Side by Side (1988) - full transcript

(Multicom Jingle)

(upbeat music)

- Thank you.

(people chattering)

- Come on, I ain't got 'til Christmas!

Shoot the ball!

- Who gave him permission to speak?

- Yeah, who gave him permission to speak?

- Look Louis, we can't have
you breakin' the rules.

You can hang out with us as long

as you don't know you're
hanging out with us,



but the minute we know
you're hanging out with us,

then we got big trouble, understand?

- Shoot the damn ball!

- I'm just tryin' to figure
out what shot to make.

- You heard him, big shot, shoot the ball!

- Yeah, sure, sure.

It's not your nickel at stake.

I dunno whether to make a
hook shot or a slam dunk.

- You're talkin' slam dunk?

Shoot the ball, I gotta get to work!

- Don't rush me, this is tricky.

- [Louie] Trick is to
put it in the basket,

that's the trick.

- Hey, gonna shoot the
ball this week or next?



- I'm measuring the basket.

- Shoot, shoot!

(grunting)

- You're rushin' me.

- [Louis] You haven't rushed in 50 years.

- Go ahead, miss.

Don't you ever miss?

- Pay up, fellas.

You see, it's all in the wrist.

- I just sprained mine,
I can't get to my money.

- You don't have any
money in those clothes.

- He never has money in any clothes.

Here's my dime.

- You owe me a dime, let's go.

- I gotta go home and shower and shave.

- Who buys mick at seven
o' clock in the morning?

- Lotta people, lotta people.

- You know, while you two
slobs are slaving away

I've got kind of a tough day myself.

- Really?

- Yeah, go home, take a shower,

have a nice nap, and pick up Rebecca

and have lunch at the Waldorf,

and then off to see the ponies.

- Well, don't strain yourself.

- Just once I'd like to
see you make a basket.

- If he wanted to make a
basket, he'll weave it.

(men chattering)

(upbeat music)

(music drowns out speech)

- I'm hungry.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Morning.

Oh, how are ya, Pete?

Good morning, how are ya?

Good morning, Al.
- What up Louis?

- Hey, that's it, get
it goin', get it goin'.

Good morning, good morning.

Orders coming in?

That's good, that's good.

Freddy!
- Hi Louis.

- How are ya?

We gotta lotta work to do.

- I know, I know.

- Okay, I want you to get all
the patterns from upstairs

and bring 'em down.
- Okay.

- I want these women working right away.

- They're working hard.

- Yeah, I tell you what,

why don't you get some lemonade?

- [Intercom Voice] Louis Hammerstein

to Mr. Reinhorn's office.

Louis, Mr. Reinhorn's office.

- Matt, I know why you called me in.

It's the debutante dress.

I know I took a chance,
it's a little daring--

- Sit down, Louis.

- Look, Matt, it's nothin' we can't fix.

- It's not about garments.

- Oh?

- Um, according to our records,

you turned 65 last week.

Now--
- Matt.

You don't have to apologize
for not buyin' me a present!

I'm a big boy, I know, we're all busy.

- Please, Louis, don't make
this any more difficult for me.

I feel like we're all goin'

into the toilet here, you know that?

I mean, we're doin' fine,
we're doin' just fine.

None of us own any yachts
or anything like that,

but we took care of our own, right?

I dunno, now, it's just
ever since we sold out

to this Liberty Bells outfit,

I feel like we're just a
bunch of lousy numbers.

Every day that stinkin' board of directors

hands me another horror story.

- What'd they hand you today, Matt?

- Retirement.

- Whose?
- Yours.

- I know, it's not fair.

I mean, look at you, you
look like a 50-year-old!

- Wait a minute, Matt.

I read you right?

I mean...

Last week I was 64.

I knew where every thread was,

I knew where every pattern was.

And this week, I'm 65, I'm
dumb, I don't know anything?

- They don't care if you're healthy,

but this company says you're 65,

you're finished, you're kaput.

They didn't want me even to
wait 'til your 65th birthday.

They were gonna cut the pension plan.

And I told 'em I wouldn't
hear a word of it.

- Matt, you're on the board.

- I am just one man, Louis.

No one feels worse about
this than I do, Louis.

Believe me, I want it bad for ya.

I talked to the board.

Now, there is a little
money in the bank for you.

- What, you're talking to
me like I'm some flunky?

I've been with this firm since day one!

- I am totally aware of the contribution

you've made to this company.

- I don't think you are.

I taught your mother,
may she rest in peace,

how to cut a pattern.

That year when I fell down the stairs

and broke my hip, you were a little boy.

Broke my hip, your father carried me

in the snow to the hospital.

The doctor told me not to
leave the house for a month.

I left after two weeks.

Why?

We were cutting material.

Your mother had to turn out a line.

I saved your father from bankruptcy!

That's why I walk with a cane.

Little limp.

'Cause I care about this company.

(sighing)

- I'm sorry, Louis.

- I don't think you are.

I don't think you're sorry at all.

Saved your own skin, Matt.

That you did.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

(jazz music)

- Hi there.

Good and hot today, Frankie?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

(lively music)

(soft music)

- [Charlie] Beautiful, Edie.

So beautiful.

- 14, Harris?
- That's me.

(people chattering)

- Right.

Well, I have a pretty good reputation.

No, no, I was in coal sale first.

But I could sell vitamins just as easily.

Sure, sure.

I understand.

Doesn't hurt to try, right?

You have a good holiday, too.

- Dad, you haven't eaten anything.

- I had a late lunch.

- Honey, you're being very quiet.

- Uh...

The office, a tough day.

- Oh Dad, you know, I was in court today.

The Parkelton divorce case,
I think I told you about it.

Well, this case is such a mess.

These people are so
angry that they can't...

Can't even...

- They made you a very special dish.

(singing in foreign language)

♪ Happy birthday Mr. Louis ♪

- My birthday was last week.

Tell him my birthday was last week.

- It doesn't matter.

- Tell him my birthday was last week.

- Dad, he's just trying
to sing Happy Birthday.

We just wanna celebrate.

(mumbling)

- I feel fine.
- You feel warm?

- No, no I don't.

- I feel very warm.

- Louis!
- Dad!

- Louis!

(knocking)
- Come in.

- Hello, Lillian.

How is he this morning?

- Well, all the tests are back.

He's absolutely fine.

- I knew it.

- Dr. Bay says it's his stress.

- I want a second opinion!

- Charlie, ask him why
he thinks he's dying

when the doctor says he's perfectly fine.

- They've been wrong before!

- Lily, why don't you go
home and take a break.

We'll sit with Camille.

- Oh, thanks, I'd like that.
- Okay.

- [Lily] Goodbye, darling.

- Louis, Louis, you shoulda
been with me at the track.

I had a great day yesterday!

- Yeah, he got a ride home.

- No, no, I was lookin'
at those little ponies

and I thought to myself, "You know,

"animals are smarter than people!"

- Well, it depends who ya
hang out with. (chuckles)

- Now, you put 12 horses in a race

and 100,000 people show
up to watch 'em run.

You put 100,000 people in a race,

not one horse will show up!

(laughing)

- Don't stiffs laugh?

- When it's funny.

- Come on Louis, you gotta
open up your eyes sometime!

- There's nothing wrong with you, Louis.

- There's no escape!

I give up!

Don't you guys ever inhale?

I'm gonna die of depression
or smoke inhalation.

Well, let's get outta here, eh?

- Now you're talkin'.
- I'll get his pants.

- I'll get his coat.

- Come on, will you cheer up?

The doctor said you're gonna be fine.

We're just stressed, that's all.

Hey, lookit, we're gonna have some fun.

You two bums are gonna take the day off.

- I don't think I can.
- Hey, come on, Abe.

- Not selling furs for one
day is not gonna kill you.

- I dunno, I don't know, Charlie.

- Hey Abe, give the
chinchillas the day off, huh?

Hey...

I'm gonna take you guys to
see something really good.

- What's her name?
- How young is this one?

- Never mind.

(horn blaring)

Well, there she is.

- [Abe] Beautiful.

- Yep.

- Louis...

We've been friends most
of our lives, right?

- Right.

- I've never seen you like this.

What is it?

- I've never seen you like this.

- I lost my job.

- Oh my God, kid.

I'm sorry.

- 40 years down the drain.

- Hey...

