Seducing Doctor Lewis (2003) - full transcript

- For eight years now

on the last night of every month,

old memories have crowded my dreams.

On the last night of the month

my ancestors would gather to recount
their amazing tales of fishing.

Their devotion, their efforts
and even every tiny gesture

were part of a ritual that was,

I now realize,

extraordinary.

14 hours of hard work every day.

It's true we weren't very rich,



but at day's end
people were proud.

They were so worthy of their rest,
they'd toiled so hard,

they'd earned their fish dinner,

the blazing fire in the hearth,
the stars in the sky.

Each moment was true,

intense,

beautiful.

- Roland!

- Joseph!

- It's so good!

(moaning and groaning)

- Yes!

- Now!

- Sweet Jesus!



- They deserved every moment
of their happiness.

(groaning)

Some were more deserving
than others.

True happiness.

(purring)

- Stop annoying the poor cat!

- Hi Charles.
- Eve.

- Hi, Denis.
- Eve.

- Mr Mayor.
- Eve.

- Yvon.
- Eve.

- Hi, Germain.
- Eve.

Mr Provencher asked me
to get his envelope.

Thanks.

- Hi, Richard.

- Charles.

Here.

A small deposit, perhaps?

Next month. Denis.

Here.

Taking it all? How about a deposit?
Next month.

Germain!

No, we've been through this.

- This one's mine.

And this is Mr Provencher's.

- I've told you before.
- You won't get fired!

You've seen his letter.
- You'll make me lose my job!

Here.

- Thanks.

- Claude.

(Church bell ringing)

- Maybe they're stuck in traffic.

- They've been stuck for years.

- Is the guy from the factory
interested in my land?

- I don't know.

He's considering
opening a factory here

because of the tax exemption.

- Exemption? A tax exemption?

Why'd you give him an exemption?
- It doesn't matter.

- You didn't have to give him
an exemption.

2% less tax than Blanc Sablon
would have tempted him.

- I wanted to dazzle him,
not tempt him.

Dazzle him so he doesn't notice
the gaping holes in our bid.

- Not a complete exemption?

- That's not the problem.

- An exemption for how long?

- It's total and permanent.

I also threw in
your daughter's virginity.

- Lucie? Why mine?

- I'm only joking.

- I know. I know you're joking.

- Course, she's not a virgin.

- Lucie?

- His insurer requires
a resident doctor.

- So what?

We'll find a doctor.

- Germain,
we're in St-Marie-La-Mauderne!

- And?
- We've looked for 15 years.

- We'll stop looking and find one.

There must be a doctor
who wants to move here.

- R?al?

Who slept with my daughter?
- Steve.

- Steve?

Why him?

- They've been dating two years.

- Two years?

- Last year she left him
for Jean-Marc for two weeks.

It didn't work out.
Jean-Marc's weird.

- Jean-Marc?

Is that so?

- There's a job in town.

- H?l?ne, we can't leave St-Marie.
- Why not?

Do you prefer pirating
the cable company, Bell, Hydro?

And telling the same old fish tales?

You prefer sitting on your ass here,
cashing your two welfare checks?

- I have a notarized letter

instructing me
to get Mr Provencher's check.

Mr Provencher himself wrote it.

I promised him.
- Mr Provencher is dead!

- Not according to the government.

H?l?ne,

I can't go to work in the city.

Would you please

let me choose how I earn my living?

It's my life, my decision.

- The job's for me.

- I have a meeting.

- What do I tell my brother?

- Does anyone else have anything
they'd like to announce?

Lucie?

- Kevin, a round of beer for my table.

And for my pal here.

(singing)

- Ah!!

- Germain.

- Mr Mayor.

What are you doing?

- Going on vacation.

- With your furniture?

- I found myself a good job.

The Provincial Police.
The police pays real well.

Our little Val?rie needs braces.

It's not in St-Marie that...

Her teeth are terrible.

Show Germain how crooked they are.

The canine is impacting
on the incisor.

She can't live like this.

She has her mom's teeth.
- Thanks!

- You know what I mean.
- I'm ugly.

- Francine!
- She could have your nose.

- Don't start on my no...!

- And the factory?

- Germain!

If I hear of anything...

- There!

- What do I tell my brother?

- Tell him we're getting
a factory here.

(alarm clock ringing)

- Wouldn't yellow look better?
- Just put'em down.

- Personally I prefer yellow.

- Leave them.
Yellow's fine, you stubborn mule!

I need the address
of every doctor in Qu?bec.

- Fine.

- I mean every single one.
- Right.

- Each day, give Yvon the ones you find.
- OK.

- How long do you think it'll take?

- Is there anything else?
- No, no.

