Reservoir Dogs (1992) - full transcript

Let me tell you what
Like A Virgin is about.

It's all about a girl who
digs a guy with a big dick.

The entire song, it's a
metaphor for big dicks.

No, it ain't. It's about a
girl who's very vulnerable.

She's been fucked over
a few times, then

she meets a guy who's
very sensitive...

Whoa. Time out,
Greenbay. Tell that

fucking bullshit to the tourists.

Toby? Who the fuck is Toby?

Like A Virgin's not about some

sensitive girl who
meets a nice fella.



That's what True Blue's about.
Granted, no argument about that.

Which one's True Blue?

You ain't heard True Blue? It
was a big-ass hit for Madonna.

I don't even follow
that Tops Of The Pop

shit and even I've
heard of True Blue.

I didn't say I hadn't heard of
it. What I asked is how's it go.

Excuse me for not being
a big Madonna fan.

Personally, I can do without her.

I used to like her early
stuff, Borderline.

But when she got
off with that Papa

Don't Preach phase, I tuned out.

You guys are like making me
lose my train of thought here.

I was saying something.
What was it?

Oh, Toby's that little Chinese
girl. What was her last name?



What's that?

It's an old address
book I found in a

coat I haven't worn
in a Coon's age.

What was that name?

Look, what the fuck
was I talking about?

You said True Blue
was about a guy...

A sensitive girl who
meets a nice guy, but

Like A Virgin was a
metaphor for big dicks.

Ok, let me tell you what
Like A Virgin's about.

It's all about this cooze
who's a regular fuck machine.

I'm talking morning,
day, night, afternoon.

Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick,
dick, dick, dick, dick.

- How many dicks is that?
- A lot.

So, one day she meets
this John Holmes

motherfucker and it's
like, whoa, baby.

I mean, this cat is
like Charles Bronson

In The Great Escape.
He's digging tunnels.

She's getting serious
dick action, and she's

feeling something she
ain't felt since forever.

Pain. Pain.

Chew? Toby Chew?

It hurts. It hurts
her. It shouldn't hurt

her. Her pussy should
be Bubble Yum by now,

but when this cat fucks
her, it hurts. It

hurts just like it
did the first time.

You see the pain is
reminding a fuck machine

what it was once
like to be a virgin,

hence... Like A Virgin.

Wong.

Give me that fucking thing.

What the hell are you doing?
Give me my book back.

I'm sick of fucking
hearing it, Joe.

I'll give it back when we leave.

What do you mean when we
leave? Give me it back now.

For the past 15
minutes now, you've

been droning on about names.

"Toby...

"Toby? Toby?

"Toby Wong.

"Toby Wong? Toby Wong.

"Toby Chung? Fucking
Charlie Chan."

I got Madonna's big dick
coming out of my left ear,

and Toby the Jap I-don't-know-what
coming out of my right.

Gimme that book.

Are you gonna put it away?

I'm gonna do whatever the
fuck I want with it.

Well, then I'm afraid I'm
gonna have to keep it.

Hey, Joe... want me
to shoot this guy?

Shit. You shoot me in a dream, you
better wake up and apologise.

You guys been listening
to Κ-Billy's

Super Sounds of the '70s Weekend?

Oh, yeah, man, it's fucking great.

Can you believe those songs?

You know what I heard?

Heartbeat, it's A Lovebeat, by
Tony DeFranco and his Family.

I haven't heard that since I was
in the fifth fucking grade.

When I was coming
down here, The Night

The Lights Went Out
In Georgia came on.

I ain't heard that
song since it was big.

When it was big, I must have heard

it a million trillion
fucking times.

This is the first time I
ever realised that the

girl singing the song is
the one who shot Andy.

You didn't know Vicki Lawrence
was the one who shot Andy?

I thought the cheating
wife shot Andy.

Yeah, but they say at
the end of the song.

I know, motherfucker.
I just heard it.

That's what I'm talking about.

I must have zoned out
during that part before.

All right. I'll take
care of the check.

You guys can get the tip.

It should be about a buck apiece.

And, you, when I come
back, I want my book.

Sorry, it's my book now.

Hey, I changed my mind.

Shoot this piece
of shit, will you?

All right, everybody cough up
some green for the little lady.

Come on, throw in a buck.

I don't tip.

You don't tip?

No, I don't believe in it.

You don't believe in tipping?

You know what these chicks
make? They make shit.

Don't give me that. She don't
make enough, she can quit.

I don't even know a fucking Jew
who'd have the balls to say that.

Let me just get this straight.
You don't ever tip, huh?

I don't tip because
society says I have to.

I'll tip if somebody
really deserves a tip.

If they really put forth the
effort, I'll give 'em something,

but tipping automatically
is for the birds.

As far as I'm concerned,
they're doing their job.

- Hey, this girl was nice.
- She was ok.

- She wasn't anything special.
- What's special?

Take you in the back
and suck your dick?

- I'd go over 12 percent for that.
- Look, I ordered coffee.

We've been here a
long fucking time.

She's only filled
my cup three times.

When I order coffee, I
want it filled six times.

Six times? What if she's
too fucking busy?

"Too fucking busy" shouldn't
be in a waitress's vocabulary.

Excuse me, Mr Pink,
but the last fucking

thing you need is
another cup of coffee.

Jesus Christ, these
ladies aren't starving

to death. They make minimum wage.

I used to work minimum wage

and I wasn't lucky enough to have
a job society deemed tip-worthy.

But they're counting
on your tips to live.

You know what this
is? It's the world's

smallest violin playing
for the waitresses.

You don't have any idea
what you're talking about.

These people bust their ass.

This is a hard job.

So's working at
McDonald's but you don't

feel the need to tip them, do you?

Why not? They serve food.

But society says, "Don't
tip these guys here,

but tip these guys
here." That's bullshit.

Waitressing is the
number-one occupation

for female non-college
graduates in this country.

It's the one job
basically any woman

can get and make a living on.

The reason is because
of their tips.

Fuck all that.

Jesus Christ.

I'm very sorry the
government taxes their

tips. That's fucked up.
That ain't my fault.

It appears waitresses
are one of the groups

the government fucks in the
ass on a regular basis.

Show me a piece of paper that says

they shouldn't do
that, I'll sign it.

Put it to a vote, I'll vote for
it. What I won't do is play ball.

And this non-college
bullshit, I got two

words for that, learn
to fucking type.

If you expect me to
help out with the

rent, you're in for
a fucking surprise.

He's convinced me. Give
me my dollar back.

Hey, leave the dollars there.

All right, ramblers,
let's get rambling.

Wait a minute. Who
didn't throw in?

- Mr Pink.
- Mr Pink?

- Why not?
- He don't tip.

He don't tip? What do you
mean, you don't tip?

- He don't believe in it.
- Shut up.

What do you mean you
don't believe in it?

Come on, you, cough up a
buck, you cheap bastard.

I paid for your goddamn breakfast.

All right, since you
paid for breakfast, I'll

put in, but normally, I
would never do this.

Never mind what you
normally would do.

Just cough in your goddamn
buck like everybody else.

Thank you.

That was the Partridge Family's

Doesn't Somebody
Want To Be Wanted,

followed by Edison Lighthouse's
Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes

as K-Billy's Super
Sounds of the '70s

Weekend just keeps on... trucking.

(George Baker Selection:
Little Green Bag)

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Looking back on the track
for a little green bag ♪

♪ Got to find just that
kind or losing my mind ♪

♪ Outside in the night,
outside in the day ♪

♪ Looking back on the
track, gonna do it my way ♪

♪ Outside in the night,
outside in the day ♪

♪ Looking back on the
track, gonna do it my way ♪

♪ Looking back ♪

♪ Looking for some happiness ♪

♪ But there is only
loneliness to find ♪

♪ Turn to the left ♪

♪ Turn to the right ♪

♪ Looking upstairs ♪

♪ Looking behind ♪

♪ Looking for some happiness ♪

♪ But there is only
loneliness to find ♪

♪ Turn to the left ♪

♪ Turn to the right ♪

♪ Looking upstairs ♪

Oh, God.

♪ Looking behind ♪

Oh, shit.

I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.

- Just hold on, buddy boy.
- I'm gonna die.

Hey.

I'm sorry.

Give me your hand.

I can't believe she
killed me, man.

Who'd have fucking thought that?

Hey, just cancel that
shit, right now.

You're hurt. You're hurt real
fucking bad, but you ain't dying.

I'm gonna die. I'm gonna...

All this...

All this blood is scaring
the shit out of me, Larry.

- I'm gonna die, I know it.
- Oh.

Excuse me, I didn't realise
you had a degree in medicine.

Εr... are you a doctor?

