Seriously Red (2022) - full transcript
A realtor pursues a new career as a Dolly Parton impersonator.
Excuse me, miss.
Is everything alright?
Oh, yes, Mr Dowling.
Um, I'm just taking notes
on your circa-1970s cornicing
and the silver hardware
on your tootalie-wootalie.
Mm-hm.
- Swimmer?
- Swimmer.
- Is she? Yeah!
- Yeah.
She looks like it.
- Shoulders.
- Yes. Classic.
Ohh!
Oh, she was a beautiful dog.
Oh, yeah.
Oh...
Well, "Storms make trees
take deeper roots."
Oh, it's just a little
Dolly Parton saying
that I find helpful.
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.
What, so the...
the roots nestle in?
Yeah.
Yeah, like, um, you know...
- And the trunk thickens up?
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I like that.
Ooh, um, uh...
You've got a lovely two-bed,
one-bath, one-car time warp.
And I have valued it highly.
So you will definitely get your
refinancing for your family.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hm. Look, I've gotta go.
I've just...
I've got a big
office party tonight
and I've gotta get
dolled up and, you know...
But thank you so much
for sharing your life story.
It was my whole life story.
Yeah, it really was.
- It's cathartic, sharing.
- Yep.
Franny, I'm going to have
to meet you in there.
I've only just finished
my last valuation.
It's dress-up!
You know you've gotta dress up.
I know! Yeah, I know, I know.
- Well, who are you coming as?
- Who do you think?
Are you OK, Red?
Well, it's just I can't run!
My fitness is just not up there.
Oh!
♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
♪ I'm begging of you
please don't take my man
♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
♪ Please don't take him
just because you can
♪ Your beauty is beyond compare
♪ With flaming locks
of auburn hair
Whoops!
♪ Your smile is like
a breath of spring
♪ Your voice is soft
like summer rain
♪ And I cannot compete
with you, Jolene
♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Turn around.
Just turn around and leave.
- Hello, Dolly.
- G'day.
Hmm.
Francis?
I'm gonna kill you.
I don't want
to be a joke, Franny.
I want to be taken seriously,
for swear-word's-sake!
I can't get anywhere
when I look ridiculous!
OK, well,
the outfit doesn't help that.
Oh, come on, Red. Loosen up!
Don't tell me to loosen up.
I am loose, I am loose!
I hate you right now.
Well, do you want
to sneak out of here?
Well, I'm not a coward.
OK, so what are we doing?
Come on.
How do you feel?
Well... before you killed me,
I was feeling like a, you know,
frothy, talented,
successful Dolly Parton.
OK, everybody, everybody!
Welcome to the Presley
Property Awards!
And first up,
a very special guest,
the king himself, Elvis!
Alright.
Ooh!
♪ Return to sender
♪ I gave a letter to the postman
♪ He put it in his sack
♪ Bright and early
the next morning
♪ He brought my letter back
♪ She wrote upon it
♪ Return to sender
♪ Address unknown
♪ No such number
♪ No such zone
♪ And if it comes back
the very next day
♪ Then I'll understand
♪ Writing on it
Yes, yes!
♪ Address unknown
♪ No such number
The most outstanding
valuer is...
..Lionel!
Whoo-hoo!
- Sorry, babe.
- Whoo!
Thank you! Thank you!
- I'm gonna get that next year.
- Mm.
And the last award tonight
is a crowd-pleaser,
a bit of fun.
She's had a wobbly
start to the job,
but I'm excited to announce the
Office Clown Award goes to...
..Raylene 'Red' Delaney.
I didn't know about this bit.
And tonight
she didn't disappoint.
Whoo, whoo, whoo,
whoo, whoo, whoo!
Hmph.
Oh, hello!
Taxi!
Um...
It's my first award ever. Huh!
And I would like to thank my mum
for giving me this clown head.
Well,
there are two kinds of people.
Those who know
how to have a good time...
..and those who are
willin' to learn.
For the second group,
let me introduce myself.
My name is Dolly
and I'm your teacher.
Yee-ha!
I'd like to invite our
esteemed boss, Forbes Presley,
up onto the dance floor
with his beautiful wife.
- Come on!
- Come on!
I'd like to sing
a little somethin' for ya.
♪ Tumble outta bed
and I stumble to the kitchen
♪ Pour myself a cup of ambition
♪ And yawn and stretch
and try to get to my feet
♪ Jump in the shower
and the blood starts pumping
♪ Out on the street
the traffic starts jumping
♪ Working 9 to 5
♪ What a way to make a living
♪ Barely getting by
♪ It's all takin' and no givin'
♪ They just use your mind
♪ And they never give you credit
♪ It's enough to drive you
crazy if you let it
♪ 9 to 5
♪ Well, they've got you
where they want you
♪ There's a better life
♪ And you think about it,
don't you?
♪ It's a rich man's game
♪ No matter what they call it
Huh! Kenny Rogers!
He's our most successful client.
We're gearing up
for his Australasia tour.
Twin Palms Theatre,
Hong Kong, etc.
Oh, Twin Palms?
My mum loves that theatre.
It's pretty impressive.
Well, if the show sells out,
we'll go to the USA,
which I'm gunning for.
Are you?
How long you been
performin' Dolly?
Oh, no. Golly, no.
Just mucking around, but, um...
Tonight was just
an unfortunate mistake.
Yeah, right.
Well, it took guts.
Especially with those people.
It's the bland leading
the bland in there.
No offence.
- I thought you did alright.
- Cheers.
I'd watch that one.
Kenny's performing at the
Tamworth Country Music Festival.
- You should come. Bring Dolly.
- Oh, no.
You know, only if you liked
being an unfortunate mistake.
Night.
Welcome to my own
little Tennessee cabin.
Come here, baby. Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
OK.
- Darlin' Dolly.
- Yeah?
- You're a straight-up fantasy.
- Oh! OK.
I gotta be honest
with you, Dolly.
- I hate these orange pants.
- Oh.
Take 'em off,
you'd be close to perfection.
- Yeah, OK.
- Ah! Shh, shh.
As Dolly.
Oh, howdy-doody.
Well, my pants are comin' off.
Bathroom. Back in a sec.
- Raylene!
- Oh!
Not on my beautiful grass!
Ohh!
Who was that?
Elvis Presley.
Oh, it was that good, was it?
Ma, please stop locking me out.
It's one o'clock in the morning!
You chose to live in the garage!
Bloody ridiculous.
There are two kinds of people.
Those who know how to have
a good time...
..and those who are just trying.
Mum!
Put your gown on!
Nothing wrong
with being comfortable
in your skin, darling,
au naturel.
I just wish I looked a little
bit more professional.
You are a beautiful
sunburnt mushroom.
Um, thanks, Mum.
It's not what I'm going for,
but... thanks.
Hurry up!
You're late. Hopeless!
I mean, look at her.
All that nylon.
It'll make your snatch sick.
Well, they say natural
perfection isn't everything.
Um, perfection is a bitch.
And do we have to be beautiful?
Because it's not easy
and it's not my preference.
- Could I get a word, Raylene?
- Yes, you may.
I'll just get my...
..cup of ambition.
- So...
- Who do you remind me of?
Scarlett Johansson.
No.
Raylene, I, uh... I have grounds
to fire you
for sexual harassment.
Sorry?
Sexual harassment.
♪ It's 12 past midnight,
don't close your eyes
♪ Your soul's half alive
♪ And I'll be by your side
- 'Cause I was touching crotches?
- Many.
#MeToo, too many crotches.
♪ I'm taking your heart
I'm sorry. I... I've got this
impulse control problem.
No, it's not just about
last night, Raylene.
Your behaviour
has been inappropriate
prior to last night also.
See, you're not bad at putting
a value on a property.
It's just the whole rest
of the job
that you're a mess.
You know, in business
you need to be
a shiny, professional
house-and-land package
and you're like a, uh...
- Converted garage?
- Yes.
Honestly, you don't really
fit in in any office, Red.
I mean, you're late
every single day.
You lost your driver's licence
when half the job is driving
and you had whisky with that
little old lady at the auction.
But she was so lonely!
She hadn't spoken
to anyone in two weeks!
If you want to stay here,
you need to shut down.
- Shut myself down?
- Mm-hm, yep.
Tuck yourself in.
OK, it's too much copper,
which is why we're red
and why we hardly charge
and why we bleed lots.
It's like bed them
or bury them alive
is what the ancient Egyptians...
I don't care about
your hair, Red.
Please, Forbes.
I can fit in.
And I can tuck in.
I can tuck right in.
And I'd never bring up
the size of your cock.
You're fired.
You're like the love child
of Mick Hucknall
and Ronald McDonald
if they banged.
- I quit!
- Excuse me?
This is a circus
and you're the freak!
You can't fire me
because I quit!
- Oh!
- Shi... Oh!
Oooh!
Ohh!
Tuck that shit in!
♪ Oh, yes
♪ Pretending that I'm doing well
♪ I pretend too much
♪ I'm lonely
♪ But no-one can tell
♪ I am the
♪ Blue smoke climbin' up
the mountain
♪ Blue smoke
winding 'round the bend
♪ Blue smoke is the name
of the heartbreak train
♪ That I am ridin' in
♪ I left a note,
I wrote "I'm leavin'
♪ "And I won't be comin' back"
♪ Blue smoke rollin',
rollin', rollin'
♪ Rollin',
rollin' down the track
♪ Clicketty, clicketty
Clicketty clack
♪ Oh, Omaha honey had
a hold on a hell of a thing
♪ Down in a hollar
♪ Every evening
you can hear her sing
♪ She sang funky, but showed
me the Tulsa Turnaround
♪ Stepped on my toes,
turned me on and turned me down
♪ Fit me like a hand in a glove
I love you!
Come back to my room.
I love you!
Thanks a lot.
And this one.
This one's for Trudy.
And this one too!
Dolly. Where do I start?
I mean she's old-school,
but she's new-school relevant.
- Mm.
- She's funny and successful.
And smart and talented.
But she's heart-breaking
and she's a poet,
but she knows who she is,
you know?
She's just like that
little bit of hope
holding up humanity
or at least my humanity.
Why are you 'Teeth'?
- Real name's Annie.
- Oh.
But I got my nickname
'cause I had a sack of teeth
growing in my ovaries.
Every time.
What?!
Hey, we're casting for
a new Dolly at the moment
for Kenny's show to boost
his image and ticket sales
and I'm submittin' you
as my number one.
What?
There's a Dolly stand-up gig
on tonight.
- Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Yeah. Come on.
- Oh.
- It's gonna be a tough crowd.
Let's see what you're made of.
Oh, wow. Alright.
Yeah, make-up's a little extra.
Thanks, Tay-Tay,
you squeaky mouse.
You said do my best. Best.
Oh, no. Oh, no!
- Is it too much? Is it too much?
- No, look.
It's... it's... it's fine.
It's... it's fine.
We don't have time.
Plus, Kenny's here.
Don't worry.
You don't have to sing.
Just, um, banter.
I don't think this
is such a good idea.
- I feel carsick.
- No, listen. Come on.
Remember,
it's about the audience
and their nostalgia, right?
It is more about them
and less about you.
- OK.
- Yeah?
Like you did
at that office party.
Unless you wanna go back
to a boring nine-to-five.
I really don't, I really don't.
No, 'cause you'd neck
yourself, mate.
- And I'd probably help you.
- Thank you.
- Now...
- Thanks.
..let me look at you.
Well, mate,
you're a bit of a hot mess.
But the time is now.
- OK.
- Pony up. You can do it.
That a girl.
♪ Just because I'm blonde,
don't think I'm dumb
Welcome, Dolly!
Best of luck.
