Roman de gare (2007) - full transcript

Let's start at the beginning.

Name, age and place of birth.

You must think I'm stupid.

Once again, your name,
age and place of birth.

Can't you be more absurd?

For the third time,
your name, age and place of birth.

Judith Ralitzer.

Novelist.

If I understand rightly,

I'm in custody because I had
an alcoholic ghostwriter

who couldn't even swim?



Why not start at the beginning?

What beginning?

When you met your two victims.

Aren't you being a bit too hasty?

I don't think so.

It was in '98.

I went to Burgundy.

To Beaune.

I wanted to write a novel
set in the wine world.

So...

What will your book be about?

Looking at all these bottles,

I imagine lots of corpses.

And, above all,
the corpse of the US President.



If all goes well.

The terrorists know

that the US President
loves Burgundy,

so they'll break in here,

poison all the bottles
for the White House

and bingo!

Let's hurry.

This place is paradise!

Especially with you here.

I could turn it into hell for you.

You haven't told me the ending.

I don't know it yet.

Like life, it won't end

but you'll want to know
what comes next.

Will there be many corpses,
apart from the US President?s?

Yours maybe.

Does this massacre have a title?

For now...

T R A C K S

Good evening and welcome
to our 100th program.

Thank you
for your unexpected loyalty.

You show that literature
can work on TV,

as more and more of you
tune in each time.

Tonight is our 100th program
and rather a special one

with a number of writers whose books
are a huge success.

Four best-selling writers

whom you know and love.

God, the Other by Judith Ralitzer.

Good evening, Judith Ralitzer.
Published by GL Editions.

Arlette Gordon for Rushkin Street,
published by Albin Michel.

A genuine triumph.
Bravo and thank you for joining us.

This year's literary phenomenon,
Notepad...

A notepad that a young woman,

Marie-Victoire Debr? here,
uses to write everything she feels,

her encounters and love stories.

A very surprising work.

And, finally,
someone used to success

in all its forms,

Bernard Weber
with The Star Butterfly,

published by Albin Michel.
Thank you for coming.

Starting with you, Judith Ralitzer,
may I make a confession?

I didn't like Tracks one bit.

I really didn't understand
why Tracks

was such a hit. I admit that.

But with God, the Other,

you astounded me.
I found it brilliantly written,

moving, truthful and precise.

It's as if you've found yourself
or met up with yourself.

Something strangely new
occurs in this book.

God, the Other
is so different from Tracks...

What inspired you?
Without wishing to pry,

what lies behind this change?

I don't know.
Perhaps God whispered it to me.

For our 7th all-time greats show,

after Jacques Brel, L?o Ferr?,
Trenet and Brassens,

Barbara and Yves Montand,

we're having an electric night

with the man known
as Mr. 100,000 Volts,

Gilbert B?caud.

The name may not mean much
to young people

but in Paris theaters of the 1950s,

way before the Stones
and the Beatles,

people smashed seats
for the singer in the spotted tie.

A very famous tie.

Just a second...

We have a newsflash
that I'm discovering as I read it...

Just a few minutes ago
- news gets no fresher than this -

there was a prison break in Paris.

Further details
in our next bulletin.

For now, Gilbert B?caud
with T'es venu de loin.

Highway FM, newsflash.

Sorry to interrupt that classic
by Mr. B?caud

but we've had confirmation

that Georges Maury is now
on the run.

Maury, the dreaded serial killer
known as ''The Magician''.

He committed
six crimes last year alone.

The police are on red alert

to track down this pedophile rapist

whose modus operandi,
if you remember,

was to do a magic trick
for each of his victims

in order to make contact.

A very pleasant individual.

Highway FM, traffic updates
and weather reports.

There are heavy storms
between Ch?lon sur S?one and M?con,

so be very careful

if you're in that area,

as a truck has lost its load
near Tournus.

Let's get back to Gilbert B?caud
with an old favorite,

Les cerisiers sont blancs.

Cherry trees in flower

Birds sing in the bower

After a springtime shower

It's crazy how the weather
influences my moods.

When I was 20 or so,
I fell in love with a Breton girl

and went to join her in Brest.

It rained all the way.
When I got there, I'd gone off her.

Screw you.

If you're not happy, change women.

Watch it, I'll dump you.

I bet you would.

Why are we going to my folks'?

They're so glad I met Mr. Right.

Mr. Right! The second one.

But I'm marrying you.

And your kid's dad?

No, I never wanted to marry him.

You're a real airhead. So na?ve.

Why do you say that?

Marrying to please your folks...

No, I'm getting married
because we're in love.

If my folks are happy, fine.

Stop smoking!

Your anti-smoker terrorism
pisses me off!

Anti-smoker terrorism!

Get yourself a non-smoker
if you're not happy!

A non-smoking, teetotal princess.

- Do I need this now?
- Shit, I smoke, okay!

I've put up with it for 200 miles!

Stop pissing me off!

Thanks, Mom.

What's your name?

Sorry... Good evening.

- What's your name?
- Rebecca.

May I give her something?

Yes, go on.

How did you do that?

It's magic.

Are they for me?

Really?

Thank you very much.

- Very kind of you.
- They're pretty.

