So Fine (1981) - full transcript
Jack Fine, owner/manager of Fine Fashions of Brooklyn, which solely produces women's dresses, has been having a difficult time the past year due to the company not keeping up with the changing fashions, so Jack is in debt to the tune of $1.5 million to loan shark/gangster Mr. Eddie, a hulking, flamboyant man who has a penchant for picking up and destroying things that bother him. Jack now falls into that category. Instead of figuratively or literally breaking Jack's legs or worse, Mr. Eddie decides to take over Fine Fashions until the debt is paid, naming Jack's son Bobby Fine, an English Literature professor at upstate Chippenango State College, to manage the operations. Not only does this new career, which Bobby has no option but to accept, threaten the possibility of Bobby obtaining this year's tenure track position in the department, but Bobby at the helm of the fashion house threatens to ruin it completely, as Bobby has no idea about fashion whatsoever. Complicating matters is that Bobby and Mr. Eddie's wife, seductive Italian Lira, fall in love at first sight--she doesn't love Mr. Eddie. Bobby's association with Lira accidentally leads to the latest fashion craze which could save Fine Fashions: coined "So Fine", they are jeans which expose the butt cheeks, that area of the pants covered with clear plastic. With Jack and Bobby potentially coming into a financial windfall because of So Fine as well as being the toast of the fashion world, the question becomes whether Bobby will get everything he wants, including the tenure position and Lira, without Mr. Eddie killing him.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MAN: --due to
shrinking enrollments
in sections 4 and 5.
Moving along, I would like
to congratulate Dick McCarthy
on his very thought
provoking article
on the image of heat
lightning as used
in "The Scarlet Letter."
Wake up, Bob!
MAN: Dick's article reminded
me of work I did at Hopkins--
that was during the
Stone Age, of course--
on images of hail and
freezing rain in "King Lear."
I remember the article.
Oh god, I'm going to throw up.
Mr. Fine, uh, do you
have something to say?
I said I was going to
go up to the library and--
and find that article.
MAN: An excellent
idea, Mr. fine.
I'm sure you'll
enjoy the library.
To conclude, we
had hoped to open
two more tenured positions,
but only one will be possible.
Both Mr. Fine and
Mr. McCarthy have
been with us for four years, and
both are qualified for tenure.
I don't take bribes
Oh, certainly not.
What should I gain by the
exaction of this forfeiture?
A pound of man's
flesh taken from a man
who is not so estimable,
profitable neither,
as what, Mr. Fine?
As the flesh of
muttons, beefs, or goats.
I say to buy this favor,
I extend this friendship.
MAN: Bravo, Mr. Fine.
Bravo.
How the hell did
you know that quote?
Oh, my father's in
the dress business.
I always liked "The
Merchant of Venice."
[HONKING]
[SCREAM]
[MUSIC - "JINGLE BELLS"]
We have a freight
entrance, sir.
H, where's Jay Oenstein?
He's expecting you.
You kidding?
Jack Fine, Fine Fashions.
You must be new here, eh?
All the girls know me.
Here, here.
Take a pen.
I don't need a pen.
Oh, shit.
Mr. Augustine!
Whew!
Hi.
Hello.
They ought to be
ashamed, some of this crap.
It's $180.
Where's it made?
Thailand.
Thailand.
That's slave labor, sweetheart.
Here, here, look.
Here.
[RIP]
Oh my god.
Ha ha. now love.
You look like a mature woman.
You mind if I use a mature word?
This is what we call
real cheap shit.
Even tastes like shit.
I can't believe it.
I mean, they don't
even feed the schmucks.
How are they supposed
to sew a dress?
Now here-- real
American know-how.
Wool knits-- what are
you, about an eight?
Sweet man--
12.
12, huh?
Solid.
Here, I got a beautiful 12 here.
Goes for $79.95 retail.
If you like it, you can
have it for $30, cash.
You work here?
Come on, try it in the back.
Come on to the dressing room.
Jack?
Jay!
Jay, you look wonderful!
What is this, Jack?
Running around in my
department with these dresses?
What the hell do you think
this, Delancy Street?
No, these are the wool
knits I was telling you about.
They just came in.
Forget it.
I told you on the
phone it's too late.
Jay, we had
production problems.
Yeah, that is your
problem, not mine.
Now come on.
Get them the hell out of here.
- Jay, you and I go back, right?
We're a little shaky now.
We need this order.
Jack, you've been
shaky for 20 years.
You'll survive.
Now beat it.
Jay!
Jack, I swear,
I'll call security.
All right, all right,
so goddamn high hat!
I remember you were
a little pischer.
Worked for Murray.
Worked for Murray!
Goodbye, Jack.
JACK: Oh--
WOMAN: [SCREAM]
Excuse me.
I--
WOMAN: [GASP]
Ma'am.
[LAUGHTER]
[SCREAM]
Uh, does it fit?
Get out!
Do you like first?
Get out!
Are you crazy?
All right!
What are you doing here?
Well, I-- well, I
thought I had a sale.
here, here.
Here's a pen.
ah, yeah.
I Can't believe
what's happening!
We're going to eat those
goddamn wool knits.
I was kicked out
of Bloomingdale's!
A disaster.
100, 150 grand.
Jack!
What do you think?
Kill the lace.
With or without?
Too simple without.
It stinks both ways.
Uh, maybe feathers.
Feathers?
Then it's a $40 dress.
I can't sell $20 dresses.
What the hell am I going
to do with a $40 dress?
We're dying, here!
Ah, it's a cycle.
Ah, cycle my ass.
I was thrown out of
Bergdoff's today.
You imagine such a thing?
Jack Fine thrown
out of Bergdoff's?
Used to be, come on, Jack.
Sit down, Jack.
Have some coffee, Jack.
Now-- god damn wool knits.
Don't ask.
I'm asking.
What do we owe?
Give me a rough.
$243,000, Jack.
Is that rough enough?
What do we got coming in?
$1,800.
SECRETARY: Jack, to
the show room please.
$1,800.
Oh boss?
JACK: Hey, hey, hey.
Vicki!
Jack.
Vicki, baby.
My favorite man.
You must be taking gorgeous
pills I can't stand it.
I might do something
filthy right here.
Oh, I'd love it!
How are my friend
at Fleeman Brothers--
Oh, we're doing fabulous.
And you, Jack.
I heard there was trouble.
Only trouble is I
can't ship fast enough.
Here, take huh?
Comes in peach, guava.
I'm at the Blake this time.
The Blake?
Ha ha ha.
I thought that
place was condemned.
These dresses ought
to be condemned.
Cute, cute, you miserable--
hey, here, here, right here.
Comes at midnight and ivory.
If you like it,
let me know cause
I gotta call the warehouse and
have them save you a couple.
VICKI: You know I'd take
your whole line, jack--
your whole line right
down to the bottom.
Vicki, baby.
I can get pornies
in my hotel room--
you know, right on the TV.
Then we can talk dresses.
Around 8 o'clock?
Around anything you want.
SECRETARY: Jack?
Telephone.
Ah, Vicki, baby.
8 o'clock.
Is she from Fleeman Brothers?
Yeah.
Forget it.
They're going under.
What?
Their credit stinks.
It's iffy.
Iffy?
You mean I got to
hump her for nothing?
It's your problem.
Jack, I got some
beautiful denim.
Get lost, Sam.
Will you?
Bye, everybody.
Hello.
Yeah.
You're kidding.
What, now?
Where is he?
Oh, of course I'll be there.
What am I going to say, no?
Yeah.
Mr. Eddie.
Jesus Christ.
of all the half-assed
places to meet somebody, I--
hey, is Mr. Eddie ready here?
No, no, no, he's
due any minute.
That's why I'm going.
Yeah, you're smart.
Couldn't have
picked a restaurant?
Oh boy.
Eddie?
[SHOUTS]
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Eddie?
What?
Eddie?
It's Jack Fine!
You wanted to see me.
Money, money.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
I said to myself,
I bet Eddie wants
to see me about that loan.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Hey, that-- that looks
real good for you.
Huh, Eddie?
Couple of guys whacking
the shit out you?
Relieves a lot of
tension, I bet, huh?
Where's the money?
Uh, uh, that's what
I like about you.
No small talk, no bullshit.
Right to the point, huh?
I want my money.
Sure you do.
Hey, Eddie, it's your money.
I don't blame you. i mean,
business is business, right?
Steam!
ATTENDANT: Steam!
I owe you what, 150 grand?
A million five.
Million five?
A million five?
That much already?
You charge some interest, huh?
You don't have it.
A million five--
well, I mean, not on me.
I take the business.
Oh, Eddie.
Eddie, give me a
break, will you?
Easy!
Easy with the crease, Charlie!
Eddie, listen!
Eddie, give me-- give--
give me another month, huh?
All right, all right,
a couple of weeks.
The business is mine.
Oh, Jesus.
Geesh, Eddie, you
sure are built, huh?
And your kid comes in with us?
What?
You heard me!
Oh, Eddie, you
got to be kidding!
New blood.
He's in.
JACK: Eddie, my
kid's a professor.
He don't know anything
about dresses.
Leave him out of it.
EDDIE: Relax.
The boys are getting him today.
Today?
Eddie, this is nuts.
You can't just take
my kid like that.
No?
Oh, Eddie, come on.
Have a heart, will you?
You got to leave my
kid out of this now.
I mean, he'll never
forgive me, Eddie.
Hey, Eddie!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SINGERS: --with your
whistle, Robin come.
When we hear the
fife and drum, do
do do do do, pata-pata-pan,
when we hear the fife and drum,
Christmas should be frolicsome.
MAN: I thought I'd make a
few introductory remarks
welcoming Sir Alec.
Then we could proceed directly
to the chilled grapefruit.
I think that's
a great idea, sir.
Have you heard from Bob Fine?
Yes.
Plane landed 10 minutes ago,
and they're on their way.
Hard to believe,
isn't it, sir?
Ah, marvelous day for all of
us having a giant like Sir Alec
here at Chipenangle.
So I stood at the
window nude holing myself.
You know.
Well, I-- I don't think I do.
And I said, civilization
and its discontents--
rubbish.
And so that's how a
great poem was written.
Amazing.
Same car.
Oh, why don't we whip
this guy already, huh?
Well, I'd say
the cafeteria staff
has done an absolutely
marvelous job.
Splendid, sir.
[HONKING]
Has to be students.
Oh god!
Must be upper
classman, I would think.
BOBBY: Come on, Sir Alec!
A marvelous come.
Hey!
Oh the students.
So spirited!
Perhaps professors
MacDonald and Levin--
Mr. Fine!
It's an honor for me to
present Sir Alec Whitby.
Lovely boy.
[DOOR SLAMMING]
Where's the body?
Sister, that was
such a lovely--
Sorry, sister.
Hey, have you got my paper?
Hi, Mr. Fine.
We're friends of your father's.
HOST (TV): Aren't you nice?
From that applause,
you're not local, are you?
They don't usually
give it to me.
Are you out of towners?
Oh, how I love
this time of year.
Raise your hand.
Which one from out of towners?
I--
[CLICK]
Bobby!
Hello, Dad.
Are you OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Why shouldn't we be OK?
What are we, brutes?
I didn't mean anything.
[STAMMERS]
Eddie, tonight.
Eddie tonight what?
