RocketMan (1997) - full transcript
Fred Z. Randall is a geeky spacecraft designer who gets the chance to make his dream come true and travel to Mars.
FRED: Gemini, this is Houston.
Do you copy?
(IMITATING RADIO STATIC)
Roger that, Houston.
This is Captain Fred Randall.
(IMITATING RADIO STATIC)
Houston, the earth looks beautiful.
It's like a giant blueberry.
(IMITATING RADIO STATIC)
Roger that, Houston.
We are set to fire retrorockets.
(IMITATING RADIO STATIC)
That's a go, Gemini.
Retrofire ignition
in T-minus six and counting.
Five, four, three,
- two, one, ignition!
- (BUZZING)
Houston, we have a problem.
We have a problem!
Mission Control, the gyro is out!
The gyro is out!
Houston, we have a problem!
We have a problem!
I want my mommy!
I want my mommy!
- FRED: Uh-oh.
- MRS. RANDALL: Fred Z. Randall.
What are you doing?
I come in peace.
Look, George.
It's our little moon man.
Sweet pickled pineapples! Why can't he
play football, like the rest of the kids?
MRS. RANDALL: George.
BILL: Houston,
request go for landing.
Pilgrim One, requests go for landing.
Go is affirmative.
MAN: Pilgrim One,
you are go for landing.
BILL: Roger that, Houston.
MAN: Aeroshell deployed.
Deceleration rate, normal. ECLSS is go.
Pilgrim is through
the high gate at 80 percent.
Heartbeat steady.
My man is made of ice.
(SIREN BLARING)
- GARY: Bill?
- I see it.
GARY: Houston request,
20 percent X gimbal correction.
- Tell them no.
- Negative.
Pilgrim,
hold your transfer ellipse steady.
What's going on Hackman?
GARY: This isn't right. Computer says,
we're coming in too steep.
Twenty thousand meters.
Pilgrim dropping rapidly
to Martian surface.
Glide slope is eroding.
- JULIE: APUs are go.
- Gary?
Increase 20 percent.
Do it now, or we'll burn up.
BILL: Going to manual.
Why is he course correcting?
Why is he course correcting?
- Can someone answer me, please?
- I don't know.
Engaging landing thrusters.
Houston, we're off course.
- Come on.
- (SIREN BLARING)
BILL: We're losing her.
We're losing, man.
We're losing her!
- BILL: Houston...
- (STATIC)
Why?
Congratulations, you're all dead!
Oh.
Third time in a row, Hackman!
Nice move on that course correction!
Paul, it wasn't his fault.
That's right, the navigation computer
keeps telling me to correct it.
It's obviously screwed up.
Oh, that's the problem? Pardon me!
If Gary says,
the computer's screwing up,
then the computer is screwing up,
now why don't you just fix it?
Get me the name of the guy
that wrote this software!
(HORN HONKING)
Better engage the anti-theft device.
FRED: Hey! Morning, everybody!
Hi, Floyd!
Hey, Kimmie Lee Wong!
Five minutes till
the official workday starts.
That's five minutes
to save the world.
(IMITATES GUN SHOTS)
Die! Get back to your own planet!
You big, bulgy-eyed bald freaks!
Your supervisor showed us in.
He said that you're the man who designed
our mission operating system.
Sweet Alaskan asparagus tips!
You're the Mars team!
- PAUL: Well, Mr. Randall, uh...
- Paul Wick, Lead Flight Director!
Oh, sir, I am a big fan of yours!
It's, uh...
William Overbeck.
"Wild Bill" Overbeck! (EXCLAIMS)
In my office!
I feel like a paleontologist
who's been hunting dinosaurs
his whole life
and finally got to meet one.
- (FRED GASPING)
- Thank you.
Eight shuttle missions! Eight of 'em!
It's nine, actually,
but who's counting?
Well, apparently you are, my friend.
Oh, thank you for bringing him here!
- I've been following his career...
- Bill, check this out.
...swirling and swirling and...
Gary Hackman?
Computer specialist!
How's my baby treatin' ya?
- Actually...
- That's why we're here.
Some of us
think it may have a glitch.
A glitch?
Oh, no, that's not possible, I...
I programmed it myself.
It's perfect!
Not exactly.
Your program keeps miscalculating
our orbital entry trajectories.
Here's the data.
FRED: Okay, yep, okay, here we go.
Here we go. Here it comes.
Mm-hmm... Yeah.
Got it, got it. There it is.
- What?
- What? There's what?
This popcorn kernel's been stuck
in my molars for the last two weeks!
Well, there's your problem.
Gary's been running
his Hohmann transfer equations
to include gravitational effects
varying as the inverse cube
of the distance.
I'm a decorated astronaut.
I don't make those kind of mistakes.
Well now, wait a minute,
look, I'll show you.
I'll enter the same calculations,
using what we call "the right way."
Then, I'll open the lander file
and I'll initiate
the Mars landing sequence.
(IMITATES WHIRRING SOUND)
PAUL: I've seen enough.
FRED: Watch this, fellas.
(IMITATES WHIRRING SOUND)
This is ridiculous! Come on,
move! Move!
There's nothing wrong
with my numbers. They're perfect.
(MUTTERING)
Hey!
GARY: Watch this, you popcorn geek.
See? I told you, it's the computer.
(GARY WHIMPERS)
(SQUEAKING)
I can explain everything.
BEN: Skull fracture!
I can't believe it,
injured while proving himself wrong!
- Look, I can explain it.
- He heard you.
So... what do we do now?
We postpone it.
We can't, Ben!
You've seen the reports
of the surveyor satellite
that we have orbiting mars.
There are periodic sandstorms
on the surface.
They go on for months at a time.
They make our landing impossible!
If we delay now and those storms
set in, we lose our window!
We can't launch again then
for two years!
Then we wait two years!
Ben, Ben, Ben...
If we cancel this launch,
everyone will lose faith in us.
In you. In me.
In the whole NASA team.
But... we could sub in a backup.
and as a matter of fact,
we have two choices.
The first choice, of course,
is Gordon Peacock.
But...
he hasn't tested well
for space travel.
Test him again.
Who's your second choice?
NASA.
Yee-haa! (CACKLES)
- FRED: Mr. Wick, can I call you Paul?
- PAUL: No.
- FRED: Are we there yet?
- PAUL: No.
- FRED: How far is it?
- PAUL: Quiet.
- FRED: Can I drive?
- PAUL: No!
- Can I park it?
- (TIRE SCREECHES)
- FRED: Hey, it's that stubby guy!
- PAUL: Fred...
- FRED: Is that John Glenn?
- PAUL: Fred, please come with me.
- FRED: I'm sure it was him.
- PAUL: Fred, I've less than a month
to see if you have
the right stuff to be an astronaut.
Fred, I've got to get you...
I've got to get you
a clearance badge.
You stay right here.
A clearance badge.
Sign at the bottom.
(IMITATING SPACESHIPS)
Commander, are you sure
we're headed towards planet Earth?
It looks a heck of a lot
like the sun.
Of course I'm sure, you fool!
How dare you question my authority?
(SCREAMS)
FRED: Morning.
Sorry. Sorry. Wasn't me!
Wasn't me.
The cafeteria lady pushed me, Mr...
- Bud Nesbitt?
- Who the hell are you?
Apollo 13!
You're the one responsible for the...
I mean, when I say responsible,
I mean I was responsible for this.
- All this.
- Apollo 13 was an accident.
Oh, sure, sure it was.
Just like the captain of the Exxon Valdez
didn't see Alaska floating there,
right in front of him.
Could I get your autograph
right there?
What, another...
another "accident," Bud?
No, no, no, this... this was all me.
This was...
We were walking down the hall
and the cafeteria lady jumped out
of a doorway
and pushed me right into
Bud Nesbitt, Apollo 13 wrecker.
Bud's been a little touchy the last...
ten, 15 years.
(IMITATING CHIMP)
Who are you?
(STUTTERING) I'm Fred Rand...
Fred Rand...
That's Fred Randall.
Fred Randall.
Fred, meet your new roommate.
Julie Ford,
mission specialist, geologist.
It's gonna be
a real honor sleeping with you.
(CLEARS THROAT)
In completely different beds.
Fred, she's not your roommate.
He is.
(LAUGHS)
I get it. I get it!
Haze the rookie! Good one!
The legendary
rooming-with-the-monkey gag!
Ulysses is a chimp, not a monkey.
He's a ch...
And he's the key
to discovering life on Mars.
(HOOTING)
I'm training him using calls
that he's familiar with
to retrieve specific rock samples
from underground fissures.
(HOOTING)
Of course. There's still moisture
under the surface.
FRED: And where there's water,
there could be life.
JULIE: That's right. Good boy.
Or death.
Death to anyone who dare to disturb
the vicious Martian crust devils
with their venomous feet
and their wet, sucking lips!
(SNORTING)
- Uh, Paul?
- Yeah?
Paul, can I talk to you for a second?
Sure.
Well, it looks like it's me and you,
my little Ewok.
FRED: You're gonna be
my very first roommate!
- So, what do you think?
- What do I think?
What do you think? I mean,
what is your reasoning here, Paul?
Little Dr. Zaius.
(HOOTING)
Because we're going to Mars,
we should take along a guy from Mars?
(HOOTING)
He's a computer genius.
He's supposed to be a little weird.
A little?
Let go of me!
I am not gonna let
a few random personality quirks
ground the most important mission
of my career!
(SCREAMING)
Well, Paul, excuse me for...
for letting my practical concerns
get in the way of your career!
Wait, wait, this mission means just
as much to you as to me, Ford!
And if Gordon can't cut it,
then this kid is our last hope.
Well, that's impressive.
They're bonding already.
FRED: Mom, please!
I really wish you'd stop referring
to it as "running away from home."
It's only temporary.
Going to Mars is not temporary,
Freddy.
The last time you ran away,
it was just to the garage.
Oh, I know.
You're rebelling, aren't you?
Mom, I don't even know
if I'm going to Mars for sure.
Oh.
Well, I wish I was.
I've made peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches,
just like you like them.
It's a long trip.
Mom, I'm not even hungry, honestly.
Look, there's a little moon, a star
and a little rocket.
I'm 30 years old!
I'm almost a full-grown man!
I'll take the rocket.
(DOG BARKING)
FRED: Well, isn't this a treat!
Finally, a place of my own.
No one to tell me what to do.
(TOILET FLUSHES)
(CAT SCREECHES)
(DOG BARKING)
It wasn't me!
Hey, there's no eating puzzles
in the house!
And surely we don't jump on the bed!
All right, I'm going out.
If you light the place on fire,
the number's 911. Thank you.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
BILL: Hey, Randall.
C'mon. I'll buy you a drink.
Now wait a second.
I'm not much of a drinker...
Gil, round of Blast Offs
for my friend Randall here.
Blast Off? What's that?
It's a very special drink.
It's just for us astronauts.
Oh, like Tang?
Exactly.
BILL: Houston, we have ignition!
(SONG PLAYING)
- Excellent! Excellent!
- Commencing countdown.
ALL: In three, two, one, blast off!
Blast off!
- (WHOOPING)
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey, Ford. Got off work early, huh?
- Is this necessary, Bill?
- Oh, absolutely. Enjoy the show.
JULIE: Oh, jeez, getting someone drunk
like this is wrong.
Is he the one you want
in the jump seat
next to you, when you're
35 million miles away from home?
Julie Ford!
Julie Ford! Come on. Let's twirl!
FRED: We're twirling!
It wasn't me.
You kids have fun now, you hear?
Everyone is laughing at us!
This is not some frat party, Randall!
This is NASA!
(HICCUPS)
And some of us have earned
the right to be here.
And we need someone to replace Gary,
on this mission or it doesn't happen.
So, grow up or get out,
but don't waste my time.
FRED: Hey, Julie!
I was just trying to,
you know... fit in.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Julie? (YELLS)
Oh, it's you.
Hey, don't worry, little fella.
It's only thunder.
Scares me too.
Can't sleep, huh?
All right. I'll sing you
a little lullaby, but only one.
(SINGS) Hairy little monkey
Sleeping in the night
Close your monkey eyes
So monkey, monkey tight
And then you'll know
Little monkey doesn't fright
When the thunder goes boom
So deep into the night
- Paul, this Randall guy is a joke!
- Just give him a chance.
He's not gonna show, you know.
Guy's an embarrassment to NASA!
Now, I understand people like him.
Trust me, he'll be a total professional.
FRED: Morning! Morning!
Oh, good, Fred!
Look, we're gonna start
of your testing this morning
with the isolation chamber.
So, for the next 24 hours
we'll see if you can withstand
the extreme isolation of space travel.
Cut off from all external stimuli.
Completely and utterly alone.
