Scratch Harry (1969) - full transcript
A wife discovers that her husband is cheating on her. Enraged, she puts together a plan to take her revenge on him. What she doesn't know is that her husband has a similar plan in mind for her. What neither one of them knows is that someone else has the same plan for both of them.
(rhythmic music)
♫ Rainy day Sunday
there's no peace at hand
♫ TV's a blasting there's war in this land
♫ But you continue
♫ You continue
♫ Your own way
♫ You've been told a thing or two
♫ What's been said many years ago
♫ Why not redeem your faith
♫ It'll catch you
♫ Yes it will
♫ Oh, yes it will
♫ Rainy day Sundays there's reason to know
♫ Disney's is all
♫ Yet everyone's broke
♫ They're just gloating
♫ But you continue
♫ Your own way
♫ Underneath it all
♫ You see what's been done to you and me
♫ Why not ask to be saved
♫ It's your choice
♫ To continue
♫ Your own way
♫ Rainy day Sunday there clouds in the sky
♫ People keep moving in
and out of their lives
♫ But you continue
♫ Yes you continue
♫ Your own way
♫ Every day you walk along
♫ Looking for your mama's home
♫ Why not redeem your faith
♫ It'll catch you
♫ Yes it will
♫ Oh yes it will
- [Man] I'm usually ahead of things.
But this time the woods got a jump on me.
There I am, folks.
A little overdressed, but not bad.
Pardon my back.
You've all heard that
stuff about God being dead.
Don't believe it.
Anyway, about the beginning of this thing.
You're looking at it.
Man, this place spooks me.
I'd like to join the many who've
passed it without stopping.
But I can't.
This estate belongs to a
young lady named Erica Hobson.
For the past five years,
she shared it with Harry.
Her first husband.
Their marriage has been
unusual.
There he is.
A guy who survived disappointments
that would've wiped out most of us.
I mean, most of you.
Harry's big hangup is money.
Not too much or too little.
He just can't seem to hold onto it.
(suspenseful music)
(engine roaring)
- Ursula, get your ass out here.
Ooh.
Nothing.
Yogurt.
Ursula!
Ursula, where's the coffee?
Shut up!
Anybody ever tell you
you talk in your sleep?
Your health food is in the fridge.
- Where's the coffee?
- [Harry] There is none.
- [Ursula] What's that?
- Coffee, but it's the last of it.
- [Ursula] Thanks.
- I told you, sweetheart.
No money, no food.
Where can you get food
without money these days?
- [Ursula] I got all I could.
- It wasn't enough.
- What about rich wife?
- Rich wife is a hump.
All she can do is send letters, no checks.
What's today?
She should come soon.
- [Erica Voiceover] Dearest love, Harry.
Just a short note which
I know you'll appreciate.
The brevity, that is.
The contents, well, you'll
just have to decide that
for yourself.
The Olympics were beautiful,
as you might well imagine.
Do wish you've been able to be here.
- You hump.
- [Erica Voiceover] In any
case, the games were beautiful
and wondrously exciting.
And made even more
enjoyable by a person I met
between Paris and Grenoble.
- Without question,
must've been another broad.
- [Erica Voiceover] She is
what you'd refer to as a broad.
We made all the sings together, she's fun.
I know you'd hate it
the way you react to all my friends.
But she's great despite
your narrow outlook.
When the games ended,
she and I decided to make
an extended tour of Europe.
Which is why this letter
is postmarked Munich.
Naturally, my return will
be indefinitely postponed.
Perhaps permanently.
However, I'll try to warn
you is I'm going to return.
The money I sent you will have
to sustain you until then.
Though you may have to curb
your luxurious appetites
or heaven forbid, get a job.
In any case, I'm told that
suffering is good for the soul
so keep the faith.
Your loving wife.
- What am I gonna do for bread?
- Rich loving wife mean to Harry?
- Yeah, it's the way it is, toots.
Is this real?
- I'm sure it's real.
- How much is it worth?
- I guess about 200.
- Take it off.
- No, I won't take it off.
- What do you mean, take it off.
You're supposed to be
in love with me or what?
- Oh, come on.
- Why not make a little sacrifice
while I'm in a little jam.
- Harry.
- You know Ursula,
I'd never really stopped loving you.
(cymbals clanging)
(fast paced music)
Ouch.
Oh, come on, this isn't
even breakfast money, Pauly.
- Listen, baby.
You're already into me for too bad, right?
Now you come back for more.
You're supposed to be paying me back.
But you got 10 days to clean this mess up.
Or your mother won't
recognize you in the level.
See?
(ominous music)
- Something bothering you?
- Hey, creep!
Wait a minute.
There's the house there, that one.
The one right past the columns.
- Right.
- Now, she'll come
walking down the stairs.
You grab her handbag and run.
And I'll start running after you.
I'll be right behind you,
but don't run too fast.
- Like slow motion.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't wise off,
slow motion.
I'll grab you, take a few punches.
You fall to the ground.
I grab the handbag and return it to her.
- Oh, you play the hero.
- Yeah, real hero.
- Right.
- Get up and get the hell out of here.
Go around the corner and
wait in the first doorway.
I'll give you half the loot.
- You better show.
- I'll show, don't worry about it.
- Cool the punch, man.
- Don't worry about the punch,
I'm a karate expert.
I can handle myself.
- Right.
(slow rhythmic music)
Hey, man, you never told
me about no wild animal.
- Yeah, I see.
Well, let's wait 'til she's alone.
- That's overtime, baby.
- Yeah, overtime.
Punk you and me, local 282.
(slow rhythmic music)
Charge!
Sorry about that, ma'am.
What are you hitting me for?
I'm here to protect you.
Make sure we're off the street.
Go on, get out of here.
Lucky for you I was in the neighborhood.
- I wish you hadn't, I was
better off before you got here.
- Well, that's gratitude.
- What's up?
- Carburetor fraction, right
near the manifold reduction.
You don't believe me?
- That's not from the other day, is it?
- No.
In a way.
It's all right.
Any guy would've jumped in that way.
- I hope it's not too late to
tell you how grateful I am.
Really.
- Oh, it's quite all right.
- Thank you.
Oh, this is fantastic.
Is this really yours?
- No, it belongs to a dog.
I live across the valley.
(tires screeching)
Of course, if I hadn't invested
in this thing in Montana,
things would be different.
I wouldn't be in this jam.
I really feel if I lost this place,
I would cease to exist.
- [Catherine] Oh no, you can't lose it.
- [Harry] Well.
If I don't come up with the
mortgage money in two days,
I will lose it.
- [Catherine] How much do you need?
- [Harry] Oh, about four grand.
- [Catherine] Oh, that's not so much.
- [Harry] It is when you don't have it.
- [Catherine] I can lend it to you.
(rhythmic music)
- Harry?
Harry!
Harry, guess who's back?
Harry!
I have no change.
(slow rhythmic music)
(laughter)
- Who opened that door?
And who opened this door?
These doors are always locked.
- [Catherine] Paranoid again.
- What, paranoid?
These doors are always locked.
What if the police are here?
- [Catherine] The police?
Come on.
- Police go every place.
Don't tell me I'm crazy,
these doors are always locked.
- [Catherine] What is the matter with you?
- [Harry] As if you don't know
what's the matter with me.
- [Catherine] You want me
to turn off these lights?
- [Harry] Oh, go ahead,
do whatever you want.
Somebody's in this place.
- [Catherine] Now, stop,
you're making me nervous.
