Run, Virgin, Run (1970) - full transcript

(pronounced popping
over static crackling)

(festive and bouncy horn music)

- [Narrator] Once upon a
time, not so very long ago,

in a peaceful valley nestled

between forests,
lakes, and mountains,

there was a charming little
alpine village, Voglershausen.

Now, Voglershausen is
an average country town

with one exception.

Most of the women are young,

and most of their
husbands are old.

But, they still manage
to produce children



at an age when the rest of us
have trouble remembering how.

What's their secret?

Well, they owe their
amazing fertility

to a special wind from the
southwest called the foehn.

- Girls, I have a feeling
it's time for the foehn.

- I can hardly wait for it.

- All we have to do now is see
to it that our husbands know.

(all laughing)

- [Narrator] Yes,
when the foehn blows,

you can be sure someone
is going to get pregnant.

That is why in foehn weather,

they warn their virgins to
run and their wives to wait.

No one is quite
sure why it works,

but, when a man fills his lungs



with the brisk night
wind of the foehn,

his virility is aroused,
potency restored,

and his wife is
supremely satisfied.

- Hey, what's going on, what up?

- Let's go, everyone's in here.

- I'll go tell 'em
everybody's here.

- My friends, I'm looking
forward to our foehn

making this a very
productive night.

- Don't you worry, Mr. Mayor.
(laughter from group)

Just mention the foehn,

and even my own hormones
start to go berserk.

- They say the more
foehn the more fun it is.

- You don't look happy at all.

Aren't you glad to hear the
news of the foehn's arrival?

- Why should I be
happy about that?

What's the point of a
man fathering children

one after another at our age.

- When you're gone, my sweet,

those children will be
the comfort of my old age.

- Yes, I must agree.

We can't leave our wives
alone in their old age.

- Feeling like that,

you shouldn't have
married a younger woman.

- And you would
never need the foehn.

- Yes, then you could stay
home and enjoy yourself

like our village blacksmith.

- Bachelors have all the luck.

- Well, brother, dear, I
hope you're up to it tonight.

- Jealous?

- Wise guy! (laughs)

- Mr. Mayor, the wind's
blowing from the southwest.

- Excellent,
(chuckles), off we go.

- On your feet, dear,

and don't come back til
you're in good shape.

- Don't worry about
a thing, sweetheart,

just leave it to the foehn.

- Get ready for a big night.

You certainly haven't
been disappointed

by the foehn in the past, uh?

- For heaven's sake,
don't hurry home.

The more you're out in the foehn

the stronger the effect is.

- Come on, boys, come on.
(women laughing)

- [Women] One, two, three.

One, two, three.

- You'd better strike
while the iron's hot.

You've got so many
irons in the fire.

- What the devil does that mean?

- It's time that you forged
ahead into bed, Mr. Blacksmith.

- Yes, Annie,
we'll be going now.

She wants to close up

and you still have
overtime to put in.

- Boys, the one thing that
keeps you going strong

in spite of the miles ahead

is the faithful gal who's
waiting for you back in bed.

- You can't help
but be passionate

with the foehn in your lungs.

Breathe deeply, boys,

and think of what the
little woman is waiting for.

(knocks on door)

(funky rock music)

- Oh my God, you can't imagine
how starved I am for you.

(passionate moaning)

- [Narrator] And, so, our happy
band of wandering husbands

trudge the merry woods
in search of a miracle.

Some fell by the wayside.

But, others.

- Well, Vickers,
is the sap rising?

- You bet it's rising.

I'm 10 years younger,

my Suzanne's going to be
satisfied tonight (laughs).

(passionate moaning
over funky rock music)

- Oh, Michael, one more
time before you go.

- I'd like to, Suzanne,
but I really must go.

- So soon?

- You'd understand if you knew

how many orders I
have to fill yet.

You kept me a quarter of
an hour too long already.

- You're not sorry, are you?

- Not at all, sweetheart.

You're still the greatest
lay in Voglershausen.

But, you need a fur
and a hat, Suzanne.

You want me to send
the substitute?

- What do you mean a substitute?

I don't want anybody
but you, you understand?

- Don't be difficult.

You've had me, you're
just acting selfish.

Think of all the others
I have to take care of.

- The foehn should
come more often.

- Hold on, Suzanne.

In only half an hour, I'll
have you begging for mercy.

- Well, as far as I'm concerned,

I've had all I can
take of the foehn.

I'm going home.

- But, it's too early for
the foehn to take effect.

- No, no, I'm going home.

Poor Felicity, I'll bet she's
burning up with passion.

(chuckles) Have fun, lads.

- Oh, at last.

Michael, I was beginning
to worry, dear.

- Sorry, Felicity,
but I was held up.

- Ah, yes, I suppose
that Suzanne wanted more

than her share of
beautiful, sexy you.

Come on, we don't
have much time.

(funky rock music)

Oh my God, Karl's coming home!

(Michael thunks to the floor)

Here.

(door opening)

- What a marvelous way for
a wife to greet her old man.

I'm ready to go.

- Why, you old darling (laughs)!

- Come, come to
bed, come on now.

Lie down, eh?

- Go to it.

(Karl chuckling)

- Come on, now.

But, sweetie pie, wouldn't
it be more comfortable

if we went to it in
the usual position.

- Who cares what
position you're in?

Go to it.

(Karl muttering)

Excuse me, I guess I
forgot your long hike.

- I haven't seen you that
passionate for a long time.

(both laughing)

- [Narrator] Some months later,

a formal celebration
of the foehn's success

took place in
Voglershausen Square.

The whole town turned out to
welcome its new inhabitants.

- Papa, it looks like you've
sired a bumper crop this year.

- For God's sake,
be careful, will ya?

You wanna get me shot?

- Congratulations.

(baby wailing)

I see the foehn's
been working again.

- Yes, the same way it worked
for your husband last year.

- And papa's only 99.

- Congratulations.

Congratulations.

- Why he's the spitting image
of his father, isn't he?

- Well, that's only natural.

- Tell me, is it true that
you called him Michael?

- Yes, Suzanne
gave him that name.

- My son's going to be
as strong as a smith,

so, we thought it was fitting.

- Hello, citizens
of Voglershausen.

I would like to invite everyone

to come to a baptismal
luncheon at the Golden Cock

in honor of the foehn.

(all cheering)

(bouncy brass band music)

(train engine rumbling)

(train screeches to a stop)

- Welcome home, Miss Gaby, hey!

Did you have a nice trip, miss?

Let, let me help you.

- Thank you, it's
the same as always.

- Ah, the hometown
never changes much.

- Except the
population, of course.

Oh, what's happened
to my father?

I guess his second
wife is an inspiration.

They have a new
child every year.

- Oh, I suppose
like everyone else,

the mayor of Voglershausen
has to do his part.

- (laughs) Our town is too
dangerous to set foot in.

Chances are, I'll
end up pregnant

before I go back to school.

- Oh, there's no
need to worry, miss,

because the foehn is
very proper, you know.

As long as you're single,
nothing'll happen to ya.

- How's father's little
celebration coming?

- Uh, he's probably giving
his annual speech right now.

- What a pleasure
it is to announce

the birth of eight children
with the past few weeks,

making Voglershausen
a name to be proud of.

Our little town is more than
grateful for this achievement.

All those virile
citizens of Voglershausen

who are responsible for this
achievement will please rise.

(birds chirping)

- Weren't you listening,
stand up, Michael.

- You will all go down in
the history of Voglershausen.

Well, Michael,
(scattered laughter)

what makes you think you
can join our company?

You must've been asleep, boy.

You have nothing in common
with these noble fathers.

We're only honoring
those who can produce!

Sit down, go on.

(chatter from group)

Um, um, uh, now where was I?

I keep losing my place
on account of him.

- Come on, get the speech over,

the women are
bringing the food out.

- You're right, my love.

And so by way of
concluding my talk,

may I wish everyone
bon appetit (chuckles).

(applause and
chatter from crowd)

- I wonder if
they'll feel so noble

if one of these men
gets wise to the fact

that their precious foehn
only started to work for them

the day we came into
town to live (laughs).

- Have you seen the
consumption of that blacksmith?

How can the fella
do away with it?

- He's all muscle, though.

Probably takes plenty of energy
to wield that hammer, too.