No, not exactly. Your competition
is gonna be in the adjacent chamber.
- Gordo!
- Sir.
Hey, Gordon A. Peacock,
computer specialist!
Well, well, well, well, well,
isn't this a treat!
Hey, what kind of laptop do you have?
- MAN: Randall, let's go.
- Close it up.
Gordo, you're on the right. Randall,
you're in the left chamber here.
FRED: Surely.
MAN 2:
Initializing 24-hour clock.
Ah!
Hello?
(ECHOES)
- What the heck?
- Is that you? (ECHOES)
Yes, it's me.
(ECHOES)
Prove it!
(ECHOES)
I asked you first!
(ECHOES) I asked you first.
I asked you first.
(YODELS)
(YODELING ECHOES)
Oh...
(SINGS)
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
His name is my name too
Whenever we go out
The people always shout
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
(PANTING)
Oh, he stopped.
(SINGS) The people always shout
John Jacob Jingleheimer...
(SCREAMS)
John Jacob Jingleheimer...
- (GORDO SCREAMING)
- Paul, this is inhuman.
(CLEARS THROAT) I say, Freddy,
it was absolutely lovely to invite us
out of London for the weekend, old boy.
Yes, it's absolutely smashing
to be here, Freddy.
Well, It's my pleasure to have you,
Mr. and Mrs. Plumpton.
(BLABBING)
PAUL: Okay, Bill,
let's get 'em out.
Somebody stole my pants.
(CUCKOO CLOCK CUCKOOS)
Yes, you did.
I did not
and I'm telling you, I never will!
Uh, could you give me just a few more
minutes? I just started the third act.
Yes, close the door!
It's bloody chilly in here!
Yes, close the door, you fat...
Don't use that word
around the children.
Yes! Power it down.
Powering down.
PAUL: Gordo, good work!
BILL: Hey. Way to go, Gordo!
Looks like he beat
that motion sickness.
Nice ride, fella!
You probably shouldn't have had
that liverwurst
and headcheese sandwich before this.
(RETCHING)
Say, Randall, you know
that iso chamber was a cakewalk.
Now, this little baby
is a whole other animal.
Hey, how fast does
this little tree twirl?
Nearly, 200 miles an hour.
That's six Gs.
Bill there holds the record.
- Have fun, kid.
- (CHUCKLES)
Fun is my Chinese neighbor's
middle name!
- (SQUISHES)
- (PAUL GASPS)
Man!
Smooth sailing, Randall.
TECHNICIAN: Stand by.
All right. Let's try four Gs.
Make it five.
FRED: Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa-oa!
A little...
faster...
please.
5.7, 5.8!
FRED: Thank you!
Six Gs!
(YELLING)
He tied your record, Commander.
Should I stop?
- RANDALL: Give it a little gas!
- Make it seven.
FRED: Faster! Faster!
FRED: That's enough! Slow down!
Mommy!
I want my mommy!
And what's the most important thing
at NASA, children?
Safety!
(SCREAMING)
- Our Father, who art in heaven...
- (KIDS SCREAMING)
Here we go, Gary. Be brave, huh?
Why don't you try walking?
(SCREAMING) Get out of the way!
(LOUD CRASH)
Ouch.
Uh, sorry I'm late.
I, uh... The...
I ran into Gary and, uh...
Get in the chair, Fred.
The other chair.
Sweet swirling onion rings!
FRED: Capacitor 15 goes into 12...
Red over on the green... 19 over...
(MURMURS)
Seventeen into 2, red over into green...
And that's it!
Good, Randall. Really good.
The fastest time I've ever seen.
I, uh...
I designed most of these circuits.
PAUL: How's it going?
Oh, he's doing great!
Yeah, let's see what happens
under emergency conditions.
BUD: You've got one minute
to complete the board,
or your crew dies.
- (BEEPING)
- Begin.
(SCREAMS)
You know what to do! Do it!
You doubt yourself, you fail!
FRED: Ceiling!
Wall! Floor! You guys!
It's moving too fast!
It'll be a 100 times worse
in real life. Come on, Randall!
MALE VOICE: Randall...
- Look at him! Randall!
- (FRED SCREAMING)
BUD: Randall, you're hopeless!
FRED: (GRUNTS) How'd I do?
One minute and 30 seconds.
Just remember, gentlemen,
the object is to keep
your Ping-Pong ball
airborne as long as possible.
We're testing lung capacity
to determine the time you have
to survive
should a life-support
malfunction occur.
So, you know, uh,
the record's three minutes,
held by Commander Overbeck.
Ford, do me a favor.
If by some miracle
this kid makes it...
watch out for him, will you?
PAUL: Sir.
BUD: Hey, Ben.
- Bud.
Bud!
Will you excuse us?
MALE VOICE: They're closing in
on Bill's record.
- (GORDO GROANS)
- (FRED JABBERS)
Ben.
Bill, what do you think?
I think Gordo's an astronaut
and Randall isn't.
BEN: Mm, I don't know.
MALE VOICE: He broke the record!
(SCREAMS)
It wasn't me! It wasn't me!
So we will be using a new system
which generates artificial gravity
on this mission.
Ms. Ford, do you expect
to find life on Mars?
Absolutely. Yes. Uh, along with my crew,
including Ulysses,
I think it is most likely we'll find
microscopic unicellular organisms
which are very similar to those found
in rock fragments from Antarctica.
- BERNARD: Bernard Barrows, BBC.
- Commander Overbeck,
we've all read about the potentially
dangerous windstorms on the surface.
How's that going to affect the mission?
Well, as a former test pilot,
I've experienced my share
of wind problems.
But the ground crew has assured me
that if we launch now,
these storms
shouldn't be any trouble.
MALE VOICE: Bernard Barrows, BBC.
Mr. Wick, has NASA selected
a replacement crew member yet?
Well, I'm, uh, glad you asked
that question.
Ben, you wanna take that one?
Yes. Um, I have made a decision
on our... replacement
and the National Aeronautics
and Space Administration
is pleased, as I am pleased,
to announce the appointment
of astronaut and third crew member
of the historic manned mission
to Mars,
Astronaut Fred Randall!
(SCREAMS)
- (GATE SLAMS)
- (FRED SHRIEKS)
(INDISTINCT MALE VOICE OVER RADIO)
I'm not ready, Bud.
Fred, in '68, when President Johnson
appointed me chief of operations
for the Apollo mission, he gave me
three commemorative coins.
One for honor,
which I gave to Armstrong.
One for freedom.
I gave that one to Lovell.
And one... for bravery.
It hasn't done me much good.
Maybe it'll mean something to you.
Whoa.
I feel like the Cowardly Lion.
(SINGS) If I were the king
Of the forest
I'd rrrruff and I'd rrrruff
And I'd rrrruff
Ha-ha!
How about just saying,
"Thanks for the cool coin, Bud.
"It really means a lot to me"?
Oh, yeah, thanks for the cool coin,
Bud. It real... What was the rest?
You're welcome, Fred.
Go on.
Good luck, Astronaut Randall!
All right, team. Let's kick the tires
and light the fires.
Don't worry, Ulysses.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Nothing to be scared of.
Look, I'm not scared.
There's no reason
why you should be scared.
- MAN 1: What's our status?
- MAN 2: Go.
MAN 1: Roger, 842. Booster?
MAN 2: Go.
- APUs?
- Go.
- OMS?
- Lookin' good.
BILL: Houston, we're getting close.
Initiating final checklist.
- Fuel cells.
- Fuel cells. Check.
- Hydraulics.
- Hydraulics. Check.
- CDPS, panel six.
- JULIE: MMU one.
- BILL: IPL.
- AT&T?
- GPC, mode four.
- KFC.
- BILL: EDP.
- YMCA.
- GNC and five.
- BMW?
- CNS.
- CNN.
- CNS.
- IHOP?
Randall,
computer navigation systems.
I have to go tinkle!
JULIE: CNS, check.
- BILL: ECLSS.
- JULIE: ECLSS. Check.
- BILL: APUs.
- JULIE: APUs are go.
BILL: Abort switch.
JULIE: Abort switch on.
- Initiating final launch sequence.
- All right, people. Looking good.
T-minus ten. Let's light her up.
No, not yet!
Ten, nine...
- Fifteen! Twenty-nine!
...eight, seven...
...six...
FRED: There's a fly in my helmet!
Look! It just went up my nose!
- (EXCLAIMS)
...two, one.
(SNEEZES)
We have liftoff, 0232 GMT!
Yes!
MRS RANDALL: Oh, my Lord...
I hope I packed him
enough underwear.
I wouldn't worry about that, pumpkin.
He's packin'
his own underwear right now.
Oh, my...
FRED: Are you guys seeing this?
My helmet!
Did you see that?
My face went back like this
and then I...
These things flew
out of my mouth and...
Can we do that again? (GIGGLES)
I like this!
Hey, I'm floating up in the air!
Like a little bird, like a crow!
(CAWS)
Hey, look. There's a big field
of corn down there everybody!
Engaging artificial gravity
in three, two, one.
(FRED GROANS)
Hey, Randall,
take a look out the window.
(FRED GROANS)
Wow...
It really does look like
a giant blueberry.
FRED: Hi, Mom.
Hi, Dad.
FRED: Commander, can I call you Bill?
BILL: No.
- FRED: Are we there yet?
- BILL: No.
- FRED: Could I drive?
- BILL: No!
FRED: I'm hungry.
Ulysses, it's yum-yum time!
(HOOTING)
Ow! (GROANS)
Ow, the flesh, it burns!
Ow. Need some burn ointment.
You hungry, Ulysses?
Here, you eat the monkey fruitcake.
Now go sit at the table.
Sit at the table.
Randall, where's that dinner?
It's just coming out of the oven, Bill.
Okay, people. Let's eat up. In 20 minutes
we got a broadcast with the president
and the entire free world.
But, if it's all the same
as you guys,
I'm gonna sit that one out.
JULIE: So, what you make for dinner?
Prime rib with broccoli
and mashed potatoes.
Oh, Julie's doing her
Old Yeller impression!
Please, Pa.
I don't want Yeller to die!
Fred, it's toothpaste!
(JULIE SPITS)
That's not potatoes.
I'm sorry, what?
This is not...
Oh, man, this is hemorrhoid cream!
(MUMBLES)
Hemorrhoid cream!
Hey, swallow your food there, fella!
(BILL SPITS)
Dear Mr. President...
Dear world and Mr. President...
(GURGLING)
(GULPS, SQUEALS, PASSES GAS)
That came out of nowhere.
(GURGLING CONTINUES)
Oh, look out, Sally!
JULIE: Be careful you don't
get sucked out when you flush.
- What?
- Happens all the time.
Oh, no, Bud's coin!
(bubbling)
Come to papa.
PRESIDENT: Good evening,
my fellow Americans
and citizens of the world.
Tonight, we are privileged
to be speaking live
with our courageous Mars astronauts.
PRESIDENT: Good evening, Commander.
Good evening, Mr. President.
Welcome aboard the Aries.
BILL: I would like to say
that this mission is intended
to honor
all of the peoples of the world,
for space
is about the highest yearning...
- Are we on?
...of mank... of mankind.
PRESIDENT:
I don't mean to cut you off, Commander,
but I'm going to,
because I spy Fred Randall there
and I believe that the people
of the world
would like to know just why
he looks like a Smurf tonight.
Officer Randall has some duties
to perform in another...
- in another part of the spacecraft.
- We are on!
If I could just finish this...
- this thought...
- Say hello to the world, son.
Me? Yes, Mr. President...
- FRED: I don't think that I...
- Tell them what it's like up here.
PRESIDENT: Yeah, son, you go ahead.
Mr. President, sir,
from up here I can...
Well, I can see the whole world
out that window, and...
Well, I know down there there's
a lot of wars
and people fighting so on and whatnot,
but from up here,
I feel like I could just take
the whole world
and hold it in my hands
just like a ripe blueberry.
I feel like I could...
It's almost like I...
(SINGS) I got the whole world in my hands
I got the whole world in my hands
All right, now the French!
(SINGS IN FRENCH)
Now the Germans!
(SINGS IN GERMAN)
C'mon. Just the Western Hemisphere!
(SINGS) He's got the whole world
In his hands
Come on, Commander!
He's got the whole wide world
In his hands
He's got
The whole damn world in his hands
He's got
The whole world in his hands
Everybody, now!
He's got the whole world
In his hands
And now the Chinese!
C'mon, all you Chinese!
(SINGS IN CHINESE)
- Hey, there's my star.
- What?
My star. When I was a kid,
I picked one out of the sky.
Called it Fred's Star.
It was my own special little place
I could go to
and no one could ever find me.
- That is so weird! I did that too.
- You did?