You're a magician.

Children are the true magic.

Very prettily said.
Drive safely.

Goodbye. Pretty, aren't they?

It's 3 AM
and you're tuned to Highway FM.

If you're near M?con,
watch out for storms.

Let's continue our B?caud night
with Gilbert the crooner...

Why have doubts now?

Because we're going to your folks' .
I feel trapped.

You bleed guys dry,
then you dump them.

What? I play with guys?

- Yes, you do.
- I play with them?

You piss me off!

- Go to hell!
- Just a second!

Shut up! I'm on the phone!

Fuck you!

Yes, Mom.

Everything's fine.

We're on our way.

Paul!

Paul!

Paul, it's Huguette.

I guess you'll hear this.

Is this a joke?
It's not funny, you know.

Paul, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry...

for being a pain, an airhead,
for being like your mom.

But I promise I'll change.

I'll never smoke another cigarette
if you come back for me.

I'll never smoke again.

Don't do this to me,
not today, please.

Let's just go to my folks'

and pretend
we're going to get married...

For their sake.

Paul, I'll be waiting
at the gas station.

I won't move from here.

I love you.

I'm sorry if I upset you.

Take care. Call me.

Can I help you?

I saw everything.
Do you need a ride?

You want to help me?

That's all I want.

Then get off my back.

If I were you, I wouldn't wait.

Don't you understand French?

Do you believe in the cards?

I don't believe in anything now.

If you pick the ace of hearts,
you can make a wish.

I can make a wish?

0f course.

But he won't be back.

Why do you say that?

My deck's all aces.

Can I give you a ride?

Leave me now, please.

I've checked the hospitals,
I've called the police.

It's three days
since he taught his classes.

You don't leave students,
two kids and a wife just like that.

Really, I fear the worst.

Leave your cell on.

Where are you, little brother?

After that stormy night
with Gilbert B?caud,

After that stormy night
with Gilbert B?caud,

better weather has returned.

The main roads are still wet
but traffic's flowing.

The news is coming up next.
I'll say goodbye now.

I'll be back tonight
with the first crooner.

You know who; Frank Sinatra.
See you later!

You're still here?

I knew he wouldn't be back.

Who are you?

You realize that asshole took
my purse, my car...

They all dump me anyway.

I have every failing, see.
I'm a pain in the ass,

I'm jealous,
I'm a bad mother

and a real airhead.

An airhead?

How do you mean?

I'm an airhead. I listen to Brel
and burst into tears,

I read Gala
and think I'm a princess,

I check my horoscope daily
and follow it!

I let it influence my life.
I know it's bullshit but even so...

And if I see a celebrity,
I faint.

I should be Juliet, not Huguette.

Huguette? Your name's Huguette?

It rhymes with coquette.

And other tacky stuff:
baguette, croquette...

- Etiquette...
- I'm not polite?

No, I didn't mean that.

I was looking for a rhyme.

I should have said cigarette.

Smoking gets your goat?

I gave up six months ago.

You're chewing like a cow.

Because I stopped smoking.

I'll get cancer, you'll get wind.

Life's a bitch.

What do you do?

I'm a hairdresser.

0nly natural for an airhead.

Where do you work?

An important salon in Paris.

I shampooed Lady Di
the day before she died.

Just think. 24 hours
before she died,

I had her life in my hands!

At least she died with clean hair.

Luckily, I kept a lock of her hair.

I keep hair from famous people.

You wouldn't believe my collection.

I know people
who collect serial crimes so...

He came in my mouth,
took my car, took my purse...

We only have half an hour left.

Why?

You said you were going to the Alps
but I'm heading south.

We'll have to part around M?con.

I don't get it.

You waited to give me
a 30-mile ride?

The highway heads south
so I thought you were too.

Never mind.

Shit, I want to puke again.

Are you pregnant?

Just a pain in the butt like I said.

Whenever I get in a car,
I feel sick.

Yes, Mom.

I'm on my way.

We're on our way, yes.

No, not for breakfast.
More like lunchtime.

I'm sorry but we dozed off.

No, we're on our way.

We stopped and dozed off.

I'm sorry, Mom.

Lots of love. See you later.

This is shit!

It's total fucking shit!

The asshole!

What an asshole. I hate him!

0nly natural, I'm a shit.

I'm a big shit
and I'll turn up alone

like a shit.

When they ask, I'll say
I got dumped in a rest area.

I'm too much, that's why.

I'm too much.

I'm too emotional, too...
passionate.

Too everything. It's suffocating.
It wears guys out.

It scares them.

Thanks. You were right to insist.

When you feel sick, a walk helps.

Do you want to take
a walk in the woods?

No, a cigarette and I'll be fine.

I don't understand, do you cut hair
or do shampoos?

I cut hair.

But I do shampoos too.
And manicures.

Do you know who I manicured
just last week?

Judith Ralitzer.

You know her? The writer.

She turned up at the salon

and chose me to do her manicure.

I was shaking like a leaf
but I didn't faint.

I was...

flustered.
I had her hands in mine,

hands that have written
incredible novels.

I was getting varnish everywhere,

so she asked what was wrong.

