by the sea

- ...is a little over the top.
- You could use some sea.

Exactly what you need.
Some sun. Light. Green.

- Listen to me.
- Of the Sad Tropics...

I have only the sad part.
The rest here is pure Scandinavian.

Go there at least. Come on.
Just take a look.

We're almost there.

Most of the time

I lived unconcerned
with having a home,

in taking possession
of a place I could call mine.

- My time for a place to live...
- I love this song.

...was the time
a relationship lasted.

Once over, I'd pick up my bag

and go off to yet
another temporary place.

This is it.

You mean, "that's all"?

I told you it was a little run-down,
needed a little work.

Silly! Come on!

Look how lovely.

And this entrance,
with some landscaping,

will be more colorful
than Snow White's cottage.

- Don't count on me.
- Come, let's go in.

Oops, right foot.

Right on...

In reality, the house
had a good structure.

Like a portrait of a person
who had once been beautiful,

but had not aged well.

This could be your room.

A large desk
could fit in here easily.

Your double bed...

And it's the quietest room
in the house.

Why do I always attract optimists,

always trying to convince me
that not all is lost?

A question of symmetry.

Some force dragged me to make
a choice I didn't want to make.

Maybe I only needed a place.

And the rest I'd leave
to discover later.

Okay! I already started
collecting the garbage!

I'm going to specialize
in recycling.

And be a garbagologist,
just like your ex.

She's not a "garbagologist”.

It's "environmental engineer"
specialized in urban waste,

and now a Ph.D.
in "human waste management”.

Ok, sorry. I'm a chatterbox.

Saying one stupid thing
after another.

But you know I love you.

And I won't rest until I'm sure
you've forgotten that garbagologist.

Okay, environmental engineer.

- Give me a hug.
- You're filthy!

...sugarcane, to make juice.
Ugh, have to fix that...

Sugar-apple, I know you love it.

Come on, I know you loved it.

- Oh, God...
- Would you get that?

In spite of his delicacy,
there is in Hugo

a superintendent, a tyrant,
a ship captain.

Of the kind who has the power
of life and death over his crew.

I'll take it to the room and you check
the stove to see if its leaking gas.

Aye, aye, my Captain.

An English captain, no doubt.

Please, to the left, to my room.

It's going to pour.

Good and tired.

So, did you think about what I said?

Yeah, I did.

So?

I said it's going to stay as is.

But it doesn't fit in
with the rest of the house.

Well, maybe I don't fit in
with the rest of the house.

But why ice white?

Off-white, light beige, alabaster
and pearly white I understand.

But ice white?

Never underestimate ice.

Eskimos make houses out of it.

If I could, I'd paint this entire
crayon box of color

with ice white, got it?

Well, you can't argue about taste,
only lament.

Agree with me, Lis...

One more crying in the corners.

It's starting to look like a hotel
for mourners.

If I were her, I'd be down, too.

Don't tell me her boyfriend
left her for someone else!

'Worse-
How?

He left when he learned
she's pregnant.

- She's what?
- She's... pregnant.

I was going to tell you
at the right time.

The right time

was before
I got myself into this mess.

I'm a person who needs silence.
I need to concentrate.

Reading. Writing.

Calm down, Julia.
The baby won't be born tomorrow.

But it will at some point.

A child here will change
the routine of the entire house.

Not even you will put up with it.

My God, can't we think about
this further down the road?

I hate this Latino way
to solve things.

Oh, my God!

I left the windows open in my room
because of the paint smell.

It'll all get wet. Excuse me.

Only one thing makes me breathe

as deeply as a mountain
would breathe:

To no longer depend
on someone else's heart.

To no longer look anxiously
at the clock

when being tardy
could mean disappearance.

No longer being connected
by an invisible string

to a body outside mine.

Lady...

You see a little cat around here?

Come in out of the rain.

I'm looking for my kitty.

Wait till the rain lets up.
Then you can look for him.

Every time it rains, he runs away.
He hates rain.

