Shit Year (2010) - full transcript
An actress finds herself adrift after she quits performing.
(light music)
(birds chirping)
- [Voice-over] (mumbles)
most about that?
- Not the people.
- [Voice-over] Right.
- No.
I'll (mumbles)
I'll miss everything.
But I had everything so I
can't feel
too terrible about missing
something that I had
for so long.
- [Voice-over] Wonderful.
- [Voice-over] Well
you know what?
I think I have a broken heart,
so how do I not
have a broken heart?
Well I'm telling you this,
if I knew this kid,
Harvey West would’ve
loved California
100 years ago.
(light music)
they say Harvey West
would love California
100 years ago.
- [Voice-over] I am an actress.
- [Voice-over] Do
they know each other?
Harvey.
- [Voice-over] I am an actress.
- [Voice-over] Harvey West
would have loved California
100 years ago.
- [Voice-over] I'm an actress.
- [Voice-over] Colleen West
never liked the first light
of day.
It made her nervous and
desperate for night.
Colleen met Harvey
two months ago
during a production
of Star Witness.
A play in which they both acted.
To have the same last name,
it meant something
to both of them.
It was their first connection,
and as time passed,
Colleen wondered if
it was their only
real connection.
And the silence,
silence.
Of you.
- [Voice-over]
Please make it stop.
(unintelligible talking)
anytime?
How are you?
How are you?
How are you?
- [Voice-over] This
is the hardest part
this is the hardest part
- [Voice-over] Things
become so clear.
Have you ever stared in
a mirror for too long?
To a point where you
become disgusted with yourself?
I once looked into a boy's eyes
and felt that way.
He had eyes like a deer.
He would look away and
it would only get worse.
Sorry I lost...
Why does he look away?
(screeching)
a shit year.
One.
Two.
Three.
This must be what (mumbles).
(dinging)
(light music)
(humming)
- [Voice-over] Can you
believe that I'm retiring?
Can you believe that I'm...
- [Voice-over] Colleen West.
I think I could
look at your face
for 1000 years.
(laughter)
- I'm happy.
- [Voice-over] You're happy.
It hurts.
- it hurts me too.
- [Voice-over] He's so hurt
why then don't you show it?
- It hurts me too.
(unintelligible talking)
- did you want me
to stay in there?
- You know.
The play, our play
I can't believe its
over.
- It's always over.
You get used to it.
- Do you think I'm a good actor?
(laughter)
- what?
- Do you think I can act?
- I think you are full of
many...
Gifts.
♪ I don't wanna be mean
♪ But I'm not afraid
♪ Anything you steal
♪ Baby you'll pay for in spades
♪ Little girl in
the running water
♪ Run Run shake me clean
- I didn't expect you
to use your tongue.
- No?
- No.
(mumbles)
♪ Well I hate that window
♪ You don't come through no more
♪ Don't talk in your sleep
♪ Don't you leave a trace
♪ Cause a woman woman
♪ Can have the devil's face
♪ I don't wanna be mean
- nope.
I've got a good idea.
- [Voice-over] What's the idea?
- [Voice-over] This
is the information.
Okay.
If you're open, you
will be rewarded.
- Awarded?
- Yes.
We understand you wish
to make things right.
Then we will help you
make things right.
- What kind of
information do you need?
- In order to provide the best
simulation possible,
we will need to know everything.
- [Voice-over] Ask me anything.
- Excellent.
We need to collect
a breathing sample.
Will you be able
to provide that?
- A what?
- We need to understand how
he breathes.
- I don't think I
know how he breathes.
- In order to provide
the best simulation.
- Okay, I just breathe
like him.
- If you're able.
Will you place this
under your tongue?
- Are you recording this?
- Was it accurate?
If you question your
ability to provide
information, you
should let us know,
now.
- You don't really think
how someone breathes.
- Maybe not,
but we do.
Can you please try again?
I'll count to 10,
please do not stop
until I have completed
my count.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
10.
Hold still.
Hold still.
- [Voice-over] I'm happy.
- [Voice-over] Do not
close your mouth.
- [Voice-over] I'm happy,
I'm happy, I'm happy,
I'm happy,
I'm happy.
(horn)
(chirping)
- Hey.
What are you doing?
- The horn wouldn't stop.
- Its' fine now.
- Are you sure
there's nothing wrong
with it?
You sure?
(blaring horn)
they don't understand
our relationship.
- What's
our relationship?
- You tell me.
- What?
- Do you think it's
shit?
- Hi.
You hear the birds this morning?
- Have a nice day.
- [Voice-over] The birds
have been going off.
- I only hear machines.
- Yeah man what are they
building over there?
- Maybe birdhouses.
- Right.
Did you just move?
- Sorry.
- I haven't seen you,
I live just down the
road with my husband.
- That's great.
I live over here.
- Oh I didn't know anyone
really lived over there.
- I do.
Now.
Very tired.
- Oh.
What from?
- I was with the circus.
- Really?
Wow.
- Wow.
- What was your talent?
- Well I
walked on ropes,
I ate fire,
and I was able to
speak to animals
in their native animal tongue.
- Wow.
Really?
- Really, wow.
- Must have been hard to
leave something like that.
It becomes like your
family doesn't it?
- Well you know I slept with two
of the clowns and
they were brothers.
Caused an enormous
amount of grief
for everybody,
we all felt it was
time for me to go.
- Oh.
- Yeah all I want is...
(mumbles)
- yeah me too.
I mean that's why James
and I moved down here.
- We have so much in common.
- Oh yeah?
Do you jog?
- No no.
Circus injury so no.
- Well
you should really
come over some time,
James loves interesting people.
- Really, me too.
When I get one I'll
be sure to bring
him over.
- Oh, well...
Okay great.
I'm gonna finish my run.
- Sounds wonderful.
(singing)
- [Voice-over] Bet
you get sick of that.
- Okay is that enough?
- No.
- All right all right.
- No.
You're not wet.
- Okay.
Gross.
- Come back from the light.
(mumbles)
- all right that's enough.
- Yeah.
Hold still.
- Thanks for the ride.
- Yeah well
I heard it was gonna rain.
- Riding a bike
in the rain sucks.
- It sucks.
- True.
- So tonight's your first dress
rehearsal.
- Yeah.
- Are you nervous?
- Horribly.
- [Voice-over] You'll be great.
(mumbles)
(mumbles)
- your house, it's so dark.
- Yeah.
People came and they
took the windows
away.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, took away the light,
only took them a few hours.
Dear darkness.
- You don't feel trapped?
- By what?
- The darkness.
- It's better than
being exposed.
- Yeah I guess so.
- People
they provide too much light.
- I want you to hit me.
In the face.
- (mumbles)
- we're fucking.
- [Voice-over] Miss West can
you give us a sound check
please?
- Sure, one two three four
five six seven eight nine.
- You know it really is
an honor having you here.
- Thank you (mumbles).
I'm very happy to be here.
- It's funny that this might
very well be your
last interview ever.
- Could be.
- Kinda like the
end of everything and
the start of nothing
right?
- Looks cold.
- Well
it was.
(mumbles)
- I'm fine right here.
- You sure?
(mumbles)
it's freezing.
- What do you want to be when
you grow up Harvey West?
- Well Miss West,
I don't know.
Maybe some guesses.
- You could be an explorer.
- (mumbles) explorer.
- Life would be low.
Underwater.
You're a natural in there.
- What about sharks?
- What about them?
(unintelligible talking)
- I am afraid of..
- What?
- I don't know anymore.
- How can you not know
what you're afraid of?
- I don't know.
Maybe as you get older...
- Come on tell me.
- Forget it.
- No tell me.
- I'd fear the end of loss.
Kiss me.
- Right here?
- So is this the
beginning of the end?
- Beginning of the end?
