Rock Star (2001) - full transcript

Those days were amazing.

Being a kid, you know, what else was I
to do but to live the Dragon?

I'd study the music note for note.
I read every interview.

Copied every outfit, every move,
you know, every look.

My pursuit of perfection
was relentless.

The music deserved that.

All right, ladies. Spread them.

Rob, you're not nailing the squeal.

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Check it out.

Play it like that.



-That's it.
-That's a ping, not a squeal.

-Sounds just like the tape, man.
-No. Raunchier.

Again, please.

That was great. Thank you.

From the top.

Hold on!

Hey, Jeremy, no.

What are you doing?
You know what this is?

'Lubricator', signed by all five
band members with the original cover.

Look. Jorgen's name is misspelled.
It should be an "E. "

You know how much I can get for it?

Peace to you too, dude.
Try it like this.

Mom?
Mom, isn't my room off-limits?

I'm sorry, Chris.
Oh, what were you doing?



-How are you?
-Good. How's Willard?

-He's fine. You look nice.
-Thank you.

Here, hold on.
You got a smudge.

-Bye. Gotta run.
-Bye. Love you.

Love you too. Bye.

I need more power! I want more!

Come on, come on.

Nina and Samantha!

Hey, Chris.

-Coming to my show in a week?
-Of course.

-Want to hand out fliers?
-Absolutely.

-You guys look awesome.
-Bye.

We're a band called Blood Pollution...

...a Steel Dragon tribute band,
the best in Pittsburgh.

Thank you.

I wrote this one for someone
who ripped out my heart.

And put it through a bloody blender!

That's right.

This one's for Kim, who makes me
want to stand up and shout.

Em, I'll be right back, okay?

Excuse me.

You think I could have one?

Not without a blowjob and a sex
change, pal. But have a nice day.

-Come on, girls. This way.
-See you, Chris.

Oh, that was awesome!

That was the heaviest
since Columbus in '77.

Heavier than the 'Demented' tour.

-I ask you, did they not rock?
-They totally rocked.

Guys.

What the...?

Come on.

Oh, I thought I smelled pussy.

Look who's here.

-If it isn't Yoko Ono and the Fag Five.
-What are you doing?

Making sure nobody sees
some cut-rate copy band.

Cut-rate? This dude can't
even tune his own guitar.

-You could work on your lip-synch.
-I don't lip-synch.

Be doing everyone a favor if you did.

You could get the outfit right.

Boots from the 'Wasted' tour
and a cheap 'Twisted' jacket.

You are so fully wrong, cocksmoker.
This is official issue.

The actual vest Bobby wore
on the 'Twisted' tour.

My dad bought it from someone
who knows them.

Sorry, but your dad got ripped.

The lapels should be blue,
there's no green in the embroidery.

As a matter of fact,
can anybody here honestly say...

...they've ever seen Bobby Beers
with a jacket with red lapels?

-No, I can't.
-I don't think so.

You can make me his pants.

Or did she already rip out
the Dodge seats?

No. First tell me what you put there
to make people think you're a guy.

-This is all me, baby.
-You and a few ballet slippers.

-You want a piece of me?
-No, I'm good.

-Want to see how a real man--
-Don't touch her.

-Let go of my cape.
-Let go of my cape!

Get your ass out of bed.

Get out of here.

-Let's go. Get up.
-Get out of here.

Move it.

Where you hiding
your stash these days?

Get out! I didn't do anything.

That's the problem.
You never do anything.

-Get out of here, pig!
-God-- Fucking--

Come on!

Mom! Mom!

Jeez, boys. Quit. Break it up.
Chris, give him a break. Come on.

-Stop it!
-Tell him to get out!

-Used to be my room.
-Not anymore!

Because I moved out when I was 1 8.

-We're having breakfast.
-Keep him out!

Get ready for work.
Will you go downstairs?

-Keep him out!
-All right, he's gone.

So you arrested Mervin
for drunk driving?

He was parked on
the Brennemans' lawn.

Claims he was going out for ice cream.
Same story.

-Chris, so how was the show?
-It was fine.

-The freaks were out in force.
-Why weren't you busting heads?

-Female officers handle that crowd.
-You want to go?

-Come on.
-Saved again. Should take her to work.

-Good one.
-Did they do "Black Babylon"?

They haven't played that
since Osaka in '75.

-That is pathetic that you know.
-I love that song.

Okay, genius,
who's buried in Grant's tomb?

It's twisted that you're still living
at home, stealing Ma's makeup.

Who's buried in Grant's tomb?

How much longer will you
put up with this?