- [Harry] Yeah, nervous.
Sure, you don't want me to look around.
Afraid I might find something?
- [Catherine] Where you going now?
- [Harry] Upstairs, the green room.
Maybe the gold room.
Or brown room.
Check the wine cellar.
The garage, the pool room.
The marble room.
The tic tac toe room.
- [Catherine] Why don't you try the attic
while you're at it?
- [Harry] How do you know
there's an attic in this house?
I didn't take you up there.
What do you know about the attic?
You'd like to see the attic, wouldn't you?
So would your partner.
Uh uh, toots.
See?
What are you talking about?
- [Catherine] Tell me what you do.
- [Harry] There's nobody
in this house, I told you.
There's nobody in this house.
I better go downstairs and shut the door.
What are you so worried about?
Nobody's here.
Oh, don't worry.
- [Catherine] Let me
have something to drink.
- [Harry] That's your job, toots.
(slow music)
- Harry!
C'est moi!
- My wife.
My wife's friend.
A friend of my wife's.
My friend's wife.
I don't know, wait here.
Stay where you are, there's
not a thing to worry about.
It's probably nobody important.
Just don't move.
If it's a crook, you know
what a street fighter I am.
Don't worry, just relax.
Stay right where you are.
Don't.
In fact, get up and hide.
Go ahead, hide.
Well, well, well, look who's here.
When did you get back?
- Are you surprised, Harry?
Didn't you get my telegram?
Why weren't you at the airport to meet me?
- No, I didn't get your telegram.
Maybe you sent it to the wrong guy.
- No, I sent it to you, Harry.
I see you're in bed early tonight.
How nice.
- Yeah, I'm in bed.
You know me.
Early to bed, early to
rise makes a man wealthy.
- Congratulations, you found a way.
- Yeah, I found a way.
Where was my check?
- Don't be greedy, Harry.
- Greedy?
I almost had to pull a bank
job to get my shirts out.
- Ha ha.
- Still as lovable as ever.
Bringing me back anything?
- No, just me.
- You gonna come up or
hang around the staircase?
- Why don't you come down, Harry?
Put some clothes on and I'll
fix us something to eat.
- All right.
Be right down.
Hey, toots.
What did she do here?
Christine.
Christine.
Oh, sweetheart, here you are.
- How's your wife?
- If we get caught, you're
gonna find out how she is.
Just stay here, don't make one sound.
Don't make a sound.
Try something on.
Think it'll fit.
Hello, sweetheart.
I missed you.
What are you doing?
- I'm making an omelet.
- Omelet?
You know how I love omelets.
- You'll like this one.
- I'll bet.
If you sent some money,
there'd been more food here.
- There's a lot of yogurt.
- What yogurt?
The yogurt in the icebox, you saw that?
Yeah.
That's...
Fatso, fix the gutters here.
He's on a diet.
Where did you get this from?
Is this from the bedroom or down here?
- Why don't you get dressed, Harry?
- Let me help you.
- You slob.
- Just trying to help out.
I am dressed for dinner.
- No, you're not.
Get dressed.
- Still the lovable you.
Let's go, Cinderella, the
bells are about to ring.
Grab your shoes, I'll show you
how to get out of here safely.
To your left.
Don't make a sound, come on.
Now from here, you're on your own.
'Cause if you get caught,
I can still get out of it.
See the staircase?
Now listen to me.
Go around the staircase.
And down the stairs.
Open the door in the hall.
But you have to be very
quiet, she's in the kitchen.
Will you listen to me?
Forget it, you'll get lost there anyway.
Go around the same staircase.
You see where I'm pointing?
Do you see?
Go around the staircase.
There are twin doors.
Open them up, there's a dumb waiter.
Rope problem.
I better take you.
Come here, take your suitcase, come.
Take your suitcase.
Lovesick broad, you get
lost in here anyway.
Come on.
Get in here.
Sit on that log.
Don't be afraid.
Now wait here, don't go away.
This is the fun part.
Just wait right here.
Come on, get up.
Get up, come on!
Come on, you're not in
grand central station.
Come on.
Get the bag.
Come on.
Don't make a sound.
Come on.
Come on, don't...
Will you relax?
Do you think you're a
prima donna or something?
Shh.
Don't make a sound, I
gotta put on the light.
Baby, your port of embarkation.
Come here.
Smell that fresh air.
Spring's right around the corner.
Now listen to me.
You go down here, go down the stairs.
Listen and watch.
Turn left, go down stairs.
There's a gravel path.
Don't walk on the path,
it makes too much noise.
Walk on the grass.
Go right out to the road,
you can catch a bus.
Right to the station.
- Harry?
Unzip me.
- I wanna close this
door, I have bronchitis.
Terrible.
- [Erica] Hi, I'm Erica.
- Who you talking to?
What are you, poor batty or something?
- What's your name?
- What zipper?
There's no zipper here.
- Christine.
- Christine.
Would you like to stay
for dinner, Christine?
- Oh, look at these, I have Indian beads.
- Do you like omelets?
- Um.
- Then it's settled
you'll stay, wonderful.
- Do you like omelets?
Then it's settled, you'll
stay, it's wonderful.
Erica, let me tell you about my beads.
Several years, I traveled out west.
I have beads you haven't seen yet.
Alone at last.
How you been, babes?
Did you miss me?
Sure you did.
I missed you.
Oh wow.
New ring.
Always buying yourself presents.
You never think of me.
You know, I need a new bathrobe.
How've you been?
Gotta be independent.
You still love me, you know you do.
Remember the fun we used to have?
Remember our honeymoon?
You didn't forget our honeymoon, did you?
You know what your letter did
for me when I received it?
I had tears in my eyes.
I slept with it under my pillow.
- It was a telegram, Harry, a telegram.
I never sent you a letter in my life.
- What are you talking about?
Hey babes.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
You have to believe something.
Just believe, I'm sorry.
I'm not really a guy like that.
I'm really not.
It shouldn't have happened this way.
It should've been you.
But life isn't what we want it to be, hon.
I have to have money to live.
She turned me to a way of
life that's very expensive.
I just can't get out of it.
I'm not such a young cookie
that I can go out and get a good job.
You know it would've been
different had I met you
a long long time ago.
All these things we talked about
could've come true.
Beautiful reality.
Believe me.
I was really falling in love with you.
(clock chiming)
At least appreciate you that you stay here
and listen to what I have to say.
'Cause I know you believe me.
I know you do.
- There was an interesting
tar going on in France
while I was there.
A Frenchman surprised his
wife in bed with her lover.
In some sort of jealous rage.
He picked up a gun and
shot them both dead.
The jury more or less exonerated him,
they just said, naughty naughty.
- Will you put that thing away?
What are you doing?
- It would be interesting to see if
the reverse were the same.
Sometimes women just don't have a chance.
Of course, that could never
happen in this country.
- Are you kidding?
They'd hang you without
even thinking twice.
- Hang me?
Harry, I wouldn't shoot you.
This is just a little
something I picked up
that reminded me of an amusing story.
- Amusing.
- After all, we are
civilized people, aren't we?
Somewhat knowledgeable and understanding
regarding the inevitability
of certain behavioral patterns
repeating themselves.
- What're you talking about?
- Why don't you go upstairs
and get dressed for dinner?
- All right.
That was about two thirds of the money.
And what was left of it, I had invested
on a landing field up in the back 400.
You never know what this
area is gonna become.
It's good to have transportation out here.
Could make a good book.
Then the rain situation.