- Beginning of the end.
- What do you mean?
- I don't know our play's over
and
I'm retiring.
Who knows where you're going.
Away from me.
That's okay if this
is the beginning
of the end.
Kiss me (mumbles)
- all right.
I don't know.
- Something's waiting
for you out there
and it sure isn't me.
Am I wrong?
- [Voice-over] I don't know.
- You don't know.
You know you're not allowed
to say that anymore.
- [Voice-over] We have
everything prepared.
Unfortunately it's
not quite what we
told you it would be.
If do not wear the mask,
his face will not appear to you.
- Do you hate me?
- I can't hate you.
- Oh, good.
- I just want to
make things right.
- Are things wrong?
- I haven't heard from you in..
I miss you.
- I've been busy.
- Have you?
- Busy is good.
This mask is so uncomfortable.
- It's state of the art.
- Is it?
- Much time has gone into it.
- Yeah?
Did you help?
- Do you hate me?
- I...
How long are you gonna be here
with me?
- I don't know,
is there a window?
- Window?
- Of time.
- I don't know.
Windows are awful.
- But am I supposed to be here?
- What?
- Do you want me here?
- Yes.
- Yes?
- You don't seem like you.
- What do I seem like?
- You seem like a shadow.
- [Voice-over] It's the light,
the light is different here,
I am different in this light.
- [Voice-over] No.
- [Voice-over] Its the light.
- [Voice-over] No
it's not the light.
- [Voice-over] The
light is different here
I am different in this light.
It's the light.
The light is different here
I am different.
- [Voice-over] I can't
wear this thing.
(mumbles)
(heavy breathing)
- [Voice-over] It's the light.
The light is different.
I am different in this light.
(screaming)
- [Voice-over] No, no.
(crying)
(wind chimes)
- you're happy.
This hurts.
- [Voice-over] It hurts me too.
- If you're so hurt
why don't you show it?
- [Voice-over] It hurts me too.
- You know few actresses ever
really retire completely.
Can you confirm that
this is the real deal?
- Yeah this is it.
The real deal.
I absolute hate those words
together.
But for the sake of your show
I will
allow it.
- Thank you.
Are the parts simply not
what they used to be?
- Well you know as an actor,
when the writing is poor,
you make it interesting.
That's something i learned
a long time ago.
I considered writing a
piece for myself once,
but...
- What sort of themes or...
- Completion.
- Completion.
- Yeah.
- Thank you so much
for coming down.
- Oh my pleasure.
- Will you be
staying in the area?
- Los Angeles, no.
No my house just
sold I'm moving into
a cabin I own.
- A cabin?
- Yeah I've owned it for years.
Somebody told me
to buy it so I did.
We know who that person was.
- Is it in the general area?
- Miss West,
sorry, this came
for you earlier.
- One last fan letter?
- It's from my agent.
- Oh maybe they want you back.
- [Voice-over] Dear Colleen,
it's been an amazing adventure,
good luck with your retirement.
We went ahead and donated six
world globes to the
alternative academy
in Avalon.
Enclosed you'll
find a letter from
one of the students,
thanking you for your gift.
Keep in touch, Adam.
- [Voice-over] Dear Miss West,
thank you so much
for the gloves.
We can now spend
hours dreaming of
going to places that
we'll never get to go to.
One of the globes is broken,
it probably happened
during shipping
or something.
It's okay though,
because we use that
one to play with
when we're bored.
Have a great day, Marcus.
(horn)
- [Voice-over] Four, five,
six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
10.
- [Voice-over] The newly
retired bring in wealth,
and also jobs as they get older,
and need help at home.
Perhaps (mumbles)
calls into the
joys and properties
speculation.
And will throw away society.
Kathy Flower.
Peasant world with
lessons from the past
for us all, perhaps.
But I have to say I think
I'd be completely hopeless
and any sort of wild asparagus.
I don't know where to begin.
How do you catch them I wonder.
(light music)
♪ How I long to hear you say
♪ I love you
(unintelligible talking)
- [Voice-over] Tell me tell me.
- [Voice-over] Which organization
and I wanted to let people know
I was out there.
(unintelligible talking)
(yelping)
(whirring)
(unintelligible talking)
(laughter)
- the horns, yeah horns.
- Good morning.
- Jesus Christ.
What time is it?
- 11:30.
- Oh.
It's the second
part of the morning.
I guess I must have
missed the first.
- Right.
- So?
- I have something for you.
It's an antique.
- Is it a doll or a friend?
- Well both I guess I mean
it's yours now so...
- I'll have to add it
to my doll collection.
- Do you have a...
- I've been meaning
to start one.
A doll collection.
I guess I forgot.
I think it was my
terrible childhood.
- Yeah?
Well have you ever
heard of apple dolls?
I'm gonna be making
one this weekend
if you want to
come over and help.
Or even make one for yourself.
- I'm not familiar
with apple dolls.
- No?
You seem so craft friendly.
- Cat friendly?
- Craft, like arts and crafts.
- Oh no.
I'm not.
Friendly in that way.
- Well.
- Listen...
- Shelly.
- Shelly.
Tell me something.
Have you been sleeping?
- What do you mean?
- Well,
I haven't been
sleeping very well.
And I don't know maybe it's like
all that nature.
Or maybe there's
something in the woods.
- Okay.
Well you'll let me know
about the apple dolls?
- All right.
- Bye.
- It's a doll made
out of an apple.
An apple.
Yeah isn't that great?
Great, that is fantastic.
Yeah.
I once tried to make
a doll out of a grape.
But it just didn't work out.
Those would have
been some tiny dolls.
Oh yeah, but
everybody loves tiny.
They certainly do.
Oh why don't we
get together once,
and we can talk about the things
that everybody loves.
That would be great.
What about a pumelo?
Think we could
make a doll out of
one of those?
What's a pumelo?
A pumelo is a
Chinese grapefruit.
Oh that's fucking fantastic.
I love Chinese horoscopes.
Where is my car?
♪ Silent night
♪ Holy night
♪ All is calm
♪ All is bright
♪ Sound young virgins
♪ Sleep
♪ Sleep
♪ In heavenly peace
♪ In heavenly peace
- you find everything okay?
- Naturally.
Does everybody play this stuff?
Is it like some kind
of rule or something?
- You should try working here.
- No it really is everywhere,
look at this.
- Tis the season.
- You know what I like to do?
I like to put it on in my house.
And then I pretend I'm there.
(light music)
(unintelligible talking)
- Tamales?
- Fuck off.
Oh right,
the apple puppets.
- Dolls.
- I don't know.
- Oh come on.
You can't stay in your house
all day and night.
- No that would be
a terrible thing.
- I'm making an apple pie.
We have really fancy crackers.
- You mean you have
enough apples for
(mumbles)?
- What?
- What time did you
want me to come over,
if I come over?
- Seven.
- 30.
- 7:30.
- Mine is not really
coming together.
- No it's fine.
- I think you're
maybe using too much straw.
- Not enough.
- It's your first time.
- My first time.
- Colleen.
- What?
- Were you really in the circus?
- Kind of.
I was an actress.
- Yeah?
Have I seen you in anything?
- I don’t know.
I did about
35 movies in 30 years.
- Wow.
- It's strange to
remember your life
by what project you
were involved in.
Most people have
kids or
vacations.
Pets.
Something to remind themselves
how they lived.
Or that they lived
I should say.
- I could never be an actress.
- Why not?
- I don't know.
Memorizing lines,
pretending you're someone else.
Just doesn't seem like it would
be for me.
- Being someone else
can be very addictive.
It's funny how familiar
being a stranger
can be.
It's so comfortable it's like...
You can't think of
another way to breathe.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Too cute right?
- My doll turned out terrible.
- No.
Tomorrow the glue will be dry.
Can add a few touches.