- Can you get pictures of nurses?

- Sure.

Nurses...

- Trust me, there's a doctor who wants
to live here. I can feel it.

- You'd make a lot less money, but...

just imagine,

clean air, simplicity,
return to family values.

Working the land, milking a cow.

- Go on.
- No.

- Come on...

- St-Marie-La-Mauderne.

- Is there...

any mail?
- No.

- OK.

- You have no new messages.

- If ever I moved to the city,

would you come to visit me?
- No.

- Because I might...
- I won't visit you.

- I'm not joking, Yvon.

H?l?ne has a job offer.
- I won't come to visit you.

- It's easy, take the bus.
- I never took a bus.

- A plane or taxi.
- Never took either.

- No! No, no, no, no...

Come on, Yvon.
I don't believe you!

Tell me you've been.

- No.

- You've never been?

You've never been to the city?
- No.

It's true. Never.

- What's the rush?

- I was at a cricket match.
- Cricket?

- I'm needed in hospital.
I was speeding because...

- Papers.

- My papers? I have them right here.

I'm in a hurry,
a life and death matter.

I know it's unsafe,
but I'm a doctor, so...

- You're a doctor?

- A plastic surgeon, yes.

I can fix up whatever you want,
on your wife, I mean.

I can give her a perfect posterior.

She could have a drop-dead
gorgeous bum, a booty that'd...

Or for you, maybe.
Your nose. I could fix your nose.

Give you a real nice nose.

I could.

- And you're a doctor?

- Germain! Germain!

Germain!

R?al just called.

- R?al who?
- R?al, the policeman.

(church bell ringing)

- Where are they?

I've had it.

Come along!

OK, now,

let's get something straight!

When you hear the church bell ring,

it means there's a town meeting.

If there's a meeting,

it's cause we need one, jayzus!

It's your duty to be there.

A doctor's coming
to St-Marie for one month.

We have one month to convince him
to sign long-term.

If the doctor signs,
we get a factory.

Guaranteed!

A job for everyone, full time.

Who wants to have a reason to wake up?

Who wants to take his welfare check
and tell the government to stuff it?

Who wants to work? Who?

Go on, raise your hands!

Who wants to be able to stay
in St-Marie?

We've a month to convince the doctor

that the best place on earth
to live is St-Marie,

to spruce ourselves up.

We need... Christopher Lewis

to fall in love with St-Marie.

It has to be love at first sight.

- We'll organize a clean-up!

CLEAN-UP
Oh yeah...

- We already wrote it.

- Know what would seduce him?

Finding money.

There's nothing I like better
than finding money.

You're walking along and suddenly,
bingo! Money!

It might be a dime, doesn't matter.
I'm happy for days.

I feel lucky.

That'll seduce him.

- Good idea.

- Think so?
- Absolutely, go for it.

- OK, but what's our budget?
- The budget's your baby.

- You're humoring me.

- Where will we put him up?

- Our place.
- Your place?

- Sure, it's modern.

- Yup, it's modern. But...

- But what?
- The decorating.

- What about the decorating?
- It's ugly.

- Pardon me? Look, Yvon,
our house isn't ugly, it's modern.

Our place is modern.
It looks like a city house.

That's how city folk like a home.

It's how city houses look.
- Cricket.

- Ugly!
- Modern!

- Cricket!

R?al said he's a fan.
- Cricket?

- Criquet, criquet?

That's disgusting!

I mean, sushi's bad enough, but...

- No, cricket, the sport.
- Cricket, the sport.

- They race them?

- No, they use a ball
and a small, flat bat.

- A ball and a small, flat bat.
- Ok...

The bats must be tiny.
- Real tiny.

- Yvon, jayzus!
- What?

- Guys, cricket!
- Sure, cricket.

- So...

"the history of cricket."

The cricket uniform.

The cricket field.

The rules.

Want me to print it?

- Jayzus, yes. That's great!

These are the rules of a game.

A game you haven't played,
but that's a real ball.

Here, hold it right, in your hands.

- Cricket?

- Cricket!

- Good, Mr Sigouin, criquet.

- We'll stay at the Leduc's.

It's only for a month.

It's for the good of the village.

Does anyone else in the family

have anything they'd like to announce?

- It's butt ugly!
- Think I don't know? I know it's ugly.

- All our houses are ugly, but yours
is the one he'll see first.

Definitely not
a good first impression.

- How does it look?
- It's getting whiter each time.

- There's a slight pinkish tinge here,
but from far away you can't see it.

Can you?
- No.

- Tadam!
- What is that?

- We'll tap his phone.

- What for?
- So we understand him better.

Lift that end.

Careful, it's heavy.