Come on, it's not the end of the world.

I'm outta work, and I'm
havin' the time of my life!

- Yeah, he's havin' the time of his life.

- Yeah, but you quit your job.

- Yeah, I quit because I knew
my boss was gonna fire me.

- I was never fired from
a job my whole life.

Never.

It's like it's over.

Really over.

- Wait a minute, you
lost your job yesterday

and you won't put up a fight?

- What do you know about
puttin' up a fight?

- What do I know?

I know plenty, plenty.

I got canned eight weeks and two days ago.

- What?
- Yes.

- But you don't see me goin' around

cryin' on anybody's shoulder.

I get up every morning, I
shower, I shave, and I go out...

And sit in Moe's Deli all day.

- Well...

- Well, why didn't you say somethin', Abe?

- I was too ashamed.

- Too ashamed?

But we're your best friends!

- How am I gonna tell Francis?

- [Charlie] Holy Toledo,
Francis doesn't know?

- I'm so sick of hot pastrami.

- Hey, come on.

(somber music)

You know, guys, it's really strange.

First time our parents saw
her, they were outta work too.

- Yeah, they were outta work, too.

But not for long.

- Wonder if anybody told
her she was over 65.

(light music)

- Sure, sure, I understand.

I didn't order this.

- I got sick and tired of you

eatin' nothin' but pastrami all the time.

Don't worry, you're gonna get something.

They got the minks all over the world

working overtime just for guys like you.

And I got somethin' else
that's gonna cheer you up.

I'm gonna play my cello for ya!

- Please, not while I'm eating.

Francis!

What a surprise.

I decided to have an early lunch today.

You see, I needed to get outta
the showroom for a while.

It's so stuffy up there--

- I was there.

- Oh.

- How long were you gonna go on like this?

(sighing)

- I'm out of cigars.

35 selling everybody.

How am I gonna take care of you?

- We'll take care of each other.

Let's go home.

(light music)

- There we are, you stay over there.

(people chattering)

- Oh no, worst cards
I ever got in my life.

- White ones are a nickel.

Charlie, is this a good hand?

- Pretty as I've ever seen.

- Oh no, I meant the cards.

- Oh, yeah yeah, it's fine.

- What are you doin'?
- I dunno, what should I do?

- Okay, madams and monsieur,

we are going to play a new game.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Cinq cent!

- Cinq cent!
- Cinq cent!

- Cinq cent, what's cinq cent?

- It's a nickel.
- A nickel.

- Oh, fives.

(speaking in foreign language)

- You are wonderful, that is wonderful!

- Wonderful, every time we
play poker he's somebody else.

- Yeah, he's somebody else.
- Last week he was Italian.

- [Jennifer] How did you
learn how to do that?

- Well, in the shop we got
tallies from all over the world.

- [Abe] All over the world...

- We got the Russians,
we got the Italians...

- What do you do, Bernese?

- Jennifer.

- Oh, I'm so sorry!
- That's okay.

- Jennifer is a much
prettier name than Bernese!

What do you do?

- Oh, I have a company.

- A company?
- Yeah.

- You have a company?
- Yes.

- She is the only one person
in the room that's employed.

(laughing)

- Here comes the welcome wagon!

I hope everybody is hungry!

Wait 'til you taste it, this
is the greatest bread in town!

- Oh Moe, you're a doll, thanks.

- Thank you honey.
- I'm hungry.

- So I heard about that fink Reinhorn.

Are you all right?

- I'm fine, thank you.

- What kind of fine?

You need peppin' up!

I know just the thing.

Don't go away, I'll be right back.

- Okay.

(chuckling)

- Cute guy.
- He's cute, yeah.

- So you have a business?
- Oh, yes.

- I manufacture a line of
clothing and accessories for dogs.

I mean, you see, I'm a dog lover,

so I put out a catalog for
other dog lovers like myself.

You know, little extravagances
like fur-lined raincoats,

jeweled collars with
matching jeweled leashes,

pajamas, that sort of thing.

- Pajamas for dogs?
- Yeah.

- I don't believe it!

- Believe it, believe it.

You should see how she lives.

It only goes to prove, pal.

You got a gimmick and some
money, you can sell anything.

- Yeah, you know Charlie's right.

I mean, do you know how many dog lovers

there are in this country?

- I bet you there's a lot.

- And you'd be surprised how many

music lovers there are in this country!

- [Abe] Oh no.

- Any requests?
- Yeah, don't play.

- [Jennifer] Play
something classical, Moe.

(loud cello music)

- All right, whose bet is it?

- I go, wait, it's your bet.
- Oh, it's my bet?

- Yeah, it's your bet.
- Jacks are playing.

- Jacks are playing?
- I'll raise 10 cents.

(all chattering)

(clock ticking)

(phone ringing)

- Hello, hello?

Who is this, who is this?

It's 1:30 in the morning!

What?

Now?

What do you mean you can't wait?

(bell dinging)

- Gentlemen, be seated.

- What is it, what is it?

- Okay, what couldn't wait?

- I couldn't sleep.
- So you woke us up?

- Charlie, you remember
that girl you brought over

to my house to play poker tonight?

Uh, you know, Jennifer.

- Yeah, I know her.

I just left her in bed.

- I'm sorry.

Look, if she can build a
business selling pajamas to dogs,

what's to stop us from
building our own business?

- For this you drive me out of a warm bed?

You're a lunatic!
- Yeah, you're a lunatic!

- I'm goin' home.
- Me too.

- Fellas, fellas, fellas!

Don't you remember years ago

we dreamed about goin' into
business for ourselves.

Remember?

- What did we know then?

We were babies.

We were only 50 years old.

- You know, you're hallucinatin'.

I gotta get some sleep!

I got a big day at the track tomorrow.

- Charlie!

I dunno what's wrong with you,

but ever since Edie passed away,

may she rest in peace,

you really don't give a
damn about anything, do you?

You're a bright, charming man,

and you still got a lot goin' for you.

But you're throwin' it
away on horses and women.

- Yeah, you're throwin' it away.

- And you, Mr. Agreeable!

When are you gonna take
a stand on something, eh?

- Well, I--

- Louis, Louis, will you
just relax for a minute?

You know what it takes
to go into business?

Money, lots of money!

And that's after you get a great idea.

- Charlie, you're the best
accountant on the whole avenue.

And you, I know you.

If you believe in
something, you'll sell it.

You'll sell the hell out of it!

And me?

I think I have a few years of experience

of how to make clothes.

Hmm?

- Sweetheart, you know I love ya.

But you're livin' in the past.

Today, the market is geared
toward the young people.

- Right, you're absolutely right.

There are thousands of companies

designing clothes for young people.

- That's what I'm trying to tell ya!

- Right.

But who's designing
clothes for older people?

Hmm?

People over 65 designing
clothes for people over 65.

(military music)

(men chattering)

- Don't worry, I'll
let you do the talking.

I don't say anything, you keep talking.

(light music)

- Hold it.

- What?
- What?

- Charlie, are you sure you've got

this thing budgeted out just right?

- I'm sure, I'm sure.

- Maybe you can do it for less.

- Abe, I've budgeted right on the schnozz.

We can't do it for less than 130 thousand.

- That's it?
- That's it.

- Oh, yes.
- What?

- No cigars.

- [Both] No cigars?

- No cigar, you don't go to a loan office

with cigars waving around your face.

- But these are two dollar cigars!

I bought 'em especially for today!

- I don't care, give me the cigars.

- What are you doin'?

Hey, don't put 'em in there.

- I'll put 'em over here.
- They dump that thing out.

- So what?
- I'll handle it.

- What are you doin'?

- Look at this.

(chuckling)
- You're kidding.

- Senior Sophisticates.

Styles for senior citizens.

- How do you like it?

- Sounds interesting.

How much will you need for this venture?

- Young lady, if I'd know loan officers

were as pretty as this,

I'd have done a lot more borrowing.

Uh...

Well, my associates and I

have put together 30 thousand dollars

and what we need to complete the project

is we must borrow 100 thousand.

- A million, if you happen to have it!

- Well, what can you
provide for collateral?

- Well, between the three of us

we can provide 120 years of
hard business experience.

- That's very commendable.

But I'm afraid that's not

the kind of collateral we're looking for.

(soft music)

- What are we gonna do, Charlie?