- You're so close to my house.
- What do you mean?
- I wish we could
just keep walking.
- We could keep walking.
- No no I mean
keep walking home.
Wouldn't that be wonderful?
- I don't know.
I have to walk home after.
- What am I doing here?
- What?
- I'm surrounded by
a world of nothing.
How did this nothing
become my something?
My...
My middle of nothing.
Nowhere.
- It's beautiful here.
- Nothing is.
Beautiful.
Tamales tamales tamales.
Nothing.
No one.
- Well..
There certainly aren't
any tamales out there.
- No there are no
fucking tamales.
- No.
- Did I tell you about Harvey?
- Who's Harvey?
- He's a fucking
disaster (mumbles).
A fucking disaster.
I loved him.
Or maybe I thought
that I could love him.
Losing my hope oh
God, I hate that word.
I never liked that word, never.
Hope.
Never trust a four letter word.
Apparently I was just
just a way for him
to pass the time.
(mumbles)
a circus act if you will.
- I'm sorry.
- I had a terrible year.
I lost everything.
You know when I
was 17 years old.
I saw this blind woman
walking down the street
with her groceries.
And there was no one
around to help her.
But she didn't seem to mind.
I mean not at all.
Not one bit.
So I followed her home.
She lived on the first floor
of an old brown stone.
I was fascinated by her.
I looked through her window
for about an hour.
She started to put
away her groceries.
And then she began
making dinner.
She was so beautiful.
And it was so
different from my life.
I signed up for my
first acting class
the very next day.
I think I needed something.
Some way to
channel all that empathy.
That woman changed my life.
She really did.
He was 22.
- Who was 22?
- Harvey was.
Can you believe that?
- Maybe it's time.
- For what?
- I don't know,
to appreciate it.
- You know that they say that
a change of scenery
is like a death.
But one of those good deaths.
You know like we had
start fresh.
You have a new
devotion to yourself.
But you know what,
since I got here,
I feel like I lost something,
and I don't know what it is.
I have no interest
in starting new.
I feel like I lost something,
and I don't know where.
Maybe it's in these woods.
- You know your house
is right up the road,
maybe we should go there first.
- No no I lost something,
and I think it's in these woods.
- Colleen.
- No.
I'll be fine.
- I can't just
leave you out here
like this.
- [Voice-over] Please do,
I will be fine.
- [Voice-over] Was the
character named Harvey West?
- This isn't about him is it?
- [Voice-over] What do you mean?
- The reason I'm here.
- [Voice-over] He's your
most recent disappointment.
Would you like to
take something?
We can
help you feel better.
- [Voice-over] Your
smell is enough.
Your smell is enough.
- [Voice-over] Your
smell is enough.
- [Voice-over] Your
smell is enough.
- [Voice-over] Your
smell is enough.
- [Voice-over] Limb to limb,
I follow you.
Limb to limb,
I follow you.
- [Voice-over] All of the sudden
I miss the sun.
- [Voice-over] We will
listen to the warmth.
- [Voice-over] All of the sudden
I miss everyone.
- Tamales.
- Fuck off.
- Merry Christmas.
- Rick.
- How are you?
- I'm terrible.
- So I got in my car
and I started driving.
And then I said wait a minute
it's almost Christmas.
I've gotta come and
visit my sister.
- That's so thoughtful
of you Rick.
- So how are you?
What's it like out here?
- It's not good.
They're building an absurd
number of houses across the way.
- Everywhere.
- I get about 30
minutes of quiet in
the morning and then.
I have all the time in the world
to myself.
Glorious, uninterrupted,
beautiful, gorgeous,
time alone.
- I couldn't do it.
- Yeah which part?
- You have any visitors?
- No, no I don't.
You are my first.
- Really?
What about neighbors,
you got neighbors?
- Yeah.
There's one lady
and she took me out
in the woods and left me there.
- That's good.
The kindest of strangers.
- I wish she was a stranger.
Sometimes I think
that the kindest
part in my heart
is for strangers.
Do you know that this woman,
she took me over to her house,
and
she made me make these
dolls out of
apples.
And straw.
- [Voice-over] I've been writing.
- Sounds great,
fiction or non fiction?
- Fiction.
Started out as a
short story but,
the ideas just kept growing
and
I mean my mind's on fire
all the time,
it's just gotten so big.
- Fantastic, what's it about?
- Office supplies.
- Office supplies.
- Yeah you know when
the employees go home
and the office
supplies intermingle
and they play games and stuff
like that?
Its a great idea,
you know what it
wouldn't be a bad movie.
It would be a great
animated film.
- [Voice-over] Well those
are certainly very popular.
- [Voice-over] Exactly,
I don't think they've
done one yet on office supplies.
- That's very observant of you.
What the hell is that?
- It's a rat.
- What is a rat doing here?
- It's either sun
bathing or it's dead.
- Get it.
- I'm not getting it.
- Rick get it.
- Not getting it.
- Pick it up please.
- I'm not picking the fucking
rat up.
- What does a dead rat mean?
You think it's an omen?
- In love and death,
the most important thing
is letting go.
- It's a rat Rick.
- Regardless,
it's the end of a life.
- I think we should
go back inside.
- I think we oughta give
it a name.
- What?
- The rat,
can you name something
you never knew?
- Do you feel you never knew me?
- Why does it always
have to come back
to you?
Can't we give the rat
a minute of respect?
And while we're at it,
why don't we bury
that moth eaten coat?
How many minks did it take
to make that thing?
- It's our mother's coat.
- It is?
- Yeah.
- Oh.
Well it's beautiful then.
I love mom.
I love when she would
walk around the house
in that coat.
And dad had one too
do you remember?
They had matching coats.
- They did.
- [Voice-over] To understand you.
To understand you.
To understand you.
- What are you doing?
- Painting.
- The wall's already white.
- Yes.
But another coat won't hurt.
- Who's that?
- [Voice-over] A friend.
- She's very beautiful.
- Yes.
She's beautiful in many ways.
- You're painting a wall that's
already been painted.
- I know.
- Yeah why?
I just want to know why.
- If I don't paint it,
who will?
- Yeah but...
You don't need to paint it
now is this some...
Did someone tell you to do this?
- I don't know.
- That girl did she make
you paint this wall?
- Why do you keep asking
me that same question?
- I don't know.
- Are you mad at me?
- You're not allowed to ask me
that anymore.
- Do you hate me?
- That either.
I want to touch your face.
Can I just touch your face?
- You wouldn't want to
get paint on your hands
would you?
- Where did you go?
- I'm right here.
- You're here but
you're not here.
- If I'm not here,
then I am
with her.
- [Voice-over] So...
You're not here with me.
- [Voice-over] No I'm
here with you too.
- So you're here
with both of us?
- Yes.
- When you leave.
- I have to finish painting
before I can...
- But when you leave will...
Will we leave together?
Will you leave here with me?
- I'm not sure.
- Why are you not sure?
- Because I don't know.
- Why can't you know,
I just I need you to know.
- I'm not sure.
- You don't need
to paint that wall.
(machine noise)
- over easy just
like you like them.
Why don't we take a walk
to see what they're
building down there?
- A walk in the woods?
- Yeah that would be fun.
We could see what they're doing,
we just hear noise,
let's find out
what the noise is.
- Did you ever wonder if
there was another version
of you somewhere in the world?
Maybe they were a
day ahead of you
or a day behind you.
- What?
- Another version
of yourself.
A more realized version of you.
- That's a little over my head.
- Nevermind.
- You know once I was at a bar
and this woman told me
that I had a twin.
And he was a garage mechanic
and he lived right
down the street.
But I never saw him.
- Right down the street.
Why were we never close?
- You know I hate California.
- No, Rick.
Close like families are.
Close.
- Because you were
always working.
