Route of Acceptance (2012) - full transcript

(ddd)

(ddd)

(loud music playing)

(loud music playing)

(clatter)

(loud music playing)

RYAN: (screaming) Two days?!

You're going in two days?!

I'm sure Regina's lost without you!

And mom, do you have to do this now, the lawn looks fine,

it hasn't even grown 30%!



Some of us are trying to do something with their lives!

(door slams)

RYAN: Ugh, the whole thing's stupid, really,

like I actually thought

that I'd be with my high-school sweetheart forever. That's lame.

Life isn't like that and I should have known better. I don't want to live that fucking fairytale anyway.

CORY: That's what you do.

You're a writer.

If you didn't believe in romance and happy endings

you wouldn't be such an amazing storyteller.

RYAN: Thanks.

I think.

CORY: And what the hell is with this calendar?

Are you trying to be straight now?



RYAN: I put it there for research.

I'm trying to get into the heads of straight women. I don't only want to write queer films.

CORY: Why not?

10% of people are gay.

So it's racist if 10% of movies don't star homos.

RYAN: It's not racist, it's prejudice, you retard.

CORY: 'Retard'?!

Glad the future world renowned script writer is so politically correct.

RYAN: I don't mean it disrespectfully.

No more than when I say something's gay.

CORY: Jesus, you're my faggy little sister

and I don't call anything gay, in your defence.

RYAN: 'Jesus'?

CORY: We're not religious.

RYAN: I call things gay on purpose.

If I make a big deal out of it by not saying it,

then it's just drawing attention to the fact

that it actually comes from somewhere prejudiced.

'Gay' is just a word, and I refuse to empower that word

by letting it bother me.

It's become as common as 'retarded',

which no one says as a shot to the disabled,

regardless of its derivative.

Completely wrong, but true.

CORY: Now do you even believe this shit or do you just like hearing yourself talk?

I guarantee that there's plenty of disabled people out there

who don't appreciate the phrase 'retarded'.

I think you're fucked.

(scoffs)

RYAN: Maybe I will try men.

CORY: (sighs)

Have you ever?

RYAN: Great God, before Kate it was Sam in Grade 8 and 9, and I was with Krista for 6 and 7.

What do you think, I was banging guys in Grade 5?

I still believed in Santa then.

CORY: You so did, too.

RYAN: I called all my friends liars.

I refused to believe he wasn't real.

Over active imagination.

CORY: Well, no matter how big your imagination is,

you're not going talk yourself into liking a guy.

RYAN: I could be bisexual?

How will I know 'til I try?

CORY: You asked for a firetruck

for your seventh birthday present.

RYAN: You win.

CORY: You going to open those?

They're pretty thick, it looks like you probably got in.

RYAN: Eventually.

CORY: You know, you should probably open them.Then you'll know if you got in,

you won't have to freak out over every essay until grad.

It doesn't matter once you're in.

RYAN: It's not true.

CORY: Well what is true

is that everything in the next year's going to change.

And Kate and all this bullshit isn't going to matter.

You know, you'll meet new people and learn things,

and it'll change you forever.

RYAN: This coming from the music major whose grades were so bad

he had to move to Saskatchewan to get into university.

CORY: Why do you gotta be such an asshole?

And it doesn't matter where you go to school,

what changes you isn't what you learn from your teachers,

it's what you learn from your classmates.

Life changes you.

RYAN: You're so profound.

CORY: Yeah, and you're a dyke with a naked man calendar,

so don't judge me.

(ddd)

(ddd)

(thud)

(crinkling)

RYAN: Dear Ryan Stark, it's a great pleasure to inform you

that you have been selected for admission--.

(ddd)

RYAN: I'm sorry for freaking out at you, mom.

HELEN: It's okay.

Cory tells me you've been accepted into university.

Which ones did you get into?

RYAN: Isn't that my job to tell her?

CORY: Sorry.

RYAN: Robinson, Davenport, and Eastern.

HELEN: Davenport?

In Thunder Bay?

RYAN: One and only.

HELEN: Another kid I'll only get to see at Christmas for four years. RYAN: Mom, even if I pick Robinson, I'm not going to visit often.

I'll be in university, the point is to break free from the nest,

experience life.

HELEN: The point is to get an education. I don't expect you to visit,

but if you're only in Toronto I could visit you.

Not all the time.

It would be nice to see my child for Thanksgiving.

Even to give you a birthday present.

In person.

CORY: Hey, it's not Christmas and I'm here now.

HELEN: This is the first summer you've come home for!

CORY: Flights are expensive.

RYAN: Thunder Bay's closer than Saskatchewan.

I'll come home for Mother's Day.

CORY: Look, I've actually come home for a reason.

RYAN: Other than to annoy me?

HELEN: You need a reason to visit your mother?

CORY: Mum, just hear me out a sec?

I came home to tell you guys.... I'm getting married!

HELEN: (gasps)

RYAN: Fuck off.

HELEN: Honey, that's wonderful!

Oh!

RYAN: That's great, man.

(pat)

HELEN: What's her name?

CORY: Abbey.

Wedding's going to be in the spring,

after she gets settled into school here.

She'll still have two years left.

HELEN: Going for the younger ladies, are you?

(chuckles)

CORY: Only by a year.

She had to repeat Grade 2.

RYAN: How stupid do you have to be to fail Grade 2?

CORY: Her parents immigrated from Denmark,

and schooling's different there.

Anyway, yeah she figured it'd be easier for me

to find a job in the GTA rather than Regina--.

RYAN: (snickers)

CORY: --and, since she's still going to be in school

when I've graduated,

she thought it'd be fun to finish up her education here. HELEN: You two are moving back here?

I mean to Toronto?

You'll be close!

Oh, Cory!

RYAN: And did she want to up and switch universities

or is that what you wanted?

CORY: Actually jackass, that was her idea.

Abbey's from Ottawa,

and her mum and sister are moving to North York,

so just kind of worked out perfectly.

HELEN: When did you propose?

CORY: Valentine's Day.

Yeah, I wanted to tell you guys in person though, so... RYAN: Valentine's Day.

Are you fucking for real?

That's so gay.

CORY: Gay like you.

HELEN: You two act your age.

I want to hear all about her.

What's she like, how did you meet?

CORY: Her dad's my basketball coach, and he just set us up.

I swear my heart stopped beating the first time we kissed.

RYAN: (mocking) My heart stopped beating the first time we kissed.

And I'm the gay one.

HELEN: Ryan!

CORY: Yeah, she's definitely the one.

We're like, actual soul mates.

RYAN: There's absolutely no such thing.

Life's completely random.

Soul mates don't make scientific sense.

There's over six billion people on the planet,

and if you only have one soul mate, hence the meaning,

it's blatant narcissism to think that you'll meet yours.

Destiny is just an excuse for lazy people.

Hard work equals good life, the end.

CORY: One day it'll happen to you too.

Don't even think twice about Kate,

she's just making you bitter.

She wasn't the one if she left you.

When you meet your forever, you'll know it,

and everything will just fall into place.

Nothing else will matter.

HELEN: Wait, Ryan?

You and Kate broke up?

RYAN: Cory, if I wanted to get into it with her, I would have.

HELEN: Ryan, I'm your mother.

I knew.

HELEN: Call me when you land.

I want to know you're safe.

CORY: I always do.

(ddd)

RYAN: You ass, you're gonna leave without saying 'bye'?

CORY: Well I thought your essay was due tomorrow?

RYAN: Cor?

(ddd)

RYAN: It's your fault that I'm stressed the fuck out,

why'd you have to go and fuck with my thought process?

How am I supposed to know what university is right for me?

Eastern by far has the best profs,

but Davenport would mean living up north

which would be awesome, but now you have me thinking

like, bullshit, like what if my future wife's

going to be attending Robinson in fucking Toronto!?

CORY: I thought you didn't even believe in fate?

RYAN: Well I don't--.

CORY: You gotta go with your gut. Just trust your instincts.

RYAN: I hate that.

I like certainty.

HELEN: Guys?!

CORY: Trust me.

HELEN: Bye honey.

CORY: Bye mom.

HELEN: I'll miss you.

(door slams)

CORY: Bye guys.

Love ya.

(ddd)

(ddd)

SHEA: Robinson is the best art program in the country,

and it's really hard to get into.

WOMAN: Oh, I'm sorry baby.

(giggles)

MEGAN: Watch these art students bitching about hard classes.

You know, you guys wouldn't survive one day

in my chem class.

WOMAN 2: No shit, Megan, that's why we didn't take it.

(laughing)

WOMAN: Actually, I didn't take it because it's fucking boring. (laughing)

RYAN: Alright, I know what I like and I stick to it. But chemistry's not boring,

there's just not enough time to take everything.

