Shoky & Morthy: Last Big Thing (2021) - full transcript
Shoky and Morthy are best friends and successful YouTubers, but their fame is slowly beginning to fade. While Morthy would like to quit, Shoky comes up with ideas for making their videos more interesting - and bloodier. In the end, they set out for one "last big thing" that will save their YouTube channel and their disintegrating friendship.
Simon!
Bro!
Simon?!
Hello!
Hello, is anyone here?
Simon?
Jesus!
-Hi, Martin, dear.
-Good morning.
-Are you looking for Simon?
-Yes, yes.
I was in his room, he wasn't there.
If he's not in his room,
then go check the garage.
-Have a piece.
-No, thanks, it's kind of you.
No?
Simon?
Simon!
-Simon, are you okay?
-Help me!
-What's wrong?
-Help me! Now!
Fuck off, I'm trying!
-Help me!
-Hello?
This is Morthy, I…
I have a friend here,
I think he cut his arm off.
There's a circular saw
and a lot of blood…
You asshole! Asshole!
I'm sorry, I wasn't talking to you,
there's been a mistake, bye.
You fucking jackass, man.
And that, guys,
is how you prank your best bud.
Click on subscribe and share!
See ya! Oh, man,
you were completely white, bro.
Like, completely!
I'm lying here with my arm cut off
and you're like, "Are you okay?"
"Simon, are you okay?"
I don't think so.
-That's what friends do, you know.
-Right.
-They care.
-Yeah? Is that from Gran?
-Yeah.
-Super.
Fantastic.
You're disgusting.
BEST BUD PRANK
This is Morthy, I…
My friend is lying here,
There's a circular saw here,
I think he cut his arm off…
He was right here…
Oh, my God, you asshole!
300,000 VIEWS
-"'Asshole… Sorry, not you!' Best"
-"Dunno if it's real, but super funny."
"'Are you okay?' XDDD"
You're on, Simon.
That’s okay, we’ll cut that part.
Man, that was the cabbage for dinner.
-2440 COMMENTS
-"Shoky: 'It's not a bathrobe!'"
-"Keep going boys!!"
-"R.I.P. Banana"
TASTING VIETNAMESE FRUIT W/ NIKKY
That’s good.
-40,000 VIEWS
-Fantastic.
"When's there gonna be
another prank with Shoky????"
This knife is going to stab this leg
because the candle I’m lighting
will burn through the rope.
"This video has been removed for violating
YouTube's community guidelines"
I have Shoky and Morthy here.
Tell me, guys, what did you study?
He's got a BA,
which is pronounced "biotch."
And thanks to YouTube,
we found out
that we're not the only ones
who think our videos are funny…
Pardon me.
Kovy? I can’t talk,
I’m giving an interview.
See ya.
Morthy! Morthy! Morthy! Morthy!
Morthy, tell me, how do you feel
about kids?
I love kids and, more importantly,
they love me, right?
I like kids, I live with my grandmother,
we have some animals, a cat and whatnot…
Guys, what are your plans for the future?
-I guess to keep making good vids, right?
-Guess so.
SHOKY & MORTHY
SHOKY & MORTHY'S
LAST BIG THING
-Hey.
-Hi.
What was that?
You still talk to her?
I thought that was over.
Yeah, sure it is.
And what?
I’m not seeing her.
How can she have 500,000 subscribers?
What for?
She makes girlie vids.
I think they're pretty okay.
Me too, when the sound is off.
-So…
-Thanks.
-Me too, please.
-Sure.
You want it here?
-And can I have a hat?
-You got money?
-Yeah.
-Then take it.
-Let's see it.
-And then pay, okay? Thanks.
-Can I get an autograph?
-Sure.
Thanks.
-Did you see him?
-What do you think?
He hasn’t missed a single event.
Kovy said he used to meet his stalker
every day on the street,
then one day he saw him
at an event, too.
So he goes to give him an autograph,
and the dude legs it.
Then Kovy comes home and it's like…
furniture's moved, place is upside-down.
You know?
There's nothing you can do, bru.
We're stars.
-Greetings, colleagues.
-No way, hi!
-Hey, Radomil.
-What’s up?
-I have a stand over there.
-We know.
You've got it good. You don't have
to worry about any stalkers.
-No? I don’t know.
-I don't think you do.
How many subscribers do you have?
-I don't know precisely.
-Well, like, approximately.
Approximately it's about 28,619.
Nice, now look, 28 620,
there it is.
-Really? That's awesome.
-Isn't it great? Look.
Yeah, that's me!
Hi, guys, my name's Ráďa,
I'm 41 and I'm a YouTuber.
Today we're going to show you
how to make
poop that looks completely real.
Why? So that you can trick your friends,
classmates or parents.
Now we give it some form.
And there you have a piece of realistic
and very tasty poop.
No way. Say it ain’t so. No?
We’ve been outdone, Morthy.
Dude, I quit.
Radomil, promise me one thing:
that we’ll make a video together one day.
Sure thing, I'm up for anything.
-So we see.
-Radomil, Radomil! Radomil!
Somebody’s at your stand,
don’t let them get away.
-Oh, off I go then.
-Get a photo with the poop!
-What a freak.
-Madman.
-Such a brown-nose.
-It’s the shit.
-The Bieber boys!
-Hi!
-Hey, so how’s all the fame treating you?
-I guess we're pretty good, huh?
-Maybe, maybe.
-"Maybe?" You understand Slovak?
-Sure, it’s just like Hungarian.
-That's what I was thinking.
-Hey, something stinks here.
-Steamed cheese.
Bro? Once you’ve got at least half
as many views as me,
then I might care what comes
out of your mouths.
And get some normal clothes
because this is horrible. Horrible!
Yeah… I’d beat the shit out of him.
I’d give that prick such a thrashing.
I fucking hate him.
-Kick him into next week.
-I’d kill him.
So what about us?
Beer tonight?
I can't, I've got that audition
in the morning.
Oh, right…
-Oh, I forgot, you're actually a thespian.
-Shut it.
You talk about it so much,
I thought it already happened.
No, it's tomorrow.
I had to memorize ten pages, man.
Well then, you're fucked anyway, right?
Don't even bother.
It will never be perfect.
Maybe I don't know what color…
what color suit I should wear…
Fuck.
How much… how many flowers
and candles to buy,
but there's one thing, one thing…
I know for sure
and that's that…
Fuck's sake!
-Hi!
-Hey, darling, how's it going?
Yeah, it's going okay.
Nah, it’s not going at all.
And what about you, how did it go?
Don't get me started. It was awful.
Hey, girls! Here I am
after the world’s best photo shoot.
Back home, and we both
send you a wave!
-Hey, turn it off. What are you doing?
-What?
What what?
I was just thinking…
Isn't it dumb to keep hiding it?
We've talked about this already.
It's just easier to keep our profiles apart
until we know it's going to work out.
Cut it out, we talked about this.
That doesn’t work on me, Sára, stop it.
Sára… Come on.
How about you say something
in Slovak for me?
-Icicle.
-Icicle. Oh…
-Snog.
-Snog? Hm.
-Button.
-Button, that one always gets me. Button…
Have you learned your lines already?
Don’t worry about it.
I'm serious, though.
Me too.
Hi, guys, my name's Ráda,
I'm 41, and I'm
a pedophile.
So first of all I am
a pedophile.
Secondly, I am
a pedophile.
And thirdly, just so you know,
I am
a pedophile.
Because anyone with a brain
can see that I am obviously
a pedophile,
and I mean well.
Next!
-Good morning.
-Good morning.
Have a seat, get comfortable.
OK.
-Oops, sorry.
-A bit of context before we begin:
Your girlfriend, a wedding planner,
is unable to plan her own.
-I know.
-I'll read her lines today.
-Alright.
-Ready?
"You have no idea how much work it takes
before two people can say 'I do'."
I know, but that's just
a bunch of rules.
Why can't we just do it right now?
Right here?
Instead of always dealing
with how many candles,
flowers, and ribbons we need.
The most important thing to me
is that I know
who I want to take to the altar.
Because that’s…
Because, because…
Thank you, thank you.
That's enough.
Really? I know the whole thing,
it's not a problem.
Thanks, we'll be in touch.
-I’ll just finish it now that…
-Next, please.
Well you heard her, goodbye.
Bye.
Come on, let’s do this.
-This is a robbery! Give me the money!
-Move it!
Gimme the money! Move! Money!
How do you say money in Vietnamese?
-Fucking chongy dongy, I don't know.
-Fucking chongy dongy, move it!
Do what he says!
-That's fucking it? There's no more?
-Yes!
Do it or I'll blow your head off!
Do it!
-There's no more!
-Okay, it's your choice, sweetheart.
No!
-This was a set-up too?
-What are you doing, man?
-What?
-What are you talking about?
We're streaming,
how the fuck can I cut that?
-Why do you keep yapping?
-Why the hell isn't she getting up.
Because she's a good actress,
unlike some people.
-Like I'm not a good fucking actor?
-I’m sick of you, man.
Cut. Nguyen, get up,
we have to go again,
he fucked it up again.
Get up, come on.
-This is real, dude, that’s real blood.
-Bullshit.
-That blood looks real, man.
-Nguy, come on. Up you go!
This smells like shit creek, bro.
It smells like shit creek.
-Nguyen! Jesus. Nguyen?
-Get up, get up!
I’ll lift her legs so the blood drains
from her head.
-She’s not moving…
-Maybe if I free her ankles…
What the hell’s going on here?
No, no! It’s not what it looks like.
It’s really not.
-Don’t move.
-I just came to buy some milk.
-Shut up!
-Fine, I’m not saying anything.
We thought it couldn’t get any worse.
You have no idea what to film!
Shoky, Morthy… Are you retarded?
Bebears… Beibers bros?
Who does pranks nowadays?
There were several points when they should
have realized it was stupid.
I hear the chick’s in ER now.
Guys, you really overdid it.
That they even share it on the net…
Now, all the YouTubers in the country
look like assholes, thanks to you.
The problem is, they don’t even realize
what they’re doing.
That they influence
hundreds of thousands of kids
who then think this is normal behavior.
They need to realize what they're doing
and that there are boundaries…
It was all his idea, wasn't it?
I think you can do more
than stupid pranks.
How many companies have cut ties
with you now?
This isn't just fun and games,
it's business.
We should start shooting together.
-Some shitstorm, huh?
-Come on, get in.
-Amazing, I love it.
-Shut up and let’s go.
Trending topic on Czech-Slovak YouTube.
What good does that do us
when it's all hate?
I don’t know if you realize
we’ve lost most of our sponsors.
Take it easy, bro.
It will all pay off.
Now we're off to conquer
Czechoslovak Yutubering.
-In Brno…
-It doesn't matter, dude.
It's an international festival.
There were 30,000 people there last year.
Just wait until you see the lines
and the sponsors.
And to really grow our fan base
we will only speak in Slovak,
you get me?
This isn't just fun and games,
you know? It's business.
You fucking crazy?
-Then you come up with something.
-What?
I organize everything, I set it up,
and you just talk a lot of shit.
I think stuff up, too,
you just never want to use it.
Because nobody clicks on it
and nobody follows it.
-Eating food with some chick?
-Oh, come on…
Maybe it’s just eating food
but at least no blood flows.
Yeah and maybe that’s the problem.
-You're such a pain in the ass.
-Drive.
Simon?
It says that, in the year 1540,
there was a massacre at a wedding here.
The jilted groom,
he shot the place to bits.
I had quite a discharge myself.
That's why the nine crosses are here.
So you can't ask for your true love's
hand in marriage here.
Because it might summon the ghost
of the murdered bride.
That's some crazy shit.
-Martin?
-What?
There's somebody over there
fucking watching me.
-Maybe you've got yourself a stalker.
-No, behind that tree, look.
-Something white passed by.
-No it didn't, you're white, dumbass.
Hey, nutjob!
Wanna see my dick from close up?
Let's go.
You're not allowed to yell here, either.
And there's no yelling here!
-You fucking crazy?
-Language.
And that’s why we have to cancel
your participation in the festival.
You wouldn’t have any damn festival
without us.
People want us here. Why do you think
they pay for your overpriced tickets?
Who’s on that poster, you or me?
Who do you think you are?
So, I’ll remind you,
I’m the organizer of the second largest
Yutubering festival in Central Europe.
-We have rules of ethics and values, so…
-What are you playing at, you…
-Relax…
-Did I say something bad?
-No, but ease off a little.
-They’re making a killing off kids
who want to see
their favorite YouTuber.
The Slovak cheese farmer here
should relax.
I won’t tolerate that language.
Goodbye.
Then stick your fucking language
up your fucking ass.
Some old girl who’s never made a video
won't tell me what to do.
He didn't mean cheese farmer like…
Right, goodbye.
Jesus Christ…
Give me that fucking phone!