He's scared.

I adore rain.

Me, too.

Bye.

I adore rain.

Me, too.

Right. Professor Julia Serrano
isn't able to give class today,

she has a cold.

And fever.

She asked that the monitor...
Just a moment please.

- What's the name?
- Carmen Lygia.

The monitor Carmen Lygia
will be her substitute.

No, I will.

And thank you.

What are you, nuts?

If you want to know, I'm in panic.

In panic. I don't know what to do.

No kidding.

No one goes to bed soaking wet,
wakes up with a fever of 103

and acts as if it's
the most normal thing in the world.

Seriously. You need help, Julia.

From a psychoanalyst on up.

I don't know why
it's so hard to understand

that I wanted to get wet
in the rain and I did.

Great! Beginning tomorrow,
I'm going to wear shoes all the time.

Sleep in them, bathe in them,
swim in them!

You really want to harm yourself,
seriously?

Go in my closet and get the revolver
my dad left me.

Squeeze the trigger and it's done.

I'm coming!

- Selma!
- Júlia, dear... How are you?

Feeling better?

Hugo's not in.
But he won't be long.

Make yourself comfortable.

I have some work to do,
but I'll be in my room...

Don't you think you'll be tired
of all these colors soon?

Probably.

No, this is not my room.

Hugo was always good
at decorating,

but this time,
I think he rather exaggerated.

My Lord, what's this?
What's going on with my son?

This looks like a mausoleum
with a bath.

That's not like my Hugo.

Do you think he's alright, Julia?

Fine.

The color of the walls,
unbelievable.

You believe in elves, Selma?

No.

This is only for people
who believe in elves,

fairies, witches, Feng Shui...

Now you need to work
on the garden. It looks terrible.

Gives a bad impression, you know.
Just as you walk in...

- Would you like a coffee, Selma?
- Do you have tea??

Chamomile... Cinnamon, apple.

Black.

Thank you.

Ms. Selma.
How did you get here before me?

You fly in?

I paid a small fortune for a cab.

And you, young lady, any better?

- If you need anything, I'm in my room.
- Wait up. Just a little minute.

Hold on a second.

I brought a little something
for your house!

Because the real present

I'm only giving you
on the day of the shower.

- "Lovely" ”, Mother.
- I knew you'd like it.

I made tea. Want some?

No tea for you. We're late as it is
for our shopping date.

"The combination between
the narrative structure itself

and the elements
of passions, mystery,

interspersed with catastrophic
amorous battles..."

"...interspersed with catastrophic
amorous battles..."

"...which lives on in readers'
memories, a timeless..."

Lisa, can you please turn down
the sound? I'm trying to work!

Lisa, I'm talking to you.
Turn that shit down, now!

Next thing, the neighbors
will be at the door. Are you nuts?

Leave me alone.
Mind your own business!

Lisa, I need silence.
You're out of line.

The house is mine, too,

and I play the goddamn stereo
as loud as I want.

Open this door. I have something
important to tell you.

Why don't you stuff yourself
with your meds and go sleep?

Seriously, I need to talk to you
about something important. Open up.

What's wrong?

What kind of expression is that?

Is something the matter?

If you want to talk,
If I can help...

Help, Julia? You?

How can a sarcastic,
self-centered woman,

who looks down on everybody,
help anyone?

- I know I'm a little harsh at times.
- A little? You are so selfish!

You can't see
beyond your own belly button.

I've never seen you
so out of control.

You're sweet.

Maybe talking about it
would help, Lisa,

no matter what's wrong.

Whatever's wrong, it's done,
over with.

What's done?

The abortion.

You can be honest: I was a coward.

A coward wouldn't do what you did.

You've been dealing with this
all alone.

But I wasn't brave enough
to have this child, Ju!

A child, when a couple wants one,
is already very complicated.

Imagine you, alone, no father,

having to deal
with all the responsibilities?

You thought about you.
There's nothing wrong with that.

The parents of Rodrigo, my...
My whatever.

