Shortbus (2006) - full transcript
Numerous New York City dwellers come to the exclusive club Shortbus to work out problems in their sexual relationships. Rob and Sophia are a happily married couple, except for the fact that she has never experienced sexual climax. This irony follows her to work because she is a couples counselor who frequently has to deal with the sexual issues other couples have. Two of her patients are Jamie and James, a gay couple who have been monogamous for five years and counting. James wants to bring other men in to the relationship, and his own history with depression may hint at an ulterior motive. Ceth (pronounced Seth) may be the perfect addition to their family, but Caleb, a voyeur from across the street, may have his own ideas about that. Sophia visits Severin, a dominatrix with secrets of her own to reveal.
Are you a top or a bottom?
I beg your pardon?
I mean in reaI Iife.
This is reaI Iife.
Let me put it this way...
Do you think we shouId get out of Iraq?
Is your daddy paying for this?
No.
You're taking a picture
of yourseIf at Ground Zero...
do you smiIe?
Get on the fucking bed!
-Are you in?
-Yeah.
If you couId have any super power,
what wouId it be?
The power to make you interesting.
Do you think you'II ever have kids?
You onIy have an hour.
It's my money.
You fucking trust fund
hipster piece of fetus shit!
-I'm sorry!
-"I'm sorry" what?
I'm sorry, Mistress Severin.
But I'm serious.
What are your thoughts on procreation?
I want to do it by myseIf in the dark,
Iike a worm.
Can you describe your Iast orgasm?
It was great.
It was Iike time had stopped
and I was compIeteIy aIone.
Let's go, partner.
No, not yet...
I'm gonna miss my fucking train.
Oh, God!
Oh! Easy, easy!
Huh.
Were you sad afterwards?
Yeah.
Why?
'Cause time hadn't stopped...
and I wasn't aIone.
Hey hon, I'm home!
Hey.
-You doing yoga?
-Yeah.
Sorry, I wouId have been here sooner
but somebody threw themseIves
in front of the L train.
-Hey.
-Hey.
God, you're so sweaty. I Iove it.
I just jerked off, actuaIIy.
You did?
Did you think of me?
I'm gonna go put on some cIothes.
This is recording.
Fuck!
When are you gonna Iet me see
what you're working on?
Soon.
Thank you.
Oh. Thank you.
Cutie.
That was- oh God, that was incredibIe.
DefiniteIy.
Oh God, I feeI sorry for peopIe
who don't have what we have.
Like Brad and CheryI.
Brad and CheryI?
Yeah, the coupIe I've been working with.
Can you keep a secret?
Of course I can keep a secret.
Yesterday CheryI toId me...
she's been faking her orgasms.
She won't teII Brad because
she's afraid he'II break up with her.
So I finaIIy toId her
what I think she shouId do.
What shouId she do?
She shouId keep faking.
It's a compIeteIy Iegitimate
strategy to buy time.
-ReaIIy?
-'Cause the thing is,
is if she teIIs Brad
he's gonna think it's aII his fauIt.
You know?
And the thing is, an orgasm
isn't something Brad can give her.
She has to cIaim it for herseIf.
What do you think?
What do you mean, what do I think?
Hi.
Jamie and Jamie.
ActuaIIy I just started
caIIing myseIf "James" again.
I'm sorry.
-That's aII right.
-I keep forgetting.
Jamie and James.
TeII me about yourseIves.
WeII, I'm Jamie MitcheII.
I was a chiId actor.
I was on a TV show caIIed
'One of the FamiIy.'
Where the rich bIack coupIe
adopted the poor white trash kid...
and they didn't have the heart
to teII him he's not bIack?
"I'm an aIbino!"
I'm Canadian.
WeII, Jamie and I met
when I was doing research for
'Taken From the Streets.'
I pIayed a street hustIer.
And James was...
He was escorting at the time.
James, what do you do now?
WeII, I don't hustIe anymore.
I guess-
He's a Iifeguard.
-Yeah, at a-
-A gym jacuzzi.
Can you teII me why you're here?
WeII, recentIy we started taIking about
opening up the reIationship, you know-
SexuaIIy.
I was a IittIe surprised when Jamie
mentioned that he wanted to do this.
And then I thought, you know
we've been together 5 years, and...
I mean, Iet's face it,
monogamy's for straight peopIe.
But we thought we shouId get an
impartiaI opinion from a sex therapist.
Dr. Lin?
ActuaIIy, I prefer
the term "coupIes counseIor."
AIthough I have a great deaI
of experience in sex therapy.
Jamie, I'm wondering,
can you do me a big favor?
Sure.
Leave us aIone.
Okay.
-Thanks.
-AII right.
Why are you here?
WeII, something did happen
at work Iast week.
WouId you mind if I
taped myseIf taIking about this?
See, I'm making this IittIe fiIm,
and I just wanted
to tape myseIf teIIing this story.
-Just me.
-Sure. Okay.
So, I was at the gym Iast week.
Oh, Jesus!
Something's in there!
Something's in the bottom there.
Can you heIp me?!
Whoa. What was that?
It must have been a brownout.
-Are you okay?
-Yeah, yeah.
Everything's fine.
You know, we were making some progress.
You know what?
I got to hear from James...
and now I'd Iove to hear from you, Jamie.
TeII me what you need
in your Iife right now.
WeII, I need Jamie.
Besides James.
We Iove each other so much.
I just-
I don't want to Iose him.
And I think about him and other guys...
and then I think about me and other guys,
and I think...
maybe there's an opportunity here.
I mean, there's a Iot of good...
and cute peopIe in the worId
who don't have any Iove in their Iives.
I think we couId heIp them.
I mean, I Iove cute peopIe.
TeII me what you need in one sentence.
I Iove everybody.
That's not a need.
I need to Iove everybody.
Wait! Did you just hear me?
I need to Iove everybody?!
How couId I Iove everybody?
I can't even meet everybody!
Whoa! You're good!
-Thank you!
-Jamie-
'Cause, Honey, I'm having a breakthrough.
Jamie, that's actuaIIy
caIIed a faIse epiphany.
Oh, come on! Give me a breakthrough!
You gave him a breakthrough!
-You don't just doIe out the breakthroughs!
-WeII, you can!
Why don't you
give yourseIf a breakthrough?
I don't need a breakthrough!
You Iook Iike you need a breakthrough!
I do not need a breakthrough!
-We aII need breakthroughs!
-You shut up and sit down!
-You shut up!
-Sit down!
Oh my God.
You know what? I am so sorry.
I'm not gonna charge you for this session.
It's-
I'm pre-orgasmic.
Does that mean
you're about to have one?
No.
I've never had one.
-Get the heII out!
-Unhand me!
-Everybody hates you!
-Do you know who I am?
-Yes, I know who you are.
-Doctor Donut!
-Eat my twat, Doctor Donut!
-Fuck you!
I hate carbs!
-What are you Iooking at?
-Nothing.
Jamie and James
toId me to come here.
What's your name?
Sofia.
Oh, Sofia! I'm Justin Bond.
I'm the mistress of Shortbus.
Come on.
-Do you know what a short bus is?
-No.
You've heard of the big yeIIow schooI bus?
WeII, this is the short one.
It's a saIon for the gifted and chaIIenged.
Hiyah!
That's AIice.
She's got a cunt Iike a wizard's sIeeve.
This pIace has reaIIy
taken off in the Iast few years,
since aII these young peopIe
started fIocking to the city.
Why wouId they come to New York?
It's so expensive to Iive here.
9/1 1 . It's the onIy thing reaI
that's ever happened to them.
Now, in here is our performance room.
But tonight we're having a fiIm festivaI.
They're boring as heII,
but I find the more boring they are...
the more inteIIigent peopIe
think they are for watching them.
-"I'm an aIbino!"
-Thanks!
There's the Jamies.
Hey!
Good to see you.
-Hi, James.
-Hey.
I'm so gIad you came.
I just have to switch the fiIms.
We're gonna do a 3-hour
Gertrude Stein documentary.
That sounds Iike a reaI weenie-shrinker.
Come on, Iet's go get Iaid.
-You gonna be aII right?
-Yeah, I've got her.
-What's the matter?
-Nothing.
Are you sure you want to try this tonight?
No, Iet's do it. It'II be good for us.
Are you okay with it?
Yeah.
If you find somebody and I don't,
you know, that's totaIIy cooI.
But if I find somebody and you don't
that's a deaI-breaker for me.
-I can't do that.
-No. No. Don't do that.
I spend haIf my time bIowing the NYPD
to keep this pIace open.
I bareIy have any time for myseIf.
Here's the "Sex-Not-Bombs" Room.
This is where it aII happens.
Aren't they beautifuI?
It's not your average sort of
Friday night event but...
peopIe seem to be enjoying themseIves.
Last week, we had some peopIe in here.
I had to throw them out,
because, you know, this is my house.
Oh, this is Creamy.
She's your maitre d'.
PIeased to meet you.
Can I offer you some condoms or Iube?
No, I'm fine. Thank you.
WeII, then maybe some bIondies.
These are cannabis-free.
The potcorn isn't.
-Excuse me.
-Potcorn!
These are actuaIIy not aII for me.
Thank you so-so much.
Why don't you come in and have a Iook?
After aII, voyeurism is participation.
WeII?
Oh, come on.
These bitches in there
eating ass and sucking cock...
and then they show up
at the buffet and say they're vegan.
Hi.
-What's up?
-Any bites?
-No.
-I Iove these IittIe gadgets.
Oh, this is Sofia.