So Peterson fixed the gutter
and told me that he spotted
some termite rot up there.
It'll cost about $1600 dollars to fix
and he wouldn't let me take it on credit.
He wouldn't take it on credit.
He told me I had two loose
molars in the cavity.
So this debt had to be paid
so in turn, he had to be paid.
You're interested in that too.
McKenzie comes and cuts the grass.
That's the last of the money.
I had to pay him for that.
And as a good pal,
he pruned all our spruce trees.
400 trees.
420 trees.
Pruned and pruned and pruned.
You're laughing.
You have a human quality.
- You're too much, Harry.
- You're still in love with me.
If you had sent a money order
instead of that dumb letter,
I'd have money and the house
would've been just beautiful,
it would've been our honeymoon
cottage all over again.
- [Erica] I never sent you a letter.
- [Harry] You're a hump.
You're a first class
hump and your feet stink.
- I think you should tell me about
your little affair.
It must be fascinating.
- [Harry] Can I have
the lighter, Christine?
- [Erica] Tell me, Christine.
- [Christine] Harry and I happened to meet
when he rescued me from an attacker.
- [Erica] Harry rescued
you from an attacker?
- I saved her life.
You'd have been dead.
- Shut up, Harry.
- [Christine] He rushed off afterwards.
- May I have the lighter?
- [Christine] Naturally, I
had to find him to thank him.
- Sweetheart.
May I have the lighter?
Christine, may I have the lighter?
- Let's see, where was I?
Oh, following his stunning
very natural laws.
- [Erica] When my check didn't arrive.
- [Harry] May I light my cigarette?
- Something about oh, a
discotheque in Montana.
- I've always loved the
outdoors, you know that.
- You didn't know he was married?
- No.
Well, I never even thought about it.
No, of course not.
- You just didn't think anything about it.
A variable whirlwind courtship.
Harry, you outdid yourself.
I hope you didn't fall in love with him.
- Well.
You know.
- [Harry] Oh, you just break me up.
- Well.
Maybe I should tell you
about my innumerable affairs
while turning coffee.
- Countless, countless.
- [Erica] Oh, they were marvelous.
Yeah.
- [Harry] Countless.
- Countless.
- [Harry] I assure, countless.
- It was sort of an
ideological investigation.
There was a German neo-Nazi.
A Spanish fascist.
And an Italian communist.
And a Swiss, no Swedish sorshistad.
- [Harry] May I have
the lighter, Christine?
- With the Spaniard, it was
sort of like an inquisition.
- [Harry] Christine,
may I have the lighter?
- He wouldn't take his clothes off.
He just undid the zipper and, you know,
very unsatisfactory.
With the communist it was from each
according to his ability, to
each according to his needs.
Very satisfactory.
And the neo-Nazi, let's see.
He was a bit hung up on
racial background, you know.
He finally consummated
the affair at five o'clock
in the morning and rushed off town.
And the Swede of course,
committed suicide.
Right after.
And the goalist demanded gold.
- [Harry] Hilarious.
Just hilarious.
What did you do in the night?
- [Christine] She's funny.
You are.
- You're a hump.
- [Christine] Oh, she's funny.
- Well, why don't we go
into the living room?
Who's Harry?
- Harry doesn't exist.
- Harry's a phantom.
- Harry's a ghost.
- Harry the floating red shirt.
- Harry's a bastard.
- Harry's an ass.
- He's a fool.
- He's an idiot.
- He is empty.
- He's full of gas.
- Floating in the sky.
- Floating in the sky.
Harry's something that
climbs around the house
every now and then.
- Harry's had enough.
- Harry is a number.
- Harry is a bad trip.
- Yeah, Harry's a bad trip.
(classical music)
What's the matter, Christine?
- You know.
I'm sorry this thing happened.
I'm sorry for you.
I didn't know.
I didn't know he was married.
I didn't know anything.
Really.
He's been so nice.
I guess I should leave.
- No, you mustn't be sorry
and you mustn't be sad.
And you can stay as long as you like.
(classical music)
(moaning)
- I'm going for a drive now.
And if you're not gone when I come back,
I'm calling the police
and I'm gonna tell them
the few things I know about you.
- Look how one glass of wine can rouse up
a beautiful romance.
I think she's serious.
Now you see what I have to contend with.
It's been like this for years and years.
That's the kind of woman I'm married to.
Wicked, mean creature.
Sweetheart, she's prehistoric.
She's sick.
She's sub human.
- [Christine] Harry,
you're so full of shit.
(rhythmic music)
- Christine?
Christine?
What in the hell are you doing here?
I thought I told you to get out.
- Relax, toots, relax.
- Where's Christine?
- She took a bus.
- Harry, maybe you didn't understand me.
I said I'm gonna call the police.
- I told you not to threaten me.
- It's not an idle threat,
I'm calling the police.
- You make that call,
your name and picture
will be splashed right
across tomorrow's newspapers.
(screams)
- What have you done?
Harry, you stupid.
What have you done?
- Baby.
- What have you done?
- What have I done?
What have you done?
Oh my goodness.
- You shot her.
You shot her.
Harry, she's dead.
- Sure looks it.
- You shot her.
You shot her, you bastard!
- Relax!
Just relax.
Just relax.
You're a murderer.
Well, she sure as hell ain't sleeping.
Come here, sit down.
Come here.
- You stupid ass.
You'll never get away with this.
- It just so happens
she was more my friend
than yours, so don't be like so concerned.
Okay?
I've known her a long time.
You just met her today, yesterday.
What's the big deal?
You know, women are so...
Look.
If heaven is such a great place,
what's the big deal?
We probably did her a favor.
- You've gone crazy, Harry.
- Good, I'm crazy.
I had no choice.
You know I had no choice.
I happen to owe some money.
If I don't pay it off,
we're gonna get bumped.
If you had sent me a check,
none of this would've happened.
I just don't got the energy
to go out and find a
replacement for her or for you.
- You'll never get away with this.
- So how to do it?
I did it with your gun.
And I wore gloves.
And your fingerprints are on the gun.
But I've hidden the gun.
I don't want any act,
just keep quite and listen.
I'll tell you exactly what's gonna happen.
We wanna sell every
single thing we have here.
Including the house.
You gotta transfer everything you have
to comparable European firms.
Transfer the whole works into your name.
And to my name.
50-50, I'm very generous.
I could take everything
at this point, couldn't I?
And we'd just move to Europe.
Have a nice little house.
Your garden, picket fence.
Putter around.
The house will have to sell privately
because I don't want real estate
agents running around here
because we're gonna have to
bury her on this property.
If I had a bigger car,
maybe we can dump it tonight.
I can't put her in that two seater.
Can't.
We'll have to put it here
with the bags and everything,
it's safe.
You call Robby.
Tomorrow morning right after breakfast.
I'll bet he'll be here right before lunch.
He's wanted this place.
We'll get rid of the
house, maybe tomorrow,
the day after.
Write a few letters to some friends.
Make some telephone calls.
And telegrams.
And move to Europe.
Forever.
And the car.
Have to take the car with.
Yeah, Robby.
No finer chap to dump this.
Excess pool on.
- Bastard.
- Any suggestions?
- You'll never get away with this.
- I've gotten away with it.
You killed her.
You killed her.
Your fingerprints are on the gun.
Just dismiss the rest of it for me.
Just forget it.
You killed her.
- You're insane.
- You're the murderer.
I'm insane?
I could turn you in.
I'm sticking by you.
Go find another friend
to stay by our side.