(woman laughing)

What I find peculiar

is that he's remained
a bachelor so long.

How does he get rid
of his tensions?

- Why are you asking me?

Surely the forge
takes all his energy.

- I don't think
it's a normal outlet

for a young man's emotions.

- It's his passion, though.

He's fantastic when
he shoes a horse.

He gives her all he's got.

(bouncy brass band music
drowns out chatter from group)

(applause from dancers)

- The foehn has a very
special mission to do,

to see that families
increase in number.

- Oh, if that's the case,

then maybe I should
get married right away.

- (chuckles) You do that.

(chatter from crowd)

- We're worried
about you, Michael.

How long do you plan
on staying single?

- So far, I haven't
met the right woman.

I'm saving myself
till she comes along.

(laughter from group)

- Meanwhile, I know you're
gonna make me happy.

- Huh?

- Why, dancing, what
on Earth did you think?

(bouncy brass band music)

- Well, Becker,
you let your wife

flirt with the smith
right in front of you,

and you don't even get jealous!

- You know perfectly well

that all Suzanne
wanted was to dance.

- Exactly, I'm sure
Suzanne only loves me,

except when we dance, I
walk all over her feet.

- You're still weak
from the effort it took

to be a father (chuckles).

- [Becker] It's not
that funny, Mayor.

(bouncy brass band flourish)

(relaxed but bouncy
brass band music)

- I hope we enjoy the
foehn again this summer.

- Someone's going to get
suspicious one of these days

if the town's husbands
don't stop breeding.

- (chuckles) Nobody'll catch on.

I knew the minute I
invented our beloved foehn

it'd work, you can't
explain nature.

- You realize, I just
might fall in love.

Then, the foehn won't
make it anymore.

- Oh, my goodness, then
there'd be a revolution!

(relaxed but bouncy
brass band music)

- Gaby, (chuckles)!

- Ah, congratulations,
Dad, how's the new baby?

- Fine, thanks, we all are.

You see, we're
full of surprises.

- Wait till you see the surprise

you're getting from me.
- Oh?

- That is, it's
really for everyone.

It's coming tomorrow,
I'm sure you'll love it.

Oh, you look simply
marvelous, step-mother!

- Nice to have you home, Gaby.

- Hi, Gaby.

- Hello, Michael.

Excuse me, I want to dance.

(relaxed but bouncy
brass band music)

- I can't believe it's you!

You've changed so much.

It's really amazing, you know,
you've turned into a woman.

- [Narrator] With
those profound words

from the village blacksmith,

we'll leave Voglershausen
for the moment

to investigate, um,
other areas of interest.

This charming young
lady is secretary

to the Minister of
Population and will play

an important role in the
future of Voglershausen.

- Good morning, sir.

(Christina giggles)

- Good morning, Miss Harrison.

You come in later every morning.

- Oh, why worry,
life is too short.

- Nothing could be shorter
than the dress you have on.

- Don't be so stuffy.

I'm sure it won't corrupt you.

Anyway, you're incorruptible.

- You're totally
devoid of morals.

Why are you eating in the office

when there's work
to be done (grunts)?

- If you say so, sir.

That's what I'm here for.

- Read this.

- A-ha, it's claimed by
the mayor of Voglershausen

that the local wind
boosts the population.

- What do you think of it?

- Fantastic, impressive,
and it's natural!

I adore doing it naked (gasps)--

- How dare you air
such sentiments?

You depraved creature!

How do you explain
this population growth?

- Why explain it, sir?

- Be, because four years ago,
the town was almost done for

but now the place
is going great guns.

It has the highest birth
rate in the country.

- (chuckles) Shall I give you

a technical description
of how they did it?

- You're revolting,
it's a waste of time

trying to seduce me, you
won't ever succeed, you know?

- Oh, shoot, and I
looked forward to it.

- They'll have to be more
specific if they want the award.

First, we'll reply,
take a letter.

Let's see, dear Mr. Mayor,

before we can decide
upon a winner,

we must clear up
certain details,

certain details, uh,
about this curious foehn.

- Oh, if only their curious
foehn were to blow in here,

over the Ministry
of the Population.

- Christina, don't
be impertinent!

You've no right to
sit there and torment

such a decent employer by
showing off your legs like that!

- They came with the body!

I can't leave them at
home during working hours.

- Now, there.

- (chuckles) Do you
know what you're doing?

If you rip my dress, I'll have
to work in my panties then.

- Oh, I know what you're up to.

We won't write to them,
we'll go and see them.

(Nagel grumbles)

I want to prove that this
foehn is so much hot air.

- Yes, but what if you're
wrong and it does work, on you?

How could I help myself
if you attacked me then?

- Christina, one of these days

I'm going to throw
you out on your ear!

- (giggles) Mr. Nagel, I
know you wouldn't do that.

You're much too soft-hearted
to do that (giggles).

- I wouldn't count on that.

Up till now,
nothing's affected me.

The foehn's not going to,

and neither are you.

- [Narrator] Quiet
little Voglershausen

is in for some trouble, and
all because of the foehn.

Of course, this
Gaby's surprise gift

to the town isn't going
to help the situation.

(bouncy brass band music)

- Father, the surprise is here!

Hi, Lorenz.

- Have you picked a site yet?

- Over there, up
on the pedestal.

(men grunting and chattering)

- My dear child,
it's very thoughtful

to erect a monument
honoring your father.

(men muttering)

- In honor of the
reproductive achievements

of my fellow citizens, Lorenz?

- Open it.

(bouncy brass band music)

- [Gaby] The fertility
goddess of Voglershausen.

(men gasping)

- It can't be!

Did you pose in
the nude for that?

- (laughs) Yes, I'm glad
you recognized me, Father.

- Gaby, this, th,
this is scandalous!

- No, it's not, it's a copy
of a bronze Lorenz did.

The sculptor, Lorenz Fowler,
my father, the town mayor.

- Pleased to meet you, sir.

- Yes, well, there's nothing

to be pleased about,
dirty young man!

- His sculpture is
going to be shown

in a New York art
exhibition next month.

- How can she do this to me?

My own daughter, a nude model!

I'm gonna have a heart attack!

Think of your
brothers and sisters!

They're gonna turn
over in their graves,

eh, I mean their cradles, oh!

- They have no
reason to be ashamed.

In a place where love
is all-important,

I see the nude body as
the soul of the town.

(applause and
chatter from crowd)

- Annie, come here quickly.

(group chattering over
bouncy brass band music)

(group laughing)

There, now that's
what I think of it.

(group laughing)

- Mr. Mayor, do you wanna
make a laughing stock

of our fertility
goddess, excuse me.

After all, how do you think
she's going to breed children

wearing this silly
thing in front?

(group applauding and shouting)

- What are you doing
with all this sex,

a well-bred woman like yourself?

- Everyone has to
discover it, Papa.

- When Gaby gets
around to discovering

what the foehn really
is, I bet she'll have

a statue of you erected
on the pedestal.

- Quiet!
(Crystel chuckling)

- [Narrator] Gaby's
really stirred up a lot

of excitement with
her fertility goddess,

but that's nothing compared

to what she can
stir up in person.

- [Gaby] Oh, what do
you think of my body?

- It's first-rate,
it's really great,

but I don't see how you
dare pose like that naked.

- Lorenz says if
you've got a good body,

you ought to display it.

- This Lorenz, what precisely
is his relation to you?

- I'm his model, that's
all, nothing else.

- Yes, but you're only 18.

- Yeah, I have my whole
life in front of me.

So, somehow, I feel that
life is just beginning today.

(gasps) Why don't you come
swimming with me, Michael.

You can see for yourself if
Lorenz was faithful to nature.

- I have work to do.

- Nonsense, that
can wait, come on!

- Hey, what's going on?

Inge, come here, hurry!

(pleasant light jazz music)

- And I always thought
you were with it.

- Sure.

More or less, is anything wrong?

- Is there any reason why you
should wear swimming trunks

if I'm going to go in the
water stark naked, hmm?

(Gaby giggles)

(pleasant light jazz music)

That wasn't so
difficult, was it?

Now, the last one
in is a rotten egg!

(laughing and chatter over
pleasant light jazz music)

- (gasps) That's unbelievable!

You'd think she would
have some modesty!

- Hmm?
- Hmm?

- Well, don't look at me,
I'm not her real mother.