They're really rich, you know.

They would think I got pregnant
just to set myself up.

No, no, no.

You don't have to think about that.

You have to think of yourself,
only you.

Looks like somebody here's
been crying.

And you, everything okay?

Sorry. Sorry.

I ran into Pedro's parents
after I took mom home.

It was very hard.

They insisted I go by the house.
I went, to be polite.

It is very hard for them, too.

Pedro's mother started saying
things, remembering things,

and it made me feel so empty,

so anxious, missing him.

I don't know.

I lost control.

And then his mother, Maria Lucia,
gave me a sweater as a present...

It was his favorite.

I'm still completely
in love with him.

It just hurts so much...

Sharing a house with others
can give us certain joys,

a comfort derived
from the warmth of the herd.

But it is also a constant turmoil.

It's not, Honório. I don't agree.

Yes it is, it's politics that...

But it doesn't need to be because
there's a methodology for that.

- If you...
- Good morning.

Good morning.

Julia Serrano! How's the new house?

Marvelous. A nice breeze. Silence.

Never thought I'd enjoy it so much.

Fresh coffee. I just made it.

Wonderful, Elisa. No sugar for me.

Tell me. Did you get over your cold?

I completely forgot about it.
I'm fine.

Julia, I've been reading
Carmen Lygia's project.

I'd like to talk to you about it.

Honório, Carmen is as stubborn
as she is applied.

She's doing well. When you finish
reading the project, we'll talk.

Tell me something. What do you
need for the new house?

Hugo and his mom are organizing
a house-warming party.

I'm going to invite everyone
in the Department.

Elisa, this coffee is good.
Excellent!

Julia?

Hello, Carmen.

- I brought your schedules.
- Ah, thank you.

I went by the Department earlier
but you weren't there, so...

Sorry I didn't give you any warning.
I caught a cold.

A good one, apparently
you look different. Great.

Could we set up a meeting
off-campus?

Off-campus is where I usually
conduct my private life.

I know, but I have to start
writing my thesis,

and there's little time
for orientation.

Gee, you almost...

What? What did I do?

You're not going to put me
in a bad mood.

Not today.

Home of Julia, Hugo and Lisa.
May I help you?

This here is disgusting!

Well, yeah. We like it like this,
nothing growing on it.

And you're here to do what?

I'm Helena. Nice meeting you.

I'm Lisa's cousin.

I said I'd come on her day off.
On Wednesday, and...

Today is Thursday.

I haven't adapted to the time change.
I must have gotten mixed up.

Anyway, may I wait inside?

Great colors!

But I'd leave this wall white

and then put a very light blue
there at the end of the hall.

This sofa doesn't work.
Here in the entrance, no way.

I'd put it there.

You're also from the group

"I believe in elves, Feng Shui,
Bach florals"...

No, no.

I really believe in love
and visual arts,

all art in general.

But I eke out a living

as a small civil servant
in the Brazilian embassy in Paris.

How "tedious"!

Tedious? No kidding!

So tedious, I'm working up
to make a move,

both internally and externally,
to change absolutely everything.

So... what do you do?

Education.

- A teacher?
- University professor.

Great.

It must be fun to shape minds.

Lisa's room is the first
on the right.

- I have a lot of work to do...
- Pretend I'm not here.

I really just wanted to take a bath.

- I'll get you a towel.
- No need.

Everything I need's right here,
I'm used to living like a gypsy.

Towel, toiletries, toothbrush...

I could almost touch the salty air

that interposed itself
between me and Lisa's cousin...

What did she say her name was?

Suddenly death called
to me artlessly,

with a dry promise of being
better than all the rest.

Want some help?

It wasn't me who disturbed you,
was it?

First, a window started banging,

then a cell phone ringing nonstop,
and I heard...

No one ever told you
it's rude to spy on others,

listening to the noises they make?

Julia, excuse me for asking,
but are you always

like these, tense?

When did I give you
the false impression

that I would welcome some
stranger's comments about me?

