Rocket Gibraltar (1988) - full transcript
On the 77th birthday of the widow patriarch Levi Rockwell, his son and daughters come to his house by the sea with their families to celebrate his birthday. The promiscuous Aggie Rockwell comes alone but soon finds male company. Rose Black comes with her husband Crow Black, who is a baseball player with problems, and their children Cy Blue and Dawn. The workaholic Rolo Rockwell comes with his wife Amanda 'Billi' Rockwell and their children Orson, Kane, Flora and Emily. His daughter Ruby Hanson comes with her husband Dwayne Hanson, who is a comedian, and their children Max and Jessica. During the night, the children are on the beach with their grandfather and they ask him what he would like to receive as a birthday gift. Levi tells that he would like to have a Viking Funeral since the worms eat buried corpses. When Blue sees an abandoned boat on the beach, he suggests his cousins to repair the boat to give to their grandfather for his funeral. Levi and his doctor hide from the family that he has an aneurysm and may die in any moment. When their grandchildren find him dead on his bed, they decide to honor his wish and give a Viking Funeral to him
mom, who's gonna be there?
(Jessica)
yeah, who?
(Ruby)
well, your Uncle Rolo,
aunt Rose, Aunt Aggie.
She's neat.
And all your cousins.
It will be fun.
But what will we do?
Yeah, what?
Well, remember last year,
you loved the tree house.
You watched the home movies
your grandpa made of us
When we were kids.
Did we bring
our cameras?
There's the house.
(Max)
ow! My foot!
Now, I know how
Columbus felt: Shlumpy.
Hi, dad.
Looks like we're
the first ones here.
How you feeling,
dad?
Oh, I can't complain.
Hi, grandpa.
Did you miss me?
Oh, I've missed
you both.
Max.
Hiya, Max.
Hi, gramps.
How are you?
How are you,
Dwayne?
What you see is
what you get, Levi.
Your luck
changed?
What? Luck?
No, luck hasn't changed.
In fact, this is true,
Last week
I caught a cold,
And I got some
of that new stuff
That opens up
your nasal passages
And while they were open,
I caught another cold.
So, luck hasn't changed.
Is that
your baby sister?
Who else?
Female Warren Beatty.
(Dwayne)
takes a licking
but keeps on ticking.
"I'm ready for my close-up,
Mr. Demille."
[laughs]
Oh, aggie.
Hi, daddy.
How you feeling?
I feel great.
Just seeing you
makes me feel good.
Yeah?
(crow)
ok. Good enough.
Good work, guys.
Kind of stupid,
isn't it?
I thought you were
supposed to fill
this up yesterday.
Why do I always
have to take care
of everything?
Why?
Because it's
the summertime,
And I'm not even
supposed to be here.
But you are here.
Oh?
Would you two
grow up!
See,
now you got
the kids into it.
[woman laughing]
Hi. How's it going?
(Rose)
hi.
What's with crow?
Oh, don't you
read the papers?
Yes, but the ones I
read don't have comics.
Oh, well,
he lost his curveball.
You know pitchers,
they're all head cases.
Where's dad?
Oh, he's out
by the pool.
(Dwayne)
all right then, be that way.
Grandpa!
[Levi laughing]
Well, I'll be...
Dawn.
Oh, the windmill!
Are you going
to stand there all day?
[Levi laughing]
Cy blue.
(Dawn)
blue!
Go on, get outta here.
Put this on, dad.
Oh, don't fuss me, Ruby.
You'll catch
a chill.
[car approaching]
It's Billi and Rolo.
(boy)
you stink.
(Kane)
should I put it
in park, mom?
Well done, darling.
Thanks, mom.
That was outstanding.
(Rolo)
yeah, right.
Ok. Yeah.
Ok, but we do have
some alternatives.
We could fire him.
We could hire
a coach or...
Grandpa!
Grandpa!
Hi, aunt Ruby.
How are you,
gramps?
Hi, gramps.
(girl)
hi, aunt Ruby.
Was that you, Kane,
behind the wheel of that van?
Yeah, Billi let me drive
from the gas station.
Well, I'll be darned.
Guys,
come on up!
Yeah,
come on up!
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Where's Rolo?
In the van,
on the phone.
Hello, doc.
[Levi laughs]
I see you're
teaching the young pup
some new tricks, eh?
Well, as we used to say
in good old London town,
If you can't teach
an old dog new tricks,
get a new one.
How's the writing
coming?
Very nicely, thank you.
I've been hired
to do a screenplay.
Who said
nepotism was dead?
It's not for his studio.
It's--it's a cross between
in the heat of the night
And Beverly Hills cop.
You know,
high-concept with top spin.
Eddie Murphy plays
an agent who stumbles
Onto a murder case
in south Africa.
I'm quite sure it
will be a big Summer hit.
Black comedy, huh?
Sounds like
a great picture.
Where's everyone?
In the kitchen.
Come on.
You want anything,
dad?
No, I'm all right.
We'll see you later.
You bet.
Hey, hey, hey, it's me,
Rolo Rockwell!
He's matured quite a bit,
don't you think?
You wouldn't
believe the traffic
on the l.I.E. It was murder!
It's a good thing
you were on the phone
all the time.
Happy birthday, dad.
A bit overdressed,
aren't you, son?
Well, I came
right from work, dad.
How is
the movie business?
Is this a trick question?
Don't ask.
Dad, I need your opinion.
Writers don't have
opinions. Only words.
Producers have opinions.
Thanks, dad.
You look great,
dad. You really do.
[kids chattering]
(Dawn)
cy, what are you doing?
He's getting
really old.
(Ruby)
who's getting old?
Dad.
Come off it.
Dad's always getting old.
Ever since I've known him,
he's been getting old.
And he's known
him all his life.
The older I get,
the more I'm fascinated
by the aging process.
How mother nature
plays her little tricks.
That's why I
have so many babies.
Oh, it's the old
anti-nature routine, huh?
I got to make
a phone call.
I think crow's
on the phone.
Where is that guy?
I got my own phone anyway.
Hey, crow.
(crow)
how can they renegotiate
the contract?
What clause?
I never read that thing.
I've been
the number-one starter
for 3 years now.
I'm at the father-in-law's.
[slams down phone]
You ok?
Baseball:
It's a kid's game.
One day I'll
have to retire.
Hey, everybody's got
to grow up sometime.
Nobody likes getting old.
It's easy for you to say.
You can be an old producer.
You just can't be
an old baseball player.
I got a busload of lawyers.
You want a lawyer?
No, I got a lawyer.
I got an agent,
got an accountant,
got a business manager.
What I don't got
is a curveball.
This is when I was 8.
I miss the city.
The pollution,
The crime,
The noise.
I'm an emotional wreck.
I really am.
[switches on music]
%%[tired of being alone
by al green playing]
%% I'm so tired
of being alone %%
%% I'm so tired %%
Hi, Kane.
Oh, hi, Aunt Aggie.
How you doing?
Ok.
Gosh, you've grown up.
Thanks.
How was your ride out?
It was great.
Mom let me drive.
Yeah?
Yeah.
No!
Yeah, she did.
No!
It was great.
I bet it was.
Bye.
(Rolo)
oh, what are you
talking about?
The company can't
afford that. You know it.
Oh, Stavros,
why isn't the script ready?
That's no excuse,
the writer
doesn't speak English!
I mean,
you can't speak English.
Hold on a minute,
I got to change ears.
(radio commentator)
Anderson looks.
He sets and delivers,
and it's low and inside.
That will load
them up.
And I think
we may have seen
the last of Anderson.
And, yes,
that's gonna be it.
Here comes Davis
out of the dugout.
He's heading for
the mound and he's...
(Kane)
where should we go now?
(Flora)
how about the beach?
(all)
yeah!
(Emily)
but we don't have
our bathing suits.
(Dawn)
we'll go swimming this
afternoon. Hey, blue, come on!
[horn honks]
Did you bring
the list?
Get some brussels sprouts
while you're at it.
Brussels sprouts!
Lately,
I've been depressed.
I don't know if I can
do standup comedy
anymore, Levi.
I keep hiding
behind famous people
because it's easier.
[sighs]
I used to be funny.
I mean, I really was.
How can a person
wake up one day,
and suddenly not be funny?
I don't know.
Something's
wrong with me.
Maybe I need vitamins.
You ever get
like this, Levi?
No. My life is
90 percent memory.
Past. That's all there is.
I'm just happy I'm regular.
Got any jokes you
want to try on me?
Yeah.
All right,
maybe I'm old fashioned,
But I don't
approve of belly dancers.
I mean, why can't they dance
on the floor,
like everybody else?
Got any more?
Can I get this?
(Ruby)
oh, aggie,
is that necessary?
(Rose)
I want these.
Are you taking those, too?
Oh, absolutely.
You guys, hurry up!
[all chattering]
Do you have
enough money?
I paid.
Blue!
Blue, come on!
If I have to come and get you,
you're going to be
really sorry.
Blue, come on.
[kids chattering]
(Max)
what's he looking at?
(Kane)
yeah, what's the big deal?
%%[you better go now
by Billie holiday playing]
%% you better go now %%
%% because I like you
much, too much %%
%% you have a way with you %%
%% you better go now %%
%% because I like
you very much %%
%% the night was gay with you %%
%% there's the Moon above %%
%% and it gives my heart
a lot of swing %%
%% in your eyes there's love %%
%% and the way I feel %%
%% it must be spring %%
%% I want you so now %%
%% you have lips
I love to touch %%
%% you better go now %%
%% you'd better go because %%
"Rocket Gibraltar."
%% much, too much %%
%% there's the Moon above %%
It's yours if
you want it, blue.
Were you sleeping, grandpa?
I was dreaming.
Threatened
to vanish completely.
%% in your eyes there's love %%
%% and the way I feel %%
%% it must be spring %%
Drink this, grandpa.
Dawn and I made it fresh.
It's lemonade.
Thanks, blue.
It's good for you, grandpa.
It has vitamin c, I think.
Vitamin c.
[sighs]
%% I like you much, too much %%
%% you better go because %%
%% I like you much %%
%% too much %%
[whispering]
thanks, grandpa.
Just take it up.
Ok, guys,
here comes the food.
[all chattering]
Ok, looks good.
(Ruby)
we got a $10 million campaign.
"olfaction." a profile
of Cyrano de Bergerac's nose.
"the nose knows."
[chuckling]
"the nose knows!"
I love it.
Cyrano de Bergerac.
"the nose knows."
You want to be
my writer?
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.
Your wife can't
be your writer.
Oh, yeah?
Who says?
It just wouldn't be funny.
I guarantee it.
Well,
what about burns and Alan?
Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis?
I think I've outdone
myself with the fish.
It's the marinade.
It's all in the marinade,
darling, you know?
What is that on
top of it, Rolo?
It looks like dill.
You like vegetable?
Pay attention to Dwayne.
He's got a new joke
he wants to tell us.
It's about belly dancers.
You're on, Dwayne.
Dad, you're, like, putting
me on the spot here.
They're going to put
tomatoes on yo-yos,
so they can hit me twice.
[phone rings]
I got it.
Oh, no, not the phone.
Yeah, yeah, Rockwell.
The date of the week.
Oh, come on.
Is your wife there?
(Kane)
who's that?
Probably
Aunt Aggie's new B.F.
Yeah, that makes sense.
You think she's sexy?
Who, Aunt Agnes?
Uh-huh.
I wouldn't throw
her out of bed.
Yeah,
'cause you got
the top bunk.
Isn't my family great, Vinnie?
It's Tony.
I'm sorry.
My name's Tony.
I knew it ended with a "nie."
(Tony)
they're, um,
they're wonderful.
(aggie)
so, what's
your family like, Tony?
They're just
regular people.
Like us?
Yeah. Yeah.
Except, you know,
different.
Like, they're crazy.
Like, they're crazy
in a different way, you know.
They talk different.
[phone rings]
You want to go into the barn
and fool around?
What about your father?
It's ok.
He's sittin'
right over here.
It's all right. Come on!
(Rolo)
you're his agent,
why don't you do something?
What'd you get grandpa
for his birthday?
Nothing.
What did you get him?
I made him
a birthday card,
Made out of ice cream sticks,
glued on with Elmer's.
Ice cream sticks?
Yeah. 4 of them,
so they form the number 77.
I didn't get
him anything.
I didn't get
him anything.
Not me.
Nobody did.
(Dawn)
go ahead, Flora,
it's your pick.
(Flora)
what am I gonna do
with this card?
(Kane)
what's the score, guys?
(Orson)
13-8.
Whose favor?
His.
(Max)
ok, it's my serve.
(Max)
hey, where's blue going?
(Dawn)
I don't know.
I'm gonna take a look.
(Max)
hey, Dawn!
Come on, you guys.
[screams]
There he is.
Cy?
Hey, that's quite a roll.
Are you ok?
Yes.
Attaboy.
Gramps?
Yeah?
What do you want
for your birthday?
Peace on earth.
(Emily)
hmm?
Peace on earth, that's all.
(Kane)
peace on earth?
We mean, what would you
want for a present, grandpa?
Oh, I don't want anything.
A man like me
doesn't need anything.
Don't need ties.
Don't wear ties anymore.
I don't need socks.
Hell, I got more socks
than I could ever wear,
Even if I never
did another washing.
There's one thing, though.
Vikings say,
"cattle die, kin die,
one day even you shall die.
The only thing
that never dies
is judgment of the dead."