- I dunno, what do you want from me?

In the old days I could walk in--

- I know you could, but you...

- Those days are over.
- I dunno...

- Can I have a bag of chestnuts, please?

- You need any money?

- No, I can afford a
bag of chestnuts, Dad.

- Well in that case, you got
an extra 100 thousand on ya?

- I wish I did.
- So do I.

- Hey, ya know, you're so skinny.

You been on one of those
crazy vegetable diets again?

- No, no, no.

I'm gettin' ready to do
my first one-man show.

I don't have time to eat.

- You serious?

- Yeah, 27 pieces of
sculpture at the Rita Gallery.

- What gallery?

- The Rita, Rita.

It's a big gallery.

- Rita?
- Yeah.

- I used to go with a
gal by the name of Rita.

Tell me, what are you gonna wear?

- I dunno, it's not important.

- It's important.
- It's not important!

- The show is important.

- I don't wanna argue with you, kid--

- Then let's not.

- What do you mean let's not?

You should wear a suit and tie.

- Oh, right.
- Don't laugh.

- I've worn a suit and tie
every day for 40 years.

- Yeah, well maybe that
explains why you never change.

- What do you mean by that?

Just tell me, what do you--

- What I mean is why don't you just

give me some kind of support, okay?

This is my first show!

- It's a great achievement,

this sculptor thing that you're doing.

- This sculptor thing?

I've been doing this sculptor
thing for eight years,

but who's counting?

- Hey, did you see in the
paper, your friend Harvey...

What's his name?

- Axel, right?
- Axel, your guy's--

- Yeah, that's real important right now.

I don't have time for this.

- But she must be a very
rich girl, this girl, she...

(cars honking)

- Is this it?
- I'm gonna eat, I'm hungry.

- We're not askin' for dimes here!

- You know you gotta get the money.

- It's important money we gotta have here.

- Hello, Louis.

- Hello, Mr. Reinhorn.

- How are you, uh,
enjoying your retirement?

- Retirement?

I wouldn't know about that.

I want you to meet my partners.

Abe Mercer, Charlie Warren.

- Hiya.
- Hello.

- We're going into business together.

- Oh really?

- Yeah, really.
- That's right.

- Well, I wish you a lotta success.

Moe, why don't you put
their lunch on my tab.

- Moe, please don't do that.

- What's the matter Louis?

I wish you success.

- I know what you wish me, Mr. Reinhorn.

But don't count me out yet.

I'm still in the business.

Shall we have lunch, gentlemen?

- [Charlie] Here comes a bit of sunshine.

- Hi, hi Dad.

- Hey Barbara, how are ya?

- How you doin' councilor?
- Hi, how's everybody?

- Hey gorgeous.
- Fine, fine.

- Wanna sit down, sweetheart,
and have some lunch?

- Oh Dad, I'm sorry, I can't.

I gotta be in court at two o' clock.

- You're so busy.

When do you have time
to meet someone nice?

- Well, as a matter of
fact, I just met someone.

- You're kiddin'.

- No, I'm handling this divorce case.

- [All] Divorce?

- The man is divorced,
what's the matter with you?

- Does he have to pay any alimony?

- [Louis] Don't go with a divorced man!

- Does he got kids?
- He's divorced?

- What does he do for a livin'?

(voices clamoring)

- Objection!

- Objection overruled.

Look, you deserve somebody nice.

You worked very hard in your
life to get where you are.

Take your time, it's important.

- He's the attorney for the other side.

- An attorney, oh boy.

- When is he coming to dinner?

- Yeah, when are we gonna meet this guy?

- I love having three fathers. (laughs)

Well, I do have your
partnership contracts here.

Why don't you take them home?

- We really don't need a contract.

- Well, you really should have one.

This is business.

- We're pals...

- If you have any questions,
you can call me tonight.

I gotta run.

- Hey, hey, hey...

Don't forget your Uncle Charlie.

- I would never forget my Uncle Charlie.

- Hey, what about--
- Or my Uncle Abe.

- Bye.
- Don't forget to call me.

- I won't, Dad.

- Hi Barbara.
- Hi Moe.

- Hiya fellas, everybody happy?

- I haven't had so much fun
since I paid my income tax.

- Come on fellas, really,
what's the trouble?

What's wrong, what's goin' on?

- Nothin' that 100 thousand
dollars couldn't cure.

- Every bank in town turned us down.

- Can't get any money anywhere.

We went all over.

- Why didn't you come to me sooner?

- Look, Moe, we wanna borrow
money, not potato salad.

- Oh come on, how do you think
I started this delicatessen?

I'm gonna send you to my
personal banker Frank Johnson.

He's a sweet lovable man,
got a real feel for people.

- Mr. Johnson, we have what we feel

is a very novel and very viable idea.

It's stylish clothes especially
made for older people.

- And clothing made by older people.

- Yes, people who are considered too old

to work in today's marketplace.

- Mr. Johnson, may I call you Frank?

Mr. Johnson--

- Sir, I'm sure we will succeed

if you can find it in your heart

to loan us 100 thousand dollars.

- You see, this idea would
make the older people

not only look better, but feel better,

which is more important.

- And it'll make you feel better too, sir,

knowing you're part of this noble project.

- That's a very impressive idea.

- Who said that?

- Do you like it?

- [Mr. Johnson] The idea, yes.

A matter of fact, I think
you have a real winner here.

- What'd he say?
- Real winner.

- Huh?
- Winner.

- According to the figures
in this projection,

I can loan you 75 thousand dollars.

You're gonna have to
get the rest yourself.

Course we have a problem with that--

- No!

No, no problem whatsoever.

- Oh no, no problem!

- No problem, huh?

Where we gonna get the
25 thousand dollars?

- What is your mom gonna say to the man?

Look, this guy's our last hope.

Let's not look a gift horse in the mouth.

- I've seen horses with more expression.

- Yeah, well, you should know.

- Look, we got time to
figure this thing out.

It's six to eight weeks
before we know about the loan.

- Six to eight weeks?

What if we don't get the loan?

- Oh, will you stop?

- Charlie, where you goin'?
- Charlie, where you goin'?

- Charlie!

- They don't give away money
in the store, they take it.

- Shopping relaxes me, helps me think.

I'll think of something.

- Yeah, he'll think of something.

- Let's not think of it
as 25 thousand dollars.

Let's think of it more like
eight thousand dollars apiece.

- You know, I don't really
need life insurance.

I've got nobody to leave it to anyway.

- Ah...
(chair buzzing)

- Hey, what about the cemetery plot

you bought for you and Francis?

- It was an anniversary present!

- How romantic.

- Fellas, we're gonna have
to make some sacrifices.

- Charlie, you wouldn't be spending

all your money at discotheques

if you went out with someone your own age.

- Where am I gonna find a woman
who'll admit she's my age?

- At least he spends some of his money.

- Listen, what about
a mortgage on a house?

- That's gone already.

Remember, Barbara's law school.

- What about a second?
- Second?

- Lillian wouldn't hear of that.

I could ask her about the
jewelry her mother left her.

No, I couldn't, I couldn't do that.

Oh, I can hear it now.

- Perhaps you'd care
for a shower, gentlemen.

Some towels?

- No thank you, we're just browsing.

- We're not gonna get that loan.

Six weeks and two days

and we still haven't heard
from Mr. Personality.

- He turned us down, and I know it.

- Let's not get crazy,
we don't know that yet.

- Only an idiot doesn't know that yet!

- You sound so negative.

(coughing)

- I'm not negative, I'm mad.

- I'm wet.
- Oh, you were born wet.

- Look, you know you were
right the first time.

You're an idiot.

- Hey, if I'm such an idiot,

let somebody else do the books.

- What are you talkin' about,
somebody else do the books?

Will ya stop--

(phone ringing)

- Hello?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Well, lemme ask my partners.

Would you guys like 12 dance
lessons for 26 dollars?

- Oh, give me the phone.
- You wanna hit him first?

(doorbell ringing)

- It's Lillian, she forgot her key.

- Edie always forgot her key.

Come on, deal.

- You know...

Waiting for that money.

- Hey, save that for your customers, eh?

Deal.

- Fellas?
- What?

- It was the mailman, and it's registered.

- That's our phone call.

Open it.

- Here, I'm the controller, I'll open it.

- Come on!
- What's it say?