- Why'd you take this thing?

- It's the town's old phone
switchboard.

- Spying on your wife?

- This'll be the top, it's all white.

You'll look exactly like
a cricket player.

It's lovely, all white.

I'll put some padding here.

- It's truly ugly.
- Yup.

- Truly.

Did you all read the rules?
- Yes!

- Can anyone explain how to play?

Let's go, jayzus!

These are your positions...

(mixed conversations)

- Two of you come with me.

The rest of you stay there.
I'll place you.

- He stands there
and then runs back here.

- I want to bat.

- Who cut my oars?

- My oars!

- Charles, stay there.

Later, OK? Why're you standing here?
I told you before!

Get over there.

- Yvon, I've nothing...
- Get back!

- I've nothing to do.
- He looks mad.

- What's wrong? I told you,
you don't bat, you stand alongside.

- But I want to bat.

(mixed conversations)

- Everybody, calm down!

- OK, take a ball.

You pitch, uh, bowl first.

- Yvon, maybe he should...

Guys, that's enough!

- Nope, even at night it's ugly.

There!

HERITAGE SITE

- Passengers travelling on
are asked to remain on board.

- Jayzus!
- You look fine. It's time!

- No, but my tie!
- Just hold on.

- Perfect?
- Perfect!

Hold on.

- C'mon, hurry up!

Sorry, those don't work.

WELCOME TO
ST-MARIE-LA-MAUDERNE

What's wrong?

- Nothing.

- They're coming!

- OK, places everybody! Hurry!

Move it!

That's right.

Not there! Don't stand there!

Good.

Shut up.
- But...

- Shut up!

- Shouldn't we...?
- Grrr!

- OK, forget it.

- That's nothing.
Describes the whole area.

The whole region.

- No, it can't be!

No... no!

I don't believe it!

- Today's the final match.
- Really?

- It's a big tradition.

- Weird, I've never seen
the defense stand like that.

- I know, I keep telling them.
I don't understand why...

- It does protect and reinforce
the right side.

Can we watch?

- Pardon?
- A few overs.

Let's go!
Captain, take us to the match!

- We can't.
- To the island, left, left!

Turn, captain!
- Mr Pinsonneau, don't!

- To the island, go left!

- They're coming! They're coming!

- We're up shit creek!

- Yvon, do you have a Plan B
up your sleeve?

- There is no Plan B.

- They don't like spectators.

- It's so much more civilized
than hockey.

- I hate hockey.

- It's just that the doctor
may find it a bit strange

that we're supposedly wearing cricket
uniforms and holding cricket bats,

but that we have no goddamn clue
how to play cricket!

Whadowedo? Whadowedo?

Whadowedo?

Yvon, whadowedo?

- Yeah!!!

(everybody else): Yeah!

- It's over.

Too bad!

Let's go.

Next year.
- Both sides won?

- Yeah.
- What?

- I mean, no.

St-Marie-La-Mauderne!

It looks small,

but I'm sure she'll seduce you.

I must show you something
that's sure to impress you.

A heritage site.

We can't touch it.

Impressed, I bet!

Let's go.
I'll show you your house.

I'm right behind you.

We'll deliver the rest.

Welcome, Dr Lewis.
- Thank you.

- Listen!
- He's dialing!

- He picked it up. He's calling!

- Can you hear?
I'll turn up the speaker.

(screeching)

Don't ever touch that button!

- Which one? Because this one...

(screeching)
- Christ!

- Allo?
- Allo?

- OK. It's working.
- Christopher?

- Yeah, it's me.

How are you?
- Fine. You made it?

- Yeah, no sweat.

I'm fine.
- We can hear him!

- Germain's very nice.

Aside from his maxilofacials,
everything's perfect.

- What's that?
- I won't write that.

- What's a maxi-whatever?
- It's part of... Listen!

- Part of what?

- The town is tiny.

You can't imagine how tiny it is.

- Let's not exaggerate. Tiny!
- Picture it,

divide that by four,
and it's tinier still.

- He can't divide.
- Look, she gets the picture!

- Everyone here plays cricket.
- Cricket.

- It works!
- I mean, the entire village plays.

- And the house?
- What?

- How's the house?

- The house.

- The house is...

How to describe it? Awful!

- Says him.

- You're exaggerating.
- And how!

- There's no other word. It's ugly,

ugly, ugly! It's awful!

- He can't stop saying it.
- Ok, ok.

- Seriously,

I swear to you.

- Nothing matches?

- No, in fact, it all matches
very well.

- You see?

- Everything's ugly.

It has the charm of a house
murdered by its owner.

It's a crime scene.

I mean, the curtains

are ugly, the sofa,

the rug.

