Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody (2011) - full transcript

Oh Scoob, old buddy

We need to get a place
that doesn't spin.

Ouch, my head.

Why do I always smoke so much
when I drink...?

Or do I always drink so much
when I smoke...?

Oh... Why does it hurt to think?

Scoob?
Scoob, old buddy?

Scoob, old boy?

Scooby-Doo? Where are you?

He's gone.
What am I gonna do?

Where did you see him last?



Last night. I think.

You think?

Well, yeah...
I was at this Halloween party

And there were things...

What kind of things, Shagg?

Things... you know... stuff.

- Ah... Drugs and alcohol.
- Yes.

And boobs.
A lot of boobs.

And vagina.
Vaginas everywhere.

Does anyone else feeling nauseous?

So tell us what you remember
from the party. In details.

Okay... I was at this party ...

And there were boobs.

Yes. And vagina.



Gosh,
can we believe to move on here?

Okay, okay. I was at the spooky
Halloween party...

Hi, I'm Sindy.

That's S... I... N... di.

- Hello Sindh.
- Dy! Sindy!

- Do you want to party with me?
- Do I want a party with you?

Or should we just fuck?

Or should we just ...

Let's fuck first.
There's all night to party.

Wow! I must be really high, Scoob.
Naked Fairy wants to fuck me.

Reality check please.

Cocktail sir?

- Is this reality is enough for you?
- Zoinks!

That's a pretty weird
reality check, buddy.

Who's Scoob?

- Well, he's just my...
- Don't say.

Your friend can come up later.

Maybe if he's cute,
I'll fuck you both.

But he's a...

Enough, enough!
I do not need to hear this!

I do!

I mean ...

We should hear everything.

So did you and Scoob had sex
with that girl?

Wow! What?
No, no.

What is wrong with--

Oh! excuse me
while I go throw up.

Somebody is pregnant.

Somebody is clinically retarded.

- Sticks and stones...
- Don't tempt me.

Girls, focus.
(close door)

- Shagg, continue please.
- Okay

Hmm...
She was on top of me and ...

This place is kind of creepy.

It's Halloween.

Now shut up and fuck me.

So you actually came on her body.
After how long?

About an hour.

So you can have sex
for a full hour?

Is it possible
you've lost track of time?

What is this about
her having multiple orgasms?

Are you currently hallucinating?

Look guys,
I have a very big dick

and can go
for a long time without cuming.

(Oooh shit...)

Velma, are you okay?

I-I'm fine.

What was that sound?

Sound?
What sound?

It sounded like a
"Ah, shit!"?

Well, I lost my contact lenses.

- But you ...
- You wear glasses.

- No contact lenses.
- Right.

Because I lost them.
Just now... Again.

I'll find them.

That's what I do: I find stuff.

Oh no, no, no, no. There's no need.
You don't have to.

I got this.
What did they look like?

Hmm, thin... clear...
mostly invisible.

Invisible.
Got it.

Are we done
with this part of the story?

What happened next?

(I found them! Ah no, wait,
it's just water.)

Look, I'm not sure.

I don't even remember
how I got back home.

But you so clearly remember
all the details of the sex?

Men! *Grrr!*

Did I miss anything important?

(DAPHANIE + FRED FOREVER)

This is useless as usual!

Fred!

Boob, vagina
and a three-way ...

What the fuck people?
Get on the case!

Let me see your notes!

Nothing!

Why is it wet?

This smells like pus--

Were there any distinguishing marks
on her body?

We need to find this slut.

Well, I'm not totally sure,
but I...

I think I remember a birthmark
by her vagina.

So you want us to go
to every hospital

and find out who's born
with a birthmark on her the vagina?

(I have birthmark on my vagina.)

(No, wait, I don't. My bad.)

She could have been born
at any hospital in the world.

Do you have a better idea?
A phone number perhaps?

I have an idea.
Did you shower yet?

Maybe you have a DNA on your junk.

*Uuurk*

Why don't we just go
to the mansion and ask around?

Surely someone has seen
a Great Dane.

Ok, we can do that.

Yes, maybe the slut
will still be there.

You seem a little angry Velma.

Is it "that" time?

She is pregnant.

*Uuurgh*

What did I do
to deserve you, people?

Speaking of pregnant,
it's high noon and ovulating now

Can we cut with the pregnant crap?
I'm not pregnant.

"Ovu"-what?