- Oh my God, we got the money!

- Here it is in black and
white, black and white!

And it's signed!

- We got the moolah, we got it!

- We got the moolah!
- We got the moolah!

- We got the moolah!
- Moolah!

♪ We got the moolah ♪

♪ We got the dough ♪

♪ We got a 75 and oh oh oh ♪

♪ Hey we got the moolah ♪

♪ We have got the dough ♪

♪ We got a 75 and three little O's ♪

♪ Oh we got the moolah, we got the dough ♪

(patriotic music)

- 62, 63, 64, 65,

67, 68, 69, 70,

71, 72, 73...
- 12 machines.

- We're gonna need 12 machines?

- We have breakdowns.
- 74, 75, 76--

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Idiot!

- Would you go measure someplace else?

- You made me lose my count.

Now I gotta start all over again.

- What are you bumpin',
it's such a huge place!

- Shh, don't say huge.

I gotta negotiate with this guy.

- All right, I'm sorry.

(mumbling)

- Uh, Mr. Vasquen?

- Well, what do you think?

It's right in the center
of the Garment District.

A gorgeous showroom.

- I dunno, to me it looks a
little bit on the small side.

- He's right, it looks a
little bit on the small side.

- We could just about manage.

- Yeah, we could just about manage.

- What, are you kiddin'?

Where are you gonna get
5,000 square feet of space

like this in Manhattan?

It's perfect, and you know it.

- Then what are you asking
for this perfection?

- Only 14,500 dollars.

- Only?

- Excuse me, I've gotta
talk to my partners.

Come over here.

- Only 14 thousand?

What are you, crazy?

- Fellas, we can be very
creative in a place like this.

I really mean it.

Look at them right pouring in.

- Yeah, look at the money pouring out!

- Will you cut it?
- 14,500!

- 14,500 divided by 12
comes to 1,208 dollar

33 and and a thirds in a month.

But if I can get him down to
a thousand, should we take it?

- Take it? Grab it!

- Maybe he'll take 800 dollars.

- Uh, Mr. Vasquen...

Would you take 12 thousand?

- Will you sign a three year lease?

- Two years.

- Okay, two.

Shake.

- Mr. Vasquen, you got a deal.

That's two years at 12 thousand a year.

- It's 12 thousand a month.

(cigar popping)

- A month?
- A month.

- What does that come
with, breakfast and bed?

- Somebody call a cop,
there's a holdup in progress!

'Ey!
- Month!

- With all due respect, gentlemen,

may I suggest New Jersey?
- You're crazy!

- You're crazy, that's what you are!

- I know a laundromat with an
empty storeroom in the back.

- Kiss my cigar!
- Stick your head in a dryer!

(soft music)

- Isn't this interesting?

- I dunno, thing's kinda
odd, that's what it is.

- Have you ever been in a place like this?

- In a wharf like this, never.

- Look at all these people.
- Boy...

- There's a lot of people.
- Oh, it's so exciting.

- Oh, there's guest book.
- You better register.

- Should we sign?
- Let them know we're here.

- Do you want to sign it?
- No, you sign it.

- I want Tony to know that we're here.

- Should I sign the first names, or--

- Anything, just sign it darling,

'cause there's a lot of people here.

- All right, all right.
- Okay, baby?

(discordant music)

(people chattering)

- Tony, there's an art
critic here from Washington

that I'd like you to meet
when you get a chance.

- Great.
- All right?

- Yeah, all right.

- So you have you had any
of the hors d'oeuvres?

- Well, we just got here.

- Oh, well come with me
before they're all gone.

- I'll bring you some, sweetheart.

- Not too much on the plate.

- So, what do you think?

- I've gotta admit...

That piece over there, what is it?

- Well, what do you think it is?

- I think it's...

- Yeah?

- You think it'll sell?

- That's not an opinion.

- Everybody's talking about your work.

It's so exciting!

- Thanks.
- I'm not hungry.

- So how is Senior Sophisticates coming?

- Well, not too good.

We haven't found a loft yet.

We must've looked at a dozen places.

Too expensive.

- Why don't you guys come up
and take a look at my space?

The artist I share the loft
with is moving to Los Angeles.

If you can take plaster flying

I think I can take sewing machines.

- What if you and I don't get along?

- Just don't tell me about suits and ties.

- Tony, I'm your father.

A father wants his son to be better.

- Yeah, your idea of better.

- What's wrong with my idea of better?

- Keep your voice down, okay?

- I'm not yelling, I'm--
- Just keep your voice down!

- I'm just talking to you,

and you doin' that since you were a kid!

- [Francis] Do you want the loft or not?

- I'll have to talk to Louis and Charlie.

- [Francis] Abe...

- Okay, I'll take it.

- Okay, you got it.

- If only nations could
get together like this.

- Okay Alana, just a little bit more.

Here we go.

- (gasps) It's cold.

- I know, I'm almost done.

(gasping)

- Is that legal?

(machine whirring)

- Some people when they
open up a business,

they get flowers or a potted plant.

I gotta get black lung disease.

Will you stop with the cigars
already fellas, please?

And give me a little room, huh?

- How you doin' on the sample?

- It's comin' Abe, it's comin'.

It's gonna take time!

- All right, that's all I wanna know.

(machine whirring)

- Oh, will you sit down?

- Why doesn't she call?
- She'll call, she'll call.

- She's not your ordinary buyer, you know.

She buys for the entire Adelson chain.

- She told me at lunch yesterday

that she would definitely call today,

that's what she told me.

- You took her to lunch?

- Course I took her to lunch.

How else do you think I could get her

to come to this beautiful palace?

- Where'd you take her to lunch?

- 21.

- I can't hear you, talk louder.

- 21.

- Lou, did you hear that?

He took her to 21!

- A man who brings shredded
beef sandwiches to work?

- Oh, so how much did you spend?

- Huh?

- How much did you spend?

- 91 dollars.

- [Both] 91 dollars?

- Oh, that you heard, huh?

- You spend all that money,
we haven't made a penny yet?

And we haven't even got a sample!

- I'm workin', I'm workin'.

(machine whirring)
(phone ringing)

- Hold it now, Lou.

- Senior Sophisticates, Abe speaking.

Hello, how are ya?

I see.

Thanks anyway.

- Well?

- The buyer from Adelson,
she doesn't want to see us.

- Oh great, now you finished the firm

and we haven't even got a sample.

- I'm workin', I'm workin'.

- I need a little more
plaster, are you cool?

- Fine.
- Okay, you're doin' great.

- Thanks.
- Be right back.

(phone ringing)

- Senior Sophisticates, Abe speaking.

Right.

Oh, good.

Thank you.

Good bye.

- What is it, a secret?

- Charlie, can you take a
buyer from Bloomingdale's

to lunch on Thursday?

- What does she look like?

- What does she look like,

I don't care if she looks
like Attila the Hun!

She's a buyer from Bloomingdale's.

- How old is she?

- I think she's (mumbles).

- Hey mumbles, how old is she?

- I say she's somewhere in her 50's.

- Well, it's gonna be a short lunch.

- All right, all right, I'll take her.

(machine whirring)

(saw whirring)

- All right fellas.

Okay Charlie, I want you to put these on

and we'll take a look
at our product, okay?

- First one, huh?
- First one.

- Come on, go ahead.

(smooth music)

- [Tony] Hold on a second.

- Not one word outta you!

- I know exactly what's
wrong, take 'em off.

- You got 'em on backwards?

- No, his brain is on backwards.

You wanna zip 'em up, Abe?

- Who wants to deal with
zippers all the time?

- You're right, you're absolutely right!

- What'd I do, what'd I do?

- Abe, you're a genius!

Gentlemen, the finished product.

- I gotta say it Louis,
you did a hell of a job.

- You're first-rate.

- Now look at this.

The front, double-pleats.

- Yeah.
- Style.

- Yeah.
- Also...

- Elasticized waist.

And most important of all, no buttons.

- No buttons?
- Nope.

- No buttons?

- No buttons, no zipper, no nothin'.

Do you understand?

In the morning it's cold, right?

Old people, they have a
little arthritis in the hand,

don't have to deal with
buttons or zippers.

Velcros.
- Oh boy!

- Just slap it together, and you got it.

- I love it.
- Eh, eh?

- You're beautiful!

- Wait 'til you see this.
- What?