Are you a doctor?

Answer me, please,
are you a doctor?

- Huh?
- No, I'm not. I'm not.

Ok. So you admit you don't know
what you're talking about.

So, if you're through
giving me your amateur

opinion, just lie back
and listen to the news.

I'm taking you back
to the rendezvous.

Joe's gonna get you a doctor, this
doctor's gonna fix you up and...

you're gonna be ok.

Now say it.

You're gonna be ok.

Say it.

You're gonna be ok.

Say the goddamn words.

You're gonna be ok.

- Oh, God.
- Say the goddamn fucking words.

Say it.

I'm ok, Larry.

Correct.

Correct.

I'm ok.

Look where we are.

- Look where we are. We made it.
- Larry...

you gotta save me, man.

You gotta save me.

- We're in the warehouse.
- Oh.

Who's a tough guy?
Who's a tough guy?

- Come on, who's a tough guy?
- I'm a tough guy.

Who's a tough guy?
You're a tough guy.

Larry.

You're a fucking tough guy.

Ok. Ok...

We're in the warehouse.
Look where we are.

We made it. We made it.

We fucking made it.

We have fucking made it.

We're in the warehouse.
Look where we are.

Look where we are.

So hold on, buddy boy, hold on.

Hold on, hold on.

Oh... shit.

Quit banging your head. You're
gonna bang a hole in the floor.

You don't wanna hurt the
fucking floor, do you?

- Oh.
- I can't do anything for you.

But when Joe gets here...

which should be any time now,

he's gonna help you out.
He's gonna take care of you.

Ok? We're just gonna sit
here and wait for Joe.

Who are we waiting for?

Joe.

Larry, I'm just
fucking scared, man.

Would you please hold me?

Yeah, sure.

You go ahead and be scared.

You've been brave
enough for one day.

I just want you to relax now, ok?

You're not gonna fucking
die. You're gonna be fine.

When Joe gets here, he'll
make you 100 percent again.

I'm hurt, and I'm hurt bad, Larry.

It's not good, no.

Larry...

bless your heart for what
you're trying to do.

I was panicking for a
minute back there...

but I got my senses back now.

The situation is... I'm
shot in the belly.

Without medical
attention, I'm gonna die.

I can't take you to a hospital.

Fuck jail, man.

You don't have to take me in.
Just drive me up to the front.

Just drop me on the sidewalk.
I'll take care of myself.

I won't tell 'em anything, man.
I won't tell 'em anything.

I swear to fucking God, man.

Just look in my eyes,
Larry. Look in my eyes.

I won't tell them anything.

You'll be safe, man.

You're not gonna fucking
die, kid, all right?

Listen to me, you're
gonna be fine.

Along with the kneecap,
the gut is the

most painful area a guy
can get shot in...

No shit.

But it takes a long
time to die from it.

I'm talking days.

You're gonna wish
you were dead, but

it takes days to die
from your wound.

Time is on your side.

Was that a fucking setup or what?

Fucking right.

Shit. Orange got tagged?

Gut shot.

Fuck. Where's, er... Brown?

Dead.

How did he die?

How the fuck do you
think? The cops shot him.

This is bad. This
is so fucking bad.

Is it bad?

As opposed to good?

Man, this is fucked up.

This is so fucked up.

Somebody fucked us
up big-time, man.

You really think we were set up?

Do you even doubt it, man?

I don't think we got set
up, I know we got set up.

Where did all those
cops come from, huh?

One minute they're not
there, the next minute

they're there. I didn't
hear any sirens.

When an alarm goes
off, you've got an

average of four minutes
response time.

Unless a patrol car is
cruising that street,

you got four minutes
before they can respond.

In one minute, there were
17 blue boys out there,

all knowing exactly
what the fuck they

were doing and they
were all just there.

Remember that second wave
that showed up in the cars?

Those were responding
to the alarm. Those

first motherfuckers
were waiting for us.

Haven't you fucking
thought about this?

I haven't had a chance to think.

First, I just tried to get
the fuck out of there.

And after we got away, I've
just been dealing with him.

You better start thinking
about it, because I am.

I wasn't even gonna come here.
I was gonna just drive off,

because whoever set us up
knows about this place.

There could've been
cops here waiting

for us. They could
be coming right now.

Let's go in the other
room. Hey, in there.

Please, don't leave me.

I'm gonna die.

I'm just gonna be in that room.
Just over the other side.

I'll be back in a minute, ok? I'll
be right there looking at you.

I'm right here looking at you, ok?

Right in here. Right over there.

What the fuck am I
doing here, man?

You know I felt funny
about this job right off.

As soon as I felt it I should've

walked, but I didn't
fucking listen.

It was like that every time
I got caught buying weed.

I didn't trust the guy but
I wanted to believe him.

Because if he's not
lying and it really is

Thai stick then it's
great, but it never is.

I always said if I
felt that way about

a job I'd fucking
walk and I didn't.

I didn't cause of
the fucking money.

What's done is done.
We need you cool.

Are you cool?

All right, I'm cool.

Splash some water on your face.

Take a breather.

Relax. Have a cigarette.

- I quit.
- All right.

Why, you got one?

Yeah.

Here you go. Have a Chesterfield.

Thanks.

Ok. Let's go through
what happened.

Ok.

We're in the place,
everything's going fine.

- Then the alarm gets tripped.
- Right.

I turn around and all
these cops are outside.

Yeah, right, bam, I blink
my eyes and they're there.

Everybody starts going ape shit.

Then Mr Blonde starts
to shoot all the...

- That's not correct.
- What's wrong with it?

Ok. The cops did not show up
after the alarm went off.

The cops didn't
show up until after

Mr Blonde started
shooting everybody.

As soon as I heard the
alarm, I saw cops.

No, it wasn't that soon, ok?

They didn't let their
presence be known

until after Mr Blonde
became a madman.

I'm not saying they weren't there.

But they didn't make
their move until after

Mr Blonde started
shooting everybody.

That's how I know we were set up.

Come on, Mr White,
you can see that.

Enough of this Mr White shit.

Wait, wait. Don't tell me your

fucking name. I don't
wanna know it.

Jesus Christ, I ain't
gonna tell you mine.

You're right, this is bad.

How did you get out?

I shot my way out.
Everybody started

shooting, so I blasted
my way out of there.

Move it. Get out of the way.

Get the fuck out of the way.

Move it. Get out of the way.

Jesus Christ, what the
fuck is your problem, man?

- You fucking asshole.
- Fuck off.

- Move.
- Keep down, Ernie.

Oh.

Jesus.

Get out of the car. Get
the fuck out of the car.

Move it. Move out of the way.

Aargh.

I tagged a couple of cops.

Did you kill anybody?

A few cops.

No real people?

Just cops.

Man, could you believe Mr Blonde?

That was the most insane fucking
thing I have ever seen.

Why the fuck would Joe
hire a guy like that?

I don't wanna kill anybody,

but if I gotta get out that
door and you're in my way,

one way or the other you're
getting out of my way.

That's the way I look at it.

A choice between
doing ten years or

taking out some stupid
motherfucker...

ain't no choice at all.

But I ain't no madman either.

What the fuck was Joe thinking? I
can't work with a guy like that.

We're awful goddamn
lucky he didn't

tag us when he shot the place up.

I came this close to
taking his ass out myself.

I mean, everybody
panics, everybody.

Things get tense. It's
human nature to panic.

I don't care what your name
is, you can't help it.

Fuck, man, you panic on the
inside, in your head, you know?

Then you give yourself a couple of

seconds, you get a
hold of the situation,

you deal with it. What you don't
do is start killing people.

No, what you're supposed to do is
act like a fucking professional.

A psychopath ain't a professional.

I can't work with a psychopath.

You don't know what those sick
assholes are gonna do next.

I mean, Jesus Christ,
how old do you

think that black girl was, 20?

- Maybe 21?
- If that.

Did you see what happened
to anybody else?

Me and Orange jumped in the
car, Brown floored it.

After that, I don't
know what went down.

At that point, it was
every man for himself.

As far as Mr Blonde
and Mr Blue are

concerned, I ain't
got the foggiest.

I never looked back.

What do you think?

What do I think? The cops either
caught them or killed them.

No chance they punched
through? You found a hole.

Yeah, and that was
a fucking miracle.

Even if they did get away,
then where the fuck are they?

You don't think they got
the diamonds and...

No, no way.

How can you be so sure?

I got the diamonds.

That's my boy.

- Where?
- I stashed 'em.

Look, if you wanna
come with me, let's

go get 'em right now,
right this second.

Cause I think staying here, man,

we should have our
fucking heads examined.

That was the plan. We meet here.

Then where the fuck is everybody?