- You don't say.

- There's a picture of the owner...

(screeching)

- I'm warning you for the last time.
- Sorry.

- Keep your fingers off!

- Brigitte, are you still there?

- It was an accident! So?

- Sshht!

- I don't hear anything.
- You see?

It's your fault if he hangs up.

- There's a problem with the line.

- He's back!

- The sea air's got me famished.
- "Sea air."

- I'm dying for your beef stroganoff.
- Her what?

- What's that?
- Beef how?

- Race to the restaurant!

Beef struggle of!

- What?
- Beef struggle of!

- No, beef with carrots.

- He didn't mention carrots!

- Beef bugger off!

- Beef what?
- Stroganoff.

- Hi there.

- Hello.

Need help?

- I'm looking for the restaurant.

- Down there, to the left.

- Great.

How can you get lost in a town
as microscopic as this?

- You have to be particularly dumb.

- Sorry, I didn't mean...

Well, thanks for...

Goodbye.

You wouldn't have beef stroganoff?

Really?

Then I'll take it.

Thanks.

I didn't see it.

(music)

You're congested.

That's it.

- It started as athlete's foot.

- Jules coughs all night.
Maybe it's asthma.

He's smaller than the others.

I worry he's going to get fat.

Jake wets his bed...

He's a doctor.

- I bandaged it myself.

- Stop walking on it.

- It itches, you scratch. Itches...

- Threats, rewards, nothing helps.
His tonsils hurt.

He sleeps badly.
They've never been vaccinated.

He eats well, but gets fevers.

- Is that everything?

- I really need to go on the pill.

- It itches, you scratch, it spreads.

It's athlete's calf now.
- I can see.

- It itches.

(phone ringing)

- Hi, you've reached
Brigitte and Christopher.

Leave us a message.

- Brigitte, it's me again.

You're still not home.

Crazy day, a million patients.

They definitely needed
a doctor here.

I'll call back.

Bye.

- Well! You found your way?

- What are you reading?

- Reading?

I look at the pictures.

- It's because I said microscopic
the last time, is that it?

I didn't mean it's a tiny village
where nothing ever happens.

It's quaint.
- Hi Eve.

Why, hello, Doc.

- Hello.
- How was your first day?

- I didn't stop a second.

At this rate, I won't last the month.

- Christopher!

(church bell ringing)

Are you all sick?

The doctor said

he saw 40 patients in a single day.

He saw things he'd never seen
his entire life.

He said he felt like he'd been

transported back to the Middle Ages.

So tell me, is this how you,

how you set out to seduce someone?

Oh yeah!

Who here has a case
of creeping athlete's foot?

Who?

So, Steve,
you figured that the best way

to convince a doctor
to stay five years in St-Marie,

was to show him that we have here
a strain of resistant super-fungi?

- It's really uncomfortable.

- I'm sure it is.

From now on,

I'll take the doctor's appointments.

Jayzus!

Don't worry, leave it to me.

G'night.
- Bye.

- I know, no more athlete's foot.

- Why, no. That's not it.

C'mon, let's take a little stroll.

You love music, don't you?
- Yeah.

- The doc just adores jazz.

- No, not jazz. I hate jazz!

- Steve?
- No way!

- Mr Dupr?? Hi, this is
Germain Lesage in St-Marie.

I have good news for you.

- Germain who?
- Lesage.

I'm the new mayor
of St-Marie-La-Mauderne.

- Oh, right.
- About the factory...

we finally signed a doctor.

- Yeah.

Your proposal isn't
the most convincing...

Look, I'll lay out my cards.

Blanc Sablon has clearly indicated
how much it wants the factory.

You understand?

- I see. How much?

- $50,000.

- 50,000?

- That's their offer.

- $50,000?
- 50,000.

- Well then,

we'll figure it out.

- $50,000?

- That's how it works.
We need to buy time.

- And with the money
the factory will generate...

- A $50,000 bribe...

- No, Henry, it's just a loan.

- Germain, my superiors...

- Your superiors!
You make a decision for once!

- Not for $50,000.

I'm close to being replaced
by a bank machine.

- You are a bank machine.

- What are you insinuating?

I am not a bank machine!

I've been a bank manager
for 18 years.

I'm one of the big wheels in the...

You might've worn a tie.

We're being filmed.
- What a pain!

- So, what can I do for you?

- Henry, please...

- A loan? I see.

And how much did you want to borrow?

- I'll kill him!
- Yvon.

- Name, please?
- Grrr!!

- Yvon!
- Let me kill him!

- Easy now.

Germain.

Capital G, E, R, M, A,

I with a dot, N.

- He didn't like the veal.

