Scream for Christmas (2000) - full transcript
Rob the Slasher is on Christmas vacation. His truck breaks down near an abandoned warehouse. He discovers that cheerleaders and their friends are having a Christmas party there. He decides to slaughter them. There are two other killers there as well. They battle to see who can kill the most till there is only one slasher left.
MUSIC
MUSIC
EERIE WIND/TRAFFIC
EERIE WIND/TRAFFIC
DRAMATIC MUSIC
DRAMATIC MUSIC
CAR TRUNK SLAMS
DRAMATIC MUSIC/EERIE WIND
DRAMATIC MUSIC/ EERIE WIND
Man, this is the shiznick for a party!
Wait until I tell the others
This is better than that other crappy place
Man, this place is huge!
Let's check this place out
DRAMATIC MUSIC
LAUGHS
DRAMATIC MUSIC
Man, this place is huge
DRAMATIC MUSIC
Quit goofing around, I'm going upstairs
SILENCE
MUSIC
Public access station ninety-nine.
Ohio's number one independent source for entertainment, for 20 years
APPLAUSE
Woo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
What do we have down there?
It looks like...(laughs)
An Audience!
APPLAUSE
Merry Christmas everyone!
APPLAUSE
Welcome to Psycho Santa's cartoon hour
(laughs)
The show where I make cartoons for you!
(laughs)
The next cartoon coming up, I call it " CHOMPER"
HEAVY METAL MUSIC
APPLAUSE
Whoah, over already?
Wow! Time flies by doesn't it audience?
(LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS)
Knew, you would like it!
(APPLAUSE)
Christmas time!
Gives me a feeling, right here
(LAUGHS)
You know, with the good memories, come the bad memories
(sobbing) She was my best friend in the whole world
(SNIFFLES)
(SAD MUSIC)
Angie was terminally ill, she had cancer
(SOBBING/SAD MUSIC)
One thing that I remember about Angie
is that she was a very good person
Very good person
and...if anyone in the world deserved presents
it was her
But she never got any
Simply because her parents couldn't afford
to get them...
Or maybe just Santa Claus was really
just a fucking bastard
(SAD MUSIC)
Every year we would wish for the same thing
Angie didn't really want presents for herself
She just wanted her dad to have a happy Christmas
Instead of
Using what little money he had
To buy a bottle of Jack Daniels
and curl up
(SOBS)
In a corner somewhere
(SOBS)
She didn't live...to make it to Christmas that year
That's so sad
Santa Claus, I know your watching this
I have not been able to find you all these years
and I have been looking for you
I know you have been hiding from me
and one of these days I'm going to find you
and when I do
I'm going to kick the ever fucking living hell out of you!!
Do you understand me?!?
You fucking bastard!!
(SOBS)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
(SOBS)
( LOUD CRINKLING OF ENVELOPE)
Dear Rob
Thanks for your many years of good, loyal service
You are one of our best employees
(MUMBLES)
You make us proud
(MUMBLES)
and shall not go unrewarded
Well, alright!
(MUMBLES)
You will be granted a three week vacation
Yes!
( PAPER CRINKLES)
and a bonus!
fifty-thousand!
(MUMBLES)
Hope you enjoy your vacation
tell your mother that we wish her well, and she raised a fine son!
I'm going on Christmas vacation!
(CAR DOOR SLAMS)
Dammit! I just got this thing fixed too!
(EERIE WIND NOISE)
I know that there is nothing wrong with this car.
(EERIE WIND NOISE)
I have to go over to that creepy building
and see if there is a phone
(TRUNK SLAMS)
(ERRIE MUSIC)
(TRAFFIC NOISE)
No!
(DRAMATIC HEARTBEAT AND ALIEN BABBLE)
No!
(DRAMATIC HEARTBEAT AND ALIEN BABBLE)
Not my bourbon!
(DRAMATIC HEARTBEAT, ALIEN BABBLE, SOUNDS OF GURGLING LIQUID)
Not my bourbon!!!!
(DRAMATIC HEARTBEAT, ALIEN BABBLE )
(SCREAMS)
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
That hit the spot!
Let me tell you something...
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
The government, they are always trying to find ways
to take away my bourbon, to take away my rights
the government and those damn aliens
It's all a conspiracy
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
There's nothing scientific about those damn anal probes
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
I mean, what scientific purpose,
Does shoving a huge metal object up someone's ass take?
You know what I mean?
Whoo Hoo!
Glory be!
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
Someone threw away a mighty good hat!
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
Ah, perfect fit, perfect fit
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
Christmas time! ( grunts ) Salvation Army gave me this
Said it would keep me warm
Bastards! Cheap Bastards!
(TENSE MUSIC)
Must...kill...cheerleaders!!!!!!!
No...Oh, I left weapon jacket at home!
(LONG PAUSE)
Must improvise...
( BELCHES)
Hee haw...
( TRAFFIC)
What a crock.
(TRAFFIC, SOUND OF GLASS BOTTLE BOUNCING OFF PAVEMENT)
(TENSE MUSIC)
Litterbug!!!!!!!
( SOUND OF FIST BURSTING THROUGH CHEST FOLLOWED BY GARGLING BLOOD)
( EERIE WIND NOISE, SOUNDS OF ROB CLEANING OFF GUTS )
Ha! Yeah! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ho Ho Ho!
(TENSE MUSIC)
( DRAMATIC MUSIC AND DEMONIC ROARS AND LAUGHTER)
Where did they go?!?! Where are they?!?!
(EERIE WIND NOISE)
(TENSE MUSIC)
Hey! Hey Rob!
( DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Come over here!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Hurry up dammit!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
I notice you have been working out
Yeah, uh well, yeah...huh
Flex your arm for me
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Ooohh, why don't you turn around so I can see your big ,strong, sturdy back
Well, uh, what ?
Come on, I will tell all the girls how cool you are
Huh, heh, okay, yeah.
Hey......what a lovely back
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Show me your big strong bod
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(TRAFFIC NOISE)
What the hell?!?
You got your ass whipped again didn't you son?
You think you are hurt now? You wait until I get a hold of you!
Honey, I'm going to make you black and blue all over again!
Once you get up, now get off your butt now!!!!! Move it!!!!!
(TRAFFIC NOISE, DOG BARKING)
I can't believe you, you are a poor excuse for a child!
I tell you son, I am not putting up with this crap again!
Some little girl hitting you? Are you a big chicken? I think so!
I'm not about a big chicken, I'm so ashamed of you!
When I tell you to do something I mean to do it son!
and that means hitting girls! I don't care how little she is, or how big she is!
If she is as big as a house you are to hit her!
You are nothing but a wimp!
Suck in your gut now!
(LOUD PUNCHING NOISE)
What is your problem baby? Get up!!