Trying to provoke me, shithead!
Hello to all our fans and, sorry,
but madam comrade organizer wanted
to decide what we can and cannot film,
so we’ve decided not to take part
in Yutubering.
I ask all our fans and other YouTubers
to boycott the thing.
We’ll meet here in the parking lot
and have our own protest show.
Fuck Brno Yutubering
and stop censorship.
Thanks a lot.
The website said you wouldn't be here.
Yet here we are.
Don't believe everything they write.
My mom won't let me watch you.
But I watch anyway.
At David's house,
because his parents still let him.
Hold on to David,
he sounds like a good friend.
Look, we've got something for you.
Here, little guy, one for you
and one for David.
-Enjoy.
-Thanks, I knew you guys were great.
Hey, guys, I'm here
to support your strike.
Great, where are the others?
I don't know.
Looks like the strike's over,
I'm going home.
-Hang on…
-If the strike's over
I didn't take my buggy,
could you take me home?
It's not out of the way.
You call that tractor of yours
a buggy?
-Great, we'll take you home.
-I fit in it.
-Can I have your autograph?
-Sure.
Sure thing.
-There.
-Say hi to your mom.
See you.
Brno conquered, huh?
Bullshit.
Hey, what about the audition?
Did it go okay?
Yeah, fine.
Great.
Did they have you sit on a white couch,
introduce yourself, get comfortable…
No, there was no such couch.
Because if there was, it was a porno.
Couch equals porn.
No, it's just a romantic comedy.
Just so you're not surprised,
there's not much romance in it.
Cut it out, man.
-That's completely… hey…
-What's he doing?
Dude, careful.
-I'm only…
-What the fuck is he doing?!
Watch out!
-Are you-- you all okay?
-I'm okay.
-You okay?
-Yeah.
Okay, you okay? Hang on…
Hey, mister! Are you okay?
Hang on!
Holy shit…
Stop, stop! Wait!
You alright? Fuck…
-You okay?
-Is she okay? Did you see her? She… she…
-Take it easy!
-I didn't mean to kill her… That bride!
What bride?
I killed her!
-Simon?
-Yeah?
-Do you see that lady over there?
-I don't see any goddamn lady.
-There was a lady.
-Dude, there's cake in the fucking radiator,
-what the fuck are we going to do?
-Calm down.
Guys, not to be a Nervous Pervis,
but we should wear vests…
You shut the fuck up!
If we hadn't taken you…
Just get out of my sight.
Go, fuck off.
I didn't mean to! I'll help you!
I'll help you! I didn't mean to!
Where are you going?!
-I'll help you!
-Hey, mister! Calm down!
I'll film it. Film it!
Simon, don't be silly.
Take it easy.
Where the fuck are you going?!
Radomil, call an ambulance, okay?
And tell them in the back.
Simon!
Guys, what about the safety vests?
Simon?
Miss?
Hey, mister, we want to help!
Wait!
Miss! Stop!
Hello!
Fuck.
Miss!
Hello!
Morthy, wait up.
Give me a hand.
Look…
That's where I took a piss…
somebody was watching from over there.
And now we're back here.
Weird, huh?
It's really weird.
I assume you didn't find the guy?
You assume correctly,
I didn't find him.
-Did you find the lady?
-Me neither.
So there you go.
Come on, the police will be here by now,
they can find them.
Hang on, though.
It's a shame we don't have
that accident on video,
then we could just film somebody
in a sheet over there…
-Let's go take another look.
-No, turn it off and let's go.
Why? It could be a great video.
You're seriously insane, aren't you?
There's an accident,
somebody gets hurt,
and all you think about
is how to make a video out of it?
-Well basically…
-Is nothing sacred?
-Not really, no.
-Okay.
I think you'd film me if I was dying.
As long as it gets lots of views, right?
-Yeah, that's really funny.
-It is.
You know what?
-I quit.
-What?
-I quit!
-Hang on, come here.
Well… okay, then.
-Fuck this!
-Then go, fine!
I don't need you,
I can do it without you.
Hey, stars, welcome to my first GirlTalk.
What does DTR mean?
Don't worry, I'd never heard it
before either.
Isn't that what they used to call Germany?
But basically it stands for
"Define This Relationship."
You know how they always say in movies,
"Look, we need to talk"?
Well, that's exactly it.
Not all fairy tales end…
Sára, I can't hear you
with the door closed!
-I'm recording!
-Oh, sorry. I thought you called me.
You wear glasses?
Yeah.
Okay.
I know it's hard to start.
I want to tell you: Whatever happens,
it's going to be fine.
It's not always meant to be,
but it's really important to clear the air
and talk about where you stand.
Some of you know the ropes already,
for some it's your first time,
so I'll go through it again.
Here are your rakes
and we'll get started…
How come don't we have a blower?
It would go faster.
Bit cheeky for someone
sentenced to community service.
Where's your vest?
I'm not wearing any motherfucking vest.
Not like that, guys, go do it right.
Or I'll really get mad.
Man…
Hang on…
You're really a crazy person, seriously.
If we had the fucking blower
then it wouldn't happen.
Radomil would like the vests, huh?
Yeah.
What happened to our videos?
There's some symbol up by them.
What do you care?
I thought you quit.
They demonetized our videos.
Like they did the ViralBrothers.
The videos will stay up but…
there won't be any cash from them.
-Fuck.
-Language.
You know what pisses me off most, though?
That I thought we were friends.
And not that you'd trade me in
for some Slovak yogi.
Hey, sweethearts.
Today we're going to taste
the best American candies.
I have a figure to keep,
but Morthy will be happy to taste.
Talk about it a bit.
How to describe it…
Chocolate.
STOP BY I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
Now for the third candy.
-Are you kidding me?
-Sorry, sorry.
-This one look fantastic.
-Yeah?
Open your mouth.
And?
Dammit..
Sorry, I can't do this.
What are you doing?
Martin dear? Come in.
-Hello.
-Hello.
-Is Simon home?
-I don't know.
Go see.
Either he is or he isn't.
Either he is or he isn't, okay?
Hey.
Hey.
What did you want?
Me?
-You wrote that you needed to see me.
-Oh, right! That…
I sorted it out on my own,
never mind.
So bye, I won't keep you,
we both have lots of work…
Thanks for stopping by.
-Well bye then.
-Yeah.
Hang on, hang on.
I'm just fucking with you.
I'm just fucking with you…
come here, sit down.
Sorry.
Listen…
Do you remember that driver?
The one who crashed the van
and ran into the woods?
Of course, what about him?
You know what happened to him?
Nope.
He got hit by a train
and he's in the hospital in Brno.
You're fucking with me.
-After he crashed he got hit by a train?
-Yeah.
He had a real lucky day.
Okay.
-What about the girl, nothing about her?
-Nothing at all, nowhere.
That's weird.
I saw her.
She was there.
-The Bride.
-What bride, dude?
The Bloody Bride,
from the Nine Crosses!
-The one from the fairy tale?
-You're a fairy tale!
It's not a fairy tale, it's a real legend,
it seriously exists.
- Oh. You've started smoking weed?
- Okay, fine, listen.
Listen, "A woman in white
looked him straight in the eye."
"The 168th kilometer
is under her power."
"Bloody Bride has claimed
dozens of lives."
So?
Dude…
All the accidents happen
in the same place.
It's all at the 168th kilometer.
Exactly where we wrecked, too.
Hang on now…
-What are you trying to tell me?
-I want to tell you
that that bride is the perfect theme
for our next video.
We'll film a real bride,
people will swallow it hook,
line and sinker, and from then on
they'll be driving that 168th kilometer
at a snail's pace.
Look, I get that you don't want
to shoot with me anymore.
To hell with me, fine.
You want to get on your own feet,
you have my complete support.
But I'm telling you,
I'm asking you,
Let's just make this one last thing.
We owe it to our fans.
And when it's done…
we'll go our separate ways.
OK.
-But!
-Yes?
No more bullshit on YouTube
making fools of ourselves.
Let's make a real documentary.
-Like, a documentary film?
-Yeah.
What good will that do us?
Nobody watches documentaries,
anyone who says they do is lying.
That's not true,
documentaries are the rage right now.
If we did it well
then we could sell it to Netflix.
-Netflix? Us?
-Yes, yes!
Let's make a normal film,
for grown-ups.
No one will tell us
what we can and can't do with it.
Okay, so you're saying fuck YouTube?
Yeah.
I say fuck YouTube.
Okay.
But we'll need a car.
Or a buggy!
-Hello, Mrs. Shoky.
-Hello.
-Hey.
-Hi.
-We're going to Moravia to film a bride.
-That's nice.
But you could find a nice bride
around here too.
Probably not the kind we're looking for.
Hi, Radomil.
I was already married at your age.
But nowadays everyone puts it off,
people shack up together
without getting married.
They must be afraid of weddings,
or I don't know.
-And Martin dear?
-Yes, Granny?
-Do you have a girlfriend?
-I do, yeah.
And you're not planning a wedding?
Not now, definitely not.
I do wish Simon would bring home
a nice girl.
That's what every mother wants,
Mrs. Shoky, until it actually happens.
-Radomil…
-She's my grandma, man.
-Cut it out, she's not your type.
-You don't know that.
Gran, I've got my hand,
that's enough for me.
-Really?
-Really.
So see you later.
Have you got a dictaphone
for recording EVPs?
No, but it sounds like something
we're going to need.
Another device we rent out
is this Spirit Box P-SB7,
including headphones.
As for GhostMeters,
the K2 here measures
electromagnetic fields
which get disturbed
in the presence of an entity.
-Great.
-But you have to know how to use it.
-We'll figure it out as we go.
-We're clever kids.
-Bang, bang, bang!
-Please, don't shoot!
Gentlemen!
These are not toys,
they're not for fun!
If you want to pull pranks
then go somewhere else.
Sorry.
Look, we're serious about this.
I saw the ghost of a bride.
The Bloody Bride.
With my own eyes.
And ever since I've been having
dreams about her.
I feel like she's trying
to tell me something
and I don't know how to talk to her,
that's what all this is about.
-When do you want to go?
-Today, for the weekend.
You've picked the right time.
The Celtic new year,
the holy day of Samhain.
-Samhain
-It's a good time.
-I guess so.
-It's great.
Listen, you can also hire an operator
for all of these devices,
but it's a bit more expensive.
You pay for accommodation
and per-diems.
-We understand, that should be okay, right?
-No problem.
-We can do that.
-I can't go this weekend,
Jarda Drábek and I are going
to Mount Holly.
But perhaps my daughter could go.
Lucie?
Sorry, she's quite… herself.
Look, guys.
I don't know whether to take
the dreamcatcher for peaceful slumber
or the orgonite amulet for safe travel.
-Both.
-Both.
-Can I really?
-Yeah, take them.
He's back from mounting Holly.
I'm sorry, gentlemen…
What's wrong?
-Lucie will just take your readings.
-Hang on now…
-175 cm.
-Show her your souls.
-What's it like?
-I don't feel anything.
Am I good?
Okay, am I supposed to do anything?
Just shut up, I guess.
Sure.
It's beeping on me.
What does it mean?
-Ow, what are you doing?
-What are you doing?
Ow, what are you doing?
-What is that?
-It looks like…
a shard broken off a car.
I'd say…
A rear blinker.
…what they call in English "ghosting."
You met up a few times,
maybe you even went further,
now, all of the sudden,
he's not in touch.
Has he lost my number?
What if something happened to him?
Was he abducted by human traffickers
because he's so handsome?
No. No, no, no.
I know your hand is itching
to write him,
but you just have to hang in there.
I'll take a dump at your place, okay?
You see that he's read the message,
he's liking stuff and commenting
all over the place,
but for you? Nothing.
If he doesn't even think
you deserve an answer
then, honestly, is he really worth it?
Let's admit it, no answer
is also an answer.
You're going somewhere?
Hi!
Yeah, sorry, I got this idea for a video,
so I'm going to film it, so I'm packing…
I thought we were
shooting together today…
And could we postpone it?
So you'd rather go with Shoky
and Radomil than with me.
Wait, how did you know that?
Radomil tagged you.
You follow Radomil?
No one follows Radomil.
You're…
Oh, and that's Lucie.
She's a ghost hunter.
Is there something you want to tell me?
Do you want to come?
Here's the plan:
First, we find the driver in the hospital
and do an interview with him.
Then we go to that rest stop
at the Nine Crosses
and we'll look for the Bride.
Is that clear?
-Clear.
-Great.
Isn't it a bit quiet back there?
I have your eyelash in my palm,
I stare into the darkness.
I play the songs
I once wrote just for you.
It's almost midnight and the church bell
reminds me of the night…
I'll go wash up, turn out the light,
and what happens then?
And I thought it couldn't get any worse.
That morning when we last
had breakfast together
I wanted to tell you
I wouldn't be calling anymore.