Howdy.
I've gotta be honest.
This is my first time properly.
We'll be gentle!
Howdy, darling!
Well, look at you all!
Thanks, Doll.
We'd rather be looked at
than overlooked!
Well, I really...
..I really patterned my look
from a serious place,
from a country girl's idea
of glamour
after what they called
the "town tramp".
In a country town,
a mountain town,
there's always
a few loose women.
That's me!
And she had this beautiful
peroxide hair
piled on her head,
red nails, high-heel shoes
and I just thought she was the
prettiest thing I've ever seen.
But my momma, she said,
"She ain't nothin' but trash."
And I thought, "That's what
I wanna be, Momma.
"I want to be trash!"
Opinionated mommas,
we've all got 'em,
burnin' in our ears.
But thank you so much
for listening, boys.
One piece of advice.
Always act like it's rainin'
and wear your rubbers!
Thank you and goodnight!
- Doll.
- Hey!
I may look like a man,
but inside I'm a lady.
Whoo-hoo!
Hey, you did pretty good!
Hey, who's that guy with Kenny?
He looks like Neil Diamond.
That's my boss, Wilson Stone.
He runs Genuine Copy Management.
- I didn't want to freak you out.
- I freaked anyway.
- I mean, I freaked!
- No, but you were fine.
I've gotta get Kenny
to the hotel.
- But make sure you call me.
- I will.
- You did well.
- Thanks.
I need a drink.
Hey, Franny,
I'm staying at this motel
with this huge golden guitar...
- Hey!
- Thank you, Dolly.
..this huge golden guitar
out the front
and I just performed as Dolly,
but I didn't touch any crotches.
And I've got this new friend
who grew teeth in her ovaries.
OK. See you. Bye.
Come in.
Buddy!
You get fired from work,
you're five hours out of town
with a woman with teeth
in her vagina?
Call me crazy, but terror
ran through my brain.
You're a silly,
billy, willy, villy.
Get up.
Help me.
Yep, yep.
That's good, that's good.
Come on, Red. Get in the shower.
Yep, yep, yep, yep. Oh, my feet!
This drag queen had
the prettiest boob job.
- Do not get bolt-ons!
- I'm just saying...
I'm just saying,
what a professional.
I smell Sunday roast chicken!
It's hormone-free!
Can't have my men
growing breasts.
- Red, hi.
- Hey, Gramps.
- Mwah!
- Darlin'.
Ooh! Bathroom.
Where have you been?
Francis's couch.
Just 'cause you're old enough
doesn't mean that I've...
..stopped being your mum.
Oh, Franny, did you win
that award, darling?
I forgot to ask.
- Nope.
- Maybe next year.
Or Red might even get the award.
- I will.
- You got fired.
You got fired?
- Again?
- I didn't. Mum, calm down.
Well, it's not exactly
soothing information.
It's nothing.
It's just a career glitch.
Oh, sorry, Red quit. She quit.
You got fired and quit,
but in the same day?
Well, that's new.
You know, in all my career,
I have never lost a job.
I've always been
a high achiever.
I've had rounds of IVF
and then being a single mum,
very creative.
I've managed to have my cake,
decorate it and eat it,
so to speak, hm?
I just boggle at... you.
I know! You can work with me
at the Royal Blind Society.
You could move back in here,
we can rent out the garage...
Mum, I'm not
moving back in here.
- I'm perfectly capable myself.
- Are you?
'Cause I'd say it's been
quite the journey so far.
What are you going to do?
Well, I'll tell you.
She is going...
Mm!
She's gonna tell you
that Franny and I are dating.
See? Partner, Mum.
- Ticked that box.
- Oh! Oh!
That's the news to focus on.
Ohh, my darlings!
I know!
Ha ha ha!
Ohh!
Where are you going?
Obviously to yours.
I just need a frickin' minute,
just a minute,
to work out me
and my career thing
without everyone's 50 cents.
So Dolly...
is moving in with you.
- Ooh!
- Ohh.
She's brash, she's bubbly,
real forward.
Nipples to the sky.
And be confident!
Three bras does the trick.
Hello, Kenny. My name is Dolly.
Kenny, you're so hot.
I will always love you.
Oh, man,
she's hard. Dolly's so hard.
I will love you too
if you keep your ass so tight.
Should have gone with
Britney Spears or something.
Ooh! Cool Bowie!
The Teeth is taking me
to this secret club
and hopefully I'll win over
her boss somehow
and he'll take me on
as Kenny's Dolly.
OK, so just a reminder that
your track record with bosses
or any authority ever
is not great.
So try and be a bit more Dolly
and less Red when negotiating
or even charming him
'cause you're gonna
need cash to pay off
the credit debt
you just cranked up.
Yeah, well, big stars of
the copy world make good coin.
This isn't a game to me.
This is business.
Franny, can you help me?
I can't do anything
with these nails.
Oh, just...
Yeah.
Here.
My name is Dolly.
Ain't you cute?
- Ain't you sweet? Ain't you...
- Is this right?
Yeah. Can you do it up?
Hurry, Franny. Come on.
I'm running late.
And I got it.
OK. How do I look?
Ain't you a squeezy bag
of peaches?
OK.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
I'll have
to knock that out of you
'cause my time is no less
valuable than yours, alright?
And ease up on the 'sorry's.
Dolly would do one tough 'sorry'
and that's it.
Sorry.
Cool.
- Ready to be Dolly?
- Yeah.
- That wig is so much better.
- Thanks.
You get one shot with Wilson,
so don't mess it up, OK?
It's cocktail hour
with the one and only
Miss Ton Vee!
I told you I've got
a Streisand back in the States.
I don't need another, darling.
Sorry to interrupt.
Dolly, this is Wilson.
Wilson, Dolly performed
in Tamworth, remember?
In... in drag.
Take me back to Vegas
with you, Neil Diamond.
Mwah!
Always with the kiss.
Two, two.
'I Will Always Love You'.
Really?
Good move not selling
that song to Elvis
and making a packet
with Whitney Houston.
Ladies and gentlemen,
keep that applause going
for your favourite
master of ceremonies,
the one, the only, Elvis!
- Come here, baby.
- Mmm!
Come on.
Oh!
Isn't she a sweetie?
Miss Ton Vee!
Could I have another round
of applause for her, please?
Oh, hello, Norma Jean.
- Oh!
- Later?
We've got a fabulous show
for you here tonight.
We're gonna be following up
with Lady Gaga...
..and Miss Amy Winehouse,
so please hang onto
your drinks, your wares.
I'll be right back.
We're gonna have
a great time tonight.
Going to the ladies.
Hey, Wilson! How's it goin'?
♪ Touch a man
who can't walk upright
♪ And that main man, he gon' fly
♪ And I fly, yeah
♪ And I fly...
- Shit!
- You sound amazing.
- I was trying...
- I'm a woman, not a drag act.
Good for you. I'll tell Kenny.
He was wondering.
I want to make a living
doing this.
You and every other
tribute performer.
Doesn't mean it's a good idea.
Give me a chance.
Whatever happened to
a good old-fashioned chance?
They got phased out in the '80s.
I have genuine copies,
not copies of copies.
Do you breathe, sleep
and eat Dolly?
It's hard work, OK,
from every small, demeaning gig
to the biggest venues.
And you strike me as someone
who doesn't
stick to things, right?
Yeah. I thought so.
This is where I belong.
I feel at home here.
This is what
I'm supposed to be doing!
I mean, I've idolised Dolly
since I was a kid.
Please, Wilson.
- Man, please!
- Hey!
Dolly don't beg.
No begging. Sorry.
No sorrys.
No sorrys, no beggin'.
I would've been tall if I didn't
get bunched up at the top.
♪ Baby, I'm burnin'
out of control
Poof! Poof!
Hmph.
Yeah, you're weird enough.
I'll give you that.
We need more Dollys
in the world.
Listen to me.
I've got someone else in mind
for Kenny's tour.
But...
..I like the '80s
so I'm gonna throw you a bone.
Show me what you're made of.
♪ Still standing in the wind
Hey, I grabbed
your favourite power juice.
Did I tell you I saw Katy Perry
making out with Katy Perry?
Well, I want to see the Katys!
Not until I'm a pro
and not at the club
'cause you're not a copy
or a manager
or a celebrity.
Yeah, you wouldn't fit in.
These people are
so wonderfully unique.
Can you try and keep Dolly
tucked in to just one corner
of the house?
Don't wait up!
You're welcome.
So you just
stick to the script, yeah,
honouring the incredible work
of iconic Australian actor
Jack Thompson.
Then you sing your Jack song.
- And then you're off.
- Yeah.
George, the Minogue sisters
are stuck together.
Hang on, Dannii!
If I pull down and you pull
sideways, it might work.
Kylie and Dannii
were supposed to do a spot
with Elvis and introduce Dolly.
Dolly, you buffer with Elvis.
Remember, banter is your forte.
No, no, I can't do that.
I can't improvise.
- Yes, you can.
- I have to prepare.
- Let's go.
- What's...
You two, I'm gonna push you out.
There's gonna be a lot of
people coming through here.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much, everybody.
Thank you very much.
Who's wearing a wig now?
Who's wearing a wig?
Oh, Madonna, darlin',
you look so pretty there.
I'm just not so sure
about your hair.
You take it down,
you'd be close to perfect.
May I come down there
and give you a kiss, ma'am?
Thank you, ma'am. Thank you.
Improvise, Dolly.
You've got this. You...
Damn straight I do.
Why, howdy, Elvis!
Ladies and gents,
dollars and cents.
Hello, Dolly. Look at you.
Please do. I'd rather be
looked at than overlooked.
Mm-mm!
Madonna, don't listen to Elvis.
I don't like to be
like everybody else.
That's the easiest thing
in the world to do.
Love you, Dolly!
But you ain't
the real deal now,
are you, Dolly?
Nothin' real about me,
but my heart.
I've seen you perform.
I ain't so sure.
I've seen you perform too,
Elvis.
That's right.
All men come back for an encore
and a standin' ovation,
but you weren't even standin'.
Oh, thank you very much, Dolly.
Thanks very much about that.
Miss Dolly Parton here.
Thank you very much.
Has he left the buildin' yet?
I'm just kiddin'.
Isn't he a sweetie,
ladies and gentlemen?
Now, we've got a very special
guest here tonight
and I've got a little song
for my friend Jack.
♪ Play a song for me,
Applejack, Applejack
♪ Play a song for me
and I'll sing
♪ Play a song for me,
Applejack, Applejack
Alright, the guest spot
in Kenny's show,
starting with five appearances
at the Orchard Oriental.
My cut is 35%.
- 20.
- 30.
Done, with a cut of the merch.
We don't have merch.
But you know what?
Actually,
that's a very good idea.
- Hm.
- OK. What do you think?
Dolly says,
"You'll never do a whole lot
"unless you're brave enough
to try."
Alright, Dolly. Pack your bags.
Sunday, you're going
to Hong Kong, baby.
Yes!
- Hmm...
- Watch the bar.
Watch the bar!
Are you gonna come out of the
closet to Viv before you fly?
Franny, don't take the piss.
I'm nervous enough as it is.
Come on. This is one bed,
one bath.
I am busting my arse right now!
Old self is gone.
I've torn down the fibro,
chucked out the asbestos
and the new brick has gone up.
I'm a better house
not ready to be
appraised just yet.
Hong Kong is a big deal!
They're gonna start
paying me well.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying!
It's a professional job.
You can stop covering up.
Viv will be proud.
Do you think she might
be mildly proud?
It's a great Mother's Day gift.
Mm.
She does love her garden
more than she loves me.
That could be true.
Yeah.
