Self Made Maids (1950) - full transcript
The stooges are artists who want to marry their models; "Moella", "Larraine", and "Shempetta". The girls' father doesn't approve, so the stooges tickle him into submission.
[♪]
[FALSETTO]
Larraine. Shempetta.
Aren't you ready yet?
[FALSETTO]
Okay. We're almost ready.
[FALSETTO]
Coming, we're coming.
Oh, I did it,
I did it.
I got a run.
Hurry, girls, we'll be late
for out portrait sitting.
Gosh, I wouldn't wanna keep
that handsome,
debonair artist waiting.
Oh,
when he smiles at me.
You know, I'm crazy about
the one with the big bags.
You know, those folded satchels
under his eyes.
He really sends me.
[LAUGHS]
Mine is the handsome one.
He has such a gorgeous
head of skin.
Let's hurry, girls.
We'll be late.
Yes, let's hurry.
[ALL SINGING]
[ALL GRUNT]
What do you do
that for?
ALL:
♪ The lollipop
The lollipop ♪
♪ The la-la-la-lollipop ♪
♪ The lollipop
The lollipop ♪
♪ The la-la-la-lollipop ♪
[FRENCH ACCENT]
The Frenchman knows
just what to eat.
He eats something
so nice and sweet.
ALL:
♪ The lollipop
The lollipop ♪
♪ The la-la-la-lollipop ♪
♪ The la-la-la-lollipop ♪
♪ The la-la-la-la-- ♪
Hello, pop.
What's the idea wasting
your time on junk like that?
What's that supposed
to be?
That's a bird's-eye view
of a boat.
A boat?
Certainly.
Hmmm, so it is.
What are those things?
Eyes, "boat" of them.
Get it? Boat. Ha-ha--
Oh! Oh.
That's just like you,
doing everything backwards.
Now, I need some help.
I wanna finish my statue
before those beautiful girls
arrive for a portrait sitting.
Hey, porcupine,
we need some help. Come on.
Right.
Ready? The stick.
The stick.
The stick.
The stick.
Onna conna punea.
Onna conna punea.
Onna conna punea.
Onna conna punea.
No. Onna conna punea.
Oh!
No. Onna conna punea.
Oh! No.
Eh-- Oh.
Onna conna punea.
Onna conna punea.
That's better.
What's that on your neck?
That's a mole.
That mole's walking.
Hold still and I'll kill it.
Ooh! You did that
on purpose.
No, I didn't. I--
Yes, you did.
I'm sorry, Moe.
The hammer did it.
Oh, yes.
So it was an accident.
Thank you. Oh!
[YELLING]
[MUFFLED GRUNTING]
Am I mortified.
That's "sabatoogie,"
that's what it is.
Why...
Why, you, you ruined
my masterpiece.
And you decapitated
my beautiful statue.
Why, you--
Oh!
There.
Oh, yeah?
Argh!
Oh.
[LAUGHING]
Now look, you fellas,
those girls will be here
any minute.
Come on, now, get busy.
Now, let's get you
posed.
Now, Miss Moella,
if you'll just--
Say, do you know
you're awfully cute?
Fresh.
Oh, Miss Larraine,
would you turn your pretty
little face just a little?
And if you'll put
your hand be--
Oh, that is a dainty
little hand, you cutie, you.
You handsome, you.
You say that to all the boys,
I bet.
Just to you, dear.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, you little devil,
you.
Shempetta, tilt.
[CHUCKLES]
[WHIMPERS]
[SHEMPETTA GIGGLES]
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Cutie pie. Ee-ee-ee!
Ready, boys?
BOTH: Right.
All right, ladies,
you may pick up your flowers
and hold your pose.
[GASPING]
[GRUNTING]
Yes.
Miss Moella,
you lost that mood.
That beautiful expression
you had on your face.
I want you
to look ecstatic.
For instance, what would you do
if a man got on his knees
and he said, "Darling,
I love you, will you marry me?"
Of course I will,
sweetheart.
Darling.
[LAUGHS]
Girls.
We're engaged.
[GIGGLES]
So are we.
We make it unanimous.
[BOTH SIGH]
But artists,
of all people, artists.
Besides, I don't know anything
about these men.
But they're nice men,
and they love us.
And we love
them too.
