Restless Natives (1985) - full transcript

This is a hold-up.

I beg your pardon?

This is a hold-up.

What's he talking about?

Oh. Rag week

rag week?

Students, you moron.

No! No! You don't understand.

Don't waste your breath
asking for any more.

You're the third this week already.

No, really.



What I want to know, young man, is
are we on the right road to inverloch?

We'll drive on.

They live in a world
of their own, these students.

Don't do that!
Those children will drive me nuts.

Shh! Be quiet!
Stop annoying your daddy.

Now, if we take
the third right...

Don't tell me anymore...

No. I'm not saying
it's a complete failure.

That's not right.
I'm not bothered about that.

And I wouldn't be if it was.

I'm just saying maybe it's not right,
that sort of thing.

I mean, don't you think,
in some ways,

it's a bad thing to
take other people's money?

It is! People work hard
for their money, some of them.



Listen, I'm in a hurry, ok?

Stink bomb.

What's it cost, that?

Nasty sugar. Bangers...

- Are you sure about the nasty sugar?
- Aye, three bags.

Uh, picked scab.

Luminous snot,
and a plastic turd.

3.5...

Do you know
how much it costs just to send

one solitary policeman
out on a case?

There's expenses.

There's wear and tear.
There's petrol.

There's overtime.

That is tax payers' money,
Ronnie.

It's a bad thing

look...

What do you want out of life?

You want money
and you want excitement.

- Right? Why?
- No.

Because without money,
without money, you can't do anything!

Look, you're talking
about bad things, right?

Don't you think it's a bad thing
that you're working in a corporation

and I'm stuck here
selling all this junk?

Don't you think it's a bad thing
to settle for a little

when maybe you could get
a lot out of life?

You see, the point is,

the point is that
we are smarter than they are.

I keep getting these
funny wee warts on my fingers.

Look, you have got
to take your chance now!

Eh?

There doesn't seem to be
any point to it all.

Oh, Mary,
I can't stand the strain.

First off, you get a job, son.

And now you turn
into a deep thinker,

a philosopher.

Well, what are you going to be next,
huh?

The nation waits.

He knows
he's lucky to have a job.

Don't you, dear?

He's just tired
and he wants to eat his food.

Carol Peyton's big brother's gone
to new Mexico,

and he's going to be earning
£500 a week in America.

Aye, aye.

There's opportunities
for them that want them.

- What's the matter, son?
- It's his biorhythms.

He can't help it.

I'll get it.

- Mum?
- Hmm?

Does doing bad things
give you warts?

I think that's something you'd better
discuss with your father later on.

Mum, can I go
to the disco on Saturday?

Mary.

- Mum!
- Hang on a minute.

I'll come out there
and talk to you about it.

Maybe if I stayed at...

When I was your age, you had to go
and see the doctor for your warts,

and he'd burn them off of you.
You'd lie on the couch...

A great fat nurse would come along.

And she'd paint red ointment
onto each wart, whoa!

Oh! The stench was
something terrible.

And then the doctor
would come along

with his long, pointed needle,

and the nurse would hold you down

because you were screaming
by then, see?

And he'd come at you.

Closer...

And closer...

Till suddenly...

Zip!

Right into the root.

- Oi, give us the hat.
- Give me that back, you tube!

Don't!

- Keep wearing a hat then.
- Come here, you Fanny!

Not exactly fired?

Sort of.

Sort of fired.

Well, more sort of resigned,
actually.

Maybe sort of retired, you know.

Isla, I'm warning you!

Hey! I've got it just here.

Do you know what this is?

This is the thing. It's magic!

They don't stand a chance now,
man.

Argh! Ha!

What do you think?

Have you been selling
any more of that awful sugar

- to my wee Angus?
- Me? Oh!

I've told you before,
Ronnie weatherspoon!

How many times do
I have to tell you?

I don't want any more trouble
from you with any of my bairns!

[Squeak, sque - oh! Ad

you'll have mr paterson down here

and I won't answer
for the consequences,

- you stupid wee bugger!
- I'm sorry!

Just a waste of good space,
that's what you are.

I'm sorry. I won't do it again.

See that mr hardwick
gets to hear about this.

I think I know where
we can get a gun.

It's nice out here, eh?

Are you sure you want
to come tomorrow?

My mum says that
the thing for a wart is gold.

You rub it with a gold ring
or something, and it'll would go away.

What do you think?