- Ooh...!
- Oh, Franny, don't.
Well, I've got some news.
Oh, here we go. Brace for it.
- I've got some news too.
- Oh.
- But you go first. Go on.
- OK.
I sold one of my macrame
thingies to a lady at work!
Congrats, Ma.
Is she blind?
Well... yes.
And I've started online dating.
- Whoa.
- Mm!
It must be two decades since...
OK, Dad! Thanks.
Yes, I'm pretty proud of myself.
Very modern of me.
Well, my news, also modern.
- Job.
- Oh! Fabulous!
Oh, I couldn't bear
another embarrassing
career song and dance.
I'm a Dolly Parton impersonator.
Oh!
OK, I mean, we all know
how much you love her,
but people are gonna pay
to see you do that, are they?
Yes!
As much as people pay
for your cock and ball thingos.
I manage to be normal,
thank you, darling,
while you're off on some
wild, sequinned goose chase
that isn't gonna end well.
They're flying me to Hong Kong
tonight for a gig
with the world's best
Kenny Rogers impersonator.
And we're performing
at this really posh hotel
for a whole week!
Much to your surprise, Mum,
I'm not an idiot
and it will end well
if it kills me.
Dolly or dead!
So... end of discussion.
You're enough.
This will probably
be your last job
and you'll never work again.
You're enough.
You're gonna be fine.
I'm farting too, constantly.
- Must be the plane food.
- What?
- I said, "Starting!"
- Oh, golly, gotta... gotta go.
I wish we had more time
to prepare.
♪ Know when to walk away
♪ Know when to run
♪ You never count your money
♪ When you're sitting
at the table
♪ There'll be time enough
for counting
Now, I gotta tell you, folks,
this next song is one
of my all-time favourites.
He might be singing it
by himself.
- I know. Jesus!
- I promised you a surprise.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm such an idiot.
Far out.
♪ Baby, when I met you
- There she is! That's...
- Did I miss it?
- What happened?
- Oh, my God.
- It's fine.
- It's not fine!
It's not.
Where are your other wigs?
- In my dressing room.
- We don't have time...
- Go. Go!
- It's fine, it's fine.
- I'm going on.
- It's not fine. You look crazy.
- Just get it together, OK?
- OK. Yeah.
And remember to hold his hand.
Be Dolly!
♪ You do something to me
that I can't explain
♪ Hold me closer
and I feel no pain
♪ Every do-do-do...
♪ Oh-oh
♪ Tender love is blind
Smile and get it together.
This sexy man
makes a girl speechless!
♪ We ride it together, ah-ha
♪ Making love with
each other, ah-ha
♪ Islands in the stream
♪ No-one in between
A stream is a small
body of water.
Yeah, I know, but it's fine.
There's no way an island
fits in a stream.
I know.
♪ And we rely
on each other, ah-ha
Thank you very much. You have
been a wonderful audience.
Thank you very much!
And thank you to the divine
Dolly Parton.
Well, thank you
for havin' me, Kenny.
Shall we sing it one more time?
What do you say, folks?
Let's sing it one more time.
Hey, Dolly, my little star,
get... get back up here!
- Come on!
- Enunciate!
OK.
Oh, my God.
♪ No-one in between
♪ How can we be wrong?
♪ Sail away with me
♪ To another world
♪ And we rely
on each other, ah-ha
I'm landin', covered in
make-up, glitter on my face.
Glitter?
And I hear...
In walks Wilson
and Mr Kenny Rogers himself
and he says,
"You do me better than I do me."
Oh, I love that.
I love that!
Then he goes, "World's best.
"You keep the dream alive, boy."
Ohh!
- Mmm.
- Mm-hm.
Oh, his...
..his music touched me deeply
when I was growin' up.
Mm-hm.
And I look like him.
- And he chose me.
- Mm-hm.
It's been my clear calling
all of my life.
Well, now he's gone,
it's... it's just me.
And, uh...
Dolly.
Oh, Dolly.
Oh, Kenny.
Get up. Get up.
Oh!
- Oh, Kenny...
- Oh!
Oh, Kenny!
Oh, Kenny!
- Oh!
- Oh, Dolly.
Oh, Dolly.
Oh, Dolly!
- OH, DOLLY!
- OH, KENNY!
Hm...
Hmm.
- I've got 'pwesents'!
- Hey.
I'm so sorry
I didn't call, Franwa.
It's just Hong Kong was just
full-on, but it was amazing.
This Kenny Rogers impersonator
is such a professional.
- What's his name?
- Um...
..coincidentally, it's Kenny.
His name is Kenny?
Did you two get it on?
- Mmm.
- Good for you, mate!
At least one of us
is getting laid.
Bring him to Sunday roast
so we can all judge him.
- Hmm.
- I'm kidding.
Let's not jump ahead, Franny.
But he does bring out
the best in me.
If I were an impersonator,
I'd want to be...
Who would you be?
- Mm?
- I'd be you.
As if you could be me.
Because I blink a lot
because it's really intense
living my life
because I've got
really full-on hair
and it's really full-on
and hard,
but some people just fly
to Hong Kong
and then you just become
the most perfect Dolly,
the perfect Dolly.
I'm actually making
a career out of this.
Yeah, I know,
but you can't just be
a cardboard cut-out
of an impersonator.
I'm not.
I'm just saying you've
gotta bring more to it
than a blonde wig
and a bra full of socks, right?
Creatively,
emotionally, socially.
I am bringing more!
It's fibro walls.
You should, um,
start looking at rentals.
Also, have you spoken
to your mum yet?
I'm wondering if I should
"break up" with you or what?
Um, yeah. Um...
Tell her that I broke up
with you because I couldn't...
- ..commit.
- Open up?
Yeah, great. Perfect.
It's an investment
for my career,
so as I was saying,
I just, uh... I don't
want to be so flat.
You know, I want to have shape,
you know, big'uns.
Take a seat. Doreen, is it?
Uh, it's actually Raylene.
This is the size
I am willing to do for you.
They will be beautiful.
The size you're asking for
you'd have to work up to
with multiple surgeries over
an extensive lifetime career.
Oh.
If you decide to go
under the knife,
do you want them under
the breast muscle or over?
Let me think.
What did Dolly do?
- Jolene?
- Um, yeah? Oh, sorry, yes.
Um, under the breast muscle.
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together
for the Copy Club's hottest duo,
Kenny and Dolly!
♪ You've painted up your lips
Yee-ha!
♪ Ruby, are you contemplating
going out somewhere?
♪ The shadows
on the wall tell me
♪ The sun is goin' down
♪ Oh, Ruby
♪ It wasn't me that started
♪ That old crazy Asian war
♪ But I was proud to go
and do my patriotic chore
♪ And, yes, it's true
♪ That I'm not the man
♪ Oh, Ruby
OK, Kenny,
if you could step out now.
- Alright, baby. Over to you.
- OK!
♪ Oh, Ruby
Get over here!
Kenny,
I cannot believe this house!
We smash the rest
of this tour, baby,
Nashville will be calling.
Mmm.
So...
..your real name.
You're coming undone here.
- Oh, golly.
- Here.
No, you're right, you're right.
Kenny, Dolly.
I'm... I'm Kenny Rogers,
officially deed polled and all.
You prefer Dolly, I assume?
Like you have no idea.
People think that I'm weird,
that my behaviour
is inappropriate or whatever,
but being a mimic is not enough.
It doesn't matter who you are
or what industry you're in.
You cannot be halfway in.
Yeah, you've gotta
bring everythin'.
Emotionally,
creatively, socially.
I get it.
You're just blossomin'.
Dolly would be really proud
of you, Dolly.
And we just fit, you and I.
Still, here we are,
both of us lonely.
♪ Longing for shelter
♪ From all that we see
♪ Why should we worry
♪ No-one will care, girl
♪ Look at the stars now
♪ So far away
♪ We've got tonight
♪ Who needs tomorrow?
♪ We've got tonight, babe
Okey-dokey.
Five, six, seven, eight...
OK.
Well... Alright.
You got your own room
for your private gal time.
Mm-hm.
And don't worry. I'm not too
far away. Just over there.
Spare key set cut
for front and back door
just in case you get locked out.
Huh!
I guess we're doin' this.
Home, sweet home!
- Oh, baby.
- Mmm!
♪ Get ready for me, love,
'cause I'm a comer
♪ I simply gotta march,
my heart's a drummer
♪ Nobody, no, nobody
♪ Is gonna
♪ Rain on my
Yeah!
I know. I know.
Ladies and gentlemen,
would you please welcome
our newest master of ceremonies,
the Empress of Country,
Ms Dolly Parton!
Thank you!
Welcome, my new friends.
Oh, my golly, welcome!
It is important to keep
our homes open to everybody.
It doesn't matter what size,
colour, shape you are.
You find out who you are
and you do it on purpose.
Ain't that right, Elvis?
Truth is like the sun.
You can shut it out for a time,
but it ain't goin' away.
Dolly! Dolly! Dolly! Dolly!
Dolly! Dolly! Dolly! Dolly!
♪ I just can't get you
out of my head
♪ Boy, your lovin'
is all I think about
♪ I just can't get you
out of my head
♪ Boy, it's more
than I dare to think about
♪ La, la, la La, la, la-la la
That's Zhang, my new border.
I'm assuming
you're worried about me
and you've come to apologise
for falling off
the face of the earth.
I'm fine. Lost weight. Mm. See?
I've come to give you some cash
for the mortgage
and invite you to my gig,
which is at your
favourite theatre,
Twin Palms.
Hmm. A step up from
the school talent contest.
I'll come for a laugh.
No, Mum, don't come for a laugh.
It's serious!
I mean, they're talking
Nashville and a US tour.
I can't win with you.
I was devastated to hear that
you and Franny were a joke.
How cruel.
Alright! Alright!
It's her problem!
"Kenny in the Kimberley."
Got a great ring to it.
How long till you're back?
It's only two weeks, baby,
but... I'll miss you.
- Mm-hm.
- I will.
At home, on stage,
backstage, everywhere.
I'll give you a call
once I land.
OK.
My weapons
of mass distraction. Hm.
Hmm!
Mm, let's do this.
Here we go.
Little sting. Little prick.
Everything's gonna be alright.
Yeah.
♪ There are times
when I should be strong
♪ When I'm awfully weak
♪ When the sudden blows of life
♪ Have brought me to my knees
♪ Woman needs a helpin' hand
♪ Needs someone to understand
♪ Needs the man she loves
to help her stand
♪ So touch your woman,
touch your woman
♪ Everything's gonna be alright
♪ Touch your woman,
touch your woman
♪ Let me know
♪ Let me know
everything's alright
♪ And when the busy day is done
♪ And you lay by my side
♪ You know exactly what it takes
♪ To keep me satisfied
♪ You know exactly what I need
♪ And I always
go to sleep in peace
♪ Thanking God
that you belong to me
♪ So touch your woman
♪ Touch your woman
♪ Let me know
Hey, it's OK.
You're in recovery
and this is normal.
Your body is naturally
going into protective mode
and is rejecting the implants,
which is absolutely...
- Normal.
- ..normal.
Oh.
I'll go and get you
some morphine.
OK.
Oh, and your next of kin
is waiting for you outside.
Oh, shit.
Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Yes, yes!
Franwa, hello!
Do I look 'boobiful'?
I can't say it!
Why are you so angry?
Everything's gonna be alright.
Cutting yourself to be beautiful
is unbelievable to me.
It's fucking stupid!
Oh, why are you so jacked up
about what I do with
my body anyway?
Because I'm your mate
trying to stop you
from making dumb choices.
Well, I don't need saving.
I'm not trying to save you.