Because of one silly girl,
a few nights of passion,
I betrayed everything
you were home dreaming of.
Now I regret it.
The Nedved Brothers.
Everybody likes them, right?
They kicked off their Strahov concert
with this one.
We were all singing along with them.
Hang on, these two dudes with guitars
played that huge stadium?
Yeah, you bet.
And it was sold out.
The only Czech band to do it.
The Stones played there, U2,
and the Nedved Brothers.
And they didn't even need any
light shows or…
They just sat there
and played their songs.
-And 60,000 people came to see it.
-60,000 people?
-60,000 people to see these two dudes?
-Yep.
The most Yutubering ever had
was 30,000.
Well, it was also the last time
they ever played together.
-They never performed after that.
-Why not?
That doesn't make any sense,
does it?
I don't know.
I guess they had a row and split.
Maybe because of a chick, huh?
Right?
I don't know.
But they quit
while they were on top.
Thank you so much, our family
is going through such hard times and…
-But really, just for a moment.
-Okay.
Thank you, you're so empathetic.
And fingers crossed!
-Hello.
-Hello.
-Hello.
-Hello.
We're from the local TV…
Can we ask you a few questions
about your accident?
Okay, good.
You ready?
Go ahead.
No one here believes me.
And I normally don't believe
that kind of storybook stuff either,
but I know what I saw.
The Bride.
Just like I see you here now.
She appeared out of nowhere
in the middle of the street.
As if she wanted to warn me.
I tried to swerve around her.
Would you be able to describe
what she looked like?
What? Oh, sorry.
But hang on, if we do
kind of a dolly shot…
Hang on now…
-Simon.
-Wait.
Her eyes…
her eyes…
She was looking straight at me,
as if she were looking for something.
She was wearing a white dress…
So here you are.
That's her. That's her!
She's back, she's come for me!
-Do something!
-What the hell am I supposed to do?
Help me! No!
Go away!
I didn't mean to do it!
No, no, please!
I didn't mean to! No!
What's that?
What the hell is going on
in here?
It's not what it looks like.
What happened?
The Bloody Bride right on the first try.
It's not funny,
that guy was really suffering.
And I am too, I've got this dress on
for the first time today.
Was she there?
-I asked if the Bride was there?
-No, just lots of negative energy.
He was bleeding even more than me
when we did Copperfield,
-I didn't stop filming that time either.
-You were glad I took you to the hospital.
You can't stop shooting
just because somebody starts bleeding.
What Copperfield?
You mean the ice cream?
Hang on, you two "do yoga" together
and she doesn't even know our best video?
Good thing I've got it backed up.
What's up, people! Welcome
to another video of Shoky and Morthy.
Shoky is handcuffed, and he claims
he can get free in 20 seconds.
I think he's a madman,
and if he doesn't pull it off,
this knife is going
to stab him in the leg
because the candle I'm lighting now
will burn through the rope.
-Okay, are you ready?
-I'm ready.
No choice now, buddy!
No choice!
Look, look, look…
He shouldn't have turned it off.
It was just getting interesting.
I bled like a stuck pig,
but it got 6.5 million views.
Until they yanked it from YouTube.
Our most successful video.
You're seriously proud of a video
where you stab yourself in the leg
and faint?
-Course.
-Course.
Actually, I almost pulled it off,
it was a question of seconds.
-And how did you do it?
-He can't say, it's a secret.
When I was a kid, I had an accident,
a stone crushed my hand.
It didn't grow back together right,
but it has its advantages.
I can dislocate my thumb
whenever I want.
-It doesn't hurt?
-It does hurt!
Especially when I put it back in!
Yuck! Don't do it!
What time will we be home?
I told you, we're not going home,
we're going to the rest stop
to find the Bride.
If you want,
we can put you on a bus.
No, that's okay, I'll go with you.
-Why do you call yourselves BeerBearBros?
-We'll never tell you…
That came about at an English class,
it was pretty funny.
The teacher told us to be careful
how we pronounce two words,
beer and bear, you know?
You're like beer-bear versions
of the Nedved Brothers.
-Hello.
-Hello.
Here's your keys.
Hold on for just a moment, please.
No, right now, quick.
Thanks.
Is there a problem?
Everything's fine.
Oh, good.
Your ID, please, thank you.
No way!
"Hi, guys, my name's Ráda, I'm 41,
and I'm a YouTuber."
Maestro! I'm your biggest fan!
Can I get a photo?
-Would you take our picture, please?
-What?
Tell Franta we've got a legend here
and to bring something to welcome him.
This is unbelievable,
Radomil Kovár in the flesh!
I don't know what to say.
Thanks!
I thank you, it's a great honor
to have you here.
I hope you'll enjoy the food here.
I'll do everything I can.
Sure thing.
Do you want an autograph?
Definitely! Where's the pen…
-Radomil…
-Kovár.
-Kovár. For you.
-Oh, wow, Radomil! Hi, gentlemen,
Can I offer you a welcome drink?
Hey, Franta, look.
Radomil, if you’d be so…
"Helping the dead to protect the living,"
yeah, right.
How can she communicate with the dead
when she can't even do it with the living?
Don't you think she's weird?
What do you even know about her?
-She's just different.
-Or on drugs,
-that's why she has the glasses on.
-Jesus Christ, come on.
Alone at last.
I'm picking out the next vacation though.
Instead of the sea murmuring out the window
we've got the highway, how romantic.
I'm telling you, I don't care,
just sort it out somehow!
This isn't a vacation for me though, Sára.
Sorry, I forgot.
-You're working.
-That's right.
Should I be jealous
of this bride of yours?
How do you mean?
Will you let me in?
Are you doing yoga or what?
I know you're in there.
Martin…
-Martin, please…
-What is it?
I'm not sleeping in there.
There's only a double bed.
I won't sleep there with Radomil.
I can't.
I thought you could let me
sleep with you.
I'd sleep on the edge
and wouldn't even spread out.
Martin, please.
Can I?
It's a lot of light
for night-time, huh?
-Why does she wear those glasses
even in the night? -I don't know.
-How much further is it?
-It's right there, where the lights are.
I don't understand why you can't
film it in the day.
Because ghosts sleep in the day.
-Of course.
-Exactly.
What was that?
I don't know, probably a giraffe.
Radomil?
That's me.
I don't get many calls,
so I don't know my own ringtone.
-What up, old-timer!
-Don't yell, Radomil!
Don't yell, I can't talk,
I'm going into action!
Yeah, go.
Yelling and marriage proposals
are prohibited.
Yeah, we have that information,
keep going.
I urinated here.
Gross, that's disgusting.
I'm not going this way.
-Sára, take it easy.
-No.
I'm not about to let my new shoes
go the way of my new dress.
Only the two of you would look for a bride
in a place like this.
-Stop filming.
-Don't tell me what I can film.
If you don't like it, why don't you go
back to your room?
-I am!
-So long.
You're going to let me go by myself?
Entity of this place, are you here?
Entity of the Bride who, centuries past,
died here before her time.
If you are here among us,
give us a sign.
Cut it out.
How do we know
when she's communicating?
Green light, no,
yellow, yes.
Are you a woman?
Are you a woman's essence?
You know what? You try.
-Me?
-You saw her, maybe she'll talk to you.
-Okay, hang on, Simon, you film, okay?
-Yeah, yeah, I got it.
-Got it.
-Okay.
-Feel with her.
-What?
Feel with her and ask.
-You have to feel with her, man.
-Yeah. Quiet.
Do I use the formal or informal?
-Will she understand me in Czech?
-Oh, that's gonna be a problem.
Look, if you want to make fun,
then go back to the hotel.
-Give me the camera, I'll do it.
-Oh, cut it out…
You cut it out.
-You're doing nice.
-Quiet.
Take it easy, okay?
-You're doing really nice.
-OK.
Cut that out!
Are you a woman?
Are you a woman's essence?
Can we speak to you?
-Ask if she wants the lights off.
-Good idea.
Should we put the lights out?
Okay, lights out.
-Okay, I'll keep going, okay?
-Go on.
Are you the bride?
It's growing. She's here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa…
-I'm getting scared, Martin.
-You be quiet.
Were you murdered here?
We'll record it on the EVP.
Okay.
Will you tell us what you want?
Why you are here?
-Did you hear that?
-What?
She said "yes."
-She did?
-She said yes.
Hello, do you hear me?
Yes, I hear you.
Tomás, do you hear me?
Are you there?
I am not Tomás,
I am Martin.
But we can pass your message on.
There's an accident at 15.
Take it via Náchod.
Number two here, roger.
Huh?
What was that? What was that?
-Truckers.
-Like, dead truckers?
No, living ones.
It picks up their frequency sometimes.
You truckers stay out of this,
we're talking to the dead bride!
Stop yelling!
-What's wrong?
-Radomil? I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.
-She's entered him, he is her medium!
-What?
-Wait, what are you doing?
-Get a light on him, film it!
-Oh, my God, you pig!
-Fucking unbelievable.
-That was fucking disgusting.
-I feel better, though.
I'm not doing this anymore.
What is it with him?
I just can't…
I think we've got great material
for today, blood, vomit,
the ideal combination.
Even I'd watch this documentary.
Tomorrow we continue, okay?
And more seriously, please.
-But of course.
-"I'll go wash up, turn out the light…"
"What happens then… everything
you were home dreaming of."
I'm going to my room.
Do you feel that?
What?
-Lots of negative energy here.
-Really?
More than outside.
EMPLOYEES ONLY
Come on.
-Shine the light here.
-What? Oh.
-Ouch!
-Are you okay?
Hey, what are you doing down here?
You're not allowed here.
We didn't know.
-It's written up there, can't you read?
-What?
Can't you read?
I wasn't in school when we learned that.
-Right, well out you go.
-OK fine.
You hurt yourself, I'm the one
who gets in trouble for it.
-See you later.
-See you, have a nice stay.
Go on.
It's ready.
Sure is.
So you can bring 'er on down.
Isn't that weird?
What was he doing down there
at night?
I said isn't it weird that he was
down there at night?
-What do you think he was doing?
-I don't know.
Maybe they're growing weed.
Ow!
-Does it hurt?
-Nah, it's nothing.
-This will sting, you ready?
-Yeah.
I'd try going back tomorrow.
Where? Down there? You crazy?
He warned us not to.
You only do what you're allowed to?
No, but we're here because
of something else, right?
-You have…
-Heterochromia.
Very pretty eyes.
It's a melanin deficiency.
Two percent of people have it.
Did you mean that for real?
Yeah.
It seems a pity to hide such nice eyes
behind such ugly glasses.
-People stare.
-They're envious.
I have to go.
You're going to like it,
a suite just for VIP guests,
a room worthy of the most
beautiful beauties, right?
Sára?
Oh, so here you are.
See?
The young lady was looking for you.
Well, have a nice evening, lovebirds.
You're not paying me
any attention here.
You went looking for a bride,
why shouldn't I look for a groom?
Oh, come on.
Come on.
Look at the state of you.
What are you screaming about?
What the hell was that last night?
Where were you?
I could ask you the same thing.
Aren't you overdoing it a bit?
Could you calmly explain
what happened?
Look, I know your pranks.
Don't play dumb.
-You think death threats are funny?
-OK great, now relax, calm down,
and tell me again, calmly, in Czech,
like you speak in your videos.
-What?
-What what?
So you forgot to bring tampons?
It happens, that's life for Christ's sake,
you don't have to go
making period art.
Yeah.
Ow.
Look, I had my own problems
in the night,
because somebody forgot their dreamcatcher
for peaceful slumber.
Radomil!
No effect.
You think I wouldn't have filmed
your reactions?
Why else would I do it?
Well then who did it?
It's not normal, someone sneaking
into your room at night.
No, but it is paranormal.
Paranormal.
Maybe it was the Bride?
And what were you doing last night?
And…
And did you taste the blood?
To see if it's real?
-Go fuck yourself!
-Wow, you're sassy.
That was sassy!
What, you can be vulgar and I can't?
I'm betting "emo" here did it
so she could do some bullshit
with her gadgets and charge you for it.
-I'm not spending another night here.
-Well, hallelujah.
A little something special
we cooked up for the maestro.
-Wow, thank you.
-But of course.
I have to say, that nightcap last night
hit the spot.
-I slept like a corpse.
-You're very welcome.
We really do appreciate you
honoring us with your visit.
The pleasure is mine. I had no idea
I had such loyal fans here.
-Thanks very much.
-Well pick it up already.
-That's kind of you.
-Exactly according to your recipe.
I just spruced it up
with some corn.
Down the hatch.
I have to admit, I'm pretty full.
-It's very kind of you.
-Are you kidding me?
After all the shit they went through,
you won't even taste it?
Do you want to offend them?
-Yeah.