Yes!
Which one is yours?
Well, um, actually, it's that one, see,
just to the right of the North Star.
Kinda flickering over there?
- FRED: That's funny.
- Why?
Well, that one's right next to mine.
It's... It's amazing,
isn't it, Julie?
Yeah.
You know, for all
the research I've done,
I still don't really understand
what's out there.
I mean, I believe
that there's something...
I just... I wish... I wish I...
Well, why don't you?
What?
Wish. Use your star.
It's like that Jiminy Cricket song.
(SINGS)
When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
And when you wish
Upon a star
Your dreams
Come true
That's Jiminy Cricket.
FRED: I don't know
about this hypersleep thing.
JULIE: It's perfectly safe. Besides,
can't stay awake for eight months.
The boredom would drive you crazy.
Eight months? The eye crust alone
could be dangerous! Hey, Commander!
Ah! It burns the flesh!
So anyway, Ford,
wake me up when we get to Mars.
JULIE: You got it.
BILL: Good night, ladies.
So, I'll see you in eight months.
Boy, I wish I had 928 dollars for every
time a girl's said that to me.
Good night, Fred.
Good night, Julie Ford.
Well, it's a tale as old as time,
Ulysses.
Boy meets girl,
boy falls for girl...
girl goes into hypersleep.
No, see, you can't be in here
because yours is over there.
This is mine.
Okay, I'm going in here.
You can stay right there
and I'm gonna take yours,
you hairy little bed stealer!
Good night. Gotta close the door.
Just gotta close this...
Gotta close the door...
(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
Oh! Eight-month-old morning breath.
Morning glory and hallelujah,
Commander!
(CROWING)
Query. How long have I been asleep?
Thirteen minutes!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Gah! No!
(BURPS)
Ha-ha, Fred!
Crazy blanket!
No man could sleep with you!
Go to sleep. Go to sleep.
Go to sleep. Go to sleep...
FRED: My darling,
what a wonderful evening.
You look so beautiful tonight,
so... full of life.
Your hair looks like corn silk,
soft, snowy skin
and your tangerine lips...
And your...
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
(CRACKLING)
Hi! It's me again!
Whack, whack, whack!
Wake up, wake up,
wake up, wake up, wake up!
Fred. Come out, Fred.
You can't hide forever, Fred.
- They're coming to get me, Fred.
- Bwana! It's me, Fred.
They've taken over the ship.
50, 60 of them!
I've had to hide in the jungle.
Take this down.
I need four barrels of gunpowder,
a machete, a goatskin,
a guide that speaks Hutu.
Fred, snap out of it.
Fred, snap out of it.
Fred, snap out of it.
Fred, snap...
It wasn't me!
BUD: Hello? Hello?
Hello?
BUD: Fred?
Can I ask who's calling? Over.
It's Bud.
Go to the private medical channel.
- FRED: Bud. Where have you been? Over.
- Why are you awake?
Well, there was a series
of very bad mistakes
that happened all at once,
but everything's fine
and my spirits are high.
FRED: The ship is in shipshape,
and by the way,
the Hutu uprising is over. Over.
Forget the "overs." I don't know
how can I'm gonna keep this from Wick.
You don't have to. I've already
reprogrammed the hypersleep monitors.
He doesn't have to know.
Ration your food.
I'll do what I can.
FRED: Bud, there's something else,
I've been looking
at the latest
weather surveyor photos from Mars.
What are you talking about?
I can't be sure but I have a feeling
that when we land,
we might run
into some nasty windstorms.
That's impossible.
None of our people picked that up.
FRED: I know.
I almost missed it myself.
If you look in sectors five and six
of the Valles Marineris, you'll see tha...
Way too low for this time
of the year. This could be bad.
What do we do?
BUD: We do nothing.
If Wick finds out you're awake,
he'll go through the roof.
Let me go to him
with this weather business,
he'll have no choice,
he'll have to reconsider the mission.
Reconsider the mission? Sure.
Hm. Okay, it's still on.
Paul, look at these new readouts.
The danger is real!
I don't have to look at anything, Bud!
I've a room full of experts telling me
that everything's just peachy
and you walk up to me and tell me
to reconsider a $40 billion mission
just because you've got a hunch?
- That's right.
- I'm sorry, Bud,
your hunches are worth about
as much as dental floss
at a Willie Nelson concert.
I'll be monitoring this situation
If the data doesn't change...
You'll leave it to me
to make the call, as always.
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTING)
Voila.
(ALARM BLARING)
February, March,
April, May, June, July,
August...
Whoopsy. Wake-up time.
Hypersleep over.
BILL: Come on, Ford. I'm starving!
Randall,
why are you dressed like that?
What have you been doing?
Oh, just making coffee. You know,
I'm a morning person.
Good morning, Julie.
What happened in here?
Well, I'll be the first to say it.
It looks like we've got space rats.
Space rats?
You've been awake!
No! It wasn't me!
It was the hairy one!
Him! The naughty!
(HOOTING)
Well, it's obvious he's very sorry
and doesn't want
to talk about it anymore.
Oh, my God.
FRED: Wow.
Turns out Ulysses
is one of those rare...
genius painting monkeys.
That's food.
You've been awake the whole time,
and you used up all of our food!
- Didn't you? Didn't you?
- No. No.
Look at this! What are we supposed
to do now, fish?
This... Look! Look! It's gone!
We're doomed!
- I've got backup supplies.
- You understand me?
I've got lots of backups.
Oh, what have you got here?
Anchovy paste. I love this stuff!
- Creamed liver! This is good.
- It's good for your gums.
Gefilte fish! I'm not eating
gefilte fish for the rest of this trip!
- JULIE: Bill.
- What?
We're here.
All right, kids. Here we go.
BILL: Randall, stop eating
and pay attention.
BILL: Houston, we have separation.
Request permission
to engage descent burn.
MAN: Roger, Pilgrim.
Confirm separation.
BILL: Roger that.
MAN 2: We have separation confirmed.
MAN: Pilgrim, you are a-go
for descent burn.
BILL: Roger that, Houston.
Commencing decent burn.
Pilgrim is through
the high gate at 80 percent.
Status?
Aeroshell deployed.
Deceleration rate, normal.
ECLSS is go.
They have entered Martian atmosphere.
JULIE: Bill, we've got a problem!
Glide slope increasing!
BILL: I see it, Ford.
- We're losing stable trajectory.
- BILL: Randall, status.
FRED: Commander, we need a five percent
Z gimbal correction one percent.
- No, wait, wait...
- BILL: I need a number, Randall!
- Ten percent. No, 12!
- JULIE: Trajectory's eroding!
- Is it ten or 12?
- Twelve, I'm going with 12. I'm sorry.
Initiating 12 percent Z gimbal
course correction.
MAN: Communication shutdown
for three minutes.
I knew it was 12.
Holy cow.
Look at that.
Engaging landing thrusters.
It's okay, you little fella.
It's gonna be okay.
MAN: Pilgrim, this is Houston.
Pilgrim, this is Houston do you copy?
Pilgrim, this is Houston.
Come in, please.
BILL: Houston, this is Planitia Base.
The Pilgrim has landed.
Commander William Overbeck
is the first out of the capsule
and within seconds
will step onto the surface of Mars
and into the history books.
We all eagerly...
This is a very big day for us, Ben.
Very big.
BILL: Mr. President,
peoples of the world,
for a poor farm boy
from Iowa, this is one
heck of an honor to be
the first man
to travel to a distant planet...
- JULIE: Fred, go slowly...
- BILL: to be the first man
to set foot on the surface of Mars.
(SCREAMING)
FRED: It wasn't me!
BILL: Randall,
I'm gonna kick your butt!
JULIE: My god!
FRED: It's amazing!
We're the first
to ever stand on Mars!
BILL: Now you're the biggest idiot
on two planets.
FRED: We're the first
to talk on Mars!
Hey, Julie, I'm the first
to walk backwards on Mars!
First to blow a kiss on Mars!
Hey, you're the first
to blush on Mars.
JULIE: Fred!
BILL: How'd you like to be
the first guy to die on Mars?
FRED: Well, sorry, Mr. First
To Show Inappropriate Anger On Mars!
BILL: I'm not listening, Randall.
I'm turning this radio off.
FRED: Well, you're the first
to not listen to me on Mars.
- BILL: Na, na, na, na, na.
- FRED: Please talk to me.
I wanna get to know you
more for the first time on Mars.
- FRED: Are we there yet?
- BILL: No.
- FRED: Can I drive?
- BILL: No!
- FRED: You never let me drive!
- BILL: Shut up.
FRED: Hey, there's no airbag.
What if I flying through the windshield?
BILL: Randall,
there is no windshield.
FRED: Oh. Well, what if I go flying
through the front of my helmet?
BILL: I'd die happy.
Well, this is it. Valles Marineris.
Stop here, Ford.
This'll be perfect.
This is where we plant the flag.
JULIE: Roger.
I'll set up the weather station,
and take the drilling samples
and be back in an hour.
BILL: I'll offload this equipment.
Rendezvous back here at 1400 hours.
JULIE: Fourteen hundred hours. Check.
BILL: Be careful out there, Ford.
FRED: All right, this is the spot.
It's the perfect spot right here.
What you doing, Randall?
Where's that flag?
FRED: It's coming, Commander.
FRED: Uh-oh, it wasn't me!
But I'll get it!
I think I saw where it went.
BILL: Hey, hey, hey, hey!
No, no, no, no, no.
You moron!
FRED: Who are you talking to,
Commander?
BILL: You realize
what you've just done?
I waited my whole life
for this moment,
to plant a flag on a distant planet.
Now I'm on a distant planet,
which was the hard part...
and I don't have a flag
'cause you lost it!
FRED: Don't worry, Commander!
I've got another flag!
A high-flying flag! A proud flag!
A wonderful flag!
BILL: What are you doing?
FRED: We're making history,
Commander!
BILL: Randall.
MAN 1: And, salute!
- Huh?
- FRED: Ten-hut!
- (PHONE RINGS)
- MAN 2: It's the president.
BILL: Why don't I just
throw myself off this cliff?
- BILL: Why don't I throw you off?
- FRED: Don't worry, they're clean.
Paul, we got a red on Overbeck.
We have a primary oxygen tank leak.
We need to preserve his SOP.
Solution?
Emergency tie line.
We hook him into another suit.
Do it, doc.
Bill, this is Houston. You got
a leak in your primary O2 tank.
I see it. What do we do?
MAN 3: You got an emergency line
in your flix,
hook it up
with Randall's spare vent nozzle
and your share
till you get back to the Pilgrim.
Houston, is that sanitary?
- FRED: Hey, Commander?
- BILL: Yeah?
FRED: Do you believe in UFOs at all?
BILL: Sure, I believe in UFOs.
FRED: You do?
BILL: Yeah. There's one following me.
FRED: Huh? Oh, I get it!
You're funny, Commander!
(FRED LAUGHS)
FRED: Hey, Commander?
BILL: Yeah?
FRED: When I was a kid...
at night I used to there was
a baker under my bed.
Did you ever have anything
under your bed?
- BILL: No.
- FRED: Did you ever bend down and look?
BILL: No.
FRED: Well, how do you know
there wasn't a baker under your bed?
BILL: Randall, shut up.
FRED: Hey, Commander?
BILL: Yeah?
FRED: I seem to be experiencing these
intense intestinal cramps.
FRED: Randall, I'm trying
to conserve oxygen here.
- FRED: But they hurt me so.
- BILL: Keep it to yourself.
- FRED: Ow. Ow.
- BILL: Wait a minute.
BILL: If we stay on this heading
for another 20 minutes,
we'll see the Pilgrim.
(PASSES GAS)
What?
I didn't do anything.
Oh, my God. No, no, no.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Don't do that.
No, no. Come on.
(SNIFFING)
Oh, man!
BILL: Oh! (GROANING)
Oh!
- It wasn't me.
- What do you mean, it wasn't you?
BILL: We're 35 million miles
from the nearest person!
MALE VOICE: Heart rate up, adrenaline up,
stomach muscles spasming!
- Overbeck's in distress.
- Look at these methane levels.
- Methane?
- (LAUGHTER)
BILL: Oh! Oh, it's in my mouth!
FRED: Hey! He who smelt it, dealt it!
(PASSES GAS)
What?
(GROANS)
FRED: Commander,
I'm having trouble breathing.
BILL: You're having trouble breathing?
My eyes are burning!
FRED: Truly, it wasn't me!
Maybe it was Julie.
BILL: You dog!
FRED: Hey, miracles can happen.
BILL: Blaming this on Julie!
FRED: Okay, I admit it was me.
- BILL: Thank you!
- (PASSES GAS)
FRED: Now that was Julie!