And when we would get together,
it was for such a
brief amount of time.
I mean we never got
below the surface.
You know I stopped
watching your movies.
- Really?
When was that?
- A few years ago.
- Everybody else
stopped a few years ago.
- I just couldn't
watch you anymore,
I mean I know it
doesn't make any sense.
- Oh no it makes
sense.
- I just didn't want
our relationship to
be through your art.
- You know what occurred to me?
That of all the parts I played,
all those characters.
They never experienced joy.
They were
joyless.
And then I started to wonder
if I ever experienced joy.
And I had moments of happiness
but, I was never
able to hang onto it.
(mumbles)
I'm joyless.
- You know when I
heard you were retiring
I panicked.
I thought you were dying.
- Jesus.
- I mean why else
would you do that?
Why would you do this?
- Is this some kind of debt?
- Do you think it is?
- Rick, do you
think a person can
be aware of their own madness?
- I've told you 1000 times,
you're not mad.
You're just lonely.
- My whole being is in pining.
- Where should I look?
- Look at me.
Look at me like I'm the only.
- [Voice-over] What,
the only what?
- [Voice-over]
Don't say anything.
Just hold still.
Hold still.
Don't look.
Look up.
Look up.
Eyes to me.
(light music)
I'm here to make good.
- Yeah?
How so?
- Well my
agent sent me this letter.
And according to Marcus,
I am responsible
for a broken globe,
so here I am,
I'm here to make good.
Maybe I could just bring
it to his class room.
- I'm sorry we don't
have a Marcus here.
- Well who wrote the letter?
- No idea.
You said your agent
sent you this letter?
- Yeah I was
one of his actors.
- No Marcus here.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- So so...
Is this real?
- It could be made
up, I don't know.
- Why would he make it up?
- I have no idea.
The letter made you
feel good though right?
- No.
Between you and me
the letter made me
feel like crap.
And this Marcus, he's
a little piece of shit.
- There is no Marcus.
If there was a fucking Marcus,
he would be a
sarcastic, ungrateful,
piece of shit.
You're not getting my globe.
Fuckers.
What brand are those?
Give me one.
What kinda school is this?
- A shitty one.
- Alternative academy?
So you're a fuck up.
- Definitely.
You seem pretty fucked up.
- Do I?
- Yeah.
- That's very fucking observant.
- Well they have a
psychology class here.
- Learning is so important.
- Sometimes.
- You know if I ever saw again,
I'd call you fucking Marcus.
- Did you ever
want to have kids?
- No.
And then yes.
- No and then yes.
- I was so committed
to my craft,
to myself as an
artist that I couldn't
give any part of it up.
I was totally selfish.
Could I have been
some child's mother
who knows?
They say that you get
the kids you deserve,
something like that I think.
I don't know what I
would have deserved.
- Well you know in many
ways your characters
could be thought of
as your children.
- That's a horrifying thought.
- [Voice-over] Its never
occurred to you though?
- Yeah it has but,
who would want to
hold on to something
like that, I mean,
as an artist you must
let go.
It's different every time.
- [Voice-over] So you're
saying there's not
one way to go about it?
- No, of course not.
The process is so
liquid.
Takes a hell of a lot to keep
yourself from drowning.
I think it's just,
I don't think they
- [Voice-over] Do
whatever they want.
(unintelligible talking)
- [Voice-over] I think the head
can get in the tail.
I don't think the tail can
get in the head.
- [Voice-over] Yes. I
think you're right.
- [Voice-over] I think so.
- You know they're
spraying tonight.
- Spraying what?
- The new houses.
Guess they have a moth problem,
the moths are eating the trees.
- I thought they
killed all the trees.
- They're called skeletons.
- Sounds like
something I could love.
- Guess we're supposed to stay
inside while they spray.
- Oh yeah because they wouldn't
want to kill us.
- They probably do.
- You know.
I bet you wouldn't
think to check on
me for a week.
Maybe even 10 days.
- But if I was dead,
I wouldn't be able
to check on you.
- But I could still
go to the woods.
- You're going to
the rat party right?
- Yeah.
You going?
- Yeah.
See you there.
(dramatic music)
(screaming)
(light music)
(helicopter noise)
- I wrote a song.
- Play it for me.
- Its a work in progress.
- Ill keep that in mind.
- It's called smile for no one.
(light music)
♪ I know
♪ It's hard to be alone
♪ So says the arrow on its own
♪ My bones
♪ Shivering in the cold
♪ Waiting for me to come home
♪ When we are together
♪ Between the all apart
♪ Forever drifting
♪ Between the lying heart
♪ In this corner
♪ Remains undone
♪ A smile
♪ A seasonal one
♪ Like life
♪ Going unexamined
♪ We remain an uncharted planet
♪ When we are together
♪ Dream we are apart
♪ Forever drifting
♪ Between my heart
- your song is perfect.
Fuck you.
- [Voice-over] It is
difficult for us to assess
whether or not our simulations
are working for you.
You do understand
that our simulations
are not yet perfect.
- [Voice-over] Yes I understand.
You've told me this before.
- [Voice-over]
Perhaps we could work
on something else with you.
Another aspect of your life.
(light music)
- [Voice-over] And
you see closure?
- [Voice-over] I do.
- [Voice-over] And
how did you find us?
- [Voice-over] Through the
other side of the forest.
- [Voice-over] And you trust us?
- I do.
I just want things to be okay.
Can you make things okay?
- You'd think we planned it.
- Plan what?
- This night.
It's just too perfect.
- Yeah.
- Look at that moon.
- Certainly is the moon.
- Can you hear what it's saying?
- Sorry.
- It's saying
I love you.
- I don't think I hear that.
- Maybe.
- [Voice-over] That's
Nocturn number one in E flat
from fields with Irish
pianist John O'Connor.
Well it's the weekend
of course there are
weekend errands that
need to get done.
If you find that you're
rushing around doing errands
in the car, pretty
much all weekend long.
Try pre setting your
car's stereo to our
station.
You'll have a classical
stress break waiting
for you when it's time to relax.
- She once said, if ever a film
is made of my life,
it should open
with a young girl.
Running toward a fire.
(light music)
♪ Don't look back
♪ To the days
♪ Of yesteryear
♪ You cannot live on
♪ In the past
♪ Don't look back
♪ And back on so many people
♪ They're still trying
♪ To live on
♪ In the past
♪ Don't look back
♪ If I could call back all
♪ Those days
♪ Of yesteryear
♪ I would never grow old
♪ And I would never be poor
♪ But darling
those days are gone
♪ Stop dreaming
♪ And live long
♪ In the future
♪ But darling
♪ Don't look back
♪ Oh no no no
♪ Don't look back
♪ No no no
♪ Don't look back
- [Voice-over] I think I know why
you're ignoring me.
I have a theory.
(mumbles)
- [Voice-over] you sound really
sad on your message thing
so hope you're doing all right.
- [Voice-over] Harvey
give me a call.
Bye.
- [Voice-over] Sounds like
you have the flu again
I can't believe,
maybe it was recorded
when you were pretty sick,
but anyway,
- [Voice-over] I
just got off work,
and I don't really
have any plans tonight,
seeing what you were doing,
give me a call back.
I'll just be
sitting at my house,
playing video games,
being depressed.
- [Voice-over] How are you?
I haven't talked
to you in a while.
Checking in and seeing
how everything is
and (mumbles) taken a
whole bunch of things,
were just not here anymore.
I just wondered if you
knew anything about that.
- [Voice-over] Hey.
Where are you?
Okay.
Give me a call bye.
- [Voice-over] Yay, love you bye,
give me a call at your house.
(unintelligible talking)
- [Voice-over] It makes me
feel artsy or something.
All right love you bye.
- [Voice-over] All right love,
take it easy, bye bye.