- It was good.
- It gave him heartburn.

- Did it?

- What else?

His feet were cold and...

- What's that?

H?l?ne, let me see!

- Why not just ask him
to be our doctor?

Honestly...

Without all this conniving?
- What is that?

Show me. H?l?ne.
- This could hurt him.

It's highly personal.

It's information
that we shouldn't use.

- C'mon, I'd never hurt him.
Let me see.

Go on! Show me!

- He never had a father.

Hey.

You promised!

- How old are you?

- 33, why?

- My son would be 30.

It's strange to go fishing
with someone who...

To talk about women, and life...

- I'm sorry, I didn't know.

I have to catch one
before I leave.

- Don't worry, you'll catch one.

Jeez, he's lousy.
- A cityslicker.

- No. He's lousy.

- Thanks.

- That's some scar you have.

How'd you get it?

- The replacement.

- The replacement?

- Yeah.

- Yes?

- The replacement.

- Marcel! Marcel...

Did he ask any questions?
- Yes.

- Did you mention the replacement?
- Yes.

- Good work, Marcel.

Off you go.

(narration): The second week
went quite smoothly.

Our plan for seducing him
seemed to be paying off.

Things were going well.

Everyone was doing their bit.

(Ioud music)

But, after a certain period,

any normal twosome
misses each other.

- I miss you too.

- But we talk on the phone.

It's like we were together.
- Yeah.

- Why?

- I dunno.
- What would you do if I was there?

- I'd caress your shoulders.

- Yes!

- I'd caress your bum, your legs.

Maybe... you should get undressed.

- What about you?

- Me?
- Yes.

- I'll get my machine.
- His machine?

- Gimme a smoke.
- You quit.

- So what? Gimme a cigarette.

- What would you do
with your machine?

Tell me.

- Tell her, dammit!

- I'd caress your feet...
- My feet!

- Your toes.
- Her feet?

- And then...

- I can't hear!
"His machine?"

- Turn it up.
- This one?

(screeching)

- Turn it off!

- What did he mean by
his machine?

- Christopher?

- Brigitte? Are you OK?
- Yes.

- Listen, what did he mean
by "his machine"?

- Not over there! Turn left! Port!

Port!

That's it.

- Each week it feels like
the town's further away.

It's so far!

- I hear he does it with his machine!

- Her feet?
- Her feet?

- In my day feet were for walking.

We didn't use machines!

- I never heard of a machine.
- In town they all have one!

- Don't you risk catching a fungus?

Cause my feet...

- Latest news is: He likes feet.

We need our women to capitalize
on the fact that he likes feet.

- Hello, Christopher.
- Bonjour.

- Whose little feetsies are those?

- Hi there!

- To reach the pier
it's shorter for you to go by...

- I know. I pass by hoping
you'll invite me to share

a dish that's typical
of this pretty

small, but not too small,

and extremely charming village.

- Ah.

- Ah? Is "ah" a kind

of invitation to dinner?

- You have a girlfriend.

- Wait, I didn't want to...

- Where are they?

Not in the freezer?
- I don't know.

- Where else?

- Jayzus, Yvon!
- What?

- Who's the replacement?
- I don't follow.

- Marcel says the replacement
gave him a scar.

- No idea.

- Germain!
- Huh?

Look, bubbles!

- Bubbles?
- There! What are they?

See, right there!

- That is one big fish!

- A big one?

I feel one, Germain!

- Hold on!
- I feel one!

- Calm down!
- I feel one!

I swear, it's biting!

- Calm down.

- I caught it!

- You caught it!
- It's cold!

A big one!
- It's frozen!

Feel, it's frozen.
- You're right.

You see, big fish stay deep down.

Yeah, it's frozen solid.

This one must be
from the very bottom.

- It's a big one! My first fish!
I did it!

REFUSED

- It's been refused.
- Why?

- First of all, because $50,000
is a lot of money.

And second, because our forms
don't have a category for bribes.

- It's not a bribe!
- Yvon, it's a bribe.

- Are you really
a bank manager?

See, his job is to...
- You can't!

- Do lots of things,
to stamp all sorts of documents.

He's an administrator, bookkeeper...

He needs a few moments
to ponder and think

how to abuse his powers
as bank manager!

He may also need
a few minutes to surf the Net

and relieve his tension
by polishing his cricket wicket!

- Don't! They screen the tapes.

- There's more.

Part of your job

means believing in the project,

coming on board, so to speak.

He becomes part of a project!

He puts his balls on the line.
He tells his bosses:

I don't need a form.
I know this project will work!

Henry, you have to emphasize
your reputation.

A bank manager
does all those things.

If you don't do that, it means

you're nothing but...
- No, don't say it!