When I tell you to, I mean to get up!
Oh did that hurt? A woman hitting you did that hurt?
I guess it did, didn't it? Well you are not going to do that again!
The next time I hit you son, you better be strong enough to handle it!
Quit whining! I can see the tears welling up in your eyes! God bless! I cannot believe you!
You are a poor excuse of a child!
Now stand up straight and lets try it again! this time you be ready for me!
Are you ready? or do i have to give you a little signal?
(LOUD PUNCH)
Oh quit whining!
Yes mom!
Quit your whining!
Are you ready?
(LOUD PUNCH NOISE)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
When I hit you, I want to to stand straight...
I want you to stand tall, and I want you to be able to take it!
Are you a wimp?
Are you a wimp son?
No, no momma.
(LOUD PUNCH NOISE)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Don't think you are off the hook yet.
Just because you did good one time.
Okay son, I want you to climb that thing, and i want you to climb it right.
Can you handle it, or do you want to be a little girl about it?
No, no momma.
Okay, get up there and climb it now. Move it! Move it!
Climb! Climb! Climb higher!
Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster! Come on, I said faster son!
Over, come on! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!
Oh, come on you are...oh look at you!
You are pitiful! You are so pitiful! i cannot believe how idiotic you are acting!
Get up off your fanny son, and climb now!!!!!
I said climb, climb, climb! Up there! Over! Over! Over!
Come on! Move faster! Faster! Faster! Faster!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Come on! You heard me, move faster!
I cannot believe you! Oh lord, you are pitiful!
You out of breath? Are you?
No momma.
(LOUD PUNCHING NOISE)
Okay, come on, one more time, 158, 159, 160!
Come on, quit being a wimp, come on, I can see your face turning red!
Come on! Come on you can do it! 150, I forgot where i was at now you made me so damn mad!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
160! 161!
Very good, it's about time you did right.
I'm proud of you son, you are starting to act like a man.
and if you don't, I'm going to kill you, do you hear me?
Yes, yes momma.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC FOLLOWED BY LOUD PUNCH)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(SILENCE, FOLLOWED BY DRIPPING NOISE)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(MUSIC)
Gawd-fucking dammit!
(CAR DOOR SLAM)
Where the fuck is Susan?
I just want her to hand me my fucking beer, that stupid little whore!
Suck my fucking dick, that little bitch, that's all she's good for
That bitch better be in that fucking building man
and she better have a cold ass beer, that little fucking whore
Bitch.
(MUSIC)
Hey!
Where's my gawd-damned money at?!?
Son-of-a-bitch!
You know what I am talking about!
I gave you a chance! That's my gawd-damned money!
Where's my money? You fuck with my...Gawd-dammit...
Gawd-dammit! You fuck with my money, where's my money at?!?!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(SCREAMS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
911? I have an emergency!!!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
One Gawd-damned dollar!
Two Gawd-damned dollar!
Three Gawd-damned dollar, four!
Bitch, you owe me money, now your ass is going to be sore!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Hello? Gawd-damn!
(MUSIC ENDS FOLLOWED BY TRAFFIC NOISE)
Here's a quarter gawd-dammit, call someone who gives a gawd-damn.
(TRAFFIC NOISE)
( MUSIC)
Hey Amanda
(MUSIC)
(SINISTER TONE)
I knew that whore would not disappoint me
(MUSIC)
Man, you need to keep your dimestore whore in check
(MUSIC)
No, not yet!
(MUSIC)
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Danny, I've been looking for you.
(SLAP NOISE, MUSIC)
You weren't looking hard enough were you?
(SIGHS) Sorry, I guess.
What's wrong with you? You should not disrespect women like that
She deserved it. She don't cook good enough for me, she doesn't even clean that well
What the fuck do you do?
What Iv'e got to do, nothing.
You're okay with this?
Well, I... I don't want to talk about it.
(MUSIC)
(LAUGHTER)
Man, you need to learn to control your bitch.
(MUSIC)
Not yet.
(MUSIC)
Man, fuck this, I'm going to go get some beer, beer that you should have brought me.
(MUSIC)
(SOUND OF CAR DRIVING OFF THROUGH GRAVEL)
Man, you should just kill him.
(SINISTER TONE)
Five hundred dollars and you got a deal.
(LAUGHS)
Sounds pretty good actually
Yeah, I'll throw in two hundred dollars
I have three-hundred
(LIGHT LAUGHTER)
(MUSIC)
Do you have everything?
Yeah, it's in the trunk
This is going to be like one of those cheesy 80's slasher films
and after I kill them, we can celebrate
Hmmmm.....( SINISTER LAUGHTER)
(MUSIC and sounds of ROUGH-HOUSING)
(CHEERS AND CLAPPING)
Amanda!
(CHEERS AND CLAPPING)
Kick ass!
Well, at least you guys aren't hot anymore
Slasherbait, these are the type of people made to be killed
(SINISTER TONE)
What about this place?
I like it
It's okay, it's a place
Nice and big
I found a place
(SINISTER TONE)
Yeah, I can see you got rid of your costume
I'll probably put it back on...
(SINISTER TONE)
Man, this looks like an Ann Frank Christmas carol
(SINISTER TONE)
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
(SINISTER TONE)
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
I know how we can pass the time, we can decorate the Christmas tree
Good idea!
(SINISTER TONE)
Hey, yo, what's up with, uh, Muffy over there?
She had too many beers
(MUSIC)
Saves a lot of small talk and flowers
( SOUNDS OF MULTIPLE FISTS HITTING DANNY)
(MUSIC)
Man, you guys are a bunch of punk ass...
( CLANG OF SHOVEL HITTING SKULL)
(MONTAGE MUSIC)
What about Danny?
He's pretty much, well, out
Oh, lets just wake him up...
(GASPING NOISE)
(MUSIC)
Hello Danny, you alright?
(MUSIC)
This is going to be the best Christmas party yet! Warriorettes, Warriorettes, wooo!
(MUSIC)
(SINISTER TONE)
Danny boy, are you alright?
What the hell did you guys do to him?
(SINISTER TONE)
Hello
(SINISTER TONE)
Get me a beer!
(SINISTER TONE)
You got blood on my shirt
(LOUD SLAP)
(BODY HITTING FLOOR)
Get your own damn beer
(BODY HITTING FLOOR)
Fuck the weather.
I'm from Ohio
There, it snows during Christmas, not rain
Ah, Christmas in Ohio
cousins holding hands
brothers and sisters kissing
and old grandpa, sipping on some corn squeezing
(MUSIC)
Hey, save some of that for me
(SINISTER MUSIC)
You know I can finish that massage for you
aint no thing but a chicken wing girlfriend, mm, hmm
(TRAFFIC NOISES)
(RELAXING HARP MUSIC)
I took classes
(TRAFFIC NOISE)
Man, that bitch better come back soon with my fucking beer
(LOUD SLAP)
(TRAFFIC NOISE)
( EVIL TONE)
I'm going to go look around, did you want to come with me?