The rock star fantasy thing is
something you grow out of at 14.

If I get lucky, I'll get to grow up
and listen to Air Supply like you.

What's wrong with Air Supply?

Nothing, if you're
from the Village People.

You know what the sickest thing
is about you?

It's that you don't have
any fantasies of your own.

You fantasize about
being somebody else.

Wearing somebody else's clothes.
Singing somebody else's songs.

It's pathetic.

-Get a haircut.
-Okay, Satan's allegiant.

Have a good one, son.

-You didn't eat.
-Later. I love you guys.

Love you too.

-I love you.
-You do this every time.

I question his sexuality, Ma. I do.

Here's the procedure, so it won't
happen again. Don't stick a pen in.

I'll give you a simple
one-two-three procedure.

It's 1-2-3.
Pop that down, push this.

Pull back on this lever, free up
the jam and you can access--

Is there something wrong?

Is that mascara?

-I'm in a band. Okay?
-Oh, okay.

Can you follow the 1-2-3
without sticking a pen in there?

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Bye-bye.

Sorry about that.

When's Marci getting back?

She and Rob went to see Wham!,
won't be back for a while.

Wham? Oh, God.

George Michael's a wuss.
I'm gonna give Rob shit for it.

He'll want to cover that.

All right, you.

Okay, now just relax.

-Is it numb?
-I think so.

Feel that?

-Sure you want to do this?
-Yeah, Bobby did it last week.

-I love you, babe.
-I love you.

Okay, don't look. Don't look.

-God, that had to hurt.
-Yes, it does. Oh, God.

You want to do the other one?

No. You want to do yours?

-Maybe.
-Come on. Let's do yours.

Testing, testing. One, two.

-No way!
-That's right. That's my boy.

All right, ladies,
who had the weenies?

Do I have too much foundation on?

I keep putting this shit on
till I want to fuck myself.

-Hey, Rob, you wearing underwear?
-No.

Rob.

You know the drill. No panties.

-Get up.
-I am not freezing my balls--

Just stand up and drop it.

-I'm not taking it off.
-Come on.

If you want, take them off.
I am not taking off--

Your woman's an animal!

All right!

Before we get too into this party.

-I love you!
-Love you too.

Before we get too deep into this party,
I want to thank Key Steel...

...for letting us use their place
of business to pay tribute...

...to the metal created by
none other than Steel Dragon!

And a special thanks
to my brother, Joe...

...who gave me my first Dragon
record because he hated it.

And to my parents, because they
let me play it as loud as I wanted!

-That's my boy!
-That's my baby!

Because they rock!

Now, this next tune...

...I'd like to dedicate to someone
who, when I first met...

...ripped my heart out
and put it through a bloody blender.

That's right! This one's for Emily!

She turns me up and shakes me
down and makes me want to what?

Stand up and shout!

What was that?

What was what?

There's no solo break
after the chorus.

They don't care.

That's not how the song goes.

I know how the song goes.

If you know how it goes,
then play it right.

Chris, you are taking this shit
too seriously.

That's right, because the music
deserves to be taken seriously.

If you don't,
you don't deserve to play it.

All right, you need to get a grip.

You've ruined your performance.
Do not ruin mine!

Hey!

Plug that fucker back in.

Quit it!

-That's my amp!
-Do not ruin this concert! Do not!

Hey, fuck this concert!

Here we go again.

-Hit him in the bollocks.
-That wraps it up for tonight.

Grab a T-shirt and cassette on
your way out. Thanks for coming.

Cut it.

-What's up?
-What's he doing here?

-What are you doing here?
-Bradley's our new front man.

You made your point.
Get him out now.

-Only one leaving is you.
-Chris, see these?

It's the new P.A. he brought with him.
And that's the new mixing board.

Have you heard his voice?

-Sit and spin.
-Dude, just relax.

I don't care if Bradley can hit
the notes Bobby Beers can hit.

Bobby's leaving the band anyway.

-You don't know.
-Nina and Samantha say he's leaving.

-Bullshit.
-It doesn't matter.

We want people to hear our originals.
We're tired of being a cover band.

-We're a tribute band.
-No, dude. We are a cover band.

The problem is, you think
you're in Steel Dragon.

I love you, man, but you're mental.

Get a grip on reality. You don't know
where Bobby Beers ends and you begin.

I'm mental, because I don't want
to be in a cheesy bar band...

...that butchers music and makes them
listen to your crappy originals!

Crappy? "Whole and a Half" kicks ass.
I'm proud to have written it.

That's why we got
so many requests for it.