A simple...
- Don't say it.

- Bank machine.
- He said it.

- Is there something
we have to sign?

- I'll call them again.
- Thank you.

- I'm not...

a bank machine.
- Course you aren't.

Germain was only teasing you.

We knew you'd call again.

- You did?
- Sure.

- OK.

- Allergies?
- No.

- No? And your scar?

- What scar?

- I saw that scar.
- It's nothing.

- What happened?

- It's old. It's a long story.
- I've lots of time.

- I'd rather not.

- It wasn't the replacement?
- No.

- Listen!
Listen to the trumpet!

Listen, it's coming!
- Wow.

- There it is! Excellent!

- Sure is.

Yeah!

- I went to see the replacement.

- Why?
- I felt like getting a scar.

- What?
- Steve...

who's the replacement?

- The replacement?
- Yes.

Seeing as how St-Marie
is three hours

from the nearest hospital,

when we really, really have no choice,

like, a question of life or death,

we...

could listen to some more jazz.

No?

- And the best?

- What?
- Their doctor's a butcher.

Literally.
They figure he knows a lot

about human anatomy.

Not to worry,
it seems he's read a few textbooks.

So after mincing pork,

the town meatman saves lives.

Does he even wash his hands?
- I told them not to tell!

- The scars are terrible.
You should see them!

It's unbelievable!
They live like this!

- Really!
- Brigitte!

They have a right to a doctor.

Don't they?

Brigitte, are you listening?
- Sure.

- You sound like your mind's
somewhere else.

- No, it's just that I'm late.
I have to go.

- Sorry to bore you with the woes
of a tiny village.

- I'll call tonight, OK?

Bye.
- Bye.

Paul?
- Paul, that's his best friend.

- Can you tape India vs England?
- Don't they get it?

- That must be a cricket match.

Who has one of those gizmos,
that dish for the TV?

- Steve. He gets every channel.
- He has to install it in the bar.

- Things are fine. The people are

pretty nice.

- With all those folks
who marry their cousins?

(screeching)

- Maybe you should
leave that button alone.

- Have you seen Brigitte?

- No, why?
- It's because

she's been acting weird
on the phone.

Maybe you could keep
an eye on her.

- Yeah, sure.

- Thanks.

- OK, everybody, please!

Mr Dupr? called.

About the factory,

there's a slight hitch.

- No, it's like this every Monday night.

- Great, but there's still
the population mystery to clear up.

The population?
- Yes, the population.

- We have 225 inhabitants, Mr Dupr?.

- The Ministry of Revenue says 125.

- No, that's a technocratic error.

You believe a pencil-pusher,
who's never been here,

or the town mayor?

- When opening a factory
we require a populace of over 200.

- I understand.

- Below that is difficult.

- Mr Dupr?, if it wasn't 225,
we wouldn't have done all this.

It's 225.
- I don't know...

- Look,

how many people
do you think are here?

- A hundred.

- Fine, come with me.

Come on.

- OK, let's go!

- What's going on?

- Oh right, of course, it's 7 p.m.

- So?
- So...

Entertainment Tonight is on TV.

One last quick beer?
Sure, come on!

Let's have a chat about cricket.

Let's chat... I love the game.

- You do?
- Sure. Absolutely.

- Who's your favorite team?

- Hard to say.

- C'mon, hurry up!

- N 43!
- Bingo!

- The hostess is now checking the card.

We have a lucky winner.

We got a bingo.

- Remind me,
which way is the restaurant?

- The restaurant?
- Yeah.

I forgot my hat.

- It's... that way.

- Don't you think Harley Parish

is the greatest player of all time?
- No way!

- We got a bingo!

- Everybody to the restaurant!
Get going!

To the restaurant!

- Oliver Wadsworth?

- Oliver? Get out of here!

Not on your life. Give me a break!

You know that... the player...

stepping up to bat

can, if he wants...

- Excuse me,

is it possible that's my hat?

- So sorry!

I was just

keeping it warm.

- Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

- Oh right, of course.

- Where'd everybody go?

- It's after 7, they're watching ET.
- Ah.

- And he walked out.
- He left?

- Yeah, he said, "Ah," and he left.

- Hold on a sec.

Did he say, "Aha!

Damn liars!"
Or, "Ah"?

Which one?

- Look...

Look, Germain...

had I known that the "Ah"

was so important,

I'd have paid more attention
to his "Ah."

- Get us some beer, Yvon.

What a pain!

- I have a bit of bad news.

- What?

- But don't worry.
- What?

- They refused the loan again.

- No, hold on.

- I'll go higher, I have contacts.

When I began my career,

it was with Mrs Martin's father.

