Slaphappy Sleuths (1950) - full transcript
The stooges are investigators for the Onion Oil company. The company's service stations are being robbed by a gang of crooks, so the boys pose as gas station attendants to capture the bad guys.
[♪]
MAN:
Gentlemen.
Many of our gas stations
are being constantly held up.
We feel it is the work
of an organized gang.
I need three brainy, but, uh,
stupid looking
private detectives
who can pose as gas station
attendants.
That is why I sent for you.
Gentlemen!
Oh-ho.
ALL:
Good morning, boss.
Well, you fellas are certainly
stupid looking enough
but about being
brainy detectives
that's open
to conjecture.
BOTH:
Oh, thank you.
I'll button mine.
Were you ever in danger?
Did anyone ever
point a gun at you?
Yeah, but he
couldn't shoot me.
How come?
I had my finger
in the barrel, ha-ha!
[LAUGHING]
My partner, very funny.
Give way.
Uh, you-- You were in
the service, weren't you?
MOE: That's right.
Get a commission?
No, just straight salary.
[MOE LAUGHING]
Hah, that's my partner,
just clownin'.
Quiet.
You. Are you a good detective?
Am I?
You see
this heel?
I ran that down,
ha-ha.
[CRUNCH]
Oh!
Boys, this is serious.
Do you know anything about
running gas stations?
ALL:
No.
Well, that's good.
Then the robbers will think
you're easy prey.
Now here's a list
of our latest robberies.
Study it.
And there's another report...
Oh.
You silly.
Foolin' around
with a knife.
Are you crazy?
Oh!
Ooh! Ooh!
Aah! Aah! Oh! Oh!
Boss.
What's the matter?
[GROANING]
What's the matter?
[GASPS]
Ow!
You ain't got nothing
to worry about boss,
you ain't even got a hole
in your pants.
Take it easy, go sit down--
Ah, stand up.
Go ahead. Relax.
You're fault,
you imbecile.
[CLINKS]
[CLINKING]
[LAUGHS]
Fooled you that time,
here, hold it.
Sandwich.
Potato chips.
Couple of olives.
Pickle--
MOE: Don't you like ketchup?
I'm glad
you reminded me.
[HUMMING]
You all set?
Yeah.
Aah, you ruined my lunch.
Leave him alone,
you big bully.
Oh, I'm sorry,
I'll wipe it off.
That's better.
Get of here.
Come on, we gotta catch
those burglars, come on.
Ow, ow, ow.
[MOE SINGING]
[BLOWS]
♪ Da-da-de
La-duh-de ♪
♪ La-da-dee-dee
La-la-da-dee... ♪
♪ Oh-me-oh-lay-he
Oily, oily, oh ♪
♪ Oily, oh
Oily, oh-lay-he... ♪
♪ Oily, oily, oily
Oily, oily, oily... ♪
[CAR STRUGGLING]
Hey, fellas.
Here comes a car.
Maybe the drivers a crook.
Keep an eye on him.
I'll keep both eyes on him.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
LARRY:
Yes, sir.
Good mornin'.
How are you?
Here we are.
Right there.
Oh, my, my.
Get a nice smooth sh--
I thought you was wearing boots
there for a minute.
Ah, you got a hangnail.
Ow!
Stick your out
your tongue, please.
[SMACKING]
Thank you.
Ooh! Ooh!
Aah! Ow!
Ooh!
[SNORTING]
There.
There we are.
What'll you have?
Give me five gallons of Becky.
We're all out of Becky,
how about Hazel?
I don't like Hazel,
I'll be back tomorrow for Becky.
Put some water in the radiator.
And some air in the tires.
LARRY:
Yes, sir!
MOE:
Get busy, boys.
[HISSING]
Say, mister, your radiators
leaking pretty badly.
You better let me put some
stop-leak in it.
Okay, fix her up.
Right.
Extra special
onion service.
Hey!
Oh, oh, clean you right up.
Oh, sorry, mister,
wrong rag.
Hold still now.
[SPITTING]
Oh-oh, the funnel.
[BLOWS]
Fix you right up.
You double-crosser, you.
[POPPING]
Mm.
Mm.
Oh!
What kind of game
do you think you're playin'?
Come on, get busy.
All right.
How do you like that?
[TINKING]
[GASPS]
[MOANS]
Ha-ha, why don't
you sing Mammy?
Why don't you shut up?