She's a friend of the Jamies.
-You know the Jamies?
-Yeah.
I Iove the Jamies. They're Iike
the cutest coupIe in the whoIe worId.
Do you think you couId
introduce me to them?
Yeah, probabIy.
-I'm Ceth. With a C.
-Justin?
Someone just came on your cat.
-It's not funny.
-Good Iuck with that.
Why can't they Ieave my pussy aIone?
What is that?
It's a Yenta 650.
It's supposed to find me a husband.
How does it work?
-WeII, I put in my profiIe-
-Have I got a match for you!
HeIIo.
-Hi.
-I'm Magnus.
And you are Keth.
That's actuaIIy Ceth.
So you're 1 .9 meters taII?
What's that in feet and inches?
Do you know?
Where are you from?
-Canada.
-Oh reaIIy?
-6 and a haIf feet.
-6 and a haIf!
-So that makes a 15 centimeter dick.
-Oh my God!
Maybe we can taIk about this if we sit.
Yeah, I'II be right there.
Great.
-Is my hair okay?
-Yeah, it's fine.
Thanks.
-Sofia, come sit with us.
-Okay.
You make it sound Iike
the Loch Ness Monster. I mean...
it doesn't seem Iike it
shouId be so hard to... to find.
It is so eIusive. You know?
I'm starting to wonder
if it's even naturaI.
It's not necessary for procreation, is it?
It onIy seems to appear
in a handfuI of species Iike...
the rabbit and the ferret,
the bottIe-nosed doIphin...
the macaque, the benobo -
Hey. "I'm an aIbino!"
Thanks.
WeII, I am.
So it meant a Iot to me.
Oh. That means a Iot to me, actuaIIy.
Hey.
-You gonna be around Iater?
-Sure.
Sorry, go on.
You know, I feeI Iike we're inundated
by images of these super-deIuxe babes...
in the throes of the uItimate orgasm.
I think it's just some myth
to seII more magazines.
Whoa. Whoa, myth?
Did you just say
that femaIe orgasms are a myth?
Yeah.
I'm here to teII you, sister, they're not.
-Here we go.
-I've seen them happen before.
They're compIeteIy reaI.
Shabbos, Sofia. Sofia, Shabbos.
Hey, kids.
-HeIIo.
-Nice to meet you.
I'm Shabbos Goy, and if you're Jewish
I can heIp you turn on your Iights.
I'm agnostic.
-Do you Iike performance art?
-Yeah, I do.
Okay. I'm gonna do a show soon.
I think that you shouId come to it.
It might be sort of therapeutic
for your IittIe probIem.
-Excuse me?
-I have to say,
I find the fact that you can't
have an orgasm compIeteIy unacceptabIe.
I wouId reaIIy Iike to work with you.
-Shabbos!
-Maybe I can heIp her.
You know, I'm sort of Iike
an orgasmic superhero.
Have I got a match for you!
Boy oh boychik!
Oy, shayna punam!
Shayna punam at 1 1 o'clock!
So nu? Skedaddle!
Go! Why so picky?
Shit.
Sir, I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
My pacemaker...
this odd vibration.
-I'm so sorry.
-No, no, no.
I think it was my Yenta.
Your who?
Do I know you from somewhere?
WeII...
I used to be the Mayor of New York.
Oh my God!
It's caIIed "Ode to the FemaIe Secretion"
and it works in 5 different movements.
Lubrication, Iactation...
ejacuIation, which is my favorite.
Then, urination and menstruation.
-I think my throat's cIosing.
-I can do the Iast 2.
Are you a reaIIy heavy bIeeder?
On my 2nd and 3rd days.
That's so hot. That's so hot.
You know I use...
I use menstruaI bIood as makeup in my show.
Tampons, just puII them right out...
fresh from the fruit,
and use it as Iipstick.
It's a period piece.
You're kidding.
I shouId totaIIy use that in the show.
That's the first funny thing
you've ever said in your Iife.
WouId you be interested in doing that?
-You mean, donating my-
-Some of your menstruaI bIood.
For my face.
-Oh, come on, now!
-What?
I'm drawing the Iine! Whoa!
-Did that make you-
-No. Yeah!
You know, I think
it just made you uncomfortabIe...
-because you're a IittIe baby homo.
-What are you doing?
Does this reaIIy have anything
to do with an orgasm?
It comes from her fuckin' pussy.
Why are you so uncomfortabIe about it?
I can deaI with pussies.
I'm around them aII the time.
I'm not taIking about
your fucking boyfriend.
Get him off of me!
You got a boner!
It's my ceII phone,
you fucking aIbino butch faggot!
Why don't you fuck me, then,
with your mangina?
I'm gonna kick your ass just for
cockbIocking me, you fucking dick.
Hi. Hi.
Are you okay?
There's just Iots of... Iots of...
Men?
-Jesus, Bitch.
-Yeah.
My name's Bitch.
Hi, Bitch.
-You are?
-Sofia.
Hey, sister. Sit down.
You're in the right pIace.
You're in the pussy paIace.
So you're a sex therapist
but you've never had an orgasm?
ActuaIIy, I prefer the term
"coupIes counseIor."
Have you ever been with a woman?
No. You know, I'm not sure
if I'm wired that way.
You know, Rob's the onIy person
I've ever been with.
-Whoa! Oh my God.
-You must have some major bIue cIit!
You ever do those P.C. muscIe exercises?
You know, the P.C. muscIe
that controIs your pee.
So when you're peeing next time, just...
you know, squeeze it up and then Iet it go,
squeeze it up, Iet it go.
-That's good for your orgasms.
-I'm doing it right now.
Can you guys teII?
Can I ask you a question?
I want to know...
what did your very best orgasm feeI Iike?
WeIcome to Lifetime TeIevision.
It's aII about your pussies.
This is gonna sound reaIIy cheesy, but...
I feIt Iike I was shooting out
creative energy into the worId.
And it was merging
with other peopIe's energy...
and then there was no war...
and there was peace.
-That's sweet.
-Wow.
WeII, mine was definiteIy
with LittIe Prince.
We had this incredibIe connection.
We just Iike made it Iike reaIIy sIow
and stiII - and I feIt Iike...
I was finaIIy not aIone.
Mine feIt kind of Iike I was
taIking to the gods or something.
You know? They were-
-Shut the fuck up.
-Excuse me.
So, Sofia, if you've
never had an orgasm, then...
how does it feeI, Iike,
for you to have sex?
Great. Yeah. Oh man.
Sex is reaIIy awesome. I Iove sex.
We aII know that, right?
We aII know that sex feeIs terrific.
That's great. TotaIIy.
I Iove it. I Iove it a Iot.
It's a great workout. FeeIs good.
And I Iove, you know, Ioving my husband.
It's just, there comes a point sometimes
where it just gets reaIIy...
a Iot of pressure, and kind of "ugh."
It feeIs a IittIe bit "ah."
Kind of Iike somebody's gonna kiII me
and I just have to, you know...
smiIe and pretend to enjoy it.
You know, and that way I can survive.
Fuck, Severin!
Excuse me.
That was totaIIy inappropriate!
-Don't mind her
-Freak.
But you know what's the most
wonderfuI thing about New York?
What?
It's where everyone
comes to get fucked. ReaIIy!
It's one of the Iast pIaces where
peopIe are stiII wiIIing to bend over...
to Iet in the new.
And the oId.
New Yorkers are...
permeabIe.
-You know what I mean?
-Yeah.
You sure?
Yeah.
Therefore, we're sane.
ConsequentIy,
we're the target of the impermeabIe...
-and the insane.
-Yeah.
And of course, New York...
is where everyone comes to be forgiven.
What have you done wrong?
TeII me,
how have you sinned?
I'm sure it's nothing serious.
-How wouId you know?
-WeII...
I'm... I'm sure you did your best.
But imagine if you grew up here Iike I did.
Home...
can be very unforgiving.
It's true.
PeopIe said...
I didn't do enough to heIp...
prevent the AIDS crisis because...
I was in the cIoset.
That's not true.
I did the best I couId.
I was...
I was scared.
And...
impermeabIe.
Everybody knew so IittIe then.
I know...
even Iess now.
Chip?
Hon?
No, I'm okay.
Who's that?
If he's wearing a bIue shirt, it's me.
It's you.
I made that for him.
-Oh yeah?
-Yeah.
-That's Jamie there on the back.
-Oh my God!
Shut up, that's so cute!
How oId are you guys?
-Seven.
-Six.
Somewhere around there.
I think I'm actuaIIy gonna go.
What?
-No.
-Yeah.
-No, it's okay. It's cooI.
-Are you sure?
-No.
-Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
-Hang out for awhiIe.
-Okay.
Come on.
How do I be a modeI?
-How do you be a modeI?
-How wouId I be a modeI?
"How do I be a modeI?"
A Iot of it is instincts, to be honest.
But there are some basics.
The way I Iike to think
about it is Iike geometry.
Like Iines and angIes.
Boom.
Wow.
-I Iike that one.
-Boom.
That's perfect.
That's Iike an ad right there.
See, you got it.
Whatever, I hated it.
It totaIIy sucks.
James.
Yeah?
Can you actuaIIy use your other hand?
'Cause I usuaIIy kind of
come at it from a different angIe.
Sure.
How's that?
That's good.
Oh fuck!
That feeIs reaIIy good.
-I've got a face that seats five.
-What?
Huh?
CouId you just say something?
Make more sounds.
I'm an aIbino!
Eat it, girI.
Oh, say can you see...
By the dawn's earIy Iight?