- [Louis] On the back of every pair,

our trademark, Side by Side.

- Imagine having having us

on every senior citizen's ass in America.

- (chuckles) I couldn't have
said it better myself, Abe.

- All right, Mr.
Moneyman, let's figure up.

- Well, what do you think
it's gonna cost us per piece?

- I talked to the contractor.

He said he could turn 'em out
for about nine dollars a pair.

- Nine dollars a pair.

That means we could
wholesale 'em for 14 dollars.

- That's good.

- And retail 'em at 29.99.

- Yeah, 29.99.
- No, no, no.

- Charlie, this is a designer item.

It's gotta go for at least 39.99.

- Yeah, Charlie, that sounds better--

- 29.99 is a fair price.

- What do you mean, talkin' fair price?

What's a fair price for a
Picasso, your fair price?

- We've been in business 10 minutes.

All of a sudden we got a Prima Donna here!

29.99!

- Look, I'm not bein' Prima Donna.

But it's a designer item,
it's gotta be 39.99!

- 29.99!
- 39.99, or I walk!

- Big deal, walk, go ahead, bye!

- Okay, bye, you bye.
- Hold it, hold it!

- I'm the one that's gotta sell these.

And I'm not gonna go out there

and try to rip off some old
people, I'll tell ya that.

If we can't give them a
product that they can afford,

I want no part of it.

- Who's he?

- [Charlie] Why you bein' so stubborn?

Even Abe agrees.

- It's 33, 35.

It's a designers item.

- That's the whole point,
it's a designers item.

You give it to 'em for a little less.

- Not a little less!

You sell it to 'em for the
regular price of regular jeans.

- No, no, these are--

- Excuse me, is this Senior Sophisticates?

- That's right, you're in the right place.

- Well, which one of you
gentlemen is Abe Mercer?

- That would be me.

- Abe, listen, I'm sorry.
- Why?

- Did my secretary mix this up?

Were we meeting at Bloomingdale's?

- No, no, come on.

You're in the right place.

I'd like you to meet my partners.

This is Louis Hammerstein
and Charlie Warren.

- Hello Louis, very nice to meet you.

I'm Alice Grayson.

- Alice Grayson, nice to meet you.

- You must be Charlie.

- And you must be Alice.

- We should probably go,
I'll get my hat and coat.

- You're with Bloomingdale's.
- Yes, yes.

- I made an early reservation
and I don't want to lose it.

So long fellas, bye.

- Very nice meeting both of you.

- Nice meeting you too, Alice.

- Too old for you, remember?
- Oh, shut up!

(horns honking)

- Is that coffee okay?

- Mm-hmm.

- We've got cola and root beer.

- No, no, no.
- Hey, we got real cream.

- No, I'm just fine, thank you.

- Watch this.

♪ A real tough crowd ♪

♪ The girl she parties well ♪

♪ Make her mom so proud ♪

♪ When she's in my arms ♪

♪ I know she mean no harm ♪

♪ But it's hard to keep
her from the tough girls ♪

(rock music)

♪ Every time she started to motor up ♪

♪ Feel my punch go out ♪

- [Louis] There he is, the
Jewish Michael Jackson.

♪ Then she revs her engine faster ♪

♪ So you know what I'm talkin' about ♪

♪ On the road, the wind is screamin' ♪

♪ I'm goin' faster so I must be dreamin' ♪

♪ But I'm glad that my
baby is a tough girl ♪

- It's great.
- You like it, huh?

- Now I want to show
you some new features.

Abe, let's see some of the features.

Show the double pleats.

Show her the double pleats, see that?

- Yeah, I like those.
- Style, style.

- I like 'em.
- Right.

- And now show the elastic waistband.

See the elastic waistband?
- No, it's good.

- And now the piece de resistance.

The fly, so you don't have to--

No, no, Abe!

No, no, Abe...
- I really like it.

- Tony, stop the music.

- It's just wonderful.

But, now listen, the jacket

doesn't go with the jeans, right?

- Oh no, it's my son's.

- But you do like the jeans?

- Absolutely.

Now let's see how the seniors respond.

- Right, right.

- We can start with an
order of 600 pieces.

- Did you say 600 pieces?

- 600 pieces?
- Our first order!

- Oh Alice, you're beautiful!

- And if they move well,
we can make it 6,000 more.

- 6,000?

- 6,000?
- We're in business!

- I think they should retail for 29.99.

- 29.99.

That's exactly the price I had in mind.

- I need the goods in
two and a half weeks.

Can you deliver?

- Can we deliver?

- Madam, you are standing
in a house of stability.

(arrow twanging)

- He's our neighbor.

- He comes out for a shot once in a while.

- [Lillian] I had to celebrate.

I'm so proud of you.

- Yeah, she really loved
the jeans, loved 'em.

She gave us a full order!

Full order, we could be in a fashion show.

Wow!

Wait...

Stop the cab, hold it, hold it!

It just occurred to me.

I'm gonna be responsible for 600 pieces.

- Well, you're not afraid, are you?

- Tell you the truth, I dunno.

- I know.

It's tough being the boss, isn't it?

- I've done it a million times,

but always for somebody else, you know?

- That's right, you've really done it.

But now everybody's going
to know that you've done it.

- That's right.

Lillian, you really are
somethin', you know?

You really are.

I don't remember the last time

we did anything like this, ever.

- Oh, I remember.

- Can we drive a little faster please?

(whip cracking)

(light music)

- You know, you have beautiful eyes.

- I'll bet you say that to all the buyers.

- Are you a buyer?

I forgot.

- I hope so.

You know, there are not many places

left like this where you can dance.

- Edie loved this place.

I used to bring her here all the time.

I bet your dance card
is full up all the time.

- Not really.

I'm very selective.

- Merci, madame.

- But I've heard that there are

a number of ladies in your life.

- Not anymore.
- Oh, sure.

- You see this gorgeous blond
with the cornflower blue eyes

and a very tight dress?

Never even noticed her.

(laughing)

(hammer thudding)

- [Abe] Okay Herb, I'll get back to you.

Okay sir.

- When you take a bath,

you're supposed to take your shoes off.

- Yeah.

What'd you do, walk through
a car wash without your car?

- (laughs) What happened, Louis?

- Fellas, we got a problem,
and I mean a big problem.

- [Abe] What is it, what is it?

- The contractor had a flood.

- Oh my God.
- I'm in shock.

- Water main burst on the main floor.

All the machinery, everything's ruined.

- I need to sit down.

- I'm afraid to ask.

What about our fabric?

- Just the one place we got lucky.

They already cut the material,

so they stacked it up on the
shelves so it didn't get wet.

- [Abe] Thank God.

- Okay, okay, let's not lose our heads.

We've got our fabric,

all we gotta do is get a new contractor.

- Yeah, I'll start calling one.

- I already called every
contractor in town.

They're all busy.

The soonest I can get a
contractor is in a month.

- A month?

What are you, crazy?

We gotta make a delivery in two weeks!

- Charlie, it's the height of the season.

- I'm hyperventilating.

- We're finished, finished!

- Don't say that, Charlie,
don't say we're finished.

- [Abe] What else can we say?

- Look, fellas, let's not panic.

If we stick together we
can come up with something.

- Face it, it's a disaster!

- It's not a disaster.

We got a little problem, that's all.

We can fix it up.

- You know, will you stop already?

I'm gettin' damn sick and
tired of your optimism!

We shouldn't have never listened

to your silly idea in the first place.

- What you talkin' about?

What, is it all my fault?
- Yeah.

- You got us in over our heads.

I'm gonna be eatin' dog food
for the rest of my life.

- Look, fellas, let's not do this, please.

We can figure something out.
- Yeah?

- Figure out how we're gonna
pay back 75,000 dollars!

And what about my life insurance?

- Yeah, what about the cemetery plot?

- What, I didn't put anything in?

I took a second mortgage outta my house!

- Yeah, and your wife's jewelry!

- Well, you've ruined everybody's life!

- I ruined everybody's life?

You were the guys who
wanted to play it safe.

You never want to take a risk!

I at least had an idea.

I wanted to do something with our lives!

- Well, you failed.

- I failed?

We're not partners anymore?

(somber music)

- Can't you sleep?

- They should never have
talked to me like that, never!

- Oh, honey, they're your friends.