(ALARM BLARING)
This isn't good, Bill.
I think Fred's right.
Looks like the winds
are coming early.
Maybe two or three days.
Look at these readings I took today.
We should still be all right tomorrow.
Oh no, wait a second. No.
It's not gonna be all right.
FRED: My calculations are telling me
that... that these two martian
high-pressure systems
are coming together faster
than any of us could've predicted.
Tomorrow.
When that happens, we're nothing more
than a dust bunny,
stuck in a bag of a vacuum.
You go out there,
you're not comin' back.
What are you doing, Randall?
What are you doing?
What, it's not enough that you broke
every record that I ever set?
That you humiliated me
on global television?
That you ruined what should've been
the most important moment
of my life by stepping on Mars first?
That's not enough for you!
You've got to do this!
No, no. This one is mine.
We came to Mars
to gather fossil samples.
We're not leaving here
until I accomplish this!
Wait. Bill...
I don't want to abort this mission
any more than you do, but...
I know he's right.
If we don't leave before
this storm hits, we don't leave.
All right, what do you suggest?
JULIE: Tomorrow morning, we check
the readings. If they're bad...
we abort.
All right. Fine.
Let's get some sleep.
BUD: What did Overbeck say?
FRED: He said we should wait
till morning. You know, Bud,
maybe I was wrong about the winds.
Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.
BUD: I wanna tell you something,
Fred. About the 13 mission.
The day before launch,
I... I caught what seemed to be
a minor glitch
in the tank's stirring circuits.
Didn't look serious,
but I went to Wick,
I told him, we needed to postpone until we
could greenlight the system.
He said, there was no way
we were gonna push back the launch date,
he said that I was overreacting,
that I was imagining a problem
when there was none.
FRED: So Apollo 13
was Wick's fault?
BUD: No. I had every right
and authority to stop that launch
but I didn't. I didn't make the call.
And if those three astronauts
hadn't pulled off
a number
of last minute major miracles,
they would have been dead
and it would've been my fault.
I'm not gonna let that happen
this time.
I'm gonna get you guys out of this.
- Hey, Bud.
- BUD: What?
I'd be proud to end up like you.
I copy that.
Bud out.
FRED: The mushroom people
- FRED: are coming! Get them away!
- JULIE: Fred! Wake up! Fred! Fred!
Bill's gone. He took Ulysses
and the spare backpack,
and he is gone.
Sweet mother of meat!
(IMITATES SCOOBY-DOO)
Huh? Uh-oh!
BILL: All right, buddy. Here we are.
Go on... Go on.
How are they doing up there, Paul?
Oh, good morning, sir.
Yes, we're just about to wake the crew.
- Would you like this one, sir?
- (DOOR OPENS)
Oh, great.
It's over, Paul.
Sir, I'm making the call.
We abort now.
No one's listening to you, Bud.
Don't make me call security.
I'm not gonna stand by
and let another disaster happen!
This man has continually ignored
the warnings of our crew on Mars.
- Security, would you come in here, please?
- Our mission is in serious jeopardy, sir.
Bud...
Don't make this any harder
than it already is.
- Don't do this, sir.
- BEN: Bud, would you take it easy?
We're all under a lot of stress.
You just need to rest. That's all!
- Ben, those people are gonna die.
- Bud, you have totally lost it.
We haven't had any negative reports.
Get him out of here, please.
Paul, we've got a contact
on emergency frequency.
- On screen.
- Pilgrim, this is Houston.
Houston, the storms are here!
Wind speed at, uh...
- JULIE: Forty-five.
...45 miles per hour and rising!
- JULIE: Visibility dropping.
- FRED: Houston, what should we do?
FRED: Houston, please advise!
Paul?
Randall, no! That's...
that's impossible.
PAUL: Our weather pattern analysis...
Mr. Wick, this is bad,
I don't think
I've ever seen anything
like this before.
It reminds me of a French Canadian...
Tennis racket stuck
to the back of a...
It's no good...
Bubbling out of my sister's...
Brazilian donkey!
I don't think
I can make myself any clearer!
Wick, get 'em off that planet!
Do as he says, Paul.
Ben, we had no way of knowing.
I followed procedure, Ben.
PAUL: I followed procedure, here!
Paul, unplug and go home.
Unplug and go home?
Nesbitt, you're in command.
FRED: Houston, do you copy?
Houston, come in!
MAN: Pilgrim we copy.
Please stand by.
BUD: Don't stare at me, people!
We got a crew out there!
Let's bring 'em home.
JULIE: Houston, wind speed continues
to increase.
- This is bad, Paul.
- Ford, it's Bud. Listen carefully.
If the wind keeps building at this rate,
in 20 minutes, liftoff will be impossible.
Launch now.
No! Commander Overbeck
and Ulysses are still out there!
They're lost now. You're not.
Launch!
- I'm going after them.
- What?
BUD: Fred? Fred, answer me! Fred!
Can't hear you!
We're fading out fast!
Fred!
If I'm not back in 20 minutes,
you've gotta take off without me!
- BUD: Fred!
- JULIE: You will be back.
- Twenty minutes and then take off!
- BUD: Fred!
Twenty minutes, right?
Not 15 or anything?
All right.
Twenty-one is okay too.
Ford, what's going on?
BUD: What's happening?
I'm losing you! Julie!
FRED: Commander!
Commander Overbeck!
Ulysses!
(HOOTING)
Ulysses!
Where are you? Answer me!
(HOOTING)
There you are!
How many times have I told you not
to wander around
in a Martian dust storm!
We've got to find the commander.
(HOOTING)
JULIE: Where are they?
FRED: Commander!
Commander Overbeck!
BILL: Randall?
FRED: Commander, is that you?
- BILL: Randall!
- FRED: It is you!
FRED: All right, stand back,
little fella. Nothin' to see here.
- FRED: Commander!
- BILL: What are you doing here?
BILL: Get back to the ship
and save yourself!
FRED: Sorry Commander,
I can't do that.
BILL: That's an order!
FRED: I've got to get you out.
(FRED GROANS)
FRED: I can't lift it.
They say that when
a mother's child is trapped,
the rush of her adrenaline gives her
the strength of 20 men.
FRED: All right, Commander,
call me "Mommy"!
- BILL: What?
- FRED: Call me "Mommy," now!
BILL: I'd rather die
in the Martian dirt!
- FRED: Who am I?
- BILL: Just lift the stinkin' thing!
FRED: Who am I?
BILL: Mommy.
FRED: Say it like you love me.
BILL: Mommy.
Please, Mommy, save me.
- FRED: Mommy's coming, little Billy!
- BILL: Save me!
FRED: Live, child! Live!
You're alive, little Billy!
BILL: Don't you ever call me
"Little Billy"!
FRED: That's no way
to talk to your mother!
JULIE: Houston, this is Ford.
Julie, where's Fred?
Still out there.
I'm initiating launch sequence.
Wait, they still have time
to get back!
Give 'em a chance!
I know what I'm doing.
FRED: Which way, Commander?
BILL: I don't know. Can't get a reading.
Let's get down behind that rock.
FRED: Come on, Ulysses.
I'm gonna go out there
and take a closer look.
It's the Pilgrim!
It's too late! She's taking off!
BILL: She's guiding us
with the engines! Come on!
FRED: I'll get Ulysses. Ulysses...
- (ULYSSES WHIMPERS)
- FRED: Ulysses.
BILL: The tank's empty!
We'll share air.
BILL: We don't have a spare hose,
remember?
FRED: Well, then I'll give him mine.
You don't leave friends behind.
BILL: What are you gonna do?
Hold your breath?
You'll never make it to the Pilgrim!
FRED: Don't forget, Commander,
I'm the new NASA record holder
for lung capacity. (INHALES)
BILL: That was three minutes!
This is, what, four, maybe five?
FRED: What? You ignore me
the whole trip
and now that I have no air
you wanna chat?
BILL: Randall...
Randall? Randall! Randall!
JULIE: Oh, no, not now!
Twenty minutes are up, Julie.
Wait... I see someone!
Ford, what's going on?
- I got it!
- BUD: Ford, Who is it? Julie, do you copy?
Julie?
Fred, are you there? Fred?
Copy, somebody!
Bill! Where's Fred?
He should've been here.
Don't launch.
JULIE: There he is!
Fred...
He's going the other way! Fred!
BOTH: Hey! Fred!
- Get me outta this!
- What are you doing?
It's empty anyway.
- He's holding his breath out there.
- Oh, my God!
If we're not back in five minutes...
Hurry! Hurry, Bill!
JULIE: Bill. Bill, is he all right?
Is he okay?
BILL: He's not breathing!
Get his helmet off!
Don't even think about it, Randall!
BILL: Houston, Houston
this is Pilgrim...
- Carol Ann? Go into the light, honey.
- BILL: Houston?
JULIE: Fred...
FRED: Honey, go into the light.
Houston?
- FRED: Oh, it's you! Ulysses!
- No! Julie!
No. Ulysses needs air!
Houston! Come in, please!
We're on board.
- BILL: We need go for launch.
- Get the hell out of there!
Roger that, Houston.
Preparing for launch.
Not the hairy one! Take me!
- Priming main thrusters.
- JULIE: Rocket boosters intact.
(SCREECHING AND JABBERING)
JULIE: Fred? Fred! Fred, he's fine!
He's just resting.
- In the next five, we're ready to go.
- Thrusters go in three, two...
- Hold on.
- BILL: one.
We have liftoff.
Fifty meters.
One hundred.
- MAN 1: Increasing velocity.
- MAN 2: Two hundred meters.
Course is good.
Nice flying, Uncle Walnut.
JULIE: One thousand.
Two thousand.
Increasing velocity.
MAN 2: Five thousand.
Six thousand...
- Eight thousand.
- Just a little higher.
You're almost clear of the storm.
JULIE: Ten thousand.
- JULIE: All systems green.
- I think we made it.
What the hell was that?
- Houston, we've had an impact!
- It wasn't me!
BILL: Navigation controls
are compromised!
JULIE: Switching to auxiliary power.
We're losing velocity!
Status!
ECLSS down, OMS down,
visual contact down.
- They got a total kill here.
- Solutions!
Randall rewires
the entire operation system circuitry
in less than two minutes.
End of solutions.
Bud, what do we do here?
We do nothing.
MAN 2: Pilgrim is in a freefall.
Nav controls are out. Randall,
I need the engine computers up now!
This time it was definitely not me!
BILL: I'm switching to manual.
Randall, check below.
Randall, how's it look down there?
Like this!
(MIMICS ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
BILL: Well, fix it!
Will you stop this ship from tumbling
and give me about a week?
I can't stop the tumbling
and you've got two minutes!
To recap the story, the Pilgrim
was caught in a violent sandstorm
and is now tumbling towards
the Martian surface.
We're standing by to hear what
the latest NASA has to say
about this terrible incident.
MAN: Forty-five hundred meters,
dropping fast.
Ninety seconds to impact.
Can you tell me straight, Nesbit,
can he do it?
Only a complete genius
or a total fool could pull this off.
Lucky for us he's both.
Any power yet, Bill?
I got nothing.
We're in a flat spin.
Randall, this would be
a terrific time to fix that!
BILL: Any time now would be good!
60 seconds to impact.
System's still red.
We've established audio link.
Fred?
Fred, can you hear me?
Bud... I'm down below.
Everything's spinning.
- I don't know what to do!
- Focus, Fred.
It's like in training.
The rotating chair with the wires.
- That was a real winner!
- BUD: You can do this.
Trust your instincts.
Now!
FRED: Fred, come on! You can do it.
Thirty seconds!
Don't give up, Fred!
Come on, Fred!
FRED: Gotta close the circuit.
- Come on, Fred.
- Fifteen seconds to impact.
Need something decent.
You're the man, Fred!
- Come on.
- JULIE: Ten seconds!
- Bud's coin!
- Come on!
FRED: Yee-haa!
I got power!
You did it, Fred!
BILL: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Put on the porch light, Mama!
We're comin' home!
Oh, Magoo.
You've done it again, sir!
That little space rock's gonna make you
real famous, Julie Ford.
So, what's next for you, rocketman?
Well, actually, I was thinking
about asking you to dance.
(LAUGHING)
Oh, well. Thanks anyway but I think
we've done that before.
Wait a second, I had a little time
on my hands recently,
and I've been practicing.
That and I got a little bit creative
with the space blankets.
(SINGING) When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in
And sees you through
When you wish
Upon a star
Your dreams
Come
True
Sweet dreams, lovebirds.
So, I guess I'll see you
in eight months.
JULIE: Goodnight, Fred.
It's a tale as old as time, Ulysses.
Boy meets girl.
Boy falls for girl.
Boy and girl return to home planet,
get a nice little house
with a white picket fence
and live happily...