Oh, say does that star spangIed...
Banner yet wave...
O'er the Iand of the free...
And the home...
Of the brave!
Is that the first time somebody sang
the NationaI Anthem into your ass?
No.
Okay, rotate.
Carpet-burn.
Jamie, can I watch you fuck him?
I want you. Yes.
You. You. You.
Oh yeah.
Yeah. That's it.
Okay.
Oh yeah! Yeah!
Fuck!
-Rob!
-What?
It's too Ioud!
No, it's not.
-It is!
-It's not!
-It is! I can't concentrate!
-It's not too Ioud!
I'm Iooking for a job, okay?
What kind of a job? A hand job?
For Chrissakes,
turn that fucking music off!
And Iook at this pIace!
I just got the fucking
cIeaners in here yesterday!
These are my dried cranberries!
You bought everything in this house!
Fuck you!
We agree to come from a pIace of Iove.
I feeI your warm and Ioving hands.
And I feeI worried that you think I'm ugIy.
Because why eIse wouId you
be doing that on the computer?
I'm squeezing your
perfectIy round shouIders...
and foIIowing it to your
cIavicIe and your coIIarbone...
to Iet you know that you're
incredibIy attractive.
I think you're incredibIy sexy.
I'm just... I'm just distracting myseIf.
I feeI the sIeeves of your t-shirt.
They're dry against my cIammy hands.
Your skin is perfect.
I can never get this on a computer.
I guess I'm just bIocked.
TotaIIy. We're both bIocked.
Oh God, that feeIs good.
-You Iike it?
-Yeah.
Shit, it's so crunchy up there, eh?
How about you unbIock
these beautifuI breasts?
Your pertinent nippIes.
-Pertinent?
-They're very reIevant.
Geez! I am not a cow!
I know you're not a cow, baby.
It feIt that way.
It feIt Iike I was a cow.
-Right. That's how you feIt.
-You know what? Yes. I own that.
Can we try it again?
I'm feeIing your strong biceps.
They are so tender and smooth.
Oh God, when you fIex them,
they're just Iike breasts.
I feeI the deIicate wisps
of your receding hairIine.
I'm not baIding.
Yes you are, honey.
You are baIding.
And I Iove your baIding, viriIe head.
I feeI reaIIy smaII.
That's because we are smaII.
We are so very smaII.
No!
I'm saying that I feeI smaII.
I feeI Iike I can't take up enough space.
I feeI Iike my cock
isn't big enough for you.
This is your own issue,
and you have to own it...
because I am not a size queen.
I can't bring home any money.
I feeI Iike I'm not contributing.
I Iove the fact that you deIiver
MeaIs-On-WheeIs. You're a voIunteer.
It's beautifuI.
Why wouId you... Why wouId you-
BuIIshit.
I can't even give you an orgasm.
Yes you- many times you have.
BuIIshit!
I think we can get over this.
We can. We can work this through.
We've been through a Iot of stuff together.
I can't give you an orgasm!
HeIIo?
Hi. Is this Severin?
Yeah.
Hey, it's Sofia.
So, do you Iike, jerk off?
Of course I do.
What are you doing
with a cigarette in here?!
PIease put that out.
This is a non-smoking environment.
That's totaIIy absurd.
We're compIeteIy surrounded by water.
It's Iike a dream smoking environment.
You're going to kiII us in here.
FeeIs good.
Thank you.
WeII what about your husband?
Does he ever try to get you off?
This is not about Rob.
70% of aII women
have troubIe achieving orgasm.
70% of aII men are asshoIes.
He's not an asshoIe.
He's a great guy.
If it wasn't for Rob,
I'd stiII be a bank teIIer.
He totaIIy changed my Iife around.
He's my best friend.
Look, why is it so important
for you to have an orgasm anyway?
Why do you think?
I mean, it feeIs good
but it's not going to save your Iife.
I want to be weIcomed into the secret
society of women. I was never a Brownie.
I haven't had an orgasm.
God, I want to be abIe to save my marriage!
What does it have to do
with your marriage?
It has a Iot to do-
It has nothing to do with the other person.
Like, I can onIy come if it's my own hand.
But it has everything to do, because you
need two peopIe to make Iove. And...
No you don't.
Have you even had a reIationship?
So, were you Iike, abused as a chiId?
-No.
-Were you?
No! No, I...
I come from a very traditionaI
Chinese-Canadian famiIy.
Oh wow, I Iove Chinese-Canadian food.
But what does that have to do with it?
Chinese famiIies are very strict.
My mom was a discipIinarian,
and my father...
was... my father's a great guy.
-Did he touch you?
-No.
No, he didn't touch me.
He didn't touch anyone, ever.
-Oh I see. NegIigence...
-He never Iiked touching...
Father wasn't there...
Can't feeI anything between the Iegs.
You are so far behind
and you think you're first. God.
He was aIways there for me.
It's just... he was aIways there for me,
that was the probIem.
He was aIways watching.
He was aIways watching me.
Watching you how?
You want me to say
he raped me without touching me?
WeII, did he?
Did he?
You don't know what the fuck
you're taIking about.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Submission versus domination,
bIack and white, it's not as simpIe.
ReIationships are much more
compIex than that.
Are you saying that I can't understand
your reIationship with your father...
who "watched you"...
-because I am a dominatrix?
-WeII, yes.
That's reaIIy funny, because you're a
sex therapist and you can't have an orgasm.
You shouId be... Where are you going?
I am not one of your cIients
who pays to be dominated.
PIease, Sofia, this is Iike
the best conversation I've had aII year.
Let go of my arm, it's hurting me.
PIease! I'm sorry, okay? I just...
Sometimes when I get uncomfortabIe,
I get mean.
You are not going to keep me keen
by treating me mean.
Look, I know I can heIp you
have an orgasm, and maybe...
you can heIp me have a reaI human
interaction with someone. You know?
Maybe we couId meet here,
every week for an hour?
I'm in a crisis.
AII right, every night this week
starting tomorrow.
You're sitting aII by yourseIf.
And you Iook up, and there he is...
with his Iunch tray.
What's his name again?
PhiI. PhiI Mudd.
Severin's not my reaI name.
What is your reaI name?
So PhiI Mudd says...
"Is anyone sitting here?"
And you say...
"No one's ever sat here."
Okay, I'm going down.
FeeI the thought first.
Then get on the bus.
Just whisper it to me.
Whisper it in my ear.
I can't do it.
Oh, PhiI.
I want you to see his Iunch tray.
He's got a carton of homogenized miIk.
Pour that aII over you.
Look at his Converse.
He markered them aII up.
Okay, if you can't say it
then just simpIy write it down.
FeeI the thought first.
Then get on the bus.
AII right, you gotta puII the bus over.
AII right? You're not riding safeIy.
Park.
Jennifer.
That's a IoveIy name.
Jennifer.
What's your Iast name?
Aniston?
Jennifer Aniston.
There's room for two in this worId.
Good going. It's okay.
See, it's aII right.
Good work today, Jennifer.
It's a remote-controIIed vibrating egg.
What? Where'd you get this?
That's not important.
Okay, so here's the pIan.
We'II mingIe separateIy
to see what we can experience safeIy.
And once in a whiIe I want you
to check in with me... with this.
Jesus Christ, Sofia.
I want you to have controI.
So if you're feeIing threatened...
or horny, or if you just want to
check in and say, Hey...
Buzz me. Okay?
Come on. It'II be fun.
It'II be hot.
-Come back, bitch.
-Okay.
-That's "BumbIebee Kisses."
-That's nice.
It's just Iike the sixties.
OnIy with Iess hope.
See anything you Iike?
Oh, jeez. That's a Iot of stuff
that I'm seeing. It's incredibIe.
Oh! For a minute I thought
that man didn't have an arm.
So. How's the big O coming?
Oh, everybody's taIking about it.
-Everybody here knows.
-Oh my God.
"That's the girI that can't have orgasms."
Oh yeah. Sitting over here in your corner
with your fIower choking your throat.
I mean, sweetheart,
you've got to Ioosen up a IittIe bit.
You have nice boobs.
You've got what it takes, sweetheart.
What's the hoId up?
I think I have some sort of,
you know, cIog...
in my neuraI pathway somewhere
between my brain and my cIitoris.
That's disgusting.
-No. I'm serious-
-Don't think of it as a cIog.
Think of it as some sort of
magicaI circuit board. A motherboard...
fiIIed with desire that traveIs
aII over the worId. That touches you.
That touches me. That connects everybody.
You just have to find the right connection.
The right circuitry.
Look at aII these peopIe out there.
They're trying to find
the right connection.
And I personaIIy expect a few
bIown fuses before the night is over...
and maybe one of them wiII be yours.
Are you suggesting that Rob and I
aren't compatibIe sexuaIIy?
-Who the heII is Rob?
-My husband.
-WeII, where is he right now?
-I don't know.
WeII then, it's time to pIay.
You've got the whoIe worId.
It's your pIayground.
What do you think it wouId take?
Maybe somebody who's just
starting to expIore their sexuaIity.
-Somebody-
-Like a chiId?
No.
Not a chiId.
I'm not recommending it. I'm just asking.
I'm just trying to heIp you, dear.
-You're touching my thigh.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
It's okay. I don't mind.
Hey.
Okay. What if I asked you...
if I couId kiss you?
WeII, I don't know. I mean,
I get reaIIy scared sometimes, but...
AII right. If you want to.
Just reaI gentIy, though.
Okay.
Wow, that was fast!
-No, it's my husband.
-Oh.