The plan is null and void once we

find out there's a
rat in the house.

We ain't got the
slightest idea what

happened to Mr Blonde and Mr Blue.

They could both be dead
or maybe arrested.

The cops could have
them right now at

the station house,
sweating them down.

They don't know our names but they
could be singing about this place.

I swear to God, I think
I'm fucking jinxed.

What?

Two jobs back, it
was a four-man job.

We discovered one of the
team was an undercover cop.

No shit?

Thank God we discovered in time.

We had to forget the whole thing,
just walk the fuck away from it.

So who's the rat this time?

Mr Blue?

Mr Brown?

Joe?

Listen, Joe set this whole thing
up. Maybe he set it up...

No, I don't bite. Me and
Joe go back a long time.

I can tell you definitely,
Joe don't know

a fucking thing about
this bullshit.

I've known Joe since I was a kid,

and me saying he definitely had

nothing to do with
it is ridiculous.

I can say I didn't do it cause I
know what I did or didn't do,

but I cannot say
that about anybody

else, cause I don't
definitely know.

For all I know, you're the rat.

For all I know, you're
the fucking rat.

All right, now you're
using your fucking head.

For all we know, he's the rat.

Hey, that kid in
there is dying from

a fucking bullet I saw him take,

so don't you be calling him a rat.

Look... I'm right, ok?

Somebody's a fucking rat.

Where's the commode in this
dungeon? I gotta take a squirt.

Go down the hall, make a left, go
up the stairs and make a right.

By the way, how's Alabama?

Alabama?

I haven't seen 'Bama in
over a year and a half.

I thought you two were a team

We were for a little while.

We did about four jobs together,
then decided to call it quits.

Why?

You push that woman-man
thing too long

and it gets to you after a while.

What's she doing now?

She hooked up with Frank McGarr.

They've done a couple
jobs together.

Hell of a woman.
Good little thief.

So, explain the telegram.

Five-man job,

busting in and out of a
diamond wholesaler's.

Can you move the ice afterwards? I

don't know nobody
that can move ice.

No problem. We got
guys waiting for it.

What happened to Marcellus Spivey?
Didn't he always move your ice?

He's doing 20 years in Susanville.

20 years. Holy God.

- What for?
- Bad luck.

I guess you can say that again.

- What's the exposure like?
- Two minutes tops,

but it's a tough two minutes

Daylight, during business
hours, dealing with a crowd.

But you'll have the guys
to deal with the crowd.

- How many employees?
- I'd say around 20.

Security pretty lax.

They most usually
just deal in boxes.

You know, uncut stones from
the diamond syndicate.

But on this particular
day, they're getting

a shipment of polished
stones from Israel.

They're like a way-station.
They're to get

picked up the next day
and sent to Vermont.

No, they're not.

What's the cut, Papa?

Juicy, Junior,

real juicy.

Hey, look, man, you do what you
want. I'm out of here, man.

I'm gonna check into a
motel for a few days.

You know, I'll lay low
and I'll call Joe.

Oh, shit, did he
fucking die on us?

Huh? Is he dead or what?

- He ain't dead.
- What is it?

I think he's just passed out.

Scared the fucking shit out of me,

man. I thought he
was dead for sure.

Without medical attention,
he will die for sure.

What are we gonna do? We can't
take him to a hospital.

Without medical
attention, that man

might not live through the night.

The bullet in his
belly is my fault.

While that may not
mean jack shit to

you, it means a hell
of a lot to me.

First things first. Staying here
is goofy. We gotta book up.

What do you suggest
we do, go to a hotel?

We got a guy who's
shot in the belly.

He can't walk, he bleeds
like a stuck pig.

And when he's awake,
he screams in pain.

You got an idea, spit it out.

Joe could help.

If we could get in
touch with Joe...

Joe could get him to a doctor. Joe

could get a doctor
to come to see him.

Assuming we can trust Joe, how are
we gonna get in touch with him?

Huh? He should be
here but he ain't,

which makes me nervous
about being here.

Even if he is on the
up-and-up, I don't

think he's gonna be
too happy with us.

He planned a robbery and he's
got a blood bath on his hands.

He's got dead cops, dead
robbers, dead civilians.

Jesus Christ, I doubt he'll have a
lot of sympathy for our plight.

If I was him I'd put as
much distance between

me and this mess as
humanly possible.

Before you got here,
Mr Orange was asking

me to take him to a
doctor, to a hospital.

Now, I don't like the idea of
turning him over to the cops,

but if we don't, he's gonna die.

He begged me to do it.

Well... all right, then I guess
we take him to a hospital.

If that's what he
said, let's do it.

Since he don't know nothing about
us, I say it's his decision.

Well, he knows a little about me.

What? Wait, wait. You didn't
tell him your name, did you?

I told him my first name
and where I was from.

Why?

I told him where I
was from a few days

ago. It was just a
natural conversation.

What was telling him your name
when you weren't supposed to?

He asked.

We had just gotten away from
the cops. He just got shot.

It was my fault he got shot.

He's a fucking bloody mess.

He's screaming.

I swear to God, I thought he was
gonna die right then and there.

I'm trying to comfort him...

telling him not to
worry, everything's

gonna be ok, I'm gonna
take care of him,

and he asked me what my name was.

I mean, the man was
dying in my arms.

What the fuck was
I supposed to do?

Tell him, "I'm sorry, I can't give
out that fucking information,

"it's against the rules?"

"I don't trust you enough?"

Well, maybe I should
have but I couldn't.

- I don't...
- Fuck you and fuck Joe.

I'm sure it was a
very beautiful scene.

Don't fucking patronise me.

I got a question, do they have a
sheet on you where you're from?

- Yeah.
- Well, that's that, then, man.

Jesus, I was worried about
mug-shot possibilities as it was.

Now he knows A, your name,
B, what you look like,

C, where you're from,
and D, your speciality.

They're not gonna have to show him

many pictures for him
to pick you out.

You didn't tell anything else that
can narrow down the selection?

If I have to tell
you again to back

off, we are gonna
go round and round.

We ain't taking him to a hospital.

If we don't, he's gonna die.

I'm sad about that but some
fellas are lucky and some ain't.

What the fuck are you
touching me for, man?

Aargh.

You wanna fuck with me? I'll show
you who you're fucking with.

You wanna shoot me, you
piece of shit? Go on.

Fuck you, White, I didn't create

this situation, I'm
dealing with it.

You're acting like a
first-year fucking

thief. I'm acting
like a professional.

They get him, they could get you.

They get you, they get closer
to me and that can't happen.

You're looking at me
like it's my fault. I

didn't tell him my name
or where I was from.

Shit, 15 minutes ago, you
almost told me your name.

We're stuck in a
situation you created.

If you wanna throw bad looks
somewhere, throw 'em at a mirror.

You kids shouldn't play so rough,

somebody's gonna start crying.

Mr Blonde.

Shit. Fucking kicking me.

What happened to you? I
figured you were dead.

Hey, are you ok?

Did you see what happened to Blue?

We didn't know what
happened to you and

Blue. That's what we
were wondering about.

Look, Brown is dead, Orange
got it in the belly...

Enough. Enough.

You better start
talking, asshole...

cause we got shit we
need to talk about.

We're already freaked out.

We need you acting freaky like we
need a fucking bag on our hip.

Ok, let's talk.

We think we got a
rat in the house.

I guarantee we got a
rat in the house.

What makes you say that?

Is that supposed to be funny?

Look, we think this
place ain't safe.

This place ain't secure. We're
leaving. You should go with us.

Nobody's going anywhere.

Piss on this fucking turd.

We're out of here.

Don't take another step, Mr White.

Fuck you, maniac.

It's your fucking fault
we're in this trouble.

What's this guy's problem?

What's my problem? Yeah,
I got a fucking problem.

I got a big fucking problem...

with any trigger-happy madman
who almost gets me shot.

What the fuck are
you talking about?

That fucking shooting spree.

In the store, remember?

Oh, fuck 'em. They
set off the alarm.

They deserve what they got.

You almost killed me.

Asshole.

If I'd known what kind
of guy you were, I

never would have agreed
to work with you.

Are you gonna bark all
day, little doggy...

or are you gonna bite?

What was that?

I'm sorry, I didn't catch it.

Would you repeat it?

Are you gonna bark all
day, little doggy...

or are you gonna bite?

You two assholes, calm the
fuck down. Hey, come on.

What, are we on a playground here,
huh? Am I the only professional?

You're acting like a bunch
of fucking niggers.

Have you worked with
niggers? Always

saying they're gonna
kill each other.

You said you thought
about taking him out.

You said that?

Yeah, I did, ok? I did.