That's it. A funeral.
A proper funeral.
A Viking funeral.
What's a Viking?
I don't know.
Minnesota Vikings.
They wear purple uniforms.
No, Max. We're not talking
about football players.
We're talking about
Scandinavian Vikings.
Norsemen. Seamen.
Great seamen.
Come on.
Let's sit down
and face the sea.
1,000 years ago,
500 years before Columbus,
They crossed the Atlantic.
They had great ships,
magnificent vessels
for their time.
You see,
the sea was their whole life.
The sea and their boats.
And in celebrating death...
Yes, you could say
celebrating,
they used them both.
The families
of the great Vikings
Took the body
of their loved one
and put it on a ship.
They covered it with straw.
And as the sun was setting,
they cast
the boat into the water.
They built huge bonfires
on the beach.
The priest blew
into a ram's horn.
Then the men would light
the tips of their
arrows in the bonfires
And shoot them at the ship.
It must have
been so beautiful.
Fire on the water.
Legend has it
that if the color
of the setting sun
And the color
of the burning boat
are the same,
Then that Viking
has led a good life.
And in the afterlife
he will go to, uh...
Viking Heaven?
Yes, that's it. Exactly.
Something like that.
All night long,
the Viking men,
women, and children
Watched the burning
boat in the water.
When Dawn came,
only ashes were left.
Complete obliteration.
Carried by the currents
to the 4 corners of the earth.
Fresh. Beautiful.
Vanished completely.
Like a dream.
Kane, help me.
[groans]
Now, isn't that better
than being
buried in the earth?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
(Kane)
definitely the best way to go.
Buried in the earth,
the body decays.
It lies there dead, rotting
While slimy, starving worms
suck you to the very bone.
Not a pretty picture, is it?
(Emily)
no. We all like the Viking
funeral idea better.
I hate worms.
[sea roaring]
Come on, men.
(Levi)
nothing's so good as
a midnight pee in the ocean.
(boys)
nothing's as good as
a midnight pee in the ocean.
[kids laugh]
[bed creaking]
Dawn?
Go back to sleep, cy.
I got one question.
What's the question?
Can we give
the Rocket Gibraltar
to grandpa
For his
birthday present?
What are you talking about?
What is
the "Rocket Gibraltar"?
(Emily)
go back to bed, blue.
Go back to bed, blue.
You're waking everybody up.
We'll talk about
it in the morning.
I'll call you
tomorrow. Bye.
I'll see you
all tomorrow. Bye.
I'm telling you, Rose,
that girl has no shame.
Let's face it,
she's a tramp.
Do you really think so?
Do you remember
when dad caught her
In the barn with 4
basketball players?
I thought that was you.
(crow)
hey, where you
going, son?
(blue)
to get grandpa
his birthday present.
Hey, that's a good idea,
cy blue.
Hey, that reminds me,
I've got to get him
something.
What did you get him?
I don't know yet.
Dad, have you
seen blue?
Yeah, he's back there.
Said he's picking out
a present for your granddad.
Ok, so, I'm having dinner
with Charles Manson last night
And he says to me,
"Dwayne, is it hot in
here or am I crazy?"
See, that's a historical joke.
I'll let you know
When there's
a funny one coming.
(Emily)
blue, Dawn, wait up!
(Max)
I wish our bikes could
just fly, like in E.T.
Varoom!
(Kane)
oh, Max.
Real cute, Max.
Don't you get it?
E.T. Was a movie, we're real.
[panting]
I think it's Freudian.
Nymphomania is like hysteria.
Aided and abetted
by some abnormal
glandular condition.
So what does
that mean?
That I'm sick in the head
or sick in the body?
(Dwayne)
hmm.
What do you think?
Which one, huh, crow?
Huh?
Uh, I didn't hear
what you said.
(Levi)
where is everybody?
Morning, daddy.
Good morning, aggie.
How's my sweetheart?
(Dwayne)
good morning, sir.
Sir?
Sir? Didn't you ever see
leave it to beaver?
I'm doing Eddie Haskell.
It seems we have
a dog in the house.
(Ruby)
a dog, dad?
Uh-huh.
I heard one
moaning last night.
That's impossible.
Moaning and barking.
Well, didn't anybody hear it?
Oh, yeah. Come to think of it,
there was an awful racket.
(Rose and Ruby)
aggie.
Well, I didn't want for
Vinnie to think that--
Tony!
Ok, Tony.
I didn't want
to hurt his feelings.
To think I was faking
passion or anything.
So I added
a little bit of extra.
I don't remember
barking, though.
[barking]
[seagulls squawking]
(Kane)
what's the big secret?
Blue says we should fix up
the Rocket Gibraltar
And give it
to grandpa
for his birthday.
What would he want
this cruddy old boat for?
He says grandpa can
use it for his funeral.
Is grandpa gonna die?
No, grandpa's not
gonna die. Is he?
He's not gonna die.
Don't worry about it.
What is it, Dwayne?
Which do you prefer?
Ring dings or orange milanos?
Orange milanos.
Oh, good. Here.
[sputtering]
(Kane)
it might float.
(Orson)
how can we fix this up?
(Max)
at least it's something new.
Let's do it.
(Jessica)
yeah. It might be fun.
(Emily)
ok, you guys,
All in favor
of fixing up this cruddy boat
for grandpa's birthday
Raise their hand.
Yeah.
(Flora)
great. It's anonymous.
(Dawn)
hey, where's he going?
(Kane)
beats me.
See, Kane,
I told you to spell it "et."
It's still gonna take
some work, smart ass.
That's right.
Kane's being realistic.
Let's go.
I hope dad likes that book.
What the hell do
you get him, anyway?
I did like
the shape of that hat.
The color was all wrong.
Well, it's too expensive,
anyway.
What's too expensive?
God, I need to go
to the beach.
I don't know how anybody
can stand to wear clothes
in this heat.
We could go to
the topless beach.
Oh, that's great.
I forgot my hat,
anyway.
Fred Astaire tapes.
That's the ticket.
Yes.
Ok, guys,
we don't have all day.
Man, this tool box is heavy.
You got it?
Yeah, almost.
This is gonna be good, guys.
Come on.
Pump, blue, pump. Go.
(Orson)
hey, Max, wait up. Wait up!
Where'd Emily go?
She went to the library.
Watch it.
We got to get
power for the sander
from the house down there.
Now, unravel
the extension cord.
Tie it together.
(Orson)
what do I do with this again?
Take the 2 ends,
Tie them together,
Then plug it in.
Hope this works.
[sander running]
All right!
[all cheering]
Yeah.
(aggie)
I really don't care
if you call me a nympho.
It's a sure guarantee
I'll never do a porno.
Come again?
You really don't understand
anything about acting, do you?
A nympho who's an actress
couldn't do a porno
Because then it
wouldn't be acting.
It would be real.
That's the most
depressing thing
I've ever heard.
Hey, Rose, check it out.
[imitates a dog barking]
%%[sexpot performed
by Junior Walker playing]
(Ruby)
heh, heh,
look at that girl strut.
She's a healthy girl.
(Rose)
she's a sexpot.
(both)
%% she's a sexpot %%
%% hit a man's weak spot %%
%% she can't help
what she's got %%
%% 'cause what
she's got is real hot %%
%% oh %%
[blows whistle]
[whistles]
%% people gather round her %%
%% when she's on the floor %%
%% when she shakes
her body %%
%% it's like the third
world war %%
%% she's a killer, y'all %%
%% grooves, moves %%
%% bangs, bangs %%
%% knees, knees %%
%% dance, dance %%
%% shake, shake %%
%% shake, shake %%
%% when she shakes
that thing %%
%% shakes that thing %%
You can dress her up,
but you can't
take her anywhere.
%% hit a man's weak spot %%
(Emily)
soup's on. We got the food.
It's about time. I'm starving!
(Orson)
me, too.
(blue)
Emily, can I have
something to drink?
(Emily)
help yourself.
(Orson)
have a nice trip, blue?
(Dawn)
have any apples?
Can I have a red one, please?
[kids chattering]
(Jessica)
sit by me, Emily.
(Emily)
look at these.
(Orson)
yeah, just like
grandpa's model.
(Kane)
what you got, blue?
This one's pretty.
I like that picture.
(Kane)
man, who made
these sandwiches?
They are really good.
Dawn and Flora.
(Max)
good work.
(Orson)
hey, look at this sail.
[mumbling in Latin]
Hello, blue.
Hi, gramps.
I was hoping you'd come along.
Want to stay for lunch?
Sure.
You know, when people hear
me talking to myself,
They think I'm crazy.
Well, I know that I'm
not crazy, so I don't care.
Niagara falls.
Oh, I like fish.
I like to catch them,
cook them, and eat them.
Our lunch.
You're gonna like this.
A couple of bay leaves.
A little salt.
Stir.
(Jessica)
do you think
we'll have it ready in time?
(Kane)
we better.
(Dawn)
hey, guys, I saw something
we could use for a mast.
(Jessica)
it's about time.
(Max)
hooray.
Can I have the sand paper?
(Kane)
stop looking around
and get to work. Come on.
Can you give me
that pillow
over there? Please?
Hey, Dawn.
Now, ain't that the best
food you ever tasted?
Yeah, it's real good.
Man is smarter than fish.
Man eats fish,
fish don't eat man.
[mumbles]
What are you saying?
Except for the what?
Shark in jaws.
Shark in jaws? Ha, ha.
Well, you got me there.
The shark in jaws
is the exception
that proves the rule.
There's plenty more, you know.
Do you want another one?
Eat some more.
[screaming]
Ok, come on.
Let's go in.
No, I don't want
to go in tide pools.
We'll play frisbee,
then. Come on.
I don't want
to play frisbee.
Oh, Ro.
Crow,
you want to play frisbee?
No, I'm gonna
go jogging.
It will get your
mind off baseball.
No, I never throw
anything plastic.
[all chattering]
Oh!
[panting]
You know, this must be
one of the best
books ever written.
Something you wrote?
Unfortunately not.
Have you ever read it?
No. I faint at
the sight of blood.
You know, Billi, you really
ought to get some sun.
I don't like the sun.
Then why come to the beach?
I like the beach,
I just don't like the sun.
Oh.
Right. Well,
that explains everything.
Where is everyone?
They're playing frisbee.
Oh, I detest frisbee.
If anyone wants to know,
I'm going to play golf.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, if I could just avoid
these damn sand
traps everywhere.
Hey, guys, I got the sail!
All right!
Help me unfold it.
(Jessica)
hey, where'd you
find those?
(Kane)
all right. You guys
put yours down.
(Max)
great job, guys.
Where'd you find it?
Put it in the boat.
It was just down
there a little ways.
Somebody
untangle that rope.
Ok, you ready?
Keep it upwards.
(Emily)
down, don't you mean?
Down. Well, I meant...
(Dawn)
got it?
Ok, it's going in.
(Kane)
watch it.
And in!
(Emily)
all right!
Ok. Come on.
Let's help them with this.
(blue)
Kane, can I paint it, too?
(Kane)
yeah. Sure.
There's an extra brush.
You're good.
I'm having
so much fun at this job.
I'm so glad I was nominated
to supervise the operation.
(all)
heave ho!
Heave, heave, heave, heave.
(Kane)
I'll help Orson.
(Orson)
we're really doing it!
%%[playing harmonica]
[sighs]
[grunts]
Grandpa?
Blue? Blue,
where are you going?
(Jessica)
what's the little turd
up to now?
He's just weird.
Blue's got this thing.
He's psychotic.
Definitely.
No, I mean he's psychic.
He knows stuff.
Blue?
Blue?
Blue?
Where are you going?
Blue.
Blue, what are you doing?
It's grandpa, Dawn.
Something happened
to grandpa.
Grandpa?
Grandpa?
He's not up there, Dawn.
Grandpa?
Gramps?
Gramps.
Grandpa? Oh, grandpa!
Oh, my God.
Grandpa? Grandpa?
Dawn, what are
we gonna do?
The most important
thing is not to panic.
Yeah, that's it.
Don't panic.
Understand?
Yeah, don't panic.
Right, now,
I saw something like this
in health class.
The most important
thing is not to panic.
I'm not panicking.
Ok. Now,
help me roll
grandpa over.
Run into the kitchen
and get me a glass of water.
And call Dr. B.
His number's up
next to the fridge.
[groaning]
Dr. B. Wasn't there,
but I talked to some lady.
She said
she would tell him.
What the hell
am I doing here?
You fainted, grandpa.
Yeah, you fainted.
Help me.
Hi, grandpa.
(Kane)
hi, gramps.
So what was the big hurry, cy?
I had to go to the bathroom.
You could have
peed in the field.
But I wanted
to use the bathroom.
(Max)
what's going on?
Yeah, what is going on?
Come on,
you guys,
leave him alone.
We'll tell
you later.
Yes. Yes, that's right.
We ordered the large tent.
Uh-huh.
Ok. Now, I think
the blue-and-white
striped one is fine.
Just a minute.
Let me ask my brother.
Rolo?
What?
Should we get the striped tent
or the polka dot?
The polka dot.
The striped one
is fine.
Ok. Tomorrow morning.
(Dr. B.)
hi, everyone!
Hi, Dr. B.
Great. Bye.
Can I
fix you a drink?
Oh, no!
Oh, no, no.
No thanks, rosy,
That's
very kind of you,
But, uh,
I've had enough already.