Nah, I've got other things to do
(SINISTER MUSIC)
I love this! This is going to be the best Christmas ever!
(SINISTER MUSIC)
Which of these bad boys should I use first?
(SINISTER MUSIC)
After I kill them all...then Betty will love me
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Wait a second here...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Fuck!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Don't worry...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
You have nothing to fear
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
I won't have to hurt you just yet
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Man, I thought this shit only happened in the movies
I see your bag of tricks
Where's your costume?
It's, uh, It's right here
It's going to be cool, man, I was going to dress like the Grim Reaper
( DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Put it on
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Pretty creepy
So why do you want to kill these kids anyway?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Simple man, I want to impress a beautiful chick
Besides, have you seen them?
There is nothing more annoying than jocks and cheerleaders
(SILENCE)
Brother!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Uh, so does this mean you will let me go?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Sure, I was on vacation anyway
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Hey, have you heard of Slashers Inc?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
No...
Do you make fifty bucks an hour?
No...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Here, have an application!
Okay...
It's great, they give you a whole wooded area to protect
It's fifty bucks an hour
for 40 hours a week
Protect as in how?
You stop people from littering
Okay...
You know , punish those who would harm the environment
Look man, I'm not doing this for some tree-hugging hippy bullshit man...
I'm doing this out of love
But think...how are you going to support your woman?
Think! Only a fool could pass up that much money!
Yeah, okay!
It's cool, it sounds like a great idea...
I'll.. fill it out right away
(SIGHS)
Good I'm getting tired, I need some shut-eye
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Your fucking crazy man!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Pick...it...up!
Fuck you!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Let me explain this to you
I kill litterbugs!
Pick it up!
Fuck you man!
What makes you think you can take me?
I'm the fucking Grim Reaper!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC, LOUD ECHO SCREAM)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(whispering)Turn around! Get out of the mirror...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
God, look at me, I'm just so fucking fabulous
Ah, the only reason I became a cheerleader is so I can take their boyfriends away from them.
Look at this, so silicone, complete perfection...
God, I hate fucking cheerleaders...
(DRAMATIC PAUSE)
(SIGHS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Oh...baby...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
I've convinced Phil to kill everybody for me
He actually thinks he's going to get this?
He's going to get it...
but not in the way he thinks...
(DRAMATIC PAUSE)
Just wait and see...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Help!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Wait...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Wait!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Let momma take care of it...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Did you like what you saw?
Yeah!
Did it turn you on?
Oh yeah!
You know what I like best about you?
(DRAMATIC PAUSE)
Your eyes!
(INTENSE MUSIC, SCREAMS)
Oh dear, he's not dying yet, take care of it...
(INTENSE MUSIC, STABBING NOISES)
Your'e Rob the Slasher, I've heard about you
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
I was going to kill you
but it seems you and I have something in common
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
What's that?
Our hatred for cheerleaders
Since I like you, I'm going to let you leave
Do me a favor...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Kill as many of those bitches that you can!
God knows I have
You're a serial killer too?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(KISSING NOISE)
I'll see you later
(ROMANTIC MUSIC)
(INTENSE MUSIC)
(INTENSE MUSIC, SOUNDS OF STRUGGLE)
(INTENSE MUSIC, STABBING NOISES)
(INTENSE MUSIC, SOUND OF KNIFE CUTTING FLESH)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(THUNDER CLAP)
(SILENCE)
Oh my god Susan, this party sucks
there's no beer, no drugs, what the fuck we supposed to do?
It will be alright, we can find another party somewhere
I hope so
I'll be right back
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
(LOUD DRAMATIC TONE)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Deck the halls with bowels of Holly, fa a la la la la la la la
(INTENSE MUSIC FOLLOWED BY A SPLAT)
(INTENSE MUSIC)
It's about time you got here
(INTENSE MUSIC)
You know what? I was thinking...
If I ever have kids, I want them to be girls, so they can grow up to be cheerleaders just like me
or raise them just like my parents raised me...
in the cheerleading squad, watching PBS
none of that violent stuff that's on tv nowadays
(DRAMATIC TONE)
(RISING DRAMATIC MUSIC, FOLLOWED BY A LOUD SCREAM AND STABBING SOUNDS)
(SILENCE)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(SCREAM)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Where are you Rob?!?
You motherfucker!!!
I'm ready for you now!!!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
This is my house!!!
These are my victims!!!!
I'm ready for you now!!!!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(SCREAMS)
(SILENCE)
(APPLAUSE)
What's wrong with this picture?
(SILENCE)
( LIGHT AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
What, you don't fucking know?
(LIGHT AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
Where the hell is my fucking beer at?
(LIGHT AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
We have beer downstairs, but it is warm.
How the fuck am I supposed to drink warm beer?
I can go get some ice and a cup and put it in there for ya
You don't fucking put ice into a cup and pour me beer into it!
It fucking waters it down, it tastes like shit!!
I don't even fucking believe you
How fucking stupid are you?
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(SOUNDS OF DANNY BEATING HIS GIRLFRIEND) Little..fucking..worthless...bitch!!
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(SOUNDS OF DANNY BEATING HIS GIRLFRIEND) Oh, I aint done yet!
(SOUNDS OF DANNY BEATING HIS GIRLFRIEND) Fucking whore! Stupid..fucking...bitch...where's my beer at?
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC , DANNY MUMBLING WITH ANGER)
Stop it!
(SINSITER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
The money...wait...stop!!!!!
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...
We are happy to present the esteemed Rob Thrasher
As he humbly reads from the magnificent pages of the Slashers Manuel of Shortcuts
(LIGHT CLAPPING FROM AUDIENCE)
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
Good year
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
(SIPS LOUDLY)
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
According to the slasher's manual
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC, RUFFLING OF BOOK PAGES)
Page...
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC, RUFFLING OF PAGES)
Ah, twenty-two...
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC, RUFFLING OF PAGES)
paragraph...
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC )
seven...line three...
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
Yes, according to this...
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
I should be able to cut him off...
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
right...about...
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Here!!!
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(SINSTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC, MUFFLED CRIES)
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(SINSTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC, MUFFLED CRIES, SAW TEARING THROUGH FLESH)
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(SINSTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC, MUFFLED CRIES, SAW TEARING THROUGH FLESH)
(SINSTER MUSIC, MUFFLED CRIES, SAW TEARING THROUGH FLESH)
Stop!!!!!!
(SINISTER MUSIC, SAW TEARING THROUGH FLESH)
(Oh my god, you killed Danny! What did you do?