- Michael's really very handsome

now that I see him
in broad daylight.

- Yes, we ought to
be congratulated.

(all laughing)

- I wonder for how long.

If ever he and Gaby fall in
love, our foehn is a dead duck.

- Suppose we taught
him a lesson.

- He must be taught
that he has no right

to behave like other men.

He has plenty to do just
keeping all of us happy.

- You're right.

(pleasant light jazz music)

(water splashing)

(Gaby laughing)

(pleasant light jazz music)

(water splashing)

(Gaby gasping)

(pleasant light jazz music)

- Come on, I've had
enough for one morning.

(baby wailing)

- What's wrong, huh, quiet.

Stop crying, you're gonna
drive away all the guests,

and that's no way for the
son of an innkeeper to act.

Inge, little mother, oh, uh.

Oh dear, calm down, little one.

Annie, you must know
how to change a boy.

- No, I'm sorry,
but I never learned,

and until I get married,

I don't plan on doing
that sorta thing.

Go and ask Mr. Becker.

- Yes, he should know.

(baby wailing)

Gustav, Gustav, is
your wife at home?

- That's just what
I was gonna ask you.

- I can't seem to quiet down
this little bastard of mine.

- What?

- Yes, you're a sweetheart.

Yes, you are boo-boo--

- What's the matter
with those silly women.

They're never here when
you need 'em, are they?

- No, the trouble a man
takes to give them children,

you'd think they could at
least take care of them.

- At least, well, we'll have
to change 'em ourselves.

Annie, we need diapers
and powder, come on.

- Who do you think
could've swiped our things?

- Who cares, it doesn't matter.

We can go back the way we are.

- Ah, that oughta take
care of one of us anyhow.

Try it on for size.

- You're the one who needs it.

If the women were
to see you naked,

(giggles) I'm afraid
they'd go wild.

- Then we'll share it.

Get in.

- [Gaby] Do you think we'll fit?

- We'll see (chuckles).

You're headed the wrong way.

You wanna walk backwards?

- (laughs) You're
right (chuckles).

You'll have to forgive
me (lips smacking).

I'm new at this.

- Come on, turn around.

Forward, march!

(Gaby laughs)

- [Gaby] Left, right,
left, right, left, right.

Left, right, left, right.

- Ooh-ooh, pooey!

- Pooey is right.

You know, that kid oughta
be disinfected inside.

- Wait till you see what
your baby's been up to.

(babies wailing)

Huh, how 'bout that.

He made twice as
much as mine did.

(men grumbling)

- So what, a male
will always come up

with more shit than anyone else.

- I'd like to have kids,

only the foehn won't
help virgins it's said.

- What are you
doing to the baby?

- Keep your hands off him!

- Huh, here, a job well done.

- You're gonna be proud of us.

- [Suzanne] I'll take him, dear.

- [Inge] What have
you done to him?

- You're an expert, dear,

from now on, it's your job.
- Beautiful.

- Yes, I guess it's
probably instinct.

That's how a father
knows what's right

for his flesh and
blood, (chuckles).

- It's funny, but
I have the feeling

it's getting crowded in here.

- Huh, I suppose it's
better if I get up front.

- Pity, it does a
woman good to discover

that's she's being followed

by someone who's interest
has been aroused.

(both moaning)

- Yoo-hoo, hey there.

Hello, do you suppose
you might help me?

I'm out of gas.

- I would, but I
haven't any on me.

- What's this, a new position?
(Gaby laughs)

I must admit, it's not
one I've seen in films.

It looks awfully difficult.

(whistles) How very lovely, I'd
like to compliment you, sir.

- Thou shalt not covet.

It's one of the bonuses of
going swimming with Michael.

- Would you like me to
take you for a swim?

- Mm, would I ever.

Name the day and I'll be there.

(Gaby grunts)

- [Narrator] The plot thickens.

More competition for Miss Gaby,

and a new worry for the
wives of Voglershausen.

(villagers chattering over
pleasant brass band music)

(group laughing)

- Michael, I've got
a present for you!

- Yeah, from who?

- [Cristel] Felicity.

- She's going to wait for
the next foehn forever.

(group laughing)

Why are you staring, you've
never seen a barrel before, huh?

(all laughing)

- Hey, can you get out of
your barrel for a minute?

(all chattering and laughing)

- Looking for anything
special, miss?

- I've found it, I'm
keeping an eye on it.

(Cristel laughs)

(bouncy and playful
brass band music)

- Don't move, stop
where you are.

That'll make one
helluva picture.

(bouncy and playful
brass band music)

(group chattering and gawking)

- Go away, you
lecherous old man.

- Did you see where
your clothes wound up?

- Oh, I should've known.

In order that my
statue be covered up,

I have to go about naked.

- [Lorenz] One of the most
beautiful things I've done.

- It's obscene, you lecher.

And you, come into the house,
you indecent little show-off.

- I can't take your hand
without setting the barrel down.

- What are the rest
of you staring at?

It's all over, go home.

Come along, I'm sorry, but
it's for your own good.

Michael's hardly
the man for you,

he's such a degenerate boy.

- He'll swear off other women
when I get through with him.

- You leave well enough alone.

(scoffs) I mean, there's
nothing you can do.

Men like that can't be changed
overnight, as well you know.

There's no use trying.

Now, go and get some clothes on.

(Gaby chuckles)

- Annie, why does
everybody pick on Michael?

He's the only real he-man
that's left in town.

- Well, it's because of that.

Gaby, I think it's time
you were told the truth.

The foehn isn't really the wind.

(chickens clucking)

(both laughing hysterically)

- Good afternoon, tell me,
do you have a room free?

- With or without a phone?

- I beg your pardon.

- [Annie] Our rooms come with
or without a phone, miss.

- Good, I'll take a
room with it, then.

One must try to keep in touch.

How much extra do
you charge for it?

- Nothing, we like our
guests to be satisfied.

- I don't know when I've
been so cheerfully received.

- Give her room number six.

- [Narrator] Well, Annie
let the cat out of the bag

and now the fur will fly,
and so might the foehn.

- It's exciting to be in a town

where everyone is totally
ignorant of sexual education.

- Well, so far, the
town's kept alive

and growing without it.

- I suppose you think so.

You're fantastically naive.

I bet you don't even know
about the various measures

one takes before one has sex.

- I'm afraid to ask.

- Too much knowledge
about making love

must take the romance out of it.

- Absolutely not!

I learn more facts
each day about sex

and I can't wait to put them
into practice every night.

- I never learned about it.

You ever learn?

- No, that stuff
is way beyond me.

- I wanna be outgoing,

to share my sexual
skill with mankind.

I approach the world
with a missionary zeal.

I shall spread the message
of sexual enlightenment

into every nook and cranny.

- You're welcome to use
my cranny if you want.

- You know, it's
incomprehensible

that any man of your talent

should still be unaware
of modern methods.

- Oh, I'm, uh, I haven't
got the energy for sex.

A hammer and anvil is
where the energy goes.

- Does it really?

All of it, oh, that's
something worth seeing then.

- Why don't you just
step inside then.

(door creaking)

- I've never seen
a blacksmith's.

It's a fascinating place.

You get your poker red
hot here, in the forge?

- That's right, when
the iron's red hot,

I hold it over the anvil
and begin pounding.

- Hey, you put it here?

Then what do you do with it?

(pleasant light jazz music)

- I, uh,
(Dagmar moans)

I work on it.

- You use all of your energy,

working on your
anvil all day long?

And you have no strength
left for making love?

Yet, I'm told that peasants
are great sexually.

(pleasant light jazz music)

(both moaning passionately)

- Why don't we go upstairs?

You'll be more comfortable.

- I've always been made
love to in comfort.

The books say it's possible to
vary the sex act infinitely.

It would help if you kept
a tight grip on me, though.

(both moaning passionately)

- Oh.
(church bell dinging)

(footsteps crunching)

Is our sculptor
all alone tonight?

- Sorry, have we met?

- No, no, not formally,

but your statue is right
in front of our house.

- Ah, I know who you are,
you're the blacksmith's sister.

Won't you please sit down?
- Thanks.

- I was just giving some thought

to how dull an evening
in Voglershausen can be.

Gaby swears that
love is everywhere,

but I don't think I believe her.