- [Voice-over] All
right love you,
talk to you later.
Bye.
(birds chirping)
- [Voice-over] (mumbles)
most about that?
- Not the people.
- [Voice-over] Right.
- No.
I'll (mumbles)
I'll miss everything.
But I had everything so I
can't feel
too terrible about missing
something that I had
for so long.
- [Voice-over] Wonderful.
- [Voice-over] Well
you know what?
I think I have a broken heart,
so how do I not
have a broken heart?
Well I'm telling you this,
if I knew this kid,
Harvey West would’ve
loved California
100 years ago.
(light music)
they say Harvey West
would love California
100 years ago.
- [Voice-over] I am an actress.
- [Voice-over] Do
they know each other?
Harvey.
- [Voice-over] I am an actress.
- [Voice-over] Harvey West
would have loved California
100 years ago.
- [Voice-over] I'm an actress.
- [Voice-over] Colleen West
never liked the first light
of day.
It made her nervous and
desperate for night.
Colleen met Harvey
two months ago
during a production
of Star Witness.
A play in which they both acted.
To have the same last name,
it meant something
to both of them.
It was their first connection,
and as time passed,
Colleen wondered if
it was their only
real connection.
And the silence,
silence.
Of you.
- [Voice-over]
Please make it stop.
(unintelligible talking)
anytime?
How are you?
How are you?
How are you?
- [Voice-over] This
is the hardest part
this is the hardest part
- [Voice-over] Things
become so clear.
Have you ever stared in
a mirror for too long?
To a point where you
become disgusted with yourself?
I once looked into a boy's eyes
and felt that way.
He had eyes like a deer.
He would look away and
it would only get worse.
Sorry I lost...
Why does he look away?
(screeching)
a shit year.
One.
Two.
Three.
This must be what (mumbles).
(dinging)
(light music)
(humming)
- [Voice-over] Can you
believe that I'm retiring?
Can you believe that I'm...
- [Voice-over] Colleen West.
I think I could
look at your face
for 1000 years.
(laughter)
- I'm happy.
- [Voice-over] You're happy.
It hurts.
- it hurts me too.
- [Voice-over] He's so hurt
why then don't you show it?
- It hurts me too.
(unintelligible talking)
- did you want me
to stay in there?
- You know.
The play, our play
I can't believe its
over.
- It's always over.
You get used to it.
- Do you think I'm a good actor?
(laughter)
- what?
- Do you think I can act?
- I think you are full of
many...
Gifts.
♪ I don't wanna be mean
♪ But I'm not afraid
♪ Anything you steal
♪ Baby you'll pay for in spades
♪ Little girl in
the running water
♪ Run Run shake me clean
- I didn't expect you
to use your tongue.
- No?
- No.
(mumbles)
♪ Well I hate that window
♪ You don't come through no more
♪ Don't talk in your sleep
♪ Don't you leave a trace
♪ Cause a woman woman
♪ Can have the devil's face
♪ I don't wanna be mean
- nope.
I've got a good idea.
- [Voice-over] What's the idea?
- [Voice-over] This
is the information.
Okay.
If you're open, you
will be rewarded.
- Awarded?
- Yes.
We understand you wish
to make things right.
Then we will help you
make things right.
- What kind of
information do you need?
- In order to provide the best
simulation possible,
we will need to know everything.
- [Voice-over] Ask me anything.
- Excellent.
We need to collect
a breathing sample.
Will you be able
to provide that?
- A what?
- We need to understand how
he breathes.
- I don't think I
know how he breathes.
- In order to provide
the best simulation.
- Okay, I just breathe
like him.
- If you're able.
Will you place this
under your tongue?
- Are you recording this?
- Was it accurate?
If you question your
ability to provide
information, you
should let us know,
now.
- You don't really think
how someone breathes.
- Maybe not,
but we do.
Can you please try again?
I'll count to 10,
please do not stop
until I have completed
my count.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
10.
Hold still.
Hold still.
- [Voice-over] I'm happy.
- [Voice-over] Do not
close your mouth.
- [Voice-over] I'm happy,
I'm happy, I'm happy,
I'm happy,
I'm happy.
(horn)
(chirping)
- Hey.
What are you doing?
- The horn wouldn't stop.
- Its' fine now.
- Are you sure
there's nothing wrong
with it?
You sure?
(blaring horn)
they don't understand
our relationship.
- What's
our relationship?
- You tell me.
- What?
- Do you think it's
shit?
- Hi.
You hear the birds this morning?
- Have a nice day.
- [Voice-over] The birds
have been going off.
- I only hear machines.
- Yeah man what are they
building over there?
- Maybe birdhouses.
- Right.
Did you just move?
- Sorry.
- I haven't seen you,
I live just down the
road with my husband.
- That's great.
I live over here.
- Oh I didn't know anyone
really lived over there.
- I do.
Now.
Very tired.
- Oh.
What from?
- I was with the circus.
- Really?
Wow.
- Wow.
- What was your talent?
- Well I
walked on ropes,
I ate fire,
and I was able to
speak to animals
in their native animal tongue.
- Wow.
Really?
- Really, wow.
- Must have been hard to
leave something like that.
It becomes like your
family doesn't it?
- Well you know I slept with two
of the clowns and
they were brothers.
Caused an enormous
amount of grief
for everybody,
we all felt it was
time for me to go.
- Oh.
- Yeah all I want is...
(mumbles)
- yeah me too.
I mean that's why James
and I moved down here.
- We have so much in common.
- Oh yeah?
Do you jog?
- No no.
Circus injury so no.
- Well
you should really
come over some time,
James loves interesting people.
- Really, me too.
When I get one I'll
be sure to bring
him over.
- Oh, well...
Okay great.
I'm gonna finish my run.
- Sounds wonderful.
(singing)
- [Voice-over] Bet
you get sick of that.
- Okay is that enough?
- No.
- All right all right.
- No.
You're not wet.
- Okay.
Gross.
- Come back from the light.
(mumbles)
- all right that's enough.
- Yeah.
Hold still.
- Thanks for the ride.
- Yeah well
I heard it was gonna rain.
- Riding a bike
in the rain sucks.
- It sucks.
- True.
- So tonight's your first dress
rehearsal.
- Yeah.
- Are you nervous?
- Horribly.
- [Voice-over] You'll be great.
(mumbles)
(mumbles)
- your house, it's so dark.
- Yeah.
People came and they
took the windows
away.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, took away the light,
only took them a few hours.
Dear darkness.
- You don't feel trapped?
- By what?
- The darkness.
- It's better than
being exposed.
- Yeah I guess so.
- People
they provide too much light.
- I want you to hit me.
In the face.
- (mumbles)
- we're fucking.
- [Voice-over] Miss West can
you give us a sound check
please?
- Sure, one two three four
five six seven eight nine.
- You know it really is
an honor having you here.
- Thank you (mumbles).
I'm very happy to be here.
- It's funny that this might
very well be your
last interview ever.
- Could be.
- Kinda like the
end of everything and
the start of nothing
right?
- Looks cold.
- Well
it was.
(mumbles)
- I'm fine right here.
- You sure?
(mumbles)
it's freezing.
- What do you want to be when
you grow up Harvey West?
- Well Miss West,
I don't know.
Maybe some guesses.
- You could be an explorer.
- (mumbles) explorer.
- Life would be low.
Underwater.
You're a natural in there.
- What about sharks?
- What about them?
(unintelligible talking)
- I am afraid of..
- What?
- I don't know anymore.
- How can you not know
what you're afraid of?
- I don't know.
Maybe as you get older...
- Come on tell me.
- Forget it.
- No tell me.
- I'd fear the end of loss.
Kiss me.
- Right here?
- So is this the
beginning of the end?
- Beginning of the end?
- Beginning of the end.
- What do you mean?