-But I have to say, it really looks good,
believable, even the consistency,
it came out well, that's lovely.
That's the raisins,
just like you recommend.
-Well, just a little, so as not to offend.
-Yes, while it's still warm.
Bon appetite.
It's outstanding.
Isn't she an expert?
So why do we need a priest?
Let's go shoot something funny,
not some fucking priest.
Look, after the massacre, the crosses
were blessed every hundred years.
But now they haven't been blessed
for more than a hundred years, get it?
Yeah… And so what?
Wouldn't it be great if our film
prevented accidents
because the crosses were blessed?
Just imagine you've got a super flick
that has also saved thousands of lives!
Or a film from which thousands of people
died of boredom, for example.
-You're such a negativist.
-I'm not.
-You are a negativist.
-You are a negativist.
-Your mama is a negativist.
-Keep my mom out of your mouth.
But I can be in her mouth
every Wednesday?
-That was a joke, leave it be.
-Should I start with your granny?
-No, leave granny out of this.
-You see?
She has knee problems,
stop it.
We're going to see the priest,
and that's that.
Well…
there are no…
written records of it.
The event is said to have occurred
in 1539 or 1540.
That is, before the Council of Trent,
which established parish registers.
In the black books of court
we fare no better,
because the culprit committed suicide,
so there was no one to prosecute.
Is it true that the cross
over the murderer
is rotting faster than the others?
I don't know.
All I know is that apparently
no bride is buried there
and there probably never was.
Hey! Yeah, I can talk.
-Sára?
-What's she doing?
Radomil, man…
Cut! Fuck this.
-I've only got 15% battery.
-Can we calm down?
I don't have a charger.
-So, sorry, Father…
-Sorry, holy Father.
I'll start rolling and let's try
to pick up where we left off, okay?
-About the consecration.
-Yeah.
And action.
The Benedictines
from the Rajhrad monastery
began consecrating the crosses,
they say, every hundred years,
perhaps to return peace
to the area.
However, the exact reason
for the consecration is not known,
which is why the custom
has been discontinued
and the crosses
are no longer consecrated.
And that's exactly
what we need to talk to you about.
-Hang on, hang on.
-Cut it out, fuck's sake.
-This is becoming Christian broadcasting.
-Yeah.
First talking heads and now this?
We came here to film the bride!
It'll be fine, dude, believe me.
-I'm ready, youngsters.
-Great.
-I'm ready too.
-Yeah, good boy.
Dude, this is awful.
Awful!
I don't know what you hope
to get out of this.
Did your influencer talk you into this?
Or are you trying to get interviewed
on DVTV?
I don't know about you,
but I don't want to end up like Radomil.
-I thought we did this because we enjoy it.
-We do.
Radomil might be kind of a dipshit…
He's a complete dipshit,
but at least he enjoys it.
Do what you want.
I'm out.
Do you all know the Our Father?
That's lesson number one,
youngsters.
You never know when you'll need
to ask the Lord for something.
But when I nod to you,
then we will all say "Amen."
You'll know when it comes,
it's always at the end of the prayer.
Let us pray.
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed by thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
-Amen.
-And lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil.
-Amen.
-Amen.
Is that it?
You wanted it without the mass.
It is very nice that you thought
of our dear departed.
Today is All Souls' Day.
So, are we going home?
That's me.
Yes Mishka? It's me.
You're done shooting your "film,"
aren't you?
-We haven't shot the main thing.
-What else do you want to shoot?
There is no bride, such baloney.
The fact that we haven't seen her yet
doesn't mean she doesn't exist, you know?
Says someone who's business is built
on spouting nonsense to people.
You're one to talk.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
this is on the house.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome, our pleasure.
I hope you're not leaving yet?
Unfortunately, yes.
But we really enjoyed it here.
I have no intention of staying
in this seedy roadhouse a minute longer.
Martin?
Everybody who saw her was connected
to a wedding in some way.
Sára, will you marry me?
Are you serious?
No.
-You don't want to marry me.
-Sára, I just needed to try it,
I didn't mean it like that…
What are they doing?
I thought that wasn't allowed
around here.
Sára…
Your brain has gone completely haywire,
hasn't it?
You ask me to marry you
just so that you can film some ghost.
Are you out of your fucking mind?
You're just as crazy as your little Simon.
And now you've found yourselves
another psychopath.
If you'd rather be with a bimbo who wears
the same clothes for three days,
then be my guest.
Sára…
Sorry.
We're ready.
Simon?
Simon!
Fine, if it's what you want to hear,
end of boring documentary,
we're going home.
Simon, stop acting like a…
baby.
Simon?
Simon?
What about Simon?
Did you find him?
No.
I guess he was right.
Maybe the whole thing
is nonsense.
You can't give up now.
There's nothing to give up on.
Everyone's left anyway,
Simon hates me…
You have to believe.
Listen, I don't mean it in a bad way,
but these entities of yours
and everything…
you seriously believe in it?
Sometimes it's easier to communicate
with entities than people.
It's true that if Simon were an entity,
communication would be a lot easier.
I've got an idea.
I know how we can find him.
-Come on.
-What?
If he has his mobile on him
then we'll find him with this.
-He's in there!
-Bullshit, how could he get in there?
-He's like a lobotomy patient.
-I don't know.
Come here.
Give me some light.
What?
Nothing.
Go on.
Go ahead.
Wow.
You're a badass.
What is it?
Simon?
Bro?
Simon?
-WTF?
-WTF?
Well well.
So we will have a model
to film after all.
But what do we do with you, Martin?
You know why that marriage proposal
might not have worked?
What?
Like, why it didn't summon
the Bloody Bride.
I think it was because…
because it wasn't…
Doesn't really matter.
Well say it!
Well I think it was because it wasn't,
like, out of true love,
it wasn't meant seriously.
What are you talking about?
Turn around.
I said turn around.
-Dude, get up.
-Ow, cut it out!
Dude, relax, I'll try something.
-That's no good.
-What did you do?
-I have to go under.
-Hang on…
Ah, the gentlemen have awoken.
The lovebirds.
So…
Now you're going to see
how interesting content is made.
Hold still, butterfly.
Here's one little wing…
-What was the madam's name again?
-Lucie.
Lucie, Lucie.
And the other…
And enjoy yourself.
It really didn't have to come to this.
But unfortunately I employ idiots
who keep letting our models
get away.
-Wait!
-Hello!
Hello!
Quiet, baby, quiet,
not a word.
Shut your little mouth,
there you go…
There you go.
You can't shoot without a model,
and the viewers will not wait,
you boys know that.
We originally wanted your other princess,
the one with the strudels.
So you can bring 'er on down.
You're going to like it,
a suite just for VIP guests,
Sára?
That didn't work out, unfortunately.
So we'll have to be content
with the weird one here.
Oh, fuck.
I know that couch.
Oh, look, a fan.
What, man?
I thought it was fake.
“You think" means you know fuck all.
Hey!
Quiet.
I'm filming.
You know the score, boys, nowadays
people want ever-grittier material.
You have to shock people today
to get their attention.
It's like this:
Some eat shit,
others stick up grocery stores
and some…
some go more hardcore.
You wanted to see the Bloody Bride, right?
-No, not me.
-Definitely not.
We don't want to see it.
You've got seriously cool eyes!
-What are you doing, asshole?
-Hey, hey!
No, look, let’s each focus on ourselves.
So the young lady isn’t going
to cooperate?
Okay, okay, okay…
Then we'll do it a different way.
-Boss..
-I'm filming!
The shit-eater's back.
He's not picking up.
As I said, they met somebody
and left with him.
They could have told me.
That's how people are nowadays. Ingrates.
-Well, see you later.
-See you.
Since I’m here already,
I got an idea.
-Radomil!
-Radomil!
Gentlemen!
This is touching.
You think they can hear you upstairs?
You know what I'd like to know?
Why are you wearing that sheet?
It doesn't matter.
I don't want to talk about it.
It's boring, you see?
I'm out.
Sorry.
I just wanted to have a laugh.
You're sick, do you realize that?
So, what do you think?
Suction power 260 air watts,
lasts up to 800 hours.
Since it's you,
I can give you the wholesale price.
What's all this?
This?
The Vorwerk W11 Absolut.
I prefer the bag-free version,
but if you want a bag…
I can get it.
Such a good machine
and he didn't want it.
This is another of their pranks.
It's like he's ghosting me!
So, gentlemen,
you won't be needing this anymore.
And Shit-Eater can't help you now.
So…
Will we go ahead and film it?
Maybe you'll get to meet the ghosts
you were looking for.
I can't watch this, man.
You're awesome.
-BeerBearBros, dude.
-I love you, bitch.
-I love you, too.
-I love you more.
Me too.
Look out!
You fucker! Motherfucker!
How do you like this, huh? You…
You think you can cut my hand off,
you cunt?
-You think you can cut my hand off?
-You okay, Simon?
I'm okay, I'm okay!
You son of a bitch…
But where could they have gone?
Like an old, dried up tree,
like devastating thunder…
-You run for help, okay?
-Look out, they're loose!
-Look out!
-You shut the fuck up!
Do you like that?
You think you can cut my hand off?
What's going on, boss?
-Isn't she wonderful?
-She really is, man.
It's okay, I've got him under control!
I told you couch equals porn.
-You okay?
-Yeah, go help her.
Go help her.
I'll just find my hand, go.
Lucie!
Stop!
Stop!
What happened?
What have I done?
What have I done?
She ran out right in front of me.
What have I done?
What… What have I done?
-Radomil? What's wrong?
-What have I done?
-What's wrong?
-I hit her.
-Who did you hit?
-The bride.
-Oh, my God, you idiot.
-I'm sorry.
No, no, no. This can't be.
Lucie… I'm here.
Lucie, snap out of it.
No, no, no, this can't be.
Lucie.
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed by thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy…
Thy…
Thy will be done on earth
as it is in heaven.
He jumped right in front of me,
I didn't mean to run him over,
he was a really lovely guy…
It was so awful, I'm still in shock,
I just can't get past it.
That'll be enough,
thanks very much.
And you don't have to write "YouTuber,"
you can use "influencer."
She's finally getting some attention.
Yeah, you were a useless boyfriend.
So all that time, it was the girls
who got away from them.
-You didn't find an entity.
-Not an entity,
but something even more interesting.
Really? What?
This is our Strahov!
Go to him.
I'm okay.
Can we ask for a moment alone?
-Thank you.
-Thanks.
You were wonderful on top.
That's awful.
Listen…
Can I ask for your hand?
Okay.
Will you marry me, Simon?
Don't laugh.
-This is out of true love, bro.
-I will.
-I love you.
-Me too, dude.
Come here.
-No, no…
-Sorry.
Careful with it.
NETFLIX PRESENTS
THE BLOODY BRIDE
The idea behind it was originally
to prove to ourselves that we could do it,
that we shouldn’t be underestimated…
We wanted to make something
that would outlive us
and resonate with society.
This is Martin and Simon,
a.k.a. Morthy and Shoky,
YouTubers with a documentary
coming out on Netflix and in cinemas.
-Good to have you.
-Hi.
The documentary is a true story,
there’s a lot of violence,
but you have a lot of experience
with blood.
-Especially you.
-I have a lot, yes.
But I don’t mind it, I like blood.
Or, like…
-You like blood?
-I don’t mind blood.
I have experience with it,
I pulled one of my grandma’s nails,
-it happened last week…
-On her foot or her hand?
-On her foot, the big toe…
-Super.
-It was festering.
-You think the viewers care?
-I’m talking about blood.
-I know, but you don’t have to say
what all you’ve done to your granny,
you want me to tell them everything?
No, don’t.
-What did you do to your grandmother?
-Well, Gran and I…
-Don’t ask…
-I don’t know how to say it, like…
You could say it was my first penetration.
Is this really the end of an era
for Czech YouTube?
I don’t know if it’s the end of an era,
but it’s definitely the end
of our careers as YouTubers.
Considering the kinds of videos
you’ve made until now,
is there any hope
that this is just another prank?
Well, if you’ve got hope,
then that’s your problem and
you can talk to your therapist about it.
Planet Dark viewers would like to know
if you might show us your hand.
-I’ve never seen the like…
-So, get relaxed…
-Take your pants off…
-Watch this.
Stop, don’t be vulgar.
Maybe send one to the fans
through the camera.
-Sure, where’s your camera?
-Over there.
Hey, sweeties.
Today, I want to talk to you
about another important girl topic:
the rebound.
It’s probably happened to you too.
You had a lovely, promising relationship
that you thought would last forever,
and, all of a sudden, you split up.
How do you cope?
That’s what we’re talking about today.
Hi, fans.
Today I want to introduce my new merch,
these safety vests,
which help avoid secondary road accidents
and serve to prevent them.
So I hear the Beiberboys
aren’t filming anymore.
Boys…
Thank God!