Maybe if I didn't need sleep.

MEGAN: That would be cool if you didn't need sleep.

You could just like, plug in or something.

WOMAN: (scoffs)

MEGAN: No, then we'd have time to party and study. SHAE: I waste too much time sleeping,

I feel like crap unless I get 10 hours.

WOMAN 3: You can train yourself to need less sleep.

I used to need eight now I can function fine off five.

WOMAN 2: That's insane, I'd be a zombie.

SHAE: Speaking of, have you noticed how popular

that Halloween costume is here?

RYAN: Hey, people like zombies,

that's why there's so many zombie movies. SHAE: You should write a lesbian zombie film.

RYAN: It's been done.

MEGAN: I saw this porn once--.

WOMAN 2: Not a porn.

MEGAN: Well no, okay, in lesbian porn you know they have the huge implants and like the long ouch ouch nails?

WOMAN 2: That's 'cause they're not fucking lesbians.

WOMAN: They're slutty male fantasy straight women

who are paid to act like lesbians.

Plus they're never fucking attractive.

RYAN: Man, I would not write a porn for all the money in the world.

I always feel bad for the girls and end up wondering

what happened in their lives that was so devastating

that they ended up having to have sex for a living

instead of actually watching the film.

MEGAN: You admit to watching it.

(laughing)

RYAN: Hey, my ex liked porn, okay? So I just watched it to make her happy.

MEGAN: Anyone know the devil?

WOMAN 3: She's enjoyable.

WOMAN 2: She looks straight.

MEGAN: She's not straight, this is a gay party.

WOMAN 2: We do allow straight people at our parties.

SHAE: You shouldn't.

(laughing)

RYAN: Hey, you want to go find out?

I need another drink.

SHAE: Another juice, Ryan?

RYAN: Ha-ha.

I'm saving you cab money, don't bitch. (laughing)

(chatter)

(ddd)

(pouring)

RYAN: Can you pass me one?

DEVIL: Sure.

(ddd)

RYAN: Thank you.

DEVIL: You're welcome.

WOMAN 3: Nice ring.

DEVIL: Thank you.

WOMAN 3: Bling and...

DEVIL: That's amber.

EMILY: Yeah, yeah I can do that.

Okay, see you soon.

Cheers.

Yeah, I love you too.

Okay.

Alright, gotta go.

Bye.

Uh, my mother.

She worries.

RYAN: I dig that.

Mine's the same way.

Move an hour away and she still calls me most nights. Can't be healthy.

EMILY: Are you the oldest?

I'm the oldest.

I hear that's how parents get

when their first leaves the nest.

By the time my baby sister goes to school

my mom will be booting her out the door.

My sister's 13 years younger than I am.

My parents only wanted one child, Taylor was an accident.

I digress.

Uh, have a seat.

I must sound drunk.

I'm not though!

I mean, this is orange juice, not a screwdriver. You know, I don't really drink.

I'm afraid if I do I'll lose my inhibitions

and do something I regret,

not to mention it does a number on your insides.

RYAN: Uh...

Well everything's okay in moderation. But I'm not drinking either.

It's apple juice.

Too much of a control freak to enjoy drinking. I hate the loss of control.

EMILY: Well, isn't that the point?

RYAN: Yeah, I guess.

And to answer your question, I'm not the eldest.

I have an older brother.

Planned.

EMILY: Ha.

I'm sorry about the rant.

I do that when I'm nervous.

RYAN: Why are you nervous?

EMILY: Are you and your brother close?

RYAN: Uh yeah, I'd say he's my best friend.

Not that that's hard, I don't really have a lot of friends.

EMILY: Well why not?

I-- you l-- you seem normal enough. (laughing)

RYAN: Well it's by choice.

I don't know how people have time to have a ton of friends, you know?

School's time consuming, and I want to be a writerand I want to take it seriously.

Plus most people are assholes

and I can't be bothered with them anyway.

EMILY: People are only assholes when they're insecure.

Everybody has a self esteem issue.

My plan is to profit off of all the assholes.

Um, I'm studying to be a psychologist.

RYAN: Shrink, nice.

I'm Ryan by the way.

EMILY: Emily.

Or, or Em.

(ddd)

RYAN: (sighs)

(ddd)

(ddd)

(ddd)

KALI: That's why we order take out.

RYAN: How's it going down there?

You've been awfully quiet lately.

KALI: I don't know.

It wasn't really working out

so I just started over with a smaller brush.

So far so good.

(ddd)

INSTRUCTOR: Exhale.

Right foot step back.

Left foot step back.

Lower knees.

Stomach.

Head.

Inhale into cobra.

Exhale down.

WOMAN: Instructor's kind of hot, eh?

SHAE: You think everyone's hot.

INSTRUCTOR: Inhale step up.

(laughing)

RYAN: She's old!

WOMAN: Since when has that been a problem for you?

RYAN: It's not, I love coug's, that's why I married one.

WOMAN: Rawr.

I like cubs.

RYAN: Even if I could get her back,

it'd put her future in jeopardy if we got caught.

KALI: Everything goes back to Taylor, right?

I know you, you're romantic, they get back together.

Keep reading.

RYAN: You're working on five commissions,

you need to get some sleep.

You don't have time to listen to me read my entire script.

KALI: Try me.

RYAN: (sighs)

This is painful, I wrote this forever ago. KALI: I disagree.

Yes it's not as witty as some of your new stuff

and it doesn't flow as well, but I don't know.

Something about it that's drawing me in.

It's innocent and pure.

You don't write like that anymore.

RYAN: It's awful.

KALI: It's brilliant, it's never been done.If that's how you feel.

It is.

Okay then.

So it's settled.

Okay, now I'm confused.

(ddd)

RYAN: Do I make you happy?

(ddd)

KALI: Do I make you happy?

RYAN: Entirely.

(kissing)

KALI: Then you make me happy.

(kissing)

KALI: Okay, you finish reading or I will.

RYAN: Okay, okay I will.

After.

KALI: After what?

(kissing)

(thud)

(ddd)

(clattering)

RYAN: (sighs)

(typing)

(bed springs squeaking)

(moaning)

(giggling)

WOMAN: Stop it that tickles!

Mmmm.

(sighs)

(typing)

(ddd)

(door opens)

WOMAN: (giggles)

Hey, have you noticed, apple juice kind of looks like pee.

GREG: Ryan, you're too ADD to get shit done in the midst of a party.

So come to ours!

Admit it, you've already over prepared for this exam.

Take it!

Drink it.

Take it.

Drink it.

RYAN: Fuck it.

WOMAN: (gasp)

I never get to see my little gay roomie! But you don't have a costume!

RYAN: Do I need one?

GREG: Well it's an undead theme party and Brian is a dick,

yeah you definitely need it.

RYAN: Perfect.

GREG: Don't worry about it, I got you!

I dabble in gore, clearly.

WOMAN: Baby you're so cute.

GREG: Don't, you're smudging it!

WOMAN: No I'm not!

Muwah!

(giggles)

He's so sexy.

(chanting)

BRIAN: Hey!

Take off your skirt, baby didn't shave. GREG: Fuck off, Brian.

MAN 2: That's disrespectful, even for you, man. WOMAN: I, you know, most certainly did shave.

BRIAN: What, a 'G' for 'Greg'?

GREG: Fuck you.

Baby, you don't have to take anything off unless you want to.

WOMAN 2: Yes she does, I did.

MAN 2: You still have your shirt on, that's hardly a strip. BRIAN: Hey Ryan, I think Heather's a lezzie too.

Apparently she wants Ashley to take off all her clothes.

HEATHER: I'm not a fucking dyke you asshole,

I just don't like cheaters.

(ddd)

(cheering)

WOMAN: No, honey, I'm not a cheater!

BRIAN: Yeah Greg, no one likes a cheater.

WOMAN: So I'm going to choose my...bra!

BRIAN: Fucking bitch.

That is not fair.

That's not fair man.

Look at me.

WOMAN: Who's dealing?

RYAN: Not interested in joining this fine display of

older male testosterone fun?

DAVE: No.

(ddd)

RYAN: What are you reading?

DAVE: The Green Towers.

(cheering)

(ddd)

RYAN: How do you do it?

DAVE: What do you mean?

RYAN: Tuning out this enlightening event we decided to attend. DAVE: Who says I'm tuning it out?

RYAN: Well you're reading.

DAVE: Am I?

Maybe I'm faking it to get the prettiest girl in the room

to come talk to me.

(ddd)

RYAN: Well, Mr...

DAVE: Sweeney.

Dave Sweeney.

RYAN: Well Mr David Sweeney, are you flirting with me?

DAVE: I do believe Ms...

RYAN: Stark.