Everywhere I go today,
everybody's having a party
And they keep offering me
liquid refreshments.
It's too hot a day
to say no.
Where's the old geezer?
He's up in his room
resting, doc.
Sure you won't
have a little martini?
Well,
maybe on my way out, Rosey.
Keep it chilled.
[both giggling]
Hi, doc.
(Levi)
hello, doc.
What have you
got for me today?
(Dr. B.)
I'm just going
to look you over.
See how
you're behaving.
[birds cawing]
(Kane)
this radio Mike
is a great idea.
Not to mention that
it came from a girl.
Oh, yeah?
Well, if this doesn't work,
Kane, you're the fall guy.
That radio Mike
cost dad $120.
It'll work.
Take off your shirt.
[blue whispering]
careful. Watch out.
(Kane)
don't worry.
It's all
under control.
Come on.
Come on.
(Orson)
yeah!
Great shot!
(Max)
nice, Kane.
Yeah!
[breathing deeply]
One more.
All right.
Now, put your shirt on.
(Orson)
turn it up higher.
(Flora)
shh.
(Dr. B.)
pear Brandy, doc.
It worked!
20th century.
What will they
think of next?
Are we celebrating
something?
Yeah,
The 2 docs.
To the pair-a-docs.
(both)
to the pair-a-docs!
[both laughing]
(Billi)
hey, what are you
children up to?
(Kane)
quiet.
(Emily)
turn it down.
It's Princess Di.
Hi, mom.
Bloody hi to you, too.
What's going on up there?
We're planning
a surprise.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's it,
a surprise
for grandfather.
Why don't you surprise us
And get cleaned up
and dressed for supper?
Ok, mom.
We'll be down
in 5 minutes.
There's something
I've always wanted
to ask you, hank.
Yeah?
You've never quite forgiven me
for marrying Helen, have you?
Well, to tell you the truth,
at the time of...
At the time,
I thought
She was making
the worst mistake
of her life.
I said, "Helen,
"how can you marry
that idealistic,
"card-carrying pencil pusher
when you could have me?
"damn fine doctor,
a man who loves you,
"a man who wants to give you
everything you want in life.
Now don't say
you don't love me, Helen,
because I know you do."
And what'd she say?
She said...
She said that...
Now, you remember
how young she was.
She was...
17.
You--you were
twice that.
She always
had that, uh...
Wisdom.
She said:
"hank, I am
going to marry Levi...
"not because I don't love you,
because I love you very much.
But it's because I love you
that I'm marrying Levi."
She said that?
She did.
Confused me no end.
And then she said,
"the reason
I'm marrying Levi
"and not you has
nothing to do with love.
"the reason
I'm marrying Levi
"is that he needs me
and I need him.
It's that simple."
That's what she said.
Sounds like Helen.
Do you hear
an echo in here, doc?
There it is again.
An echo.
Every time we spe--
It's gone now, huh.
I must be
hearing things.
You know,
not a day went by...
Not a day goes by
that I don't think of Helen.
Our wonderful,
lovely, wise Helen.
She was only human.
And I couldn't save her
from the cancer.
You're a fine doctor,
hank,
But you're not God.
Not yet.
Hey, come on.
Let's not get gloomy.
It's almost your birthday,
doc.
One more drink
and I'm off.
How long have I got, hank?
Huh?
Don't con me.
Not now.
How long?
Like you just said, Levi,
I ain't God.
Please.
2 weeks, maybe 3?
Maybe shmaybe.
Your guess is
as good as mine.
What's it all about,
hank?
How the hell
should I know?
You're the poet.
I'm only the doctor.
Would you believe
2 years?
2 months? 2 days?
Now, get some sleep.
I'll see you tomorrow.
He's gonna be
all right,
isn't he, doc?
Oh, sure, son.
Sure, he just
needs some rest,
that's all.
By the way,
how's that arm of yours?
I read about it in the paper.
The arm's all right,
it's the damn shoulder.
I got some kind of
a rotator cuff problem.
(Dr. B.)
rotator cuff?
I never heard of it.
But then again,
I'm from the, uh,
bob feller-dizzy
Dean generation.
Anyway,
good luck with it.
Dr. Bonacker?
Are you sure
dad's gonna be
all right?
Well, sure,
I'm sure.
He's not gonna die,
is he?
Die? Ha!
Your father will
outlive us all.
Ruby,
I never told you this,
but, uh,
Your father's
a hypochondriac.
He is.
He's the worst I ever met.
He just wants the attention,
that's all.
Well, tomorrow he gets
all the attention, right?
Right, Dr. B.
Good.
You'll see.
Tomorrow he'll be up
And dancing around
like Fred Astaire.
Thanks, doctor.
Ing]
Come on.
Come on.
Oh, kids, nobody's
eating the hamburgers
and the hot dogs.
Do you know
how I slaved?
Mangia.
Mangia.
I got shrimps.
Who wants shrimps?
[all chattering]
Who's that?
Aunt Aggie's new boyfriend.
What about the Guy
that was here last night?
That was last night.
Oh, ok.
[laughing]
Pass the salad.
Please.
Please,
pass the salad.
All right.
Butthole.
[all chattering]
Gin, something.
Gin, like--
Your old man wants
to say something.
Something
you've probably heard
many times before.
But maybe these little bums
will find this funny.
I'm talking about the 1950s.
A long time ago.
30 years ago,
when I was a blacklisted
teacher and writer
Trying to feed
my growing family,
I, believe it or not,
turned to comedy.
Yeah.
In the dark days
of McCarthyism,
The cold war,
and I like Ike,
When you were just
little boys and girls,
Just like them,
I became a comic.
Yeah.
Any requests?
Garden of Eden.
No.
Garden of Eden.
Now, that was
a long time ago.
I remember all the trouble
in the garden of Eden.
The trouble that started
when Eve bit into
that piece of fruit.
I had the same problem myself,
down in Mexico.
[all laughing]
But there's something
that always bothered me.
You take Adam and Eve.
I mean, Adam was
an incredibly handsome man.
And Eve was an indescribably
beautiful woman.
So where did all
you ugly people
come from?
Hey, hey, hey.
Now, now, now.
I'm a peaceful man.
How peaceful are you,
Levi?
I'm so peaceful
I'm not even antibiotic.
But, seriously, folks.
Seriously, folks.
I know a girl who
was pure, really pure.
(Rolo)
how pure was she, dad?
She was so pure,
she was considered
A fanatic in
the virgin islands.
Was she dull?
Ho, ho, ho,
was she dull?
She had to go topless
just to be a wallflower.
Come on, let's go.
(Levi)
let me tell you something
else about this lady.
Where are you guys going?
You'll see.
I guess they
don't like comedy.
More. More. More.
All right,
this girl's
got a sister,
And the sister
is not pure.
Has this girl
been around?
Has she been around?
She knows 6 house detectives
by their first knock.
She's crossed more state lines
than a greyhound bus.
You see,
she wants to love everybody.
Problem is,
that she does it
to one person at a time.
Women are getting bigger.
Women are getting bigger.
But if you don't think
women are getting bigger,
When was the last time
you heard of one
of them drowning?
[all laughing]
Hey, dad,
what about
water pollution?
Oh, yes, water pollution.
Well, water pollution.
Let me tell you
how bad water pollution is.
Half the scuba equipment
that's being sold
Is being sold
to the fishes.
[all laughing]
Is your wife Irish?
Is my wife Irish?
I don't know if she's Irish.
I think she's Irish.
Every time I eat her cooking,
I turn green.
Now, I don't want
to say she's getting fat,
But this morning,
we had to let out the sofa.
Ah, the 4th of July.
Now, there's
an interesting holiday.
You try explaining
to your kids that
they can't buy fire crackers
While the government's
buying h-bombs.
[all exclaiming]
Whoo!
This next tune's going out
to Levi Rockwell
Celebrating his 77th
birthday in Sagaponack.
%%[I can't explain
by David bowie playing]
[all cheering]
%% new feeling inside %%
%% it's a hot certain kind %%
%% I feel hot and cold %%
%% down my soul, baby %%
%% I can't explain %%
%% going out of my mind %%
%% dizzy in the head,
and I'm feeling blue %%
%% things you say
well maybe they're true %%
%% I get funny dreams
again and again %%
%% knows what it means, but %%
%% can't explain %%
%% I think it's love %%
[panting]
Oh!
[breathing heavily]
[sighs]
[crowd jeering]
[sighs]
Ahem.
[crowd booing]
[crowd roaring]
Oh, yeah.
It's back.
The voodoo curveball is back!
Kane?
Kane, look at crow.
Look at crow...
He's got
his curveball back.
Where?
He was there just
a minute ago.
Honest.
He got his curveball back.
I'm not kidding.
Yeah,
and elephants can fly.
No, really,
I saw it.
Go back to sleep.
You have to learn
to tell the difference
Between what's a dream
and what's real.
Now, go back to sleep
or I'll make you go
back in the house.
[whistling]
Good morning,
Amanda.
Good morning
to you, too.
My God.
Do people
actually look this good
so early in the morning?
I'm in love.
That's nice.
Have you told
your husband?
It is my husband.
What do you mean?
Never mind.
Morning, glories.
Morning.
Hi.
Hi.
She's in love.
Oh.
And with her own
husband to boot.
Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Crow's got
his voodoo
curveball back.
Oh, Miracle
of miracles.
Maybe now
he'll stop being
such a pain in the neck.
Here.
Morning.
[birds chirping]
Your sister's glowing
Because crow has got
his voodoo curveball back.
It's too early for
sexual innuendoes
and double-entendres.
I'm very happy for you,
Rose.
Really.
Whatever it is.
Well, I just hope
you and Mr. Black,
Mr. Stud had a very
enjoyable evening
last night
While some of us
were trying to sleep.
Don't blame me,
Jack, it was crow.
I was up all night, too.
Morning.
Don't look at me
like that.
It wasn't me
who was barking.
I swear.
[all giggling]
[birds chirping]
[whistle blowing]
[all shouting]
Quiet, blue.
How?
You have
to say how?
How, cy?
How will we get
the Rocket Gibraltar here
for grandpa's birthday?
Kid's got a point.
I'll ask mom.
We've got
a trailer hitch on our van.
Yeah, there's an old boat
trailer in the barn.
Great idea.
I want to get dressed.
I don't know about you guys.
(Dawn)
I'm going back to bed.
Morning.
Ah, crow, you old boy,
I got something
for you, buddy boy.
Here.
It's just
what I need.
I think
the orange juice
growers of America
Must have invented
these things.
Aroom!
Aroom!
Excuse me, mo.
Um, the new York times
doesn't have a comic section.
Oh!
Is that number 2?
Well, number 2
is the killer rule!
The secret of
a really great...
Ah!
[sobbing]
Ag, what is it?
[sobbing]
Ag, what's the matter?
Listen, you,
if you've done anything
to hurt my sister, I'm gonna--
No,
it's not that.
What is it?
I just miss mom.
Every time I see this bowl,
All I can think
of is poor mom.
[crying]
You don't even remember her.
Nobody ever
talks about her.
It's like
she never even existed.
Aggie,
we all miss mom.
Yeah,
I miss her all the time.
Can we go visit
mom's grave, please?
(Rose)
today?
Yeah, I mean,
right now.
The party's
almost taken care of.
Please, Ruby? Please.
Why not?
Anything to stop
this childish display
of sentimentality.
Dwayne, lighten up.
(Dwayne)
I'm just kidding.
Dad's still asleep.
But we'll leave him a note.
(Billi)
I think it's a perfectly
charming idea.
Beautiful Sunday,
bouquets of flowers,
remembrance of things past.
A grave,
depression, death.
(Ruby)
Dwayne?
I'm just kidding.
(blue)
poor grandma.
What?
Poor grandma.
Oh, yeah,
poor grandma.
Bad worms.
Worms?
Yeah, worms.
What do you mean,
worms?
Worms.
Really icky worms.
They ate up grandma.
What did he say?
Worms.
Kids,
this is where your grandpa's
Going to be
buried when he dies.
But--
But what if
he doesn't want
to be buried there?
This is our
family plot, Orson.
One day we'll all
be buried here.
(Flora)
I still say we ask them.
(Emily)
are you kidding?
(Jessica)
we can't ask them.
(Max)
they don't understand
anything. I hate them.
(Dawn)
Max, you said that already.
But what are we gonna do?
Poor grandpa. Worms.
(Monsieur Henri
work! Work! Work!
[all chattering]
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I know it's Sunday,
damn it, but, no--
We're already 3 weeks behind
and you
haven't even started yet!
[helicopter hovering]
What?
What?
Oh, what do you mean
you got director's block?
Who do you think
you are? Nic Ray?
Looks like my ride's here.
Well, so long, old guy.
Hey, I want
to leave this with you.
Don't get up.
If you get a minute,
you might want
to watch me, you know.
I will.
Well, goodbye.
Keep the ball down,
stay ahead of the batters.
You bet.
Happy birthday.
[people chattering]
Hey.
(Rolo)
I can't believe you're leaving
right before dad's party!
I haven't got time to party,
I got to go play ball!
Besides, I wish
you'd all wise up, huh?
This isn't Levi's party.
Look at all this.
This is your party.
Watch the game!
It's dedicated to doc!
So long!
(all)
bye!
Bye!
Bye-bye!
See you.
%%[don't explain
by Billie holiday playing]
%% hush now, don't explain %%
%% just say you'll remain %%
%% unless you're mad %%
[knocking at door]
Come in.