- I don't know our play's over
and
I'm retiring.
Who knows where you're going.
Away from me.
That's okay if this
is the beginning
of the end.
Kiss me (mumbles)
- all right.
I don't know.
- Something's waiting
for you out there
and it sure isn't me.
Am I wrong?
- [Voice-over] I don't know.
- You don't know.
You know you're not allowed
to say that anymore.
- [Voice-over] We have
everything prepared.
Unfortunately it's
not quite what we
told you it would be.
If do not wear the mask,
his face will not appear to you.
- Do you hate me?
- I can't hate you.
- Oh, good.
- I just want to
make things right.
- Are things wrong?
- I haven't heard from you in..
I miss you.
- I've been busy.
- Have you?
- Busy is good.
This mask is so uncomfortable.
- It's state of the art.
- Is it?
- Much time has gone into it.
- Yeah?
Did you help?
- Do you hate me?
- I...
How long are you gonna be here
with me?
- I don't know,
is there a window?
- Window?
- Of time.
- I don't know.
Windows are awful.
- But am I supposed to be here?
- What?
- Do you want me here?
- Yes.
- Yes?
- You don't seem like you.
- What do I seem like?
- You seem like a shadow.
- [Voice-over] It's the light,
the light is different here,
I am different in this light.
- [Voice-over] No.
- [Voice-over] Its the light.
- [Voice-over] No
it's not the light.
- [Voice-over] The
light is different here
I am different in this light.
It's the light.
The light is different here
I am different.
- [Voice-over] I can't
wear this thing.
(mumbles)
(heavy breathing)
- [Voice-over] It's the light.
The light is different.
I am different in this light.
(screaming)
- [Voice-over] No, no.
(crying)
(wind chimes)
- you're happy.
This hurts.
- [Voice-over] It hurts me too.
- If you're so hurt
why don't you show it?
- [Voice-over] It hurts me too.
- You know few actresses ever
really retire completely.
Can you confirm that
this is the real deal?
- Yeah this is it.
The real deal.
I absolute hate those words
together.
But for the sake of your show
I will
allow it.
- Thank you.
Are the parts simply not
what they used to be?
- Well you know as an actor,
when the writing is poor,
you make it interesting.
That's something i learned
a long time ago.
I considered writing a
piece for myself once,
but...
- What sort of themes or...
- Completion.
- Completion.
- Yeah.
- Thank you so much
for coming down.
- Oh my pleasure.
- Will you be
staying in the area?
- Los Angeles, no.
No my house just
sold I'm moving into
a cabin I own.
- A cabin?
- Yeah I've owned it for years.
Somebody told me
to buy it so I did.
We know who that person was.
- Is it in the general area?
- Miss West,
sorry, this came
for you earlier.
- One last fan letter?
- It's from my agent.
- Oh maybe they want you back.
- [Voice-over] Dear Colleen,
it's been an amazing adventure,
good luck with your retirement.
We went ahead and donated six
world globes to the
alternative academy
in Avalon.
Enclosed you'll
find a letter from
one of the students,
thanking you for your gift.
Keep in touch, Adam.
- [Voice-over] Dear Miss West,
thank you so much
for the gloves.
We can now spend
hours dreaming of
going to places that
we'll never get to go to.
One of the globes is broken,
it probably happened
during shipping
or something.
It's okay though,
because we use that
one to play with
when we're bored.
Have a great day, Marcus.
(horn)
- [Voice-over] Four, five,
six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
10.
- [Voice-over] The newly
retired bring in wealth,
and also jobs as they get older,
and need help at home.
Perhaps (mumbles)
calls into the
joys and properties
speculation.
And will throw away society.
Kathy Flower.
Peasant world with
lessons from the past
for us all, perhaps.
But I have to say I think
I'd be completely hopeless
and any sort of wild asparagus.
I don't know where to begin.
How do you catch them I wonder.
(light music)
♪ How I long to hear you say
♪ I love you
(unintelligible talking)
- [Voice-over] Tell me tell me.
- [Voice-over] Which organization
and I wanted to let people know
I was out there.
(unintelligible talking)
(yelping)
(whirring)
(unintelligible talking)
(laughter)
- the horns, yeah horns.
- Good morning.
- Jesus Christ.
What time is it?
- 11:30.
- Oh.
It's the second
part of the morning.
I guess I must have
missed the first.
- Right.
- So?
- I have something for you.
It's an antique.
- Is it a doll or a friend?
- Well both I guess I mean
it's yours now so...
- I'll have to add it
to my doll collection.
- Do you have a...
- I've been meaning
to start one.
A doll collection.
I guess I forgot.
I think it was my
terrible childhood.
- Yeah?
Well have you ever
heard of apple dolls?
I'm gonna be making
one this weekend
if you want to
come over and help.
Or even make one for yourself.
- I'm not familiar
with apple dolls.
- No?
You seem so craft friendly.
- Cat friendly?
- Craft, like arts and crafts.
- Oh no.
I'm not.
Friendly in that way.
- Well.
- Listen...
- Shelly.
- Shelly.
Tell me something.
Have you been sleeping?
- What do you mean?
- Well,
I haven't been
sleeping very well.
And I don't know maybe it's like
all that nature.
Or maybe there's
something in the woods.
- Okay.
Well you'll let me know
about the apple dolls?
- All right.
- Bye.
- It's a doll made
out of an apple.
An apple.
Yeah isn't that great?
Great, that is fantastic.
Yeah.
I once tried to make
a doll out of a grape.
But it just didn't work out.
Those would have
been some tiny dolls.
Oh yeah, but
everybody loves tiny.
They certainly do.
Oh why don't we
get together once,
and we can talk about the things
that everybody loves.
That would be great.
What about a pumelo?
Think we could
make a doll out of
one of those?
What's a pumelo?
A pumelo is a
Chinese grapefruit.
Oh that's fucking fantastic.
I love Chinese horoscopes.
Where is my car?
♪ Silent night
♪ Holy night
♪ All is calm
♪ All is bright
♪ Sound young virgins
♪ Sleep
♪ Sleep
♪ In heavenly peace
♪ In heavenly peace
- you find everything okay?
- Naturally.
Does everybody play this stuff?
Is it like some kind
of rule or something?
- You should try working here.
- No it really is everywhere,
look at this.
- Tis the season.
- You know what I like to do?
I like to put it on in my house.
And then I pretend I'm there.
(light music)
(unintelligible talking)
- Tamales?
- Fuck off.
Oh right,
the apple puppets.
- Dolls.
- I don't know.
- Oh come on.
You can't stay in your house
all day and night.
- No that would be
a terrible thing.
- I'm making an apple pie.
We have really fancy crackers.
- You mean you have
enough apples for
(mumbles)?
- What?
- What time did you
want me to come over,
if I come over?
- Seven.
- 30.
- 7:30.
- Mine is not really
coming together.
- No it's fine.
- I think you're
maybe using too much straw.
- Not enough.
- It's your first time.
- My first time.
- Colleen.
- What?
- Were you really in the circus?
- Kind of.
I was an actress.
- Yeah?
Have I seen you in anything?
- I don’t know.
I did about
35 movies in 30 years.
- Wow.
- It's strange to
remember your life
by what project you
were involved in.
Most people have
kids or
vacations.
Pets.
Something to remind themselves
how they lived.
Or that they lived
I should say.
- I could never be an actress.
- Why not?
- I don't know.
Memorizing lines,
pretending you're someone else.
Just doesn't seem like it would
be for me.
- Being someone else
can be very addictive.
It's funny how familiar
being a stranger
can be.
It's so comfortable it's like...
You can't think of
another way to breathe.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Too cute right?
- My doll turned out terrible.
- No.
Tomorrow the glue will be dry.
Can add a few touches.
- You're so close to my house.
- What do you mean?
