Schultze Gets the Blues (2003) - full transcript
Schultze is a retired lignite miner living in an East German village and a passionate Polka musician on his accordion. One night he listens to a Zydeco tune in the radio, which changes his taste of music radically. Notwithstanding his complete ignorance of the English language he starts a trip into the heart of the Zydeco; to Louisana.
Raise the barrier!
Good luck! Good luck!
The foreman is coming
With his light in the night
With his light in the night
He's lit his lamp
He's lit his lamp
He's lit his lamp
It starts to glow
And off we go
And off we go
Into the mine
Into the mine
Into the shaft
Where the colliers graft
Digging white gold
Digging white gold
From the rock
From the rock
Brothers,
here's wishing you a bright lamp
to guide you through
your early retirement.
Like down the pit.
Good luck!
Nice.
Salty.
Cheers.
Schultze...
From now on we're pensioners.
We can sit here as long as we want.
Not me.
My wife.
- Where do you want it?
- In the corner.
Raise the barrier!
The barrier!
"Were alchemy raised almost
to the level of regular science
"and nature forced, through experiment,
to reveal her secrets."
Are you happy now... lush-heads?
"Must my designs bow
to the iron yoke of mechanics?
"Should my Soaring Spirit chain itself
to the Snail's pace of matter?"
"Your new career - construction.
- "Up to 70,000 euros."
- Great.
"Driver's mate - 18 to 26 years old."
Here..."Workers of all ages.
"Skilled and unskilled workers.
"Sausage factory - Stuffer and mincer.
"This job will change your life."
- How's my champion?
- Bloody mud!
Do you have to?
He'll feel better when he's over there
at the super-cross.
You and your super-cross!
Why can't he ride here?
- Always on about your Yanks.
- There's real dosh to be had over there.
L'm going to put a rocket up his arse!
Here we go.
Hold this.
Leave it, J?rgen.
I can't believe it!
You and your bloody lawnmower!
- It's quieter down the pit!
- J?rgen!
Keep it down.
What a racket! Terrible.
The plant.
...during that time over 100,000 people
show up to party Germanstyle.
While summer is the time
to come for water sports,
fall is when the water is for travel...
- That's enough to Start with.
- Where was that again?
Our twin city in America.
New Braunfels, Texas.
Those Yanks...
For our anniversary
they've invited one of us
to play at their traditional festival.
- Just one? Stingy.
- Better than nothing.
Please, gents, please.
The lucky winner will be chosen
by the audience at the festival.
Isn't that something?
I'm asking all of you
to help with the festival.
We've got a great poster.
L'd like to ask you all to put it up.
Give us one.
- Can we put this up?
- Yes, if you're careful.
That would be Something,
Schultze with the Yanks!
- I'm not going.
- Why not?
Scared they'll send you to the chair
because of your polka?
They do it with injections.
You've got all the time in the world.
Still no.
What a band - one wants to but can't,
the other can but won't!
Here you are.
Don't look like that.
You'll Soon See them
queuing up down there.
- Reminds me of Something.
- Not that again.
But l'm right, aren't I?
You Prussians...
You need a bit of Saxon oomph!
If you cast so frantically,
that Yankee rubbish won't help you at all.
Gather it in, aim, and then...
Cast!
You know how.
Where are your mates, then?
OK, I won"t be like that for once.
"I'll fall on t his so fragile life.
"Till the Furies
close at last - desperation!
"Triumph, triumph! The plan is complete.
"Farewell!"
There you are. You know
you have to tell us when you go out.
We have to know where you are.
You want me to rot here!
The next time you go without telling us,
it's house arrest, Frau Lorant!
Who do you think you are?
Bunch of fascists!
And the name's Lorant!
A man of the old School.
Excuse my rudeness.
I haven"t introduced myself: Lorant.
Schultze.
Frau Schultze,
what are you looking at?
She can"t hear any more.
She can hear
but She does n"t take it in.
I wouldn"t be so sure.
All this upset...
calls for a drop of Irish...
Would you like to share
a 10-year-old Bushmills?
I'm not Sure. Perhaps better not.