What she means is:
it's time for us to have sex

We're gonna make babies,
Uh 'Fredles'.

Fredles?

Yes Dear, we just need
to keep trying new ways.

Does this mean we're not gonna have
sex in my ass anymore?

Because I don't think that's working.

Well... But if I cum in your mouth
and you swallow,

They'll go right down in your tummy

- Where the baby is.
- Where the baby is.

Shagg, what's the best place
to give my girl what she needs?

- Haven't you tried them all?
- Free clinic?

I'm gonna take her downtown
to meet Freddy Brown.

I have no idea what that means,

because all my blood
is in my penis right now.

Time's ticking.

No! No!

They're not gonna do it right here...
I can just feel the mental scarring

I think I'm still totally high.
Reality check!

Oh! I'm in a safe and happy place.
I'm in a safe and happy place.

Have I been a good girl for you?

Oh yeah, take off your clothing.

Are you ready?

So... Do you think I'm pregnant now?

Well sweetheart...

You definitely got the cum
where the babies go

- Did that just happen?
- I believe it did.

Your hand is on my crotch.

Oh... I'm...
You're very ...

Haar... Oh my God!
Oh my God!

I mean I... I didn't... I wasn't...
I just... Hmm...

It's okay.
I kind of liked it.

You... You did?

I mean, of course you did!
Pervert.

Put that big... firm...
Thing away!

We have a mystery to solve!

- Are you sure this is the place?
- What a place!

Pretty sure this is the place.

This is the place

where you screwed that girl
for hours?

Can you please not?

He said he gave her
multiple orgasms.

- Do you have a "off" button?
- Ladies, please.

We need to search for clues.

Scoob has probably decided
to move on.

You are kidding.
Let's try to find a way in.

Alright,

Velma you go around the side
see if there's another door.

Shaggy,

you climb the roof,
to see if there's an open window.

I go around the back to see if there's another way in.

Come on gang, I found a way in.

I love what they've done
with the place.

Alright gang, let's split up.
Till we can find some clues.

Hey gang, you find any clues?

- No, not a clue.
- Nope

Quick, hide!
Someone is coming!

This is bad.

A demon has taken Scoob.

Shhh!

Shut up and get back inside
before someone or something sees us.

You are so cute

Like this is a pretty odd time
to change your underwear.

I'm tired of pretending Shaggy.
I'm very attracted to you.

When you told that story,
I've got so turned on.

- Somebody's pregnant...
- Somebody is clinically retarded.

Sticks and stones...

Don't tempt me.

(Girls, focus.) (close door)

(- Shagg, continue please.)
(- Okay.)

(Hmm... She was on top of me...)

(That girl turnt crazy!)

(I don't even know what to do.
She rode me cowgirl two days sideways)

(I never been ridden like that before
by anyone)

(And I banged doggy doggy from behind)

(I wish Scoob was there to see.)

(But he was still missing
nowhere to be found)

(But anyways, in the end,

(I must've a huge blow all over her face
and her tits and--

(chicks loves take that shit off
literally and metaphorically)

(So, you actually came on her body,
after how long?)

(About an hour)

(So you can have sex
for a full hour?)

(Is it possible
you lost track of time?)

(What is this about
her having multiple orgasms?)

(Are you currently hallucinating?)

(Look guys,

I have a very big dick and can go
for a long time without cuming)

Shit!

Velma, are you okay?

(I'm, I'm fine.)

What was that sound?

Sound? What sound?

- Oh shit.
- This is definitely not the right time,

But it never seems to be
the right time.

- You look different naked.
- I bet you do too

Jinkies! You do have a big cock!

I can't believe
I've just said "cock".

I'm gonna make you forget
all about that slut.

- Who?
- Exactly.

Oh! I want you to make
sweet love to me.

Jinkies! That's hard!

Oh, I was dreaming about this day.

Shaggy,
I'm gonna worship your cock.

I'm not a nerd.
I'm smart.

Shaggy,
it's hotter than in my mouth.

Looks real nice there Velma

Oh Velma, that was amazing.

We got to find the others.

- Yeah.
- I better go get dressed.

Let's go get dressed.

Wow, would you look at that!

Is he talking about me or you?

I don't know.

- That is huge!
- No, I'm a little creeped out.

- I told you it was big.
- You weren't kidding.

Like, can you not stare?

This is ... Whoa!

It must be the stolen money
from all those bank robberies.

Oh my. I think I'm gonna have
another orgasm.