Well, actually, I think that's right.

I think I have heard that.

That's good.

Good.

Hidden among
the grampian mountains,

steeped in the history
and legend of a colourful past.

Passengers will be able
to freshen up in about

20 minutes at the
Ben mcalpine visitors centre.

And now to your left you can see

some of the most spectacular
scenery in Scotland.

The mountain rising in
the centre is Ben Lockhart.

And in a cave on the other side,
Bonnie prince Charlie

is said to have taken refuge
from the redcoats.

And to the right...

A motorcycle?

This is... a gun!

This... this is a gun!

This is a hold-up.

Please get all your cash and jewellery
ready for collection.

Thank you.

Thanks. I'm so sorry. Thanks.

- They were my mother's.
- I'm so sorry.

And watches.

Thanks. Thank you.

Thank you. Thanks very much.
Oh, you're so kind.

Thank you. Thanks.

- Thanks.
- Hey, kid.

Stay calm, ok?

Take it easy.

Now, just take it easy.

Nobody's going to get hurt.

Give it up, smartass.

God bless you.

That wasn't so bad.

Hurray!

Whoop!

You beauty!

Steaks.

Steaks that thick.

With mashed potatoes.

No. Creamed potatoes.

Peas and onion rings.

- And chocolate milkshakes.
- Chocolate milkshakes.

And Brandy every day.

What did you put in that puffer?

It was brilliant.

Itching powder, sneezing powder,

curry powder,

athlete's foot powder,

and some stuff that
I got out of an old firework.

But how did you know it would work?

Well, I tested it, didn't 1?

I tested it on
ally mathewson's wee brother.

Hey, that wee Brandy worked
great as well, eh... 5 star.

Cost two days' wages, though.

But never mind.

I can go down to the paki shop
tomorrow and get a crate.

No.

It's terrible now.

You know, we can't do anything.

What are you talking about?

If we start spending all this money,
they're going to know, aren't they?

Everybody knows
we don't have any money.

Maybe we could start a fund.

You know, like a pension fund
for footballers when they get past it.

Then we could do
something really special.

Aye. Something really special.

Oh, well, actually,

actually, I've been thinking
of something along those lines.

Anyway, pal, it's not
the money that matters anymore,

it's me and you.

We're bigger than...

We're bigger, bigger than
something really, really big.

We've made it.
This is the big time.

The big time.

I am not holding up any trains.

Mm.

- Good morning, son.
- Morning.

I take it we are to believe that

your ceaseless quest
for an honest day's work

has once more been in vain.

- Um...
- Uh-huh.

Well, I'll tell you what, son.

You did bring it
on your bloody self.

How is Ronnie
getting on in the shop?

- Fine.
- Enjoying it, is he?

Aye, yes.

Poor wee Ronnie.

Ha!

"Police are today searching
for two young scots

who held up and robbed
a coachload of tourists

on a remote highland road."

Isn't it a beauty.

Take it, man.

"Disguised as a clown
and a wolfman,

they took an estimated
£600 in cash,

and an unknown quantity of valuables
from the 40 frightened passengers,

before riding off at high speed
into the hills again."

That's terrible.

That's bloody clever.

But don't you think that's
a really bad thing to do,

to take other people's money,

people that haven't
done you any harm?

Well, of course it is, will.

Don't listen to your father.

He's nothing but
an old crook anyway.

The gas sport isn't exactly
the little sisters of the poor.

- No thanks to you.
- L.Ook at this.

Two young lads had the wit and style

to take 600 quid off
a bunch of stupid tourists.

And god knows,
they'd probably spend that much

in an afternoon
on plastic bloody bagpipes.

Well, these lads can have
my vote any day of the week.

600 quid.

"Mrs Barbara ginsburg
of winville, Vermont, said,

"this has never happened
to me before."

This has never happened to me before?

Aye.

Uh, hello there. Uh...

You may have heard of us.

We were in the papers last week.

- This is our gun.
- Our gun!

My friend the wolfman,

he will now come amongst you

and collect your cash,
jewellery, and watches.

Oh, thanks. Thank you.

Thanks.

Oh, thank you. That's lovely.

Super. Ooh! Thanks, thanks.

Thank you very much.

Great.

Oh, hold onto that. No, thanks.

Oh, that's lovely.
Oh, isn't that lovely?

Look, Ronnie.

I've got to have

£10 to get back to the airport.