- Cheers, Schultze! To life!
- To health!
Schultze, it's not a Shot!
You"re Supposed to sip it.
You must go with me to the casino too.
You have to get out, Schultz e.
It"ll do you good, you"ll See.
Goodbye.
Goodbye. You"ve got time now.
- Who have you caught there?
- IS that allowed here?
We"ll find it.
Besides, we don"t have to walk.
I'm going to make it nice and cozy here.
When the terrace is ready,
I can sit in the sun and drink beer.
Isn't this facing north?
Rubbish.
It's nice here.
- That"S idiotic. Think about it.
- No.
That's a bad trade.
I give up a pawn, you lose a...
- Counter it first.
- Fine.
- I don"t believe it.
- Come on, hurry up.
- No!
- Yes!
No. I'll take it back.
- Are you crazy?
- Just carry on.
- The rule is, touch it, move it.
- Yes, I know.
Are you Korchnoi or what? I'll put it back!
Hit the clock
or we"ll forget the time.
- No, twice.
- I don"t believe it!
Take it back. I'll Say it again:
- Touch it, move it. That's the rule.
- You and your rules. I'll put it back!
I don"t believe it.
- Now we can go on.
- No, we can"t.
It's not the Wild West here!
Wild West? I'll show you Wild West!
Load of rubbish!
I'm Surrounded by idiots.
Traffic news. There is no news.
Welcome to our "Report at Night".
In part two
we talk about health problems
from working underground.
Specifically, lung cancer.
Workers inhaling diesel fumes
from heavy machinery...
My dear Schultze, a change
in musical taste isn"t an illness!
I'm no psychologist, but
it's definitely not life-threatening,
not playing a polka for once.
Quite the reverse! But Seriously...
Be happy Something's
happening in your life.
Right now you have
all the time in the world.
Think of it as a gift.
If you say so, Doctor...
In my youth I wanted to be,
just to give you an example,
an opera singer.
Il grande opera!
Just once... to play Cavaradossi.
That was nice. Wonderful.
Don"t look like that, Schultze.
Don"t let them get you down.
They haven"t got a clue. They"re old.
OK, but it's the Same at the club.
You must go to the casino with me.
Strengthen your nerves.
Once you"ve really blown some cash,
you"ll see things in a different light.
What have you got to lose, Schultze?
Come on, have a drink.
I take it you"ll be playing
your traditional polka.
Of course he's playing his polka,
in memory of his old man.
Gentlemen, a little respect, please.
We ought to call it the "Schultze Polka".
Perhaps he's got something new?
What? techno? Hey, Schultze.
Yes, I'll play the polka.
Green pepper,
a hundred grams of smoked ham,
150 grams
of spicy smoked sausage
and finally, half a pound of prawns.
Now you can go and get the ingredients.
In an hour
we'll cook the jambalaya together.
In the meantime,
music from the Deep South of the USA.
Don't forget to stir.
Next add the garlic,
stir a little and put the lid on.
Lower the heat and leave it
to simmer for ten minutes.
I said, leave it to simmer!
Yes, it's thirsty work.
Either you make up again or...
I can always eat alone.
What is it, then?
An American dish.
From the South.
With all the trimmings.
- Hot?
- Hot.
Are we jawing or eating?
- Prussian Swine.
- Saxon arse.
Enjoy.
- American.
- Wow!
For medicinal purposes.
- Can you believe it?
- What?
- This.
- What do you mean?
- This here.
- What here?
Us Sitting together round here.
We"ve worked together,
fished together,
had a drink and gone back to work
till they chucked us out.
Now, for the first time,
we"re eating at Schultze's.
Isn"t that strange?
Don"t get sentimental.
They"ve cheated us.
We need a new revolution.
Aren"t we too old for that?
You"re never too old for revolution.
What are you wearing?
You gave me a proper fright.
We wanted to...
Frau Lorant?
Died this afternoon. Took us by surprise.
She was so full of life.
But that's how it is,
nothing you can do about it.
Place your bets.
- What shall we put it on?
- Careful.
No half measures.
- Black or red?
- Red.
It had better work...