Ah, nonsense.
I won't give my consent
until I find out
what kind of bozos
these guys are.
And I'm going to find out
right now.
I do hope the boys make
a good impression on Father.
I'll die
if my romance is broken.
So will I.
Oh!
Oh. Oh, sister.
Oh, sister dear, please.
Relax. Sit down.
[YELLING]
Oh, help me,
I'm losing my mind.
Hold it, hold it.
I'll get it.
[WHIMPERING]
[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMS]
[BOTH GASP]
Look,
it's getting late.
The boys will be here
any minute.
Now, you guys watch
your behavior.
We gotta make a hit
with the girl's father.
Oof! Why, you...
Wreck my cake. Why don't you
look where you're going?
Why don't you go
where you're looking?
Oh, a tough guy, eh?
Boop!
Tough enough
to handle you birds.
BOTH: Ow!
Let 'em go.
Hey, uh, mister.
Give it to him,
boys.
He needs
some ice cream.
What's going on here?
What's this? Whoa!
[GRUNTING]
I'll fix you for this.
I'll--
[YELPING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
That'll teach you
a lesson,
bouncing doors
in people's faces.
Come on.
[BOTH GRUNT]
What's the matter
with you guys?
[BOTH GROANING]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
ALL:
Come in.
Ah.
STOOGES:
Good evening, ladies.
GIRLS:
Good evening, gentlemen.
Father has refused his consent
until he meets you.
He's on his way to your place
right now.
Now, don't worry
your beautiful heads.
He will go crazy
over us when he meets us.
Oh, I hope so.
Oh, he'll be proud to have us
for son-in-laws.
Papa.
ALL:
Wha' happened?
I met three gangsters down--
That's them.
Why, you--
LARRY: Wait a minute.
[STOOGES YELLING
INDISTINCTLY]
ALL:
No.
[STOOGES CONTINUE YELLING]
I got you, you rat. Take that.
And that. And that.
And that.
[STOOGES YELLING]
[ALL YELLING]
[GUN CLICKS]
I'll get 'em anyhow.
[ALL GRUNTING]
Now-- Now, listen, Dad.
It's Moe. I'm sorry.
Aw, get out of here.
Why don't you--? Oh! Oh.
I'll fix them.
[SHEMP GROANING]
[STOOGES YELLING]
Come on.
Why, you--
STOOGES: Argh!
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I'll get you.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
That's that.
Look.
Hey, with this fur collar
we can...
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
[GRUNTS]
Here he comes.
[PANTING]
[ALL IMITATING BAGPIPES]
Did you see three men
about:
Hoot, man.
Hoot, hoot.
They went that way,
lad.
STOOGES:
Hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot,
hoot, hoot.
Hoot hoot.
Uh-- Thank you.
Hoot, hoot, hoot.
[FATHER PANTING]
Mm-hm.
A-ha. I got you.
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Come out. Come out, I say.
They got away, consarn it.
[ALL IMITATING BAGPIPES]
Why, you...
Whoa!
[THUD]
Nice work, boys.
[LAUGHS]
[STOOGES WHIMPERING]
[PANTING]
Now, I'll find 'em.
I'll find 'em.
Where are you?
[PANTING]
Where are you?
[EXHALES]
I've got him.
I've got him.
Let go of me.
Come on. come out.
Got him?
Yeah.
No, no.
Boys, boys.
Be careful.
Don't hurt Papa.
Yeah, there.
Come on. Thattaboy.
Now, relax, relax.
You won't get hurt.
Will you consent
to our marriage?
Never.
Do your stuff, Moe.
You'll regret this.
I warn you-- I'm--
[GIGGLING]
[CONTINUES GIGGLING]
SHEMP:
Will you consent?
Never. Never.
[GIGGLING]
Help. Murder.
[GIGGLES]
What do you say?
Hee-- Yes. I consent.
Oh, now we can get married.
Darling.
SHEMP: Baby. Sugar.
ALL:
Sweetheart.
LARRY: Baby.
SHEMP: Sugarpuff.
SHEMP:
We're going
to be married.
Junior.
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
Mergatroyd is a darling.
Da-da-da-da-da-da.
Baby doll.
Ah-ah.