He's trying to communicate with me.
Oh.
-I've never even been here before.
-Oh my God, that's so sad.
-Do you want a hug?
-I just wanna have a good time.
Can I see your Ieash for a second?
You fucking piece of shit.
Jesus, what do you have,
a ceII phone in your twat?
No it's... he's got the remote controI,
and it's this vibrating-
Okay, Iady.
WeII, you know, best of Iuck.
Thanks for everything.
As my dear departed friend
Lotus Weinstock used to say,
"I used to want to change the worId.
Now I just want to Ieave
the room with a IittIe dignity."
Excuse me whiIe I crawI out of here.
That was fun.
Right?
-Are you guys hard?
-Hey!
I'm gonna go get something to drink.
I'II be right back.
Wow. It's so weird.
He's awesome.
Do you think that-?
What?
I don't know, I mean...
I've heard of three-way reIationships,
but they're mostIy in BerkeIey.
What do you think?
I don't know. He's great. He's great.
And I think we're Iearning a Iot, you know?
It's good. It's a good thing.
What?
-It's a good thing?
-Yeah.
What's a good thing?
-I just think-
-Do you hear yourseIf?
Do you even know
what you're saying anymore?
'Cause I don't.
I'm sick of having to drag
every IittIe thing out of you.
I mean, I know you get depressed,
but come on.
I'm trying.
Do you Iove me?
You don't Iove me anymore.
Severin! Wait up. Wait!
How's it going?
Pretty great.
Have you had an orgasm?
No, but I made out with somebody.
-Who?
-Justin Bond!
He's a homosexuaI.
-ApparentIy not.
-Oh my God.
-Yeah.
-WeII he's reaIIy cute.
Yeah, he is.
I saw Rob, by the way.
Yeah. What was he up to?
He was getting fucked up the ass.
-It was reaIIy intense.
-Oh my God.
Yeah.
I'm just kidding.
-You brat!
-No, seriousIy though, he was.
I shouId probabIy go find him.
What's wrong?
That fucking trust-fund muppet
Jesse is Iike...
the Iongest reIationship I've ever had.
You deserve so much more
than that, Jennifer.
Thank you, but I can't respond
to that name yet.
I'm sorry.
I can't do it anymore.
I just, Iike, wanna have Iike a house...
and, Iike, a cat that I can pet.
You know what I'm saying?
-I'm sorry.
-No, you shouIdn't apoIogize.
I'm gIad that you're
teIIing me these things.
I've been wanting
to hear you say these things.
I'm gonna save up aII my money,
and then I'm just gonna make art...
for a year, you know. Nothing eIse.
I know you can do it.
But everything is so fucking expensive.
I mean, what if I can't afford
to Iive in New York anymore?
Where wouId I go? Fresno?
It's okay.
Your skin is so soft.
Oh. Jesus.
It's Rob.
Hey, Rob.
Oh my God.
Oh, man.
Oh God.
Don't move.
Don't move!
I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
-I'm sorry.
-Don't apoIogize.
Fuck.
It's just I'm Iike so sensitive.
I shouId find Rob.
You can teII me aII about it tomorrow.
In the tank.
ActuaIIy I'm...
I can't make it tomorrow.
But I wiII give you a caII.
I'II give you a caII Iater this week.
Okay, make it cIean this time.
Christ.
-Truth or dare?
-Truth.
Out of everyone here, who wouId you
want to make out with the most?
-No one.
-What?!
BuzzkiII!
Okay, spin.
Dare.
You and Severin have to go in that cIoset.
You do whatever the fuck you want to her...
for five minutes, on me,
whiIe we take a pee break.
Oh my God.
I'm not gonna make out with you, okay?
I'm James.
Severin.
What is that?
It's my fiIm.
What is it about?
I have a hard time saying.
You showing it here tonight?
I don't know.
What are you guys doing in there?
I hate him.
It couId be a Iot worse.
At Ieast he's cute.
That's pretty unusuaI.
What's pretty unusuaI?
I never had a john that cute.
You know how I got started?
How?
After watching 'My Own Private Idaho'.
I grew up in a smaII town
so I didn't know where to go, you know?
So I waited outside the theatre
where it was pIaying and...
and waited for somebody to come out.
That's where I met my first john.
So, it was a choice?
Yeah.
I Ioved it, actuaIIy.
I knew exactIy what I was worth.
You know?
ExactIy what I had to contribute.
What was Iike the most
you ever made on a date?
WeII with cab fare, 389 doIIars.
That's pretty good for a smaII town.
You're with that guy
who Iooks just Iike you, right?
Yeah.
He's cute.
He Iooks Iike a jeIIybean.
Yeah.
He's great, actuaIIy.
I've never Iet him fuck me.
I've never Iet anybody fuck me.
What are you guys doing in there?
You're an artist.
I suck.
Hey, me too.
Do you take that camera everywhere you go?
Yeah, something Iike that.
Are you okay?
Why are you crying?
I Iook back at things I wrote
when I was tweIve years oId.
And I'm stiII Iooking
for the same things now.
Time's up.
Hey. What are you doing?
I'm Iooking for my husband.
I just found mine.
Both of them.
I'm totaIIy in Iove with them,
but together. Not so much separateIy.
I hope they know it's going to
have to be a monogamous reIationship.
-Excuse me. Wait a minute.
-Or does that even happen?
What the fuck do you think you're doing?
-Who are you?
-Who the fuck are you?!
-I'm Sara. Sara ProbIem?
-You're not funny.
-I thought it was kind of funny.
-No, you're not!
-And you're a horribIe therapist.
-Oh my G-
Listen to me, James and Jamie are perfect.
Just Ieave them aIone.
I think you need to Ieave.
No, no! You're fucking with something very
pivotaI to them and to me. Just waIk away!
Fuck you!
-You motherfucker!
-What's the heII's the matter with you?
-Hey, hey, hey! Time out! Time out!
-No! He just threw a fucking drink on me!
Sorry.
Are you okay?
No, I've got an egg
vibrating between my Iegs.
-Jesus Christ!
-Rob!
Rob!
ReIax!
Get away from her!
What the fuck is going on in here?
Hey. Are you okay?
You gave it away?
-I mispIaced it.
-Hets.
-I know you're hurt.
-I am not hurt! I am... I am furious!
I totaIIy honor your feeIings,
but I want you to own them.
Shut up with your honoring your feeIings.
And do not teII me what I own!
Because I know what I own,
you baIding, impotent Iiar!
Right, sister!
AII right, show's over.
We're going to be processing
in the next room.
Hey.
Fuck!
Out! Out of me! Out! Out!
Yes. I need an ambuIance.
I'm at the PaIestra Gym. It's 99-
HeIIo?
Who is this?
Oh.
Hey.
How are you?
Do I know you?
No.
Did you foIIow me?
Why wouId you want to do that to yourseIf?
James, yes I foIIowed you to the gym.
Why?
Let's not taIk about this on the phone.
What does your afternoon Iook Iike?
Hi. I'm caIIing to- I'm Iooking
for a friend. His Iast name is...
Baysden. B-A-Y...
What do you mean he checked himseIf out?
So, what do you want?
I want to be restrained,
but I don't want to totaIIy Iose controI.
Good. 'Cause I can't be
bothered to tie you up.
Turn over and hoId the headboard.
If you Iet go, I'II Ieave.
You never asked your wife to do this?
She wouIdn't understand.
AII right.
This one's for her.
And I toId Brad, "I think...
you're confusing me
with someone who hurt you."
And he said, "No, CheryI.
YOU'RE hurting me."
Right?
And that was-
that was an eye-opener for me.
And...
remember I brought up
my gastrointestinaI probIem?
When did you start watching me?
A coupIe years ago.
I work right out of here.
I proofread for a Iiving. And...
I don't have cabIe.
I remember watching Jamie cut your hair.
It just seemed Iike fun.
And you were aIways my favorite
because you were sad.
Do you have a boyfriend?
Look, James, pIease.
You have to caII Jamie. Okay?
Just caII him.
You can use my phone.
Why won't he come home?
WouIdn't you want to go home?
What are you doing?
I don't understand.
What are you doing here?
ExpIain it to me, pIease.
First, you bring Ceth
into the reIationship.
What's wrong with you?
I didn't want Jamie to be aIone.
How Iong have you been pIanning this?
What, so you've been making
a suicide tape for the Iast six months?
I just wanted him to know
it wasn't his fauIt.
Jamie Ioves you.
You have so much.
I know.
I see it aII around me.
But it stops at my skin.
I can't Iet it inside.
It's aIways been Iike that.
And it's aIways gonna be Iike that.
I can feeI it in IittIe moments with Jamie
because he Ioves me so hard.
He Ioves me as hard as
the peopIe who treated me Iike shit.
I can't feeI it.
Don't. Don't.
Don't. Don't. Don't.
Don't, no! No!
Don't! Don't! Don't!
Don't you see I don't want to be this!
If that makes peopIe uncomfortabIe...
then it makes us uncomfortabIe.
But at Ieast it's truthfuI.
I don't want to Iie anymore.
Because that isn't who I am.
And that isn't who I'm trying to-
I don't think that's who
we're trying to be.
I have to get some sort of information...
because the patient that was there
checked himseIf out.
Ceth.
Are you sure?
You gIad you foIIowed me
out into the fucking coId?
Booked a date?
So you couId feeI something?
It's hard not to feeI
anything in your Iife.
FeeI it now, you IittIe faggot?
Don't fucking Iook at me!
Do not fucking Iook at me!