The big guy.
He wants to meet the kid.
BOBBY: He wants to
meet me tonight.
At his place.
1:30.
Perhaps it could wait.
Eddie waits for no man.
Look, Bobby.
Words cannot begin
to describe this day.
How's the sandwich?
It's all right.
Bobby, I want
you to understand.
The most famous
poet in the world.
The most famous, and I
was chosen to drive him.
Well, he must like you up
there at the college, eh?
They did.
They thought I had
a lot of potential
until those two goons came along
and dragged me out of there.
Now they have no
idea where I am.
Well, call up and tell them.
Tell them what?
That I got kidnapped
by gangsters?
Bobby, we-- we had a
year you won't believe.
I mean, Eddie took over.
Who-- who is this Eddie?
Don't ask.
And what's he expect me to do?
Join the business?
Doesn't he comprehend the fact
that I know absolutely nothing,
nothing, about dresses?
I told him!
I told him that very thing.
And that I have
a career of my own?
Did you tell him that?
And that I'm up for tenure?
Bobby, Bobby, you
don't understand.
He'll-- he'll kill me.
Yeah, what?
Kill you in a business sense?
[SHEESH]
You mean those--
those guys?
They'd actually kill you?
Physically kill you?
They'll kill me
then go out for pizza.
They don't give a shit!
You're taking my breath away.
Dad, I had no idea
things were so bad.
Oh, Bobby, you know me.
I never wanted to
burden you with my crap.
And, well-- eh, this is bad.
You got a lot of
tension in your neck.
Tension?
Heh, I want to hang myself.
No, wait a minute.
Let me think.
I can tell him that
there's a family emergency.
Then we have the Christmas
recess, then this intercession.
I could put four or
five weeks together.
You think there'd be enough?
Oh, Bobby, you're
a fabulous kid.
Yeah, well, I just
don't want you hurt.
And who knows?
Maybe it'll be an
interesting experience.
You look fabulous.
Thanks, Jeffrey,
you look great.
Did you see Steven's
window at Saks?
Nothing but fags here.
Come on, Dad.
I'm not prejudiced.
It is just an observation.
Look at this shit, huh?
Is that him?
JACK: Yeah, that's him.
BOBBY: Who's the woman?
She's very attractive.
JACK: That's his wife.
That's his wife?
You're kidding.
Bet you don't see things like
this up in that college, eh?
Hey, you are
gorgeous-o, you know that?
Unique-o, really especiali-da!
Leave me alone,
imbecile, imbecile.
Woo, the lady speaks!
I can respect that!
Hey, just for my curiosity
here, where'd you pick up
tiny, Ringling Brothers?
Eddie?
Eddie, darling.
That-- uh, that's a
gift from my mother.
He's an animal.
You could say that.
Ready to talk to him?
He's just a big
jealous pussycat.
What do I say?
Small talk-- how
much you're looking
forward to be the business.
You know-- blah,
blah, blah, blah.
But don't be a putz.
Don't start with the
"Canterbury Tales" or whatever.
This guy don't know shit--
guns and throwing.
I'm scared out of my mind.
Good.
Eddie!
Ha ha.
Jack.
Oh, this is my son Bobby.
Bobby, this is Mr.
Eddie and his wife Lira.
Jack Fine, makes dresses.
Ah.
[SNAP]
Drinks.
Hello.
Hello.
Are you really Eddie's wife?
LIRA: Si.
And you are a professor, yeah?
Uh Eddie?
Bobby-- Bobby's just dying
to get into the business.
Sit down.
Oh, very sweet of you.
Bobby?
Bobby?
Eddie asked us to join him.
I noticed that you had
a little, uh, fracas here.
I'm having shark.
You want some?
No, no, you misunderstand.
I-- I didn't say fricasse.
I said fracas here.
You know, like an argument.
Fucking-- what are you doing?
getting into semantics
with Mr. Eddie?
Eddie, that's a--
that's a beautiful suit
you got on there.
Yeah, Christ Velour.
Oh, I know it's Christ Velour.
I mean, that's my
line, Christ Velour.
Isn't that beautiful, Bobby?
The suit?
It's great.
LIRA: He pick it out himself.
Hey, you speak very
good English, huh?
She dance good.
We noticed.
You too, Eddie.
Hey, hey, you're some dancer.
Yeah, where'd you
learn that disco?
Heh.
You know, I-- I
could never do that.
Yeah, my-- my son maybe.
Maybe my son Bobby could do it.
No, I-- I don't, uh, dance.
No?
Dance?
Yeah, yeah.
Listen, you two have a
lot of fun because Bobby
and I have to go.
Got a big day tomorrow.
Got to introduce
him to the business.
Yeah.
You do good, huh?
Ah!
Thanks for the encouragement.
Eddie, uh, we'll--
we'll talk, huh?
[ROMANTIC MUSIC]
I fuck around.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC]
[HONKING]
JACK: Some of you may remember
when he used to come here
as a little snot-nosed kid.
But now he's come here to--
I got some
beautiful cotton her.e
Not now, Sam.
Bye, everybody.
But now he's come here
to help his old man out
in a time of need, so to speak.
My son Bobby Fine.
Thanks, Dad, and--
and thanks to all of you
for welcoming me here today.
As you probably already know,
I'm pretty much of a greenhorn
in this business.
My primary interests
have been in the field
of American literature--
Hawthorne and Melville and some
of the transcendental writings.
Bobby--
Nevertheless, I'm going to do
everything I can to help my dad
and Fine Fashions
get back on its feet.
I'm going to go amongst you
today and absorb and learn,
much in the tradition
of Shakespeare's "Henry
V," the royal captain
of this ruined band
walk from to watch,
from tent to tent,
that every wretch, pining and
pale before, beholding him,
plucks comfort from his looks.
Do you believe this putz?
Can I try?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SINGER: (SINGING) Look for the
union label when you were--
Adjustable sleeve,
orange and burgundy.
Why don't you give
us a hand, Bob?
This is you, ladies.
SINGER: Our union sew it.
Our wages going to feed the kids
and run the house we work on.
But who's complaining?
Thanks to the ILG,
we're paying our way,
so always look for
the union label.
It says we're able to
make it in the USA.
No, gracias.
Well, I think he's cute.
He's a schmuck.
I feel bad for Jack.
I'm sure he wishes
I were his son.
Ah.
So?
So I think I did pretty well
today, all things considered.
Yeah, the salesmen
hate your guts.
Why?
JACK: They think you're a snob.
That's absurd.
JACK: You got to be
one of them, Bobby.
You got to be a mensch.
Talk about what they
want to talk about--
going to the races, get laid.
Dad!
Dave said you didn't even
play the football pool.
I don't follow football!
Well, that's not
the point, Bobby.
Everybody plays a
football pool around here.
It's a way of life.
I'll play the pool.
What else?
Well, you're a klutz.
That I can't help.
JACK: Just make an effort.
That's all I ask, huh?
OK, OK.
What time are you coming home?
Eh, 9:00, 9:30.
I got some phone calls to
make, a few hours to go over.
Look, why don't you
go to the movies?
Relax. here.
I got money.
This isn't that goddamn
cow town of yours, you know.
Dad, I grew up here.
Well, it's changed.
I'll manage.
I'll see you later.
Be careful on the subway now.
Jack!
Come on.
Let's get a cab.
LIRA: Mr Fine!
Bobby Fine!
Buona sera.
How are you?
[CLEARS THROAT]
Well, I had an
interesting first day.
Quite a business.
I don't know if your
husband ever talks about it.
Daddy.
Get in?
Yes, get him.
We have a dinner, caro.
Where is your husband?
Oh, my husband.
Come.
I don't--
Curtains.
Leno, a casa.
Si, senora, a casa.
A casa, that--
that means home, doesn't it?
Yes, si.
Well, speaking for myself, I'd
be a lot more comfortable, uh,
in a-- in a
restaurant somewhere?
Maybe out of town?
Does that come with the car?
Amazing.
It will relax you, caro.
BOBBY: At the risk of
seeming overly cautious,
where is the approximate
location of your husband?
Oh, my husband.
He's always working, caro.
Sometimes, he comes
home at midnight,
sometime 3:00, 4:00 in the
morning, and sometimes never.
Well, he's a hard worker.
Oh, he's an idiot, caro.
How do you say?
Sicko-- sickopath?
Psychopath.
Psychopath.
You, professore, you are a man.
Well, I'd like to think so.
Come in.
Buona sera.
Ciao, Silvia.
So do you like my home?
BOBBY: It's extraordinary!
It's all right?
Oh, yes.
She's my friend
since before Eddie.
Caro.
Sylvia--
Eh.
Buona notte.
Was very nice to meet you.
[PINBALL SOUNDS]
Extra game.
Ha!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Does this decor reflect
your taste or Eddies?
So hot here.
I'm a very unhappy woman.
You are?
You-- you and Eddie
seems so happy together.
Oh, it's a masquerade.
I wanted to sing opera, caro.
But one day, my father, he
came to me with a long face.
And he say that I have
to marry a tall American.
You mean it was an
arranged marriage.
Yes, and so I got off
the plane from Rome.
And there he was, like
the King Kong, huh?
BOBBY: He's a very large man.
Very large, yes.
Not a man.
Not a man?
Eddie?
No.
You-- you mean that he's--
he's homosexual?
No, no, it's not homosexual.
it's-- it's not--
al dente.
Do you understand?
No.
It's overcooked, soft, mole.
I don't think I understand.
Oh caro, the linguine
just hang there, eh?
You mean he has a
problem with impotence.
No, he don't have any problem.
He doesn't care.
I have a problem, caro.
Well, you shouldn't
have such problems.
So help me, professore.
Help me.
[PINBALL SOUNDS]
Tilt?
BOBBY: You're sure
he never comes home?
No, no.
Oh, what beautiful legs--
like a normal man!
Well, we have a
swimming pool at school,
and often, not every day--
Oh, professore.
Average class has
about 20 students.
Professore.
[CRASH]
Tilt?
LIRA: It's him!
Ecco!
I knew it.
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
Sylvia!
Sylvia!
Sylvia!
Go, bye!
Darling.
Buona sera.
Hungry.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Thank you, Sylvia.
Doesn't he wear any pants?
Sleepy peepee.
Caro, why don't you stay here?
We listen to some music.
Darling, darling, darling, come.
We watch TV in the den, eh?
Peepee.
[CLEARS THROAT]
BOBBY: Here, I'm in the
north side of the bed.
Oh, you all right, professore?
It's awfully
drafty down there.
When can I leave?
[GARGLING]
Wait.
Eddie's a deep sleeper.
My father's worrying about me.
I think I'd better be going.
[WATER POURING]
Go, go, go, back.
Darling.
Oh, my sexy man,
the nice shirt, huh?
EDDIE: Damn Sylvia.
Oh, poor Sylvia.
She works so hard.
[SIRENS]
Buy choo-choo stock.
My big bambino.
Hey, I got a
splitting headache.
[BARKING]
Caro.
It's OK.
Jesus, it's 5 o'clock!
Come.
What?
To my bed, caro, like a man.
In your bed?
Yes.
Come, you must finish.
Are you crazy?
If you don't, I'll scream.
You'd scream?
I'll scream!
Come.
No!
Beautiful boy!
Professore.
Oh, forget him.