(SINISTER MUSIC)
You idiot!!!!
(SINISTER MUSIC)
Gawddammit he had money!!!!!!
Now...he's dead!!!!
See this ring?!?!
(SINISTER MUSIC)
We were going to get married!!!!
Now I have no money!!!!
And now I am not going to get any of his money!!!!!!!!!!!
(SINISTER MUSIC)
Give me that!!!!
(SINISTER MUSIC)
(SINISTER MUSIC, LOUD GRUNT AS KNIFE CUTS THROUGH FLESH)
(SINISTER MUSIC, DYING GROANS)
Damn, what a waste
(SINISTER MUSIC)
I am glad to be out of that hot, sweaty costume
(INTENSE MUSIC)
You killed all my friends!
(INTENSE MUSIC)
Yeah, so?
(INTENSE MUSIC)
Who are you?
(INTENSE MUSIC)
I call upon the power of the mystical cheerleader ninja!!!
(INTENSE MUSIC, THUNDER CLAPPING)
(INTENSE MUSIC)
Rah...Rah...Ree!!!
(INTENSE MUSIC)
Rah...Rah...Ree!!!
(INTENSE MUSIC)
Cheerleader Thunder Punch!!!!
(INTENSE MUSIC)
You broke my ribs...
impossible...
(LIGHT SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC)
She almost killed me!
(LIGHT SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC)
Bitch!
(LIGHT SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC)
Now I can get some rest, fix my truck and get the fuck out of here!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC )
There is no rest for you...only punishment!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC) No! It can't be you!
Normally, I don't mind a little killing...
but you had to use my symbolic suit
I thought you didn't like killing,
I thought it was naughty!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Naughty? Ho! Ho! Ho!
I kill people like you every year
the ones that get in my way
In the way of what?!?!
Every year you see my face, my image
Trademarks, copyrights, i get paid for that
every year I make billions!
Every year people try to tarnish my good name!
Then people like you try to tarnish my image
make jokes at my expense
make little kids hate me
they even tried to make a movie about me killing people with an axe
but I don't use an axe
I use my bare hands, as that poor fool found out
So why don't you retire?
With all of that money, you don't need to work!
Mrs. Claus!
every dime I make
all of it, every year
she spends it
every last cent
ruining my good name!
What about the presents? Giving them to kids every year?
Ho! Ho! Ho! you believe that crap?
You don't deliver presents?
I'll show you what I deliver!!!
I can't fight Santa Claus!
(LIGHT TRAFFIC NOISE)
Enough!!!!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Like a coward you hidden yourself away from me...
but now the hiding is over!!!!
Hiding?
I've avoided you because you are weird!
I don't want people associating me with you!
I shall enjoy making you pay for your insolence!
Pay? Pay for what?
Letting that little slut of yours die?
Here family was poor...
they could not afford to by any of my merchandise!
being poor is naughty...
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Ha! Ha! Ha! That won't work against me, I am magic!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
I even have the power to save that little slut of yours
but I won't.
How does that make you feel?
(EXPLOSION)
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Is that all you got?
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Come on!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
That was a lucky shot you bastard!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC, BUILDING BREAKING)
Now I'm going to give you the Christmas Bash that you've been waiting for!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Hey!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
I'm not through with you yet!
Magic Hat!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Staff of Punishment!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Arcania, Mistress of Punishment, give me your power!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Punishment?
(YELLS)
Oh Ho!
(EXPLOSION)
My back!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC AND EXPLOSIONS)
Welcome to Singapore motherfucker!!!!!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC AND EXPLOSIONS)
(UPBEAT HAPPY MUSIC, LAUGHTER )
(EXPLOSION)
(UPBEAT HAPPY MUSIC, BODY FALLING DOWN STAIRS)
Oh! Ho! Ho! My Back!
(UPBEAT HAPPY MUSIC)
Merry Christmas! ( LAUGHS)
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(LIGHT TRAFFIC NOISE)
Now what are you doing?
Stand back, and watch
(WARP NOISE)
(EXPLOSION)
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
Where am I?
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
Hello Angie
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
Your all better now
Who are you?
I'm an old friend
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
(LAUGHS)
(GASPS) You killed Santa Claus!
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
Nah you see, he's just hurt really really bad
Oh great!
Now I get to kill him!
(SOUND OF STAFF POWERING UP)
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC, EXPLOSIONS, SANTA CLAUS CRYING OUT IN PAIN)
Why won't he die?
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC, SANTA CLAUS CRYING OUT IN PAIN)
Well you see, Santa Claus is immortal
Which means that no matter what you do to him
he's going to continue to live
(LAUGHS)
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC, SOUND OF STAFF BEING TWIRLED )
This is the best Christmas ever!
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC, SOUND OF STAFF BEING TWIRLED )
((LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC, SOUND OF STAFF BEING TWIRLED, EXPLOSIONS, SANTA CRYING OUT IN PAIN )
Oh, don't worry about it,
don't worry about it at all
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
You broke it for a good cause
I'm very proud of you
but, it's time for me to send you back
You're all better now,
your not sick,
and your not going to die
at least be happy about that
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC, SANTA CLAUS GROANING IN PAIN)
Where did he go?
(LIGHT TRAFFIC NOISE)
Least he could have done is fix my truck!
(TENSE MUSIC)
(SCARED STUTTERING)
Hey buddy...
Wha-What's up killer white boy?
(SCARED STUTTERING)
Nah, I've been looking around at you
and the shit, you've been, you've been
killing the cheerleaders
you've been, you've been busting caps
In the, in the litterbugs
I ain't done none of that shit
I'm with you brother, we the same
look at us...
two brothers, two, two dudes
I came...I whipped Danny's ass!
Remember? I beat the hell out of Danny!
You saw that! We the same!
Come on! Cut a brother a break!
I'm with you! (SCREAMS)
Go! Before I change my mind!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(END CREDIT MUSIC)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Whoo Hoo!
What do we have down there?
It looks like
an audience!!!
(STATIC, AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Merry Christmas everyone!
Welcome to Psycho Santa's cartoon hour! (LAUGHS)
The show
where i make cartoons
for you!
(SILENCE)
There's not enough death in the world.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC, SOUNDS OF MONSTER ATTACKING)
I forgive you.
I don't care what you are, or what you look like
You are my son and I will always be proud of you.
You see, I was unable to have a child
So, I sold my soul to your father Satan
and now I have you,
a beautiful bouncing boy
who I will love forever
My birth fulfills my father's part of the contract.
(EXPLOSION)
(SINISTER MUSIC)
I hate being nausous!