But that was then. Now this guy is
the only one I completely trust.

He's too homicidal to
be in with the cops.

You're on his side?

No, fuck sides. What we need
here is a little solidarity.

Somebody stuck a red-hot
poker up our ass

and I wanna know whose
name's on the handle.

Fuck.

Look, I know I'm no piece of shit,
and I'm pretty sure you're ok,

and I'm positive
you're on the level,

so let's try and figure out who
the bad guy is, all right?

Wow.

That was really exciting.

I bet you're a big Lee
Marvin fan, aren't you?

Yeah, me too. I love that guy.

My heart's beating so fast I'm
about to have a heart attack here.

I got something
outside that, er, I'd

like to show you
guys, so follow me.

Follow you? Where?

To my car.

What, did you forget your French
fries to go with the soda?

- No, I had them already.
- Yeah?

I got something I
think you might wanna

see, though. It's a big surprise.

I'm sure you'll like it. Come on.

We still gotta get out
of here, you know.

No. We're gonna stick
around and wait.

- What for, the cops?
- No. Nice Guy Eddie.

Nice Guy Eddie? What
makes you think he isn't

on a plane right now,
halfway to Costa Rica?

Because I spoke to
him on the phone and

he said he's on the way down here.

You talked to Eddie? Why the fuck

didn't you say that
in the first place?

- Cause you never asked me.
- Hardy-fucking-har.

- What did he say?
- He said stay put.

So, in the meantime,

let me show you guys something.

Jesus Christ.

Maybe our boy in blue here can
answer some of these questions

about this rat business
you been talking about.

You're a piece of work, my friend.

That ain't a bad idea. Let's
get him the fuck out of here.

Hey, Sid, will you relax?

I've known you a
long time. I'm not

worried. I know
you'll pay me back.

Don't tell me what I already
know. Don't embarrass me.

So you had a few bad months.

You do what everybody else does.

I don't care if it's JP Morgan or

Irving the tailor,
you ride it out.

- Vic Vega's outside.
- Hold on.

- Who?
- Vic Vega.

Oh, tell him to come in.

- I gotta go.
- Come on in.

A friend of mine's
outside. Keep your chin

up, I'll be talking
to you. Don't worry.

Hey, welcome home, Vic.

How does freedom feel, huh?

- It's a change.
- Ain't that the sad truth.

Sit down, take your coat
off, make yourself at home.

- Want a little drink?
- Yeah.

How about a little Rémy Martin?

Sure.

Who's your parole officer?

Seymour Scagnetti.

How is he?

He's a fucking asshole.

Won't even let me leave
the halfway house.

You know, it never
ceases to amaze me,

a fucking jungle bunny slits some
old woman's throat for 25 cents,

he gets Doris Day for
a parole officer.

Good fella like you winds up
with a ball-busting prick.

I want you to know I
appreciate all the

packages you sent
me on the inside.

What the hell was I supposed
to do, forget about you?

I just want you to know
that it meant a lot to me.

Hey, it was the least
I could do. I wish

to hell I could have
done a lot more.

Thanks a lot, Joe.

Ah, Vic...

Toothpick Vic.

So, tell me your story,
kid. What are your plans?

You son of a bitch.
I see you sitting

there, but I don't believe it.

- How you doing, Toothpick?
- Hey, Eddie.

Listen, I'm sorry. I should
have picked you up myself.

I was... My fucking...
This week's been crazy.

I've had my head up my
ass the whole time.

Funny, that's what me and your
daddy were just talking about.

That I should have picked you up?

No, that you had your
head up your ass.

I walk in the door, he's like,

"Vic, I'm so glad
somebody's finally

here who knows what's going on.

"My son Eddie is a fuck-up.

"He's ruining the business.

"I mean, I love the guy but he's

flushing everything
down the toilet."

I mean, that's what you said,
right, Joe? Tell him yourself.

Eddie, I hate for you
to hear it like this,

but Vic come in and asked
me how business was.

You don't lie to a guy who's just
done four years in the slammer.

Very true.

All right, enough of
this shit. Break it up.

This ain't a playground.

You guys wanna roll
around on the floor,

you do it in Εddie's
office, not mine.

- Daddy, did you see that?
- What?

He got me on the ground,
he tried to fuck me.

You wish.

You sick bastard. You tried to
fuck me in my father's office.

Look, Vic, whatever
you wanna do in the

privacy of your own
home, go to it,

but don't try to fuck me.

I mean, I don't think
of you that way.

I like you a lot, buddy, but I
don't think of you that way.

Listen, if I was a butt cowboy, I

wouldn't even throw
you to the posse.

No, you wouldn't. You'd
keep me for yourself.

You know, four years
fucking punks up the ass,

you appreciate prime
rib when you see it.

I might break you in, Nice Guy,
but I'd make you my dog's bitch.

Ain't that a sad sight, Daddy?

A man walks into
prison a white man,

walks out talking like
a fucking nigger.

You know what, I think
it's all that black

semen been pumped up
your ass so far now,

it's backed into your fucking
brain, it's coming out your mouth.

Eddie, you keep
talking like a bitch,

I'm gonna slap you like a bitch.

All right, enough of that
shit. I'm sick of it.

Both of you, sit down.

Now, Eddie, when you
came in here, we

were talking some
serious business.

Now, Vic here's got
a parole problem.

- Who's your PO?
- Seymour Scagnetti.

Scagnetti. Fuck.

- I hear he's a motherfucker
- Oh, he's a fucker.

Won't even let me
leave the halfway

house unless I get
some shitty job.

You come back to
work for us, right?

Well, I wanna,

but first I gotta prove
to asshead that I can

get a regular, you know,
job, job-type job,

before I can move out on my own.

I can't come back to
work for you guys

if I gotta worry about
making some silly-ass

ten o'clock curfew
every fucking night.

All right, we can work
this out, can't we, Eddie?

This ain't all that bad.

Look, we can get you a
lot of legitimate jobs.

I'll get you down in Long
Beach as a dock worker.

I don't wanna lift no
fucking crates, Eddie.

Vic, you're not gonna lift shit.

You don't even work there.

But as far as the records
are concerned, you do.

I'll call Matthews the
foreman, and tell him

he's got a new guy,
you're on the rotation.

You get a time card, it's clocked
in and out for you every day.

At the end of the
week you get a nice

pay cheque. Dock
workers do very well.

So you can move into
a halfway decent

place without Scagnetti going,

"Where the fuck's the
money come from?"

And if he decides to
make a surprise visit,

that's the day we've
sent you to Tustin, to

pick up a load of shit
and bring it back.

If he comes back again, "Hey,

sorry, Seymour, you
just missed him.

"We had to send him to Taft
airstrip five fucking hours away.

"We had a load of shit we had
to have him pick up there."

Part of your job
is going different

places, that's the beauty of it.

We got places all over the place.

See, Vic, did I tell
you not to worry?

Vic was worried.

I'll take you out to
Long Beach tomorrow.

We'll get you fixed
up with Matthews,

I'll tell him what's what.

You know, I really appreciate
what you guys are doing,

but I'd like to know
when I can come

back, you know, do some real work.

Well, it's hard to say. It's
kind of a strange time now.

Things are kind of...

They're a little fucked
up is what they are.

We're just getting ready for
a big meeting now in Vegas.

Look, just let Eddie for now
set you up at Long Beach.

Get you a job, give you some cash,

and get this Scagnetti
fuck off your back.

Then we'll talk to you, all right?

- Huh?
- Dad... I got an idea.

Now, just... just hear me out.

I know you don't like using
the boys on these jobs...

but Vic here, I mean, he's only
been nothing but good luck for us.

The guy's a fucking rabbit's
foot, for crying out loud.

I'd like to have him in.

You know he can handle
himself and you

damn sure know you can trust him.

Now, Vic,

how would you feel about pulling a
job with about five other guys?

I'd feel great about it.

K-Billy's Super Sounds
of the '70s continues,

and if you're the twelfth caller,

you'll win two tickets to the
Monster Truck Extravaganza

being held tonight at
the Carson Fairgrounds,

featuring Big Daddy Don
Bodine's truck The Behemoth.

The twelfth caller wins on the
station where the '70s survived.

I gotcha. Huh, huh, you thought I
didn't see you now, didn't you?

Hey, Dove, we got a
major situation here.

I know you know. I
gotta talk to Daddy

and find out what he wants done.

Give it here, come on.

Good God.

All I know is what Vic
told me. He said the

place turned into a
fucking bullet festival.

He took a cop hostage just to
get the fuck out of there.

Get up. Get up.

♪ You promised me the day that
you quit your boyfriend ♪

Do I sound like I'm fucking
joking? He's fucking

driving around with
a cop in his trunk.