Has anybody got a £5 note?

Here you are, son.
Here's five ones.

Thanks very much, sir.

Here's five singles.

Here's a five, and
I'll take the 50. Thank you.

Thank you, young man.

Thanks. Thank you.

- What's going on here?
- I won't be a moment, sir.

You've just got to hold up the bus.

Come on! Let's go!

Are you quite finished, pal?

Sorry.

It's not on.

Really! It's just not on.

Come on, let's just get
these plates changed and go.

Have you gone soft in the head?

No!

Can you speak in english?

No. I think it's more
like the lon chaney one.

Mr bender's here to see you, sir.

That'll be all.

Ooh!

All right, cut the cackle.
Quiet, please.

Now, come on. Cut the racket.

I've got a telex from
the secretary of state.

The Scottish secretary.

He says that question...

About armed guards
is out of the question.

Quiet, please!

From detective shafer, Scotland,

"advise utmost expediency
in apprehending highwaymen.

Potential political hot potato.”

How about that, eh?

"Swift action and
low profile imperative."

- Low profile.
- Low profile.

Well...

What it comes down to
is that these two lads

have shanghaied two coach loads

of what is now regarded
as Scotland's prize import.

And we are instructed
to use the utmost expediency

in... nipping it in the bud...

Before they do any further damage

to our relations with
our friends from abroad.

Liaison with the bus companies

will be two of the numbers
that you have got, right?

There should not be
any language barrier there.

Now this investigation
is to be conducted

on an international framework.

And we are to have the assistance of
a gentleman from central America,

from the American central
intelligence bureau.

Mr Fritz bender.

Hi.

Excuse me.

Christ, it'sthe man from u.N.C.L.E.

Ahem.

There's not really much
to tell this week.

Mr hardwick says I can stay on
till the end of the month,

but after that I don't know.

Bruce has been getting really fat.

God, you should see him.

He just wobbles around eating
and shitting the whole time.

Hardly ever goes in his wheel.

Hey, maybe I'm giving him
too much nuts.

The weather's been good
apart from today.

Did you know that?

I've been holding up buses.

You know, like, like robbing them,

taking all the tourists' money.

Been in the papers
and everything.

I'm really quite enjoying it.

Anyway, I'll try not
to get in any trouble.

I've got to get back now.

She had a brilliant nose.

£80.

Not too long.

And not too wide.

And not tamped down at the bottom.

£80 he had in his wallet.

A perfect nose.

He just pulled it out
and dropped it in the bag.

£80, you know?

I know. It was me he gave it to.

- How much was it?
- £80.

£80.

Uh, do you have any false tits?

Oh. Aye.

How much are they?

Medium 4.75. Large 6.50.

Uh. Medium.

Could you, uh, wrap them up?

That's 4.75, please.

Here's your change.
There's your receipt.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Oh...

I've got to find her again.
“Who? You know. Her!

No!

Listen, I'm in a hurry.

No! No! Get out!

And don't come back!

Look, how do you think
you could find her?

There must be millions of girls out there
in buses just like that, millions!

Anyway, you can't.

You know you can't.

The whole operation is
completely confidential.

It's got to be,
or we're buggered.

I don't have to tell her about it.

Well, what are you going
to say to her, then?

Come on, Bruce, can you stretch
your legs? Come on.

I'm going to get a phone in here.

- A telephone?
- Aye.

For phone calls and things.

Come here
and have a look at this.

I'm not going to touch this lot, though.

I'm not going to break the rules.

Look at me, Bruce. Look at me.

I'm going up to the bus station.

Have you any idea what the penalty
for armed robbery is?

It's 12 years!

12 years!

And, and assault...

- Threatening behaviour.
- Not wearing a crash helmet.

Will, please...

Ok.

But look,
no going into the bus station,

no talking to anybody except her,

no telling her who you are,

and no mention that I even exist,
right?

Wait. Here.

Here.

Pettifer's ointment.

"Guaranteed relief from shingles,

scabies, eczema, psoriasis,

warts... and other
conditions of the skin."

They had a gun!

You could hardly ask me
to tackle two masked gunmen.

Look, you've been with the company
nearly two years now.

The fact that whatever
superintendent baird may say,

we are left with
a busload of irate clients,

and you're half the cause
of the worry.

- Mr lllingworth...
- But I'm not going to threaten you,

but I'm sure you're aware of
the possibilities open to the company.