No!
No, not again! Ulysses! No!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(JABBERING)
Do you copy?
(IMITATING RADIO STATIC)
Roger that, Houston.
This is Captain Fred Randall.
(IMITATING RADIO STATIC)
Houston, the earth looks beautiful.
It's like a giant blueberry.
(IMITATING RADIO STATIC)
Roger that, Houston.
We are set to fire retrorockets.
(IMITATING RADIO STATIC)
That's a go, Gemini.
Retrofire ignition
in T-minus six and counting.
Five, four, three,
- two, one, ignition!
- (BUZZING)
Houston, we have a problem.
We have a problem!
Mission Control, the gyro is out!
The gyro is out!
Houston, we have a problem!
We have a problem!
I want my mommy!
I want my mommy!
- FRED: Uh-oh.
- MRS. RANDALL: Fred Z. Randall.
What are you doing?
I come in peace.
Look, George.
It's our little moon man.
Sweet pickled pineapples! Why can't he
play football, like the rest of the kids?
MRS. RANDALL: George.
BILL: Houston,
request go for landing.
Pilgrim One, requests go for landing.
Go is affirmative.
MAN: Pilgrim One,
you are go for landing.
BILL: Roger that, Houston.
MAN: Aeroshell deployed.
Deceleration rate, normal. ECLSS is go.
Pilgrim is through
the high gate at 80 percent.
Heartbeat steady.
My man is made of ice.
(SIREN BLARING)
- GARY: Bill?
- I see it.
GARY: Houston request,
20 percent X gimbal correction.
- Tell them no.
- Negative.
Pilgrim,
hold your transfer ellipse steady.
What's going on Hackman?
GARY: This isn't right. Computer says,
we're coming in too steep.
Twenty thousand meters.
Pilgrim dropping rapidly
to Martian surface.
Glide slope is eroding.
- JULIE: APUs are go.
- Gary?
Increase 20 percent.
Do it now, or we'll burn up.
BILL: Going to manual.
Why is he course correcting?
Why is he course correcting?
- Can someone answer me, please?
- I don't know.
Engaging landing thrusters.
Houston, we're off course.
- Come on.
- (SIREN BLARING)
BILL: We're losing her.
We're losing, man.
We're losing her!
- BILL: Houston...
- (STATIC)
Why?
Congratulations, you're all dead!
Oh.
Third time in a row, Hackman!
Nice move on that course correction!
Paul, it wasn't his fault.
That's right, the navigation computer
keeps telling me to correct it.
It's obviously screwed up.
Oh, that's the problem? Pardon me!
If Gary says,
the computer's screwing up,
then the computer is screwing up,
now why don't you just fix it?
Get me the name of the guy
that wrote this software!
(HORN HONKING)
Better engage the anti-theft device.
FRED: Hey! Morning, everybody!
Hi, Floyd!
Hey, Kimmie Lee Wong!
Five minutes till
the official workday starts.
That's five minutes
to save the world.
(IMITATES GUN SHOTS)
Die! Get back to your own planet!
You big, bulgy-eyed bald freaks!
Your supervisor showed us in.
He said that you're the man who designed
our mission operating system.
Sweet Alaskan asparagus tips!
You're the Mars team!
- PAUL: Well, Mr. Randall, uh...
- Paul Wick, Lead Flight Director!
Oh, sir, I am a big fan of yours!
It's, uh...
William Overbeck.
"Wild Bill" Overbeck! (EXCLAIMS)
In my office!
I feel like a paleontologist
who's been hunting dinosaurs
his whole life
and finally got to meet one.
- (FRED GASPING)
- Thank you.
Eight shuttle missions! Eight of 'em!
It's nine, actually,
but who's counting?
Well, apparently you are, my friend.
Oh, thank you for bringing him here!
- I've been following his career...
- Bill, check this out.
...swirling and swirling and...
Gary Hackman?
Computer specialist!
How's my baby treatin' ya?
- Actually...
- That's why we're here.
Some of us
think it may have a glitch.
A glitch?
Oh, no, that's not possible, I...
I programmed it myself.
It's perfect!
Not exactly.
Your program keeps miscalculating
our orbital entry trajectories.
Here's the data.
FRED: Okay, yep, okay, here we go.
Here we go. Here it comes.
Mm-hmm... Yeah.
Got it, got it. There it is.
- What?
- What? There's what?
This popcorn kernel's been stuck
in my molars for the last two weeks!
Well, there's your problem.
Gary's been running
his Hohmann transfer equations
to include gravitational effects
varying as the inverse cube
of the distance.
I'm a decorated astronaut.
I don't make those kind of mistakes.
Well now, wait a minute,
look, I'll show you.
I'll enter the same calculations,
using what we call "the right way."
Then, I'll open the lander file
and I'll initiate
the Mars landing sequence.
(IMITATES WHIRRING SOUND)
PAUL: I've seen enough.
FRED: Watch this, fellas.
(IMITATES WHIRRING SOUND)
This is ridiculous! Come on,
move! Move!
There's nothing wrong
with my numbers. They're perfect.
(MUTTERING)
Hey!
GARY: Watch this, you popcorn geek.
See? I told you, it's the computer.
(GARY WHIMPERS)
(SQUEAKING)
I can explain everything.
BEN: Skull fracture!
I can't believe it,
injured while proving himself wrong!
- Look, I can explain it.
- He heard you.
So... what do we do now?
We postpone it.
We can't, Ben!
You've seen the reports
of the surveyor satellite
that we have orbiting mars.
There are periodic sandstorms
on the surface.
They go on for months at a time.
They make our landing impossible!
If we delay now and those storms
set in, we lose our window!
We can't launch again then
for two years!
Then we wait two years!
Ben, Ben, Ben...
If we cancel this launch,
everyone will lose faith in us.
In you. In me.
In the whole NASA team.
But... we could sub in a backup.
and as a matter of fact,
we have two choices.
The first choice, of course,
is Gordon Peacock.
But...
he hasn't tested well
for space travel.
Test him again.
Who's your second choice?
NASA.
Yee-haa! (CACKLES)
- FRED: Mr. Wick, can I call you Paul?
- PAUL: No.
- FRED: Are we there yet?
- PAUL: No.
- FRED: How far is it?
- PAUL: Quiet.
- FRED: Can I drive?
- PAUL: No!
- Can I park it?
- (TIRE SCREECHES)
- FRED: Hey, it's that stubby guy!
- PAUL: Fred...
- FRED: Is that John Glenn?
- PAUL: Fred, please come with me.
- FRED: I'm sure it was him.
- PAUL: Fred, I've less than a month
to see if you have
the right stuff to be an astronaut.
Fred, I've got to get you...
I've got to get you
a clearance badge.
You stay right here.
A clearance badge.
Sign at the bottom.
(IMITATING SPACESHIPS)
Commander, are you sure
we're headed towards planet Earth?
It looks a heck of a lot
like the sun.
Of course I'm sure, you fool!
How dare you question my authority?
(SCREAMS)
FRED: Morning.
Sorry. Sorry. Wasn't me!
Wasn't me.
The cafeteria lady pushed me, Mr...
- Bud Nesbitt?
- Who the hell are you?
Apollo 13!
You're the one responsible for the...
I mean, when I say responsible,
I mean I was responsible for this.
- All this.
- Apollo 13 was an accident.
Oh, sure, sure it was.
Just like the captain of the Exxon Valdez
didn't see Alaska floating there,
right in front of him.
Could I get your autograph
right there?
What, another...
another "accident," Bud?
No, no, no, this... this was all me.
This was...
We were walking down the hall
and the cafeteria lady jumped out
of a doorway
and pushed me right into
Bud Nesbitt, Apollo 13 wrecker.
Bud's been a little touchy the last...
ten, 15 years.
(IMITATING CHIMP)
Who are you?
(STUTTERING) I'm Fred Rand...
Fred Rand...
That's Fred Randall.
Fred Randall.
Fred, meet your new roommate.
Julie Ford,
mission specialist, geologist.
It's gonna be
a real honor sleeping with you.
(CLEARS THROAT)
In completely different beds.
Fred, she's not your roommate.
He is.
(LAUGHS)
I get it. I get it!
Haze the rookie! Good one!
The legendary
rooming-with-the-monkey gag!
Ulysses is a chimp, not a monkey.
He's a ch...
And he's the key
to discovering life on Mars.
(HOOTING)
I'm training him using calls
that he's familiar with
to retrieve specific rock samples
from underground fissures.
(HOOTING)
Of course. There's still moisture
under the surface.
FRED: And where there's water,
there could be life.
JULIE: That's right. Good boy.
Or death.
Death to anyone who dare to disturb
the vicious Martian crust devils
with their venomous feet
and their wet, sucking lips!
(SNORTING)
- Uh, Paul?
- Yeah?
Paul, can I talk to you for a second?
Sure.
Well, it looks like it's me and you,
my little Ewok.
FRED: You're gonna be
my very first roommate!
- So, what do you think?
- What do I think?
What do you think? I mean,
what is your reasoning here, Paul?
Little Dr. Zaius.
(HOOTING)
Because we're going to Mars,
we should take along a guy from Mars?
(HOOTING)
He's a computer genius.
He's supposed to be a little weird.
A little?
Let go of me!
I am not gonna let
a few random personality quirks
ground the most important mission
of my career!
(SCREAMING)
Well, Paul, excuse me for...
for letting my practical concerns
get in the way of your career!
Wait, wait, this mission means just
as much to you as to me, Ford!
And if Gordon can't cut it,
then this kid is our last hope.
Well, that's impressive.
They're bonding already.
FRED: Mom, please!
I really wish you'd stop referring
to it as "running away from home."
It's only temporary.
Going to Mars is not temporary,
Freddy.
The last time you ran away,
it was just to the garage.
Oh, I know.
You're rebelling, aren't you?
Mom, I don't even know
if I'm going to Mars for sure.
Oh.
Well, I wish I was.
I've made peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches,
just like you like them.
It's a long trip.
Mom, I'm not even hungry, honestly.
Look, there's a little moon, a star
and a little rocket.
I'm 30 years old!
I'm almost a full-grown man!
I'll take the rocket.
(DOG BARKING)
FRED: Well, isn't this a treat!
Finally, a place of my own.
No one to tell me what to do.
(TOILET FLUSHES)
(CAT SCREECHES)
(DOG BARKING)
It wasn't me!
Hey, there's no eating puzzles
in the house!
And surely we don't jump on the bed!
All right, I'm going out.
If you light the place on fire,
the number's 911. Thank you.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
BILL: Hey, Randall.
C'mon. I'll buy you a drink.
Now wait a second.
I'm not much of a drinker...
Gil, round of Blast Offs
for my friend Randall here.
Blast Off? What's that?
It's a very special drink.
It's just for us astronauts.
Oh, like Tang?
Exactly.
BILL: Houston, we have ignition!
(SONG PLAYING)
- Excellent! Excellent!
- Commencing countdown.
ALL: In three, two, one, blast off!
Blast off!
- (WHOOPING)
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey, Ford. Got off work early, huh?
- Is this necessary, Bill?
- Oh, absolutely. Enjoy the show.
JULIE: Oh, jeez, getting someone drunk
like this is wrong.
Is he the one you want
in the jump seat
next to you, when you're
35 million miles away from home?
Julie Ford!
Julie Ford! Come on. Let's twirl!
FRED: We're twirling!
It wasn't me.
You kids have fun now, you hear?
Everyone is laughing at us!
This is not some frat party, Randall!
This is NASA!
(HICCUPS)
And some of us have earned
the right to be here.
And we need someone to replace Gary,
on this mission or it doesn't happen.
So, grow up or get out,
but don't waste my time.
FRED: Hey, Julie!
I was just trying to,
you know... fit in.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Julie? (YELLS)
Oh, it's you.
Hey, don't worry, little fella.
It's only thunder.
Scares me too.
Can't sleep, huh?
All right. I'll sing you
a little lullaby, but only one.
(SINGS) Hairy little monkey
Sleeping in the night
Close your monkey eyes
So monkey, monkey tight
And then you'll know
Little monkey doesn't fright
When the thunder goes boom
So deep into the night
- Paul, this Randall guy is a joke!
- Just give him a chance.
He's not gonna show, you know.
Guy's an embarrassment to NASA!
Now, I understand people like him.
Trust me, he'll be a total professional.
FRED: Morning! Morning!
Oh, good, Fred!
Look, we're gonna start
of your testing this morning
with the isolation chamber.
So, for the next 24 hours
we'll see if you can withstand
the extreme isolation of space travel.
Cut off from all external stimuli.
Completely and utterly alone.
No, not exactly. Your competition
is gonna be in the adjacent chamber.