Use your head, toots.
You're a murderer.
See the picture now?
Don't think I'm such a louse.
I had to do something like this.
- Oh god.
- Oh your little act, just come on,
you can't be that shook.
- [Erica] You're insane, Harry.
You're completely insane.
- All right, you're a doctor, I'm insane.
She's dead.
You killed her.
I'm gonna help you out of it.
No one will find the gun.
Not even you.
And that's it.
It's that simple.
Well, show some emotion, do something.
Why don't you run upstairs
and get ready for bed.
Where you going?
Make me some warm milk.
Nice glass of warm milk
before I go to sleep.
These women, they never understand.
So long, toots.
Better luck next time.
(slow piano music)
♫ I will go
♫ Or I will stay
♫ Just for your asking
♫ My stories
♫ All of them, valentine
♫ You'll always be mine
♫ Roll on, don't stop
♫ Your plan to kill
♫ And crown me for I'm a disabled veteran
♫ Of this cold cold war
♫ Yes, crown me
♫ For I'm a disabled veteran
♫ Of this cold cold war
♫ That I want no more of
♫ I don't need
♫ Your helping ways
♫ I'm tired of all those dreams
♫ Keeping with
♫ From all that's in darkness
♫ You might be remiss
♫ Roll on, don't stop
♫ Your plan to kill
♫ And crown me
♫ For I'm a disabled veteran
♫ Of this cold cold war
♫ Yes crown me
♫ For I'm a disabled veteran
♫ Of this cold cold war
♫ That I want no more of
- Looking for something, toots?
Save your time.
You're not gonna find it.
- Will you please stop acting like an ass
an get out of that cape?
- Doesn't have your name on it,
could be my cape.
You're not gonna find it, baby.
I'm still one step ahead of you.
Why don't you get some sleep?
(humming)
Little bit further now, baby.
Remember we started with these stairs?
Here we go.
Easy.
Don't wanna hurt ya.
Oh, what an angel.
I'm gonna miss you, sweetheart.
Sure you'll fit.
Queen size.
Dig we must.
- [Erica] Harry?
Harry!
- What do you want?
- [Erica] Are you finished yet?
Harry?
Are you finished yet?
- You hump, yeah I finished
the grave in five minutes.
I finished the grave.
I'm working on a VMT now.
What are you, a creep?
- [Erica] Harry!
You better get up here right now.
Rob's coming over to sign the papers.
We wouldn't want him to find
that big hole there, would we?
- All right, all right.
Don't be so hard.
Yeah, don't worry.
Maybe I'll put her in here
with you, what do you think?
Huh?
You never had that much to say anyway.
- Erica?
Erica!
- Erica.
Oh, Erica.
- Oh, Robby.
- Oh, you look beautiful, darling.
- You don't look bad yourself.
How nice of you to come.
- Well.
Is it finally mine?
- It's all yours.
Are you ready?
- Boy, for a skinny broad,
you're something else.
Now I lay me down to sleep.
Sweet dreams, toots.
- There's one thing wrong with this deal.
- What's that?
- You don't go with the house.
- Well, you can't have everything, Robby.
- What's that noise?
- What noise?
I don't hear a noise.
Oh, that's me.
I'm playing with my knees.
- Is Harry digging up my lawn?
- Harry?
No, Harry's in the house somewhere.
I don't know.
No, no, that's a wood chuck out there.
- Listen.
- Let's go inside and
have a look, shall we?
- Harry is digging back here.
- No, no, no.
Harry's inside.
Come on.
- Listen, you know,
I tried to buy this
place from your father.
- Yes.
- I tried to buy it from your grandfather.
- Yes.
- I'm only 30 years old.
But I'm not gonna have
Harry digging back here.
I got news for you.
From now on, Harry is
not even gonna be here.
Let alone digging my lawn.
- Oh, Harry is perfectly all right.
Harry's in the house somewhere.
Harry wouldn't hurt a thing.
Harry won't be anywhere.
Let's go.
- Somebody's digging back here, my dear.
- What should I...
- If I could just...
- Hey, Robby, how you doing?
What a surprise, how you been?
Good to see you.
- What are you doing there?
- Just digging up some worms.
Tuna's running like crazy down the crick.
Come on in for a drink.
Sign the contract.
Got a brand new pad.
Tell me about your trip.
You look fine, real fine.
How you been?
- You're looking good, Robby.
- Well...
I'm just so pleased to get this place.
- Rob, it's been so nice.
We'll see you again soon.
- Good seeing you, pal.
Good seeing you.
- Harry, thank you.
- Say hello to Marage for us.
- Certainly will.
- And the whole gang.
- [Robby] Well, we may just
start a little branch here.
- [Harry] Oh, I bet you're gonna
start a little branch here.
Things grow beautiful around here.
- [Erica] I owe you a hug (mumbles).
Right, Harry?
We've been so happy here.
- [Harry] That's the truth.
- [Erica] If it's half
as good as it'll be, Rob.
- It'll be better if it's half as good.
It's wonderful.
Good luck with it.
We'll drop you a postal card.
All right, you hump.
Get in there and make some dinner
and let's start getting her out of here.
Drop him a post card, nothing else to do.
Sweetheart.
Sweetheart, it's me.
Come on, baby, what's wrong?
- Oh.
- I don't like this separate
bed, separate bedroom business.
- Oh.
- Some marriage.
- Jesus Christ, Harry.
You're hard enough to take when I'm awake.
Will you let me sleep?
Just let me sleep.
Get out!
(rattling)
(slow music)
- Are you some kind of creep or something?
Take off that cape, we're
going to the airport.
You can't be too conspicuous.
- [Erica] I'm not going anywhere, Harry.
- What do you mean you're
not going anywhere?
- [Erica] You now what I mean.
I'm not going anywhere without the gun.
- Will you stop being a child.
I'll buy a gun in Europe.
They've all kinds, antiques,
new ones, used ones, what not.
Millions of guns.
Europe is a gun.
- Harry, there's no point in
me leaving without that gun,
is there?
- You know, I thought we'd get
to the airport a little early
and have a nice romantic
dinner in that place
with the big window.
We can watch all the airplanes.
Get in the car and take off that cape.
- Harry, I told you,
I'm not going anywhere
without that gun!
- Creep.
The gun is in the grave.
It's in the grave.
You want me to dig out the whole grave?
Are you crazy?
I'm not digging out the grave.
Get in the car!
- [Erica] I don't care, Harry.
I want that gun.
- Right at the last minute.
You're a child.
You're some kind of child.
Right at the last minute.
You're a hump, toots, a hump.
Here you are, toots.
Where do you want it?
- Put it down.
- What?
- Put it down.
- What, put it down?
- Put the gun down.
- What do you mean put it down?
What's...
- I've been waiting for
you to get that grave open.
It's right were you belong.
- Where did you get that?
- Part of the set, Harry, a pair.
- Oh, sweetheart, I love you.
- You're finished!
- You hump!
You're blind as a bat, you couldn't hit
the broad side of a barn!
(laughing)
No one!
(laughing)
No one!
(laughing)
Come and get it!
You hump!
Yeah, come and get it!
(laughing)
No one!
(yelling)
- [Man] Scratch, Harry.
Harry?
I want you to say goodbye.
Come on, man, say goodbye.
It won't you hurt you, Harry.
Come on.
Let's just turn around and wave good.
You blew it, Harry.