- Some friends.

- They're scared, darling.

- They're not the only
ones who are scared.

I'm scared.

I mean, this whole house could...

It started off so great, so wonderful.

We were enthused, we were goin',

we were all pullin' together,

and then it just turned into a nightmare.

- Darling, remember what you used

to tell Barbara about nightmares?

- Oh, yeah.

They're only real if you let them be.

(dramatic music)

(bell dinging)

- Okay?
- Yeah.

- Let's play.

- What do you want from me, Abe?

I dunno where he is!

He was due here hours ago.

Wait a minute, here he is.
- All right, people, come on.

- Let's go.
- Get over here!

- Bring the machines in, too.

- What's goin' on, what is this?

- Charlie, we're gonna do it ourselves,

and we're gonna deliver on time.

- Are you crazy?

It's impossible, how are
we gonna make 600 pieces,

pack 'em, and deliver 'em by morning?

- Charlie, materials
are already cut, right?

We got a loft, we got machines coming up,

and most important of all,

we got the people, and
there's more coming.

- These people?

- These people I worked with for years.

- Yeah.
- Right.

- Before they were let go.

- Thrown out, you mean.

I was gettin' too close to my pension.

Anyway, Lou came down to the
old neighborhood and found me.

- And Tim here is one of

the best machine men in the business.

- Thanks, Lou.

I dunno how good these hands are anymore,

but there's sure one way to find out.

- It's time us old folks
started fighting back.

- What about me?

Malecky's no slouch, you know.

After all, I taught you cutting.

- That's right, you did.

All right everybody, we got a truck coming

at nine o' clock tomorrow morning.

We're gonna fill it

and send it on its way
to Bloomingdale's, right?

- [All] Right!

- Okay, let's go.

(workers chattering)

(machines whirring)

(upbeat music)

Hi, Sophie.

Hey!

Make the seams tight, eh?

How are ya Saul, how's everything goin'?

- Anything a sculptor can do?

- Yeah, go to college.

- All right fellas, come on.

Jeans are comin' off the line.

Let's bag 'em and box 'em.

- Close this...

I can't do this for another minute.

- [Louis] Keep goin' boys, keep goin'!

- Oh, you're clumsy!
- Oh boy, I'm dying.

- Keep goin', come on, the night is young.

- Louis, the night is
young, but we're not!

- Help is here, and food is here!

(workers chattering)

- Hi honey.
- Hi sweetheart.

- Moe, put 'em right down.

Just in time with the food.

No, no, no!

Not on the pants.

- You're right, cream
cheese don't go with denim.

- Right.

Put it in the kitchen, would you please?

- Sure.
- And thank you, Moe.

- These too.
- Beautiful, just in time.

- Darling, put me to work.

- What'd you do, rob Moe?
- No, I think he robbed us.

- Oh...

Oh, boy.
- Did you throw your back out?

- No, but I may have to.

(groaning)

- Hey Quasimodo, let's go to work, eh?

(upbeat music)

- Eunice.

Eunice, you all right?

- I'm sorry, I let you down.

- No, no, come on, we're all tired.

Okay, go lie down.

- I'm not as strong as I used to be.

- No, no, we're all tired.

It's late.

Come on, we'll just
lay down, be all right.

That's it, you'll feel much better.

Charlie?
- Louis, I'll take her.

- You're gonna be fine, just
fine, just a little tired.

We're all a little tired.

But everything is gonna be good.

I'm gonna set you down,
rub your neck a little bit,

and you're gonna feel a lot better.

Get you some cold water, too.

Why don't you just sit down right here.

Sit right there, yeah.

I can reach you better
like this, all right?

Atta girl, atta girl.

That feel good?

- Yes.
- Atta girl.

♪ We ain't got a barrel of money ♪

♪ Maybe we're ragged and funny ♪

♪ But we'll travel along, singin' a song ♪

♪ Side by side ♪

♪ No we don't know
what's comin' tomorrow ♪

♪ Maybe it's trouble and sorrow ♪

♪ But we'll travel the
road, sharin' our load ♪

♪ Side by side ♪

♪ Through all kinds of weather ♪

♪ What if the sky should fall ♪

♪ As long as we're together ♪

♪ It doesn't matter at all ♪

♪ When they've all had
their quarrels and parted ♪

♪ We'll be the same as we started ♪

♪ Just travelin' along, singin' a song ♪

♪ Side by side ♪

- That's it.
- Get 'em there now.

(chuckling)

- That's it!
- That's it!

- That's it!
- We did it!

(all applauding)

- Hey Uncle Charlie.

You know what you guys,
I gotta go to work.

- Forget work, let's go to breakfast!

- Sure, everybody come over to my place.

- Okay, fine, I tell ya what.

You go and have breakfast now.

We'll meet you in half an hour.

I got a few words to say.

(all chattering)

(workers cheering)

Everybody, everybody.

We just want to thank you
from the bottom of our hearts

for putting forward such a
tremendous effort last night,

and for saving our company,
and I do mean our company,

which Mr. Warren will explain.

- What Mr. Hammerstein is really saying

is our company is your company,
'cause my partners and I

met this morning and voted unanimously

that you each own a piece of this firm.

And show up for work tomorrow,
your job is permanent.

(workers cheering)

- [Louis] What a push,
but we got it all on time.

- Never thought we would.
- Terrific.

- Hey, look...

The way it happened was unbelievable.

- Senior Sophisticates?
- That's us.

- Yeah, got the truck.

You guys got an order
goin' to Bloomingdale's?

- Yeah, just went on its way.

- You know, you should
double-check your order

before you got sending extra trucks.

- That ain't our truck.

- I don't care, as long as
we don't get charged twice

for your own mistake.

- Hey, read my lips, pal.

That ain't our truck.

- Wait a minute, have we been ripped off?

- Happens all the time.
- Oh no, no.

- You know what we got in that truck?

- Follow that truck!
- I'm not gettin' involved!

- For 100 bucks!
- I'm involved.

- Come on!

(dramatic music)

(cars honking)

- [Driver] Don't you just love New York?

- Come on, those dirty bastards
got our life on that truck!

- Hurry up, hurry up, will ya?

- Can't you take a shortcut?

- Yeah, which building would
you like me to drive through?

- Come on, don't get wise with us.

- Let's go!
- Let's move it!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

- What?
- He's not movin'.

- We're not movin'.
- He's right there!

- We can walk over there and get 'em.

- So what do we do?

- What the hell are we doin', come on!

- Come on ya jerk, let's go!

- What are you doin' to my hat?

(cars honking)

- Hey guys.
- What?

- What are we gonna do when we get there?

- Yeah, what are we gonna
do when we get there?

- We'll do something.

- Hey wait a minute, wait a minute.

Hold it, hold it.
- What?

- What are we gonna do when we get there?

- We're gonna get our jeans,

that's what we're gonna do, come on!

- Yeah, we're gonna get our jeans.

- Yeah, but they're probably killers!

I mean, they got guns,
and knives, and clubs!

- Yeah, what do we got?

Two cigars and a cane.

- If I was 10 years younger

I'd rip them and their truck apart.

- Yeah, if I were 10 years younger--

- Oh, we're not 10 years younger!

Now what are we gonna do?

- Wait a minute.

Hold it.

- Oh no, don't get my
kid involved in this.

- I don't want your kid.

It's what he's got, that's
what I want, come on.

(chainsaw revving)

- I can't believe Abe chickened out.

(mumbling)

- Come on, let's get 'em.

- I hope he pulls a gun,
I'll saw it right off.

(horse whinnying)

- Faster, faster, move it!

- Go for the tires, go for the driver.

I'll get the other guy.

- I'll get the driver.
- No, I'll get the driver.

- You get the other guy.
- No, let me get the driver!

- Help is on its way!

I'm comin'!

- I may not be Robin Hood,
but I can't miss from here.

- Move it and you lose it!

- We got 'em surrounded!

Officer, officer, arrest this truck!

- [Alice] Okay...

(light music)

- Louis surprised me.

I mean, with his bad leg and all.

- Why, you're the talk of 7th Avenue.

They've been after those guys for months.

All I can say, ma'am, 'tweren't
bad for three old codgers.

Hey, how about an hors
d'oeuvres before dinner?

- Oh, I'd love it, I'm starved.

- I'll get it.

We'll have two, please.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Come on.

