Rock and Roll Fantasy (1992) - full transcript

[ new rock and roll song plays ]

[ new rock and roll song plays ]

♪ Rock and roll is to me

♪ It’s a lie,
it’s a fantasy

♪ It’s a lie,
it’s a fantasy

♪ Rock and roll,
what a scream

♪ It’s a lie,
it’s a fantasy

♪ It’s a lie,
it’s a fantasy

[ crowd cheers ]

[ overlapping chatter ]

[ overlapping chatter ]



♪ Sometimes it seems
so unreal

♪ Sometimes it seems
so unreal

Go! Go! Go! Go!

♪ I just don’t
know how to be...

♪ I just don’t
know how to be...

Ukraine.

Your bra.

Your bra.

♪ Who can you trust
in this lonely day?

♪ Who can you trust
in this lonely day?

♪ Where can I hide

♪ From fortune
and fame...

Then the cheese...

Then the cheese...



it spoke to me.

Ooh.
Ooh.

Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go!

Say it. Say it.

Say it. Say it.

Okay, okay!
I admit it!

I’m afraid
of my own sexuality!

Tough girl.

Tough girl.

Well, I have trouble
with aggressions.

My psychologist says
it’s a common problem
with nymphomaniacs.

My psychologist says
it’s a common problem
with nymphomaniacs.

♪ Just let me be

♪ Find lots of love,
not another one-night stand...

♪ Find lots of love,
not another one-night stand...

The Minstrel Club
Ministry

The Minstrel Club
Ministry

are gonna do
a Stamp Out Satan
sing-along.

That’s really great,

but, um,
I got cocaine to do.

but, um,
I got cocaine to do.

♪ Rock and roll fantasy

[ cheering ]

[ cheering ]

♪ Lost control

♪ But I gotta
take the chance

♪ But I gotta
take the chance

♪ Rock and roll fantasy

♪ Rock and roll fantasy

♪ Rock and roll fantasy

♪ Rock and roll fantasy

♪ Yeah

♪ I thank you all
for the lessons I’ve learned

♪ I thank you all
for the lessons I’ve learned

♪ For the people
I’ve met...

♪ For the people
I’ve met...

[ laughs ]

Did I say,
"Nymphomaniac"?

Did I say,
"Nymphomaniac"?

I’m sorry.
I’m a pathological liar.

I’m always
mixing those up.

I’m always
mixing those up.

So when do Ken
and Barbie move in?

So when do Ken
and Barbie move in?

Very funny.

You know, from in here,
it’s hard to tell

that somewhere
in this house,

people are actually
having a good time.

people are actually
having a good time.

I told you I have to work
on my project tonight.

And you honestly thought
I was gonna let you?

And you honestly thought
I was gonna let you?

Bre, let me explain
something to you.

If I don’t finish
this project,

If I don’t finish
this project,

I’m not gonna get an "A"
in this class,

which means I’m not gonna
get that scholarship.

which means I’m not gonna
get that scholarship.

And if I don’t get to go
to Europe, I’m gonna kill you.

Heh. This whole
scholarship charade
has gone on long enough.

Heh. This whole
scholarship charade
has gone on long enough.

Why don’t you
just admit it, Alex?

Why don’t you
just admit it, Alex?

You’re addicted
to model glue.

My project’s due at the end
of the week, okay?

I swear after that,
we’ll spend some time together.

I swear after that,
we’ll spend some time together.

Then after that,
it’ll be something else.

Then after that,
there’ll be something else.

Then after that,
there’ll be something else.

We’re going out.
You have to change.

This isn’t helping.

Come on, Alex.
If this was something

Come on, Alex.
If this was something

you really wanted to do,
I’d leave you alone.

No, you wouldn’t.

Then how can you expect me
to leave you alone

Then how can you expect me
to leave you alone

doing something
you don’t want to do?

Besides,
you have real talent.

Besides,
you have real talent.

Why do you bother
making dollhouses?

Because they
don’t send you anywhere
for drawing rock stars.

Tell that to my aunt.

Tell that to my aunt.

She won
a trip to Palm Springs
for drawing Mac Davis.

Bre, good night!

Bre, good night!

Come on, Alex.

I feel responsible
for this.

I feel responsible
for this.

You’re
my best friend,

and all year long,
I’ve failed to have
a bad influence on you.

and all year long,
I’ve failed to have
a bad influence on you.

I have
to make it up to you.

You’re not gonna
leave me alone, are you?

You’re not gonna
leave me alone, are you?

Not until I get you
to leave this room.

[ sighs ] Okay.
I’ll make you a deal.

This glue has to dry.

This glue has to dry.

I give you exactly one hour

to be a bad influence
on me.

Cool.

Cool.

Cool.

[ together ]
"M..."

"P."

Shemp?

What the hell
is Shemp?

Wasn’t he one
of The Three Stooges?

Wasn’t he one
of The Three Stooges?

Oh! I hated that guy!

What’s going on?

Do you want
to fulfill
my deepest fantasy?

Do you want
to fulfill
my deepest fantasy?

Yeah.

Then put on
some dark clothes

and wait for me
in the middle
of the street.

and wait for me
in the middle
of the street.

Okay, so I lost.

Okay, so I lost.

Can I put my clothes
back on now?

Heh. This is war.
[ dice rattle ]

Heh. This is war.
[ dice rattle ]

58 minutes.

58 minutes.

Shemp! Shemp! Shemp!

I’m leaving.

Come on, you got to--

Come on, you got to--

[ girl screams ]

Alex? Alex?

Alex? Alex?

ANNOUNCER:
This summer will sizzle

ANNOUNCER:
This summer will sizzle

when megastar Jamie Z
rocks the planet

with his new album,
"Moby Dicked."

with his new album,
"Moby Dicked."

And get
a double dose of Jamie

as you’ve never seen him
before, Amish.

as you’ve never seen him
before, Amish.

Johannus, what we
do here is wrong.

We are not like
these interlopers.

We are not like
these interlopers.

You mustn’t go after
these men with guns.

God hates
a vengeful man.

God hates
a vengeful man.

Well, Rachel,
God had His way,

and I’ve got mine,
and there comes a time

and I’ve got mine,
and there comes a time

where you just
gotta kick some ass.

[ explosions boom ]

[ explosions boom ]

ANNOUNCER: Jamie Z
in "Mennonite Fury,"

ANNOUNCER: Jamie Z
in "Mennonite Fury,"

coming soon
to a drive-in near you.

A nine-year-old
metro...

A nine-year-old
metro...

Guess who?

Chet, isn’t
there anyone else
you can be annoying?

Yeah, but I’d rather
be annoying you.

Yeah, but I’d rather
be annoying you.

Alex, who’s wearing
that cheap cologne?

It smells like, uh,

Chet.

Chet.

Does your mother
know you associate
with this hellion?

Chet, shouldn’t you be
out harassing the homeless

Chet, shouldn’t you be
out harassing the homeless

or burning books
or performing
some other Party function?

[ scoffs ]
I’m trying to talk here.
Do you mind?

[ scoffs ]
I’m trying to talk here.
Do you mind?

Ha. And you
just keep on trying.

Evolution
will eventually
catch up with you.

Oh, wow.
I concede conversation

Oh, wow.
I concede conversation

in the presence
of this--

these points.

these points.

Say hi
to your mother for me.

Yeah, and say hi
to those things
that hatched you!

Yeah, and say hi
to those things
that hatched you!

Oh, Chet, I’m sorry.
Come back.

I want to show you
my Taser gun.

I want to show you
my Taser gun.

50 minutes.

What do you expect?
I’m out of my element.

Come on. We’re going
for a little road trip.

Come on. We’re going
for a little road trip.

MAN: Some media blitz.
Who knows where Red is?

MAN: Some media blitz.
Who knows where Red is?

And the star’s
locked in the bathroom.

I thought it was odd
when I had to interview

Three Dog Night
in three separate rooms,

Three Dog Night
in three separate rooms,

but at least
I got to see them.

Nobody sees Jamie,
nobody.

Let me through.
I’m his analyst.

Let me through.
I’m his analyst.

Jamie? Jamie,
don’t you think

that I’d like
to lock myself up
in the bathroom

that I’d like
to lock myself up
in the bathroom

and roll up
on the cool
tile floor?

and roll up
on the cool
tile floor?

But I don’t, Jamie,
and you know why?

Because I’m
a big person, huh?

Because I’m
a big person, huh?

Jamie, remember,

hiding
isn’t helping.

Jamie! This is Ruby.

Jamie! This is Ruby.

Listen, I got a hot
new project for you.

It’s called "Sloth II."

It’s called "Sloth II."

What do you think?

[ toilet flushes ]

Is that so?

Is that so?

[ chuckles ]
Is that so?

Well, listen to me,
you blubber-loving
fish kisser.

Well, listen to me,
you blubber-loving
fish kisser.

If Jamie Z wants
to harpoon a whale

on the cover
of his album,

God damn it,
he’s gonna
harpoon a whale,

God damn it,
he’s gonna
harpoon a whale,

and there’s not a thing
you can do about it.

[ telephone rings ]

Where do you want it,
Mr. Ferret?

Where do you want it,
Mr. Ferret?

Put it next to Buddy
on the wall.

[ rings ]

Uh, I got a call
on line two.

Uh, I got a call
on line two.

Can you hold on
just a minute?

Gee, thanks.
[ ring ]

Gee, thanks.
[ ring ]

Yello.

Hey, Red, I been
trying to reach you.

Jamie?
Yeah.

You sound like
you’re in a church.

You sound like
you’re in a church.

Where are you?

I’m in your
john, man.

Heh heh. What are you--

Heh heh. What are you--

What are you doing
in the bathroom?

Man, I’m freaking out.

The second
I step out of my car,

The second
I step out of my car,

I get attacked
by the press.

And then when
I finally get inside,

the promo team
starts in on me.

Calm down, kid.

Calm down, kid.

You have to deal
with the press.

That’s the business.

That’s the business.

Yeah, I know. I know.
You need a break.

Tell you what.
My new car is
right out front.

Tell you what.
My new car is
right out front.

Think you can get
out the bathroom window?

[ chuckles ] Yeah,
go ahead and take a spin.

[ chuckles ] Yeah,
go ahead and take a spin.

And there’s a full wet bar
inside, too,

so knock yourself out.

so knock yourself out.

Mm-hmm. All right.

Don’t thank me.

Don’t thank me.

That’s what I’m here for.

All right.

I don’t want a sloppy job.

Well, don’t worry
about it, Mr. Ferret.

Well, don’t worry
about it, Mr. Ferret.

The car, the brakes,

it’s taken care of?

It’s a simple
brake job.

It’s a simple
brake job.

And anyway,
I been in this business
35 years.