I got out Tracks,
her latest, a huge book.

I love it.
She signed it for me.

What's so funny?

Actually,

I know Judith Ralitzer well.

- You don't?
- I do.

- Really?

- I've written her novels
for 7 years.

That's bullshit!

She doesn't use a ghost!

Dumas did.

You mean Judith Ralitzer
doesn't write her own books?

How could she?

Between manicures, endless lunches,

talk shows, winter in Courchevel,
summer in Cannes...

Maybe she needs a hand
at 500 pages a novel,

a novel a year. But the ideas...

They're hers.

She has no ideas.

I can't believe a guy writes
such feminine novels.

I even write her postcards.

You wrote,
''Men are bearded women''?

Yes, but it's not my best line.

And the stranger on the train,

the transvestite who blows his cover
by using the men's room?

- My idea too.
- This is crazy!

You've knocked me out.

You see this car?

It's hers.

- No!
- It is.

I've been traveling in her car?

My ass is priceless!

I don't believe it...

If I'd flown down in her jet,

I wouldn't have met
her new character.

- Who is it?
- You.

Me?

Who else? Why do you think
I approached you?

All novelists are predators.

A woman weeping in a gas station
at 3 AM...

An ideal opportunity.

That doesn't make me a character.

''Chapter 2.

''Huguette smoked too much.

''That's what killed her.

''Not smoking...

''Not smoking but the killer
she unwisely followed

''in a Burgundy gas station,

''after being dumped

''like a piece of trash by her fianc?

''who hated Lady Di and smokers.''
Not a bad start, huh?

- The ''piece of trash'' isn't nice.
- You're right.

''Right away,

''I saw Huguette
was just an ordinary victim.

''A moth...

''blindly drawn to the light
that would burn her.

''Just a little moth.''

A little moth...

I'm a moth!

And I'm in Judith Ralitzer's car!

I feel better!

You've blown me away.

What's the ghost's name?

His name's Claude Ravier.

He teaches in the Paris suburbs.

Well, he taught.

I walked out three days ago.

0n my dumb students,
my wife, my kids, the lot.

Listen...

I'm really sorry.

I'm not Judith Ralitzer's ghost.

But I do know her vaguely.

She came to give a talk
in my high school.

That's how I know her.

But I'm not her ghost.

I had a little fun with you.
Sorry.

Since you seem to love
pretending to be other people,

I'm going to make you an offer.

Could you pretend to be my fianc?
for 24 hours?

A promotion is always welcome.

I'll call you back.

Know how many people
disappear on purpose each year?

2,000. You told me yesterday.

It's a fantasy
that millions of people share.

Well I certainly don't!

If I hadn't been promoted
to Paris Police HQ,

I'd have walked out long ago.

So...

when a teacher in the projects
lasts a week of the new year,

it's not...

What?

It's not surprising.
It's understandable.

0ur 10th anniversary's coming up.

Well, maybe...

Maybe he got scared.

What?

What do you know?

I was married 10 years.

Think it's the same for everyone?

Are your parents alive?

No, just my brother.

What does he say?

That life is good for us.

Mom's first question will be,
''Do you believe in God?''

- What do I say?
- Yes.

Do you believe in God?

When I can park in Paris, yes.

- What does the fianc? do?
- He's a doctor.

I don't know much about it.

He's a general physician,
so stick to generalities.

By the way,
my dad had a stroke last year.

Some days, he doesn't talk.

Don't be surprised
if he doesn't speak to you.

How did you meet your doctor?

I wanted to quit smoking.

Great doctor!

Great asshole...

What's the place called?

Praz-sur-Arly.
We're nearly there.

What about other questions?

We'll improvise.
You have a talent for it.

Cops ahead...

Don't worry,
I know all the local boys.

Maybe we should use first names.

Stop the engine, please.

Sorry.

License and registration.

0f course.

Hi, Maurice.

Huguette!
I'd never have recognized you.

- I've changed that much?
- No...

It's the way you're dressed.

- 0kay?
- Great. And you?

Were we speeding?

- No, we're on red alert.
- Why?

We're checking all cars
with Paris plates.

There's a serial killer
on the loose.

It's your lucky day. This is him.

The serial killer's my fianc?.
Say hello.

Nice car.

Come down to visit?

To introduce this animal
to my folks.

Cute, isn't he?

You're so cute.

What does he do?

What does he do?

- I'm a doctor.
- Good!

A doctor...

Specialized?

No, a physician.

Specialized in all specialties.

Heard about Denise?

I heard she died.

- So?
- What?

You could take over her salon.

Fancy moving here?

Would you want to?

It's a beautiful spot.

Pure mountain air.
Try to convince her.

Right, Huguette?

No way.

It was hard enough getting away.
I won't be coming back.

- Gone off the mountains?
- No, I still love them.

But Paris is Paris.

I can't deny that.

You're meeting her mom?

You won't be disappointed.

Do you know her daughter?

No, not yet.

A real beauty.
She'll break a heart or two.

0kay, I'll let you lovebirds
get on with it.

We're expected.

Here they are!

Dad!

They're here!

Hi, bro.

How are you?

- Good. And you?
- Meet my fianc?. Come on, honey.