♫ Rainy day Sunday
there's no peace at hand
♫ TV's a blasting there's war in this land
♫ But you continue
♫ You continue
♫ Your own way
♫ You've been told a thing or two
♫ What's been said many years ago
♫ Why not redeem your faith
♫ Rainy day Sunday
there's no peace at hand
♫ TV's a blasting there's war in this land
♫ But you continue
♫ You continue
♫ Your own way
♫ You've been told a thing or two
♫ What's been said many years ago
♫ Why not redeem your faith
♫ It'll catch you
♫ Yes it will
♫ Oh, yes it will
♫ Rainy day Sundays there's reason to know
♫ Disney's is all
♫ Yet everyone's broke
♫ They're just gloating
♫ But you continue
♫ Your own way
♫ Underneath it all
♫ You see what's been done to you and me
♫ Why not ask to be saved
♫ It's your choice
♫ To continue
♫ Your own way
♫ Rainy day Sunday there clouds in the sky
♫ People keep moving in
and out of their lives
♫ But you continue
♫ Yes you continue
♫ Your own way
♫ Every day you walk along
♫ Looking for your mama's home
♫ Why not redeem your faith
♫ It'll catch you
♫ Yes it will
♫ Oh yes it will
- [Man] I'm usually ahead of things.
But this time the woods got a jump on me.
There I am, folks.
A little overdressed, but not bad.
Pardon my back.
You've all heard that
stuff about God being dead.
Don't believe it.
Anyway, about the beginning of this thing.
You're looking at it.
Man, this place spooks me.
I'd like to join the many who've
passed it without stopping.
But I can't.
This estate belongs to a
young lady named Erica Hobson.
For the past five years,
she shared it with Harry.
Her first husband.
Their marriage has been
unusual.
There he is.
A guy who survived disappointments
that would've wiped out most of us.
I mean, most of you.
Harry's big hangup is money.
Not too much or too little.
He just can't seem to hold onto it.
(suspenseful music)
(engine roaring)
- Ursula, get your ass out here.
Ooh.
Nothing.
Yogurt.
Ursula!
Ursula, where's the coffee?
Shut up!
Anybody ever tell you
you talk in your sleep?
Your health food is in the fridge.
- Where's the coffee?
- [Harry] There is none.
- [Ursula] What's that?
- Coffee, but it's the last of it.
- [Ursula] Thanks.
- I told you, sweetheart.
No money, no food.
Where can you get food
without money these days?
- [Ursula] I got all I could.
- It wasn't enough.
- What about rich wife?
- Rich wife is a hump.
All she can do is send letters, no checks.
What's today?
She should come soon.
- [Erica Voiceover] Dearest love, Harry.
Just a short note which
I know you'll appreciate.
The brevity, that is.
The contents, well, you'll
just have to decide that
for yourself.
The Olympics were beautiful,
as you might well imagine.
Do wish you've been able to be here.
- You hump.
- [Erica Voiceover] In any
case, the games were beautiful
and wondrously exciting.
And made even more
enjoyable by a person I met
between Paris and Grenoble.
- Without question,
must've been another broad.
- [Erica Voiceover] She is
what you'd refer to as a broad.
We made all the sings together, she's fun.
I know you'd hate it
the way you react to all my friends.
But she's great despite
your narrow outlook.
When the games ended,
she and I decided to make
an extended tour of Europe.
Which is why this letter
is postmarked Munich.
Naturally, my return will
be indefinitely postponed.
Perhaps permanently.
However, I'll try to warn
you is I'm going to return.
The money I sent you will have
to sustain you until then.
Though you may have to curb
your luxurious appetites
or heaven forbid, get a job.
In any case, I'm told that
suffering is good for the soul
so keep the faith.
Your loving wife.
- What am I gonna do for bread?
- Rich loving wife mean to Harry?
- Yeah, it's the way it is, toots.
Is this real?
- I'm sure it's real.
- How much is it worth?
- I guess about 200.
- Take it off.
- No, I won't take it off.
- What do you mean, take it off.
You're supposed to be
in love with me or what?
- Oh, come on.
- Why not make a little sacrifice
while I'm in a little jam.
- Harry.
- You know Ursula,
I'd never really stopped loving you.
(cymbals clanging)
(fast paced music)
Ouch.
Oh, come on, this isn't
even breakfast money, Pauly.
- Listen, baby.
You're already into me for too bad, right?
Now you come back for more.
You're supposed to be paying me back.
But you got 10 days to clean this mess up.
Or your mother won't
recognize you in the level.
See?
(ominous music)
- Something bothering you?
- Hey, creep!
Wait a minute.
There's the house there, that one.
The one right past the columns.
- Right.
- Now, she'll come
walking down the stairs.
You grab her handbag and run.
And I'll start running after you.
I'll be right behind you,
but don't run too fast.
- Like slow motion.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't wise off,
slow motion.
I'll grab you, take a few punches.
You fall to the ground.
I grab the handbag and return it to her.
- Oh, you play the hero.
- Yeah, real hero.
- Right.
- Get up and get the hell out of here.
Go around the corner and
wait in the first doorway.
I'll give you half the loot.
- You better show.
- I'll show, don't worry about it.
- Cool the punch, man.
- Don't worry about the punch,
I'm a karate expert.
I can handle myself.
- Right.
(slow rhythmic music)
Hey, man, you never told
me about no wild animal.
- Yeah, I see.
Well, let's wait 'til she's alone.
- That's overtime, baby.
- Yeah, overtime.
Punk you and me, local 282.
(slow rhythmic music)
Charge!
Sorry about that, ma'am.
What are you hitting me for?
I'm here to protect you.
Make sure we're off the street.
Go on, get out of here.
Lucky for you I was in the neighborhood.
- I wish you hadn't, I was
better off before you got here.
- Well, that's gratitude.
- What's up?
- Carburetor fraction, right
near the manifold reduction.
You don't believe me?
- That's not from the other day, is it?
- No.
In a way.
It's all right.
Any guy would've jumped in that way.
- I hope it's not too late to
tell you how grateful I am.
Really.
- Oh, it's quite all right.
- Thank you.
Oh, this is fantastic.
Is this really yours?
- No, it belongs to a dog.
I live across the valley.
(tires screeching)
Of course, if I hadn't invested
in this thing in Montana,
things would be different.
I wouldn't be in this jam.
I really feel if I lost this place,
I would cease to exist.
- [Catherine] Oh no, you can't lose it.
- [Harry] Well.
If I don't come up with the
mortgage money in two days,
I will lose it.
- [Catherine] How much do you need?
- [Harry] Oh, about four grand.
- [Catherine] Oh, that's not so much.
- [Harry] It is when you don't have it.
- [Catherine] I can lend it to you.
(rhythmic music)
- Harry?
Harry!
Harry, guess who's back?
Harry!
I have no change.
(slow rhythmic music)
(laughter)
- Who opened that door?
And who opened this door?
These doors are always locked.
- [Catherine] Paranoid again.
- What, paranoid?
These doors are always locked.
What if the police are here?
- [Catherine] The police?
Come on.
- Police go every place.
Don't tell me I'm crazy,
these doors are always locked.
- [Catherine] What is the matter with you?
- [Harry] As if you don't know
what's the matter with me.
- [Catherine] You want me
to turn off these lights?
- [Harry] Oh, go ahead,
do whatever you want.
Somebody's in this place.
- [Catherine] Now, stop,
you're making me nervous.
- [Harry] Yeah, nervous.
Sure, you don't want me to look around.
Afraid I might find something?
- [Catherine] Where you going now?