Ryan Stark.

DAVE: I do believe, Ms Ryan Stark...

(kiss)

That I am.

RYAN: Well I hope you're not actually pretending to read

because I'm not a fan of fabrication.

DAVE: No, years of practice.

RYAN: Years of practice in what?

Pretending to read?

DAVE: No, I was actually reading.

Years of practice in tuning out siblings.

That's how I can read through all this,

as you so eloquently put it, male testosterone.

See, I'm the second oldest of eight,

and everyone else but me is female.

Someone was always screaming about something.

Two of my sisters just hit puberty,

so as you can imagine

the noise level is at an all time high.Studying through temper tantrums takes years of practice.

RYAN: Mm.

Living in an array of tampons.

Fucking sucks.

I bet you they all get the rag at the same time.

DAVE: More than likely.

I don't know if that's how it works

with women in close quarters.

RYAN: Yeah, God's gift to lesbos.

EMILY: Hey.

RYAN: Hey pretty.

EMILY: Don't I...get a hug or something?

RYAN: Yeah, absolutely.

Nice to see you again.

EMILY: Ryan, what's wrong?

Say something.

You see what I look like and you wig out.

You see me and...

am I not your type?

RYAN: Em, you're beautiful.

You are so beautiful, Emily.

EMILY: Well you have quite the way of showing it.

RYAN: Emily is your first name, right?

Why'd your parents name you that?

EMILY: That's random.

Yes, it's my first name, after my Grandmother.

RYAN: Your mom's mom or your dad's mom?

EMILY: My mother's mother, why are you being a weirdo?

RYAN: How am I being a weirdo?

Random questions are a thing.

We spent the entire night the other night

talking about everything under the sun

and now I can't ask you questions

to get to now you better?

EMILY: Well of course you can but you're being strange.

RYAN: I'm fine.

I just got light headed for a second. EMILY: Well, maybe you're hungry.

Do you still feel like getting a bite to eat?

RYAN: Yeah, sure.

EMILY: Well how about that place you told me about?

You said it was your fave.

RYAN: Sure.

EMILY: It wasn't long, but I missed your face.

RYAN: It was the first time I've seen yours,

but I definitely missed you.

Couldn't get you out of my head.

EMILY: Well then stop being a freak.

Let's go.

(clatter)

RYAN: Can't be good for your skin.

KALI: At least my legs are done,

and I won't have time if I get back in the shower.

(water running)

KALI: Love you.

I won't have time to meet you later,

so can you just meet me down there?

RYAN: Sure.

KALI: You know where it is, right?

Downtown?

C'est La Vie, by the Sallies.

RYAN: Yeah, I know where it is.

KALI: Don't be so nervous.

Walter's a good friend of mine.

These guys aren't the money, he is.

They just filter the bullshit for him,

and I've told Walter all about your script, he's intrigued.

I'm telling you it's a done deal.

RYAN: You said Walter doesn't even bother with script writers

until they've grossed at least a mill.

KALI: There are always exceptions,

and this is me calling in a personal favour.

RYAN: It just feels like cheating.

KALI: And that bothers you?

Don't be so modest.

Your last film won a lot of awards.

And hype is as valuable as money.

You just weren't writing for the right people,

that's why you didn't do well.

It's all in the PR.

I'm telling you it's a sure thing.

(kiss)

(ddd)

DAVE: See that darling creature over there?

That's my sister Heather.

It's her first semester at Davenport.

I promised I'd take her to a party with older guys.

I feel obligated to show her a good time

since I've been here longer.

I know more people.

RYAN: And this is a good time?

DAVE: Not at all.

But she's having fun.

RYAN: She seems lovely.

DAVE: She's a real peach.

My family's local.

My parents can't afford to pay for school,

so they offer us free room and board

while we attend Davenport.

I think it makes them feel better about

not having money to help us out.

Did your parents help you at all?

RYAN: Fuck no.

I've been juggling school and a part time job since Grade 9. You're looking at the finest Walcart employee around.

Would you like a bag with that?

They're an extra five cents.

(scoffs)

I'm all about saving the environment,but I think it's fucking robbery to charge a customer for a bag when they've got a bunch of shit to bring to the car.

Fuck, what if they're walking?

DAVE: Yeah, I've always thought if a store wants to stay greenthey should just refuse a bag to anyone

with four items or less, using discretion.

RYAN: Absolutely.

I like that.

(crowd chatter)

RYAN: Want to get out of here?

DAVE: Totally.

Let me just make sure Heather's okay first.

(ddd)

(throwing up)

RYAN: Is she going to be okay?

GREG: She should be okay.

RYAN: I'm going to take off.

GREG: You gonna be okay?

RYAN: Yeah man, no worries, just get her home.

WOMAN: Am I pretty?

(sniff)

RYAN: Well I'm glad you like it.

I discovered this vendor a month ago,

I was late for class, skipped lunch,

I always thought that street meat was kind of sketchy,

but that day I was way too starvacious to care.

And it was the best thing I ever put in my mouth.

EMILY: Really, the best?

RYAN: Haha.

(ddd)

RYAN: Get another.

EMILY: I have money.

RYAN: It's a date, I wanna pay.

Look, I didn't even take you to a real restaurant

on our first official date, it's the least I can do.

EMILY: Well what makes you the boy, why do you get to pay?

RYAN: No one's the boy.

You're prettier, I wanna pay.

EMILY: Whatever, stud.

(kiss)

(laughing)

EMILY: You want another one?

RYAN: No, I'm so full

I think I'm gonna puke watching you eat yours.

(ddd)

(ddd)

(ddd)

MAN: Welcome to C'est La Vie.

RYAN: Thank you.

KALI: There's my genius.

You're late.

Ryan is awful with directions.

(laughing)

RYAN: Yeah, my sense of direction isn't the greatest. I'm always lost 'cause Kali follows my lead.

KALI: I'm a lemming when it comes to this one.

(laughing)

KALI: Ryan, John, Justin.

JOHN: Hi, nice to meet you.

RYAN: You too.

JUSTIN: Hi.

RYAN: Hi.

KALI: I ordered this for you because we were waiting.RYAN: (quietly) I'm only 10 minutes late.

JOHN: Well the waiters are getting much cuter here, aren't they?

JUSTIN: We love the script.

RYAN: Really?

JOHN: Yeah, it's excellent. I have one question though. RYAN: Shoot.

JOHN: The gay best friend at Pride.

He wears ass-less chaps,

nothing else about the script follows stereotypes.

JUSTIN: Not that we don't appreciate a nice pair of ass-less chaps.

DAVE: You paid for school and res

with money you earned at a part time job,

I could only handle working during the summers.

I was never smart enough to take time away from studying.

RYAN: But you're the smart nerdy guy

reading a book at a costume party.

DAVE: That's where you're wrong.

I'm the not so smart guy who still hasn't done

over half the readings for his English Lit class.

So he has to spend the party reading or he fails the final.

RYAN: At least you're honest.

(ddd)

DAVE: Your costume's great.

RYAN: My roommate's boyfriend did the makeup.

You know Greg?

DAVE: I know of him.

My buddy Chris is in the band.

(ddd)

DAVE: What's with the writing on your arms?

RYAN: It's so I don't forget about stuff

that I want to write about later.

My arm's attached -- better chance I won't lose it.

DAVE: (chuckles)

You think straight people are mundane and boring?

RYAN: Yep.

Abso-fucking-lutely. (ddd)

(kiss)

DAVE: Aren't you a lesbian?

(ddd)

RYAN: I try not to label myself.

(ddd)

EMILY: Actually can I have an apple juice, too?

MAN: Yeah, sure, I'll just take it out of the change?

EMILY: Beautiful, thank you.

See you later, cheers.

MAN: Take care.

EMILY: Bye.

(ddd)

EMILY: Do you mind?

MAN: I'm outside.

EMILY: Yeah, I'm eating!

Ugh, what a douchebag.

RYAN: Be nice, he's one of us.

EMILY: That was being nice.

RYAN: Oh.

I used to smoke.

EMILY: (gasp)

I'm so less attracted to you now. RYAN: I was young!

And it was the first time I met other gay kids; I wanted to fit in.

EMILY: I can't see you succumbing to peer pressure. You make gay look so easy and glamourous.

RYAN: I don't have a choice.

I can't act and I wouldn't even know where to start

if I had to pretend to be straight.

(seagull cawing)

RYAN: It's a 'fuck you' to society and judgements.

KALI: You mean Tony wouldn't normally wear that kind of clothing?

JOHN: Um, you did read the script, right dear?

RYAN: No, he wouldn't normally wear it.

JOHN: Making it a 'fuck you', that's great,

as long as the audience follows the reasoning.

Otherwise he could come off looking heinous.