Don't shit on me because you're
scared to write your own songs.

Yeah, that's it. I'm too scared.

If you wanna make it,
you write your own tunes.

Thanks for the tip, bro.
Look, come on, guys.

We loved playing Dragon tunes. We
couldn't imagine playing anything else.

-I thought it'd be a goof.
-A goof?

Wouldn't you rather fail
as yourself...

...than succeed as
a Bobby Beers clone?

You can write a song about
why I would wanna do that!

All right, you're gone. Just go!

What's so fucking funny?

Babe, come on. Let's go.

Fine. This is my mike stand!
I'm taking it! These are my cables.

I'll get new cables.

-Don't think I'm coming back.
-I don't.

-Well, that's because I'm not.
-Good.

I'm serious. If I leave,
I'm not coming back!

-You said that!
-Shut up, Bradley.

Last time.

Emily.

If you still want to manage us,
then it's okay with us.

Rob, I'm a businesswoman.

Rule one in this business is
you go where the talent is...

...and all the fucking talent
that was in this band just left.

You know, those guys are
so replaceable.

It'll take me five minutes to put
together a band and blow them away.

Maybe this is just a sign.

You know, just time to move on.

I'm not in the mood to look
on the bright side now.

No, this is an opportunity for you...

...to write your own songs.

Why?

Be another clown with a guitar,
trying to get attention? No way.

Remember what you wrote
for me on my birthday?

-No.
-Yes, you do.

Come on, please.
It's embarrassing.

Are you done making fun of me yet?

I love that song.

You're not getting it.
You're not hearing me.

I'm telling you,
first time I ever saw you...

...first time I laid eyes on you...

...sophomore year, Bill Starbuck
in 'The Rainmaker'.

I said to myself,
"Oh, my God, that guy's got it. "

I mean, my heart stopped.

And I said,
"That guy is going all the way. "

I was just singing
someone else's lines.

I did not write them.

-My favorite color is rainbow.
-Mine's mauve.

I said no. Haley, did you answer
the telephone? Thank you.

Sunshine Daycare.

Chris! Telephone!

Telephone!
You want to help me crack eggs?

-I want five.
-Five eggs.

Chris? Is that Chris Cole?

-Who is this?
-This is Kirk Cuddy.

Ricki, your accent is
as lame as your playing.

What do you suggest
I do about my playing?

Who is this?

I told you, it's Kirk Cuddy.
I play in a band called Steel Dragon.

-Maybe you've heard of us.
-I don't have time.

Hang on, hang on.
Listen to this, all right?

Are you lip-synching?

If this is Kirk,
what did you call your third wife?

Do we have to talk about that old slag?
I called her Sugar Bum.

The second wife, too.
It's why the third left.

Now I affectionately refer
to all ladies as Tottie.

Is that enough for you?

My God, this is unbelievable.
I was sorry to hear about your dog.

Pookie?

Yeah. I sent flowers
but I didn't get a response.

But I figured you're so busy.

Can we get past
the 'This Is Your Life' crap?

There's a ticket waiting for you
for a flight to L.A. tomorrow.

-Are you serious?
-Of course I'm serious.

-Tell no one about this.
-Yes, sir.

Good man. I'll see you tomorrow.

Bye.

Right there.

I'm Chris Cole.

I'm Tania. I work with the band.

-You went out with Bobby.
-You look like Bobby.

-Is that all you brought?
-My manager.

We traded the first-class ticket
for two coach.

How resourceful.

Yeah, well, I thought so.

What was that? Did you see that?

Why are we here?

I should let Kirk explain
everything to you.

Are those your breasts?

I'm sorry. What?

Your breasts. Are they yours?

Well, you know, I don't remember.

They're quite sensational.

Well, thanks.
That's just what I was going for.

So you're in a Steel Dragon cover band.

-Tribute band.
-Right.

I'm kind of sort of
in between bands right now.

-Your pants.
-Emily had them made for me.

I bet they're easy
to get in and out of.

So, when do we get there?
Tania, is it?

Tania.

-Are you famous?
-No, we're nobody. Sorry.

-Well, you should be!
-Oh, thank you. Bye.

-Can you get us in?
-I'm just trying to get in myself.

Follow me, darlings.

This is Bobby's 'Twisted' tour in '77.

-Look at that.
-See the dragon?

That's Sammy!

Look!

It's a '58 Flying V
in fire-mist gold.

And it's the real one. Look.
The fingerboards are rosewood.

That's from
the 'Delirious' tour, right?

-Are you two coming or what?
-Yeah. Sorry.