It happens when I teleport
(CITY SOUNDS, SIRENS)
(DEMONIC ROAR)
(DEMONIC GROWLING AND CHOKING NOISES)
(SINISTER MUSIC, HEARTBEAT)
MUSIC
EERIE WIND/TRAFFIC
EERIE WIND/TRAFFIC
DRAMATIC MUSIC
DRAMATIC MUSIC
CAR TRUNK SLAMS
DRAMATIC MUSIC/EERIE WIND
DRAMATIC MUSIC/ EERIE WIND
Man, this is the shiznick for a party!
Wait until I tell the others
This is better than that other crappy place
Man, this place is huge!
Let's check this place out
DRAMATIC MUSIC
LAUGHS
DRAMATIC MUSIC
Man, this place is huge
DRAMATIC MUSIC
Quit goofing around, I'm going upstairs
SILENCE
MUSIC
Public access station ninety-nine.
Ohio's number one independent source for entertainment, for 20 years
APPLAUSE
Woo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
What do we have down there?
It looks like...(laughs)
An Audience!
APPLAUSE
Merry Christmas everyone!
APPLAUSE
Welcome to Psycho Santa's cartoon hour
(laughs)
The show where I make cartoons for you!
(laughs)
The next cartoon coming up, I call it " CHOMPER"
HEAVY METAL MUSIC
APPLAUSE
Whoah, over already?
Wow! Time flies by doesn't it audience?
(LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS)
Knew, you would like it!
(APPLAUSE)
Christmas time!
Gives me a feeling, right here
(LAUGHS)
You know, with the good memories, come the bad memories
(sobbing) She was my best friend in the whole world
(SNIFFLES)
(SAD MUSIC)
Angie was terminally ill, she had cancer
(SOBBING/SAD MUSIC)
One thing that I remember about Angie
is that she was a very good person
Very good person
and...if anyone in the world deserved presents
it was her
But she never got any
Simply because her parents couldn't afford
to get them...
Or maybe just Santa Claus was really
just a fucking bastard
(SAD MUSIC)
Every year we would wish for the same thing
Angie didn't really want presents for herself
She just wanted her dad to have a happy Christmas
Instead of
Using what little money he had
To buy a bottle of Jack Daniels
and curl up
(SOBS)
In a corner somewhere
(SOBS)
She didn't live...to make it to Christmas that year
That's so sad
Santa Claus, I know your watching this
I have not been able to find you all these years
and I have been looking for you
I know you have been hiding from me
and one of these days I'm going to find you
and when I do
I'm going to kick the ever fucking living hell out of you!!
Do you understand me?!?
You fucking bastard!!
(SOBS)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
(SOBS)
( LOUD CRINKLING OF ENVELOPE)
Dear Rob
Thanks for your many years of good, loyal service
You are one of our best employees
(MUMBLES)
You make us proud
(MUMBLES)
and shall not go unrewarded
Well, alright!
(MUMBLES)
You will be granted a three week vacation
Yes!
( PAPER CRINKLES)
and a bonus!
fifty-thousand!
(MUMBLES)
Hope you enjoy your vacation
tell your mother that we wish her well, and she raised a fine son!
I'm going on Christmas vacation!
(CAR DOOR SLAMS)
Dammit! I just got this thing fixed too!
(EERIE WIND NOISE)
I know that there is nothing wrong with this car.
(EERIE WIND NOISE)
I have to go over to that creepy building
and see if there is a phone
(TRUNK SLAMS)
(ERRIE MUSIC)
(TRAFFIC NOISE)
No!
(DRAMATIC HEARTBEAT AND ALIEN BABBLE)
No!
(DRAMATIC HEARTBEAT AND ALIEN BABBLE)
Not my bourbon!
(DRAMATIC HEARTBEAT, ALIEN BABBLE, SOUNDS OF GURGLING LIQUID)
Not my bourbon!!!!
(DRAMATIC HEARTBEAT, ALIEN BABBLE )
(SCREAMS)
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
That hit the spot!
Let me tell you something...
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
The government, they are always trying to find ways
to take away my bourbon, to take away my rights
the government and those damn aliens
It's all a conspiracy
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
There's nothing scientific about those damn anal probes
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
I mean, what scientific purpose,
Does shoving a huge metal object up someone's ass take?
You know what I mean?
Whoo Hoo!
Glory be!
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
Someone threw away a mighty good hat!
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
Ah, perfect fit, perfect fit
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
Christmas time! ( grunts ) Salvation Army gave me this
Said it would keep me warm
Bastards! Cheap Bastards!
(TENSE MUSIC)
Must...kill...cheerleaders!!!!!!!
No...Oh, I left weapon jacket at home!
(LONG PAUSE)
Must improvise...
( BELCHES)
Hee haw...
( TRAFFIC)
What a crock.
(TRAFFIC, SOUND OF GLASS BOTTLE BOUNCING OFF PAVEMENT)
(TENSE MUSIC)
Litterbug!!!!!!!
( SOUND OF FIST BURSTING THROUGH CHEST FOLLOWED BY GARGLING BLOOD)
( EERIE WIND NOISE, SOUNDS OF ROB CLEANING OFF GUTS )
Ha! Yeah! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ho Ho Ho!
(TENSE MUSIC)
( DRAMATIC MUSIC AND DEMONIC ROARS AND LAUGHTER)
Where did they go?!?! Where are they?!?!
(EERIE WIND NOISE)
(TENSE MUSIC)
Hey! Hey Rob!
( DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Come over here!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Hurry up dammit!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
I notice you have been working out
Yeah, uh well, yeah...huh
Flex your arm for me
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Ooohh, why don't you turn around so I can see your big ,strong, sturdy back
Well, uh, what ?
Come on, I will tell all the girls how cool you are
Huh, heh, okay, yeah.
Hey......what a lovely back
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Show me your big strong bod
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(TRAFFIC NOISE)
What the hell?!?
You got your ass whipped again didn't you son?
You think you are hurt now? You wait until I get a hold of you!
Honey, I'm going to make you black and blue all over again!
Once you get up, now get off your butt now!!!!! Move it!!!!!
(TRAFFIC NOISE, DOG BARKING)
I can't believe you, you are a poor excuse for a child!
I tell you son, I am not putting up with this crap again!
Some little girl hitting you? Are you a big chicken? I think so!
I'm not about a big chicken, I'm so ashamed of you!
When I tell you to do something I mean to do it son!
and that means hitting girls! I don't care how little she is, or how big she is!
If she is as big as a house you are to hit her!
You are nothing but a wimp!
Suck in your gut now!
(LOUD PUNCHING NOISE)
What is your problem baby? Get up!!
When I tell you to, I mean to get up!
Oh did that hurt? A woman hitting you did that hurt?
I guess it did, didn't it? Well you are not going to do that again!
The next time I hit you son, you better be strong enough to handle it!