Oh--
Don't be shy.
Stay here.
Oh!
I thought you said
he was impotent.
Huh?
You-- you said--
Ah!
--he was impotent!
No!
Ah!
Oh.
And now, professore, be a man.
BOBBY: I can't go out
dressed like this!
LIRA: Hurry, hurry, hurry.
You look so nice.
You must go.
Presto, presto, presto, presto.
I can hardly breathe
in these things.
Ciao, professore.
Was beautiful.
Go!
Oh, oh!
Yeah?
Money, money!
Wait.
Ciao, ciao, bye,
bye, bye, bye!
Jesus.
[RIP]
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Taxi!
Taxi!
[CAR PULLING UP]
Thanks.
DRIVER: No way!
Ah, you bastard!
This has been tremendous
for us this season.
Also available in ecru,
lemon, and ginger snap.
One of my favorites.
I love selling it just
to see the reaction.
I don't like it.
I think it's outre.
You say it's
outre, it's outre.
Fine Fashions, you're the boss.
What are you giving
in like that for?
Sell her a little bit.
She likes that.
You're worried about Bobby?
SECRETARY: Raymond to shipping.
Come on.
He's probably with a broad.
It's not like me.
He-- he would have called.
I ever see you at the baths?
Try my house again, Laverne.
You need a Valium.
What I need is an enema.
Jack, today, I got
some beautiful plastic.
What the hell am I going
to do with plastic, Sam?
For Christ sake's get lost, eh?
Bye, everybody!
Plastics.
Nobody answers.
Christ.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Oh, it's locked!
We keep it locked.
That's the law.
That's an odd law, isn't it?
Keeping a fire door locked?
There's laws against
walking around bare-assed too.
Excuse me.
You're Jack Fine's boy, right?
Listen, I got--
I got to apologize.
Oh, that's OK.
I know you met a lot of
new people yesterday.
I'm Dick Letterhouse
of Polite Fashion.
- No, I mean--
- --Paul.
--the pants, the pants.
They're sensational!
Unbelievable!
Since when is your
dad selling jeans?
Absolutely unbelievable.
Does he sell the men's
or just the ladies'?
Well, these are
the ladies, actually.
You're wearing the ladies?
No, no, no.
We're not really selling--
You know, I could sell out
my stores in half an hour
with those.
A see through
seat-- what a concept.
Who's selling these?
- Jack Fine.
- Exclusive?
No, we're not.
I'll take 10,000 right now.
10,000 of these?
I'll take 20,000.
You believe I was
just standing here
and this kid walks by
like nothing's new?
Your father's a tricky old
bastard, I'll tell you.
Well, if you'll--
if you'll just follow me--
Can these also
be worn with shoes?
Oh, sure.
This is just one particular
style I'm wearing.
Oh.
This is fantastic.
I heard it died in Fort Worth.
Look, you don't like my goods,
get the hell out of here, eh?
Jack!
Oh, who needs this
goddamn aggravation?
Oh, you're behind
the times, Jack.
You're outre.
Outre, my ass.
Hey, come on!
This ain't my floor.
--Jack Fine for years.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
What the hell is this, now?
Holding out on us, Jack.
JACK: Bobby!
What a stretch.
It really works!
What are you doing
in the slippers?
We've got a real
phenomenon going here, dad.
Oh?
The men's jean is
still in the works--
What?
Well, actually, this
is the ladies jean
that I'm modeling right here.
All right.
MAN: You rascal, Jack--
sending the kid down to
the lobby wearing these.
You knew we'd go nuts, right?
Well, I mean, you've
got to be outre, eh?
You don't want
to be ultra outre.
I know you're all anxious
to get your orders in.
So if you'll just sit down and
make yourselves comfortable,
Rick and Dave will be
anxious to take your house.
Jack, Jack, you're
giving me 20,000.
Oh, no problem!
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Listen, sit down,
and I'll bring
you guys some Asian coffee.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
What the hell is going on?
We'll find out.
Talk to Sy.
Listen, order me 500 beige.
Get a hold of Sam.
I don't know where he is.
Well, don't let him
leave the building.
Now listen, will you tell me
what the hell is going on.
Well, it's-- it's
quite remarkable.
I was in the lobby--
frantic, actually.
What do you mean?
You came dressed like that?
Well, I had no choice.
Jack.
Oh my god.
- Turn around.
- What happened?
Oh, must I?
Did you get mugged?
In a nice way.
All right, I want a sketch
of this in a half an hour.
With-- with a
see-through behind?
I want to sell a half
a million by 5 o'clock.
Now get me a sketch.
Go ahead!
So you showed up
dressed like this?
With slippers and ripped pants?
Dad, I really
had quite a night.
Oh, I bet you did, eh?
Who was she?
Some buyer?
Eddie's wife, Lira.
Eddie's wife?
I couldn't call.
I was hiding under
their bed all night.
Hiding?
From Eddie.
He came home just as
we were about to get
seriously involved.
I found myself fleeing
down their hallway
like some character
in a farce by Moliere.
Moliere.
I stayed crouched under their
bed freezing in my underwear
all night.
Finally, Eddie went to sleep.
And then Lara asked
me to share their bed.
We made love.
You banged her
with Eddie there?
Well, he woke up, but
she pistol whipped him.
He went right out.
Oh.
Oh, Bobby, you got to
be shitting me, Bobby.
She's a remarkable gal, dad.
Heh.
Laverne, bring in
some Maalox, eh?
Their marriage
isn't what it appears.
Who gives a shit,
their marriage?
What are you, a social worker?
That Eddie'll rip your head off.
Eddie will never find out.
Yeah, well, well, you got
to get out of the country--
Europe or South
Amer-- or Israel.
Yeah, you got a cousin there.
Jeez.
Oh, dad, you're
being so negative.
This is gonna save the business.
We'll be in great shape!
Jesus Christ, it's
like a Bible story.
I got to save a dress
business by killing my son.
Look, dad, I can
take care of myself.
Eddie's wife?
Jeez!
Was she good at least?
Even with Eddie there.
Eh?
Heh heh.
I always loved Italians.
Jack?
You sent for me?
Sam!
Ha ha ha, come on in!
You know my suicidal son Bobby.
It's an honor to meet you.
You know how long your
father and I go back?
A long time, I'll bet.
We go back a long time.
He's always been
beautiful to me.
Even what he's hostile,
he has a lot of warmth.
Sit down, Sam.
How's maxi?
She dropped dead.
Don't you remember?
You were at the.
Funeral
Oh, yeah.
I-- I-- I'm a little nuts today.
But you got married
again, right?
That's right.
How is she, your second wife?
Passed away also.
Oh.
was-- was I at the funeral?
No, you were in Puerto Rico.
But you sent fruit.
You've had quite a run of
bad luck, Mr. Schlotzman.
I consider myself
a fortunate man.
I found myself a
third wonderful wife.
Oh.
Heh heh heh.
How is she?
Little under the weather?
Well, I'm-- I'm sure
she'll be all right.
I mean, the odds, huh?
Sure.
Sam, listen.
You said you had some plastic.
How much?
250,000 yards-- just
came in from Germany.
Soft, gorgeous.
We'll take it all.
250,000 yards?
Jack, you got something hot?
Bobby, stand up.
A revolutionary
new look in jeans.
Jack, you can see his ass.
Well, that's the point, Sam!
[LAUGHTER]
[THUNDER]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SINGER: (SINGING):
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Uh.
Don't you wanna rise and shine?
Oh yeah.
Don't you want a pair like mine?
Oh yeah.
Thriller, killer, and now
you got a pair, so fine,
so fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine, so fine.
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Don't you want to
get out of line?
Don't you want to look divine?
Stare 'em, bare 'em, and
now you're gonna wear 'em.
So shake 'em, break 'em, and
now you're gonna make 'em.
Feel fine, so fine,
so fine so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
Oh!
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
MAN: Hey, baby.
I want to wash your windshield!
[JACKHAMMER]
SINGER: (SINGING) Don't
you wanna blow their minds?
Let them get behind.
Thrill 'em, kill 'em, and
now you're gonna fill 'em.
So rack 'em, stack 'em, and
now you're gonna pack 'em.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine.
So fine.
So fine.
so fine.
Dave will you stop
hawking us already?
We're shipping them out
as fast as possible.
Yeah, that's my
son, the professor.
What do you want me to do?
You want me to schlep
them over there myself?
You're just going to have
to wait like everybody else.
MAN (PHONE): I can't wait.
And we're shipping a half
a million more this week.
MAN (PHONE): Terrific.
Where are mine?
That's right.
MAN (PHONE): I've
been changing--
Eh.
I can't believe what's
happening here, Dave.
My whole life, right!
Dave, Dave, you're just
going to have to relax, huh?
Just relax.
You'll get them.
Right, right.
Ciao.
Yeah, ciao.
Hey, you're getting
to be a real pro.
Well, I still feel
a little uncomfortable
talking on the phone like that.
Oh, of course.
The main thing is
you're making an effort.
You look so fabulous.
Look at that, Italian
clothes, contact lenses.
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah.
You sure you won't reconsider?
Oh, dad, I can't.
I got a commitment
to that college.
I've got students doing
independent study.
Besides, there
are other reasons.
Oh.
[PHONE RINGING]
She still calling?
Two or three times a day.
Last night, her car
was out in front.
I had to go out the
freight entrance.
I mean, I like her, and I
really think she's gorgeous.
But
No, no.
You got to stay the
hell away from her.
Besides, we're paying
Eddie back on Friday.
No kidding!
Yeah, and it's all
ours again thanks to you.
Come on.
BOBBY: It's been a unique and
wonderful experience for me
having worked with you all--
the very fiber, the very
backbone of Fine Fashions--
the fabulous Rick and Dave,
the incomparable Sophie,
a very volatile Angel
and Raymond in shipping,
a remarkable cutter,
Gus Trichonopolis,
the wonderful Hy and Sy, our
brilliant bookkeeper Irving
Katsman, and of course,
my totally unbelievable
father, the great Jack Fine.
Aw.
It's an honor
for me to call you,
as Shakespeare's "Henry V" put
so aptly, we few, we happy few,
we band of brothers.
Thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
What a guy!
What a guy!
Who is this whale?
Gee.
Oh, it's her.
Man are all the same!
Pig!
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
because I'm a crazy woman!
I don't want to see you anymore.
Stupido, stupido, professore.
What do you think, I'm
nothing but a puttana?
What?
You take the advantage
of me, and then
we never spoke to me again.
I take advantage of you?
Are you nuts?
You dragged me into bed.
I drag you into bed?
I came from the
best Italian family.
I'm a lady.
Do you know that?
I'm a lady!
Of course you are.
Please.
My father's asleep upstairs.
Why don't you answer
the phone when I call you?
Because I was
afraid to take those
calls because you're married to
a gorilla, for Christ's sake.
Dear professore,
do you like me?
Yes or not?
I've never met anyone
remotely like you.
So--
So the hell with Eddie.
I'll take my chances.
LIRA: [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Boy, I used to fuck like that.
SINGERS: (SINGING) Now
is the month of May
when merry lads are playing.
Fa la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la.
Now is the month of May
when merry lads are playing.
Fa la la la la la la
la la la la la la.
Say dainty nymphs and speak,
shall we play barley break?