Wait right here, all right?

Thanks a lot, Ralph. That's great.

-That's it?
-Yeah. Very nice. Thanks.

Lovely.

They're ready for you now.

What's up?

Thanks for coming.
Not too fagged out?

-I don't think so.
-Mats, the road manager.

I saw you in Pittsburgh.
You gave everybody a pass but me.

From the looks of you,
I had good reason.

We saw a tape of you singing
provided by Nina and Samantha.

Is the incredible voice really yours?

-Cocksuckers!
-That would be you, Bobby.

You think some child
can replace me?

You want to do your thing.

-You're firing me?
-Calm down.

You calm down, you wanker!

-It's because I'm gay, isn't it?
-You're gay?

No, I have pierced nipples and a house
in Morocco because I'm John Wayne.

Have you listened
to the lyrics of "Stand Up"?

Did you really think
that Kim was a girl?

-Kim was a guy?
-Yeah, Kim was a guy.

He's my lover, to the horror
of these sausage-jockeys.

-As if we give a toss.
-Just keep your dick away from me.

Stop it, man.

You don't turn up
for recording sessions.

You missed half the gigs,
and when you did show--

I am Steel Dragon!
Without me, you're nothing!

Give us a break.

You'll be playing for coppers
in the tube without me!

We'll see.

Yeah. We'll see.

-What's going on?
-I don't know.

My scarf.

-Take it.
-Yeah, I will.

Good.

If I leave now, I'm never coming back.
Never.

Heard you the first time.

What you looking at?

You think you can dress like me
and be a star?

-No, sir.
-You have no idea what it takes.

You think it's all sex,
drugs and rock 'n' roll?

You got the sex wrong.

I never touch drugs.
No one does a gig like I do half-cut.

Not even at your age.

And it's bed, 11 :30 every night
before a gig. That's what it takes.

Just do your own thing.

Get your own life.
It's like being bloody Elvis.

Except Elvis was the king.

And I'm just the queen.

Very funny.

Ha-bloody-ha.

Bastards. You bastards.

Sorry about that.

-Missed your cue.
-Yeah, sorry, K--

-You do know this song?
-Yes, sir.

We'll pick it up just
coming out of the intro.

I'm sorry.

We wasting our time here?

Sorry. Could I start it one more time?

All right, go again.

Sorry about that.

I love you.

I love you.

Well, mate, do you want the gig, then?

Look in the lens, guys.
Go. Get in there more.

Give me attitude.
Two double-platinum records.

You're playing the Forum. You got
20 girls who want to be with you.

Give me rock star attitude.
Hold that. Here we go.

Hey, Izzy, let's try one
with attitude. No smile.

Sorry.

Better. Now you're looking cool.

Come on, right in my lens.
Nice shot. Attitude.

We combed this entire planet
looking for someone...

...heavy enough to pull this off
and we found a star.

When this guy sings, you'll forget
about Bobby Beers. I promise you.

Izzy! Is that your name? Izzy?

Yeah, the name's Izzy,
like Izzy's Revenge.

Holy shit.

Izzy? I'm not calling him Izzy.

Can you hit all the notes
Bobby can?

That's why I'm in the band.

Stand up and shout

How do you keep your voice
in such great shape?

My choir teacher gives me
really cool exercises--

He eats a lot of pussy, that's how.

Yeah, I eat a lot of pussy.

-Classy.
-Like father, like son.

-That's my boy.
-Come on, you guys.

-How was l?
-So good. So comfortable.

-I messed up my accent.
-It was great.

-Nice way to handle that "pussy" line.
-I can't argue with him.

Izzy, don't worry.
I'll make an honest man out of you.

I eat a lot of pussy.

Loads of it.

I eat a lot of pussy.

Tons.

I got my voice eating pussy, man.
It's a vocal technique exercise.

I got it eating pussy.
Loads of it. All the time.

It's all I do. Breakfast, morning,
noon, night. l've got to have it.

It's all I do, is eat pussy.
I love it.

Either get in here and do it
or shut up.

Hold on. Oh, shit! I eat pussy!

Hi. I'm Izzy's mother.

-Have a good one.
-I'll see you up there.

-Did you see all the people?
-I know. Just breathe.

You'll be great.
Nobody knows these songs better.

-True.
-Be yourself, Chris.

-Don't get--
-Izzy.

You'll be great, babe.
I love you so much.

I love you too.

All right, matey.
Time to go to work.

Sorry, darling, back to the henhouse.

I'm gonna sit with his parents.

Whatever twirls your beanie.
Come on, mate.