♪ You promised me it
would be just us two ♪

I don't know who did what.

I don't know who's got the loot.

I don't know if
anybody's got the loot.

I don't know who's
dead, who's alive.

I don't know who's
caught, who's not.

♪ You never should've promised
to me, give it here ♪

♪ Don't hold back
now, give it here ♪

♪ Don't say nothing,
just give it here ♪

♪ Come on, give it here, ♪

♪ Give it here ♪

♪ Give it here. Give it here ♪

♪ Give it to me now ♪

♪ Hey. I gotcha ♪

I will know. I'm
practically there now.

But what do I tell these
guys about Daddy?

All right. You're sure
that's what he said?

Ok, that's what I'll tell 'em.

Fuck you. You wanna be a fucking
hero huh? You like being a hero?

You like being a fucking hero?

Fuck.

You better stop bluffing, pal.

You hear me? Cause you're
gonna fucking talk.

I don't fucking know anything.

You fucking know. You know.
Look at me. You fucking know.

What in the Sam
Hill's going on here?

- You're asking what's going on?
- Hey, Nice Guy, we got a cop.

Holy shit, Orange is dead.

No, he's not dead, but he will be
if we don't get him taken care of.

We were set up. The cops
were there waiting for us.

What? Nobody fucking
set anybody up.

The cops were waiting for us, man.

Bullshit.

Fuck you, man. You weren't there.

The cops had that
store staked out.

Ok, Mr Fucking Detective, you're
so fucking smart, huh, who did it?

What the hell do you
think we've been asking?

What did you come up with, huh?
You think I fucking set you up?

I don't know, but somebody did.

Nobody did.

You fucking assholes turn
a jewellery store...

Don't you call me an asshole.

You fucking idiots
turn a jewellery

store into a Wild West show,

and you wonder why
the cops show up?

Don't call me an idiot.

Where's Joseph?

I don't know. I ain't
talked to him.

I talked to Dove. He
said Daddy's coming

down here and he's fucking pissed.

He's pissed? I told
you he'd be pissed.

What'd Joe say?

I told you I ain't talked to him.

All I know is he's pissed.

What are you gonna do about him?

Jesus Christ, give me a
fucking chance to breathe.

- I got a few questions of my own.
- You ain't dying, he is.

All right, Mr Fucking Compassion,
I will call somebody.

Who?

Α fucking snake charmer. Who do
you think? I'll call a doctor.

He'll fix him right up.

Now, what happened
to Brown and Blue?

Brown's dead. We don't
know about Blue.

Brown's dead? Are you sure?

I'm sure. I was there.

He took one in the head.

Nobody's got a clue what
happened to Mr Blue?

Either he's alive or he's dead,

or the cops got
him... or they don't.

I take it this is the
bastard you told me about?

Why are you beating on him?

Maybe he can tell us who
the fuck set us up.

If you fucking beat
this prick long enough,

he'll tell you he started
the Chicago Fire.

Now, that don't necessarily
make it fucking so.

Come on, man, think.

All right, first things fucking
last. Who's got the stones?

Please, somebody at
least tell me one

little fucking favour
just for my sake.

I got a bag. I got a bag, ok?

I stashed it till I could be sure

this place wasn't
a police station.

Good for you. Now,
let's go get it.

But first we gotta get rid
of those cars outside.

It looks like Sam's Hot
Car Lot out there.

Ok, Blondie, stay here
and baby-sit them two.

White and Pink, you
take a car each.

I'll follow you. You ditch 'em.

Pick up the stones.

While I'm following
you, I'll arrange

some sort of a doctor
for our friend.

We can't leave these
guys with him.

- Why not?
- Cause he's a fucking psycho.

And if you think Joe's pissed off,

that ain't nothing compared to
how pissed off I am at him,

for putting me in the same
room as that bastard.

You see what I've been
putting up with, Eddie?

I fucking walked in here, I told
these guys about staying put.

Mr White whips out his gun,
he's sticking it in my face,

calling me a motherfucker, saying
he's gonna blow me away...

and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

He's the reason the joint
turned into a shooting spree.

What are you, a fucking
silent partner?

Tell him.

He went crazy in the store
but he seems all right now.

This is what he was doing.

Bam. Bam.

Yeah, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

I told them not to touch the
fucking alarm, they did.

If they hadn't have
done what I told

them not to do, they'd
still be alive.

My fucking hero.

Thanks.

That's your excuse for going
on a kill-crazy rampage?

I don't like alarms, Mr White.

What does it matter who
stays with the cop?

We ain't letting him go,
now he's seen everybody.

I haven't been
looking at you guys.

Shut the fuck up, man.

You should never
have taken him out

of the trunk in the first place.

We tried to find out
about the setup.

There is no fucking setup.

Now, here's the news.

Blondie, you stay here and
take care of these two.

White and Pink, you
come with me. If Joe

sees all these cars
parked outside,

I swear he's gonna be just as
mad at me as he is at you.

Fine. Let's go.

Alone at last.

Guess what.

I think I'm parked
in the red zone.

Now, where were we?

I told you, I don't know anything
about any fucking setup.

I've been on the
force for only eight

months. They don't
tell me anything.

Nobody tells me shit. You can
torture me all you want.

Torture you. That's a
good... That's a good idea.

I like that one. Yeah.

Even your boss said
there wasn't a setup.

My what?

Your boss.

Excuse me, pal,

one thing I wanna make clear
to you, I don't have a boss.

Nobody tells me what to do.

You understand? You hear what
I said, you son of a bitch?

All right, all right, all right.
You don't have a boss. All right.

Get that fucking shit off.

Lookit, I'm not gonna
bullshit you, ok?

I don't really give a good fuck
what you know or don't know.

But I'm gonna torture you anyway.

Regardless.

Not to get information.

It's amusing to me
to torture a cop.

You can say anything you want,
cause I've heard it all before.

All you can do is pray
for a quick death...

which... you ain't gonna get.

Ah, God.

You ever listen to Κ-Billy's
Super Sounds of the '70s?

It's my personal favourite.

Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty were
a duo known as Stealer's Wheel,

when they recorded this Dylanesque
pop bubblegum favourite

from April of 1974. That
reached up to number five

as K-Billy's Super Sounds
of the '70s continues.

(Stealer's Wheel: Stuck
in The Middle With You)

♪ Well, I don't know why
I came here tonight ♪

♪ I got the feeling that
something ain't right ♪

♪ I'm so scared in case
I fall off my chair ♪

♪ And I'm wondering how
I'll get down the stairs ♪

♪ Clowns to the left of
me, jokers to the right ♪

♪ Here I am, stuck in
the middle with you ♪

♪ Yes, I'm stuck in
the middle with you ♪

♪ And I'm wondering what
it is I should do ♪

♪ It's so hard to keep
the smile from my face ♪

Hold still.

♪ All over the place ♪

Hold still, you fuck.

♪ Clowns to the left of
me, jokers to the right ♪

♪ Here I am, stuck in
the middle with you ♪

♪ Well, you started
out with nothing ♪

♪ And you're proud that
you're a self-made man ♪

♪ And your friends they
all come crawling ♪

♪ Slap you on the
back and say please ♪

Was that as good for
you as it was for me?

Hey. What's going
on? You hear that?

♪ Trying to make some
sense of it all ♪

Don't go anywhere.
I'll be right back.

♪ But I can see it makes
no sense at all ♪

♪ Is it cool to go to
sleep on the floor? ♪

♪ I don't think that I
can take any more ♪

♪ Clowns to the left of
me, jokers to the right ♪

♪ Here I am, stuck in the ♪

♪ Please ♪

♪ Please ♪

♪ And I don't know why
I came here tonight ♪

♪ I got the feeling that
something ain't right ♪

♪ I'm so scared in case
I fall off my chair ♪

♪ And I'm wondering how
I'll get down the stairs ♪

♪ Clowns to the left of
me, jokers to the right ♪

♪ Here I am, stuck in
the middle with you ♪

♪ Yes, I'm stuck in
the middle with you ♪

♪ Stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Here I am ♪

No. Argh. Argh. Argh.

Don't. Stop. Stop it. Stop.

- What? What's the matter?
- Don't do this.

- Please... don't.
- That burn a little bit?

Just stop. Stop.

Please stop.

Just stop, just stop.
Stop. Just talk to me.

Don't. Please.

Don't. Don't burn me, please.

Ah. Ah.

I'm begging you. I
don't know anything

about any of you fucking guys.

I'm not gonna say anything.

Don't.

Don't. Please don't.

- You all through?
- Stop.

Are you all through?

Please. I got a little kid
at home, now, please.

- You all done?
- Don't. Don't.