Hello, Mom.

Hello, Mom. My fianc?.

Isaac Silberman. Delighted.

Isn't your name Paul?

Actually, it's Isaac Paul Silberman.

That's right.

We call him Paul.
It's short and simple.

Look, this is my dad.

Hello, Dad.

This is his horse.

And this is my daughter.

My darling daughter!

Meet my fianc?.

Got a kiss for your mom?

I hope she told you
we're very humble farmers.

- What?
- I'll explain.

This is my daughter's room.

The way you're dressed...

What? It's my fall gear.

This is the dining room.

My parents' bedroom...

You missed breakfast,
so we'll have lunch.

It smells good. What have you made?

Cabbage stew.

I'll show you my brother's room.
It's beautiful.

This is the cowshed. It's big.

Want to change?

Yes. Come and see my attic.

So you really are a doctor?

What kind of question is that?
Come on.

She never wanted
an ordinary room.

Careful, I spent my childhood
tripping on these crap stairs.

Here you go, honey.
This is my room.

Thank you.

Are you okay?

Why the Jewish name?

No idea. I improvised.

What do you think of my daughter?

I love her already.

See how she hates me?
It's horrible.

I'll get changed.

The fox is among the geese.
There'll be dead fowl by morning.

What?

Nothing. Just taking notes,
for my book.

I'll get changed.

Make an effort.
You don't see her often.

Precisely.

Can I come in?

Something smells good.

Is that the sports paper?

Can I take a look?

The usual drivel.

- You don't like sport?
- Sport... I hate sport!

I don't like sport at all.

Not at all. I loathe sport.

I hate sport!

All right.

Huguette won't be long.

You look well, Dad.

He said two words yesterday.

You're nothing like
the way she described you.

You never listen on the phone.

We imagined you being...

taller, younger...

It's the beard.

Usually, he's clean-shaven.

Grey stubble.
It makes me look older.

Do you believe in God?

Yes. Like most Jews.

Can you eat pig meat?

0f course. I'm only Jewish
on my father's side.

Meaning?

You're only really Jewish
if your mother is.

So he eats pig meat.

So I eat pig meat.

Since we have a doctor here...

My knee hurts.

The knee is usually the mind.

How's it linked to the mind?

What I mean is...

the mind controls the body.

Both knees?

No, the left one mainly.

It may not be the mind.

We'll look after lunch.

I'll take a look at it.

I thought Jews didn't drink.

Don't you believe it!

They put the gas in soda.

To the guy who's landed you at last.

I'm so ugly, you can't believe
a guy would marry me?

Where will you go
for your honeymoon?

Lady Di's grave.

Jewish humor.

I love it.

It makes me laugh.

- You slept on your first date?
- What the hell is this?

What a question? Who raised you?

We're killing the hog later.
That's a sight to see.

I have trouble with bullfighting,
even on TV.

He hates the sight of blood.

You're a doctor!

A physician, not a butcher.

If you'd rather go trout fishing,
I'm an expert.

I'd prefer that.

That way, I'll have a quick nap.

Don't be late
for the engagement dinner.

For our engagement.

0f course, honey.

Will you stop sulking at us?

- I'm only sulking at you.
- Why?

- You're never here.
- I am now, so be happy!

You and your trout saved my life.

That massacre
would have finished me off.

Do you often do magic tricks?

It was my first trade.

It was?

So where are the trout?

Behind the gully across
the mountain.

- Across it?
- Yes, through the forest.

Cherry trees in flower

Birds sing in the bower
After a springtime shower...

- You know that song?
- I heard it last night.

You're serious?

- Me too!
- You did?

The Gilbert B?caud night.

I've seen bears do this.
But not teddy bears!

I'm the teddy bear?

You could say that.

It's still moving.

Do many people know this spot?

Not really. No one comes here.

That's magic too.

You're not much like a doctor.

Fall ill and you'll see.

This is weird, they've been gone
four hours already.

They seem to get on well anyhow.

Not too well, I hope.

I'll never get used
to killing the hog.

How many of us are there?

Just us and the neighbors,
12 or 13 in all.

Isn't it a bit soon
for an engagement dinner?

You're not sure this time?

How long have you known him?

Since I first consulted him,
about a month.

Alain, can you go to the river
to see if they're lost?

Sabrina knows the area inside out.

Why not call his cell phone?

Because I don't know his number.

You don't know it?

No, I don't.

I don't like this.

I don't like this at all.

Remember when you went
trout fishing?

You and Dad would never get back
before dark.

I went with Dad,
not with some stranger.

A stranger? Your future husband.

But she doesn't know him
and she's so pretty!

Look what we've got!

Where the hell have you been?

What took you so long?

What?

You've been gone six hours, dammit!

- What?
- We didn't notice the time.

Six hours to catch a few trout!

I've been shit-scared here!

Sabrina told me so much.

- So much about what?
- Calm down.

No, I'm not calm!

Everyone's already here!

So much about what?

It's a secret.

- We swore not to tell, huh?
- A secret?

Let's eat then. They've been waiting
an hour already!

Captain?

My husband just came back.

That's good news.

No, it's a disaster.

What do you mean?