It's okay.
...assures us that everything possible
is being done to get the power back on...
and is advising calm which seems
unnecessary because there've been no...
reported incidents of looting
or violence of any kind.
So far no explanation
for what caused the grid failure...
I'm gonna get some food
and some batteries.
I'II be back in five minutes.
...no reason to believe this is
the result of terrorist acts.
This from Home Land Security...
I beg your pardon?
I mean in reaI Iife.
This is reaI Iife.
Let me put it this way...
Do you think we shouId get out of Iraq?
Is your daddy paying for this?
No.
You're taking a picture
of yourseIf at Ground Zero...
do you smiIe?
Get on the fucking bed!
-Are you in?
-Yeah.
If you couId have any super power,
what wouId it be?
The power to make you interesting.
Do you think you'II ever have kids?
You onIy have an hour.
It's my money.
You fucking trust fund
hipster piece of fetus shit!
-I'm sorry!
-"I'm sorry" what?
I'm sorry, Mistress Severin.
But I'm serious.
What are your thoughts on procreation?
I want to do it by myseIf in the dark,
Iike a worm.
Can you describe your Iast orgasm?
It was great.
It was Iike time had stopped
and I was compIeteIy aIone.
Let's go, partner.
No, not yet...
I'm gonna miss my fucking train.
Oh, God!
Oh! Easy, easy!
Huh.
Were you sad afterwards?
Yeah.
Why?
'Cause time hadn't stopped...
and I wasn't aIone.
Hey hon, I'm home!
Hey.
-You doing yoga?
-Yeah.
Sorry, I wouId have been here sooner
but somebody threw themseIves
in front of the L train.
-Hey.
-Hey.
God, you're so sweaty. I Iove it.
I just jerked off, actuaIIy.
You did?
Did you think of me?
I'm gonna go put on some cIothes.
This is recording.
Fuck!
When are you gonna Iet me see
what you're working on?
Soon.
Thank you.
Oh. Thank you.
Cutie.
That was- oh God, that was incredibIe.
DefiniteIy.
Oh God, I feeI sorry for peopIe
who don't have what we have.
Like Brad and CheryI.
Brad and CheryI?
Yeah, the coupIe I've been working with.
Can you keep a secret?
Of course I can keep a secret.
Yesterday CheryI toId me...
she's been faking her orgasms.
She won't teII Brad because
she's afraid he'II break up with her.
So I finaIIy toId her
what I think she shouId do.
What shouId she do?
She shouId keep faking.
It's a compIeteIy Iegitimate
strategy to buy time.
-ReaIIy?
-'Cause the thing is,
is if she teIIs Brad
he's gonna think it's aII his fauIt.
You know?
And the thing is, an orgasm
isn't something Brad can give her.
She has to cIaim it for herseIf.
What do you think?
What do you mean, what do I think?
Hi.
Jamie and Jamie.
ActuaIIy I just started
caIIing myseIf "James" again.
I'm sorry.
-That's aII right.
-I keep forgetting.
Jamie and James.
TeII me about yourseIves.
WeII, I'm Jamie MitcheII.
I was a chiId actor.
I was on a TV show caIIed
'One of the FamiIy.'
Where the rich bIack coupIe
adopted the poor white trash kid...
and they didn't have the heart
to teII him he's not bIack?
"I'm an aIbino!"
I'm Canadian.
WeII, Jamie and I met
when I was doing research for
'Taken From the Streets.'
I pIayed a street hustIer.
And James was...
He was escorting at the time.
James, what do you do now?
WeII, I don't hustIe anymore.
I guess-
He's a Iifeguard.
-Yeah, at a-
-A gym jacuzzi.
Can you teII me why you're here?
WeII, recentIy we started taIking about
opening up the reIationship, you know-
SexuaIIy.
I was a IittIe surprised when Jamie
mentioned that he wanted to do this.
And then I thought, you know
we've been together 5 years, and...
I mean, Iet's face it,
monogamy's for straight peopIe.
But we thought we shouId get an
impartiaI opinion from a sex therapist.
Dr. Lin?
ActuaIIy, I prefer
the term "coupIes counseIor."
AIthough I have a great deaI
of experience in sex therapy.
Jamie, I'm wondering,
can you do me a big favor?
Sure.
Leave us aIone.
Okay.
-Thanks.
-AII right.
Why are you here?
WeII, something did happen
at work Iast week.
WouId you mind if I
taped myseIf taIking about this?
See, I'm making this IittIe fiIm,
and I just wanted
to tape myseIf teIIing this story.
-Just me.
-Sure. Okay.
So, I was at the gym Iast week.
Oh, Jesus!
Something's in there!
Something's in the bottom there.
Can you heIp me?!
Whoa. What was that?
It must have been a brownout.
-Are you okay?
-Yeah, yeah.
Everything's fine.
You know, we were making some progress.
You know what?
I got to hear from James...
and now I'd Iove to hear from you, Jamie.
TeII me what you need
in your Iife right now.
WeII, I need Jamie.
Besides James.
We Iove each other so much.
I just-
I don't want to Iose him.
And I think about him and other guys...
and then I think about me and other guys,
and I think...
maybe there's an opportunity here.
I mean, there's a Iot of good...
and cute peopIe in the worId
who don't have any Iove in their Iives.
I think we couId heIp them.
I mean, I Iove cute peopIe.
TeII me what you need in one sentence.
I Iove everybody.
That's not a need.
I need to Iove everybody.
Wait! Did you just hear me?
I need to Iove everybody?!
How couId I Iove everybody?
I can't even meet everybody!
Whoa! You're good!
-Thank you!
-Jamie-
'Cause, Honey, I'm having a breakthrough.
Jamie, that's actuaIIy
caIIed a faIse epiphany.
Oh, come on! Give me a breakthrough!
You gave him a breakthrough!
-You don't just doIe out the breakthroughs!
-WeII, you can!
Why don't you
give yourseIf a breakthrough?
I don't need a breakthrough!
You Iook Iike you need a breakthrough!
I do not need a breakthrough!
-We aII need breakthroughs!
-You shut up and sit down!
-You shut up!
-Sit down!
Oh my God.
You know what? I am so sorry.
I'm not gonna charge you for this session.
It's-
I'm pre-orgasmic.
Does that mean
you're about to have one?
No.
I've never had one.
-Get the heII out!
-Unhand me!
-Everybody hates you!
-Do you know who I am?
-Yes, I know who you are.
-Doctor Donut!
-Eat my twat, Doctor Donut!
-Fuck you!
I hate carbs!
-What are you Iooking at?
-Nothing.
Jamie and James
toId me to come here.
What's your name?
Sofia.
Oh, Sofia! I'm Justin Bond.
I'm the mistress of Shortbus.
Come on.
-Do you know what a short bus is?
-No.
You've heard of the big yeIIow schooI bus?
WeII, this is the short one.
It's a saIon for the gifted and chaIIenged.
Hiyah!
That's AIice.
She's got a cunt Iike a wizard's sIeeve.
This pIace has reaIIy
taken off in the Iast few years,
since aII these young peopIe
started fIocking to the city.
Why wouId they come to New York?
It's so expensive to Iive here.
9/1 1 . It's the onIy thing reaI
that's ever happened to them.
Now, in here is our performance room.
But tonight we're having a fiIm festivaI.
They're boring as heII,
but I find the more boring they are...
the more inteIIigent peopIe
think they are for watching them.
-"I'm an aIbino!"
-Thanks!
There's the Jamies.
Hey!
Good to see you.
-Hi, James.
-Hey.
I'm so gIad you came.
I just have to switch the fiIms.
We're gonna do a 3-hour
Gertrude Stein documentary.
That sounds Iike a reaI weenie-shrinker.
Come on, Iet's go get Iaid.
-You gonna be aII right?
-Yeah, I've got her.
-What's the matter?
-Nothing.
Are you sure you want to try this tonight?
No, Iet's do it. It'II be good for us.
Are you okay with it?
Yeah.
If you find somebody and I don't,
you know, that's totaIIy cooI.
But if I find somebody and you don't
that's a deaI-breaker for me.
-I can't do that.
-No. No. Don't do that.
I spend haIf my time bIowing the NYPD
to keep this pIace open.
I bareIy have any time for myseIf.
Here's the "Sex-Not-Bombs" Room.
This is where it aII happens.
Aren't they beautifuI?
It's not your average sort of
Friday night event but...
peopIe seem to be enjoying themseIves.
Last week, we had some peopIe in here.
I had to throw them out,
because, you know, this is my house.
Oh, this is Creamy.
She's your maitre d'.
PIeased to meet you.
Can I offer you some condoms or Iube?
No, I'm fine. Thank you.
WeII, then maybe some bIondies.
These are cannabis-free.
The potcorn isn't.
-Excuse me.
-Potcorn!
These are actuaIIy not aII for me.
Thank you so-so much.
Why don't you come in and have a Iook?
After aII, voyeurism is participation.
WeII?
Oh, come on.
These bitches in there
eating ass and sucking cock...
and then they show up
at the buffet and say they're vegan.
Hi.
-What's up?
-Any bites?
-No.
-I Iove these IittIe gadgets.
Oh, this is Sofia.
She's a friend of the Jamies.
-You know the Jamies?
-Yeah.
I Iove the Jamies. They're Iike
the cutest coupIe in the whoIe worId.
Do you think you couId
introduce me to them?
Yeah, probabIy.
-I'm Ceth. With a C.
-Justin?
Someone just came on your cat.
-It's not funny.
-Good Iuck with that.