I'm trying to love you,
you arsehole!
Ow.
If you hadn't had your head
so far up your arse,
you'd know
I've actually met someone.
♪ If I should stay
That's right,
ladies and gentlemen.
I am back and I am
better than ever!
I've always had big'uns,
just not this big.
I used to be a little
champagne glass
and now I'm a watermelon.
Whoo!
♪ And I
♪ Will always love you
♪ I will always
♪ Love you
♪ I will always
Oh...
Who is the real Kenny?
Oh, where is this guy?
Kenny, Kenny,
Kenny, Kenny, Kenny!
You're part synthetic.
Well,
I think that's probably true.
I think a part
of what magic I may have
as far as my personality
is the fact that I look
totally artificial
and I like to think
that I'm totally real.
Do you see yourself
as a sex symbol?
I feel sexy.
I... I try to be, uh,
sexy, I guess...
Is that my star man?
I got an early flight
'cause I missed my girl!
I got presents!
Whoo-hoo-hoo, girl!
Yeah... girls!
I'm 100% committed.
- Hmm.
- You wanna feel 'em?
Right?
Why'd you do that?
Because the other ones
weren't working.
I hadn't noticed,
but I'm a butt man, so...
Huh.
Well, these are real.
Sure thing, Doll.
I hope they make you happy.
So... so, um...
Yeah, it's a little messy,
but I'm gettin' to it.
Have, uh, you been...
..you been going
through my things?
Lookin' for what?
Your momma. Your friends.
More about the real you.
I... I am real.
So how'd you get here?
Do you miss your old self?
Come on, now.
You can't just be
a cardboard cut-out.
Well...
Kenny Rogers, baby.
You OK?
Red, the Twin Palms Theatre
has sold out.
- Mm.
- Congratulations!
Oh...
Dolly's finally taken over, hey?
What does Kenny think
of your new equipment?
He's a butt man.
But I didn't do it for him.
I did it for myself.
You alright?
Oh!
Night.
Oh.
Hey, Dolly.
So how's it been
fillin' my shoes,
takin' my job, hm?
You think you're so
fuckin' special.
Nothin' real about me...
- ..'cept my heart.
- 'Cept my heart. Mm.
Those look real fake.
Your opinion
means nothin' to me.
Well, then, you won't
mind me reminding you
of who you really are.
I know what's under that wig...
..Raylene.
Hey!
I...
I...
It's so easy for you.
You have no idea.
It's not easy for any of us!
You're seriously red
and you have no titties.
It's nothin' personal,
darlin', but, uh,
the truth is like the sun.
You can shut it out for a time,
but it ain't goin' away.
Oh!
Mmm!
Dolly, honey.
- Quit, quit, quit...
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Baby, stop! Dolly, this is
serious business, alright?
Now, I want to show you
something, alright?
My daddy, he was in the army.
He made me shave it all off.
He was violent.
He was a real piece of work.
One of the saddest days
of my childhood.
Just because you lost your fuzz
don't mean you ain't a peach.
You're a good man, Kenny.
Hey.
You're a good man.
I wanna meet your mom.
Uh-huh.
Mm.
- And, darling?
- Mm?
Breasts?
Well, I get to
choose what I do with my body
because it's mine.
If people have gotta
look at you,
at least give them somethin'
decent to look at.
Ain't that right, Zhang?
And what about you two?
- Francis introduced us.
- Mm!
Mm.
Viv... this chicken is delicious.
Oh, thank you... Kenny.
It's not too dry?
Oh! So tender.
I'll get it.
Thank you.
Hey, Zhang.
- Oh, darling, hello!
- Hi!
- How are you?
- Good to see you.
Red, this is Betty.
Oh, Dolly, Betty.
It's so great
you're finally here
and I get to meet you!
It's funny. I get
'Ruby' all the time.
So sorry we're late, Viv.
I'm Kenny, man.
Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
- Pleasure.
Thank you.
You can trump last time.
So what do you do?
I'm... I'm a lawyer.
Very serious job,
not like yours.
Oh, I'm very proud of my girl.
She has worked hard.
This little Dolly,
she's dynamite.
The kid always
had the spirit in her.
Nice one, Gramps.
He's a wise guy.
Well, blessings don't come
without difficulties.
Amen.
I'd love to see
your garden, Viv.
Darling, of course!
I had let it go,
but Lionel and Zhang and I
have been working very hard
in the garden.
- Mm. Let's go. Let's go!
- Let me get that.
- Come on!
- Hm? OK, right now?
Oh, thank you. Aw!
- My pleasure.
- Excuse me.
Come on, love.
Yours is a mashed potato!
Ahh!
Oh, it's good to see you, Red.
'Dwinks'!
Whee!
Whoo!
So what's
the hardest case you've had?
Ooh, yeah,
I had this one absolute...
You are out of your mind!
- Franny, Franny...
- What are you doing?
Dolly Parton is about being
the best version of yourself,
but to never take yourself
too seriously.
You're living as someone else,
with someone else
who is also living as
someone else!
Yeah, so?
That's the gig!
And life is working
unbelievably better this way.
And he is who he is,
which is a version
of someone else,
and you're you, which is you,
which I'm sure
is a version of yourself
and I'm sure
probably someone else!
You're lost.
If you're busy
being someone else...
..who's busy being you?
What am I gonna do, Dolly?
It's OK to be nervous.
Tomorrow's show is a big deal.
I don't know
what's wrong with me!
The more unique you are
as a person,
the harder it is
to be someone else.
That's why Kenny
does it so well.
He was just
a blank canvas before.
He was a starter kit.
Being Kenny Rogers
gave him more than he ever
would've had without it.
Why did you stop being
Neil Diamond
when you were so successful?
I was tired
of ripping myself off...
..ripping my wife off
being someone else.
The only applause I ever
really needed was from her.
I realised that too late.
But who are you?
I mean, are... are you a copy,
are you a copy-copy?
You're still walking around
like you're Neil Diamond.
You ever read about a frog
who dreamed of being a king
and then became one?
Except for the names
and a few other places,
when you talk about me,
the story's the same one.
♪ But I got
an emptiness deep inside
♪ And I've tried,
but it won't let me go
♪ And I'm not a man
who likes to swear
♪ But I never cared
for the sound
♪ Of being alone
♪ To no-one there
♪ And no-one heard at all
You got this, kid.
♪ "I am," I cried
♪ "I am," said I
♪ And I am lost
♪ And I can't even say why
♪ "I am," I said
♪ "I am," I cried
It's all a bit ridiculous.
You get your looks from me,
though, obviously.
Hello, love.
Ladies and
gentlemen, take your seats.
The show you've all
been waiting for!
♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
♪ I'm begging of you
please don't take my man
♪ Jolene, Jolene
♪ Jolene, Jolene
♪ Please don't take him
just because you can
♪ Your beauty is beyond compare
♪ With flaming locks
of auburn hair
♪ With ivory skin
and eyes of emerald green
♪ Your smile is like
a breath of spring
♪ Your voice is soft
like summer rain
♪ In love forever
♪ We can ride it together, ah-ha
♪ Making love
with each other, ah-ha
♪ Islands in the stream
♪ That is what we are
♪ No-one in between
♪ How can we be wrong?
♪ Sail away with me
♪ To another world
♪ And we rely
on each other, ah-ha
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
baby, I'm burnin'
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
baby, I'm burnin'
♪ Baby, I'm burnin'
out of control
♪ Baby, I'm burnin'
body and soul
♪ Hot as a pistol
of flamin' desire
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
you've got me on fire
♪ Baby,
I'm burnin' out of control
♪ Baby, I'm burnin'
body and soul
Thank you, folks!
Thank you very much!
Yee-ha!
Oh, wow! Wow!
I, um...
I... I usually keep my cards
pretty close to my chest.
But tonight I got
something to say.
I LOVE you, baby!
I love you, I love you,
I love you!
- Kenny...
- Heaven and earth.
Oh, no.
Marry me.
Oh, Kenny...
He's just foolin' around.
Come on, baby.
Marry me, baby. This is it.
This is the way
it's meant to be.
What do you say, folks?
It's definitely not a joke.
Well, he's never
really been that funny.
I want all of you
to share in this moment.
Babe, I love you.
Kenny, you're not
in love with me.
I am.
Baby, I sure am.
Kenny, don't do this.
I thought that this
was what you wanted.
I can't do this.
I'm not the girl
you want, Kenny.
I'm not her.
But that silly-billy Dolly...
..taught me all the things that
you loved, that I pretended.
To have confidence in yourself.
And that bravery
is vulnerability.
And to not put a value
on yourself,
but value the things you love.
Oh, what...
Baby, what are you doin'?
Dolly's got some wisdom.
Dolly's got so much wisdom.
I haven't got any wisdom,
but I do know
that I've got to learn to be
all those things, but as me.
This is not an impulse reaction.
I'm stripteasing
in a somewhat untidy fashion,
all in the name
of saving myself...
..and the skin that I'm in.
Oh!
Eeee!
I love you, Mum.
I love you too, darling.
She's mine!
I propose and women drop
their knickers!
You go back out there.
That's for you.
It's OK. I don't need it.
Have a good night, folks.
Hm... Ohh!
Ohh.
Nice to see you.
Ain't you all glad
that the king is back?
And later on today -
and I'll say it again -
I want you to have a great day.
Later on today -
and I'll say it again -
I want you to have a great day.
Kenny! Showtime!
Thanks, Tom.
Now, to the most outstanding
valuer of the year.
I'm excited to announce
the winner is...
..Francis!
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo!
Good work, Francis! Good man!
Go, Francis!
Um, I'm terrified
at public speaking
so I hoped wearing this would
give me David Bowie guts
to get up here
and say thank you.
So, um...
..thank you.
Whoo!
I wasn't gonna miss it.
Awards are kind of stupid.
I'm really sorry, Franny.
You really pushed it.
- You pushed me.
- I know.
I just wanted that feeling
that everyone else
looks like they're having.
You know,
that they're respected and...
..you know.
What would the world do
with two Dolly Partons?
Celebrate?
You know I'm doing a new thing.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
I think I've kind of
found my audience.
- As yourself?
- Yeah.
Everyone else is taken.
♪ Come and see the real thing
♪ Come and see the real thing,
come and see
♪ There's a meaning there
♪ But the meaning there
doesn't really mean a thing
My name is Red
and I'm your teacher.
♪ I am the real thing
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
oo-mow-ma-mow-mow
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
oo-mow-ma-mow-mow...
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
mow-ma-mow-mow
♪ Ma-mow-mow-ma-mow,
ma-mow-mow-ma-mow!
♪ Trying hard to understand
♪ But really not
♪ You're seeing me
♪ Trying hard to understand
♪ But really not,
you're seeing me
♪ There's a meaning there,
but the meaning there
♪ Doesn't really mean a thing
♪ Come and see the real thing
♪ Come and see the real thing,
come and see
♪ I am the real, real,
thing, thing
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
oo-mow-ma-mow-mow
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
oo-mow-ma-mow-mow...
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow,
ma-mow-mow-ma-mow
♪ Ma-mow-mow-ma-mow,
ma-mow-mow-ma-mow
♪ I am not seeing you
♪ I am not seeing you
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
♪ Ohh
♪ Trying hard to understand
♪ But really not,
you're seeing me
♪ Trying hard to understand
♪ But really not,
you're seeing me
♪ There's a meaning there,
but the meaning there
♪ Doesn't really mean a thing
♪ Come and see the real thing
♪ Come and see the real thing
♪ Come and see
♪ I am the real, real,
thing, thing
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
oo-mow-ma-mow-mow
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
oo-mow-ma-mow-mow...