- Have some fire, scarecrow.
- Don't.

Ah.

Fuck.

- Hey.
- Ah... shit.

Hey.

What's your name?

Marvin.

Marvin what?

Marvin Nash.

Listen to me, Marvin, I'm a...

Listen to me, Marvin
Nash, I'm a cop.

Yeah, I know.

You do?

Yeah. Your name's
Freddy something.

Newandyke.

Freddy Newandyke.

Frankie Ferchetti... he introduced
us about five months ago.

I don't remember that at all.

I do.

Fuck.

Freddy?

Freddy.

Freddy?

How do I look?

What?

I don't know what to
tell you, Marvin.

That fuck.

Ah, that sick fuck.

That fucking bastard.

Marvin, I need you to hold on.

There's cops waiting to
move in a block away.

What the fuck are
they waiting for?

This fucking guy slashes my face
and he cuts my fucking ear off.

I'm fucking deformed.

Fuck you.

Fuck you. I'm fucking dying here.

I'm fucking dying.

They're not to make a move
till Joe Cabot shows up.

I was sent in to get him.

All right? Now you heard.

They said he's on his way.

Don't pussy out on me now, Marvin.

We're just gonna sit
here and bleed until Joe

Cabot sticks his fucking
head through that door.

Say hello to a
motherfucker who's inside.

Cabot's doing a job and take a big

fat guess who he
wants on the team?

This better not be some
kind of Freddy joke.

It's no joke. I'm in
there. I'm up his ass.

Nice Guy Eddie tells me
Joe wants to meet me.

He says I should just hang in my

apartment and wait
for a phone call.

After waiting three
goddamn days by the

fucking phone, he
calls me last night

and says Joe's ready, he'll
pick me up in 15 minutes.

- Who all picked you up?
- Nice Guy. We get to a bar.

- What bar?
- Smokey Pete's in Gardena.

We get there

and I meet Joe and a
guy named Mr White.

It's a phoney name.
My name's Mr Orange.

- Mr Orange?
- Mr Orange.

Ok, Mr Orange...

you ever seen this
motherfucker before?

Who? Mr White?

Yes, Mr Orange, Mr White.

No, he ain't familiar.

He's ain't one of Cabot's soldiers

either. He's gotta
be from out of town.

- Joe knows him real good.
- How can you tell?

The way they talk. You can
tell they're real buddies.

- The two of you talk?
- Who, me and Joe?

Mr White.

- A little.
- About what?

- The Brewers.
- The Milwaukee Brewers?

Yeah. Apparently,
they won the night

before. He made a killing off 'em.

If this crook's a Brewers fan, his
ass has gotta be from Wisconsin.

- Bing.
- I'll bet you everything

from a diddled-eyed Joe
to a damned-if-I-know,

that Milwaukee got a sheet
on this Mr White's ass.

So what I want you to do
is to go through the mugs

of all the guys from old Milwaukee
with a history of armed robbery,

put a name to the face.

- Nice work.
- Thank you, my man.

How was Long Beach
Mike's referral?

Perfecto. He's backing me
up a long fucking way.

I told 'em it was Long Beach
Mike I did the poker game with.

When Nice Guy called him to check
it out, he said it was A-ok.

He said I was a good
thief, I didn't rattle,

I was ready to make a move. Do
right by him. He's a good guy.

I wouldn't be inside
if it wasn't for him.

No. No, no, no, no.

Long Beach Mike is not
your fucking friend, man.

Long Beach Mike is
a fucking scumbag.

He is selling out his friends.

That's what kind of a nice guy
he fucking is, all right?

I'll take care of his
fucking ass, man, but

you get that lowlife
scumbag out of mind

and you take care of
business, you hear me?

Gone.

You use the commode story?

- What's the commode story?
- It's a scene, man. Memorise it.

A what?

An undercover cop's gotta
be Marlon Brando, right?

To do this job, you
gotta be a great actor.

You gotta be naturalistic. You
gotta be naturalistic as hell.

Because if you ain't a great
actor, you're a bad actor,

and bad acting is
bullshit in this job.

What is this?

That's an amusing anecdote
about a drug deal.

What?

Something funny that
happened to you while

you were doing a fucking
job, man. Damn.

I gotta memorise all this?

There's over four fucking
pages of this shit.

Just think about it
like it's a joke.

You memorise what's important, the
rest you make your own, all right?

- You can tell a joke, can't you?
- No.

Well, pretend you're
Don Rickles or

some-fucking-body and
tell a joke, all right?

Now the things you gotta
remember are the details.

It's the details that
sell your story.

This particular story takes
place in a men's room,

so you gotta know all the
details about the men's room.

You gotta know if
they got paper towels

or a blower to dry
your hands with.

You gotta know if the stalls
ain't got no doors or not, man.

You gotta know if
they got liquid soap

or that pink granulated
powdered shit

they used to use in high school.

You gotta know if they got hot
water or not. If it stinks.

If some nasty, lowlife,

scum-ridden motherfucker,
man, sprayed

diarrhoea all over
one of the bowls.

You gotta know every detail there
is to know about this commode.

So, what you gotta
do is take all them

details, man, and
make them your own.

And while you're doing
that, you gotta

remember that this
story is about you,

and how you perceived the
events that went down.

The only way to do
that, my brother,

keep saying it and saying it and

saying it and saying
it and saying it.

This was during the Los Angeles
marijuana drought in 1986.

I still had a connection,
which was insane

cause you couldn't get
weed any-fucking-where.

Anyway... I had a
connection with this hippy

chick in Santa Cruz and
all my friends knew it.

They'd give me a call and
they'd say, "Hey, Freddy..."

They'd say, "Hey, dude,
you getting some?

"Can you get some for me too?"
Like, they knew I still smoked,

so they asked me to buy some for
them when I was buying for me.

But it got to be...

Got to be, got to be...

Got to be... every time
I bought some weed,

I was buying for four or five
different fucking people.

Finally I said, "Fuck this shit.
I'm making this bitch rich."

She didn't have to
do jack shit. She

never even had to
meet these people.

I was doing all the work.

But then that got to
be a pain in the ass.

People calling me all
the fucking time.

I couldn't even rent a
fucking tape without

six fucking phone calls
interrupting me.

"When's the next time you're
getting some?" Motherfucker.

I'm trying to watch The Lost Boys.

"When I get some,
I'll let you know."

Then these rinky-dink
potheads come by,

they're my friends and
everything, but still, you know?

I got all my shit
laid out in $60 bags.

They don't want $60 worth.
They want $10 worth.

Breaking it up is a major
fucking pain in the

ass. I don't even know
what $10 worth looks like.

This is a very weird situation.

I don't know if you
remember back in

'86, there was a major
fucking drought.

Nobody had anything.

People were living
on resin, smoking

the wood in their
pipes for months.

This chick had a bunch,

and she's begging me to sell it.

So I told her, I wasn't gonna
be Joe the Pot Man any more,

but I would take a
little bit and sell

it to my close,
close, close friends.

She agreed that we'd keep the
same arrangement as before,

ten percent, free
pot for me as long

as I helped her out that weekend.

She had a brick of
weed she was selling,

she didn't wanna go
to the buy alone.

Her brother usually goes with her
but he's in County unexpectedly.

What for?

His traffic ticket's
got a warrant.

They stop him for something, found

warrants on him,
took him to County.

Now, she doesn't wanna walk
around alone with all that weed.

I don't wanna do this.

I have a very bad
feeling about it.

She keeps asking me, keeps
asking me, keeps asking me.

Finally, I said ok cause
I'm sick of hearing it.

Now we're picking the guy
up at the train station...

You go to the station to pick up
the buyer with the weed on you?

The guy needed it right
away. Don't ask me why.

Anyway, we get to
the train station

and we're waiting for the guy.

I'm carrying the weed
around in one of those

little carry-on bags,
I gotta take a piss.

I tell the connection
I'll be right

back, I'm going to the boys' room.

So I walk in the men's room
and who's standing there?

Four Los Angeles County
sheriffs and a German shepherd.

They're waiting for you?

No, it's just a bunch
of cops talking.

When I walk through the
door they all stop what

they were talking about
and they looked at me.

That's hard, man. That's a
fucking hard situation.

The German shepherd
starts barking.

He's barking at me.

I mean, it's obvious
he's barking at me.

Every nerve ending, all my senses,

blood in my veins, everything
I have is screaming,

"Take off, man. Just bail. Just
get the fuck out of there."

Panic hits me like
a bucket of water.

First there's the shock of
it. Bam, right in the face.

I'm just standing there,
drenched in panic,

and all these sheriffs are looking
at me, and they know, man.

They can smell it, sure
as that fucking dog can.