- I wish we could
just keep walking.
- We could keep walking.
- No no I mean
keep walking home.
Wouldn't that be wonderful?
- I don't know.
I have to walk home after.
- What am I doing here?
- What?
- I'm surrounded by
a world of nothing.
How did this nothing
become my something?
My...
My middle of nothing.
Nowhere.
- It's beautiful here.
- Nothing is.
Beautiful.
Tamales tamales tamales.
Nothing.
No one.
- Well..
There certainly aren't
any tamales out there.
- No there are no
fucking tamales.
- No.
- Did I tell you about Harvey?
- Who's Harvey?
- He's a fucking
disaster (mumbles).
A fucking disaster.
I loved him.
Or maybe I thought
that I could love him.
Losing my hope oh
God, I hate that word.
I never liked that word, never.
Hope.
Never trust a four letter word.
Apparently I was just
just a way for him
to pass the time.
(mumbles)
a circus act if you will.
- I'm sorry.
- I had a terrible year.
I lost everything.
You know when I
was 17 years old.
I saw this blind woman
walking down the street
with her groceries.
And there was no one
around to help her.
But she didn't seem to mind.
I mean not at all.
Not one bit.
So I followed her home.
She lived on the first floor
of an old brown stone.
I was fascinated by her.
I looked through her window
for about an hour.
She started to put
away her groceries.
And then she began
making dinner.
She was so beautiful.
And it was so
different from my life.
I signed up for my
first acting class
the very next day.
I think I needed something.
Some way to
channel all that empathy.
That woman changed my life.
She really did.
He was 22.
- Who was 22?
- Harvey was.
Can you believe that?
- Maybe it's time.
- For what?
- I don't know,
to appreciate it.
- You know that they say that
a change of scenery
is like a death.
But one of those good deaths.
You know like we had
start fresh.
You have a new
devotion to yourself.
But you know what,
since I got here,
I feel like I lost something,
and I don't know what it is.
I have no interest
in starting new.
I feel like I lost something,
and I don't know where.
Maybe it's in these woods.
- You know your house
is right up the road,
maybe we should go there first.
- No no I lost something,
and I think it's in these woods.
- Colleen.
- No.
I'll be fine.
- I can't just
leave you out here
like this.
- [Voice-over] Please do,
I will be fine.
- [Voice-over] Was the
character named Harvey West?
- This isn't about him is it?
- [Voice-over] What do you mean?
- The reason I'm here.
- [Voice-over] He's your
most recent disappointment.
Would you like to
take something?
We can
help you feel better.
- [Voice-over] Your
smell is enough.
Your smell is enough.
- [Voice-over] Your
smell is enough.
- [Voice-over] Your
smell is enough.
- [Voice-over] Your
smell is enough.
- [Voice-over] Limb to limb,
I follow you.
Limb to limb,
I follow you.
- [Voice-over] All of the sudden
I miss the sun.
- [Voice-over] We will
listen to the warmth.
- [Voice-over] All of the sudden
I miss everyone.
- Tamales.
- Fuck off.
- Merry Christmas.
- Rick.
- How are you?
- I'm terrible.
- So I got in my car
and I started driving.
And then I said wait a minute
it's almost Christmas.
I've gotta come and
visit my sister.
- That's so thoughtful
of you Rick.
- So how are you?
What's it like out here?
- It's not good.
They're building an absurd
number of houses across the way.
- Everywhere.
- I get about 30
minutes of quiet in
the morning and then.
I have all the time in the world
to myself.
Glorious, uninterrupted,
beautiful, gorgeous,
time alone.
- I couldn't do it.
- Yeah which part?
- You have any visitors?
- No, no I don't.
You are my first.
- Really?
What about neighbors,
you got neighbors?
- Yeah.
There's one lady
and she took me out
in the woods and left me there.
- That's good.
The kindest of strangers.
- I wish she was a stranger.
Sometimes I think
that the kindest
part in my heart
is for strangers.
Do you know that this woman,
she took me over to her house,
and
she made me make these
dolls out of
apples.
And straw.
- [Voice-over] I've been writing.
- Sounds great,
fiction or non fiction?
- Fiction.
Started out as a
short story but,
the ideas just kept growing
and
I mean my mind's on fire
all the time,
it's just gotten so big.
- Fantastic, what's it about?
- Office supplies.
- Office supplies.
- Yeah you know when
the employees go home
and the office
supplies intermingle
and they play games and stuff
like that?
Its a great idea,
you know what it
wouldn't be a bad movie.
It would be a great
animated film.
- [Voice-over] Well those
are certainly very popular.
- [Voice-over] Exactly,
I don't think they've
done one yet on office supplies.
- That's very observant of you.
What the hell is that?
- It's a rat.
- What is a rat doing here?
- It's either sun
bathing or it's dead.
- Get it.
- I'm not getting it.
- Rick get it.
- Not getting it.
- Pick it up please.
- I'm not picking the fucking
rat up.
- What does a dead rat mean?
You think it's an omen?
- In love and death,
the most important thing
is letting go.
- It's a rat Rick.
- Regardless,
it's the end of a life.
- I think we should
go back inside.
- I think we oughta give
it a name.
- What?
- The rat,
can you name something
you never knew?
- Do you feel you never knew me?
- Why does it always
have to come back
to you?
Can't we give the rat
a minute of respect?
And while we're at it,
why don't we bury
that moth eaten coat?
How many minks did it take
to make that thing?
- It's our mother's coat.
- It is?
- Yeah.
- Oh.
Well it's beautiful then.
I love mom.
I love when she would
walk around the house
in that coat.
And dad had one too
do you remember?
They had matching coats.
- They did.
- [Voice-over] To understand you.
To understand you.
To understand you.
- What are you doing?
- Painting.
- The wall's already white.
- Yes.
But another coat won't hurt.
- Who's that?
- [Voice-over] A friend.
- She's very beautiful.
- Yes.
She's beautiful in many ways.
- You're painting a wall that's
already been painted.
- I know.
- Yeah why?
I just want to know why.
- If I don't paint it,
who will?
- Yeah but...
You don't need to paint it
now is this some...
Did someone tell you to do this?
- I don't know.
- That girl did she make
you paint this wall?
- Why do you keep asking
me that same question?
- I don't know.
- Are you mad at me?
- You're not allowed to ask me
that anymore.
- Do you hate me?
- That either.
I want to touch your face.
Can I just touch your face?
- You wouldn't want to
get paint on your hands
would you?
- Where did you go?
- I'm right here.
- You're here but
you're not here.
- If I'm not here,
then I am
with her.
- [Voice-over] So...
You're not here with me.
- [Voice-over] No I'm
here with you too.
- So you're here
with both of us?
- Yes.
- When you leave.
- I have to finish painting
before I can...
- But when you leave will...
Will we leave together?
Will you leave here with me?
- I'm not sure.
- Why are you not sure?
- Because I don't know.
- Why can't you know,
I just I need you to know.
- I'm not sure.
- You don't need
to paint that wall.
(machine noise)
- over easy just
like you like them.
Why don't we take a walk
to see what they're
building down there?
- A walk in the woods?
- Yeah that would be fun.
We could see what they're doing,
we just hear noise,
let's find out
what the noise is.
- Did you ever wonder if
there was another version
of you somewhere in the world?
Maybe they were a
day ahead of you
or a day behind you.
- What?
- Another version
of yourself.
A more realized version of you.
- That's a little over my head.
- Nevermind.
- You know once I was at a bar
and this woman told me
that I had a twin.
And he was a garage mechanic
and he lived right
down the street.
But I never saw him.
- Right down the street.
Why were we never close?
- You know I hate California.
- No, Rick.
Close like families are.
Close.
- Because you were
always working.
And when we would get together,
it was for such a
brief amount of time.