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow,
ma-mow-mow-ma-mow
Is everything alright?
Oh, yes, Mr Dowling.
Um, I'm just taking notes
on your circa-1970s cornicing
and the silver hardware
on your tootalie-wootalie.
Mm-hm.
- Swimmer?
- Swimmer.
- Is she? Yeah!
- Yeah.
She looks like it.
- Shoulders.
- Yes. Classic.
Ohh!
Oh, she was a beautiful dog.
Oh, yeah.
Oh...
Well, "Storms make trees
take deeper roots."
Oh, it's just a little
Dolly Parton saying
that I find helpful.
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.
What, so the...
the roots nestle in?
Yeah.
Yeah, like, um, you know...
- And the trunk thickens up?
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I like that.
Ooh, um, uh...
You've got a lovely two-bed,
one-bath, one-car time warp.
And I have valued it highly.
So you will definitely get your
refinancing for your family.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hm. Look, I've gotta go.
I've just...
I've got a big
office party tonight
and I've gotta get
dolled up and, you know...
But thank you so much
for sharing your life story.
It was my whole life story.
Yeah, it really was.
- It's cathartic, sharing.
- Yep.
Franny, I'm going to have
to meet you in there.
I've only just finished
my last valuation.
It's dress-up!
You know you've gotta dress up.
I know! Yeah, I know, I know.
- Well, who are you coming as?
- Who do you think?
Are you OK, Red?
Well, it's just I can't run!
My fitness is just not up there.
Oh!
♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
♪ I'm begging of you
please don't take my man
♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
♪ Please don't take him
just because you can
♪ Your beauty is beyond compare
♪ With flaming locks
of auburn hair
Whoops!
♪ Your smile is like
a breath of spring
♪ Your voice is soft
like summer rain
♪ And I cannot compete
with you, Jolene
♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Turn around.
Just turn around and leave.
- Hello, Dolly.
- G'day.
Hmm.
Francis?
I'm gonna kill you.
I don't want
to be a joke, Franny.
I want to be taken seriously,
for swear-word's-sake!
I can't get anywhere
when I look ridiculous!
OK, well,
the outfit doesn't help that.
Oh, come on, Red. Loosen up!
Don't tell me to loosen up.
I am loose, I am loose!
I hate you right now.
Well, do you want
to sneak out of here?
Well, I'm not a coward.
OK, so what are we doing?
Come on.
How do you feel?
Well... before you killed me,
I was feeling like a, you know,
frothy, talented,
successful Dolly Parton.
OK, everybody, everybody!
Welcome to the Presley
Property Awards!
And first up,
a very special guest,
the king himself, Elvis!
Alright.
Ooh!
♪ Return to sender
♪ I gave a letter to the postman
♪ He put it in his sack
♪ Bright and early
the next morning
♪ He brought my letter back
♪ She wrote upon it
♪ Return to sender
♪ Address unknown
♪ No such number
♪ No such zone
♪ And if it comes back
the very next day
♪ Then I'll understand
♪ Writing on it
Yes, yes!
♪ Address unknown
♪ No such number
The most outstanding
valuer is...
..Lionel!
Whoo-hoo!
- Sorry, babe.
- Whoo!
Thank you! Thank you!
- I'm gonna get that next year.
- Mm.
And the last award tonight
is a crowd-pleaser,
a bit of fun.
She's had a wobbly
start to the job,
but I'm excited to announce the
Office Clown Award goes to...
..Raylene 'Red' Delaney.
I didn't know about this bit.
And tonight
she didn't disappoint.
Whoo, whoo, whoo,
whoo, whoo, whoo!
Hmph.
Oh, hello!
Taxi!
Um...
It's my first award ever. Huh!
And I would like to thank my mum
for giving me this clown head.
Well,
there are two kinds of people.
Those who know
how to have a good time...
..and those who are
willin' to learn.
For the second group,
let me introduce myself.
My name is Dolly
and I'm your teacher.
Yee-ha!
I'd like to invite our
esteemed boss, Forbes Presley,
up onto the dance floor
with his beautiful wife.
- Come on!
- Come on!
I'd like to sing
a little somethin' for ya.
♪ Tumble outta bed
and I stumble to the kitchen
♪ Pour myself a cup of ambition
♪ And yawn and stretch
and try to get to my feet
♪ Jump in the shower
and the blood starts pumping
♪ Out on the street
the traffic starts jumping
♪ Working 9 to 5
♪ What a way to make a living
♪ Barely getting by
♪ It's all takin' and no givin'
♪ They just use your mind
♪ And they never give you credit
♪ It's enough to drive you
crazy if you let it
♪ 9 to 5
♪ Well, they've got you
where they want you
♪ There's a better life
♪ And you think about it,
don't you?
♪ It's a rich man's game
♪ No matter what they call it
Huh! Kenny Rogers!
He's our most successful client.
We're gearing up
for his Australasia tour.
Twin Palms Theatre,
Hong Kong, etc.
Oh, Twin Palms?
My mum loves that theatre.
It's pretty impressive.
Well, if the show sells out,
we'll go to the USA,
which I'm gunning for.
Are you?
How long you been
performin' Dolly?
Oh, no. Golly, no.
Just mucking around, but, um...
Tonight was just
an unfortunate mistake.
Yeah, right.
Well, it took guts.
Especially with those people.
It's the bland leading
the bland in there.
No offence.
- I thought you did alright.
- Cheers.
I'd watch that one.
Kenny's performing at the
Tamworth Country Music Festival.
- You should come. Bring Dolly.
- Oh, no.
You know, only if you liked
being an unfortunate mistake.
Night.
Welcome to my own
little Tennessee cabin.
Come here, baby. Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
OK.
- Darlin' Dolly.
- Yeah?
- You're a straight-up fantasy.
- Oh! OK.
I gotta be honest
with you, Dolly.
- I hate these orange pants.
- Oh.
Take 'em off,
you'd be close to perfection.
- Yeah, OK.
- Ah! Shh, shh.
As Dolly.
Oh, howdy-doody.
Well, my pants are comin' off.
Bathroom. Back in a sec.
- Raylene!
- Oh!
Not on my beautiful grass!
Ohh!
Who was that?
Elvis Presley.
Oh, it was that good, was it?
Ma, please stop locking me out.
It's one o'clock in the morning!
You chose to live in the garage!
Bloody ridiculous.
There are two kinds of people.
Those who know how to have
a good time...
..and those who are just trying.
Mum!
Put your gown on!
Nothing wrong
with being comfortable
in your skin, darling,
au naturel.
I just wish I looked a little
bit more professional.
You are a beautiful
sunburnt mushroom.
Um, thanks, Mum.
It's not what I'm going for,
but... thanks.
Hurry up!
You're late. Hopeless!
I mean, look at her.
All that nylon.
It'll make your snatch sick.
Well, they say natural
perfection isn't everything.
Um, perfection is a bitch.
And do we have to be beautiful?
Because it's not easy
and it's not my preference.
- Could I get a word, Raylene?
- Yes, you may.
I'll just get my...
..cup of ambition.
- So...
- Who do you remind me of?
Scarlett Johansson.
No.
Raylene, I, uh... I have grounds
to fire you
for sexual harassment.
Sorry?
Sexual harassment.
♪ It's 12 past midnight,
don't close your eyes
♪ Your soul's half alive
♪ And I'll be by your side
- 'Cause I was touching crotches?
- Many.
#MeToo, too many crotches.
♪ I'm taking your heart
I'm sorry. I... I've got this
impulse control problem.
No, it's not just about
last night, Raylene.
Your behaviour
has been inappropriate
prior to last night also.
See, you're not bad at putting
a value on a property.
It's just the whole rest
of the job
that you're a mess.
You know, in business
you need to be
a shiny, professional
house-and-land package
and you're like a, uh...
- Converted garage?
- Yes.
Honestly, you don't really
fit in in any office, Red.
I mean, you're late
every single day.
You lost your driver's licence
when half the job is driving
and you had whisky with that
little old lady at the auction.
But she was so lonely!
She hadn't spoken
to anyone in two weeks!
If you want to stay here,
you need to shut down.
- Shut myself down?
- Mm-hm, yep.
Tuck yourself in.
OK, it's too much copper,
which is why we're red
and why we hardly charge
and why we bleed lots.
It's like bed them
or bury them alive
is what the ancient Egyptians...
I don't care about
your hair, Red.
Please, Forbes.
I can fit in.
And I can tuck in.
I can tuck right in.
And I'd never bring up
the size of your cock.
You're fired.
You're like the love child
of Mick Hucknall
and Ronald McDonald
if they banged.
- I quit!
- Excuse me?
This is a circus
and you're the freak!
You can't fire me
because I quit!
- Oh!
- Shi... Oh!
Oooh!
Ohh!
Tuck that shit in!
♪ Oh, yes
♪ Pretending that I'm doing well
♪ I pretend too much
♪ I'm lonely
♪ But no-one can tell
♪ I am the
♪ Blue smoke climbin' up
the mountain
♪ Blue smoke
winding 'round the bend
♪ Blue smoke is the name
of the heartbreak train
♪ That I am ridin' in
♪ I left a note,
I wrote "I'm leavin'
♪ "And I won't be comin' back"
♪ Blue smoke rollin',
rollin', rollin'
♪ Rollin',
rollin' down the track
♪ Clicketty, clicketty
Clicketty clack
♪ Oh, Omaha honey had
a hold on a hell of a thing
♪ Down in a hollar
♪ Every evening
you can hear her sing
♪ She sang funky, but showed
me the Tulsa Turnaround
♪ Stepped on my toes,
turned me on and turned me down
♪ Fit me like a hand in a glove
I love you!
Come back to my room.
I love you!
Thanks a lot.
And this one.
This one's for Trudy.
And this one too!
Dolly. Where do I start?
I mean she's old-school,
but she's new-school relevant.
- Mm.
- She's funny and successful.
And smart and talented.
But she's heart-breaking
and she's a poet,
but she knows who she is,
you know?
She's just like that
little bit of hope
holding up humanity
or at least my humanity.
Why are you 'Teeth'?
- Real name's Annie.
- Oh.
But I got my nickname
'cause I had a sack of teeth
growing in my ovaries.
Every time.
What?!
Hey, we're casting for
a new Dolly at the moment
for Kenny's show to boost
his image and ticket sales
and I'm submittin' you
as my number one.
What?
There's a Dolly stand-up gig
on tonight.
- Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Yeah. Come on.
- Oh.
- It's gonna be a tough crowd.
Let's see what you're made of.
Oh, wow. Alright.
Yeah, make-up's a little extra.
Thanks, Tay-Tay,
you squeaky mouse.
You said do my best. Best.
Oh, no. Oh, no!
- Is it too much? Is it too much?
- No, look.
It's... it's... it's fine.
It's... it's fine.
We don't have time.
Plus, Kenny's here.
Don't worry.
You don't have to sing.
Just, um, banter.
I don't think this
is such a good idea.
- I feel carsick.
- No, listen. Come on.
Remember,
it's about the audience
and their nostalgia, right?
It is more about them
and less about you.
- OK.
- Yeah?
Like you did
at that office party.
Unless you wanna go back
to a boring nine-to-five.
I really don't, I really don't.
No, 'cause you'd neck
yourself, mate.
- And I'd probably help you.
- Thank you.
- Now...
- Thanks.
..let me look at you.
Well, mate,
you're a bit of a hot mess.
But the time is now.
- OK.
- Pony up. You can do it.
That a girl.
♪ Just because I'm blonde,
don't think I'm dumb
Welcome, Dolly!
Best of luck.
Howdy.
I've gotta be honest.
This is my first time properly.
We'll be gentle!
Howdy, darling!