Look, we're not
an unfeeling company.

I can understand
a young girl in high spirits

getting carried away.

Yes, well,
we all get carried away sometimes.

I expect flawless reports
about your courier, flawless!

The 14:32 service for dunfermline...

- Excuse me.
- Sorry?

Excuse me.

- I'm sorry but I'm in a bit of a hurry.
- Please!

I know you

no. You don't. Impossible.

You can't.

I do know you.

Would you like a mint?

- The rest are strong.
- What did they call you?

My name is will.
You don't know me.

You've never seen me before.

Anyway, I've got a very bad hand.

Maybe I'll see you again,
then, will.

I hold up buses!

I'm bursting.

I've still got your flowers.

I'm bursting!

It's the best present
I've ever had.

Are you trying to get me
to work for you on the buses?

No. You won't tell anyone,
will you?

I'm bursting.

I could fair go a pee myself.

I really thought
she was going to make it.

I really did.

So close.

Say some more.

Are you looking for flattery?

I've never met a robber before.

I sometimes wonder
if I'm doing the right thing.

It's like Rob Roy, isn't it?

Rob Roy.
The highland Robin hood.

We used to read
the stories... whoa!

Me and my dad.

And I thought Rob Roy macgregor was

better than Batman
or Superman or any of them.

Oh, Batman's good.

Ah, but real people are best.

Going to have to update
my commentary now because of you.

But I don't mind.

It's better...

Because you're still alive.

Well, you were a minute ago.

You know, we really should try to get
better pictures of ourselves...

To send to the newspapers.

Ronnie, I've got to tell you something.

I mean, that looks like
an ill person's face.

I mean, I don't want anybody to think
I look like w.C. Fields or something.

Hey, I know who took that.

Remember the wee black wife
in the shades?

She kept shouting cheese.

I've always got
my eyes shut in photos.

We can go up to the machine
at the station, get it done properly.

- Ronnie...
- There's one of these here...

- There's something I've got to tell you.
- Aye, me, too.

I forgot that Bruce
was lining his nest.

He was out of his cage
while I was at the shops.

It was all in £20 notes.

- How much?
- About 200 quids worth.

Oh, well, that's all right.

Ronnie, I've really got
to tell you something.

Right. Look tough.

You know the girl,
margot, the girl on the bus?

You know how I promised
not to tell her,

you know, who I was and that?

Well, I did.

My dad used to take me
up there when I was little.

When I started as a guide,
all I wanted to do was

go back and learn
everything about the hills.

Like Rob Roy? Yeah. Like that.

There's one legend that says

the heroes aren't dead at all,
just sleeping underneath the hills,

and one day they'll come back.

- Like ghosts?
- Something like that.

Do you believe in ghosts?

Ooh!

Ha, hal

Whoop!

No, I'm just saying,
it's not fair.

If you went a bit slower maybe,

then I could hand out
the money properly

and everybody would
get the same amount.

Look, will,
we're not Santa claus.

Look, it was a nice gesture.

Good for the image. Fine.

But I can't have you frittering away
our money like that.

Have you any idea how much
you must have thrown out?

You said it was a good idea.

Bruce ate £200.

Look, don't you start making
insinuations about him, ok?

You've got your friends,
and I've got mine.

Anyway, how did you get
the money to buy

10 billion cups of tea
for your friend, eh?

It's not that many.

Look, you're breaking the rules.

You're using our money to fraternise.

And now you want
to give the rest away?

I don't know
what's got into you.

And where are you all the time?

I'm not fraternising.

Are we going up north again soon?

Oh, so you've been having
some more constructive ideas

about the business, then,
have you?

No, no, no. Not at all.

Oh, yes, I have!
I've been thinking.

We could wear different masks
to throw them off our trail.

And maybe we could put
some different stuff in the puffer,

just for a change.

Perfume or something.

Aye, we could have a nice puffer
for people we liked.

Only joking.

What would you say
if I told you your son was famous?

I mean, really famous,
like a hero.

You didn't know that, did you?

You see, I get things done.

I don't just lie around all day.

I found out about this place,

a place where I can get
to meet people who really know

how to get things done,
people like me.

I'm a disadvantaged child.

I don't have the security
of the family unit to back me up.

I've got to do things on my own.

Judges are lenient
on people like me.

What's your game?

Ronnie weatherspoon, sir.

Yeah. Yeah. It's all right, tap.