- [Harry] Upstairs, the green room.
Maybe the gold room.
Or brown room.
Check the wine cellar.
The garage, the pool room.
The marble room.
The tic tac toe room.
- [Catherine] Why don't you try the attic
while you're at it?
- [Harry] How do you know
there's an attic in this house?
I didn't take you up there.
What do you know about the attic?
You'd like to see the attic, wouldn't you?
So would your partner.
Uh uh, toots.
See?
What are you talking about?
- [Catherine] Tell me what you do.
- [Harry] There's nobody
in this house, I told you.
There's nobody in this house.
I better go downstairs and shut the door.
What are you so worried about?
Nobody's here.
Oh, don't worry.
- [Catherine] Let me
have something to drink.
- [Harry] That's your job, toots.
(slow music)
- Harry!
C'est moi!
- My wife.
My wife's friend.
A friend of my wife's.
My friend's wife.
I don't know, wait here.
Stay where you are, there's
not a thing to worry about.
It's probably nobody important.
Just don't move.
If it's a crook, you know
what a street fighter I am.
Don't worry, just relax.
Stay right where you are.
Don't.
In fact, get up and hide.
Go ahead, hide.
Well, well, well, look who's here.
When did you get back?
- Are you surprised, Harry?
Didn't you get my telegram?
Why weren't you at the airport to meet me?
- No, I didn't get your telegram.
Maybe you sent it to the wrong guy.
- No, I sent it to you, Harry.
I see you're in bed early tonight.
How nice.
- Yeah, I'm in bed.
You know me.
Early to bed, early to
rise makes a man wealthy.
- Congratulations, you found a way.
- Yeah, I found a way.
Where was my check?
- Don't be greedy, Harry.
- Greedy?
I almost had to pull a bank
job to get my shirts out.
- Ha ha.
- Still as lovable as ever.
Bringing me back anything?
- No, just me.
- You gonna come up or
hang around the staircase?
- Why don't you come down, Harry?
Put some clothes on and I'll
fix us something to eat.
- All right.
Be right down.
Hey, toots.
What did she do here?
Christine.
Christine.
Oh, sweetheart, here you are.
- How's your wife?
- If we get caught, you're
gonna find out how she is.
Just stay here, don't make one sound.
Don't make a sound.
Try something on.
Think it'll fit.
Hello, sweetheart.
I missed you.
What are you doing?
- I'm making an omelet.
- Omelet?
You know how I love omelets.
- You'll like this one.
- I'll bet.
If you sent some money,
there'd been more food here.
- There's a lot of yogurt.
- What yogurt?
The yogurt in the icebox, you saw that?
Yeah.
That's...
Fatso, fix the gutters here.
He's on a diet.
Where did you get this from?
Is this from the bedroom or down here?
- Why don't you get dressed, Harry?
- Let me help you.
- You slob.
- Just trying to help out.
I am dressed for dinner.
- No, you're not.
Get dressed.
- Still the lovable you.
Let's go, Cinderella, the
bells are about to ring.
Grab your shoes, I'll show you
how to get out of here safely.
To your left.
Don't make a sound, come on.
Now from here, you're on your own.
'Cause if you get caught,
I can still get out of it.
See the staircase?
Now listen to me.
Go around the staircase.
And down the stairs.
Open the door in the hall.
But you have to be very
quiet, she's in the kitchen.
Will you listen to me?
Forget it, you'll get lost there anyway.
Go around the same staircase.
You see where I'm pointing?
Do you see?
Go around the staircase.
There are twin doors.
Open them up, there's a dumb waiter.
Rope problem.
I better take you.
Come here, take your suitcase, come.
Take your suitcase.
Lovesick broad, you get
lost in here anyway.
Come on.
Get in here.
Sit on that log.
Don't be afraid.
Now wait here, don't go away.
This is the fun part.
Just wait right here.
Come on, get up.
Get up, come on!
Come on, you're not in
grand central station.
Come on.
Get the bag.
Come on.
Don't make a sound.
Come on.
Come on, don't...
Will you relax?
Do you think you're a
prima donna or something?
Shh.
Don't make a sound, I
gotta put on the light.
Baby, your port of embarkation.
Come here.
Smell that fresh air.
Spring's right around the corner.
Now listen to me.
You go down here, go down the stairs.
Listen and watch.
Turn left, go down stairs.
There's a gravel path.
Don't walk on the path,
it makes too much noise.
Walk on the grass.
Go right out to the road,
you can catch a bus.
Right to the station.
- Harry?
Unzip me.
- I wanna close this
door, I have bronchitis.
Terrible.
- [Erica] Hi, I'm Erica.
- Who you talking to?
What are you, poor batty or something?
- What's your name?
- What zipper?
There's no zipper here.
- Christine.
- Christine.
Would you like to stay
for dinner, Christine?
- Oh, look at these, I have Indian beads.
- Do you like omelets?
- Um.
- Then it's settled
you'll stay, wonderful.
- Do you like omelets?
Then it's settled, you'll
stay, it's wonderful.
Erica, let me tell you about my beads.
Several years, I traveled out west.
I have beads you haven't seen yet.
Alone at last.
How you been, babes?
Did you miss me?
Sure you did.
I missed you.
Oh wow.
New ring.
Always buying yourself presents.
You never think of me.
You know, I need a new bathrobe.
How've you been?
Gotta be independent.
You still love me, you know you do.
Remember the fun we used to have?
Remember our honeymoon?
You didn't forget our honeymoon, did you?
You know what your letter did
for me when I received it?
I had tears in my eyes.
I slept with it under my pillow.
- It was a telegram, Harry, a telegram.
I never sent you a letter in my life.
- What are you talking about?
Hey babes.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
You have to believe something.
Just believe, I'm sorry.
I'm not really a guy like that.
I'm really not.
It shouldn't have happened this way.
It should've been you.
But life isn't what we want it to be, hon.
I have to have money to live.
She turned me to a way of
life that's very expensive.
I just can't get out of it.
I'm not such a young cookie
that I can go out and get a good job.
You know it would've been
different had I met you
a long long time ago.
All these things we talked about
could've come true.
Beautiful reality.
Believe me.
I was really falling in love with you.
(clock chiming)
At least appreciate you that you stay here
and listen to what I have to say.
'Cause I know you believe me.
I know you do.
- There was an interesting
tar going on in France
while I was there.
A Frenchman surprised his
wife in bed with her lover.
In some sort of jealous rage.
He picked up a gun and
shot them both dead.
The jury more or less exonerated him,
they just said, naughty naughty.
- Will you put that thing away?
What are you doing?
- It would be interesting to see if
the reverse were the same.
Sometimes women just don't have a chance.
Of course, that could never
happen in this country.
- Are you kidding?
They'd hang you without
even thinking twice.
- Hang me?
Harry, I wouldn't shoot you.
This is just a little
something I picked up
that reminded me of an amusing story.
- Amusing.
- After all, we are
civilized people, aren't we?
Somewhat knowledgeable and understanding
regarding the inevitability
of certain behavioral patterns
repeating themselves.
- What're you talking about?
- Why don't you go upstairs
and get dressed for dinner?
- All right.
That was about two thirds of the money.
And what was left of it, I had invested
on a landing field up in the back 400.
You never know what this
area is gonna become.
It's good to have transportation out here.
Could make a good book.
Then the rain situation.
So Peterson fixed the gutter
and told me that he spotted
some termite rot up there.
It'll cost about $1600 dollars to fix
and he wouldn't let me take it on credit.