- Gordo!
- Sir.
Hey, Gordon A. Peacock,
computer specialist!
Well, well, well, well, well,
isn't this a treat!
Hey, what kind of laptop do you have?
- MAN: Randall, let's go.
- Close it up.
Gordo, you're on the right. Randall,
you're in the left chamber here.
FRED: Surely.
MAN 2:
Initializing 24-hour clock.
Ah!
Hello?
(ECHOES)
- What the heck?
- Is that you? (ECHOES)
Yes, it's me.
(ECHOES)
Prove it!
(ECHOES)
I asked you first!
(ECHOES) I asked you first.
I asked you first.
(YODELS)
(YODELING ECHOES)
Oh...
(SINGS)
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
His name is my name too
Whenever we go out
The people always shout
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
(PANTING)
Oh, he stopped.
(SINGS) The people always shout
John Jacob Jingleheimer...
(SCREAMS)
John Jacob Jingleheimer...
- (GORDO SCREAMING)
- Paul, this is inhuman.
(CLEARS THROAT) I say, Freddy,
it was absolutely lovely to invite us
out of London for the weekend, old boy.
Yes, it's absolutely smashing
to be here, Freddy.
Well, It's my pleasure to have you,
Mr. and Mrs. Plumpton.
(BLABBING)
PAUL: Okay, Bill,
let's get 'em out.
Somebody stole my pants.
(CUCKOO CLOCK CUCKOOS)
Yes, you did.
I did not
and I'm telling you, I never will!
Uh, could you give me just a few more
minutes? I just started the third act.
Yes, close the door!
It's bloody chilly in here!
Yes, close the door, you fat...
Don't use that word
around the children.
Yes! Power it down.
Powering down.
PAUL: Gordo, good work!
BILL: Hey. Way to go, Gordo!
Looks like he beat
that motion sickness.
Nice ride, fella!
You probably shouldn't have had
that liverwurst
and headcheese sandwich before this.
(RETCHING)
Say, Randall, you know
that iso chamber was a cakewalk.
Now, this little baby
is a whole other animal.
Hey, how fast does
this little tree twirl?
Nearly, 200 miles an hour.
That's six Gs.
Bill there holds the record.
- Have fun, kid.
- (CHUCKLES)
Fun is my Chinese neighbor's
middle name!
- (SQUISHES)
- (PAUL GASPS)
Man!
Smooth sailing, Randall.
TECHNICIAN: Stand by.
All right. Let's try four Gs.
Make it five.
FRED: Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa-oa!
A little...
faster...
please.
5.7, 5.8!
FRED: Thank you!
Six Gs!
(YELLING)
He tied your record, Commander.
Should I stop?
- RANDALL: Give it a little gas!
- Make it seven.
FRED: Faster! Faster!
FRED: That's enough! Slow down!
Mommy!
I want my mommy!
And what's the most important thing
at NASA, children?
Safety!
(SCREAMING)
- Our Father, who art in heaven...
- (KIDS SCREAMING)
Here we go, Gary. Be brave, huh?
Why don't you try walking?
(SCREAMING) Get out of the way!
(LOUD CRASH)
Ouch.
Uh, sorry I'm late.
I, uh... The...
I ran into Gary and, uh...
Get in the chair, Fred.
The other chair.
Sweet swirling onion rings!
FRED: Capacitor 15 goes into 12...
Red over on the green... 19 over...
(MURMURS)
Seventeen into 2, red over into green...
And that's it!
Good, Randall. Really good.
The fastest time I've ever seen.
I, uh...
I designed most of these circuits.
PAUL: How's it going?
Oh, he's doing great!
Yeah, let's see what happens
under emergency conditions.
BUD: You've got one minute
to complete the board,
or your crew dies.
- (BEEPING)
- Begin.
(SCREAMS)
You know what to do! Do it!
You doubt yourself, you fail!
FRED: Ceiling!
Wall! Floor! You guys!
It's moving too fast!
It'll be a 100 times worse
in real life. Come on, Randall!
MALE VOICE: Randall...
- Look at him! Randall!
- (FRED SCREAMING)
BUD: Randall, you're hopeless!
FRED: (GRUNTS) How'd I do?
One minute and 30 seconds.
Just remember, gentlemen,
the object is to keep
your Ping-Pong ball
airborne as long as possible.
We're testing lung capacity
to determine the time you have
to survive
should a life-support
malfunction occur.
So, you know, uh,
the record's three minutes,
held by Commander Overbeck.
Ford, do me a favor.
If by some miracle
this kid makes it...
watch out for him, will you?
PAUL: Sir.
BUD: Hey, Ben.
- Bud.
Bud!
Will you excuse us?
MALE VOICE: They're closing in
on Bill's record.
- (GORDO GROANS)
- (FRED JABBERS)
Ben.
Bill, what do you think?
I think Gordo's an astronaut
and Randall isn't.
BEN: Mm, I don't know.
MALE VOICE: He broke the record!
(SCREAMS)
It wasn't me! It wasn't me!
So we will be using a new system
which generates artificial gravity
on this mission.
Ms. Ford, do you expect
to find life on Mars?
Absolutely. Yes. Uh, along with my crew,
including Ulysses,
I think it is most likely we'll find
microscopic unicellular organisms
which are very similar to those found
in rock fragments from Antarctica.
- BERNARD: Bernard Barrows, BBC.
- Commander Overbeck,
we've all read about the potentially
dangerous windstorms on the surface.
How's that going to affect the mission?
Well, as a former test pilot,
I've experienced my share
of wind problems.
But the ground crew has assured me
that if we launch now,
these storms
shouldn't be any trouble.
MALE VOICE: Bernard Barrows, BBC.
Mr. Wick, has NASA selected
a replacement crew member yet?
Well, I'm, uh, glad you asked
that question.
Ben, you wanna take that one?
Yes. Um, I have made a decision
on our... replacement
and the National Aeronautics
and Space Administration
is pleased, as I am pleased,
to announce the appointment
of astronaut and third crew member
of the historic manned mission
to Mars,
Astronaut Fred Randall!
(SCREAMS)
- (GATE SLAMS)
- (FRED SHRIEKS)
(INDISTINCT MALE VOICE OVER RADIO)
I'm not ready, Bud.
Fred, in '68, when President Johnson
appointed me chief of operations
for the Apollo mission, he gave me
three commemorative coins.
One for honor,
which I gave to Armstrong.
One for freedom.
I gave that one to Lovell.
And one... for bravery.
It hasn't done me much good.
Maybe it'll mean something to you.
Whoa.
I feel like the Cowardly Lion.
(SINGS) If I were the king
Of the forest
I'd rrrruff and I'd rrrruff
And I'd rrrruff
Ha-ha!
How about just saying,
"Thanks for the cool coin, Bud.
"It really means a lot to me"?
Oh, yeah, thanks for the cool coin,
Bud. It real... What was the rest?
You're welcome, Fred.
Go on.
Good luck, Astronaut Randall!
All right, team. Let's kick the tires
and light the fires.
Don't worry, Ulysses.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Nothing to be scared of.
Look, I'm not scared.
There's no reason
why you should be scared.
- MAN 1: What's our status?
- MAN 2: Go.
MAN 1: Roger, 842. Booster?
MAN 2: Go.
- APUs?
- Go.
- OMS?
- Lookin' good.
BILL: Houston, we're getting close.
Initiating final checklist.
- Fuel cells.
- Fuel cells. Check.
- Hydraulics.
- Hydraulics. Check.
- CDPS, panel six.
- JULIE: MMU one.
- BILL: IPL.
- AT&T?
- GPC, mode four.
- KFC.
- BILL: EDP.
- YMCA.
- GNC and five.
- BMW?
- CNS.
- CNN.
- CNS.
- IHOP?
Randall,
computer navigation systems.
I have to go tinkle!
JULIE: CNS, check.
- BILL: ECLSS.
- JULIE: ECLSS. Check.
- BILL: APUs.
- JULIE: APUs are go.
BILL: Abort switch.
JULIE: Abort switch on.
- Initiating final launch sequence.
- All right, people. Looking good.
T-minus ten. Let's light her up.
No, not yet!
Ten, nine...
- Fifteen! Twenty-nine!
...eight, seven...
...six...
FRED: There's a fly in my helmet!
Look! It just went up my nose!
- (EXCLAIMS)
...two, one.
(SNEEZES)
We have liftoff, 0232 GMT!
Yes!
MRS RANDALL: Oh, my Lord...
I hope I packed him
enough underwear.
I wouldn't worry about that, pumpkin.
He's packin'
his own underwear right now.
Oh, my...
FRED: Are you guys seeing this?
My helmet!
Did you see that?
My face went back like this
and then I...
These things flew
out of my mouth and...
Can we do that again? (GIGGLES)
I like this!
Hey, I'm floating up in the air!
Like a little bird, like a crow!
(CAWS)
Hey, look. There's a big field
of corn down there everybody!
Engaging artificial gravity
in three, two, one.
(FRED GROANS)
Hey, Randall,
take a look out the window.
(FRED GROANS)
Wow...
It really does look like
a giant blueberry.
FRED: Hi, Mom.
Hi, Dad.
FRED: Commander, can I call you Bill?
BILL: No.
- FRED: Are we there yet?
- BILL: No.
- FRED: Could I drive?
- BILL: No!
FRED: I'm hungry.
Ulysses, it's yum-yum time!
(HOOTING)
Ow! (GROANS)
Ow, the flesh, it burns!
Ow. Need some burn ointment.
You hungry, Ulysses?
Here, you eat the monkey fruitcake.
Now go sit at the table.
Sit at the table.
Randall, where's that dinner?
It's just coming out of the oven, Bill.
Okay, people. Let's eat up. In 20 minutes
we got a broadcast with the president
and the entire free world.
But, if it's all the same
as you guys,
I'm gonna sit that one out.
JULIE: So, what you make for dinner?
Prime rib with broccoli
and mashed potatoes.
Oh, Julie's doing her
Old Yeller impression!
Please, Pa.
I don't want Yeller to die!
Fred, it's toothpaste!
(JULIE SPITS)
That's not potatoes.
I'm sorry, what?
This is not...
Oh, man, this is hemorrhoid cream!
(MUMBLES)
Hemorrhoid cream!
Hey, swallow your food there, fella!
(BILL SPITS)
Dear Mr. President...
Dear world and Mr. President...
(GURGLING)
(GULPS, SQUEALS, PASSES GAS)
That came out of nowhere.
(GURGLING CONTINUES)
Oh, look out, Sally!
JULIE: Be careful you don't
get sucked out when you flush.
- What?
- Happens all the time.
Oh, no, Bud's coin!
(bubbling)
Come to papa.
PRESIDENT: Good evening,
my fellow Americans
and citizens of the world.
Tonight, we are privileged
to be speaking live
with our courageous Mars astronauts.
PRESIDENT: Good evening, Commander.
Good evening, Mr. President.
Welcome aboard the Aries.
BILL: I would like to say
that this mission is intended
to honor
all of the peoples of the world,
for space
is about the highest yearning...
- Are we on?
...of mank... of mankind.
PRESIDENT:
I don't mean to cut you off, Commander,
but I'm going to,
because I spy Fred Randall there
and I believe that the people
of the world
would like to know just why
he looks like a Smurf tonight.
Officer Randall has some duties
to perform in another...
- in another part of the spacecraft.
- We are on!
If I could just finish this...
- this thought...
- Say hello to the world, son.
Me? Yes, Mr. President...
- FRED: I don't think that I...
- Tell them what it's like up here.
PRESIDENT: Yeah, son, you go ahead.
Mr. President, sir,
from up here I can...
Well, I can see the whole world
out that window, and...
Well, I know down there there's
a lot of wars
and people fighting so on and whatnot,
but from up here,
I feel like I could just take
the whole world
and hold it in my hands
just like a ripe blueberry.
I feel like I could...
It's almost like I...
(SINGS) I got the whole world in my hands
I got the whole world in my hands
All right, now the French!
(SINGS IN FRENCH)
Now the Germans!
(SINGS IN GERMAN)
C'mon. Just the Western Hemisphere!
(SINGS) He's got the whole world
In his hands
Come on, Commander!
He's got the whole wide world
In his hands
He's got
The whole damn world in his hands
He's got
The whole world in his hands
Everybody, now!
He's got the whole world
In his hands
And now the Chinese!
C'mon, all you Chinese!
(SINGS IN CHINESE)
- Hey, there's my star.
- What?
My star. When I was a kid,
I picked one out of the sky.
Called it Fred's Star.
It was my own special little place
I could go to
and no one could ever find me.
- That is so weird! I did that too.
- You did?
Yes!
Which one is yours?
Well, um, actually, it's that one, see,
just to the right of the North Star.