Seeing you every day in your office,

you're all I can think about.

And that's a disaster?

What do I do about him?

Some time ago,
on the bus to high school,

a woman sat down opposite me.

We decided to go
to the terminus together.

For three days, I even thought
a bus had run you down.

Actually, I came back
to tell you that I'm leaving.

For good.

Shall I wake the kids?

I'd rather you explain first.

Explain what?

That their dad is in love
with a bus?

You don't care
about me leaving you?

Thank you.

Good night.

Good night and thank you.

A goodnight kiss?

I'll tuck Sabrina in. Wait upstairs.

Good night. Thanks for the trout.

Good night, sweetheart.

Sorry about earlier
but I was really frantic.

Good night, Mom.
Try to keep this one, okay?

Don't worry. I think he likes me.

Sleep tight.

- What's wrong?
- Why don't you know his cell number?

I'll explain in the morning.

Sleep well.

You drank too much. I saw you.

How can I ever thank you?

I'll take the couch.

I disgust you that much?

Are you scared of women?
0r did Sabrina tell you everything?

Usually, women are scared of me.
And she told me nothing.

So what's the secret between you?

- A medical secret.
- You think I'm stupid?

You do, you think I'm stupid.

You already want a divorce?

0nly natural.

You marry a hairdresser,
not a hooker.

- I'm sorry?
- Isn't that what she told you?

Nobody else knows.

Drinking more water won't help.

I'll take the couch then.

I did that for my mother.

She has doubts because I didn't know
your cell number.

Breakfast!

Just a second, Mom.
Let us get decent.

Come in.

So? Did you sleep well?

Not a lot.

Fairly badly.

Thanks, Mom.

This looks good.

You'll stay for lunch?

I don't know yet.
I have to call Paris.

I really was a hairdresser.

But, actually,

when Sabrina's father split,

this rage came over me
and it never stopped growing.

A rage against men.

So you make them all pay now.

Do you want jam?

Please.

I didn't sleep a wink.

You know, Sabrina

had the grace not to tell me.

She admires you a lot
but can't say so.

You really want to leave today?

Can I call you from time to time?

Your doctor fianc?...

Hasn't he called?

Let him call.
It'll be fun, believe me.

I have to get going.

You were tipsy last night.

- I wasn't!
- You were.

Just a little.

0ff you go.

Too bad he couldn't stay for lunch.

He's a great guy.

Part Chaplin, part Michel Simon.

He did sidesplitting imitations
while we were fishing...

Was that your secret?

When do you leave?

Sick of me already?

We're so used to lightning visits.

Sir...

Call me Paul.

Not an easy place to find...

Can we help you?

I won't beat about the bush.
I'd like to marry your daughter.

How many are you marrying?

Give me a second.

Don't worry.

It's simpler than it looks.

Are you a doctor by any chance?

That's how I met Huguette, yes.

Meet her for real now. Piss off!

- Piss off!
- Come on, I apologize.

Piss off, I said!

Not in my car! You walk, asshole!

You're out of here on foot!
Get lost, you shit!

Calm down. Let's talk.

You're out of shots.

- Piss off!
- 0kay, I get the message!

You come in my mouth
and dump me like a shit! Get lost!

- A real eye-opener...
- Get lost!

Glad to have met you.
I'll call you.

We're not speaking again, asshole!

Xanax morning and evening.
0nce you calm down, call me.

You know everything now.

And the other one?

I'm not good enough for him.

I wanted to make you happy.

I'm sorry.

Yes, that's my card.

Highway FM.

Special newsflash.

Good news.
Georges Maury, the serial rapist

that the French police

have been hunting for,

was arrested earlier
in a caf? in Beaune,

as he approached
three high school girls.

More details in our next bulletin.

Excuse me, what's going on?

Shall I get a locksmith?

Sorry, it's never happened before.

We'll go to my brother's.

He lives just downstairs.
He's away.

It's better, for the children.

With that door,
I forgot to say hello.

What does your brother do?

He wanted to be a writer

but he's Judith Ralitzer's
secretary.

- That's not so bad.
- You know her?

Don't we all? He lives here?

Yes. We're so close,
we've never managed to part.

We even did magic shows together
when we were still in Burgundy.

Will you be moving to HQ soon?

If all goes well, next week,
God willing.

Morning, ladies.

Two days from Paris to Cannes?

I'll explain everything.

I almost called the cops.
You had vanished completely.

That's funny.

A disappearance may be the subject
of your next novel.

Skipper!

I had loads of ideas along the way.

I'll tell you later.

You already know the crew.
And this is Patricia.

My new accountant, press agent
and also my masseuse.

Hello, boy.

I'll leave you
to get settled in and change.

Then tell me everything.

It's as beautiful as ever here.

Taste this. The year we met.

It was my husband's favorite.
You remember?

Your subject?

The journey of a man across France.

We won't ever know,

until the end, of course,

if he's a teacher who has abandoned
his wife and kids,

everything,

a serial killer on the run,

or a writer in search
of a character.

A sort of...

Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde.
To the power of three.

There. Suspense guaranteed.

Not bad.

I also forgot to say

that he thinks he's God.

You have a title?