I didn't mean anything.

I just really heard

someone stomping tensely
around the house.

Don't worry. I'll ask the manager
of our little bed and breakfast

to give you a discount.

You're funny, aren't you?
You don't miss a thing.

Let's say I've been collecting
a few traumas lately.

Look, I thought
I could cook up something later.

Is there a market nearby?

Are you hungry?
Want to eat something?

Not a bad idea. But you know what?

Since I love to cook,
and Lisa loves my cooking,

I thought I'd fix dinner
for us later.

Want to have some tea
with me first?

We have some coffee cake, too.
Marvelous.

I spent much of my life
worrying about my survival,

my financial stability.

When I got that solved, I felt lost.

Life can't be just eat,

sleep, pay bills.

I think most people die of that.

You studied painting in Paris?

I never studied.

I just throw the paint there,

and the critics say
what kind of art I do.

So far, they've come
to no conclusion.

They just say
it's totally subconscious.

Subconscious, or inconsequent?

Is there a difference?

When you have to pay your bills
at the end of the month,

the subconscious works
in very consequent ways

so they don't cut off your light,
gas, telephone...

So, that's why
I'll be in Brasilia tomorrow

to quit my job in France,
a totally inconsequent attitude.

Very brave.

You're one day late.

I miss you. What's up?

Everything's fine.

I was explaining to Julia
my confusion with the dates.

Well, it worked out for the best,
your confusing the dates.

Helena, now you're all set up.

So, Julia.
What do you think of my cousin?

"As soon as I heard
of your marriage, I came, my lady.

I came to say that..."

"Please, speak once and for all

why you have come, sir."

"I came here, Miss,

to tell you that...

I love you."

You scared me, Julia!

You look like you've
been up all night!

Because I have been up all night.

Want breakfast?

I want you to tie me up.

Hugo, I'm talking to you.

You want tea or milk?

I want you to tie me up.

I'm making eggs for me,

but no bread.
I'm on this protein diet.

Hugo, I'm asking you,
demanding you tie me up, dammit!

This is going to hurt.

Tie it tight. Tighter.

What about if someone comes?

Helena, Lisa, a visitor!

I have nothing to hide.

You're not alone in the world.

Stop preaching and tie that shit
as tight as you can!

Home of Hugo, Julia and Lisa.

Leave a message and we'll get
back as soon as possible. Bye.

I spent all day in the studio
unable to think straight.

Just thinking about
what could be happening here.

I still don't understand.

What are you trying
to prove to yourself, Julia?

Why would someone want to mistreat
herself like this on purpose?

Maybe more rational people
feel this need, I don't know.

I only know that
when the pain is over,

it brings me peace,

a sense of calm.

I knew you were crazy.
I just didn't know how crazy.

Remember when I told you
I envied your loss of Pedro

because it brought you
real suffering?

For me, for the loss to be concrete,
the pain has to touch my body.

Not to mention

the ways we need controls.

Controls?
What are you talking about?

I can't go running after Antonia.

Nor am I ready to start
a new relationship.

But I'm alive.

I have drives, instincts,
desires like everybody else.

I prefer my body dormant
and my mind awake

so I don't cause more damage

to myself or anyone
who comes close to me.

Julia, making yourself suffer
more won't lead to anything.

Sometimes letting someone get close
is the only way you can forget.

Even the best of friends despair

when they see no sign of recovery.

Drink more.

The suffering of others
is always unpleasant.

It reminds us of our own past
pains. Or pain yet to come.

It's odd to think that the sea

had been here all the while.

Intact. Entirely for me.

And I didn't keep our date.

An ocean.

The ocean.

From the sea. To the sea. Me.

- You went to the beach?
- Yes.

I wish I'd been there
to take a photo!

Good for you, Julia.

Sea water helps your equilibrium,
transforms your energy.

Wish I had seen it.

"Guaratiba Ocean, meet Julia.
Julia, meet Guaratiba Ocean."