Kinda flickering over there?
- FRED: That's funny.
- Why?
Well, that one's right next to mine.
It's... It's amazing,
isn't it, Julie?
Yeah.
You know, for all
the research I've done,
I still don't really understand
what's out there.
I mean, I believe
that there's something...
I just... I wish... I wish I...
Well, why don't you?
What?
Wish. Use your star.
It's like that Jiminy Cricket song.
(SINGS)
When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
And when you wish
Upon a star
Your dreams
Come true
That's Jiminy Cricket.
FRED: I don't know
about this hypersleep thing.
JULIE: It's perfectly safe. Besides,
can't stay awake for eight months.
The boredom would drive you crazy.
Eight months? The eye crust alone
could be dangerous! Hey, Commander!
Ah! It burns the flesh!
So anyway, Ford,
wake me up when we get to Mars.
JULIE: You got it.
BILL: Good night, ladies.
So, I'll see you in eight months.
Boy, I wish I had 928 dollars for every
time a girl's said that to me.
Good night, Fred.
Good night, Julie Ford.
Well, it's a tale as old as time,
Ulysses.
Boy meets girl,
boy falls for girl...
girl goes into hypersleep.
No, see, you can't be in here
because yours is over there.
This is mine.
Okay, I'm going in here.
You can stay right there
and I'm gonna take yours,
you hairy little bed stealer!
Good night. Gotta close the door.
Just gotta close this...
Gotta close the door...
(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
Oh! Eight-month-old morning breath.
Morning glory and hallelujah,
Commander!
(CROWING)
Query. How long have I been asleep?
Thirteen minutes!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Gah! No!
(BURPS)
Ha-ha, Fred!
Crazy blanket!
No man could sleep with you!
Go to sleep. Go to sleep.
Go to sleep. Go to sleep...
FRED: My darling,
what a wonderful evening.
You look so beautiful tonight,
so... full of life.
Your hair looks like corn silk,
soft, snowy skin
and your tangerine lips...
And your...
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
(CRACKLING)
Hi! It's me again!
Whack, whack, whack!
Wake up, wake up,
wake up, wake up, wake up!
Fred. Come out, Fred.
You can't hide forever, Fred.
- They're coming to get me, Fred.
- Bwana! It's me, Fred.
They've taken over the ship.
50, 60 of them!
I've had to hide in the jungle.
Take this down.
I need four barrels of gunpowder,
a machete, a goatskin,
a guide that speaks Hutu.
Fred, snap out of it.
Fred, snap out of it.
Fred, snap out of it.
Fred, snap...
It wasn't me!
BUD: Hello? Hello?
Hello?
BUD: Fred?
Can I ask who's calling? Over.
It's Bud.
Go to the private medical channel.
- FRED: Bud. Where have you been? Over.
- Why are you awake?
Well, there was a series
of very bad mistakes
that happened all at once,
but everything's fine
and my spirits are high.
FRED: The ship is in shipshape,
and by the way,
the Hutu uprising is over. Over.
Forget the "overs." I don't know
how can I'm gonna keep this from Wick.
You don't have to. I've already
reprogrammed the hypersleep monitors.
He doesn't have to know.
Ration your food.
I'll do what I can.
FRED: Bud, there's something else,
I've been looking
at the latest
weather surveyor photos from Mars.
What are you talking about?
I can't be sure but I have a feeling
that when we land,
we might run
into some nasty windstorms.
That's impossible.
None of our people picked that up.
FRED: I know.
I almost missed it myself.
If you look in sectors five and six
of the Valles Marineris, you'll see tha...
Way too low for this time
of the year. This could be bad.
What do we do?
BUD: We do nothing.
If Wick finds out you're awake,
he'll go through the roof.
Let me go to him
with this weather business,
he'll have no choice,
he'll have to reconsider the mission.
Reconsider the mission? Sure.
Hm. Okay, it's still on.
Paul, look at these new readouts.
The danger is real!
I don't have to look at anything, Bud!
I've a room full of experts telling me
that everything's just peachy
and you walk up to me and tell me
to reconsider a $40 billion mission
just because you've got a hunch?
- That's right.
- I'm sorry, Bud,
your hunches are worth about
as much as dental floss
at a Willie Nelson concert.
I'll be monitoring this situation
If the data doesn't change...
You'll leave it to me
to make the call, as always.
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTING)
Voila.
(ALARM BLARING)
February, March,
April, May, June, July,
August...
Whoopsy. Wake-up time.
Hypersleep over.
BILL: Come on, Ford. I'm starving!
Randall,
why are you dressed like that?
What have you been doing?
Oh, just making coffee. You know,
I'm a morning person.
Good morning, Julie.
What happened in here?
Well, I'll be the first to say it.
It looks like we've got space rats.
Space rats?
You've been awake!
No! It wasn't me!
It was the hairy one!
Him! The naughty!
(HOOTING)
Well, it's obvious he's very sorry
and doesn't want
to talk about it anymore.
Oh, my God.
FRED: Wow.
Turns out Ulysses
is one of those rare...
genius painting monkeys.
That's food.
You've been awake the whole time,
and you used up all of our food!
- Didn't you? Didn't you?
- No. No.
Look at this! What are we supposed
to do now, fish?
This... Look! Look! It's gone!
We're doomed!
- I've got backup supplies.
- You understand me?
I've got lots of backups.
Oh, what have you got here?
Anchovy paste. I love this stuff!
- Creamed liver! This is good.
- It's good for your gums.
Gefilte fish! I'm not eating
gefilte fish for the rest of this trip!
- JULIE: Bill.
- What?
We're here.
All right, kids. Here we go.
BILL: Randall, stop eating
and pay attention.
BILL: Houston, we have separation.
Request permission
to engage descent burn.
MAN: Roger, Pilgrim.
Confirm separation.
BILL: Roger that.
MAN 2: We have separation confirmed.
MAN: Pilgrim, you are a-go
for descent burn.
BILL: Roger that, Houston.
Commencing decent burn.
Pilgrim is through
the high gate at 80 percent.
Status?
Aeroshell deployed.
Deceleration rate, normal.
ECLSS is go.
They have entered Martian atmosphere.
JULIE: Bill, we've got a problem!
Glide slope increasing!
BILL: I see it, Ford.
- We're losing stable trajectory.
- BILL: Randall, status.
FRED: Commander, we need a five percent
Z gimbal correction one percent.
- No, wait, wait...
- BILL: I need a number, Randall!
- Ten percent. No, 12!
- JULIE: Trajectory's eroding!
- Is it ten or 12?
- Twelve, I'm going with 12. I'm sorry.
Initiating 12 percent Z gimbal
course correction.
MAN: Communication shutdown
for three minutes.
I knew it was 12.
Holy cow.
Look at that.
Engaging landing thrusters.
It's okay, you little fella.
It's gonna be okay.
MAN: Pilgrim, this is Houston.
Pilgrim, this is Houston do you copy?
Pilgrim, this is Houston.
Come in, please.
BILL: Houston, this is Planitia Base.
The Pilgrim has landed.
Commander William Overbeck
is the first out of the capsule
and within seconds
will step onto the surface of Mars
and into the history books.
We all eagerly...
This is a very big day for us, Ben.
Very big.
BILL: Mr. President,
peoples of the world,
for a poor farm boy
from Iowa, this is one
heck of an honor to be
the first man
to travel to a distant planet...
- JULIE: Fred, go slowly...
- BILL: to be the first man
to set foot on the surface of Mars.
(SCREAMING)
FRED: It wasn't me!
BILL: Randall,
I'm gonna kick your butt!
JULIE: My god!
FRED: It's amazing!
We're the first
to ever stand on Mars!
BILL: Now you're the biggest idiot
on two planets.
FRED: We're the first
to talk on Mars!
Hey, Julie, I'm the first
to walk backwards on Mars!
First to blow a kiss on Mars!
Hey, you're the first
to blush on Mars.
JULIE: Fred!
BILL: How'd you like to be
the first guy to die on Mars?
FRED: Well, sorry, Mr. First
To Show Inappropriate Anger On Mars!
BILL: I'm not listening, Randall.
I'm turning this radio off.
FRED: Well, you're the first
to not listen to me on Mars.
- BILL: Na, na, na, na, na.
- FRED: Please talk to me.
I wanna get to know you
more for the first time on Mars.
- FRED: Are we there yet?
- BILL: No.
- FRED: Can I drive?
- BILL: No!
- FRED: You never let me drive!
- BILL: Shut up.
FRED: Hey, there's no airbag.
What if I flying through the windshield?
BILL: Randall,
there is no windshield.
FRED: Oh. Well, what if I go flying
through the front of my helmet?
BILL: I'd die happy.
Well, this is it. Valles Marineris.
Stop here, Ford.
This'll be perfect.
This is where we plant the flag.
JULIE: Roger.
I'll set up the weather station,
and take the drilling samples
and be back in an hour.
BILL: I'll offload this equipment.
Rendezvous back here at 1400 hours.
JULIE: Fourteen hundred hours. Check.
BILL: Be careful out there, Ford.
FRED: All right, this is the spot.
It's the perfect spot right here.
What you doing, Randall?
Where's that flag?
FRED: It's coming, Commander.
FRED: Uh-oh, it wasn't me!
But I'll get it!
I think I saw where it went.
BILL: Hey, hey, hey, hey!
No, no, no, no, no.
You moron!
FRED: Who are you talking to,
Commander?
BILL: You realize
what you've just done?
I waited my whole life
for this moment,
to plant a flag on a distant planet.
Now I'm on a distant planet,
which was the hard part...
and I don't have a flag
'cause you lost it!
FRED: Don't worry, Commander!
I've got another flag!
A high-flying flag! A proud flag!
A wonderful flag!
BILL: What are you doing?
FRED: We're making history,
Commander!
BILL: Randall.
MAN 1: And, salute!
- Huh?
- FRED: Ten-hut!
- (PHONE RINGS)
- MAN 2: It's the president.
BILL: Why don't I just
throw myself off this cliff?
- BILL: Why don't I throw you off?
- FRED: Don't worry, they're clean.
Paul, we got a red on Overbeck.
We have a primary oxygen tank leak.
We need to preserve his SOP.
Solution?
Emergency tie line.
We hook him into another suit.
Do it, doc.
Bill, this is Houston. You got
a leak in your primary O2 tank.
I see it. What do we do?
MAN 3: You got an emergency line
in your flix,
hook it up
with Randall's spare vent nozzle
and your share
till you get back to the Pilgrim.
Houston, is that sanitary?
- FRED: Hey, Commander?
- BILL: Yeah?
FRED: Do you believe in UFOs at all?
BILL: Sure, I believe in UFOs.
FRED: You do?
BILL: Yeah. There's one following me.
FRED: Huh? Oh, I get it!
You're funny, Commander!
(FRED LAUGHS)
FRED: Hey, Commander?
BILL: Yeah?
FRED: When I was a kid...
at night I used to there was
a baker under my bed.
Did you ever have anything
under your bed?
- BILL: No.
- FRED: Did you ever bend down and look?
BILL: No.
FRED: Well, how do you know
there wasn't a baker under your bed?
BILL: Randall, shut up.
FRED: Hey, Commander?
BILL: Yeah?
FRED: I seem to be experiencing these
intense intestinal cramps.
FRED: Randall, I'm trying
to conserve oxygen here.
- FRED: But they hurt me so.
- BILL: Keep it to yourself.
- FRED: Ow. Ow.
- BILL: Wait a minute.
BILL: If we stay on this heading
for another 20 minutes,
we'll see the Pilgrim.
(PASSES GAS)
What?
I didn't do anything.
Oh, my God. No, no, no.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Don't do that.
No, no. Come on.
(SNIFFING)
Oh, man!
BILL: Oh! (GROANING)
Oh!
- It wasn't me.
- What do you mean, it wasn't you?
BILL: We're 35 million miles
from the nearest person!
MALE VOICE: Heart rate up, adrenaline up,
stomach muscles spasming!
- Overbeck's in distress.
- Look at these methane levels.
- Methane?
- (LAUGHTER)
BILL: Oh! Oh, it's in my mouth!
FRED: Hey! He who smelt it, dealt it!
(PASSES GAS)
What?
(GROANS)
FRED: Commander,
I'm having trouble breathing.
BILL: You're having trouble breathing?
My eyes are burning!
FRED: Truly, it wasn't me!
Maybe it was Julie.
BILL: You dog!
FRED: Hey, miracles can happen.
BILL: Blaming this on Julie!
FRED: Okay, I admit it was me.
- BILL: Thank you!
- (PASSES GAS)
FRED: Now that was Julie!
(ALARM BLARING)
This isn't good, Bill.
I think Fred's right.
Looks like the winds
are coming early.