-I gotta piss.
-What? You gotta piss?

-Go now.
-I can't.

Or you gotta use it. Use it.
You're awesome. Bye, babe.

-Are you okay?
-Yeah.

Well, you're in my house now, mate.
And I ain't lost a man yet.

-Let's do it.
-Here we go.

Let's do it, Mats.

This is your coronation, my dear.

There you go.

All right, boy.

You're okay.

You won't need it, but there's
a bucket in each wing, all right?

-Up you go.
-All right, Mats.

Break a leg!

Are you all right, Izzy?

-I'm all right.
-Fantastic! Keep going!

Thank you.

-You okay?
-Couldn't be better.

There's a bit up there.
That's it.

How do I look?

Fantastic. It's brilliant, mate.
Fucking brilliant. Off you go.

I'm just a regular guy...

...who grew up with the posters
of these guys on my walls!

And now I'm one of them!

That's right!

I'm standing here, living proof
that if you work hard enough...

...and you want it bad enough,
dreams do come true.

So follow your dreams, man.

Follow your dreams,
because we all die young.

Fucking scintillating, baby!

Quiet! Shut them up behind us.
Give us 10 minutes. In we go.

Lock it up! Thank you!

That was something really....

Amazing! You were demented out there.

I thought I was gonna
break my neck when I fell.

You brought the audience home.
You did fucking beautiful.

Thanks.

It was so heavy hearing the music
played to perfection.

We heard it sang right.

-Beautiful.
-Right between the eyes.

It was incredible, man.
Thanks, Kirk.

The Dragons!

All right, let's go.

Go. Go.

Get the hell out of here.

-Oh, my pass.
-VIP. Sorry.

I'm Chris' girlfriend. Manager.

-Who?
-Izzy's girlfriend/manager.

-Yeah, right.
-She's okay. She's all right.

-Go on.
-I'm his mother.

How amazing was he? Brilliant!

Our boy came through tonight.
He was on fire.

-Where are you going?
-Oh, sorry. l've got....

-No. Go on back, darling.
-I'm Izzy's brother.

-I don't think so.
-Mom!

What did you think?

-Are you all right?
-I am so good.

-Oh, man.
-This is insane.

-Arrest her for indecent exposure.
-Out of my jurisdiction, bro.

-Mats, get us the tequilas, will you?
-Ladies, you're on.

Got an initiation for you.
You joined, done a beautiful job.

Now I'll buy you a drink, mate.
Hello, ladies. Thank you.

For Izzy!

-Hey! Hang on. No hands.
-No hands.

You're hanging with the hardcore now.

Two teeth, come on.

Go on, my son.

You're so bad.

Oh, my God.

-The laws of gravity no longer apply.
-I guess not.

You'll get used to it.

You build up a tolerance to it.

Right, okay. I'll get that one going.

-Some crazy stuff happens.
-Oh, my God, it's amazing.

It's all good fun.
Just makes for good stories, you know?

I'm beginning to have
a couple of my own.

You can have a good time as well.
It's allowed.

Anything you want.
You just have to ask.

-Don't forget.
-Oh, I won't.

Cheers.

I'm gonna go to the dance floor.

-Have you seen Emily?
-How you doing?

I'm good. I'm really good.
I'm great, actually.

Tell me something.

How's it feel to know
that everyone in here...

...wants to fuck you?

You're serious?

I can't stop touching you.
I can't keep my hands to myself.

You know, you've turned me
into a silly little groupie.

There she is.

We were just talking about how
stunningly beautiful you are, really.

Oh, God, you two.
Such a sexy couple.

If I were you,
I'd spend all my time in bed.

Come on.

-Sorry about that.
-Relax, lover.

You were terrific last night.

Are those my pants?

Yeah, they're a bit snug,
but that's how I like them.

-So you think....
-Let's not.

People, boat's leaving. All aboard.
Quick as you can, please.

Thank you.
All right, two lovely people.

Quickly, boys.
Boat's going in a minute.

Good afternoon, my darlings.
Look, l've been meaning to tell you.

There's a longstanding rule
that wives and girlfriends...

...aren't allowed on the bus.

The boys don't like distractions
when they're working on their music.

You can travel with the wives.
They're nice.

Yeah, well, who are they?

That's Kirk's astrologer...

...and his physical therapist.

And that, well, we all know what
that is, right? We'd better go.

-I'm gonna ride with Emily.
-Oh, no. Sorry. You can't do that.

The boys need you there
when they work on the tunes.

Go ahead, babe. I'm fine.

Quick as you can.

-You sure?
-Yeah, I'm sure.