- The lot?
- The lot.
Twenty-eight, black.
Fifty years,
ladies and gentlemen...
...is, as we all know,
quite a long time.
Ladies and gentlemen,
fifty years ago...
...which is a long time ago,
fifty long years...
If it's all right,
I'd like to play a different Song.
A different song?
Not the traditional polka?
I don"t know
what your father would say.
Well, if you think so...
What's it going to be?
I don"t know the title exactly.
Something American.
American. That too!
And we"re a music club.
I thought it would make a change.
OK?
- All right, then.
- Let's have a beer.
- Barman...
- What barman?
Take your time.
- What's that?
- What's that? Can't you see?
We just thought as no one else ever...
- Would the gentlemen like to order?
- Beer.
Three beers?
- That's awful.
- Gets on your nerves, doesn"t it?
Dreadful.
Ole!
- Everything all right, gents?
- Gents?
Well, you haven"t introduced yourselves.
I'll do that now. This is Manfred,
that's Schultz e, and I'm...
J?rgen. What's your name, may I ask?
You may - Lisa.
- Is there a problem?
- No, no. Lisa...
- Smart hat.
- Suits you better than Schultze.
- Are you here all the time now?
- Here?
No, just for this dumb festival.
Dumb festival? Schultze's playing.
- What does Mr. Schultze play, then?
- Accordion.
Ship's piano?
- What do you do normally?
- Don"t be nosy.
I'm just interested in people.
- Nice, isn't it?
- What?
- Mu Sic.
- Nice.
That's where l"m going.
- Where?
- There. Ole!
HARMONY MUSIC CLUB
Here's to Schultze!
Are you coming or are you going
to Stand around here for ever?
- All right, we"re coming.
- Hang on.
- Are you coming?
- In a minute.
- Excited?
- I Still don"t know if I...
What? I've been So looking forward to it.
- Really?
- Sure.
I'll have one more.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Dear music lovers, brothers and sisters.
Fifty years is a long time...
Bravo!
- Schultze, it's time.
- I don"t know.
Come on, get up there.
Press those keys!
You can do it.
May I ask you to give
a warm welcome
to our respected
musical colleague, Schultze!
He wants to treat us to something new.
Schultze, go for it!
- Bloody negro music!
- Negro yourself!
What did you say?
Well, here's to negro music.
Here's to negro music!
Cheers!
To Schultze.
...copied from our model
which we've sold in great numbers.
Here's our original
and here's the Polish copy.
A 1,000 copies
have been confiscated.
Today they are getting
their legal comeuppance/
Customs officers chucking garden
gnomes in the name of law and order.
For me, personally,
it's a change from the daily routine.
Then comes the final,
grim trip to the shredder.
"At-cha...
"At-cha-fa... la-ya."
AUTUMN IN LOUISIANA
What are you doing?
You can"t do that.
Why are you doing that?
For he's a jolly good fellow,
for he's a jolly good fellow...
My dear Schultze!
In recognition of your birthday
and of your contribution,
our club has decided to send you
as our representative
to the music festival in Texas.
Congratulations!
Here you are.
- Don"t open it till you"re on the plane.
- Now let's celebrate.
This weather won"t hold.
Nonsense. The Sky's completely clear.
Remember when I was going
to make suckling pig?
When have you ever cooked that?
Here comes that old Story again.
No, he thinks it's going to rain.
You"d better go home
and get an umbrella, then.
That"d be better.
He who laughs last, laughs longest.
Everybody, group photo.
- Good luck!
- Good luck!
- Hello.
- Hello.
- OK.
- Come on in. It's nice.
It's OK. Come.
Feels good.
Nice, huh?
- Ja.
- Yeah, feels good.
- Schultze.
- Josephine. Good to meet you.
Ja.
- Da droben?
- Yeah, I arrived yesterday.
Last night I thought I heard music.
Was that you?
- Here?
- Yeah, last night.
Wurstfest.
Ah, yeah, the music. Yeah.
WELCOME
Ah, music!
Music. Das ist richtig!
Schultze's done the right thing.
Who knows?
Who knows?