[ALL COOING]
[GROANING]
[WAILING]
[ALL COOING HAPPILY]
[ALL GURGLING]
[WAILING]
[SOBBING]
[♪]
[FALSETTO]
Larraine. Shempetta.
Aren't you ready yet?
[FALSETTO]
Okay. We're almost ready.
[FALSETTO]
Coming, we're coming.
Oh, I did it,
I did it.
I got a run.
Hurry, girls, we'll be late
for out portrait sitting.
Gosh, I wouldn't wanna keep
that handsome,
debonair artist waiting.
Oh,
when he smiles at me.
You know, I'm crazy about
the one with the big bags.
You know, those folded satchels
under his eyes.
He really sends me.
[LAUGHS]
Mine is the handsome one.
He has such a gorgeous
head of skin.
Let's hurry, girls.
We'll be late.
Yes, let's hurry.
[ALL SINGING]
[ALL GRUNT]
What do you do
that for?
ALL:
♪ The lollipop
The lollipop ♪
♪ The la-la-la-lollipop ♪
♪ The lollipop
The lollipop ♪
♪ The la-la-la-lollipop ♪
[FRENCH ACCENT]
The Frenchman knows
just what to eat.
He eats something
so nice and sweet.
ALL:
♪ The lollipop
The lollipop ♪
♪ The la-la-la-lollipop ♪
♪ The la-la-la-lollipop ♪
♪ The la-la-la-la-- ♪
Hello, pop.
What's the idea wasting
your time on junk like that?
What's that supposed
to be?
That's a bird's-eye view
of a boat.
A boat?
Certainly.
Hmmm, so it is.
What are those things?
Eyes, "boat" of them.
Get it? Boat. Ha-ha--
Oh! Oh.
That's just like you,
doing everything backwards.
Now, I need some help.
I wanna finish my statue
before those beautiful girls
arrive for a portrait sitting.
Hey, porcupine,
we need some help. Come on.
Right.
Ready? The stick.
The stick.
The stick.
The stick.
Onna conna punea.
Onna conna punea.
Onna conna punea.
Onna conna punea.
No. Onna conna punea.
Oh!
No. Onna conna punea.
Oh! No.
Eh-- Oh.
Onna conna punea.
Onna conna punea.
That's better.
What's that on your neck?
That's a mole.
That mole's walking.
Hold still and I'll kill it.
Ooh! You did that
on purpose.
No, I didn't. I--
Yes, you did.
I'm sorry, Moe.
The hammer did it.
Oh, yes.
So it was an accident.
Thank you. Oh!
[YELLING]
[MUFFLED GRUNTING]
Am I mortified.
That's "sabatoogie,"
that's what it is.
Why...
Why, you, you ruined
my masterpiece.
And you decapitated
my beautiful statue.
Why, you--
Oh!
There.
Oh, yeah?
Argh!
Oh.
[LAUGHING]
Now look, you fellas,
those girls will be here
any minute.
Come on, now, get busy.
Now, let's get you
posed.
Now, Miss Moella,
if you'll just--
Say, do you know
you're awfully cute?
Fresh.
Oh, Miss Larraine,
would you turn your pretty
little face just a little?
And if you'll put
your hand be--
Oh, that is a dainty
little hand, you cutie, you.
You handsome, you.
You say that to all the boys,
I bet.
Just to you, dear.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, you little devil,
you.
Shempetta, tilt.
[CHUCKLES]
[WHIMPERS]
[SHEMPETTA GIGGLES]
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Cutie pie. Ee-ee-ee!
Ready, boys?
BOTH: Right.
All right, ladies,
you may pick up your flowers
and hold your pose.
[GASPING]
[GRUNTING]
Yes.
Miss Moella,
you lost that mood.
That beautiful expression
you had on your face.
I want you
to look ecstatic.
For instance, what would you do
if a man got on his knees
and he said, "Darling,
I love you, will you marry me?"
Of course I will,
sweetheart.
Darling.
[LAUGHS]
Girls.
We're engaged.
[GIGGLES]
So are we.
We make it unanimous.
[BOTH SIGH]
But artists,
of all people, artists.
Besides, I don't know anything
about these men.
But they're nice men,
and they love us.
And we love
them too.
Ah, nonsense.
I won't give my consent
until I find out
what kind of bozos
these guys are.