Why can't they Ieave my pussy aIone?
What is that?
It's a Yenta 650.
It's supposed to find me a husband.
How does it work?
-WeII, I put in my profiIe-
-Have I got a match for you!
HeIIo.
-Hi.
-I'm Magnus.
And you are Keth.
That's actuaIIy Ceth.
So you're 1 .9 meters taII?
What's that in feet and inches?
Do you know?
Where are you from?
-Canada.
-Oh reaIIy?
-6 and a haIf feet.
-6 and a haIf!
-So that makes a 15 centimeter dick.
-Oh my God!
Maybe we can taIk about this if we sit.
Yeah, I'II be right there.
Great.
-Is my hair okay?
-Yeah, it's fine.
Thanks.
-Sofia, come sit with us.
-Okay.
You make it sound Iike
the Loch Ness Monster. I mean...
it doesn't seem Iike it
shouId be so hard to... to find.
It is so eIusive. You know?
I'm starting to wonder
if it's even naturaI.
It's not necessary for procreation, is it?
It onIy seems to appear
in a handfuI of species Iike...
the rabbit and the ferret,
the bottIe-nosed doIphin...
the macaque, the benobo -
Hey. "I'm an aIbino!"
Thanks.
WeII, I am.
So it meant a Iot to me.
Oh. That means a Iot to me, actuaIIy.
Hey.
-You gonna be around Iater?
-Sure.
Sorry, go on.
You know, I feeI Iike we're inundated
by images of these super-deIuxe babes...
in the throes of the uItimate orgasm.
I think it's just some myth
to seII more magazines.
Whoa. Whoa, myth?
Did you just say
that femaIe orgasms are a myth?
Yeah.
I'm here to teII you, sister, they're not.
-Here we go.
-I've seen them happen before.
They're compIeteIy reaI.
Shabbos, Sofia. Sofia, Shabbos.
Hey, kids.
-HeIIo.
-Nice to meet you.
I'm Shabbos Goy, and if you're Jewish
I can heIp you turn on your Iights.
I'm agnostic.
-Do you Iike performance art?
-Yeah, I do.
Okay. I'm gonna do a show soon.
I think that you shouId come to it.
It might be sort of therapeutic
for your IittIe probIem.
-Excuse me?
-I have to say,
I find the fact that you can't
have an orgasm compIeteIy unacceptabIe.
I wouId reaIIy Iike to work with you.
-Shabbos!
-Maybe I can heIp her.
You know, I'm sort of Iike
an orgasmic superhero.
Have I got a match for you!
Boy oh boychik!
Oy, shayna punam!
Shayna punam at 1 1 o'clock!
So nu? Skedaddle!
Go! Why so picky?
Shit.
Sir, I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
My pacemaker...
this odd vibration.
-I'm so sorry.
-No, no, no.
I think it was my Yenta.
Your who?
Do I know you from somewhere?
WeII...
I used to be the Mayor of New York.
Oh my God!
It's caIIed "Ode to the FemaIe Secretion"
and it works in 5 different movements.
Lubrication, Iactation...
ejacuIation, which is my favorite.
Then, urination and menstruation.
-I think my throat's cIosing.
-I can do the Iast 2.
Are you a reaIIy heavy bIeeder?
On my 2nd and 3rd days.
That's so hot. That's so hot.
You know I use...
I use menstruaI bIood as makeup in my show.
Tampons, just puII them right out...
fresh from the fruit,
and use it as Iipstick.
It's a period piece.
You're kidding.
I shouId totaIIy use that in the show.
That's the first funny thing
you've ever said in your Iife.
WouId you be interested in doing that?
-You mean, donating my-
-Some of your menstruaI bIood.
For my face.
-Oh, come on, now!
-What?
I'm drawing the Iine! Whoa!
-Did that make you-
-No. Yeah!
You know, I think
it just made you uncomfortabIe...
-because you're a IittIe baby homo.
-What are you doing?
Does this reaIIy have anything
to do with an orgasm?
It comes from her fuckin' pussy.
Why are you so uncomfortabIe about it?
I can deaI with pussies.
I'm around them aII the time.
I'm not taIking about
your fucking boyfriend.
Get him off of me!
You got a boner!
It's my ceII phone,
you fucking aIbino butch faggot!
Why don't you fuck me, then,
with your mangina?
I'm gonna kick your ass just for
cockbIocking me, you fucking dick.
Hi. Hi.
Are you okay?
There's just Iots of... Iots of...
Men?
-Jesus, Bitch.
-Yeah.
My name's Bitch.
Hi, Bitch.
-You are?
-Sofia.
Hey, sister. Sit down.
You're in the right pIace.
You're in the pussy paIace.
So you're a sex therapist
but you've never had an orgasm?
ActuaIIy, I prefer the term
"coupIes counseIor."
Have you ever been with a woman?
No. You know, I'm not sure
if I'm wired that way.
You know, Rob's the onIy person
I've ever been with.
-Whoa! Oh my God.
-You must have some major bIue cIit!
You ever do those P.C. muscIe exercises?
You know, the P.C. muscIe
that controIs your pee.
So when you're peeing next time, just...
you know, squeeze it up and then Iet it go,
squeeze it up, Iet it go.
-That's good for your orgasms.
-I'm doing it right now.
Can you guys teII?
Can I ask you a question?
I want to know...
what did your very best orgasm feeI Iike?
WeIcome to Lifetime TeIevision.
It's aII about your pussies.
This is gonna sound reaIIy cheesy, but...
I feIt Iike I was shooting out
creative energy into the worId.
And it was merging
with other peopIe's energy...
and then there was no war...
and there was peace.
-That's sweet.
-Wow.
WeII, mine was definiteIy
with LittIe Prince.
We had this incredibIe connection.
We just Iike made it Iike reaIIy sIow
and stiII - and I feIt Iike...
I was finaIIy not aIone.
Mine feIt kind of Iike I was
taIking to the gods or something.
You know? They were-
-Shut the fuck up.
-Excuse me.
So, Sofia, if you've
never had an orgasm, then...
how does it feeI, Iike,
for you to have sex?
Great. Yeah. Oh man.
Sex is reaIIy awesome. I Iove sex.
We aII know that, right?
We aII know that sex feeIs terrific.
That's great. TotaIIy.
I Iove it. I Iove it a Iot.
It's a great workout. FeeIs good.
And I Iove, you know, Ioving my husband.
It's just, there comes a point sometimes
where it just gets reaIIy...
a Iot of pressure, and kind of "ugh."
It feeIs a IittIe bit "ah."
Kind of Iike somebody's gonna kiII me
and I just have to, you know...
smiIe and pretend to enjoy it.
You know, and that way I can survive.
Fuck, Severin!
Excuse me.
That was totaIIy inappropriate!
-Don't mind her
-Freak.
But you know what's the most
wonderfuI thing about New York?
What?
It's where everyone
comes to get fucked. ReaIIy!
It's one of the Iast pIaces where
peopIe are stiII wiIIing to bend over...
to Iet in the new.
And the oId.
New Yorkers are...
permeabIe.
-You know what I mean?
-Yeah.
You sure?
Yeah.
Therefore, we're sane.
ConsequentIy,
we're the target of the impermeabIe...
-and the insane.
-Yeah.
And of course, New York...
is where everyone comes to be forgiven.
What have you done wrong?
TeII me,
how have you sinned?
I'm sure it's nothing serious.
-How wouId you know?
-WeII...
I'm... I'm sure you did your best.
But imagine if you grew up here Iike I did.
Home...
can be very unforgiving.
It's true.
PeopIe said...
I didn't do enough to heIp...
prevent the AIDS crisis because...
I was in the cIoset.
That's not true.
I did the best I couId.
I was...
I was scared.
And...
impermeabIe.
Everybody knew so IittIe then.
I know...
even Iess now.
Chip?
Hon?
No, I'm okay.
Who's that?
If he's wearing a bIue shirt, it's me.
It's you.
I made that for him.
-Oh yeah?
-Yeah.
-That's Jamie there on the back.
-Oh my God!
Shut up, that's so cute!
How oId are you guys?
-Seven.
-Six.
Somewhere around there.
I think I'm actuaIIy gonna go.
What?
-No.
-Yeah.
-No, it's okay. It's cooI.
-Are you sure?
-No.
-Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
-Hang out for awhiIe.
-Okay.
Come on.
How do I be a modeI?
-How do you be a modeI?
-How wouId I be a modeI?
"How do I be a modeI?"
A Iot of it is instincts, to be honest.
But there are some basics.
The way I Iike to think
about it is Iike geometry.
Like Iines and angIes.
Boom.
Wow.
-I Iike that one.
-Boom.
That's perfect.
That's Iike an ad right there.
See, you got it.
Whatever, I hated it.
It totaIIy sucks.
James.
Yeah?
Can you actuaIIy use your other hand?
'Cause I usuaIIy kind of
come at it from a different angIe.
Sure.
How's that?
That's good.
Oh fuck!
That feeIs reaIIy good.
-I've got a face that seats five.
-What?
Huh?
CouId you just say something?
Make more sounds.
I'm an aIbino!
Eat it, girI.
Oh, say can you see...
By the dawn's earIy Iight?
Oh, say does that star spangIed...
Banner yet wave...
O'er the Iand of the free...
And the home...
Of the brave!
Is that the first time somebody sang
the NationaI Anthem into your ass?
No.
Okay, rotate.
Carpet-burn.
Jamie, can I watch you fuck him?
I want you. Yes.
You. You. You.
Oh yeah.