He"ll be in a recording Studio now.
He"ll become a millionaire
and won"t speak to us.
- Four.
- You"re lucky.
He knocked that table so hard.
So damn lucky.
Double eight.
Are you trying
to knock a hole in the table?
Tell me something, Mr. Richard.
OK, that's a pretty play. Pretty play.
- Six.
- You"re ruining my Stomach.
- You"re supposed to, Harry.
- I know, but I'll let him...
- I'm gonna let him do something.
- You"re ruining my stomach.
Oh, no, you don"t.
Went down.
He did better than he thought.
- How much did you bid?
- Six.
- Are you sure?
- He said five.
Schultze.
Supermarkt.
Down there by the highway.
- Highway?
- Yes, Sir.
- Highway. OK.
- All right.
I Should have done that too.
- Glad you didn"t. I had the double.
- I had that before.
Oh, lordy, lordy!
Look here what l"ve lost!
Now he's going, huh.
Petroleum.
Petroleum?
Petroleum.
Petroleum.
- No petroleum.
- Petroleum.
Petroleum.
Vodka.
Here petroleum.
Motor, motor petroleum.
Ah, petroleum.
- That way.
- OK, OK. Thank you.
Petroleum!
- Ah, petroleum!
- Petroleum, ja.
- Czech band?
- Czech band, yeah.
Do you Speak Russian?
- So where are you going?
- Da runter.
Come on.
Come on, come on.
Sit there, yeah.
- All right, let's go.
- Let's go.
Petroleum!
Thank you.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
See? Schultze's doing really well.
Who knows?
The Yanks are friendly.
You can"t deny it.
Yeah.
Good morning, good morning, Sir.
Comment ca va? How are we doin"?
Good morning.
What's your name?
Have you got a problem?
What's the problem?
My boat.
- Fest, auf Grund...
- Are you Stuck? I'll give you a hand.
My boat...
Auf Grund. Problem.
Schultze.
Capt'n Kirk over here.
I'll give you a hand.
My boat auf Grund, fest.
Watch your coffee.
- Good?
- Good. Thank you.
- Hello, ma'am.
- Hello.
Schultze.
Well, Schultze, if I could get
this last crab out, we'd be OK.
Have you water for me?
Water? To drink? You want water?
Come on. Come on in, yes.
- I'll get you some water. Water?
- Water.
I have water for you. Here you go.
Thank you.
So you like crabs?
I saw you looking at the crabs.
- Pretty thirsty, huh?
- Durst, ja.
- The crabs?
- Das ist... Krebs?
Crabs? Yes. You like? You like crabs?
You like? Good, good?
Ja, Krebs. Sehr gut, Krebs.
Yes, very good.
Thank you, madam.
- Sehr gut.
- Yeah. You"d like to stay?
They'll be ready in three minutes
if you wanna eat. Crabs?
- Ja, ja.
- Would you like to stay, go inside?
Yeah?
Come on in.
Thank you.
This is my daughter Shareen.
Shareen, Say hello.
- Hello.
- Schultze.
"Mr Schultz", I think he said.
Get him a chair.
- Thank you.
- Have a seat.
I'll get a plate for you.
He's gonna have dinner with us.
That'll be good.
You can help yourself. There's some fish
and shrimp and some potatoes.
- Shrimps?
- Yeah. You like shrimps?
- Krebs?
- Crabs.
Let me offer you
something else to drink.
Ooh, this is a thirsty guy.
Very good. Yeah?
- Ah, whiskey.
- Yeah?
We're gonna go upstairs. Come.
Aren't you a beauty?
Just look. You're beautiful.
Yes, beautiful.
You beauty.
- What kind of bird is that?
- Parrot.
- Sure?
- What else could it be?
- Cockatoo.
- Rubbish.
Aren't parrots colored?
- And cockatoos?
- Yeah, cockatoos.
Now let us bid farewell
to our Herr Schultze.
Lord, you are our refuge
for ever and ever.
Before the mountains were raised
and heaven and earth were created,
You were there, God,
from eternity to eternity.
You who let men die and then say,
"Return, children of man..."