God, the Other.

Your first metaphysical thriller.

If it's all that good,
you're forgiven.

I already have the back cover.

Want to hear it?

Warning; a masterpiece.

Take this book to the beach

and you'll skip lunch
and dinner too

in order to read the last line.

God, the 0ther
is a totally hypnotic thriller

of astounding intelligence.

The construction
is even more surprising

than in Tracks.

Judith Ralitzer confirms

her iconoclastic talent
and literary ambition,

using brilliance and humor

to exorcize her devilish words.

If the novel is as good
as the back cover, I'll marry you!

But the main character,

is it the teacher,
the serial killer, God

or the novelist?

It's a surprise.

Wonderful!

He's a famous novelist's ghost.

Who is ending seven years
of slavery.

Meaning?

Meaning my life with you, madam,
and the end of that life.

Go on.

Remember those words
at the end of La Com?die humaine?

''I'll be the author
and you'll be the drama.''

Well, from today on,

I'm the author

and you're the drama.

What are you trying to say?

I'll put my name on this novel.

Given the seven year itch,

maybe the little ghost
can stop haunting you?

Wine makes you whiny.

Not bad. I'll note that one.

Get in the swim of things.

I don't think you understand.

I'm signing this book!

You're dead.

Not leaving by car?

It's yours. I left the keys.

I'm sorry.
I was being vile, totally foul.

You're right.
You can't stay my ghost forever.

You're incredibly talented
and I thank you.

I owe you so much.

Just now you wanted to drown me.

But before that
I wanted to marry you.

Come back.
I'll call my publisher later

to sell a certain Pierre Laclos
to him.

- What's behind this?
- Nothing.

Don't judge a book by its cover.
I'm proud to be your Pygmalion.

So what's the deal?

Write your masterpiece on my yacht.

Boulevard de la Gare, Montreuil.

Florence Ravier, 43,

doesn't understand why her husband,
a high school teacher,

has suddenly left
his job, wife, children

and low-rent apartment in Montreuil.

Flo? It's me.

- Little brother! Where are you?
- On the boat.

I wanted to ask you
if you'd mind

if I called
one of my characters Florence.

No. Is she a lot like me?

How's your detective?

He's put me in custody.

I'll call you back.

You take care too.

Little brother?

Little brother.

Good morning.

You slept well?

I dreamt a lot mostly.

Breakfast on deck.

''You're dead,'' she told me.

I'm bound to die
when I write ''the end''.

When and where exactly,
that is the question.

When and where
will Judith write ''the end''?

I was so proud
when you came to meet me.

I had an A in French.

I was top in French at your age too.

In fact, that's how...

he jumped on me.

That's how I was born?

I've told you 20 times.

But why did he leave?

He was scared of having kids.

A teacher scared of kids?

Let's make the most of this, okay.

You never went after him?

I'd have strangled him if I had.

What if I tried?

How can he explain
13 years of silence?

Not even a postcard!

Tell me, honey,

what if I took over
the local hair salon?

As soon as I saw her,

I knew Huguette
was just an ordinary victim.

a moth, blindly drawn

to the light that would burn her.

Just a little moth.

Hairdresser.
Only natural for an airhead.

I shampooed Lady Di
the day before she died.

All women are airheads.

Most men too, in fact.

Huguette was the prototype.

Unable to control
her emotions and words.

Lady Di wasn't in Paris that day.

How could she have done her hair?

Her white lies were works of art.

If she'd told me

she was the French team's
goalkeeper,

I'd have believed her.

That book you're about to write,
sign it with your name.

And dedicate it to Huguette.

Huguette, you'll remember?
It rhymes with coquette.

Have you always liked wine?

0r did your husband teach you?

No, I've always liked it.

And the fact he did too
just added to his charm.

They call you the Queen of Burgundy
in Burgundy?

- That's what I heard.
- It's true.

Does that shock you?

Do you know why?

No. Tell me.

Because the Queen of Burgundy

had many lovers.

And had them killed on by one.

Fran?ois, it's Judith.

You won't have
Judith Ralitzer's latest

in three months but the first novel
by an unknown genius.

Did you hear me?

Yes, I said a genius.

His name is Pierre Laclos.

How did I meet him?

He's been my secretary
for seven years.

Yes, that's the one.

''What can be

''more beautiful

''than a perfect crime?

''Two perfect crimes.''

Here I am.

Do you like it?

You're magnificent.

Magnificent.

You really won't come to the party?

I have to finish.

You don't even know Elba.

I've never been a big Napoleon fan.

Another thing that sets us apart.

I adore him.

See you later.

See you later.

Beautiful!

Aren't you at the party, Patricia?

I wasn't invited.

Why didn't you go with Judith?

I've been to jet set parties
for seven years.

Reaching the buffet
is like trench warfare.

She seems pleased
to be writing with you.

With me? She said that?

With you.

She thinks it will be
her best novel.

Yes. I hope so.

It's your birthday today?

Would you like a massage
as a birthday present?

What has she told you exactly
about what she's writing?

That if she managed to pull off
the last chapter,

it would be a perfect novel.

How was the party?

Grim.

I can see why Napoleon fled.