As a matter of fact,
it’s about time

As a matter of fact,
it’s about time

for me to be turning
the old piano wire here
over to my son.

for me to be turning
the old piano wire here
over to my son.

He’s just
graduated college.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

Yeah, wasted
a couple years
bumming off of Dad,

Yeah, wasted
a couple years
bumming off of Dad,

but now
he’s gonna take over
the family business.

Now, you see,
that’s the way it should be.

Now, you see,
that’s the way it should be.

I mean, now, look at me.

I find this kid strumming
a guitar in a coffee shop.

I find this kid strumming
a guitar in a coffee shop.

I make him the biggest
rock-and-roll star
in America,

I make him the biggest
rock-and-roll star
in America,

hell, the world!

And what do I get?

I got to be
a full-time babysitter.

I got to be
a full-time babysitter.

Now, don’t get me wrong.
I like the kid,

but, uh, sometimes
you have to put business
before friendship.

but, uh, sometimes
you have to put business
before friendship.

Besides, I think
this piece of paper

Besides, I think
this piece of paper

has been in my desk drawer
long enough.

has been in my desk drawer
long enough.

So if you boys
are finished with the car,

I guess our business
is concluded.

I guess our business
is concluded.

You understand this is
a delicate matter,

so from this point on,
I never want to hear
from you again.

so from this point on,
I never want to hear
from you again.

As far as I’m concerned,
this conversation
never took place.

As far as I’m concerned,
this conversation
never took place.

What conversation?

What conversation?

[ insects chirping ]

[ dog barking ]

[ dog barking ]

ALEX: 22 minutes.

Would you lighten up?

Would you lighten up?

I could be studying,
but instead I’m in a bar
named Indian Jim’s.

I could be studying,
but instead I’m in a bar
named Indian Jim’s.

What’s the deal
with that guy?

Oh, Jimmy baby?
He’s a sweetheart.

Oh, Jimmy baby?
He’s a sweetheart.

[ Asian Indian accent ]
Oh, beautiful ladies.

[ Asian Indian accent ]
Oh, beautiful ladies.

Could I
introduce to you

some curried
hot, spicy buffalo wings?

No.
Now you’re talking.

No.
Now you’re talking.

Bre, I am not eating here!

Come on, Alex.

This is something
you can tell your
grandchildren about.

This is something
you can tell your
grandchildren about.

Oh, sure.
Gather around, kids.

Let Grandma tell you
about the time she got
botulism from Indian Jim.

Let Grandma tell you
about the time she got
botulism from Indian Jim.

HIT MAN: A brake job,
fast and easy.

HIT MAN: A brake job,
fast and easy.

SON: You know,
I still don’t understand

why Red wants to kill
his biggest client.

why Red wants to kill
his biggest client.

Will you shut up?
Hey, wait.

You got some brake fluid
on your lapel there.

You got some brake fluid
on your lapel there.

Get your hands off!

Ooh! Ow! Gee!

[ rock and roll playing ]

[ rock and roll playing ]

[ brakes squealing ]

[ brakes squealing ]

15 minutes.

Alex...

Alex...

I had a friend
who was a lot like you
in high school.

Her name
was Alison Spinelli.

Her name
was Alison Spinelli.

All the Spinelli kids
went to Yale,

and Alison’s parents

pushed her
to get there, too,

pushed her
to get there, too,

so she studied
all the time,

got straight As
in every class

and never had
any fun.

and never had
any fun.

Do you know
what happened to her?

The day
before graduation,

she hung herself
in the reference section
of the library.

she hung herself
in the reference section
of the library.

They found a note
scrawled on the back
of a Dewey decimal card.

They found a note
scrawled on the back
of a Dewey decimal card.

Do you know
what it said?

"Suicide is easy.

"Suicide is easy.

’Beowulf’ is hard."

Is that true?

Is that true?

No.

I never had
any friends that smart
in high school.

You’re the smartest
person I know.

You’re the smartest
person I know.

Gee, thanks.

Could I go home now?

[ rock and roll resumes ]

[ rock and roll resumes ]

[ brakes squealing ]

[ horn blares ]

[ horn blares ]

Six minutes.

You know what I want?

I want to see you
get drunk off your ass.

I want to see you
get drunk off your ass.

Oh, and what is that
going to accomplish?

[ car horn blaring ]

I don’t know.
Let’s find out.

I don’t know.
Let’s find out.

Oh, Jim.

Oh, did anyone
ever tell you

Oh, did anyone
ever tell you

you’ve got eyes
like a llama at sunset?

No,
but my friend here
could use a drink.

No,
but my friend here
could use a drink.

Ah. I shall get her
a rug burn.

A what?

A what?

[ car horn blaring ]

Here we are.

Two wham-a-bam-a New Delhi
Rug Burns. Drink up.

Two wham-a-bam-a New Delhi
Rug Burns. Drink up.

Smells like
formaldehyde.

Smells like
formaldehyde.

Oh, come on.

Jim, is there
formaldehyde in this?

Ho. I don’t know
why people keep
saying that.

Ho. I don’t know
why people keep
saying that.

Bre, you’ve
asked me to do

Bre, you’ve
asked me to do

a lot of things
in my life.

I’ve done them,
but this is where
I draw the line.

I’ve done them,
but this is where
I draw the line.

There is
nothing that’s gonna
make me drink this.

[ gasps ]

Okay. Well, if you
really want to go...

Okay. Well, if you
really want to go...

Ohh.

Ohh.

Alex?
[ coughs ]

Alex.
J-Ja...

You look like
you swallowed
a cockroach.

You look like
you swallowed
a cockroach.

Shh!

You’ll find
no cockroaches here.

You’ll find
no cockroaches here.

[ moans ]

Hello, dearest old friend.

Time has passed
slower than a yak

since I haven’t seen you.

since I haven’t seen you.

You look most unpleasant.

Can I get you something?

Yeah, whiskey.

Yeah, whiskey.

Not exactly
what I’m thinking.

Make it double?

Make it double?

Bottle.

There you go.

What are you doing?

Do you have a death wish
or something?

Do you have a death wish
or something?

[ laughing ]
Stop.

Stop that.

You don’t look so good.

You don’t look so good.

Jim, what did you
put in this?

I cannot tell you.

It is an old
family secret

It is an old
family secret

passed on by
my great-great-grandfather,
Chamni.

He was an embalmer with
the grand Rajas, you know.

He was an embalmer with
the grand Rajas, you know.

Embalmer?

Embalmer?

Embalmer?

Jai-Jai--

Bre,

look over
your shoulder.

look over
your shoulder.

Don’t look!

Oh, it’s him again.
Again?

Oh, it’s him again.
Again?

Yeah, he always comes here
at the end of a tour.

Did I forget
to tell you that?

Did I forget
to tell you that?

Why? Do you
want to meet him?

Hey! Hey, Jamie!

There’s somebody
I want you to meet.
No, no, no.

There’s somebody
I want you to meet.
No, no, no.

Shh, shh,
shh, shh.

Shh. No. No.

Shh. No. No.

Hey, hey, Jamie.
There’s someone
I want you to meet.

God, Alex, would you
stop being so shy?

God, Alex, would you
stop being so shy?

My friend here
draws pictures
of you.

They’re really good.
You should see them.

They’re really good.
You should see them.

Would get you
get over here?

Jamie, I’d like
you to meet

Jamie, I’d like
you to meet

my best friend
in the whole world,
Alex.

Alex,
this is Jamie Z.

Alex,
this is Jamie Z.

Hi.

I’ve killed him.

Where are you going?

Where are you going?

Your glue’s dry.
We’ve gotta get you back
to your project.

You’ve seen him. Let’s go.

You’ve seen him. Let’s go.

Well, we can’t
leave him here.

Okay, we’ll take him
with us.

Okay, we’ll take him
with us.

Oh, good!

You grab the arms.
I’ll take the legs.

You grab the arms.
I’ll take the legs.

Is this is sort of
like kidnapping?

No, no, no.
In his condition,

No, no, no.
In his condition,

it falls closer
to grave robbing.

Wow, good!

Did--Did we take
the bus here?

Did--Did we take
the bus here?

Because I don’t
have any tokens.

Alex, you’re gonna
hate me tomorrow.

Alex, you’re gonna
hate me tomorrow.

[ car horn blaring ]

BRE: Okay, here goes.

Oh, Bre, did you
smell that leather?

Oh, Bre, did you
smell that leather?

That’s real leather.

Only rock stars
wear real leather.

Oh, now that’s a shame.

Oh, now that’s a shame.

You wouldn’t think
a rock star this big
would have split ends.

Do me a favor.

Do me a favor.

Make sure he doesn’t
drool on the seats.

And don’t you drool
on the seats either.

And don’t you drool
on the seats either.

Oh, he’s got
the cutest little ears.

You can’t
see them usually

You can’t
see them usually

’cause his hair’s
covering them,

oh, but they’re like
little crisp potato chips.

oh, but they’re like
little crisp potato chips.

Oh, they’re wond--
Can you see them?

Could you see
his ears? Look.

Would you stop
with the ears?

Would you stop
with the ears?

We have got to worry
about the rest of him.

How we gonna get him
into that party?

How we gonna get him
into that party?

Oh, they’re perfect.

I knew they’d be perfect,
and they are.

I knew they’d be perfect,
and they are.

What party?

We’re dead.

We’re dead.

[ car horn blaring ]

Well, well, well.

Dad, the oil
from this crash

has seeped
into the water table.
I just know it.

has seeped
into the water table.
I just know it.

HIT MAN:
Gotcha.

HIT MAN:
Gotcha.

Private investigator.

You seen this guy?

You seen this guy?

Heh.

Well, perhaps you
should buy a drink
to jog my memory.

Well, perhaps you
should buy a drink
to jog my memory.

Hey, I don’t drink
on the job.

And I’m not
an information service.

And I’m not
an information service.

Have a nice day, sir.

Maybe you didn’t hear
the question.

Maybe you didn’t hear
the question.

I’ll have to repeat myself!

No, Dad, Dad,
Dad, Dad, Dad!
Is that necessary?

You know, violence only
leads to more violence.

You know, violence only
leads to more violence.

[ laughs ]

What’s he gonna do,

practice
passive resistance
on us?

practice
passive resistance
on us?

Oh, no. I’ll be
resisting you

Oh, no. I’ll be
resisting you

most actively, sir.

Now get the hell
out of here.

[ overlapping chatter ]
[ music playing ]

Whooee!

Whooee!

Alex, I thought I’m
supposed to be the one
with stupid ideas.

I know stupid,
and, believe me,
this is a stupid idea.

I know stupid,
and, believe me,
this is a stupid idea.

Don’t worry.
I know what
I’m doing.

Don’t worry.
I know what
I’m doing.

So why are you
destroying my seat covers?

Relax. Half the people
at this party are drunk.

Relax. Half the people
at this party are drunk.