- Schultze?
- Get rid of that, man!
Pull yourselves together!
Lord, teach us to understand
that we all have to die Sometime,
that we may become wiser
in our lives. Amen.
Good luck! Good luck!
The foreman is coming
With his light in the night
With his light in the night
He's lit his lamp
He's lit his lamp
He's lit his lamp
It starts to glow
And off we go
And off we go
Into the mine
Into the mine
Into the shaft
Where the colliers graft
Digging white gold
Digging white gold
From the rock
From the rock
Brothers,
here's wishing you a bright lamp
to guide you through
your early retirement.
Like down the pit.
Good luck!
Nice.
Salty.
Cheers.
Schultze...
From now on we're pensioners.
We can sit here as long as we want.
Not me.
My wife.
- Where do you want it?
- In the corner.
Raise the barrier!
The barrier!
"Were alchemy raised almost
to the level of regular science
"and nature forced, through experiment,
to reveal her secrets."
Are you happy now... lush-heads?
"Must my designs bow
to the iron yoke of mechanics?
"Should my Soaring Spirit chain itself
to the Snail's pace of matter?"
"Your new career - construction.
- "Up to 70,000 euros."
- Great.
"Driver's mate - 18 to 26 years old."
Here..."Workers of all ages.
"Skilled and unskilled workers.
"Sausage factory - Stuffer and mincer.
"This job will change your life."
- How's my champion?
- Bloody mud!
Do you have to?
He'll feel better when he's over there
at the super-cross.
You and your super-cross!
Why can't he ride here?
- Always on about your Yanks.
- There's real dosh to be had over there.
L'm going to put a rocket up his arse!
Here we go.
Hold this.
Leave it, J?rgen.
I can't believe it!
You and your bloody lawnmower!
- It's quieter down the pit!
- J?rgen!
Keep it down.
What a racket! Terrible.
The plant.
...during that time over 100,000 people
show up to party Germanstyle.
While summer is the time
to come for water sports,
fall is when the water is for travel...
- That's enough to Start with.
- Where was that again?
Our twin city in America.
New Braunfels, Texas.
Those Yanks...
For our anniversary
they've invited one of us
to play at their traditional festival.
- Just one? Stingy.
- Better than nothing.
Please, gents, please.
The lucky winner will be chosen
by the audience at the festival.
Isn't that something?
I'm asking all of you
to help with the festival.
We've got a great poster.
L'd like to ask you all to put it up.
Give us one.
- Can we put this up?
- Yes, if you're careful.
That would be Something,
Schultze with the Yanks!
- I'm not going.
- Why not?
Scared they'll send you to the chair
because of your polka?
They do it with injections.
You've got all the time in the world.
Still no.
What a band - one wants to but can't,
the other can but won't!
Here you are.
Don't look like that.
You'll Soon See them
queuing up down there.
- Reminds me of Something.
- Not that again.
But l'm right, aren't I?
You Prussians...
You need a bit of Saxon oomph!
If you cast so frantically,
that Yankee rubbish won't help you at all.
Gather it in, aim, and then...
Cast!
You know how.
Where are your mates, then?
OK, I won"t be like that for once.
"I'll fall on t his so fragile life.
"Till the Furies
close at last - desperation!
"Triumph, triumph! The plan is complete.
"Farewell!"
There you are. You know
you have to tell us when you go out.
We have to know where you are.
You want me to rot here!
The next time you go without telling us,
it's house arrest, Frau Lorant!
Who do you think you are?
Bunch of fascists!
And the name's Lorant!
A man of the old School.
Excuse my rudeness.
I haven"t introduced myself: Lorant.
Schultze.
Frau Schultze,
what are you looking at?
She can"t hear any more.
She can hear
but She does n"t take it in.
I wouldn"t be so sure.
All this upset...
calls for a drop of Irish...
Would you like to share
a 10-year-old Bushmills?
I'm not Sure. Perhaps better not.
- Cheers, Schultze! To life!
- To health!
Schultze, it's not a Shot!
You"re Supposed to sip it.
You must go with me to the casino too.
You have to get out, Schultz e.