Like, you and me both.

- Quick, somebody is coming. Hide!
- Zoinks!

Touch it. Put it in my hands,
and rub on it...

Velma!

Hmm, Oh! Daphne!

- Who's your friend?
- Where are the others?

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Sure you do: Fred and Shagg.

Hmm, no,
never heard of them.

Tell me where they are!

Or you both shall perish
from the face of the earth!

Really?
Did you just say "perish"?

Oh my gosh
I've always wanted to go there,

but they don't speak
very good English.

It's hard to understand them.

Silence!

I can sense them in here!
Somewhere ...

*Gulp*

Hey creepy,
what do you think of this?

*Mmmh*

Is that your tongue?

Quiet, we have to create a distraction so
the boys can jump him.

Just... be quiet and go with it.

Oh! Go with... what?

Come on girls, now is our chance!

Wow this feels like a dream.

Hey Fred, I just had sex
with Velma and I liked it.

Get your clothes on, let's go.

Like, we got to go.
Creepo here is about to wake up.

Does anyone else hears
heavy breathing?

I think we've lost him.

*Phew*
I really need to stop smoking so much.

Or actually,
I need to stop running so much.

I'm so frustrated:
nothing seems to fit right in.

Well, what you're wearing
seems to be just perfect.

I'd say...

You look mighty sick... very nice.
Very nice.

So, How come you didn't tell me
you like girls?

I don't... I mean, I didn't...

I mean ...
I just found out myself.

And you Velma? Wow...

you really come out
of your shell lately.

Look, I did what I had to.
It was a necessary diversion.

Like diversion,
don't usually come with orgasms.

That's one of the hottest, sexiest
most intense things I've ever seen.

- I'm so corny right now, I could just...
- ...Make a baby?

- Only if you swallow.
- Every drop.

Oh no, no,
I will not watch this again.

Have I ever told you
how beautiful you are?

What? But I'm just ...

You're sexy, intelligent
and horny as hell.

In my book, that spells "perfect".

Oh jinkie Shaggy,
you're such a romantic.

- I have my moments.
- Oh, that's good too.

Shaggy, almost got on my glasses.

Oh... I'm sorry Velma.

Oh my god I'm gonna cum.

Oh Yeah.

Aah...
Have I been a good girl for you?

All this cum all over me.

I'm definitely gonna
get pregnant now huh.

- That's absolutely right.
- Mmhm...

Like, why did we wait so long
to do that?

I do not know.

But I have a feeling things are going
to be very different around here.

I don't feel pregnant.
Do I look pregnant?

Apparently not.

*phone ring*

Oh! What's this?

Holy crap, it's Scoob.

Scoob.
Hey buddy, how are you doing?

- Where are you?
(- I'm at Scrappy's place)

- No way, in a crappy place?
(- Scrappy's place!)

What are you doing there?
Oh really?

Are you sure?

Well maybe but ...

All Okay.

Bye.

So, what did he say?

Where is he?
Is he OK?

My vagina hurts.

Well, he said he was at his
nephew Scrappy's place.

And he's just now telling us?

Well, he may have told me before
but I'm a little foggy on that part.

Scrappy kidnapped Scoob?

No, no, no Scoob's fine.

But we are lying here with an
homicidal maniac on the loose.

Well, that sounds bad
if you put it that way.

Cops:
Freeze! Don't move!

Down on the ground!

It's a good thing
I called the cops.

Hey, Sergeant Hopkins?

Yeah, it's Daphne.

We're here at Woodburry's house.

Yeah we're getting chased
by some creepy goblin looking guy.

Could you come to save us?

You're the best!
Thanks.

(Come here!)

Are you kids okay?

Yes officer,

and I see you've captured
the bad guy.

This is him.

Larry Bans,

better known as
the costume bandit.

Top of the list FBI's most wanted
for bank robberies.

And I'd have gotten
away with it, too,

if it weren't for
those meddling kids!

They are crazy.
They are sex crazy!

Like don't worry, man,

I heard that they're pretty
sex crazy in jail too.

*Aaargh!*

- Zoiks!
- Get him out of here.

He's the worst of all of them.
(indistinct chatter)

You kids be safe.

You never know
what wandering in the dark.

Oh we know, sir. We know.

Well, another mystery solved,
another caper foiled.

Does this mean that we get
this whole place to ourselves?

We should all take
a great big money bath.

My tummy hurts.
Do you guys think I'm...

NO!