Half the people
are naked.

Half the people
could care less.

Half the people
could care less.

Yeah, but what about
the other people?

Relax. No one’s
gonna notice us.

Relax. No one’s
gonna notice us.

[ music blaring ]

[ record needle scratches,
music stops ]

[ music resumes ]

[ music resumes ]

♪ Random acts of kindness

♪ Random acts of kindness

♪ Do something nice
for someone

♪ Do something nice
for someone

♪ Promote agreeableness

♪ Promote agreeableness

Hey, dude!

Hi, Alex.
Just be a minute.

Hi, Alex.
Just be a minute.

Miranda, out!

Picking up
local transients.

Picking up
local transients.

Let me guess.
Bre’s idea?

Why don’t you
let sister Miranda
help you out?

Why don’t you
let sister Miranda
help you out?

I know
a lot of guys.

Oh, so that
bathroom advertising’s
working for you?

Oh, so that
bathroom advertising’s
working for you?

Bitch.

Bitch.

Alex, if you’re
thinking of turning

this sorority house
into a halfway house,

you’ve got
another thing coming.

you’ve got
another thing coming.

We don’t need
your GPA that bad.

♪ Random acts of kindness

♪ Random acts of kindness

Who’s she kidding?

This house would lose
its charter without you.

This house would lose
its charter without you.

♪ Random acts of kindness

Whaah! Ow!
[ laughs ]

Whaah! Ow!
[ laughs ]

We are wobbling
all over the place.

Wait, no. No, he’s gonna
suffocate like that.

Wait, no. No, he’s gonna
suffocate like that.

We got to turn him over.
We have to turn him over...

Ahh!
because he’s going
to suffocate!

Ahh!
because he’s going
to suffocate!

ALEX: Oh, my God,
not on my teddy bear.

Oh, this is
so insane.

Oh, this is
so insane.

Hey. It’s getting
pretty cold out there.

You coming out?

[ laughing ]

[ laughing ]

O-Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.
Don’t wake him.
Don’t wake him.

Oh, my God.
Don’t wake him.
Don’t wake him.

Look how beautiful
he is. [ laughing ]

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

[ chuckles ]

[ rock and roll plays ]

[ rock and roll plays ]

♪ Hearts don’t stay sweet

♪ Hearts don’t stay sweet

♪ I can’t leave,
there’s a midnight treat

♪ I can’t leave,
there’s a midnight treat

♪ With a cherry,
with sugar on top

♪ Drink it up,
flavor down to the last drop

♪ Drink it up,
flavor down to the last drop

♪ Looking so good

♪ Looking so good

♪ Good enough to eat

♪ Look so fine

♪ Baby, sweet

♪ Baby, sweet

♪ Wet dream

♪ Whipping cream

♪ Whipping cream

♪ Little lady
come apart at the seam

♪ Ooh, child,
drive me wild

♪ Ooh, child,
drive me wild

♪ Doing everything with style

♪ Look so good

♪ Good enough to eat

♪ Good enough to eat

♪ Yeah

♪ Look so fine

♪ Look so fine

♪ Baby, sweet

♪ Baby, sweet

♪ Yeah

♪ Oh, taste it

♪ Oh, taste it

♪ Whoa, taste it

♪ Whoa, taste it

♪ Whoa, taste it

♪ Whoa, taste it

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Hey, child,
you’re driving me wild

♪ Doing everything with style

♪ Doing everything with style

♪ Pink champagne,
feeling the pain

♪ Pink champagne,
feeling the pain

♪ Let’s do it a while again

♪ Look so good

♪ Good enough to eat

♪ Good enough to eat

♪ Yeah

♪ Oh

♪ Look so fine
Alex.

♪ Look so fine
Alex.

Alex.

♪ Bittersweet

♪ Yeah

♪ Yeah

♪ Oh, taste it

♪ Oh, taste it

♪ Oh, taste it

[ insects chirping ]

My last hit,

My last hit,

and I botched it.

That damn Indian
knows something.

Why don’t we just go back
and beat it out of him?

Why don’t we just go back
and beat it out of him?

Dad, you can’t
go through life

just thinking
with your fists.

Why don’t you
just call Mr. Ferret?

Why don’t you
just call Mr. Ferret?

Because he told us
not to, son.

Because he told us
not to, son.

Weren’t you listening?

You gotta respect
the requests of your clients.

You gotta respect
the requests of your clients.

Always remember that.

Always remember that.

[ yawns ] Why don’t
you get some sleep?

[ yawns ]

[ yawns ]

I’m sure by tomorrow,
he’ll turn up
dead somewhere.

Andy, I’m trying
to teach you

Andy, I’m trying
to teach you

the finer points
of the trade--

the finer points
of the trade--

the--the right way
to chop up a body,

the--the right way
to chop up a body,

the correct way to dig
an unmarked grave,

the correct way to dig
an unmarked grave,

how to select
the--the proper lime.

how to select
the--the proper lime.

[ snoring ]

Oh, hell.

Oh, hell.

Maybe you’re right.

There’s always tomorrow.

There’s always tomorrow.

[ birds chirping ]

[ moans ]

[ sighing ]

[ radio playing
rock and roll ]

[ radio playing
rock and roll ]

[ girl laughs ]

[ girl laughs ]

Do it again.

You’re on My MET
with Paraquat Kelly,

and that was Jamie Z.

and that was Jamie Z.

Still no word on
the singer’s whereabouts,

but police are skeptical
after recovering

but police are skeptical
after recovering

the wrecked car
he was driving
early this morning.

In other stuff...

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

[ turns off radio ]

ALEX: Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, no, no.

Oh, no, no.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

Beer. No phone.

Beer. No phone.

No--Aha.

Ah, the phone.

Bre. Bre.

Hello. This is Bre.

Hello. This is Bre.

I can’t come
to the phone right now.
I’m fluffing my cat.

Please leave a message,
and I’ll ignore
your call later.

Please leave a message,
and I’ll ignore
your call later.

[ beeps ]

ALEX:
Bre. Bre.

Bre!

Bre!

I’ll be right over.

What took you so long?

I’ve had four cups
of coffee!

I don’t think coffee’s
good for you right now.

I don’t think coffee’s
good for you right now.

[ muttering ]
Search the floor.

There’s gotta be
some Valium here somewhere.

Jamie Z is handcuffed
to my bed!

Jamie Z is handcuffed
to my bed!

Got anything to eat?

I don’t own handcuffs.

I don’t own handcuffs.

Who handcuffed him?

[ groans ]

[ groans ]

Why don’t you take him
breakfast in bed?

Why don’t you take him
breakfast in bed?

Guys like that.

Okay.
That’s a good idea.

What do you think
he likes to eat?

Well, let’s think.
He’s a rock star.

Well, let’s think.
He’s a rock star.

How ’bout a bat’s head
and a cup of blood?

How ’bout a bat’s head
and a cup of blood?

You’re a big help.

Here. Take him this.

Can’t go wrong
with a banana.

Can’t go wrong
with a banana.

Oh, Red.

Red.

Red.

Hi.

Oh, my God.
I’m in misery.

Oh, my God.
I’m in misery.

Bye.

Did you realize
you burn the same
amount of energy

Did you realize
you burn the same
amount of energy

climbing a flight
of stairs as you do
having sex?

That means
I’m having

the equivalent
of four orgasms

the equivalent
of four orgasms

trying to get
to Geology
every day.

You gotta tell me
what happened last night.

What do
you remember?

What do
you remember?

Well, I remember
drinking something

that tasted
like carpet cleaner.

Then I woke up
with a rug on my face,

Then I woke up
with a rug on my face,

and everything in between’s
kind of fuzzy.

You mean, you don’t
remember table dancing

You mean, you don’t
remember table dancing

for those
Korean businessmen?

Did I do that?

No, but it would have
been a lot easier

No, but it would have
been a lot easier

to deal with
in the morning.

JAMIE Z:
Red, what’s going on?

Well, I’d love
to stay and talk,

Well, I’d love
to stay and talk,

but I gotta run.

You can’t leave!

Hey, some of us
didn’t have a man
in their bed last night.

Hey, some of us
didn’t have a man
in their bed last night.

I’ll be back
after I run up and down

the library steps
a few times.

What am I gonna do?

What am I gonna do?

Red?

You’re an artist.

Go in there
and teach him the rest
of the primary colors.

Go in there
and teach him the rest
of the primary colors.

Hello again. Coffee?

I brought you
some corn flakes.

I didn’t know if you
liked whole or skim,

I didn’t know if you
liked whole or skim,

but all I have is skim.

You know how girls are.

You know how girls are.

Um...

those aren’t mine.

I don’t know
who they are,

I don’t know
who they are,

but they’re not mine.

I’m really sorry
my room’s such a mess.

I been working
on that project over there,
like, a really long time,

I been working
on that project over there,
like, a really long time,

and I haven’t really
had time to clean it up.

How many personalities
have you got?

How many personalities
have you got?

Can I talk to the one
that’s a locksmith?

Can I talk to the one
that’s a locksmith?

I’m not nuts.

Good. Then you’ll
know how to react
when I do this.

Good. Then you’ll
know how to react
when I do this.

Help! Help! Help!

Help! Help! Help!

Help! Help!

Help! Help!

Help! Help!

Help!

Help!
I can explain.

Help!
I can explain.

I can. I can.
Help! Help!

I can. Um...

I can. Um...

[ screams ]

Oh, my God!
It’s Jamie Z!

[ screams ]
Jamie Z!

[ screams ]
Jamie Z!

[ all screaming ]
Jamie!

Out! Out! Out! Out!
Out! Out! Out! Out!

Out! Out! Out! Out!
Out! Out! Out! Out!

Help!

Help!

[ screams ]
Jamie Z.

Shh. All right,
now just hold on.

Shh. All right,
now just hold on.

Jamie Z is...
Please be quiet.

Just keep it down.

Miranda says
you have Jamie Z
in there.

Miranda says
you have Jamie Z
in there.

I’ll explain.
Just hold on, okay?

Jamie Z?
Oh, my God,
Alex.

Please. Okay, I’m gonna
tell you something,

Please. Okay, I’m gonna
tell you something,

and you just gotta promise
not to say anything
to anyone, all right?

Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.

Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.

Okay, yeah.

Now, Jamie Z is...

my cousin.

[ gasps ]
What?

Yeah.
Oh, my God.

Yeah.
Oh, my God.

I can’t believe
that he’s
your cousin.

Shh, shh! I know.
Yes, that’s cool,

Shh, shh! I know.
Yes, that’s cool,

but he just got back
from a really grueling tour,

but he just got back
from a really grueling tour,

and he’s so tired,
he’s so beat,

and he just wants
to come back to relax.

Aww.
Aww.

Aww.
Aww.

You know how it is.
Poor thing.

You know?
Yeah.