Fa la la la la la la
la la la la la la.
Ah, careful now.
Don't want to get any
goulash on that suit.
Come on, Fine, tell us.
What it cost, huh?
$1,000?
No rice, please.
I get my suits at Sears.
Sportsman's collection.
Hey, they have stuff quality.
Quality but at a price.
Course, if you've made a
fortune in see through jeans,
you don't care about price.
Ah.
Mind if we join you?
Would you guys quick
breaking my chops already?
Fine.
We want to hear all about it.
How come you came back?
What do you mean
how come I came back?
I work here.
Couldn't have dragged me back.
All those girls, Fine.
The So Fine girls?
Must have made out
like a bandit, huh?
Well, there was
one amazing person.
One of those girls
with her ass showing?
Oh my--
Ah!
Can't take it.
An Italian--
unbelievable woman.
Her passion, her
completely unbridled lust.
Oh God almighty.
Ask her out, Fine.
The spring mixer's coming up.
It's not the kind of woman
you bring to a spring mixer.
No?
No.
Rome, yes-- to Florence, to
Venice, but not Chippenango.
Anyhow, she's married.
Really?
Fine!
You surprise me!
I surprise myself.
Is her husband
the jealous sort?
Sort of.
Darling.
Darling.
Do you like it?
Oh.
Fine.
He's late.
Maybe it's a bad traffic.
A million and a half bucks.
So much money.
What's the good if
we don't go anywhere?
Darling, this year,
we take a trip.
Si?
Yeah, Vegas.
No, I want to go to
Rome, to Venice, to Paris.
No more Vegas.
Vegas, then Reno.
You don't like it, tough shit.
Chippenango campus shoes.
Fine!
Ooh, cold.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
What's up, boss?
Get out.
Want us to come with you?
No, alone!
Eddie?
Eddie?
Eddie, It's me, Jack Fine.
Eddie?
Fall over a stiff, I know it.
Buongiorno.
Oh, buongiorno.
Yeah, I-- well, the door was
open and nobody answered.
Ah, no one is here.
I am Sylvia, the au pair girl.
Well, Sylvia?
Ah.
Sylvia, yeah, that's--
that's a nice name.
Listen, is everything all right?
I mean, I'm Jack Fine.
I was supposed to meet Eddie.
The senora left.
Yeah, I can see why he would.
In a rage, in a fury!
They had words,
he and the senora.
Oh, that's too bad.
Over your son.
What?
In the potted plant,
Eddie find the shoes.
It hit him in his fat head.
Holy shit!
Oh, your son is a
beautiful lover to Lira.
Well, naturally, but
I mean, Eddie's wife!
Why does he have to--
Now Eddie knows
beyond any doubt
that your son make
beautiful love to Lira.
Ah, it's out of our
hands now, Senor Fine.
It's a matter of honor.
Oh, no, no, not now.
Not now not now.
Later, huh?
- Oh--
My heart wouldn't be in it.
Later.
No, I got to run.
No.
Oh, Signore!
Signore!
Oh, a real man!
[BARKING]
MAN: don't exactly
know where the campus is.
it's in-- it's in town!
EDDIE: Where's that?
MAN: Wait, wait, look.
I explained this to you
about 20 times already.
What are you, some kind of
ding-aling or something?
Oh, get with it!
Oh, Mister.
Mister, take it easy.
I'm sorry.
Oh, I mean, I had a long
night and everything.
[BARKING]
[YELPING]
Next time, you'll
be courteous.
Want coffee, Professor Fine?
All right.
I have to stay awake for the
hour for the opera tonight.
I guess things must be pretty
slow up here after New York.
Well, actually, I'm getting
kind of used to it again.
Professore!
Professore!
Oh, caro, caro, kiss me!
Feel me!
You're here?
Yes, I came for you.
Can I get you
something, ma'am?
Yes, do you have rooms here?
Excuse me?
Lira?
Rooms!
We need a room, caro.
This is a house
of pancakes, ma'am!
Maybe you'd like
some pancakes.
Pancake?
For dinner?
We have blueberry,
which the professor
had, Dutch apple, strawberry.
He knows, caro.
Oh Christ, no.
Eddie?
Yes.
He knows that you
fill me with love.
[ORCHESTRA TUNING]
And you're-- you're sure
you don't know where he is.
Caro, just run.
You don't suppose he
could find his way up here.
In the morning, you
and I go to Venice, eh?
Venice?
Yes, Venice.
Come.
Excuse me.
Hello.
This is my friend, Lira.
Buona sera.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
"Othello!"
SINGERS: [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Is this the Italian?
Unbelievable.
You got to be in heaven, Fine.
I may be in heaven very soon.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Campus?
No, it's the North Pole.
Hey asshole, you're blocking me.
Oh dear.
Hey, come on, mister!
[CRASH]
Hungry.
Uh, Mr. Fine.
Ah, there you are.
Uh, please give us
a formal introduction
to your charming companion.
Oh, this is Lira.
Lira, this is Chairman
Lincoln and Mrs. Lincoln.
Delighted.
Very nice to meet you.
The McCarthys
you've already met.
Ah, it's my pleasure to
be with people of culture
and breeding once again.
Ah.
Whom are you
normally with, my dear?
Hoodlums and gangsters.
Ah ha ha ha ha.
Charming.
Bob.
Sorry.
Prego.
What?
Listen.
You got your key to the office?
I forgot mine.
My key?
What do you need my key for?
Oh, ptooey.
Come on, be a pal, hm?
All right, keep
the place clean.
Don't worry.
I'm a neat worker.
[HONKING]
JACK: Hey, I'm in a hurry!
Hey, putz, fill it
up with unleaded.
There ain't no unleaded!
[WHIMPERING]
Somebody have an accident?
A giant was here.
Bigger than any man!
He tore it right up!
A giant?
Was he well-dressed?
He was the best
dressed giant I ever saw!
He's on his way to
Chippenango College.
Shit.
Hey, be careful!
He ain't playing
with a full deck.
[DOO WOP MUSIC PLAYING]
SINGER: (SINGING) Oh wee oh wee.
Oh wee oh ah, like a man.
Oh, how you tried to
cut me down to size,
telling dirty lies
to my friends.
But my own father said
give her up, don't bother.
The world isn't
coming to an end.
How you doing?
Jim Sterling, Kappa Delts.
Mind if I, uh sit down?
I, uh, bet they're recruiting
you for basketball, right?
That's great because we got
three of the varsity guys
with the Delts.
You'd fit right in.
Our, um, parties are
always out of control.
You know what I mean?
Hi, Jim.
Hey, Carolyn.
I mean, if a girl
doesn't put out,
right, she just doesn't
come to our door.
Fine.
Oh, you're interested.
That's great.
Hey, Scott, go get
the keys to the car.
We can all go get some
beers or something.
I want Fine
Who?
A teacher.
Fine.
Oh, you mean Professor Fine.
Well, I can get you in
a couple of his courses.
He's a really--
Where is he?
Who?
Fine.
Look, I don't know, uh,
the English department.
Where is it?
It's in the library
around the corner, OK?
Hey, now you're
blackballed, you jerk!
[MUSIC STOPS]
[MUSIC STARTS]
Animals.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[COUGHING]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Poor woman.
Is she sick?
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Where-- where are you going?
I can sing this part, caro.
Wait here.
But I'm sure that
they-- they have someone--
Take someone from the chorus.
It's impossible.
Senora?
Oh, oh, Miss Canelloni.
Don't worry.
I will sing Desdemona.
You?
Yes.
Where'd you learn that
thing with the ice cubes, huh?
It was in the other
side of midnight.
Shouldn't you go?
MCCARTHY: Ah, I told
Betty that I hated opera
and I had some work to do.
[CHUCKLE] You got to
be flexible about--
[SCREAMING]
Ah, just who the hell are you?
Stop, please!
He's an assistant professor!
I'm not Bobby Fine!
Please!
Mmph!
Look at me!
Ah!
[WIMPERING]
What is he?
I'm not sure.
[SPUTTERING]
The opera!
The opera!
He's in the theater!
Holy Christ!
[GASP]
There was a seven
foot man here.
He's been everywhere.
You been assaulted, ma'am?
No, uh, Professor McCarthy
and I are just good friends.
Jesus, I don't believe this.
That's why I wouldn't let
my daughter go to college.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Extraordinary girl.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Program, sir?
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[BURP]
[SHUSHING]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Fine!
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Ah!
MAN: The hell is
that noise backstage?
MAN: The hell is on those ropes?
MAN: Hey!
MAN: Somebody get those ropes!
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Interesting concept-- a kind
of sudden burst of surrealism.
MALE OPERA SINGER:
[VOCAL WARM-UPS]
Two minutes, Mr. DiRienzi.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Professor Fine in there?
I believe so.
Oh, good.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Lira!
Lira!
[GASP]
You were unbelievable,
just unbelievable.
Oh!
Grazie, professore,
he's here, yes?
Yes, backstage.
I don't know what happened.
I'm looking for
Professor Fine.
Eddie's after him.
Who?
Uh, cue the entrance.
Holy shit!
[MURMURING]
Professore,
professore, he's here.
Onstage?
Who the hell is that?
That's Eddie.
Stunning notion, I
think, to suddenly make
him a kind of tragic giant?
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Si!
Si!
Si!
Si!
Si!
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Boy, huh?
That son of a bitch can sing.
Hey, that's my kid!
Your kid?
Yeah!
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
EDDIE: [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
LIRA: [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Help!
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
EDDIE: [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
- [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
- I tried.
- [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
- [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
EDDIE: [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
LIRA: [MUSICAL SCREAM]
Curtain!
Dad!
Ha ha!
I haven't done that in years!
Dad!
When did you get here?
About 20 minutes ago.
I drove up.
There was no traffic at all.
[MURMURING]
AUDIENCE: Bravo!
AUDIENCE: Brava!
[APPLAUSE]
A most remarkable performance.
Oh, thank you, senor Chairman.
Oh.
Thank you.
Oh, and Bob, a bit
of unfortunate news.
What?
Campus security has
informed me that Dick McCarthy
was in your office tonight.
No!
CHAIRMAN: Virtually nude
with one of his students.
I'm flabbergasted!
I doubt it.
In any case, I have decided to
award you the tenured position.
Me?
Professore.
[RADIO CHATTER]
Eddie, Mister.
Height, undetermined.
Race, Moorish?
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
Lira and Mr. Eddie,
signed Pope John Paul II.
Oh, this is the most
amazing document
I've ever read in my life.
Now I can be a
profressore's wife, darling.
Do you think you'd be
happier up at Chippenango?
You know, the weather
is really unbelievable
and, well, the food is lousy
and the people are quite boring.
But we have each
other, darling.
Lira, you know something?
Yes, professore?
This has been a tremendous
growth experience for me.
And for me.
How long the streets
been fucked up like this?
Signore?
Your son-- he has
made Lira happy again.
Yeah it's so.
Mmm.
He can really make her sing.
Heh heh heh.
Jack?
Yes, Sylvia?
Make me sing too.
Ah.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
[RIP]
SINGER: (SINGING) Every time
that I'm with you, oh yeah,
tell you what I'm gonna do.
Oh yeah.
I'm gonna thrill you, fill you,
and I'm gonna stay until I get
you, let you, never forget you.
Feel fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
Don't you-- don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Uh-huh.