- Oh, it doesn't
happen every night.

- Let's go for a walk.

I'll bring my pad along and
sketch you in the moonlight.

- (gasps) You mean,
uh, in the nude?

- Uh-huh, Gaby does it often.

- I hope you're not going

to pin this one up in
the village square.

- No, I'm keeping this
one pinned on the wall.

- (laughs) Along with your
other models, I suppose.

- You'd make every
one of them jealous.

- Is it very hard to get
models to pose for you, Lorenz?

- Very hard to find
such attractive ones.

- I thought you artists
looked at models

as though they were
only a means to an end.

- It depends on the
end we're after.

- And just what were
you after tonight?

- Well, guess.

How 'bout you?
(Christel giggles)

(water splashing)

(birds chattering)

- [Christel] (laughs) Watch
out there, I'm ticklish.

- You are?

You're also the
loveliest young woman

that I've ever drawn in my life.

(both moaning passionately)

(smoky and mysterious
instrumental rock music)

(villagers chattering
and laughing)

- Who do you suppose
could've done that?

- Who'd wanna give
away the whole show?

- Here he comes.

(villagers chuckling)

- Wearing Michael's clothes,
she'll never get pregnant.

- Since he's the least likely
one of us to reproduce.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Who's idea was that, Suzanne?

- How should I know.

- None of us would
be that crazy.

(villagers chuckling

(rod hissing)

- [Gaby] Oh, you've
got your clothes back.

That's a shame Mr. Foehn.

- Whatta you mean?

You took my clothes then?
- Why not?

- Give the devil his due.

You realize how much deviltry
you're responsible for?

I don't see why you're so upset.

You should be proud of yourself

for a job well done.

- That's exactly why.

Come on, let's go outside.

(pleasant orchestral music)

You've got to understand.

I know you know who I am,
but I won't sleep with you.

After all, you're
a virgin, Gaby.

- But why not, I have
to sleep with someone,

and the first one
is mine to choose,

so I decided on you.

It'll happen, too.

When I want something, I get it.

- Fellow villagers,

I'm sure you're wondering
why this meeting of ours

was called at this unusual time

and why we're permitting the
ladies to join proceedings

when we all know
they're trouble-makers.

Ooh!
(women gasp)

- I wish you would
stop inventing

and stick to the written text.

This meeting was called because
we are facing a problem.

- Will you sit down, please.

I can speak for
myself, thank you.

We are faced with a
problem, which is,

uh, uh, uh, uh, what's
the problem again?

- We've got to
have more tourism.

- Oh, now, our most
pressing problem

is that we don't have enough
tourists to please the women.

(all laughing)

No, no wait, that's not
what I was trying to say.

Aw, give me that!

The meeting will come to order!

Uh, to further the
fortunes of Voglershausen,

we must encourage tourists

by publishing a
descriptive pamphlet

extolling the phenomenally
fertile effect

of our foehn, especially
directed to those couples

whose marriages have not
yet yielded children.

(all clapping and chattering)

Now, I'm sure that
there's no one here

who'd be so foolish as to oppose
such a clever gimmick, huh?

- [Suzanne] That's
what you think.

- What, who?

(all chattering)

- Every woman in town.

- Naturally, it's the women.

- Why, the mayor
has a fine proposal.

What have you got against it?

- If you ask too much of the
foehn, it's bound to wear out.

After all, everything
has a limit.

- Yes, as strong as it is,
the foehn couldn't take it!

- Nonsense, nonsense!
(chatter and commotion)

- Quiet, you guys.

(bell ringing)

Quiet or I'll have
to clear the room!

I've heard a lot
of stupid things

but nothing that stupid.

The foehn is nature's creation.

- It's a work of art (giggles).

- As if the wind cares, in fact,

the more men in the
woods, the merrier.

- The foehn won't
stand for this!

- I wouldn't be surprised if
the foehn avoided strangers.

- They might sue you
for false publicity.

- All right, then
we'll have to test it.

We are going to ask
a childless couple

to spend a few weeks here,

and if the foehn blesses their
union by the time they leave,

we'll go into the tourist
business for all it's worth.

- Don't worry, we'll see that
the foehn is out of order.

(all giggling)

- [Narrator] Unfortunately,
the mayor's plans were delayed

by the arrival of none other

than our friend
from the capital.

- Greetings, greetings,
citizens of Voglershausen.

(playful brass band music)

How do you do, miss?
- Good afternoon.

- Mr. Mayor, sir.
- How do you do, sir?

- Uh, as the Minister
of Population,

I'd like to see the
cause of it here.

- Well, that, sir,
depends on the foehn.

It may not come, mm,
then again it may.

- Uh, yes, I hope so.

Have you met my
secretary, Mayor?

Where is that girl?

(playful brass band music)

Christina, I'll thank you
to come away from there.

- (sighs) Isn't it
thrilling, a naked goddess?

- Yes, awfully thrilling,
I may throw up.

- It's no wonder these
villagers love scre--

- Eh, um, Mister Mayor,

I must request that this
indecent figure be removed

as quickly as possible
from the public eye

before our children
are perverted.

- I quite agree, sir.

Balduin, you hear that?

Get 'er out of here, quick.

- Right away, sir.

- What are you doing, hey!

Put me down, he meant
the statue there.

- Oh, sorry (grunts).

(both chuckling)

- Now, if you would
assemble the children

born here with the
last four years

and their parents, of
course, we shall have a look.

- Of course.

(baby wailing)

- They're not human,
they're super-studs!

(baby wailing)

- Afternoon, sir.

- Hmm, hmm hmm hmm.

Bravo, I'm very
impressed, uh, good job.

Splendid.
(Mayor chuckling)

I must say, you've done well.

- [Both Parents]
Thank you, your honor.

- Oh, surely, they're
not all yours.

- Every one of them, with
the help of the foehn.

- Um, have you ever seen
such a productive town?

- It might have the same
effect on you, sir (giggles).

- Uh, Mr. Mayor, I see no reason

for not giving the population
award to your town.

- Oh, thank you, sir,
it's a great honor.

- I'm just a little bit curious
about the workings of this,

em, of this strangely
productive foehn of yours.

Your wives are waiting for
it alone in their rooms

and what comes along, hmm?

- Our blacksmith.

- Pardon?

(women gasping)

- This is Michael
Haughter, our blacksmith.

Doctor Nagel, Michael.

- How do you do, Doctor?

- Mr. Haughter,
are you a father?

- Yeah, uh, no, no, sir, none.

- Oh, you're not doing
your share, shame on you.

(Mayor chuckling)

(women sigh with relief)

I must experience the foehn
so as to be judge its effect.

- Doctor Nagel, you
weren't really thinking

of exposing yourself
to the danger?

- Let go, of course not, I'm
counting on you to protect me.

- [Narrator] The foehn's
integrity is at stake.

Is he up to the challenge,

or is it all over
for Voglershausen?

- I haven't walked
across a meadow

with a pretty young woman
since I was a student.

- Goodness, you are forgetful.

Since when am I a
pretty young woman

and not just your employee?

Could this be an
effect of the foehn?

- Uh, oh,

it's quicker than usual.

The last time my pulse raised
was at my doctor's exam.

- Don't worry about it, sir.

If you're bothered
by that naughty wind,

rest assured, I'll protect you.

- I'm very grateful
to you, Christina.

We'll get to the bottom of this

by working together, right?

(pleasant light jazz music)

(Christina laughing)

- (gasps) Oh, what
a wonderful spot!

Like lovers dream about.

(Christina humming)

(Christina sighs)

- Christina, I'm afraid your
underclothing is showing.

- Oh, really, sir, I
think your obsession

with underclothing is unhealthy,

but then, the foehn works on
your weaknesses, I'm told.

- That's outrageous, I
merely wish to remind you

that you are my secretary

and that you ought
to dress accordingly.

(Christina moans)

(Nagel struggling)

I can't get it down!

- But you're working too hard.

Do you want it to rip?

Mr. Nagel, what are you doing?

Do you realize how close you
came to caressing my thigh?

You're losing control!

- Oh, what's to become of me?

I swear it's five beats more.
(Christina laughs)

Maybe, we better get
a heart specialist.

- Come on, we'll go for a swim.

- Yes, but I haven't
got a swimming suit.

So as far as I'm
concerned, forget it.