KALI: My mother falls into that media shit all the time.

There's like, what, 10 naked guys at Pride

and somehow those 10 end up on every fucking news clip?

So now my mother thinks that Pride consists of

one million naked people all running around

screaming 'Pride!' and having orgies.

So I decided as a teenager I was going to fuck with her.

I figured if she was so naive as to believe that,

pft, I could use it to my advantage.

So I decided I was going to leave the house naked,

see how far I could get.

I didn't get far.

JOHN: My God, could you imagine, she let you leave the house in your birthday suit? KALI: Oh, she never would!

RYAN: Not your mother.

KALI: No.

(ddd)

RYAN: Need any help with this?

DAVE: Are you sure?

You're drunk.

RYAN: Yeah, I kind of have to be to do this. (ddd)

DAVE: If you have to be drunk we shouldn't do this.

RYAN: I was kidding, I'm not even that drunk anymore.

(gasp)

I'm an adult, and I've never done this, and I want to, so...

(ddd)

RYAN: You seem like a nice enough guy.

DAVE: Nice enough isn't good enough for your first time. RYAN: Will you please stop being such a decent guy?

You're making this really difficult,

what's a girl gotta do to get laid around here?

DAVE: Look, taking random girls' virginity isn't my style.

RYAN: I promise you'll get to know me in the morning

so I'm not random.

(ddd)

(ddd)

(ddd)

(door opening)

(door closes)

RYAN: For you.

EMILY: Ohh, you bought me orange juice!

RYAN: For tomorrow night when you're studying.

(ddd)

EMILY: Do you ever notice how many PG, PG-13 movies

show women sleeping with men they just met?

RYAN: So we're not having sex tonight?

I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I would never expect--.

EMILY: So we're clear, no sex on the first date,

in any film you're right.

RYAN: You're very passionate about this.

EMILY: You know, you would be too

if every time you took your little sister

to a romantic comedy there was some woman they idolized

sleeping with this guy she barely knows.

You know, sex is supposed to be important

and Hollywood makes it seem like some random nonchalant thing

drunk people do when they meet.

And they think it's all kosher

as long as they don't literally show the act, but kids are smart,

they know what kissing to room to door slam implies. RYAN: Yeah, my mom's a grade school teacher.

I know all about it.

Girls are losing their virginity

before they even get their period.

It's sad.

I'm used to being the one with the strong opinions.

(ddd)

RYAN: So you thought I wouldn't call and you slept with me anyway?

DAVE: It's not like I didn't try.

You were pretty persistent.

Did I mention the whole smoking hot lesbian factor?

RYAN: Yeah yeah, the whole narcissistic fantasy of

sleeping with a lesbian and her girlfriend.

Like any self respecting dyke

would actually share their girlfriend with a dude.

DAVE: (laughing)

Hey, why do you think I offered to take you to the gay bar? RYAN: Easy tiger, I think one dyke is enough for you to handle.

(ddd)

(kiss)

RYAN: Probably be all guys at the bar anyway. Lesbians tend to be U-Hauling nesters.

They pair up, abruptly move in together,

and never bother with bars or the outside world again.

Except the occasional Tegan and Sara concert.

DAVE: Why me?

RYAN: Why not?

I like the way you called me 'Ms' instead of 'Miss'

when we first met.

It must have been a man who made up title prefixes. You can't tell if a man's married by his prefix,

but you can tell if a woman is.

What's up with that?

(ddd)

RYAN: You coming?

(ddd)

(phone ringing)

(click)

(ddd)

(phone ringing)

RYAN: Grrr!

(ddd)

(phone ringing)

RYAN: Ughs.

(slams phone)

(sighs)

(ddd)

KALI: Muwah!

I can't tell you how helpless I feel without a car. But we're not going to squander money on a rental

when your contraption runs just fine.

RYAN: Well I'm glad you're sensible about something.

I'm going to grab a coffee,

do you want me to drop you off at home? Put on a pot of water, get dinner started?

I'll make pasta, you feel like alfredo?

KALI: (laughing)

That sounds good.

RYAN: Nope!

Changed my mind, you're coming.

KALI: (laughing)

Well then why did you ask me? RYAN: Because I had every intension of dropping you offbut the idea of parting with you made me miss you

so you're coming.

KALI: Fine.

If you're going to miss me.

RYAN: I don't suppose you know how to change it?

EMILY: You don't?

You have a spare in the trunk, right?

RYAN: Uh, yes...

EMILY: Ryan needs her big strong man to change the tire for her?

RYAN: Well no one's ever shown me how.

EMILY: Oh, I will.

Let's go.

Okay.

Grab the tire.

That's the big round rubber thing.

RYAN: Hilarious!

EMILY: Mmhmm.

(ddd)

EMILY: You feel that there?

RYAN: Yeah.

EMILY: Okay, we're just going to check in that groove. And--.

RYAN: Ugh!

EMILY: (laughing)

RYAN: Thanks.

EMILY: (laughing)

MAN: Lately, she needs to see him more than I do.

WOMAN: Alyiah needs me right now.

Breakups are hard.

I'd asked you to come with us

but you know how it is, girl talk.

MAN: Well what are you doing standing there, get going.

You don't want to be any later than you already are.

(shuffling)

KALI: I love you.

(ddd)

RYAN: (sighs)

(ddd)

(phone ringing)

(phone ringing)

RYAN: Hey.

EMILY: You busy?

(ddd)

(ddd)

(hammering)

(ddd)

(ddd)

EMILY: Thanks for helping me.

I was beginning to think

Taylor would outgrow forts before I finished it.

You don't think eight's too old for forts?

RYAN: No, absolutely not.

I still like forts.

EMILY: You know, you're good with a hammer.

RYAN: Is that sexy talk?

EMILY: No.

You're good with a hammer.

(kiss)

RYAN: (crying)

Fuck.

(crying)

Fuck fuck.

(crying)

Fuck!

(knocking)

WOMAN: Are you okay?

RYAN: (crying)

(sniffling)

(engine stops)

(door slams)

(knocking)

RYAN: Is your fucking brother home?

(footsteps)

GIRL: Davie!

(clatter)

(door shuts)

DAVE: Jesus, Ryan, what the fuck?

RYAN: I thought you wore a fucking condom.

DAVE: I did.

RYAN: Well it doesn't look like you did. I'm a fucking lesbian,

I don't want to have your cock sucking baby. DAVE: You don't return any of my calls,

and now you show up like this?

Calm down.

RYAN: Don't fucking tell me to calm down.

You don't have the goddamned right

to complain about anything right now.

WOMAN: I just hope Shea still wants to fuck me

when I'm huge and branded with stretch marks.

SHEA: Angel.

Having our baby inside of you will be so sexy I will not be able to take my hands off you.

WOMAN: So what about you two?

Any baby making plans?

They could be best friends!

Ry, you'd be a rockin' mom.

SHEA: Babe.

RYAN: No, it's cool Shea, she doesn't know.

Kali doesn't want to have children, and I respect that.

KALI: Yeah, we have Poof, you know, she's trouble enough.

WOMAN: But Ry, you want children.

RYAN: Mm, yeah, I kind of always fancied the idea

about being a mom one day,

but marriage is about sacrifice and compromise.

WOMAN: Well I totally understand where Kali's coming from;

I'm completely wigged out about the idea too, so.

SHEA: Wigged out in a good way?

WOMAN: Yeah.

DAVE: You weren't on the pill?

RYAN: Why the fuck would I be on the pill?

(ddd)

DAVE: Are we over?

RYAN: I haven't called you back in three weeks.

The fuck did I do?

Guess I was curious.

It's what you're supposed to do, right?

Men.

Woman.

Sex.

DAVE: Are you going to get rid of it?

I think you should.

We don't have the means to raise a child,

and you don't even like me.

RYAN: Okay, first off, me liking you has nothing to do with anything.

And please stop referring to it as an it,

it's not anything yet and it's not that simple.

You didn't even think twice, get rid of it??

That's your solution!?

We're talking about a potential person, you fucking asshole.

Our child.

Why didn't you tell me that the condom broke?

I could have gotten the morning after pill or something.

DAVE: I'm sorry, I didn't know, I was drunk.

RYAN: Yeah well being pissed is a lousy excuse.

DAVE: I'm sorry.

RYAN: Uh, Ryan Stark?

I have a 7:00 appointment with Dr Matthews?

MADDIE: ID please?

RYAN: Right, sorry.

(velcro snapping)

RYAN: It's like Fort Knox trying to get in here.

I thought the lady at the front door was going to ask me

for a secret password.

MADDIE: This is a woman's care clinic.

We have to take precautions.

RYAN: Of course.

MADDIE: If you can sign here, here, here and one more at the bottom.