She's our new CEO.
It's in the bag.

- Great stroke!

He saw the hole
in their left field.

Excellent!

Lovely play!

He's their best bowler.
- Oh yeah, he's great!

- Did you see that?

Foul!

Foul!

Leg before wicket!

Here's the replay.

It's not criquet boys! Not criquet.

Lovely stroke! Lovely!

He caught it!

Super! Super! Just super!

- I don't understand a thing.
- I can't take it!

- It's incomprehensible!

- They've no right to call it a sport.

You have to be truly dumb to watch a...
- Keep it down!

- I'd like to take a wicket
and smash the lot of them!

(all): Yeah!!!

- What happened?

- The bowler bowled, and...

They scored a run.

It was spectacular...

the run. The guy started to run.

He ran and ran back and forth.

It was spectacular.

Then he was checked.

He was checked...

And he fell down.

He got up...

The run was...

great. It was...

- Henry?
- Yes.

- You're drunk!
- A little.

- He's no dummy.

- A double scotch.

Really!

I almost had you!

- I don't believe it!

Every day! Every day!

- Oh yeah?

- Is that you?
- Every day!

- Talk about being lucky!

That is really being lucky!

I mean, being as lucky as...
- Henry!

Shut up!

- This is a wonderful place.

It sure is!
- It's an incredible place!

- It's going real good.

- The fish took the bait.

- You heard him, he said,
"A really wonderful place."

He said so.

You saw, he likes money.

Good thing I...

Everything worked. It's in the bag.

- No.

If we asked Christopher to sign now,

he'd get cold feet, back down.

The fish took the bait,
we set the hook.

Now comes the hard part.

We have to slowly reel in the fish.

Like Granddad always said:

Getting the fish to bite is easy.

But,

after he's bitten,

you have to convince him that the
best place on earth is in your dinghy.

The fish has to be coaxed.

You almost have to get the fish

to want to jump in the boat himself.

- How do we do that?

- Go on, turn the ignition.

Try again.

- Looks like you're stuck here.

- No way, I'll be assassinated.

- It's OK, don't worry, Bertrand.

You fix the motor.

We'll cool our heels in town.

Do you have
a clean change of clothes?

- I can lend you some!

- Yvon can help.

- Hello, doctor.
- Hello, ladies.

- Welcome, Dr Pitt!

Welcome to St-Marie!

We need a good doctor.

- Hi there. Who's he?

- A doctor, he's applying
to be our permanent doctor.

We need one to get a factory.

- He's willing to sign for 5 years.

- I hear he's fantastic!

- Kevin, bring a round for our table.

Christopher, I didn't see you.

I forgot to tell you,

you can take the day off tomorrow,
Dr Pitt will fill in.

- But I...

- So I'm returning them to the store.

- Excuse me.
- Cause...

- Morning.
- Ssshhh!

- Germain!

I thought we'd go fishing.

- Sorry, I can't. I'm real sorry.
I have to help Dr Pitt.

- Another time.

Another time.

Hello.

- Hi Christopher!

- Hello.
- Hello.

- When'll the boat be ready?
- Pretty soon.

- Why are you calling?
You already spoke to...

- Yes, I know.
- Henry...

- He rejected a loan application
that's very solid.

- Henry, I have the file

on my desk.

You're in St-Marie.
You have absolutely no collateral.

- Look, I've worked for the bank
for 18 years...

- Henry, you're in St-Marie.

Your job is to cash welfare checks,
it's simple.

That's all we ask.

In fact...
- I just wanted...

- Not to disparage your 18 years of
loyal service. You knew my father.

But we could replace you...

- Don't say it! Don't say it!

- With a bank machine.

- She said it.

- What's that?

- It's...

It's our loan.

I approved it.

The payments are $1141.71 per month.

- And that?

- My CV.

I'm going to need a new job soon.

There's $55,000.

- We only need $50,000.

- I'll sell you my land for $5,000.

- For the factory?

Thanks, Henry.

Pull up a chair.

Pass me the letter
from the government.

Look, it's actually looking good.

- Germain! Germain!

- What?
- H?l?ne!

- Read what's written.
- You'll see!

I mean, the first time we heard...

- Wo! Start at the beginning!

- Christopher called Brigitte.
She wasn't home.

He left a long message.

- He started talking about her feet...

And oil, and his machine...
- That was tricky.

- Was the oil for his feet,
or his machine, or...

- Spit it out!
- Anyway,

he started calling around.

- Then it turned out she was

staying with their best friend, Paul.

- Yeah, Paul. The best friend

of him.
- Hers too!

- So get this...

For three years
she's been cheating on him with...

Him, Paul.
- His best friend.