[GROANS]
[HISSING]
[LOUD BANG]
Okay, mister,
take it away.
Oh, just a minute.
Would you mind
giving it a crank?
Not--
My starter's busted.
Not at all.
[HONKS HORN]
There you are, sir,
all cleaned up and ready to eat.
Aye, aye,
then take it away.
[BOTH GRUNTING MILITARILY]
Ooh!
Wait a minute.
Why you--!
MOE:
Onion service.
[BOTH GROVELING]
Yes, sir.
CUSTOMER:
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I want an oil change
and I'm in a terrible hurry.
Okay, under the car,
get the oil, here we go!
Get the oil,
get the oil, right now!
I'll keep them busy.
You take care
of the cash register.
MOE:
Onion service, comin' up.
SHEMP: Onion service.
MOE: Yes, sir.
Lift the hood, boy.
All right.
Hold this can.
Remove the oil cap so the air
will circulate
through the motor.
This oil won't flow.
Okay.
I'll blow through it.
[SPITTING]
Hey.
[ENGINE STARTING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
Hey.
He left and I didn't
finish the job.
Come back here.
How do you like
that sap?
And wasting
all this oil.
MOE:
Hey, fellas, the cash register!
Oh, we've been robbed.
The dirty crooks,
they took our dough.
We're in trouble.
Get cleaned up,
we'll trail 'em.
Okay.
MOE:
If we don't catch
those crooks...
Driving into a driveway,
nobody knows
what's going on there.
He threw that?
He threw that?
He threw it?
Yes.
What are you shovin' people
around for, you cr--
Look at you,
you featherbrain.
What's a matter
with you?
Straighten yourself out.
All right.
MOE:
Hurry up, Larry, get a move on,
those guys will get away.
[GURGLING]
[CHOCKING]
All right.
[DINGS]
Ooh!
Why you--
Oh, you double-crossing--
Yeah, serves you right,
you imbecile, come on.
Hold your horses.
What are you doing
with that?
Takin' it along with us,
so we don't get robbed
when we're gone.
You dope, it's empty,
drop it.
[LOUD CRASH]
Oh, oh, oh!
Get a move on, you guys.
MOE:
Remind me to kill you later.
Get that door locked.
Okay, locked
right up there, boys.
Now, lock it.
Okay.
Now, come on.
[CRUNCH]
Wait a minute,
my finger's caught.
Come on.
Help me, will you?
Come on, pull it out.
Oh.
[POPS]
Oh!
I'm sor-- Aah.
Take an out there.
Come on,
we got to get on the trail.
LARRY:
All right.
Okay, bloodhound,
follow the trail.
[PANTING]
[BARKING]
Mush, mush.
Come on.
Up.
Mush, mush.
How'd they
get they car in there?
I don't know,
but that must be the guy
with the company's dough.
Achoo!
Gesundheit.
Thank you.
Go see.
He's comin',
give him the door treatment.
BOTH:
Na-na-na-na.
So you trailed me, eh?
Ooh!
Oh!
[GROANS]
I guess that
took care of him.
Let's get him
out of the hall.
[LARRY GRUNTING]
Over in the chair.
All right.
Easy now.
There we are.
[HOLLOW THUD]
MOE:
Look at that set
of burglar tools.
[GASPS]
Get them, boys.
Wait a minute.
[MEN GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
Hello?
It's for you.
Well, thanks.
Hello?
Goodbye.
Thank you, sweetheart.
[THUD]
[GRUNTING]
[HOLLOW THUD]
I gotta find that dough.
MAN:
What's in the box?
No!
No.
Why you...
I'll get you.
No.
I'll get you.
Get me out of this.
Hold 'em, Joe.
[GRUNTING]
[GROANING]
Oh, we'll make this mug
tell us where the money is.
Then we'll
call Mr. Grime
and tell him we've got
his gas station robbers.
Wanna tell us
where the money is?
No!
Wind him up.
He'll talk.
Oh! Aah!
[INHALES DEEPLY]
[BLOWS]
MOE:
Tell us where the money is?
I won't! Oh!
One more time.
Now you gonna talk.
Yes.
It's in the basket
under the table.
Don't go away.
Well, that's more like it.
[SQUEAKING]
Moe, I got the dough.
Here's some for you.
All right,
pile those mugs up.
I'll make a phone call.
All right.
Get him outta here.
We got the robbers
signed and sealed,
and we'll deliver 'em
to the cops in a little while.
Goodbye.