Quit whining! I can see the tears welling up in your eyes! God bless! I cannot believe you!
You are a poor excuse of a child!
Now stand up straight and lets try it again! this time you be ready for me!
Are you ready? or do i have to give you a little signal?
(LOUD PUNCH)
Oh quit whining!
Yes mom!
Quit your whining!
Are you ready?
(LOUD PUNCH NOISE)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
When I hit you, I want to to stand straight...
I want you to stand tall, and I want you to be able to take it!
Are you a wimp?
Are you a wimp son?
No, no momma.
(LOUD PUNCH NOISE)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Don't think you are off the hook yet.
Just because you did good one time.
Okay son, I want you to climb that thing, and i want you to climb it right.
Can you handle it, or do you want to be a little girl about it?
No, no momma.
Okay, get up there and climb it now. Move it! Move it!
Climb! Climb! Climb higher!
Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster! Come on, I said faster son!
Over, come on! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!
Oh, come on you are...oh look at you!
You are pitiful! You are so pitiful! i cannot believe how idiotic you are acting!
Get up off your fanny son, and climb now!!!!!
I said climb, climb, climb! Up there! Over! Over! Over!
Come on! Move faster! Faster! Faster! Faster!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Come on! You heard me, move faster!
I cannot believe you! Oh lord, you are pitiful!
You out of breath? Are you?
No momma.
(LOUD PUNCHING NOISE)
Okay, come on, one more time, 158, 159, 160!
Come on, quit being a wimp, come on, I can see your face turning red!
Come on! Come on you can do it! 150, I forgot where i was at now you made me so damn mad!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
160! 161!
Very good, it's about time you did right.
I'm proud of you son, you are starting to act like a man.
and if you don't, I'm going to kill you, do you hear me?
Yes, yes momma.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC FOLLOWED BY LOUD PUNCH)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(SILENCE, FOLLOWED BY DRIPPING NOISE)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(MUSIC)
Gawd-fucking dammit!
(CAR DOOR SLAM)
Where the fuck is Susan?
I just want her to hand me my fucking beer, that stupid little whore!
Suck my fucking dick, that little bitch, that's all she's good for
That bitch better be in that fucking building man
and she better have a cold ass beer, that little fucking whore
Bitch.
(MUSIC)
Hey!
Where's my gawd-damned money at?!?
Son-of-a-bitch!
You know what I am talking about!
I gave you a chance! That's my gawd-damned money!
Where's my money? You fuck with my...Gawd-dammit...
Gawd-dammit! You fuck with my money, where's my money at?!?!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(SCREAMS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
911? I have an emergency!!!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
One Gawd-damned dollar!
Two Gawd-damned dollar!
Three Gawd-damned dollar, four!
Bitch, you owe me money, now your ass is going to be sore!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Hello? Gawd-damn!
(MUSIC ENDS FOLLOWED BY TRAFFIC NOISE)
Here's a quarter gawd-dammit, call someone who gives a gawd-damn.
(TRAFFIC NOISE)
( MUSIC)
Hey Amanda
(MUSIC)
(SINISTER TONE)
I knew that whore would not disappoint me
(MUSIC)
Man, you need to keep your dimestore whore in check
(MUSIC)
No, not yet!
(MUSIC)
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Danny, I've been looking for you.
(SLAP NOISE, MUSIC)
You weren't looking hard enough were you?
(SIGHS) Sorry, I guess.
What's wrong with you? You should not disrespect women like that
She deserved it. She don't cook good enough for me, she doesn't even clean that well
What the fuck do you do?
What Iv'e got to do, nothing.
You're okay with this?
Well, I... I don't want to talk about it.
(MUSIC)
(LAUGHTER)
Man, you need to learn to control your bitch.
(MUSIC)
Not yet.
(MUSIC)
Man, fuck this, I'm going to go get some beer, beer that you should have brought me.
(MUSIC)
(SOUND OF CAR DRIVING OFF THROUGH GRAVEL)
Man, you should just kill him.
(SINISTER TONE)
Five hundred dollars and you got a deal.
(LAUGHS)
Sounds pretty good actually
Yeah, I'll throw in two hundred dollars
I have three-hundred
(LIGHT LAUGHTER)
(MUSIC)
Do you have everything?
Yeah, it's in the trunk
This is going to be like one of those cheesy 80's slasher films
and after I kill them, we can celebrate
Hmmmm.....( SINISTER LAUGHTER)
(MUSIC and sounds of ROUGH-HOUSING)
(CHEERS AND CLAPPING)
Amanda!
(CHEERS AND CLAPPING)
Kick ass!
Well, at least you guys aren't hot anymore
Slasherbait, these are the type of people made to be killed
(SINISTER TONE)
What about this place?
I like it
It's okay, it's a place
Nice and big
I found a place
(SINISTER TONE)
Yeah, I can see you got rid of your costume
I'll probably put it back on...
(SINISTER TONE)
Man, this looks like an Ann Frank Christmas carol
(SINISTER TONE)
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
(SINISTER TONE)
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
I know how we can pass the time, we can decorate the Christmas tree
Good idea!
(SINISTER TONE)
Hey, yo, what's up with, uh, Muffy over there?
She had too many beers
(MUSIC)
Saves a lot of small talk and flowers
( SOUNDS OF MULTIPLE FISTS HITTING DANNY)
(MUSIC)
Man, you guys are a bunch of punk ass...
( CLANG OF SHOVEL HITTING SKULL)
(MONTAGE MUSIC)
What about Danny?
He's pretty much, well, out
Oh, lets just wake him up...
(GASPING NOISE)
(MUSIC)
Hello Danny, you alright?
(MUSIC)
This is going to be the best Christmas party yet! Warriorettes, Warriorettes, wooo!
(MUSIC)
(SINISTER TONE)
Danny boy, are you alright?
What the hell did you guys do to him?
(SINISTER TONE)
Hello
(SINISTER TONE)
Get me a beer!
(SINISTER TONE)
You got blood on my shirt
(LOUD SLAP)
(BODY HITTING FLOOR)
Get your own damn beer
(BODY HITTING FLOOR)
Fuck the weather.
I'm from Ohio
There, it snows during Christmas, not rain
Ah, Christmas in Ohio
cousins holding hands
brothers and sisters kissing
and old grandpa, sipping on some corn squeezing
(MUSIC)
Hey, save some of that for me
(SINISTER MUSIC)
You know I can finish that massage for you
aint no thing but a chicken wing girlfriend, mm, hmm
(TRAFFIC NOISES)
(RELAXING HARP MUSIC)
I took classes
(TRAFFIC NOISE)
Man, that bitch better come back soon with my fucking beer
(LOUD SLAP)
(TRAFFIC NOISE)
( EVIL TONE)
I'm going to go look around, did you want to come with me?