Why is
he handcuffed?

Why is he handcuffed?
Um...

Why is he handcuffed?
Um...

he asked me to.

What?
Huh?

He’s got this thing.

He’s got this thing.

A terrible drug problem.

Yeah.
[ gasping ]

Yeah.
[ gasping ]

Oh, my God.
No.

Are you
serious?

Yeah, he’s going
through rehab,

and he couldn’t
check into a clinic.

and he couldn’t
check into a clinic.

The publicity
would destroy him.

Aww!
Oh, my God.

I know.

I know.

JAMIE Z:
Kidnapping!

What is he saying?

He’s having
a delusion.
Sad, isn’t it?

He’s having
a delusion.
Sad, isn’t it?

[ gasping ]
Whoa.

It hurts.
Oh, my God.

Now, he’s gonna say
all kinds of things

Now, he’s gonna say
all kinds of things

to try and get you
to set him free,

but best thing
you can do for him
is just ignore it.

but best thing
you can do for him
is just ignore it.

Maybe when
he’s dried out,
you can meet him.

Yeah?
That’s great.

Yeah?
That’s great.

She’s right.
Let’s leave
him alone.

Yeah.
Thank you so much.

You guys have
been such a help.

You guys have
been such a help.

He’s really gonna
appreciate it, okay?

Okay, great.

Okay, I’ll tell--
Bye.

Okay, bye.
Bye.

Okay, bye.
Bye.

I’m sorry.
It won’t happen again.

You bet it won’t,

You bet it won’t,

’cause you’re
gonna be locked up!

Stop that!

What? This?

What? This?

Hey, you’re gonna
lose my place.

My lawyers are gonna
work night and day

My lawyers are gonna
work night and day

to make sure you’re locked
in a very small cell
with a very big woman!

Don’t touch that!

Then get the idiot
who has the keys!

Then get the idiot
who has the keys!

Alex?

I tried
to talk to him.

I tried
to talk to him.

I tried to be nice,
but he’s a dick.

What are you doing?

I’m going in there.

Bre, please
don’t make it worse.

Bre, please
don’t make it worse.

Don’t worry, Alex.
It can’t get any worse.

Who the hell are you?

Who the hell are you?

My best friend Alex,

the nicest person
I know,

the nicest person
I know,

is downstairs crying,

and it’s your fault.

Oh, I’m sorry.

Oh, I’m sorry.

I must have
woken up on the wrong side
of the bed this morning,

but it’s kind of hard
not to when you’re
handcuffed to it!

but it’s kind of hard
not to when you’re
handcuffed to it!

You were pretty drunk
last night.

I don’t know
if you remember,

I don’t know
if you remember,

but I wanted
to leave you there.

But Alex insisted
we take you home
for your own safety.

But Alex insisted
we take you home
for your own safety.

Oh, okay. I’ll make sure
to put in a good word
in the courts for her.

Oh, okay. I’ll make sure
to put in a good word
in the courts for her.

Leave her out of it.

You want
to know something?

I handcuffed you.

I handcuffed you.

Want to know
something else?

I’m not gonna
take ’em off until you
apologize to Alex.

I’m not gonna
take ’em off until you
apologize to Alex.

Apologize?!

Apologize for what?!

You and your friends
are in serious trouble!

You and your friends
are in serious trouble!

And you want
to know something?

Right now, my manager’s
on the phone to the cops,

Right now, my manager’s
on the phone to the cops,

and there’s gonna
be thousands of them
looking for me.

And if I know Red,
he’s not gonna rest
until I’m found!

And if I know Red,
he’s not gonna rest
until I’m found!

[ Jamie Z screams ]

Police?

Police?

[ chuckles ] Oh, no.
There’s no need for that.

He’s dead. I saw him
get behind the wheel
of the car myself

He’s dead. I saw him
get behind the wheel
of the car myself

with a bottle
of Jack Daniel’s
in his hand.

I tried to stop him, but, uh,
well, you know rock stars.

I tried to stop him, but, uh,
well, you know rock stars.

It’s their lifestyle.

It’s their lifestyle.

Yeah, live fast
and die young.

Mm-hmm.
It breaks my heart,

Mm-hmm.
It breaks my heart,

but, uh, well, at least
his music will live forever.

In fact, we’re releasing
a new recording next week,

In fact, we’re releasing
a new recording next week,

the bathroom tapes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, it’s Jamie
singing in the shower.

Yeah.

Well, write it
any way you want it!

Well, write it
any way you want it!

But remember,

as far as I’m concerned,
he’s dead.

as far as I’m concerned,
he’s dead.

You know,
everyone said mace,

You know,
everyone said mace,

but I think this was
the wiser buy.

Oh, God, Bre, you didn’t.

Don’t worry.
I think the batteries
are running low.

Don’t worry.
I think the batteries
are running low.

I can’t believe you.

You wanted
to talk to him.

You wanted
to talk to him.

I think
he’s ready to listen.

Just make sure
you speak slowly,

Just make sure
you speak slowly,

and--and make sure
you’re grounded
before you touch him.

and--and make sure
you’re grounded
before you touch him.

I’m coming in.

I just wanted
to make sure
you’re okay.

Uh, Bre can be
kind of rough.

Uh, Bre can be
kind of rough.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Alex, honey?
My hair dryer’s
on the fritz.

Alex, honey?
My hair dryer’s
on the fritz.

Can I borrow yours?

I just
took a shower,

I just
took a shower,

and I’m all wet.

I see that.

Here’s the dryer.

Thanks, hon.

Thanks, hon.

Try not
to electrocute
yourself.

Hi. I’m Miranda.

Hello, Miranda.

Hello, Miranda.

I hope we’ll be
seeing more of you.

Miranda,
go blow yourself.

Miranda,
go blow yourself.

Well, bye.

Oops! Hello.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

I’m sorry
about that.

I’m sorry
about that.

[ music playing ]

God, you probably
think I’m a nut,

God, you probably
think I’m a nut,

but as soon
as we find those keys,
you can get out of here.

but as soon
as we find those keys,
you can get out of here.

I promise.

Oh.

I don’t always bury
two bottles of J.D.
in one evening,

I don’t always bury
two bottles of J.D.
in one evening,

and I was pretty drunk,

and maybe I shouldn’t
have been driving.

and maybe I shouldn’t
have been driving.

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

Maybe you did
the right thing.

I did?

Well, except for
the handcuffs.

Well, except for
the handcuffs.

[ chuckles ]

So come here. I want
to ask you something.

So come here. I want
to ask you something.

So what’s with this,
like, whole cousin
arrangement thing?

So what’s with this,
like, whole cousin
arrangement thing?

Are we, like,
first cousins
or second cousins?

Are we, like,
first cousins
or second cousins?

Second cousins...

Second cousins...

twice removed?

I-I’m sorry. I, uh--

I can’t do this.

I can’t do this.

I’m really sorry.

Great.

So am I.

[ birds chirping ]

Just think, son,

someday all this
will be yours.

someday all this
will be yours.

I appreciate
the gesture, Dad,

but I don’t
think I’ll have--

but I don’t
think I’ll have--

[ coughs ]
any use for these.

Maybe we can donate them
to a museum or something.

Maybe we can donate them
to a museum or something.

.357 Magnum.

Not only will it blow
a good-sized hole
in your target,

Not only will it blow
a good-sized hole
in your target,

but it’s also good
for bludgeoning.

but it’s also good
for bludgeoning.

You know, I think
all this hidden aggression

is a result
of bad nutrition.

Have another oat-bran bar.

Have another oat-bran bar.

Son, if I eat
another one of those
sticks and twigs,

Son, if I eat
another one of those
sticks and twigs,

I am gonna shit a nest.

Here.
Make yourself useful.

Here.
Make yourself useful.

Hey, look!
It’s a gopher!

Where?

Where?

Dad!

It was only just--
just a gopher!

It was only just--
just a gopher!

Just a gopher?

Just a gopher?

Just a gopher?

Hey, what good
are they, anyway?

They just dig up
your backyard

They just dig up
your backyard

and leave
little poop pellets
laying around.

Now, if you
could train ’em
to attack...

Now, if you
could train ’em
to attack...

I’m sorry, but I just can’t
be around you right now.

♪ Nami arangai

♪ Nami arangai

♪ Nami arangai

♪ Nami arangai...

♪ Nami arangai...

Oh, God, when I think
of the great times

Oh, God, when I think
of the great times

I could have had
in Las Vegas

on the money I spent
on your tuition!

♪ Nami arangai

♪ Nami arangai

♪ Nami arangai

♪ Nami arangai

ALEX: Oh, my God.

ALEX: Oh, my God.

I want
to hear this.
Come on.

We’ll talk
while we walk.

I can’t leave!

We’re gonna have to.

We’re gonna have to.

We gotta go to my car.
Why?

We have to find the key.

We have to find the key.

Don’t worry.
He’s not going anywhere.

And then he kissed me.

Open or closed mouth?

Open or closed mouth?

I am not even
gonna answer that.

Oh, you cheap slut!
Bre!

I leave you alone
for a couple of minutes,

I leave you alone
for a couple of minutes,

and you’re wearing
your skirt like a turban.

We didn’t even
do anything.

We didn’t even
do anything.

What?

Well,
I was so nervous.

And then
I just kept seeing
all his groupies,

And then
I just kept seeing
all his groupies,

and I don’t want to be
another bimbo, Bre.

And then I saw
my unfinished project.

And then I saw
my unfinished project.

I changed my mind.

I don’t want to hear this.

Well, if it isn’t
beauty and the beast.

Well, if it isn’t
beauty and the beast.

Well, well, if it
isn’t Humpty Dumped.

Chet,
I’m in a hurry.

Then I’ll be brief.

Then I’ll be brief.

My fraternity is
throwing a little wine
and cheese soirée,

and I thought
you might like to come.

and I thought
you might like to come.

Thanks, Chet,
but I’m really busy.

Well, you know
what they say.

Well, you know
what they say.

All work and no play
makes Alex a dull girl.

Ah, a critique
on boredom from the man
who invented it.

Ah, a critique
on boredom from the man
who invented it.

Just think about it.
Oh, but remember,

there’s no pets allowed
in the fraternity,

there’s no pets allowed
in the fraternity,

so you’ll have to stay
at home, Bre.

[ laughs ]
Ciao.

[ laughs ]
Ciao.

You know,
that extra chromosome

doesn’t seem to be
bothering him one bit.

doesn’t seem to be
bothering him one bit.

Hi.

You’re Mr. Jamie Z,
aren’t you?

You’re Mr. Jamie Z,
aren’t you?

Who the hell are you?

Oh, someone who’s got
something very special
to share with you.

Oh, someone who’s got
something very special
to share with you.

What’s that for?

What’s that for?