And I'm going to find out
right now.
I do hope the boys make
a good impression on Father.
I'll die
if my romance is broken.
So will I.
Oh!
Oh. Oh, sister.
Oh, sister dear, please.
Relax. Sit down.
[YELLING]
Oh, help me,
I'm losing my mind.
Hold it, hold it.
I'll get it.
[WHIMPERING]
[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMS]
[BOTH GASP]
Look,
it's getting late.
The boys will be here
any minute.
Now, you guys watch
your behavior.
We gotta make a hit
with the girl's father.
Oof! Why, you...
Wreck my cake. Why don't you
look where you're going?
Why don't you go
where you're looking?
Oh, a tough guy, eh?
Boop!
Tough enough
to handle you birds.
BOTH: Ow!
Let 'em go.
Hey, uh, mister.
Give it to him,
boys.
He needs
some ice cream.
What's going on here?
What's this? Whoa!
[GRUNTING]
I'll fix you for this.
I'll--
[YELPING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
That'll teach you
a lesson,
bouncing doors
in people's faces.
Come on.
[BOTH GRUNT]
What's the matter
with you guys?
[BOTH GROANING]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
ALL:
Come in.
Ah.
STOOGES:
Good evening, ladies.
GIRLS:
Good evening, gentlemen.
Father has refused his consent
until he meets you.
He's on his way to your place
right now.
Now, don't worry
your beautiful heads.
He will go crazy
over us when he meets us.
Oh, I hope so.
Oh, he'll be proud to have us
for son-in-laws.
Papa.
ALL:
Wha' happened?
I met three gangsters down--
That's them.
Why, you--
LARRY: Wait a minute.
[STOOGES YELLING
INDISTINCTLY]
ALL:
No.
[STOOGES CONTINUE YELLING]
I got you, you rat. Take that.
And that. And that.
And that.
[STOOGES YELLING]
[ALL YELLING]
[GUN CLICKS]
I'll get 'em anyhow.
[ALL GRUNTING]
Now-- Now, listen, Dad.
It's Moe. I'm sorry.
Aw, get out of here.
Why don't you--? Oh! Oh.
I'll fix them.
[SHEMP GROANING]
[STOOGES YELLING]
Come on.
Why, you--
STOOGES: Argh!
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I'll get you.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
That's that.
Look.
Hey, with this fur collar
we can...
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
[GRUNTS]
Here he comes.
[PANTING]
[ALL IMITATING BAGPIPES]
Did you see three men
about:
Hoot, man.
Hoot, hoot.
They went that way,
lad.
STOOGES:
Hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot,
hoot, hoot.
Hoot hoot.
Uh-- Thank you.
Hoot, hoot, hoot.
[FATHER PANTING]
Mm-hm.
A-ha. I got you.
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Come out. Come out, I say.
They got away, consarn it.
[ALL IMITATING BAGPIPES]
Why, you...
Whoa!
[THUD]
Nice work, boys.
[LAUGHS]
[STOOGES WHIMPERING]
[PANTING]
Now, I'll find 'em.
I'll find 'em.
Where are you?
[PANTING]
Where are you?
[EXHALES]
I've got him.
I've got him.
Let go of me.
Come on. come out.
Got him?
Yeah.
No, no.
Boys, boys.
Be careful.
Don't hurt Papa.
Yeah, there.
Come on. Thattaboy.
Now, relax, relax.
You won't get hurt.
Will you consent
to our marriage?
Never.
Do your stuff, Moe.
You'll regret this.
I warn you-- I'm--
[GIGGLING]
[CONTINUES GIGGLING]
SHEMP:
Will you consent?
Never. Never.
[GIGGLING]
Help. Murder.
[GIGGLES]
What do you say?
Hee-- Yes. I consent.
Oh, now we can get married.
Darling.
SHEMP: Baby. Sugar.
ALL:
Sweetheart.
LARRY: Baby.
SHEMP: Sugarpuff.
SHEMP:
We're going
to be married.
Junior.
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
Mergatroyd is a darling.
Da-da-da-da-da-da.
Baby doll.
Ah-ah.
[ALL COOING]
[GROANING]
[WAILING]
[ALL COOING HAPPILY]
[ALL GURGLING]
[WAILING]
[SOBBING]
[♪]