%% don't explain %%
Hi, dad.
Sit down.
%% my love %%
I got to have
someone sit down
with me
When I listen
to Billie holiday,
otherwise I cry.
Getting sentimental?
No, it's just that, uh,
Sometimes
I lose control.
%% skip that %%
Happy birthday.
%% lipstick %%
%% don't explain %%
Oh, dear, dear.
Presents.
"to dad."
%% you know that I love you %%
%% and what loving does %%
%% all my thoughts are real %%
Sorry, dad.
%% for I'm
so completely yours %%
It's the room
and the music.
%% try to hear folks chatter %%
They still
remind me of mom.
%% and I know you cheat %%
%% right or wrong,
don't matter %%
%% when you're with me, sweet %%
Ruby.
Why, this is wonderful.
Jackson Pollock.
The man was
a pompous ass.
But, oh, his work.
You couldn't give me....
Look.
%% my life's your love %%
My, oh my.
Will you come down
in a little while?
Yeah, I'll be
along in a little bit.
I just want to look
at this for a minute.
Thanks, Ruby.
%% you know that I love you %%
%% and what loving does %%
%% all my thoughts are real %%
You must be especially...
How do you say?
Careful to empty
the ashtray
of the guests.
This you must do
every 10 minutes.
I don't wish to see
cigarette buttocks
All over the nice
fresh grass.
[speaking French]
Ok.
(Dawn)
what are we gonna do?
Well, does anybody
have any ideas?
Go ahead, cy.
You are the boy genius.
Cy, you can
put your hand
down now.
I think we should ask grandpa.
He'll know what we should do.
That makes no sense.
Sure it does.
Sure it does.
What are you,
an echo?
What if grandpa
told our
moms and dads
He wanted
a Viking funeral?
(Kane)
they'd have him committed
in 2 seconds flat.
No,
they wouldn't.
They love him
as much as we do.
Maybe even more.
No.
If he told them,
They'd have
to help us move
the boat to the house.
Brilliant, blue!
Brilliant!
IC playing]
[people chattering]
[knocking on door]
[sighs]
Hi, daddy.
Geez, you all look like
you've seen a ghost.
Are you ok, dad?
I'm fine.
I couldn't be better.
Dwayne, would you
turn that record, please.
Well, now, tell me,
how's my
birthday party going?
Fine. Everyone's
having fun.
Happy birthday,
dad.
%%[foolin' myself
by Billie holiday playing]
%% I tell myself %%
I love you all very much.
Love you too,
dad.
I must be getting old.
What do you got there?
It ain't a tie, dad.
Thank God for that.
I don't have much
use for ties anymore.
Let me see what we got here.
%% I'm just foolin' myself %%
Oh, that's...
[all laughing]
I'll read this later.
Should I
give you a hint?
%% you're the top.
You're the-- %%
Honey, you're beautiful,
but don't sing.
[all laughing]
I'm just kidding.
%% I'm just foolin' myself %%
Fred Astaire movies.
Well, I'll be damned.
Fred Astaire, Rita Hayworth.
You always said
if you could be like
anybody else,
You'd be like
Fred Astaire.
Actually, it was
your mom who said that.
She said that
If she could
marry anyone but me
It would have
to be Fred Astaire.
Mom loved to dance.
I suppose I should go down
to my own party.
But I think I'll stay
here a little while longer.
%% and every time I see you
in a crowd %%
Billi, could you put that on?
%% I'm just %%
You know,
it's always good
To wait till the last minute
before you make your entrance.
More dramatic that way.
%% I pass %%
%% and see myself
in the looking glass %%
%% I tip my hat and say %%
%% "how do you do %%
Well, don't look
at me like that.
I mean, if you insist
upon staring at me,
%% I tell myself %%
I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.
%% I'm through with love %%
Why don't you
just go downstairs
and have some fun?
You all still know
what fun is, don't you?
You'll come down soon,
though, won't you, dad?
Sure. I'll be down.
I just want to stay here
and enjoy Fred and Rita,
Billie and Jackson.
%% I'm acting proud %%
I'll be down
to blow out the candles.
%% and every time
I see you in a crowd %%
Strawberry shortcake?
Yeah,
strawberry shortcake, dad.
(aggie)
hurry up, all right?
%% I'm just foolin' myself %%
%% and I mean it %%
%% just foolin' myself %%
(Kane)
come on, hurry up.
The party's already started.
%%[music playing]
Jeez, look at this place.
We'll never get
The rocket into
the backyard now.
(Jessica)
they're probably
drunk by now, anyway.
(Flora)
what a zoo.
(Emily)
these people must be
desperate for fun.
(Billi)
what happened to you?
Everyone's been worried sick.
Now, upstairs and get washed.
Oh, mom.
What's the matter?
We didn't get
grandpa's present
because...
That's all right.
It doesn't matter, darling.
Yes, it does, mom.
We got him
something real special.
(Ruby)
hey, kids, come on,
Get with it,
everybody's waiting for you.
Who's everyone?
(Rose)
hey, come on,
get upstairs,
Change your clothes.
Let's have some fun.
(Max)
we hate fun.
There's plenty of food.
We're not hungry.
(Rolo)
what's this gang up to, huh?
They're not hungry.
They hate fun,
And they're not
joining the party.
As long as you are
members of this family
You're expected to
attend your grandfather's
birthday party
Which your parents
have spent weeks organizing.
So, I want you to go upstairs,
get dressed,
and when you come back,
I expect you to party hearty.
Come on!
%%[Shorty George
by Jerome kern and
Johnny mercer playing]
%% high stepper
is Shorty George %%
%% black pepper
is Shorty George %%
%% he dances to pay the rent %%
%% and to see that
you are solid sent %%
%% say mister can you
spare a penny %%
Is he?
I think so.
You mean
you can't tell?
How should I know?
I'm not a doctor.
You touch him.
%% I don't know how many %%
%% 'cause he's dancin
all the time %%
%% papa's dressed up
mighty sporty %%
%% momma's snoozin'
in the shade %%
%% but while momma's
catchin' 40 %%
What's she doing?
Turning up the sound loud.
%% down to my soul, baby %%
[turns tape player off]
%% get hip
to Shorty George %%
%% hop, skip to
Shorty George %%
(Dawn)
oh, no.
I'd say he's dead.
Now he'll never
see our present.
(Kane)
you're right.
Grandpa?
I'll get mom.
Wait.
What are we gonna do?
They're gonna bury
him in the family plot.
There's only one
thing we can do.
We got to get him out
of here, and put him
on the Rocket Gibraltar.
(Kane)
yeah, right.
Dad?
Mom, shh,
wait outside.
Are you crazy?
Um, we need
some private time
with grandpa.
He's listening
to David bowie.
Grandpa's listening
to David bowie?
Yeah,
he's his favorite singer.
His favorite singer
is Billie holiday.
David's his
favorite new singer.
Yeah, that's it.
Ma, ma, ma, come on,
that's why we need
some privacy.
He's really
getting into it.
Yeah.
He's in another world.
Sure. He loves it.
Oh, he does?
(both)
yeah. Get hip, ma.
Uh, we'll be down
in a few minutes.
Ok?
Ok. But come down soon,
and bring your grandfather.
We're about to light
the candles on the cake.
Do you promise
you'll hurry up?
We promise.
Wow,
that was close.
Well done, you guys.
Outstanding.
Come on,
we've got to hurry.
We've got to get
grandpa out of here.
Ok, you 3,
Go get the bows and arrows,
and gasoline and stuff.
Somebody get some
ties out of the closet.
(Emily)
boy, he's heavy.
(Kane)
come on. Hold on.
(Max)
I'm losing him.
Just hold on.
(Jessica)
but he's too heavy.
(Max)
wait, I can't
hold on anymore.
(Emily)
oh, no!
(Flora)
is he hurt?
(Jessica)
I don't think
he felt a thing.
You guys hang here.
I'm gonna check outside.
What for?
A getaway car.
[birds chirping]
[people chattering]
Boo!
Worms.
Nope. No worms.
My God, it's adults.
And they're dressed.
(Dawn)
cy, hurry, hurry!
(Emily)
cy, get in quick.
(Kane)
come on, hurry up.
You know where
the brakes are?
One of these
pedals down here.
[engine starting]
Ok, let's move.
Come on, let's go.
Sorry.
Excuse me, please.
Streisand's great,
but she's not right for it.
I think it's time
to get dad and
roll out the cake.
Yeah, good idea.
I hope the kids
are dressed.
[laughing]
(Max)
no worms.
No worms.
[people chattering]
Where the hell's my van?
Dwayne? Rolo?
They're gone.
(Rolo)
what?
They're gone.
I said, they're gone.
(Rose)
what'd she say?
She said they're gone.
Who's gone?
They took my van!
Somebody took my van!
(aggie)
who?
(Rose)
Monsieur Henri,
what happened to your accent?
[police radio chattering]
(all)
no worms! No worms! No worms!
No worms! No worms! No worms!
I can't believe it!
Calm down.
Now, who's gone?
The kids. Dad.
They're not in the house.
Are you sure?
Sure I'm sure.
I checked everywhere.
Oh, that's terrific.
Kane?
(Rose)
cy!
(Dwayne)
Max!
(Rolo)
Kane!
(Rose)
Max!
Cy!
Their bikes are still there.
Maybe the kids took the van.
(Billi)
where would
those rascals go?
Do you suppose dad
took them for a ride
somewhere?
Hey, great party.
Congratulations.
Doc,
he's not up there.
Where the hell is he?
We're trying to find out.
Their bikes
are still here.
We know, aggie.
Must have gone out
somewhere together.
Where to?
I don't know.
On a Joy ride
in that van!
Oh, you think dad went
driving with the kids?
No, no,
I think Kane--
Hey! Hey! Hey!
I got to tell you something.
Levi's heart couldn't
withstand a long pee
Much less an escapade
in a bumpy van.
What?
Your father
has an aneurysm
in his aorta.
He's had it
for some time.
He'll be lucky if he
lasts out the month.
I didn't want to
tell you. I'm sorry.
I've got to get
back to the hospital.
When you find him,
give him this, will you?
It's an old picture
of your mother.
(Dr. B.)
call me
if you need me.
(Kane)
come on, let's get
the rocket down here.
(Dawn)
what about the bonfire?
We'll get grandpa in the boat,
then we'll gather driftwood.
(blue)
ok, guys.
(Dawn)
come on, let's go.
[all grunting]
(Orson)
I'm trying.
(Dawn)
come on.
[all grunting]
(Kane)
come on, let's push.
(Ruby)
let's try the harbor.
(Rose)
no, let's try sag main beach.
(Kane)
almost got it.
(Emily)
just a couple more inches.
[all grunting]
(Kane)
let's get grandpa.
Where could they be?
I don't know.
But now that I think
about it,
They've been acting really
strange all weekend.
You know,
it's things like that,
That makes me glad
I don't have kids.
What could dad be thinking?
(Kane)
almost there. Come on.
(Emily)
yeah, we got him.
Here's some wood over here.
(Orson)
I got a big one.
(Flora)
pile it on.
(Dawn)
that ought to do it.
Can we light it now?
(all)
yeah!
Not until we get
the boat in the water.
Come on, let's get it.
[engine starting]
Happy birthday,
grandpa.
This is your present
from us.
No worms, grandpa.
(Jessica)
yeah.
(Kane and Dawn)
yeah.
Let's go.
(Dawn)
ok. Come on. Ready?
[police siren wailing]
[all grunting]
(Orson)
come on, guys.
We can do it.
(Kane)
push.
Ok, stop.
I told you,
I left my registration
in my pocketbook.
You're supposed
to have--
Officer,
we're--
I wasn't
talking to you.
Good afternoon.
I suggest you all
get back in your cars.
Officer,
I can explain everything.
We were in the middle
of a birthday party
when we discovered...
(blue)
come on, Kane,
get it all around.
(Max)
when can we light the fire?
Well, when can we?
Soon.
Come on.
Faster.
Let's go.
Now can we light
the bonfire?
(all)
yeah.
(Kane)
no, we have to get
the boat in the water.
[police siren wailing]
[tires screeching]
(Dawn)
oh, come on.
We almost got it.
Come on.
(Kane)
we're almost there.
[all grunting]
Ok, let's light
the bonfire.
(Rose)
where should we go now?
(Ruby)
we'll look from the dunes.
(Flora)
who's going to
shoot the arrow?
(Kane)
Orson and me.
(Jessica)
oh, come on!
Sorry.
[tires screeching]
(Kane)
get this in the water.
Come on.
There they are. That's them.
What the hell
are they doing?
(Ruby)
there's a weird little boat.
Do you see dad?
Oh, no.
My God!
What?
Come on, guys!
Kane!
Let's go!
Get the arrows, quick!
(Dawn)
come on, Kane. You can do it!
[all yelling]
(aggie)
stop!
(Jessica)
quick, come on!
Kane!
(Rose)
no!
[cheering]
[all cheering]
(Levi)
their whole life was the sea,
the sea and their boats.
And so, in celebrating death,
Yes, you could say
celebrating,
They used both.
The families of
the Vikings would put the body
Of their
loved one on the ship,
Cover it with straw,
And then as
the sun was setting,
cast it away into the water.
They would light huge bonfires
on the beach,
Then the Vikings would light
the tips of their
arrows in the bonfire
And shoot them at the ship.