What sort of an outfit is that?

- It's what's called a bikini.

If you like it, I'll start
wearing one to the office, OK?

- I forbid such an exposure
of flesh, you hear?

It's an affront to an employer.

- But today, you're
not my employer.

You're just another man.

(pleasant light jazz music)

(water splashing)

Help, Mr. Nagel, I have a cramp!

- I'm coming, hang
in there, Christina!

(pleasant light jazz music)

(water splashing)

(both groaning)

- Oh, I never knew
that you swam so well.

- Well, since my school days,
I haven't done much, eh,

(gasps) swimming.

- Oh, Mr. Nagel, you
haven't done anything much

since your, your
school days, have you?

- Is your cramp gone?

- Uh-huh.

- Then tow me ashore
'cause now I have one.

(both gasping)

- [Narrator] That Christina,
she's a pretty sharp cookie.

Well, it looks like
our overworked foehn

is gonna get some
unexpected feminine help.

That'll be a switch.

Well, there's no foehn like
a new foehn, I always say.

(Nagel groans)

- (sighs) Mr. Nagel,
you saved my life.

If it weren't for
you, I'd nev, oh!

(Nagel gulps)

(Nagel groans)

Try the other side.

- Eh, oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, good, she's not dead yet.

It's still beating.

Is mine, though?

Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum,

it's so fast, they
can't be counted.

Oh, it's the foehn,
it's the foehn.

It's the foehn, eh, I've
broken out in a cold sweat!

- No, you're still
wet from swimming.

That's all it is,
it's the first time

you've had a human reaction.

- Oh, forgive me, Christina,
for baring your bosom.

I haven't bared a bosom
since I was in school.

What made me do it?

- Ooh?
- What's wrong?

- Could you massage it, ooh,
that's where the cramp was.

In the muscle.
- Eh, where?

- There?

Um, I haven't massaged
a girl's leg since--

- Not since you were in
school, by any chance?

- [Nagel] Yes, that's right.

- Even so, you haven't
lost your touch.

You've no idea how
relaxing that is.

Oh, (gasps), why'd
you do that for?

- (Mumbling
incoherently) Excuse me.

- Why should I?
(Nagel groans)

I think we ought to go now.

- Yeah, yes, but look at me.

I can't have Voglershausen
see their minister this way!

- Oh, there's a cabin there.

It's the answer to our prayer.

We'll hang your
things up to dry off,

and we'll go inside to warm up.

- A naked cabinet
minister in a cabin?

That's not my idea of dignity.

(birds chirping)

- There must be something
to these stories

about love in the air.

I sense excitement, don't you?

- I must admit, I'm not myself.

- But you know, you're really

much more sexy the way you are.

Just suppose you
tried to rape me now.

I'd enjoy every second of it.

- (gasps) How can
you suggest it!

- A couple I know
have gone through

six years of marriage
without having children.

They would if they lived here.

- Whoa, someone's coming!

(birds chirping)

- [Christina] It's all
right, they're stopping.

- If they see me like this,

then my career will be over.

- It will not, don't
forget that anything odd

you may have done, or anything
peculiar that you plan to do,

it's not you, it's
the foehn's doing.

- If you think I'll swallow
that silly feminine logic,

you are forgetting one thing.

That whether I am naked or
not, I am still respectable.

- Oh, (chuckles).

- At least I try to be.

(Christina chuckles)

I'm going inside.

- Me, too, a good secretary

should always be within
the boss's reach,

even in the hay.

- True, true, but
just as a precaution,

we'll keep a
haystack between us.

(Christina giggles)

(pleasant light jazz music)

- Let's begin at the
beginning, shall we?

Humans don't make
love like animals do.

I suppose all you peasants
think of is satisfying yourself.

That's what happens when
you have no sex education.

You forget that your partner
needs to be satisfied, too,

and not only sexually.

You see, you shouldn't
physically force someone,

especially someone who
is more experienced.

Always remember that you have

a lot to learn
from your partner.

There are so many
ways of proceeding.

I'll only mention one or
two of the most successful.

In the case of a
sensual person, it's--

(woman gasping passionate)

- What made you stop?

You were saying we
peasants never satisfy.

- I can't imagine saying
anything of the kind.

(both moaning passionately)

- [Narrator] (chuckles)
Our good old friend

is working overtime.

(group chattering)

- Suzanne, please
let me stay home.

Three little ones
are more than enough!

- You're going.

The foehn is a godsend
and you have no right

to deprive your wife of that.

- Well, goodbye, goodbye.

- Remember what I said,
don't come home too soon.

The older you get, the
more time it takes!

- I won't, I
promise, sweetie pie.

- Men, forward!

(all chattering)

- Everything's dry.

(giggles) Now you
can go back to being

an insipid beauerocrat again.

- Hmm, I'll overlook
the word insipid.

- The word bureaucrat
doesn't even bother you?

(giggles) This goes
on first, I think.

Let me help you.

- You'll do no such
thing, after all,

I'm old enough to dress myself.

- I was only trying to help,
you're in such a hurry!

- Help, you've helped enough!

Whenever you help, it
just makes things worse,

and they can't get much worse.

- Humph, well that's
the thanks a person gets

for doing a good turn.

(Nagel groans)

- It makes me itch!

- Well, if you'd let me help,

let's see what's pricking you.

(Nagel grunts)

- The foehn is
driving us all crazy!

Oh, pickles!
(Christina giggles)

(playful horn music)

- [Narrator] The merry
men are marching,

but the foehn has made
his own plans tonight.

- What the, what's that?

- Oh, Mr. Mayor,
that's a peculiar way

of making your tourists welcome.

- [Mayor] Well, I'm
awfully sorry, miss.

- Don't let us disturb you.

- Keep it clean.

(men chuckling)

(Nagel gasping)

(rhythmic slightly
mysterious rock music)

- [Nagel] Oh, what do we do?

- [Christina] Come
here, come on!

- Oh wee, just cover me up.

- Oh, no, that's no good.

- Over there.

- [Christina] Here.
(hay rustling)

(lips smacking)

- Ever tried it in the hay?

- Not yet, it's another
experience to look forward to.

How 'bout there?

- [Michael] The hay looks
more comfortable over here.

- Well, sweetheart,
where were we

when we were so rudely
interrupted, hmm?

(both laugh)

Yes, I remember.

- 110, 111, 112, 113,

that's fantastic, no hearts
can beat as fast as that!

Do you mind, I can't breathe.

Please stop crowding me.

- Quiet down, do you
want them to hear you?

- Oh, no, it's the foehn.

- Listen, what's that noise?

- I don't know,
the wind, I guess.

- You mean the foehn?

Your old legends are
awfully charming,

but it would be nicer if
you people weren't so naive.

- So, we're naive now?

Well, what do you
expect, after all,

we're only peasants.

Anyhow, it's late, I should
be getting back home now.

- Wait, oh, the night
is young, my pet.

(Dagmar laughs)

(men grunting and struggling)

- Uh, tell me, what's
going on there?

- Oh, we, we, uh--

- Will you be so good as to
remove your hand from my bosom?

My flesh is delicate.

- Oh, it sure is nice to touch.

I'm sorry to have to give
it to someone else (laughs).

- Where are you taking me?

- Oh, the Population Minister.

He said we should get
it out of public sight,

so we'll take it to his room.

- [Gaby] Oh, then he's
in for a surprise.

- Uh, take her to
room number nine.

(men grunting)

- Balduin?
- Huh?

- We were looking for Michael.

We thought that if we
waited long enough--

- We could catch the foehn
with the mayor's wife.

- You two are regular
spies, aren't ya?

This time, you're outta luck.

He went off to the
woods with that blonde.

- Oh, he did, while half the
town is waiting up for him.

- Oh, well.

Why bother with such
a good-for-nothing.

Good night, Balduin.

- Sleep well, girls,
and sweet dreams.

(grunts) Balduin, what
have you got to lose?

It's a good idea.

- Do you realize
what time it is?

(gasps) Balduin!

- I'm the substitute, the
real one couldn't make it,

so I'll do the rounds tonight.

- [Inge] How dare you,
you're completely mad!

(slaps cracking)

- Well, who were you
waiting for then?

- My husband, naturally.

I knew you weren't up
to it, what an amateur!

You're nowhere near
the man the foehn is!