Don't you wanna feel divine?
Don't you want to
get out of line?
I dare you, scare you, you
know I'm gonna tear you up.
Shake you, break
you, and now I'm
gonna make you feel fine,
so fine, so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
I know you're gonna want
when I start to flaunt.
I like to sing or something
you would die for.
You never get another
of my love, baby.
And now I guess I'm
gonna drive you crazy.
Fine, so fine, so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
Fine, so fine, so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
Fine, so fine, so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
And every time
that I'm with you,
tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna tear you, scare you,
you know I'm gonna tear you up.
Shake you, break you.
You know I'm gonna
make you feel fine,
so fine, so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine.
MAN: --due to
shrinking enrollments
in sections 4 and 5.
Moving along, I would like
to congratulate Dick McCarthy
on his very thought
provoking article
on the image of heat
lightning as used
in "The Scarlet Letter."
Wake up, Bob!
MAN: Dick's article reminded
me of work I did at Hopkins--
that was during the
Stone Age, of course--
on images of hail and
freezing rain in "King Lear."
I remember the article.
Oh god, I'm going to throw up.
Mr. Fine, uh, do you
have something to say?
I said I was going to
go up to the library and--
and find that article.
MAN: An excellent
idea, Mr. fine.
I'm sure you'll
enjoy the library.
To conclude, we
had hoped to open
two more tenured positions,
but only one will be possible.
Both Mr. Fine and
Mr. McCarthy have
been with us for four years, and
both are qualified for tenure.
I don't take bribes
Oh, certainly not.
What should I gain by the
exaction of this forfeiture?
A pound of man's
flesh taken from a man
who is not so estimable,
profitable neither,
as what, Mr. Fine?
As the flesh of
muttons, beefs, or goats.
I say to buy this favor,
I extend this friendship.
MAN: Bravo, Mr. Fine.
Bravo.
How the hell did
you know that quote?
Oh, my father's in
the dress business.
I always liked "The
Merchant of Venice."
[HONKING]
[SCREAM]
[MUSIC - "JINGLE BELLS"]
We have a freight
entrance, sir.
H, where's Jay Oenstein?
He's expecting you.
You kidding?
Jack Fine, Fine Fashions.
You must be new here, eh?
All the girls know me.
Here, here.
Take a pen.
I don't need a pen.
Oh, shit.
Mr. Augustine!
Whew!
Hi.
Hello.
They ought to be
ashamed, some of this crap.
It's $180.
Where's it made?
Thailand.
Thailand.
That's slave labor, sweetheart.
Here, here, look.
Here.
[RIP]
Oh my god.
Ha ha. now love.
You look like a mature woman.
You mind if I use a mature word?
This is what we call
real cheap shit.
Even tastes like shit.
I can't believe it.
I mean, they don't
even feed the schmucks.
How are they supposed
to sew a dress?
Now here-- real
American know-how.
Wool knits-- what are
you, about an eight?
Sweet man--
12.
12, huh?
Solid.
Here, I got a beautiful 12 here.
Goes for $79.95 retail.
If you like it, you can
have it for $30, cash.
You work here?
Come on, try it in the back.
Come on to the dressing room.
Jack?
Jay!
Jay, you look wonderful!
What is this, Jack?
Running around in my
department with these dresses?
What the hell do you think
this, Delancy Street?
No, these are the wool
knits I was telling you about.
They just came in.
Forget it.
I told you on the
phone it's too late.
Jay, we had
production problems.
Yeah, that is your
problem, not mine.
Now come on.
Get them the hell out of here.
- Jay, you and I go back, right?
We're a little shaky now.
We need this order.
Jack, you've been
shaky for 20 years.
You'll survive.
Now beat it.
Jay!
Jack, I swear,
I'll call security.
All right, all right,
so goddamn high hat!
I remember you were
a little pischer.
Worked for Murray.
Worked for Murray!
Goodbye, Jack.
JACK: Oh--
WOMAN: [SCREAM]
Excuse me.
I--
WOMAN: [GASP]
Ma'am.
[LAUGHTER]
[SCREAM]
Uh, does it fit?
Get out!
Do you like first?
Get out!
Are you crazy?
All right!
What are you doing here?
Well, I-- well, I
thought I had a sale.
here, here.
Here's a pen.
ah, yeah.
I Can't believe
what's happening!
We're going to eat those
goddamn wool knits.
I was kicked out
of Bloomingdale's!
A disaster.
100, 150 grand.
Jack!
What do you think?
Kill the lace.
With or without?
Too simple without.
It stinks both ways.
Uh, maybe feathers.
Feathers?
Then it's a $40 dress.
I can't sell $20 dresses.
What the hell am I going
to do with a $40 dress?
We're dying, here!
Ah, it's a cycle.
Ah, cycle my ass.
I was thrown out of
Bergdoff's today.
You imagine such a thing?
Jack Fine thrown
out of Bergdoff's?
Used to be, come on, Jack.
Sit down, Jack.
Have some coffee, Jack.
Now-- god damn wool knits.
Don't ask.
I'm asking.
What do we owe?
Give me a rough.
$243,000, Jack.
Is that rough enough?
What do we got coming in?
$1,800.
SECRETARY: Jack, to
the show room please.
$1,800.
Oh boss?
JACK: Hey, hey, hey.
Vicki!
Jack.
Vicki, baby.
My favorite man.
You must be taking gorgeous
pills I can't stand it.
I might do something
filthy right here.
Oh, I'd love it!
How are my friend
at Fleeman Brothers--
Oh, we're doing fabulous.
And you, Jack.
I heard there was trouble.
Only trouble is I
can't ship fast enough.
Here, take huh?
Comes in peach, guava.
I'm at the Blake this time.
The Blake?
Ha ha ha.
I thought that
place was condemned.
These dresses ought
to be condemned.
Cute, cute, you miserable--
hey, here, here, right here.
Comes at midnight and ivory.
If you like it,
let me know cause
I gotta call the warehouse and
have them save you a couple.
VICKI: You know I'd take
your whole line, jack--
your whole line right
down to the bottom.
Vicki, baby.
I can get pornies
in my hotel room--
you know, right on the TV.
Then we can talk dresses.
Around 8 o'clock?
Around anything you want.
SECRETARY: Jack?
Telephone.
Ah, Vicki, baby.
8 o'clock.
Is she from Fleeman Brothers?
Yeah.
Forget it.
They're going under.
What?
Their credit stinks.
It's iffy.
Iffy?
You mean I got to
hump her for nothing?
It's your problem.
Jack, I got some
beautiful denim.
Get lost, Sam.
Will you?
Bye, everybody.
Hello.
Yeah.
You're kidding.
What, now?
Where is he?
Oh, of course I'll be there.
What am I going to say, no?
Yeah.
Mr. Eddie.
Jesus Christ.
of all the half-assed
places to meet somebody, I--
hey, is Mr. Eddie ready here?
No, no, no, he's
due any minute.
That's why I'm going.
Yeah, you're smart.
Couldn't have
picked a restaurant?
Oh boy.
Eddie?
[SHOUTS]
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Eddie?
What?
Eddie?
It's Jack Fine!
You wanted to see me.
Money, money.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
I said to myself,
I bet Eddie wants
to see me about that loan.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Hey, that-- that looks
real good for you.
Huh, Eddie?
Couple of guys whacking
the shit out you?
Relieves a lot of
tension, I bet, huh?
Where's the money?
Uh, uh, that's what
I like about you.
No small talk, no bullshit.
Right to the point, huh?
I want my money.
Sure you do.
Hey, Eddie, it's your money.
I don't blame you. i mean,
business is business, right?
Steam!
ATTENDANT: Steam!
I owe you what, 150 grand?
A million five.
Million five?
A million five?
That much already?
You charge some interest, huh?
You don't have it.
A million five--
well, I mean, not on me.
I take the business.
Oh, Eddie.
Eddie, give me a
break, will you?
Easy!
Easy with the crease, Charlie!
Eddie, listen!
Eddie, give me-- give--
give me another month, huh?
All right, all right,
a couple of weeks.
The business is mine.
Oh, Jesus.
Geesh, Eddie, you
sure are built, huh?
And your kid comes in with us?
What?
You heard me!
Oh, Eddie, you
got to be kidding!
New blood.
He's in.
JACK: Eddie, my
kid's a professor.
He don't know anything
about dresses.
Leave him out of it.
EDDIE: Relax.
The boys are getting him today.
Today?
Eddie, this is nuts.
You can't just take
my kid like that.
No?
Oh, Eddie, come on.
Have a heart, will you?
You got to leave my
kid out of this now.
I mean, he'll never
forgive me, Eddie.
Hey, Eddie!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SINGERS: --with your
whistle, Robin come.
When we hear the
fife and drum, do
do do do do, pata-pata-pan,
when we hear the fife and drum,
Christmas should be frolicsome.
MAN: I thought I'd make a
few introductory remarks
welcoming Sir Alec.
Then we could proceed directly
to the chilled grapefruit.
I think that's
a great idea, sir.
Have you heard from Bob Fine?
Yes.
Plane landed 10 minutes ago,
and they're on their way.
Hard to believe,
isn't it, sir?
Ah, marvelous day for all of
us having a giant like Sir Alec
here at Chipenangle.
So I stood at the
window nude holing myself.
You know.
Well, I-- I don't think I do.
And I said, civilization
and its discontents--
rubbish.
And so that's how a
great poem was written.
Amazing.
Same car.
Oh, why don't we whip
this guy already, huh?
Well, I'd say
the cafeteria staff
has done an absolutely
marvelous job.
Splendid, sir.
[HONKING]
Has to be students.
Oh god!
Must be upper
classman, I would think.
BOBBY: Come on, Sir Alec!
A marvelous come.
Hey!
Oh the students.
So spirited!
Perhaps professors
MacDonald and Levin--
Mr. Fine!
It's an honor for me to
present Sir Alec Whitby.
Lovely boy.
[DOOR SLAMMING]
Where's the body?
Sister, that was
such a lovely--
Sorry, sister.
Hey, have you got my paper?
Hi, Mr. Fine.
We're friends of your father's.
HOST (TV): Aren't you nice?
From that applause,
you're not local, are you?
They don't usually
give it to me.
Are you out of towners?
Oh, how I love
this time of year.
Raise your hand.
Which one from out of towners?
I--
[CLICK]
Bobby!
Hello, Dad.
Are you OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Why shouldn't we be OK?
What are we, brutes?
I didn't mean anything.
[STAMMERS]
Eddie, tonight.
Eddie tonight what?
The big guy.
He wants to meet the kid.
BOBBY: He wants to
meet me tonight.
At his place.
1:30.
Perhaps it could wait.
Eddie waits for no man.
Look, Bobby.
Words cannot begin
to describe this day.
How's the sandwich?
It's all right.
Bobby, I want
you to understand.
The most famous
poet in the world.
The most famous, and I
was chosen to drive him.
Well, he must like you up
there at the college, eh?
They did.
They thought I had
a lot of potential
until those two goons came along
and dragged me out of there.
Now they have no
idea where I am.
Well, call up and tell them.
Tell them what?
That I got kidnapped
by gangsters?
Bobby, we-- we had a
year you won't believe.
I mean, Eddie took over.
Who-- who is this Eddie?
Don't ask.