It"ll do you good, you"ll See.
Goodbye.
Goodbye. You"ve got time now.
- Who have you caught there?
- IS that allowed here?
We"ll find it.
Besides, we don"t have to walk.
I'm going to make it nice and cozy here.
When the terrace is ready,
I can sit in the sun and drink beer.
Isn't this facing north?
Rubbish.
It's nice here.
- That"S idiotic. Think about it.
- No.
That's a bad trade.
I give up a pawn, you lose a...
- Counter it first.
- Fine.
- I don"t believe it.
- Come on, hurry up.
- No!
- Yes!
No. I'll take it back.
- Are you crazy?
- Just carry on.
- The rule is, touch it, move it.
- Yes, I know.
Are you Korchnoi or what? I'll put it back!
Hit the clock
or we"ll forget the time.
- No, twice.
- I don"t believe it!
Take it back. I'll Say it again:
- Touch it, move it. That's the rule.
- You and your rules. I'll put it back!
I don"t believe it.
- Now we can go on.
- No, we can"t.
It's not the Wild West here!
Wild West? I'll show you Wild West!
Load of rubbish!
I'm Surrounded by idiots.
Traffic news. There is no news.
Welcome to our "Report at Night".
In part two
we talk about health problems
from working underground.
Specifically, lung cancer.
Workers inhaling diesel fumes
from heavy machinery...
My dear Schultze, a change
in musical taste isn"t an illness!
I'm no psychologist, but
it's definitely not life-threatening,
not playing a polka for once.
Quite the reverse! But Seriously...
Be happy Something's
happening in your life.
Right now you have
all the time in the world.
Think of it as a gift.
If you say so, Doctor...
In my youth I wanted to be,
just to give you an example,
an opera singer.
Il grande opera!
Just once... to play Cavaradossi.
That was nice. Wonderful.
Don"t look like that, Schultze.
Don"t let them get you down.
They haven"t got a clue. They"re old.
OK, but it's the Same at the club.
You must go to the casino with me.
Strengthen your nerves.
Once you"ve really blown some cash,
you"ll see things in a different light.
What have you got to lose, Schultze?
Come on, have a drink.
I take it you"ll be playing
your traditional polka.
Of course he's playing his polka,
in memory of his old man.
Gentlemen, a little respect, please.
We ought to call it the "Schultze Polka".
Perhaps he's got something new?
What? techno? Hey, Schultze.
Yes, I'll play the polka.
Green pepper,
a hundred grams of smoked ham,
150 grams
of spicy smoked sausage
and finally, half a pound of prawns.
Now you can go and get the ingredients.
In an hour
we'll cook the jambalaya together.
In the meantime,
music from the Deep South of the USA.
Don't forget to stir.
Next add the garlic,
stir a little and put the lid on.
Lower the heat and leave it
to simmer for ten minutes.
I said, leave it to simmer!
Yes, it's thirsty work.
Either you make up again or...
I can always eat alone.
What is it, then?
An American dish.
From the South.
With all the trimmings.
- Hot?
- Hot.
Are we jawing or eating?
- Prussian Swine.
- Saxon arse.
Enjoy.
- American.
- Wow!
For medicinal purposes.
- Can you believe it?
- What?
- This.
- What do you mean?
- This here.
- What here?
Us Sitting together round here.
We"ve worked together,
fished together,
had a drink and gone back to work
till they chucked us out.
Now, for the first time,
we"re eating at Schultze's.
Isn"t that strange?
Don"t get sentimental.
They"ve cheated us.
We need a new revolution.
Aren"t we too old for that?
You"re never too old for revolution.
What are you wearing?
You gave me a proper fright.
We wanted to...
Frau Lorant?
Died this afternoon. Took us by surprise.
She was so full of life.
But that's how it is,
nothing you can do about it.
Place your bets.
- What shall we put it on?
- Careful.
No half measures.
- Black or red?
- Red.
It had better work...
- The lot?
- The lot.
Twenty-eight, black.
Fifty years,
ladies and gentlemen...
...is, as we all know,
quite a long time.