Maybe two or three days.
Look at these readings I took today.
We should still be all right tomorrow.
Oh no, wait a second. No.
It's not gonna be all right.
FRED: My calculations are telling me
that... that these two martian
high-pressure systems
are coming together faster
than any of us could've predicted.
Tomorrow.
When that happens, we're nothing more
than a dust bunny,
stuck in a bag of a vacuum.
You go out there,
you're not comin' back.
What are you doing, Randall?
What are you doing?
What, it's not enough that you broke
every record that I ever set?
That you humiliated me
on global television?
That you ruined what should've been
the most important moment
of my life by stepping on Mars first?
That's not enough for you!
You've got to do this!
No, no. This one is mine.
We came to Mars
to gather fossil samples.
We're not leaving here
until I accomplish this!
Wait. Bill...
I don't want to abort this mission
any more than you do, but...
I know he's right.
If we don't leave before
this storm hits, we don't leave.
All right, what do you suggest?
JULIE: Tomorrow morning, we check
the readings. If they're bad...
we abort.
All right. Fine.
Let's get some sleep.
BUD: What did Overbeck say?
FRED: He said we should wait
till morning. You know, Bud,
maybe I was wrong about the winds.
Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.
BUD: I wanna tell you something,
Fred. About the 13 mission.
The day before launch,
I... I caught what seemed to be
a minor glitch
in the tank's stirring circuits.
Didn't look serious,
but I went to Wick,
I told him, we needed to postpone until we
could greenlight the system.
He said, there was no way
we were gonna push back the launch date,
he said that I was overreacting,
that I was imagining a problem
when there was none.
FRED: So Apollo 13
was Wick's fault?
BUD: No. I had every right
and authority to stop that launch
but I didn't. I didn't make the call.
And if those three astronauts
hadn't pulled off
a number
of last minute major miracles,
they would have been dead
and it would've been my fault.
I'm not gonna let that happen
this time.
I'm gonna get you guys out of this.
- Hey, Bud.
- BUD: What?
I'd be proud to end up like you.
I copy that.
Bud out.
FRED: The mushroom people
- FRED: are coming! Get them away!
- JULIE: Fred! Wake up! Fred! Fred!
Bill's gone. He took Ulysses
and the spare backpack,
and he is gone.
Sweet mother of meat!
(IMITATES SCOOBY-DOO)
Huh? Uh-oh!
BILL: All right, buddy. Here we are.
Go on... Go on.
How are they doing up there, Paul?
Oh, good morning, sir.
Yes, we're just about to wake the crew.
- Would you like this one, sir?
- (DOOR OPENS)
Oh, great.
It's over, Paul.
Sir, I'm making the call.
We abort now.
No one's listening to you, Bud.
Don't make me call security.
I'm not gonna stand by
and let another disaster happen!
This man has continually ignored
the warnings of our crew on Mars.
- Security, would you come in here, please?
- Our mission is in serious jeopardy, sir.
Bud...
Don't make this any harder
than it already is.
- Don't do this, sir.
- BEN: Bud, would you take it easy?
We're all under a lot of stress.
You just need to rest. That's all!
- Ben, those people are gonna die.
- Bud, you have totally lost it.
We haven't had any negative reports.
Get him out of here, please.
Paul, we've got a contact
on emergency frequency.
- On screen.
- Pilgrim, this is Houston.
Houston, the storms are here!
Wind speed at, uh...
- JULIE: Forty-five.
...45 miles per hour and rising!
- JULIE: Visibility dropping.
- FRED: Houston, what should we do?
FRED: Houston, please advise!
Paul?
Randall, no! That's...
that's impossible.
PAUL: Our weather pattern analysis...
Mr. Wick, this is bad,
I don't think
I've ever seen anything
like this before.
It reminds me of a French Canadian...
Tennis racket stuck
to the back of a...
It's no good...
Bubbling out of my sister's...
Brazilian donkey!
I don't think
I can make myself any clearer!
Wick, get 'em off that planet!
Do as he says, Paul.
Ben, we had no way of knowing.
I followed procedure, Ben.
PAUL: I followed procedure, here!
Paul, unplug and go home.
Unplug and go home?
Nesbitt, you're in command.
FRED: Houston, do you copy?
Houston, come in!
MAN: Pilgrim we copy.
Please stand by.
BUD: Don't stare at me, people!
We got a crew out there!
Let's bring 'em home.
JULIE: Houston, wind speed continues
to increase.
- This is bad, Paul.
- Ford, it's Bud. Listen carefully.
If the wind keeps building at this rate,
in 20 minutes, liftoff will be impossible.
Launch now.
No! Commander Overbeck
and Ulysses are still out there!
They're lost now. You're not.
Launch!
- I'm going after them.
- What?
BUD: Fred? Fred, answer me! Fred!
Can't hear you!
We're fading out fast!
Fred!
If I'm not back in 20 minutes,
you've gotta take off without me!
- BUD: Fred!
- JULIE: You will be back.
- Twenty minutes and then take off!
- BUD: Fred!
Twenty minutes, right?
Not 15 or anything?
All right.
Twenty-one is okay too.
Ford, what's going on?
BUD: What's happening?
I'm losing you! Julie!
FRED: Commander!
Commander Overbeck!
Ulysses!
(HOOTING)
Ulysses!
Where are you? Answer me!
(HOOTING)
There you are!
How many times have I told you not
to wander around
in a Martian dust storm!
We've got to find the commander.
(HOOTING)
JULIE: Where are they?
FRED: Commander!
Commander Overbeck!
BILL: Randall?
FRED: Commander, is that you?
- BILL: Randall!
- FRED: It is you!
FRED: All right, stand back,
little fella. Nothin' to see here.
- FRED: Commander!
- BILL: What are you doing here?
BILL: Get back to the ship
and save yourself!
FRED: Sorry Commander,
I can't do that.
BILL: That's an order!
FRED: I've got to get you out.
(FRED GROANS)
FRED: I can't lift it.
They say that when
a mother's child is trapped,
the rush of her adrenaline gives her
the strength of 20 men.
FRED: All right, Commander,
call me "Mommy"!
- BILL: What?
- FRED: Call me "Mommy," now!
BILL: I'd rather die
in the Martian dirt!
- FRED: Who am I?
- BILL: Just lift the stinkin' thing!
FRED: Who am I?
BILL: Mommy.
FRED: Say it like you love me.
BILL: Mommy.
Please, Mommy, save me.
- FRED: Mommy's coming, little Billy!
- BILL: Save me!
FRED: Live, child! Live!
You're alive, little Billy!
BILL: Don't you ever call me
"Little Billy"!
FRED: That's no way
to talk to your mother!
JULIE: Houston, this is Ford.
Julie, where's Fred?
Still out there.
I'm initiating launch sequence.
Wait, they still have time
to get back!
Give 'em a chance!
I know what I'm doing.
FRED: Which way, Commander?
BILL: I don't know. Can't get a reading.
Let's get down behind that rock.
FRED: Come on, Ulysses.
I'm gonna go out there
and take a closer look.
It's the Pilgrim!
It's too late! She's taking off!
BILL: She's guiding us
with the engines! Come on!
FRED: I'll get Ulysses. Ulysses...
- (ULYSSES WHIMPERS)
- FRED: Ulysses.
BILL: The tank's empty!
We'll share air.
BILL: We don't have a spare hose,
remember?
FRED: Well, then I'll give him mine.
You don't leave friends behind.
BILL: What are you gonna do?
Hold your breath?
You'll never make it to the Pilgrim!
FRED: Don't forget, Commander,
I'm the new NASA record holder
for lung capacity. (INHALES)
BILL: That was three minutes!
This is, what, four, maybe five?
FRED: What? You ignore me
the whole trip
and now that I have no air
you wanna chat?
BILL: Randall...
Randall? Randall! Randall!
JULIE: Oh, no, not now!
Twenty minutes are up, Julie.
Wait... I see someone!
Ford, what's going on?
- I got it!
- BUD: Ford, Who is it? Julie, do you copy?
Julie?
Fred, are you there? Fred?
Copy, somebody!
Bill! Where's Fred?
He should've been here.
Don't launch.
JULIE: There he is!
Fred...
He's going the other way! Fred!
BOTH: Hey! Fred!
- Get me outta this!
- What are you doing?
It's empty anyway.
- He's holding his breath out there.
- Oh, my God!
If we're not back in five minutes...
Hurry! Hurry, Bill!
JULIE: Bill. Bill, is he all right?
Is he okay?
BILL: He's not breathing!
Get his helmet off!
Don't even think about it, Randall!
BILL: Houston, Houston
this is Pilgrim...
- Carol Ann? Go into the light, honey.
- BILL: Houston?
JULIE: Fred...
FRED: Honey, go into the light.
Houston?
- FRED: Oh, it's you! Ulysses!
- No! Julie!
No. Ulysses needs air!
Houston! Come in, please!
We're on board.
- BILL: We need go for launch.
- Get the hell out of there!
Roger that, Houston.
Preparing for launch.
Not the hairy one! Take me!
- Priming main thrusters.
- JULIE: Rocket boosters intact.
(SCREECHING AND JABBERING)
JULIE: Fred? Fred! Fred, he's fine!
He's just resting.
- In the next five, we're ready to go.
- Thrusters go in three, two...
- Hold on.
- BILL: one.
We have liftoff.
Fifty meters.
One hundred.
- MAN 1: Increasing velocity.
- MAN 2: Two hundred meters.
Course is good.
Nice flying, Uncle Walnut.
JULIE: One thousand.
Two thousand.
Increasing velocity.
MAN 2: Five thousand.
Six thousand...
- Eight thousand.
- Just a little higher.
You're almost clear of the storm.
JULIE: Ten thousand.
- JULIE: All systems green.
- I think we made it.
What the hell was that?
- Houston, we've had an impact!
- It wasn't me!
BILL: Navigation controls
are compromised!
JULIE: Switching to auxiliary power.
We're losing velocity!
Status!
ECLSS down, OMS down,
visual contact down.
- They got a total kill here.
- Solutions!
Randall rewires
the entire operation system circuitry
in less than two minutes.
End of solutions.
Bud, what do we do here?
We do nothing.
MAN 2: Pilgrim is in a freefall.
Nav controls are out. Randall,
I need the engine computers up now!
This time it was definitely not me!
BILL: I'm switching to manual.
Randall, check below.
Randall, how's it look down there?
Like this!
(MIMICS ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
BILL: Well, fix it!
Will you stop this ship from tumbling
and give me about a week?
I can't stop the tumbling
and you've got two minutes!
To recap the story, the Pilgrim
was caught in a violent sandstorm
and is now tumbling towards
the Martian surface.
We're standing by to hear what
the latest NASA has to say
about this terrible incident.
MAN: Forty-five hundred meters,
dropping fast.
Ninety seconds to impact.
Can you tell me straight, Nesbit,
can he do it?
Only a complete genius
or a total fool could pull this off.
Lucky for us he's both.
Any power yet, Bill?
I got nothing.
We're in a flat spin.
Randall, this would be
a terrific time to fix that!
BILL: Any time now would be good!
60 seconds to impact.
System's still red.
We've established audio link.
Fred?
Fred, can you hear me?
Bud... I'm down below.
Everything's spinning.
- I don't know what to do!
- Focus, Fred.
It's like in training.
The rotating chair with the wires.
- That was a real winner!
- BUD: You can do this.
Trust your instincts.
Now!
FRED: Fred, come on! You can do it.
Thirty seconds!
Don't give up, Fred!
Come on, Fred!
FRED: Gotta close the circuit.
- Come on, Fred.
- Fifteen seconds to impact.
Need something decent.
You're the man, Fred!
- Come on.
- JULIE: Ten seconds!
- Bud's coin!
- Come on!
FRED: Yee-haa!
I got power!
You did it, Fred!
BILL: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Put on the porch light, Mama!
We're comin' home!
Oh, Magoo.
You've done it again, sir!
That little space rock's gonna make you
real famous, Julie Ford.
So, what's next for you, rocketman?
Well, actually, I was thinking
about asking you to dance.
(LAUGHING)
Oh, well. Thanks anyway but I think
we've done that before.
Wait a second, I had a little time
on my hands recently,
and I've been practicing.
That and I got a little bit creative
with the space blankets.
(SINGING) When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in
And sees you through
When you wish
Upon a star
Your dreams
Come
True
Sweet dreams, lovebirds.
So, I guess I'll see you
in eight months.
JULIE: Goodnight, Fred.
It's a tale as old as time, Ulysses.
Boy meets girl.
Boy falls for girl.
Boy and girl return to home planet,
get a nice little house
with a white picket fence
and live happily...
No!
No, not again! Ulysses! No!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(JABBERING)