I just hope they never come back
and it’s not just another prank. Right?
Because I can't fucking stand them.
SHOKY & MORTHY
WILL BE BACK
Subtitle translation by: Christian Falvey
Bro!
Simon?!
Hello!
Hello, is anyone here?
Simon?
Jesus!
-Hi, Martin, dear.
-Good morning.
-Are you looking for Simon?
-Yes, yes.
I was in his room, he wasn't there.
If he's not in his room,
then go check the garage.
-Have a piece.
-No, thanks, it's kind of you.
No?
Simon?
Simon!
-Simon, are you okay?
-Help me!
-What's wrong?
-Help me! Now!
Fuck off, I'm trying!
-Help me!
-Hello?
This is Morthy, I…
I have a friend here,
I think he cut his arm off.
There's a circular saw
and a lot of blood…
You asshole! Asshole!
I'm sorry, I wasn't talking to you,
there's been a mistake, bye.
You fucking jackass, man.
And that, guys,
is how you prank your best bud.
Click on subscribe and share!
See ya! Oh, man,
you were completely white, bro.
Like, completely!
I'm lying here with my arm cut off
and you're like, "Are you okay?"
"Simon, are you okay?"
I don't think so.
-That's what friends do, you know.
-Right.
-They care.
-Yeah? Is that from Gran?
-Yeah.
-Super.
Fantastic.
You're disgusting.
BEST BUD PRANK
This is Morthy, I…
My friend is lying here,
There's a circular saw here,
I think he cut his arm off…
He was right here…
Oh, my God, you asshole!
300,000 VIEWS
-"'Asshole… Sorry, not you!' Best"
-"Dunno if it's real, but super funny."
"'Are you okay?' XDDD"
You're on, Simon.
That’s okay, we’ll cut that part.
Man, that was the cabbage for dinner.
-2440 COMMENTS
-"Shoky: 'It's not a bathrobe!'"
-"Keep going boys!!"
-"R.I.P. Banana"
TASTING VIETNAMESE FRUIT W/ NIKKY
That’s good.
-40,000 VIEWS
-Fantastic.
"When's there gonna be
another prank with Shoky????"
This knife is going to stab this leg
because the candle I’m lighting
will burn through the rope.
"This video has been removed for violating
YouTube's community guidelines"
I have Shoky and Morthy here.
Tell me, guys, what did you study?
He's got a BA,
which is pronounced "biotch."
And thanks to YouTube,
we found out
that we're not the only ones
who think our videos are funny…
Pardon me.
Kovy? I can’t talk,
I’m giving an interview.
See ya.
Morthy! Morthy! Morthy! Morthy!
Morthy, tell me, how do you feel
about kids?
I love kids and, more importantly,
they love me, right?
I like kids, I live with my grandmother,
we have some animals, a cat and whatnot…
Guys, what are your plans for the future?
-I guess to keep making good vids, right?
-Guess so.
SHOKY & MORTHY
SHOKY & MORTHY'S
LAST BIG THING
-Hey.
-Hi.
What was that?
You still talk to her?
I thought that was over.
Yeah, sure it is.
And what?
I’m not seeing her.
How can she have 500,000 subscribers?
What for?
She makes girlie vids.
I think they're pretty okay.
Me too, when the sound is off.
-So…
-Thanks.
-Me too, please.
-Sure.
You want it here?
-And can I have a hat?
-You got money?
-Yeah.
-Then take it.
-Let's see it.
-And then pay, okay? Thanks.
-Can I get an autograph?
-Sure.
Thanks.
-Did you see him?
-What do you think?
He hasn’t missed a single event.
Kovy said he used to meet his stalker
every day on the street,
then one day he saw him
at an event, too.
So he goes to give him an autograph,
and the dude legs it.
Then Kovy comes home and it's like…
furniture's moved, place is upside-down.
You know?
There's nothing you can do, bru.
We're stars.
-Greetings, colleagues.
-No way, hi!
-Hey, Radomil.
-What’s up?
-I have a stand over there.
-We know.
You've got it good. You don't have
to worry about any stalkers.
-No? I don’t know.
-I don't think you do.
How many subscribers do you have?
-I don't know precisely.
-Well, like, approximately.
Approximately it's about 28,619.
Nice, now look, 28 620,
there it is.
-Really? That's awesome.
-Isn't it great? Look.
Yeah, that's me!
Hi, guys, my name's Ráďa,
I'm 41 and I'm a YouTuber.
Today we're going to show you
how to make
poop that looks completely real.
Why? So that you can trick your friends,
classmates or parents.
Now we give it some form.
And there you have a piece of realistic
and very tasty poop.
No way. Say it ain’t so. No?
We’ve been outdone, Morthy.
Dude, I quit.
Radomil, promise me one thing:
that we’ll make a video together one day.
Sure thing, I'm up for anything.
-So we see.
-Radomil, Radomil! Radomil!
Somebody’s at your stand,
don’t let them get away.
-Oh, off I go then.
-Get a photo with the poop!
-What a freak.
-Madman.
-Such a brown-nose.
-It’s the shit.
-The Bieber boys!
-Hi!
-Hey, so how’s all the fame treating you?
-I guess we're pretty good, huh?
-Maybe, maybe.
-"Maybe?" You understand Slovak?
-Sure, it’s just like Hungarian.
-That's what I was thinking.
-Hey, something stinks here.
-Steamed cheese.
Bro? Once you’ve got at least half
as many views as me,
then I might care what comes
out of your mouths.
And get some normal clothes
because this is horrible. Horrible!
Yeah… I’d beat the shit out of him.
I’d give that prick such a thrashing.
I fucking hate him.
-Kick him into next week.
-I’d kill him.
So what about us?
Beer tonight?
I can't, I've got that audition
in the morning.
Oh, right…
-Oh, I forgot, you're actually a thespian.
-Shut it.
You talk about it so much,
I thought it already happened.
No, it's tomorrow.
I had to memorize ten pages, man.
Well then, you're fucked anyway, right?
Don't even bother.
It will never be perfect.
Maybe I don't know what color…
what color suit I should wear…
Fuck.
How much… how many flowers
and candles to buy,
but there's one thing, one thing…
I know for sure
and that's that…
Fuck's sake!
-Hi!
-Hey, darling, how's it going?
Yeah, it's going okay.
Nah, it’s not going at all.
And what about you, how did it go?
Don't get me started. It was awful.
Hey, girls! Here I am
after the world’s best photo shoot.
Back home, and we both
send you a wave!
-Hey, turn it off. What are you doing?
-What?
What what?
I was just thinking…
Isn't it dumb to keep hiding it?
We've talked about this already.
It's just easier to keep our profiles apart
until we know it's going to work out.
Cut it out, we talked about this.
That doesn’t work on me, Sára, stop it.
Sára… Come on.
How about you say something
in Slovak for me?
-Icicle.
-Icicle. Oh…
-Snog.
-Snog? Hm.
-Button.
-Button, that one always gets me. Button…
Have you learned your lines already?
Don’t worry about it.
I'm serious, though.
Me too.
Hi, guys, my name's Ráda,
I'm 41, and I'm
a pedophile.
So first of all I am
a pedophile.
Secondly, I am
a pedophile.
And thirdly, just so you know,
I am
a pedophile.
Because anyone with a brain
can see that I am obviously
a pedophile,
and I mean well.
Next!
-Good morning.
-Good morning.
Have a seat, get comfortable.
OK.
-Oops, sorry.
-A bit of context before we begin:
Your girlfriend, a wedding planner,
is unable to plan her own.
-I know.
-I'll read her lines today.
-Alright.
-Ready?
"You have no idea how much work it takes
before two people can say 'I do'."
I know, but that's just
a bunch of rules.
Why can't we just do it right now?
Right here?
Instead of always dealing
with how many candles,
flowers, and ribbons we need.
The most important thing to me
is that I know
who I want to take to the altar.
Because that’s…
Because, because…
Thank you, thank you.
That's enough.
Really? I know the whole thing,
it's not a problem.
Thanks, we'll be in touch.
-I’ll just finish it now that…
-Next, please.
Well you heard her, goodbye.
Bye.
Come on, let’s do this.
-This is a robbery! Give me the money!
-Move it!
Gimme the money! Move! Money!
How do you say money in Vietnamese?
-Fucking chongy dongy, I don't know.
-Fucking chongy dongy, move it!
Do what he says!
-That's fucking it? There's no more?
-Yes!
Do it or I'll blow your head off!
Do it!
-There's no more!
-Okay, it's your choice, sweetheart.
No!
-This was a set-up too?
-What are you doing, man?
-What?
-What are you talking about?
We're streaming,
how the fuck can I cut that?
-Why do you keep yapping?
-Why the hell isn't she getting up.
Because she's a good actress,
unlike some people.
-Like I'm not a good fucking actor?
-I’m sick of you, man.
Cut. Nguyen, get up,
we have to go again,
he fucked it up again.
Get up, come on.
-This is real, dude, that’s real blood.
-Bullshit.
-That blood looks real, man.
-Nguy, come on. Up you go!
This smells like shit creek, bro.
It smells like shit creek.
-Nguyen! Jesus. Nguyen?
-Get up, get up!
I’ll lift her legs so the blood drains
from her head.
-She’s not moving…
-Maybe if I free her ankles…
What the hell’s going on here?
No, no! It’s not what it looks like.
It’s really not.
-Don’t move.
-I just came to buy some milk.
-Shut up!
-Fine, I’m not saying anything.
We thought it couldn’t get any worse.
You have no idea what to film!
Shoky, Morthy… Are you retarded?
Bebears… Beibers bros?
Who does pranks nowadays?
There were several points when they should
have realized it was stupid.
I hear the chick’s in ER now.
Guys, you really overdid it.
That they even share it on the net…
Now, all the YouTubers in the country
look like assholes, thanks to you.
The problem is, they don’t even realize
what they’re doing.
That they influence
hundreds of thousands of kids
who then think this is normal behavior.
They need to realize what they're doing
and that there are boundaries…
It was all his idea, wasn't it?
I think you can do more
than stupid pranks.
How many companies have cut ties
with you now?
This isn't just fun and games,
it's business.
We should start shooting together.
-Some shitstorm, huh?
-Come on, get in.
-Amazing, I love it.
-Shut up and let’s go.
Trending topic on Czech-Slovak YouTube.
What good does that do us
when it's all hate?
I don’t know if you realize
we’ve lost most of our sponsors.
Take it easy, bro.
It will all pay off.
Now we're off to conquer
Czechoslovak Yutubering.
-In Brno…
-It doesn't matter, dude.
It's an international festival.
There were 30,000 people there last year.
Just wait until you see the lines
and the sponsors.
And to really grow our fan base
we will only speak in Slovak,
you get me?
This isn't just fun and games,
you know? It's business.
You fucking crazy?
-Then you come up with something.
-What?
I organize everything, I set it up,
and you just talk a lot of shit.
I think stuff up, too,
you just never want to use it.
Because nobody clicks on it
and nobody follows it.
-Eating food with some chick?
-Oh, come on…
Maybe it’s just eating food
but at least no blood flows.
Yeah and maybe that’s the problem.
-You're such a pain in the ass.
-Drive.
Simon?
It says that, in the year 1540,
there was a massacre at a wedding here.
The jilted groom,
he shot the place to bits.
I had quite a discharge myself.
That's why the nine crosses are here.
So you can't ask for your true love's
hand in marriage here.
Because it might summon the ghost
of the murdered bride.
That's some crazy shit.
-Martin?
-What?
There's somebody over there
fucking watching me.
-Maybe you've got yourself a stalker.
-No, behind that tree, look.
-Something white passed by.
-No it didn't, you're white, dumbass.
Hey, nutjob!
Wanna see my dick from close up?
Let's go.
You're not allowed to yell here, either.
And there's no yelling here!
-You fucking crazy?
-Language.
And that’s why we have to cancel
your participation in the festival.
You wouldn’t have any damn festival
without us.
People want us here. Why do you think
they pay for your overpriced tickets?
Who’s on that poster, you or me?
Who do you think you are?
So, I’ll remind you,
I’m the organizer of the second largest
Yutubering festival in Central Europe.
-We have rules of ethics and values, so…
-What are you playing at, you…
-Relax…
-Did I say something bad?
-No, but ease off a little.
-They’re making a killing off kids
who want to see
their favorite YouTuber.
The Slovak cheese farmer here
should relax.
I won’t tolerate that language.
Goodbye.
Then stick your fucking language
up your fucking ass.
Some old girl who’s never made a video
won't tell me what to do.
He didn't mean cheese farmer like…
Right, goodbye.
Jesus Christ…
Give me that fucking phone!
Trying to provoke me, shithead!
Hello to all our fans and, sorry,
but madam comrade organizer wanted
to decide what we can and cannot film,
so we’ve decided not to take part
in Yutubering.