You...

have a lot of energy,
Mr. Z,

have a lot of energy,
Mr. Z,

but I think
it’s misdirected,

so I wrote a song
for your next album.

so I wrote a song
for your next album.

Want to hear it?

Want to hear it?

I can’t believe you.

Why did you handcuff
Jamie Z to my bed?

Why did you handcuff
Jamie Z to my bed?

I don’t know. I just--

I saw you lying there,

I saw you lying there,

and you--you looked so happy.

I just didn’t
want it to end.

I just didn’t
want it to end.

♪ Life is full
of tricksters

♪ Life is full
of tricksters

♪ And the Devil
is the shrewdest

♪ If you don’t
mend your ways soon

♪ If you don’t
mend your ways soon

♪ You’re gonna die
like Judas

♪ Two, three

♪ Two, three

Oh, that’s fine.

You can go now, okay?

Stop singing.

Stop singing.

♪ At the end of a rope
in the bottomless pit

♪ At the end of a rope
in the bottomless pit

♪ Where the angels
will laugh

♪ And the demons
will spit

♪ And the demons
will spit

I know the key’s got to be
in my car somewhere.

What are you
doing with handcuffs
in the first place?

What are you
doing with handcuffs
in the first place?

It came with the Taser gun.

[ Jamie Z screams ]

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

♪ I’m a sinner

♪ I’m a sinner

♪ And I’ll sing it
out loud

♪ From the deepest
dark ocean

♪ To the puffiest
cloud!

♪ To the puffiest
cloud!

♪ Cloud!
Stop!

Sara, stop! Come on!
Come on!

Out of here. Enough.
Just join in.

Out of here. Enough.
Just join in.

Make her stop!

♪ Sinner, sinner, sinner,
that’s what I am

Sara, the atheists are
rallying near the library.

Sara, the atheists are
rallying near the library.

What?
Why don’t you check it out?

My guitar!

I don’t have time
for this crap.

Just get me
out of here!

Just get me
out of here!

Hey, you need another lesson
in manners from Mr. Taser?

Bre.
Okay.

Bre.
Okay.

I have
a very tight schedule,

and I can’t afford
to be here,

and I can’t afford
to be here,

so take these cuffs
off me, and I’ll leave.

Hey, I’m working on it.
Stay still.

Hey, I’m working on it.
Stay still.

Why don’t you
just use the key?

’Cause we
don’t have it.

What?! She told me

What?! She told me

if I apologized,
she would unlock me,

if I apologized,
she would unlock me,

and I did!

We had a deal.

Now she’s just trying
to piss me off!

Now she’s just trying
to piss me off!

Was the kiss
part of the deal?

Was the kiss
part of the deal?

Well, I’ll be down the hall
if you guys need me.

Hey, you know,
you’re a bright girl,

Hey, you know,
you’re a bright girl,

and you should--
you should want
something real.

and you should--
you should want
something real.

♪ I always thought of

♪ I almost told you

♪ I almost told you

♪ I was right by you

♪ I was right by you

♪ I tried to hold you

♪ Oh, how I dreamed

♪ Oh, how I dreamed

♪ And for a while,
that was enough

♪ And I waited and
waited for your touch

♪ And I waited and
waited for your touch

♪ And I waited and
waited for your touch

I used to go
to this coffee shop.

I used to go
to this coffee shop.

They had
a singer there named
James Zandenhoffer.

Ever hear of him?

No.

No.

Well, he wrote
beautiful songs,

and he sang them
with such passion.

and he sang them
with such passion.

I always wanted
to meet him,

but he kind of
kept to himself.

but he kind of
kept to himself.

Maybe he was shy.

I went to hear him
sing one day,

I went to hear him
sing one day,

and he was gone.

James, what happened
to those songs?

James, what happened
to those songs?

Nothing.
That was the problem.

Nothing.
That was the problem.

Didn’t they mean
something to you?

They were just songs.

They were just songs.

Prove it.

Play one for me.

[ playing guitar ]

[ instrumental plays ]

[ instrumental plays ]

[ birds chirping ]

What do you mean,
he’s just disappeared?

What do you mean,
he’s just disappeared?

What about Jimmy Hoffa?

Nobody thinks
he’s still alive.

I’m telling you, it’s going
to be another Graceland.

I’m telling you, it’s going
to be another Graceland.

Just go ahead and build
the damn ticket booth.

Trust me. He’s not going
to come back and complain.

Trust me. He’s not going
to come back and complain.

Red, the video station
you wanted is on line two.

Red, the video station
you wanted is on line two.

Christ.

Okay, I got the promo,

Okay, I got the promo,

and it’s all wrong.

It’s not "find Jamie Z."

It’s not "find Jamie Z."

It’s "find
Jamie Z’s body."

Well, it may be
semantics to you,

Well, it may be
semantics to you,

but I don’t want
to fill a million

hysterical girls
with false hope.
Now get it right!

hysterical girls
with false hope.
Now get it right!

I’ll be right
with you, Jamie.

And another thing!

Jamie!

Jamie!

Uh, Jamie.

J-a-m-i-e. Uh,
get the spelling.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Jamie?

Red, I’m sorry
I missed the photo session,

Red, I’m sorry
I missed the photo session,

but I’ve got
a really good excuse.

I know you’d be mad,
but I was kidnapped, Red.

I know you’d be mad,
but I was kidnapped, Red.

Kidnapped?

And don’t be pissed,

And don’t be pissed,

but your car, it’s totaled.

The brakes went out,
and I hit this tree.

The brakes went out,
and I hit this tree.

And I would
have called you,

And I would
have called you,

but I was
in this sorority.

It’s kind of hard
to explain.

Did anybody see you
come in here?

Sit down.

Sit down.

So, you okay?

So, you okay?

Did you rest?
You look great.

Kid, you gotta go back.

What?

What?

Now hear me out.

Now, this sorority,
they’re the only ones

you had contact with?
Yeah.

you had contact with?
Yeah.

Great!
Now, you told me

you needed
a vacation, right?

Well, now is the time
for a vacation.

Well, now is the time
for a vacation.

Well, what about our tour?

[ chuckles ]
The tour can wait.

[ chuckles ]
The tour can wait.

Now, Jamie,
you’re having
an image crisis.

Now, Jamie,
you’re having
an image crisis.

Now, you don’t
know what one is,

because you haven’t been
a manager for 15 years,

because you haven’t been
a manager for 15 years,

but, believe me,
you’re having one.

The best thing
for you to do is to go
back to that place

The best thing
for you to do is to go
back to that place

and to stay out of sight
until I call you.

I don’t think so, Red.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Have I ever lied to you?

Now go out the way
you came in, and, uh...

Now go out the way
you came in, and, uh...

take this. Take these.

take this. Take these.

Now don’t talk
to anybody,

and stay in that place
until I call you.

and stay in that place
until I call you.

It’s great to see you
again, kid.

Now get the hell
out of here.

Now get the hell
out of here.

[ birds chirping ]

[ telephone rings ]

[ telephone rings ]

Hello. Mr. Ferret.

A dead rock-and-roll star
just walked into my office.

A dead rock-and-roll star
just walked into my office.

You want to explain
how that’s possible, Earl?!

You want to explain
how that’s possible, Earl?!

I was going to tell you
about that, Mr. Ferret,

but you said you didn’t
want to hear from us.

but you said you didn’t
want to hear from us.

Heh. I’ll take care
of it. Don’t worry.

I am worried.

I am worried.

You told me
you were professionals!

Well, now, you did
tell us not to call you.

Well, now, you did
tell us not to call you.

Call me next time!

Okay, okay.
It’s taken care of.

Okay, okay.
It’s taken care of.

Just tell us
where he’s at.

Mr. Ferret?

Mr. Ferret?

Mr. Ferret?

You do know where
he’s at, don’t you?

Oh, damn.

Oh, damn.

Ah, for crying out loud.

When I say bury,
I mean bury.

When I say bury,
I mean bury.

You have to talk to me
sooner or later.

You have to talk to me
sooner or later.

Come on, Alex.

It was fun
while it lasted.

Excuse me.

[ doorbell rings ]

Yeah?

Yeah?

Hi. Is Alex here?

Alex!

I’m busy!

I’m busy!

I’m sorry,
you mega-rock star, Jamie Z!

I’m sorry,
you mega-rock star, Jamie Z!

Alex is too busy making
dollhouses right now!

Hi, cuz.

[ rock and roll plays ]

[ rock and roll plays ]

♪ I been in love

♪ I been in love

♪ A few times before

♪ Even though it ends up
breaking my heart

♪ I come back for more

♪ I come back for more

♪ And when I met you

♪ And when I met you

♪ I felt it
right away, yeah

♪ That we had something,
you and me, boy

♪ That we had something,
you and me, boy

♪ That would stay and stay

♪ That would stay and stay

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ Pushing all the limits

♪ And nothing’s
gonna chill it

♪ And nothing’s
gonna chill it

♪ Between me and you

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ That magic feeling’s in it

♪ That magic feeling’s in it

♪ We just can’t stop
and quit it

♪ Between me and you

♪ Between me and you

♪ Stronger every minute

♪ Stronger every minute

♪ Mm, mm, hmm, mm

♪ It’s hard to hold back

♪ It’s hard to hold back

♪ When you come near

♪ When you come near

♪ And my heart starts
a-pounding when you smile

♪ And my heart starts
a-pounding when you smile

♪ It’s perfectly clear

♪ Someday soon

♪ Someday soon

♪ You’ll stay with me

♪ You’ll be making me
the happiest girl

♪ That I ever could be

♪ That I ever could be

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ Pushing all the limits

♪ Nothing’s gonna chill it

♪ Nothing’s gonna chill it

♪ Between me and you

♪ Between me and you

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ That magic feeling’s in it

♪ That magic feeling’s in it

♪ We just can’t stop
and quit it

♪ We just can’t stop
and quit it

♪ Between me and you

♪ Stronger every minute

♪ Stronger every minute

♪ Mm, mm, hmm

♪ I want to love you, baby

♪ I want to love you, baby

♪ All night long

♪ When I’m holding you
in my arms

♪ When I’m holding you
in my arms

♪ The passion
burns so strong

♪ The passion
burns so strong

♪ Getting stronger
every minute

♪ Getting stronger
every minute

♪ Pushing all the limits

♪ Pushing all the limits

♪ And nothing’s
gonna chill it

♪ Between me and you

♪ Between me and you

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ That magic feeling’s in it

♪ We just can’t stop
and quit it

♪ We just can’t stop
and quit it

♪ Between me and you

♪ Stronger every minute

♪ Stronger every minute

♪ Stronger every minute

♪ Between me
and you, boy...

You know, when you
asked me if I wanted
to do an all-nighter,

You know, when you
asked me if I wanted
to do an all-nighter,

this isn’t
what I had in mind.

It’s only 4:30
in the morning.