Nah, I've got other things to do
(SINISTER MUSIC)
I love this! This is going to be the best Christmas ever!
(SINISTER MUSIC)
Which of these bad boys should I use first?
(SINISTER MUSIC)
After I kill them all...then Betty will love me
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Wait a second here...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Fuck!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Don't worry...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
You have nothing to fear
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
I won't have to hurt you just yet
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Man, I thought this shit only happened in the movies
I see your bag of tricks
Where's your costume?
It's, uh, It's right here
It's going to be cool, man, I was going to dress like the Grim Reaper
( DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Put it on
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Pretty creepy
So why do you want to kill these kids anyway?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Simple man, I want to impress a beautiful chick
Besides, have you seen them?
There is nothing more annoying than jocks and cheerleaders
(SILENCE)
Brother!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Uh, so does this mean you will let me go?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Sure, I was on vacation anyway
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Hey, have you heard of Slashers Inc?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
No...
Do you make fifty bucks an hour?
No...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Here, have an application!
Okay...
It's great, they give you a whole wooded area to protect
It's fifty bucks an hour
for 40 hours a week
Protect as in how?
You stop people from littering
Okay...
You know , punish those who would harm the environment
Look man, I'm not doing this for some tree-hugging hippy bullshit man...
I'm doing this out of love
But think...how are you going to support your woman?
Think! Only a fool could pass up that much money!
Yeah, okay!
It's cool, it sounds like a great idea...
I'll.. fill it out right away
(SIGHS)
Good I'm getting tired, I need some shut-eye
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Your fucking crazy man!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Pick...it...up!
Fuck you!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Let me explain this to you
I kill litterbugs!
Pick it up!
Fuck you man!
What makes you think you can take me?
I'm the fucking Grim Reaper!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC, LOUD ECHO SCREAM)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(whispering)Turn around! Get out of the mirror...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
God, look at me, I'm just so fucking fabulous
Ah, the only reason I became a cheerleader is so I can take their boyfriends away from them.
Look at this, so silicone, complete perfection...
God, I hate fucking cheerleaders...
(DRAMATIC PAUSE)
(SIGHS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Oh...baby...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
I've convinced Phil to kill everybody for me
He actually thinks he's going to get this?
He's going to get it...
but not in the way he thinks...
(DRAMATIC PAUSE)
Just wait and see...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Help!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Wait...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Wait!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Let momma take care of it...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Did you like what you saw?
Yeah!
Did it turn you on?
Oh yeah!
You know what I like best about you?
(DRAMATIC PAUSE)
Your eyes!
(INTENSE MUSIC, SCREAMS)
Oh dear, he's not dying yet, take care of it...
(INTENSE MUSIC, STABBING NOISES)
Your'e Rob the Slasher, I've heard about you
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
I was going to kill you
but it seems you and I have something in common
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
What's that?
Our hatred for cheerleaders
Since I like you, I'm going to let you leave
Do me a favor...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Kill as many of those bitches that you can!
God knows I have
You're a serial killer too?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(KISSING NOISE)
I'll see you later
(ROMANTIC MUSIC)
(INTENSE MUSIC)
(INTENSE MUSIC, SOUNDS OF STRUGGLE)
(INTENSE MUSIC, STABBING NOISES)
(INTENSE MUSIC, SOUND OF KNIFE CUTTING FLESH)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(THUNDER CLAP)
(SILENCE)
Oh my god Susan, this party sucks
there's no beer, no drugs, what the fuck we supposed to do?
It will be alright, we can find another party somewhere
I hope so
I'll be right back
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC)
(LOUD DRAMATIC TONE)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Deck the halls with bowels of Holly, fa a la la la la la la la
(INTENSE MUSIC FOLLOWED BY A SPLAT)
(INTENSE MUSIC)
It's about time you got here
(INTENSE MUSIC)
You know what? I was thinking...
If I ever have kids, I want them to be girls, so they can grow up to be cheerleaders just like me
or raise them just like my parents raised me...
in the cheerleading squad, watching PBS
none of that violent stuff that's on tv nowadays
(DRAMATIC TONE)
(RISING DRAMATIC MUSIC, FOLLOWED BY A LOUD SCREAM AND STABBING SOUNDS)
(SILENCE)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(SCREAM)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Where are you Rob?!?
You motherfucker!!!
I'm ready for you now!!!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
This is my house!!!
These are my victims!!!!
I'm ready for you now!!!!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(SCREAMS)
(SILENCE)
(APPLAUSE)
What's wrong with this picture?
(SILENCE)
( LIGHT AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
What, you don't fucking know?
(LIGHT AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
Where the hell is my fucking beer at?
(LIGHT AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
We have beer downstairs, but it is warm.
How the fuck am I supposed to drink warm beer?
I can go get some ice and a cup and put it in there for ya
You don't fucking put ice into a cup and pour me beer into it!
It fucking waters it down, it tastes like shit!!
I don't even fucking believe you
How fucking stupid are you?
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(SOUNDS OF DANNY BEATING HIS GIRLFRIEND) Little..fucking..worthless...bitch!!
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(SOUNDS OF DANNY BEATING HIS GIRLFRIEND) Oh, I aint done yet!
(SOUNDS OF DANNY BEATING HIS GIRLFRIEND) Fucking whore! Stupid..fucking...bitch...where's my beer at?
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC , DANNY MUMBLING WITH ANGER)
Stop it!
(SINSITER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
The money...wait...stop!!!!!
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...
We are happy to present the esteemed Rob Thrasher
As he humbly reads from the magnificent pages of the Slashers Manuel of Shortcuts
(LIGHT CLAPPING FROM AUDIENCE)
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
Good year
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
(SIPS LOUDLY)
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
According to the slasher's manual
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC, RUFFLING OF BOOK PAGES)
Page...
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC, RUFFLING OF PAGES)
Ah, twenty-two...
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC, RUFFLING OF PAGES)
paragraph...
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC )
seven...line three...
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
Yes, according to this...
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
I should be able to cut him off...
(LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC)
right...about...
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Here!!!
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(SINSTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC, MUFFLED CRIES)
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(SINSTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC, MUFFLED CRIES, SAW TEARING THROUGH FLESH)
(SINISTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(SINSTER CHRISTMAS MUSIC, MUFFLED CRIES, SAW TEARING THROUGH FLESH)
(SINSTER MUSIC, MUFFLED CRIES, SAW TEARING THROUGH FLESH)
Stop!!!!!!
(SINISTER MUSIC, SAW TEARING THROUGH FLESH)
(Oh my god, you killed Danny! What did you do?
(SINISTER MUSIC)
You idiot!!!!