I ask all our fans and other YouTubers
to boycott the thing.
We’ll meet here in the parking lot
and have our own protest show.
Fuck Brno Yutubering
and stop censorship.
Thanks a lot.
The website said you wouldn't be here.
Yet here we are.
Don't believe everything they write.
My mom won't let me watch you.
But I watch anyway.
At David's house,
because his parents still let him.
Hold on to David,
he sounds like a good friend.
Look, we've got something for you.
Here, little guy, one for you
and one for David.
-Enjoy.
-Thanks, I knew you guys were great.
Hey, guys, I'm here
to support your strike.
Great, where are the others?
I don't know.
Looks like the strike's over,
I'm going home.
-Hang on…
-If the strike's over
I didn't take my buggy,
could you take me home?
It's not out of the way.
You call that tractor of yours
a buggy?
-Great, we'll take you home.
-I fit in it.
-Can I have your autograph?
-Sure.
Sure thing.
-There.
-Say hi to your mom.
See you.
Brno conquered, huh?
Bullshit.
Hey, what about the audition?
Did it go okay?
Yeah, fine.
Great.
Did they have you sit on a white couch,
introduce yourself, get comfortable…
No, there was no such couch.
Because if there was, it was a porno.
Couch equals porn.
No, it's just a romantic comedy.
Just so you're not surprised,
there's not much romance in it.
Cut it out, man.
-That's completely… hey…
-What's he doing?
Dude, careful.
-I'm only…
-What the fuck is he doing?!
Watch out!
-Are you-- you all okay?
-I'm okay.
-You okay?
-Yeah.
Okay, you okay? Hang on…
Hey, mister! Are you okay?
Hang on!
Holy shit…
Stop, stop! Wait!
You alright? Fuck…
-You okay?
-Is she okay? Did you see her? She… she…
-Take it easy!
-I didn't mean to kill her… That bride!
What bride?
I killed her!
-Simon?
-Yeah?
-Do you see that lady over there?
-I don't see any goddamn lady.
-There was a lady.
-Dude, there's cake in the fucking radiator,
-what the fuck are we going to do?
-Calm down.
Guys, not to be a Nervous Pervis,
but we should wear vests…
You shut the fuck up!
If we hadn't taken you…
Just get out of my sight.
Go, fuck off.
I didn't mean to! I'll help you!
I'll help you! I didn't mean to!
Where are you going?!
-I'll help you!
-Hey, mister! Calm down!
I'll film it. Film it!
Simon, don't be silly.
Take it easy.
Where the fuck are you going?!
Radomil, call an ambulance, okay?
And tell them in the back.
Simon!
Guys, what about the safety vests?
Simon?
Miss?
Hey, mister, we want to help!
Wait!
Miss! Stop!
Hello!
Fuck.
Miss!
Hello!
Morthy, wait up.
Give me a hand.
Look…
That's where I took a piss…
somebody was watching from over there.
And now we're back here.
Weird, huh?
It's really weird.
I assume you didn't find the guy?
You assume correctly,
I didn't find him.
-Did you find the lady?
-Me neither.
So there you go.
Come on, the police will be here by now,
they can find them.
Hang on, though.
It's a shame we don't have
that accident on video,
then we could just film somebody
in a sheet over there…
-Let's go take another look.
-No, turn it off and let's go.
Why? It could be a great video.
You're seriously insane, aren't you?
There's an accident,
somebody gets hurt,
and all you think about
is how to make a video out of it?
-Well basically…
-Is nothing sacred?
-Not really, no.
-Okay.
I think you'd film me if I was dying.
As long as it gets lots of views, right?
-Yeah, that's really funny.
-It is.
You know what?
-I quit.
-What?
-I quit!
-Hang on, come here.
Well… okay, then.
-Fuck this!
-Then go, fine!
I don't need you,
I can do it without you.
Hey, stars, welcome to my first GirlTalk.
What does DTR mean?
Don't worry, I'd never heard it
before either.
Isn't that what they used to call Germany?
But basically it stands for
"Define This Relationship."
You know how they always say in movies,
"Look, we need to talk"?
Well, that's exactly it.
Not all fairy tales end…
Sára, I can't hear you
with the door closed!
-I'm recording!
-Oh, sorry. I thought you called me.
You wear glasses?
Yeah.
Okay.
I know it's hard to start.
I want to tell you: Whatever happens,
it's going to be fine.
It's not always meant to be,
but it's really important to clear the air
and talk about where you stand.
Some of you know the ropes already,
for some it's your first time,
so I'll go through it again.
Here are your rakes
and we'll get started…
How come don't we have a blower?
It would go faster.
Bit cheeky for someone
sentenced to community service.
Where's your vest?
I'm not wearing any motherfucking vest.
Not like that, guys, go do it right.
Or I'll really get mad.
Man…
Hang on…
You're really a crazy person, seriously.
If we had the fucking blower
then it wouldn't happen.
Radomil would like the vests, huh?
Yeah.
What happened to our videos?
There's some symbol up by them.
What do you care?
I thought you quit.
They demonetized our videos.
Like they did the ViralBrothers.
The videos will stay up but…
there won't be any cash from them.
-Fuck.
-Language.
You know what pisses me off most, though?
That I thought we were friends.
And not that you'd trade me in
for some Slovak yogi.
Hey, sweethearts.
Today we're going to taste
the best American candies.
I have a figure to keep,
but Morthy will be happy to taste.
Talk about it a bit.
How to describe it…
Chocolate.
STOP BY I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
Now for the third candy.
-Are you kidding me?
-Sorry, sorry.
-This one look fantastic.
-Yeah?
Open your mouth.
And?
Dammit..
Sorry, I can't do this.
What are you doing?
Martin dear? Come in.
-Hello.
-Hello.
-Is Simon home?
-I don't know.
Go see.
Either he is or he isn't.
Either he is or he isn't, okay?
Hey.
Hey.
What did you want?
Me?
-You wrote that you needed to see me.
-Oh, right! That…
I sorted it out on my own,
never mind.
So bye, I won't keep you,
we both have lots of work…
Thanks for stopping by.
-Well bye then.
-Yeah.
Hang on, hang on.
I'm just fucking with you.
I'm just fucking with you…
come here, sit down.
Sorry.
Listen…
Do you remember that driver?
The one who crashed the van
and ran into the woods?
Of course, what about him?
You know what happened to him?
Nope.
He got hit by a train
and he's in the hospital in Brno.
You're fucking with me.
-After he crashed he got hit by a train?
-Yeah.
He had a real lucky day.
Okay.
-What about the girl, nothing about her?
-Nothing at all, nowhere.
That's weird.
I saw her.
She was there.
-The Bride.
-What bride, dude?
The Bloody Bride,
from the Nine Crosses!
-The one from the fairy tale?
-You're a fairy tale!
It's not a fairy tale, it's a real legend,
it seriously exists.
- Oh. You've started smoking weed?
- Okay, fine, listen.
Listen, "A woman in white
looked him straight in the eye."
"The 168th kilometer
is under her power."
"Bloody Bride has claimed
dozens of lives."
So?
Dude…
All the accidents happen
in the same place.
It's all at the 168th kilometer.
Exactly where we wrecked, too.
Hang on now…
-What are you trying to tell me?
-I want to tell you
that that bride is the perfect theme
for our next video.
We'll film a real bride,
people will swallow it hook,
line and sinker, and from then on
they'll be driving that 168th kilometer
at a snail's pace.
Look, I get that you don't want
to shoot with me anymore.
To hell with me, fine.
You want to get on your own feet,
you have my complete support.
But I'm telling you,
I'm asking you,
Let's just make this one last thing.
We owe it to our fans.
And when it's done…
we'll go our separate ways.
OK.
-But!
-Yes?
No more bullshit on YouTube
making fools of ourselves.
Let's make a real documentary.
-Like, a documentary film?
-Yeah.
What good will that do us?
Nobody watches documentaries,
anyone who says they do is lying.
That's not true,
documentaries are the rage right now.
If we did it well
then we could sell it to Netflix.
-Netflix? Us?
-Yes, yes!
Let's make a normal film,
for grown-ups.
No one will tell us
what we can and can't do with it.
Okay, so you're saying fuck YouTube?
Yeah.
I say fuck YouTube.
Okay.
But we'll need a car.
Or a buggy!
-Hello, Mrs. Shoky.
-Hello.
-Hey.
-Hi.
-We're going to Moravia to film a bride.
-That's nice.
But you could find a nice bride
around here too.
Probably not the kind we're looking for.
Hi, Radomil.
I was already married at your age.
But nowadays everyone puts it off,
people shack up together
without getting married.
They must be afraid of weddings,
or I don't know.
-And Martin dear?
-Yes, Granny?
-Do you have a girlfriend?
-I do, yeah.
And you're not planning a wedding?
Not now, definitely not.
I do wish Simon would bring home
a nice girl.
That's what every mother wants,
Mrs. Shoky, until it actually happens.
-Radomil…
-She's my grandma, man.
-Cut it out, she's not your type.
-You don't know that.
Gran, I've got my hand,
that's enough for me.
-Really?
-Really.
So see you later.
Have you got a dictaphone
for recording EVPs?
No, but it sounds like something
we're going to need.
Another device we rent out
is this Spirit Box P-SB7,
including headphones.
As for GhostMeters,
the K2 here measures
electromagnetic fields
which get disturbed
in the presence of an entity.
-Great.
-But you have to know how to use it.
-We'll figure it out as we go.
-We're clever kids.
-Bang, bang, bang!
-Please, don't shoot!
Gentlemen!
These are not toys,
they're not for fun!
If you want to pull pranks
then go somewhere else.
Sorry.
Look, we're serious about this.
I saw the ghost of a bride.
The Bloody Bride.
With my own eyes.
And ever since I've been having
dreams about her.
I feel like she's trying
to tell me something
and I don't know how to talk to her,
that's what all this is about.
-When do you want to go?
-Today, for the weekend.
You've picked the right time.
The Celtic new year,
the holy day of Samhain.
-Samhain
-It's a good time.
-I guess so.
-It's great.
Listen, you can also hire an operator
for all of these devices,
but it's a bit more expensive.
You pay for accommodation
and per-diems.
-We understand, that should be okay, right?
-No problem.
-We can do that.
-I can't go this weekend,
Jarda Drábek and I are going
to Mount Holly.
But perhaps my daughter could go.
Lucie?
Sorry, she's quite… herself.
Look, guys.
I don't know whether to take
the dreamcatcher for peaceful slumber
or the orgonite amulet for safe travel.
-Both.
-Both.
-Can I really?
-Yeah, take them.
He's back from mounting Holly.
I'm sorry, gentlemen…
What's wrong?
-Lucie will just take your readings.
-Hang on now…
-175 cm.
-Show her your souls.
-What's it like?
-I don't feel anything.
Am I good?
Okay, am I supposed to do anything?
Just shut up, I guess.
Sure.
It's beeping on me.
What does it mean?
-Ow, what are you doing?
-What are you doing?
Ow, what are you doing?
-What is that?
-It looks like…
a shard broken off a car.
I'd say…
A rear blinker.
…what they call in English "ghosting."
You met up a few times,
maybe you even went further,
now, all of the sudden,
he's not in touch.
Has he lost my number?
What if something happened to him?
Was he abducted by human traffickers
because he's so handsome?
No. No, no, no.
I know your hand is itching
to write him,
but you just have to hang in there.
I'll take a dump at your place, okay?
You see that he's read the message,
he's liking stuff and commenting
all over the place,
but for you? Nothing.
If he doesn't even think
you deserve an answer
then, honestly, is he really worth it?
Let's admit it, no answer
is also an answer.
You're going somewhere?
Hi!
Yeah, sorry, I got this idea for a video,
so I'm going to film it, so I'm packing…
I thought we were
shooting together today…
And could we postpone it?
So you'd rather go with Shoky
and Radomil than with me.
Wait, how did you know that?
Radomil tagged you.
You follow Radomil?
No one follows Radomil.
You're…
Oh, and that's Lucie.
She's a ghost hunter.
Is there something you want to tell me?
Do you want to come?
Here's the plan:
First, we find the driver in the hospital
and do an interview with him.
Then we go to that rest stop
at the Nine Crosses
and we'll look for the Bride.
Is that clear?
-Clear.
-Great.
Isn't it a bit quiet back there?
I have your eyelash in my palm,
I stare into the darkness.
I play the songs
I once wrote just for you.
It's almost midnight and the church bell
reminds me of the night…
I'll go wash up, turn out the light,
and what happens then?
And I thought it couldn't get any worse.
That morning when we last
had breakfast together
I wanted to tell you
I wouldn't be calling anymore.
Because of one silly girl,
a few nights of passion,
I betrayed everything
you were home dreaming of.
Now I regret it.
The Nedved Brothers.