You're so lovely.

(speaking in foreign language)

(singing in foreign language)

- You're terrific!

- I worked my way through
college as a singing waiter.

- Any other surprises?

- Yeah, did a little sword swallowing.

- Oh, come on.

- I got a surprise for you, my love.

- What?

- I just have to kiss you.

- Sure you didn't work your
way through college doing that?

- We're in trouble.
- What do you mean?

- The shoes.

Look, the shoes, Louis, the shoes!

- What shoes?

- [Abe] They were supposed
to be here two hours ago.

- [Charlie] There's no music,
the sound system's not on yet.

- Tell 'em to turn it on!

- Me to turn it on?
- No, them to turn it on!

- I gotta tell ya somethin' important!

- What?
- It's important!

- One of your models didn't show up.

- Abe, that's your job,
that's your responsibility.

Get 'em, I don't care if you
drag somebody off the street.

Come on, let's go.

- I'll get it.
- Go ahead already.

- Fellas, I got my cello,

and I got the perfect number to play!

- No, we don't need the cello now.

Right, we don't need it?

- You'll play after the show, okay?

- We got music on tape.

- After, after, after!

- Hear you play later.

(crowd chattering)

- The lineup goes like
this, Eleanor goes first.

- No, you can't, Eleanor isn't here.

- What?
- What you talkin' about?

- You're both crazy, Dolores
goes first if anything.

- No, Dolores?

Don't you think we should
like up this show--

- Wait a minute.
(cello music)

- Oh no.

- I thought you locked
him in the bathroom.

- Never mind, we'll handle it.

- Go ahead.
- We'll handle it.

- Excuse us a minute.
- Sorry, folks.

(giggling)

- Sorry about that.

Little mix-up in the program.

Uh, welcome.

And to me it's my privilege, indeed,

to welcome you to Senior
Sophisticates, uh..

Senior Sophisticates'
very first fashion show.

(crowd applauding)

- You know, that reminds
me of a very funny story--

- What are you doin'?

- You gotta warm 'em up first.

- Oh Abe, for heaven's sake...

- Folks, being here today
reminds me of a very funny story

my partner Charlie told me, and...

What was the story you told?

- A fellow walked into a restaurant.

- A fellow walked into a restaurant...

- And he says to the waiter.

- And he says to the waiter...

- Do you have frog's legs.
- Do you have frog's legs?

- He says... (mumbles)

- And the waiter said, "No, I only walked

"this way from tight shoes."

(audience laughing)

- Talent judge in the fashion
show, they're tellin' jokes.

- And now, ladies and gentlemen,
on with the fashion show.

(audience applauding)

(exciting music)

(shutters clicking)

- [Announcer] Ladies and
gentlemen, our designer and creator

Mr. Louis Hammerstein!

(audience applauding)

- Thank you.
- Good show, huh?

- I was gonna cut it outta the magazine,

but your mother figured
you'd want the whole thing.

- What is the matter with you?

Did you read the review?

- Are you kidding?

Five times to myself, five
times on the telephone.

- What, you read this to other people?

- Yeah.
- You did?

- You read this.

"The pretentious Anthony Mercer

"would serve the art community better

"if he took his dubious skills

"in plastering somewhere else."

You read that to people?

- What people?

Relatives.

Besides, Tony, Tony,

is it such a crime to be
excited for my own kid?

- Oh Dad, I'm through.

- Through?
- Yeah.

- Because of one person's opinion?

Do you think this guy Henry
Moore always had it so great?

- How do you know about Henry Moore?

- I got a book.

He probably got a lotta bad reviews,

but that didn't stop him.

Mm-mm, not a chance.

- Can you believe what this
vicious bastard said about me?

- Son, it's only one man's opinion.

- All right.

Is that what I am, a plasterer?

- What am I, old?

- What does that mean?

- Nobody can make me feel
old unless I let 'em.

Nobody can make you feel like a plasterer

unless you let 'em.

(piano music)

- I have to tell you that I think you sing

much better than you play.

- I beg your pardon?

- (giggles) Oh, it's nice.
- Nice, huh?

- That's nice, too.

- God, you smell so good.

What is that?

- It's called Sugar.

- Yeah, Edie used to use that.

- I doubt it.

It's not on the market yet.

- Well, it was...

Hey, how about some more wine.

- Oh, okay.

This is really such a nice room.

What a sweet face.
- The sweetest.

- I can see why you're so attached to her.

- Maybe I better see about dinner.

- Charlie...

It must have been very painful for you.

- I did everything
possible to keep her alive.

- You're still doing it.

- Don't you ever think
about your ex-husband?

- No.

I'm not married to him anymore.

Look...

I'd really like to stay
and have dinner with you.

But...

I just don't feel like
there's any room for me here.

- Alice...

- I'm sorry.

(somber music)

Bye, Charlie.

- No, she bets, you got a pair of sevens.

- Right.

- Oh, there.

- [Charlie] I can't understand.

All of a sudden, the phones
have stopped ringing.

- Two weeks ago I was
getting writer's cramp

from taking orders, haven't
sold a piece now in six days.

- I got people sittin'
around here doin' nothin'.

- Yeah, they're doin' nothin'.

- What happened, did all
the buyers left town?

- I dunno.
- Hey, you guys?

- [All] Huh?

- Have you seen this?

- Holy smoke.

That Reinhorn, he stole my whole design

right down to the last
stitch, look at that!

- And the dirty rat
undercut us by 10 dollars.

- Yeah, well what are we gonna do?

- What are we gonna do?

We're gonna sue the son of a bitch,

that's what we're gonna do.

- On what grounds?

- Why don't you guys go on TV?

- On what?
- On TV.

- Ken Franklin does stories
like this all the time.

- Oh, we'd be happy to go on TV

as long as it doesn't conflict

with our brunch at the White House!

Go on TV...

- Charlie, this guy's
gonna be the next Donahue.

He loves human interest stories like this.

- Wouldn't that be somethin'?

To expose that sneaky bastard right on TV?

That would be somethin'!

- You're dreamin', we couldn't
get on TV in a million years.

- Yeah, never happen, never.

- No, Mr. Franklin's not available.

Yes, I'll tell him.

I'm sorry gentlemen, but Mr. Franklin

won't be seeing anyone for another month.

- Oh, well it's a great
human interest story.

- [Suzanne] Yes, we have
all the stories we need.

- It really is very--
- Yeah, this could be great!

- [Suzanne] I'm sorry, we're booked solid

on human interest stories.

- Thank you very much.

- [Suzanne] You'll have
to come back another time.

- You and your big ideas.

I told you we'd never get on.

- We took a chance, we
didn't lose anything.

- Suzanne, let me know the minute

that Brechkoff and his
entourage arrive at JFK.

Franklin has got to talk to them

before the interview Thursday at the UN.

Important.

- Brechkoff?
- Important?

- Who?

- Brechkoff.
- Important.

(choral music)

- Da.

- Hello, beauty.

- Excuse me, gentlemen,
you can't go in there.

- I can go in there.

I am indebted to Mr. Brechkoff.

- Brechkoff?

But you weren't due until Thursday.

- Thursday?

(speaking in foreign language)

- Mr. Brechkoff, he say
you and important Thursday.

Important see Franklin now, or go!

- Da!

(speaking in foreign language)

Da!
- Mr. Franklin...

- Da, da, da.

- Mr. Franklin.
- Annie, I'm on the phone--

- Mr. Brechkoff!

- Uh, listen, I'll have to call you back.

Mr. Brechkoff.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Mr. Brechkoff, he say
he believe in glasnost.

That mean I like you if you like me.

But you have to like me first.

- Da.
- Da.

(speaking in foreign language)

- Sit down, please.
(speaking in foreign language)

- Sit down!

(speaking in foreign language)

- [Abe] Da, vodka, vodka!

(speaking in foreign language)

- He say you have very important project.

Everybody like you, but when
Brechkoff, he come to you,

everybody gonna like
you better than Koppel.

- Da, da.

Vodka, vodka!

- Da, da!

(speaking in foreign language)

- Da, da!

(speaking in foreign language)

- Mr. Brechkoff, he say
you have big audience.

Big audience, everybody like Franklin.

But when Brechkoff, he come to show,

you gonna have bigger audience--

- Than Howdy Doody.

- Howdy Doody.