Hey, I walked to the beach.
That's all.

Sit and have breakfast with us.

Thanks, but I'm in a hurry.

You have to go slow with Julia.

Ocean and a decent breakfast
on the same day... it's too much.

Good morning, sunshine.

I thought you'd gone to Brasilia.

Went and returned the same day.

Listen, we're having a lunch later.

May I count
on your illustrious presence?

What a shame.
I have an engagement.

A typical Saturday lunch.
Late afternoon.

If I were you,

I'd think it over before
passing up my cooking skills.

I'll try.

Good.

Delicious...

Chef Helena, you're ten times
more talented than I thought.

Do you have an egg beater?

Mother, forget the list.
You're a compulsive organizer.

Ask the cook

how much a good egg beater
is needed in a kitchen.

Ten minutes more and we'll eat.
Almost ready...

Let's wait for Julia
a little longer.

Call her.

Your Aunt Clelia promised she'd
give a set of little olive forks.

I doubt you have that.

We don't.

- Do you like to cook?
- A little.

- Are you a good cook?
- Yes.

I'm here!

Julia, how good you came!
Come taste the sauce for the fish.

'Cause after nearly
a bottle of wine,

one's sense of taste
is a little impaired.

Wow. Delicious.

The smell is really something.

Lisa, don't say "smell".
Say "aroma", "bouquet”.

The look is something, too.

This is the concept
of oriental food.

They say we begin eating
with our eyes.

It'll be hard to go back to frozen
dinners after chef Helena's food.

Cheers.

Good, very good. Light. Balanced.

Your father loved a Brazilian-style
fish I used to make.

Said it was ten times
better than any restaurant.

Have some of this.

People, I think someone's
out there looking in.

I'll take a look.

Courageous, she is.

Let's just call the police.

Mother...

Hi. Is this Professor
Julia Serrano's house?

Yes. But she's having lunch.

Ah, then I'll wait here.

Of course not. Come in.

- Thank you. Excuse me.
- Sure.

I'm sorry. I didn't want
to interrupt your lunch...

Carmen Lygia,
what are you doing here?

Ah, so you're the famous
Carmen Lygia.

I'll get another plate.

Please, don't worry.
I already had lunch.

- You sure?
- Thank you.

- How'd you get my address?
- At the office.

I didn't authorize anyone
to give my address to students.

No, Julia, it's that I tried
to contact you but never could.

Yesterday I called
but you didn't answer.

- Sit down, young lady.
- Thanks.

It's just that Monday I have
to renew my scholarship request...

Please excuse me,
I didn't want to interrupt lunch.

I brought a present for you.
In fact, two.

From the Sarah Waters series?

Have some wine with us?

Look, I'll get another bottle.

Since when can you invite
people into my house

without asking me first?

Since when does one need
to ask permission to be polite?

Helena, this is my house.

And that person in the living room

is your student who came
from god-only-knows-where

to see her academic idol up close.

While you're here,
I beg you not do this ever again.

Don't worry.

I know a few other people.

Who have difficulty
dealing with affection.

Now may I be excused, professor?

You may.

Carmen Lygia, where does
that lovely name come from?

My mom wanted "Carmen”,
because of my grandmother.

Daddy wanted "Lygia",
like the bossa nova song.

So I became Carmen Lygia.

- I know it doesn't really go together.
- No, but it's strong. Striking.

And is Carmen Lygia
a good student, professor?

Other than an occasional
attitude problem,

she is very applied and has
a great future ahead of her.

Well, she must be really applied.

Because to leave the South Zone
on a Saturday afternoon

and come way out
to Pedra de Guaratiba...

Only someone who is most diligent.

Cousin, you sure you won't sleep
over again?

No, I want to use the weekend
to get in some painting.

Listen, I'm not going to rave
about the lunch again,

or you'll think I want
to start up a fan club.

But it was marvelous. Bye.

Show up more often.
We loved your visit.

It was great.
Even the indigestible part.