He wouldn't take it on credit.
He told me I had two loose
molars in the cavity.
So this debt had to be paid
so in turn, he had to be paid.
You're interested in that too.
McKenzie comes and cuts the grass.
That's the last of the money.
I had to pay him for that.
And as a good pal,
he pruned all our spruce trees.
400 trees.
420 trees.
Pruned and pruned and pruned.
You're laughing.
You have a human quality.
- You're too much, Harry.
- You're still in love with me.
If you had sent a money order
instead of that dumb letter,
I'd have money and the house
would've been just beautiful,
it would've been our honeymoon
cottage all over again.
- [Erica] I never sent you a letter.
- [Harry] You're a hump.
You're a first class
hump and your feet stink.
- I think you should tell me about
your little affair.
It must be fascinating.
- [Harry] Can I have
the lighter, Christine?
- [Erica] Tell me, Christine.
- [Christine] Harry and I happened to meet
when he rescued me from an attacker.
- [Erica] Harry rescued
you from an attacker?
- I saved her life.
You'd have been dead.
- Shut up, Harry.
- [Christine] He rushed off afterwards.
- May I have the lighter?
- [Christine] Naturally, I
had to find him to thank him.
- Sweetheart.
May I have the lighter?
Christine, may I have the lighter?
- Let's see, where was I?
Oh, following his stunning
very natural laws.
- [Erica] When my check didn't arrive.
- [Harry] May I light my cigarette?
- Something about oh, a
discotheque in Montana.
- I've always loved the
outdoors, you know that.
- You didn't know he was married?
- No.
Well, I never even thought about it.
No, of course not.
- You just didn't think anything about it.
A variable whirlwind courtship.
Harry, you outdid yourself.
I hope you didn't fall in love with him.
- Well.
You know.
- [Harry] Oh, you just break me up.
- Well.
Maybe I should tell you
about my innumerable affairs
while turning coffee.
- Countless, countless.
- [Erica] Oh, they were marvelous.
Yeah.
- [Harry] Countless.
- Countless.
- [Harry] I assure, countless.
- It was sort of an
ideological investigation.
There was a German neo-Nazi.
A Spanish fascist.
And an Italian communist.
And a Swiss, no Swedish sorshistad.
- [Harry] May I have
the lighter, Christine?
- With the Spaniard, it was
sort of like an inquisition.
- [Harry] Christine,
may I have the lighter?
- He wouldn't take his clothes off.
He just undid the zipper and, you know,
very unsatisfactory.
With the communist it was from each
according to his ability, to
each according to his needs.
Very satisfactory.
And the neo-Nazi, let's see.
He was a bit hung up on
racial background, you know.
He finally consummated
the affair at five o'clock
in the morning and rushed off town.
And the Swede of course,
committed suicide.
Right after.
And the goalist demanded gold.
- [Harry] Hilarious.
Just hilarious.
What did you do in the night?
- [Christine] She's funny.
You are.
- You're a hump.
- [Christine] Oh, she's funny.
- Well, why don't we go
into the living room?
Who's Harry?
- Harry doesn't exist.
- Harry's a phantom.
- Harry's a ghost.
- Harry the floating red shirt.
- Harry's a bastard.
- Harry's an ass.
- He's a fool.
- He's an idiot.
- He is empty.
- He's full of gas.
- Floating in the sky.
- Floating in the sky.
Harry's something that
climbs around the house
every now and then.
- Harry's had enough.
- Harry is a number.
- Harry is a bad trip.
- Yeah, Harry's a bad trip.
(classical music)
What's the matter, Christine?
- You know.
I'm sorry this thing happened.
I'm sorry for you.
I didn't know.
I didn't know he was married.
I didn't know anything.
Really.
He's been so nice.
I guess I should leave.
- No, you mustn't be sorry
and you mustn't be sad.
And you can stay as long as you like.
(classical music)
(moaning)
- I'm going for a drive now.
And if you're not gone when I come back,
I'm calling the police
and I'm gonna tell them
the few things I know about you.
- Look how one glass of wine can rouse up
a beautiful romance.
I think she's serious.
Now you see what I have to contend with.
It's been like this for years and years.
That's the kind of woman I'm married to.
Wicked, mean creature.
Sweetheart, she's prehistoric.
She's sick.
She's sub human.
- [Christine] Harry,
you're so full of shit.
(rhythmic music)
- Christine?
Christine?
What in the hell are you doing here?
I thought I told you to get out.
- Relax, toots, relax.
- Where's Christine?
- She took a bus.
- Harry, maybe you didn't understand me.
I said I'm gonna call the police.
- I told you not to threaten me.
- It's not an idle threat,
I'm calling the police.
- You make that call,
your name and picture
will be splashed right
across tomorrow's newspapers.
(screams)
- What have you done?
Harry, you stupid.
What have you done?
- Baby.
- What have you done?
- What have I done?
What have you done?
Oh my goodness.
- You shot her.
You shot her.
Harry, she's dead.
- Sure looks it.
- You shot her.
You shot her, you bastard!
- Relax!
Just relax.
Just relax.
You're a murderer.
Well, she sure as hell ain't sleeping.
Come here, sit down.
Come here.
- You stupid ass.
You'll never get away with this.
- It just so happens
she was more my friend
than yours, so don't be like so concerned.
Okay?
I've known her a long time.
You just met her today, yesterday.
What's the big deal?
You know, women are so...
Look.
If heaven is such a great place,
what's the big deal?
We probably did her a favor.
- You've gone crazy, Harry.
- Good, I'm crazy.
I had no choice.
You know I had no choice.
I happen to owe some money.
If I don't pay it off,
we're gonna get bumped.
If you had sent me a check,
none of this would've happened.
I just don't got the energy
to go out and find a
replacement for her or for you.
- You'll never get away with this.
- So how to do it?
I did it with your gun.
And I wore gloves.
And your fingerprints are on the gun.
But I've hidden the gun.
I don't want any act,
just keep quite and listen.
I'll tell you exactly what's gonna happen.
We wanna sell every
single thing we have here.
Including the house.
You gotta transfer everything you have
to comparable European firms.
Transfer the whole works into your name.
And to my name.
50-50, I'm very generous.
I could take everything
at this point, couldn't I?
And we'd just move to Europe.
Have a nice little house.
Your garden, picket fence.
Putter around.
The house will have to sell privately
because I don't want real estate
agents running around here
because we're gonna have to
bury her on this property.
If I had a bigger car,
maybe we can dump it tonight.
I can't put her in that two seater.
Can't.
We'll have to put it here
with the bags and everything,
it's safe.
You call Robby.
Tomorrow morning right after breakfast.
I'll bet he'll be here right before lunch.
He's wanted this place.
We'll get rid of the
house, maybe tomorrow,
the day after.
Write a few letters to some friends.
Make some telephone calls.
And telegrams.
And move to Europe.
Forever.
And the car.
Have to take the car with.
Yeah, Robby.
No finer chap to dump this.
Excess pool on.
- Bastard.
- Any suggestions?
- You'll never get away with this.
- I've gotten away with it.
You killed her.
You killed her.
Your fingerprints are on the gun.
Just dismiss the rest of it for me.
Just forget it.
You killed her.
- You're insane.
- You're the murderer.
I'm insane?
I could turn you in.
I'm sticking by you.
Go find another friend
to stay by our side.
Use your head, toots.
You're a murderer.
See the picture now?
Don't think I'm such a louse.
I had to do something like this.
- Oh god.