(SINISTER MUSIC)
Gawddammit he had money!!!!!!
Now...he's dead!!!!
See this ring?!?!
(SINISTER MUSIC)
We were going to get married!!!!
Now I have no money!!!!
And now I am not going to get any of his money!!!!!!!!!!!
(SINISTER MUSIC)
Give me that!!!!
(SINISTER MUSIC)
(SINISTER MUSIC, LOUD GRUNT AS KNIFE CUTS THROUGH FLESH)
(SINISTER MUSIC, DYING GROANS)
Damn, what a waste
(SINISTER MUSIC)
I am glad to be out of that hot, sweaty costume
(INTENSE MUSIC)
You killed all my friends!
(INTENSE MUSIC)
Yeah, so?
(INTENSE MUSIC)
Who are you?
(INTENSE MUSIC)
I call upon the power of the mystical cheerleader ninja!!!
(INTENSE MUSIC, THUNDER CLAPPING)
(INTENSE MUSIC)
Rah...Rah...Ree!!!
(INTENSE MUSIC)
Rah...Rah...Ree!!!
(INTENSE MUSIC)
Cheerleader Thunder Punch!!!!
(INTENSE MUSIC)
You broke my ribs...
impossible...
(LIGHT SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC)
She almost killed me!
(LIGHT SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC)
Bitch!
(LIGHT SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC)
Now I can get some rest, fix my truck and get the fuck out of here!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC )
There is no rest for you...only punishment!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC) No! It can't be you!
Normally, I don't mind a little killing...
but you had to use my symbolic suit
I thought you didn't like killing,
I thought it was naughty!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Naughty? Ho! Ho! Ho!
I kill people like you every year
the ones that get in my way
In the way of what?!?!
Every year you see my face, my image
Trademarks, copyrights, i get paid for that
every year I make billions!
Every year people try to tarnish my good name!
Then people like you try to tarnish my image
make jokes at my expense
make little kids hate me
they even tried to make a movie about me killing people with an axe
but I don't use an axe
I use my bare hands, as that poor fool found out
So why don't you retire?
With all of that money, you don't need to work!
Mrs. Claus!
every dime I make
all of it, every year
she spends it
every last cent
ruining my good name!
What about the presents? Giving them to kids every year?
Ho! Ho! Ho! you believe that crap?
You don't deliver presents?
I'll show you what I deliver!!!
I can't fight Santa Claus!
(LIGHT TRAFFIC NOISE)
Enough!!!!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Like a coward you hidden yourself away from me...
but now the hiding is over!!!!
Hiding?
I've avoided you because you are weird!
I don't want people associating me with you!
I shall enjoy making you pay for your insolence!
Pay? Pay for what?
Letting that little slut of yours die?
Here family was poor...
they could not afford to by any of my merchandise!
being poor is naughty...
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Ha! Ha! Ha! That won't work against me, I am magic!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
I even have the power to save that little slut of yours
but I won't.
How does that make you feel?
(EXPLOSION)
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Is that all you got?
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Come on!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
That was a lucky shot you bastard!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC, BUILDING BREAKING)
Now I'm going to give you the Christmas Bash that you've been waiting for!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Hey!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
I'm not through with you yet!
Magic Hat!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Staff of Punishment!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Arcania, Mistress of Punishment, give me your power!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
Punishment?
(YELLS)
Oh Ho!
(EXPLOSION)
My back!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC AND EXPLOSIONS)
Welcome to Singapore motherfucker!!!!!
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC AND EXPLOSIONS)
(UPBEAT HAPPY MUSIC, LAUGHTER )
(EXPLOSION)
(UPBEAT HAPPY MUSIC, BODY FALLING DOWN STAIRS)
Oh! Ho! Ho! My Back!
(UPBEAT HAPPY MUSIC)
Merry Christmas! ( LAUGHS)
(DRAMATIC CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
(LIGHT TRAFFIC NOISE)
Now what are you doing?
Stand back, and watch
(WARP NOISE)
(EXPLOSION)
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
Where am I?
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
Hello Angie
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
Your all better now
Who are you?
I'm an old friend
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
(LAUGHS)
(GASPS) You killed Santa Claus!
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
Nah you see, he's just hurt really really bad
Oh great!
Now I get to kill him!
(SOUND OF STAFF POWERING UP)
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC, EXPLOSIONS, SANTA CLAUS CRYING OUT IN PAIN)
Why won't he die?
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC, SANTA CLAUS CRYING OUT IN PAIN)
Well you see, Santa Claus is immortal
Which means that no matter what you do to him
he's going to continue to live
(LAUGHS)
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC, SOUND OF STAFF BEING TWIRLED )
This is the best Christmas ever!
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC, SOUND OF STAFF BEING TWIRLED )
((LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC, SOUND OF STAFF BEING TWIRLED, EXPLOSIONS, SANTA CRYING OUT IN PAIN )
Oh, don't worry about it,
don't worry about it at all
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
You broke it for a good cause
I'm very proud of you
but, it's time for me to send you back
You're all better now,
your not sick,
and your not going to die
at least be happy about that
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC, SANTA CLAUS GROANING IN PAIN)
Where did he go?
(LIGHT TRAFFIC NOISE)
Least he could have done is fix my truck!
(TENSE MUSIC)
(SCARED STUTTERING)
Hey buddy...
Wha-What's up killer white boy?
(SCARED STUTTERING)
Nah, I've been looking around at you
and the shit, you've been, you've been
killing the cheerleaders
you've been, you've been busting caps
In the, in the litterbugs
I ain't done none of that shit
I'm with you brother, we the same
look at us...
two brothers, two, two dudes
I came...I whipped Danny's ass!
Remember? I beat the hell out of Danny!
You saw that! We the same!
Come on! Cut a brother a break!
I'm with you! (SCREAMS)
Go! Before I change my mind!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(END CREDIT MUSIC)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Whoo Hoo!
What do we have down there?
It looks like
an audience!!!
(STATIC, AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Merry Christmas everyone!
Welcome to Psycho Santa's cartoon hour! (LAUGHS)
The show
where i make cartoons
for you!
(SILENCE)
There's not enough death in the world.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC, SOUNDS OF MONSTER ATTACKING)
I forgive you.
I don't care what you are, or what you look like
You are my son and I will always be proud of you.
You see, I was unable to have a child
So, I sold my soul to your father Satan
and now I have you,
a beautiful bouncing boy
who I will love forever
My birth fulfills my father's part of the contract.
(EXPLOSION)
(SINISTER MUSIC)
I hate being nausous!
It happens when I teleport
(CITY SOUNDS, SIRENS)
(DEMONIC ROAR)
(DEMONIC GROWLING AND CHOKING NOISES)
(SINISTER MUSIC, HEARTBEAT)