And what's he expect me to do?
Join the business?
Doesn't he comprehend the fact
that I know absolutely nothing,
nothing, about dresses?
I told him!
I told him that very thing.
And that I have
a career of my own?
Did you tell him that?
And that I'm up for tenure?
Bobby, Bobby, you
don't understand.
He'll-- he'll kill me.
Yeah, what?
Kill you in a business sense?
[SHEESH]
You mean those--
those guys?
They'd actually kill you?
Physically kill you?
They'll kill me
then go out for pizza.
They don't give a shit!
You're taking my breath away.
Dad, I had no idea
things were so bad.
Oh, Bobby, you know me.
I never wanted to
burden you with my crap.
And, well-- eh, this is bad.
You got a lot of
tension in your neck.
Tension?
Heh, I want to hang myself.
No, wait a minute.
Let me think.
I can tell him that
there's a family emergency.
Then we have the Christmas
recess, then this intercession.
I could put four or
five weeks together.
You think there'd be enough?
Oh, Bobby, you're
a fabulous kid.
Yeah, well, I just
don't want you hurt.
And who knows?
Maybe it'll be an
interesting experience.
You look fabulous.
Thanks, Jeffrey,
you look great.
Did you see Steven's
window at Saks?
Nothing but fags here.
Come on, Dad.
I'm not prejudiced.
It is just an observation.
Look at this shit, huh?
Is that him?
JACK: Yeah, that's him.
BOBBY: Who's the woman?
She's very attractive.
JACK: That's his wife.
That's his wife?
You're kidding.
Bet you don't see things like
this up in that college, eh?
Hey, you are
gorgeous-o, you know that?
Unique-o, really especiali-da!
Leave me alone,
imbecile, imbecile.
Woo, the lady speaks!
I can respect that!
Hey, just for my curiosity
here, where'd you pick up
tiny, Ringling Brothers?
Eddie?
Eddie, darling.
That-- uh, that's a
gift from my mother.
He's an animal.
You could say that.
Ready to talk to him?
He's just a big
jealous pussycat.
What do I say?
Small talk-- how
much you're looking
forward to be the business.
You know-- blah,
blah, blah, blah.
But don't be a putz.
Don't start with the
"Canterbury Tales" or whatever.
This guy don't know shit--
guns and throwing.
I'm scared out of my mind.
Good.
Eddie!
Ha ha.
Jack.
Oh, this is my son Bobby.
Bobby, this is Mr.
Eddie and his wife Lira.
Jack Fine, makes dresses.
Ah.
[SNAP]
Drinks.
Hello.
Hello.
Are you really Eddie's wife?
LIRA: Si.
And you are a professor, yeah?
Uh Eddie?
Bobby-- Bobby's just dying
to get into the business.
Sit down.
Oh, very sweet of you.
Bobby?
Bobby?
Eddie asked us to join him.
I noticed that you had
a little, uh, fracas here.
I'm having shark.
You want some?
No, no, you misunderstand.
I-- I didn't say fricasse.
I said fracas here.
You know, like an argument.
Fucking-- what are you doing?
getting into semantics
with Mr. Eddie?
Eddie, that's a--
that's a beautiful suit
you got on there.
Yeah, Christ Velour.
Oh, I know it's Christ Velour.
I mean, that's my
line, Christ Velour.
Isn't that beautiful, Bobby?
The suit?
It's great.
LIRA: He pick it out himself.
Hey, you speak very
good English, huh?
She dance good.
We noticed.
You too, Eddie.
Hey, hey, you're some dancer.
Yeah, where'd you
learn that disco?
Heh.
You know, I-- I
could never do that.
Yeah, my-- my son maybe.
Maybe my son Bobby could do it.
No, I-- I don't, uh, dance.
No?
Dance?
Yeah, yeah.
Listen, you two have a
lot of fun because Bobby
and I have to go.
Got a big day tomorrow.
Got to introduce
him to the business.
Yeah.
You do good, huh?
Ah!
Thanks for the encouragement.
Eddie, uh, we'll--
we'll talk, huh?
[ROMANTIC MUSIC]
I fuck around.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC]
[HONKING]
JACK: Some of you may remember
when he used to come here
as a little snot-nosed kid.
But now he's come here to--
I got some
beautiful cotton her.e
Not now, Sam.
Bye, everybody.
But now he's come here
to help his old man out
in a time of need, so to speak.
My son Bobby Fine.
Thanks, Dad, and--
and thanks to all of you
for welcoming me here today.
As you probably already know,
I'm pretty much of a greenhorn
in this business.
My primary interests
have been in the field
of American literature--
Hawthorne and Melville and some
of the transcendental writings.
Bobby--
Nevertheless, I'm going to do
everything I can to help my dad
and Fine Fashions
get back on its feet.
I'm going to go amongst you
today and absorb and learn,
much in the tradition
of Shakespeare's "Henry
V," the royal captain
of this ruined band
walk from to watch,
from tent to tent,
that every wretch, pining and
pale before, beholding him,
plucks comfort from his looks.
Do you believe this putz?
Can I try?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SINGER: (SINGING) Look for the
union label when you were--
Adjustable sleeve,
orange and burgundy.
Why don't you give
us a hand, Bob?
This is you, ladies.
SINGER: Our union sew it.
Our wages going to feed the kids
and run the house we work on.
But who's complaining?
Thanks to the ILG,
we're paying our way,
so always look for
the union label.
It says we're able to
make it in the USA.
No, gracias.
Well, I think he's cute.
He's a schmuck.
I feel bad for Jack.
I'm sure he wishes
I were his son.
Ah.
So?
So I think I did pretty well
today, all things considered.
Yeah, the salesmen
hate your guts.
Why?
JACK: They think you're a snob.
That's absurd.
JACK: You got to be
one of them, Bobby.
You got to be a mensch.
Talk about what they
want to talk about--
going to the races, get laid.
Dad!
Dave said you didn't even
play the football pool.
I don't follow football!
Well, that's not
the point, Bobby.
Everybody plays a
football pool around here.
It's a way of life.
I'll play the pool.
What else?
Well, you're a klutz.
That I can't help.
JACK: Just make an effort.
That's all I ask, huh?
OK, OK.
What time are you coming home?
Eh, 9:00, 9:30.
I got some phone calls to
make, a few hours to go over.
Look, why don't you
go to the movies?
Relax. here.
I got money.
This isn't that goddamn
cow town of yours, you know.
Dad, I grew up here.
Well, it's changed.
I'll manage.
I'll see you later.
Be careful on the subway now.
Jack!
Come on.
Let's get a cab.
LIRA: Mr Fine!
Bobby Fine!
Buona sera.
How are you?
[CLEARS THROAT]
Well, I had an
interesting first day.
Quite a business.
I don't know if your
husband ever talks about it.
Daddy.
Get in?
Yes, get him.
We have a dinner, caro.
Where is your husband?
Oh, my husband.
Come.
I don't--
Curtains.
Leno, a casa.
Si, senora, a casa.
A casa, that--
that means home, doesn't it?
Yes, si.
Well, speaking for myself, I'd
be a lot more comfortable, uh,
in a-- in a
restaurant somewhere?
Maybe out of town?
Does that come with the car?
Amazing.
It will relax you, caro.
BOBBY: At the risk of
seeming overly cautious,
where is the approximate
location of your husband?
Oh, my husband.
He's always working, caro.
Sometimes, he comes
home at midnight,
sometime 3:00, 4:00 in the
morning, and sometimes never.
Well, he's a hard worker.
Oh, he's an idiot, caro.
How do you say?
Sicko-- sickopath?
Psychopath.
Psychopath.
You, professore, you are a man.
Well, I'd like to think so.
Come in.
Buona sera.
Ciao, Silvia.
So do you like my home?
BOBBY: It's extraordinary!
It's all right?
Oh, yes.
She's my friend
since before Eddie.
Caro.
Sylvia--
Eh.
Buona notte.
Was very nice to meet you.
[PINBALL SOUNDS]
Extra game.
Ha!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Does this decor reflect
your taste or Eddies?
So hot here.
I'm a very unhappy woman.
You are?
You-- you and Eddie
seems so happy together.
Oh, it's a masquerade.
I wanted to sing opera, caro.
But one day, my father, he
came to me with a long face.
And he say that I have
to marry a tall American.
You mean it was an
arranged marriage.
Yes, and so I got off
the plane from Rome.
And there he was, like
the King Kong, huh?
BOBBY: He's a very large man.
Very large, yes.
Not a man.
Not a man?
Eddie?
No.
You-- you mean that he's--
he's homosexual?
No, no, it's not homosexual.
it's-- it's not--
al dente.
Do you understand?
No.
It's overcooked, soft, mole.
I don't think I understand.
Oh caro, the linguine
just hang there, eh?
You mean he has a
problem with impotence.
No, he don't have any problem.
He doesn't care.
I have a problem, caro.
Well, you shouldn't
have such problems.
So help me, professore.
Help me.
[PINBALL SOUNDS]
Tilt?
BOBBY: You're sure
he never comes home?
No, no.
Oh, what beautiful legs--
like a normal man!
Well, we have a
swimming pool at school,
and often, not every day--
Oh, professore.
Average class has
about 20 students.
Professore.
[CRASH]
Tilt?
LIRA: It's him!
Ecco!
I knew it.
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
Sylvia!
Sylvia!
Sylvia!
Go, bye!
Darling.
Buona sera.
Hungry.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Thank you, Sylvia.
Doesn't he wear any pants?
Sleepy peepee.
Caro, why don't you stay here?
We listen to some music.
Darling, darling, darling, come.
We watch TV in the den, eh?
Peepee.
[CLEARS THROAT]
BOBBY: Here, I'm in the
north side of the bed.
Oh, you all right, professore?
It's awfully
drafty down there.
When can I leave?
[GARGLING]
Wait.
Eddie's a deep sleeper.
My father's worrying about me.
I think I'd better be going.
[WATER POURING]
Go, go, go, back.
Darling.
Oh, my sexy man,
the nice shirt, huh?
EDDIE: Damn Sylvia.
Oh, poor Sylvia.
She works so hard.
[SIRENS]
Buy choo-choo stock.
My big bambino.
Hey, I got a
splitting headache.
[BARKING]
Caro.
It's OK.
Jesus, it's 5 o'clock!
Come.
What?
To my bed, caro, like a man.
In your bed?
Yes.
Come, you must finish.
Are you crazy?
If you don't, I'll scream.
You'd scream?
I'll scream!
Come.
No!
Beautiful boy!
Professore.
Oh, forget him.
Oh--
Don't be shy.
Stay here.
Oh!
I thought you said
he was impotent.
Huh?
You-- you said--
Ah!
--he was impotent!
No!
Ah!
Oh.
And now, professore, be a man.
BOBBY: I can't go out
dressed like this!
LIRA: Hurry, hurry, hurry.
You look so nice.
You must go.
Presto, presto, presto, presto.
I can hardly breathe
in these things.
Ciao, professore.
Was beautiful.
Go!
Oh, oh!
Yeah?
Money, money!
Wait.
Ciao, ciao, bye,
bye, bye, bye!
Jesus.
[RIP]
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Taxi!
Taxi!
[CAR PULLING UP]
Thanks.
DRIVER: No way!
Ah, you bastard!