Everybody likes them, right?
They kicked off their Strahov concert
with this one.
We were all singing along with them.
Hang on, these two dudes with guitars
played that huge stadium?
Yeah, you bet.
And it was sold out.
The only Czech band to do it.
The Stones played there, U2,
and the Nedved Brothers.
And they didn't even need any
light shows or…
They just sat there
and played their songs.
-And 60,000 people came to see it.
-60,000 people?
-60,000 people to see these two dudes?
-Yep.
The most Yutubering ever had
was 30,000.
Well, it was also the last time
they ever played together.
-They never performed after that.
-Why not?
That doesn't make any sense,
does it?
I don't know.
I guess they had a row and split.
Maybe because of a chick, huh?
Right?
I don't know.
But they quit
while they were on top.
Thank you so much, our family
is going through such hard times and…
-But really, just for a moment.
-Okay.
Thank you, you're so empathetic.
And fingers crossed!
-Hello.
-Hello.
-Hello.
-Hello.
We're from the local TV…
Can we ask you a few questions
about your accident?
Okay, good.
You ready?
Go ahead.
No one here believes me.
And I normally don't believe
that kind of storybook stuff either,
but I know what I saw.
The Bride.
Just like I see you here now.
She appeared out of nowhere
in the middle of the street.
As if she wanted to warn me.
I tried to swerve around her.
Would you be able to describe
what she looked like?
What? Oh, sorry.
But hang on, if we do
kind of a dolly shot…
Hang on now…
-Simon.
-Wait.
Her eyes…
her eyes…
She was looking straight at me,
as if she were looking for something.
She was wearing a white dress…
So here you are.
That's her. That's her!
She's back, she's come for me!
-Do something!
-What the hell am I supposed to do?
Help me! No!
Go away!
I didn't mean to do it!
No, no, please!
I didn't mean to! No!
What's that?
What the hell is going on
in here?
It's not what it looks like.
What happened?
The Bloody Bride right on the first try.
It's not funny,
that guy was really suffering.
And I am too, I've got this dress on
for the first time today.
Was she there?
-I asked if the Bride was there?
-No, just lots of negative energy.
He was bleeding even more than me
when we did Copperfield,
-I didn't stop filming that time either.
-You were glad I took you to the hospital.
You can't stop shooting
just because somebody starts bleeding.
What Copperfield?
You mean the ice cream?
Hang on, you two "do yoga" together
and she doesn't even know our best video?
Good thing I've got it backed up.
What's up, people! Welcome
to another video of Shoky and Morthy.
Shoky is handcuffed, and he claims
he can get free in 20 seconds.
I think he's a madman,
and if he doesn't pull it off,
this knife is going
to stab him in the leg
because the candle I'm lighting now
will burn through the rope.
-Okay, are you ready?
-I'm ready.
No choice now, buddy!
No choice!
Look, look, look…
He shouldn't have turned it off.
It was just getting interesting.
I bled like a stuck pig,
but it got 6.5 million views.
Until they yanked it from YouTube.
Our most successful video.
You're seriously proud of a video
where you stab yourself in the leg
and faint?
-Course.
-Course.
Actually, I almost pulled it off,
it was a question of seconds.
-And how did you do it?
-He can't say, it's a secret.
When I was a kid, I had an accident,
a stone crushed my hand.
It didn't grow back together right,
but it has its advantages.
I can dislocate my thumb
whenever I want.
-It doesn't hurt?
-It does hurt!
Especially when I put it back in!
Yuck! Don't do it!
What time will we be home?
I told you, we're not going home,
we're going to the rest stop
to find the Bride.
If you want,
we can put you on a bus.
No, that's okay, I'll go with you.
-Why do you call yourselves BeerBearBros?
-We'll never tell you…
That came about at an English class,
it was pretty funny.
The teacher told us to be careful
how we pronounce two words,
beer and bear, you know?
You're like beer-bear versions
of the Nedved Brothers.
-Hello.
-Hello.
Here's your keys.
Hold on for just a moment, please.
No, right now, quick.
Thanks.
Is there a problem?
Everything's fine.
Oh, good.
Your ID, please, thank you.
No way!
"Hi, guys, my name's Ráda, I'm 41,
and I'm a YouTuber."
Maestro! I'm your biggest fan!
Can I get a photo?
-Would you take our picture, please?
-What?
Tell Franta we've got a legend here
and to bring something to welcome him.
This is unbelievable,
Radomil Kovár in the flesh!
I don't know what to say.
Thanks!
I thank you, it's a great honor
to have you here.
I hope you'll enjoy the food here.
I'll do everything I can.
Sure thing.
Do you want an autograph?
Definitely! Where's the pen…
-Radomil…
-Kovár.
-Kovár. For you.
-Oh, wow, Radomil! Hi, gentlemen,
Can I offer you a welcome drink?
Hey, Franta, look.
Radomil, if you’d be so…
"Helping the dead to protect the living,"
yeah, right.
How can she communicate with the dead
when she can't even do it with the living?
Don't you think she's weird?
What do you even know about her?
-She's just different.
-Or on drugs,
-that's why she has the glasses on.
-Jesus Christ, come on.
Alone at last.
I'm picking out the next vacation though.
Instead of the sea murmuring out the window
we've got the highway, how romantic.
I'm telling you, I don't care,
just sort it out somehow!
This isn't a vacation for me though, Sára.
Sorry, I forgot.
-You're working.
-That's right.
Should I be jealous
of this bride of yours?
How do you mean?
Will you let me in?
Are you doing yoga or what?
I know you're in there.
Martin…
-Martin, please…
-What is it?
I'm not sleeping in there.
There's only a double bed.
I won't sleep there with Radomil.
I can't.
I thought you could let me
sleep with you.
I'd sleep on the edge
and wouldn't even spread out.
Martin, please.
Can I?
It's a lot of light
for night-time, huh?
-Why does she wear those glasses
even in the night? -I don't know.
-How much further is it?
-It's right there, where the lights are.
I don't understand why you can't
film it in the day.
Because ghosts sleep in the day.
-Of course.
-Exactly.
What was that?
I don't know, probably a giraffe.
Radomil?
That's me.
I don't get many calls,
so I don't know my own ringtone.
-What up, old-timer!
-Don't yell, Radomil!
Don't yell, I can't talk,
I'm going into action!
Yeah, go.
Yelling and marriage proposals
are prohibited.
Yeah, we have that information,
keep going.
I urinated here.
Gross, that's disgusting.
I'm not going this way.
-Sára, take it easy.
-No.
I'm not about to let my new shoes
go the way of my new dress.
Only the two of you would look for a bride
in a place like this.
-Stop filming.
-Don't tell me what I can film.
If you don't like it, why don't you go
back to your room?
-I am!
-So long.
You're going to let me go by myself?
Entity of this place, are you here?
Entity of the Bride who, centuries past,
died here before her time.
If you are here among us,
give us a sign.
Cut it out.
How do we know
when she's communicating?
Green light, no,
yellow, yes.
Are you a woman?
Are you a woman's essence?
You know what? You try.
-Me?
-You saw her, maybe she'll talk to you.
-Okay, hang on, Simon, you film, okay?
-Yeah, yeah, I got it.
-Got it.
-Okay.
-Feel with her.
-What?
Feel with her and ask.
-You have to feel with her, man.
-Yeah. Quiet.
Do I use the formal or informal?
-Will she understand me in Czech?
-Oh, that's gonna be a problem.
Look, if you want to make fun,
then go back to the hotel.
-Give me the camera, I'll do it.
-Oh, cut it out…
You cut it out.
-You're doing nice.
-Quiet.
Take it easy, okay?
-You're doing really nice.
-OK.
Cut that out!
Are you a woman?
Are you a woman's essence?
Can we speak to you?
-Ask if she wants the lights off.
-Good idea.
Should we put the lights out?
Okay, lights out.
-Okay, I'll keep going, okay?
-Go on.
Are you the bride?
It's growing. She's here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa…
-I'm getting scared, Martin.
-You be quiet.
Were you murdered here?
We'll record it on the EVP.
Okay.
Will you tell us what you want?
Why you are here?
-Did you hear that?
-What?
She said "yes."
-She did?
-She said yes.
Hello, do you hear me?
Yes, I hear you.
Tomás, do you hear me?
Are you there?
I am not Tomás,
I am Martin.
But we can pass your message on.
There's an accident at 15.
Take it via Náchod.
Number two here, roger.
Huh?
What was that? What was that?
-Truckers.
-Like, dead truckers?
No, living ones.
It picks up their frequency sometimes.
You truckers stay out of this,
we're talking to the dead bride!
Stop yelling!
-What's wrong?
-Radomil? I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.
-She's entered him, he is her medium!
-What?
-Wait, what are you doing?
-Get a light on him, film it!
-Oh, my God, you pig!
-Fucking unbelievable.
-That was fucking disgusting.
-I feel better, though.
I'm not doing this anymore.
What is it with him?
I just can't…
I think we've got great material
for today, blood, vomit,
the ideal combination.
Even I'd watch this documentary.
Tomorrow we continue, okay?
And more seriously, please.
-But of course.
-"I'll go wash up, turn out the light…"
"What happens then… everything
you were home dreaming of."
I'm going to my room.
Do you feel that?
What?
-Lots of negative energy here.
-Really?
More than outside.
EMPLOYEES ONLY
Come on.
-Shine the light here.
-What? Oh.
-Ouch!
-Are you okay?
Hey, what are you doing down here?
You're not allowed here.
We didn't know.
-It's written up there, can't you read?
-What?
Can't you read?
I wasn't in school when we learned that.
-Right, well out you go.
-OK fine.
You hurt yourself, I'm the one
who gets in trouble for it.
-See you later.
-See you, have a nice stay.
Go on.
It's ready.
Sure is.
So you can bring 'er on down.
Isn't that weird?
What was he doing down there
at night?
I said isn't it weird that he was
down there at night?
-What do you think he was doing?
-I don't know.
Maybe they're growing weed.
Ow!
-Does it hurt?
-Nah, it's nothing.
-This will sting, you ready?
-Yeah.
I'd try going back tomorrow.
Where? Down there? You crazy?
He warned us not to.
You only do what you're allowed to?
No, but we're here because
of something else, right?
-You have…
-Heterochromia.
Very pretty eyes.
It's a melanin deficiency.
Two percent of people have it.
Did you mean that for real?
Yeah.
It seems a pity to hide such nice eyes
behind such ugly glasses.
-People stare.
-They're envious.
I have to go.
You're going to like it,
a suite just for VIP guests,
a room worthy of the most
beautiful beauties, right?
Sára?
Oh, so here you are.
See?
The young lady was looking for you.
Well, have a nice evening, lovebirds.
You're not paying me
any attention here.
You went looking for a bride,
why shouldn't I look for a groom?
Oh, come on.
Come on.
Look at the state of you.
What are you screaming about?
What the hell was that last night?
Where were you?
I could ask you the same thing.
Aren't you overdoing it a bit?
Could you calmly explain
what happened?
Look, I know your pranks.
Don't play dumb.
-You think death threats are funny?
-OK great, now relax, calm down,
and tell me again, calmly, in Czech,
like you speak in your videos.
-What?
-What what?
So you forgot to bring tampons?
It happens, that's life for Christ's sake,
you don't have to go
making period art.
Yeah.
Ow.
Look, I had my own problems
in the night,
because somebody forgot their dreamcatcher
for peaceful slumber.
Radomil!
No effect.
You think I wouldn't have filmed
your reactions?
Why else would I do it?
Well then who did it?
It's not normal, someone sneaking
into your room at night.
No, but it is paranormal.
Paranormal.
Maybe it was the Bride?
And what were you doing last night?
And…
And did you taste the blood?
To see if it's real?
-Go fuck yourself!
-Wow, you're sassy.
That was sassy!
What, you can be vulgar and I can't?
I'm betting "emo" here did it
so she could do some bullshit
with her gadgets and charge you for it.
-I'm not spending another night here.
-Well, hallelujah.
A little something special
we cooked up for the maestro.
-Wow, thank you.
-But of course.
I have to say, that nightcap last night
hit the spot.
-I slept like a corpse.
-You're very welcome.
We really do appreciate you
honoring us with your visit.
The pleasure is mine. I had no idea
I had such loyal fans here.
-Thanks very much.
-Well pick it up already.
-That's kind of you.
-Exactly according to your recipe.
I just spruced it up
with some corn.
Down the hatch.
I have to admit, I'm pretty full.
-It's very kind of you.
-Are you kidding me?
After all the shit they went through,
you won't even taste it?
Do you want to offend them?
-Yeah.
-But I have to say, it really looks good,
believable, even the consistency,
it came out well, that's lovely.
That's the raisins,
just like you recommend.
-Well, just a little, so as not to offend.
-Yes, while it's still warm.
Bon appetite.