The boy's with me.

The man himself? How are you?

Nice to see you, son.
Thanks for coming down.

- How's business?
- It's not bad.

Good.

All right, come on,
stand back, you lot.

Come on, stand back,
give the boy some space.

Lads, I have here the 17th
most wanted man in Scotland.

- What do you want?
- I'll have a ginger beer, thanks.

Uh, a ginger beer.
Stick one in there.

And they tell you crime
doesn't pay, right?

Right, yeah.

Transportation, right?

Ok. Think, think cargo.

Passengers.

People. See what I'm saying?

- Yeah.
- But think class.

Right? The right class of people.

Now, right,
where are they going to be?

On buses? Nah, not really.

Planes? Too much competition.

- Think cars.
- Cars.

- Limousines.
- Shake, pal.

Ooh, I just loved what you did
to that yankee bastard.

Have you ever considered
going for private cars?

- Well, actually, there was...
- There's a lot of potential...

You just abolished him.
That was bloody great.

Hello, Nigel.

Mr pyles...

Look, think potential.
You see what I'm saying?

The potential is definitely there

if you're working inside
what we have here,

which is a cooperative.

So this is... we are cooperative

with each other,
we help each other.

You see what I'm saying? Yeah.

So, like, cars, people in cars.

Blackmail, kidnapping, extortion.

We have got the contacts, see?

You see what I'm saying?

Get yourself a suntan.
See the world.

Seen it.

Aye.

Aw, he's a namby-pamby old bastard,
that pyle.

Aye. You're right.
Namby-pamby, aye.

It was different in the old days.

I mean, see me?

Even I haven't got a gun now.

Guns are for lassies.

I mean, nobody seems to
put the boot in anymore.

No. I know what you mean.
They just don't.

I mean, all that enterprise and profit
and pish like that gets in my tits!

You don't want to bother
with that shite.

No, no.

- Do you need the glasses?
- No.

I mean, you don't want
glass going in your eye

when some bastard
stands on your face.

- Right.
- See these?

Contact lenses.

- Oh.
- Changed my life.

Soft lenses. Expensive ones.

See, my optician knows
his arse from his elbow.

That's what I like about you.

No namby-pamby shite.

You just go out there,
you get on your motorbike

and you say what you want,
and if you don't get it,

mutilation!

Aye. Mutilation.

- Aye.
- Aye.

Mutilation, mutilation.

Well, the puffer seems to emit
a mixture of powders and stuff.

Aye, I know.

Somebody said
a hot bath might help.

That's out of the question.

Oh, there's no way that
we could offer guarantees like that.

Oh, well,
I mean, if they were persistent.

Taking their cash and valuables
with them for a bus trip.

What do you expect?

Aye, well, maybe they are
just as stupid as they look.

Oh, I can tell that to the secretary.

No. There's no way I'm going to
make the court date.

Look, um, why don't we just give her
whatever she wants?

What?

But that's twice my annual salary.

It's her divorce, isn't it?

Good-bye.

Oh, I'm paying you
for this call, right?

That's right.

I'm on government business.

Classified. Mm-hmm.

No, no, no. It's not
a vacation anymore,

and I don't know
how long it's going to take.

So...

Visiting rights?
We don't have any children.

Ben, I love that dog.

She doesn't even like her!

The dog!

Yeah, well, I'm...

Look, I'm going to be back
as quickly as I can.

Just don't let this happen.
Take care of me.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. You call me.

I guess you feel pretty pleased about
the way this operation's going, huh?

You making some kind of a complaint,
mr bender?

Well, the way I see it,
if an outfit like mine

was to try to handle trouble like this,
we could wrap it up in a couple of days.

And I think maybe the english
government might see it the same way.

Are you threatening me,
mr bender?

Number 7.

You won't believe this one.

What was the name of the kid
with the bus company?

Cute little thing with the flowers.

That's taking my oxygen.

Hey, what did you do that for?

It took me days to find that candle.

- So?
- Oh, Isla!

It was taking my oxygen.

Oh, you've got steak and kidney pie
all over the end.

- Ha!
- Ow!

Do you wear suspenders?

It must be very interesting,
couriering.

Oh, yes.
Well, the country is lovely.

The tourists can get
a bit tiresome sometimes,

but it has its moments.

Aye. It's a good steady job,

which is more than
could be said for some.

I bet it has its moments just now,
though, eh?