Oh, it must have
been so beautiful.
Fire on the water.
Legend has it
that if the color
of the setting sun
And the color of
the burning ship
were the same,
Then that Viking
had led a good life,
and in the afterlife
He would go to Viking Heaven.
Yes.
All night long,
the Viking men,
women, and children
Watched the ship with the body
that burned on the water.
By Dawn,
all that was left was ashes.
Complete obliteration.
Carried by the currents
to the 4 corners of the earth.
Fresh and beautiful.
Vanished completely.
Like a dream.
(Jessica)
yeah, who?
(Ruby)
well, your Uncle Rolo,
aunt Rose, Aunt Aggie.
She's neat.
And all your cousins.
It will be fun.
But what will we do?
Yeah, what?
Well, remember last year,
you loved the tree house.
You watched the home movies
your grandpa made of us
When we were kids.
Did we bring
our cameras?
There's the house.
(Max)
ow! My foot!
Now, I know how
Columbus felt: Shlumpy.
Hi, dad.
Looks like we're
the first ones here.
How you feeling,
dad?
Oh, I can't complain.
Hi, grandpa.
Did you miss me?
Oh, I've missed
you both.
Max.
Hiya, Max.
Hi, gramps.
How are you?
How are you,
Dwayne?
What you see is
what you get, Levi.
Your luck
changed?
What? Luck?
No, luck hasn't changed.
In fact, this is true,
Last week
I caught a cold,
And I got some
of that new stuff
That opens up
your nasal passages
And while they were open,
I caught another cold.
So, luck hasn't changed.
Is that
your baby sister?
Who else?
Female Warren Beatty.
(Dwayne)
takes a licking
but keeps on ticking.
"I'm ready for my close-up,
Mr. Demille."
[laughs]
Oh, aggie.
Hi, daddy.
How you feeling?
I feel great.
Just seeing you
makes me feel good.
Yeah?
(crow)
ok. Good enough.
Good work, guys.
Kind of stupid,
isn't it?
I thought you were
supposed to fill
this up yesterday.
Why do I always
have to take care
of everything?
Why?
Because it's
the summertime,
And I'm not even
supposed to be here.
But you are here.
Oh?
Would you two
grow up!
See,
now you got
the kids into it.
[woman laughing]
Hi. How's it going?
(Rose)
hi.
What's with crow?
Oh, don't you
read the papers?
Yes, but the ones I
read don't have comics.
Oh, well,
he lost his curveball.
You know pitchers,
they're all head cases.
Where's dad?
Oh, he's out
by the pool.
(Dwayne)
all right then, be that way.
Grandpa!
[Levi laughing]
Well, I'll be...
Dawn.
Oh, the windmill!
Are you going
to stand there all day?
[Levi laughing]
Cy blue.
(Dawn)
blue!
Go on, get outta here.
Put this on, dad.
Oh, don't fuss me, Ruby.
You'll catch
a chill.
[car approaching]
It's Billi and Rolo.
(boy)
you stink.
(Kane)
should I put it
in park, mom?
Well done, darling.
Thanks, mom.
That was outstanding.
(Rolo)
yeah, right.
Ok. Yeah.
Ok, but we do have
some alternatives.
We could fire him.
We could hire
a coach or...
Grandpa!
Grandpa!
Hi, aunt Ruby.
How are you,
gramps?
Hi, gramps.
(girl)
hi, aunt Ruby.
Was that you, Kane,
behind the wheel of that van?
Yeah, Billi let me drive
from the gas station.
Well, I'll be darned.
Guys,
come on up!
Yeah,
come on up!
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Where's Rolo?
In the van,
on the phone.
Hello, doc.
[Levi laughs]
I see you're
teaching the young pup
some new tricks, eh?
Well, as we used to say
in good old London town,
If you can't teach
an old dog new tricks,
get a new one.
How's the writing
coming?
Very nicely, thank you.
I've been hired
to do a screenplay.
Who said
nepotism was dead?
It's not for his studio.
It's--it's a cross between
in the heat of the night
And Beverly Hills cop.
You know,
high-concept with top spin.
Eddie Murphy plays
an agent who stumbles
Onto a murder case
in south Africa.
I'm quite sure it
will be a big Summer hit.
Black comedy, huh?
Sounds like
a great picture.
Where's everyone?
In the kitchen.
Come on.
You want anything,
dad?
No, I'm all right.
We'll see you later.
You bet.
Hey, hey, hey, it's me,
Rolo Rockwell!
He's matured quite a bit,
don't you think?
You wouldn't
believe the traffic
on the l.I.E. It was murder!
It's a good thing
you were on the phone
all the time.
Happy birthday, dad.
A bit overdressed,
aren't you, son?
Well, I came
right from work, dad.
How is
the movie business?
Is this a trick question?
Don't ask.
Dad, I need your opinion.
Writers don't have
opinions. Only words.
Producers have opinions.
Thanks, dad.
You look great,
dad. You really do.
[kids chattering]
(Dawn)
cy, what are you doing?
He's getting
really old.
(Ruby)
who's getting old?
Dad.
Come off it.
Dad's always getting old.
Ever since I've known him,
he's been getting old.
And he's known
him all his life.
The older I get,
the more I'm fascinated
by the aging process.
How mother nature
plays her little tricks.
That's why I
have so many babies.
Oh, it's the old
anti-nature routine, huh?
I got to make
a phone call.
I think crow's
on the phone.
Where is that guy?
I got my own phone anyway.
Hey, crow.
(crow)
how can they renegotiate
the contract?
What clause?
I never read that thing.
I've been
the number-one starter
for 3 years now.
I'm at the father-in-law's.
[slams down phone]
You ok?
Baseball:
It's a kid's game.
One day I'll
have to retire.
Hey, everybody's got
to grow up sometime.
Nobody likes getting old.
It's easy for you to say.
You can be an old producer.
You just can't be
an old baseball player.
I got a busload of lawyers.
You want a lawyer?
No, I got a lawyer.
I got an agent,
got an accountant,
got a business manager.
What I don't got
is a curveball.
This is when I was 8.
I miss the city.
The pollution,
The crime,
The noise.
I'm an emotional wreck.
I really am.
[switches on music]
%%[tired of being alone
by al green playing]
%% I'm so tired
of being alone %%
%% I'm so tired %%
Hi, Kane.
Oh, hi, Aunt Aggie.
How you doing?
Ok.
Gosh, you've grown up.
Thanks.
How was your ride out?
It was great.
Mom let me drive.
Yeah?
Yeah.
No!
Yeah, she did.
No!
It was great.
I bet it was.
Bye.
(Rolo)
oh, what are you
talking about?
The company can't
afford that. You know it.
Oh, Stavros,
why isn't the script ready?
That's no excuse,
the writer
doesn't speak English!
I mean,
you can't speak English.
Hold on a minute,
I got to change ears.
(radio commentator)
Anderson looks.
He sets and delivers,
and it's low and inside.
That will load
them up.
And I think
we may have seen
the last of Anderson.
And, yes,
that's gonna be it.
Here comes Davis
out of the dugout.
He's heading for
the mound and he's...
(Kane)
where should we go now?
(Flora)
how about the beach?
(all)
yeah!
(Emily)
but we don't have
our bathing suits.
(Dawn)
we'll go swimming this
afternoon. Hey, blue, come on!
[horn honks]
Did you bring
the list?
Get some brussels sprouts
while you're at it.
Brussels sprouts!
Lately,
I've been depressed.
I don't know if I can
do standup comedy
anymore, Levi.
I keep hiding
behind famous people
because it's easier.
[sighs]
I used to be funny.
I mean, I really was.
How can a person
wake up one day,
and suddenly not be funny?
I don't know.
Something's
wrong with me.
Maybe I need vitamins.
You ever get
like this, Levi?
No. My life is
90 percent memory.
Past. That's all there is.
I'm just happy I'm regular.
Got any jokes you
want to try on me?
Yeah.
All right,
maybe I'm old fashioned,
But I don't
approve of belly dancers.
I mean, why can't they dance
on the floor,
like everybody else?
Got any more?
Can I get this?
(Ruby)
oh, aggie,
is that necessary?
(Rose)
I want these.
Are you taking those, too?
Oh, absolutely.
You guys, hurry up!
[all chattering]
Do you have
enough money?
I paid.
Blue!
Blue, come on!
If I have to come and get you,
you're going to be
really sorry.
Blue, come on.
[kids chattering]
(Max)
what's he looking at?
(Kane)
yeah, what's the big deal?
%%[you better go now
by Billie holiday playing]
%% you better go now %%
%% because I like you
much, too much %%
%% you have a way with you %%
%% you better go now %%
%% because I like
you very much %%
%% the night was gay with you %%
%% there's the Moon above %%
%% and it gives my heart
a lot of swing %%
%% in your eyes there's love %%
%% and the way I feel %%
%% it must be spring %%
%% I want you so now %%
%% you have lips
I love to touch %%
%% you better go now %%
%% you'd better go because %%
"Rocket Gibraltar."
%% much, too much %%
%% there's the Moon above %%
It's yours if
you want it, blue.
Were you sleeping, grandpa?
I was dreaming.
Threatened
to vanish completely.
%% in your eyes there's love %%
%% and the way I feel %%
%% it must be spring %%
Drink this, grandpa.
Dawn and I made it fresh.
It's lemonade.
Thanks, blue.
It's good for you, grandpa.
It has vitamin c, I think.
Vitamin c.
[sighs]
%% I like you much, too much %%
%% you better go because %%
%% I like you much %%
%% too much %%
[whispering]
thanks, grandpa.
Just take it up.
Ok, guys,
here comes the food.
[all chattering]
Ok, looks good.
(Ruby)
we got a $10 million campaign.
"olfaction." a profile
of Cyrano de Bergerac's nose.
"the nose knows."
[chuckling]
"the nose knows!"
I love it.
Cyrano de Bergerac.
"the nose knows."
You want to be
my writer?
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.
Your wife can't
be your writer.
Oh, yeah?
Who says?
It just wouldn't be funny.
I guarantee it.
Well,
what about burns and Alan?
Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis?
I think I've outdone
myself with the fish.
It's the marinade.
It's all in the marinade,
darling, you know?
What is that on
top of it, Rolo?
It looks like dill.
You like vegetable?
Pay attention to Dwayne.
He's got a new joke
he wants to tell us.
It's about belly dancers.
You're on, Dwayne.
Dad, you're, like, putting
me on the spot here.
They're going to put
tomatoes on yo-yos,
so they can hit me twice.
[phone rings]
I got it.
Oh, no, not the phone.
Yeah, yeah, Rockwell.
The date of the week.
Oh, come on.
Is your wife there?
(Kane)
who's that?
Probably
Aunt Aggie's new B.F.
Yeah, that makes sense.
You think she's sexy?
Who, Aunt Agnes?
Uh-huh.
I wouldn't throw
her out of bed.
Yeah,
'cause you got
the top bunk.
Isn't my family great, Vinnie?
It's Tony.
I'm sorry.
My name's Tony.
I knew it ended with a "nie."
(Tony)
they're, um,
they're wonderful.
(aggie)
so, what's
your family like, Tony?
They're just
regular people.
Like us?
Yeah. Yeah.
Except, you know,
different.
Like, they're crazy.
Like, they're crazy
in a different way, you know.
They talk different.
[phone rings]
You want to go into the barn
and fool around?
What about your father?
It's ok.
He's sittin'
right over here.
It's all right. Come on!
(Rolo)
you're his agent,
why don't you do something?
What'd you get grandpa
for his birthday?
Nothing.
What did you get him?
I made him
a birthday card,
Made out of ice cream sticks,
glued on with Elmer's.
Ice cream sticks?
Yeah. 4 of them,
so they form the number 77.
I didn't get
him anything.
I didn't get
him anything.
Not me.
Nobody did.
(Dawn)
go ahead, Flora,
it's your pick.
(Flora)
what am I gonna do
with this card?
(Kane)
what's the score, guys?
(Orson)
13-8.
Whose favor?
His.
(Max)
ok, it's my serve.
(Max)
hey, where's blue going?
(Dawn)
I don't know.
I'm gonna take a look.
(Max)
hey, Dawn!
Come on, you guys.
[screams]
There he is.
Cy?
Hey, that's quite a roll.
Are you ok?
Yes.
Attaboy.
Gramps?
Yeah?
What do you want
for your birthday?
Peace on earth.
(Emily)
hmm?
Peace on earth, that's all.
(Kane)
peace on earth?
We mean, what would you
want for a present, grandpa?
Oh, I don't want anything.
A man like me
doesn't need anything.
Don't need ties.
Don't wear ties anymore.
I don't need socks.
Hell, I got more socks
than I could ever wear,
Even if I never
did another washing.
There's one thing, though.
Vikings say,
"cattle die, kin die,
one day even you shall die.
The only thing
that never dies
is judgment of the dead."
That's it. A funeral.
A proper funeral.
A Viking funeral.
What's a Viking?
I don't know.
Minnesota Vikings.
They wear purple uniforms.
No, Max. We're not talking
about football players.
We're talking about
Scandinavian Vikings.
Norsemen. Seamen.
Great seamen.
Come on.
Let's sit down
and face the sea.
1,000 years ago,
500 years before Columbus,
They crossed the Atlantic.
They had great ships,
magnificent vessels
for their time.
You see,
the sea was their whole life.
The sea and their boats.