Ooh.
Shh.
Wise guy, eh?
Moe, Larry.
What did I do?
[♪]
MAN:
Gentlemen.
Many of our gas stations
are being constantly held up.
We feel it is the work
of an organized gang.
I need three brainy, but, uh,
stupid looking
private detectives
who can pose as gas station
attendants.
That is why I sent for you.
Gentlemen!
Oh-ho.
ALL:
Good morning, boss.
Well, you fellas are certainly
stupid looking enough
but about being
brainy detectives
that's open
to conjecture.
BOTH:
Oh, thank you.
I'll button mine.
Were you ever in danger?
Did anyone ever
point a gun at you?
Yeah, but he
couldn't shoot me.
How come?
I had my finger
in the barrel, ha-ha!
[LAUGHING]
My partner, very funny.
Give way.
Uh, you-- You were in
the service, weren't you?
MOE: That's right.
Get a commission?
No, just straight salary.
[MOE LAUGHING]
Hah, that's my partner,
just clownin'.
Quiet.
You. Are you a good detective?
Am I?
You see
this heel?
I ran that down,
ha-ha.
[CRUNCH]
Oh!
Boys, this is serious.
Do you know anything about
running gas stations?
ALL:
No.
Well, that's good.
Then the robbers will think
you're easy prey.
Now here's a list
of our latest robberies.
Study it.
And there's another report...
Oh.
You silly.
Foolin' around
with a knife.
Are you crazy?
Oh!
Ooh! Ooh!
Aah! Aah! Oh! Oh!
Boss.
What's the matter?
[GROANING]
What's the matter?
[GASPS]
Ow!
You ain't got nothing
to worry about boss,
you ain't even got a hole
in your pants.
Take it easy, go sit down--
Ah, stand up.
Go ahead. Relax.
You're fault,
you imbecile.
[CLINKS]
[CLINKING]
[LAUGHS]
Fooled you that time,
here, hold it.
Sandwich.
Potato chips.
Couple of olives.
Pickle--
MOE: Don't you like ketchup?
I'm glad
you reminded me.
[HUMMING]
You all set?
Yeah.
Aah, you ruined my lunch.
Leave him alone,
you big bully.
Oh, I'm sorry,
I'll wipe it off.
That's better.
Get of here.
Come on, we gotta catch
those burglars, come on.
Ow, ow, ow.
[MOE SINGING]
[BLOWS]
♪ Da-da-de
La-duh-de ♪
♪ La-da-dee-dee
La-la-da-dee... ♪
♪ Oh-me-oh-lay-he
Oily, oily, oh ♪
♪ Oily, oh
Oily, oh-lay-he... ♪
♪ Oily, oily, oily
Oily, oily, oily... ♪
[CAR STRUGGLING]
Hey, fellas.
Here comes a car.
Maybe the drivers a crook.
Keep an eye on him.
I'll keep both eyes on him.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
LARRY:
Yes, sir.
Good mornin'.
How are you?
Here we are.
Right there.
Oh, my, my.
Get a nice smooth sh--
I thought you was wearing boots
there for a minute.
Ah, you got a hangnail.
Ow!
Stick your out
your tongue, please.
[SMACKING]
Thank you.
Ooh! Ooh!
Aah! Ow!
Ooh!
[SNORTING]
There.
There we are.
What'll you have?
Give me five gallons of Becky.
We're all out of Becky,
how about Hazel?
I don't like Hazel,
I'll be back tomorrow for Becky.
Put some water in the radiator.
And some air in the tires.
LARRY:
Yes, sir!
MOE:
Get busy, boys.
[HISSING]
Say, mister, your radiators
leaking pretty badly.
You better let me put some
stop-leak in it.
Okay, fix her up.
Right.
Extra special
onion service.
Hey!
Oh, oh, clean you right up.
Oh, sorry, mister,
wrong rag.
Hold still now.
[SPITTING]
Oh-oh, the funnel.
[BLOWS]
Fix you right up.
You double-crosser, you.
[POPPING]
Mm.
Mm.
Oh!
What kind of game
do you think you're playin'?
Come on, get busy.
All right.
How do you like that?
[TINKING]
[GASPS]
[MOANS]
Ha-ha, why don't
you sing Mammy?
Why don't you shut up?
[GROANS]
[HISSING]
[LOUD BANG]
Okay, mister,
take it away.
Oh, just a minute.
Would you mind
giving it a crank?