(paper shuffling)

MADDIE: Take a seat.

Dr Matthews is running a bit behindso the wait's about 45 minutes.

RYAN: It's a lot of signatures just for counselling.

I'm just here to talk to the doctor for advice,

I haven't made any decisions yet.

MADDIE: No one's judging here.

Um...

Just take our card.

You'll need to call back

if you choose to book an appointment.

RYAN: Okay.

Thanks.

(ddd)

(ddd)

(ddd)

(ddd)

RYAN: Is there proof that the blue eye sees the same blue you see?

KALI: I don't know.

For all I know my blue could be your red.

RYAN: Well in that case we have the same favorite colour.

(ddd)

(ddd)

EMILY: What's wrong?

RYAN: Nothing.

I have an essay due tomorrow.

Haven't started it yet.

EMILY: Do you think I'm an idiot!?

You finally sleep with me and now you have to leave?

What's going on?

RYAN: Nothing, I just gotta get out of here, okay?

EMILY: Ryan, don't, talk to me, Ryan!

RYAN: No, I'm sorry!

I'll call you tomorrow.

(ddd)

(gasping)

(ddd)

(ddd)

KALI: Which one?

RYAN: Both of them.

KALI: (forcefully) Which.

One?

RYAN: Left.

(ddd)

(ddd)

(door closes)

RYAN: The fuck are you doing here?

EMILY: You fuck me and then you don't return my calls.

I don't understand.

Tell me what the fuck is going on?

RYAN: Why don't you tell me, Abbey.

EMILY: Why would you say that?

RYAN: We didn't fuck.

We made love.

All this time you didn't know my last name.

It's Stark, by the way.

(ddd)

(ddd)

RYAN: It's a nice picture of you two.

Blue sweater really brings out your eyes, don't you think?

EMILY: Ryan--.

RYAN: Don't.

Is that even your name?

Emily?

EMILY: Yes.

Cory's the only one who calls me Abbey,

it's for my last name, Abbot.

It's just a bad joke that stuck.

(ddd)

RYAN: I'm sorry I haven't called, okay?

But I don't know how to deal with the fact that

the best experience of my life

was making love to my brother's fiance.

It's too fucked up and I lost it.

EMILY: You didn't.

We split up shortly after you and I met.

RYAN: 'Cause of me?

RYAN: Remember how I analyzed you when I was at Eastern?

I almost crapped my pants

when I found out your collection was touring London.

KALI: You were so full of questions.

You were so full of life.

RYAN: And now?

KALI: You know it doesn't matter what kind of day I have.

As long as you're my subject.

They all turn out.

RYAN: You just think that 'cause you love me.

RYAN: I have never written

as passionately as I have since I met you,

and for the first time I'm writing stuff

that's truly from the heart, and that actually means something.

(ddd)

(ddd)

EMILY: You're writing better.

I can look at myself in the mirror now.

We love each other, and you think we're not meant to be?

RYAN: No.

I don't know what to think.

It feels like a big fucking joke.

EMILY: No, no, how can you doubt us?

Okay?

There are so many things that had to occur

precisely for this to have worked out.

And hey, it was Cory's idea

for me to go as dead Shakespeare.

I think he didn't want me looking cute at a lesbian party.

If I had gone as Shakespeare as I initially intended,

there is no way that we would have spent the night

getting to know each other if you had recognized me,

and I also had you drop me off at my mother's place

after our first date because she and my sister had the flu

and I wanted to look after them.

(typing)

RYAN: You almost done babe - I'm tired.

KALI: Yeah, almost done.

(light thud)

(thud)

(kiss)

(ddd)

EMILY: Define family.

(ddd)

EMILY: Listen.

I'm going to visit my grandma and cousins this weekend.

They live in the country outside of Ottawa,

just come with me.

Clear your head.

No pressure.

Don't make a decision

unless you're sure it's what you want, okay?

A change of atmosphere couldn't hurt.

RYAN: I can't lose Cory.

(ddd)

RYAN: Can I help?

EMILY: Sure.

I could use the company.

(ddd)

RYAN: You do realize it's six in the morning.

EMILY: City girl.

I've been up since four.

So did you have a good sleep?

'Cause your snoring hit a record high.

RYAN: Sorry.

I think it's the air out here. I slept like a baby.

EMILY: Yeah, I really don't know where that expression comes from,

'cause when you think about it, babies don't sleep well at all.

They are up all night.

RYAN: Well only at first.

Eventually all they do is sleep.

Babies are so...

just squishy.

I never know what to do with them.

EMILY: I thought you wanted two kids?

RYAN: I do, one day.

Absolutely.

I like 'em better when they're walking and talking, like when you can do stuff with them.

Babies just sit there and eat and shit and cry.

EMILY: I'm the opposite.

When Taylor was really little she was an angel.

I loved helping my mom feed her, bathe her.

She never cried and I didn't even mind changing her bum.

When she started walking and talking

she just got into all my stuff and wouldn't shut up.

RYAN: Hmm.

I wonder where she got that from.

EMILY: Okay, so it's settled.

I'll watch our children when they're tiny,

you'll watch them when they're toddlers,

I'll do kids, you take teens.

RYAN: Teens?

No, we're kicking them out before then.

(laughing)

RYAN: This is turning me off nipples forever.

EMILY: Somehow I doubt that.

RYAN: They should come with a fucking manual or something.

EMILY: I can show you again?

RYAN: No no no, I can get it.

I gotta be close now.

EMILY: Ryan, I need you to know,

I couldn't sleep with him after we met.

I hardly even kissed him.

I didn't cheat on you

during the time it took me to leave him,

and we were never really official.

RYAN: Yeah well we still aren't, and you still did cheat, on Cory.

(waves splashing)

RYAN: Whatever, you probably give your number

to all the girls that come in.

You get them when they're all vulnerable.

MADDIE: Oh my God, that's horrible.

How can you joke about that?

You should um...

call him.

He's probably really worried.

RYAN: I'm not talking to Dave until I make my decision.

I don't want anything he says to influence what I decide.

MADDIE: He has a right--.

(waves splashing)

KALI: That's her, isn't it?

RYAN: Let's go.

KALI: Why Ryan?

You afraid I'm going to say something to the little whore? RYAN: You have every right to.

KALI: I won't waste my breath.

RYAN: (sigh)

(dishes clatter)

(dishes clatter)

(gunshot)

BLAIR: Gran might be okay with the whole gay thing but when she finds out Ryan doesn't hunt! Just don't tell her that.

EMILY: She's kidding.

(gunshot)

EMILY: Hunting is just what people do around here.

I was 13 I didn't know any better.

RYAN: Well you don't any more, do you?

EMILY: No, never.

(gunshot)

(ddd)

RYAN: Wow, this is great.

MADDIE: Ready?

RYAN: When you said that you'd be teaching me

I didn't think that it would literally be you.

MADDIE: This is my mom's second job, she works here on the weekends.

I spent so many hours here

I could probably teach my own class by now.

RYAN: Well this is how your student's work turns out,

you probably shouldn't.

MADDIE: That is not a reflection of my teaching ability.

Here.

RYAN: Okay okay.

So is this some sort of intricate plan to seduce me?

You gonna get all Demi Moore on my ass?

(laughing)

MADDIE: No.

This is my plan to extract

some kind of artistic ability from you.

Seeing as how you truly don't have any, you're a lost cause.

RYAN: Well at least you finally admitted it.

When are you going to realize I'm always right?

MADDIE: A little bit there.

RYAN: (groans)

(kiss)

(laughing)

KALI: I know you liked her in our bedroom.

RYAN: At least now we have entertainment during dinner.

KALI: At least now we don't have her scratching.

RYAN: Didn't bother me.

KALI: Her nails were like fingernails on a chalkboard. I can't stand it.

MADDIE: Why would a so called God not let you into heaven

just because you didn't follow

the exact religion that He belongs to?

Not a very heavenly attitude.

RYAN: Well I think a lot of the morals and values

that religion tries to get across are good things,

but it always ends up getting messed up by pride and money.

MADDIE: Yeah, exactly, and like,

putting money in a collection plate each week,that's way too cult-like for me.

Are you defending religion?

RYAN: Well not so much religion as God.

I think God's a good woman, and she's just been misrepresented

by flawed mankind.

MADDIE: I don't know what to say,

I can't believe you believe in God.

RYAN: Well I can't believe you drive a fucking muscle car

you walking cliche.

Well now that I know that you don't believe in God,

I guess I don't have to buy you a Christmas present.

MADDIE: Oh no no no, I celebrate Santa.

We still have a lot to learn about each other.

I forget that sometimes.

RYAN: That's the best part.

MADDIE: I don't know, it just feels like I've known you

a lot longer than I have.