And in celebrating death...
Yes, you could say
celebrating,
they used them both.
The families
of the great Vikings
Took the body
of their loved one
and put it on a ship.
They covered it with straw.
And as the sun was setting,
they cast
the boat into the water.
They built huge bonfires
on the beach.
The priest blew
into a ram's horn.
Then the men would light
the tips of their
arrows in the bonfires
And shoot them at the ship.
It must have
been so beautiful.
Fire on the water.
Legend has it
that if the color
of the setting sun
And the color
of the burning boat
are the same,
Then that Viking
has led a good life.
And in the afterlife
he will go to, uh...
Viking Heaven?
Yes, that's it. Exactly.
Something like that.
All night long,
the Viking men,
women, and children
Watched the burning
boat in the water.
When Dawn came,
only ashes were left.
Complete obliteration.
Carried by the currents
to the 4 corners of the earth.
Fresh. Beautiful.
Vanished completely.
Like a dream.
Kane, help me.
[groans]
Now, isn't that better
than being
buried in the earth?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
(Kane)
definitely the best way to go.
Buried in the earth,
the body decays.
It lies there dead, rotting
While slimy, starving worms
suck you to the very bone.
Not a pretty picture, is it?
(Emily)
no. We all like the Viking
funeral idea better.
I hate worms.
[sea roaring]
Come on, men.
(Levi)
nothing's so good as
a midnight pee in the ocean.
(boys)
nothing's as good as
a midnight pee in the ocean.
[kids laugh]
[bed creaking]
Dawn?
Go back to sleep, cy.
I got one question.
What's the question?
Can we give
the Rocket Gibraltar
to grandpa
For his
birthday present?
What are you talking about?
What is
the "Rocket Gibraltar"?
(Emily)
go back to bed, blue.
Go back to bed, blue.
You're waking everybody up.
We'll talk about
it in the morning.
I'll call you
tomorrow. Bye.
I'll see you
all tomorrow. Bye.
I'm telling you, Rose,
that girl has no shame.
Let's face it,
she's a tramp.
Do you really think so?
Do you remember
when dad caught her
In the barn with 4
basketball players?
I thought that was you.
(crow)
hey, where you
going, son?
(blue)
to get grandpa
his birthday present.
Hey, that's a good idea,
cy blue.
Hey, that reminds me,
I've got to get him
something.
What did you get him?
I don't know yet.
Dad, have you
seen blue?
Yeah, he's back there.
Said he's picking out
a present for your granddad.
Ok, so, I'm having dinner
with Charles Manson last night
And he says to me,
"Dwayne, is it hot in
here or am I crazy?"
See, that's a historical joke.
I'll let you know
When there's
a funny one coming.
(Emily)
blue, Dawn, wait up!
(Max)
I wish our bikes could
just fly, like in E.T.
Varoom!
(Kane)
oh, Max.
Real cute, Max.
Don't you get it?
E.T. Was a movie, we're real.
[panting]
I think it's Freudian.
Nymphomania is like hysteria.
Aided and abetted
by some abnormal
glandular condition.
So what does
that mean?
That I'm sick in the head
or sick in the body?
(Dwayne)
hmm.
What do you think?
Which one, huh, crow?
Huh?
Uh, I didn't hear
what you said.
(Levi)
where is everybody?
Morning, daddy.
Good morning, aggie.
How's my sweetheart?
(Dwayne)
good morning, sir.
Sir?
Sir? Didn't you ever see
leave it to beaver?
I'm doing Eddie Haskell.
It seems we have
a dog in the house.
(Ruby)
a dog, dad?
Uh-huh.
I heard one
moaning last night.
That's impossible.
Moaning and barking.
Well, didn't anybody hear it?
Oh, yeah. Come to think of it,
there was an awful racket.
(Rose and Ruby)
aggie.
Well, I didn't want for
Vinnie to think that--
Tony!
Ok, Tony.
I didn't want
to hurt his feelings.
To think I was faking
passion or anything.
So I added
a little bit of extra.
I don't remember
barking, though.
[barking]
[seagulls squawking]
(Kane)
what's the big secret?
Blue says we should fix up
the Rocket Gibraltar
And give it
to grandpa
for his birthday.
What would he want
this cruddy old boat for?
He says grandpa can
use it for his funeral.
Is grandpa gonna die?
No, grandpa's not
gonna die. Is he?
He's not gonna die.
Don't worry about it.
What is it, Dwayne?
Which do you prefer?
Ring dings or orange milanos?
Orange milanos.
Oh, good. Here.
[sputtering]
(Kane)
it might float.
(Orson)
how can we fix this up?
(Max)
at least it's something new.
Let's do it.
(Jessica)
yeah. It might be fun.
(Emily)
ok, you guys,
All in favor
of fixing up this cruddy boat
for grandpa's birthday
Raise their hand.
Yeah.
(Flora)
great. It's anonymous.
(Dawn)
hey, where's he going?
(Kane)
beats me.
See, Kane,
I told you to spell it "et."
It's still gonna take
some work, smart ass.
That's right.
Kane's being realistic.
Let's go.
I hope dad likes that book.
What the hell do
you get him, anyway?
I did like
the shape of that hat.
The color was all wrong.
Well, it's too expensive,
anyway.
What's too expensive?
God, I need to go
to the beach.
I don't know how anybody
can stand to wear clothes
in this heat.
We could go to
the topless beach.
Oh, that's great.
I forgot my hat,
anyway.
Fred Astaire tapes.
That's the ticket.
Yes.
Ok, guys,
we don't have all day.
Man, this tool box is heavy.
You got it?
Yeah, almost.
This is gonna be good, guys.
Come on.
Pump, blue, pump. Go.
(Orson)
hey, Max, wait up. Wait up!
Where'd Emily go?
She went to the library.
Watch it.
We got to get
power for the sander
from the house down there.
Now, unravel
the extension cord.
Tie it together.
(Orson)
what do I do with this again?
Take the 2 ends,
Tie them together,
Then plug it in.
Hope this works.
[sander running]
All right!
[all cheering]
Yeah.
(aggie)
I really don't care
if you call me a nympho.
It's a sure guarantee
I'll never do a porno.
Come again?
You really don't understand
anything about acting, do you?
A nympho who's an actress
couldn't do a porno
Because then it
wouldn't be acting.
It would be real.
That's the most
depressing thing
I've ever heard.
Hey, Rose, check it out.
[imitates a dog barking]
%%[sexpot performed
by Junior Walker playing]
(Ruby)
heh, heh,
look at that girl strut.
She's a healthy girl.
(Rose)
she's a sexpot.
(both)
%% she's a sexpot %%
%% hit a man's weak spot %%
%% she can't help
what she's got %%
%% 'cause what
she's got is real hot %%
%% oh %%
[blows whistle]
[whistles]
%% people gather round her %%
%% when she's on the floor %%
%% when she shakes
her body %%
%% it's like the third
world war %%
%% she's a killer, y'all %%
%% grooves, moves %%
%% bangs, bangs %%
%% knees, knees %%
%% dance, dance %%
%% shake, shake %%
%% shake, shake %%
%% when she shakes
that thing %%
%% shakes that thing %%
You can dress her up,
but you can't
take her anywhere.
%% hit a man's weak spot %%
(Emily)
soup's on. We got the food.
It's about time. I'm starving!
(Orson)
me, too.
(blue)
Emily, can I have
something to drink?
(Emily)
help yourself.
(Orson)
have a nice trip, blue?
(Dawn)
have any apples?
Can I have a red one, please?
[kids chattering]
(Jessica)
sit by me, Emily.
(Emily)
look at these.
(Orson)
yeah, just like
grandpa's model.
(Kane)
what you got, blue?
This one's pretty.
I like that picture.
(Kane)
man, who made
these sandwiches?
They are really good.
Dawn and Flora.
(Max)
good work.
(Orson)
hey, look at this sail.
[mumbling in Latin]
Hello, blue.
Hi, gramps.
I was hoping you'd come along.
Want to stay for lunch?
Sure.
You know, when people hear
me talking to myself,
They think I'm crazy.
Well, I know that I'm
not crazy, so I don't care.
Niagara falls.
Oh, I like fish.
I like to catch them,
cook them, and eat them.
Our lunch.
You're gonna like this.
A couple of bay leaves.
A little salt.
Stir.
(Jessica)
do you think
we'll have it ready in time?
(Kane)
we better.
(Dawn)
hey, guys, I saw something
we could use for a mast.
(Jessica)
it's about time.
(Max)
hooray.
Can I have the sand paper?
(Kane)
stop looking around
and get to work. Come on.
Can you give me
that pillow
over there? Please?
Hey, Dawn.
Now, ain't that the best
food you ever tasted?
Yeah, it's real good.
Man is smarter than fish.
Man eats fish,
fish don't eat man.
[mumbles]
What are you saying?
Except for the what?
Shark in jaws.
Shark in jaws? Ha, ha.
Well, you got me there.
The shark in jaws
is the exception
that proves the rule.
There's plenty more, you know.
Do you want another one?
Eat some more.
[screaming]
Ok, come on.
Let's go in.
No, I don't want
to go in tide pools.
We'll play frisbee,
then. Come on.
I don't want
to play frisbee.
Oh, Ro.
Crow,
you want to play frisbee?
No, I'm gonna
go jogging.
It will get your
mind off baseball.
No, I never throw
anything plastic.
[all chattering]
Oh!
[panting]
You know, this must be
one of the best
books ever written.
Something you wrote?
Unfortunately not.
Have you ever read it?
No. I faint at
the sight of blood.
You know, Billi, you really
ought to get some sun.
I don't like the sun.
Then why come to the beach?
I like the beach,
I just don't like the sun.
Oh.
Right. Well,
that explains everything.
Where is everyone?
They're playing frisbee.
Oh, I detest frisbee.
If anyone wants to know,
I'm going to play golf.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, if I could just avoid
these damn sand
traps everywhere.
Hey, guys, I got the sail!
All right!
Help me unfold it.
(Jessica)
hey, where'd you
find those?
(Kane)
all right. You guys
put yours down.
(Max)
great job, guys.
Where'd you find it?
Put it in the boat.
It was just down
there a little ways.
Somebody
untangle that rope.
Ok, you ready?
Keep it upwards.
(Emily)
down, don't you mean?
Down. Well, I meant...
(Dawn)
got it?
Ok, it's going in.
(Kane)
watch it.
And in!
(Emily)
all right!
Ok. Come on.
Let's help them with this.
(blue)
Kane, can I paint it, too?
(Kane)
yeah. Sure.
There's an extra brush.
You're good.
I'm having
so much fun at this job.
I'm so glad I was nominated
to supervise the operation.
(all)
heave ho!
Heave, heave, heave, heave.
(Kane)
I'll help Orson.
(Orson)
we're really doing it!
%%[playing harmonica]
[sighs]
[grunts]
Grandpa?
Blue? Blue,
where are you going?
(Jessica)
what's the little turd
up to now?
He's just weird.
Blue's got this thing.
He's psychotic.
Definitely.
No, I mean he's psychic.
He knows stuff.
Blue?
Blue?
Blue?
Where are you going?
Blue.
Blue, what are you doing?
It's grandpa, Dawn.
Something happened
to grandpa.
Grandpa?
Grandpa?
He's not up there, Dawn.
Grandpa?
Gramps?
Gramps.
Grandpa? Oh, grandpa!
Oh, my God.
Grandpa? Grandpa?
Dawn, what are
we gonna do?
The most important
thing is not to panic.
Yeah, that's it.
Don't panic.
Understand?
Yeah, don't panic.
Right, now,
I saw something like this
in health class.
The most important
thing is not to panic.
I'm not panicking.
Ok. Now,
help me roll
grandpa over.
Run into the kitchen
and get me a glass of water.
And call Dr. B.
His number's up
next to the fridge.
[groaning]
Dr. B. Wasn't there,
but I talked to some lady.
She said
she would tell him.
What the hell
am I doing here?
You fainted, grandpa.
Yeah, you fainted.
Help me.
Hi, grandpa.
(Kane)
hi, gramps.
So what was the big hurry, cy?
I had to go to the bathroom.
You could have
peed in the field.
But I wanted
to use the bathroom.
(Max)
what's going on?
Yeah, what is going on?
Come on,
you guys,
leave him alone.
We'll tell
you later.
Yes. Yes, that's right.
We ordered the large tent.
Uh-huh.
Ok. Now, I think
the blue-and-white
striped one is fine.
Just a minute.
Let me ask my brother.
Rolo?
What?
Should we get the striped tent
or the polka dot?
The polka dot.
The striped one
is fine.
Ok. Tomorrow morning.
(Dr. B.)
hi, everyone!
Hi, Dr. B.
Great. Bye.
Can I
fix you a drink?
Oh, no!
Oh, no, no.
No thanks, rosy,
That's
very kind of you,
But, uh,
I've had enough already.
Everywhere I go today,
everybody's having a party
And they keep offering me
liquid refreshments.
It's too hot a day
to say no.
Where's the old geezer?
He's up in his room
resting, doc.
Sure you won't
have a little martini?
Well,
maybe on my way out, Rosey.
Keep it chilled.
[both giggling]
Hi, doc.
(Levi)
hello, doc.
What have you
got for me today?
(Dr. B.)
I'm just going
to look you over.
See how
you're behaving.
[birds cawing]
(Kane)
this radio Mike
is a great idea.