I didn't know about the rule.

Yeah. Just get on the bus.

-Have fun.
-You too. Be careful.

The boys are waiting in the back.
They're working. They need you.

-What's up, Izz?
-What's up?

Izz, you want some?

I was gonna go over the schedule.

Suit yourself.
It's good for writing lyrics.

You know, he's a rock star now.
The normal rules don't apply.

-I didn't say anything.
-You didn't have to.

Somebody's jealous.

No. No, I'm not.

I just know him
and he's not that--

Like hell he's not.
He's a guy, isn't he?

Look, we all know exactly
what happens on that bus.

I met Ghode on that bus.

I didn't say anything.

I know it's crazy,
but it comes with the territory.

You either drive yourself batty
trying to change it or you adapt.

You gotta let him off the leash
once in a while.

Or they get cranky. At the end
of the day, they always come home.

And who says you can't
have your own fun?

Exactly.

-Do you want some?
-No, I'm good. I just had breakfast.

-Okay. Here.
-Hair of the dog.

Here's some advice from me.
Number one: Learn to share.

Number two: Get very close
with his accountant.

And three:

Don't sign anything.
I had to learn that the hard way.

You know what I always say.
If you love someone, let them go.

And if they come back to you
with very expensive jewelry...

...then it's meant to be.

I hope I am not as cynical
as you are when I am your age.

Honey, she's 23.

22½.

-23
-I am 22½.

You guys were at my birthday party.
I was born....

Move aside, you scallywags.
You're getting in the way of future sales.

Be nice to this bloke from MTV.

They're not playing
our videos as much...

...since the boys trashed their set.

Tell them about that thing
you do with your tongue.

-All right, and here we are.
-Thanks, Mats.

I'll be back in half an hour.
Mind your backs, please!

-Chris, I need to talk to you--
-You can't call me that here.

I need to talk to you.

I gotta do this MTV thing,
then talk to a producer--

I know your schedule.
I get a copy every day.

-Then you know when I'm done.
-I'm leaving.

-Just meet me at the hotel.
-I'm going to Seattle.

Come on.

Em, what the hell
is going on in Seattle?

-Marci and I have been talking--
-Who's Marci?

You know who Marci is.
My roommate, Rob's girlfriend.

Sorry. I know who she is.
l've got things on my mind.

I know, I know.

We've been talking about this business
and we got our loan.

-We're going to Seattle to--
-When did you do this?

While the wives were out shopping.

Is this a money thing?
If you need money--

You know I didn't mean it
like that, Em. I swear.

-Are you leaving me?
-No. I'm not leaving you.

But I am leaving this.
I cannot do this every day.

-I thought we're having a great time.
-We are. It has been fun.

But, baby, this is all happening
to you. And it's great.

But it's different for me.
I can't follow a bus all day.

You don't have to do that anymore.
We're getting our own car.

It's not about the car.

What is it?

You know, it's wanting a life.

And I really want to do this thing
with Marci in Seattle.

Can we hook up in Seattle
when I get there?

Of course. Of course.

All right.

I'll talk to Mats
and get you our numbers...

...so you can call
when you get there.

So I know you got there
safe, all right?

So I'll see you in Seattle?

Can I give you some advice, mate?

-What's up, A.C.?
-Let the chick go, man.

-So how are we doing?
-Lovely. Thank you very much.

-I'll be back to check on you.
-I'm sure you will.

Freshening up the blood.

The liver doesn't work as good
as it did when I was your age.

Listen, make it easier on yourself.

There's no way it can work.

You start off with
the best intentions.

But there's so much pussy coming
at you every day that...

...finally it wears you down.
Then you crack.

Aren't you married to a supermodel?

Yeah, you know why? Because I can.

And you can too.

You got these birds dreaming
about having it off with you.

That makes the guys want to be you.

The guys are the ones
that buy the records.

So if the chicks don't want you,
the guys are gone.

I mean, put it this way:

Your job is to live the fantasy
other people only dream about.

Don't go in half-assed.

Dream big.

Live the life.

-You running for pink slips?
-See you in hell, Bat Boy.

You ready, Robin?

Go!

You got yourself a Ferrari!

Hello, Wichita.

Izzy? Oh, my God, is that Izzy?

I love you!

Watch out!

Out of my bloody way!

-What's going on?
-His wife ran off with Peter Gabriel.

-Let me get that.
-That doesn't work.

Ladies, ladies, please.
A little bit of decorum, please.

Now, listen. We've got limited space.
Just be patient.

I gotta check your credentials,
so have your pussy passes out.