(Balduin grunts)

You don't know the first thing

about making love!

Was it too much for you,
I'm sorry, I wore you out.

- But let me have
one more chance.

- Get out!

- [Balduin] Ouch, ooh!
(Inge grunting)

But, (groans).

- There he is, at last!

- I warn you, I'm just a
substitute for the foehn.

- Better a substitute
than nothing, come on!

- (chuckles) Hey!

- I think we can go now.

The two of them are sleeping.

- If you asked me,
they've earned it.

Oh, the way they went at it!

I was keeping
track, four times--

- Shh!

- [Christina] Not to
mention in the woods--

- Christina, will
you hold your tongue?

Shh, shh!

(hay crunching)

Oh, hurry up, come on, come on!

Ooh, come on!

You idiot, come on!

(Christina groans)

Shh!

On tippy toes.

Watch it, oh, (groans).

(wood rumbling)

Damn!
(Christina gasps)

- Oh, what do you know, we've
had an audience all the while.

- Is anyone there?

(playful orchestral music)

(Nagel groaning)

(rhythmic and playful
light rock music)

(both gasping and sighing)

- At last, you know,
come to think of it,

there was a better
use for that haystack.

- What use, may I ask?

- Oh, well, you might have--

- No, I'd rather avoid the word.

Go to your room and
forget this nonsense.

- I'll never forget it.

I'll relive the whole
thing in my dreams.

- It's incredible how
perverse you are, good night!

B-but that, that is your room!
(Christina moaning)

It's over there.

(door rattling)

(gasps) How dare they!

It's a direct affront.

Mmm, I do wish you women
would leave me alone.

(Nagel grunts)

How can man be
expected to sleep?

(playful organ music)

Oh, it's that foehn again!

- [Narrator] Well,
one man's foehn

is another man's pleasure.

(chickens cawing)

(birds chirping)

(Dagmar yawns)

- Hello, Gaby, you're up
awfully early, aren't you?

- Hello, Miss Cornwall,
you're up late, aren't you?

- Don't be catty, my dear.

(yawns) I'm all worn out.

- The places some people
are liable to sleep.

- Yes, in the hay.

Ah, so you're jealous, you
mustn't be jealous, little girl.

It's a waste of time.

- I, I wonder if you'd
have a minute to spare.

- No, not now, I
really must go to bed.

- Uh, please?

- All right, if you bring my
breakfast to my room then.

- I'll be glad to.

(water bubbling)

(knocking on door)

- Uh, who is it?

- [Gaby] Gaby.

- Come on in.

- [Gaby] Your breakfast.

- [Dagmar] Oh, just a
minute, I'll have it in bed.

- Sure.

- There, all set.

Won't you sit down?

- Thanks.

- And now, tell me what's
bothering you, Gaby.

- Uh, where shall I begin?

- Perhaps I should
start by explaining that

I have no intention of
making off with your,

well, with Michael.

- No?

- No, I really don't.

I'm a model, as long as
I can have my choice,

why should I pick a blacksmith?

I don't mean to say
he's not a dream.

You certainly have
to hand it to him

as far as endurance goes.

- Then you're not in
love with each other?

- Of course not.

That's as much as
you know about life.

Michael and I just made
love for the fun of it.

After my experiences
with all sorts of lovers,

the primitive type
was very refreshing.

I certainly enjoyed it, however,

tomorrow, I'll have forgotten

and I'll be with someone
else in another town.

It's the truth,
and that leaves you

to chase after your
blacksmith all you want.

- Ah, you're wonderful!
- Watch it!

- Thank you, thank you.

- Have you had
your breakfast yet?

- I wasn't in the mood for it.

- Now, would you like
something to eat?

- Mm-hmm, I feel
ever so much better.

- I fail to see why.

Just because I'm
through with Michael

doesn't mean he's yours.

- Yes, it's so hopeless.

What makes him so stubborn?

He says it's because
I'm only a virgin.

- Only?

Michael is an uncommon guy,
or I wouldn't have bothered.

Now, why don't you
try to get him.

- But how?

Oh, I'm sure you can help.

You've had so much experience.

- Sure, but not with
men who weren't willing.

You were in a barrel with
him when I first saw you.

- Only by accident.

- That figures,

but you've got to surprise him.

That would work.

Are you willing to
do anything, Gaby?

- Of course, anything,
I'd be willing

to go to the end of the
earth for a lover like that.

- All right, I'll
help you if you want.

- [Gaby] I'm afraid
I drank your coffee.

- Unless you've got
some wild germs,

I'm not going to worry
about it (chuckles).

(distant engine rumbling)

- New guests, I must go.
(car horn honking)

I'm calling my first
daughter Dagmar, for you.

(Dagmar laughs)

- [Christina] Well, that was
quick, I'm glad to see you.

- We left right
after you called.

- [Christina] Angela!
- Christina.

- What is all this
about the foehn?

I've never heard of
anything so preposterous.

- What till you've tried
it before you knock it.

- There's foehn for everyone.

- What was that?

- Our new greeting for
the arrival of guests.

- Oh sure, gotcha,
the wind, huh?

I sure hope it works.

- Step this way.
- Thanks.

- And that's how
it seems to work.

- [Man With Hat] Good
afternoon, ladies.

- And most of them are over 60.

- But how do they manage
to marry such young wives?

- Oh, it's a question of money.

An older man has more of it

and he won't have it too long.

His wife is six months
pregnant with number five.

- I can't get over it.

I wonder if it'd work for us.

Poor Fritz has got
to do something.

- You'll see.
- It wouldn't hurt to try.

- It's true, though.

- But Michael wouldn't do that,

he says he's going
to leave with her.

- That blonde
can't offer Michael

anything that we don't
have a lot more of.

- We've got to see
that he stays here.

Fix him up with a local girl.

- A local girl, I
think I've got it.

I hope it does the trick.

Oh, Gaby?

- [Gaby] I'm here.

- I wonder if I could
ask you a question

of a personal nature.

- Well, you can always ask.

- I was curious to
know how your romance

with Michael is going.

- It's not.

You were successful in
nipping it in the bud, Inge.

- I don't understand.

If I were in your shoes,

I wouldn't have done
what my step-mother said.

- Oh, but my dear, I've done
precisely what you said.

- I can't understand
your giving up

such a wonderful specimen
of manhood so easily.

- Really, just a few days ago,

you told me you thought
he was degenerate, Inge.

- But things have
changed since then, dear.

Do you really want to lose

a handsome guy like
that to an outsider?

Where's your pride in our town?

- I'll do it, sacrifice
myself for Voglershausen.

If you wanna know, I
intended to all along.

- I'm proud of you, dear.

I was sure we
could count on you.

You mustn't forget, though,
you've only got one night.

- So what, when I
wanna charm a man,

I know how to do it.

Would you mind doing these?

- [Michael] Dagmar,
are you sleeping?

- Whoever heard
of a girl sleeping

while she's waiting for you?

Hurry,

please come.

- What is it, why
are you shivering?

(Gaby moaning passionately)

Tell me, how can anyone
with your experience

tremble like that,
what's the matter?

- I love you, Michael.

Please, you mustn't say a word.

- Gaby!

- I told you, you'd
never get away from me.

- But I had no idea
you'd ever try that

and the worst is,
who would ever expect

an 18-year-old to
pull that trick?

- Nowadays, women
grow up sooner.

- Actually, I'm happy.

I'd hoped this would happen
ever since you got here.

You're wonderful, Gaby.

- [Dagmar] I hope
you're not angry

about the joke we played on you.

- Oh, of course not, after all,

that's how I got to
know my future wife.

- I feel like a marriage broker.

Don't worry, I'm not
going to send you a bill.

Now, when I'm gone
and you need advice,

I slipped a very useful
book under your pillow

called The Art of Keeping Your
Partner Pleased In Old Age.

- That's really a
book for you, then.

(both laughing)

- Oh, um, how far is the
next town that has a smith?

- It's Groshardfenning,
15 miles.

- Thank you.

- He's said to be over 90.

- Oh, well he'll
be perfect then.

So long.

(engine rumbling away)

(pleasant and bouncy
brass band music)

- Bon voyage, Dagmar.

- Hey there, I just
managed to get Michael

together with Gaby, I
think they'll be happy,

provided he's got to
be completely convinced

to turn off the
foehn from now on.