Here.
Put your finger there.

Here.
Put your finger there.

The glue’s gonna drip.
Right--ah-ah.

How’d you get interested
in a thing like this, anyway?

How’d you get interested
in a thing like this, anyway?

It’s part of my major.

If I get an "A"
in this class,

I get to go to Europe.

I get to go to Europe.

What’s in Europe?

Michelangelo,
Monet, Van Gogh.

Michelangelo,
Monet, Van Gogh.

Aren’t those guys dead?

Their paintings.

I was kidding.

I was kidding.

What’s this have
to do with architecture?

Nothing.

Nothing.

I don’t get it, Alex.

Look, if I told you I
wanted to be an artist,

Look, if I told you I
wanted to be an artist,

you’d probably
say I couldn’t
make a living at it,

which is exactly what
everybody else says,

which is exactly what
everybody else says,

and, uh, that’s
exactly how I ended up

in this major
in the first place,
so, uh...

in this major
in the first place,
so, uh...

I’d just
rather not be reminded
of that tonight, okay?

I have a lot
of work to do,

I have a lot
of work to do,

and that has to dry.

Okay, okay.

I’ll see you
later tonight.

I’ll see you
later tonight.

[ crickets chirping ]

[ crickets chirping ]

[ dog barking ]

Sir, what are
we doing here?

Sir, what are
we doing here?

It’s 5:00
in the morning.

I have finals tomorrow.

We are upholding
a tradition as old
as this school itself.

We are upholding
a tradition as old
as this school itself.

A panty raid?

Are you questioning
the orders

Are you questioning
the orders

of an upperclassman,
pledge?

No, sir.

I think you lack
in discipline, pledge!

I think you lack
in discipline, pledge!

No, sir!
No more paddle.

Bend over.

[ window squeaks ]

[ groans ]

What the hell?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

[ chorus singing ]

Oh, Alex.

Oh, Alex, baby.

Oh, Alex, baby.

Alex?

Ahh!
Ahh!

Ahh!
Ahh!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

[ gasps ]

[ screams ]
God.

Ow!

Ow!

What the hell are you
doing in Alex’s bed?

What the hell
are you doing
grabbing my ass?

Sir, we gotta
get out of here!

Sir, we gotta
get out of here!

Meet me back at the house!

You’ve got a lot
of explaining to do.

Hey, kid, why don’t
you just run off

Hey, kid, why don’t
you just run off

with Skippy
and Chip before
you hurt yourself?

That’s Fitz and Digger.

Oh, wait a minute.

Oh, wait a minute.

I know who you are.

You’re that obnoxious
rock star.

You’re that obnoxious
rock star.

Well, I think
your music is puerile.

You can tell me
what that means later!

You can tell me
what that means later!

Oh, so it’s fisticuffs
you want, huh?

Well, I think it’s
only fair to warn you.

Well, I think it’s
only fair to warn you.

What? You’re an expert
in tae kwon do?

No! I fight dirty!

No! I fight dirty!

I think
you need a haircut!

I think
you need a haircut!

Yeah, right!

Chet! What are you doing?
What am I doing?

Chet! What are you doing?
What am I doing?

What’s wrong with you?
I mean, look at my room!

I think I need some
medical attention!

I think I need some
medical attention!

What?

Is this some kind
of hotel room

that you can just
come in and trash?

Alex, you--

Alex, you--

I think
I’m gonna be sick!

Alex, let me explain.
I gotta talk to you, okay?

What about me?

[ strings vibrate ]

Chet, hold on. Come--

Let me alone, Alex.

Let me alone, Alex.

The thing
that worries me

is how your mother’s
gonna take this.

I mean,
were you fornicating

I mean,
were you fornicating

with that long-haired
ruffian sociopath?

Chet, you’ve gotta promise
not to say anything.

Chet, you’ve gotta promise
not to say anything.

Why should I do that?

I mean,
what possible gain
is there in it for me?

Chet, Chet, please?

Chet, Chet, please?

If you care about me at all,
just promise me.

If you care about me at all,
just promise me.

Okay, Alex,

but you’re
gonna owe me one.

but you’re
gonna owe me one.

Please sign this.

Gee, thanks, Chet.

Gee, thanks, Chet.

This means a lot to me.

And date it.

And date it.

You owe me one favor.

You owe me one favor.

You know,
that little party’s
coming up,

You know,
that little party’s
coming up,

and if
you weren’t there,

you’d be sorely missed.

I mean,
it’s okay, Alex,

because I think
you’ll find that
our little shindig

because I think
you’ll find that
our little shindig

can get, well,
pretty damn wild.

What do you want?

What do you want?

I heard the noise.

Are you okay?

Fine.

Your hand’s bleeding.

Your hand’s bleeding.

I’m okay.

Let me see.

I know first aid.

I know first aid.

I don’t know.
This could be serious.

Really, I’m okay.

Really, I’m okay.

You need someone
to take care of you.

Hey, Alex is gonna
be back any second.

Hey, Alex is gonna
be back any second.

I don’t think so.

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

She left with Chet.

Usually that means
that she’ll be gone
all night.

Usually that means
that she’ll be gone
all night.

Who’s Chet?

The guy you hit,
her boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

Maybe that’s
the wrong word.

Maybe that’s
the wrong word.

I mean, they’re
practically engaged.

Miranda.

Miranda.

Jamie?

Jamie. Jamie,
just forget about her.

Jamie. Jamie,
just forget about her.

Alex?

Alex, wait a minute.
Jamie.

Alex.
Alex, wait.

Alex.

Alex. Alex, wait!

Why?
You obviously couldn’t!

Why?
You obviously couldn’t!

Jesus, Alex.
Miranda?

Give me the benefit
of the doubt.

Hey, give me a break!

Hey, give me a break!

Nothing happened!

I’m telling you
the truth!

I’m telling you
the truth!

Don’t.
You’re a better liar.

I’m not lying.

Why? You lie to the world.

Why? You lie to the world.

You lie to yourself.
Why not me?

It’s just
a matter of time.

That’s not fair.

No, no. This isn’t fair!

No, no. This isn’t fair!

Now I want you to leave!

What about Chet?
I want you to leave!

Why don’t you
tell me about Chet?

Why don’t you
tell me about Chet?

Maybe I don’t want
to tell you about Chet!

Now will you
please leave?

Fine. Fine.

Fine. Fine.

I don’t even
know why you
bother carrying a gun.

I don’t even
know why you
bother carrying a gun.

All you have to do
is feed your victims
a couple of those things,

and the red meat alone
will kill ’em.

and the red meat alone
will kill ’em.

Why you got a rock
tied around your neck?

Why you got a rock
tied around your neck?

[ sighs ]

For the last time,
it’s not a rock.

For the last time,
it’s not a rock.

It’s a crystal,

and it drains
the impurities
out of my aura.

and it drains
the impurities
out of my aura.

Well, that’s not
all it’s draining.

Well, that’s not
all it’s draining.

[ cellphone rings ]

Hello.

Mr. Ferret.

Mr. Ferret.

Yeah. Yeah.

No, no,
trust me.

It’s done.

It’s done.

Trust you?

I am holding a certain
piece of paper in my hand

I am holding a certain
piece of paper in my hand

that still
hasn’t been signed.

You want to explain
that one to me, Earl?

You want to explain
that one to me, Earl?

I’ll tell you what.

I want proof this time.

You pick Jamie up,
and I’ll meet you somewhere.

You pick Jamie up,
and I’ll meet you somewhere.

Okay. I--I know
just the place,

Indian Jim’s
on the corner
of First and Third.

Indian Jim’s
on the corner
of First and Third.

You can’t miss it.

It’s got a big
neon totem pole
on top of the roof.

It’s got a big
neon totem pole
on top of the roof.

All right. You had better
not screw this up.

All right. You had better
not screw this up.

Why are we
going back there?

Why are we
going back there?

I got a score
to settle.

Dad.

Son, shut up!

Son, shut up!

[ rock and roll plays ]

[ rock and roll plays ]

Bre.

[ telephone line ringing ]

[ telephone rings ]

[ ring ]

Hello. This is Bre.

Hello. This is Bre.

I can’t come
to the phone right now.
I’m fluffing my cat.

MAN: My tickets
to Jamie Z’s concert
got canceled.

SECOND MAN: That’s ’cause
the dude’s dead, man,
but don’t be bummed.

SECOND MAN: That’s ’cause
the dude’s dead, man,
but don’t be bummed.

You can win a totally rad
rock-and-roll vacation
out of this.

No way!
Yeah way.

No way!
Yeah way.

All you gotta do
is find the guy’s body.

Gross! What if it’s all
skanked out and decayed?

What’s one gnarly corpse
compared to a shipload
of bodacious babes?

What’s one gnarly corpse
compared to a shipload
of bodacious babes?

Excellent.
What are we waiting for?

ANNOUNCER: Hey, what are
you waiting for?

Jamie Z is
out there somewhere,

Jamie Z is
out there somewhere,

and it’s up to you
to find him.

and win a fabulous
rock-and-roll vacation for two.

and win a fabulous
rock-and-roll vacation for two.

Call today, 555-2212.

That’s 555-DEAD.

That’s 555-DEAD.

[ head thumps ]
[ groans ]

EARL: Hello. You have
reached the Jamie Z hotline.

EARL: Hello. You have
reached the Jamie Z hotline.

All of our operators
are busy now,

All of our operators
are busy now,

but if you will leave
your name

and where you spotted
Jamie Z, we’ll get
right back to you.

and where you spotted
Jamie Z, we’ll get
right back to you.

[ beep ]

CHET: Yeah, I think
I’m the winner.

CHET: Yeah, I think
I’m the winner.

My name is
Chester Lewis LeGros IV.

My name is
Chester Lewis LeGros IV.

I saw him last night,
and he wasn’t dead.

He was attacking
my fiancée, so I had
to clean his clock.

He was attacking
my fiancée, so I had
to clean his clock.

I mean,
he’s probably still
licking his wounds

I mean,
he’s probably still
licking his wounds

at the Gamma Delta
house.

Pick me up.

My address is 6--
[ beep ]

My address is 6--
[ beep ]

[ telephone rings ]

[ click ]

[ click ]

Hello. This is Bre.

I can’t come
to the phone right now.
I’m fluffing my cat.

I can’t come
to the phone right now.
I’m fluffing my cat.

Please leave a message,
and I’ll ignore
your call later.

[ beep ]

ALEX: Bre. Pick up.

ALEX: Bre. Pick up.

Pick up the phone.

This is the 12th time
I called.

It’s really important.

I--I told you I caught
Jamie with Miranda,

I--I told you I caught
Jamie with Miranda,

and, well, I just
thought maybe you--

Oh, forget it.

Oh, forget it.

Alex, I’m really sorry.

You gotta let me explain.

You gotta let me explain.