It's outstanding.
Isn't she an expert?
So why do we need a priest?
Let's go shoot something funny,
not some fucking priest.
Look, after the massacre, the crosses
were blessed every hundred years.
But now they haven't been blessed
for more than a hundred years, get it?
Yeah… And so what?
Wouldn't it be great if our film
prevented accidents
because the crosses were blessed?
Just imagine you've got a super flick
that has also saved thousands of lives!
Or a film from which thousands of people
died of boredom, for example.
-You're such a negativist.
-I'm not.
-You are a negativist.
-You are a negativist.
-Your mama is a negativist.
-Keep my mom out of your mouth.
But I can be in her mouth
every Wednesday?
-That was a joke, leave it be.
-Should I start with your granny?
-No, leave granny out of this.
-You see?
She has knee problems,
stop it.
We're going to see the priest,
and that's that.
Well…
there are no…
written records of it.
The event is said to have occurred
in 1539 or 1540.
That is, before the Council of Trent,
which established parish registers.
In the black books of court
we fare no better,
because the culprit committed suicide,
so there was no one to prosecute.
Is it true that the cross
over the murderer
is rotting faster than the others?
I don't know.
All I know is that apparently
no bride is buried there
and there probably never was.
Hey! Yeah, I can talk.
-Sára?
-What's she doing?
Radomil, man…
Cut! Fuck this.
-I've only got 15% battery.
-Can we calm down?
I don't have a charger.
-So, sorry, Father…
-Sorry, holy Father.
I'll start rolling and let's try
to pick up where we left off, okay?
-About the consecration.
-Yeah.
And action.
The Benedictines
from the Rajhrad monastery
began consecrating the crosses,
they say, every hundred years,
perhaps to return peace
to the area.
However, the exact reason
for the consecration is not known,
which is why the custom
has been discontinued
and the crosses
are no longer consecrated.
And that's exactly
what we need to talk to you about.
-Hang on, hang on.
-Cut it out, fuck's sake.
-This is becoming Christian broadcasting.
-Yeah.
First talking heads and now this?
We came here to film the bride!
It'll be fine, dude, believe me.
-I'm ready, youngsters.
-Great.
-I'm ready too.
-Yeah, good boy.
Dude, this is awful.
Awful!
I don't know what you hope
to get out of this.
Did your influencer talk you into this?
Or are you trying to get interviewed
on DVTV?
I don't know about you,
but I don't want to end up like Radomil.
-I thought we did this because we enjoy it.
-We do.
Radomil might be kind of a dipshit…
He's a complete dipshit,
but at least he enjoys it.
Do what you want.
I'm out.
Do you all know the Our Father?
That's lesson number one,
youngsters.
You never know when you'll need
to ask the Lord for something.
But when I nod to you,
then we will all say "Amen."
You'll know when it comes,
it's always at the end of the prayer.
Let us pray.
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed by thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
-Amen.
-And lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil.
-Amen.
-Amen.
Is that it?
You wanted it without the mass.
It is very nice that you thought
of our dear departed.
Today is All Souls' Day.
So, are we going home?
That's me.
Yes Mishka? It's me.
You're done shooting your "film,"
aren't you?
-We haven't shot the main thing.
-What else do you want to shoot?
There is no bride, such baloney.
The fact that we haven't seen her yet
doesn't mean she doesn't exist, you know?
Says someone who's business is built
on spouting nonsense to people.
You're one to talk.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
this is on the house.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome, our pleasure.
I hope you're not leaving yet?
Unfortunately, yes.
But we really enjoyed it here.
I have no intention of staying
in this seedy roadhouse a minute longer.
Martin?
Everybody who saw her was connected
to a wedding in some way.
Sára, will you marry me?
Are you serious?
No.
-You don't want to marry me.
-Sára, I just needed to try it,
I didn't mean it like that…
What are they doing?
I thought that wasn't allowed
around here.
Sára…
Your brain has gone completely haywire,
hasn't it?
You ask me to marry you
just so that you can film some ghost.
Are you out of your fucking mind?
You're just as crazy as your little Simon.
And now you've found yourselves
another psychopath.
If you'd rather be with a bimbo who wears
the same clothes for three days,
then be my guest.
Sára…
Sorry.
We're ready.
Simon?
Simon!
Fine, if it's what you want to hear,
end of boring documentary,
we're going home.
Simon, stop acting like a…
baby.
Simon?
Simon?
What about Simon?
Did you find him?
No.
I guess he was right.
Maybe the whole thing
is nonsense.
You can't give up now.
There's nothing to give up on.
Everyone's left anyway,
Simon hates me…
You have to believe.
Listen, I don't mean it in a bad way,
but these entities of yours
and everything…
you seriously believe in it?
Sometimes it's easier to communicate
with entities than people.
It's true that if Simon were an entity,
communication would be a lot easier.
I've got an idea.
I know how we can find him.
-Come on.
-What?
If he has his mobile on him
then we'll find him with this.
-He's in there!
-Bullshit, how could he get in there?
-He's like a lobotomy patient.
-I don't know.
Come here.
Give me some light.
What?
Nothing.
Go on.
Go ahead.
Wow.
You're a badass.
What is it?
Simon?
Bro?
Simon?
-WTF?
-WTF?
Well well.
So we will have a model
to film after all.
But what do we do with you, Martin?
You know why that marriage proposal
might not have worked?
What?
Like, why it didn't summon
the Bloody Bride.
I think it was because…
because it wasn't…
Doesn't really matter.
Well say it!
Well I think it was because it wasn't,
like, out of true love,
it wasn't meant seriously.
What are you talking about?
Turn around.
I said turn around.
-Dude, get up.
-Ow, cut it out!
Dude, relax, I'll try something.
-That's no good.
-What did you do?
-I have to go under.
-Hang on…
Ah, the gentlemen have awoken.
The lovebirds.
So…
Now you're going to see
how interesting content is made.
Hold still, butterfly.
Here's one little wing…
-What was the madam's name again?
-Lucie.
Lucie, Lucie.
And the other…
And enjoy yourself.
It really didn't have to come to this.
But unfortunately I employ idiots
who keep letting our models
get away.
-Wait!
-Hello!
Hello!
Quiet, baby, quiet,
not a word.
Shut your little mouth,
there you go…
There you go.
You can't shoot without a model,
and the viewers will not wait,
you boys know that.
We originally wanted your other princess,
the one with the strudels.
So you can bring 'er on down.
You're going to like it,
a suite just for VIP guests,
Sára?
That didn't work out, unfortunately.
So we'll have to be content
with the weird one here.
Oh, fuck.
I know that couch.
Oh, look, a fan.
What, man?
I thought it was fake.
“You think" means you know fuck all.
Hey!
Quiet.
I'm filming.
You know the score, boys, nowadays
people want ever-grittier material.
You have to shock people today
to get their attention.
It's like this:
Some eat shit,
others stick up grocery stores
and some…
some go more hardcore.
You wanted to see the Bloody Bride, right?
-No, not me.
-Definitely not.
We don't want to see it.
You've got seriously cool eyes!
-What are you doing, asshole?
-Hey, hey!
No, look, let’s each focus on ourselves.
So the young lady isn’t going
to cooperate?
Okay, okay, okay…
Then we'll do it a different way.
-Boss..
-I'm filming!
The shit-eater's back.
He's not picking up.
As I said, they met somebody
and left with him.
They could have told me.
That's how people are nowadays. Ingrates.
-Well, see you later.
-See you.
Since I’m here already,
I got an idea.
-Radomil!
-Radomil!
Gentlemen!
This is touching.
You think they can hear you upstairs?
You know what I'd like to know?
Why are you wearing that sheet?
It doesn't matter.
I don't want to talk about it.
It's boring, you see?
I'm out.
Sorry.
I just wanted to have a laugh.
You're sick, do you realize that?
So, what do you think?
Suction power 260 air watts,
lasts up to 800 hours.
Since it's you,
I can give you the wholesale price.
What's all this?
This?
The Vorwerk W11 Absolut.
I prefer the bag-free version,
but if you want a bag…
I can get it.
Such a good machine
and he didn't want it.
This is another of their pranks.
It's like he's ghosting me!
So, gentlemen,
you won't be needing this anymore.
And Shit-Eater can't help you now.
So…
Will we go ahead and film it?
Maybe you'll get to meet the ghosts
you were looking for.
I can't watch this, man.
You're awesome.
-BeerBearBros, dude.
-I love you, bitch.
-I love you, too.
-I love you more.
Me too.
Look out!
You fucker! Motherfucker!
How do you like this, huh? You…
You think you can cut my hand off,
you cunt?
-You think you can cut my hand off?
-You okay, Simon?
I'm okay, I'm okay!
You son of a bitch…
But where could they have gone?
Like an old, dried up tree,
like devastating thunder…
-You run for help, okay?
-Look out, they're loose!
-Look out!
-You shut the fuck up!
Do you like that?
You think you can cut my hand off?
What's going on, boss?
-Isn't she wonderful?
-She really is, man.
It's okay, I've got him under control!
I told you couch equals porn.
-You okay?
-Yeah, go help her.
Go help her.
I'll just find my hand, go.
Lucie!
Stop!
Stop!
What happened?
What have I done?
What have I done?
She ran out right in front of me.
What have I done?
What… What have I done?
-Radomil? What's wrong?
-What have I done?
-What's wrong?
-I hit her.
-Who did you hit?
-The bride.
-Oh, my God, you idiot.
-I'm sorry.
No, no, no. This can't be.
Lucie… I'm here.
Lucie, snap out of it.
No, no, no, this can't be.
Lucie.
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed by thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy…
Thy…
Thy will be done on earth
as it is in heaven.
He jumped right in front of me,
I didn't mean to run him over,
he was a really lovely guy…
It was so awful, I'm still in shock,
I just can't get past it.
That'll be enough,
thanks very much.
And you don't have to write "YouTuber,"
you can use "influencer."
She's finally getting some attention.
Yeah, you were a useless boyfriend.
So all that time, it was the girls
who got away from them.
-You didn't find an entity.
-Not an entity,
but something even more interesting.
Really? What?
This is our Strahov!
Go to him.
I'm okay.
Can we ask for a moment alone?
-Thank you.
-Thanks.
You were wonderful on top.
That's awful.
Listen…
Can I ask for your hand?
Okay.
Will you marry me, Simon?
Don't laugh.
-This is out of true love, bro.
-I will.
-I love you.
-Me too, dude.
Come here.
-No, no…
-Sorry.
Careful with it.
NETFLIX PRESENTS
THE BLOODY BRIDE
The idea behind it was originally
to prove to ourselves that we could do it,
that we shouldn’t be underestimated…
We wanted to make something
that would outlive us
and resonate with society.
This is Martin and Simon,
a.k.a. Morthy and Shoky,
YouTubers with a documentary
coming out on Netflix and in cinemas.
-Good to have you.
-Hi.
The documentary is a true story,
there’s a lot of violence,
but you have a lot of experience
with blood.
-Especially you.
-I have a lot, yes.
But I don’t mind it, I like blood.
Or, like…
-You like blood?
-I don’t mind blood.
I have experience with it,
I pulled one of my grandma’s nails,
-it happened last week…
-On her foot or her hand?
-On her foot, the big toe…
-Super.
-It was festering.
-You think the viewers care?
-I’m talking about blood.
-I know, but you don’t have to say
what all you’ve done to your granny,
you want me to tell them everything?
No, don’t.
-What did you do to your grandmother?
-Well, Gran and I…
-Don’t ask…
-I don’t know how to say it, like…
You could say it was my first penetration.
Is this really the end of an era
for Czech YouTube?
I don’t know if it’s the end of an era,
but it’s definitely the end
of our careers as YouTubers.
Considering the kinds of videos
you’ve made until now,
is there any hope
that this is just another prank?
Well, if you’ve got hope,
then that’s your problem and
you can talk to your therapist about it.
Planet Dark viewers would like to know
if you might show us your hand.
-I’ve never seen the like…
-So, get relaxed…
-Take your pants off…
-Watch this.
Stop, don’t be vulgar.
Maybe send one to the fans
through the camera.
-Sure, where’s your camera?
-Over there.
Hey, sweeties.
Today, I want to talk to you
about another important girl topic:
the rebound.
It’s probably happened to you too.
You had a lovely, promising relationship
that you thought would last forever,
and, all of a sudden, you split up.
How do you cope?
That’s what we’re talking about today.
Hi, fans.
Today I want to introduce my new merch,
these safety vests,
which help avoid secondary road accidents
and serve to prevent them.
So I hear the Beiberboys
aren’t filming anymore.
Boys…
Thank God!
I just hope they never come back
and it’s not just another prank. Right?
Because I can't fucking stand them.
SHOKY & MORTHY
WILL BE BACK
Subtitle translation by: Christian Falvey