Maybe when you meet the right person

it's supposed to feel like that.

RYAN: I'm going through a really scary life altering thing right now,

and I met you because of it.

That's why I believe,

because there are really too many

perfect things in this world for there not to be a God. For example.

Your lips.

Perfect.

And your elbows.

(kiss)

Absolutely perfect.

And...

oh.

Your pinky finger.

Mm.

(kiss)

Stunning.

KALI: But it's 16 years old and it's ugly.

RYAN: It's not ugly.

Plus, I saved up for this car for five years

and I plan on driving her 'til she croaks,

and it's your car in the shop, not mine.

KALI: You could drive any car you want.

RYAN: I am driving the car that I want.

Wait, are you embarrassed to be driving with me?

KALI: Your driving makes me car sick.

Is Abbey going to be there tonight?

She really rubs me the wrong way.

RYAN: Well yeah, probably,

she's Cory's wife and she lives there.

KALI: I don't like the way she looks at you.

RYAN: And how's that?

KALI: Well she checks you out.

RYAN: She does not.

KALI: Yes she does!

RYAN: No, she doesn't.

KALI: She does, God-- Jesus Ryan!

That was a red.

RYAN: Well stop stressing me out, you're distracting me. KALI: God, you shouldn't be driving if you're distracted.

Okay, I'm sorry.

You're right, it's not your fault,

I don't like those intersections

that don't have the little countdown thingy either, How am I supposed to know when it's gonna turn red,

I'm not gonna slam on the brakes and get whiplash.

RYAN: You criticize my driving skills.

The numbers are for the pedestrians.

KALI: Yeah, okay fine, but they're good for the drivers

to know when to slow down, it'd be much safer,

they should be on all the lights.

MADDIE: The idea of seeing my father again one day is comforting.

You think it's stupid that I go and visit his grave

even though I don't believe in an afterlife?

RYAN: No, not at all.

MADDIE: I love you, Ryan.

RYAN: I love you, too.

(giggles)

(kiss)

RYAN: Ugh, they're beautiful, look.

MADDIE: Oh my God.

'Kay, if you're about to ask me

to start cloud watching with you,

I'm fucking leaving you cheesy fucking religious romantic. (laughing)

RYAN: Alright.

I won't ask.

MADDIE: (sigh)

Oh look, I do see one.

It's an ostrich giving birth to a hippopotamus.

RYAN: You're an idiot.

MADDIE: I'm an idiot!?

RYAN: Yeah, you are.

GRAN: You're more attractive than Cory

and you have far better table manners. EMILY: Gran!

GRAN: I'm not going to pretend like I don't know what's going on and I don't think any of you sould either.

RYAN: Your honesty is refreshing.

Thank you.

GRAN: Emily, you love Ryan?

Well?

Answer the question dear. EMILY: Very much.

GRAN: She makes you happy?

EMILY: Very much so.

GRAN: Does she satisfy you?

You know.

In the bedroom.

EMILY: (groans)

GRAN: You heard me.

Emily, it's important.

Your grandfather, God rest his soul, was a fine husband.

But he never satisfied my primal needs,

and I always felt like I was missing out.

BLAIR: That's disgusting on so many levels.

EMILY: We're all adults here.

Yes she does.

BLAIR: They're lesbians.

Of course the sex is good.

Women know what women like.

GRAN: Well maybe I should have tried this lesbianism.

BLAIR: Didn't they hang lesbians in your day?

GRAN: Yes.

And they gave mouthy grandchildren the belt. (knocking)

CORY: Come in.

RYAN: Hello?

(door shuts)

RYAN: Hello?

(spraying)

EMILY: Happy belated birthday, Ryan.

(laughing)

CORY: Hey guys.

EMILY: Hey Cor.

CORY: Just getting some hors d'oeuvres ready here.

Dinner should be ready real soon.

EMILY: How is everything going on your set, Ryan?

RYAN: Stellar, actually, it's going really well.

The budget's huge,

and everyone's giving me a ton of respect on set,

and they're doing their best to do my script justice,

even the director has been asking my opinion.

CORY: Sounds like the real deal then, huh?

RYAN: Yeah man.

All thanks to Kali.

KALI: I just introduced her to the right people.

It's all your talent.

EMILY: Ryan, you'll have to show me your work some time.

RYAN: Yeah, absolutely.

So what have you guys been up to?

GRAN: I'm ashamed that

your father's not worth the heartache.

I know you didn't ask for my advice m'dear

but I'm going to give it to you anyways, free of charge.

Family should love you unconditionally,

no matter what you done to upset them.

Unconditional love makes a family, not blood.

For what it's worth, you two have my blessing.

EMILY: Thank you.

BLAIR: That's it?

They have your blessing?

You hated Chuck.

EMILY: Blair, Chuck was married.

BLAIR: Ryan hates hunting.

EMILY: That means a lot to me, Grandma.

(laughing)

RYAN: Pretty cool.

EMILY: It's to pimp up your little beater.

RYAN: That's really ironic actually,

we were just arguing about her on the way here.

KALI: It's not really ironic, it's more coincidental.

Ryan refuses to get a safer car.

RYAN: It's 'cause I love my car!

I just think that Kali's embarrassed

because we're the only people on the street

with a million dollar home

and still drives a car that's 10 years old.

CORY: Uh, your car's 19 years old.

GRAN: The two of you randomly met.

That's the worst luck ever, what are the chances.

EMILY: Actually it was good luck.

GRAN: And here I always thought you met through Cory.

RYAN: No, I never would have looked twice at her

if I knew she was Cory's girl.

BLAIR: Well you can't know that.

If it was meant to be

you still might not have been able to help yourselves. Even if you did know.

EMILY: She's right.

(kiss)

You never know.

GRAN: Well I know one thing.

Cory never looked at you like that.

BLAIR: Okay, enough sap.

Next question.

Have you ever cheated on a test.

If yes, move back two spaces.

GRAN: What?

(laughing)

EMILY: You're loyal to your car, I think it's sweet.

KALI: Well I guess I should just be glad

that Ryan doesn't throw things out when they get old.

RYAN: You're not old.

(kiss)

CORY: I told Abbey that you guys wouldn't want to go around

announcing your sexuality on a licence plate

but she seemed convinced you'd love it.

RYAN: Are you kidding me?

I totally wanna announce my sexuality on my licence plate.

At least someone gets me.

EMILY: Well uh, I'm glad you like it, Ryan.

Happy birthday.

KALI: Ryan and I frown on hiding who we are. I grew up in a generation of don't ask, don't tell,

and that's kind of protective to change.

RYAN: Sexy, right?

(kiss)

CORY: That's good.

Can I have some more?

(ddd)

MADDIE: Ryan we have to talk about it.

(ddd)

RYAN: Not now.

MADDIE: Yes now.

If you're going to do this

you have to do it by the end of next week.

It's not safe after that.

RYAN: Well thanks for the advice Doc but it's not up to you.

I'm the one that can feel it inside me

and I'll figure it out when I'm ready.

MADDIE: Ryan, you're acting like a child.

I'm telling you it's really dangerous

to put this off much longer.

RYAN: I didn't ask you!

MADDIE: Ryan.

RYAN: I'm acting like one because I am a fucking child.

I'm too young for this, Maddie, I can't do this.

(ddd)

RYAN: (crying)

How am I supposed to raise a kid

when I can't even afford to pay tuition?

(crying)

MADDIE: I think you should keep it.

Ryan, you have more drive and determination

than most women much older than you.

Okay?

You're strong, I know you can raise a child

and make everything else work too.

RYAN: You think I should keep it?

Oh well if you think I should keep it.

Who the fuck asked you?

You don't know about any of this.

Madison the fucking Saint working at an abortion clinic.

Working there means nothing, you don't know jack shit!

Shouldn't you be convincing me to get rid of it?

Isn't that the kind of thing you're into?

You fucking work at that slaughterhouse.

(ddd)

RYAN: I didn't mean that.

MADDIE: It's okay.

RYAN: (sniff)

I'm just so mad at myself, and I...

and I don't understand why I had to sleep with him.

Because I felt like a hypocrite

saying that I didn't like men

when I'd never been with one, but...

MADDIE: I have to tell you something.

(ddd)

MADDIE: And I'm only telling you because I love you and...

I think that we have something

that if we don't take it for granted

it could last us a really long time.

We should just be totally honest with each other.

RYAN: I love you.

Okay.

MADDIE: When I was 15 my mother's brother came in

to stay with us while he was in between jobs.

He drank a lot.

Um...

I remember my mom's boyfriend at the time.

Ron loathed him.

One night, both my mom and Ron were working late,

and my uncle let me stay up

to watch this horror movie with him

that I wasn't allowed to.