- Gentlemen, who the hell are you,

and what are you really doing here?

- Well you see, we're in
a cloak and suit business.

And we made some jeans...

(voices clamoring)

- One at a time!

- [Abe] He deserves it.

- Mr. Reinhorn's office
is right down here.

Right over here to the left.

Over here, over here.

Now this is his office right in here.

We know he's in now because
he always ships on Tuesday.

- Hey, hey, hey!

What's going on here?

- That's him.
- Put on camera.

- That's Mr. Reinhorn, that's
the man who stole our design.

- That is ridiculous.
- Stay with him.

- You stole our advertising campaign.

- Undercut us by 10 dollars.

- What is this?

You break into my factory like a--

- You're a thief is what you are!

- Yeah, you're a thief,
that's what you are!

- You can't make an appointment

and call me like a human being?

- Gentlemen, gentlemen...
(voices clamoring)

- Gentlemen, please, please!

Now I realize you all feel
very strongly about this.

But let's take it one at a time

so the audience can understand the issues.

- Fine with me.
- Let's go, go ahead.

- Okay with me.

- Now Mr. Reinhorn, these gentlemen claim

you put them out of work.

- That is absurd.

I gave the senior citizens

a comparable product at a lower price.

It's open competition, that's
what America is all about!

- Stealing our design, is
that the American way, huh?

- It's an open marketplace!

- Ask him who makes his jeans.

Ask him!

- That's a fair question, Mr. Reinhorn.

Who makes your jeans?

- What difference does it make?

- It makes a lotta difference.
- Right.

- Where are your jeans made?

- Taiwan.

- Taiwan, that's great!

I wonder how many American seniors

take the subway to Taiwan every
morning to make his jeans.

- Yeah, wonder how many
American jobs you took away, eh?

- What is this, a soap opera?

- Yeah, it's a soap opera about a friend

that hires senior citizens,
people who were thrown away.

- Yeah, people you
thought were disposable!

- Mr. Franklin, these gentlemen

are merely looking for sympathy.

The bottom line here is they
just don't know the business.

- I don't know the business?

I taught you everything you know!

And I'll teach you something else.

Here, hold my cane.

I'll teach ya somethin', I'll show you...

- Just take it easy.

You touch me, you got a
major lawsuit on your hands.

- You hearin' this?

I'll tear your head off!

- Shut it off, shut it off.
- Oh boy.

- I'm sorry, I blew our case.

I just got so hot, you know.

He lied right in front of my face.

I saw red.

Sorry.

- You told the truth.

- Do you think they're
gonna care about that?

All they're gonna care about

is his jeans are 10 dollars cheaper.

- The seams are gonna
come apart in no time.

And he used buttons.

Think he gives a damn about people

with arthritis on a cold morning?

- We had a chance to
convince millions of people

and we blew it.

- I think you boys did a pretty good job.

Wonderful.

- Someone different.

- How come nobody ever hugs me?

- They don't want their pockets picked.

(workers chattering)

- I haven't got the heart to tell 'em.

- Can't put it off any longer.

Excuse me folks, could I have
your attention for a minute?

Look, you all work very, very hard.

And we tried to make it a success,

and with your help, we almost made it.

But I'm sorry to say,

Senior Sophisticates
is now out of business.

- The hard fact is that we
just can't meet the payroll.

- You can't close, we won't let you.

Here, this is my mother's engagement ring.

It's worth 1,275 dollars cash.

- There's 320 dollars
in my savings account

and I'll withdraw at lunchtime.

- I got 95 dollars here, count it.

- Here's my gold bracelet.
- And have my watch.

- Take my ring.
- I got a locket.

(workers chattering)

- The Rita gallery called
last night, I sold a piece.

- Oh, that's great, kid.

- Thanks, thanks.

I would like to sign the check over

soon as I get it to you guys.

- Tony, I wouldn't think of it.

- Oh come on, Dad, please.

You helped me when I needed it.

- No, please.

You keep it, keep it.

I love you anyway.

- I just want to say one
more thing, if I may.

It's a very rare thing

that you go into business
with people that you love.

It's even rarer that you find more people

that return the love.

I just wanna thank you

for all the tremendous
effort that you put in.

I'm sorry that it just didn't work out.

- What is this, a wake?

- Oh hi, Alice.
- Alice, how ya doin'?

- I guess you haven't heard.

- Heard what?
- What?

- There's a huge crowd in
front of Reinhorn's building.

- What?
- Picketing!

- Picketing?
- Yes!

- Hundreds of people.

Bloomingdale's wants an order
of 6,000 pieces right away.

- What?

- 6,000 pieces?
- 6,000 pieces?

- They want it right away?

- Then the Franklin show worked.

- Did it work?

Reinhorn couldn't move his
jeans if he gave them away!

- Oh, that's great!
- Do you know what this means?

- Yeah, I know what this means.

Come on, what is this,
a home for the aged?

Everybody back to work!

(all cheering)

- Thank you Alice.

Thank you so much.

- Just make sure that you get those goods

on the right truck this time.

- Oh, don't worry, we will.

- This time we'll walk
them over personally.

- We'll walk them!

- I, um...

I'll talk to you soon.

- Yeah.

(light music)

- You gonna let her go?

Gonna stand here like a yo-yo?

What's a matter with you?

- Alice...

Have dinner with me tonight.

- I don't think so.
- Hey, hey, no more ghosts.

- I'll take you to your
favorite restaurant

and I'll sing your favorite song.

- Oh Charlie, if I could just tell you--

- Hey.

How am I gonna tell you I love you

if you don't have dinner with me tonight?

- How about eight o' clock?

- How about you come here?

(phone ringing)

- Hello, Senior Sophisticates.

Who's calling?

Oh.

Hold the wire, I'll ask him.

Louis, Mr. Reinhorn's downstairs.

He wants to see you.

You wanna see him?

- Mr. Reinhorn.

Yes.

Yes, I'd like to see him very much.

- Hi Louis.
- Hi.

- Look...

Louis, I feel terrible about this.

No, I mean what's come between us.

Um...

Actually, I got some lousy advice

from my board of directors.

- What advice did your board of directors

give you this time, Matt?

- What do you say we merge the businesses?

I want you guys to be my partners.

- I already have partners now, Matt.

- We'll give you a major piece

of all Reinhorn fashions, Louis.

- Tell your board of directors
thanks, but no thanks.

- Now wait a second, Louis,

my buyers are turning
their back on me now.

You know, the stockholders,
they're going nuts!

Hey, gimme a break here, would you Louis?

Come on, really?

I could lose my business.

At least talk to your partners!

- Louis.
- What happened?

- He made you an offer, right?

- Nothing I don't already have.

- Gimme a light.

- Again with the cigars?

- Yeah!
- Oh yeah.

- Gimme the light, will ya?

- What?
- Come on.

- What are you doin'?

- Partners, allow me.

- What is this, Christmas?
- I must be delirious.

- Smoke up and enjoy.

There ya go.

Now, will you explain to me

how we're gonna make 6,000 pieces on time?

- Same way we made 600 pieces on time.

- No, no, no.
- Same way we made 600.

- We're talkin' 6,000,
that's 10 times the amount.

- So we're talkin' 6,000.

- Where am I gonna have the space?

I can't make 'em in this loft.

- There's plenty of room in this barn.

- There's plenty of room.
- There's not enough room!

- Just order more
machines and more people.

- What do you mean,

just order more machines and more people?

- Will you stop butting in?

Look, you make 'em, you sell 'em,

and I'll handle the rest of the drama.

- Listen to him.
- I gotta make 'em?

- That's the way it's always been.

- Where am I gonna make 'em?

- All of our lives we've had this problem!

(upbeat music)

♪ Oh we ain't got a barrel of money ♪

♪ Maybe we're ragged and funny ♪

♪ But we'll travel along, singin' a song ♪

♪ Side by side ♪

♪ Oh we don't know
what's comin' tomorrow ♪

♪ Maybe it's trouble and sorrow ♪

♪ But we'll travel the
road, sharin' our load ♪

♪ Side by side ♪

♪ Through all kinds of weather ♪

♪ What if the sky should fall ♪

- [Charlie] We should go
on the stage, you know.

♪ As long as we're together ♪

♪ It doesn't matter at all ♪

(applauding)

(Multicom Jingle)