Not to mention that
it came from a girl.
Oh, yeah?
Well, if this doesn't work,
Kane, you're the fall guy.
That radio Mike
cost dad $120.
It'll work.
Take off your shirt.
[blue whispering]
careful. Watch out.
(Kane)
don't worry.
It's all
under control.
Come on.
Come on.
(Orson)
yeah!
Great shot!
(Max)
nice, Kane.
Yeah!
[breathing deeply]
One more.
All right.
Now, put your shirt on.
(Orson)
turn it up higher.
(Flora)
shh.
(Dr. B.)
pear Brandy, doc.
It worked!
20th century.
What will they
think of next?
Are we celebrating
something?
Yeah,
The 2 docs.
To the pair-a-docs.
(both)
to the pair-a-docs!
[both laughing]
(Billi)
hey, what are you
children up to?
(Kane)
quiet.
(Emily)
turn it down.
It's Princess Di.
Hi, mom.
Bloody hi to you, too.
What's going on up there?
We're planning
a surprise.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's it,
a surprise
for grandfather.
Why don't you surprise us
And get cleaned up
and dressed for supper?
Ok, mom.
We'll be down
in 5 minutes.
There's something
I've always wanted
to ask you, hank.
Yeah?
You've never quite forgiven me
for marrying Helen, have you?
Well, to tell you the truth,
at the time of...
At the time,
I thought
She was making
the worst mistake
of her life.
I said, "Helen,
"how can you marry
that idealistic,
"card-carrying pencil pusher
when you could have me?
"damn fine doctor,
a man who loves you,
"a man who wants to give you
everything you want in life.
Now don't say
you don't love me, Helen,
because I know you do."
And what'd she say?
She said...
She said that...
Now, you remember
how young she was.
She was...
17.
You--you were
twice that.
She always
had that, uh...
Wisdom.
She said:
"hank, I am
going to marry Levi...
"not because I don't love you,
because I love you very much.
But it's because I love you
that I'm marrying Levi."
She said that?
She did.
Confused me no end.
And then she said,
"the reason
I'm marrying Levi
"and not you has
nothing to do with love.
"the reason
I'm marrying Levi
"is that he needs me
and I need him.
It's that simple."
That's what she said.
Sounds like Helen.
Do you hear
an echo in here, doc?
There it is again.
An echo.
Every time we spe--
It's gone now, huh.
I must be
hearing things.
You know,
not a day went by...
Not a day goes by
that I don't think of Helen.
Our wonderful,
lovely, wise Helen.
She was only human.
And I couldn't save her
from the cancer.
You're a fine doctor,
hank,
But you're not God.
Not yet.
Hey, come on.
Let's not get gloomy.
It's almost your birthday,
doc.
One more drink
and I'm off.
How long have I got, hank?
Huh?
Don't con me.
Not now.
How long?
Like you just said, Levi,
I ain't God.
Please.
2 weeks, maybe 3?
Maybe shmaybe.
Your guess is
as good as mine.
What's it all about,
hank?
How the hell
should I know?
You're the poet.
I'm only the doctor.
Would you believe
2 years?
2 months? 2 days?
Now, get some sleep.
I'll see you tomorrow.
He's gonna be
all right,
isn't he, doc?
Oh, sure, son.
Sure, he just
needs some rest,
that's all.
By the way,
how's that arm of yours?
I read about it in the paper.
The arm's all right,
it's the damn shoulder.
I got some kind of
a rotator cuff problem.
(Dr. B.)
rotator cuff?
I never heard of it.
But then again,
I'm from the, uh,
bob feller-dizzy
Dean generation.
Anyway,
good luck with it.
Dr. Bonacker?
Are you sure
dad's gonna be
all right?
Well, sure,
I'm sure.
He's not gonna die,
is he?
Die? Ha!
Your father will
outlive us all.
Ruby,
I never told you this,
but, uh,
Your father's
a hypochondriac.
He is.
He's the worst I ever met.
He just wants the attention,
that's all.
Well, tomorrow he gets
all the attention, right?
Right, Dr. B.
Good.
You'll see.
Tomorrow he'll be up
And dancing around
like Fred Astaire.
Thanks, doctor.
Ing]
Come on.
Come on.
Oh, kids, nobody's
eating the hamburgers
and the hot dogs.
Do you know
how I slaved?
Mangia.
Mangia.
I got shrimps.
Who wants shrimps?
[all chattering]
Who's that?
Aunt Aggie's new boyfriend.
What about the Guy
that was here last night?
That was last night.
Oh, ok.
[laughing]
Pass the salad.
Please.
Please,
pass the salad.
All right.
Butthole.
[all chattering]
Gin, something.
Gin, like--
Your old man wants
to say something.
Something
you've probably heard
many times before.
But maybe these little bums
will find this funny.
I'm talking about the 1950s.
A long time ago.
30 years ago,
when I was a blacklisted
teacher and writer
Trying to feed
my growing family,
I, believe it or not,
turned to comedy.
Yeah.
In the dark days
of McCarthyism,
The cold war,
and I like Ike,
When you were just
little boys and girls,
Just like them,
I became a comic.
Yeah.
Any requests?
Garden of Eden.
No.
Garden of Eden.
Now, that was
a long time ago.
I remember all the trouble
in the garden of Eden.
The trouble that started
when Eve bit into
that piece of fruit.
I had the same problem myself,
down in Mexico.
[all laughing]
But there's something
that always bothered me.
You take Adam and Eve.
I mean, Adam was
an incredibly handsome man.
And Eve was an indescribably
beautiful woman.
So where did all
you ugly people
come from?
Hey, hey, hey.
Now, now, now.
I'm a peaceful man.
How peaceful are you,
Levi?
I'm so peaceful
I'm not even antibiotic.
But, seriously, folks.
Seriously, folks.
I know a girl who
was pure, really pure.
(Rolo)
how pure was she, dad?
She was so pure,
she was considered
A fanatic in
the virgin islands.
Was she dull?
Ho, ho, ho,
was she dull?
She had to go topless
just to be a wallflower.
Come on, let's go.
(Levi)
let me tell you something
else about this lady.
Where are you guys going?
You'll see.
I guess they
don't like comedy.
More. More. More.
All right,
this girl's
got a sister,
And the sister
is not pure.
Has this girl
been around?
Has she been around?
She knows 6 house detectives
by their first knock.
She's crossed more state lines
than a greyhound bus.
You see,
she wants to love everybody.
Problem is,
that she does it
to one person at a time.
Women are getting bigger.
Women are getting bigger.
But if you don't think
women are getting bigger,
When was the last time
you heard of one
of them drowning?
[all laughing]
Hey, dad,
what about
water pollution?
Oh, yes, water pollution.
Well, water pollution.
Let me tell you
how bad water pollution is.
Half the scuba equipment
that's being sold
Is being sold
to the fishes.
[all laughing]
Is your wife Irish?
Is my wife Irish?
I don't know if she's Irish.
I think she's Irish.
Every time I eat her cooking,
I turn green.
Now, I don't want
to say she's getting fat,
But this morning,
we had to let out the sofa.
Ah, the 4th of July.
Now, there's
an interesting holiday.
You try explaining
to your kids that
they can't buy fire crackers
While the government's
buying h-bombs.
[all exclaiming]
Whoo!
This next tune's going out
to Levi Rockwell
Celebrating his 77th
birthday in Sagaponack.
%%[I can't explain
by David bowie playing]
[all cheering]
%% new feeling inside %%
%% it's a hot certain kind %%
%% I feel hot and cold %%
%% down my soul, baby %%
%% I can't explain %%
%% going out of my mind %%
%% dizzy in the head,
and I'm feeling blue %%
%% things you say
well maybe they're true %%
%% I get funny dreams
again and again %%
%% knows what it means, but %%
%% can't explain %%
%% I think it's love %%
[panting]
Oh!
[breathing heavily]
[sighs]
[crowd jeering]
[sighs]
Ahem.
[crowd booing]
[crowd roaring]
Oh, yeah.
It's back.
The voodoo curveball is back!
Kane?
Kane, look at crow.
Look at crow...
He's got
his curveball back.
Where?
He was there just
a minute ago.
Honest.
He got his curveball back.
I'm not kidding.
Yeah,
and elephants can fly.
No, really,
I saw it.
Go back to sleep.
You have to learn
to tell the difference
Between what's a dream
and what's real.
Now, go back to sleep
or I'll make you go
back in the house.
[whistling]
Good morning,
Amanda.
Good morning
to you, too.
My God.
Do people
actually look this good
so early in the morning?
I'm in love.
That's nice.
Have you told
your husband?
It is my husband.
What do you mean?
Never mind.
Morning, glories.
Morning.
Hi.
Hi.
She's in love.
Oh.
And with her own
husband to boot.
Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Crow's got
his voodoo
curveball back.
Oh, Miracle
of miracles.
Maybe now
he'll stop being
such a pain in the neck.
Here.
Morning.
[birds chirping]
Your sister's glowing
Because crow has got
his voodoo curveball back.
It's too early for
sexual innuendoes
and double-entendres.
I'm very happy for you,
Rose.
Really.
Whatever it is.
Well, I just hope
you and Mr. Black,
Mr. Stud had a very
enjoyable evening
last night
While some of us
were trying to sleep.
Don't blame me,
Jack, it was crow.
I was up all night, too.
Morning.
Don't look at me
like that.
It wasn't me
who was barking.
I swear.
[all giggling]
[birds chirping]
[whistle blowing]
[all shouting]
Quiet, blue.
How?
You have
to say how?
How, cy?
How will we get
the Rocket Gibraltar here
for grandpa's birthday?
Kid's got a point.
I'll ask mom.
We've got
a trailer hitch on our van.
Yeah, there's an old boat
trailer in the barn.
Great idea.
I want to get dressed.
I don't know about you guys.
(Dawn)
I'm going back to bed.
Morning.
Ah, crow, you old boy,
I got something
for you, buddy boy.
Here.
It's just
what I need.
I think
the orange juice
growers of America
Must have invented
these things.
Aroom!
Aroom!
Excuse me, mo.
Um, the new York times
doesn't have a comic section.
Oh!
Is that number 2?
Well, number 2
is the killer rule!
The secret of
a really great...
Ah!
[sobbing]
Ag, what is it?
[sobbing]
Ag, what's the matter?
Listen, you,
if you've done anything
to hurt my sister, I'm gonna--
No,
it's not that.
What is it?
I just miss mom.
Every time I see this bowl,
All I can think
of is poor mom.
[crying]
You don't even remember her.
Nobody ever
talks about her.
It's like
she never even existed.
Aggie,
we all miss mom.
Yeah,
I miss her all the time.
Can we go visit
mom's grave, please?
(Rose)
today?
Yeah, I mean,
right now.
The party's
almost taken care of.
Please, Ruby? Please.
Why not?
Anything to stop
this childish display
of sentimentality.
Dwayne, lighten up.
(Dwayne)
I'm just kidding.
Dad's still asleep.
But we'll leave him a note.
(Billi)
I think it's a perfectly
charming idea.
Beautiful Sunday,
bouquets of flowers,
remembrance of things past.
A grave,
depression, death.
(Ruby)
Dwayne?
I'm just kidding.
(blue)
poor grandma.
What?
Poor grandma.
Oh, yeah,
poor grandma.
Bad worms.
Worms?
Yeah, worms.
What do you mean,
worms?
Worms.
Really icky worms.
They ate up grandma.
What did he say?
Worms.
Kids,
this is where your grandpa's
Going to be
buried when he dies.
But--
But what if
he doesn't want
to be buried there?
This is our
family plot, Orson.
One day we'll all
be buried here.
(Flora)
I still say we ask them.
(Emily)
are you kidding?
(Jessica)
we can't ask them.
(Max)
they don't understand
anything. I hate them.
(Dawn)
Max, you said that already.
But what are we gonna do?
Poor grandpa. Worms.
(Monsieur Henri
work! Work! Work!
[all chattering]
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I know it's Sunday,
damn it, but, no--
We're already 3 weeks behind
and you
haven't even started yet!
[helicopter hovering]
What?
What?
Oh, what do you mean
you got director's block?
Who do you think
you are? Nic Ray?
Looks like my ride's here.
Well, so long, old guy.
Hey, I want
to leave this with you.
Don't get up.
If you get a minute,
you might want
to watch me, you know.
I will.
Well, goodbye.
Keep the ball down,
stay ahead of the batters.
You bet.
Happy birthday.
[people chattering]
Hey.
(Rolo)
I can't believe you're leaving
right before dad's party!
I haven't got time to party,
I got to go play ball!
Besides, I wish
you'd all wise up, huh?
This isn't Levi's party.
Look at all this.
This is your party.
Watch the game!
It's dedicated to doc!
So long!
(all)
bye!
Bye!
Bye-bye!
See you.
%%[don't explain
by Billie holiday playing]
%% hush now, don't explain %%
%% just say you'll remain %%
%% unless you're mad %%
[knocking at door]
Come in.
%% don't explain %%
Hi, dad.
Sit down.
%% my love %%
I got to have
someone sit down
with me
When I listen
to Billie holiday,
otherwise I cry.
Getting sentimental?
No, it's just that, uh,
Sometimes
I lose control.
%% skip that %%
Happy birthday.
%% lipstick %%
%% don't explain %%
Oh, dear, dear.
Presents.
"to dad."
%% you know that I love you %%
%% and what loving does %%
%% all my thoughts are real %%
Sorry, dad.