Eventually I wanted to go to bed

but he wouldn't let me get up off the couch.

He forced himself on top of me.

I got pregnant.

And uh...

and they booked me in.

Fuck, I got an abortion so fast

I don't even know what happened, everything was just like a blur.

I got really really depressed.

I didn't want to leave the house, I slept constantly,

I couldn't eat, I fucking dropped out of high school

and I still haven't gone back.

My mom did the best she could.

She and Ronnie put Craig in jail on statutory,

and we moved to Thunder Bay from Toronto

because she thought that would help

with the depression but...

(sighs)

That didn't work.

Nothing worked.

It wasn't until we were introduced to Dr Matthews

that things started to get better

because she helped me realize

that I was mad at my family for not asking me what I wanted.

Nobody asked me what I wanted.

I mean I was 15,

I probably would have got an abortion anyway, but...

I didn't have the choice.

It was my body, and nobody asked me.

And that's why I work at Riverside

so that women have the choice.

Nobody has the right to place judgement on anybody

without being inside their head,

and every case is circumstantial, and Ryan,

that's why I'm so strong on the fact that I love you,

and I will support you 100% whatever you choose.

Okay?

(chopsticks clink on plate)

(crunching)

(thud)

(rustling)

MADDIE: Yoo!

(laughing)

(ddd)

MADDIE: Okay okay no time, no time, my mom's gonna be here soon,

and I want to surprise her with how good everything looks.

RYAN: Well what time is she getting home?

MADDIE: In a couple hours.

RYAN: Aren't we done here?

MADDIE: Not even close.

Um hey, sorry, by the way,

are you sure you want to stick around

and help me hand out candy

to all these pre-pubescent little terrors?

RYAN: Absolutely.

(ddd)

RYAN: What the fuck, man?

Stalker much?

How'd you find me here?

Nice.

DAVE: I just want to say a few things, you won't answer my calls. RYAN: What the fuck, Maddie, this is none of your business,

butt out.

DAVE: You know what Ryan, it's my business. I just want to say--.

RYAN: I don't care what you have to say.

DAVE: Listen to me!

I just want to say that it's up to you,but whatever you decide, I want that too.

RYAN: Big of you.

DAVE: And I want to apologize for the way I acted.

I panicked.

But I'm excited to be a dad, if that's what you decide.

I bought a present, for her or him.

RYAN: (shouting) The decision's been made!

(ddd)

(filing)

(ddd)

(doorbell rings)

RYAN: Can you get that, Kali?

I'm on a roll.

KALI: No.

(ddd)

KALI: I got the last three, this was your idea.

I told you to turn the light out, pretend we'd gone to bed.

(Ryan slams pen down)

KALI: Kids are your thing, not mine.

RYAN: Fuck you.

(ddd)

BOY: Trick or treat.

KIDS: Trick or treat!

(pouring)

(clanking)

KID: I got zero!

KID 2: A lollipop!

I like lollipops.

(ddd)

(scribbling)

(ddd)

(Ryan slams pen down)

KALI: What's the matter, Hollywood, can't write?

RYAN: What is wrong with you, you're such a fucking cunt!

Haven't I paid enough?!

(stomping)

(ddd)

RYAN: Can you please please please forgive me,

I didn't mean for it to happen, okay?

CORY: Leave.

RYAN: She's a lesbian.

You couldn't have made her happy, okay?

And it has nothing to do with you.

CORY: Just fucking leave now.

RYAN: Cory, can you please try to understand?

CORY: You have to go now, I can't fucking look at you.

RYAN: I'm sorry.

CORY: No.

RYAN: Cory can you please forgive me?

CORY: Not you.

Not you.

RYAN: Cory, I'm sorry.

CORY: Just go!

(giggling)

EMILY: Stop!

(laughing)

Stop!

RYAN: How much do you love me?

EMILY: Let me think.

That much.

(giggling)

Okay okay okay okay, alright, okay.

That much.

(screams)

A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot!

(kiss)

RYAN: What am I going to wear tomorrow?

EMILY: You're putting too much thought into this.

Remember, they contacted you.

They like your script.

They want you to intern.

RYAN: (huff)

EMILY: You really think she won't show?

You're her daughter.

RYAN: I don't know.

She thinks that if she comes

it's just going to contribute to Cory's pain.

EMILY: Well, my dad's not coming.

Your dad's not coming.

This is depressing.

RYAN: Yeah, but those assholes aren't invited.

Cory doesn't deserve this.

And my poor mom, she loves us both

and she's caught in the middle; I know exactly how she feels.

EMILY: Hey.

You didn't deserve anything to deserve this either.

We're the ones meant to be.

It's not your fault.

You have to forgive yourself.

It's our wedding, we're supposed to be happy.

RYAN: I am happy.

Also sad.

EMILY: He'll forgive you one day.

RYAN: No he won't.

EMILY: How do you know that?

RYAN: Because, if he stole you away from me

I wouldn't forgive him.

EMILY: But you're happy?

RYAN: Completely.

(kiss)

(ddd)

RYAN: It's a long trip, Shea, thanks for coming.

SHEA: Dude, I would have been here sooner

if someone bothered to call

and tell me what was going on before now.

RYAN: Don't be offended, I haven't told anyone yet,

not even Cory.

It just feels way too real when I talk about it.

SHEA: I get it.

You're lucky in a way.

You have a killer girlfriend, and the dad's a decent guy. RYAN: Ugh, don't say 'dad'!

I want to have kids,

just some day far far far far away from now.

I'm gonna be a mom.

And I'm fucking scared shitless.

SHEA: I'll babysit?

(laughing)

RYAN: I'm going to have to drop out now.

There's no way I can afford this.

SHEA: Yeah, no one's going to believe this.

Ryan Stark: the smartest, most well rounded lesbian of our town

is going to be a young unwed mother.

RYAN: I'm going to love my bastard child,

so shut the fuck up.

SHEA: Harsh.

RYAN: Well you're not helping.

You know, Cory's getting married soon too, eh?

I'm going to be the big fatty moo moo cow at the wedding.

SHEA: (laughing)

Dirty, someone's gonna marry your brother?

RYAN: Oh my God, Shea, she's so beautiful.

I'm kind of jealous.

Look.

SHEA: She's smoking, how the hell did she manage that? RYAN: I know.

It's just something about her.

CORY: You can't keep lying to her, Ry, you have to tell her.

RYAN: Soon, after the baby's born then.

She'll have to understand my dropping out

once she meets her grandchild.

CORY: She's gonna be pissed

when she finds out you're not moving back home. RYAN: This is my home now.

(ddd)

(door closes)

MADDIE: Hey mom.

MOM: Dinner's almost ready.

RYAN: Okay.

CORY: Is the father happy you're keeping the baby? RYAN: Yeah, Maddie's ecstatic.

CORY: Ry!

RYAN: Oh, you mean Dave.

Yeah, he came around.

He actually took on a part time job

which is kind of a big deal for him.

CORY: Well I know school's out for now 'cause of the money,

but you'll go back, right?

RYAN: Cory, there's other ways to be a writer.

I just wrote a screenplay for an indie film competition

and if they chose mine

it's going to be made into a feature.

CORY: So will they pay you?

RYAN: Well it's deferral so I probably won't see any cash, but... CORY: Well then what's the point?

RYAN: Did you hear the part

where my script would be made into a movie? CORY: Anyway, I'm glad you're still writing.

Oh, Abbie wants to talk to you.

Just a sec.

RYAN: She does?

EMILY: Hi!

RYAN: Hi.

EMILY: Cory's told me a lot about you.

RYAN: He's told me a lot about you too.

You make my brother really happy.

EMILY: I'm extremely excited to meet you.

Cory told me how talented you are,

and how proud you are of your sexuality.

I really admire people like you.

RYAN: Well I hope I can live up to the hype.

EMILY: Well I'm sure you will.

Do you want to speak to your brother again?

RYAN: Nope, he's all yours.

Bye.

EMILY: Bye.

MADDIE: What was that all about?

Kind of weird, eh?

RYAN: Totally, that was really awkward.

MADDIE: So...

what do you think about Riley?

It would work for a boy or a girl.

(ddd)

RYAN: I like it.

MADDIE: It's androgynous, like Ryan.

RYAN: No, Ryan is a boy's name.

I don't know what my parents were thinking.

No wonder I'm gay.

(laughing)

(ddd)

RYAN: So what made you think of Riley?

MADDIE: I've just always really liked the name.

I named my first cat Riley.

RYAN: So you want to name our child after your first cat?

MADDIE: Not after the cat,

I've just always really liked the name.

RYAN: Riley it is.

MADDIE: Just like that, a kid has a name? RYAN: Everything with us has been just like that.