Well, look at you all!
Thanks, Doll.
We'd rather be looked at
than overlooked!
Well, I really...
..I really patterned my look
from a serious place,
from a country girl's idea
of glamour
after what they called
the "town tramp".
In a country town,
a mountain town,
there's always
a few loose women.
That's me!
And she had this beautiful
peroxide hair
piled on her head,
red nails, high-heel shoes
and I just thought she was the
prettiest thing I've ever seen.
But my momma, she said,
"She ain't nothin' but trash."
And I thought, "That's what
I wanna be, Momma.
"I want to be trash!"
Opinionated mommas,
we've all got 'em,
burnin' in our ears.
But thank you so much
for listening, boys.
One piece of advice.
Always act like it's rainin'
and wear your rubbers!
Thank you and goodnight!
- Doll.
- Hey!
I may look like a man,
but inside I'm a lady.
Whoo-hoo!
Hey, you did pretty good!
Hey, who's that guy with Kenny?
He looks like Neil Diamond.
That's my boss, Wilson Stone.
He runs Genuine Copy Management.
- I didn't want to freak you out.
- I freaked anyway.
- I mean, I freaked!
- No, but you were fine.
I've gotta get Kenny
to the hotel.
- But make sure you call me.
- I will.
- You did well.
- Thanks.
I need a drink.
Hey, Franny,
I'm staying at this motel
with this huge golden guitar...
- Hey!
- Thank you, Dolly.
..this huge golden guitar
out the front
and I just performed as Dolly,
but I didn't touch any crotches.
And I've got this new friend
who grew teeth in her ovaries.
OK. See you. Bye.
Come in.
Buddy!
You get fired from work,
you're five hours out of town
with a woman with teeth
in her vagina?
Call me crazy, but terror
ran through my brain.
You're a silly,
billy, willy, villy.
Get up.
Help me.
Yep, yep.
That's good, that's good.
Come on, Red. Get in the shower.
Yep, yep, yep, yep. Oh, my feet!
This drag queen had
the prettiest boob job.
- Do not get bolt-ons!
- I'm just saying...
I'm just saying,
what a professional.
I smell Sunday roast chicken!
It's hormone-free!
Can't have my men
growing breasts.
- Red, hi.
- Hey, Gramps.
- Mwah!
- Darlin'.
Ooh! Bathroom.
Where have you been?
Francis's couch.
Just 'cause you're old enough
doesn't mean that I've...
..stopped being your mum.
Oh, Franny, did you win
that award, darling?
I forgot to ask.
- Nope.
- Maybe next year.
Or Red might even get the award.
- I will.
- You got fired.
You got fired?
- Again?
- I didn't. Mum, calm down.
Well, it's not exactly
soothing information.
It's nothing.
It's just a career glitch.
Oh, sorry, Red quit. She quit.
You got fired and quit,
but in the same day?
Well, that's new.
You know, in all my career,
I have never lost a job.
I've always been
a high achiever.
I've had rounds of IVF
and then being a single mum,
very creative.
I've managed to have my cake,
decorate it and eat it,
so to speak, hm?
I just boggle at... you.
I know! You can work with me
at the Royal Blind Society.
You could move back in here,
we can rent out the garage...
Mum, I'm not
moving back in here.
- I'm perfectly capable myself.
- Are you?
'Cause I'd say it's been
quite the journey so far.
What are you going to do?
Well, I'll tell you.
She is going...
Mm!
She's gonna tell you
that Franny and I are dating.
See? Partner, Mum.
- Ticked that box.
- Oh! Oh!
That's the news to focus on.
Ohh, my darlings!
I know!
Ha ha ha!
Ohh!
Where are you going?
Obviously to yours.
I just need a frickin' minute,
just a minute,
to work out me
and my career thing
without everyone's 50 cents.
So Dolly...
is moving in with you.
- Ooh!
- Ohh.
She's brash, she's bubbly,
real forward.
Nipples to the sky.
And be confident!
Three bras does the trick.
Hello, Kenny. My name is Dolly.
Kenny, you're so hot.
I will always love you.
Oh, man,
she's hard. Dolly's so hard.
I will love you too
if you keep your ass so tight.
Should have gone with
Britney Spears or something.
Ooh! Cool Bowie!
The Teeth is taking me
to this secret club
and hopefully I'll win over
her boss somehow
and he'll take me on
as Kenny's Dolly.
OK, so just a reminder that
your track record with bosses
or any authority ever
is not great.
So try and be a bit more Dolly
and less Red when negotiating
or even charming him
'cause you're gonna
need cash to pay off
the credit debt
you just cranked up.
Yeah, well, big stars of
the copy world make good coin.
This isn't a game to me.
This is business.
Franny, can you help me?
I can't do anything
with these nails.
Oh, just...
Yeah.
Here.
My name is Dolly.
Ain't you cute?
- Ain't you sweet? Ain't you...
- Is this right?
Yeah. Can you do it up?
Hurry, Franny. Come on.
I'm running late.
And I got it.
OK. How do I look?
Ain't you a squeezy bag
of peaches?
OK.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
I'll have
to knock that out of you
'cause my time is no less
valuable than yours, alright?
And ease up on the 'sorry's.
Dolly would do one tough 'sorry'
and that's it.
Sorry.
Cool.
- Ready to be Dolly?
- Yeah.
- That wig is so much better.
- Thanks.
You get one shot with Wilson,
so don't mess it up, OK?
It's cocktail hour
with the one and only
Miss Ton Vee!
I told you I've got
a Streisand back in the States.
I don't need another, darling.
Sorry to interrupt.
Dolly, this is Wilson.
Wilson, Dolly performed
in Tamworth, remember?
In... in drag.
Take me back to Vegas
with you, Neil Diamond.
Mwah!
Always with the kiss.
Two, two.
'I Will Always Love You'.
Really?
Good move not selling
that song to Elvis
and making a packet
with Whitney Houston.
Ladies and gentlemen,
keep that applause going
for your favourite
master of ceremonies,
the one, the only, Elvis!
- Come here, baby.
- Mmm!
Come on.
Oh!
Isn't she a sweetie?
Miss Ton Vee!
Could I have another round
of applause for her, please?
Oh, hello, Norma Jean.
- Oh!
- Later?
We've got a fabulous show
for you here tonight.
We're gonna be following up
with Lady Gaga...
..and Miss Amy Winehouse,
so please hang onto
your drinks, your wares.
I'll be right back.
We're gonna have
a great time tonight.
Going to the ladies.
Hey, Wilson! How's it goin'?
♪ Touch a man
who can't walk upright
♪ And that main man, he gon' fly
♪ And I fly, yeah
♪ And I fly...
- Shit!
- You sound amazing.
- I was trying...
- I'm a woman, not a drag act.
Good for you. I'll tell Kenny.
He was wondering.
I want to make a living
doing this.
You and every other
tribute performer.
Doesn't mean it's a good idea.
Give me a chance.
Whatever happened to
a good old-fashioned chance?
They got phased out in the '80s.
I have genuine copies,
not copies of copies.
Do you breathe, sleep
and eat Dolly?
It's hard work, OK,
from every small, demeaning gig
to the biggest venues.
And you strike me as someone
who doesn't
stick to things, right?
Yeah. I thought so.
This is where I belong.
I feel at home here.
This is what
I'm supposed to be doing!
I mean, I've idolised Dolly
since I was a kid.
Please, Wilson.
- Man, please!
- Hey!
Dolly don't beg.
No begging. Sorry.
No sorrys.
No sorrys, no beggin'.
I would've been tall if I didn't
get bunched up at the top.
♪ Baby, I'm burnin'
out of control
Poof! Poof!
Hmph.
Yeah, you're weird enough.
I'll give you that.
We need more Dollys
in the world.
Listen to me.
I've got someone else in mind
for Kenny's tour.
But...
..I like the '80s
so I'm gonna throw you a bone.
Show me what you're made of.
♪ Still standing in the wind
Hey, I grabbed
your favourite power juice.
Did I tell you I saw Katy Perry
making out with Katy Perry?
Well, I want to see the Katys!
Not until I'm a pro
and not at the club
'cause you're not a copy
or a manager
or a celebrity.
Yeah, you wouldn't fit in.
These people are
so wonderfully unique.
Can you try and keep Dolly
tucked in to just one corner
of the house?
Don't wait up!
You're welcome.
So you just
stick to the script, yeah,
honouring the incredible work
of iconic Australian actor
Jack Thompson.
Then you sing your Jack song.
- And then you're off.
- Yeah.
George, the Minogue sisters
are stuck together.
Hang on, Dannii!
If I pull down and you pull
sideways, it might work.
Kylie and Dannii
were supposed to do a spot
with Elvis and introduce Dolly.
Dolly, you buffer with Elvis.
Remember, banter is your forte.
No, no, I can't do that.
I can't improvise.
- Yes, you can.
- I have to prepare.
- Let's go.
- What's...
You two, I'm gonna push you out.
There's gonna be a lot of
people coming through here.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much, everybody.
Thank you very much.
Who's wearing a wig now?
Who's wearing a wig?
Oh, Madonna, darlin',
you look so pretty there.
I'm just not so sure
about your hair.
You take it down,
you'd be close to perfect.
May I come down there
and give you a kiss, ma'am?
Thank you, ma'am. Thank you.
Improvise, Dolly.
You've got this. You...
Damn straight I do.
Why, howdy, Elvis!
Ladies and gents,
dollars and cents.
Hello, Dolly. Look at you.
Please do. I'd rather be
looked at than overlooked.
Mm-mm!
Madonna, don't listen to Elvis.
I don't like to be
like everybody else.
That's the easiest thing
in the world to do.
Love you, Dolly!
But you ain't
the real deal now,
are you, Dolly?
Nothin' real about me,
but my heart.
I've seen you perform.
I ain't so sure.
I've seen you perform too,
Elvis.
That's right.
All men come back for an encore
and a standin' ovation,
but you weren't even standin'.
Oh, thank you very much, Dolly.
Thanks very much about that.
Miss Dolly Parton here.
Thank you very much.
Has he left the buildin' yet?
I'm just kiddin'.
Isn't he a sweetie,
ladies and gentlemen?
Now, we've got a very special
guest here tonight
and I've got a little song
for my friend Jack.
♪ Play a song for me,
Applejack, Applejack
♪ Play a song for me
and I'll sing
♪ Play a song for me,
Applejack, Applejack
Alright, the guest spot
in Kenny's show,
starting with five appearances
at the Orchard Oriental.
My cut is 35%.
- 20.
- 30.
Done, with a cut of the merch.
We don't have merch.
But you know what?
Actually,
that's a very good idea.
- Hm.
- OK. What do you think?
Dolly says,
"You'll never do a whole lot
"unless you're brave enough
to try."
Alright, Dolly. Pack your bags.
Sunday, you're going
to Hong Kong, baby.
Yes!
- Hmm...
- Watch the bar.
Watch the bar!
Are you gonna come out of the
closet to Viv before you fly?
Franny, don't take the piss.
I'm nervous enough as it is.
Come on. This is one bed,
one bath.
I am busting my arse right now!
Old self is gone.
I've torn down the fibro,
chucked out the asbestos
and the new brick has gone up.
I'm a better house
not ready to be
appraised just yet.
Hong Kong is a big deal!
They're gonna start
paying me well.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying!
It's a professional job.
You can stop covering up.
Viv will be proud.
Do you think she might
be mildly proud?
It's a great Mother's Day gift.
Mm.
She does love her garden
more than she loves me.
That could be true.
Yeah.
- Ooh...!
- Oh, Franny, don't.
Well, I've got some news.
Oh, here we go. Brace for it.