Why don't you come see my studio?

It has paintings, wines... and me.

Will you forgive me, professor?

We'll talk on Monday, Carmen.

"Take any form. Drive me mad!

Only do not leave me in this abyss,
where I cannot find you.

"Oh, God! It is unutterable!

I cannot live without my life!

I cannot live without my soul!"

"... yes, we are talking
about a moment,

a period in the history
of English literature..."

No, that's wrong.

"We are talking about a period in
the history of English literature...

...in Which Emily Bronte
is conceiving her work,

inspired in a gothic ambiance..."”

UNKNOWN CALLER

Hello.

Here's your new card.

Now we'll set up your PIN number.
Six digits, ok?

Now repeat to confirm.

Very well. Let me authorize...

All ready.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Ah, Roberto,
let me clear up a doubt:

Will this new account eliminate
my previous banking history

of the joint account
I had with Antonia?

Of course not.

Your new fees and credit limits
will reflect your new balance.

At each step...

each new move,

I saw I had been transformed
into a blank book.

No longer was anything
written in me.

I remember suddenly asking myself:

Is forgetting something
the same thing as losing it?

That's it, more or less.

I thought your painting
would be more cheerful.

It might sound a little obvious,

but I don't know
what all this makes me feel.

That's exactly the idea:
The indiscernible.

It seems a lot like you.

Maybe because I've been
through something traumatic,

right after my dad's death.

I was in my Paris apartment,
totally depressed.

I forgot the tea kettle
on the stove.

And woke up
with the apartment destroyed,

lost almost everything.

A month later, I was painting.

- Just like that?
- Just like that.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

In reality,
our work is complementary.

People like you create,

and we give it a name,
an explanation:

Trauma, anxiety, fury...
The unconscious.

Listen, I'm organizing
a going-away party.

I spoke to Lisa today.

I want to do a kind of luau
in Guaratiba.

I'd love it if you came.

When do you travel?

I have to be in Paris next weekend.

So, let's plan.
If you need some help...

You know, who's giving me
lots of support is your student.

Carmen Lygia?

After that lunch, Saturday,
we went out for a few beers.

She's a cutie.

- Good morning.
- Good morning!

We have a new guest?

It was meowing at my window
in the middle of the night.

Good sign.

Seems like the house
is coming to life.

Or lives.

You look great, you know?

You're right when you say
that anything is better than death.

Looks like that little raincloud
is starting to move.

Yesterday for the first time,

I caught myself thinking
about Antonia without suffering.

I thought it had to do with life,
but it has more to do with death.

It's a little morbid, kind of sad,

but what you're telling me
is wonderful.

A big step forward.

Hi, hi, hi. Good morning.

- Fresh coffee...
- Good morning, sleepyhead.

Oh, how cute...

They're super spiritual, you know?

You're just in time.

The coffee's fresh
and I'm heating up the bread.

This is Nani, a friend.
This is Lisa, Julia and Hugo.

- How do you like my garden?
- Starting to look just like you.

Like me ten years ago, you mean.

- May we?
- Sure!

I separated a place for your things

and there's plenty of room
in the refrigerator.

How're you dealing
with your return to Paris,

knowing you're not going to stay?

That city gave me
some powerful tools.

But after a while,

if you don't leave,
the tools begin to rust.

And you? What are your plans?

I'm just getting through each day
with a minimum of dignity.

When I can.

From that first day I saw you,

you've changed a lot...

True.

I'm managing to live in a dorm
and I'm at a nocturnal picnic,

which so far has shown me

that I will never want to go
to another. Too much sand...

Well, since this is your first
and last nocturnal picnic,

you'll have to obey all my rules.

Agreed?

You trying to get
my friend drunk, Hugo?

Be careful because
it's the only one I have.

I had noticed you are a person
with few friends. Carmen.

Is it really that obvious?

No one in their twenties
and with all their marbles

would give up
a roaring Friday night

for a picnic with the friends
of her professor.