- Oh your little act, just come on,
you can't be that shook.
- [Erica] You're insane, Harry.
You're completely insane.
- All right, you're a doctor, I'm insane.
She's dead.
You killed her.
I'm gonna help you out of it.
No one will find the gun.
Not even you.
And that's it.
It's that simple.
Well, show some emotion, do something.
Why don't you run upstairs
and get ready for bed.
Where you going?
Make me some warm milk.
Nice glass of warm milk
before I go to sleep.
These women, they never understand.
So long, toots.
Better luck next time.
(slow piano music)
♫ I will go
♫ Or I will stay
♫ Just for your asking
♫ My stories
♫ All of them, valentine
♫ You'll always be mine
♫ Roll on, don't stop
♫ Your plan to kill
♫ And crown me for I'm a disabled veteran
♫ Of this cold cold war
♫ Yes, crown me
♫ For I'm a disabled veteran
♫ Of this cold cold war
♫ That I want no more of
♫ I don't need
♫ Your helping ways
♫ I'm tired of all those dreams
♫ Keeping with
♫ From all that's in darkness
♫ You might be remiss
♫ Roll on, don't stop
♫ Your plan to kill
♫ And crown me
♫ For I'm a disabled veteran
♫ Of this cold cold war
♫ Yes crown me
♫ For I'm a disabled veteran
♫ Of this cold cold war
♫ That I want no more of
- Looking for something, toots?
Save your time.
You're not gonna find it.
- Will you please stop acting like an ass
an get out of that cape?
- Doesn't have your name on it,
could be my cape.
You're not gonna find it, baby.
I'm still one step ahead of you.
Why don't you get some sleep?
(humming)
Little bit further now, baby.
Remember we started with these stairs?
Here we go.
Easy.
Don't wanna hurt ya.
Oh, what an angel.
I'm gonna miss you, sweetheart.
Sure you'll fit.
Queen size.
Dig we must.
- [Erica] Harry?
Harry!
- What do you want?
- [Erica] Are you finished yet?
Harry?
Are you finished yet?
- You hump, yeah I finished
the grave in five minutes.
I finished the grave.
I'm working on a VMT now.
What are you, a creep?
- [Erica] Harry!
You better get up here right now.
Rob's coming over to sign the papers.
We wouldn't want him to find
that big hole there, would we?
- All right, all right.
Don't be so hard.
Yeah, don't worry.
Maybe I'll put her in here
with you, what do you think?
Huh?
You never had that much to say anyway.
- Erica?
Erica!
- Erica.
Oh, Erica.
- Oh, Robby.
- Oh, you look beautiful, darling.
- You don't look bad yourself.
How nice of you to come.
- Well.
Is it finally mine?
- It's all yours.
Are you ready?
- Boy, for a skinny broad,
you're something else.
Now I lay me down to sleep.
Sweet dreams, toots.
- There's one thing wrong with this deal.
- What's that?
- You don't go with the house.
- Well, you can't have everything, Robby.
- What's that noise?
- What noise?
I don't hear a noise.
Oh, that's me.
I'm playing with my knees.
- Is Harry digging up my lawn?
- Harry?
No, Harry's in the house somewhere.
I don't know.
No, no, that's a wood chuck out there.
- Listen.
- Let's go inside and
have a look, shall we?
- Harry is digging back here.
- No, no, no.
Harry's inside.
Come on.
- Listen, you know,
I tried to buy this
place from your father.
- Yes.
- I tried to buy it from your grandfather.
- Yes.
- I'm only 30 years old.
But I'm not gonna have
Harry digging back here.
I got news for you.
From now on, Harry is
not even gonna be here.
Let alone digging my lawn.
- Oh, Harry is perfectly all right.
Harry's in the house somewhere.
Harry wouldn't hurt a thing.
Harry won't be anywhere.
Let's go.
- Somebody's digging back here, my dear.
- What should I...
- If I could just...
- Hey, Robby, how you doing?
What a surprise, how you been?
Good to see you.
- What are you doing there?
- Just digging up some worms.
Tuna's running like crazy down the crick.
Come on in for a drink.
Sign the contract.
Got a brand new pad.
Tell me about your trip.
You look fine, real fine.
How you been?
- You're looking good, Robby.
- Well...
I'm just so pleased to get this place.
- Rob, it's been so nice.
We'll see you again soon.
- Good seeing you, pal.
Good seeing you.
- Harry, thank you.
- Say hello to Marage for us.
- Certainly will.
- And the whole gang.
- [Robby] Well, we may just
start a little branch here.
- [Harry] Oh, I bet you're gonna
start a little branch here.
Things grow beautiful around here.
- [Erica] I owe you a hug (mumbles).
Right, Harry?
We've been so happy here.
- [Harry] That's the truth.
- [Erica] If it's half
as good as it'll be, Rob.
- It'll be better if it's half as good.
It's wonderful.
Good luck with it.
We'll drop you a postal card.
All right, you hump.
Get in there and make some dinner
and let's start getting her out of here.
Drop him a post card, nothing else to do.
Sweetheart.
Sweetheart, it's me.
Come on, baby, what's wrong?
- Oh.
- I don't like this separate
bed, separate bedroom business.
- Oh.
- Some marriage.
- Jesus Christ, Harry.
You're hard enough to take when I'm awake.
Will you let me sleep?
Just let me sleep.
Get out!
(rattling)
(slow music)
- Are you some kind of creep or something?
Take off that cape, we're
going to the airport.
You can't be too conspicuous.
- [Erica] I'm not going anywhere, Harry.
- What do you mean you're
not going anywhere?
- [Erica] You now what I mean.
I'm not going anywhere without the gun.
- Will you stop being a child.
I'll buy a gun in Europe.
They've all kinds, antiques,
new ones, used ones, what not.
Millions of guns.
Europe is a gun.
- Harry, there's no point in
me leaving without that gun,
is there?
- You know, I thought we'd get
to the airport a little early
and have a nice romantic
dinner in that place
with the big window.
We can watch all the airplanes.
Get in the car and take off that cape.
- Harry, I told you,
I'm not going anywhere
without that gun!
- Creep.
The gun is in the grave.
It's in the grave.
You want me to dig out the whole grave?
Are you crazy?
I'm not digging out the grave.
Get in the car!
- [Erica] I don't care, Harry.
I want that gun.
- Right at the last minute.
You're a child.
You're some kind of child.
Right at the last minute.
You're a hump, toots, a hump.
Here you are, toots.
Where do you want it?
- Put it down.
- What?
- Put it down.
- What, put it down?
- Put the gun down.
- What do you mean put it down?
What's...
- I've been waiting for
you to get that grave open.
It's right were you belong.
- Where did you get that?
- Part of the set, Harry, a pair.
- Oh, sweetheart, I love you.
- You're finished!
- You hump!
You're blind as a bat, you couldn't hit
the broad side of a barn!
(laughing)
No one!
(laughing)
No one!
(laughing)
Come and get it!
You hump!
Yeah, come and get it!
(laughing)
No one!
(yelling)
- [Man] Scratch, Harry.
Harry?
I want you to say goodbye.
Come on, man, say goodbye.
It won't you hurt you, Harry.
Come on.
Let's just turn around and wave good.
You blew it, Harry.
♫ Rainy day Sunday
there's no peace at hand
♫ TV's a blasting there's war in this land
♫ But you continue
♫ You continue
♫ Your own way
♫ You've been told a thing or two
♫ What's been said many years ago
♫ Why not redeem your faith