- I've got some news too.
- Oh.
- But you go first. Go on.
- OK.
I sold one of my macrame
thingies to a lady at work!
Congrats, Ma.
Is she blind?
Well... yes.
And I've started online dating.
- Whoa.
- Mm!
It must be two decades since...
OK, Dad! Thanks.
Yes, I'm pretty proud of myself.
Very modern of me.
Well, my news, also modern.
- Job.
- Oh! Fabulous!
Oh, I couldn't bear
another embarrassing
career song and dance.
I'm a Dolly Parton impersonator.
Oh!
OK, I mean, we all know
how much you love her,
but people are gonna pay
to see you do that, are they?
Yes!
As much as people pay
for your cock and ball thingos.
I manage to be normal,
thank you, darling,
while you're off on some
wild, sequinned goose chase
that isn't gonna end well.
They're flying me to Hong Kong
tonight for a gig
with the world's best
Kenny Rogers impersonator.
And we're performing
at this really posh hotel
for a whole week!
Much to your surprise, Mum,
I'm not an idiot
and it will end well
if it kills me.
Dolly or dead!
So... end of discussion.
You're enough.
This will probably
be your last job
and you'll never work again.
You're enough.
You're gonna be fine.
I'm farting too, constantly.
- Must be the plane food.
- What?
- I said, "Starting!"
- Oh, golly, gotta... gotta go.
I wish we had more time
to prepare.
♪ Know when to walk away
♪ Know when to run
♪ You never count your money
♪ When you're sitting
at the table
♪ There'll be time enough
for counting
Now, I gotta tell you, folks,
this next song is one
of my all-time favourites.
He might be singing it
by himself.
- I know. Jesus!
- I promised you a surprise.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm such an idiot.
Far out.
♪ Baby, when I met you
- There she is! That's...
- Did I miss it?
- What happened?
- Oh, my God.
- It's fine.
- It's not fine!
It's not.
Where are your other wigs?
- In my dressing room.
- We don't have time...
- Go. Go!
- It's fine, it's fine.
- I'm going on.
- It's not fine. You look crazy.
- Just get it together, OK?
- OK. Yeah.
And remember to hold his hand.
Be Dolly!
♪ You do something to me
that I can't explain
♪ Hold me closer
and I feel no pain
♪ Every do-do-do...
♪ Oh-oh
♪ Tender love is blind
Smile and get it together.
This sexy man
makes a girl speechless!
♪ We ride it together, ah-ha
♪ Making love with
each other, ah-ha
♪ Islands in the stream
♪ No-one in between
A stream is a small
body of water.
Yeah, I know, but it's fine.
There's no way an island
fits in a stream.
I know.
♪ And we rely
on each other, ah-ha
Thank you very much. You have
been a wonderful audience.
Thank you very much!
And thank you to the divine
Dolly Parton.
Well, thank you
for havin' me, Kenny.
Shall we sing it one more time?
What do you say, folks?
Let's sing it one more time.
Hey, Dolly, my little star,
get... get back up here!
- Come on!
- Enunciate!
OK.
Oh, my God.
♪ No-one in between
♪ How can we be wrong?
♪ Sail away with me
♪ To another world
♪ And we rely
on each other, ah-ha
I'm landin', covered in
make-up, glitter on my face.
Glitter?
And I hear...
In walks Wilson
and Mr Kenny Rogers himself
and he says,
"You do me better than I do me."
Oh, I love that.
I love that!
Then he goes, "World's best.
"You keep the dream alive, boy."
Ohh!
- Mmm.
- Mm-hm.
Oh, his...
..his music touched me deeply
when I was growin' up.
Mm-hm.
And I look like him.
- And he chose me.
- Mm-hm.
It's been my clear calling
all of my life.
Well, now he's gone,
it's... it's just me.
And, uh...
Dolly.
Oh, Dolly.
Oh, Kenny.
Get up. Get up.
Oh!
- Oh, Kenny...
- Oh!
Oh, Kenny!
Oh, Kenny!
- Oh!
- Oh, Dolly.
Oh, Dolly.
Oh, Dolly!
- OH, DOLLY!
- OH, KENNY!
Hm...
Hmm.
- I've got 'pwesents'!
- Hey.
I'm so sorry
I didn't call, Franwa.
It's just Hong Kong was just
full-on, but it was amazing.
This Kenny Rogers impersonator
is such a professional.
- What's his name?
- Um...
..coincidentally, it's Kenny.
His name is Kenny?
Did you two get it on?
- Mmm.
- Good for you, mate!
At least one of us
is getting laid.
Bring him to Sunday roast
so we can all judge him.
- Hmm.
- I'm kidding.
Let's not jump ahead, Franny.
But he does bring out
the best in me.
If I were an impersonator,
I'd want to be...
Who would you be?
- Mm?
- I'd be you.
As if you could be me.
Because I blink a lot
because it's really intense
living my life
because I've got
really full-on hair
and it's really full-on
and hard,
but some people just fly
to Hong Kong
and then you just become
the most perfect Dolly,
the perfect Dolly.
I'm actually making
a career out of this.
Yeah, I know,
but you can't just be
a cardboard cut-out
of an impersonator.
I'm not.
I'm just saying you've
gotta bring more to it
than a blonde wig
and a bra full of socks, right?
Creatively,
emotionally, socially.
I am bringing more!
It's fibro walls.
You should, um,
start looking at rentals.
Also, have you spoken
to your mum yet?
I'm wondering if I should
"break up" with you or what?
Um, yeah. Um...
Tell her that I broke up
with you because I couldn't...
- ..commit.
- Open up?
Yeah, great. Perfect.
It's an investment
for my career,
so as I was saying,
I just, uh... I don't
want to be so flat.
You know, I want to have shape,
you know, big'uns.
Take a seat. Doreen, is it?
Uh, it's actually Raylene.
This is the size
I am willing to do for you.
They will be beautiful.
The size you're asking for
you'd have to work up to
with multiple surgeries over
an extensive lifetime career.
Oh.
If you decide to go
under the knife,
do you want them under
the breast muscle or over?
Let me think.
What did Dolly do?
- Jolene?
- Um, yeah? Oh, sorry, yes.
Um, under the breast muscle.
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together
for the Copy Club's hottest duo,
Kenny and Dolly!
♪ You've painted up your lips
Yee-ha!
♪ Ruby, are you contemplating
going out somewhere?
♪ The shadows
on the wall tell me
♪ The sun is goin' down
♪ Oh, Ruby
♪ It wasn't me that started
♪ That old crazy Asian war
♪ But I was proud to go
and do my patriotic chore
♪ And, yes, it's true
♪ That I'm not the man
♪ Oh, Ruby
OK, Kenny,
if you could step out now.
- Alright, baby. Over to you.
- OK!
♪ Oh, Ruby
Get over here!
Kenny,
I cannot believe this house!
We smash the rest
of this tour, baby,
Nashville will be calling.
Mmm.
So...
..your real name.
You're coming undone here.
- Oh, golly.
- Here.
No, you're right, you're right.
Kenny, Dolly.
I'm... I'm Kenny Rogers,
officially deed polled and all.
You prefer Dolly, I assume?
Like you have no idea.
People think that I'm weird,
that my behaviour
is inappropriate or whatever,
but being a mimic is not enough.
It doesn't matter who you are
or what industry you're in.
You cannot be halfway in.
Yeah, you've gotta
bring everythin'.
Emotionally,
creatively, socially.
I get it.
You're just blossomin'.
Dolly would be really proud
of you, Dolly.
And we just fit, you and I.
Still, here we are,
both of us lonely.
♪ Longing for shelter
♪ From all that we see
♪ Why should we worry
♪ No-one will care, girl
♪ Look at the stars now
♪ So far away
♪ We've got tonight
♪ Who needs tomorrow?
♪ We've got tonight, babe
Okey-dokey.
Five, six, seven, eight...
OK.
Well... Alright.
You got your own room
for your private gal time.
Mm-hm.
And don't worry. I'm not too
far away. Just over there.
Spare key set cut
for front and back door
just in case you get locked out.
Huh!
I guess we're doin' this.
Home, sweet home!
- Oh, baby.
- Mmm!
♪ Get ready for me, love,
'cause I'm a comer
♪ I simply gotta march,
my heart's a drummer
♪ Nobody, no, nobody
♪ Is gonna
♪ Rain on my
Yeah!
I know. I know.
Ladies and gentlemen,
would you please welcome
our newest master of ceremonies,
the Empress of Country,
Ms Dolly Parton!
Thank you!
Welcome, my new friends.
Oh, my golly, welcome!
It is important to keep
our homes open to everybody.
It doesn't matter what size,
colour, shape you are.
You find out who you are
and you do it on purpose.
Ain't that right, Elvis?
Truth is like the sun.
You can shut it out for a time,
but it ain't goin' away.
Dolly! Dolly! Dolly! Dolly!
Dolly! Dolly! Dolly! Dolly!
♪ I just can't get you
out of my head
♪ Boy, your lovin'
is all I think about
♪ I just can't get you
out of my head
♪ Boy, it's more
than I dare to think about
♪ La, la, la La, la, la-la la
That's Zhang, my new border.
I'm assuming
you're worried about me
and you've come to apologise
for falling off
the face of the earth.
I'm fine. Lost weight. Mm. See?
I've come to give you some cash
for the mortgage
and invite you to my gig,
which is at your
favourite theatre,
Twin Palms.
Hmm. A step up from
the school talent contest.
I'll come for a laugh.
No, Mum, don't come for a laugh.
It's serious!
I mean, they're talking
Nashville and a US tour.
I can't win with you.
I was devastated to hear that
you and Franny were a joke.
How cruel.
Alright! Alright!
It's her problem!
"Kenny in the Kimberley."
Got a great ring to it.
How long till you're back?
It's only two weeks, baby,
but... I'll miss you.
- Mm-hm.
- I will.
At home, on stage,
backstage, everywhere.
I'll give you a call
once I land.
OK.
My weapons
of mass distraction. Hm.
Hmm!
Mm, let's do this.
Here we go.
Little sting. Little prick.
Everything's gonna be alright.
Yeah.
♪ There are times
when I should be strong
♪ When I'm awfully weak
♪ When the sudden blows of life
♪ Have brought me to my knees
♪ Woman needs a helpin' hand
♪ Needs someone to understand
♪ Needs the man she loves
to help her stand
♪ So touch your woman,
touch your woman
♪ Everything's gonna be alright
♪ Touch your woman,
touch your woman
♪ Let me know
♪ Let me know
everything's alright
♪ And when the busy day is done
♪ And you lay by my side
♪ You know exactly what it takes
♪ To keep me satisfied
♪ You know exactly what I need
♪ And I always
go to sleep in peace
♪ Thanking God
that you belong to me
♪ So touch your woman
♪ Touch your woman
♪ Let me know
Hey, it's OK.
You're in recovery
and this is normal.
Your body is naturally
going into protective mode
and is rejecting the implants,
which is absolutely...
- Normal.
- ..normal.
Oh.
I'll go and get you
some morphine.
OK.
Oh, and your next of kin
is waiting for you outside.
Oh, shit.
Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Yes, yes!
Franwa, hello!
Do I look 'boobiful'?
I can't say it!
Why are you so angry?
Everything's gonna be alright.
Cutting yourself to be beautiful
is unbelievable to me.
It's fucking stupid!
Oh, why are you so jacked up
about what I do with
my body anyway?
Because I'm your mate
trying to stop you
from making dumb choices.
Well, I don't need saving.
I'm not trying to save you.
I'm trying to love you,
you arsehole!
Ow.
If you hadn't had your head
so far up your arse,
you'd know
I've actually met someone.