This has been tremendous
for us this season.
Also available in ecru,
lemon, and ginger snap.
One of my favorites.
I love selling it just
to see the reaction.
I don't like it.
I think it's outre.
You say it's
outre, it's outre.
Fine Fashions, you're the boss.
What are you giving
in like that for?
Sell her a little bit.
She likes that.
You're worried about Bobby?
SECRETARY: Raymond to shipping.
Come on.
He's probably with a broad.
It's not like me.
He-- he would have called.
I ever see you at the baths?
Try my house again, Laverne.
You need a Valium.
What I need is an enema.
Jack, today, I got
some beautiful plastic.
What the hell am I going
to do with plastic, Sam?
For Christ sake's get lost, eh?
Bye, everybody!
Plastics.
Nobody answers.
Christ.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Oh, it's locked!
We keep it locked.
That's the law.
That's an odd law, isn't it?
Keeping a fire door locked?
There's laws against
walking around bare-assed too.
Excuse me.
You're Jack Fine's boy, right?
Listen, I got--
I got to apologize.
Oh, that's OK.
I know you met a lot of
new people yesterday.
I'm Dick Letterhouse
of Polite Fashion.
- No, I mean--
- --Paul.
--the pants, the pants.
They're sensational!
Unbelievable!
Since when is your
dad selling jeans?
Absolutely unbelievable.
Does he sell the men's
or just the ladies'?
Well, these are
the ladies, actually.
You're wearing the ladies?
No, no, no.
We're not really selling--
You know, I could sell out
my stores in half an hour
with those.
A see through
seat-- what a concept.
Who's selling these?
- Jack Fine.
- Exclusive?
No, we're not.
I'll take 10,000 right now.
10,000 of these?
I'll take 20,000.
You believe I was
just standing here
and this kid walks by
like nothing's new?
Your father's a tricky old
bastard, I'll tell you.
Well, if you'll--
if you'll just follow me--
Can these also
be worn with shoes?
Oh, sure.
This is just one particular
style I'm wearing.
Oh.
This is fantastic.
I heard it died in Fort Worth.
Look, you don't like my goods,
get the hell out of here, eh?
Jack!
Oh, who needs this
goddamn aggravation?
Oh, you're behind
the times, Jack.
You're outre.
Outre, my ass.
Hey, come on!
This ain't my floor.
--Jack Fine for years.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
What the hell is this, now?
Holding out on us, Jack.
JACK: Bobby!
What a stretch.
It really works!
What are you doing
in the slippers?
We've got a real
phenomenon going here, dad.
Oh?
The men's jean is
still in the works--
What?
Well, actually, this
is the ladies jean
that I'm modeling right here.
All right.
MAN: You rascal, Jack--
sending the kid down to
the lobby wearing these.
You knew we'd go nuts, right?
Well, I mean, you've
got to be outre, eh?
You don't want
to be ultra outre.
I know you're all anxious
to get your orders in.
So if you'll just sit down and
make yourselves comfortable,
Rick and Dave will be
anxious to take your house.
Jack, Jack, you're
giving me 20,000.
Oh, no problem!
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Listen, sit down,
and I'll bring
you guys some Asian coffee.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
What the hell is going on?
We'll find out.
Talk to Sy.
Listen, order me 500 beige.
Get a hold of Sam.
I don't know where he is.
Well, don't let him
leave the building.
Now listen, will you tell me
what the hell is going on.
Well, it's-- it's
quite remarkable.
I was in the lobby--
frantic, actually.
What do you mean?
You came dressed like that?
Well, I had no choice.
Jack.
Oh my god.
- Turn around.
- What happened?
Oh, must I?
Did you get mugged?
In a nice way.
All right, I want a sketch
of this in a half an hour.
With-- with a
see-through behind?
I want to sell a half
a million by 5 o'clock.
Now get me a sketch.
Go ahead!
So you showed up
dressed like this?
With slippers and ripped pants?
Dad, I really
had quite a night.
Oh, I bet you did, eh?
Who was she?
Some buyer?
Eddie's wife, Lira.
Eddie's wife?
I couldn't call.
I was hiding under
their bed all night.
Hiding?
From Eddie.
He came home just as
we were about to get
seriously involved.
I found myself fleeing
down their hallway
like some character
in a farce by Moliere.
Moliere.
I stayed crouched under their
bed freezing in my underwear
all night.
Finally, Eddie went to sleep.
And then Lara asked
me to share their bed.
We made love.
You banged her
with Eddie there?
Well, he woke up, but
she pistol whipped him.
He went right out.
Oh.
Oh, Bobby, you got to
be shitting me, Bobby.
She's a remarkable gal, dad.
Heh.
Laverne, bring in
some Maalox, eh?
Their marriage
isn't what it appears.
Who gives a shit,
their marriage?
What are you, a social worker?
That Eddie'll rip your head off.
Eddie will never find out.
Yeah, well, well, you got
to get out of the country--
Europe or South
Amer-- or Israel.
Yeah, you got a cousin there.
Jeez.
Oh, dad, you're
being so negative.
This is gonna save the business.
We'll be in great shape!
Jesus Christ, it's
like a Bible story.
I got to save a dress
business by killing my son.
Look, dad, I can
take care of myself.
Eddie's wife?
Jeez!
Was she good at least?
Even with Eddie there.
Eh?
Heh heh.
I always loved Italians.
Jack?
You sent for me?
Sam!
Ha ha ha, come on in!
You know my suicidal son Bobby.
It's an honor to meet you.
You know how long your
father and I go back?
A long time, I'll bet.
We go back a long time.
He's always been
beautiful to me.
Even what he's hostile,
he has a lot of warmth.
Sit down, Sam.
How's maxi?
She dropped dead.
Don't you remember?
You were at the.
Funeral
Oh, yeah.
I-- I-- I'm a little nuts today.
But you got married
again, right?
That's right.
How is she, your second wife?
Passed away also.
Oh.
was-- was I at the funeral?
No, you were in Puerto Rico.
But you sent fruit.
You've had quite a run of
bad luck, Mr. Schlotzman.
I consider myself
a fortunate man.
I found myself a
third wonderful wife.
Oh.
Heh heh heh.
How is she?
Little under the weather?
Well, I'm-- I'm sure
she'll be all right.
I mean, the odds, huh?
Sure.
Sam, listen.
You said you had some plastic.
How much?
250,000 yards-- just
came in from Germany.
Soft, gorgeous.
We'll take it all.
250,000 yards?
Jack, you got something hot?
Bobby, stand up.
A revolutionary
new look in jeans.
Jack, you can see his ass.
Well, that's the point, Sam!
[LAUGHTER]
[THUNDER]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SINGER: (SINGING):
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Uh.
Don't you wanna rise and shine?
Oh yeah.
Don't you want a pair like mine?
Oh yeah.
Thriller, killer, and now
you got a pair, so fine,
so fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine, so fine.
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Don't you want to
get out of line?
Don't you want to look divine?
Stare 'em, bare 'em, and
now you're gonna wear 'em.
So shake 'em, break 'em, and
now you're gonna make 'em.
Feel fine, so fine,
so fine so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
Oh!
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
MAN: Hey, baby.
I want to wash your windshield!
[JACKHAMMER]
SINGER: (SINGING) Don't
you wanna blow their minds?
Let them get behind.
Thrill 'em, kill 'em, and
now you're gonna fill 'em.
So rack 'em, stack 'em, and
now you're gonna pack 'em.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine.
So fine.
So fine.
so fine.
Dave will you stop
hawking us already?
We're shipping them out
as fast as possible.
Yeah, that's my
son, the professor.
What do you want me to do?
You want me to schlep
them over there myself?
You're just going to have
to wait like everybody else.
MAN (PHONE): I can't wait.
And we're shipping a half
a million more this week.
MAN (PHONE): Terrific.
Where are mine?
That's right.
MAN (PHONE): I've
been changing--
Eh.
I can't believe what's
happening here, Dave.
My whole life, right!
Dave, Dave, you're just
going to have to relax, huh?
Just relax.
You'll get them.
Right, right.
Ciao.
Yeah, ciao.
Hey, you're getting
to be a real pro.
Well, I still feel
a little uncomfortable
talking on the phone like that.
Oh, of course.
The main thing is
you're making an effort.
You look so fabulous.
Look at that, Italian
clothes, contact lenses.
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah.
You sure you won't reconsider?
Oh, dad, I can't.
I got a commitment
to that college.
I've got students doing
independent study.
Besides, there
are other reasons.
Oh.
[PHONE RINGING]
She still calling?
Two or three times a day.
Last night, her car
was out in front.
I had to go out the
freight entrance.
I mean, I like her, and I
really think she's gorgeous.
But
No, no.
You got to stay the
hell away from her.
Besides, we're paying
Eddie back on Friday.
No kidding!
Yeah, and it's all
ours again thanks to you.
Come on.
BOBBY: It's been a unique and
wonderful experience for me
having worked with you all--
the very fiber, the very
backbone of Fine Fashions--
the fabulous Rick and Dave,
the incomparable Sophie,
a very volatile Angel
and Raymond in shipping,
a remarkable cutter,
Gus Trichonopolis,
the wonderful Hy and Sy, our
brilliant bookkeeper Irving
Katsman, and of course,
my totally unbelievable
father, the great Jack Fine.
Aw.
It's an honor
for me to call you,
as Shakespeare's "Henry V" put
so aptly, we few, we happy few,
we band of brothers.
Thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
What a guy!
What a guy!
Who is this whale?
Gee.
Oh, it's her.
Man are all the same!
Pig!
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
because I'm a crazy woman!
I don't want to see you anymore.
Stupido, stupido, professore.
What do you think, I'm
nothing but a puttana?
What?
You take the advantage
of me, and then
we never spoke to me again.
I take advantage of you?
Are you nuts?
You dragged me into bed.
I drag you into bed?
I came from the
best Italian family.
I'm a lady.
Do you know that?
I'm a lady!
Of course you are.
Please.
My father's asleep upstairs.
Why don't you answer
the phone when I call you?
Because I was
afraid to take those
calls because you're married to
a gorilla, for Christ's sake.
Dear professore,
do you like me?
Yes or not?
I've never met anyone
remotely like you.
So--
So the hell with Eddie.
I'll take my chances.
LIRA: [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Boy, I used to fuck like that.
SINGERS: (SINGING) Now
is the month of May
when merry lads are playing.
Fa la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la.
Now is the month of May
when merry lads are playing.
Fa la la la la la la
la la la la la la.
Say dainty nymphs and speak,
shall we play barley break?
Fa la la la la la la
la la la la la la.
Ah, careful now.
Don't want to get any
goulash on that suit.
Come on, Fine, tell us.
What it cost, huh?
$1,000?
No rice, please.
I get my suits at Sears.
Sportsman's collection.
Hey, they have stuff quality.
Quality but at a price.
Course, if you've made a
fortune in see through jeans,
you don't care about price.
Ah.
Mind if we join you?
Would you guys quick
breaking my chops already?
Fine.
We want to hear all about it.
How come you came back?
What do you mean
how come I came back?
I work here.
Couldn't have dragged me back.
All those girls, Fine.
The So Fine girls?
Must have made out
like a bandit, huh?
Well, there was
one amazing person.
One of those girls
with her ass showing?
Oh my--
Ah!