Ladies and gentlemen,
fifty years ago...
...which is a long time ago,
fifty long years...
If it's all right,
I'd like to play a different Song.
A different song?
Not the traditional polka?
I don"t know
what your father would say.
Well, if you think so...
What's it going to be?
I don"t know the title exactly.
Something American.
American. That too!
And we"re a music club.
I thought it would make a change.
OK?
- All right, then.
- Let's have a beer.
- Barman...
- What barman?
Take your time.
- What's that?
- What's that? Can't you see?
We just thought as no one else ever...
- Would the gentlemen like to order?
- Beer.
Three beers?
- That's awful.
- Gets on your nerves, doesn"t it?
Dreadful.
Ole!
- Everything all right, gents?
- Gents?
Well, you haven"t introduced yourselves.
I'll do that now. This is Manfred,
that's Schultz e, and I'm...
J?rgen. What's your name, may I ask?
You may - Lisa.
- Is there a problem?
- No, no. Lisa...
- Smart hat.
- Suits you better than Schultze.
- Are you here all the time now?
- Here?
No, just for this dumb festival.
Dumb festival? Schultze's playing.
- What does Mr. Schultze play, then?
- Accordion.
Ship's piano?
- What do you do normally?
- Don"t be nosy.
I'm just interested in people.
- Nice, isn't it?
- What?
- Mu Sic.
- Nice.
That's where l"m going.
- Where?
- There. Ole!
HARMONY MUSIC CLUB
Here's to Schultze!
Are you coming or are you going
to Stand around here for ever?
- All right, we"re coming.
- Hang on.
- Are you coming?
- In a minute.
- Excited?
- I Still don"t know if I...
What? I've been So looking forward to it.
- Really?
- Sure.
I'll have one more.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Dear music lovers, brothers and sisters.
Fifty years is a long time...
Bravo!
- Schultze, it's time.
- I don"t know.
Come on, get up there.
Press those keys!
You can do it.
May I ask you to give
a warm welcome
to our respected
musical colleague, Schultze!
He wants to treat us to something new.
Schultze, go for it!
- Bloody negro music!
- Negro yourself!
What did you say?
Well, here's to negro music.
Here's to negro music!
Cheers!
To Schultze.
...copied from our model
which we've sold in great numbers.
Here's our original
and here's the Polish copy.
A 1,000 copies
have been confiscated.
Today they are getting
their legal comeuppance/
Customs officers chucking garden
gnomes in the name of law and order.
For me, personally,
it's a change from the daily routine.
Then comes the final,
grim trip to the shredder.
"At-cha...
"At-cha-fa... la-ya."
AUTUMN IN LOUISIANA
What are you doing?
You can"t do that.
Why are you doing that?
For he's a jolly good fellow,
for he's a jolly good fellow...
My dear Schultze!
In recognition of your birthday
and of your contribution,
our club has decided to send you
as our representative
to the music festival in Texas.
Congratulations!
Here you are.
- Don"t open it till you"re on the plane.
- Now let's celebrate.
This weather won"t hold.
Nonsense. The Sky's completely clear.
Remember when I was going
to make suckling pig?
When have you ever cooked that?
Here comes that old Story again.
No, he thinks it's going to rain.
You"d better go home
and get an umbrella, then.
That"d be better.
He who laughs last, laughs longest.
Everybody, group photo.
- Good luck!
- Good luck!
- Hello.
- Hello.
- OK.
- Come on in. It's nice.
It's OK. Come.
Feels good.
Nice, huh?
- Ja.
- Yeah, feels good.
- Schultze.
- Josephine. Good to meet you.
Ja.
- Da droben?
- Yeah, I arrived yesterday.
Last night I thought I heard music.
Was that you?
- Here?
- Yeah, last night.
Wurstfest.
Ah, yeah, the music. Yeah.
WELCOME
Ah, music!
Music. Das ist richtig!
Schultze's done the right thing.
Who knows?
Who knows?
He"ll be in a recording Studio now.
He"ll become a millionaire
and won"t speak to us.
- Four.
- You"re lucky.
He knocked that table so hard.
So damn lucky.