If it depends on the "friends"
of the professor,

I'll enroll in class tomorrow.

See? We agree.

I have my motives, okay? You know.

Nani... where's that come from?

- Nani comes from Benjamin.
- Benjamin. Benjamin.

People, I think I feel rain.

Oh, Christ. It's the ocean breeze.

No. Seems like it's
going to pour. Look.

Well, an evening picnic
with Julia and no rain

would make no sense whatsoever.

So, cousin, are you enjoying
the going-away party?

So much so,
I think I'll go for a swim.

In this freezing water?

To lower my anxiety
before the trip.

If the present is good, there's no
reason to worry about the future.

As always, Helena was an inner,
turbulent sea.

Yes, that was her name.

I think I don't want
to go back to the beach.

Julia? You have a minute?

Carmen, I said I'd give you
the rest of the bibliography,

but in the rush,
I didn't have time, sorry...

It's really not about that,
Its something else.

Ok, go ahead.

The night of the picnic,
you and Helena disappeared.

So, something happen?

What?
It's none of your business.

Even if it were, this is not
the place for this subject.

It's just... the day of the lunch,

I gave Helena a ride
and we ended up together.

Since then, we've talked a lot,
exchanged emails.

Carmen, what you and Helena do or not
is none of my business.

But are you jealous?

Are you jealous of me
or of Helena?

Carmen Lygia Pereira de Sá,

this is the last time you'll pretend
you and I are close.

Now, I have things to do.

"The Unicorn said,

'If you believe in me,
I believe in you.'

Kisses, Helena."

Spring brought
the first colors to Hugo's garden,

memories of my night with Helena
before she returned to Paris...

and more postcards.

Sorry. Hugo said you'd only
be back later, so I...

Only love can make you forget
the ones you loved before

and yet love them even more.

I don't know...
It's all together.

Julia, I don't remember us
sleeping together that night.

You have a weak memory.

We slept together, you,
me and Nani, completely naked.

Nani mentioned to me...

You have the entire house
to make love in.

I just don't need to see it.

Because I've already
heard everything.

I'm so enthusiastic,
Julia, because...

This guy's something special...

You mean you're really going?

I've never ignored my heart.

You know it's not my style,

to interfere in the lives of others.

I'm often misunderstood
because of it.

But do you really think
you should go back to a man

who left you alone
at the most difficult time?

Listen, Julia, Rodrigo was weak,
immature, infantile. All that.

But he deserves a second chance.

You're throwing
your self-esteem in the trash.

Julia,

if Antonia appeared right now
asking to come back,

which would you choose:
Antonia or your self-esteem?

I don't know if I'm right or not,

I think we never know at the time.

I prefer to take the risk.

Is it true I'm going to lose
my little sister today?

You are so melodramatic!

I'm moving to another house,
not another city.

Thanks for everything.
For putting up with me...

No. That's my speech.
I know I'm difficult.

Sometimes even
I can't stand myself.

Enough is enough!

Your room is still here,
just in case...

Antonia's body had always been

a map which held
no secrets for me.

Before, all I needed was
a tiny glimpse of Antonia's body

to know it was her.

I looked the first time
and didn't see.

The second time,
I didn't recognize her.

The third time, yes,
I saw Antonia.

But at the same time,
I wasn't sure it was her.

Is that here...?

Someone's at the door.
I think it's for you.

For me?

Open your mouth.

You and your paintings,
always emerging from the infinite.

- I came to get you.
- Helena said let's go,

and I simply went.

- Just like that?
- Just like that.

Get your things. I'll wait.

Perhaps I will regret, Helena,

but now I need to discover
what of me really remained...

I cannot drag you
into a life of comparisons.

You deserve something better

than someone camped
at a crossroad

trying to find her way,

whichever way.

Love demands much,
and I have very little to give.

I don't know if one
can make a life with so little.

Everything slips and rolls off it,
nothing penetrates.

Perhaps I shall regret,
Helena. Perhaps...

"SO HARD TO FORGET"