They can smell it on me.

Shut up.

So, anyway...

I got my gun drawn, right,

and I got it pointed
right at this guy and

I tell him, "Freeze.
Don't fucking move."

And this little idiot's
looking right at me, nodding,

and he's saying, "I
know, I know, I know."

But meanwhile, his right hand is
creeping towards the glove box.

And I scream at him.
I go, "Asshole, I'm

gonna fucking blow
you away right now.

"Put your hands on the dash."

And he's still looking
at me, nodding his head,

you know, "I know,
buddy. I know. I know."

And meanwhile, you know, his hand
is still going for the glove box.

And I said, "Buddy, I'm gonna
shoot you in the face,

"if you don't put your hands
on the fucking dash."

And then this guy's
girlfriend, this

real sexy Oriental
bitch, you know,

she starts screaming at him,
"Chuck. Chuck. What are you doing?

"Listen to the officer. Put
your hands on the dash."

So, you know, then like nothing,
the guy snaps out of it

and casually puts his
hands on the dash.

- What was he going for?
- His fucking registration.

You're kidding.

No. Stupid citizen
doesn't know how

close he came to
getting blown away.

That close, man.

Bonehead running around the
neighbourhood. Police brutality.

You knew how to handle
that situation.

You shit your pants
and dive in and swim.

Tell me more about Cabot.

I don't know.

He's... He's a cool guy.

I don't know. He's funny.

He's a funny guy.

You remember the Fantastic Four?

Oh, yeah, with that invisible
bitch and "Flame On" and shit.

The Thing. Motherfucker
looks just like the Thing.

- Yeah?
- Hey... show time.

Grab your jacket.
I'm parked outside.

I'll be right down.

He'll be right down.

♪ My sunshine ♪

♪ The part he always
liked the best ♪

♪ When she'd tease
him with a kiss ♪

♪ And she said you make me happy ♪

♪ You fool for love ♪

♪ What he wouldn't do for love ♪

♪ He's a fool, a fool for love ♪

♪ Born a fool, you got
to follow the rule ♪

♪ Always a fool ♪

Don't pussy out on me
now. They don't know.

They don't know shit.

You're not gonna get hurt.

You're fucking Baretta.
They believe every

fucking word cause
you're super cool.

There goes our boy.

The guy has to have
rocks in his head the

size of Gibraltar
to work undercover.

- You want one of these?
- Yeah, gimme the bear claw.

♪ Ouga chaka. Ouga, ouga. Ouga
chaka. Ouga, ouga. Ouga chaka ♪

♪ Ouga, ouga, ouga chaka.
Ouga, ouga, ouga ♪

♪ I can't stop this feeling
Ouga chaka. Ouga, ouga ♪

Hey, I know what I'm
talking about, ok?

Black women ain't the
same as white women.

There's a slight difference.

Very funny. You know what I mean.

What a white bitch will
put up with, a black

bitch wouldn't put up
with for a minute.

They got a line and if you
cross it, they fuck you up.

I gotta go along with Pink on
that one. I've seen it happen.

Ok, Mr Expert, if this
is such a truism,

why is it that every nigger I know

treats his woman like
a piece of shit?

I'll make you a bet
that those same damn

niggers who are showing
their ass in public,

when their bitches get 'em
home, they chill out.

- Not these guys.
- Oh, yeah, those guys too.

I'll tell you guys a story.

In one of Daddy's clubs, there's a

black cocktail
waitress named Εlois.

- Εlois?
- Yeah, Εlois.

Ε-Lois. We called her Lady Ε.

Where was she from? Compton?

From Ladera Heights.

Ladera Heights, that's
the black Beverly Hills.

No, it's not the
black Beverly Hills.

It's the black Palos Verdes.

Anyway, Lady Ε, I mean, she
was a man-eater-upper.

Un-fucking-believable. Every
guy who ever laid eyes on her

had to jack off to
her at least once.

You know who she looked like?
She looked like Christie Love.

Remember that TV show
Get Christie Love.,

about the black female cop?
She always used to say,

"You're under arrest, sugar."

Who was the chick who
played Christie Love?

- Pam Grier.
- No, it wasn't Pam Grier.

Pam Grier was the other one.

Pam Grier did the film.

Christie Love was like a Pam
Grier TV show without Pam Grier.

- So who was Christie Love?
- How the fuck should I know?

Great, now I'm totally
fucking tortured.

Whoever it was, it doesn't
matter. She looked like Εlois.

Anne Francis.

No, that was Honey West.

Anne Francis is white.

Shut up. I'm trying
to tell a story here.

She looked exactly
like Εlois. Anyway...

I come into the club one night,

and there's Carlos,
he's the bartender.

He's a wetback. He's
a friend of mine.

I says to him,

"Carlos, where's Lady Ε tonight?"

Now, apparently,
Lady Ε was married

to a real piece of dog shit.

I mean a real fucking animal.
He used to do things to her.

Do things? Do things like
what? What would he do?

Did he beat her up or something?

I don't know what he did. He
just did things, all right?

So, anyway, one night
she plays it real cool.

She waits for this bag
of shit to get drunk,

he falls asleep on
the fucking couch,

she sneaks up on him, puts
some wacko glue on his dick...

and glues his dick to his belly.

- No.
- Jesus Christ.

I'm serious, man. I'm
serious. I'm dead serious.

They had to call the paramedics to
cut the prick loose, literally.

- Do some crazy things with it.
- Was he all pissed off?

How would you feel if
every time you had to

take a piss you had to
do a fucking handstand?

You guys like to tell jokes and
giggle and kid around, huh?

Giggling like a bunch of young
broads in the school yard.

Well, let me tell a joke.

Five guys sitting in a
bullpen in San Quentin

wondering how the
fuck they got there.

"What did we do
wrong? What shoulda

we done? What didn't we do?

"It's your fault, my fault, his
fault." All that bullshit.

Finally someone comes up with
the idea, "Wait a minute,

"while we were planning
this caper, all we

did was sit around and
tell fucking jokes."

Got the message?

Fellas, I don't mean
to holler at you.

When this caper's
over, and I'm sure

it's gonna be a successful one,

hell, we'll go down the Hawaiian

islands, I'll laugh
with all of you.

You'll find me a different
character there.

Right now, it's a
matter of business.

With the exception of Eddie and
myself, who you already know,

we're gonna be using
aliases on this job.

Under no circumstances

do I want any one
of you to relate to

each other by your
Christian names,

and I don't want any talk
about yourself personally.

That includes where
you been, your wife's

name, where you might
have done time,

or a bank that you
robbed in St Petersburg.

All I want you guys
to talk about if

you have to, is what
you're gonna do.

That should do it.

Here are your names.

Mr Brown,

Mr White,

Mr Blonde,

Mr Blue, Mr Orange,

- and Mr Pink.
- Why am I Mr Pink?

Because you're a
faggot, all right?

Why can't we pick our own colours?

No way.

No way. Tried it once,
it doesn't work.

You get four guys all fighting
over who's gonna be Mr Black.

They don't know each other so
nobody wants to back down.

No way. I pick. You're Mr Pink.

Be thankful you're not Mr Yellow.

Yeah, but Mr Brown, that's a
little too close to Mr Shit.

Mr Pink sounds like Mr Pussy.

How about if I'm Mr Purple? That

sounds good to me.
I'll be Mr Purple.

You're not Mr Purple.

Some guy on some other job is
Mr Purple. You're Mr Pink.

Who cares what your name is?

Yeah, that's easy for
you to say. You're

Mr White. You have a
cool-sounding name.

All right, look, if
it's no big deal

to be Mr Pink, do you wanna trade?

Hey, nobody's trading
with anybody.

This ain't a goddamn fucking
city council meeting, you know?

Now, listen up, Mr Pink,

there's two ways you
can go on this job,

my way or the highway.

Now, what's it gonna be, Mr Pink?

Jesus Christ, Joe,
fucking forget about it.

It's beneath me, you know.
I'm Mr Pink. Let's move on.

I'll move on when I feel like it.

All you guys got the
goddamn message?

I'm so goddamn mad hollering at
you guys, I can hardly talk.

Let's go to work.

Let's go over it. Where are you?

I stand outside and
guard the door. I

don't let anybody go in or go out.

- Mr Brown?
- Mr Brown waits in the car.

He's parked across
the street. When I

signal he pulls up in
front of the store.

Mr Blonde and Mr Blue?

Crowd control. They handle
customers and employees.

- That girl's ass?
- Sitting right here on my dick.

Myself and Mr Pink?

Ah, you two take the
manager in the back

and make him give
you the diamonds.

We're there for those
stones, period.