We're going to do the same.
Head for Cannes.

- And sail all night?
- Please.

I'll check the weather.

How's the last chapter coming along?

I await your judgment, madam.

You really liked it?

I'm dying of envy.

I feel like killing you.

You know talent is very sexy?

I'll count to ten,
then close the door.

0ne...

Two...

Eight and a half...

Nine...

Nine and a half...

- Morning, Patricia.
- Morning, madam.

Is Monsieur Pierre up?

I haven't seen him yet.

When did we arrive in Cannes?

About an hour ago.

Why didn't you wake me?

I thought...

You really haven't seen him?

No, not yet.

Captain... Pierre...

Captain...

Yes, madam.

- Have you seen Monsieur Pierre?
- Not since we docked.

When did you last see him?

At dawn, two miles out.

What did he want?

0ne last drink.

Was he drunk?

He seemed rather merry.

Could you go and see if...
Monsieur Pierre's cabin?

Madam, I already did his cabin.

Apparently, he hadn't slept there.

When did you last see him?

I just told you.
I was alone at the helm,

he came on deck, we chatted,

I went to get him a drink.

When I returned, I thought
he was back in his cabin.

But...

if he fell overboard,
could he swim to land?

Not in his state.

- This is a first.
- What?

You never did my hair before.

You know what happiness is?

Whatever you do for the first time.

We have a lot of happiness left.

Hello, girls.

Good luck for your first day.

Can I be your first customer?

Sorry, the deputy mayor
has already been in

and now I'm doing my daughter.
You'll be the third.

I'm in the top three.

Give me two minutes.

Can I have a word?

Sure.

What is it?

I heard it on the radio.

Your first fianc?
fell off Judith Ralitzer's boat.

I was perhaps the last to see him.

At 6 AM,

he came on deck.
He had been drinking heavily.

He asked me for one last drink.

When I returned,
I thought he was back below.

After we docked, we realized
he'd probably fallen overboard.

I'm as upset as you are, Florence.
I don't know what to say.

Why didn't the captain react?

He was convinced your brother
was back in his cabin.

As long as they keep searching,
we mustn't lose hope.

I'll keep you posted.
I'll call you. Take care.

Get me the Cannes police.

How long can you last in the water?

It depends on the temperature.

It's good to be here.

Why didn't you tell the police
the truth?

What truth?

That you slept with him
just before he vanished.

I'm going back to Paris.

Why? You haven't been here a year.

My only regular customers
are my family.

Hi!

The book you ordered.

I'll be in to pay you later.

Listen to this.

''Judith Ralitzer
confirms her iconoclastic talent

''and literary ambition,
using brilliance and humor,

''to exorcize her devilish words.''

I knew Huguette
was just an ordinary victim.

A moth blindly drawn to the light
that would burn her.

Just a moth.

Huguette smoked too much,
that's what killed her.

Not smoking but the killer
she unwisely followed in a gas station

after being dumped by her fianc?

who hated Lady Di and smoking.

For Huguette.

Like your heroine.

Remember me?

Sorry, I see so many people.

The hair salon on Avenue Matignon...

- Perhaps.
- I forgive you. It was ages ago.

To Huguette and to God

I don't know if God is the other,
but I know who the devil is now.

What do you mean?

How did your ghost die?

For Daniel.

Excuse me.

Just a minute, please.

Mademoiselle! Wait!

Excuse me!

I'm Judith Ralitzer's assistant.

Could I have your details?

They're in the book.
Haven't you read it?

What do you mean?

Were you on the boat last year?

So she bought you off,
like the rest of the crew.

- The captain told the truth.
- Is it your truth?

All right. Madame Ralitzer
won't hear from me again.

That bitch is going on TV tomorrow
in your brother's place.

What does your cop think?

I called him.
He should be here soon.

Something to drink?

You still think
he died accidentally?

Falling overboard is common.

- Who profits from the crime?
- What crime?

Your brother wrote this book!

I'm Huguette!
The heroine of his story,

with my mountains,
my family, the lot!

I don't know this Judith Ralitzer!

All I know is she's a killer,
like in her novels.

I need to see your detective
to start over from scratch.

- What'll you have to drink?
- I'm not thirsty!

Forgive me.

Is this where he wrote?

I haven't touched a thing.

Can I sit down?

It's as if you've found yourself

or met up with yourself.

Something strangely new
occurs in this book.

God, the Other
is so different from Tracks...

What inspired you?
Without wishing to pry,

what lies behind this change?

I don't know.
Perhaps God whispered it to me.

God Himself?

God or Pierre Laclos?

I have to ask.
God or Pierre Laclos?

It's been seven years.

The imposture's lasted long enough.

Don't you recognize me?

You don't recognize
your main character?

When you steal someone else's book,
you change the names at least!

Sorry, I have to ask
Madame Ralitzer this.

Was it God or Pierre Laclos?

Stick to what you know.

- I know all right.
- You know nothing.

Are you saying
she didn't write this book?

- Precisely.
- Why ask her that?

Who wrote The Three Musketeers?
Dumas or his ghost?

And who was Shakespeare really?

Did Michelangelo or his assistants
paint the Sistine Chapel?