With these young wee bandits
in the hills.

Do you ever come across
any of them?

- Well...
- They're great, aren't they, dad?

They're really clever
and they're brave.

Aye. They've got initiative.

And they've got initiative
when it counts, haven't they?

Aye. I'd give a week's wages
to meet one of those lads.

What worries me is
what's going to happen to them.

I mean, it can't go on forever,
can it?

One would hope not.

They'll never catch those boys.

They're far too clever.

They've got initiative where it counts.

Did you hear what they did to
a busload of Germans up in...

Mr Bryce! They're attacking
our biggest industry, tourism.

Exactly.

There's foreigners with money
and influence on those tours.

And they're making
a joke of the police force.

- They'll get the chop.
- The electric chair?

Who's for more pie?

Ooh!

I can't get it lit.

- What are you thinking?
- Nothing. Nothing!

Rob Roy.

"And so, amongst these rocks lived

through summer heat
and winter snow.

The eagle, he was lord above,

and Rob was lord below."

I beg your pardon?

It's a poem about Rob Roy.

Remember?

Rob Roy?

- You're smudging the glass.
- Is will there?

Is will there? Will who?

Will Bryce. I'm his friend.

Can I come in?

Will Bryce?

Is he the related
to wee Tommy Bryce

that used to work down
the bottle factory?

Are you Ronnie?

You're his friend, Ronnie.
Let me in.

I can't. It's locked.
We're closed.

There's no Ronnie here.

I know about it.

I know. I'm a friend.

I can't.

Ronnie's dead. Passed away.

Very sad.

I've got to go now,
finish the accounts.

Women are nothing but trouble.

You should start to think about that.

I mean,
she's all you think about.

Half the bus station
probably knows about us

because of you and your woman.

- All I wanted to let you know...
- I'm leaving here soon!

I've got proper friends now,

friends that can get
the pension fund invested properly.

Times...

Times are changing, pal,
and you've got to change with them.

I was only... we're closed!

That's my own personal,
private telephone.

It just kept on ringing.
I couldn't turn it off.

It wasn't my idea
to put it in a drawer.

That's my lawyer.
I've got to take the call.

Get a hammer.

The police are
concentrating their efforts

on trying to establish
a pattern in the hold-ups

and are stressing the difficulty
of patrolling the roads

in this remote highland region.

But detective inspector baird,
who is heading the inquiry is

still optimistic about
an early arrest.

And a new lead today

a photograph of the so-called
"clown and wolfman",

bearing a highland postmark,
was delivered to television centre.

Forensic scientists
are currently studying the picture

in the hope it may give them
the clue they are looking for.

So far, both
the Scottish liberation front

and the caledonian national group
have claimed responsibility.

Do you mind if I join you?

In parliament this afternoon,
opposition blamed the government's

unemployment record
for the increase in crime.

Today the search
for the pirates was joined

by an unusual expedition from
the land of the rising sun.

The 8-man television crew
wants to be the first

to film the bandits in action.

Though their arrival
has caused some anger

among the local media and police.

Don't you think your presence
might get in the way

of police attempts
to catch the bandits?

No. I... I... we are
not here for revenge.

We only want to... to
film it for our programme.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

That was
Michael Douglas reporting...

When's the next hold-up?

What did you say?

I was just wondering
when you thought these men

might do the next bus hold-up,
you know, up north.

Oh, aye, hold-up. Hold-up.

What hold-ups that?

There is a lot of
funny things going on.

You should read the newspapers.

Of course, I haven't
really been following it.

Hold-up.

I guess these things just happen
out of the blue, don't they?

One minute you're sitting there,
quite the thing,

and the next, who knows?

I mean, who knows?

I do

strong north-westerly
winds will bring rain to most...

And you do.

And Ronnie weatherspoon knows.

We've all got birthdays coming up soon.

I made them promise
an oath of secrecy.

I said, I said they could
become honorary members,

if they could prove
they could keep a secret.

Well, and some more jewellery.

They want identity cards, Ronnie,
saying they're members.

Look...

Keep the head, ok?

Are you trying to tell me that you are
scared of a bunch of wee lassies?

No, look,
you're in the big time now.

Kids can get damaged
messing with people like us.

You know, like, mutilation.

I'll talk to them again.

Maybe I could...

Hello?

Hello?

Mr illingworth.

Excuse me.

There's a lady here
with a bit of a problem.

Ah, yes, hello.