Double eight.
Are you trying
to knock a hole in the table?
Tell me something, Mr. Richard.
OK, that's a pretty play. Pretty play.
- Six.
- You"re ruining my Stomach.
- You"re supposed to, Harry.
- I know, but I'll let him...
- I'm gonna let him do something.
- You"re ruining my stomach.
Oh, no, you don"t.
Went down.
He did better than he thought.
- How much did you bid?
- Six.
- Are you sure?
- He said five.
Schultze.
Supermarkt.
Down there by the highway.
- Highway?
- Yes, Sir.
- Highway. OK.
- All right.
I Should have done that too.
- Glad you didn"t. I had the double.
- I had that before.
Oh, lordy, lordy!
Look here what l"ve lost!
Now he's going, huh.
Petroleum.
Petroleum?
Petroleum.
Petroleum.
- No petroleum.
- Petroleum.
Petroleum.
Vodka.
Here petroleum.
Motor, motor petroleum.
Ah, petroleum.
- That way.
- OK, OK. Thank you.
Petroleum!
- Ah, petroleum!
- Petroleum, ja.
- Czech band?
- Czech band, yeah.
Do you Speak Russian?
- So where are you going?
- Da runter.
Come on.
Come on, come on.
Sit there, yeah.
- All right, let's go.
- Let's go.
Petroleum!
Thank you.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
See? Schultze's doing really well.
Who knows?
The Yanks are friendly.
You can"t deny it.
Yeah.
Good morning, good morning, Sir.
Comment ca va? How are we doin"?
Good morning.
What's your name?
Have you got a problem?
What's the problem?
My boat.
- Fest, auf Grund...
- Are you Stuck? I'll give you a hand.
My boat...
Auf Grund. Problem.
Schultze.
Capt'n Kirk over here.
I'll give you a hand.
My boat auf Grund, fest.
Watch your coffee.
- Good?
- Good. Thank you.
- Hello, ma'am.
- Hello.
Schultze.
Well, Schultze, if I could get
this last crab out, we'd be OK.
Have you water for me?
Water? To drink? You want water?
Come on. Come on in, yes.
- I'll get you some water. Water?
- Water.
I have water for you. Here you go.
Thank you.
So you like crabs?
I saw you looking at the crabs.
- Pretty thirsty, huh?
- Durst, ja.
- The crabs?
- Das ist... Krebs?
Crabs? Yes. You like? You like crabs?
You like? Good, good?
Ja, Krebs. Sehr gut, Krebs.
Yes, very good.
Thank you, madam.
- Sehr gut.
- Yeah. You"d like to stay?
They'll be ready in three minutes
if you wanna eat. Crabs?
- Ja, ja.
- Would you like to stay, go inside?
Yeah?
Come on in.
Thank you.
This is my daughter Shareen.
Shareen, Say hello.
- Hello.
- Schultze.
"Mr Schultz", I think he said.
Get him a chair.
- Thank you.
- Have a seat.
I'll get a plate for you.
He's gonna have dinner with us.
That'll be good.
You can help yourself. There's some fish
and shrimp and some potatoes.
- Shrimps?
- Yeah. You like shrimps?
- Krebs?
- Crabs.
Let me offer you
something else to drink.
Ooh, this is a thirsty guy.
Very good. Yeah?
- Ah, whiskey.
- Yeah?
We're gonna go upstairs. Come.
Aren't you a beauty?
Just look. You're beautiful.
Yes, beautiful.
You beauty.
- What kind of bird is that?
- Parrot.
- Sure?
- What else could it be?
- Cockatoo.
- Rubbish.
Aren't parrots colored?
- And cockatoos?
- Yeah, cockatoos.
Now let us bid farewell
to our Herr Schultze.
Lord, you are our refuge
for ever and ever.
Before the mountains were raised
and heaven and earth were created,
You were there, God,
from eternity to eternity.
You who let men die and then say,
"Return, children of man..."
- Schultze?
- Get rid of that, man!
Pull yourselves together!
Lord, teach us to understand
that we all have to die Sometime,
that we may become wiser
in our lives. Amen.