It makes no sense.
Does it really matter?

Less than your men's deaths.

We've hit the jackpot!

Excuse me, Mr. Moati.

Would you please come with me,
Madame Ralitzer?

Captain Leroux, Police HQ.
I have a few questions for her.

I'd prefer Madame Ralitzer
to come with me.

It was an accident, I tell you.

It was an accident, I tell you.

Pierre Laclos
was blind drunk that night.

You read the captain's statement.

Who made him drink?

He needed no help for that.

There were traces
of a strong sleeping draft

found in a glass.

A glass that had been used

since Mr. Laclos's prints
and yours were found on it.

A sleeping draft? So?

I take one before bed every night.
Is that illegal?

''What is more beautiful than
the perfect crime?

''Two perfect crimes.''

Isn't that a confession?

It's not a confession.
It's literature.

You were publicly accused of murder.

The madwoman's word
is as good as mine?

The ''madwoman'' knows a lot.

Where's my attorney?

He's on his way.

He'll be here soon.

Back to your husband...

No one can prevent a suicide.

''A good crime beats a bad divorce.''
Page 245 of your novel.

Mr. Laclos's novel.

You make me feel sick.

Your coffee.

Why not start at the beginning?

It was in '98.

I went to Burgundy.

To Beaune.

I wanted to write a novel
set in the wine world.

On visiting a large estate
near Beaune,

I fell in love with the owner of it.

That was my last question.

Listen...

I was delighted
to answer your questions all week,

the thousand questions
of your novel.

I now have one question for you.

Go ahead.

The true question is one

usually asked only
in churches or registry offices

and that you answer, ''I do.''

That's beautifully put.

May I use it in my novel?

Can you say it again?

It's a question asked only
in churches or registry offices

and that you answer, ''I do.''

The men I've frequented

don't have pleasant memories of me.

At my wedding reception,
I met my so-called second victim.

He was a reporter
for the local paper at the time.

He interviewed me

and, on reading his article
the next day,

I saw he used his pen well.

So I asked him if he would like
to be my secretary.

Three months later, when my husband
learnt I didn't want children

and that marriage wasn't for me,

he took his own life.

I'm going to have to indict you.

- Judith Ralitzer?
- In there.

Wake me from this nightmare.

Calm down, Judith.

The police have nothing to go on.

Why believe that madwoman?

They're following
any track they can.

Would you believe that the captain
is the victim's sister's lover?

A Ghost Murder

Would you read your statement
and sign it, please?

Read it but don't sign it.

What kind of dirty trick is this?

Let's call it...

a magic trick that worked at last.

I'd like to understand.

Why did we wait seven years?

Maybe we needed
to sleep with a few words first?

That's beautiful!

To literature.

What's that there?

France, I hope.

You're up early.

It would be a crime to sleep
on a morning like this.

The perfect crime even, skipper.

What's this I see?

Look at this empty glass, skipper.
Would you...

Could you fill it for me?
Please...

Haven't you had enough?

Know what Blondin said?

''Literature is a blend
of liters and erasures.''

All right.

You're too kind.

- Can you take the helm?
- Certainly.

Careful...

- What do I do?
- Just hold it.

0kay, I'll hold it.

It's on automatic pilot anyway.

Two automatic pilots now.

What if I see an iceberg?

It's time you went back to bed.

Why stage such a thing?

I knew that when I wrote ''the end'',

you would get rid of me
one way or another.

I imagined
the perfect crime for you.

God, the Other by an unknown
would have sold what?

3,000 copies at the most.

Signed by Ralitzer,
it's top of the best-seller list.

This much treachery
is a lot for one man.

I called your publisher
from the yacht one night.

That's when I understood

that my days were numbered.

And you sent Huguette
to humiliate me in public?

She thought I was dead too.

But I forgot she knew too much.

And now?

What do you want?

To see you leave this place.

Cleared.

Totally cleared.

Cleared by your ghost.

You're the most
innocent culprit ever.

A 1953 vintage.

The year of your birth.

If I understand rightly, I'm free.
Can I go?

I'd rather go alone.

She chose the same way out
as Hemingway or Romain Gary.

Authors, as well I know,
are fragile people.

Perhaps more fragile
and more sensitive than others.

Judith was a great author
and a great writer.

How can anyone vanish for a year?

Some vanish for good.

Meaning?

- Remember Sabrina's father?
- Here we go again.

Page 250...

A hooker hairdresser,
is that true too?

What do you think?

Were you a hooker or a hairdresser?

I did hookers' hair.
Happy now?

I'll move to another room.

Where are you?

Judith paid with her life.

Are you sure it's a good idea?

What were you doing all year?

I often felt like calling you.

But when I heard your voice,

I hung up.

Why arrange to meet here?

This is where
our tracks first crossed.

Is this song familiar?

Did she plan to kill you?

I killed Judith in a way.

And I finished her off.

You've changed your glasses.

Real writer's glasses...

Close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

Count to ten.

T R A C K S

I think I see cops on the right.

And I don't know them...

The eyes of a hawk...

No, of an airhead.

Where are we off to like this?

Subtitles: Ian Burley

Subtitle processing: Global Vision

T R A C K S