Since no display cases are being

fucked with, no
alarms should go off.

We're out of there in two
minutes, not one second longer.

What happens if the manager
won't give you the diamonds?

When you're dealing
with a store like

this, they're insured up the ass.

They're not supposed to give
you any resistance whatsoever.

If you get a customer
or an employee

who thinks he's Charles Bronson,

take the butt of your gun
and smash their nose in.

It drops them right to the
floor. Everyone jumps.

He falls down screaming, blood
squirts out of his nose,

freaks everybody out. Nobody
says fucking shit after that.

You might get some bitch
talk shit to you,

but give her a look like you're
gonna smash her face next.

Watch her shut the fuck up.

Now if it's a manager,
that's a different story.

The managers know better
than to fuck around.

So, if you get one that's
giving you static,

he probably thinks
he's a real cowboy,

so you got to break that
son of a bitch in two.

If you wanna know
something and he won't

tell you, cut off
one of his fingers.

The little one. Then tell
him his thumb's next.

After that he'll tell you if
he wears ladies' underwear.

I'm hungry. Let's get a taco.

Come on.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Jesus. I got blinded, man.

I'm fucking blind.

You're not. You just got
blood in your eyes.

Aargh.

Is he dead?

Did he die or not?

Let's go.

- Hold it.
- Hold it. Right there.

Get out of the fucking car.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Larry.

I can't believe she killed me.

Who'd have fucking thought that?

Hey, just cancel
that shit right now.

You're hurt. You're
hurt real fucking bad,

but you ain't dying.

All this blood's scaring
the shit out of me, Larry.

I'm gonna die, I know it.

What the fuck happened?

He slashed the cop's
face, cut off his

ear and was gonna burn him alive.

What? I didn't hear you.

I said...

Blonde went crazy.

He slashed the cop's
face, cut off his

ear and was gonna burn him alive.

This cop?

He went crazy, something
like that? Worse or better?

Eddie, he was pulling a burn, man.

He was gonna kill the cop and me.

When you guys walked
through the door,

he was gonna blow you to hell
and make off with the diamonds.

What'd I tell you? That sick piece
of shit was a stone-cold psycho.

You could've asked the cop,
if you didn't just kill him.

He talked about what he was gonna
do when he was slicing him up.

I don't buy it.

Doesn't make sense.

Makes perfect fucking sense to me.

You didn't see how he acted
during the job. We did.

He's right about the
ear, it's hacked off.

Let me just say this
out loud, cause I

wanna get this
straight in my head.

You're saying that Mr
Blonde was gonna kill you,

and then when we got back
he was gonna kill us,

take the satchel of
diamonds and scram.

I'm right about that, right,
that's correct, that's your story?

I swear on my mother's eternal
soul, it's what happened.

The man you just killed just
got released from prison.

He got caught at a company
warehouse full of hot items.

He could've fucking walked.

All he had to do was
say my dad's name, but

he didn't, he kept his
fucking mouth shut,

and he did his fucking time like
a man. He did four years for us.

So, Mr Orange...

you're telling me that this
very good friend of mine,

who did four years for my father,

who, in four years,
never made a deal, no

matter what they dangled
in front of him...

you're telling me that now
that this man is free,

and we're making good on
our commitment to him,

he's just gonna decide, out of the
fucking blue... to rip us off?

Why don't you tell me
what really happened.

What the hell for?

It'd just be more bullshit.

This man set us up.

Dad, I'm sorry, but I don't
know what the hell's happening.

It's all right, Eddie, I do.

What the fuck are
you talking about?

That lump of shit's
working with the LAPD.

I don't have the slightest fucking
idea what you're talking about.

Joe, I don't know what you think
you know, but you're wrong.

Like hell I am.

Joe, trust me on this,
you've made a mistake.

He's a good kid.

I understand you're
super-fucking-pissed.

We're all real emotional.

But you're barking
up the wrong tree.

I know this man, he
wouldn't do that.

You don't know jack shit. I do.

The cocksucker
tipped off the cops,

and got Mr Brown and
Mr Blue killed.

Mr Blue is dead?

Dead as Dillinger.

How do you know all this?

He was the only one I
wasn't 100 percent on.

I should have my
head examined, going

ahead when I wasn't 100 percent.

That's your proof?

You don't need proof
when you have instinct.

I ignored it before, but no more.

Have you lost your fucking mind?

You're making a terrible mistake.
I'm not gonna let you make it.

Come on, guys. Nobody wants this.

We're supposed to be
fucking professionals.

Larry, look,

it's been quite a long time.

A lot of jobs.

There's no need for this, man.

Let's just put our guns down...

and let's settle this with
a fucking conversation.

Joe, if you kill that
man, you die next.

Repeat, if you kill
that man, you die next.

Larry, we have been friends...

and you respect my dad
and I respect you,

but I'll put bullets
through your heart.

You put that fucking gun down now.

God damn you, Joe...

don't make me do this.

Larry, stop pointing that
fucking gun at my dad.

I'm sorry, kid.

Looks like we're gonna...

do... do a little time.

I'm a cop.

Larry...

I'm sorry.

I'm...

so... sorry.

I'm a cop.

I'm sorry.

Oh. Oh.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm... sorry...

Freeze. Drop the
fucking gun, buddy.

- Now.
- Put the gun down.

- Don't do it.
- Drop the gun, man.

- Drop the gun.
- Drop the fucking gun.

We're gonna blow you away.

(Harry Nilsson: Coconut)

♪ Brother bought a coconut,
he bought it for a dime ♪

♪ His sister had another one,
she paid it for the lime ♪

♪ She put the lime in the
coconut, she drank them both up ♪

♪ She put the lime in the
coconut, she drank them both up ♪

♪ She put the lime in the
coconut, she drank them both up ♪

♪ She put the lime
in the coconut ♪

♪ She called the
doctor, woke him up ♪

♪ And said, Doctor, ain't
there nothing I can take ♪

♪ I say, Doctor, to relieve
this belly ache? ♪

♪ I say, Doctor, ain't
there nothing I can take ♪

♪ I say, Doctor, to relieve
this belly ache? ♪

♪ Now let me get this straight ♪

♪ You put the lime in the
coconut, you drank them both up ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut,
you drank them both up ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut,
you drank them both up ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut, you
called your doctor, woke him up ♪

♪ And said, Doctor, ain't
there nothing I can take ♪

♪ I said, Doctor, to
relieve this belly ache? ♪

♪ I said, Doctor, ain't
there nothing I can take ♪

♪ I said, Doctor, to
relieve this belly ache? ♪

♪ You put the lime in the coconut,
you drink them both together ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut,
then you feel better ♪

♪ Put the lime in the
coconut, drink them both up ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut,
and call me in the morning ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Brother bought a coconut,
he bought it for a dime ♪

♪ His sister had another one,
she paid it for the lime ♪

♪ She put the lime in the
coconut, she drank them both up ♪

♪ She put the lime
in the coconut ♪

♪ She called the
doctor, woke him up ♪

♪ Said, Doctor, ain't there
nothing I can take ♪

♪ I say, Doctor, to relieve
this belly ache? ♪

♪ I say, Doctor, ain't there
nothing I can take? ♪

♪ I say, Doctor, let
me get this straight ♪

♪ You put the lime in the
coconut, you drink them both up ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut,
you drink them both up ♪

♪ You put the lime in the
coconut, you drink them both up ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut,
you such a silly woman ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut,
and drink them both together ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut,
then you feel better ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut,
drink them both down ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut,
and call me in the morning ♪

♪ Woo-woo, ain't there
nothing you can take ♪

♪ I say, woo-woo, to
relieve your belly ache? ♪

♪ You say, woo-woo, ain't
there nothing I can take ♪

♪ I say, woo-woo, to
relieve your belly ache? ♪

♪ You say, yah, ain't there
nothing I can take ♪

♪ I say, wah, to relieve
this belly ache? ♪

♪ I say, Doctor, ain't there
nothing I can take? ♪

♪ I say, Doctor, ain't there
nothing I can take? ♪

♪ I say, Doctor, ain't there
nothing I can take? ♪

♪ I say, Doctor, you're
such a silly woman ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut,
and drink them both together ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut,
then you feel better ♪

♪ Put the lime in the
coconut, drink them both up ♪

♪ Put the lime in the coconut,
and call me in the morning ♪

♪ Yes, you call me
in the morning ♪

♪ If you call me in the morning,
I'll tell you what to do ♪

♪ If you call me in the morning,
I'll tell you what to do ♪

♪ If you call me in the morning,
I'll tell you what to do ♪

♪ If you call me in the morning,
I'll tell you what to do ♪

♪ If you call me in the morning ♪