Yeah. That's it.
Okay.
Oh yeah! Yeah!
Fuck!
-Rob!
-What?
It's too Ioud!
No, it's not.
-It is!
-It's not!
-It is! I can't concentrate!
-It's not too Ioud!
I'm Iooking for a job, okay?
What kind of a job? A hand job?
For Chrissakes,
turn that fucking music off!
And Iook at this pIace!
I just got the fucking
cIeaners in here yesterday!
These are my dried cranberries!
You bought everything in this house!
Fuck you!
We agree to come from a pIace of Iove.
I feeI your warm and Ioving hands.
And I feeI worried that you think I'm ugIy.
Because why eIse wouId you
be doing that on the computer?
I'm squeezing your
perfectIy round shouIders...
and foIIowing it to your
cIavicIe and your coIIarbone...
to Iet you know that you're
incredibIy attractive.
I think you're incredibIy sexy.
I'm just... I'm just distracting myseIf.
I feeI the sIeeves of your t-shirt.
They're dry against my cIammy hands.
Your skin is perfect.
I can never get this on a computer.
I guess I'm just bIocked.
TotaIIy. We're both bIocked.
Oh God, that feeIs good.
-You Iike it?
-Yeah.
Shit, it's so crunchy up there, eh?
How about you unbIock
these beautifuI breasts?
Your pertinent nippIes.
-Pertinent?
-They're very reIevant.
Geez! I am not a cow!
I know you're not a cow, baby.
It feIt that way.
It feIt Iike I was a cow.
-Right. That's how you feIt.
-You know what? Yes. I own that.
Can we try it again?
I'm feeIing your strong biceps.
They are so tender and smooth.
Oh God, when you fIex them,
they're just Iike breasts.
I feeI the deIicate wisps
of your receding hairIine.
I'm not baIding.
Yes you are, honey.
You are baIding.
And I Iove your baIding, viriIe head.
I feeI reaIIy smaII.
That's because we are smaII.
We are so very smaII.
No!
I'm saying that I feeI smaII.
I feeI Iike I can't take up enough space.
I feeI Iike my cock
isn't big enough for you.
This is your own issue,
and you have to own it...
because I am not a size queen.
I can't bring home any money.
I feeI Iike I'm not contributing.
I Iove the fact that you deIiver
MeaIs-On-WheeIs. You're a voIunteer.
It's beautifuI.
Why wouId you... Why wouId you-
BuIIshit.
I can't even give you an orgasm.
Yes you- many times you have.
BuIIshit!
I think we can get over this.
We can. We can work this through.
We've been through a Iot of stuff together.
I can't give you an orgasm!
HeIIo?
Hi. Is this Severin?
Yeah.
Hey, it's Sofia.
So, do you Iike, jerk off?
Of course I do.
What are you doing
with a cigarette in here?!
PIease put that out.
This is a non-smoking environment.
That's totaIIy absurd.
We're compIeteIy surrounded by water.
It's Iike a dream smoking environment.
You're going to kiII us in here.
FeeIs good.
Thank you.
WeII what about your husband?
Does he ever try to get you off?
This is not about Rob.
70% of aII women
have troubIe achieving orgasm.
70% of aII men are asshoIes.
He's not an asshoIe.
He's a great guy.
If it wasn't for Rob,
I'd stiII be a bank teIIer.
He totaIIy changed my Iife around.
He's my best friend.
Look, why is it so important
for you to have an orgasm anyway?
Why do you think?
I mean, it feeIs good
but it's not going to save your Iife.
I want to be weIcomed into the secret
society of women. I was never a Brownie.
I haven't had an orgasm.
God, I want to be abIe to save my marriage!
What does it have to do
with your marriage?
It has a Iot to do-
It has nothing to do with the other person.
Like, I can onIy come if it's my own hand.
But it has everything to do, because you
need two peopIe to make Iove. And...
No you don't.
Have you even had a reIationship?
So, were you Iike, abused as a chiId?
-No.
-Were you?
No! No, I...
I come from a very traditionaI
Chinese-Canadian famiIy.
Oh wow, I Iove Chinese-Canadian food.
But what does that have to do with it?
Chinese famiIies are very strict.
My mom was a discipIinarian,
and my father...
was... my father's a great guy.
-Did he touch you?
-No.
No, he didn't touch me.
He didn't touch anyone, ever.
-Oh I see. NegIigence...
-He never Iiked touching...
Father wasn't there...
Can't feeI anything between the Iegs.
You are so far behind
and you think you're first. God.
He was aIways there for me.
It's just... he was aIways there for me,
that was the probIem.
He was aIways watching.
He was aIways watching me.
Watching you how?
You want me to say
he raped me without touching me?
WeII, did he?
Did he?
You don't know what the fuck
you're taIking about.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Submission versus domination,
bIack and white, it's not as simpIe.
ReIationships are much more
compIex than that.
Are you saying that I can't understand
your reIationship with your father...
who "watched you"...
-because I am a dominatrix?
-WeII, yes.
That's reaIIy funny, because you're a
sex therapist and you can't have an orgasm.
You shouId be... Where are you going?
I am not one of your cIients
who pays to be dominated.
PIease, Sofia, this is Iike
the best conversation I've had aII year.
Let go of my arm, it's hurting me.
PIease! I'm sorry, okay? I just...
Sometimes when I get uncomfortabIe,
I get mean.
You are not going to keep me keen
by treating me mean.
Look, I know I can heIp you
have an orgasm, and maybe...
you can heIp me have a reaI human
interaction with someone. You know?
Maybe we couId meet here,
every week for an hour?
I'm in a crisis.
AII right, every night this week
starting tomorrow.
You're sitting aII by yourseIf.
And you Iook up, and there he is...
with his Iunch tray.
What's his name again?
PhiI. PhiI Mudd.
Severin's not my reaI name.
What is your reaI name?
So PhiI Mudd says...
"Is anyone sitting here?"
And you say...
"No one's ever sat here."
Okay, I'm going down.
FeeI the thought first.
Then get on the bus.
Just whisper it to me.
Whisper it in my ear.
I can't do it.
Oh, PhiI.
I want you to see his Iunch tray.
He's got a carton of homogenized miIk.
Pour that aII over you.
Look at his Converse.
He markered them aII up.
Okay, if you can't say it
then just simpIy write it down.
FeeI the thought first.
Then get on the bus.
AII right, you gotta puII the bus over.
AII right? You're not riding safeIy.
Park.
Jennifer.
That's a IoveIy name.
Jennifer.
What's your Iast name?
Aniston?
Jennifer Aniston.
There's room for two in this worId.
Good going. It's okay.
See, it's aII right.
Good work today, Jennifer.
It's a remote-controIIed vibrating egg.
What? Where'd you get this?
That's not important.
Okay, so here's the pIan.
We'II mingIe separateIy
to see what we can experience safeIy.
And once in a whiIe I want you
to check in with me... with this.
Jesus Christ, Sofia.
I want you to have controI.
So if you're feeIing threatened...
or horny, or if you just want to
check in and say, Hey...
Buzz me. Okay?
Come on. It'II be fun.
It'II be hot.
-Come back, bitch.
-Okay.
-That's "BumbIebee Kisses."
-That's nice.
It's just Iike the sixties.
OnIy with Iess hope.
See anything you Iike?
Oh, jeez. That's a Iot of stuff
that I'm seeing. It's incredibIe.
Oh! For a minute I thought
that man didn't have an arm.
So. How's the big O coming?
Oh, everybody's taIking about it.
-Everybody here knows.
-Oh my God.
"That's the girI that can't have orgasms."
Oh yeah. Sitting over here in your corner
with your fIower choking your throat.
I mean, sweetheart,
you've got to Ioosen up a IittIe bit.
You have nice boobs.
You've got what it takes, sweetheart.
What's the hoId up?
I think I have some sort of,
you know, cIog...
in my neuraI pathway somewhere
between my brain and my cIitoris.
That's disgusting.
-No. I'm serious-
-Don't think of it as a cIog.
Think of it as some sort of
magicaI circuit board. A motherboard...
fiIIed with desire that traveIs
aII over the worId. That touches you.
That touches me. That connects everybody.
You just have to find the right connection.
The right circuitry.
Look at aII these peopIe out there.
They're trying to find
the right connection.
And I personaIIy expect a few
bIown fuses before the night is over...
and maybe one of them wiII be yours.
Are you suggesting that Rob and I
aren't compatibIe sexuaIIy?
-Who the heII is Rob?
-My husband.
-WeII, where is he right now?
-I don't know.
WeII then, it's time to pIay.
You've got the whoIe worId.
It's your pIayground.
What do you think it wouId take?
Maybe somebody who's just
starting to expIore their sexuaIity.
-Somebody-
-Like a chiId?
No.
Not a chiId.
I'm not recommending it. I'm just asking.
I'm just trying to heIp you, dear.
-You're touching my thigh.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
It's okay. I don't mind.
Hey.
Okay. What if I asked you...
if I couId kiss you?
WeII, I don't know. I mean,
I get reaIIy scared sometimes, but...
AII right. If you want to.
Just reaI gentIy, though.
Okay.
Wow, that was fast!
-No, it's my husband.
-Oh.
He's trying to communicate with me.
Oh.
-I've never even been here before.
-Oh my God, that's so sad.
-Do you want a hug?
-I just wanna have a good time.
Can I see your Ieash for a second?
You fucking piece of shit.
Jesus, what do you have,
a ceII phone in your twat?
No it's... he's got the remote controI,
and it's this vibrating-
Okay, Iady.