%% for I'm
so completely yours %%
It's the room
and the music.
%% try to hear folks chatter %%
They still
remind me of mom.
%% and I know you cheat %%
%% right or wrong,
don't matter %%
%% when you're with me, sweet %%
Ruby.
Why, this is wonderful.
Jackson Pollock.
The man was
a pompous ass.
But, oh, his work.
You couldn't give me....
Look.
%% my life's your love %%
My, oh my.
Will you come down
in a little while?
Yeah, I'll be
along in a little bit.
I just want to look
at this for a minute.
Thanks, Ruby.
%% you know that I love you %%
%% and what loving does %%
%% all my thoughts are real %%
You must be especially...
How do you say?
Careful to empty
the ashtray
of the guests.
This you must do
every 10 minutes.
I don't wish to see
cigarette buttocks
All over the nice
fresh grass.
[speaking French]
Ok.
(Dawn)
what are we gonna do?
Well, does anybody
have any ideas?
Go ahead, cy.
You are the boy genius.
Cy, you can
put your hand
down now.
I think we should ask grandpa.
He'll know what we should do.
That makes no sense.
Sure it does.
Sure it does.
What are you,
an echo?
What if grandpa
told our
moms and dads
He wanted
a Viking funeral?
(Kane)
they'd have him committed
in 2 seconds flat.
No,
they wouldn't.
They love him
as much as we do.
Maybe even more.
No.
If he told them,
They'd have
to help us move
the boat to the house.
Brilliant, blue!
Brilliant!
IC playing]
[people chattering]
[knocking on door]
[sighs]
Hi, daddy.
Geez, you all look like
you've seen a ghost.
Are you ok, dad?
I'm fine.
I couldn't be better.
Dwayne, would you
turn that record, please.
Well, now, tell me,
how's my
birthday party going?
Fine. Everyone's
having fun.
Happy birthday,
dad.
%%[foolin' myself
by Billie holiday playing]
%% I tell myself %%
I love you all very much.
Love you too,
dad.
I must be getting old.
What do you got there?
It ain't a tie, dad.
Thank God for that.
I don't have much
use for ties anymore.
Let me see what we got here.
%% I'm just foolin' myself %%
Oh, that's...
[all laughing]
I'll read this later.
Should I
give you a hint?
%% you're the top.
You're the-- %%
Honey, you're beautiful,
but don't sing.
[all laughing]
I'm just kidding.
%% I'm just foolin' myself %%
Fred Astaire movies.
Well, I'll be damned.
Fred Astaire, Rita Hayworth.
You always said
if you could be like
anybody else,
You'd be like
Fred Astaire.
Actually, it was
your mom who said that.
She said that
If she could
marry anyone but me
It would have
to be Fred Astaire.
Mom loved to dance.
I suppose I should go down
to my own party.
But I think I'll stay
here a little while longer.
%% and every time I see you
in a crowd %%
Billi, could you put that on?
%% I'm just %%
You know,
it's always good
To wait till the last minute
before you make your entrance.
More dramatic that way.
%% I pass %%
%% and see myself
in the looking glass %%
%% I tip my hat and say %%
%% "how do you do %%
Well, don't look
at me like that.
I mean, if you insist
upon staring at me,
%% I tell myself %%
I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.
%% I'm through with love %%
Why don't you
just go downstairs
and have some fun?
You all still know
what fun is, don't you?
You'll come down soon,
though, won't you, dad?
Sure. I'll be down.
I just want to stay here
and enjoy Fred and Rita,
Billie and Jackson.
%% I'm acting proud %%
I'll be down
to blow out the candles.
%% and every time
I see you in a crowd %%
Strawberry shortcake?
Yeah,
strawberry shortcake, dad.
(aggie)
hurry up, all right?
%% I'm just foolin' myself %%
%% and I mean it %%
%% just foolin' myself %%
(Kane)
come on, hurry up.
The party's already started.
%%[music playing]
Jeez, look at this place.
We'll never get
The rocket into
the backyard now.
(Jessica)
they're probably
drunk by now, anyway.
(Flora)
what a zoo.
(Emily)
these people must be
desperate for fun.
(Billi)
what happened to you?
Everyone's been worried sick.
Now, upstairs and get washed.
Oh, mom.
What's the matter?
We didn't get
grandpa's present
because...
That's all right.
It doesn't matter, darling.
Yes, it does, mom.
We got him
something real special.
(Ruby)
hey, kids, come on,
Get with it,
everybody's waiting for you.
Who's everyone?
(Rose)
hey, come on,
get upstairs,
Change your clothes.
Let's have some fun.
(Max)
we hate fun.
There's plenty of food.
We're not hungry.
(Rolo)
what's this gang up to, huh?
They're not hungry.
They hate fun,
And they're not
joining the party.
As long as you are
members of this family
You're expected to
attend your grandfather's
birthday party
Which your parents
have spent weeks organizing.
So, I want you to go upstairs,
get dressed,
and when you come back,
I expect you to party hearty.
Come on!
%%[Shorty George
by Jerome kern and
Johnny mercer playing]
%% high stepper
is Shorty George %%
%% black pepper
is Shorty George %%
%% he dances to pay the rent %%
%% and to see that
you are solid sent %%
%% say mister can you
spare a penny %%
Is he?
I think so.
You mean
you can't tell?
How should I know?
I'm not a doctor.
You touch him.
%% I don't know how many %%
%% 'cause he's dancin
all the time %%
%% papa's dressed up
mighty sporty %%
%% momma's snoozin'
in the shade %%
%% but while momma's
catchin' 40 %%
What's she doing?
Turning up the sound loud.
%% down to my soul, baby %%
[turns tape player off]
%% get hip
to Shorty George %%
%% hop, skip to
Shorty George %%
(Dawn)
oh, no.
I'd say he's dead.
Now he'll never
see our present.
(Kane)
you're right.
Grandpa?
I'll get mom.
Wait.
What are we gonna do?
They're gonna bury
him in the family plot.
There's only one
thing we can do.
We got to get him out
of here, and put him
on the Rocket Gibraltar.
(Kane)
yeah, right.
Dad?
Mom, shh,
wait outside.
Are you crazy?
Um, we need
some private time
with grandpa.
He's listening
to David bowie.
Grandpa's listening
to David bowie?
Yeah,
he's his favorite singer.
His favorite singer
is Billie holiday.
David's his
favorite new singer.
Yeah, that's it.
Ma, ma, ma, come on,
that's why we need
some privacy.
He's really
getting into it.
Yeah.
He's in another world.
Sure. He loves it.
Oh, he does?
(both)
yeah. Get hip, ma.
Uh, we'll be down
in a few minutes.
Ok?
Ok. But come down soon,
and bring your grandfather.
We're about to light
the candles on the cake.
Do you promise
you'll hurry up?
We promise.
Wow,
that was close.
Well done, you guys.
Outstanding.
Come on,
we've got to hurry.
We've got to get
grandpa out of here.
Ok, you 3,
Go get the bows and arrows,
and gasoline and stuff.
Somebody get some
ties out of the closet.
(Emily)
boy, he's heavy.
(Kane)
come on. Hold on.
(Max)
I'm losing him.
Just hold on.
(Jessica)
but he's too heavy.
(Max)
wait, I can't
hold on anymore.
(Emily)
oh, no!
(Flora)
is he hurt?
(Jessica)
I don't think
he felt a thing.
You guys hang here.
I'm gonna check outside.
What for?
A getaway car.
[birds chirping]
[people chattering]
Boo!
Worms.
Nope. No worms.
My God, it's adults.
And they're dressed.
(Dawn)
cy, hurry, hurry!
(Emily)
cy, get in quick.
(Kane)
come on, hurry up.
You know where
the brakes are?
One of these
pedals down here.
[engine starting]
Ok, let's move.
Come on, let's go.
Sorry.
Excuse me, please.
Streisand's great,
but she's not right for it.
I think it's time
to get dad and
roll out the cake.
Yeah, good idea.
I hope the kids
are dressed.
[laughing]
(Max)
no worms.
No worms.
[people chattering]
Where the hell's my van?
Dwayne? Rolo?
They're gone.
(Rolo)
what?
They're gone.
I said, they're gone.
(Rose)
what'd she say?
She said they're gone.
Who's gone?
They took my van!
Somebody took my van!
(aggie)
who?
(Rose)
Monsieur Henri,
what happened to your accent?
[police radio chattering]
(all)
no worms! No worms! No worms!
No worms! No worms! No worms!
I can't believe it!
Calm down.
Now, who's gone?
The kids. Dad.
They're not in the house.
Are you sure?
Sure I'm sure.
I checked everywhere.
Oh, that's terrific.
Kane?
(Rose)
cy!
(Dwayne)
Max!
(Rolo)
Kane!
(Rose)
Max!
Cy!
Their bikes are still there.
Maybe the kids took the van.
(Billi)
where would
those rascals go?
Do you suppose dad
took them for a ride
somewhere?
Hey, great party.
Congratulations.
Doc,
he's not up there.
Where the hell is he?
We're trying to find out.
Their bikes
are still here.
We know, aggie.
Must have gone out
somewhere together.
Where to?
I don't know.
On a Joy ride
in that van!
Oh, you think dad went
driving with the kids?
No, no,
I think Kane--
Hey! Hey! Hey!
I got to tell you something.
Levi's heart couldn't
withstand a long pee
Much less an escapade
in a bumpy van.
What?
Your father
has an aneurysm
in his aorta.
He's had it
for some time.
He'll be lucky if he
lasts out the month.
I didn't want to
tell you. I'm sorry.
I've got to get
back to the hospital.
When you find him,
give him this, will you?
It's an old picture
of your mother.
(Dr. B.)
call me
if you need me.
(Kane)
come on, let's get
the rocket down here.
(Dawn)
what about the bonfire?
We'll get grandpa in the boat,
then we'll gather driftwood.
(blue)
ok, guys.
(Dawn)
come on, let's go.
[all grunting]
(Orson)
I'm trying.
(Dawn)
come on.
[all grunting]
(Kane)
come on, let's push.
(Ruby)
let's try the harbor.
(Rose)
no, let's try sag main beach.
(Kane)
almost got it.
(Emily)
just a couple more inches.
[all grunting]
(Kane)
let's get grandpa.
Where could they be?
I don't know.
But now that I think
about it,
They've been acting really
strange all weekend.
You know,
it's things like that,
That makes me glad
I don't have kids.
What could dad be thinking?
(Kane)
almost there. Come on.
(Emily)
yeah, we got him.
Here's some wood over here.
(Orson)
I got a big one.
(Flora)
pile it on.
(Dawn)
that ought to do it.
Can we light it now?
(all)
yeah!
Not until we get
the boat in the water.
Come on, let's get it.
[engine starting]
Happy birthday,
grandpa.
This is your present
from us.
No worms, grandpa.
(Jessica)
yeah.
(Kane and Dawn)
yeah.
Let's go.
(Dawn)
ok. Come on. Ready?
[police siren wailing]
[all grunting]
(Orson)
come on, guys.
We can do it.
(Kane)
push.
Ok, stop.
I told you,
I left my registration
in my pocketbook.
You're supposed
to have--
Officer,
we're--
I wasn't
talking to you.
Good afternoon.
I suggest you all
get back in your cars.
Officer,
I can explain everything.
We were in the middle
of a birthday party
when we discovered...
(blue)
come on, Kane,
get it all around.
(Max)
when can we light the fire?
Well, when can we?
Soon.
Come on.
Faster.
Let's go.
Now can we light
the bonfire?
(all)
yeah.
(Kane)
no, we have to get
the boat in the water.
[police siren wailing]
[tires screeching]
(Dawn)
oh, come on.
We almost got it.
Come on.
(Kane)
we're almost there.
[all grunting]
Ok, let's light
the bonfire.
(Rose)
where should we go now?
(Ruby)
we'll look from the dunes.
(Flora)
who's going to
shoot the arrow?
(Kane)
Orson and me.
(Jessica)
oh, come on!
Sorry.
[tires screeching]
(Kane)
get this in the water.
Come on.
There they are. That's them.
What the hell
are they doing?
(Ruby)
there's a weird little boat.
Do you see dad?
Oh, no.
My God!
What?
Come on, guys!
Kane!
Let's go!
Get the arrows, quick!
(Dawn)
come on, Kane. You can do it!
[all yelling]
(aggie)
stop!
(Jessica)
quick, come on!
Kane!
(Rose)
no!
[cheering]
[all cheering]
(Levi)
their whole life was the sea,
the sea and their boats.
And so, in celebrating death,
Yes, you could say
celebrating,
They used both.
The families of
the Vikings would put the body
Of their
loved one on the ship,
Cover it with straw,
And then as
the sun was setting,
cast it away into the water.
They would light huge bonfires
on the beach,
Then the Vikings would light
the tips of their
arrows in the bonfire
And shoot them at the ship.
Oh, it must have
been so beautiful.
Fire on the water.
Legend has it
that if the color
of the setting sun
And the color of
the burning ship
were the same,
Then that Viking
had led a good life,
and in the afterlife
He would go to Viking Heaven.
Yes.
All night long,
the Viking men,
women, and children
Watched the ship with the body
that burned on the water.
By Dawn,
all that was left was ashes.
Complete obliteration.
Carried by the currents
to the 4 corners of the earth.
Fresh and beautiful.
Vanished completely.
Like a dream.