Three years!

- Three years.
- So...

It's all over.

- It's all over?
- It's all over. Finished!

- He has no more ties to Montr?al.
- Our very words.

- Just what we've been
trying to tell you.

- Rough day?

- It's over with Brigitte.

- Sorry to hear that.

- All that time, my entire life
was nothing but...

Love! What the hell is love?

My best friend!

He was my best friend.

It was all fake. Everything.

How can I not have seen
that everything around me was false?

Everyone lied to me.

My other friends, they had to know.

Of course they knew.

They wove an entire web of lies.

Can you imagine?

They must be laughing at me!

They must've seized every chance,
whenever I was in surgery

to put in fake boobs or a fake nose,

or those damn fake cheekbones.

Everyone knows cheekbones
like that don't exist.

Nobody has goddamn cheekbones
like that!

Nobody.

I'm going home.

- Kevin, bring me the bottle.

The truth!

It's a joke!

Yvon?

- Who is it?

- The tooth fairy!
- Ah.

- It's Germain, you dolt!

- I'd never have guessed.

- He'll sign.

- Germain? Why, hello.

- Hello, Clotilde.

- Is H?l?ne OK?

- Yeah, she's fine.
- Good.

Would it be indiscreet to ask
what you're doing in our bed?

- I won't be long.

- It's already been long.

- Ah. Sorry.

I know it's after office hours.

- It's not really so much the time

as the fact we're all lying here.

- He doesn't do it very often.

- You won't be long?
- I won't be long.

- I'd be very grateful.

- Yvon?
- Huh?

- Have you thought about
after he's signed?

How'll he react when he finds out
who we really are?

That it's all false?

That we've been lying to him
for an entire month?

- They were only white lies.

- It'll kill him.

So we have two choices.

Either we throw the fish back

and call off the great seduction.

Or...

24 hours a day

for the next 5 years

we remain the village
he thinks we are.

- There's no way
I'm listening to jazz for 5 years!

What?

You try and listen to fusion jazz.

I challenge anyone
to listen to fusion jazz.

If I hear another musician
blaring out his soul on his trumpet,

I'll shoot myself.

- In domine Patrick...

- Sorry to interrupt. I didn't...
- No, that's OK.

- I just...

I just wanted to tell you...

that in the last...

In the last month
I've discovered that St-Marie is...

It's small, but...

OK, there are no fine restaurants,

or the intoxicating
rush of the city, but...

but there's something here that is...

that's extraordinarily true.

You're authentic,
which is rare in town.

Well, that's it.

I wanted to say

I'd really like...

I want to be your doctor.

- Ah.

Well, you see,

we already signed up Dr Pitt.

I'm sorry.

- I see.

I won't bother you any longer.

- What are you doing?

- Housecleaning.

- Come on.

- And this is the certificate.

- OK, but where's
the doctor's contract?

- We sent it registered.
Didn't you bring it?

- Go call.

- I wanted to say goodbye.

- Can I cook you some fish?

- Sure.

Lucky you're inviting me today
because since last night

I'm officially a bachelor.

- I know.

- Did Germain tell you?
- No.

We've tapped your phone all month.
- What?

- We've tapped your phone all month.

Coming?

- Do you have a photocopy?

- Is this it?

- No, no.

- In cricket, what's a wicket?

- It's...
- You have no idea.

You've lied from A to Z.

Haven't you?

For a month it was all lies.
- Not exactly.

- What's the name of Germain's son
who died?

- Bernard.
- Bernard?

- I don't know, I guessed.
- Bernard?

- Why?

Why, Germain?

Why?

Why can't anyone tell me the truth?

- Christopher...

- Why?

- Christopher!
The truth is, fishing's dead.

For 8 years we've lined up
every month for welfare.

Christopher!

Did you ever line up
for a welfare check?

You get more than money,
you get shame!

You get a full dose of shame.

The money lasts two weeks,
the shame's good for a month.

The system eats up villages like ours.

The simple truth is,

no doctor, no village.

The truth is,

we didn't know how to get a doctor

to save the lives of 120 people.

- Did he say 120?

- He said 220.

- That's all.

- Germain?

Will you learn cricket?

- No.

- OK, it's a deal.

I'm your doctor.

Can I see you tonight?

- No.

- Take your time. I have 5 years.

- It's true,

maybe a plastic container factory
isn't much.

But at the end of a good day's work,
I can't explain the joy you feel

at being just
a little tired.

We aren't rich,

but I can guarantee that the people
of St-Marie-la-Mauderne

have regained their pride.

- Germain!

- Jean-Fran?ois!

- Kevin!

(moaning and groaning)

- I think you can say
we regained our happiness.