Why not this?

(ddd)

MADDIE: Hey Riley.

RYAN: (sighs)

I'm nervous.

WOMAN: We just saw Emily in the hall,

she's way more nervous than you, dude.

You're supposed to be nervous, it's your wedding day.

(ddd)

RYAN: Wait you don't think she has cold feet?

SHEA: Not that kind of nervous, Ryan.

She loves you.

RYAN: How'd she look?

WOMAN: Good.

Hot.

Sexy.

(laughing)

RYAN: I'm right here.

Grow up.

WOMAN: What, she looked good.

You look good too!

(clicks)

RYAN: Can you give us a sec?

SHEA: Hi.

RYAN: You came.

HELEN: Good thing.

Can't let you go looking like this.

You look beautiful.

RYAN: I'm really glad you're here.

HELEN: I couldn't miss this.

RYAN: Thank you.

HELEN: Thank you.

For still having me.

So.

How does this work?

Do you both wear a garter?

RYAN: Emily's throwing the bouquet,

but I don't know if she's wearing one.

HELEN: Well if not, see that she gets this.

It was mine.

RYAN: It's going to mean a lot to her that you're here.

HELEN: I'm sure she's very special.

I love you so much, honey.

I'm proud of you.

For following your heart.

I know this hasn't been easy.

I'm sorry.

I should have been here earlier.

RYAN: You made it in time to save my tie.

(laughing)

HELEN: (sighs)

I can't believe my little girl's getting married.

RYAN: Stop.

HELEN: It's from your brother.

RYAN: Oh my God.

Is it okay if I--?

HELEN: Go ahead honey.

HELEN: He loves you so much, honey.

He'd be here if he could.

RYAN: I'm done!

MADDIE: Oh my God, really?

RYAN: Don't you mean my God?

MADDIE: Whatever.

RYAN: If they like it I should be able to buy us a bigger house. Maybe build a basement apartment for your mom.

MADDIE: Well that wouldn't be much of an issue

if you weren't so loud.

(kiss)

RYAN: Maybe you shouldn't be so good at what you do.

MADDIE: Okay, not in front of Riley.

RYAN: Riley needs to toughen up early because Riley has two mommies.

MADDIE: That's such a good job, sweetie!

She's already got more artistic talent than you.

Oh shit, and by the way, I have to work on Friday

because Cathy has strep throat.

RYAN: Well I'm sure Dave can take her.

MADDIE: Yeah but if he has her for one night

he's going to expect her all weekend.

RYAN: He's not going to have her all weekend. I'm taking her trick-or-treating on Sunday.

I am not putting her in that frog costume

that Dave's mom gave her.

It's atrocious.

MADDIE: I already told her that we would make her wear itand then we would take pictures.

I think it's 'cause it's Dave's old costume.

RYAN: You are way too nice.

MADDIE: Yeah well I just hope they buy your script.

It would be great to get a house

with a spare room for your mom.

I just feel so bad making her sleep on the couch all the time

and I'm pretty sure she already hates me

for keeping you here.

RYAN: She doesn't hate you.

(kiss)

RYAN: She understands your job's here, and what it means to you,

and your mom's here,

and I guess Dave counts as a good reason.

RYAN: I'm getting really worried about her visits.

MADDIE: Why?

RYAN: Well, I know she can't afford to be here

as often as she is.

Something's going on with her.

MADDIE: No, she's excited about being a grandma.

RYAN: No, there's more.

I think she's hiding something.

MADDIE: So you're happy?

RYAN: Yes.

Ecstatic.

RYAN: Alright.

MADDIE: That's so good.

Look at you!

(sniffing)

RYAN: Why didn't you tell me sooner?

HELEN: I wanted you two to enjoy your wedding.

I already felt like a fool,

taking so long to support you both.

You understand dear, don't you?

You did the right thing.

It's just hard on a mum, seeing her son in so much pain.

EMILY: We understand.

(ddd)

RYAN: How long?

HELEN: Six months or so.

(ddd)

RYAN: Everything went smoothly.

It was a good turn out.

CORY: Yeah.

I know mom would have been so happy

with all the beautiful things

everyone was saying about her today. Thanks again for letting us use your place Auntie Pat.

PAT: You're most welcome, Cory.

EMILY: You guys will have a lot of leftover food.

(ddd)

(ddd)

(water running)

(ddd)

(ddd)

WOMAN: Ooh look, those are cool looking glasses.

(scribbling)

(splash)

(drizzling)

RYAN: You shouldn't be going to leave, it's your house.

KALI: By law it's half yours anyways, so.

I can't stay here, the place reeks of us.

So take care of her until she sells.

RYAN: She didn't mean anything to me.

KALI: Not to me, Ryan!

I can't do this anymore.

RYAN: Keep trying, okay?

Just keep trying.

KALI: I love you.

I love you.

RYAN: I love you.

KALI: (screaming) But I can't get the thought of the two of you out of my head! I bet she can't resist another no-budget film.

You couldn't even ruin our marriage for a director!

RYAN: Kali don't go, okay?

Look, we'll figure this out--.

KALI: (screaming) There's nothing left to figure out!

RYAN: We are fighting all the time about the baby

or lack thereof.

I can't even remember a day that we didn't argue!

KALI: You knew I did not want a baby going into this.

RYAN: I know and I thought that it would be easier,

and I thought that I could do it but I can't!

KALI: Broken promises.

They'll consume you.

RYAN: Look, okay, when you and I got together I was so fucked up

over my mother's death I was not straight-

thinking straight, okay?

And I didn't lie to you.

It's what I thought I wanted at the time.

That slut was just a distraction feeling guilty about her

and worrying about hurting you just blocked me

from thinking about my mom for five fucking seconds!

KALI: Don't you bring your mother's death

into this pitiful behaviour!

RYAN: Kali, I'm sorry, just please forgive me, I love you!

I love you.

KALI: No!

No!

I am done.

I am numb.

I've got nothing left and you killed it.

RYAN: Don't say that.

KALI: I gave you everything I had, everything, and you get money

and a successful career and it's not enough for you

so you go and cheat with some lowlife snob!

RYAN: It's not like that I love you Kali, please!

I love you.

KALI: You make me sick.

You make me sick,

and the only reason we stayed together so long

is because we're both stubborn motherfuckers

who don't know when to call it quits.

RYAN: (crying)

KALI: I'm sorry.

I didn't do this on a whim.

(door slams)

(ddd)

RYAN: (growls)

(door slams)

SHEA: Wow.

Ryan?

RYAN: (sighs)

You guys are so predictable.

I knew you'd be here.

MEGAN: What is your problem?

RYAN: My brother fucked with my head

and now I don't know what school I'm going to.

SHEA: Just come to Robinson with us.

We're going to miss you if you go anywhere else.

RYAN: Shea, I'm not going to pick what university I go to

based on my social life.

MEGAN: Well you should.

At least in Toronto there's a gay scene. SHEA: Yeah, I can't wait to get out of this town.

MEGAN: Look, if you're so confused, don't go.

RYAN: I have to go!

This is what I've been working towards my entire existence!

Get good grades, attend good school, be good writer.

SHEA: We know all about it, we never see you.

You're such a bad best friend, you know that?

MEGAN: Maybe you should just take a year off school?

You haven't attended any of my parties this semester.

There's more to life than good test scores, dude.

SHEA: Megan, there's more to life than just your parties.

MEGAN: No there isn't.

We're 17.

(ddd)

RYAN: You're right.

I'm 17 years old.

How the fuck am I supposed to know

what I want to do with the rest of my life?

SHEA: Ryan, Ryan, earth to Ryan.

You know what you want to do with your life.

You want to be a writer.

RYAN: I know, I know!

And I love it, but what else do I love?

I don't know.

(ddd)

RYAN: Cory I think I'm about to do something crazy.

CORY: Ha.

Oh, I love you.

(ddd)

RYAN: So...

I've decided I'm not going to university.

HELEN: This doesn't sound like you.

RYAN: I know, scary.

Just...

I want to be a writer,

I had an epiphany.

I wasted all of high-school locked in my room studying, and I don't want to do that all over again.

I'm young, I want to travel, see the world, make memories.

I can't study writing techniques

when I don't even have anything to write about.

So I'm taking a trip.

And I want you to be my date.

HELEN: I don't like the idea of you postponing school.

It is just postponing?

RYAN: Mom.

Say you'll take a trip with me.

HELEN: Can't afford a trip, dear.

RYAN: It's on me.

Consider it a thanks for giving me life and all of that stuff.

HELEN: Now I am worried.

(ddd)

RYAN: Just say you'll come.

(ddd)

RYAN: I want to spend some time with you.

(ddd)

(ddd)