- To what?

- To boot the foehn act.

(scoffs) You act as
if you didn't know.

You don't mean nobody's told you

what's going on all this time?

- It comes as a shock.

Don't tell me there's no foehn!

- Not the foehn you mean.

The wind couldn't produce
a thing on its own,

so the village smith does.

- Christina, how dreadful.

- You bet it is.

I very nearly hooked
the Population Minister,

but if he ever discovers
this, it's all over.

I can't let him find out.

- But how can that help me?

I mean, all I want is a baby,

and I'm not going to get one
so I may as well go home.

- But wait a minute,
you're too upset.

Now, calm down and
think about it.

If the secret is kept up,

people all assume
that the foehn works.

In fact, the very
idea is designed to
meet a definite need.

If you could keep it
a secret from Fritz,

no one would find out.

- You mean I should submit
to the village smith?

Why, you, you've lost your head!

- I really mean it.

In your case, first
things come first.

You've given priority to
a baby and that's that.

The means are
justified by the end.

- You're absolutely diabolical!

And you expected
me seriously to,

but I couldn't bring myself
to do a thing like that.

Just like George Washington,
the father of his country.

- The next mother around
here is going to be Gaby.

- At her age, and I've
tried for over six years

and nothing seems to happen.

You don't know what it's like.

- Well, if you'll unbend a
little, you'll have your child.

- If only I could.

If I wanted, I
could close my eyes,

maybe I'd feel better
not knowing about it,

so if I just pretend I'm making
love to my husband, (gasps)!

- What a good idea,
it's sheer genius!

You've just come up
with an ideal way

to handle an immoral
situation morally.

- I'm thoroughly
ashamed of myself

for even thinking such a thing.

There's got to be some truth
to this Voglershausen myth.

- Oh, I hope Mr.
Nagel thinks so.

- I'd be all for
it if you help me

get this blacksmith
into my room.

- The only way is to use
the same trick Gaby did.

Let me fix it with Annie,
that is, if it's OK?

- Mmm, OK.
(Christina laughs)

(playful horn fanfare)

- [Narrator] Once again,
the night wind blows

and everyone hopes the foehn
will stimulate their senses,

satisfy their desires, and
impregnate their wives.

So, forward men
and up the foehn!

(men groaning)

- You know, tonight
is going to make

a big difference in my life.

Here, have a slug,
it's good stuff.

(both hiccupping)

And what are your
plans for tonight?

- Well, I thought I'd
get my wife pregnant.

- They're very lucky,
Christina and Angela.

They've got an unforgettable
night ahead of them.

- Oh, Christina, my
knees are shaking.

- You still have time to relax.

- I hope he got the message.

- Well, you can
always count on Annie.

You better get undressed.

- Must I be nude, what's
wrong with wearing this?

- Well, if you want
to be taken for Gaby,

no pajamas, she's a
confirmed nudist, you know.

- Oh, I wish I were
calmer, give me a puff.

Mama mia, I feel like a
virgin on her wedding night.

(Christina laughs)

- Wait, I'll join you.

- Why, isn't Gaby
coming here tonight?

- She sent me a note just now.

She said she'd rather I came
to her room in the hotel,

to number six, the
same as last night.

And you, how's Lorenz
coming on your portrait?

- Oh, we haven't
really kept up with it.

You know how it is.

Love seems to run in the family.

(both chuckling)

(door rattling)

- Hey, I hope
you're not sleeping.

- Hurry up.

(Angela groaning)

- Why are you shivering tonight?

You don't have to
be frightened of me.

(Michael moaning passionately)

Tonight, you can talk to me.

It's not like it was last night,

I mean, about your voice.

- Number nine, Dr. Nagel.

Good foehn to you.

Oh, how I envy your
secretary tonight, sir.

- I wouldn't mind that
at all, Super Boobs.

(Nagel blows a kiss)

(Nagel chuckles)

Super Boobs, you're drunk.

You mix your nines up
with your sixes, (grunts).

- Ah, that was wonderful,
I've never had it so good.

Fritz, the foehn did it.

- Fritz, who's Fritz?

- Gaby, who is this
Fritz of yours, tell me!

(Angela gasps)

But you're not, good
God, you're not Gaby.

- And you.

(gasps) What is this,
you're not my Fritz!

What happened, what have I done?

- Please, don't get excited.

I'm sorry, I'm just
as embarrassed.

I'm through with Gaby if she
ever finds out about this.

- You're through,
how about Fritz?

- I can't understand
what happened to her.

(approaching footsteps)

- (gasps) My husband!

Oh, you've got to
get out, hurry!

- (humming) Oh, my
little Christina,

as punctual in my bed
as in my office, mmm.

- Mr. Nagel, I'm not Christina

and this is not your room, sir.

- Oh, I'm very sorry, madam.

Then I must really
have room number nine.

- Number nine, OK.

(playful brass band music)

A friend for everyone.

Sweetie pie, where are you, ah.

(Fritz mumbling drunkenly)

Here I come.
(bed creaking)

(playful brass band music)

- Well, whatta you
know, I'm here already.

Hey, you, you're a
little screwed up.

What are you doing
in my bed, hmm?

Or is the foehn screwed up?

Oh, don't bother,
I could always go

and sleep with Christina,
she's the nextdoor neighbor.

(playful brass band music)

Oh, my beautiful
goddess of fertility.

Oh my, you're no statue,
you're flesh and blood.

- Just a second, did the foehn
affect your eyes, Mr. Nagel?

- Oh, that good-for-nothing,
sleeping already.

It's because of
that foehn again!

I can't take it, if
anything's gonna be done,

I guess I'm gonna have to do it.

(playful brass band music)

I'm ashamed of you.
(Fritz snoring)

You didn't even
kiss me goodnight!

(loud snoring over
playful brass band music)

- Your secretary is in the room
across the hall, number 10.

- Uh, it's all those
confusing figures.

I'm sorry I disturbed
you (chuckles).

Bye bye.
(all laughing)

Dr. Nagel, consultation
by appointment (hiccups).

She's secretary
in number 10, OK.

Up we go.

Christina, it's me, the boss.

May, may I please come in, hmm?

Mm, Christina?

Oh!

Yoo-hoo, oo-hoo!

My sec, secretary
is not (hiccups),

so I'll wait in my
sexretary's bed,

till my sexretary
gets back, nah.

- I think it's all right to go.

- Then get going, any second
now, my husband will come.

Whatever should happen--

- It'll be between you and me.

- That's an understatement.

- You wouldn't happen
to know where Gaby is.

- [Angela] How should I know.

- [Michael] I better ask Annie.

(door rattling)

- Michael, I'm so glad
you came to see me.

- Now stop right
there, don't forget,

I've got first call on you.

Has the foehn given
up on married ladies?

- Oh, shut up, stupid.

I wanna know where Gaby is.

- I have no idea where she is,

but I can tell you
her room number.

It's number 16.

- [Michael] Thanks a lot.

(bell dinging)

(knocking on door)

(dogs barking)

- Michael, why don't you
answer me, what's wrong?

- Michael!

- Inge, I'm sorry.

I'm looking for Gaby.

- How could you forget,
tonight's the foehn's night.

- I'm sorry, the
foehn's out of order.

I'm getting married.

- (scoffs) Of course, and
you're going to continue

as the foehn when
you're married, too.

Wait a minute.

Get out of here,
it's my husband!

- Not bad, what a costume
for a man to come home to

when he's had as
much foehn as I have.

Tonight, it was
stronger than ever!

Come on, let's go
inside and we'll see.

- Where can Fritz be,
what's keeping him?

Christina, Christina, wake up!

(gasps) you're everywhere I go!

I thought this was
Christina's room.

- Well, well, well, who, no,
what do you want with her?

- I want to find my husband.

- Mmm, hiya sweetie.

That foehn was something,
you're going to find out.

- [Both] Ooh!
(head thunks against wall)

- (gasps) Fritz!

- Christina, you--

- Fritz, you're
in the wrong room.

(Fritz groaning)

Here, let me help you.

- Hey!

- If you ask me where Fritz is,

that's where you'll find him.

Now, I want to sleep.

(playful big band music)

- Dear, they've got less
traffic on Broadway.

(Fritz groans)

(playful big band music)

No one in this room either,
I'm getting sick of that foehn!