Shit. Alex...

Bitch!

Asshole!

Let me explain.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

Yeah?

Red sent us.

Give me a second, okay?

Give me a second, okay?

Wait a minute.

How the hell’d
you find me?

I didn’t tell Red
where I was.

I didn’t tell Red
where I was.

Whoa.
We are going for a ride.

Okay. Reality check.

Okay. Reality check.

Ow! Oh, God,
this is for real.

Hey, Dad, do you
know what happened
to my nondairy rice drink,

Hey, Dad, do you
know what happened
to my nondairy rice drink,

or did you throw it out?

Don’t do
anything stupid.

Don’t do
anything stupid.

This has been
a real lousy day.

Alex,
I’m gonna kill you!

Alex,
I’m gonna kill you!

BRE: Alex! Alex!

BRE: Alex! Alex!

Alex, thank God!

Come on!

Alex, Jamie!

Alex, Jamie!

I told him to leave.

Alex, I don’t have
time to explain. He just--

Jamie was just kidnapped
by two guns at goonpoint!

Jamie was just kidnapped
by two guns at goonpoint!

What?

I mean two goons
at gunpoint.

Did he
put you up to this?

Did he
put you up to this?

What?
It’s not gonna work.

Come on!

I couldn’t help
overhearing.

I couldn’t help
overhearing.

What can I do to help?

You can
get your boobs
out of my face!

You can
get your boobs
out of my face!

Alex, I feel terrible.

I told Jamie that Chet
was your boyfriend.

It’s all my fault.
Let me help.

It’s all my fault.
Let me help.

Alex, let’s go.

[ sighs ]

Sara, you’ve got a car,
don’t you?

Sara, you’ve got a car,
don’t you?

Yeah. Why?

Come on.

Come on.

Red!

Don’t you people
ever sleep?

Don’t you people
ever sleep?

We got
a really big problem.

The European promoters,
they called.

They want all
their money back for all
the canceled dates.

They want all
their money back for all
the canceled dates.

What?
Red, babe!

Look, I gotta have
your ear for a minute.

Call me tomorrow,
Ruby!

Call me tomorrow,
Ruby!

The studio gave Jamie
a $5 million advance
on his next picture!

But they say we gotta
make it good now!

But they say we gotta
make it good now!

But he’s disappeared!

That falls under
the act of God clause!

God? These lawyers
don’t believe in God!

God? These lawyers
don’t believe in God!

Red! Red! The IRS called!

The IRS?

It don’t look good, man!

Uh, where do
you want this?

Uh, where do
you want this?

Oh, my God.

What did I do?

What did I do?

Get out
of the way!

Get out of the way!
Move! Move!

Red! Red!
Red! Red!

We gotta talk
about the IRS, though!

We gotta talk
about the IRS, though!

Red! Red!

So in essence,
what you’re saying

So in essence,
what you’re saying

is by acting out
your aggressions onstage,

you’re able to maintain
a peaceful equilibrium
offstage?

you’re able to maintain
a peaceful equilibrium
offstage?

That’s beautiful, man.

That’s beautiful, man.

Son, come here.

Don’t talk
to the victim.

Don’t talk
to the victim.

Bre, is that them?

Bre, is that them?

I think so.

What are we gonna do
if we catch them?

They’ve got guns.

They’ve got guns.

I’m driving.
You think of a plan.

It better not involve
the sheepskin.

Can’t you go
any faster than this?

Can’t you go
any faster than this?

We’re going
the speed limit.

In fact,
I think we’re going
a couple miles above it.

In fact,
I think we’re going
a couple miles above it.

Besides,
he’s in God’s hands.

Sara, we’re losing them.

Sara, we’re losing them.

Well, maybe now would be
a good time to pray.

Sara, you step on the gas.

Sara, you step on the gas.

I’ll go
to your prayer meetings
for a week.

Really?

Really?

You will?

Oh, that’s great!

Oh, that’s great!

Every time
I ask someone,
they’re always too busy.

Gosh, Miranda,
that’s wonderful.

Gosh, Miranda,
that’s wonderful.

Wasn’t that
Sara’s car?

Wasn’t that
Sara’s car?

And we have
a Christian fellowship
camping trip,

and--and we sing songs
by campfire,

and--and we sing songs
by campfire,

and we roast
marshmallows,

and some of the kids
put on biblical
puppet shows

and some of the kids
put on biblical
puppet shows

a-and skits. [ laughs ]

Say, you’d make
a great Mary Magdalene.

Say, you’d make
a great Mary Magdalene.

Hey, I think
that’s their car!

Goddamn woman drivers.

You know, Dad,
most surveys show

You know, Dad,
most surveys show

that women drivers are
actually better drivers.

What are you doing?

W-What is this
with the gun?

W-What is this
with the gun?

If you ain’t gonna
point it at someone,
what good is it, huh?

How many times
I gotta tell you?

I’m just uncomfortable
holding the gun.

I’m just uncomfortable
holding the gun.

Can we at least
take the bullets out?

I mean, I think
it’d make everything

I mean, I think
it’d make everything

much more comfortable
around here.

Wouldn’t you feel
more comfortable?

There’s a lot of stress
in this car.

There’s a lot of stress
in this car.

Then why don’t you
shove that crystal
up your ass?

Dad!

Dad!

Shut up!

Hey, I think we’re
being followed.

Hold on.

You know
what’s a lot of fun?

You know
what’s a lot of fun?

Oh, pancake breakfasts.

We made the pancakes

We made the pancakes

into the shapes
of the 12 apostles.

[ laughs ]

Sara,
they’re turning around!

Sara,
they’re turning around!

And if you can eat
all 12 apostles--

Sara!

SARA: I know.
It’s really exciting.

SARA: I know.
It’s really exciting.

I mean really exciting.

[ laughs ]

So, Alex,
how’s that plan coming?

Why don’t we call
the police?

Why don’t we call
the police?

Sure. Call the police
using my car phone.

What are you thinking?!

You don’t even know
why they’re following us.

You don’t even know
why they’re following us.

Now, why wouldn’t--
why don’t we just pull over

and talk this thing out?

and talk this thing out?

Give me that.

[ gunshots ]

They’re shooting at us!
What do we do?!

They’re shooting at us!
What do we do?!

I don’t know!
I guess I missed
that day in driver’s ed!

[ gunshot ]

[ gunshot ]

And then there’s
the lawn darts
tournament.

And then there’s
the lawn darts
tournament.

Oh!

[ sighs ]

Sara, turn here.
We can catch them easier.

Sara, turn here.
We can catch them easier.

[ tires skid ]

[ sniffs ]

What’s that I smell?

What’s that I smell?

This car
overheating?

Relax. Just burning
a little incense here.

Relax. Just burning
a little incense here.

Thought it might lighten
the mood a little bit.

It’s autumn dewy morning.
Do you like it?

It’s autumn dewy morning.
Do you like it?

Yeah, right. Dump it!

EARL: Damn stuff’s
in my eyes.

EARL: Damn stuff’s
in my eyes.

I can’t even see
where I’m going.

What the heck’s
the matter with you?

And Peter said
if the Devil
is so smart,

And Peter said
if the Devil
is so smart,

what’s he doing in hell?

what’s he doing in hell?

Sara!

God damn! Hold on!

[ car horn honks ]

[ car horn honks ]

MIRANDA: Wait!
I have a plan!
Turn around!

MIRANDA: Wait!
I have a plan!
Turn around!

Honk if you love Jesus.

[ honking ]

Hold on.
They’re trying
something.

Hold on.
They’re trying
something.

Hi, boys!

Sweet mother-of-pearl.

Sweet mother-of-pearl.

Dad, look out!

Dad, look out!

Huh? Ahh!

MIRANDA: Sara,
where you going?

MIRANDA: Sara,
where you going?

Wow, that was fun!

But you know what’s
gonna be even more fun?

But you know what’s
gonna be even more fun?

When we get to my church.

You’re really gonna
love Deacon Marjeaux.

He’s got a gentle way
about him.

He’s got a gentle way
about him.

Oh, my God,
It’s Jamie. Stop!

What are you
gonna do, Alex?

What are you
gonna do, Alex?

Jamie--
They have guns!

Bre, will you stop?

Alex, look, look.
Here’s Indian Jim’s.

We’ll stop.
We’ll call the police.

We’ll stop.
We’ll call the police.

Is he gonna be open?

You’re such a pessimist!

You’re such a pessimist!

Oh, hello,
pretty ladies.

Nice to be
seeing you again.

Nice to be
seeing you again.

I need to use your phone!

Oh, but I’m sorry.
It’s not working.

Well, what am I
supposed to do?

Well, what am I
supposed to do?

For starters, you can
all get over by the bar.

Don’t even think
of going underneath
the bar, uh, Tonto,

Don’t even think
of going underneath
the bar, uh, Tonto,

or I will blow you
back to Egypt!

India.

Aw, whatever.
Come on! Get you...

Aw, whatever.
Come on! Get you...

Jamie.

Hey, kid,
get over there.

Come on!

Jamie,
I’m so sorry.

Jamie,
I’m so sorry.

So am I.

Perhaps I can explain
to you the gravity
of your action.

Perhaps I can explain
to you the gravity
of your action.

In my country,
committing such an offense,

they’ll cut off
your left testicles.

they’ll cut off
your left testicles.

Good thing
we’re in America.

Get my toolbox.

Get my toolbox.

What do you need
a toolbox for?

The right tool
for the right job.

The right tool
for the right job.

Eh, .22?

Yeah, yeah.

Good gun
for a beginner.

Good gun
for a beginner.

Not too much
of a kick. Here.

W-Wait, wait.
What do I need a gun for?

Well, these guys
aren’t gonna drop dead
on their own, you know.

Well, these guys
aren’t gonna drop dead
on their own, you know.

No. No, no, no.
Dad, it’s okay to talk
about these things,

No. No, no, no.
Dad, it’s okay to talk
about these things,

but think about
what you’re doing.

This is murder!

Yeah? So it put you
through college,

Yeah? So it put you
through college,

and I didn’t
hear you complain then.

No, no, no.
We can’t kill these people.

No, no, no.
We can’t kill these people.

Sure, I can.
That’s my job.

I’ll take out
the first two,

and you jump in
anytime you’re ready.

and you jump in
anytime you’re ready.

No! No!

I have to protest this.

Hey, it’s okay
to be nervous.

Hey, it’s okay
to be nervous.

I was my first time.

Look,
I’ll tell you what.

I’ll walk you
through it, okay?

I’ll walk you
through it, okay?

This is your weapon.

You want
to make sure
that it’s loaded.

You want
to make sure
that it’s loaded.

I hope you’re planning
on paying for that.

And you want
to make sure

that your victims
are detained,
which they are.

that your victims
are detained,
which they are.

ALEX: Don’t listen to him!