Can't take it.
An Italian--
unbelievable woman.
Her passion, her
completely unbridled lust.
Oh God almighty.
Ask her out, Fine.
The spring mixer's coming up.
It's not the kind of woman
you bring to a spring mixer.
No?
No.
Rome, yes-- to Florence, to
Venice, but not Chippenango.
Anyhow, she's married.
Really?
Fine!
You surprise me!
I surprise myself.
Is her husband
the jealous sort?
Sort of.
Darling.
Darling.
Do you like it?
Oh.
Fine.
He's late.
Maybe it's a bad traffic.
A million and a half bucks.
So much money.
What's the good if
we don't go anywhere?
Darling, this year,
we take a trip.
Si?
Yeah, Vegas.
No, I want to go to
Rome, to Venice, to Paris.
No more Vegas.
Vegas, then Reno.
You don't like it, tough shit.
Chippenango campus shoes.
Fine!
Ooh, cold.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
What's up, boss?
Get out.
Want us to come with you?
No, alone!
Eddie?
Eddie?
Eddie, It's me, Jack Fine.
Eddie?
Fall over a stiff, I know it.
Buongiorno.
Oh, buongiorno.
Yeah, I-- well, the door was
open and nobody answered.
Ah, no one is here.
I am Sylvia, the au pair girl.
Well, Sylvia?
Ah.
Sylvia, yeah, that's--
that's a nice name.
Listen, is everything all right?
I mean, I'm Jack Fine.
I was supposed to meet Eddie.
The senora left.
Yeah, I can see why he would.
In a rage, in a fury!
They had words,
he and the senora.
Oh, that's too bad.
Over your son.
What?
In the potted plant,
Eddie find the shoes.
It hit him in his fat head.
Holy shit!
Oh, your son is a
beautiful lover to Lira.
Well, naturally, but
I mean, Eddie's wife!
Why does he have to--
Now Eddie knows
beyond any doubt
that your son make
beautiful love to Lira.
Ah, it's out of our
hands now, Senor Fine.
It's a matter of honor.
Oh, no, no, not now.
Not now not now.
Later, huh?
- Oh--
My heart wouldn't be in it.
Later.
No, I got to run.
No.
Oh, Signore!
Signore!
Oh, a real man!
[BARKING]
MAN: don't exactly
know where the campus is.
it's in-- it's in town!
EDDIE: Where's that?
MAN: Wait, wait, look.
I explained this to you
about 20 times already.
What are you, some kind of
ding-aling or something?
Oh, get with it!
Oh, Mister.
Mister, take it easy.
I'm sorry.
Oh, I mean, I had a long
night and everything.
[BARKING]
[YELPING]
Next time, you'll
be courteous.
Want coffee, Professor Fine?
All right.
I have to stay awake for the
hour for the opera tonight.
I guess things must be pretty
slow up here after New York.
Well, actually, I'm getting
kind of used to it again.
Professore!
Professore!
Oh, caro, caro, kiss me!
Feel me!
You're here?
Yes, I came for you.
Can I get you
something, ma'am?
Yes, do you have rooms here?
Excuse me?
Lira?
Rooms!
We need a room, caro.
This is a house
of pancakes, ma'am!
Maybe you'd like
some pancakes.
Pancake?
For dinner?
We have blueberry,
which the professor
had, Dutch apple, strawberry.
He knows, caro.
Oh Christ, no.
Eddie?
Yes.
He knows that you
fill me with love.
[ORCHESTRA TUNING]
And you're-- you're sure
you don't know where he is.
Caro, just run.
You don't suppose he
could find his way up here.
In the morning, you
and I go to Venice, eh?
Venice?
Yes, Venice.
Come.
Excuse me.
Hello.
This is my friend, Lira.
Buona sera.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
"Othello!"
SINGERS: [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Is this the Italian?
Unbelievable.
You got to be in heaven, Fine.
I may be in heaven very soon.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Campus?
No, it's the North Pole.
Hey asshole, you're blocking me.
Oh dear.
Hey, come on, mister!
[CRASH]
Hungry.
Uh, Mr. Fine.
Ah, there you are.
Uh, please give us
a formal introduction
to your charming companion.
Oh, this is Lira.
Lira, this is Chairman
Lincoln and Mrs. Lincoln.
Delighted.
Very nice to meet you.
The McCarthys
you've already met.
Ah, it's my pleasure to
be with people of culture
and breeding once again.
Ah.
Whom are you
normally with, my dear?
Hoodlums and gangsters.
Ah ha ha ha ha.
Charming.
Bob.
Sorry.
Prego.
What?
Listen.
You got your key to the office?
I forgot mine.
My key?
What do you need my key for?
Oh, ptooey.
Come on, be a pal, hm?
All right, keep
the place clean.
Don't worry.
I'm a neat worker.
[HONKING]
JACK: Hey, I'm in a hurry!
Hey, putz, fill it
up with unleaded.
There ain't no unleaded!
[WHIMPERING]
Somebody have an accident?
A giant was here.
Bigger than any man!
He tore it right up!
A giant?
Was he well-dressed?
He was the best
dressed giant I ever saw!
He's on his way to
Chippenango College.
Shit.
Hey, be careful!
He ain't playing
with a full deck.
[DOO WOP MUSIC PLAYING]
SINGER: (SINGING) Oh wee oh wee.
Oh wee oh ah, like a man.
Oh, how you tried to
cut me down to size,
telling dirty lies
to my friends.
But my own father said
give her up, don't bother.
The world isn't
coming to an end.
How you doing?
Jim Sterling, Kappa Delts.
Mind if I, uh sit down?
I, uh, bet they're recruiting
you for basketball, right?
That's great because we got
three of the varsity guys
with the Delts.
You'd fit right in.
Our, um, parties are
always out of control.
You know what I mean?
Hi, Jim.
Hey, Carolyn.
I mean, if a girl
doesn't put out,
right, she just doesn't
come to our door.
Fine.
Oh, you're interested.
That's great.
Hey, Scott, go get
the keys to the car.
We can all go get some
beers or something.
I want Fine
Who?
A teacher.
Fine.
Oh, you mean Professor Fine.
Well, I can get you in
a couple of his courses.
He's a really--
Where is he?
Who?
Fine.
Look, I don't know, uh,
the English department.
Where is it?
It's in the library
around the corner, OK?
Hey, now you're
blackballed, you jerk!
[MUSIC STOPS]
[MUSIC STARTS]
Animals.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[COUGHING]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Poor woman.
Is she sick?
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Where-- where are you going?
I can sing this part, caro.
Wait here.
But I'm sure that
they-- they have someone--
Take someone from the chorus.
It's impossible.
Senora?
Oh, oh, Miss Canelloni.
Don't worry.
I will sing Desdemona.
You?
Yes.
Where'd you learn that
thing with the ice cubes, huh?
It was in the other
side of midnight.
Shouldn't you go?
MCCARTHY: Ah, I told
Betty that I hated opera
and I had some work to do.
[CHUCKLE] You got to
be flexible about--
[SCREAMING]
Ah, just who the hell are you?
Stop, please!
He's an assistant professor!
I'm not Bobby Fine!
Please!
Mmph!
Look at me!
Ah!
[WIMPERING]
What is he?
I'm not sure.
[SPUTTERING]
The opera!
The opera!
He's in the theater!
Holy Christ!
[GASP]
There was a seven
foot man here.
He's been everywhere.
You been assaulted, ma'am?
No, uh, Professor McCarthy
and I are just good friends.
Jesus, I don't believe this.
That's why I wouldn't let
my daughter go to college.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Extraordinary girl.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Program, sir?
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[BURP]
[SHUSHING]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Fine!
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Ah!
MAN: The hell is
that noise backstage?
MAN: The hell is on those ropes?
MAN: Hey!
MAN: Somebody get those ropes!
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Interesting concept-- a kind
of sudden burst of surrealism.
MALE OPERA SINGER:
[VOCAL WARM-UPS]
Two minutes, Mr. DiRienzi.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Professor Fine in there?
I believe so.
Oh, good.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Lira!
Lira!
[GASP]
You were unbelievable,
just unbelievable.
Oh!
Grazie, professore,
he's here, yes?
Yes, backstage.
I don't know what happened.
I'm looking for
Professor Fine.
Eddie's after him.
Who?
Uh, cue the entrance.
Holy shit!
[MURMURING]
Professore,
professore, he's here.
Onstage?
Who the hell is that?
That's Eddie.
Stunning notion, I
think, to suddenly make
him a kind of tragic giant?
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Si!
Si!
Si!
Si!
Si!
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Boy, huh?
That son of a bitch can sing.
Hey, that's my kid!
Your kid?
Yeah!
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
EDDIE: [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
LIRA: [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Help!
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
EDDIE: [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
- [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
- I tried.
- [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
- [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
EDDIE: [SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
LIRA: [MUSICAL SCREAM]
Curtain!
Dad!
Ha ha!
I haven't done that in years!
Dad!
When did you get here?
About 20 minutes ago.
I drove up.
There was no traffic at all.
[MURMURING]
AUDIENCE: Bravo!
AUDIENCE: Brava!
[APPLAUSE]
A most remarkable performance.
Oh, thank you, senor Chairman.
Oh.
Thank you.
Oh, and Bob, a bit
of unfortunate news.
What?
Campus security has
informed me that Dick McCarthy
was in your office tonight.
No!
CHAIRMAN: Virtually nude
with one of his students.
I'm flabbergasted!
I doubt it.
In any case, I have decided to
award you the tenured position.
Me?
Professore.
[RADIO CHATTER]
Eddie, Mister.
Height, undetermined.
Race, Moorish?
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
Lira and Mr. Eddie,
signed Pope John Paul II.
Oh, this is the most
amazing document
I've ever read in my life.
Now I can be a
profressore's wife, darling.
Do you think you'd be
happier up at Chippenango?
You know, the weather
is really unbelievable
and, well, the food is lousy
and the people are quite boring.
But we have each
other, darling.
Lira, you know something?
Yes, professore?
This has been a tremendous
growth experience for me.
And for me.
How long the streets
been fucked up like this?
Signore?
Your son-- he has
made Lira happy again.
Yeah it's so.
Mmm.
He can really make her sing.
Heh heh heh.
Jack?
Yes, Sylvia?
Make me sing too.
Ah.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
[RIP]
SINGER: (SINGING) Every time
that I'm with you, oh yeah,
tell you what I'm gonna do.
Oh yeah.
I'm gonna thrill you, fill you,
and I'm gonna stay until I get
you, let you, never forget you.
Feel fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
Don't you-- don't you wanna?
Don't you wanna?
Uh-huh.
Don't you wanna feel divine?
Don't you want to
get out of line?
I dare you, scare you, you
know I'm gonna tear you up.
Shake you, break
you, and now I'm
gonna make you feel fine,
so fine, so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
I know you're gonna want
when I start to flaunt.
I like to sing or something
you would die for.
You never get another
of my love, baby.
And now I guess I'm
gonna drive you crazy.
Fine, so fine, so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
Fine, so fine, so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
Fine, so fine, so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
And every time
that I'm with you,
tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna tear you, scare you,
you know I'm gonna tear you up.
Shake you, break you.
You know I'm gonna
make you feel fine,
so fine, so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine,
so fine, so fine.
So fine, so fine.