If I get to be with Izzy,
I am going to shit bricks.

Well, yeah, that'll make
a lasting impression.

-Do you dance at Chubbies?
-No.

You should. You have a killer body.
It's not totally nude there.

We wear G-strings,
so the guys respect us way more.

Yeah, that is so true.

Nothing says "respect" like cramming
a strip of Lycra up your ass.

Fucking-A, mama!

Yes, that's fine.
You're absolutely fine.

Oh, hi. Hello. Now, that's a very
important little P, isn't it?

-In you go. Nice.
-What's the "P" stand for?

Yes, it's "pass. "

Oh, yeah? It's not "pimp"?

-No, it's "personal"....
-"Personal friend. "

Yeah, "personal friend of the band. "
Yeah. One sec.

I'm not here to check up
on him. I was invited.

-He's doing interviews.
-lnterviews? Okay.

Tell you what, darling.

I'm not really sure
where he is, actually.

If you'd like to wait just....

Of course, wait here if you like.
He's actually down there.

What are you doing here?

I live here, Chris.

I thought you were in Seattle.

We're in Seattle.
You're in Seattle.

I'm sorry.

-You forgot.
-No.

Yeah, you did.
You forgot I was coming.

Wait. I did not forget
you were coming. Mats.

Told him to arrange-- Didn't I say
to remind me she was coming?

Shit. I'm so sorry.
I really screwed up, mate.

-What do you mean?
-Chris, please.

You don't need people
taking falls for you. Please.

No, Em. I did not forget.

Chris, don't lie to me.
Please don't lie to me.

It might've slipped my mind.
But I didn't forget. I remembered....

I didn't remember,
but I didn't forget, okay?

Things get crazy.
It's hard to keep things straight.

I know. I see that.

-It is.
-I know. I see that.

Emily, you look great.

Come on. You're wasted.
You're absolutely wasted.

-No, I'm not wasted. I'm tired.
-Sorry.

I gotta do him first,
because I gotta work at midnight.

Come over here. Stand over here
for a second, all right?

-Who are you?
-Izzy.

What is this? What?

Izzy. But you don't have
to call me that. It's me.

Call me Chrizzy, okay?

You don't have to call me Izz.
Call me Chris.

Chris. Well, I'm glad we talked.
I'm gonna go.

-Emily, wait.
-What? What?

-I'll go with you.
-Go with me where?

With you. I'm gonna go to Seattle.

We're in Seattle, Chrizzy.

Sorry, sorry. But...

...are you guys done?
Because l--

We're done.

Get going on this one because
she's gotta be at work by midnight.

Dinner's canceled.

She's really sweet,
but I was here first.

Why don't we go in here?
Somewhere out of the way.

Can I get a picture, Izzy?

All right, I gotta go.
Here you go.

Jorg, it's not very brutal.
Can we make it more raunchy?

Sounds raunchy in here.

Maybe it's an E.Q. thing.
Just take a few minutes.

It needs a bit of bollocks to it.
E.Q. it or something.

Good hunting at your ranch?

Great. Everything I saw, I killed.
Killed something every damn day.

You should bring
your new fiancée up there.

She's busy at the moment.
Some yearbook committee.

--got any body to it.

-Hey, Izz.
-What's up?

-Hello, Chrizzy.
-How are you guys?

-What's with your eyebrow?
-Isn't it cool?

You gotta clear it with us
before you do that.

Worked on some songs for the album.
They're still rough...

...but I wanted to get your input
before I went further.

I don't know.

Just a thought,
but isn't that a cool cover?

No title, no band name.
Could be heavy. What do you think?

Izzy, it looks great.

It still needs work.

I'm glad you've been having fun
writing songs.

I busted my ass
working on the songs.

But the tunes have
already been written.

-What do you mean?
-A.C. and I wrote them during break.

-I know you and A.C. do most of it--
-Not most. All of it.

But shouldn't I have some input?

I'm singing the tunes,
so you at least want my stamp.

I'm not just....

You aren't just expecting me
to be some singer-for-hire, are you?

Let me explain. Come here.

Listen, our fans, right,
our loyal, die-hard fans...

...our very lifeblood, if you will,
expect to see certain things.

We give them what they want.

We don't deviate because one
disappointed fan can turn into two...

...to four, to eight,
till the next thing you know...

...we're playing to a half-empty hall.

And our lost sheep are off enjoying
the rock stylings of, say, Ratt.

So while I understand your impulse
to do your own thing...

...and I admire it
in some small way...

...if you want to stay
with Steel Dragon...