Not--
My starter's busted.
Not at all.
[HONKS HORN]
There you are, sir,
all cleaned up and ready to eat.
Aye, aye,
then take it away.
[BOTH GRUNTING MILITARILY]
Ooh!
Wait a minute.
Why you--!
MOE:
Onion service.
[BOTH GROVELING]
Yes, sir.
CUSTOMER:
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I want an oil change
and I'm in a terrible hurry.
Okay, under the car,
get the oil, here we go!
Get the oil,
get the oil, right now!
I'll keep them busy.
You take care
of the cash register.
MOE:
Onion service, comin' up.
SHEMP: Onion service.
MOE: Yes, sir.
Lift the hood, boy.
All right.
Hold this can.
Remove the oil cap so the air
will circulate
through the motor.
This oil won't flow.
Okay.
I'll blow through it.
[SPITTING]
Hey.
[ENGINE STARTING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
Hey.
He left and I didn't
finish the job.
Come back here.
How do you like
that sap?
And wasting
all this oil.
MOE:
Hey, fellas, the cash register!
Oh, we've been robbed.
The dirty crooks,
they took our dough.
We're in trouble.
Get cleaned up,
we'll trail 'em.
Okay.
MOE:
If we don't catch
those crooks...
Driving into a driveway,
nobody knows
what's going on there.
He threw that?
He threw that?
He threw it?
Yes.
What are you shovin' people
around for, you cr--
Look at you,
you featherbrain.
What's a matter
with you?
Straighten yourself out.
All right.
MOE:
Hurry up, Larry, get a move on,
those guys will get away.
[GURGLING]
[CHOCKING]
All right.
[DINGS]
Ooh!
Why you--
Oh, you double-crossing--
Yeah, serves you right,
you imbecile, come on.
Hold your horses.
What are you doing
with that?
Takin' it along with us,
so we don't get robbed
when we're gone.
You dope, it's empty,
drop it.
[LOUD CRASH]
Oh, oh, oh!
Get a move on, you guys.
MOE:
Remind me to kill you later.
Get that door locked.
Okay, locked
right up there, boys.
Now, lock it.
Okay.
Now, come on.
[CRUNCH]
Wait a minute,
my finger's caught.
Come on.
Help me, will you?
Come on, pull it out.
Oh.
[POPS]
Oh!
I'm sor-- Aah.
Take an out there.
Come on,
we got to get on the trail.
LARRY:
All right.
Okay, bloodhound,
follow the trail.
[PANTING]
[BARKING]
Mush, mush.
Come on.
Up.
Mush, mush.
How'd they
get they car in there?
I don't know,
but that must be the guy
with the company's dough.
Achoo!
Gesundheit.
Thank you.
Go see.
He's comin',
give him the door treatment.
BOTH:
Na-na-na-na.
So you trailed me, eh?
Ooh!
Oh!
[GROANS]
I guess that
took care of him.
Let's get him
out of the hall.
[LARRY GRUNTING]
Over in the chair.
All right.
Easy now.
There we are.
[HOLLOW THUD]
MOE:
Look at that set
of burglar tools.
[GASPS]
Get them, boys.
Wait a minute.
[MEN GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
Hello?
It's for you.
Well, thanks.
Hello?
Goodbye.
Thank you, sweetheart.
[THUD]
[GRUNTING]
[HOLLOW THUD]
I gotta find that dough.
MAN:
What's in the box?
No!
No.
Why you...
I'll get you.
No.
I'll get you.
Get me out of this.
Hold 'em, Joe.
[GRUNTING]
[GROANING]
Oh, we'll make this mug
tell us where the money is.
Then we'll
call Mr. Grime
and tell him we've got
his gas station robbers.
Wanna tell us
where the money is?
No!
Wind him up.
He'll talk.
Oh! Aah!
[INHALES DEEPLY]
[BLOWS]
MOE:
Tell us where the money is?
I won't! Oh!
One more time.
Now you gonna talk.
Yes.
It's in the basket
under the table.
Don't go away.
Well, that's more like it.
[SQUEAKING]
Moe, I got the dough.
Here's some for you.
All right,
pile those mugs up.
I'll make a phone call.
All right.
Get him outta here.
We got the robbers
signed and sealed,
and we'll deliver 'em
to the cops in a little while.
Goodbye.
Ooh.
Shh.
Wise guy, eh?
Moe, Larry.
What did I do?
[♪]