Excuse me, sir.

Could you tell me which one
of these buses we could go on

where maybe there might be
one of those stick-ups?

Where did you find this bike?

What?

I thought you said
you'd tuned the engine up.

Are you just going to
sit there moping?

Hurry up, will! Hurry up!

Come on. Will you get past them?

It's hardly a motorway.
You're absolutely dreadful at driving.

Come on!

Slow down! Will you slow down?

Ronnie, slow down!

Affirmative. We read you.

They've got Glen orchy
and Glen levitt blocked off.

How about Glenn Miller?

- There is no Glenn Miller.
- I know there's not a Glenn Miller.

There's no such place as Glenn Miller.

Glenn Miller was the composer,

you know, conductor guy,
"in the mood."

Steady on.

Will you slow down?
I can't get it lit.

Oi, hurry up!

Ronnie, I didn't bring a milk bottle.

Now throw it! Throw it!

- It nearly hit a car.
- Eh?

It nearly hit a car.

Oh, jeez!

Me! I mean my goodness!
Come in, control.

- They're firing on us.
- I've been waiting for this all my life.

Aah!

Get them!

The beach! The beach!

That was nearly it that time,
you know.

Yes. Because you used
those mini rockets, didn't you?

Ronnie, those star blazer things
would have blown them up!

I thought the idea
of the barricade was

to stop the bandits,
not the police cars.

I'm busy!

That's a lie.

Ok, Ben, listen.

This is man to man.
You got to believe me.

I don't have that kind
of a problem.

I said I don't have that problem!

Ok, did you see the dog?

Her nose was cold?

Yeah, yeah. Call me.

I think the operation
needs a kick in the butt.

I'll make a note of your comments,
mr bender.

You better do more than that,
mr baird.

I've got an authorisation
from your mr secretary.

The case is mine.

Why don't you go fishing?

That's a very nasty rash
you've got, mr bender.

You really should try
and do something about it.

Ronnie?

- What do you want?
- You're not at the shop.

Ah, well, I'm...
I'm a bit busy just now.

What's that smell?

Come on, Ronnie. You
trying to hide one of your woman?

- Stop it!
- Hiya, big boy.

Come and join the party.

His name's Nigel.

He's just come out of prison
for the fourth time.

He's got a real gun, margot.
He's dangerous.

He said he was going to
bite Bruce's head off.

No. He's really like that. He would.

Now Ronnie said he can do
this hold-up with us tomorrow.

It's all different.

The strathout run with him!

That's the women's institute outing.

Look, it's a rotten business, will,
and you're better off out of it.

I said I'd go.

They were all going on at me,
margot.

Think, will. What about me”?

There's no room on the bike.

Maybe if it had a side car.

You used to think it was great.

That was half what was great about it.

You're so stupid.
You're so stupid,

you can't see things
have changed now.

Will, do you not know that I...?

Margot, don't go.
You'll get cold.

Margot.

Ok. Easy.

Yeah, we've had our eye on you.

Where's your friend?

Mummy!

I thought I told you
I'd pick you up tomorrow.

I'm not going.

Ok.

You'll have to bring me
the mask and the puffer.

Don't worry.

I'll make sure you get
your share of the money.

It's a completely different
ballgame now, anyway.

You're probably better off out of it.

What are you going to do tomorrow?

We're going to put the boot in.

I'm going to get myself some status.

It's the women's institute, Ronnie.

Look, pennycook.

We could go into hiding
in pennycook.

Nobody would find us.

We could wear disguises
to go to the shops.

Margot, she said to me,

"don't you know 1...?"

Look...

I'm not interested in you
and your woman!

You just haven't got a clue,
have you?

What does that say?

Beatty. Right.

So, what's my name?

Ronnie!

Ronnie weatherspoon.

Look, I don't know
who's down there.

I just picked them.

See, that's where
me and you are different, pal.

I don't have people to tie me down.

I'm going places.

And I don't want
any baggage with me, right?

- Right.
- Right.

Jelly sandwiches!

Jelly sandwiches!

Thousands of jelly sandwiches!

I kept you alive
for more than a year

while you were saving up
for that bike.

Every day I pasted up a sandwich,

and I smuggled it
out of my house for you.

And you don't have
people to tie you down?

And what about the clown
and the wolfman?

So what are you now?

You are a clown.

You're a clown!

A clown in a stupid leather coat.