- Where do you think Angela is?

(Fritz groans)

Amazing what goes on here.

Wherever she is,
this is your room.

Now don't you budge from it.
- Ooh!

(knocking on door)

- Lorenz, open
up, it's me, Gaby.

Christel, I was at the forge.

Why wasn't your brother
waiting for me there?

- Because you wrote him a
note saying come to the hotel.

- Oh, Christina,
I've looked all over

this madhouse for Fritz.

- Oh, he's safe in your
room where he belongs,

but Mr. Nagel, I think
the foehn got him.

- No, he's safe in your bed.

- Oh, I do believe
that foehn works.

I think it's his Waterloo!
- Have fun.

- [Christina] I will, thanks.

- Hey, wake up Fritz!
(Fritz snoring)

You lazy moron,
how can you sleep

when the famous foehn of
Voglershausen's blowing outside?

(door rattling)

- Oh, quit it, Mr. Nagel.
(Nagel snoring)

Don't worry, sir,
you're not getting

kicked out of my bed,

but would you mind
sliding over to let me in?

(Nagel groans)

(Nagel snoring)

- What do you mean?

I never sent a note,
I expected to see him

at the forge tonight,
not at the hotel.

- But honestly, he wouldn't
make up such a thing.

- He wouldn't, I'd like
to be very such, though.

Because if this is
just a trick to keep up

this joke of the foehn,
the joke's on him!

(door rattling)

(Christel laughs)

- Why don't we stop a while, eh?

You've worked hard
enough for one night.

(Christel laughs)

(both moaning)

(door rattling)

- Is Michael here, the
village blacksmith, that is.

Was he here?

- I'm afraid, young lady,

you have lot of nerve
asking someone that.

- Sorry I disturbed you.

I never should've suspected you.

Anyhow, I'll never have to
suspect anyone from now on.

I'll have him fitted
with a chastity belt.

(door slams)

- Oh, I'm so sorry, I
forgot to lock the door.

- I have an odd feeling

that we're not where we were.

- Well, I don't know, perhaps
they changed the beds.

- Yeah, that's it.

I swear we we had a
double bed, very odd.

I guess there's room enough for
us, that's all that matters.

- That's all that really
matters, sweetheart.

You're so right.

- I'll murder that guy!

I'll make him suffer for this!

He can't do this to me!

Wh, what does he
think I am, a fool?

(playful big band music)

(groans) I guess I deserved it.

Whose fault is it that a
virgin make love to the foehn?

He warns virgins to run.

Oh, who cares, why
shouldn't he go on

playing the foehn if he likes?

But not with me!

- And I sat up all
night waiting for you.

- But I'm sure they
said number six instead.

- Some jealous housewife's
idea of a joke.

Look, since the
day I fell in love,

I haven't played the game.

- You know, I was going
to have you fitted

with a chastity belt.

- Would you have
done that to me?

- No, you know why not?

I'd be afraid of losing the key.

- [Narrator] (chuckles)
Well, the foehn's over.

Or is it?

(chicken cawing)

(both groaning)

- One night, you love someone,

and the next morning,
you smother her.

You're really awful.

- (gasps) Last
night I loved you?

What do you mean?

(Christina chuckling)

Christina, how do you
happen to be in my bed?

- Why don't you look around
before making accusations, hmm?

(Nagel grunts)

- I'm sorry, but how, do I
happen to be in your bed?

- Darling, why ask questions now

after what went on between us?

- You don't mean
it went that far?

- Surely, no man
in his right mind

is likely to spend
the whole darn night

in bed with a young
female admirer

without doing, well, his duty.

- Oh, I was screwed.

- Yes, darling.

Isn't it about time that
we set the date for,

for walking down the aisle?

- (gasps) Oh no!

(church bells dinging)

(crowd cheering and applauding)

- Well, father-in-law.
- I'm proud of you, my boy.

- And now, the greatest
celebration of all

in the history of Voglershausen!

Everybody is invited to join in!

- [Narrator] Well,
that about wraps up

our happy ending, folks.

Of course, Voglershausen
will have to do without

the tourist trade,
but on the other hand,

the virgins won't
have to run anymore.

Hey, wait a minute, who's this?

Angela and Fritz, back again?

Uh oh.

- Look!

- Congratulations, everyone.

(group chattering)

I can't wait to tell you,
I'm going to be a mother.

- (laughs) Who knows, he may
grow up to be a blacksmith.

- Or a phone-in star.

- Why not, look, doesn't he
look like a proud father?

- [Woman With Glasses]
We're all proud of you

in Voglershausen.

- [Angela] I'm so
happy for you, dear.

- And lots of
children, of course.

- Thanks, Papa.
- Shh!

- All Voglershausen is proud
on this festive occasion

of another event
about to take place

within a short time of
a holiday spent here.

A childless young
couple, the Joneses,

have come back to announce
that they're in the family way

thanks to the foehn.

(group applauding and cheering)

Now that no one doubts
the fertile powers

of our unique aphrodisiac,
we announce the fabulous

new resort of Voglershausen
in which we hope

our tourists will multiply.

(group cheering)

- You've got your
work cut out for you.

- [Boy With Sign]
Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor?

The town square
is full of women.

They're asking for
the blacksmith.

They wanna see the
man who married the
goddess of fertility.

- Those women, they
always exaggerate.

- When women get out of
hand, be firm with them.

- You're impossible.

What women want, women get.

- Well, Michael,
go calm them down.

You'll do us all a favor by
showing them you're only human.

(Mayor chuckles)

(Gaby laughs)

- Aren't you a little
scared that Michael

will go on doing the
foehn now you're married?

- I did worry, but not now.

- How are you going
to keep him from it?

- It's a secret.

(Gaby whispering)

(both laughing)

And when the next foehn
blows, I'll be ready.

- It's official, on
this auspicious day,

we shall have a
visit from the foehn.

All men will
assemble at midnight.

The celebration goes on.

(playful and bouncy
big band music)

- Has it occurred to you

that your life will
never be the same again?

- Naturally, now that
I'm a married man.

- From now on, you know
the foehn won't work

for anyone else but me.

(playful and bouncy
big band music)

- Inge, our husbands have
been gone for half an hour.

What can Michael be up to?

- He's perfectly aware
of his responsibility.

- Oh, no, you're
not going to sleep.

(lips smacking)

There's a foehn tonight,

and to think of how
active you used to be.

(playful and bouncy
big band music)

- How far is he?

They're going to come
back soon, aren't they?

- He hasn't even started!

- I don't think
there's any chance

of his coming at this hour.

- We've got to do something!

- Do what?

Look, to begin with,
he's on his honeymoon.

Besides, he's my son-in-law.

If anyone could do
something, it's me.

(playful and bouncy
big band music)

- Hey, watch where you snore at!

- Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.

- (Sighs) What a joke.

It's our wedding night and
the groom falls asleep.

Come on, lover, one more time
so I can be proud of you.

- If you insist,
I'll tell you what.

Let's wait for a
quarter of an hour,

and then I'll send Balduin
in to drag him out.

- [All] OK.

- Hey, listen, aren't
we ever gonna sleep?

- Sleep, what, the
pride of Voglershausen?

Where'd all your energy go?

We'll sleep when we're old,

while we're young,
we'll enjoy it.

(all chattering)

- [Inge] Balduin?

(Michael yawns)

- Look, my darling,

proverb says, everything
in moderation.

That means in bed, too.
(knocking on door)

- (sighs) It's surely
a message for you.

(Michael yawns)

- Everyone's upset, they
wonder where the foehn is.

- It's hopeless.

Tell them that the foehn
has flown the coop.

(chuckles) No more
running after the ladies.

- Come to bed, my
little sex pot.

- Yeah, let me cool down.

I hereby ordain you
my substitute foehn.

- Oh, that'll be a
pleasure, thanks a lot.

- It'll be a pleasure, you say?

I've waited for
this a long time.

If pleasure's what
you're giving,

I'm gonna be the
first to get it.

(Balduin groans)

- [Michael] Baby, this
time I've really had it.

- [Gaby] That's not
the foehn talking.

Why, you haven't
had anything yet.

(bed creaks and cracks)

- [Narrator] Yes, the
virgin of Voglershausen

need never run again,
but her husband might.

(bouncy and playful
big band music)