...then you have to reconcile yourself
to doing the Steel Dragon thing.

All right? And the Steel Dragon thing
is that A.C. and I write the songs.

And you sing the songs that we write.

Am I clear?

Yeah.

Good.

What's he doing?

-What?
-Just sing it like it's written.

-I thought I was.
-You weren't.

All right. Sorry.

-Great.
-Theo, from the top.

Thanks.

Pretty good.

What is it when you do something
to somebody and they hate it?

Then somebody does the same
to you and you hate it.

I suppose some might call it
poetic justice. I don't know.

All I know is I owe a guy named Rob
a big fat apology. That's for sure.

We all owe someone an apology along
the way. I mean, that's life, man.

A long, long time ago...

...when I was at university...

...I was married.

No. You were married?

It was before you boys and that
rock 'n' roll music corrupted me, man.

Yeah, I still think
about it sometimes.

She was really a very sweet girl.

What happened?
If you don't mind me asking.

No, no.

One day we were sitting in the park.

Having lunch, me and the wife.

I needed to take a piss...

...so I walked to the toilet.
You know, in the bathroom.

I'm standing there staring
at the wall, as you do.

And all of the sudden,
something came over me.

Like a fear that my whole life
had already been laid out for me.

I'd finish my studies, get a job.

I'd be working for somebody else...

...worrying about things
that didn't matter.

So I walked out of there.

Kept going. Didn't come back.

You just left her there?

Yep.

Sitting in front of a half-eaten
steak and kidney pie.

Very harsh, man.

She came to see the show a few years
ago. She hadn't changed at all.

She married my best friend.
A doctor.

They have three gorgeous little kids.

Yeah, she's very happy.

Very happy.

Thank you.

You know, I'm just a regular guy...

...who grew up with posters
of these guys on my walls.

And now I'm one of them.
That's right.

I'm standing here, and I'm proof if you
work hard and want it bad enough....

Dreams come true!

That's right. Dreams do come true
so follow them.

Me?

-Awesome!
-What's your name?

Mike, but my friends call me
Thor, God of Thunder!

-Know the rest of it?
-Know them all.

I know all your moves.
I study you. I love you.

You want to rip
the roof off this place?

Are you serious?

Yep.

Go ahead. Get out there.
Get out there, bro. It's all yours.

-Everything all right?
-Couldn't be better.

Taking a night off, are you?

I'm gonna go take a piss.

I'll see you again.

Off you go.

Chris "Izzy" Cole of Steel Dragon
shocked fans...

... when he walked offstage.

Izzy's departure is
more trouble for Steel Dragon...

...as the band tries
to maintain its status...

...as the industry's
top hard-rock act.

As far as I'm concerned,
it's much ado about nothing.

There's still four of us left.
We're not going anywhere.

I don't give a fuck where he is...

...and I don't care if I see
that bastard again.

He said to me:

"I need to take a piss. "

That's it.

"Mats," he said,
"I really need a piss. "

One day I realized
it wasn't for me anymore.

I was wearing the clothes
and singing the songs.

It just didn 't feel right.

I just wanted to find myself.
Find my own music.

-What's up?
-Long time.

-It has been. You cut your hair.
-So did you, asshole.

I'm starting a new band.

I got "Whole and a Half"
on a shelf. It's ready to go.

I'm gonna go talk to Emily.

I missed you.

I know. Me too.

-I wanted to tell you.
-I know.

I know.

You look great.

So do you.

Why didn't you rejoin the band?

As the mouthpiece of Steel Dragon,
I had this responsibility.

It's me they're looking at
and want to learn from.

The vacuous, empty world of sex
and drugs and rock 'n' roll...

...is not the message
I want to send out.

I wanted something more cerebral,
eloquent and dignified.

We kick ass, man!

Ever get your ass kicked by
a guy with long hair and makeup?

Right here!

Chris "Izzy" Cole shocked fans--
Damn it!

Cut!

Okay, Backstage Pass.
Okay, Crud Pollution.

Okay, Bobby Beers.
I mean, Chris Queers.

After the nuclear holocaust...

...survivors will crawl out
of the rubble, light a fire...

...then one man,
the singer of songs, will sing.

And that is the essence
of rock 'n' roll.

What are you talking about?

Chris....

As they continue--
What are they continuing?

As the band continues
to struggle to continue its--

What?

Oh, my God.

No more metal shit.
It's all about hip-hop.

It's all bling-bling, pinky ring,
word about, bling-bling.

No more of this. It's about this.
You heard me?

Lay your shit by the TV and watch
this shit. This shit the bomb.