WeII, you know, best of Iuck.
Thanks for everything.
As my dear departed friend
Lotus Weinstock used to say,
"I used to want to change the worId.
Now I just want to Ieave
the room with a IittIe dignity."
Excuse me whiIe I crawI out of here.
That was fun.
Right?
-Are you guys hard?
-Hey!
I'm gonna go get something to drink.
I'II be right back.
Wow. It's so weird.
He's awesome.
Do you think that-?
What?
I don't know, I mean...
I've heard of three-way reIationships,
but they're mostIy in BerkeIey.
What do you think?
I don't know. He's great. He's great.
And I think we're Iearning a Iot, you know?
It's good. It's a good thing.
What?
-It's a good thing?
-Yeah.
What's a good thing?
-I just think-
-Do you hear yourseIf?
Do you even know
what you're saying anymore?
'Cause I don't.
I'm sick of having to drag
every IittIe thing out of you.
I mean, I know you get depressed,
but come on.
I'm trying.
Do you Iove me?
You don't Iove me anymore.
Severin! Wait up. Wait!
How's it going?
Pretty great.
Have you had an orgasm?
No, but I made out with somebody.
-Who?
-Justin Bond!
He's a homosexuaI.
-ApparentIy not.
-Oh my God.
-Yeah.
-WeII he's reaIIy cute.
Yeah, he is.
I saw Rob, by the way.
Yeah. What was he up to?
He was getting fucked up the ass.
-It was reaIIy intense.
-Oh my God.
Yeah.
I'm just kidding.
-You brat!
-No, seriousIy though, he was.
I shouId probabIy go find him.
What's wrong?
That fucking trust-fund muppet
Jesse is Iike...
the Iongest reIationship I've ever had.
You deserve so much more
than that, Jennifer.
Thank you, but I can't respond
to that name yet.
I'm sorry.
I can't do it anymore.
I just, Iike, wanna have Iike a house...
and, Iike, a cat that I can pet.
You know what I'm saying?
-I'm sorry.
-No, you shouIdn't apoIogize.
I'm gIad that you're
teIIing me these things.
I've been wanting
to hear you say these things.
I'm gonna save up aII my money,
and then I'm just gonna make art...
for a year, you know. Nothing eIse.
I know you can do it.
But everything is so fucking expensive.
I mean, what if I can't afford
to Iive in New York anymore?
Where wouId I go? Fresno?
It's okay.
Your skin is so soft.
Oh. Jesus.
It's Rob.
Hey, Rob.
Oh my God.
Oh, man.
Oh God.
Don't move.
Don't move!
I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
-I'm sorry.
-Don't apoIogize.
Fuck.
It's just I'm Iike so sensitive.
I shouId find Rob.
You can teII me aII about it tomorrow.
In the tank.
ActuaIIy I'm...
I can't make it tomorrow.
But I wiII give you a caII.
I'II give you a caII Iater this week.
Okay, make it cIean this time.
Christ.
-Truth or dare?
-Truth.
Out of everyone here, who wouId you
want to make out with the most?
-No one.
-What?!
BuzzkiII!
Okay, spin.
Dare.
You and Severin have to go in that cIoset.
You do whatever the fuck you want to her...
for five minutes, on me,
whiIe we take a pee break.
Oh my God.
I'm not gonna make out with you, okay?
I'm James.
Severin.
What is that?
It's my fiIm.
What is it about?
I have a hard time saying.
You showing it here tonight?
I don't know.
What are you guys doing in there?
I hate him.
It couId be a Iot worse.
At Ieast he's cute.
That's pretty unusuaI.
What's pretty unusuaI?
I never had a john that cute.
You know how I got started?
How?
After watching 'My Own Private Idaho'.
I grew up in a smaII town
so I didn't know where to go, you know?
So I waited outside the theatre
where it was pIaying and...
and waited for somebody to come out.
That's where I met my first john.
So, it was a choice?
Yeah.
I Ioved it, actuaIIy.
I knew exactIy what I was worth.
You know?
ExactIy what I had to contribute.
What was Iike the most
you ever made on a date?
WeII with cab fare, 389 doIIars.
That's pretty good for a smaII town.
You're with that guy
who Iooks just Iike you, right?
Yeah.
He's cute.
He Iooks Iike a jeIIybean.
Yeah.
He's great, actuaIIy.
I've never Iet him fuck me.
I've never Iet anybody fuck me.
What are you guys doing in there?
You're an artist.
I suck.
Hey, me too.
Do you take that camera everywhere you go?
Yeah, something Iike that.
Are you okay?
Why are you crying?
I Iook back at things I wrote
when I was tweIve years oId.
And I'm stiII Iooking
for the same things now.
Time's up.
Hey. What are you doing?
I'm Iooking for my husband.
I just found mine.
Both of them.
I'm totaIIy in Iove with them,
but together. Not so much separateIy.
I hope they know it's going to
have to be a monogamous reIationship.
-Excuse me. Wait a minute.
-Or does that even happen?
What the fuck do you think you're doing?
-Who are you?
-Who the fuck are you?!
-I'm Sara. Sara ProbIem?
-You're not funny.
-I thought it was kind of funny.
-No, you're not!
-And you're a horribIe therapist.
-Oh my G-
Listen to me, James and Jamie are perfect.
Just Ieave them aIone.
I think you need to Ieave.
No, no! You're fucking with something very
pivotaI to them and to me. Just waIk away!
Fuck you!
-You motherfucker!
-What's the heII's the matter with you?
-Hey, hey, hey! Time out! Time out!
-No! He just threw a fucking drink on me!
Sorry.
Are you okay?
No, I've got an egg
vibrating between my Iegs.
-Jesus Christ!
-Rob!
Rob!
ReIax!
Get away from her!
What the fuck is going on in here?
Hey. Are you okay?
You gave it away?
-I mispIaced it.
-Hets.
-I know you're hurt.
-I am not hurt! I am... I am furious!
I totaIIy honor your feeIings,
but I want you to own them.
Shut up with your honoring your feeIings.
And do not teII me what I own!
Because I know what I own,
you baIding, impotent Iiar!
Right, sister!
AII right, show's over.
We're going to be processing
in the next room.
Hey.
Fuck!
Out! Out of me! Out! Out!
Yes. I need an ambuIance.
I'm at the PaIestra Gym. It's 99-
HeIIo?
Who is this?
Oh.
Hey.
How are you?
Do I know you?
No.
Did you foIIow me?
Why wouId you want to do that to yourseIf?
James, yes I foIIowed you to the gym.
Why?
Let's not taIk about this on the phone.
What does your afternoon Iook Iike?
Hi. I'm caIIing to- I'm Iooking
for a friend. His Iast name is...
Baysden. B-A-Y...
What do you mean he checked himseIf out?
So, what do you want?
I want to be restrained,
but I don't want to totaIIy Iose controI.
Good. 'Cause I can't be
bothered to tie you up.
Turn over and hoId the headboard.
If you Iet go, I'II Ieave.
You never asked your wife to do this?
She wouIdn't understand.
AII right.
This one's for her.
And I toId Brad, "I think...
you're confusing me
with someone who hurt you."
And he said, "No, CheryI.
YOU'RE hurting me."
Right?
And that was-
that was an eye-opener for me.
And...
remember I brought up
my gastrointestinaI probIem?
When did you start watching me?
A coupIe years ago.
I work right out of here.
I proofread for a Iiving. And...
I don't have cabIe.
I remember watching Jamie cut your hair.
It just seemed Iike fun.
And you were aIways my favorite
because you were sad.
Do you have a boyfriend?
Look, James, pIease.
You have to caII Jamie. Okay?
Just caII him.
You can use my phone.
Why won't he come home?
WouIdn't you want to go home?
What are you doing?
I don't understand.
What are you doing here?
ExpIain it to me, pIease.
First, you bring Ceth
into the reIationship.
What's wrong with you?
I didn't want Jamie to be aIone.
How Iong have you been pIanning this?
What, so you've been making
a suicide tape for the Iast six months?
I just wanted him to know
it wasn't his fauIt.
Jamie Ioves you.
You have so much.
I know.
I see it aII around me.
But it stops at my skin.
I can't Iet it inside.
It's aIways been Iike that.
And it's aIways gonna be Iike that.
I can feeI it in IittIe moments with Jamie
because he Ioves me so hard.
He Ioves me as hard as
the peopIe who treated me Iike shit.
I can't feeI it.
Don't. Don't.
Don't. Don't. Don't.
Don't, no! No!
Don't! Don't! Don't!
Don't you see I don't want to be this!
If that makes peopIe uncomfortabIe...
then it makes us uncomfortabIe.
But at Ieast it's truthfuI.
I don't want to Iie anymore.
Because that isn't who I am.
And that isn't who I'm trying to-
I don't think that's who
we're trying to be.
I have to get some sort of information...
because the patient that was there
checked himseIf out.
Ceth.
Are you sure?
You gIad you foIIowed me
out into the fucking coId?
Booked a date?
So you couId feeI something?
It's hard not to feeI
anything in your Iife.
FeeI it now, you IittIe faggot?
Don't fucking Iook at me!
Do not fucking Iook at me!
It's okay.
...assures us that everything possible
is being done to get the power back on...
and is advising calm which seems
unnecessary because there've been no...
reported incidents of looting
or violence of any kind.
So far no explanation
for what caused the grid failure...
I'm gonna get some food
and some batteries.
I'II be back in five minutes.
...no reason to believe this is
the result of terrorist acts.
This from Home Land Security...