I mean we never got
below the surface.
You know I stopped
watching your movies.
- Really?
When was that?
- A few years ago.
- Everybody else
stopped a few years ago.
- I just couldn't
watch you anymore,
I mean I know it
doesn't make any sense.
- Oh no it makes
sense.
- I just didn't want
our relationship to
be through your art.
- You know what occurred to me?
That of all the parts I played,
all those characters.
They never experienced joy.
They were
joyless.
And then I started to wonder
if I ever experienced joy.
And I had moments of happiness
but, I was never
able to hang onto it.
(mumbles)
I'm joyless.
- You know when I
heard you were retiring
I panicked.
I thought you were dying.
- Jesus.
- I mean why else
would you do that?
Why would you do this?
- Is this some kind of debt?
- Do you think it is?
- Rick, do you
think a person can
be aware of their own madness?
- I've told you 1000 times,
you're not mad.
You're just lonely.
- My whole being is in pining.
- Where should I look?
- Look at me.
Look at me like I'm the only.
- [Voice-over] What,
the only what?
- [Voice-over]
Don't say anything.
Just hold still.
Hold still.
Don't look.
Look up.
Look up.
Eyes to me.
(light music)
I'm here to make good.
- Yeah?
How so?
- Well my
agent sent me this letter.
And according to Marcus,
I am responsible
for a broken globe,
so here I am,
I'm here to make good.
Maybe I could just bring
it to his class room.
- I'm sorry we don't
have a Marcus here.
- Well who wrote the letter?
- No idea.
You said your agent
sent you this letter?
- Yeah I was
one of his actors.
- No Marcus here.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- So so...
Is this real?
- It could be made
up, I don't know.
- Why would he make it up?
- I have no idea.
The letter made you
feel good though right?
- No.
Between you and me
the letter made me
feel like crap.
And this Marcus, he's
a little piece of shit.
- There is no Marcus.
If there was a fucking Marcus,
he would be a
sarcastic, ungrateful,
piece of shit.
You're not getting my globe.
Fuckers.
What brand are those?
Give me one.
What kinda school is this?
- A shitty one.
- Alternative academy?
So you're a fuck up.
- Definitely.
You seem pretty fucked up.
- Do I?
- Yeah.
- That's very fucking observant.
- Well they have a
psychology class here.
- Learning is so important.
- Sometimes.
- You know if I ever saw again,
I'd call you fucking Marcus.
- Did you ever
want to have kids?
- No.
And then yes.
- No and then yes.
- I was so committed
to my craft,
to myself as an
artist that I couldn't
give any part of it up.
I was totally selfish.
Could I have been
some child's mother
who knows?
They say that you get
the kids you deserve,
something like that I think.
I don't know what I
would have deserved.
- Well you know in many
ways your characters
could be thought of
as your children.
- That's a horrifying thought.
- [Voice-over] Its never
occurred to you though?
- Yeah it has but,
who would want to
hold on to something
like that, I mean,
as an artist you must
let go.
It's different every time.
- [Voice-over] So you're
saying there's not
one way to go about it?
- No, of course not.
The process is so
liquid.
Takes a hell of a lot to keep
yourself from drowning.
I think it's just,
I don't think they
- [Voice-over] Do
whatever they want.
(unintelligible talking)
- [Voice-over] I think the head
can get in the tail.
I don't think the tail can
get in the head.
- [Voice-over] Yes. I
think you're right.
- [Voice-over] I think so.
- You know they're
spraying tonight.
- Spraying what?
- The new houses.
Guess they have a moth problem,
the moths are eating the trees.
- I thought they
killed all the trees.
- They're called skeletons.
- Sounds like
something I could love.
- Guess we're supposed to stay
inside while they spray.
- Oh yeah because they wouldn't
want to kill us.
- They probably do.
- You know.
I bet you wouldn't
think to check on
me for a week.
Maybe even 10 days.
- But if I was dead,
I wouldn't be able
to check on you.
- But I could still
go to the woods.
- You're going to
the rat party right?
- Yeah.
You going?
- Yeah.
See you there.
(dramatic music)
(screaming)
(light music)
(helicopter noise)
- I wrote a song.
- Play it for me.
- Its a work in progress.
- Ill keep that in mind.
- It's called smile for no one.
(light music)
♪ I know
♪ It's hard to be alone
♪ So says the arrow on its own
♪ My bones
♪ Shivering in the cold
♪ Waiting for me to come home
♪ When we are together
♪ Between the all apart
♪ Forever drifting
♪ Between the lying heart
♪ In this corner
♪ Remains undone
♪ A smile
♪ A seasonal one
♪ Like life
♪ Going unexamined
♪ We remain an uncharted planet
♪ When we are together
♪ Dream we are apart
♪ Forever drifting
♪ Between my heart
- your song is perfect.
Fuck you.
- [Voice-over] It is
difficult for us to assess
whether or not our simulations
are working for you.
You do understand
that our simulations
are not yet perfect.
- [Voice-over] Yes I understand.
You've told me this before.
- [Voice-over]
Perhaps we could work
on something else with you.
Another aspect of your life.
(light music)
- [Voice-over] And
you see closure?
- [Voice-over] I do.
- [Voice-over] And
how did you find us?
- [Voice-over] Through the
other side of the forest.
- [Voice-over] And you trust us?
- I do.
I just want things to be okay.
Can you make things okay?
- You'd think we planned it.
- Plan what?
- This night.
It's just too perfect.
- Yeah.
- Look at that moon.
- Certainly is the moon.
- Can you hear what it's saying?
- Sorry.
- It's saying
I love you.
- I don't think I hear that.
- Maybe.
- [Voice-over] That's
Nocturn number one in E flat
from fields with Irish
pianist John O'Connor.
Well it's the weekend
of course there are
weekend errands that
need to get done.
If you find that you're
rushing around doing errands
in the car, pretty
much all weekend long.
Try pre setting your
car's stereo to our
station.
You'll have a classical
stress break waiting
for you when it's time to relax.
- She once said, if ever a film
is made of my life,
it should open
with a young girl.
Running toward a fire.
(light music)
♪ Don't look back
♪ To the days
♪ Of yesteryear
♪ You cannot live on
♪ In the past
♪ Don't look back
♪ And back on so many people
♪ They're still trying
♪ To live on
♪ In the past
♪ Don't look back
♪ If I could call back all
♪ Those days
♪ Of yesteryear
♪ I would never grow old
♪ And I would never be poor
♪ But darling
those days are gone
♪ Stop dreaming
♪ And live long
♪ In the future
♪ But darling
♪ Don't look back
♪ Oh no no no
♪ Don't look back
♪ No no no
♪ Don't look back
- [Voice-over] I think I know why
you're ignoring me.
I have a theory.
(mumbles)
- [Voice-over] you sound really
sad on your message thing
so hope you're doing all right.
- [Voice-over] Harvey
give me a call.
Bye.
- [Voice-over] Sounds like
you have the flu again
I can't believe,
maybe it was recorded
when you were pretty sick,
but anyway,
- [Voice-over] I
just got off work,
and I don't really
have any plans tonight,
seeing what you were doing,
give me a call back.
I'll just be
sitting at my house,
playing video games,
being depressed.
- [Voice-over] How are you?
I haven't talked
to you in a while.
Checking in and seeing
how everything is
and (mumbles) taken a
whole bunch of things,
were just not here anymore.
I just wondered if you
knew anything about that.
- [Voice-over] Hey.
Where are you?
Okay.
Give me a call bye.
- [Voice-over] Yay, love you bye,
give me a call at your house.
(unintelligible talking)
- [Voice-over] It makes me
feel artsy or something.
All right love you bye.
- [Voice-over] All right love,
take it easy, bye bye.
- [Voice-over] All
right love you,
talk to you later.
Bye.