Think about
what you’re doing!

Think about
what you’re doing!

Think about jail!

Think about a number
between 1 and 10!

What?
What?
What?

I’m not good
under pressure!

I’m not good
under pressure!

Hey, ignore
the pleas and cries
of the victims, okay?

They’re only trying
to make you change--

They’re only trying
to make you change--

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Dad, Dad, Dad!

Would you listen
to me for once?

I don’t want to do this!

I don’t want to do this!

This is my life!

Hey, I’m trying
to teach you
a trade here!

Hey, I’m trying
to teach you
a trade here!

What’d you major in,
aromatherapy?

What kind of crap
is that?

What kind of crap
is that?

What are you gonna
do with that, huh?

Hey, don’t you think
this has something
to do with life?

Hey, don’t you think
this has something
to do with life?

Yeah! Yeah, your life!

It’s always been
you, you, you!

Oh.

Oh.

I don’t want--

Enough is enough.

Look, look, we can walk
out this door right now

Look, look, we can walk
out this door right now

and pretend
this never happened.

Door.
Yeah, that reminds me.

That’s the most
important thing.

That’s the most
important thing.

You gotta
always remember
to lock the door.

That way,
some stupid jerk...

[ door opens ]

[ door opens ]

[ thump ]
[ Earl groans ]

Jeez! God Almighty!
What the--

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

All right, stick ’em up!

I mean
put your hands--

Oh, you know
what I mean!

Oh, you know
what I mean!

All right.
Everybody...

j-just remain calm,
all right?

j-just remain calm,
all right?

Aw, come on.

Little gal
like you gonna--

with a big gun
like that?

What are you gonna do,
shoot me?

What are you gonna do,
shoot me?

Yes, I think.

I don’t. Give it here.

No! Now, look,

No! Now, look,

if you’re gonna start
shooting people,

you just better
begin with me!

you just better
begin with me!

But remember,
if you do this,

you’re gonna spend
the next seven lifetimes

you’re gonna spend
the next seven lifetimes

as a mollusk!

Ah, sorry, son,
but this is business.

Ah, sorry, son,
but this is business.

[ Taser crackles ]
[ groans ]

Dad!

Oh, I’m so embarrassed.

Oh, I’m so embarrassed.

[ groans ]
Gunned down by a girl.

Oh, this’ll ruin me
in the business.

Oh, this’ll ruin me
in the business.

Ohh.

Ah, you couldn’t
care less.

Ah, that’s not true.

Ah, that’s not true.

You’re my dad,
and I love you.

I just don’t
have the same sort
of passion you do

I just don’t
have the same sort
of passion you do

for this line of work.

Maybe it just skips
a generation, huh?

Maybe it just skips
a generation, huh?

Uhh! Give me that!

No. No, no, no. No, no.

No. No, no, no. No, no.

You don’t
need this anymore.

[ sighs ]

[ sighs ]

[ chuckles ]

[ chuckles ]

[ door opens ]

[ door opens ]

Thank God
I made it in time!

Jamie, you okay?

You are damn lucky

your Uncle Red
looks out for you.

your Uncle Red
looks out for you.

Hang on, missy.
Jamie and I

have some business
to take care of.

Later, Red.
This can’t wait!

Later, Red.
This can’t wait!

Now, the European tour
is starting up pronto,

so I need you to sign
this new contract right away.

so I need you to sign
this new contract right away.

What’s this?

What’s this?

Th-That’s nothing.
[ stammers ]

Death certificate?

Now hold on, Jamie.

I’ve had
that thing for years.

I’ve had
that thing for years.

I mean, I got it in Vegas.

I-It’s a novelty, a gag,

I-It’s a novelty, a gag,

you know, like,
uh, plastic dog poop.

Now come on, kid!

Don’t I always
look out for you?

Nah, I think
it’s about time I start
looking out for myself.

Nah, I think
it’s about time I start
looking out for myself.

What the hell is this
supposed to mean?

Read it.

Read it.

It means
Jamie Z is dead.

Oh, come on, kid.
Don’t be like that!

Oh, come on, kid.
Don’t be like that!

Jamie!

The name’s
James Zandenhoffer.

Hey, you and me
got a contract, kid!

Jamie! Jamie!

Jamie! Jamie!

James?

James?

Never had anyone
save my life before.

Never had anyone
save my life before.

Most guys I know
just have trouble
regulating their breathing.

I was just an extension
of the cosmic will,

I was just an extension
of the cosmic will,

but--heh heh--
thank you.

Hey, Alex. I’m gonna
hang for a second,

Hey, Alex. I’m gonna
hang for a second,

but I’ll be over later
to borrow some books
I never bought.

You’re gonna study?

What? You think
you’re always gonna be

What? You think
you’re always gonna be

the smartest person
I know?

See you later.

Oh, um,
here’s my address.

Oh, um,
here’s my address.

Uh, great.

I’ll write you
from Colorado.

I’ll write you
from Colorado.

Colorado?

Yeah. Th-That’s
where we’re going.

Hey, have you
ever heard

of the Church
of the Enlightened
Consciousness?

of the Church
of the Enlightened
Consciousness?

Oh, God.

Um, you know what?
I never read my mail.

Maybe you should
come over later.

Maybe you should
come over later.

You can teach me more
about the cosmic will.

Oh, sorry. Bye.

Oh, sorry. Bye.

Oh, then you
are the manager?

[ snorts ]
I was.

[ snorts ]
I was.

Oh, yes. I’ve been
looking for a person

such as you
for a very long time.

such as you
for a very long time.

I was a number one act
in India.

You don’t say.

Oh, yes. My album,

Oh, yes. My album,

"Top Brahman,"
led the charts...

"Top Brahman,"
led the charts...

for the entire
Year of the Mongoose.

Perhaps you’ve
heard the single...

Perhaps you’ve
heard the single...

[ speaks Hindi title ]

[ mouths word ]

[ sings song title ]

[ sings song title ]

♪ Bang bang

[ singing in Hindi ]

[ singing in Hindi ]

♪ Bang

[ singing in Hindi ]

♪ Bang

I like to party.

I like to party.

I rock.

I think
it’ll lose something
in the translation.

I think
it’ll lose something
in the translation.

Poppycock.

What about
"La Bamba"?

What about
"La Bamba"?

You know,
you got a point.

I mean,
who knew what the hell
that song was about?

I mean,
who knew what the hell
that song was about?

And that was
a number one hit.

And, say, isn’t
Ritchie Valens dead?

And, say, isn’t
Ritchie Valens dead?

What’s your name?
Jim.

That’s a great name.

That’s a great name.

Jim Morrison,
Jim Hendrix,

Jim Croce.

Jim Croce.

Hey, how do you feel
about single-engine planes?

Oh, I love air travel
very, very, very much.

Oh, I love air travel
very, very, very much.

[ laughing ]

Jim, I think
this is going to be

Jim, I think
this is going to be

the beginning and end
of a beautiful friendship.

the beginning and end
of a beautiful friendship.

[ laughs ]

[ jeep engine starts ]

[ jeep engine starts ]

[ jeep horn honks ]

[ jeep horn honks ]

So what
you said to Red,

does that mean
you’re gonna be
sticking around for a while?

Nah, I gotta go
in the studio.

Nah, I gotta go
in the studio.

There’s a couple
of songs I gotta record.

New songs?

Nah, these ones
are pretty old,

Nah, these ones
are pretty old,

but I think
it’s about time
I gave ’em a shot.

So, what about you?
Off to Europe?

So, what about you?
Off to Europe?

No. My--My project’s
kind of destroyed.

Um, I think my chances
for getting that scholarship
are pretty shot.

Um, I think my chances
for getting that scholarship
are pretty shot.

I’m really sorry
about that.

Don’t worry about it.

Don’t worry about it.

I--I was doing it for all
the wrong reasons anyway.

I don’t want
to be an architect.

My mom’s an architect.

My mom’s an architect.

I’ll get
to Europe someday.

Well, I’ve been
to Europe four times
in the last five years,

Well, I’ve been
to Europe four times
in the last five years,

and all I’ve seen is
inside of a million
hotel rooms.

and all I’ve seen is
inside of a million
hotel rooms.

Really?

Guess it’d be nice
to experience it

with someone
who could appreciate it.

with someone
who could appreciate it.

Yeah.

Like an artist.

[ ballad plays ]

[ ballad plays ]

What do you say?

What?

So would you like
to come with me?

So would you like
to come with me?

Just for the summer.

It’d be nice
to do something

It’d be nice
to do something

for the right reasons
for a change.

So, you know anything
about managing?

So, you know anything
about managing?

[ rock and roll playing ]

♪ I been in love

♪ I been in love

♪ A few times before

♪ Even though it ends up
breaking my heart

♪ Even though it ends up
breaking my heart

♪ I come back for more

♪ I come back for more

♪ And when I met you

♪ I felt it
right away, yeah

♪ I felt it
right away, yeah

♪ That we had something,
you and me, boy

♪ That we had something,
you and me, boy

♪ That would stay and stay

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ Pushing all the limits

♪ Pushing all the limits

♪ And nothing’s
gonna chill it

♪ Between me and you

♪ Between me and you

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ That magic feeling’s in it

♪ We just can’t stop
and quit it

♪ We just can’t stop
and quit it

♪ Between me and you

♪ Between me and you

♪ Stronger every minute

♪ Mm, mm, hmm, mm

♪ Mm, mm, hmm, mm

♪ It’s hard to hold back

♪ It’s hard to hold back

♪ When you come near

♪ And my heart starts
a-pounding when you smile

♪ It’s perfectly clear

♪ It’s perfectly clear

♪ Someday soon

♪ You’ll stay with me

♪ You’ll stay with me

♪ You’ll be making me
the happiest girl

♪ You’ll be making me
the happiest girl

♪ That I ever could be

♪ That I ever could be

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ Pushing all the limits

♪ Pushing all the limits

♪ Nothing’s gonna chill it

♪ Nothing’s gonna chill it

♪ Between me and you

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ That magic feeling’s in it

♪ That magic feeling’s in it

♪ We just can’t stop
and quit it

♪ Between me and you

♪ Between me and you

♪ Stronger every minute

♪ Mm, mm, hmm

♪ I want to love you, baby

♪ All night long

♪ All night long

♪ When I’m holding you
in my arms

♪ When I’m holding you
in my arms

♪ The passion
burns so strong

♪ The passion
burns so strong

♪ Getting stronger
every minute

♪ Getting stronger
every minute

♪ Pushing all the limits

♪ And nothing’s
gonna chill it

♪ And nothing’s
gonna chill it

♪ Between me and you

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ It’s getting stronger
every minute

♪ That magic feeling’s in it

♪ That magic feeling’s in it

♪ We just can’t stop
and quit it

♪ Between me and you

♪ Between me and you