♪ If I should stay
That's right,
ladies and gentlemen.
I am back and I am
better than ever!
I've always had big'uns,
just not this big.
I used to be a little
champagne glass
and now I'm a watermelon.
Whoo!
♪ And I
♪ Will always love you
♪ I will always
♪ Love you
♪ I will always
Oh...
Who is the real Kenny?
Oh, where is this guy?
Kenny, Kenny,
Kenny, Kenny, Kenny!
You're part synthetic.
Well,
I think that's probably true.
I think a part
of what magic I may have
as far as my personality
is the fact that I look
totally artificial
and I like to think
that I'm totally real.
Do you see yourself
as a sex symbol?
I feel sexy.
I... I try to be, uh,
sexy, I guess...
Is that my star man?
I got an early flight
'cause I missed my girl!
I got presents!
Whoo-hoo-hoo, girl!
Yeah... girls!
I'm 100% committed.
- Hmm.
- You wanna feel 'em?
Right?
Why'd you do that?
Because the other ones
weren't working.
I hadn't noticed,
but I'm a butt man, so...
Huh.
Well, these are real.
Sure thing, Doll.
I hope they make you happy.
So... so, um...
Yeah, it's a little messy,
but I'm gettin' to it.
Have, uh, you been...
..you been going
through my things?
Lookin' for what?
Your momma. Your friends.
More about the real you.
I... I am real.
So how'd you get here?
Do you miss your old self?
Come on, now.
You can't just be
a cardboard cut-out.
Well...
Kenny Rogers, baby.
You OK?
Red, the Twin Palms Theatre
has sold out.
- Mm.
- Congratulations!
Oh...
Dolly's finally taken over, hey?
What does Kenny think
of your new equipment?
He's a butt man.
But I didn't do it for him.
I did it for myself.
You alright?
Oh!
Night.
Oh.
Hey, Dolly.
So how's it been
fillin' my shoes,
takin' my job, hm?
You think you're so
fuckin' special.
Nothin' real about me...
- ..'cept my heart.
- 'Cept my heart. Mm.
Those look real fake.
Your opinion
means nothin' to me.
Well, then, you won't
mind me reminding you
of who you really are.
I know what's under that wig...
..Raylene.
Hey!
I...
I...
It's so easy for you.
You have no idea.
It's not easy for any of us!
You're seriously red
and you have no titties.
It's nothin' personal,
darlin', but, uh,
the truth is like the sun.
You can shut it out for a time,
but it ain't goin' away.
Oh!
Mmm!
Dolly, honey.
- Quit, quit, quit...
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Baby, stop! Dolly, this is
serious business, alright?
Now, I want to show you
something, alright?
My daddy, he was in the army.
He made me shave it all off.
He was violent.
He was a real piece of work.
One of the saddest days
of my childhood.
Just because you lost your fuzz
don't mean you ain't a peach.
You're a good man, Kenny.
Hey.
You're a good man.
I wanna meet your mom.
Uh-huh.
Mm.
- And, darling?
- Mm?
Breasts?
Well, I get to
choose what I do with my body
because it's mine.
If people have gotta
look at you,
at least give them somethin'
decent to look at.
Ain't that right, Zhang?
And what about you two?
- Francis introduced us.
- Mm!
Mm.
Viv... this chicken is delicious.
Oh, thank you... Kenny.
It's not too dry?
Oh! So tender.
I'll get it.
Thank you.
Hey, Zhang.
- Oh, darling, hello!
- Hi!
- How are you?
- Good to see you.
Red, this is Betty.
Oh, Dolly, Betty.
It's so great
you're finally here
and I get to meet you!
It's funny. I get
'Ruby' all the time.
So sorry we're late, Viv.
I'm Kenny, man.
Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
- Pleasure.
Thank you.
You can trump last time.
So what do you do?
I'm... I'm a lawyer.
Very serious job,
not like yours.
Oh, I'm very proud of my girl.
She has worked hard.
This little Dolly,
she's dynamite.
The kid always
had the spirit in her.
Nice one, Gramps.
He's a wise guy.
Well, blessings don't come
without difficulties.
Amen.
I'd love to see
your garden, Viv.
Darling, of course!
I had let it go,
but Lionel and Zhang and I
have been working very hard
in the garden.
- Mm. Let's go. Let's go!
- Let me get that.
- Come on!
- Hm? OK, right now?
Oh, thank you. Aw!
- My pleasure.
- Excuse me.
Come on, love.
Yours is a mashed potato!
Ahh!
Oh, it's good to see you, Red.
'Dwinks'!
Whee!
Whoo!
So what's
the hardest case you've had?
Ooh, yeah,
I had this one absolute...
You are out of your mind!
- Franny, Franny...
- What are you doing?
Dolly Parton is about being
the best version of yourself,
but to never take yourself
too seriously.
You're living as someone else,
with someone else
who is also living as
someone else!
Yeah, so?
That's the gig!
And life is working
unbelievably better this way.
And he is who he is,
which is a version
of someone else,
and you're you, which is you,
which I'm sure
is a version of yourself
and I'm sure
probably someone else!
You're lost.
If you're busy
being someone else...
..who's busy being you?
What am I gonna do, Dolly?
It's OK to be nervous.
Tomorrow's show is a big deal.
I don't know
what's wrong with me!
The more unique you are
as a person,
the harder it is
to be someone else.
That's why Kenny
does it so well.
He was just
a blank canvas before.
He was a starter kit.
Being Kenny Rogers
gave him more than he ever
would've had without it.
Why did you stop being
Neil Diamond
when you were so successful?
I was tired
of ripping myself off...
..ripping my wife off
being someone else.
The only applause I ever
really needed was from her.
I realised that too late.
But who are you?
I mean, are... are you a copy,
are you a copy-copy?
You're still walking around
like you're Neil Diamond.
You ever read about a frog
who dreamed of being a king
and then became one?
Except for the names
and a few other places,
when you talk about me,
the story's the same one.
♪ But I got
an emptiness deep inside
♪ And I've tried,
but it won't let me go
♪ And I'm not a man
who likes to swear
♪ But I never cared
for the sound
♪ Of being alone
♪ To no-one there
♪ And no-one heard at all
You got this, kid.
♪ "I am," I cried
♪ "I am," said I
♪ And I am lost
♪ And I can't even say why
♪ "I am," I said
♪ "I am," I cried
It's all a bit ridiculous.
You get your looks from me,
though, obviously.
Hello, love.
Ladies and
gentlemen, take your seats.
The show you've all
been waiting for!
♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
♪ I'm begging of you
please don't take my man
♪ Jolene, Jolene
♪ Jolene, Jolene
♪ Please don't take him
just because you can
♪ Your beauty is beyond compare
♪ With flaming locks
of auburn hair
♪ With ivory skin
and eyes of emerald green
♪ Your smile is like
a breath of spring
♪ Your voice is soft
like summer rain
♪ In love forever
♪ We can ride it together, ah-ha
♪ Making love
with each other, ah-ha
♪ Islands in the stream
♪ That is what we are
♪ No-one in between
♪ How can we be wrong?
♪ Sail away with me
♪ To another world
♪ And we rely
on each other, ah-ha
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
baby, I'm burnin'
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
baby, I'm burnin'
♪ Baby, I'm burnin'
out of control
♪ Baby, I'm burnin'
body and soul
♪ Hot as a pistol
of flamin' desire
♪ Baby, I'm burnin',
you've got me on fire
♪ Baby,
I'm burnin' out of control
♪ Baby, I'm burnin'
body and soul
Thank you, folks!
Thank you very much!
Yee-ha!
Oh, wow! Wow!
I, um...
I... I usually keep my cards
pretty close to my chest.
But tonight I got
something to say.
I LOVE you, baby!
I love you, I love you,
I love you!
- Kenny...
- Heaven and earth.
Oh, no.
Marry me.
Oh, Kenny...
He's just foolin' around.
Come on, baby.
Marry me, baby. This is it.
This is the way
it's meant to be.
What do you say, folks?
It's definitely not a joke.
Well, he's never
really been that funny.
I want all of you
to share in this moment.
Babe, I love you.
Kenny, you're not
in love with me.
I am.
Baby, I sure am.
Kenny, don't do this.
I thought that this
was what you wanted.
I can't do this.
I'm not the girl
you want, Kenny.
I'm not her.
But that silly-billy Dolly...
..taught me all the things that
you loved, that I pretended.
To have confidence in yourself.
And that bravery
is vulnerability.
And to not put a value
on yourself,
but value the things you love.
Oh, what...
Baby, what are you doin'?
Dolly's got some wisdom.
Dolly's got so much wisdom.
I haven't got any wisdom,
but I do know
that I've got to learn to be
all those things, but as me.
This is not an impulse reaction.
I'm stripteasing
in a somewhat untidy fashion,
all in the name
of saving myself...
..and the skin that I'm in.
Oh!
Eeee!
I love you, Mum.
I love you too, darling.
She's mine!
I propose and women drop
their knickers!
You go back out there.
That's for you.
It's OK. I don't need it.
Have a good night, folks.
Hm... Ohh!
Ohh.
Nice to see you.
Ain't you all glad
that the king is back?
And later on today -
and I'll say it again -
I want you to have a great day.
Later on today -
and I'll say it again -
I want you to have a great day.
Kenny! Showtime!
Thanks, Tom.
Now, to the most outstanding
valuer of the year.
I'm excited to announce
the winner is...
..Francis!
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo!
Good work, Francis! Good man!
Go, Francis!
Um, I'm terrified
at public speaking
so I hoped wearing this would
give me David Bowie guts
to get up here
and say thank you.
So, um...
..thank you.
Whoo!
I wasn't gonna miss it.
Awards are kind of stupid.
I'm really sorry, Franny.
You really pushed it.
- You pushed me.
- I know.
I just wanted that feeling
that everyone else
looks like they're having.
You know,
that they're respected and...
..you know.
What would the world do
with two Dolly Partons?
Celebrate?
You know I'm doing a new thing.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
I think I've kind of
found my audience.
- As yourself?
- Yeah.
Everyone else is taken.
♪ Come and see the real thing
♪ Come and see the real thing,
come and see
♪ There's a meaning there
♪ But the meaning there
doesn't really mean a thing
My name is Red
and I'm your teacher.
♪ I am the real thing
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
oo-mow-ma-mow-mow
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
oo-mow-ma-mow-mow...
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
mow-ma-mow-mow
♪ Ma-mow-mow-ma-mow,
ma-mow-mow-ma-mow!
♪ Trying hard to understand
♪ But really not
♪ You're seeing me
♪ Trying hard to understand
♪ But really not,
you're seeing me
♪ There's a meaning there,
but the meaning there
♪ Doesn't really mean a thing
♪ Come and see the real thing
♪ Come and see the real thing,
come and see
♪ I am the real, real,
thing, thing
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
oo-mow-ma-mow-mow
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
oo-mow-ma-mow-mow...
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow,
ma-mow-mow-ma-mow
♪ Ma-mow-mow-ma-mow,
ma-mow-mow-ma-mow
♪ I am not seeing you
♪ I am not seeing you
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
♪ Ohh
♪ Trying hard to understand
♪ But really not,
you're seeing me
♪ Trying hard to understand
♪ But really not,
you're seeing me
♪ There's a meaning there,
but the meaning there
♪ Doesn't really mean a thing
♪ Come and see the real thing
♪ Come and see the real thing
♪ Come and see
♪ I am the real, real,
thing, thing
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
oo-mow-ma-mow-mow
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow-mow,
oo-mow-ma-mow-mow...
♪ Oo-mow-ma-mow,
ma-mow-mow-ma-mow