And who's going to care for you,
when you and that animal

meet a couple of hard men
that are bigger than you?

Who's going to care
for you then, eh?

90 quid that coat cost me!

Look at this.

See, every trip that's circled
was a hold-up,

except for this one,
that's scheduled tomorrow.

I'm going to be home in 24 hours.

- Cup of coffee?
- Stick your head in it, chanty.

You want me to call baird?

No. Let's leave the inspector
out of this one, eh?

This one is my baby.

Ok, angel face.

Tomorrow you and I are going to
take a bus ride together.

Sing together the next song.

- Where's mum?
- Gone to aerobics.

Right. You'll have to tell her
I've gone away to become a priest,

but I'll send her a postcard.

Right.

They've got Mary Harrison.

- Who? Who's got her?
- The pigs.

She won't crack.

I know she won't crack.

Because if she cracks,
I'll tell them about her and Bobby Martin.

Right. I've got
one phone call to make.

Excuse me.

Hello? No. She's not here.

Tomorrow she's on the strathout run.

Ok.

Margot's going to be on that bus.

Ronnie?

Shall I come tomorrow?

Aye.

It's all finished now, isn't it?

We're still going.

One more time to strathout.

The clown and the wolfman.

Funny business.

Aye.

Mr baird. What?

Telex from the secretary of state.

"Operation bandit."

- Get bender.
- He's gone.

- Aye?
- Everything's changed.

They're here.
They're right here in the town.

Margot?

Dear me, what are you wearing?

Ok, hold it!

No, sunshine. You hold it.

No, Jack, you hold it.

- Margot!
- Waste him, Ronnie.

Look at me. I'm bulletproof man.

Come on, youl! Put the boot in.

- Ronnie.
- Do it!

Sorry, Nigel.

Give me that, suckers!

Achoo!

Everybody on the bus stay put!

Aww!

Ok, move. Let's go! Go!

And now that we've got you
away from the eyes

of the adoring public,
let's get the masks off.

Well, scottie,
what took you so long?

Jesus Christ!

There's been
a wee bit of a change.

- You better read that.
- Huh?

Listen, there's a message
from your lawyer,

you got the dog! Ha, ha!

If there's any problem,
your lawyer will phone you.

I want you to have this.

It's not gold.

It was meant to be gold
for his warts.

Out!

Come on, out!

I had a telex from the secretary
of state for Scotland.

It's from the Scottish secretary.

It seems tourist spending
has gone up 15%

since the start of these activities.

You're bigger than
the loch ness monster.

Grossly irresponsible criminal behaviour
of the most flagrant kind!

"Low profile," he says.

"Handle with the utmost discretion.

Political hot potato.”

I can't let you go.

So, it was here
in a last desperate bid

to escape
the tightening grip of the law

that the highland heroes
plunged to their deaths

in these stormy seas.

And all that remains is
the broken wreckage

of the Japanese motorcycle

that carried them through
so many daring raids.

I think that's terrible.

Now strewn across
these jagged rocks...

I never thought
it would end like this.

Pretence of crookedness.

There were scenes of wild emotion

as the unforgettable figures
of the clown and the wolfman

sped down
the main street of that city.

The excited crowd could
hardly have imagined

the dramatic fate which
awaited the outlaws.

During their brief career
as highwaymen

in the Scottish highlands,

the clown and the wolfman
captured the imagination

of a worldwide audience...

Thank you.

It's really good,
this stuff, you know?

You should try some.
It tastes like gobstoppers.

There's bits dropping off of this.

Look, there's bits falling off my ice.

There could be a germ
in there or something.

- I read that...
- Don't be such a big Lassie.

I know. A couple of wee germs
never did anybody any harm.

Anyway, we are bigger
than germs, you and me.

Put your name in that.

It's to your family.

"New Mexico, land of opportunity.

Weather very nice."

They're very hospitable here,
aren't they? Very good to tourists.

When can I say we'll be home?

Well, we'll have to wait
for a decent interval.

Have to wait for our
bonds to mature at least.

Say Christmas.

Do you think it'll be ok
to go back at Christmas?

Ronnie, you've got to have
some respect for the dead.

All that remains is this...

A sad, sodden reminder of mortality.

We may never know who they were.

But one thing is certain,

now ho one can tame them.

Is this the end of the story

or the beginning of a legend?

Mel hammer,
"am news magazine," Scotland.

Do you believe in ghosts?